Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:39,413
There's a bunch of birds in the sky
2
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:45,502
And some deers just went running by
3
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,630
Oh, the snow's pure and white
4
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:53,260
On the earth, rich and brown
5
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:56,513
Just another Sunday morning
6
00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:01,894
In my quiet mountain town
7
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,441
The sun is shining
and the grass is green
8
00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,735
Under the three feet of snow, I mean
9
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:13,238
This is the day
when it's hard to wear a frown
10
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,491
All the happy people stop to say hello
11
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:16,575
Get out of my way!
12
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,452
Even though the temperature's low
13
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:23,290
It's a perfect Sunday morning
in my quiet little mountain town
14
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:24,750
Well, good morning, Stan.
15
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,211
- Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?
- A movie?
16
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:30,130
Yeah, it's gonna be the best movie ever!
It's a foreign film from Canada!
17
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,340
All right, here you go.
18
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:34,051
- But be back for supper.
- Thanks, Mom.
19
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,428
Oh, what a picture-perfect child
20
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,764
Just like Jesus, he's tender and mild
21
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:42,351
He'd wear a smile
while he wore a thorny crown
22
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,145
What an angel
with a heart so sweet and sure
23
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,397
And a mind so open and pure
24
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:51,860
Thank God we live in this quiet
redneck mountain town
25
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,238
Dude! Dude, wake up!
26
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,867
Kenny, come on!
27
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,454
Kenny, the Terrance and Phillip
movie is out. You wanna come?
28
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,583
Where do you think you're going?
29
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,586
You can't! You have to go to church!
30
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,714
Well, fine,
you go ahead and miss church!
31
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,927
And then when you die and go to hell,
you can answer to Satan!
32
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:20,389
You can see your breath
hanging in the air
33
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,474
You see homeless people
but you just don't care
34
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:26,395
It's a sea of smiles
in which we'd be glad to drown
35
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,651
That's right
It's Sunday morning
36
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:36,989
In our quiet little white-bread
redneck mountain town
37
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,243
- Ready, lke? Kick the baby!
- Don't kick the baby.
38
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,911
Kick the baby.
39
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:48,667
Ike, you broke another window!
That's a bad baby! Bad baby!
40
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:51,378
Kyle, we're going to
the Terrance and Phillip movie!
41
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:52,546
Oh, my God, dude!
42
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:55,507
- Kyle, where are you going?
- We're going ice skating.
43
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,342
Well, take your little brother
out with you.
44
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,469
Oh, Mom. He's not even my real brother.
He's adopted!
45
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,762
Do as I say, Kyle!
46
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,723
Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!
47
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:08,604
Look at those frail and fragile boys
It really gets me down
48
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:13,025
The world is such a rotten place
and city life's a complete disgrace
49
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:15,527
That's why I moved
to this rdneck, meshugana
50
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:21,158
Quiet mountain town
51
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,452
lke! Bad baby!
52
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,704
This program is brought to you
by Snacky Smores,
53
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,873
the creamy fun of smores
in a delightful cookie crunch.
54
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,708
Mom! Somebody's at the door!
55
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,169
- Coming, hon.
- I can't see the TV!
56
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,421
It's been six weeks since
Saddam Hussein was killed
57
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:35,714
by a pack of wild boars
58
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,591
and the world is still glad
to be rid of him.
59
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:40,469
- Look, Eric, it's your little friends.
- Spider-Man!
60
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,763
What are you guys doing here?
61
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,641
Sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!
62
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,560
Off to the movies we shall go
63
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,230
Where we learn everything
that we know
64
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:55,317
'Cause the movies teach us
what our parents don't have time to say
65
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,237
And this movie's gonna make
our lives complete
66
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,530
'Cause Terrance and Phillip
are sweet
67
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,615
Super sweet.
68
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:06,495
Thank God we live in the quiet
little redneck, Podunk, white-trash
69
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:11,291
U.S.A.
70
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:15,003
Can I have five tickets to
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire?
71
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,129
No.
72
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,091
What do you mean, no?
73
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,301
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire
has been rated R
74
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,303
by the Motion Picture
Association ofAmerica.
75
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,389
You have to be accompanied
by a parent or guardian.
76
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,765
- But why?
- Because this movie
77
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:27,849
has naughty language!
78
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,559
Next, please.
79
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,230
- This can't be happening!
- We have to see this movie, dude!
80
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,107
Screw it!
It probably isn't all that good anyway.
81
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,484
Can'tman, what are you talking about?
You love Terrance and Phillip!
82
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:40,237
Yeah, but the animatiors all crappy.
83
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,407
Wait, I've got an idea!
84
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,119
Hi, I want six tickets to Asses ofFir.
85
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,579
This movie might not be
appropriate for your little ones.
86
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,873
Hey, he says this movie
isn't appropriate for you.
87
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,959
Look, Mr. Homeless Guy,
if you don't wanna buy us tickets
88
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,295
and not get your 10 bucks and
not go buy yourself a bottle of vodka,
89
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,379
then be my guest.
90
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,256
Six tickets, please.
91
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,761
- Let me have some candy, Can'tman.
- Let's see.
92
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,388
Nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
93
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,516
Like you really need all that
chocolate, fat boy!
94
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,476
The movie's starting.
95
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:16,315
Hooray!
96
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,358
Say, Terrance,
what did the Spanish priest
97
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,277
say to the Iranian gynecologist?
98
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,529
I don't know, Phillip. What?
99
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,158
Where do they come up with this stuff?
100
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,869
You're such a pig fucker, Phillip!
101
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:29,995
What did he say?
102
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,414
Terrance,
why would you call me a pig fucker?
103
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:35,292
Let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
104
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,752
Oh, yeah!
105
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,921
Yeah. Fuck my ass and call me a bitch!
106
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,467
- You shit-faced cockmaster!
- Wow!
107
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,427
"Shit-faced cockmaster."
108
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,179
Listen, you donkey-raping shit-eater!
109
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,348
"Donkey-raping shit-eater."
110
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,769
- You'd fuck your uncle.
- You'd fuck your uncle!
111
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,605
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
112
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,441
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking
uncle fucka
113
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,527
You're an uncle fucka, yes, it's true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
114
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,030
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
115
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,991
You're the one that fucked your uncle
Uncle fucka
116
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:12,704
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn
You just fuck your uncle all day long
117
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,800
What's going on here?
118
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,095
What garbage.
119
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:31,098
Well, what do you expect?
They're Canadian.
120
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:38,397
Uncle fucka! Uncle fucka!
Uncle fucka!
121
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,817
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
122
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,611
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
123
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,196
You're an uncle fucka, I must say
124
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,198
You fucked your uncle yesterday
125
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,491
Uncle fucka
126
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,785
That's U-N-C-L-E
127
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:54,621
Fuck you, uncle fucka!
128
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:55,747
Suck my balls.
129
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,254
Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
130
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,089
You bet your fucking ass it was!
131
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,924
Fuck, dude, I wanna be
just like Terrance and Phillip.
132
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,427
Hey, wait a minute!
Where's your guardian?
133
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:12,305
I knew it! You paid a homeless guy
to get you in, didn't you?
134
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:16,059
- Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit-eater!
- Yeah!
135
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,270
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
136
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,022
You're an ass-licking, ball-sucking
uncle fucka
137
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,867
Hey, where have you guys been all day?
138
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,912
Nowhere. We just went to go see
the Terrance and Phillip movie.
139
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,414
- You saw it?
- How'd you get in?
140
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,375
Hey, stop crowding us,
you shit-faced cockmasters!
141
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,626
Wow.
142
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:45,172
Yeah. You're all a bunch of
ass-ramming uncle fuckers.
143
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,132
We have got to see this movie, dude.
144
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,802
Terrance and Phillip are Canadian,
just like my brother.
145
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,806
There's the girl that I like
146
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,975
Hey, Stan, tell them about
when Terrance called Phillip
147
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,643
a testicle-shitting rectal wart.
148
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:02,105
Now more than ever
she gives me butterfiies
149
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,859
It makes my stomach queasy
every time she walks by
150
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,569
Asshole, I'm talking to you.
151
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,780
I know I can be cool if I try
152
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,574
Hi, Stan.
153
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,075
Gross!
154
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,829
Come, Wendy.
Let us try to jump the hilly brush.
155
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,831
- Who are you, kid?
- My name is Gregory.
156
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:23,210
I just transferred from Yardale,
where I had a 4.0 grade point average.
157
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,544
Wanna skate with us?
158
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:25,670
We've been skating all morning
159
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,632
and laughing
and talking of memories past.
160
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,717
We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
161
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,762
Try and catch me, Wendy.
162
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,097
Bye, Stan.
163
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,853
Yes, yes,
I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
164
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,855
Who wants to touch me?
165
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,608
I said who wants to fucking touch me?
166
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:51,947
Come on, gang! We've gotta see
the Terrance and Phillip movie, too!
167
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,825
I hate you, Kenny.
168
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,916
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
169
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,127
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka...
170
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:10,924
Okay, children, let's take our seats.
We have a lot to learn today.
171
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,301
We sure do, Mr. Hat.
172
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,721
Okay, children. Let's start the day
with a few new math problems.
173
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,723
What is five times two?
174
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,770
Come on, children. Don't be shy.
Just give it your best shot.
175
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,397
- Yes, Clyde?
- Twelve?
176
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,232
Okay. Now let's try to get an answer
177
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,568
from someone
who's not a complete retard.
178
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,987
Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.
179
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,573
I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison.
180
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,450
- Shut up, fat boy!
- Hey! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
181
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,661
Eric, did you just say the "F" word?
182
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,705
- Jew?
- No. He's talking about "fuck."
183
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,415
You can't say "fuck" in school,
you fucking fat-ass!
184
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:44,958
- Kyle!
- Why the fuck not?
185
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,751
- Eric!
- Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
186
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,044
Stanley!
187
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,379
- Kenny!
- What's the big deal?
188
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,590
It doesn't hurt anybody.
Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.
189
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,134
How would you like to go
see the school counselor?
190
00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:56,845
How would you like to suck my balls?
191
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,139
What did you say?
192
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:02,517
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Actually, what I said was...
193
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,647
How would you like to suck my balls,
Mr. Garrison?
194
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,066
Holy shit, dude.
195
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,989
Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed
in you boys, m'kay?
196
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:17,699
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
197
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,284
And I've already called in
your mothers...
198
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,119
- You called my mom?
- That's right.
199
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,830
- Oh, no, dude!
- Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?
200
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:24,956
M'kay. What?
201
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,459
- What's the big fucking deal, bitch?
- Yeah.
202
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:31,129
Now I wanna know where you heard
these horrific obscenities, m'kay?
203
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,213
Nowhere.
204
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,215
We heard them from Mr. Garrison
a few times before.
205
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,925
- Yeah.
- Boys, I seriously doubt
206
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,969
that Mr. Garrison ever said,
207
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,056
"Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker."
208
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,850
Sweet.
209
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,898
Thank you all for coming
on such short notice.
210
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,483
This just isn't like you, Stanley.
211
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,944
What did my son say, Mr. Mackey?
Did he say the "S" word?
212
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,697
- No, it was worse than that.
- The "F" word?
