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1
00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:04,639
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:08,560
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:12,670
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:16,650
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:20,750
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,290
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:25,689
Ooh!
8
00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:27,119
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,130
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,070
Really feel like
I crushed it today.
11
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,000
Let's see what a celebrity thinks.
12
00:00:38,150 --> 00:00:40,240
Hi. This is Padma Lakshmi.
13
00:00:40,390 --> 00:00:41,840
You'll never look like me,
14
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,000
but keep trying to meet
that impossible standard.
15
00:00:45,150 --> 00:00:47,400
Thanks, Padma.
See ya tomorrow.
16
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:49,656
Good morning, everyone.
17
00:00:49,691 --> 00:00:51,010
Close the door, you psycho.
18
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,420
It's 11:00 a.m.
and you're still in pajamas?
19
00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:56,660
Quiet. We're watching
"Teen Housewives."
20
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,410
You look terrible, Brendell.
What's wrong?
21
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:04,170
The twins were up all night
and I've got glee club tryouts.
22
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:07,840
Really, Tylan?
On my half birthday?
23
00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:09,440
Oh, my God. Tylan's a dick.
24
00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:12,610
He's a bad husband,
but an amazing father.
25
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,940
Everybody up.
We're getting out of the house.
26
00:01:15,090 --> 00:01:16,780
Family outing.
Where do you wanna go?
27
00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:21,190
Can we go to the bookstore?
My animal book is acting weird.
28
00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:23,860
The cow goes,
"Barnyard Kids Books makes us
29
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,269
pee in plastic bottles.
Unionize now."
30
00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:28,050
That's a great idea.
31
00:01:28,270 --> 00:01:30,120
The bookstore has something
for everyone.
32
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:34,680
Music, toys, teen mags, toys,
and I think books.
33
00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:40,249
Oh, my God! Stephen King!
34
00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,049
You write books so good!
35
00:01:42,084 --> 00:01:43,970
Thanks, lady,
but there's a long line
36
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,460
because I'm immensely popular.
37
00:01:46,550 --> 00:01:49,220
Okay, but I just love
the twist at the end
38
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,262
when Carrie goes back to
her own planet.
39
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,596
Nice going. I'm ruined!
40
00:01:58,230 --> 00:02:00,800
Why do they always make me
bring my own table?
41
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:05,012
Haunted table. That's it!
The King is back!
42
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,090
So here's Pete Townshend
smashing his guitar,
43
00:02:08,310 --> 00:02:10,160
Hendrix burning his guitar,
44
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,590
and Prince, um...
loving his guitar.
45
00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:15,660
These are the heroes
that convinced me to pass up
46
00:02:15,684 --> 00:02:18,254
a full ride
to Oakdale Community College,
47
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,687
form my own band, and...
48
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:28,770
Fine, but you don't get to see
naked John and Yoko!
49
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,370
Ew.
50
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,000
Hey, look at me.
I'm a businessman.
51
00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:37,878
I have a mistress in Des Moines.
52
00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:41,789
Ugh, my lumbar is barking.
53
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,330
Mia, check it out. Ab toner.
54
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,070
Dude, you're bleeding.
55
00:02:46,090 --> 00:02:48,090
No pain, no...
ooh, that looks bad.
56
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,930
A '57 Chevy massage
sofa floor model!
57
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,300
Just like we always talk about!
58
00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:01,080
Oh.
59
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:04,940
Whoa.
60
00:03:07,090 --> 00:03:10,020
- Oh, we have to have this.
- Yeah, she's a beaut.
61
00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:12,975
Normally I'd try and butter
you up to get you to buy it,
62
00:03:12,976 --> 00:03:15,780
but you guys are clearly too
smart and good-looking for that.
63
00:03:16,010 --> 00:03:17,460
Oh, man.
64
00:03:17,510 --> 00:03:19,180
Watch your boy haggle.
65
00:03:19,270 --> 00:03:21,100
We will pay anything
for this sofa.
66
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,200
You got our relaxed asses
over a barrel.
67
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:26,299
Listen, I'll give it to you for,
I don't know, 200 bucks?
68
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,690
I don't have that kind
of money in my mom's purse.
69
00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:31,130
Okay, I'll hold it
until you get the cash.
70
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,800
Watch this.
You've got a deal!
71
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,459
Why aren't there any ways
72
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:39,369
- that teenagers can make money?
