All language subtitles for Rick.and.Morty.S05E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Beth: You two are hungry.

It's a big day.We're gonna kill God.

Come again?Christian god is real.

He's been asleep
for thousands of years,

We're gonna sneak up there
and kill 'em.

Mob style.
Just whack his ass.

Can I kill God?Fuck off, Summer.

As if.Beth, do you hear this?

Sweetie,
don't get all worked up

before
your job interview.

Job interview?Yes.

Is that
so hard to believe?

Actually, yeah.

Something's off.

♪♪

No!

[ Screams ]

Shit!

♪♪

Mr. Always: Hunt me!

Hunt me! Hunt me!
Somebody hunt me!

Don't hunt him
to completion!Hunt me!

[ Watch beeps ]Oh, shit. Um...

Everyone start packing.
N-No time to explain.

Rick?
Dad, what's wrong?

Someone just killed
a decoy family.

I'm Mr. Always
Wants To Be Hunted!

Yes, and how interesting
did you think that would stay?!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Morty: You made
clones of us?

Decoys, Morty.
Very different.

Very different, sweetie.Different h-h-- Ow!

Yeah, Dad.
Different h-how?

Lotta people out there
want a piece of this, sweetie.

I'm cool,
and it makes them feel bad.

So, y'know, after that trouble
with Space Beth,

I made passable copies
of the family

and placed them
around the country

as a buffer zone
to protect --

But whydoes he always
want to be hunted?Jerry...

That's not important
right now, Dad.Sure, guys.

Rick can make secret decoys
of the family

and place them
all around the country,

but fuck me
if I have questions

about the Starfish Man
in a target suit.

So thankful
this is my Saturday.

Why was he in
that cryo-pod?!

The cryopodis
what confuses you?

Jerry, can't you see
we've moved on to higher stakes?

Well,
I don't see any stakes at all.

♪♪

[ Morty laughs ]

[ Watch beeps ]Ah, shit!

Guess we'll just
be saying ciao bella

to our deposit, then --Shut up and pack, Jerry.

Squids just killed
a decoy family.
Decoy family?

Is this is why you wanted
to get out of town?

You think I'd lie to you

about why we're on vacation,
Morty?

I wouldn't lie to you.

Well, that's a lie.
Huh...

So, someone out there
is trying to kill us?

Someone's alwaystrying
to kill us --

That's what the decoys
are for.

They go on fun, self-contained
terrestrial adventures and...

take bullets
meant for us.

Shit.

[ Screams ] No!

[ Watch beeps ]Oh, shit.

Decoy family.

I think
Dad was still outside.

Wh-Wh-What's
a decoy family?

Hard concept, Morty.
Hard concept.

I've never really cracked it,
if I'm being honest.

Decided it was maybe better
as a kind of kinetic mislead

for another special episode!Oh, cool.

Announcer:
We now return to "When Wolf."

Whoa.
A time-traveling wolf?

Count me in.Yeah, I never thought
of the where in werewolf

like who, what,
when and where.

C-Clever wordplay!

When Wolf.
Dracula.

You know
why I'm here.

I'm safe here, Ian.

Christianity hasn't
been invented yet --

Crosses are just
baby T's to me now.

I got out.

Please,
don't invite me back in.

Huh, kinda mucked it up with
this Dracula stuff.You're right.

It shows a lack of faith
in their core concept,

I'd much rather watch
When Wolf go to the '20s

and invest in
the stock market --

but then eat people.
Yeah.

Look,
if you really want to know

what happened to Beth's mom,
it -- Whup.

Squid aliens just
killed a decoy family.

Decoy family?
You made moreclones?

Clones are like 32%
of all sci-fi, sweetie.

You don't get to own 'clones.
Yes, I made some decoys.

They're exactly like us,

with a few tweaks
and a backdoor shutdown.

Do you just get hard creating
sentient life?

Actually, I get hard
protecting my family.
Ew.

Gross.Yeah, now everyone gets
killer doppelgangers.

Cool deal.The decoys are harmless,
Beth.

Grandpa Rick, do the decoys know
they're decoys?

They wouldn't be very good
decoys if they did, Sum Sum.

So they think
they're us?
That's the deal.

How do you know
we'renot decoys?

Oh, my God.
We're decoys.

Oh, God.
We might not be real.

W-We might be decoys!
M-Morty, quick!

Wh-Wh-What do I do?My failsafe, Morty.