213
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:01,326
Well, here's a short list of the things
they've been saying, m'kay?
214
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,329
- Dear God!
- What the heck is a rim job?
215
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,164
Why that's when you put your legs
behind your head
216
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,583
and have someone lick your ass.
217
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,671
Young man, you will tell
Mr. Mackey this instant
218
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,506
where you heard
all these horrible phrases!
219
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,715
I... I...
220
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,175
We can't tell you.
We all took a sacred oath
221
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,343
and swore ourselves to secrecy.
222
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,011
- It was the Terrance and Phillip movie.
- Dude!
223
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,846
What? Fuck you guys!
I wanna get out of here!
224
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,015
Terrance and Phillip?
Those Canadians?
225
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,184
Excuse me,
what the heck is Terrance and Phillip?
226
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:29,813
Terrance and Phillip are two very
untalented actors from Canada.
227
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,232
Nothing but foul language
and toilet humor.
228
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,818
Well, I guess I'll have to send
a warning letter out to parents
229
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,861
before more children
see Terrance and Phillip.
230
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,571
- Everybody's fucking seen it!
- Eric!
231
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,906
I'm sorry, I can't help myself.
232
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,075
That movie has warped
my fragile little mind.
233
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,835
There's the girl that I like
234
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,548
Over there laughing
with that smart new...
235
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:59,384
You're holding up
the goddamn lunch line!
236
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,928
- Hello there, children.
- Hey, Chef.
237
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,346
- How's it going?
- Bad.
238
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,432
- Why bad?
- We got busted for swearing.
239
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,934
Our moms say we can't ever see
the Terrance and Phillip movie again!
240
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,060
That's too bad.
241
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,562
You should've seen Kyle
when his mom showed up.
242
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:11,980
He was scared out of his mind.
243
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,107
- Shut up, Can'tman!
- No, dude. I'd be scared, too.
244
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,233
Your mom's a fucking bitch.
245
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,985
Don't call my mom a bitch, you fat fuck!
246
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,028
Don't call me fat,
you butt-fucking son of a bitch!
247
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,614
Whoa, children,
where did you learn to talk like that?
248
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:23,241
It's pretty fucking sweet, huh?
249
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:26,453
Chef, how do you make a woman
like you more than any other guy?
250
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:27,579
That's easy.
251
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:30,498
- You just gotta find the clitoris.
- Huh?
252
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,001
What does that mean,
"Find the clitoris"?
253
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,294
Forget I said anything.
254
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,463
Move along, children,
you're holding up the line.
255
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,590
You guys, do you know
where I can find the clitoris?
256
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:39,716
The what?
257
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,676
What, is that like finding Jesus
or something?
258
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,844
Attention, students.
259
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:46,139
We are now enforcing a new dress code
at South Park Elementary.
260
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,434
Terrance and Phillip shirts
are no longer allowed in school.
261
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,311
Anyone wearing
a Terrance and Phillip shirt
262
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:54,063
is to be sent home immediately.
263
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,356
- Hooray!
- Hooray!
264
00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,821
The R-rated Canadian film
Asses of Fire
265
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,531
is number one at the box office.
266
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,617
But is the film
destroying American youth?
267
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,077
Here with a special report
is a midget in a bikini.
268
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,580
Thanks, Tom. It appears that the effects
269
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,123
of the Canadian comedy
are far-reaching indeed.
270
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,501
All overAmerica,
children seem to be influenced,
271
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,711
like at this spelling bee in Washington.
272
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:21,299
All right. This is for the silver medal.
Spell "forensics."
273
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,510
Fuck that! Why should I fucking
have to spell "forensics"?
274
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,677
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
275
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:28,765
Here you go. S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S.
Forensics.
276
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,976
Tom, the devastating impact
of the Canadian duo
277
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:36,189
can also be seen with their new hit song
Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucka.
278
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,108
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
279
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:42,779
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
280
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,740
Thought I told you that
we won't stop
281
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,326
- Back to you, Tom.
- Thanks, midget.
282
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,369
Shocking report.
283
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,996
The controversy began in the small
mountain town of South Park
284
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,499
where the local PTA
is trying to ban the movie.
285
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:57,585
With us tonight is the head of the PTA,
Sheila Broflovski.
286
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,171
- Hello, Tom.
- And the Canadian Minister of Movies.
287
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,506
Thanks for having me, buddy.
288
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:02,799
Minister, parents are concerned
289
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,884
about your country's entertainment.
Your thoughts?
290
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,303
Well, the film is R-rated
and is not intended for children.
291
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,347
But of course children are gonna see it!
292
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,015
Can I finish?
The fact is that we Canadians
293
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,058
are quite surprised by your outrage.
294
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,019
- You just don't care!
- Can I finish? Hello? Can I finish?
295
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,856
The United States has graphic violence
on television all the time.
296
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,023
We can't believe that a movie
297
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,567
with some foul language
would piss you off so much.
298
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:24,320
- Because it's evil!
- Can I finish? Please! Can I finish?
299
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,406
Okay, I'm finished.
300
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,366
But, Mr. Minister, it isn't like this film
301
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,326
is the first troublesome thing
to come out of Canada.
302
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,995
Let us not forget Bryan Adams.
303
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,663
Now, now. The Canadian government
has apologized
304
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,164
for Bryan Adams on several occasions.
305
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,708
You Canadians are all the same,
306
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,877
with your beady little eyes
and fiapping heads!
307
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,962
- You're trash.
- I resent that! I find that racist!
308
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,630
Our children are now addicted
to your filth!
309
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,382
You are a racist, ma'am.
You are a racist.
310
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,925
It is going to take us weeks
311
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:49,262
to erase the damage
this film has done to our children!
312
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,727
Kids, I wanna welcome you
to rehabilitation, m'kay?
313
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,897
Your mothers insisted that you be taken
from your normal schoolwork
314
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,482
and placed into rehab
to learn not to swear.
315
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,234
I must say, I don't think I belong
with these rogues.
316
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,029
I attended school at Yardale
and had a 4.0 grade point average.
317
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,405
You're a fucking faggot, dude.
318
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,617
M'kay. You see, children?
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
319
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,911
We have to get you off of foul language.
320
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,747
- How are we gonna do that?
- Well, listen here.
321
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,750
There are times
when you get suckered in
322
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:22,295
By drugs and alcohol
and sex with women, m'kay?
323
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,923
But it's when you do these things
too much
324
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:29,677
That you've become an addict
and must get back in touch
325
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:33,348
You can do it
It's all up to you, m'kay?
326
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,602
With a little plan
you can change your life today
327
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,979
You don't have to spend your life
addicted to smack
328
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,273
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for crack
329
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,276
Follow my plan
and very soon you will say
330
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,445
"It's easy, m'kay?"
331
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,281
Step one, instead of "ass" say "buns"
332
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,784
Like "Kiss my buns"
or "You're a buns-hole"
333
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,285
Step two, instead of "shit" say "poo"
334
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,871
As in "bull-poo," "poo-head"
and "This poo is cold"
335
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,498
Step three, with "bitch" drop the "T"
336
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:01,125
'Cause"bich' is Latin for "generosity"
337
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,627
Step four, don't say "fuck" anymore
338
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,796
'Cause "fuck" is the worst word
that you can say
339
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,173
So just use the word "m'kay"
340
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,801
We can do it
It's all up to us, m'kay?
341
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,052
M'kay
342
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,388
With a little plan
we can change our lives today
343
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,973
You can change it today
344
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,350
You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash
345
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,352
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash
346
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:22,522
Follow this plan
and very soon you will say
347
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,899
"It's easy, m'kay?"
348
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,485
- Step one
- Instead of "ass" say "buns"
349
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,946
- Like "Kiss my buns"
- Or "You're a buns-hole"
350
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,531
- Step two
- Instead of "shit" say "poo"
351
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:32,657
- As in "bull-poo"
- "Poo-head"
352
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,075
And "This poo is cold"
353
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,660
- Step three
- With "bitch" drop the "T"
354
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:38,329
'Cause"bich' is Latin for "generosity"
355
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,831
- Step four
- Don't say "fuck" anymore
356
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,166
'Cause "fuck" is the worse word
that you can say
357
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,127
"Fuck" is the worse word
that you can say
358
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:46,671
we shouldn't say "fuck"
No, we shouldn't say "fuck," fuck, no!
359
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,089
You're cured, you can go
360
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,425
You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash
361
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,510
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash
362
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,638
Follow this plan
and very soon you will say
363
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:56,764
"It's easy, m'kay?"
364
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,849
It's easy, m'kay?
365
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,018
- It's easy, m'kay?
- It's easy, m'kay?
366
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,061
- It's easy, m'kay?
- It's easy
367
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,439
It's easy
It's easy, m'kay?
368
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,109
M'kay. M'kay.
369
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,486
Now you're cured.
370
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,407
You can take the rest of the afternoon
off for personal reflection, m'kay?
371
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:18,119
Find your own constructive way
to better yourself, m'kay?
372
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,748
Well, Phillip,
I hope you've learned something
373
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:22,874
through this whole experience.
374
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:27,587
I did, Terrance. I learned that you are
a boner-biting dick-fart fuck-face.
375
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,590
Want to see the northern lights?
376
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:35,720
You burned yourself to death
by lighting your fart!
377
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,805
I sure did, Phillip.
378
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:42,060
Uncle fucker! Too tight!
379
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,150
Man, that movie gets better
every time I see it.
380
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,860
- Hey!
- Yeah, but you know what?
381
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,904
That whole part about
lighting farts is bullshit.
382
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,614
You can't do that.
383
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,157
No way!
384
00:17:56,825 --> 00:18:00,661
Okay, Kenny, I'll bet you $100
you can't light a fart on fire!
385
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,337
- Holy shit, dude!
- Oh, my God!
386
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,340
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
387
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:16,010
- Somebody do something!
- This stick is on fire!
388
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,644
- Oh, my God, you killed Kenny!
- You bastard!
389
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,230
Well, I guess you can light
a fart on fire, huh?
390
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,401
Load that IV with 70 cc's of
sodium pentothal!
391
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,487
- We just called the parents.
- Oh, shit, dude!
392
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:35,696
Now our moms
are gonna find out we went
393
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,156
to the Terrance and Phillip movie again!
394
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,407
Vacuum!
395
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,077
Try to untangle his trachea
and esophagus.
396
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:43,621
- Dude!
- No, that doesn't go there!
397
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,126
- Gross, Stan!
- That's sick.
398
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,461
- Watch his liver.
- I'll get it.
399
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,505
We have precious little time left,
people.
400
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,589
We're gonna lose him soon.
401
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:56,134
- Doctor, his heart stopped!
- Let's get it out of there.
402
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,469
We need to zap this quick!
403
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,099
- Who's making a potato?
- My bad, sir. I missed lunch.
404
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,852
Damn it! I'm not gonna lose this kid!
405
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,229
Close him up. We've done all we can.
406
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,356
The rest is up to God.
407
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,735
Kenny? Kenny, can you hear me?
408
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,904
How are you feeling, son?
409
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,074
Great. Son, I have some bad news.
410
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,869
We accidentally replaced your heart
with a baked potato.