- Papa Moms is hiring.
73
00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:41,220
Nothing! There's nothing!
74
00:03:41,370 --> 00:03:42,820
Why don't you buy us
the sofa, Mia?
75
00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:45,710
I sponsor nine kids
and one alpaca in Honduras.
76
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,210
Oh, and I just had to have
this nose ring.
77
00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:50,820
Mr. Mitch!
78
00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:52,640
Can I interest you
in a pedi-cab ride?
79
00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:55,879
It's all the fun of speeding in
a convertible, but way slower.
80
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,309
Wait, that's not your regular job.
You're our teacher.
81
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:00,900
These days,
teachers need side hustles
82
00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:02,389
to buy classroom supplies.
83
00:04:02,390 --> 00:04:04,170
I'm also a telephone psychic.
84
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,158
Mystic Mitch.
Whatcha wanna know?
85
00:04:06,193 --> 00:04:09,840
Yeah, you'll get that promotion
and find true love.
86
00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:12,230
No, not him...
Yeah, him.
87
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,160
Good news, kids,
you're getting desks.
88
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:18,240
It's so unfair that I deliver pizzas
and make more than a teacher.
89
00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:20,330
- You do?
- Sorry, I thought you knew.
90
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:22,180
But I'm not raising
the next generation...
91
00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:24,909
oh, the kids in Honduras.
I am. Never mind.
92
00:04:24,910 --> 00:04:27,020
We have a huge problem, Mr. Mitch.
93
00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,620
We need to buy a massage sofa.
94
00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:32,100
Have you considered participating
in the lucrative gig economy?
95
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,510
Well, of course. What's that?
96
00:04:34,610 --> 00:04:36,940
You know, grocery shopping
for lazy people,
97
00:04:37,090 --> 00:04:38,429
driving for lazy people,
98
00:04:38,430 --> 00:04:40,180
putting stuff together
for lazy people.
99
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:44,210
- But we are lazy people.
- Oh. Then just charge scooters.
100
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,190
You pick up scooters
with dead batteries,
101
00:04:46,210 --> 00:04:48,530
charge 'em up,
and the company pays you.
102
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,860
- Sounds complicated.
- No, we could do this.
103
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,289
Thanks, Mr. Mitch.
104
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:54,550
Inspired by a teacher.
Who could've figured?
105
00:04:59,540 --> 00:05:01,330
Mystic Mitch.
106
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,060
You'll find the body
in the old ravine.
107
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,709
Whoa!
108
00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:09,120
Nah, I'm just playing a mind
game with a troubled detective.
109
00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:11,210
Look what I found.
110
00:05:11,230 --> 00:05:13,400
My old high school band
has to be in here.
111
00:05:13,550 --> 00:05:15,550
Come on,
Jack and the Die Youngs.
112
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:18,059
- Damn it.
- Toot toot!
113
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,390
Locomotive Larry!
114
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,749
This is a song about the wheels
on the bus and how they go!
115
00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:28,420
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
116
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:31,830
Hey!
My community service is over.
117
00:05:31,980 --> 00:05:34,740
So long, brats.
Toot toot!
118
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,149
Aww.
119
00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:39,646
So his wuv was
court-mandated?
120
00:05:39,681 --> 00:05:42,340
Daddy, you're a singer.
You sing to me every night.
121
00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:44,170
That's my private persona.
122
00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:47,660
My public persona is all about
rockin' hard and dying young.
123
00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:51,330
Well, you failed at both,
so get up there.
124
00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:54,090
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
125
00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:55,760
♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
126
00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:58,260
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
127
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,260
♪ All through the town ♪
128
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,340
Who's riding on the bus?
129
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,450
I don't know.
Some screamin' babies?
130
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,510
♪ The babies on the bus go ♪
131
00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:09,440
♪ Wah wah wah, wah wah wah,
wah wah wah ♪
132
00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:12,290
That's them to a T.
133
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,800
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
134
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:20,205
Yo, Bradley.
Who knew Jing and her pop
135
00:06:20,206 --> 00:06:21,380
were so friggin' talented?
136
00:06:21,530 --> 00:06:25,096
It's just good to hear
wive music again.
137
00:06:26,590 --> 00:06:28,590
We were a hit, Daddy.
138
00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:30,760
We should make a band
and be famous like you tried
139
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:32,500
before you fell in love
with plumbing.
