All language subtitles for Honey.We.Shrunk.Ourselves.1997.WEB-DL.DSNP

(DOG BARKING)

(WHOOSH)

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

(BEEPING CONTINUES)

I'm so excited, Patty.

I've been looking
at the La Costa brochure
every day for two months.

I can't believe we're finally
leaving tomorrow.

Yeah. Look, I know
you want to take your car,
but can I drive?

Yeah. Okay.

(SPLAT)

Oh, no!

The mail went into
my cereal.

Yeah. This house is
driving me crazy.

I really
need this vacation.

Ma, we're out
of peanut butter.

Looks so peaceful.

I said, we're out of
peanut butter!

Well, don't complain to me,
talk to your father.

You know, he's in charge
of household legumes.

Think you can get me at 7:00
tomorrow morning?

Okay, 8:00?

WAYNE: No,
the equipment has been
completely overhauled,

I assure you.

I did it myself.

It's packing it up
that's really important.

You see,
if it isn't done right,

I really can't guarantee that
it'll get there undamaged.

(HEADGEAR BEEPS)
Hold on, I lost the sun.

(HEADGEAR BEEPING)

No, no! I'm thrilled
that the Smithsonian wants to
display my shrinking machine!

It's just that
I'd prefer to dismantle it
and reassemble it myself.

I just think
I'm more responsible
than most people.

Dad, we're out
of peanut butter.

Mom says
you're responsible.
(HEADGEAR BEEPS)

Hello? Hello?

Okay, then. It's settled.

I'll pack it up
this weekend,

and your movers will come
on Monday and take it
to Washington.

Oh, by the way,
feel free to use it to shrink
the national debt!

(HEADGEAR BOINGS)
Hello?

Hello?

How do you like that?

Your Dad's invention
is gonna be
in the Smithsonian,

alongside the gramophone!

What's a gramophone?

An early record player.

What's a record player?

An early CD player.

What was it you wanted?

Well, I was makin'
a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich for lunch,

and I can't find
the peanut butter.

Peanut butter.

Peanut butter.

Where are you?

You know, Dad,
I was kinda thinkin' that,

you know,
summer's not that far away.

It might be good for me
to go to baseball camp.

Don't you want to go back
to that neat science camp
we sent you to?

Camp Isosceles was fun,
Dad, but...

I've been there
now three years in a row.

Yeah, but the fourth year
is the best. Trigonometry?

Ah! Peanuts.

The coffee grinder
will solve our problem.

(GRINDER WHIRRING)
But all my friends are goin'
to baseball camp.

Baseball's just a trend.
It'll pass.

But science is always cool.

(GRINDER GURGLES)

There you go.

It's got grounds in it.

It's decaf.

DIANE: Wayne, don't you have
to get to work?

I thought you had
a big presentation.

Oh, my gosh.
I gotta go.

So what? I thought you
were the president.

I am the president.
But presidents have
less freedom than anybody.

And they don't
have any fun.

Tiki Man,
you've served me well.

Oh, and I like the way
you made it rain
yesterday, too.

Wayne, I wish you'd get
rid of that piece of junk,
Tiki Man.

Shh. You'll anger him.

He takes up
so much room,

and you won't even let us
hang our coats on him.

He's a Polynesian god,
not a coat rack, Diane.

He belongs
in a miniature golf course.

I don't even know why
you bought him
in the first place.

To have fun?

Wayne, you are saying
goodbye to Mr. Tiki Man
this weekend.

I'm sorry.
But that's that.

(SIGHS)

Be cool.
I'll think of something.

ADAM: Yuck.

Cold chow mein
for lunch?

Uh, yeah. All the kids
are eatin' it.

Hey, Mom.
Did Nick ever complain about
going to Camp Isosceles?

He sure did.

He hated that it lasted
only six weeks
instead of eight.

What a brain box.

Mom, what if I
didn't want to go

to a camp
named after a triangle?

Amy didn't go
to science camp.

She went to Shakespeare camp.
Would you rather do that?

No.
Where did all these bugs
come from?

(CHUCKLES)
Oh! A daddy longlegs.

No, Mom, don't kill it!

Daddy longlegs are good.
They eat other bugs.

(CAR HORN HONKS)
(METAL CRASHES)

And that would be
your Aunt Patty.

(METAL RATTLING)

Hey, he's gone.

You live, for now.
Tell your friends.

Oh, gosh.

I'm sorry. Hi, Adam.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Diane, we have to talk.

I'm still worried about
the kids if we go away.

No. They are not old enough
to stay by themselves.

And what if Mitch
gets sick?

We've been over this.

If anything goes wrong,
our husbands will be there.

My point exactly.

Patty, don't start with me.
We both need this vacation.

You are more neurotic
than ever.

And I've lost my perspective
on my marriage.

Besides, the kids
are old enough.

Look at them.
They're like well-behaved
little adults.

You're right.
You're right.

Oh, man, I got this
great story, okay?

One time, we were at this
Chinese restaurant,
and I sneezed,

and six grains of rice
came out my nose!

MITCH: Ooh,
I've only done liquids.

But once Jenny did
a piece of spaghetti.

Oh, man, it was, like,
hangin' out to there.

Shut up!
At least I'm not sick
24 hours a day.

I can't help it if I have
a potassium deficiency.

Yeah, but how do you explain
your IQ deficiency?

Ooh!
Shut up!

Hey, stop it!

ADAM: Come on. Get her!
JENNY: Mom!

Mmm, hmm. Hi.

I better get them
to school.

Uh, Patty.
What's with the blocks?

Oh, the car was making
funny noises this morning,

and you can
never be too careful.

I mean, what if
the parking brake went?

I worry about these things.

That's why
you need a vacation.

Because at Szalinski...

(REMOTE SLIDE
CHANGER CLICKING)
At Szalinski Labs,

(STUTTERS) the future...

(CLICKING CONTINUES)
At Szalinski Labs,
the future is...

The future is...

Crap.

No! The future isn't crap.

The future is now!

Yes! That was
the president,

and my brother,
Wayne Szalinski.

And what a speech!
Mmm?

Wow.

Anyway, I'll bet
you're all hungry.

So, we have
a full buffet brunch

waiting for you
right downstairs.

Eat all you want!
And thanks for coming.
(CHUCKLES)

And don't forget,
at Szalinski Labs,
the future is...

Now.

(WHIRRING AND CLICKING)

Ah. Glad I can
breathe again.

Nothing like the smell
of two-part epoxy resin.

Whoo.

Must be an acquired taste.

Hi, Marcia.

Hi, Trouser.
Say hi, Trouser.

(BARKS)
MECHANICAL VOICE:
Hello. Hello.

"Hello"?

Turns out that's what
"woof" means.

(BARKS)
MECHANICAL VOICE:
Feed me.

Feed me.

That looks promising.

How's Project
Green Lantern coming?

