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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:34,424 We will begin in ten seconds. 2 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:37,766 Please ad just your universal translator to the language of your understanding. 3 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,533 We will begin in five seconds. 4 00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:45,643 We will begin in zero seconds. 5 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,082 Of all the creatures in the universe.... 6 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:56,486 none possess the mating ritual as complex, as perverse... 7 00:00:56,556 --> 00:01:01,084 as tragically beautiful as the earthbound human. 8 00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:04,927 More passionate than the Orktamus of Centali Five... 9 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:08,092 more neurotic than the Sleekanda of Sleewa... 10 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,159 it is a wonder that these furry creatures... 11 00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:13,137 have not gone extinct millennia ago. 12 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:15,606 But in spite of their self-inflicted paradox... 13 00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:17,836 their numbers grow at a rapid pace... 14 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,175 over-consuming their tiny planet. 15 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:23,647 It is from these creatures that we have acquired the universal expression... 16 00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:26,082 "fuck like people. " 17 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:41,794 The young male begins his sojourn along with others of his pack. 18 00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:48,530 Their bellies are full from a hearty meal of plant and roasted animal flesh. 19 00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:54,372 The male hides his nervousness from the rest of the pack. 20 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:58,144 He has tried this a great many times before with limited success. 21 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,880 His cerebral cortex pounds with anxiety... 22 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,289 his loins, with hyperactive semen. 23 00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:13,426 The male gives the Great Warrior sheaths of thin, green tree bark... 24 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,695 hoping that the color will satisfy the Great Warrior... 25 00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:17,793 and he will allow the male to enter. 26 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,466 The Great Warrior is pleased. 27 00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:24,510 He places a symbol of ink upon the male's hand-- 28 00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:28,741 proof to the world that the male is ready to mate. 29 00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:36,084 His new surroundings are pleasing to him, familiar. 30 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:44,020 He has been to sacred meeting grounds such as this before. 31 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,862 He makes his way to the long, elevated surface... 32 00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:53,906 where he will consume small amounts of fermented grain... 33 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:57,602 in the hopes that it will make him more appealing to a potential mate. 34 00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:01,202 In fact, it has the opposite effect. 35 00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:05,479 The fermented grain makes all females more appealing to him. 36 00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:10,254 Well, almost all. 37 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:16,454 This one, he feels, lacks the correct genetic stock for motherhood. 38 00:03:17,463 --> 00:03:20,728 This one would make a better father than mother. 39 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,734 The male would be redundant. 40 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,952 This one is clearly reserved for wealthy tribal chieftains. 41 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:47,393 To prepare for mating, she sways her hips and flails her behind... 42 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:50,918 in an attempt to dislodge her egg from her uterus. 43 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:58,897 The male exhales sadly. He knows his place in the pack. 44 00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:08,139 The female feels the male's gaze upon her... 45 00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:12,082 and marks him as a potential father of her future cubs. 46 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,859 Her ovulation complete... 47 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,090 the female ceases her gyrations and returns to her pack. 48 00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:26,859 It is the male's opportunity. 49 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,163 Like all creatures of the universe... 50 00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:31,931 the male and female begin by examining each other. 51 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,703 Tentatively... 52 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,340 carefully... 53 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,712 not willing to reveal too much... 54 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,459 or commit too far. 55 00:04:57,764 --> 00:05:01,063 The female bares her teeth to show she wants to mate with him. 56 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:03,863 The male mimics this gesture... 57 00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:07,133 to show that he, too, would like to mate right now. 58 00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:11,134 Encouraged, the male attempts the next step. 59 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:14,236 It is a long walk for him. 60 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:18,011 He must make the perfect greeting if he wishes to be fruitful. 61 00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:25,487 If you're not a professional dancer, you should be. 62 00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,025 What? 63 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:32,594 If you're not a professional dancer, you should be! 64 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:34,863 What? 65 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:39,496 - I think you're a great dancer! - What? 66 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,254 But his introduction was flawed. 67 00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:03,261 There will be no fruit for the male this evening. 68 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:07,122 The female, for her part... 69 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,225 uses her time in the sacred meeting ground... 70 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:14,035 fending off the advances of all but the right males. 71 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:17,270 - This one lacks intellect. - Bye. 72 00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:25,082 This one lacks a warrior's spirit. 73 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:27,381 He would be devoured on the first hunt, she feels... 74 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,421 Leaving her to raise her cubs by herself. 75 00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,286 Nice meeting you. Bye. 76 00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:36,494 - You're very sweet. Thanks. Bye. - This one just smells funny. 77 00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:46,596 But like the childhood story of Goldilocks and the three-- 78 00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:50,938 - Hey. Remember me? - this one is just right. 79 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:54,571 Look, I'm sorry. I just wanted to say you're a good dancer. 80 00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:58,515 I wasn't being crude. I'm just a bad mime. 81 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,747 A guy apologizing. 82 00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,016 Now that's the way to start a relationship. 83 00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,116 Jenny Smith. 84 00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:08,251 The male and female rub their paws together. 85 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,655 The female studies the male... 86 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,268 as he, in turn, studies her. 87 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,761 - Channel. - Shampoo. 88 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,974 Well, it's nice. It suits you. 89 00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,308 - Brut. - Channel. 90 00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:31,716 Do you often wear women's perfume? 91 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,617 Yeah. It's my way of showing how I understand women. 92 00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:36,621 I'm going for that sensitive, '80s-guy kind of thing. 93 00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,180 - Does it work? - No. Not since the '80s. 94 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:42,193 But, oh, man, in kindergarten I was hot stuff. 95 00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:44,286 The female exhales rapidly... 96 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:47,958 to show that her lungs are strong and she can bear many children. 97 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,468 The male exhales rapidly as well... 98 00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:54,700 to show that he has endurance and can impregnate her many times over. 99 00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,609 She lets him know that she is pleased... 100 00:07:57,677 --> 00:08:00,009 for that is what she is looking for in a mate. 101 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,309 He is pleased because all his blood has rushed to his loins... 102 00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:05,373 - and he doesn't know any better. - Look, I want to keep talking to you... 103 00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:10,479 but I, you know, I was on my way to use the facilities. 104 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,925 All right. Have a nice life. 105 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,120 Wait. I'm just going to the bathroom. 106 00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:18,663 Yeah, right. Like I haven't used that one a gazillion times. 107 00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:21,894 Come on. You think that I'm blowing you off? Are you nuts? 108 00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,697 That's a really nice way of putting it, but still-- 109 00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:26,033 Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll hold it in. 110 00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:28,073 - Really? -Yeah. 111 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,131 That's so sweet. 112 00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:42,787 - You're screwing with me, right? - Yeah. 113 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,288 Okay. 114 00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:48,020 The female is pleased. 115 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:51,689 The young male has great potential for fatherhood, she feels. 116 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:53,755 He'll provide well for her cubs... 117 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:56,893 and stick around long after she is fat and bloated. 118 00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:02,107 She consumes fermented grain to celebrate her good fortune. 119 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:07,742 - See? I came back. - Groovy. Let's dance. 120 00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:10,873 Oh. I don't know if that's such a good idea. 121 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:14,886 - You don't dance? - No, I do, but like a white guy. 122 00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,980 I don't know if you're impressed enough with me yet. 123 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,581 Risk it. 124 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,656 Okay. Just remember I would've held it in for you. 125 00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,608 And so the male and female see their way through the intricate dance... 126 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:38,007 of the mating ritual. 127 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,443 Both sides must play their roles perfectly... 