140
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,780
Today was fun for me too,
sweetheart,
141
00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:38,619
but I wouldn't want to ruin a
father/daughter memory chasing fame.
142
00:06:38,620 --> 00:06:40,510
The music business
is a cruel mistress.
143
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,560
One minute you and Wayne
promise the music
144
00:06:42,650 --> 00:06:43,799
will always come first,
145
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,300
then the night
before your big break,
146
00:06:45,390 --> 00:06:46,870
he tells you
his girlfriend's pregnant
147
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,440
and he's quitting
to become a dentist,
148
00:06:48,464 --> 00:06:50,660
so you knock his teeth out
and say, "Fix those!"
149
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,640
and never speak
to each other again.
150
00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:55,400
Daddy, can you stop talking?
I'm tired.
151
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,089
But don't turn out the light.
You know I'm afraid of the dark.
152
00:06:58,090 --> 00:07:00,820
Aww, there's nothing to be
afraid of, sweetie.
153
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,930
Daddy will never let anything
happen to you.
154
00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:08,510
Sorry, what I meant
to scream was,
155
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,340
"Jayden's parents called!
156
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,420
They want you to play
his birthday party."
157
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,920
- Daddy, we're a band!
- Let's chase fame!
158
00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:17,900
Whoo-hoo!
159
00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:22,178
Be careful what you wish for.
160
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,590
Surprisingly good turnout
for Jayden.
161
00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,900
He's always biting kids
at recess.
162
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,810
Ah, crap,
it's a non-sugar house.
163
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,330
I've never played
for a sober crowd before.
164
00:07:38,430 --> 00:07:39,910
Remember, it's three songs,
165
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,580
Happy Birthday
shout-out to Jayden,
166
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,510
and we're gone
before the zucchini cake.
167
00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:44,749
All right, listen up, dorks.
168
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,340
I know you're not allowed
to watch TV,
169
00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:47,940
so this is gonna
blow your mind.
170
00:07:47,940 --> 00:07:49,750
Give it up for Jack and Jing!
171
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,920
Whoo! Yeah!
172
00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:54,590
♪ You should always brush
all your teeth after meals ♪
173
00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:56,260
♪ After meals! ♪
174
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,670
♪ Gargle, floss,
and rinse-spit after meals ♪
175
00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:02,620
♪ So do not try to fight us ♪
176
00:08:02,770 --> 00:08:04,450
♪ Or you'll get gross gingivitis ♪
177
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,789
♪ And have a mouth ♪
178
00:08:05,790 --> 00:08:07,450
♪ That's filled with bleeding gums ♪
179
00:08:07,610 --> 00:08:09,440
♪ Bleeding gums! ♪
180
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:14,040
- Ow!
- Jayden likes you.
181
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,220
Time to juice the scoots.
182
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:29,550
We got juice.
183
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,220
- Yes!
- Whoo-hoo!
184
00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:35,540
What happened to "Family Feud?"
185
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,890
Relax, Grandma.
There's Steve Harvey.
186
00:08:37,990 --> 00:08:41,830
Uh, what's a body
part that starts with the letter P?
187
00:08:41,970 --> 00:08:46,120
Steve's not gonna like this.
188
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:50,650
Tomorrow at 3:00 for Miley's
big girl bed party,
189
00:08:50,670 --> 00:08:52,330
and no songs
with the word "peanuts" in it
190
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,489
because she's allergic.
Got it.
191
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:58,250
You two are booked solid.
And I am quite the momager.
192
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,820
Oh wait, I get it.
It's mom and manager!
193
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,740
Mom... mom-man... mom-mana...
ah, crap, I lost it.
194
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,910
Okay, Jing,
we wowed 'em today,
195
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,850
but it's no time
to get complacent.
196
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,640
"Farmer in the Dell"
is a crowd-pleaser.
197
00:09:10,664 --> 00:09:12,019
That's why we pull it,
198
00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:14,410
and replace it with "Head,
Shoulders, Knees, and Toes."
199
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:15,669
They won't know what hit 'em.
200
00:09:15,670 --> 00:09:18,794
- Okay.
- Eep! Oh, sorry,
201
00:09:18,829 --> 00:09:19,701
I thought you were
gonna throw that bowl at me.
202
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,770
You're a lot easier
to work with than Wayne.
203
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:25,019
- I just like having fun with you.
- I'm having fun with you too.