(CLEARS THROAT)
Just okay.

I've run into
some problems.

But if you give me
just a little more time,

I think I can solve them...

Maybe.

All right. Well, let's see
what you've got.

(STAMMERS)

GORDON: Of course,
the goal of
Project Green Lantern

was to decrease accidents
to highway workers
at night

by increasing
their visibility

through the use of
internal fluorescence.

Now already we've made
tremendous strides

in the areas
of luminescence.

Put away
the snowblower, Gordon.
What's the problem?

See for yourself.

Cheers.

(GAGGING)

It's not workin'.
It's supposed to
make my body glow.

Mmm-hmm.
Open your shirt.

(STOMACH GURGLING)

Oh, Jimmy!
Is that my stomach?

Uh-huh. And here's mine.

(GURGLES)

The problem is,
the liquid just stays
in your gut.

I don't know what to do.

Well, obviously
it's not getting absorbed
into the bloodstream.

Have you tried going through
the calcium channel?

The calcium channel?

Yeah, mix it with milk.
That'll make it work.
It's obvious.

Hey, I'm not without ideas.

I was gonna suggest
making the highway workers
wear tube tops.

(CHUCKLING)

I'm sorry.
I didn't know that you were,
uh, working.

What is it, Trina?

Oh. Uh, Earl Parmen called

to say that he has
two VIP passes

for the shuttle touchdown
late tonight

at Edwards Air Force Base.

(GASPS)
Do you want them?

Do we want them!

(IMITATES PLANE WHIRRING)

Oh, wait, wait.

Isn't there something
we're supposed to be
doing this weekend?

Not that I can remember.
I just gotta call Diane.

DIANE: Forty dollars
should be enough for pizza.

Now, what else?

(SIGHS)

(PHONE RINGING)

Who took the handset?
Who took the handset?
(RINGING CONTINUES)

The handset?

WAYNE: Hi, you have
reached the Szalinski's.

Machine.

Please leave a message
or fax or a binary file
after the beep.

(BEEP)

Guess what!
Change of plans.

Gordon and I just got invited
to see the space shuttle
land tonight.

So if it's okay,
we're gonna take off.

No, Wayne.
It is not okay.

Patty and I
are going on vacation.

I must've told you
this 15 times.
Don't you remember?

Sure, I remembered.
Then I forgot.

Well, listen to me now,
Wayne, and listen good.

I am going on this vacation,
and nothing

and no one can stop me!
(DIAL TONE)

You do need a vacation.

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry we're late.
I had to find
Mitch's medicine.

Is that everything, then?
All set?
PATTY: I hope so.

Okay.

(BOYS WHISPERING)

This is it.

Two days without mommies.

It will be hard.
It will be tough.

But I have every confidence
you'll make it,

if you follow these rules.

One, don't raid
the refrigerator
between meals.

Two, take your vitamins
after dinner.

Three, no rollerblading
in the house.

Four, get rid of the
Tiki Man. Got it?

Any other questions?

Uh, yeah. Can I have
some friends over?

No.

Come on, Mom.
Don't you trust me?

Save it
for the debating team, Jenny.
The answer is still no.

But, Mom, I...

Any other questions?
Good. Bye, kids. I love you.

Have fun.
And try to relax, Diane.

You too.
Have fun, and try to relax.

You sure
you're gonna be okay?
We'll be fine.

Bye, Mom.
Bye, sweetie.
Be careful, Mitchell.

Oh, wear pads
when you rollerblade.

And don't eat too much sugar.
It speeds up your metabolism.

And, please, put on a T-shirt
under your pajamas
tonight, okay?

Why don't you just put me
in a plastic bubble,
why don't you?

I feel like
I'm forgetting something.
(LEAF BLOWER WHIRRING)

Which reminds me...

Adam. Adam!

(WHIRRING INCREASES)
(SHOUTING)
I just did laundry

(WHIRRING STOPS)
so you'll have plenty
of clean underpants!

(ALL LAUGH)

BOY: I bet you
they have lace on 'em!

Oh, no!
Tighty-whiteys!

(BOYS LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Now what?

You guys are all guests
in my house this weekend,

and I want us
to have a good time.

So I planned
a little kick-off surprise.

We are
gonna use marshmallows
and gumdrops

to make models
of water molecules!

What do you think?

You're a maniac,
Uncle Wayne.

(CHUCKLES)

I know.

Anyway, we're gonna
put 'em together. Oh, darn.

I forgot to get toothpicks.

I'm gonna need you guys
to run down to the minimart
for me.

How much do you think
toothpicks cost?

Oh, about six
or seven dollars a box.

Well, here's a 10.

If there's any change,
get yourselves some snacks.

But see if you can get back
within an hour or so, okay?

For molecule action.

JENNY: Come on, Mitch.
Gee, Wayne.

It's not like you to forget
the toothpicks.

What? What's so funny?

It was just a ruse
to get them out of the house.

A ruse? Why?

To save Tiki Man.

I can't believe
Diane's making you
throw this out.

It's mint!
Tell me about it.

I finally find something
I want to do

with my MacArthur Genius
Grant money,
and my wife vetoes it.

You've gotta learn
how to negotiate, Wayne.

I bet I could talk Diane
into letting you keep it.

I got a plan.

(GRUNTING)
(SCRAPING)

A little further.
Little further.

Oh! Whoa.
Tilt it up.

Tilting up.
(BOTH GRUNTING)

Tip it.
Tip it.

(GRUNTING)

Great.
Great.

(PANTING)
That's great. Just perfect.

The thing's
only seven feet tall.

Call me crazy,

I think Diane
might notice this.

Not if I shrink it.

Wow.

The machine looks beautiful!

Yeah.
I got it out of mothballs

and polished it up
for the Smithsonian.

I'm gonna fire it up.

Right. What?

Oh, no. No, no!
You're not gonna
start it up again?

(SWITCHES CLICKING)
(CONTROLS BEEPING)

You can't
start it up again!

You were banned
from using this

by a joint committee
of the FDA and your wife.

Is the FDA here?
Is my wife here?
I've made up my mind.

I'm gonna shrink
that Tiki Man

so I can carry it
with me always.

Besides,
it's a point of honor!

Do you think a weekend
can take care of seven years
of waxy emotional buildup?

You poor thing.
Well, you're on the road
to recovery now.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh! And for the trip,

I brought along
a special friend to aid
in the healing process.

Dr. Brother Love himself.
Mr. Neil Diamond!

Get out of here!

You brought the
Hot August Nights cassette?

I did! (LAUGHS)
God!

(LAUGHS)

Oh, no!
I forgot to leave
Mitch's medicine.

We've gotta go back.

(SIGHS)

(HISSING)

(BEEPING)

Gordon!
I can see your left leg.
GORDON: Huh?

Come on over here
and help me.

Let me know
when we hit critical mass.