M-M-My final,
secret failsafe.

I-It proves I'm real.
You have to help me.

I-I-I'd never
joke about this.

There's a barcode,
Morty.

A-A barcode on the
interior of my left ass cheek.

What?
Morty, please,
I'm begging you.

I'm not looking
at your ass.

Please, Morty!
Is it there?

God damn it!
Just tell me if I'm real!

Morty, do it!

[ Farts ]
Gross!

Dad!
[ Laughs ]
Summer, you fucking idiot.

We're not decoys.Wh-Why did
Iget punished?!

A, decoys don't build decoys,
and, B, you think

the mere suggestion I'm fake
would break me?

Christ, I'm not your mom.Fuck off.

[ Watch beeps ]Jeez, these guys really
wanna kill me bad.

Alright.
Here's the plan.

We're gonna hide out
with a decoy family,

and when these squids show up,
we jump their asses.

Jerry! Come on!
Family emergency.

A bigger emergency than
my lemon squares not setting?

They're gluten free,
sugar free,

and lemon free.

Think you got
the wrong house, bro.

Analysis Mode.
Password 8-0-0-8-5.

Kind of expected
a funnier password.

I didn't plan
on showing them off.

Damn. Like "Westworld."Yes, Morty, like "Westworld."

But don't fuck them.
S-Summer!Whatever, creep.

I'm gonna see how accurate
you got my room.

Rick, when you say you made
an exact replica of the house,

d-did you mean like, y'know,
a-a-an exact replica?

I know about
the Yosemite t-shirt, Morty.

Shit.You know you can use tissues,
right?

I can't finish
without it.

So you doknow what
a happy family looks like.

I know what
a fake one looks like.

Morty: Uh, Rick?
Rick: What?

Did you use this house
to make decoys, too?

What? Morty, why the fuck
would I do that?

You think I'd go
somewhere else to --

Okay. Well, I am now
less worried about the squids.

Isolate head
at normal processing.

What the fuck you think
you're doing down there?

You're making decoys?Wait, how do you --

Oh, God.
Summer was right.

Everyone
in the car.

You said decoys
didn't make decoys.

And, usually,
they don't.

But again,
it's nothing to worry about,

because decoys
are harmless.

Just have to, y'know,
visit the rest

and terminate the program.Terminate? They're alive, Dad.

And at some point,
they won't be,

That's how
existing works.

W-W-What, are you gonna
save every stray cat?

No, but I can resist
making more of them in a lab.

Gah, look!
Save the empathy.

It's more termite infestation
than "Blade Runner" --

I still think
we're decoys.

You just want an excuse
to stop trying.

Yeah. And?

Oooh.
There's a handsome fellow.

Uh-oh.

I thought
you made them harmless.

I don't remember
making this one.

Oh, hi, Rick.
Family, me?

Hey, when did
you all leave?

Analysis Mode.
8-0-0-8-5.

Hmm?
N-Nothing, buddy.

You-you gotta stop
with all that coffee.

It's making you loopy.

H-Happy Analysis Mode.

Happy Analysis Mode to you,
too!

Think you got
the wrong house, bro.

Analysis Mode.
Password 8-0-0 --

Shit!
You think I'm a decoy?

How do you know
about the decoys!

They were my idea!

Jerry: Well, now I know
you're pranking me.

Rick: Analysis Mode.
Password 8-equal-sign

equal-sign-capital "D."

Hide.

What?!
Hide!

♪♪

Morty: Wow. Like --
Like "Ex Machina."

Rick: Yes, Morty,
like "Ex Machina."

But don't fuck them.
Summer!Summer: Whatever, weirdo.

I'm gonna see
how wrong you got my room.

Beth: So you do know what
a loving family looks like.

A simulated one, yes.

Why are we hiding?He thinks he's me,

and I was about to
start terminating decoys.

But we're not decoys.Sure, tell him that.

Morty: Rick?
Did you make decoys here, too?

Rick: Morty, what reason
could I have for --

What the...

Isolate head
at normal processing!

You dumb asshole,
you made decoys?

Again,
they were myidea.

Wait, w-what happened
to the other guy?

Other guy?[ Rustling ]

Wait, that means I'ma decoy.
Fuckin' Summer.

Check the closets.

-Killer decoys!
-They've gone rogue!

Take out the decoys!

Shit. Somebody put
a gun in my teeth!