411
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,621
You have about three seconds to live.
412
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,665
Fucking weak, dude!
413
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,543
- Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- You bastards!
414
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:34,672
Damn it! It never gets any easier!
415
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,512
I bet him he couldn't do it.
I bet him $100.
416
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,014
Come on, Can'tman, it's not your fault.
417
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:45,099
No, I know. I'm just fucking stoked
I don't have to pay him.
418
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,603
That's real nice!
He was your friend, you fat fuck!
419
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,856
So, boys, you saw that movie again?
420
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,275
- Yes.
- Well, Kyle, I have had it!
421
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,278
You are grounded for
the next two weeks!
422
00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,615
- Grounded?
- And you, Stan. Come on.
423
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,992
And you're grounded
for three weeks, Eric.
424
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,244
Why am I grounded more?
That's fucking bullshit!
425
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:09,498
What? What? What?
What was that word, young man?
426
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,973
Little boy at peace
427
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,602
What is this place beyond the stars?
428
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,521
Open up your eyes
429
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:37,068
What are these things
you're moving toward?
430
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:40,154
Head so full of wonder
431
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,573
worries in the past
432
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:45,493
Could it be that you are free at last?
433
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,746
No!
434
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,922
Little boy, you're going to hell!
435
00:20:58,006 --> 00:20:59,382
You said bad words
Threw rocks at the birds
436
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:00,841
And now this is your hotel
437
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:04,387
You ain't going back
This ain't Disneyland, it's hell!
438
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,099
Little boy, it's time for you to pay
439
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,433
For hurting that bird
and not going to church
440
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:10,851
And staring at boobs every day
441
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:14,021
Thought you were in bed
Instead, you're in hell!
442
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:22,530
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
Hell!
443
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:25,533
Hey, fuck-face, have you seen Gracie?
444
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:29,036
There is orderliness in the universe.
445
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,706
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
No!
446
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:45,553
Parents, our children are out of control!
447
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:49,473
This is what happens when toilet humor
is allowed to run rampant!
448
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,642
That's right. Kenny set himself on fire
449
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:54,645
because he saw Terrance and Phillip
do it in that dirty movie!
450
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:58,065
We must stop dirty language
from getting to our childrers ears!
451
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,151
We must go fight the source of it!
452
00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:01,902
But what is the source?
453
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:03,654
That's easy.
454
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:06,824
Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse
455
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:10,202
They won't obey their parents
Theyjust want to fart and curse
456
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,579
Should we blame the government?
457
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,164
Or blame society?
458
00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:15,624
Or should we blame the images on TV?
459
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:17,668
No! Blame Canada!
460
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,170
Blame Canada!
461
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:22,340
With all their beady little eyes
and fiapping heads so full of lies
462
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,384
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
463
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,927
We need to form a full assault
464
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,763
It's Canada's fault!
465
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:32,016
Don't blame me for my son Stan
466
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,186
He saw the darn can'toon
and now he's off to join the Klan
467
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:38,189
And my boy Eric once
had my picture on his shelf
468
00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:40,608
But now when I see him
he tells me to fuck myself
469
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,153
Well, Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
470
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:47,531
It seems that everything's gone wrong
since Canada came along
471
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:50,534
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
472
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,829
They're not even a real country anyway
473
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,957
My son could've been a doctor
or a lawyer rich and true
474
00:22:57,042 --> 00:23:00,336
Instead, he burned up like a piggy
on a barbecue
475
00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:03,047
Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
476
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:05,341
Or the doctors who allowed him
to expire?
477
00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:06,384
Heck, no!
478
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:09,220
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
479
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:10,888
With all their hockey hullabaloo
480
00:23:10,972 --> 00:23:12,556
And that bitch Anne Murray, too
481
00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:15,684
Blame Canada! Shame on Canada!
482
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,727
For
483
00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:18,229
The smut we must stop
The trash we must bash
484
00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:19,772
The laughter and fun must all be undone
485
00:23:19,856 --> 00:23:21,232
We must blame them and cause a fuss
486
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:25,236
Before somebody thinks of blaming us!
487
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,160
All right, you turds, listen up!
488
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:37,039
Your moms are away at a meeting
and they put me in charge of you!
489
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,418
But you're still grounded,
so you're not allowed to have any fun!
490
00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:43,671
- Any questions?
- Shelly, where's the clitoris?
491
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:48,300
Now you all just sit there
and keep your mouths shut
492
00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:51,679
while I go listen
to my Britney Spears records.
493
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:54,849
Okay, it's clear.
494
00:23:56,893 --> 00:23:59,437
Our next guests have the number one
movie in the world right now.
495
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:02,189
Please welcome Terrance and Phillip!
496
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:03,732
Hooray!
497
00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,611
- Hello, Conan.
- Hello, Brooke Shields.
498
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:09,905
Now, guys, some people claim
that your Canadian humor
499
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,907
is nothing but immature fartjokes.
500
00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:15,911
That's not true. Take this classic
Canadian joke, for instance.
501
00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:18,873
- Excuse me, Terrance.
- Yes, Phillip?
502
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,667
Gosh darn it!
503
00:24:23,044 --> 00:24:25,087
- Good one, Phillip. Cheers.
- Cheers, fuck-face.
504
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,964
Guys, you can't say that on TV.
505
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:29,508
Now Terrance smells like my ass!
506
00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:32,428
I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.
507
00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:39,226
So, guys, does it make you nervous
to be in America?
508
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,603
There are a lot of organizations here
509
00:24:40,687 --> 00:24:42,730
that want you arrested for
destroying children.
510
00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,232
- They'd have to find us first.
- You're right.
511
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,317
Now!
512
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:48,569
Terrance and Phillip,
513
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:52,198
Mothers Against Canada
is placing you under citizers arrest!
514
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:53,824
- Mom?
- Dude, what the hell is going on?
515
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,160
We have a court order for your arrest!
516
00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:57,828
Phillip, we've been ambushed!
517
00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,497
Here you go, Conan.
518
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:01,790
This little scrotum sucker deceived us!
519
00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:04,168
- You are a bad man!
- Don't listen to them, Conan!
520
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:06,837
You loved our movie, Conan!
We watched it together!
521
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:09,965
- Remember? You laughed!
- What have I done?
522
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:22,770
Holy crap! Did you see that?
They arrested Terrance and Phillip!
523
00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:28,317
As the Canadian Ambassador,
524
00:25:28,401 --> 00:25:30,611
I hereby condemn the actions
taken by America
525
00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:32,655
in apprehending Terrance and Phillip.
526
00:25:32,739 --> 00:25:33,739
As you can see from this graph,
527
00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:36,283
the entire economy of Canada
relies on Terrance and Phillip!
528
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:39,119
Without them,
we are doomed to recession.
529
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:42,373
What say you,
Mr. American Ambassador?
530
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:46,877
- Fuck Canada!
- Hey, fuck you, buddy!
531
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:48,837
Terrance and Phillip
will not be released!
532
00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:51,924
They're going to be put on trial for
corrupting America's youth.
533
00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:53,551
We don't know
what all the fuss is about.
534
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,427
The fuss is aboot taking our citizens!
535
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:59,390
It's aboot not censoring our art!
It's aboot... It's aboot...
536
00:25:59,474 --> 00:26:00,975
What's so goddamn funny?
537
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:02,434
Nothing, nothing.
538
00:26:02,519 --> 00:26:05,688
Could you tell us again what your
argument is all about?
539
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:08,232
This is not aboot diplomacy,
this is aboot dignity!
540
00:26:08,316 --> 00:26:12,027
This is aboot respect!
This is aboot realizing that humor...
541
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:14,363
You guys are dicks!
Release Terrance and Phillip
542
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:17,157
or we'll give you something
to cry aboot!
543
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:32,214
Pilot to bombardier. Pilot to bombardier.
We're nearing the target.
544
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:33,632
The bomb's ready, buddy.
545
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:37,094
Baldwin residence.
No, this is Billy Baldwin.
546
00:26:37,178 --> 00:26:40,931
If you want Daniel Baldwin,
call his extension, stupid!
547
00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,684
Hey, Alec, do you know
what sucks about being a Baldwin?
548
00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:46,103
- No, what?
- Nothing! Yeah!
549
00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:54,945
You missed me!
550
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,743
All right, children,
your mothers are all making me
551
00:27:00,827 --> 00:27:03,120
throw away my lesson plan
and teach theirs.
552
00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:05,539
Mr. Garrison, how come our moms
arrested Terrance and Phillip?
553
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:06,957
- Yeah!
- That's gay.
554
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,043
Well, your moms are just upset.
555
00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:11,837
They're probably all on their
periods or something.
556
00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:15,132
Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I think
that was a sexist statement.
557
00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:16,300
Well, I'm sorry, Wendy,
558
00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:20,054
but I just don't trust anything that
bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
559
00:27:20,138 --> 00:27:23,307
Anyway, children,
let's start offwith some vocabulary.
560
00:27:23,391 --> 00:27:25,476
- Attention, students!
- What now?
561
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:29,938
Come to the gymnasium immediately
for a special announcement, m'kay?
562
00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:35,361
- What's going on, Chef?
- Something big, children.
563
00:27:35,445 --> 00:27:37,571
Chef, I can't find the clitoris.
You have to help me.
564
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,031
Stan, the clitoris...
565
00:27:39,115 --> 00:27:42,785
Please take your seats, everyone.
They're about to announce it, m'kay?
566
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:44,703
This is a state of emergency.
567
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,497
We go now to the White House
for an announcement
568
00:27:46,581 --> 00:27:48,957
from the President of the United States.
569
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,501
My fellowAmericans,
570
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:54,755
at 5:00 a.m. Today,
a day which will live in infamy,
571
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:58,801
the Canadians have bombed
the Baldwins.
572
00:27:58,885 --> 00:28:03,305
In response to this,
the U.S. Has declared war on Canada.
573
00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:07,559
- Oh, no!
- War?
574
00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:10,688
- No, Gregory! No!
- This is bad, Wendy. Hold on to me.
575
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:12,439
All the Baldwins are dead?
576
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:15,609
Now it is the time for us to send
a message to Canadians.
577
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:19,071
In two days time,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip
578
00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:20,906
will be executed.
579
00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:23,033
They're gonna kill them?
580
00:28:23,118 --> 00:28:26,954
And now I'd like to bring up my newly
appointed Secretary of Offense,
581
00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,039
Ms. Sheila Broflovski.
582
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:30,374
Holy shit, dude!
583
00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:31,875
My fellowAmericans,
584
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,046
our neighbor to the north
has abused us for the last time!
585
00:28:36,131 --> 00:28:38,257
- I have a plan...
- The Canadians want to fight us
586
00:28:38,341 --> 00:28:40,884
because we won't tolerate
their potty mouths!
587
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:46,056
Well, if it is war they want,
then war they shall have!
588
00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:52,354
- Dude, this is fucking weak.
- How could things be any worse?
589
00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:06,994
Fallen one, I am Satan.
590
00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:09,621
I am your god now.
591
00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:14,168
There is no escape.
592
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:20,174
Now, feel the delightful pain.
593
00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:24,011
Hey, Satan, did you hear the news?