GORDON: Okay, bro.

(HISSING)

Here it comes.
You're setting up?

This is why I wanted
the kids out of the house.

I don't want to take
any chances.

(POWERING UP)

60%.

(HISSING CONTINUES)

80%.

90%.

Come on, shrink machine.
One more time.

We have critical mass.

(BEEPING)

(ZAPPING)

It worked!
It must have.

Come on. Let's go find it.

BOTH: Magnifying glass.

(HISSING CONTINUES)

Do you see it?
No.

Start at the sides
and I'll meet you
in the middle.

(MACHINE POWERING UP)

Sounds like the machine
is revving up again.

Ah, don't worry.
There's nobody in the house
to hit the button.

Can you see it? Huh?

What's that?
(BEEPING)

GORDON: Look, look!
Here it is.
WAYNE: That's just a speck.

GORDON: Wayne, is that it?
WAYNE: No.

GORDON: What's that?

That's it! There it is!
Huh?

Wow. A tiny Tiki!

Wayne, you're a genius.

You know,
I always appreciated

the scientific use
of that machine,

but never
its marital implications.
(CHUCKLES)

(BEEPING RAPIDLY)

(MACHINE ZAPPING)

Huh?
Aw. It didn't work.

It grew back.

What do you think
went wrong?
I don't know.

Sometimes
the induction sequence...

(SCREAMS)

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody here?

Hey. Doesn't look like it.

Wayne got rid
of the Tiki Man.
I don't believe it!

See? You say
he doesn't listen to you.

Things are
getting better already.

Okay. I'll leave it...
I'll just put it right here.

And then they'll be sure
to see them.
Good.

Okay.

Oh, listen.
(MACHINE WHIRRING)

The boys must be
working upstairs.

Let's go see what they do
as soon as we leave!
(GIGGLES)

You shrunk us?

You idiot!
I'm sorry.

I'll kill you. (GRUNTS)

That hurts, Gordon!

Oh, does it hurt?
Does that hurt?
Yeah! That hurts!

Not as much as this!

(GRUNTS)

I can explain!
You can't explain nothing!

Shh.
(DOOR CREAKS)

DIANE: Guys?

WAYNE: (WHISPERS)
The wives.

Hey, where are they?
Guys?

We're in big trouble!
Why?

They can't find us
to yell at us.

But they could step on us!

Boys?
(BOTH GASP)

(GASPING)

Well, they gotta be
here somewhere.
No place to hide.

(SHUDDERS)

This thing is on.

Don't be silly.

A joint committee of the FDA
and myself have told Wayne
(BEEPS)

that he is never to use
the shrinking machine for
the rest of his natural...

PATTY: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I'm sure.

DIANE: Besides, he told me
it doesn't even
work anymore.

Wayne knows
he's forbidden to ever
touch that thing again.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

Diane,

what's going on here?

(EXHALES)

(BOTH GASPING)

Diane! Hi!

Diane,
something happened...

Wayne?

Yes.
Are we shrunk?

(SIGHS) I'm not gonna lie
to you. Yes, we are.

(GASPS)
I was at the machine,
and I was just...

(THUD)
Oh!

How did this happen?

Well... (CHUCKLES) It's sort
of a funny story. We...

And what is that
Tiki thing doing here?

"Tiki thing"?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, I get it.

You thought you could
outsmart me, Wayne.

You thought you could just
shrink the Tiki Man down,
and I wouldn't notice.

Well, guess what, Wayne?

I noticed!

Now, Diane. Calm down.

How can I calm down? I am
smaller than a raisin!
Diane...

If you think about
this with a modicum
of hindsight, you...

Oh, stop trying to use
your interpersonal skills

to smooth things over!
He's dragged us
into it, too.

Can I just
say something?
No! You cannot.

(ALL ARGUING)

(WHISTLES) People!
Please, could we argue
somewhere else?

I don't think it's real
safe here on the floor.
That's true.

We gotta get away
from the shoes
and the cockroaches.

The shoes?
Cockroaches?

There are cockroaches here?
Well, it's an attic!

I hate cockroaches!

That's just regular-sized
cockroaches,

not cockroaches
the size of sofas!
Sofas?

You know, Wayne...
I bet if we climb up
that wicker chair,

we can get to
the windowsill.
Okay, that's great!

Let's get going, 'cause this
is gonna take a long time.

Diane.

Are you gonna stay mad at me
the whole time we're tiny,

or are you gonna try
and make the best
out of a bad situation?

(SIGHS) I'm gonna stay
mad at you the whole time.

Okay.

(ALL GRUNTING)
WAYNE: Come on.

(PANTING) Yes. Yes!

I made it.

Oh, Gordon, you are
so buff. (CHUCKLES)

Hey, Patty! Hang in there!
You're doin' great.

(WHIMPERING)

No. No, Gordon.

"Great" would be if
I were in La Costa.

I'm doing
the opposite of great.

I'm doing sucky.

Honey, at least you're
getting some exercise.
(GRUNTS)

Yeah. Now that I have
a wicker chair,

I don't have to go
to the gym anymore.

(LAUGHS)

Come on, good.
You got it.

You got it.

(SIGHS)
Okay!

Hard part's over.
Uh-huh.

Now. All we have to do
is walk across this...

Footbridge.

Gordon, that is not
a footbridge. It's a stick.

To you, maybe.

To Gordon Szalinski,
it's a highway to bigness.

See?

(ECHOING) I'm walking
across the footbridge.

I'm not looking down.

I am a cat.

I am a panther.

I am scared stiff.

(GRUNTS) Oh!

Huh? Ta-da! Okay.

Okay, follow me.

And I just picked it up
in a hardware store.
But it has performed better

in my wind tunnel tests
than anything else.

Look, you can see
the driveway from here.

PATTY: There's my car.

Hey. Hey,
the kids will see it
and know we're here.

That's right. They're smart.
They'll figure it out.
So we're saved.

Yes! I told you we...
Thanks!
(SQUEALS)

(THUD)

We forgot to put
the blocks in.

I knew I heard a noise.
(GROANS)

You should have those
brakes looked at.

Hey, Adam. Do you think
your dad'll let us
roast those molecules

when we're
done with them?

That is so lame.

I'm trying to work
with what we've got.

What we've got
is a weekend
in Dullsville.

Dad? Uncle Wayne?

Uh, uh, uh!
No rollerblading
in the house.

You're not my mom.

That's right.
'Cause if I were, you would
be up for adoption.

Take off your rollerblades.
(LAUGHS)

Dad! Uncle Gordon!

They don't seem
to be here.

That's weird.

I gotta make
a phone call.

Oh, hey, look.
Must've left a message.
(TAPE REWINDING)

WAYNE ON TAPE:
Guess what! Change of plans.

Gordon and I just got invited
to see the space shuttle
land tonight.