204
00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:26,870
And I feel like a musician again,
205
00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:29,950
but without the pressure
of trying to become rock stars.
206
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,760
Right this way. It's your
afternoon meet and greet.
207
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:35,690
Meet and greet?
Wow, just like rock stars!
208
00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:38,120
Bradley, how you doin', my man?
209
00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:41,670
Okay, pose. Smile.
You're meeting your heroes.
210
00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:42,959
Please exit through the back.
211
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,610
Hey, Jing, as members
of the Jing Ring,
212
00:09:44,630 --> 00:09:46,200
can we take a piece of trash?
213
00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:50,220
Help yourself, Lil Joey.
Anything for my stans.
214
00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:54,600
- Wow. They're a Heinz family.
- Nothin' but the best.
215
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,220
♪ Bath time just cannot be beat ♪
216
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,720
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
217
00:10:00,740 --> 00:10:02,740
♪ Gotta wash your stinky feet ♪
218
00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:04,960
♪ Or I'm gonna barf, blegh! ♪
219
00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:08,480
♪ Don't run in front
of the ice cream truck ♪
220
00:10:08,580 --> 00:10:10,030
♪ If you want your treat ♪
221
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:12,410
♪ Look left and right
and all around ♪
222
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:15,970
♪ Or you'll be dead meat ♪
223
00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:16,829
I'm dead.
224
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,660
Look both ways. Thank you.
225
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:24,650
And that's why we don't
talk to strangers.
226
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:26,430
We love you, Oakdale!
227
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:30,260
To the limo! Go, go, go!
228
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:33,580
Whoa!
229
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,674
I got browns and grays.
230
00:10:37,850 --> 00:10:39,830
Scooters' charged.
231
00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:43,310
- Quick. Let's ride 'em.
- No, we're trying to make money.
232
00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:44,910
Oh, yeah, money good.
233
00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:47,190
What kind of bang we got
in that account, Mia?
234
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:52,220
500... cents?
They shouldn't do it that way.
235
00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:53,720
$5? That sucks.
236
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:56,200
Yeah, to get 200,
we're gonna need...
237
00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:58,530
uh, carry the 12...
238
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:02,460
- I before E except after C...
- Duncan, your nose is bleeding.
239
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:04,033
We're never gonna get that sofa.
240
00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:05,970
- Why do I pray?
- There's no need for prayer.
241
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,539
Your boy Yangzi's a money god.
242
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:10,370
$5 is all I need
to make that salesman
243
00:11:10,371 --> 00:11:11,620
an offer he can't refuse.
244
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,550
You refuse?
Sir, I'm begging you.
245
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:16,799
- Please do not refuse.
- I can't sell it to you,
246
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,560
but I don't see a problem
keeping it on hold.
247
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:19,979
Oh, wait, I do see a problem.
248
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,980
Those four gentlemen
trying it out.
249
00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:25,730
The Stay At Home Dads?
250
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,710
Get your ass
off our floor sample.
251
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,180
Language.
252
00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:31,660
I'm sorry.
I don't see a sold tag.
253
00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:33,740
We have dibs, you beta males.
254
00:11:33,830 --> 00:11:35,430
There's nothing wrong
with staying home
255
00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:37,210
and raising your children
without any thanks.
256
00:11:37,270 --> 00:11:40,670
Which is why we need this
massaging sofa in my man cave,
257
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:42,059
if I'm ever allowed to have one.
258
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,580
I'm sorry your wives
won't touch you,
259
00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:45,009
but I'll die for this sofa.
260
00:11:45,010 --> 00:11:46,750
Bridget, it's Tom.
261
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,179
Tom!
Can you authorize the card for me?
262
00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:50,349
I need $200.
263
00:11:50,350 --> 00:11:52,790
I know it's only Wednesday.
I spent it.
264
00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:53,660
What do you think groceries cost?
265
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,240
- Oh, she hung up.
- Jackpot!
266
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:58,020
Naomi's giving me
my allowance tomorrow.
267
00:11:58,170 --> 00:11:59,259
A day early.
268
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,429
- All right, Ron!
- Yeah!
269
00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:03,260
- Ron!
- We'll be back tomorrow
270
00:12:03,261 --> 00:12:06,900
for the sofa after nap time.
That's noon in adult time.
271
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,340
How are we gonna pick up
enough scooters
272
00:12:10,364 --> 00:12:11,609
to charge by tomorrow?