594
00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:26,680
A warjust broke out up on Earth.
595
00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:30,309
Meet Saddam Hussein,
my new partner in evil.
596
00:29:30,852 --> 00:29:32,853
Move over, Satan,
you're hogging all the fun.
597
00:29:32,937 --> 00:29:36,607
Yeah! Yeah!
Man, this is getting me so hot!
598
00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:39,151
Saddam, would you let me
do myjob, please?
599
00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:41,779
Come on, rub my nipples
while I torture this little piggy!
600
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:45,115
Saddam, could I talk to you
over here for a second?
601
00:29:46,409 --> 00:29:50,329
I don't see why you have to belittle me
in front of people like that.
602
00:29:50,413 --> 00:29:51,705
Relax, guy!
603
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:54,708
Well, sometimes I think you don't have
any respect for me.
604
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,835
Hey, come here, guy.
605
00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:00,380
- Who's my cream puff?
- I am.
606
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:02,341
That's right, buddy.
607
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,805
- Dude, I don't want to be at war.
- You don't think they're really
608
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,139
gonna kill Terrance and Phillip,
do you?
609
00:30:09,224 --> 00:30:11,308
Kyle, you need to stop
being such a chicken shit
610
00:30:11,392 --> 00:30:12,392
and stand up to your mother.
611
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:13,977
You need to smack her
in the face and say,
612
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:15,562
"That's enough of your shit,
you fucking bitch!"
613
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,397
Don't call my mom a bitch, Can'tman!
614
00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:19,274
You guys stop it! This isn't helping!
615
00:30:19,359 --> 00:30:20,484
We've gotta think here!
616
00:30:20,568 --> 00:30:22,820
Now, let's see,
what would Brian Boitano do?
617
00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:25,405
Yeah, what would Brian Boitano do?
618
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,576
Hey, what's going on over there?
619
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:32,329
The American government thinks
it has the right to police the world.
620
00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:34,498
Your government is going
to kill two Canadian citizens,
621
00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:38,168
an action condemned by the U.N.
Home of the free, indeed.
622
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,505
- Let's play tetherball.
- Yeah.
623
00:30:41,589 --> 00:30:44,216
This is about freedom of speech!
About censorship!
624
00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:45,551
Can't you guys be more political
like Gregory?
625
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:48,303
There's the girl that I like
626
00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:53,267
Now it appears
that she likes another guy
627
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:57,354
It must be because
he's political and stuff
628
00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:01,191
I bet I could be political, too
629
00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:03,318
What do you think, Stan?
630
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:07,698
- Damn it!
- You guys, this is all Kyle's mom's fault!
631
00:31:07,782 --> 00:31:08,740
Shut up, Can'tman!
632
00:31:08,825 --> 00:31:10,784
Kyle's mom is the one
that started that damn club,
633
00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:13,036
and all because
she's a big, fat, stupid...
634
00:31:13,121 --> 00:31:14,955
Don't say it, Can'tman!
635
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,039
Well...
636
00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,958
Don't do it, Can'tman!
637
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:19,418
Well...
638
00:31:19,502 --> 00:31:21,837
- I'm warning you!
- Okay. Okay.
639
00:31:22,422 --> 00:31:24,464
I'm getting pretty sick of
him calling my mom...
640
00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:25,757
well, Kyle's mom's a bitch
She's a big fat witch
641
00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:27,384
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
642
00:31:27,468 --> 00:31:28,844
She's a stupid bitch
if there ever was a bitch
643
00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:31,305
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
644
00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:33,599
Shut your fucking mouth, Can'tman!
645
00:31:33,683 --> 00:31:35,058
On Monday she's a bitch
On Tuesday she's a bitch
646
00:31:35,143 --> 00:31:36,602
And wednesday through Saturday
she's a bitch
647
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:38,228
Then on Sunday, just to be different
648
00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:41,064
She's a super
King Kamehameha bitch!
649
00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:42,733
Come on, you all know the words!
650
00:31:42,817 --> 00:31:44,109
Have you ever met
my friend Kyle's mom?
651
00:31:44,193 --> 00:31:45,694
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
652
00:31:45,778 --> 00:31:47,237
She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair
653
00:31:47,322 --> 00:31:48,864
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
654
00:31:48,948 --> 00:31:51,909
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch
655
00:31:51,993 --> 00:31:55,037
Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch
656
00:31:55,121 --> 00:31:56,413
Talk to kids around the world
657
00:31:56,497 --> 00:31:58,081
It might go a little bit
something like this
658
00:32:10,219 --> 00:32:11,595
Have you ever met
my friend Kyle's mom?
659
00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:13,055
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
660
00:32:13,139 --> 00:32:14,598
She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair
661
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:16,266
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
662
00:32:16,351 --> 00:32:18,852
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch
663
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:19,937
Can'tman...
664
00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:21,980
Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch
665
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:23,398
I really mean it
666
00:32:23,483 --> 00:32:25,359
Kyle's mom
667
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:30,656
She's a big fat fucking bitch
668
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,450
Big, old, fat fucking bitch, Kyle's mom
669
00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:35,202
Yeah!
670
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:40,874
What?
671
00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:44,169
Fuck.
672
00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:46,964
Okay, everyone settle down.
673
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:49,675
As we continue to send troops
into Canada,
674
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:53,261
M.A.C. Is also fighting the war
against potty mouths here at home!
675
00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:57,182
Here to present the V-Chip
is Dr. Vosknocker.
676
00:33:00,311 --> 00:33:02,646
The machinery of the V-Chip
is very simple.
677
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,606
It is placed under the child's skin
678
00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:06,692
where it emits a small shock
of electricity
679
00:33:06,776 --> 00:33:08,443
whenever an obscenity is uttered.
680
00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:09,820
Now, wait a minute.
681
00:33:09,904 --> 00:33:12,322
This chip somehow knows
if the child is swearing?
682
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,657
It's just like a lie detector.
683
00:33:13,741 --> 00:33:15,534
You see, certain things happen to you
when you swear,
684
00:33:15,618 --> 00:33:16,743
just like when you lie.
685
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:20,330
The chip picks up on this
and gives the subject a little prick.
686
00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:23,250
Patient B5,
would you step out here, please?
687
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:26,920
Patient B5 here has been fitted
with the new V-Chip.
688
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:28,714
- My head hurts.
- Don't worry about that.
689
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:31,091
Now I want you to say "doggy."
690
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:35,095
- Doggy.
- Notice that nothing happens.
691
00:33:35,179 --> 00:33:38,557
- Now say "Montana."
- Montana.
692
00:33:38,641 --> 00:33:40,684
Good! Now, "pillow."
693
00:33:40,768 --> 00:33:42,519
- Pillow.
- All right.
694
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:45,355
Now I want you to say "horse fucker."
695
00:33:46,399 --> 00:33:48,483
Go ahead, Eric. It's all right.
696
00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:50,193
Horse...
697
00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:54,031
That hurt, goddamn... Fuck!
698
00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:57,075
Now I'd like you to say
"big fioppy donkey dick."
699
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,660
- No!
- Success!
700
00:33:58,745 --> 00:34:00,787
The child doesn't want to swear!
701
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:03,081
This isn't fair, you sons of bitches!
702
00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:07,419
We will start putting V-Chips
in all our children next week!
703
00:34:10,214 --> 00:34:13,592
Snacky Smores presents
The March of War.
704
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:15,218
Let's hear it for our boys in blue.
705
00:34:15,303 --> 00:34:16,803
President Clinton
has called them to action
706
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,930
to fight the evil Canadian scourge.
707
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:21,641
A full-scale attack
has been launched on Toronto
708
00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:23,226
after the Canadians' last bombing
709
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:26,021
which took a horrible toll
on the Arquette family.
710
00:34:26,105 --> 00:34:28,356
For security measures,
our great American government
711
00:34:28,441 --> 00:34:30,817
is rounding up all citizens
that have any Canadian blood
712
00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:31,985
and putting them into camps.
713
00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,071
All Canadian-American
citizens are to report
714
00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:35,781
to one of these death camps right away.
715
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:36,907
Did I say death camps?
716
00:34:36,991 --> 00:34:39,576
I meant happy camps,
where you will eat the finest meals,
717
00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:42,621
have access to fabulous doctors
and be able to exercise regularly.
718
00:34:42,705 --> 00:34:44,664
Meanwhile,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip
719
00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:46,625
are prepped for their execution.
720
00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:50,295
Their execution will take place
during a fabulous USO show!
721
00:34:50,379 --> 00:34:54,257
With special guests celebrities,
including Big Gay Al and winona Ryder!
722
00:34:54,342 --> 00:34:56,885
Of course,
the only way to see the USO show
723
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:58,553
is to sign up for the army!
724
00:34:58,638 --> 00:35:01,139
So join the army
and kill some Canadian scum
725
00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:04,810
as we continue the march of war!
726
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:12,692
We must rid ourselves
of anything Canadian!
727
00:35:13,444 --> 00:35:14,444
Bomb them!
728
00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:16,988
Dude, don't you like
Terrance and Phillip anymore?
729
00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:18,240
Course not! My mommy says
730
00:35:18,324 --> 00:35:20,909
I hate Canadians now 'cause they
made me have a dirty mouth!
731
00:35:20,993 --> 00:35:22,661
Burn it all!
732
00:35:23,329 --> 00:35:25,288
- Hey, dudes.
- What's the matter, Can'tman?
733
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:28,500
It's this V-Chip. I hate it.
I can't say any dirty words.
734
00:35:28,584 --> 00:35:30,961
- Really? So you can't say "fuck"?
- No.
735
00:35:31,045 --> 00:35:32,963
- And you can't say "shit"?
- No.
736
00:35:33,047 --> 00:35:34,422
So you can't say, "I'm Eric Can'tman,
737
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:35,966
"the fattest fucking piece of shit
in the world"?
738
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:38,301
- Fuck you...
- Sweet.
739
00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:40,053
Come on, you guys.
This has gone far enough.
740
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:41,680
It's time we talked to our moms.
741
00:35:41,764 --> 00:35:43,306
We're supposed to be grounded
in our rooms.
742
00:35:43,391 --> 00:35:45,642
Come on, Kyle,
it's time for us to get political.
743
00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:48,812
Canada will no longer corrupt
our children!
744
00:35:48,896 --> 00:35:52,274
- Mom, can I talk to you for a second?
- Kyle, what are you doing here?
745
00:35:52,358 --> 00:35:53,650
You are grounded!
746
00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:55,986
Now get back to the house
and stay there!
747
00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:57,487
You too, Stanley!
748
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,532
Mom, we think you're going too far.
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.
749
00:36:00,616 --> 00:36:02,993
We must fight for
our childrers futures...
750
00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:04,578
You started a war! You have to stop it!
751
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,663
...to make them safe again!
752
00:36:06,747 --> 00:36:08,999
- Hello?
- Our children are precious!
753
00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:12,169
- Hello!
- We must make a stand now!
754
00:36:12,253 --> 00:36:14,004
Stop at nothing!
755
00:36:14,380 --> 00:36:15,672
I told you my mom wouldn't listen.