So if it's okay,
we're gonna take off.
"If that's okay"?

They wouldn't
just take off.

(PHONE BEEPS)
Oh, hey, look!

Forty dollars for pizza!

They must really
be gone, then.
Yeah. So what now?

Of course, as soon as
the kids realize we're gone,
they'll be very upset.

(ALL CHEERING)

Yeah. And I'm sure their
first thought will be,

"Gee, I bet
our parents are shrunk."

Yeah, that's true.
And there's no reason
for them to come up here,

so we gotta get to them.

Well, how? We'll never
get down the stairs alive.

Well, the fastest way is
to go straight out the window
and into Adam's room.

You know what we could do?
Gordon, I'm the inventor here.
Can I figure this out?

The shortest distance
between two points
is a straight line.

If I had
some sort of cable,

a pulley system that I could
use to transport us down.

But what could it be?

If I had some sort of
mini Zeppelin.
Wayne.

Or a pneumatic device.

Or jet packs powered by an
isotope-based thruster system!
Wayne.

Wayne!
What?

How about
something like
a fishing reel?

That would work.

I'm gonna invite
all my friends over.

I'm gonna eat
anything I want.

I'm not gonna
take my vitamins.

I am gonna play my music
really loud.

I'm not gonna
wear any socks.

And I'm gonna
bleach my hair.

Okay. Look. We can
all do whatever we want.

But we have to make
a pact this weekend.

No matter what,
our parents can
never find out.

Promise?
BOTH: Promise.

(CLICKING)

(PANTING)
Gordon, I'm freaking.

Shh. It's okay, sweetheart.
It's almost over.
(WHIMPERS)

(CLICKING CONTINUES)

(WHIPPING SOUND)

(ALL GASP)

GORDON: Hang on!

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

So far, so good.

So I'm at my uncle's house
on Echo Lane.

Yes, the one
with the weirdo mailbox.

So, guess what?

My parents are out of town
for a whole weekend

and we have the house
all to ourselves.

So I think I'm gonna
throw a party.
(GIRL SCREAMS ON PHONE)

GIRL: Oh, my gosh! A party?
Wait till you see
what I'm gonna wear!

(SIGHS)

PATTY: (LAUGHS)
There we go.

Where are we?
This is Adam's room.

This is the top
of his chest of drawers.

We are
in serious trouble.

Oh, come on, Patty.
It won't be that bad.

I mean, we'll have to find
a shoe to live in.

But the kids
are messy eaters.

There'll be plenty
of crumbs for us to eat.

Wayne, we're not gonna spend
the rest of our lives tiny.

We're going
to get big again.

Somehow. Some way.
We'll get our
kids' attention.

How? They hardly listen
to us when we're full-sized.
Now it'll be impossible.

Unless... We can make
our voices full-sized!

Well, there's gotta
be a way!

Like, does Adam
have a bullhorn?

Or a karaoke machine?
No.

Hey, I got it! I can
rewire the stereo so we can
talk through the speakers.

That would amplify our
voices 100 times!
And that'll work?

Sure. Just slip in through
the vent of the receiver
and hot-wire the circuits.

Yee-haw!
We have a plan.
What do you think, Diane?

It's a plan.

(WHIRRING)
Yeah. Hey. Hey,
this one's done.

This one's done.
Right.
(MACHINE TURNS OFF)

Hey, how come
there's no instructions
for a balloon full of chili?

(LAUGHS)

Okay, be here at 6:00,
ready to dance. Okay? Bye.

All set. Jody, Holly,
and Corky are coming
for dinner tonight.

And they're not leaving
until tomorrow morning.

Wait a second.
You're having a sleepover?

After what Mom said?
She'll kill you.

Mom's not gonna find out.
Remember our little promise?

If you'll excuse me
for a second,
I have some shopping to do.

(MICROWAVE BEEPING)

(BUBBLING)
Gee! Oh, man!

(GASPS)

Wow! Adam's Sharkruiser.

It's perfect.
GORDON: Wow.
That's beautiful.

Wait till you see this.
I gave it to him
for Christmas.

(WAYNE CHUCKLING)
GORDON:
This is incredible!

Look at this detail!

ADAM:
♪ Great green gobs of greasy
Hey, Adam!

♪ Grimy gopher guts

♪ Mutilated monkey meat
Dirty little birdie feet

♪ French fried eyeballs
Swimming in a pool of blood

ALL: Adam!
♪ Me without my spoon

♪ But I've got a straw ♪
ALL: Adam!

Adam!

(SIGHS) Well.

I think we just witnessed
the private world of a child.

Where did he learn
that disgusting song?

Oh, who knows where kids
pick these things up?

Oh, sure. Just last week
Mitch sang the exact...

Okay, guys. Hop in.

PATTY: What are you doing?
Going down the hall
the quickest way possible.

I think we can
wiggle our way
off the edge.

Are you insane?
We don't even know
where this track leads.

Adam's always sending
his Hot Wheels out
into the hall.

Yeah. Still.
But that loop-the-loop
doesn't look safe to me.

With our weight and velocity,
I don't think it would
be a problem.

So... Are we willing
to give it a shot?

Hold on a minute.
Gonna be safe about this.

This should work.

PATTY: All right.
Just to be safe,

I want us
to strap ourselves in with
these orthodonture bands.

We're all here. Here.

Wayne, Diane?
Would you hold this
for me, please?

Too bad Adam
wasn't playin' with
the Splittin' Image, huh?

That was cherry.
Yeah. But the Twin Mill
was fastest. Remember?

You bet.
Everybody strapped in?
Vroom. Vroom.

Yeah.

All right.
Let's start rockin'.

And go!
(ALL GRUNTING)

WAYNE: Come on!

Come on.

(ALL YELLING)

I just
remembered something.

The Sharkruiser
is terrible in the loop!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Whoa!

(SCREAMING)

Look out ahead!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Hold on!
It's a jump!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(THUD)

Wayne. Where's Wayne?

Honey? I don't
think we're using

enough fabric softener.

MITCH: Ah, the hot dog people
have a question.

They want to know
why they are sitting
at the base of a volcano.

Just tell them
it's for flavor.
(CHUCKLES) It's for flavor.

Oh, the hot dog lady
has a baby.

Ooh, little baby.
Cute. Yes, you are.

(VOLCANO SPURTING)
Oh, no!

The gods are getting
restless and hungry!

The village people
forgot to make a sacrifice!

Now they must
become snacks!

(LAUGHS)
Behold my wrath!

(POPS)

Aah!
Oh! (LAUGHS)

(MITCH EXCLAIMING)
It's working!

(GURGLING)
MITCH: All right!

Oh, no!
We're burning up.

Nothing can save us
from the vortex of chili!

Ha-ha!
I'll save the baby!
I'll save the baby!

Save the baby.
Oh.

I'm gonna eat
the woman's leg.