128 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,640 confronting an infinite barrage of obstacles... 129 00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:46,484 necessitating the involvement of countless other humans... 130 00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:49,020 in order for the species to reproduce. 131 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,488 We don't know if they will succeed. 132 00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:55,516 And if they don't, we will film another couple who does. 133 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,598 - Hey, you want to get some coffee? - I have to get up early tomorrow. 134 00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,659 - Sorry. -Jenny! There you are. 135 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:07,467 - We've been looking for you. - Guys, this is Billy. 136 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:10,031 Billy, these are my two best friends, Lydia and Lana. 137 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:13,306 - Hi. - Lydia? Hi. Lana, right? 138 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:16,473 - It's the other way around. - I meant it the other way around. 139 00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,040 The female shows the male to her pack... 140 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,643 but the male is not interested in the female's pack. 141 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:25,020 He wants to be with the female alone. 142 00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:28,492 There is still something he must get from her-- 143 00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,995 something without which the mating ritual will come to an end. 144 00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:33,224 Panic sets in. 145 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,132 It is difficult to achieve with the female's pack present... 146 00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:38,762 but he must ask for it in order for the species to go on. 147 00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:41,136 Can I get your number? 148 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,368 I was wondering when you were gonna ask. 149 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:45,740 - He's cute. - Yeah, he is cute. 150 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:49,212 Shut up. Turn around. 151 00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:53,377 The female scratches numerical symbols onto a white sheath of tree bark.. 152 00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:56,148 hoping the design will please the male. 153 00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:01,022 - Great. - The male is pleased by the design. 154 00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:04,028 To him, it is the prettiest of all pictures. 155 00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,223 I'll call you in-- 156 00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:08,323 - I n a while? - Yeah. I'll call you in a while. 157 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,392 Great. Yeah, I'll call you in a while. 158 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,801 In a while. 159 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,499 Sorry. 160 00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:16,234 Tell you what. Hmm? 161 00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:18,435 - Bye. - Bye. 162 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,537 - Bye. Nice meeting you. - Yeah. You too. So long. 163 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,583 The male is happy with his new mate. 164 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:28,711 It has been a goodnight at the sacred meeting ground. 165 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,583 The humans of this hemisphere of the planet... 166 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:38,528 spend most of their time at play, in tall, steel huts of their own making. 167 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:44,862 The male busies himself with numerical symbols... 168 00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:47,064 and electronically enhanced intelligence to create a picture... 169 00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:50,131 pleasing to those superior to him in the pack. 170 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,201 This game he calls "accounting. " 171 00:11:56,282 --> 00:12:00,150 He plays with a toy named after one of the small rodents of his planet. 172 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,154 He presses his fingers against the rodent's buttocks... 173 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:06,658 and gently taps upon its cheeks. 174 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,593 Still, he prefers the female of his own species. 175 00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:17,962 The male is not pleased with his picture. 176 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,636 He finds the female's picture much prettier. 177 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,938 He wants to know how she can make such a pretty picture. 178 00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,182 Hi. This is Bill Waterson. 179 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,948 Oh, yes, Mr. Greenwood. 180 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:38,489 Well, we'd love to help you, but... 181 00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:41,287 gosh, I tell you, we're really booked solid. 182 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,523 Let me see if there's any openings here. 183 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:48,158 Boy, we're just-- we're just swamped here. 184 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:53,165 Oh! Here's a cancellation at-- 185 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,606 How's Thursday at 3:00? 186 00:12:56,675 --> 00:13:00,202 Or now. Yeah. We could do now. 187 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:03,976 Now is fine. Yeah, great. We'll see you. 188 00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:06,449 - We got a client? - Looks that way. 189 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,714 - Torrance referred us. - Torrance is a deadbeat. 190 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,279 Yeah, but he's our deadbeat. We got three clients. 191 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,985 - I think we ought to embrace him. - All right. 192 00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,696 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 193 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,691 - You're going to call her, aren't you? - No. 194 00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:26,499 - Tell the truth. - Okay. You're developing... 195 00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:29,234 a serious body odor problem, but I don't think that's relevant. 196 00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:34,041 You just met her last night. If you call her now, you'll scare her off. 197 00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:37,879 - Come on. I don't play those games. - Don't do it, man. 198 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:40,350 - She'll think you want her. - I do want her. 199 00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:44,048 I know, but if she thinks that, she'll find somebody else. 200 00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:46,591 Someone who doesn't want her? 201 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,923 - Someone cool. - Oh, but I'm not cool. 202 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,827 Exactly. That's why you got to wait a few days before you call her. 203 00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:55,526 And when you do ask her out, act like you're doing her a favor, you know? 204 00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,694 Like you don't give a damn if she says yes or no... 205 00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,068 'cause you got all these other chickadees waiting for you. 206 00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:04,838 - And that'll impress her? - Right into the sack. 207 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:07,504 Please do not adjust your universal translator. 208 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,844 We are not experiencing technical difficulties. 209 00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:13,681 This is a human thing. It makes no sense to us either. 210 00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:18,116 Heed my words, Grasshopper. 211 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,590 Be patient. Be a champion. 212 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:22,684 You know, Jimmy, it occurs to me... 213 00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:26,390 that I haven't seen you with a woman in about three years. 214 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:30,458 Right. That's because I always phone them the very next morning. 215 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:47,813 The great hunting and gathering ground. 216 00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:51,414 Check this out. 217 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:55,324 The female finds an animal skin To shelter her from the cold. 218 00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,419 - Way too obvious. - Yeah. 219 00:14:57,496 --> 00:15:01,159 The pack feels it will not keep her warm enough in the harsh winters. 220 00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:06,396 The female's task in this initial part Of the mating dance... 221 00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:09,168 is to wait for the male to contact her. 222 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:13,769 This causes some anxiety, but she is confident in the wisdom of nature. 223 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,440 - What do you see in him, anyway? - He seems like a nice guy. 224 00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,506 He's an accountant, for God's sake. 225 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:23,851 Yeah, he's cute, but what are you gonna do with an accountant? 226 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,188 I think you should call Mike and beg him to take you back. 227 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,955 Yeah, Mike was gorgeous. 228 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:33,192 - And I'm not telling you again. - There's sure no denying that. 229 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:36,928 And before him, remember Ed? No one was cooler than Ed. 230 00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:40,872 I don't need cool. 231 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,000 And Robert was like the smartest guy I'd ever met. 232 00:15:44,076 --> 00:15:48,172 But he'd humiliate me every chance he got. There's got to be better. 233 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:50,943 I think it's time for a nice guy. 234 00:15:57,056 --> 00:16:00,025 The male's sleeping hut. 235 00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,287 Fuck! Fuck! 236 00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,226 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 237 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,321 The male is now ready to mate. 238 00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:10,459 Fuck. How could I lose her number? 239 00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:12,527 Billy, look on the bright side, man. 240 00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:16,301 If she was that fine, she probably Gave you a bogus number anyway. 241 00:16:18,177 --> 00:16:22,011 - I'll help you find it. - The need for the female is harsh. 242 00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:24,515 The male's body tenses with anxiety. 243 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:28,576 A bodily liquid called "sweat" is transferred through his pores. 244 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:32,818 A foam called "saliva" dribbles out of his mouth. 245 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:36,383 This condition will not pass until he has mated with his female. 246 00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:38,896 The best-looking girl that ever talked to me, and I lose her number. 247 00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,989 - I blew it. I'm an asshole. - All right, wait. 248 00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,933 Let's just retrace your steps. Where was the last place you saw it? 249 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,495 - Work. - Right. 250 00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:50,041 I was gonna call her, and you talked me out of it. I put it in my pocket. 251 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,703 - Did you check your suit? - It couldn't be in my suit. 252 00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:54,712 My suit's been at the dry cleaners this whole time. 253 00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,714 I just picked it up this morn-- Oh, shit. 254 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,779 The male searches through his animal skins. 