273
00:12:11,610 --> 00:12:13,680
We don't have a vehicle.
274
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:14,869
Get your pedi-cab.
275
00:12:14,870 --> 00:12:16,690
The won't-get-you-there-in-time
pedi-cab.
276
00:12:16,710 --> 00:12:19,660
The sweat-on-my-back-
in-your-face pedi-cab.
277
00:12:20,780 --> 00:12:23,790
Hey, kids,
you're smiling coyly today.
278
00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,790
♪ Who always calls me honey ♪
279
00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:28,530
♪ And gives me ice cream money? ♪
280
00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,530
♪ My daddy ♪
281
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:31,869
♪ Who always makes me glad ♪
282
00:12:31,870 --> 00:12:34,200
♪ That I get to be her dad? ♪
283
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:35,750
♪ My daughter ♪
284
00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:38,880
This is the sweetest song
I've ever heard.
285
00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:42,620
- Kimberly, are you crying?
- It was just so beautiful.
286
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,380
It's actually
a slowed down version
287
00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:47,520
of the diarrhea song,
but it works.
288
00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:49,890
A.H.E., an abbreviation
for Annie Harris Entertainment.
289
00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:52,310
A.H. speaking.
Are you serious?!
290
00:12:52,470 --> 00:12:53,799
Okay, I'm gonna hang up
291
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,650
without saying goodbye
like they do on TV.
292
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,820
You're playing Ticklepalooza.
293
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,319
Ticklepalooza?
294
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,400
That's the festival that
launched The Hooley Dooleys,
295
00:13:01,424 --> 00:13:03,480
Blippi the Clown,
and Caspar Babypants.
296
00:13:03,490 --> 00:13:06,650
You mean Caspar Babypants
of the hit song "Noodles and Butter"?
297
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,110
Who the hell else would I mean?
298
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,760
And it's where the Baby Shark
kids were arrested.
299
00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:13,650
Jing, this is everything
we've been working toward
300
00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:16,340
since last Saturday
at the bookstore.
301
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:17,930
Wait till Lil Joey hears this.
302
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,330
He's gonna say
it's friggin' awesome.
303
00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:23,680
Hey, Jing!
I just heard about Ticklepalooza!
304
00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,979
That's friggin' awesome!
305
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:29,110
- Told ya.
- When did that building go up?
306
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,640
Daddy, I'm ready to be tucked in.
307
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:36,060
Tucked in?
Tomorrow's Ticklepalooza!
308
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,470
We've got one night to come up
with a whole new act.
309
00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:40,310
Here's some song topics
I'm kicking around:
310
00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:42,900
fingers don't belong up noses,
don't chew gum in Singapore,
311
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,920
something about not petting
a dog you don't know.
312
00:13:44,944 --> 00:13:48,040
- Are any of these landing for you?
- Can't we just play the hits?
313
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,740
Do you think
people go see the Stones
314
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,500
just to hear the hits?
315
00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:54,510
But Mom says when I get off
my sleep schedule,
316
00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,039
I become a hellion.
317
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,270
When we get discovered,
you're not gonna need a mom.
318
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,609
You're scaring me, Daddy.
319
00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:02,510
I thought you wanted this
as bad as I do.
320
00:14:02,670 --> 00:14:05,170
Here, rub some of these
sugar cubes on your gums.
321
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:06,860
Legend has it
that's how Caspar Babypants
322
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,200
stayed up for three weeks
to write "Noodles and Butter."
323
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,170
I don't wanna stay up
for three weeks.
324
00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:13,930
You know, you're being
a real Wayne right now.
325
00:14:14,030 --> 00:14:16,940
I'm starting to think
Wayne wasn't the problem.
326
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,770
You don't care
about my band at all.
327
00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:21,960
Your band?
Without me, there is no band.
328
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:26,100
- My cute face puts butts on the grass.
- Get a grip, pigtails.
329
00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:27,870
Without my music,
you're just a cute face
330
00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:30,980
that pops up and says, "Moo."
I can get a cow to do that.
331
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,530
Chapman's Cattle?
332
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,070
That's it! I quit, man!
333
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,147
- Not if I quit first.
- Get my milk!
334
00:14:37,182 --> 00:14:39,630
Oh, I'll get your milk
because I love you!
335
00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:43,540
I love you too!
336
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:44,649
No, I don't need milk.
337
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,470
I'm just fighting
with a five-year-old.