Mmm. Lava-licious.
"Lava-licious."

(SIGNAL BEEPING)

She yells at me
even when she's gone.

That was the most
frightening ride I have
ever had in my life.

I never want to
go through anything
like that ever again.

(GRUNTS)
(YELPS)

You know, wouldn't it
be cool if our parents
never came back?

MITCH: (ECHOING)
Do you think
it could happen?

ADAM: No, I'm just saying,
what if.

Yeah. Well, I don't think
I'd miss them that much.

I mean, I like it
when they take me places.

And I sort of wish my mom
was here to, uh, clean up
the mess in the kitchen.

What, am I your servant?
(YELPS)

Yeah. You know,
mostly parents just live
to nag and hassle you.

They just want to
turn you into a brain box
like my dad.

"Brain box"?
It's a compliment.

Oh!

MITCH: I bet my parents
wish I didn't have
a medical problem.

What do you
have, anyway?

(DIANE MOANING)
Diane, Diane!
Don't do that!

I mean, you don't
seem that sick.

It's called
hypokalemic paralysis.

It's a genetic thing.
You wouldn't understand.

But it's not that
big a deal.

I mean, I haven't even
taken my medicine today.

And I feel fine.
I probably don't even
need it anymore.

Oh, my God.
What's he saying?

Do you think he didn't see
where we put the medicine?

ADAM: Here.
Just drop it here.

I want to
show you something.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh! I'm so nauseous.

You want to see something
super, super awesome?
Sure.

PATTY: We're right back
where we started from.

GORDON: I fell down
and broke my crown.

That was fun.

It's mega-secret, okay?

If my dad
found out I had this,
he'd go ballistic.

MITCH: What is it?
ADAM: (WHISPERS)
Watch out. Here it is.

MITCH: Oh, my gosh!
(ADAM GIGGLES)

Oh, check it out.
No!

MITCH: That's rad!
ADAM: Look at that!

MITCH: Oh, my.
ADAM: Oh, yes!

BOTH: Did you
know about this?

We are so sorry!

Oh! Sorry.

You boys
are in big trouble!

I'm gone for one minute
and you turn the place
into a pigsty!

Oh. We're sorting laundry!

Now, get down here
and clean it up,

'cause we gotta
get ready for the party!

PATTY: Party? You can't
have a party.
I said no friends!

Come on.
We better get down there

before Queen Hell Jenny
gets really mad.

Hey!
Ooh.

(FOOTSTEPS ECHOING)

ADAM: We'll look
at this later.

Wayne, what are
you doing?

Diane, I have to know
what we're dealing
with here.

I didn't see
this coming.

This is all your fault.
I can't believe you guys
made such a mess.

Whose idea
was that, anyway?

It was his fault.
No, it was him.

No!
He gave me...

(DOORBELL RINGING)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

JENNY: Go get the door,
you guys.

And if you think
you are done cleaning up,
you are crazy.

(SIGHS)

Who are you?
Holly.

Hi. Did you
bring the stuff?

Yeah. I got the CDs,
the sour cream and
my dad's bubble machine.

A bubble machine?
Yeah. It's the
coolest thing.

The bubbles will go
great with the streamers.

Okay.
You're the cheerleader.

Now let's get ready
to party.

(BOTH GIGGLING)

(BUBBLE MACHINE GURGLING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)
They're here.

That's enough
clowning around,
you guys.

The party's just
about to start.
Adam. Mitch.

You guys are gonna
serve the ginger ale.

I mean, the champagne.

Forget it.

We're not your slaves.

Yeah.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

(SIGHS)

Hi, girls.
BOTH: Hi!

Look. I brought Clarissa.

Clarissa?

We're not into
dolls anymore.

We're not?

No. Now,
we're into boys.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey, Jen.
ALL: Hi.

Did you know
Jill was coming?

Who's Jill?

She's starting shortstop
for the Warriors.

A girl plays
Little League?

Yeah.
And she's awesome.

(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Um, Jenny?
What?

We changed our minds,
so, we'll be your slaves.

Great.

We will?
Yes.

DIANE: You know, there was
a time when I thought this
house was too small.

When I get big,
I'm gonna walk down
stairs two at a time.

Look what I found.
It's a piece of a pin.

I gotta stop
and examine more things.

I mean, look at the grain
in this hardwood floor.

It's beautiful.
It almost tells the story
of how the whole tree grew.

I gotta take the time
to appreciate the world
around me.

I've been workin' too hard.
I've gotta stop and
notice things.

Really? Like what?

Well, like...
Like the intricate weave
of this carpet.

Or the perfect cylindrical
quality of this roach turd.

Roach turd!
What?

Not to worry.
See? It's dry.

Whoever dropped this
left a long time ago.

Maybe weeks or months.

We vacuum
more than that.

No, the only thing
you gotta worry about

is if we ran into...

(SQUISH)
Oh!

A wet one.

(CLICKING SOUND)

(PATTY WHIMPERS)

(HISSING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

(CLICKING AND HISSING)

GORDON: Quick, uh...
Get on the other side!

Let's head for the stairs.
Forget it! That thing's
faster than we'll ever be.

(CLICKING)
What're we
supposed to do?

Follow me.
I got an idea!

PATTY: Let's get
outta here.
(CLICKING)

Come on.
We'll be safe in here.

Come on!
He's gaining on us.

Whatever you do,
stay to the right.

Come on!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Wayne, how did you
know that there was
a clear path here?

Oh, I've taken
these things apart.

(HISSING)

He's just standing
out there.

Move around here.
We'll lure him in.

(CHITTERING)

Oh! (YELPS) His antennae
touched me!

Further around!
Further around! Move around!

(SNARLING)

Oh, no, my shoe!
I'm stuck!

Come on, we better
get outta here!
I'm stuck.

I can't get my foot out!
Wayne!
(SNARLS)

Wayne. I'm stuck!
Save me! Wayne!

(SCREAMING)

Wayne, help me!

(SNARLING)

(SCREAMING)

(HISSING)

(SHUDDERING)

(ALL LAUGHING)
We did it!

Huh?
Szalinskis check in?

And they do
check out!

Ricky King may be cute,
but he's also
really conceited.

But he's also
really cute.

Jenny, truth or dare.
Do you love Ricky King?

(GIRLS LAUGH)
Dare.

(GASPS)

Then your dare is, you have
to call Ricky up and tell
him you think he's cute!

(GIRLS SQUEALING)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

No way!
I even have
his number.

You have to. You have to!

Hi, Ricky?
Shh.

Jenny Szalinski.

Oh, I'm just having a party
with some of my friends,
at my uncle's house.

Yeah. The one
with the weirdo mailbox.

(LAUGHTER)

Listen, um,
I just called to tell you...

The reason
I was calling you...

I think you're cute.
(ALL SCREAMING)

HOLLY: I never thought
you'd say that!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Something to drink?