255 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,289 Perhaps the female is inside. 256 00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:12,293 Blinded by his need to procreate... 257 00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:16,630 the male shows some lint to the other member of the pack. 258 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:20,399 "Is this the female I seek?" he asks. 259 00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,873 Yep. You're an asshole. 260 00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:27,469 "No, it is not, " responds the other. 261 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:31,275 The male finds solace in a bound collection... 262 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,375 of sheaths of white tree bark. 263 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:37,746 Perhaps he will find the female inside. 264 00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:41,156 You're gonna call, like, every J. Smith in the entire phone book? 265 00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,319 It's only, like, four or five pages. 266 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,420 Face it, Billy. You lost her. 267 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:49,834 The male will not forego the mating ritual. 268 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,927 The species must prevail. 269 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:55,565 It will be very difficult for him, but he will not give up. 270 00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:59,941 For the human male is among the horniest Of creatures in the known universe. 271 00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:03,743 - Hi. May I speak with Jenny Smith? - There's no Jenny Smith here. 272 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,785 - Is this "J. Smith"? - This is John Smith. 273 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:08,843 Oh, never mind. 274 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,788 Yeah, this might take a while. 275 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:16,657 The male uses a rudimentary communication device... 276 00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:18,753 to seek his mate. 277 00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:21,197 "Have you seen my female?" he asks everyone. 278 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:24,360 "She is mine. You cannot have her." 279 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:28,372 - Hi. May I speak to a Jenny Smith? - Yes, this is Jenny. 280 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,702 Oh, Jenny, great. 281 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,835 Did you meet a guy named Billy at Cachet the other night? 282 00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:37,007 About five-ten, brown hair, nice smile? 283 00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:40,518 Mmm. Do you like leather Or chains? 284 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,111 - What? - I'd love to meet you. 285 00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:46,055 - Come on by. - Maybe another time. 286 00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:50,324 Maybe another time. 287 00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:54,195 - Hello. Is this Jenny Smith? - Yes, this is Jenny Smith. 288 00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:58,396 Hi. Are you about five-five, 110 pounds... 289 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:02,304 brown hair, really nice boobs? 290 00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:03,568 Hello? 291 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,736 Hello. Is Jenny Smith home, please? 292 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,178 I didn't think so. 293 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,510 Ring. 294 00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:20,350 Ring now. Okay, in five seconds. 295 00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:23,326 Four, three, two, one. 296 00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:26,387 Ring. Okay, that was zero. 297 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:29,366 Ring now! 298 00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,425 Ring! 299 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,776 - The female in heat. - This is ridiculous. Ridiculous! 300 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:43,110 Why would you even take my number If you're not gonna call me? 301 00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:49,586 It's because I didn't put out, isn't it? 302 00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:52,749 You saw me dance, and I was looking kind of hot... 303 00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:55,884 and you just figured me for a quick, easy lay. 304 00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:58,191 Well, I've got news For you, mister. 305 00:19:58,263 --> 00:20:00,254 If you just want some cheap slut... 306 00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:04,029 you've come to the wrong gal! 307 00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,729 Ring! 308 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:11,366 I'm such a loser. 309 00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:15,402 If he was gonna call, he would've called by now. Come with us. 310 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,880 I just want to give him a little bit longer. 311 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:20,316 Jen, it's been like five days already. 312 00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:22,785 - He's just playing it cool. - Cool? 313 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:24,879 The man is a fucking accountant. 314 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,619 Could you show a little sensitivity? She liked the guy. 315 00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:31,254 I just called him a fucking accountant. I didn't say he wasn't cute. 316 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:37,166 - He is cute, isn't he? - Yeah, he was. I'm sorry, Jen. 317 00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:42,165 The female wonders How the others in the pack... 318 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,971 have so forgotten the mating ritual. 319 00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:47,773 Perhaps they have never felt the thrill of mating... 320 00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:51,976 and have not awoken these maternal instincts within themselves. 321 00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,484 I 'm just gonna give him a little bit more time. 322 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:57,021 Okay, but if you change your mind, we'll be at the Dresden. 323 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,616 - Okay? So meet us there. - Okay. 324 00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:03,456 - Good luck. - Bye. 325 00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:14,100 The female grows anxious. 326 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:16,163 The male has not shown himself... 327 00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:18,266 nor does it appear he will. 328 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,845 The female is ready to find a new candidate for mating. 329 00:21:22,914 --> 00:21:24,939 Hey, guys, wait up! 330 00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:42,023 Hi. This is Lana. 331 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,125 Jenny and I aren't here, so leave a message at the beep... 332 00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:46,193 and we'll get back to you. 333 00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:51,334 If this is a guy, Jenny maybe cuter, but I put out. 334 00:21:56,281 --> 00:21:58,806 Hi. I'm calling for Jenny Smith. This is Billy. 335 00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:01,546 We met at Cachet a few nights ago. You threw your drink at me... 336 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:04,350 - then gave me your number. - The male calls out for the female... 337 00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,857 searching the ether for his true mate... 338 00:22:06,925 --> 00:22:09,860 but she doesn't answer his cry. 339 00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:13,193 All seems lost for the species. 340 00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:16,063 ... took my jacket to the cleaners, and you got shredded. 341 00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:18,295 Anyway... 342 00:22:18,370 --> 00:22:21,066 I've gone through the whole LA phone book trying to find you and-- 343 00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:24,700 Well, okay, not all of LA, just 21 3 and most of31 0. 344 00:22:24,776 --> 00:22:27,074 God, I hope you don't live in the Valley. 345 00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:29,238 I mean, okay, nothing against the Valley. 346 00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:31,339 I just don't think I have the strength for 81 8. 347 00:22:31,416 --> 00:22:35,853 So if this is you, give me a call at 555-7754. 348 00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:38,253 I'd love to have dinner With you or something. 349 00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:40,382 If it's not you... 350 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,462 Leave me alone. 351 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:47,259 - Is Jenny Smith there? - Hi. Is this Jenny Smith? 352 00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:50,859 -I met a girl at a club the other night. -Thank you. 353 00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:58,938 It was a dreary day For the male. 354 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,718 He listens to water beating against a ceramic wall. 355 00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:15,157 It is a soothing sound for him, with a calming effect. 356 00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:19,323 Hi. This is Jenny. I got your message. I knew you'd call. 357 00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,491 - I told every one you'd call. - Yes! 358 00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:25,400 I can't believe you went through two area codes just to find me. 359 00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:28,769 I'm really, really flattered, or very, very afraid. 360 00:23:31,009 --> 00:23:35,070 Anyway, I'd love to have dinner with you. Now that you have my number... 361 00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:36,978 - you better use it. - Wait. That was a random shot. 362 00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:39,676 - I'll be waiting by the phone. - No, leave it! Leave it! 363 00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:49,125 The male weeps as the female's mating cry comes to an end. 364 00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:50,718 Billy, this is your mother. 365 00:23:50,796 --> 00:23:52,730 I haven't heard from you in almost a week. 366 00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:55,767 I'm wondering If you're living or dead. Call me either way. 367 00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:58,894 Hi. It's Jenny again, on the off chance... 368 00:23:58,970 --> 00:24:00,904 you didn't keep track of which number was mine. 369 00:24:00,972 --> 00:24:02,906 I know no one can be that dumb. 370 00:24:02,974 --> 00:24:07,206 But just in case, it's 3 1 0-555-01 81. 371 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,304 - Now use it. - Yes! 372 00:24:09,381 --> 00:24:11,372 But it is the second Of the female's mating cries... 373 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,475 that causes the male to go rabid. 374 00:24:13,552 --> 00:24:15,679 Mating is imminent, and he knows it. 375 00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:22,224 The female prepares carefully for her next encounter with the male. 376 00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:25,457 She paints her face with berries and chemically processed colors... 377 00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:27,691 hiding from the male her natural state-- 378 00:24:27,766 --> 00:24:30,530 which she hopes to show him at a later time. 379 00:24:31,703 --> 00:24:35,161 She uses chemically altered forms of vegetation to cover parts of her body. 380 00:24:36,374 --> 00:24:38,865 Then other forms of vegetation over those. 381 00:24:38,944 --> 00:24:41,708 She leaves much of her body uncovered... 382 00:24:41,780 --> 00:24:45,079 but is careful to cover the first layer of vegetation. 383 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,981 She puts the excretions of small, sea-dwelling creatures... 384 00:24:50,055 --> 00:24:52,421 through holes in the lobes of her hearing organs... 385 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,550 which she had mutilated long ago... 386 00:24:54,626 --> 00:24:57,493 as a symbol of her entry into womanhood. 387 00:24:58,630 --> 00:25:01,224 She pulls a bone out of her skull. 