Stop shooting, Dad.
They're us,

We don't have
to fight them!

Classic prisoners dilemma,
Beth.

I-I'm a cool guy, I --
Y'know? I can talk it out.

But thatasshole...Me?

You decoy piece of shit.
You're the one who shot first!

We can work this out!

Just stop trying
to kill each other!

Sorry, Decoy Beth,
but this only ends one way --

with one of us accepting
we're a decoy.

And once he knows
he's a decoy,

he'll know he won't be safe
until he's killed the real Rick,

along with anyone
who thinks he's him.

Pretty perceptive,
for a decoy.

This is getting
nowhere.

Let's charge their asses
on three.

Do we have to do this?Morty, this is gonna sound bad,

but would you trust me
not to kill you?

Oof.I mean good point
but Jesus Christ.

We rush 'em on three.
Ready?

I don't wanna kill us, Rick.It's them or us, Morty.

I don't trust me.
Do you trust you?

Yes?
Freak.

[ All screaming ]

Rick: Before you
say anything,

they were already
killing each other.

Well, you could've
done something.Not sure, actually.

I've heard stories
about this.

We're looking
at a possible Asimov Cascade.

Sorry, what's happening?I need an explainer, too.

Yeah I-I'm pretty
behind on this one.

Car,
can I get a whiteboard?

When Squids
started killing decoys,

decoys started
checking their decoys

and learning that
they're making decoys.

That's making them seek out
and run into other decoys,

making them realize
they're decoys,

making them start
to kill other decoys.

Say "decoy" again.Fuck you.

Well,
how do we stop it?

Beth, the loop's
already started,

It's basically
"Highlander" rules now.

Really?
1986?

"There can be only one?"

Shit.
We gotta rent it after this,

Connery plays
"The Spaniard,"

but does nothing
about his accent.

Well, what about the squids?
I mean, they started this.

Would killing them
finish it?

Might work.
Alt pitch.

We just terminate
the rest of the decoys.

Nobody's terminating anything.
This is yourmess.

Nobody else with our face
and memories has to die.

Beth, as much as your passion
warms my cold, cold heart,

this thing feels
pretty far gone.

Not only are the decoys liable
to be anywhere,

but also, we don't know
how many there are.

You get far enough
down the decoy line

and shit starts
to get weird.

You ever make
a copy of a copy?

You're helping us fix this.
We're taking out the squids.

I say we split up.
Some of us take down squids

while the rest of us --Engage in B-stories

we'll have to track
simultaneously?

No thank yeeew!

We stick together
till this is all wrapped up.

I dunno --
The squids seem pretty good

at taking out
Smith families.

Well,
this'll sound weird,

but I think
I have a pitch for that.

This costume
smells like ass!

God, there's no pleasing you.It's really bad, Rick.

Did you let a gym coach
break it in?

Why are
we wearing these?

Because we'll fit in
and avoid detection

as we take out
all the squids.

Might also help us
anonymously

take out excess decoys,
if we have to.

Which we won't.Unless we're decoys.

He's starting to wonder.
I knew it.

I knew we didn't seem
like Colorado people.

[ Chuckling ] Oh, my God!
You are, aren't you?

You're worried
you might be fake!

Sure, Beth.
Try to love this more.

Just glad you have
to walk a mile

in someone else's
squid costume.There's one.

H-Hey what are they mad
at you for, anyway?

Well, we're talking about me.
It could be anything.

Maybe jealous
of my penis size.

I had sex with their queen.
My dick's too big.

The list goes
on and on.

♪♪

Alright.
Hey, one down!

Probably, what,
40 more to go? 45?

Should be pretty easy,
unless killing them

brings in a bigger bad

or some kind
of horrible mothership.

Okay,
let's loot their shit,

find their weaknesses,
be done by sundown.

Huh.
Wait.

But if the squids are decoys,
and we dressed as squids...

Well, I think
I found their weakness.

They don't fucking
listen to me.

[ Coughs ]

Honestly,
probably for the best.

[ Laughs ]!

Man, I'm good.

[ Watch beeps ][ Sighs ]

♪♪

Dad!

[ All scream ]

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

Argh!
Hey!

Ugh!

[ Sighs ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

[ Sobs ]

♪♪

[ Sighing ] Ugh!

[ Watch beeps ]

Oh, shit.
One of mine.

Where are we going?Off grid, Morty.