338
00:14:46,490 --> 00:14:49,724
Yup. Yup.
Yeah, it's a band thing.
339
00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:54,640
Not going? What do you
mean you're not going?
340
00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:56,730
- Ask her.
- Okay, Jing.
341
00:14:56,890 --> 00:14:58,149
- Why are...
- Don't ask her!
342
00:14:58,150 --> 00:14:59,980
She's nothing but fibs and lies!
343
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,060
- And he's a meanie!
- Oh, that is it.
344
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,910
Ah, Jack, she's your daughter.
345
00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:07,060
And I love her more
than anything in the world.
346
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,840
I just never want
to talk to her again!
347
00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:11,875
She's a
five-year-old girl.
348
00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:14,378
She's fragile and sensitive.
349
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,090
And Jing, your father's
a middle-aged man.
350
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,520
- He's fragile and sensitive.
- Ah, forget it.
351
00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:21,820
The day we sing together again
is when heck freezes over.
352
00:15:21,844 --> 00:15:25,079
No problemo.
I've already written three songs
353
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,010
for my poorly-received
solo album.
354
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,270
As a wife and mother,
this destroys me,
355
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:32,100
but as your manager,
I don't care if you get along!
356
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,700
I got you sponsored
by a kids' health database
357
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,940
called "Pediafile" and we don't
want to give 'em a bad name.
358
00:15:38,090 --> 00:15:41,370
Fine, I'll do it,
but we go in separate cars.
359
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,450
And he can only have
the green gummy bears backstage.
360
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:46,360
Lime?!
This isn't gonna work!
361
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:49,530
- Jack.
- F-i-i-i-n-e.
362
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:52,379
I guess one of us has
to be the adult.
363
00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:55,698
That's the only hit
you'll ever have!
364
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,219
You're all hooked up, Mr. Mitch.
365
00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:59,710
Lead the way
to the scooter hot spots.
366
00:16:17,730 --> 00:16:20,490
Activate killer robotic dogs!
367
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,490
Bark. Bark.
368
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:23,819
Bark, bark.
369
00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:26,580
Bark, bark, bark, bark,
bark, bark.
370
00:16:26,810 --> 00:16:28,260
Ball!
371
00:16:37,650 --> 00:16:40,260
Be careful what you wish for.
372
00:16:45,050 --> 00:16:47,140
But seriously, folks,
people tell me
373
00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,630
I need to come out of my shell,
but I can't.
374
00:16:49,650 --> 00:16:51,100
There's no zipper.
375
00:16:51,130 --> 00:16:53,720
Ooh!
The Cheerios on this guy!
376
00:16:53,860 --> 00:16:55,910
Good set.
Did you not see the light?
377
00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:58,560
- What?
- Nothing, nothing. Good set.
378
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,810
Listen, I know you two
are having your differences,
379
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,640
but look at all
the smiling families
380
00:17:03,730 --> 00:17:06,760
- excited to see you.
- You're right, honey.
381
00:17:06,761 --> 00:17:09,829
- They do look excited to see me.
- Those aren't for you.
382
00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:13,149
- The sign says "For Talent Only."
- Stop topping me!
383
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:15,650
- Stop making it so easy.
- You're on!
384
00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:16,909
- Ooh!
- Ah!
385
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,080
♪ Who always calls me honey ♪
386
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,840
♪ And gives me
ice cream money? ♪
387
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,680
♪ My daddy ♪
388
00:17:25,830 --> 00:17:27,259
♪ Who makes me feel glad ♪
389
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:29,280
♪ That I get to be her dad? ♪
390
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,519
♪ My daughter ♪
391
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,760
Total pros. Hiding their
hatred for each other.
392
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:36,122
Just like Chip and Joanna Gaines.
393
00:17:36,157 --> 00:17:38,270
There's something goin' on
between Joanna and Clint.
394
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:39,119
Totally.
395
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:42,180
- Oh.
- It's beautiful.
396
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,200
And we owe it all to you,
Mr. Mitch.
397
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:47,130
My calves don't fit
in my track suit anymore.
398
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,450
My girl's gonna love
these bad boys.
399
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:50,859
Plug it in, Bex.
400
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:54,030
To Grandmother's house I go!
401
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,640
♪ We love each other
in every way ♪
402
00:17:57,790 --> 00:17:58,969
♪ You're my shorty ♪
403
00:17:58,970 --> 00:18:00,700
♪ And I'm your bae ♪
404
00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:02,700
Aww.