388 00:25:03,468 --> 00:25:06,494 She is ready. 389 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:11,776 The male has a much more arduous task. 390 00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:14,073 He must appear strong to the female-- 391 00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:16,943 so strong that he doesn't care how he appears. 392 00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:19,745 It is this appearance he must strive for. 393 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:24,748 He uses a hydrogen and oxygen mixture with some animal fat... 394 00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:27,690 to remove the planet's nourishment from his body. 395 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,390 He debates over removing the fur from his face... 396 00:25:32,464 --> 00:25:34,762 with an artificial tooth of steel. 397 00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,858 He ponders this for a long time... 398 00:25:36,935 --> 00:25:40,871 before deciding to keep the fur as a display of his masculinity... 399 00:25:40,939 --> 00:25:43,737 then changes his mind again. 400 00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:46,868 Meticulously, he combs his hair... 401 00:25:46,945 --> 00:25:50,403 making certain that it appears uncombed. 402 00:25:53,518 --> 00:25:57,249 He covers his body with the same vegetation as the female... 403 00:25:57,322 --> 00:26:00,553 then his upper torso with the hair of one creature... 404 00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:02,889 and that with the hide of another. 405 00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:06,121 Now he is ready. 406 00:26:06,197 --> 00:26:08,222 I shouldn't have shaved. 407 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:18,966 The male and the female feed on a meal... 408 00:26:19,044 --> 00:26:21,535 of dead Earth creature and vegetation. 409 00:26:23,348 --> 00:26:25,316 Both herbivore and carnivore... 410 00:26:25,383 --> 00:26:27,317 the human is one of few animals in the universe... 411 00:26:27,385 --> 00:26:29,751 that will eat just about anything. 412 00:26:38,196 --> 00:26:41,495 I mean, come on now. "I n computers" could mean anything. 413 00:26:41,566 --> 00:26:43,625 It doesn't matter. 414 00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:45,693 All right, if you won't tell me what you do... 415 00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:48,534 will you at least tell me why you won't tell me? 416 00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:51,440 Because guys find it a turn off when girls... 417 00:26:51,509 --> 00:26:55,104 babble on about themselves on the first date. 418 00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:57,614 - Tell me about your accounting firm. - Oh, I can't. 419 00:26:57,682 --> 00:27:00,446 Government work kind of stuff? 420 00:27:02,187 --> 00:27:04,178 Girls find it a turnoff when guys babble on... 421 00:27:04,255 --> 00:27:06,689 about themselves on a first date. 422 00:27:06,758 --> 00:27:09,625 - We definitely have a problem. - Well, rules are rules. 423 00:27:09,694 --> 00:27:12,322 When you think about it, it's amazing when people actually get together. 424 00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:14,558 Is that really one of the guys' rules? 425 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,124 Well, not so much a rule as a guideline. 426 00:27:17,202 --> 00:27:20,467 Good. 'Cause you're the first guy I ever met who follows it. 427 00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:23,642 I like coming up here. 428 00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,405 I like coming up here. 429 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:30,244 Even on a drab, smoggy night it's nice. 430 00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:32,545 It's real quiet, you know? 431 00:27:32,617 --> 00:27:37,554 - It's peaceful. - Yeah. It's a beautiful night tonight. 432 00:27:37,622 --> 00:27:39,556 Guess we got lucky. 433 00:27:41,626 --> 00:27:43,651 I guess we did. 434 00:27:43,728 --> 00:27:45,662 Yeah, I guess we did. 435 00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:54,062 The male and the female open their souls to each other... 436 00:27:54,139 --> 00:27:56,767 sharing their pain and sadnesses... 437 00:27:56,841 --> 00:28:00,277 each lessening the burden on their partner. 438 00:28:00,345 --> 00:28:03,712 Many experts cite this as the most beautiful part... 439 00:28:03,782 --> 00:28:06,182 of the human mating ritual-- 440 00:28:06,251 --> 00:28:09,118 other than the copulation. 441 00:28:09,187 --> 00:28:11,587 My little brother was born blind... 442 00:28:11,656 --> 00:28:15,057 so when I first got into computers... 443 00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:19,290 he'd come hang out with me and ask me questions about it. 444 00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:21,161 He was so into it. 445 00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:24,726 It made me want to cry. 446 00:28:26,337 --> 00:28:29,067 So, where I work now... 447 00:28:29,140 --> 00:28:33,236 we're trying to create this special monitor for blind people. 448 00:28:33,311 --> 00:28:37,873 But, I mean, we're years away from getting it-- 449 00:28:37,949 --> 00:28:40,247 if it's even possible. 450 00:28:42,787 --> 00:28:45,255 You'll get it. 451 00:28:56,501 --> 00:28:59,937 I worked my butt off to get through school. 452 00:29:00,004 --> 00:29:02,234 I held every shitty job There was. 453 00:29:02,307 --> 00:29:06,801 But I knew that if you're not a professional, then you're nothing. 454 00:29:06,878 --> 00:29:11,975 So there I was, making a decent living at a big firm... 455 00:29:12,050 --> 00:29:14,518 but... 456 00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:18,647 I was still getting pushed around by assholes. 457 00:29:18,723 --> 00:29:23,126 So one day, about seven, eight months ago... 458 00:29:23,194 --> 00:29:26,322 my friend Jimmy and I decided to start our own firm. 459 00:29:26,397 --> 00:29:30,925 We pooled everything we had. We moved in together to save on rent. 460 00:29:31,002 --> 00:29:33,835 We got a "fancy-schmancy" office in Century City... 461 00:29:33,905 --> 00:29:37,306 and Waterson-Connors was born. 462 00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:39,809 That took a lot of guts. 463 00:29:39,878 --> 00:29:42,005 It's horrible. 464 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,572 If we don't get any more clients soon, we're gonna have to go crawling back. 465 00:29:47,252 --> 00:29:49,379 That'll take a lot of guts too. 466 00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:55,817 Whoa. 467 00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:59,730 So, what are your parents like? 468 00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:03,359 My parents? Oh, they're great. 469 00:30:03,434 --> 00:30:05,425 That's one place where I got real lucky. 470 00:30:05,503 --> 00:30:08,370 You know, typical Leave It to Beaver kind of deal. 471 00:30:08,439 --> 00:30:10,771 Just thinking about them makes me happy. 472 00:30:14,112 --> 00:30:17,343 What the hell you doin' inside? It's a beautiful day! 473 00:30:17,415 --> 00:30:19,508 My father was A soft-spoken man. 474 00:30:19,584 --> 00:30:23,020 And look at this room! It's spotless! 475 00:30:23,087 --> 00:30:25,647 What kind of kid Are you, anyway? 476 00:30:25,723 --> 00:30:28,692 - But he always had a kind word for me. - Be a kid, goddamn it! 477 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,821 - Have some fun! - Always urging me to enjoy life. 478 00:30:34,899 --> 00:30:36,890 Like that! 479 00:30:36,968 --> 00:30:40,563 And he taught me the things he knew most about--real man stuff. 480 00:30:40,638 --> 00:30:42,902 But still, he was never afraid to get a little mushy. 481 00:30:45,076 --> 00:30:47,237 And I love you. 482 00:30:50,748 --> 00:30:53,012 It was a magical time for me. 483 00:30:55,186 --> 00:30:58,417 And my mother? Mom was the queen of style and fashion. 484 00:30:58,489 --> 00:31:01,083 Was your father in here? 485 00:31:02,193 --> 00:31:04,457 Well, don't worry about him. 486 00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:08,295 But she always had that mother smell, you know? 487 00:31:08,366 --> 00:31:11,858 Chicken soup and floor wax. 488 00:31:11,936 --> 00:31:16,134 You're Mama's good little boy. 489 00:31:16,207 --> 00:31:18,368 Mama loves you. 490 00:31:18,443 --> 00:31:20,536 Yes, she does. 491 00:31:20,612 --> 00:31:24,776 Mommy loves you... 492 00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:27,409 loves you, loves you. 493 00:31:27,485 --> 00:31:30,386 She loves you. 494 00:31:30,455 --> 00:31:32,446 Dad! 495 00:31:32,523 --> 00:31:35,253 Yeah, I was real lucky. 496 00:31:36,461 --> 00:31:38,452 The male's task... 497 00:31:38,529 --> 00:31:41,464 is to determine if the female is ready. 498 00:31:41,532 --> 00:31:45,559 Moving too soon or too late May result in disaster. 499 00:31:45,637 --> 00:31:49,403 But the human female emits no odor to let him know. 500 00:31:51,476 --> 00:31:54,138 - What? - Oh-- 501 00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:58,272 What were your parents like? 502 00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:01,415 They're great. 503 00:32:01,486 --> 00:32:03,818 The female is ready. 504 00:32:03,888 --> 00:32:07,085 But she must wait for the male to figure this out on his own. 505 00:32:07,158 --> 00:32:09,149 She can emit no odor to help him. 506 00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:13,288 In fact, to do so would be disastrous. 507 00:32:18,903 --> 00:32:20,996 They move toward each other-- 508 00:32:21,072 --> 00:32:24,303 slowly, cautiously. 509 00:32:26,878 --> 00:32:31,508 The future of their species dependent on the next few seconds. 510 00:32:38,189 --> 00:32:41,181 - The male wonders how he can... - Are you okay? 511 00:32:41,259 --> 00:32:43,625 - make her think he did this on purpose. - Yeah. 512 00:32:43,695 --> 00:32:47,187 Is it too late to point out how romantic the stars look at night? 513 00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:51,932 - But he fails. - I'll race you to the water fountain. 514 00:32:52,003 --> 00:32:52,992 Man. 515 00:32:56,107 --> 00:32:59,543 Like so many creatures on so many planets... 516 00:32:59,610 --> 00:33:01,908 nothing gives more pleasure than a simple run... 517 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:04,175 through the darkened vegetation of one's habitat... 518 00:33:04,248 --> 00:33:07,149 toward a pure, crystal spring. 519 00:33:07,218 --> 00:33:09,584 - Beat you. - Oh, would you? 520 00:33:19,897 --> 00:33:23,993 They move toward each other and they brush lips. 521 00:33:25,303 --> 00:33:27,328 Ready for procreation... 522 00:33:27,405 --> 00:33:31,705 the male slips his tongue into the female's mouth. 523 00:33:34,312 --> 00:33:37,713 But her egg is not in her mouth, he discovers... 524 00:33:37,782 --> 00:33:41,616 and even if it were, his semen is not in his tongue. 525 00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:46,123 The human reproductive organs are in the pelvic region. 526 00:33:46,190 --> 00:33:50,126 Just like a human male not to stop and ask for directions. 527 00:33:51,996 --> 00:33:55,693 Over many encounters spanning an entire lunar revolution... 528 00:33:55,767 --> 00:34:00,602 the male and female feed on more dead animals and vegetation together. 529 00:34:08,946 --> 00:34:11,437 They return to the sacred meeting ground... 530 00:34:11,516 --> 00:34:15,816 and experience together the metallic vibrations oftheir first meeting. 531 00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:18,617 Let's go all the way 532 00:34:18,689 --> 00:34:20,714 Every day 533 00:34:20,792 --> 00:34:23,420 To a distant world 534 00:34:26,597 --> 00:34:29,998 They ride mechanical beasts that invoke nausea and fear. 535 00:34:34,572 --> 00:34:37,507 They watch their sun disappear in the horizon... 536 00:34:37,575 --> 00:34:40,442 hopeful that it will return and not go supernova... 537 00:34:40,511 --> 00:34:43,446 causing an instant suffocation and death. 538 00:34:47,485 --> 00:34:51,319 They watch moving shadows in dark caves together. 539 00:35:14,378 --> 00:35:19,111 Human females enjoy stories about one person dying slowly. 540 00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:23,812 The males prefer stories Of many people dying quickly. 541 00:35:37,034 --> 00:35:39,366 But they stay through the other's shadows... 542 00:35:39,437 --> 00:35:41,667 for it is not the shadows they desire... 543 00:35:41,739 --> 00:35:44,401 but the companionship. 544 00:35:48,779 --> 00:35:50,804 And at the end Of each night... 545 00:35:50,882 --> 00:35:54,215 they brush their lips against the other's once more... 546 00:35:54,285 --> 00:35:56,310 and taste the other's tongue... 547 00:35:56,387 --> 00:35:59,379 growing closer to true mating. 548 00:35:59,457 --> 00:36:04,019 This time, the female allows the male to touch her bulbous chest... 549 00:36:04,095 --> 00:36:06,791 which contains the infant's milk. 550 00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:15,029 But no more. 551 00:36:18,276 --> 00:36:21,609 This time she allows him to taste of the infant's milk... 552 00:36:21,679 --> 00:36:25,410 checking for poisons or impurities on behalf of the child. 553 00:36:28,419 --> 00:36:30,410 But no more. 554 00:36:34,292 --> 00:36:37,728 The female must take things in stages. 