We'll be right back.

(ALL GIGGLING)

GIRL: Oh, my God.

Adam, Adam!
Adam, wait up.

I have to go upstairs
for a second.

I'll be right back.

Watch out!
Here comes your son.

(MOANING)

PATTY: Hi, honey.
GORDON: Hey, Mitchy!

(GRUNTING)
Honey. Honey. Honey!

He's in pain.
What's wrong?

If he doesn't get some
potassium in his system
right away,

he could pass out!
We've gotta get downstairs

to the kitchen and
get those pills.

(GIRLS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Don't worry, sweetheart.
Mommy's right here.
She's right here.

We've gotta get downstairs,
and fast.

Geez. That doesn't
look safe.

There's no other way down,
is there, Wayne?

Well, it's certainly
the fastest route,

and it's the same basic
concept as a parachute.

If we stand in front
of the nozzle as the bubble's
being created,

I think the surface tension
should hold our weight.

"Should"?
I don't like "should."

It's decided.
I'm going.
I'm going with you, Patty.

Well, then we'll head
to the stereo and meet up
with you later.

Are you gonna be
okay doing this?

I know I've never been
a very brave person.

But for some reason,
right now I don't know fear.

When I thought the cockroach
was gonna eat you,

I've never been so scared
in my whole life.

I love everything about you,
Diane, and I promise things
are gonna get better.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, you don't know
how glad I am to hear you
say that.

I love everything
about you too.

You know, except for
this shrinking stuff.

Mmm.

Step in front of the nozzle
after the next ring.

Now.

One, two, three, jump!

DIANE: Okay, okay, okay.

Here we go. Ooh.
(DIANE LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oh, it's working.

DIANE: Bye! Bye!

I told her not
to have a party.

At least there
aren't any boys.

PATTY: Really.

Okay. Oh!

All right.
They made it to safety.
(EXHALES)

We'd better get to
the kitchen and get
Mitch's medicine.

Yeah.

After you.

Ready, Butch?
Ready, Sundance.

BOTH: Ooh, shoot!

Whoa. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh.
(CHUCKLES)

Hey! It's a bubble.

Oh, yeah. It's a bubble.

(MUSIC PLAYING)
(GIRLS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

I'm hot.
I'll be back.

GORDON: Whoa, ooh!

(AIR WHOOSHES)
Ooh.

Hang on.
To what?

Wayne?
What?

Wayne.

(GASPS)
Oh!

Ooh.
(GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

Gordon.
Yeah?

Before you die,
there's a bright light,
isn't there?

GORDON: Yeah.

(SCREAMING)
Oh, no!

Chip and dip is served.

(SCREAMING)

Here you go.
Gordon. We're alive.

(LAUGHING)

We've been saved by...
Onion dip.

My God. We owe
our lives to an appetizer.

(BOTH LAUGH)

MITCH: Adam, let's go
get some root beer.

Let's get outta here
before we get eaten.
Relax, Gordon.

They're teenage girls.
How much could they eat?

BOTH: No!

GORDON: Watch out!
Aah! Aah! Oh!

Oh, boy.
They're everywhere!
Go! Oh. Got me.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Whoa! Watch out!
Ah! Aah! No!

Do the breaststroke.
Breaststroke.

Mmm, you're like a cow!

(YELLING)

Jill.
You're making a mess!

Well, this stuff
is really good.
What's in it?

The Szalinski
brothers.

(MOANING)

Well, here we are.

Well, how are we gonna
get up the counter?

(SIGHS)
There must be a way.

Dare.
Ooh. Sucker.

Okay. I dare you to do
your monkey impression.

(LAUGHING)

Want a napkin?
Yeah.

You know, I've been
watchin' the kids.

The girls really seem
to like Mitch.

(LAUGHTER)
GORDON:
He's makin' 'em laugh.

But the guy that really
impresses me is Adam.

He seems so cool,
confident.

Yeah, he's so different
from me.

You know, I was a complete
loser when I was that age.

And when I was a teenager.

And through
most of college.
(SIGHS)

Heck, I only met Diane
'cause I bashed into her car.

Come on.
I'll race you to the stereo.

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

Come on!

Wayne! Whoa!

(GASPS)

You're gonna love this!

(YELLING)

(CHUCKLES)
Head start. No fair! Whee!

I'm coming, bro!

Whoa! Come on!

(LAUGHING)

(WHOOPING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

And the man does
a belly burner!

I haven't done that
since I was little!

(LAUGHING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Shh.
(MUSIC TURNS OFF)

It's probably
just the neighbors.
Give me the doll.

HOLLY: Here. What are
you gonna do with it?

Shh.
(GIRLS GIGGLING)

Okay.

(SHUSHING)

(EXHALES)

Hey, Jen.

Ricky King.

What are you doing here?

Well, you said
you were having a party,
so we figured we'd drop by.

Hi, Vince. Hi, Trey.

BOTH: Hey.
What do you got there?

Oh, nothing!

Come on, guys.
Let's show 'em how
to have a real party.

Man, this place is hot.

GIRL: Ricky King!
How are you?

RICKY: Hello, girls.
HOLLY: Hi, Ricky!

GORDON: Oh, great.
Teenage boys.

There are now
teenage boys
at this party.

Hey! My stereo!
Hey, my daughter.

Maybe there's
a stepladder.

(GASPS)

Oh. Oh, no.

(WHIMPERS)

(SHUDDERING)

God, why didn't I squash him
when I had the chance?

Excellent CDs.
Um, do you have
a remote around here?

Yeah. Do you want me
to turn it on?
Uh, no.

I want you to
hand it over.

No. Give me that!

(LAUGHING)

Watch this.

Hey, I wanna
sit there, man.

Hmm?

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Hey, cut it out!
He was there first!

So what,
he had dibs on it?

This gum wrapper
will do the trick.

What are these
little kids doing here?

Yeah. I mean,
you're too small.

You must be, um, this
tall to stay downstairs.

(GIRLS LAUGH)
MITCH: I'm calling mom.

This is getting
way out of hand.

Who does he think he is?
You can't push my kid
around like that!

You are dead meat, mister!

Gordon. You're three quarters
of an inch tall.
Now is not the time.

Now, help me
with this foil!

Why isn't
he coming after us?
I don't know.

Maybe he's gone.

Oh, look, his leg is caught
in the spider web.

Oh, that's so sad.
And daddy longlegs
are good bugs.

They eat mosquitoes
and leave humans
entirely alone.

What? Is there
a daddy longlegs
ad council

that feeds out this
positive information?

Let's go.
No, Diane. I think
we should help him.

(STRUGGLING)

Daddy, we're your friends.
We come in peace.

(CHIRPING)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
I think he understood me.

Um... Diane.

Do you have a, um...
A nail file?

Yes.
Okay.

'Cause while I'm filing,
I want you to talk to him.