756
00:36:15,756 --> 00:36:18,175
Well, then we're just gonna have to
save Terrance and Phillip ourselves!
757
00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:19,801
- What?
- Think about it, you guys.
758
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:21,094
What would Brian Boitano do?
759
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,721
He'd figure out a way
to rescue Terrance and Phillip
760
00:36:22,805 --> 00:36:23,847
before they're executed.
761
00:36:23,931 --> 00:36:26,558
We can't do anything.
Our moms' organization is too strong.
762
00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:28,560
Well, then, we'll round up
all the grounded kids in town
763
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:30,020
and start our own organization.
764
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,022
An organization to help save
Terrance and Phillip.
765
00:36:32,106 --> 00:36:34,191
Hey, yeah, our own secret club!
766
00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:37,027
- I guess that could work.
- We have to try.
767
00:36:37,111 --> 00:36:40,197
What would Brian Boitano do
if he was here right now?
768
00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:42,032
He'd make a plan
and he'd follow through
769
00:36:42,116 --> 00:36:43,533
That's what Brian Boitano would do
770
00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:46,870
when Brian Boitano was in
the Olympics skating for the gold
771
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:50,207
He did two salchows and a triple Lutz
while wearing a blindfold
772
00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:53,710
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
fighting grizzly bears
773
00:36:53,794 --> 00:36:57,047
He used his magical fire breath
and saved the maidens fair
774
00:36:57,131 --> 00:37:00,425
So what would Brian Boitano do
if he were here today?
775
00:37:00,509 --> 00:37:04,095
I'm sure he'd kick and ass or two
That's what Brian Boitano would do
776
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:07,557
I want this V-Chip out of me
777
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:10,685
It has stunted my vocabulary
778
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:14,147
And I just want my mom
to stop fighting everyone
779
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,024
For wendy I'll be an activist, too
780
00:37:16,108 --> 00:37:17,692
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
781
00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:20,946
what would Brian Boitano do?
He'd call all the kids in town
782
00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:24,491
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano would do
783
00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:27,535
- Did someone say my name?
- Who are you?
784
00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:29,788
- I'm Brian Dennehy.
- What?
785
00:37:29,872 --> 00:37:32,832
- No, not fucking Brian Dennehy!
- Yeah. Get the fuck out of here!
786
00:37:33,542 --> 00:37:34,584
Bye.
787
00:37:35,002 --> 00:37:36,670
When Brian Boitano
traveled through time
788
00:37:36,754 --> 00:37:38,255
To the year 3010
789
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:41,675
He fought the evil robot king
and saved the human race again
790
00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:43,510
And when Brian Boitano
built the pyramids
791
00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:45,053
He beat up Kublai Khan
792
00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:49,975
'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit
from anybody
793
00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:53,520
So let's call all the kids together
and unite to stop our moms
794
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:55,438
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too
795
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:57,148
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
796
00:37:57,233 --> 00:37:58,942
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too
797
00:37:59,026 --> 00:38:04,197
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
798
00:38:09,578 --> 00:38:11,288
Hey, relax, guy.
799
00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:13,415
There's nothing on.
800
00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:15,292
You just get cranky when you're tired,
that's all.
801
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:16,418
I'm not cranky.
802
00:38:16,502 --> 00:38:19,421
What started as a spat between
the United States and Canada
803
00:38:19,505 --> 00:38:21,298
is quickly turning into world War III!
804
00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:22,716
World War III?
805
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,342
Terrance and Phillip
are going to be put to death
806
00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:25,635
for crimes against humanity.
807
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:27,053
The time of execution...
808
00:38:27,138 --> 00:38:31,433
It has come to be.
The four horsemen are drawing nigh!
809
00:38:31,517 --> 00:38:34,144
The time of prophecy is upon us!
810
00:38:34,228 --> 00:38:36,062
I love when you get all biblical, Satan.
811
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,647
You know exactly how to turn my crank.
812
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:40,859
No, I'm being serious.
It is the seventh sign.
813
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:42,902
- What?
- Behold.
814
00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:45,822
The first signs of my reign
have all come true.
815
00:38:45,906 --> 00:38:48,658
The fall of an empire,
the coming of a comet,
816
00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:53,496
and now, when the blood of these
Canadians touches American soil,
817
00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:56,416
it will be our time to rise.
818
00:38:57,168 --> 00:39:00,503
Yeah. Yeah, man! I'm getting so hot!
Let's fuck!
819
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:02,130
Do you always think about sex?
820
00:39:02,214 --> 00:39:04,716
I'm talking about
very important stuff here!
821
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,802
I'm just excited about
taking over the world! Come on!
822
00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:10,305
Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
823
00:39:10,389 --> 00:39:11,765
I love you.
824
00:39:13,059 --> 00:39:14,517
I want to believe that.
825
00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:18,396
So what do you say we shut off that light
and get close, huh?
826
00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:24,861
Yeah, you like that, don't you, bitch?
827
00:39:27,782 --> 00:39:30,700
Okay. We can use my dad's computer
to call all the kids together.
828
00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:33,620
Wait. Before we put a message out,
do a search on the word "clitoris."
829
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:35,038
Okay.
830
00:39:36,290 --> 00:39:38,291
Found eight million pages
with the word "clitoris."
831
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:39,376
Wow!
832
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,004
I'll just try the first one.
"You must be 18 to enter this website."
833
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:46,257
Okay.
"Welcome to German sick fetish video."
834
00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:49,177
"If you are under 18 do not..." Okay.
835
00:39:52,181 --> 00:39:53,723
Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!
836
00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:56,226
- Whoa! Is it Can'tmars mom?
- Very funny.
837
00:39:56,310 --> 00:39:58,353
Hey! It is Can'tmars mom!
838
00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:00,397
All righty then.
839
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:01,898
Son of a bitch...
840
00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:04,901
Get out of here, lke.
You're too young for this stuff.
841
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:05,985
Bullshit.
842
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:07,987
What's she doing now?
843
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:09,697
Okey-dokey.
844
00:40:13,452 --> 00:40:14,911
Click it off, dude! Click it off!
845
00:40:14,995 --> 00:40:16,746
Dude, what the fuck is wrong
with German people?
846
00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:18,706
All right. All right.
Let's just do what we came here to do
847
00:40:18,791 --> 00:40:19,958
and put a message out to kids!
848
00:40:20,042 --> 00:40:22,502
Okay. Let's see. I've gotta put out
an all-access e-mail.
849
00:40:22,586 --> 00:40:23,962
Goddamn, your mom sucks, Can'tman.
850
00:40:24,046 --> 00:40:25,213
Just get to the message board!
851
00:40:25,297 --> 00:40:28,675
I'm trying. I can't find a Canadian server.
I've got to break into the mainframe.
852
00:40:28,926 --> 00:40:32,595
Damn it, they've got an access code!
I'll try to reroute the encryptions.
853
00:40:36,016 --> 00:40:39,227
Okay. Here we go.
"Want to help Terrance and Phillip?"
854
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:45,692
- Tell them we'll have punch and pie.
- We're not gonna have punch and pie!
855
00:40:45,776 --> 00:40:49,446
More people will come
if they think we have punch and pie!
856
00:40:51,198 --> 00:40:54,492
"This is top secret. The password is..."
857
00:40:54,994 --> 00:40:56,703
La Résistance.
858
00:40:57,538 --> 00:40:59,456
And so the draft will begin tomorrow
859
00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:02,584
as more and more troops are needed
to invade the Canadian border.
860
00:41:02,668 --> 00:41:04,627
The Canadian government pleads
for a peaceful resolution,
861
00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:07,255
but naturally we're not listening.
862
00:41:07,506 --> 00:41:08,590
Good night, hon.
863
00:41:08,674 --> 00:41:10,967
Mom, when is the war gonna be over?
864
00:41:11,051 --> 00:41:13,344
I don't know, hon. Soon, we hope.
865
00:41:13,429 --> 00:41:15,763
You want it to end quickly, huh?
866
00:41:17,641 --> 00:41:19,601
- Mom?
- Yes, hon?
867
00:41:19,685 --> 00:41:23,646
If you were in a German Scheibe video,
you'd tell me, right?
868
00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,774
Sure, hon. Good night.
869
00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:37,827
There's a ghost!
870
00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:41,331
Kenny, is that you?
871
00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:45,502
Satan! Satan is coming here?
872
00:41:46,253 --> 00:41:49,380
Saddam Hussein?
That doesn't make sense, Kenny!
873
00:41:51,967 --> 00:41:54,677
- Eric, what is it?
- I saw him! I saw Kenny!
874
00:41:54,762 --> 00:41:58,014
You poor dear.
You've been through so much.
875
00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:01,392
I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire
and now he's all pissed off!
876
00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:03,019
I can't say "pissed off"?
877
00:42:05,105 --> 00:42:07,565
The execution of Terrance and Phillip
is imminent.
878
00:42:07,650 --> 00:42:10,443
Soon, Saddam and I will rule the world.
879
00:42:12,446 --> 00:42:15,448
Hi, Satan. I got some new luggage
for our trip up to Earth.
880
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:16,616
Let's fuck to celebrate.
881
00:42:16,700 --> 00:42:19,869
What's it like up on Earth, Saddam?
Tell me about it again.
882
00:42:19,954 --> 00:42:21,996
Let's not talk. Let's get busy.
883
00:42:22,081 --> 00:42:23,873
Do you remember
when you first got here?
884
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:27,043
We used to talk all night long
until the sun came up.
885
00:42:27,127 --> 00:42:29,796
We would just lie in bed and talk.
886
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,507
Well, yeah, 'cause I was still waiting
to get you in bed, dummy!
887
00:42:32,591 --> 00:42:35,051
How come you always wanna
make love to me from behind?
888
00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:37,845
Is it because you want to pretend
I'm somebody else?
889
00:42:37,930 --> 00:42:40,473
Satan, your ass is gigantic and red.
890
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:43,601
Who am I gonna pretend you are,
Liza Minnelli?
891
00:42:45,479 --> 00:42:47,313
Don't get all pissy!
892
00:42:54,446 --> 00:42:57,198
Sometimes I think
893
00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,909
When I look up real high
894
00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:03,746
That there's such a big world up there
895
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,291
I'd like to give it a try
896
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:09,419
But then I sink
897
00:43:09,503 --> 00:43:12,422
'Cause it's here I'm supposed to stay
898
00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:15,258
But I get so lonely down here
899
00:43:15,342 --> 00:43:19,512
Tell me why's it have to be that way
900
00:43:20,347 --> 00:43:22,932
Up there, there is so much room
901
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:26,019
Where babies burp and fiowers bloom
902
00:43:26,103 --> 00:43:29,230
Everyone dreams
I can dream, too
903
00:43:29,315 --> 00:43:34,110
Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue
904
00:43:34,486 --> 00:43:38,239
I could be safe and live without a care
905
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:41,326
Up there
906
00:43:41,744 --> 00:43:44,454
They say I don't belong
907
00:43:44,538 --> 00:43:47,290
I must stay below alone
908
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:53,463
Because of my beliefs I'm supposed to
stay where evil is sown
909
00:43:54,048 --> 00:43:59,135
But what is evil anyway?
Is there reason to the rhyme?