555 00:36:40,097 --> 00:36:42,463 It is her task to test the male... 556 00:36:42,533 --> 00:36:45,093 to find the level of frustration he can endure. 557 00:36:45,169 --> 00:36:48,263 Male frustration being an integral part... 558 00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:52,298 of the life together she calls "marriage." 559 00:36:53,711 --> 00:36:57,704 The female is ready. 560 00:37:20,338 --> 00:37:24,638 The female removes all vegetation from the male's body. 561 00:37:27,645 --> 00:37:29,636 He from hers. 562 00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:42,983 They lay upon one another... 563 00:37:43,060 --> 00:37:46,427 their bodies tense and moistened. 564 00:37:47,431 --> 00:37:49,922 Unable to stand it any longer... 565 00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:53,767 the male reaches for a thin, red square of tree bark. 566 00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:58,766 He bites into it and produces its true fruit... 567 00:37:58,843 --> 00:38:01,676 a tubular form of vulcanized vegetation. 568 00:38:01,746 --> 00:38:06,843 The male places the tubular vegetation upon his seed shooter. 569 00:38:10,121 --> 00:38:12,146 Okay. 570 00:38:12,223 --> 00:38:15,124 He mounts the female. 571 00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:32,007 He uses friction to release his seed. 572 00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:42,753 The mating ritual of the humans Of Nocturis Five would end here. 573 00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,845 But the earthbound human-- 574 00:38:44,922 --> 00:38:47,413 Like only six other creatures in the known universe-- 575 00:38:47,491 --> 00:38:51,188 uses artificial means to delay procreation. 576 00:38:51,262 --> 00:38:54,823 For the vulcanized vegetation that the male placed on his seed shooter... 577 00:38:54,899 --> 00:38:59,268 will prevent his seed from ever reaching the female's egg. 578 00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:02,033 Like so-- 579 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:18,720 Wow. Oh, I guess it's true. 580 00:39:18,789 --> 00:39:20,916 Nice guys really do finish last. 581 00:39:23,094 --> 00:39:27,463 The male arrives at his playground, contented. 582 00:39:28,766 --> 00:39:31,360 A sense of well-being surrounds him. 583 00:39:40,811 --> 00:39:43,245 The female is contented as well. 584 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:48,147 Jennifer, would you terribly mind doing a little work today? 585 00:39:48,219 --> 00:39:52,155 I'm sorry. It's just such a beautiful day. 586 00:39:58,362 --> 00:40:01,160 - What's going on? - Nothing. 587 00:40:05,336 --> 00:40:08,772 - A gift from the male. - Oh! He didn't! 588 00:40:08,839 --> 00:40:12,138 Raw vegetation For the female to eat... 589 00:40:12,209 --> 00:40:15,508 so she may keep up her strength for motherhood. 590 00:40:15,579 --> 00:40:19,640 He is so sweet. I just can't believe how sweet he is. 591 00:40:22,653 --> 00:40:25,645 The female plans to eat the vegetation at a later time. 592 00:40:26,390 --> 00:40:28,483 You slut. 593 00:40:28,559 --> 00:40:30,550 You've only been seeing this man for a month... 594 00:40:30,628 --> 00:40:32,289 and you give it up just like that? 595 00:40:32,363 --> 00:40:34,331 Stay out of this. You're embarrassing her. 596 00:40:34,398 --> 00:40:36,992 I just don't want her to develop a bad reputation. 597 00:40:37,067 --> 00:40:39,262 Who are you, her mother? It's none of your business. 598 00:40:39,336 --> 00:40:41,804 The females of the pack discuss the mating dance. 599 00:40:41,872 --> 00:40:45,308 They are happy for her, For the propagation of their species. 600 00:40:46,243 --> 00:40:49,644 Males of the pack sense the progression of the mating dance as well. 601 00:40:49,713 --> 00:40:51,271 - Fucked her? - Fucked her. 602 00:40:51,348 --> 00:40:54,511 - Cool. - The pack rejoices. 603 00:40:55,252 --> 00:40:58,346 - Yes! - Over time, the male and female... 604 00:40:58,422 --> 00:41:01,152 continue to practice the physicality of mating. 605 00:41:01,225 --> 00:41:02,920 - Oh! - Yes! 606 00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:13,634 It is difficult for them, causing them pain and anguish. 607 00:41:13,704 --> 00:41:14,728 God! 608 00:41:18,075 --> 00:41:20,566 But for the good of their species, they endure. 609 00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:30,514 And endure... 610 00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:37,922 and endure. 611 00:41:56,647 --> 00:42:01,050 But still they feel they have not perfected their craft. 612 00:42:04,088 --> 00:42:07,216 You get a better price If you buy them in bulk. 613 00:42:11,295 --> 00:42:13,456 Like my cousin, she had this big, old-fashioned wedding... 614 00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:15,965 with hundreds of people-- lots of brides maids... 615 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:18,297 a band, ushers, flowers. 616 00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:22,465 I was only about ten, but I always dreamed of a wedding like that. 617 00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:24,599 Sounds great. Hope I'm invited. 618 00:42:28,178 --> 00:42:30,908 - Oh, God. - Hey, Jenny, wait up! 619 00:42:30,981 --> 00:42:34,576 Other males see the female and want to mate with her as well. 620 00:42:34,652 --> 00:42:36,643 -Just walk away. - Who are these guys? 621 00:42:39,523 --> 00:42:42,549 - Hey, I've been meaning to call you. - Hi, Mike. 622 00:42:42,626 --> 00:42:44,617 Mike, Tony, this is Billy. 623 00:42:44,695 --> 00:42:46,720 - How ya doin'? - Shut up. 624 00:42:46,797 --> 00:42:48,788 You dumped me for this fag? 625 00:42:48,866 --> 00:42:51,130 No, I dumped you Because you're an asshole. 626 00:42:51,201 --> 00:42:53,396 I found this fag on my own. 627 00:42:53,470 --> 00:42:55,995 Don't you just love her? 628 00:42:56,073 --> 00:42:58,906 Look, a lot of time has passed. 629 00:42:58,976 --> 00:43:01,308 I know I made some mistakes, but can't we just talk about it? 630 00:43:01,378 --> 00:43:03,744 No. I found somebody else now. 631 00:43:03,814 --> 00:43:07,443 - Come on, Jen. Just give me a chance. - Let go. 632 00:43:07,518 --> 00:43:10,316 - Hey, look, we don't want any trouble. - Fag. 633 00:43:10,387 --> 00:43:13,322 -Just come with me, please. Calm down! - Let go of me! 634 00:43:13,390 --> 00:43:16,985 The male must protect his mate And defend his territory. 635 00:43:17,061 --> 00:43:21,122 The male is overwhelmed with an urge to attack, but he is frightened. 636 00:43:21,198 --> 00:43:24,361 There are more of them, and they are bigger. 637 00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:26,767 - Relax, will you? - Let go! 638 00:43:26,837 --> 00:43:31,638 The male attacks, but he is no match for them. 639 00:43:31,709 --> 00:43:36,510 The mating ritual may come to an end for him after all. 640 00:43:36,580 --> 00:43:38,070 Hey, Tony-- catch! 641 00:43:44,722 --> 00:43:47,122 The female makes her choice. 642 00:44:01,372 --> 00:44:04,466 He taught me a few things when we dated. 643 00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:14,410 They retreat to the tranquility Of the male's sleeping hut. 644 00:44:16,487 --> 00:44:18,512 Thank you. 645 00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:23,657 I don't get it. You're beautiful. 646 00:44:23,727 --> 00:44:27,424 You're smart. You can beat the crap out of people. 647 00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:31,161 You're the perfect woman. What do you see in me? 648 00:44:31,235 --> 00:44:34,398 That you think I'm the perfect woman. 649 00:44:34,471 --> 00:44:38,100 You knew you were gonna lose, and you defended me anyway. 650 00:44:38,175 --> 00:44:40,769 You're incredible. 651 00:44:48,285 --> 00:44:51,345 I don't think I can. It kind of hurts. 652 00:44:51,422 --> 00:44:54,789 You don't have to. I will. 653 00:44:58,495 --> 00:45:01,953 The female attempts To swallow the male's seed... 654 00:45:02,032 --> 00:45:05,365 for only through the sense of taste can she know that his seed is healthy... 655 00:45:05,436 --> 00:45:08,234 and will produce a strong child. 656 00:45:11,675 --> 00:45:14,269 Oh! God! Oh, God! 657 00:45:14,344 --> 00:45:19,145 The male prays to his deity to make his seed strong and healthy. 658 00:45:24,054 --> 00:45:26,545 - Where's the egg? - It's a blow job again. 659 00:45:26,623 --> 00:45:29,319 - Oh, man! - What do they expect us to do? 660 00:45:29,393 --> 00:45:31,623 - Where are we supposed to go? - Aw, come on! 661 00:45:31,695 --> 00:45:34,493 - Where's the egg? - This is bullshit. 662 00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:37,591 - Let's go back. - What a waste. 663 00:45:41,705 --> 00:45:46,074 His seed is strong. He passes her test. 664 00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:49,807 Thanks. You're the best. 665 00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,440 Keep telling me that and one day I might believe it. 666 00:45:52,516 --> 00:45:54,746 Oh, you should believe it now. 667 00:45:57,921 --> 00:46:01,118 Are you ready to take this relationship to the next step? 668 00:46:01,191 --> 00:46:04,092 We just got to this step. 669 00:46:04,161 --> 00:46:06,629 I think you'll like it. 670 00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:12,368 Okay, sure. If you think so. 671 00:46:12,436 --> 00:46:12,603 Yikes! An AIDS test? You said I'd like this. 672 00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:16,198 Yikes! An AIDS test? You said I'd like this. 673 00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:18,298 You're the one who's always complaining that using a condom... 674 00:46:18,375 --> 00:46:20,366 is like taking a shower in a raincoat. 675 00:46:20,444 --> 00:46:22,469 This way I'll have my diaphragm... 676 00:46:22,546 --> 00:46:24,537 and we won't have to worry about anything. 677 00:46:24,615 --> 00:46:28,949 - I wasn't worried until we got here. - It's just a precaution. 678 00:46:29,019 --> 00:46:31,647 Besides, you said you haven't been with that many women. 679 00:46:31,722 --> 00:46:34,316 Yeah, but they were all sluts and drug addicts. 680 00:46:34,391 --> 00:46:36,382 Don't look at me like that. 681 00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:38,485 Waterson, William? 682 00:46:38,562 --> 00:46:40,553 I don't want to be dying. 683 00:46:40,631 --> 00:46:42,656 They say you start dying the moment you're born. 684 00:46:42,733 --> 00:46:46,499 Well, I want to stay dying for another70 or 80 years. 685 00:46:50,140 --> 00:46:52,870 As true mating grows ever nearer... 686 00:46:52,943 --> 00:46:56,902 the male seeks medical advice from the large female. 687 00:46:56,980 --> 00:47:01,644 Instead, she sticks him with needles and sucks out his blood. 688 00:47:01,718 --> 00:47:05,085 "What a bitch, " thinks the male. 689 00:47:05,155 --> 00:47:07,646 Not to be outdone by her partner... 690 00:47:07,724 --> 00:47:11,251 the female puts herself through the same ordeal. 691 00:47:11,328 --> 00:47:15,230 But she, too, thinks that the large female is a big, fat bitch. 692 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,560 The male worries. If his blood is tainted... 693 00:47:19,636 --> 00:47:22,332 he will not be able to propagate his species. 694 00:47:22,406 --> 00:47:25,398 He takes it upon himself to contact the large female... 695 00:47:25,475 --> 00:47:29,343 making sure to keep his concerns well hidden. 696 00:47:34,284 --> 00:47:37,776 The female shares these concerns as well. 697 00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:41,052 She, too, decides to contact the large female. 698 00:47:49,132 --> 00:47:51,566 Hi. This is Jenny Smith. 699 00:47:51,635 --> 00:47:55,298 I'm calling for the results of my HIV test. 700 00:47:58,775 --> 00:48:01,141 Thank you! Thank you very much. 701 00:48:01,211 --> 00:48:04,578 You're so nice. Bye. Whoo! 702 00:48:04,648 --> 00:48:06,639 Oh. I see. 703 00:48:08,752 --> 00:48:10,310 Are you sure? 704 00:48:11,521 --> 00:48:14,649 All right. Thank you. 705 00:48:20,364 --> 00:48:23,458 The male tells the pack the horrific news. 706 00:48:23,533 --> 00:48:25,592 His blood is unclean, he has learned. 707 00:48:25,669 --> 00:48:27,660 He can mate no longer. 708 00:48:27,738 --> 00:48:30,901 No human cub will ever Carry his genes. 709 00:48:30,974 --> 00:48:34,137 - What exactly did they say? - What's there to say? 710 00:48:34,211 --> 00:48:36,236 They got the results. It's negative. 711 00:48:36,313 --> 00:48:38,474 Negative? 712 00:48:38,548 --> 00:48:41,779 Negative. My whole life is one big, fat negative. 713 00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:46,154 Jimmy, come on! That's not funny! 714 00:48:46,223 --> 00:48:48,248 You yutz. 715 00:48:48,325 --> 00:48:52,625 Billy, negative means you don't have it. 716 00:48:52,696 --> 00:48:56,097 No. Negative means-- 717 00:48:56,166 --> 00:48:58,999 - Are you sure? - I'm pretty sure. 718 00:49:02,506 --> 00:49:04,770 Hallelujah 719 00:49:07,511 --> 00:49:09,775 The dance moves onward. 720 00:49:09,846 --> 00:49:12,280 The male sheds the vulcanized vegetation... 721 00:49:12,349 --> 00:49:16,649 as nature deems it no longer necessary for mating. 722 00:49:19,690 --> 00:49:23,126 The female prepares her self a circular form of vulcanized vegetation... 723 00:49:23,193 --> 00:49:25,787 proportionally fitted to her cervix. 724 00:49:27,230 --> 00:49:30,358 She spreads cream on it for added taste. 725 00:49:35,605 --> 00:49:38,506 This is still not mating. 