405
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,370
You hear that, Jing?
406
00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:07,520
- They love my song.
- Oh, it's on.
407
00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:11,380
♪ Who works as a plumber
and couldn't be more dumber? ♪
408
00:18:11,470 --> 00:18:12,649
♪ My daddy ♪
409
00:18:12,650 --> 00:18:14,640
♪ Who's afraid of the dark ♪
410
00:18:14,690 --> 00:18:15,899
♪ And is the family narc? ♪
411
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,050
- ♪ My daughter ♪
- I'm telling Mommy you said that.
412
00:18:19,070 --> 00:18:20,990
- Uh-oh.
- Do we have a problem?
413
00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:23,960
'Cause the last thing I need
is traumatized kids.
414
00:18:26,580 --> 00:18:32,010
- Bex, I want my night toast.
- Coming up, Grandma.
415
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,589
Oh, no!
416
00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:42,500
- I smell burnt toast.
- You're just having a stroke.
417
00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:44,390
Go back to sleep.
418
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,840
Uh, those scooters
are charging really fast.
419
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:51,430
Yeah, I'm excited too.
420
00:19:01,110 --> 00:19:04,370
My phone's out there!
421
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:09,020
- No!
- He's gone, man. He's gone.
422
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,770
♪ Who acts like a baby ♪
423
00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:13,209
♪ And is stuck in the '80s? ♪
♪ My daddy ♪
424
00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:15,030
♪ Who cries when she loses ♪
425
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,109
♪ And can't tie her shoeses? ♪
♪ My daughter ♪
426
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:19,610
♪ Who's losing all his hair ♪
427
00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:20,959
♪ And showers in a chair? ♪
428
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,389
♪ Whose nose is always runny ♪
429
00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:25,276
♪ And thinks there's
an Easter Bunny? ♪
430
00:19:25,311 --> 00:19:29,300
Huh? What?
Whose lap have I been sitting on?
431
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:32,570
No Easter Bunny? Ma!
432
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,720
Tell me he's bustin' my basket.
433
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,480
- Get 'em out of here!
- Boo!
434
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:50,830
Okay, I was never here, right?
435
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,740
Daddy!
I'm scared of the dark!
436
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:01,320
I'll never let anything
happen to you, honey!
437
00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:04,930
Look out!
Reunited band coming through!
438
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,660
For the love of God,
somebody flip me!
439
00:20:07,810 --> 00:20:11,030
Run!
440
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,570
Hey, kiddo, can I tuck ya in?
441
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,890
Yeah, it's not like
the Easter Bunny's gonna do it.
442
00:20:17,910 --> 00:20:19,730
Yeah, sorry about that.
443
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,560
I'm 42 years older.
I should've been more mature.
444
00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:26,405
Sometimes grown-ups have lifelong anger
445
00:20:26,406 --> 00:20:29,230
at lost dreams, and it
comes out in weird ways.
446
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:31,590
Will you read me a bedtime story?
447
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,670
Start with the Js.
448
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,840
J. Geils.
Jackson 5.
449
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,840
Jefferson Airplane.
Jefferson Starship.
450
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:46,590
Ah, go down to the one
in crayon!
451
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,330
Jing and Jack.
Aww.
452
00:20:49,350 --> 00:20:50,940
You put your name first?
453
00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:54,440
- I'll change it.
- Don't you dare.
454
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,879
Unless you want to.
455
00:21:02,270 --> 00:21:03,720
Sorry we had to use the money
456
00:21:03,790 --> 00:21:05,860
to buy my grandma
a new toaster.
457
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,440
Nah, this is just as good.
458
00:21:07,460 --> 00:21:09,300
Yeah, there's something
about the human touch
459
00:21:09,324 --> 00:21:11,130
that's just more satisfying.
460
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:14,290
- Okay, our turn.
- Yeah, switch.
461
00:21:16,950 --> 00:21:18,800
Oh, yeah, I'm a ball of stress.
462
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,620
Huh.
Who could that be at this hour?
463
00:21:23,470 --> 00:21:25,470
Pet me if you want to live.
464
00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:27,720
- Pass.
- Oh, it's on.
465
00:21:27,810 --> 00:21:29,039
Kill them all.
466
00:21:33,721 --> 00:21:36,688
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