910
00:43:59,511 --> 00:44:01,596
Without evil there could be no good
911
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:06,184
So it must be good
to be evil sometimes
912
00:44:07,227 --> 00:44:09,937
Up there, there is so much room
913
00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:13,107
Where babies burp and fiowers bloom
914
00:44:13,192 --> 00:44:16,110
Everyone dreams
I can dream, too
915
00:44:16,195 --> 00:44:21,240
Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue
916
00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:25,787
I could be safe and live without a care
917
00:44:25,871 --> 00:44:28,039
Live without a care
918
00:44:28,707 --> 00:44:32,627
If only I could live up there
919
00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,214
I wanna live
I wanna live
920
00:44:40,928 --> 00:44:45,098
I want to live up there!
921
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:58,361
- You're late, Can'tman!
- I had to ride my bike here.
922
00:44:58,445 --> 00:45:00,613
- My behind is killing me!
- Your behind?
923
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:03,866
I have to say "behind"
'cause I get shocked if I say "ass"...
924
00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:07,537
- Did you bring the punch and pie?
- No, you guys, something happened.
925
00:45:07,621 --> 00:45:09,872
- I don't think Kenny's dead.
- What?
926
00:45:09,957 --> 00:45:10,998
I saw him in my room.
927
00:45:11,083 --> 00:45:13,376
I know, Can'tman, I know.
I see Kenny every day.
928
00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:16,045
- You do?
- Sure, dude, on the face of every child.
929
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:18,214
On the smile of every baby.
930
00:45:18,298 --> 00:45:20,174
Hey, I'm telling you, this was Kenny!
931
00:45:20,259 --> 00:45:21,968
He said that if Terrance and Phillip die,
932
00:45:22,052 --> 00:45:25,304
Saddam Hussein and Satan
are gonna come up and rule the world!
933
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:26,931
Saddam Hussein?
934
00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:34,564
- Who is it?
- I'm here for la Résistance.
935
00:45:34,648 --> 00:45:37,191
- What's the password?
- I don't know.
936
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:39,819
- Guess.
- Bacon.
937
00:45:40,654 --> 00:45:41,988
Okay.
938
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:47,034
Oh, no, it's that kid!
939
00:45:47,119 --> 00:45:49,412
- This is the place.
- Wendy?
940
00:45:49,496 --> 00:45:51,914
Stan? You started la Résistance?
941
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:54,792
Well, apparently you're more political
than we thought.
942
00:45:54,877 --> 00:45:56,878
Let us get this meeting underway.
There are others coming.
943
00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:02,759
Wow, a lot of people showed up.
944
00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:05,595
Okay.
945
00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:07,680
Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,
946
00:46:07,765 --> 00:46:09,891
and we think that sucks ass!
947
00:46:11,810 --> 00:46:12,810
Yes?
948
00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:15,438
We were to understand
there'd be pie and punch.
949
00:46:15,522 --> 00:46:17,148
There isn't any.
950
00:46:21,153 --> 00:46:23,029
Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,
951
00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:25,364
so we think we should prank call
a bunch of policemen
952
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:28,785
and have pizza sent to them
that they didn't order!
953
00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:34,290
- May I?
- What?
954
00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:36,125
Terrance and Phillip
are currently being held
955
00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:38,419
at a Canadian internment camp
two kilometers outside of town.
956
00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:39,712
They're to be executed tomorrow during
957
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,464
a star-studded USO show
for the troops.
958
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:42,590
Tomorrow?
959
00:46:42,674 --> 00:46:44,300
Once the show begins,
we should have about one hour
960
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:45,802
to get Terrance and Phillip
out of their cell
961
00:46:45,886 --> 00:46:46,928
and into this clearing.
962
00:46:47,012 --> 00:46:48,471
There, we will all rendezvous
and, together,
963
00:46:48,555 --> 00:46:50,306
take Terrance and Phillip
safely back to Canada.
964
00:46:50,390 --> 00:46:52,225
Wow, dude, Wendy's new guy is smart.
965
00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:54,977
You must all meet me at the rendezvous
point at precisely 10:00 p.m.
966
00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:56,938
Sneaking into the show and breaking out
Terrance and Phillip
967
00:46:57,022 --> 00:47:00,316
will be the most dangerous part,
so I'll go myself.
968
00:47:00,567 --> 00:47:02,235
No! We're going!
969
00:47:02,736 --> 00:47:03,820
We started la Résistance.
970
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:06,155
We'll get Terrance and Phillip
and meet you at the rendezvous point.
971
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,950
This will be very dangerous.
Are you quite sure?
972
00:47:09,034 --> 00:47:10,159
Fuck that!
973
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:11,828
Can'tman, do you want
that V-Chip in you forever?
974
00:47:11,912 --> 00:47:14,872
We're going.
Now let's run through the plan.
975
00:47:24,550 --> 00:47:26,759
Oh, boy! Military action, Ned!
976
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:29,637
Let's kill us
some goddamn Australians!
977
00:47:29,721 --> 00:47:31,764
I think we're fighting Canadians.
978
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:34,016
Canadians, Australians,
what's the difference?
979
00:47:34,101 --> 00:47:38,563
Yeah. This uniform makes me feel
like a tough, brute man, Mr. Hat.
980
00:47:38,647 --> 00:47:40,648
It sure does, Mr. Garrison.
981
00:47:40,732 --> 00:47:42,900
Oh, boy, I can't wait for
our first shore leave
982
00:47:42,985 --> 00:47:46,070
so I can get me some fucking poontang.
983
00:47:46,154 --> 00:47:47,154
Pay attention!
984
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:50,491
Tomorrow night is the USO show
for all you troops!
985
00:47:50,576 --> 00:47:55,288
There will be celebrities, followed by
the execution of Terrance and Phillip.
986
00:47:55,789 --> 00:48:00,084
After the show, we will finally be
sending ground troops into Canada.
987
00:48:00,168 --> 00:48:01,460
So let's strategize.
988
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:02,795
Map!
989
00:48:03,589 --> 00:48:05,715
Our sources have told us
that the Canadians
990
00:48:05,799 --> 00:48:08,676
are preparing for our invasion,
so we must use caution.
991
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,137
Each battalion has
a specific code name and mission.
992
00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:13,639
Battalion Five, raise your hands.
993
00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:16,058
You will be the all-important
first attack wave,
994
00:48:16,143 --> 00:48:18,895
which we will call
Operation Human Shield.
995
00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:20,062
Hey, wait a minute!
996
00:48:20,147 --> 00:48:23,274
Now keep in mind, Operation Human
Shield will suffer heavy losses.
997
00:48:23,358 --> 00:48:24,859
Battalion Fourteen?
998
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:28,237
Right. You are
Operation Get Behind the Darkies.
999
00:48:28,322 --> 00:48:30,072
You will follow Battalion Five here.
1000
00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:33,910
And try not to get killed, for God's sake.
Are there any questions, men?
1001
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:34,994
Yes, soldier?
1002
00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:37,705
Have you ever heard of
the Emancipation Proclamation?
1003
00:48:37,789 --> 00:48:39,373
I don't listen to hip-hop.
1004
00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:43,544
After that, we will march
into the heart of Canada and we will...
1005
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:45,463
I'm coming to get you!
I'm coming to get you!
1006
00:48:45,547 --> 00:48:47,840
What's wrong with this thing?
1007
00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:51,594
It's fucking Windows 98!
Get Bill Gates in here!
1008
00:48:54,848 --> 00:48:57,600
You told us Windows 98 would be faster
and more efficient
1009
00:48:57,684 --> 00:48:59,101
with better access to the Internet.
1010
00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:01,771
It is faster. Over five million...
1011
00:49:02,481 --> 00:49:06,692
All right, men, get lots of rest
and prepare to go into Canada!
1012
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,531
After you have Terrance and Phillip,
quietly make your way to this ridge.
1013
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,700
We will be waiting for you there.
We cannot wait for long,
1014
00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:16,619
so if you're not there at 10:00,
we'll have to leave.
1015
00:49:16,703 --> 00:49:18,037
- Got you.
- You are indeed brave,
1016
00:49:18,121 --> 00:49:20,581
but you will need help from someone
who's done this sort of thing before.
1017
00:49:20,666 --> 00:49:23,167
- Here's the address of The Mole.
- The Mole?
1018
00:49:23,251 --> 00:49:25,628
He is an expert in covert operations.
A mercenary for hire.
1019
00:49:25,712 --> 00:49:28,506
Your first task will be obtaining him.
Get lots of sleep.
1020
00:49:28,590 --> 00:49:32,093
Tomorrow, we will all be
risking our lives for freedom.
1021
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:36,222
God has smiled upon you this day
1022
00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:41,727
The fate of a nation in your hands
1023
00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:44,480
And blessed be the children
1024
00:49:44,564 --> 00:49:47,316
Who fight with all our bravery
1025
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:51,612
Till only the righteous stand
1026
00:49:52,364 --> 00:49:55,658
You see the distant flames
They bellow in the night
1027
00:49:55,742 --> 00:49:59,036
You fight in all our names
for what we know is right
1028
00:49:59,121 --> 00:50:02,248
And when you all get shot
and cannot carry on
1029
00:50:02,332 --> 00:50:05,251
Though you die, la Résistance lives on
1030
00:50:05,752 --> 00:50:08,963
You may get stabbed in the head
with a dagger or a sword
1031
00:50:09,047 --> 00:50:12,133
You may be burned to death
or skinned alive or worse
1032
00:50:12,217 --> 00:50:15,011
But when they torture you
you will not feel the need to run
1033
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:18,180
For though you die
la Résistance lives on
1034
00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:21,225
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
1035
00:50:21,309 --> 00:50:25,563
Because the country's gone awry
Tomorrow night these freaks will fry!
1036
00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:29,066
Tomorrow night, our lives will change
1037
00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:31,986
Tomorrow night, we'll be entertained
1038
00:50:32,404 --> 00:50:35,197
An execution
What a sight
1039
00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:36,240
Tomorrow night
1040
00:50:36,324 --> 00:50:38,993
Up there, there is so much room
Where babies burp and fiowers bloom
1041
00:50:39,077 --> 00:50:42,204
Tomorrow night, up there is doomed
And so I will be going soon
1042
00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:44,874
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
1043
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:48,335
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
1044
00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:49,795
Looks like we may be out of luck
1045
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,380
Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked
1046
00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:54,467
Why did our mothers start this war?
What the fuck are they fighting for?
1047
00:50:54,551 --> 00:50:56,469
When did this song
become a marathon?
1048
00:50:56,553 --> 00:50:58,888
- I want to be up there...
- When Canada is dead and gone
1049
00:50:58,972 --> 00:51:00,431
There'll be no more Celine Dion!
1050
00:51:00,515 --> 00:51:03,601
They might cut your dick in half
and serve it to a pig
1051
00:51:03,685 --> 00:51:06,645
And though it hurts
you'll laugh and dance a dickless jig
1052
00:51:06,730 --> 00:51:09,523
But that's the way it goes
In war, you're shat upon
1053
00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:11,484
- Though we die...
- I want to be up there...
1054
00:51:11,568 --> 00:51:15,321
...la Résistance lives on!