726 00:49:38,575 --> 00:49:42,909 The cream in question contains an active ingredient known as spermicide... 727 00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:45,505 which preys on the chemical makeup of semen... 728 00:49:45,582 --> 00:49:50,349 destroying it before it can reach the female's womb. 729 00:49:50,420 --> 00:49:54,857 A microscopic view of the inner workings Of spermicide may look like this-- 730 00:50:14,644 --> 00:50:18,444 "Sperminator"-- enemy to all semen. 731 00:50:26,623 --> 00:50:30,115 Mmm. I love you. 732 00:50:30,193 --> 00:50:33,754 I know what you mean. The hits just keep on coming. 733 00:50:35,932 --> 00:50:37,923 How come you can't say it? 734 00:50:38,001 --> 00:50:40,629 - Say what? - I love you. 735 00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:42,729 Oh, come on. I say it all the time. 736 00:50:42,806 --> 00:50:44,797 No, we've been together for almost a year... 737 00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:46,900 and you haven't said it once. 738 00:50:46,977 --> 00:50:50,378 Why not? I know you do. 739 00:50:50,447 --> 00:50:53,712 And that's the important thing. 740 00:50:53,784 --> 00:50:56,582 I love you. 741 00:50:56,653 --> 00:50:58,712 You're the best. 742 00:50:58,789 --> 00:51:01,053 You'll say it. 743 00:51:07,831 --> 00:51:11,392 - You gonna be long? -Just another minute or so. 744 00:51:11,468 --> 00:51:13,902 That can mean anything. You know what,Jen? 745 00:51:13,970 --> 00:51:17,599 I feel pretty comfortable with you. I think-- 746 00:51:17,674 --> 00:51:21,235 Are you ready to take this relationship to the next step? 747 00:51:21,311 --> 00:51:23,939 That's funny. I was just thinking the same thing. 748 00:51:24,014 --> 00:51:26,175 I've been wanting to-- 749 00:51:28,985 --> 00:51:32,921 The male takes the mating dance to a higher, richer level. 750 00:51:34,024 --> 00:51:36,754 Got 'em. Third row. 751 00:51:36,827 --> 00:51:40,285 On the floor. Lakers-Bulls. You, me, tonight. 752 00:51:40,363 --> 00:51:44,595 Sorry, man, I can't. Me and Jenny got a thing. 753 00:51:44,668 --> 00:51:48,160 No. No, no, no. You have the thing. 754 00:51:48,238 --> 00:51:50,263 Don't go getting whipped on me, buddy. 755 00:51:50,340 --> 00:51:52,331 I'm not whipped, all right? 756 00:51:52,409 --> 00:51:55,139 It's just, I'm supposed to meet her parents tonight. 757 00:51:55,212 --> 00:51:56,611 Whipped. 758 00:51:56,680 --> 00:52:00,013 The pack prepares themselves For the male's departure. 759 00:52:00,083 --> 00:52:03,143 He will soon leave them to start his new life with his mate. 760 00:52:03,220 --> 00:52:05,154 Hey, I'm not whipped, all right? 761 00:52:05,222 --> 00:52:07,690 I've been stalling for three weeks on this thing already... 762 00:52:07,757 --> 00:52:09,486 and it's important to her, so I gotta do it. 763 00:52:09,559 --> 00:52:11,789 You're whipped. Good as married. God help you. 764 00:52:11,862 --> 00:52:15,730 I'm not whipped. I'm considerate. 765 00:52:15,799 --> 00:52:19,200 I've seen it a million times. Pussy, pussy, whipped, whipped. 766 00:52:19,269 --> 00:52:21,965 I'm warning you, Jimmy. I don't want to hear that word again. 767 00:52:22,038 --> 00:52:25,565 Okay, but which? "Pussy," or "whipped"? 'Cause I-- 768 00:52:25,642 --> 00:52:28,668 Oh. Oh, we're pushing now? 769 00:52:28,745 --> 00:52:32,909 They embrace, sadly, perhaps for the last time. 770 00:52:41,458 --> 00:52:45,827 The male meets the female's parents. He is nervous. 771 00:52:45,896 --> 00:52:50,595 Without parental approval, the female may choose another mate. 772 00:52:50,667 --> 00:52:52,692 I still think it's a little early in our relationship for this. 773 00:52:52,769 --> 00:52:56,603 I told you not to worry. Come on. What are you so worried about? 774 00:52:56,673 --> 00:52:58,698 - It's no big deal. - I just don't do parents well. 775 00:52:58,775 --> 00:53:00,766 Relax. They're good people. 776 00:53:00,844 --> 00:53:02,869 I'm sure they'll feel the same about you as I do. 777 00:53:02,946 --> 00:53:05,608 Come on. 778 00:53:05,682 --> 00:53:08,276 Hi! We made it. 779 00:53:09,953 --> 00:53:12,046 - Mom, Dad, this is Billy. - Hi. Nice-- 780 00:53:12,122 --> 00:53:15,114 Eddie! Your sister's here. 781 00:53:15,192 --> 00:53:19,026 Wanting everything to go perfectly, the female assures the male... 782 00:53:19,095 --> 00:53:22,258 that her family is loving and happy and normal. 783 00:53:22,332 --> 00:53:24,926 Humans call this a white lie. 784 00:53:27,537 --> 00:53:30,472 Why do I smell gunpowder? 785 00:53:30,540 --> 00:53:33,873 Oh. You must be Jenny's boyfriend. 786 00:53:36,346 --> 00:53:38,940 I got this in 'Nam. 787 00:53:39,015 --> 00:53:41,040 Killed myself so many gooks with it... 788 00:53:41,117 --> 00:53:43,312 the captain said I could keep it. 789 00:53:43,386 --> 00:53:46,321 I bought this at an auction in London, England. 790 00:53:46,389 --> 00:53:48,619 It's an antique. 791 00:53:48,692 --> 00:53:50,717 I never fired it, not once. 792 00:53:52,329 --> 00:53:54,923 I guess I'm kind of waiting for a special occasion. 793 00:53:54,998 --> 00:53:58,092 You know why I keep this around? 794 00:53:58,168 --> 00:54:01,001 - It can't be traced. - Oh. 795 00:54:07,544 --> 00:54:09,375 The breaking of bread. 796 00:54:09,446 --> 00:54:13,780 The female's family nourish themselves in silence, and stare at the male... 797 00:54:13,850 --> 00:54:18,810 - because it scares him. - Well, to be honest... 798 00:54:18,888 --> 00:54:21,880 these days it's, you know, it's really tough. 799 00:54:21,958 --> 00:54:25,450 I think we're lucky. It's really tough to find somebody you can make it with. 800 00:54:27,497 --> 00:54:31,331 I mean, someone you can have a relationship with... 801 00:54:31,401 --> 00:54:33,426 and have the relationship make it. 802 00:54:37,207 --> 00:54:39,835 Mom, he has his own accounting firm. 803 00:54:39,909 --> 00:54:41,934 Isn't that great? Tell her about it. 804 00:54:42,012 --> 00:54:46,312 It's nothing, really. It's nothing. It's small. 805 00:54:50,287 --> 00:54:52,312 Isn't he cute, Mom? 806 00:54:52,389 --> 00:54:56,052 - Look at those little cheeks. Oh, I-- - Stop. 807 00:54:56,126 --> 00:54:58,390 - Stop. - Okay. 808 00:55:00,764 --> 00:55:04,825 Another obstacle is overcome, and the mating dance goes on. 809 00:55:04,901 --> 00:55:08,632 I... love... you! 810 00:55:08,705 --> 00:55:13,074 I... love... this! 811 00:55:13,143 --> 00:55:15,668 Bas... tard! 812 00:55:15,745 --> 00:55:19,181 Because it's manipulative. 813 00:55:19,249 --> 00:55:22,377 Nobody says "I love you" unless they want something from you. 814 00:55:22,452 --> 00:55:25,512 My parents used to pull that crap on me all the time. 815 00:55:25,588 --> 00:55:27,579 "I love you. I didn't mean to yell at you. 816 00:55:27,657 --> 00:55:29,682 I love you. Clean up the kitchen. 817 00:55:29,759 --> 00:55:32,193 I love you. Don't rat us out to Child Services." 818 00:55:32,262 --> 00:55:34,924 - They never said that. - But my point still stands. 819 00:55:34,998 --> 00:55:37,023 - When do I get to meet them, anyway? - My parents? 820 00:55:37,100 --> 00:55:39,091 I don't think that's such a good idea, Jen. 821 00:55:39,169 --> 00:55:41,194 We've been together for over a year. 822 00:55:41,271 --> 00:55:43,262 - Are you embarrassed of me? - No, of them. 823 00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:43,506 Mom, Dad, this is Jenny. 824 00:55:43,506 --> 00:55:46,498 Mom, Dad, this is Jenny. 825 00:55:46,576 --> 00:55:48,840 It is so nice to meet you, Jenny. 826 00:55:48,912 --> 00:55:51,540 We've heard nothing But wonderful things about you. 827 00:55:51,614 --> 00:55:55,414 - Thank you. The pleasure's mine. - Can I offer you a drink? 828 00:55:55,485 --> 00:55:57,680 We just opened a chardonnay that'll knock your bra off. 829 00:55:57,754 --> 00:55:59,278 - Mom! - It's okay. 830 00:55:59,356 --> 00:56:01,290 Chardonnay sounds wonderful, Mrs. Waterson. 831 00:56:01,358 --> 00:56:04,725 Please-- Margot. And this is Tom. 832 00:56:04,794 --> 00:56:06,853 Go! Help yourself. 833 00:56:08,665 --> 00:56:10,690 We'd serve it ourselves, but the pouring... 834 00:56:10,767 --> 00:56:13,258 is just a little bit too much temptation for us. 835 00:56:13,336 --> 00:56:16,237 - We're in a program. - Oh, God. 836 00:56:16,306 --> 00:56:18,206 Step 11. 837 00:56:18,274 --> 00:56:20,708 - I'll get the wine. - No, no, no. It's okay. 838 00:56:20,777 --> 00:56:22,768 I'll get it. 839 00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:27,709 What's wrong with you? They're charming people. 840 00:56:30,487 --> 00:56:32,978 She's so nice! 841 00:56:33,056 --> 00:56:35,320 Yeah. Yeah, she is nice. 842 00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:38,225 - She has beautiful eyes. - Thank you. 843 00:56:38,294 --> 00:56:40,888 - So, did you fuck her? - What the hell's the matter with you? 844 00:56:40,964 --> 00:56:42,431 What did I say? 845 00:56:42,499 --> 00:56:44,865 - I asked if he fucked her. - Of course he's fucked her. 846 00:56:44,934 --> 00:56:46,902 Wouldn't you fuck her? I'd fuck her and I'm not even into that. 847 00:56:46,970 --> 00:56:48,198 - Mom! - What? 848 00:56:48,271 --> 00:56:50,796 I'm defending you. Your father's the one causing trouble. 849 00:56:50,874 --> 00:56:52,808 I just wanted to know if Those were real hooters or not. 850 00:56:52,876 --> 00:56:55,140 Of course they're real. You can't buy hooters like that. 851 00:56:55,211 --> 00:56:57,236 Okay, if you two continue to embarrass me, we're leaving. 852 00:56:57,313 --> 00:57:00,942 There's just no pleasing you. Come on. 853 00:57:07,924 --> 00:57:11,257 It's an honor to have you in our home, Jennifer. 854 00:57:11,327 --> 00:57:15,195 The male's parents take an immediate liking to their cub's mate... 855 00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:17,699 and welcome her into the pack. 856 00:57:17,767 --> 00:57:20,292 For the female, it is like gaining a new father and mother... 857 00:57:20,370 --> 00:57:22,304 in addition to her own. 858 00:57:22,372 --> 00:57:26,103 How happy she is. 859 00:57:26,176 --> 00:57:28,838 Her new father examines her milky chest. 860 00:57:29,946 --> 00:57:33,382 He is pleased that his grandchildren will be well fed. 861 00:57:34,417 --> 00:57:36,442 Another hurdle overcome. 862 00:57:38,621 --> 00:57:42,523 - God, you are so pretty. - You're so pretty too. 863 00:57:42,592 --> 00:57:45,220 That's a horrible thing to say to a guy. 864 00:57:45,295 --> 00:57:48,196 I'm handsome. I'm maybe cute. 865 00:57:48,264 --> 00:57:51,290 - And very, very pretty. - Oh, yeah? 866 00:57:51,367 --> 00:57:53,801 What if I do this? 867 00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:58,172 Yuck! 868 00:57:58,241 --> 00:58:00,675 I think we know who the pretty one is in this relationship. 869 00:58:00,743 --> 00:58:02,836 Oh, yeah? What if I do this? 870 00:58:05,415 --> 00:58:07,406 Okay, then I would have to do this. 871 00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:13,184 Yeah? Well, I'll have to do this. 872 00:58:13,256 --> 00:58:16,157 Oh, yeah? Then I would do this. 873 00:58:20,663 --> 00:58:22,858 That one's pretty good. 874 00:58:22,932 --> 00:58:25,093 - It better be because it's real. - Oh, God. 875 00:58:25,168 --> 00:58:28,069 Oh, boy. Ohh! 876 00:58:30,773 --> 00:58:34,072 "Sperminator"-- protector of the uterus. 877 00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:39,805 - Bye, Jen. Have a nice weekend. - You too. 878 00:58:47,023 --> 00:58:49,355 - Here you go. - Thanks. It's Mr. Hatfield... 879 00:58:49,425 --> 00:58:52,758 - from Entertel. - Damn. Can you just tell him I left... 880 00:58:52,829 --> 00:58:55,559 and the reports were faxed to him about five minutes ago? 881 00:58:55,632 --> 00:58:58,123 -Jenny, that is dishonest. - Please? 882 00:58:58,201 --> 00:59:00,567 Me and Billy are going to Montelido in a half an hour... 883 00:59:00,637 --> 00:59:04,596 - and I haven't even packed yet. - What's Montelido? 884 00:59:04,674 --> 00:59:06,539 It's in central California. An old hippie town. 885 00:59:06,609 --> 00:59:09,100 Billy's friend has a house in the woods... 886 00:59:09,178 --> 00:59:10,736 and he lent it to us for the weekend. 887 00:59:11,481 --> 00:59:13,176 Please? 888 00:59:14,551 --> 00:59:17,111 Mr. Hatfield? I'm sorry. She just left. 889 00:59:17,186 --> 00:59:20,053 But she wanted me to tell you that she faxed your reports. 890 00:59:23,059 --> 00:59:25,926 Yeah, everybody's left. 891 00:59:27,230 --> 00:59:29,095 Is your wife still there? 892 00:59:30,099 --> 00:59:32,124 The male and female go to the woods... 893 00:59:32,201 --> 00:59:35,568 planning to mate in their natural habitat. 894 00:59:35,638 --> 00:59:37,435 The female is anxious. 895 00:59:37,507 --> 00:59:39,407 She knows the burden motherhood will bear. 896 00:59:39,475 --> 00:59:43,104 Relax. It's not like we have to be there at a specific time. 897 00:59:43,179 --> 00:59:46,945 We said we'd leave by 8:00. It's 8:30. I hate being late. 898 00:59:47,016 --> 00:59:49,541 - You're always late. - Doesn't mean I like it. 899 00:59:49,619 --> 00:59:51,416 Come on, Jen. Relax. 900 00:59:51,487 --> 00:59:54,479 - We're going there to have a good time. - I know that. 901 00:59:54,557 --> 00:59:58,823 So don't put any pressure on yourself. If we're late, we're late. So what? 902 01:00:00,863 --> 01:00:03,093 I suppose you're right. 903 01:00:06,469 --> 01:00:09,632 - Well, that's it. I'm ready. - Great. 904 01:00:09,706 --> 01:00:11,970 I feel like I forgot something. 905 01:00:12,041 --> 01:00:15,306 Oh, don't worry. Everyone feels like that when they travel. 906 01:00:15,378 --> 01:00:17,846 Yeah, but I really feel like I forgot something. 