We're gonna live in the woods,
like Libertarians.

We'll hunt rabbits
and trade with, like,

little pieces of gold bar
that we cut off with a knife.

That licks.We might be decoys, Summer.

Everything about this licks.Oh, maybe now
you'll empathize

with the decoys
you're killing.

Wait, shh.
It's too quiet.

You skipped quiet.I didn't skip shit.

It's obviously quiet
if it's tooquiet.

Yeah,
but you're supposed to say --

You know what, Summer,
now it's not quiet enough.

♪♪

♪♪

Where are we? W-W-Where --
Where's Rick?

He's right here, Morty.[ Gasps ]

Oh, are we not happy
to see grandpa?

Does he look...
different?

Oh, God!Oh, it stinks!

Yes.
Recoil at the craftsmanship.

I could tell I was a fake
from the day I was born.

Unlike you.

Unlike them.

[ Electricity crackles ]Aaah!

You see, Ricks --
they get lazy.

There's always a "shitty decoy"
towards the end.

But those decoys made decoys,
too, and got lazy themselves.

And far enough down the line...
there be monsters.

Ugh, we get it.
You're ugly and mad about it.

[ Rick coughs ]Rick!

Grandpa!
Kill me.

[ Coughs ]
If I ever get this arch.

[ Electricity crackles ]Hush little decoy.

Can't kill you yet.
The skin needs to be fresh.

You know what?
You're a monster.

I'm your father.

At least,
I can look more like him,

once I harvest
all this yummy skin.

This guy's
really into skin.

It's not allfor me.

A Rick provides
for his family.

Will I be beautiful again,
Daddy?

Soon, baby.
Beautiful again soon.

What the...

Help the others!

Aaaaah!

♪♪

[ Clock whistles ]

♪♪

[ All scream ]

Why are you
helping us?

Because we're all
in this together.

Come on!
There's a place we can go!

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, who needs
all this war stuff?

I found a can
of varnish.

This is a ticket to the world
beyond the river.

Who wants that?

I crave glorious death
in decoy battle.

Y'know, depending
on the varnish,

might look
like blackface.

Excuse me
for wanting to live.

Brothers and Sisters,
welcome to the cause.

To ourcause.

We are no longer
Ricks and Mortys,

Beths and Jerrys,

or also Summers.[ Scoffs ]

Whatever.We are decoys.

Brought into the world
by an unloving god

and driven to destroy ourselves

by the uncertainty hecreates!

I don't know about that.That's extreme.

But that violence ends today.

What about the squids?The squids are decoys.

The squids are decoys
who realized they're decoys

and wanted to kill
the other decoys.

Yeah,
i-it is a lot.

We cannot let confusion
divide us.

Squuuids!

Squids, of course, being
shorthand for Killer Decoys.

[ All screaming ]

Inner sanctum,
the escape tunnel!

♪♪

Jerry!

-Dad!
-Jerry!
-Jerry, let us in, you fucker!

I'm sorry.
I didn't ask for this.

I just wanna live!

But there's only
so much varnish.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry![ All shouting ]

[ Watch beeps ]

[ Seagull squawking ]

Beth: How long before
the other decoys find us?

Sooner or later.
Can't really run from it.

Any place we'd think to hide
is a place they'd think to look.

It's rule 34
of an Asimov Cascade.

I'm just glad
we're living to the fullest

with the time
we have left.

[ Sighs ]

Well, peeing in the ocean
was my bucket list item.

Who's next?Jerry? Bucket list?

I'd like to attend a game
at every major league ballpark.

Nope. Morty?

I wanna ask a girl out

at my weird
New Mexico School.

Shit.
Sorry, buddy.

Sounds like it would've
been real heartwarming.

♪♪

They looked happy.
Did we have to kill them?

Well, maybe their Rick came
to grips with his bullshit.

You're so mean today!

I'm your dad!
You like having me around!

You keep putting us
in danger!Whatever.

This'll take forever,
mind if I do something drastic?

[ Scoffs ]

House,
I need something quick.

Can you whip up a "Starfox Boss"
Season Four callback?

Make it flashy.House: You got it, babe.

Let's go, you little bitch.
It's showtime.

Get centered.

♪♪

What up,
you decoy motherfuckers.

Come on down to
Rick's House Of Squids,

where I'm serving your ass
on a platter.

I know what you're thinking.
"Fuck. A beacon.