1055
00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:18,741
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
1056
00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:20,659
- Tomorrow night!
- Tomorrow night!
1057
00:51:25,999 --> 00:51:27,625
Oh, boy, I'm so excited!
1058
00:51:27,709 --> 00:51:29,877
Just one more day
until we can take over the world.
1059
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,463
I don't know if I can sleep,
if you know what I mean.
1060
00:51:32,547 --> 00:51:33,964
This book is really interesting.
1061
00:51:34,049 --> 00:51:36,425
It talks about how people
communicate differently.
1062
00:51:36,510 --> 00:51:39,762
Like, I communicate by wanting you
to ask me questions, and you...
1063
00:51:39,846 --> 00:51:42,556
Hey, that is interesting! Let's fuck!
1064
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:45,643
Saddam, I'm trying to have
a nice conversation with you.
1065
00:51:45,727 --> 00:51:47,353
Hey, Satan.
1066
00:51:47,896 --> 00:51:50,022
Now that is just not appropriate!
1067
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:53,067
Come on, I'm just fucking with you!
It's not real!
1068
00:51:53,151 --> 00:51:56,362
- Well, that is still not appropriate.
- Hey, daddy.
1069
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:59,657
It's not real, either! Come on, guy!
1070
00:52:06,164 --> 00:52:08,749
Soon the world will belong to me!
1071
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:14,922
It's Saddam,
he doesn't nurture my emotions.
1072
00:52:15,006 --> 00:52:18,175
He just wants sex
and can't learn to communicate.
1073
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:22,513
You're right, I should leave him!
I'm just gonna tell him,
1074
00:52:22,597 --> 00:52:25,307
"Saddam,
I'm going to Earth to rule alone!"
1075
00:52:25,392 --> 00:52:27,893
I'm strong and I don't need him!
1076
00:52:32,315 --> 00:52:34,650
Today's the day for the USO show
1077
00:52:34,734 --> 00:52:36,735
we're so happy we get to go
1078
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:38,779
I don't know but I've been told
1079
00:52:38,864 --> 00:52:40,656
Canadian pussy is mighty cold...
1080
00:52:40,740 --> 00:52:42,992
Ike, you have to stay in the attic
'cause if they find you,
1081
00:52:43,076 --> 00:52:46,287
they'll put you
in a Canadian concentration camp.
1082
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:48,664
Don't worry, lke,
we're gonna put an end to this.
1083
00:52:48,748 --> 00:52:52,835
And then I'll make Mom come home
and we'll all be a family again.
1084
00:52:56,089 --> 00:52:57,840
All of that is home.
1085
00:53:12,898 --> 00:53:16,692
- Hello?
- Hi. We need to speak with The Mole.
1086
00:53:16,776 --> 00:53:20,487
I'm sorry, The Mole is grounded.
He can't come out and play.
1087
00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:21,655
- What?
- He's a kid?
1088
00:53:21,740 --> 00:53:24,366
He said very naughty things about God.
1089
00:53:24,451 --> 00:53:26,785
Well, can we just talk to him
for five seconds, please?
1090
00:53:26,870 --> 00:53:29,205
Well, all right. Christophe?
1091
00:53:31,499 --> 00:53:33,751
Hi, we're gonna go rescue
Terrance and Phillip
1092
00:53:33,835 --> 00:53:35,377
from the USO show and...
1093
00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,087
- Who are you? Who sent you?
- That Gregory kid.
1094
00:53:37,172 --> 00:53:38,380
He said you could sneak us in.
1095
00:53:38,465 --> 00:53:41,008
Are you telling me that you intend to
break into the USO show,
1096
00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:44,428
filled with thousands of soldiers,
and break out Terrance and Phillip?
1097
00:53:44,512 --> 00:53:46,263
I thought it was a pretty stupid idea, too.
1098
00:53:46,348 --> 00:53:47,389
We're la Résistance!
1099
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,017
We wanna save Terrance and Phillip
and stop the war and stuff.
1100
00:53:50,101 --> 00:53:53,187
I can't help you. I'm grounded
in my room for the next three days.
1101
00:53:53,271 --> 00:53:55,314
So are we.
Our parents think we're home right now.
1102
00:53:55,398 --> 00:53:56,398
Why are you grounded?
1103
00:53:56,483 --> 00:53:58,734
Why? Because God hates me,
that's why.
1104
00:53:58,818 --> 00:54:00,361
He has made my life miserable.
1105
00:54:00,445 --> 00:54:03,072
So I call him a cock-sucking asshole
and I get grounded.
1106
00:54:03,156 --> 00:54:05,074
- So will you help us?
- Very well.
1107
00:54:05,158 --> 00:54:07,117
Meet me in the backyard
in five minutes.
1108
00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:10,246
We'll show God that we're not gonna
fucking take any more...
1109
00:54:10,330 --> 00:54:13,457
- What? Christophe, get in here!
- Coming, Mother.
1110
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:17,127
I must be strong. I must be strong.
1111
00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:20,297
Saddam, I need to talk to you.
1112
00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:21,590
You better get packing, bitch.
1113
00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:24,093
We have to go.
We're running out of time.
1114
00:54:24,177 --> 00:54:27,388
Saddam, sometimes you can love
a person very much,
1115
00:54:27,472 --> 00:54:29,306
but still know that they aren't
right for you.
1116
00:54:29,391 --> 00:54:31,100
What the fuck are you talking about?
1117
00:54:31,184 --> 00:54:33,769
You treat me like shit, Saddam!
I'm leaving you!
1118
00:54:33,853 --> 00:54:36,480
I'm going up to Earth to rule alone!
1119
00:54:36,773 --> 00:54:38,565
No. No, you can't do that!
1120
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:42,528
- I'm sorry, but I have to be strong.
- Satan, please, give me another chance!
1121
00:54:42,612 --> 00:54:45,739
- I have to go to Earth!
- You don't even have respect for me!
1122
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:48,909
Sure I do, guy. Please, just hear me out.
1123
00:54:52,163 --> 00:54:55,374
Some people say that I'm a bad guy
1124
00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:58,377
They may be right
They may be right
1125
00:54:59,129 --> 00:55:02,256
But it's not as if I don't try
1126
00:55:02,340 --> 00:55:05,342
I just fuck up, try as I might
1127
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:08,137
But I can change, I can change
1128
00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:11,307
I can learn to keep my promises
I swear it
1129
00:55:11,391 --> 00:55:16,020
I'll open up my heart and I will share it
Any minute now I will be born again
1130
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:19,440
Yes, I can change, I can change
1131
00:55:19,524 --> 00:55:22,443
I know I've been a dirty little bastard
1132
00:55:22,527 --> 00:55:23,652
I like to kill, I like to maim
1133
00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:26,196
Yes, I'm insane, but it's okay
'cause I can change
1134
00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:31,660
It's not my fault that I'm so evil
It's society
1135
00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:33,120
Society
1136
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:36,123
You see, my parents
were sometimes abusive
1137
00:55:36,207 --> 00:55:38,709
And it made a prick of me
1138
00:55:38,793 --> 00:55:40,919
But I can change, I can change
1139
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,797
What if you remain
a sandy little butthole?
1140
00:55:43,882 --> 00:55:47,259
Satan, don't be such a twit
Mother Teresa won't have shit on me
1141
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:48,594
Just watch
Just watch me change
1142
00:55:48,678 --> 00:55:50,512
Here I go
I'm changing
1143
00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:15,871
You see, I've really matured.
1144
00:56:15,955 --> 00:56:17,998
- All right.
- All right!
1145
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:21,335
- Come on. We have to hurry.
- I love you.
1146
00:56:25,173 --> 00:56:27,591
Ladies and gentlemen
of the American Army,
1147
00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:30,302
welcome to the USO show!
1148
00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:34,098
Get ready for loads of entertainment
and fabulous celebrities,
1149
00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:38,060
followed immediately by the nasty
execution of Terrance and Phillip!
1150
00:56:43,066 --> 00:56:45,234
This is the USO show
where those military bitches
1151
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:46,693
intend to kill Terrance and Phillip.
1152
00:56:46,778 --> 00:56:48,570
- Oh, my God!
- God?
1153
00:56:48,655 --> 00:56:50,364
He is the biggest bitch of them all.
1154
00:56:50,448 --> 00:56:54,201
We have to hurry. We rendezvous
with the other kids at 10:00.
1155
00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:56,703
You realize that by doing this,
we could be grounded for two,
1156
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:58,080
perhaps even three weeks.
1157
00:56:58,164 --> 00:57:00,541
- We're willing to take that risk.
- Then let's go.
1158
00:57:00,625 --> 00:57:03,001
And now, here are your hosts
for the evening,
1159
00:57:03,086 --> 00:57:06,338
Sheila Broflovski and Big Gay Al!
1160
00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:12,177
Al, tonight is a very special night,
do you know why?
1161
00:57:12,262 --> 00:57:14,638
They're having a sale at Merv's?
1162
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:18,434
No, because we're going to abolish
Canadian smut!
1163
00:57:18,518 --> 00:57:21,603
That's right, Sheila!
Bring out the condemned!
1164
00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:28,986
Today is a great day for democracy!
1165
00:57:31,197 --> 00:57:33,157
Phillip, this is worse than that night
I fell asleep
1166
00:57:33,241 --> 00:57:35,325
and you put your dick in my mouth
and took a picture!
1167
00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:36,952
I know, Terrance. I know.
1168
00:57:37,036 --> 00:57:39,621
Well, Sheila,
while you're getting set up over there,
1169
00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:44,126
let's bring out our first act,
Yippie the back-fiipping dog!
1170
00:57:56,556 --> 00:57:59,057
Be careful not to touch this wire.
1171
00:57:59,684 --> 00:58:01,226
Motherfucker...
1172
00:58:01,519 --> 00:58:02,728
Fuck...
1173
00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:11,904
Shit, the USO show has started!
We are running out of time!
1174
00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:13,322
Do you see Terrance and Phillip?
1175
00:58:13,406 --> 00:58:14,823
Yes, but they are heavily guarded.
1176
00:58:15,992 --> 00:58:17,868
We have to dig from here
so as not to be seen.
1177
00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:19,036
Come on, bitches.
1178
00:58:20,830 --> 00:58:22,873
Hey, Mole,
do you know where the clitoris is?
1179
00:58:22,957 --> 00:58:24,082
- The what?
- The clitoris.
1180
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:26,710
I have to find the clitoris so I can
get this Wendy girl to like me again.
1181
00:58:26,794 --> 00:58:28,504
You need to stop thinking
with your dick!
1182
00:58:28,588 --> 00:58:29,630
You have to be on your toes
1183
00:58:29,714 --> 00:58:31,173
because I am not going to be
grounded again!
1184
00:58:31,257 --> 00:58:32,925
Not for you. Not for anybody.
1185
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:36,178
Men, when you're out there
in the battlefield
1186
00:58:36,262 --> 00:58:38,680
and you're looking into the beady eyes
of a Canadian
1187
00:58:38,765 --> 00:58:41,725
as he charges you with his hockey stick
or whatever he has
1188
00:58:41,809 --> 00:58:43,894
and people are dying all around you,
1189
00:58:43,978 --> 00:58:46,480
just remember what the M.P.A.A. Says.