907 01:00:17,914 --> 01:00:20,109 Then we'll rough it. That's what the woods are for. 908 01:00:20,183 --> 01:00:22,117 - Don't worry. It'll be fine. - If you say so. 909 01:00:22,185 --> 01:00:23,812 Trust me. 910 01:00:24,854 --> 01:00:27,948 How could you forget Your diaphragm? 911 01:00:28,024 --> 01:00:30,492 I told you I forgot something. You said it didn't matter. 912 01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:32,790 - You said we could rough it. - You can't rough that. 913 01:00:32,862 --> 01:00:36,958 Ready to mate, male and female discuss the virtues of parenthood. 914 01:00:37,033 --> 01:00:39,763 - You can always pull out. - That's a little too rough for me. 915 01:00:39,836 --> 01:00:43,272 So this is all my fault? You're not willing to sacrifice? 916 01:00:43,339 --> 01:00:45,899 I'd love to promise to, but I wouldn't be able to. 917 01:00:45,975 --> 01:00:49,968 You're the most beautiful thing in the world and I'm a stupid, horny schmuck. 918 01:00:50,046 --> 01:00:52,207 Be realistic. 919 01:00:52,281 --> 01:00:55,648 Well, I guess that's that. 920 01:00:55,718 --> 01:00:57,208 Want to play cards? 921 01:00:59,055 --> 01:01:02,821 You know, there are Other ways to rough it. 922 01:01:02,892 --> 01:01:04,416 How? 923 01:01:09,432 --> 01:01:11,366 Bracey ourself. 924 01:01:29,485 --> 01:01:31,510 As mating grows ever nearer... 925 01:01:31,587 --> 01:01:35,921 the male uses his tongue to explore the female's womb... 926 01:01:35,992 --> 01:01:39,257 clearing the passageway of any debris so that the infant will have... 927 01:01:39,328 --> 01:01:41,319 an easy voyage into their world. 928 01:01:43,599 --> 01:01:45,590 Oh, God! 929 01:01:45,668 --> 01:01:47,397 It is painful for her... 930 01:01:47,470 --> 01:01:50,064 but for the good of their child, she makes the sacrifice. 931 01:01:50,139 --> 01:01:52,607 So this is nature? 932 01:01:52,675 --> 01:01:54,609 Ooh, nature's good. 933 01:02:25,708 --> 01:02:28,836 Young humans often have difficulty discussing the mating dance... 934 01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:30,674 with those more elderly. 935 01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:33,011 - Can I help you? - Here, an embarrassed male... 936 01:02:33,082 --> 01:02:35,744 tries to secure from the old, wise woman... 937 01:02:35,818 --> 01:02:40,482 a slice of vulcanized vegetation to place on his seed shooter. 938 01:02:40,556 --> 01:02:42,581 Do you have any-- 939 01:02:46,896 --> 01:02:49,421 You know, condoms? 940 01:02:49,499 --> 01:02:52,832 Oh, sure. We got ketchup, mustard. 941 01:02:52,902 --> 01:02:55,462 My man Thor makes a mean homemade marmalade. 942 01:02:55,538 --> 01:02:59,030 No, not condiments, but condoms. 943 01:03:00,977 --> 01:03:02,103 Prophylactics. 944 01:03:02,912 --> 01:03:05,244 Male birth control? 945 01:03:07,884 --> 01:03:10,284 Rubbers. Why didn't you say so? 946 01:03:10,353 --> 01:03:13,948 Of course we sell rubbers. What do you think we are, backwards? 947 01:03:14,023 --> 01:03:16,491 Great. Let's see. That's three in a pack. 948 01:03:16,559 --> 01:03:20,723 We're here for another day. We'll take two packs. 949 01:03:20,797 --> 01:03:23,595 - We'll take five packs. - I don't have that many left. 950 01:03:23,666 --> 01:03:26,829 - We'll take whatever you got. - That'd be none. 951 01:03:26,903 --> 01:03:29,497 Those rubbers sell like hotcakes up here. 952 01:03:29,572 --> 01:03:31,904 Do you have anything? 953 01:03:31,974 --> 01:03:34,374 Diaphragm, sponge? 954 01:03:34,443 --> 01:03:36,911 - The pill? - They don't have that here. 955 01:03:36,979 --> 01:03:38,970 Funny thing about that expression. 956 01:03:39,048 --> 01:03:41,983 Hotcakes never sold near as good as rubbers. 957 01:03:42,051 --> 01:03:46,215 The expression should be, "Sells like rubbers." 958 01:03:46,289 --> 01:03:48,416 Who needs hotcakes? 959 01:03:48,491 --> 01:03:50,959 - Is there a store nearby? - Nope. 960 01:03:51,027 --> 01:03:56,226 Ever since the government unleashed AIDS on our unwitting society... 961 01:03:56,299 --> 01:03:58,529 those rubbers have sold like rubbers. 962 01:04:00,169 --> 01:04:04,367 Well, thanks a lot for your help, and I guess we'll see you soon. 963 01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:06,431 Yeah, real soon. 964 01:04:06,509 --> 01:04:09,205 Unbeknownst to the male and female, the old, wise woman... 965 01:04:09,278 --> 01:04:11,872 is really a citizen of the planet Pierkov. 966 01:04:14,750 --> 01:04:17,514 Who would have thought there's not a store in the entire area... 967 01:04:17,587 --> 01:04:19,521 where you can buy a condom? 968 01:04:19,589 --> 01:04:24,686 - Well, this is nice anyway. - Yeah, it is. 969 01:04:24,760 --> 01:04:26,785 Kind of reminds me Of when we were first dating... 970 01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:30,026 just holding each other, not being able to do anything. 971 01:04:30,099 --> 01:04:33,865 Yeah, only then we didn't Know whatwe were missing. 972 01:04:33,936 --> 01:04:35,927 -What are you saying? - I can't stand it. 973 01:04:36,005 --> 01:04:37,404 Good answer. 974 01:04:37,473 --> 01:04:39,134 - We should be okay. - Yeah, I'll pull out. 975 01:04:39,208 --> 01:04:42,109 - It's a safe time in my cycle. - I'll pull out. 976 01:04:42,178 --> 01:04:44,646 Some people never use anything at all, and nothing ever happens. 977 01:04:44,714 --> 01:04:47,239 - I'll pull out. - You said you couldn't do that. 978 01:04:47,316 --> 01:04:49,716 - I thought you said I'm too beautiful. - But look at you. 979 01:04:49,785 --> 01:04:52,720 You're not wearing makeup. Your hair's a mess. You're a skank. 980 01:04:52,788 --> 01:04:54,415 You sweet talker, you. 981 01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,935 Now, this is mating. 982 01:05:10,373 --> 01:05:12,705 More than a year After they have met... 983 01:05:12,775 --> 01:05:15,403 a year of practice and preparation... 984 01:05:15,478 --> 01:05:19,312 countless other humans guiding them and keeping them on track... 985 01:05:19,382 --> 01:05:22,476 reproduction is ready to take place. 986 01:06:24,747 --> 01:06:26,544 Conception! 987 01:06:34,457 --> 01:06:37,255 - I think we're all right. - Absolutely. 988 01:06:40,463 --> 01:06:44,661 But believe it or not, the mating dance is still not complete. 989 01:06:44,734 --> 01:06:47,828 Conception is only an important stage for humans. 990 01:06:47,903 --> 01:06:50,394 Much can still go wrong. 991 01:06:51,807 --> 01:06:53,570 I think that's the one. 992 01:06:54,577 --> 01:06:56,909 It's nothing. All that clean air in the woods... 993 01:06:56,979 --> 01:06:59,470 just threw off my cycle, that's all. 994 01:06:59,548 --> 01:07:02,039 Then the test will show negative. At least this way you'll know. 995 01:07:02,118 --> 01:07:05,451 - I already know. - Then what are you worried about? 996 01:07:05,521 --> 01:07:08,183 You just shouldn't have bought me the test. 997 01:07:08,257 --> 01:07:11,749 Billy should have bought you the test, But you don't have the guts to tell him. 998 01:07:11,827 --> 01:07:13,761 There's nothing to tell him. 999 01:07:18,300 --> 01:07:20,996 There's something to tell him. 1000 01:07:23,506 --> 01:07:26,498 I'm pregnant. 1001 01:07:26,575 --> 01:07:28,600 I'm gonna be a mother. 1002 01:07:30,946 --> 01:07:33,642 I'm gonna be a mother! 1003 01:07:41,290 --> 01:07:45,317 The itsy-bitsy spider went up the waterspout 1004 01:07:45,394 --> 01:07:49,421 Down came the rain And was hed the spider out 1005 01:07:49,498 --> 01:07:52,626 Good morning, Mom. Hey! What smells so good? 1006 01:07:52,701 --> 01:07:56,137 Your lunch, son. Tuna fish on whole wheat and fruit... 1007 01:07:56,205 --> 01:08:00,039 so you'll grow up healthy and strong. 1008 01:08:00,109 --> 01:08:02,509 My favorite! I love you, Mom. 1009 01:08:02,578 --> 01:08:05,308 I love you, Billy Junior. 1010 01:08:09,251 --> 01:08:12,414 Hi, honey. I'm off to work. 1011 01:08:12,488 --> 01:08:14,718 - Have a nice day, sweetheart. - Bye, Daddy! 1012 01:08:14,790 --> 01:08:17,725 - Who do we have here? - I'm your child. 1013 01:08:17,793 --> 01:08:20,819 - No, I don't have a child. - Yes, you do. 1014 01:08:20,896 --> 01:08:24,798 No, I pulled out, remember? Sorry, little boy, but I pulled out. 1015 01:08:24,867 --> 01:08:26,164 - No, you didn't. - Did. 1016 01:08:26,235 --> 01:08:27,167 - Didn't. - Did. 1017 01:08:27,236 --> 01:08:28,669 - Didn't. - Did. 1018 01:08:28,737 --> 01:08:30,500 - Didn't. - Did. 1019 01:08:30,573 --> 01:08:32,268 - What are you saying? - Did. 1020 01:08:32,341 --> 01:08:34,468 Billy! 1021 01:08:34,543 --> 01:08:36,704 Look, I refuse to accept this. 1022 01:08:36,779 --> 01:08:40,442 You're gonna have to accept it, because it's true. 1023 01:08:40,516 --> 01:08:43,542 No! I will never accept it! 1024 01:08:43,619 --> 01:08:45,143 Never! 1025 01:08:54,697 --> 01:08:57,291 I'm gonna be a mother. 1026 01:08:57,366 --> 01:09:00,494 The female is thrilled by The prospect of her motherhood. 1027 01:09:00,569 --> 01:09:02,503 You'll be okay. 1028 01:09:06,509 --> 01:09:08,568 What am I gonna do? 1029 01:09:08,644 --> 01:09:10,771 How am I gonna tell Billy? 1030 01:09:12,381 --> 01:09:14,679 Billy, we're pregnant. 1031 01:09:16,385 --> 01:09:17,909 I'm pregnant. 1032 01:09:19,588 --> 01:09:22,182 Remember when you said you'd pull out? 1033 01:09:22,258 --> 01:09:24,249 You bastard! 1034 01:09:26,162 --> 01:09:28,187 Listen, you're not alone. 1035 01:09:28,264 --> 01:09:31,529 We're totally gonna be here for you. It's gonna be fine. 1036 01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:33,534 Nervous about the male's reaction... 1037 01:09:33,602 --> 01:09:35,763 the female tries to mate with her own pack... 1038 01:09:35,838 --> 01:09:37,829 but that's a whole other movie. 1039 01:09:39,175 --> 01:09:41,871 The female conveys the good news. 1040 01:09:41,944 --> 01:09:44,378 Their efforts have proven fruitful. 1041 01:09:44,446 --> 01:09:46,380 I 'm pregnant. 1042 01:09:51,053 --> 01:09:52,611 Whoa. 1043 01:09:56,158 --> 01:09:58,285 Whoa. 1044 01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:00,794 The human male now does a peculiar thing... 1045 01:10:00,863 --> 01:10:03,559 indigenous to those of his species. 1046 01:10:03,632 --> 01:10:05,566 After months of mating... 1047 01:10:05,634 --> 01:10:08,933 he determines he is not interested in the dance he has danced. 1048 01:10:09,004 --> 01:10:12,735 He has not mated. He never met her. What's her name? 1049 01:10:13,976 --> 01:10:15,307 Say something. 1050 01:10:19,515 --> 01:10:22,109 It is mine, isn't it? 1051 01:10:22,184 --> 01:10:24,584 Say something better. 1052 01:10:24,653 --> 01:10:26,985 Okay, okay. I'm sorry. That was wrong. 1053 01:10:27,056 --> 01:10:28,990 Of course it's mine. 1054 01:10:30,793 --> 01:10:31,725 Whoa. 1055 01:10:34,430 --> 01:10:38,025 Okay, okay. I got to stay strong here. 1056 01:10:38,100 --> 01:10:41,126 I gotta do the honorable thing. 1057 01:10:44,173 --> 01:10:47,165 I'm gonna do the honorable thing. 1058 01:10:47,243 --> 01:10:49,837 "I'm gonna do the honorable thing"? 1059 01:10:49,912 --> 01:10:52,073 What is that? Some kind of pity proposal? 1060 01:10:52,147 --> 01:10:55,776 I've waited my whole life for a man to ask me to marry him. 1061 01:10:55,851 --> 01:10:58,149 But I sure as hell don't need your pity proposal. 1062 01:10:59,255 --> 01:11:01,746 By honorable thing, I meant I was going to pay for the abortion. 1063 01:11:01,824 --> 01:11:02,916 What? 1064 01:11:02,992 --> 01:11:05,256 If you don't want my pity proposal, I understand. 1065 01:11:05,327 --> 01:11:07,921 I don't believe you. 1066 01:11:07,997 --> 01:11:10,625 - What do you want me to do? - I don't know! 1067 01:11:10,699 --> 01:11:12,929 I just wanted you to be happy about this. 1068 01:11:13,002 --> 01:11:15,527 I wanted you to p-- 1069 01:11:16,672 --> 01:11:17,639 Forget it. 1070 01:11:19,675 --> 01:11:22,041 So you do want me to propose. 1071 01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:26,445 Pussy, pussy, whipped, whipped. Pussy, pussy, whipped, whipped. 1072 01:11:26,515 --> 01:11:28,642 The male is trapped. 1073 01:11:28,717 --> 01:11:32,551 You planned this thing real well, Jen. Real well. 1074 01:11:32,621 --> 01:11:35,215 What? I didn't plan anything. 1075 01:11:35,291 --> 01:11:37,191 You've been calling the shots from the beginning. 1076 01:11:37,259 --> 01:11:39,193 "Let's get an AIDS test. Let's go meet my family." 1077 01:11:39,261 --> 01:11:41,525 They embark upon the uniquely human characteristic... 1078 01:11:41,597 --> 01:11:44,191 of saying things they will later regret... 1079 01:11:44,266 --> 01:11:47,133 one of the more dangerous steps of the mating dance. 1080 01:11:47,202 --> 01:11:50,797 You asshole. God, I thought you were a nice guy. 1081 01:11:50,873 --> 01:11:52,864 Come on. Deny it. Look me in the eye... 1082 01:11:52,941 --> 01:11:56,377 and tell me this wasn't some part of a grand scheme to trap me. 1083 01:11:56,445 --> 01:11:58,504 - In the eye? - In the eye. 1084 01:11:58,580 --> 01:12:02,175 - Get out of my home. - Yeah. That's what I thought. 1085 01:12:09,858 --> 01:12:12,588 The male retreats to the comfort of the pack. 1086 01:12:12,661 --> 01:12:14,492 Only with his own kind, he knows... 1087 01:12:14,563 --> 01:12:17,430 can he be safe and healthy and strong. 1088 01:12:17,499 --> 01:12:20,434 It's, like, I don't even have a choice anymore. 1089 01:12:20,502 --> 01:12:24,336 It's gotta be her way or the highway. 1090 01:12:24,406 --> 01:12:26,772 Well, I don't take to ultimatums. 