You know, distract him
(CLEARS THROAT)

so he doesn't
flail around a lot.

Talk to him?
Talk to a bug.
You know.

Find some common ground.

You both spend
a lot of time
in this kitchen.

(SIGHING)
All righty.

Hi. My name's Diane.

I see you've been
enjoying some of the crumbs
from the coffee cake I made.

(CHIRPS)
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Okay. Okay, giant spider leg
on my shoulder!

It's okay. It's okay.
He likes you.

Just keep talking.

What can we talk about?
What can we talk about?

Let's see.
Uh, you have any kids?

(CHIRPS)
Silly me.
You probably have hundreds.

Oh, oh!
That better?

Thank you.

Oh, we've had
such a lousy day.

You've had a pretty bad one
yourself, haven't you?

But for you,

you're used to being small.

For us, it's a completely
new experience.

For me, very scary.

Although, you know,
parts of it were actually...

Kind of nice.

(CHIRPS)
(SHUDDERS)

All done. (CHUCKLES)

Really?

Last strand.

Do you think he heard what
I said about squashing him?

PATTY: Oh, look.
It's going up the cabinet.

Hey, that's it.
Diane, that's our ride!

Come back!

Come back!

Daddy, come back.
We need you!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)

Are you sure?
That's weird.

Okay. Bye.

They said our moms
never made it.

You're kidding.
No.

Okay. Well, let's
just call our dads.

But they didn't
leave a number.

Okay. Just calm down.
Don't panic.

But if our moms
aren't at that place,
then where are they?

PATTY: So tell me
how you do that again?

Okay. So then I just
toss in some garbanzo beans

and crumble in
some tortilla chips,

and I call it
a Mexican salad.

DIANE: (CHUCKLES)
That is great.

I'm gonna have to
try that sometime.

The other thing,
you can call something
a Chinese salad

if you throw in some of
those mandarin oranges

and some of those
little Chinese Chung Ku
squiggly little noodles.

You are so good
at those things.

(MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(LAUGHTER)

Come on!

This is where
we split up.

You're gonna climb
into the mid-range.

I'm gonna rewire
the stereo so the speaker
becomes a microphone.

Now, when the music cuts out,
you yell into that speaker
as loud as you can.

All right. I'm goin' in.

Good luck.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh, ooh.

Gee. Follow this circuit.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Oh, thank God.
A slow song.

Come on, Jen.

You don't
look so good.

You feelin' okay?

Uh, I'm okay.

PATTY: Now, we have
to get Mitch's pills.

Remember, I left them
right by the cereal.

Hey, there's something
I want to tell you.

What?

I can't say it here.

Let's go
into the kitchen.

GORDON: Hey!

Hurry up, Wayne.
I want so much
to yell at these kids.

So. Here we are.

This is the kitchen.
Hey, look.

Good, 'cause you know...
(PATTY YELPS)

I really wanted to
be alone with you.

Ew, look.
Dirty fingernails.

Really?
Yeah.

'Cause the truth is, Jenny,
I think you're awesome.

Awesome?
Don't fall for it, Jenny.

He's just
giving you a line.

You do? You think
I'm awesome?
Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You're cooler
than all the other girls.

(EXHALES)
Um, so what is it
you wanted to tell me?

Nothing. Mostly I just
wanted to do this.

(STUTTERS)
What is she doing?
She's too young.

She doesn't even know
that boy!

What are you doing?

Kissing you.

Well, uh,
you didn't ever ask.

Ask what?

Ask if I wanted
to kiss you.

What are you
talking about?

You just assume that
I wanted you to kiss me.

I mean,
I don't even know you.

And even if I did know you
and we talked
and you got to know me,

and you asked me
if I wanted to kiss,
I might've been into it.

But the way you did it
was just wrong.

Well, lots of girls
like that.

Well, I'm not
one of them.

I don't happen
to think that way.

And as far as
you and I are concerned,
the party is over.

(LAUGHS)
You tell him, Jenny.

Access denied!

DIANE: That is one
good kid you have.

(CHUCKLES)

And you know what?
She can take care
of herself.

Okay. Mike in
and line out.
(ELECTRONIC HUMMING)

Maybe my pills
are in here.

If I don't find
my medicine soon,

something bad's
gonna happen.

(SIGHS)

Well, I'll look over here.

I'll look over here.

(MOANS)

Mitch looks terrible.
We've gotta find
those pills.

There they are!
(GASPS)

BOTH: Mitch! Mitch! Mitch!

Mitch, honey!
Mitch! Mitch!

DIANE: Mitch, look at us!
PATTY: Mitch,
we're right here.

PATTY: Your pills
are over here!

Mom?
Yeah!

Oh, no! He's fainted!

Mitch!

The paralysis could
last 24 hours.

We have got to get
those pills where the kids
can see them! Come on.

ADAM: Mitch, Mitch!
What's wrong?
What's going on?

Come on, Mitch. Come on.

I don't know.
Mitch just fainted.

I can't find his medicine.
What are we gonna do?

Okay. Get on the side

and try to roll it
that way.

DIANE: Over that way.
Okay!

Here we go. Got it?
Yeah.

I got it. I got it. Push.

Mitch has got a potassium
deficiency, so you look
in the refrigerator

and find something
with potassium.
Check all the labels.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Push again.

Come on. Up.

I haven't worked this hard
since I gave birth to Adam!

Milk has Vitamin D
and Calcium.

No potassium.
JENNY: Keep looking.

Come on, Mitch.
Mitch. Come on.

It's not gonna work.
It's no use.
(EXHALES)

It's gonna be
up to the kids.
What?

Come on.
Oh, God.

Potassium, potassium,
potassium.

Bananas! Bananas have
potassium. Lots of it!

Here, come on.

Get some pieces.

Let's see if we can
get him... Come on, Mitch.
(MOANS)

Let's see if we can
get him to chew.

Come on. Come on, wake up.

Come on.
Give me a piece.

Come on, Mitch.

Oh.
JENNY: Give me
another piece. Hurry.

ADAM: Come on, Mitch.

JENNY: Oh, please,
let this work.

Get another piece ready.
Get another piece. Chew.

Chew, Mitch. Chew.
Chew it up good.

Give me another piece.
One more.

Come on, Mitch.
You can do it.
Oh, Mitch, Mitch.

Oh, please
let this work.

Come on, Mitch.
Okay, okay.

Come on, Mitch.
Come on. You can do it.
Come on, Mitch. Chew.

Okay. Okay.
ADAM: Come on, Mitch.

Yes. Yes! Yes!
(LAUGHING)

It's workin'.
You're right. (CHUCKLES)

How'd you know bananas
have potassium?

I can't always ignore
my dad's science talk.

Hi, guys.

JENNY: Hey, Mitch.
How you feelin'?

A little dizzy.
But okay, I guess.

I saw Mom
on the counter.