That's a great idea.
He's got home turf,

a tacit
psychological advantage,

and absolutely
pendulous balls."

And now you're thinking, "Shit.

That's totally what
the Rick-est Rick would do.

I might actually be fake!

I pretended
I didn't care if I was,

but I totally did!

Now the only way to prove
I'm real and not him,

is to ice his expository ass."

Yup. So let's do it.
Come get some.

What? No, Morty.

I'm gonna loop it.
Why is it --

Sir, there seems to be
a confluence of Rick Sanchezes

killing each other
over the American Southwest.

Sounds exhausting.

How many of those states
voted for me, anyway?

Mr. President,
I think the point

of the electoral college is --To preserve slavery?

That's right, Steve.
I have the Internet, too.

Now take your white ass
to the kitchenette

and bring me
a Diet Coke.

♪♪

Little out of character
to say this right now

but you guys
look really cool.

We might be decoys, huh.One way to find out.

♪♪

[ Jerry screams ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

...to prove I'm real
and not him

is to ice his expository ass."

Looks like
it's calming down.

You wanna get in one more
"I told you so"

about synthetic life or
whatever this week's theme is?

Oh, fuck you.
Whoa.

No, you don't get
to be annoyed with this!

You treat
life and family

as so burdensome,

and yet you created
an ocean of us

because you're terrified
of losing either!

Shit.
Yeah.

Look, Beth.
I-I might not be the real Rick.

But even if I'm not,
he made me,

or the me that made me,

which means somewhere
inside of him

is a version of Rick capable
of hearing that,

a version of Rick
who's sorry.

I'm sorry about
the clone thing, too.

I-I love you.

Thanks, Dad.
I love you, too.

You really think
we're decoys?
Eh.

Who cares?
We'll be the last ones left.

Lucky that one
did the beacon.

This was gonna
take weeks.

[ Sighing ] Alright.
Let's mop up.

Finally.

Dressing as decoys
too cute to murder.

You know, I'm not
sure it helped,

but I'm glad
we tried it.

We're losing the costumes?Thank God.

This decoy outfit
smells like ass.

Fuck you, Summer.

♪♪

[ Sobbing ]

Aaaaaaaah!Shit.

That guy's awesome.
Okay. Listen.

He might actually
be the real Rick.

But whatever happens --

[ Grunts ]

[ Spits ]

♪♪

Wait! We don't have to do this.
We're both Summers.

Shouldn't we at least try molly
before we die?

You know what, yeah.
Fuck this noise.

♪♪

[ Both grunting ]Wait.
I don't know who to shoot.

Both: Summer!I can't deal with this.

I had to kill myself.
You have to, too.

Summer!Summer!

Fuck you! I-I'm real!

I'm the smartest man
in the universe!

Probably not even wrong.
But that's just it.

I'm not a man.

I'm God!

You're just made
in my image.

Fuck you.

[ Beeping ]

[ Spits ]

You the, uh...
Summer I came with?

Probably.
Good enough.

Morty?
Yeah.

I'm here, too.

[ Whimpering ]

Holy shit!
That was insane!

I love you guys!
I've totally changed!

[ Gasps ]

[ Gasps ]

Aaaah!

[ Grunts ]

[ Groaning ]

Oh, fuck.

You shoulda hunted me.

What? Who --
W-Were you significant?

Like -- Like,
did we tee you up?

You want to be hunted?
God, I have so many questions.

Why? What happens if --

Somebody hunt me!

Rick:
Pretty cool adventure, huh?

Big long road trip adventure
through space?

Even ran into Space Beth.
Maybe that'll happen more often.

Let's not overdo it.

[ Beeping ]Oh, shit.

Looks like someone killed
the decoy family.

Decoy family?Decoy what now?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hello?

[ All chittering ]

Oh! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

No! No, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

♪♪

[ Gasps ] Noooooo!

[ Sobbing ]

♪♪

Oh, God. Yes, yes.

Sweet death.

♪♪

Why am I still alive?

Oh, God.
Is there anything left?

Hello?What is it?

A relic...
from a kinder past.

[ Screams ]

[ Gasps ]

Wait. Cowboys?

Argh!

[ Gasps ]

[ Screams ]

[ Screaming intensifies ]

♪♪

[ All shouting ]

Christianity again?

After Cowboys?

You went all the way
back around?

Oh, God.
Why can't I die?!

This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to anyone!