1091 01:12:26,842 --> 01:12:29,709 No man does. 1092 01:12:29,778 --> 01:12:31,973 And I'm sure as hell not ready to get married. 1093 01:12:32,047 --> 01:12:33,844 - No man is. - No man. 1094 01:12:33,916 --> 01:12:37,044 They force him to consume large amounts of fermented grain... 1095 01:12:37,119 --> 01:12:38,609 in an attempt to kill him. 1096 01:12:38,687 --> 01:12:41,986 Unwilling to mate, he is no longer Of any use to their species. 1097 01:12:42,057 --> 01:12:46,118 Since it ended, I got this feeling in my stomach... 1098 01:12:46,195 --> 01:12:48,129 Like an empty pit... 1099 01:12:48,197 --> 01:12:51,223 Like, I don't even know-- 1100 01:12:51,300 --> 01:12:54,531 I don't even know how to live anymore. 1101 01:12:54,603 --> 01:12:57,401 I know. I know. Now, drink up. 1102 01:13:02,478 --> 01:13:04,742 The male tries to validate his existence... 1103 01:13:04,813 --> 01:13:07,941 and prove he doesn't need a female to mate. 1104 01:13:08,016 --> 01:13:10,450 He attempts to devolve into a hermaphrodite... 1105 01:13:10,519 --> 01:13:13,682 and give birth to offspring on his own. 1106 01:13:13,756 --> 01:13:16,657 Oh, God. Oh, God. 1107 01:13:16,725 --> 01:13:20,320 For the male, this will prove ultimately unfulfilling. 1108 01:13:20,396 --> 01:13:23,263 Although genetically equipped to deliver the placenta... 1109 01:13:23,332 --> 01:13:27,132 he is unable to produce the infant itself. 1110 01:13:27,202 --> 01:13:30,933 The female retreats to the comfort Of her pack as well. 1111 01:13:31,006 --> 01:13:33,031 Now expectant mother... 1112 01:13:33,108 --> 01:13:36,441 it is within her power alone to erase the past year... 1113 01:13:36,512 --> 01:13:40,243 or allow the mating dance to come to fruition. 1114 01:13:40,315 --> 01:13:45,776 I mean, there is no way I'll bring that asshole's baby into this world. 1115 01:13:45,854 --> 01:13:48,755 Listen, if you want to do this, we'll back you up. 1116 01:13:48,824 --> 01:13:52,316 We'll take you there, but don't do this because of him. 1117 01:13:52,394 --> 01:13:56,524 - Do it because it's what you want. - I don't know what I want. 1118 01:13:56,598 --> 01:14:00,193 I definitely don't want another one of him running around. 1119 01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:02,100 So what time? 1120 01:14:03,338 --> 01:14:06,205 No, I've got to do this myself. 1121 01:14:06,275 --> 01:14:08,300 Oh, honey. 1122 01:14:08,377 --> 01:14:10,504 The dance ends. 1123 01:14:10,579 --> 01:14:14,140 It is as if the male andt he female Never crossed tracks. 1124 01:14:15,317 --> 01:14:19,378 Appreciating the male's futile attempt to devolve into a hermaphrodite... 1125 01:14:19,455 --> 01:14:24,051 the pack welcomes him back in with support and sympathy over his loss. 1126 01:14:24,126 --> 01:14:27,323 You did the right thing. I mean, she-- 1127 01:14:27,396 --> 01:14:29,626 She was playing you for a sucker the whole time. 1128 01:14:29,698 --> 01:14:31,598 - I don't know. - Come on, man. 1129 01:14:31,667 --> 01:14:34,659 You saw the guys she went out with. What would she want with you... 1130 01:14:34,736 --> 01:14:37,296 other than the fact that you're the only one who would stick around... 1131 01:14:37,372 --> 01:14:40,136 after her biological alarm clock buzzed? 1132 01:14:40,209 --> 01:14:42,700 Now the joke's on her. 1133 01:14:42,778 --> 01:14:46,077 I suppose. I mean... 1134 01:14:46,148 --> 01:14:49,675 I knew she was out of my league from the moment I first saw her. 1135 01:14:49,751 --> 01:14:52,345 - She's beautiful. - Exactly. 1136 01:14:52,421 --> 01:14:55,254 - And smart. - Right. 1137 01:14:55,324 --> 01:14:59,124 Kind, caring... 1138 01:14:59,194 --> 01:15:02,686 supportive, successful. 1139 01:15:02,764 --> 01:15:05,028 My point is made. 1140 01:15:05,100 --> 01:15:07,159 And I love her. 1141 01:15:07,236 --> 01:15:08,897 Maybe you didn't get my point after all. 1142 01:15:08,971 --> 01:15:12,065 What am I, crazy? She's the greatest Thing that ever happened to me. 1143 01:15:12,140 --> 01:15:14,734 She's the greatest thing that ever will happen to me. I've got to talk to her. 1144 01:15:14,810 --> 01:15:17,904 I gotta beg her into taking me back, whatever it takes. 1145 01:15:17,980 --> 01:15:20,175 Don't let her talk you into getting married. 1146 01:15:20,249 --> 01:15:22,012 I'm not going to let her talk me into getting married. 1147 01:15:22,084 --> 01:15:26,714 -I'm going to talk her into marrying me. -You're falling for it! 1148 01:15:26,788 --> 01:15:30,747 I fell a long time ago. I was just too stupid to realize it. 1149 01:15:30,826 --> 01:15:34,660 - I'm outta here. -Just hear me out first, all right? 1150 01:15:38,934 --> 01:15:41,300 Congratulations, man. 1151 01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:44,100 The two of you make a wonderful couple. 1152 01:15:44,172 --> 01:15:46,470 - I thought you were against it. - I'm your friend. 1153 01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:50,069 - Whatever you want, I want. -Thanks, man. 1154 01:15:50,145 --> 01:15:52,170 You'll make a great daddy. 1155 01:15:52,247 --> 01:15:54,374 Now, go. 1156 01:16:08,597 --> 01:16:11,088 - What do you want, asshole? - Where's Jenny? 1157 01:16:11,166 --> 01:16:14,101 - That's none of your business, prick. - I gotta talk to her. 1158 01:16:14,169 --> 01:16:16,967 Well, she's not talking to you, dick wad. 1159 01:16:17,039 --> 01:16:20,008 Fine. Then I'll wait here until she gets back. 1160 01:16:20,075 --> 01:16:22,009 Fine. She'll be back in a week. 1161 01:16:22,077 --> 01:16:24,170 Lock up at the end Of the night, scumbag. 1162 01:16:30,252 --> 01:16:33,119 What is your problem? 1163 01:16:33,188 --> 01:16:35,986 I checked home; she's not home. I checked here; she's not here. 1164 01:16:36,058 --> 01:16:37,650 I screwed up. I want to fix things. 1165 01:16:37,726 --> 01:16:40,957 I suppose you want to marry her now, huh? Ya freakazoid! 1166 01:16:41,029 --> 01:16:45,591 Yes, and I want you to be the maid of honor because of your warmth and charm. 1167 01:16:46,802 --> 01:16:49,600 - You really wanna marry her? - Go away. 1168 01:16:51,039 --> 01:16:53,507 - Really, really? - Leave me alone. 1169 01:16:54,843 --> 01:16:57,243 Oh, God. 1170 01:16:57,312 --> 01:16:59,940 Oh, God. This is one Of those crisis moments. 1171 01:17:00,015 --> 01:17:02,176 What would Jenny want me to do? 1172 01:17:07,322 --> 01:17:10,291 Okay, I'm gonna tell you where she is. But if you go and she gets upset... 1173 01:17:10,359 --> 01:17:13,055 you have to tell her you just guessed. 1174 01:17:13,128 --> 01:17:16,291 But if you go there and she's happy to see you, you can tell her it was me. 1175 01:17:16,365 --> 01:17:18,799 I'll tell her I like you If you tell me where she is. 1176 01:17:18,867 --> 01:17:22,394 Okay. She really hated your guts Because you were a prick. 1177 01:17:22,471 --> 01:17:24,837 Like so many others before her... 1178 01:17:24,906 --> 01:17:26,897 this female joins the mating dance... 1179 01:17:26,975 --> 01:17:29,500 and helps the male arrive at its completion. 1180 01:17:29,578 --> 01:17:31,569 Oh, my God! 1181 01:17:45,327 --> 01:17:47,420 Move it! Come on! 1182 01:17:47,496 --> 01:17:49,225 Let's go, lady! Let's go! 1183 01:17:49,297 --> 01:17:50,559 God! 1184 01:17:53,902 --> 01:17:55,733 What? 1185 01:18:37,512 --> 01:18:40,413 Hello! Hello? Hell-- 1186 01:18:40,482 --> 01:18:42,575 Oh, hi. I need to see Jenny Smith right away. 1187 01:18:42,651 --> 01:18:45,051 - I'm sorry, sir. You can't go in-- - It doesn't matter. 1188 01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:48,055 The large female tells the male he is too late. 1189 01:18:48,123 --> 01:18:52,719 The past has been erased. The mating dance did not take place. 1190 01:18:55,397 --> 01:18:56,329 Fuck. 1191 01:19:13,215 --> 01:19:17,015 There are no human sounds to express the sadness felt... 1192 01:19:17,085 --> 01:19:20,213 by the entire species on the verge of extinction. 1193 01:19:25,761 --> 01:19:27,626 - Thank you. -Jenny? 1194 01:19:27,696 --> 01:19:30,164 What are you doing here? 1195 01:19:30,232 --> 01:19:32,291 Never mind that. 1196 01:19:38,240 --> 01:19:42,040 Look, I'm sorry I forced you here. 1197 01:19:42,110 --> 01:19:46,240 I'm sorry I wasn't with you. I'm sorry about everything I said. 1198 01:19:46,314 --> 01:19:48,839 But I want you in my life. 1199 01:19:48,917 --> 01:19:51,249 With or without a child, I want you in my life... 1200 01:19:51,319 --> 01:19:53,287 for the rest of my life. 1201 01:19:53,355 --> 01:19:57,348 I--you know-- 1202 01:19:58,527 --> 01:20:01,860 I need you. 1203 01:20:01,930 --> 01:20:05,889 I love you. I love you. 1204 01:20:05,967 --> 01:20:09,334 I love you more than anything. 1205 01:20:09,404 --> 01:20:11,929 We'll make another kid If you want. 1206 01:20:12,007 --> 01:20:15,807 Not that that'll make up for it, and If you don't want to, you don't have to. 1207 01:20:15,877 --> 01:20:17,902 It's up to you. Whatever you want. 1208 01:20:17,979 --> 01:20:21,073 We can start planning that big wedding you always wanted. 1209 01:20:21,149 --> 01:20:23,413 Just say that you'll marry me. 1210 01:20:26,288 --> 01:20:28,483 I couldn't go through with it. 1211 01:20:28,557 --> 01:20:30,548 But the nurse said That you were already-- 1212 01:20:30,625 --> 01:20:33,924 At the last minute I figured that you've been great for this whole year. 1213 01:20:33,995 --> 01:20:36,589 You only messed up once. 1214 01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:39,828 I do want another one of you in this world... 1215 01:20:39,901 --> 01:20:42,995 especially if it's got a little bit of me mixed in it. 1216 01:20:45,640 --> 01:20:48,108 Still want to get married? 1217 01:20:50,245 --> 01:20:53,271 Okay. You? 1218 01:20:55,050 --> 01:20:56,278 Okay. 1219 01:21:11,366 --> 01:21:14,426 As a final symbol, the male and female cement... 1220 01:21:14,502 --> 01:21:16,902 the completion of the mating ritual. 1221 01:21:16,972 --> 01:21:19,236 Gathering together the entire pack... 1222 01:21:19,307 --> 01:21:21,468 the male and female must first bore... 1223 01:21:21,543 --> 01:21:25,377 then feed all who participated in the great dance. 1224 01:22:21,169 --> 01:22:26,436 A human male speaks of the couple's undying love for one another. 1225 01:22:26,508 --> 01:22:29,966 No one knows this person, but they pay him well for his thoughts. 1226 01:22:31,713 --> 01:22:35,046 The pack rejoices at the male and female's good fortune... 1227 01:22:35,116 --> 01:22:37,482 and at their own good fortune... 1228 01:22:37,552 --> 01:22:40,715 for the species has been propagated-- humanity will live on. 1229 01:22:42,090 --> 01:22:45,491 And as a testimony of their affection for one another... 1230 01:22:45,560 --> 01:22:49,052 the male and female make promises they don't know if they can keep. 1231 01:22:49,130 --> 01:22:51,997 - I do. - I do. 1232 01:22:52,067 --> 01:22:55,901 They make speeches that sound like sweet roses in bloom... 1233 01:22:55,971 --> 01:22:58,531 before they die and get all crinkly and yucky. 1234 01:22:58,606 --> 01:23:01,666 I don't know why you've chosen me. 1235 01:23:01,743 --> 01:23:04,177 I only know that I will spend the remainder of my days... 1236 01:23:04,245 --> 01:23:06,679 trying to prove my worthiness... 1237 01:23:06,748 --> 01:23:09,546 even though no one could ever be truly worthy of you. 1238 01:23:10,552 --> 01:23:15,251 I will love you, cherish you and nurture you. 1239 01:23:15,323 --> 01:23:20,317 For without you, my life is empty and my soul is barren. 1240 01:23:20,395 --> 01:23:25,833 I will stay with you and keep you with me for all eternity. 1241 01:23:25,900 --> 01:23:31,202 Forever and ever and-- Uh-oh. 1242 01:23:31,272 --> 01:23:34,764 Get away from me, you bastard! 1243 01:23:34,843 --> 01:23:40,008 "I'll pull out," my ass! Fuck you! Fuckin' prick! 1244 01:23:40,081 --> 01:23:42,549 And at long last... 1245 01:23:42,617 --> 01:23:46,951 the female experiences the joy and pleasure of birth. 1246 01:23:47,022 --> 01:23:50,185 It is a euphoric experience for her. 1247 01:23:50,258 --> 01:23:52,726 Having had to suffer the pain of orgasm... 1248 01:23:52,794 --> 01:23:55,592 she is now entitled to reap nature's reward. 1249 01:23:55,663 --> 01:23:57,392 Fuckin' piece of shit! 1250 01:23:57,465 --> 01:24:01,526 It is a state of ecstasy the male will never enjoy. 1251 01:24:01,603 --> 01:24:02,934 Breathe, honey. Just breathe. 1252 01:24:03,004 --> 01:24:06,201 The female attempts to describe her euphoria to her true love. 1253 01:24:06,274 --> 01:24:09,072 - Breathe. - You breathe, motherfucker! 1254 01:24:09,144 --> 01:24:13,103 - Breathe. Just keep breathing. - Fuck you! Oh, fuck you! 1255 01:24:13,181 --> 01:24:14,580 Fuck! 1256 01:24:14,649 --> 01:24:18,449 The mating habits Of the earthbound human. 1257 01:24:18,520 --> 01:24:21,580 From meeting in a bar to conceiving on a floor... 1258 01:24:21,656 --> 01:24:23,453 to proposing in an abortion clinic... 1259 01:24:23,525 --> 01:24:27,586 so it goes with all earthbound humans. 1260 01:24:27,662 --> 01:24:30,460 With a mating ritual so complex and intricate... 1261 01:24:30,532 --> 01:24:33,228 that their mere survival defies all logic... 1262 01:24:33,301 --> 01:24:38,136 one can only feel for them a sense of respect and admiration. 1263 01:24:38,206 --> 01:24:40,572 So let's not blow up Their planet after all. 1264 01:24:42,644 --> 01:24:45,112 They don't like the looks ofthe child, so they beat it. 1265 01:24:46,548 --> 01:24:47,845 Thank you. 1266 01:24:50,151 --> 01:24:52,381 Please turn off your universal translator... 1267 01:24:52,454 --> 01:24:54,581 and mate according to your own custom. 102742