(CHUCKLES) Sure. Right.

I did.

And she was... She was
really, really small.

Okay.

(THUD)
(GIRLS SCREAMING)

What was that?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

My dad's bookshelf!

Oh, damn it, Wayne.
What's taking so long?

Ricky King! What do
you think you're doing?
(MUSIC TURNS OFF)

Calling all kids!
Calling all kids!

Excuse me,
but I like that song.

Now, this should
hold the current.

So if I... Whoa!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

I told you the party's over.
Everybody out.

Yeah? Well, maybe
we're not ready to leave.

(REMOTE CONTROL CLICKS)
(ROCK MUSIC RESUMES)

(MOANS)

Did you not hear her?
She said the party's over.

So why don't you leave before
you cause any more damage?

What? Your dad's
stupid inventions?

His inventions
are not stupid.

His shrink ray's going
to the Smithsonian.

I didn't know your dad
invented a shrink ray.

What does he shrink with it?
Hemorrhoids?

(ALL LAUGHING)

That is not funny.

Admit it, Adam.
Your dad's a loser.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

He is not.

And if he were here,
he'd kill you for what you've
done to his bookshelf.

Is that so, daddy's boy?

Well, he's not here.

So, I guess you're gonna
have to do something
about it.

(STUTTERS)
Well, maybe I will.

(GRUNTS)

What are you gonna
do about it, huh?

I wish Mom and Dad
were here.

Me too.

What are you gonna
do about it, huh?

(MICROPHONE WHINES)

Now, Gordon! Now!

Listen!
Listen to me, children.

I want you all to
stop what you are doing!

BOY: Huh?
GIRL: Shh.

Who said that?

This is the voice
of G... God.

Yes! God is
talking to you.

And I want you all
to leave this house!

God sounds
a lot like Dad.

Yeah, you're right.

Is he here?

GORDON: Normally,
I would have been silent.

But your outrageous
behavior tonight has
forced me to speak!

It's just a trick.

GORDON:
Is that so, Ricky King?

Then how come I know
you live on Sycamore?

Your dad's name is Mel.
And your mom is...

Cindy!

This is getting weird.

Now I said I want you out!

What's the...
O-U-T!

Let's go, guys.
Yes. Oh, yes. Run.

Quickly. Run.

(GIRLS EXCLAIMING)
Or I will swoop down,

and teach you all a lesson
in proper party etiquette!

I will bring plaque
to your tiny teeth.

So brush,
I tell you! Brush!

(LAUGHS)

Okay, Dad.
They're gone.

You can stop
acting like God now.

Oh. Sorry.

So, uh,
where's the camera?

Yeah. Where are you
broadcasting from?

GORDON: Right here,
in the room.

Your dad shrunk us.

You're kidding.

No. Now give me a hand.

I'm over here
by the left speaker.

That means he saw us
rollerblading in the house.

And I wasn't
wearing my pads.

You know, Dad, I didn't
invite those boys over.

I swear.
I know. I know.

Wayne and I saw everything.

That's right. You weren't
in the kitchen, were you?

No! No.

But your mothers were.

Oh, God.

I told you I saw them.

Now, listen to me, kids.

These may be the most
important instructions
I ever give you.

Jenny. Go run and find
a piece of paper.

And, Adam,
go up to your room.

Look under
the laundry basket.

Get the shark car.
Come on down here.

And, Wayne, meet me
in front of the receiver.

I last saw them
over here.
Okay.

Careful not to squish 'em.
No, no, no, no!

Careful.

Here. Use this, okay?

I'm gonna go find
our dads.

Don't move anything.

ADAM: Okay, Uncle Gordon.
Hop in. Now let's go
find my dad.

Mom?
Mom?

Aunt Diane?

Let me see it.
Okay.

BOTH: Hi!

(CHUCKLES)
Hi.

ADAM: Okay, Dad.
Attaboy, son!

Yes!

Where are the wives?
Mitch is pickin'
'em up. Hop in.

(CONTROLS BEEPING)

Careful. Careful.
Set it down easy.

I know, I know.
I am.

Look, they made it.
(LAUGHS)

ALL: We did it!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(MACHINE BEEPS)

Wait! The machine.
Oh.

Don't forget the car.

What happens now?

We wait until
it hits critical mass,

and then push this button.

Wait a minute.
Do we really
want to do this?

I mean, I got a hamster
cage in my room.

I mean, we could
leave 'em shrunk,

and they'll never tell us
what to do again.

Wow, total freedom.

I suppose we could wait,
like, a week.

I don't like
the looks of that.

If those kids
don't unshrink us,

they are going to be
in so much trouble.

Oh, really?

What are you gonna
do about it, Thumbelina?

(MACHINE REVVING)

(SIGNAL BEEPING)

I say we give 'em
a second chance.

Good idea.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Ready? One, two...

Three.

(ZAPPING)

Whoa! It worked!
(LAUGHS)

WAYNE: Way to go, guys!

(ALL LAUGHING)

I was so worried
about you!

I was worried
about you, too, sweetie.

But you know what,
you were in good hands.

This one.
(LAUGHS) Oh, Mom.

About that
Ricky King thing...

Sweetheart, I was
so proud of you,

the way you handled
yourself with that boy,

and the way you took care
of your brother.

From now on, I trust you.

Speaking of trust.
I saw the magazine.

They forced me to look at it.
I didn't want to!

It's okay. It's okay.

The point is,
I should've listened
to you

when you said
you didn't want to go

to Camp Isosceles
this summer.

Me too.

How about if we send you
to baseball camp?

(CHUCKLES) Wow.

Look, if you wanna be
a scientist, that's great.

But if you wanna
be a baseball player,

that's great, too.

You should do
whatever suits you.

You mean it?

I do. I'll prove it.

Gordon.

I shouldn't be president
of Szalinski Labs, Gordon.

I'm no good at it.
I should be inventing things.

That's what
I like to do.

But you, you're...

You're great at
organizing things and
dealing with people.

And you never forget
what day of the week it is.

What do you say?

Will you be president
of the company?

Will you take the job?

(SIGHS) Mmm. You bet!

(LAUGHS) This is great!
I'm gonna have
so much fun.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, honey.

Diane, I promise,

I'll get rid of
the Tiki Man.
No. Wayne,

I'm not gonna sweat
the small stuff anymore.

I want you to have fun.

Wayne, do whatever
you want with
the Tiki Man.

(ALL LAUGHING)

WAYNE: I had no idea
baseball had that
much math in it,

or that my son would be
such a good catcher.

Yeah. I bet you were
the only dad there

that could figure out
the whole team's

batting average
instantly in his head.

We're just glad you
had a good time, honey,

and even happier
you're home.

Yeah, it's good
to be back.

Hey, did you make any
changes while I was gone?

Well, I did
move the Tiki Man
into the backyard.

What do you think?