1190
00:58:46,564 --> 00:58:49,358
"Horrific, deplorable violence is okay,
1191
00:58:49,442 --> 00:58:52,194
"as long as people don't say
any naughty words!"
1192
00:58:52,278 --> 00:58:55,113
That is what this war is all about!
1193
00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:57,824
What?
1194
00:59:00,078 --> 00:59:01,203
Shit!
1195
00:59:03,248 --> 00:59:04,706
Move, move!
1196
00:59:05,959 --> 00:59:09,461
Okay. We will split up here.
Let's synchronize watches.
1197
00:59:09,879 --> 00:59:11,713
- We don't have watches.
- You don't have watches?
1198
00:59:11,798 --> 00:59:12,881
Dude, you didn't say
anything about watches!
1199
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,091
What do you think this is, kid?
1200
00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:15,551
TV kiddie-hour where we all sit around
1201
00:59:15,635 --> 00:59:17,678
and lick Barney
the dinosaur's fucking pussy, huh?
1202
00:59:17,762 --> 00:59:19,763
This is real life, with consequences
you take to the grave!
1203
00:59:19,847 --> 00:59:22,641
- Dude, we don't have watches.
- Shit! Did you bring the mirror?
1204
00:59:22,725 --> 00:59:23,725
- Got it!
- And the rope?
1205
00:59:23,810 --> 00:59:25,435
- Check.
- And the buttfor?
1206
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,230
- What's a buttfor?
- For pooping, silly.
1207
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,401
Now, listen carefully.
I will dig under the stage,
1208
00:59:32,485 --> 00:59:33,944
and with that bedrock,
I will need more time.
1209
00:59:34,028 --> 00:59:36,738
Stan and Kyle, get near that stage
and stall the show any way you can.
1210
00:59:36,823 --> 00:59:38,156
Do whatever it takes
to keep that show going
1211
00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:39,950
- until I get to the prisoners.
- Okay.
1212
00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:41,952
Can'tman,
over there is the electrical box.
1213
00:59:42,036 --> 00:59:43,453
You must sneak over there
and shut it off
1214
00:59:43,538 --> 00:59:44,913
before I return with Terrance and Phillip
1215
00:59:44,998 --> 00:59:47,499
or the alarms will sound
and I will be attacked by guard dogs.
1216
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:48,834
- Got it?
- Okay.
1217
00:59:48,918 --> 00:59:51,378
You must shut off the alarms!
I fucking hate guard dogs!
1218
00:59:51,462 --> 00:59:53,922
I heard you the first time,
you British piece of shit.
1219
00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:56,758
If anything goes wrong,
make a sound like a dying giraffe.
1220
00:59:56,843 --> 00:59:59,303
What's a dying giraffe sound like?
1221
01:00:02,223 --> 01:00:03,515
- Okay.
- Let's go.
1222
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,183
- Be careful, dude.
- Careful?
1223
01:00:05,268 --> 01:00:07,477
Was my mother careful
when she stabbed me in the heart
1224
01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:10,856
with a clothes hanger
while I was still in the womb?
1225
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:16,445
Damn, dude. That kid is fucked up.
1226
01:00:16,529 --> 01:00:20,324
- How are those chairs coming, Sheila?
- AI, we're minutes away.
1227
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:22,409
Super! In the meantime,
1228
01:00:22,493 --> 01:00:28,165
here's pint-size pixie and darling of
the indie movie scene, Winona Ryder!
1229
01:00:28,374 --> 01:00:29,708
Hi, guys.
1230
01:00:30,209 --> 01:00:32,336
I'm super psyched to be here today.
1231
01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:35,714
What you're doing
for our country is so cool.
1232
01:00:36,257 --> 01:00:40,427
I mean war, man. Wow. War, you know?
1233
01:00:40,803 --> 01:00:42,137
Wow.
1234
01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:46,933
Okay! And now for your enjoyment,
here's my famous ping-pong ball trick!
1235
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:56,568
Oh, my!
1236
01:00:57,362 --> 01:01:01,448
"Shut off the power, Can'tman.
This is very important, Can'tman."
1237
01:01:01,532 --> 01:01:03,325
Dude, did you hear
what Winona Ryder's doing?
1238
01:01:03,409 --> 01:01:05,202
We can't miss this.
1239
01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:10,582
There, I didn't miss one!
1240
01:01:10,667 --> 01:01:12,959
That's my ping-pong ball trick!
1241
01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:19,508
Well, that's all the acts
we have for you tonight,
1242
01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:22,302
so let's just get on with the execution!
1243
01:01:23,054 --> 01:01:25,681
- Oh, no. We have to stall him.
- More! More!
1244
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:27,224
Yeah, more!
1245
01:01:27,308 --> 01:01:30,185
You big sillies!
You want to see more of me?
1246
01:01:30,269 --> 01:01:32,521
Yeah! Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!
1247
01:01:32,605 --> 01:01:34,648
Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!
1248
01:01:34,732 --> 01:01:38,193
Well, I do have a little song
I wrote about the war.
1249
01:01:38,277 --> 01:01:40,028
But we haven't rehearsed.
1250
01:01:40,113 --> 01:01:42,114
- Sing it!
- Yeah, sing it!
1251
01:01:42,198 --> 01:01:45,033
- I can't.
- Sing the fucking song!
1252
01:01:45,118 --> 01:01:47,869
Well, all right, if you insist,
I'll sing my song.
1253
01:01:47,954 --> 01:01:50,414
I believe it goes a little bit like this.
1254
01:01:52,625 --> 01:01:56,712
Bombs are fiying
People are dying
1255
01:01:56,879 --> 01:02:00,257
Children are crying
Politicians are lying, too
1256
01:02:01,134 --> 01:02:05,262
Cancer is killing
Texaco's spilling
1257
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:09,266
The whole world's gone to hell
But how are you?
1258
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:12,728
I'm super, thanks for asking
1259
01:02:12,812 --> 01:02:15,981
All things considered
I couldn't be better, I must say
1260
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:19,443
I'm feeling super
No, nothing bugs me
1261
01:02:19,777 --> 01:02:24,489
Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
1262
01:02:25,616 --> 01:02:28,493
I'm so sorry, Mr. Cripple
1263
01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:31,872
But I just can't feel too bad
for you right now
1264
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:34,916
Because I'm feeling
so insanely super
1265
01:02:35,001 --> 01:02:38,295
That even the fact that you can't walk
can't bring me down
1266
01:02:38,379 --> 01:02:41,298
He's super, thanks for asking
1267
01:02:41,382 --> 01:02:44,593
All things considered
he couldn't be better, he must say
1268
01:02:44,677 --> 01:02:47,512
I'm super
No, nothing bugs me
1269
01:02:48,181 --> 01:02:51,600
Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
1270
01:02:51,684 --> 01:02:54,144
These little pants
this matching tie that I got at Merv's
1271
01:02:54,228 --> 01:02:55,228
I'm super
1272
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:57,063
In the barracks
and the trenches as well
1273
01:02:57,148 --> 01:02:58,982
- Stick 'em up!
- Big Gay Al says
1274
01:02:59,066 --> 01:03:01,026
- "Do ask, do tell"
- Skittles
1275
01:03:01,110 --> 01:03:03,361
Yes, he's super
and he's proud to be gay
1276
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:04,446
Okay?
1277
01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:09,326
Everything is super when you're gay
1278
01:03:12,038 --> 01:03:13,580
When you're gay!
1279
01:03:15,249 --> 01:03:16,708
Again! Again!
1280
01:03:25,301 --> 01:03:26,885
Who's there?
1281
01:03:28,012 --> 01:03:29,888
Son of a gun! Heck!
1282
01:03:30,681 --> 01:03:32,265
They're coming?
1283
01:03:32,892 --> 01:03:35,310
But our moms won't listen to us!
1284
01:03:40,858 --> 01:03:43,109
Okay, everybody,
just wanna take a minute here
1285
01:03:43,194 --> 01:03:46,404
to thank all our wonderful sponsors
we had tonight on this USO show.
1286
01:03:46,489 --> 01:03:47,656
He's almost got them.
1287
01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:48,782
We are here to rescue you.
1288
01:03:48,866 --> 01:03:50,700
After I release you,
follow me through the tunnel.
1289
01:03:50,785 --> 01:03:52,118
- You guys! Seriously!
- What, Can'tman?
1290
01:03:52,203 --> 01:03:53,495
Kenny! I saw Kenny again!
1291
01:03:53,579 --> 01:03:56,081
Did you shut the alarm off, Can'tman?
1292
01:03:56,749 --> 01:03:57,999
Can'tman?
1293
01:03:58,417 --> 01:03:59,709
Shit!
1294
01:04:01,754 --> 01:04:04,381
Hey, did you hear that?
Sounds like a giraffe is dying over there.
1295
01:04:05,591 --> 01:04:07,175
- Shit!
- A spy!
1296
01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:08,510
Get him!
1297
01:04:09,345 --> 01:04:11,012
Shit! Shit!
1298
01:04:12,139 --> 01:04:13,348
Oh, no!
1299
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:16,351
Come on, Mole, come on!
1300
01:04:16,435 --> 01:04:19,437
Shit! Shit! Fucking guard dogs! Shit!
1301
01:04:19,939 --> 01:04:21,398
The alarms, they went off.
1302
01:04:21,482 --> 01:04:23,441
Yeah, that was my bad. Sorry.
1303
01:04:23,526 --> 01:04:25,902
Hold me. It's so very cold.
1304
01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:27,863
There is no hope now.
You must get out of here.
1305
01:04:27,947 --> 01:04:30,073
- We can't leave without you!
- It's okay, I'm done for.
1306
01:04:30,157 --> 01:04:32,576
No, we can't leave without you!
We don't know where the hell we are!
1307
01:04:32,660 --> 01:04:34,870
Where is your God
when you need him, huh?
1308
01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:38,290
Where is your beautiful,
merciful faggot now?
1309
01:04:38,374 --> 01:04:41,334
Here I come, God.
Here I come, you fucking rat.
1310
01:04:41,419 --> 01:04:44,170
Now the light, she fades
1311
01:04:44,255 --> 01:04:46,631
And darkness settles in
1312
01:04:47,466 --> 01:04:49,259
But I will find strength
1313
01:04:49,343 --> 01:04:50,343
No, Mole. Hang on.
1314
01:04:50,428 --> 01:04:52,220
I will find pride within
1315
01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:53,346
We'll get you home.
1316
01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:55,015
Because although I die
1317
01:04:55,099 --> 01:04:56,182
I can't face my mother.
1318
01:04:56,267 --> 01:04:57,976
Our freedom will be won
1319
01:04:58,060 --> 01:04:59,311
Not alone.
1320
01:04:59,395 --> 01:05:01,104
Though I die
1321
01:05:01,814 --> 01:05:05,692
La Résistance lives on
1322
01:05:17,872 --> 01:05:19,122
Shit!
1323
01:05:19,206 --> 01:05:22,083
Okay, folks, here it is,
the moment we've all been waiting for,
1324
01:05:22,168 --> 01:05:23,752
the execution!
1325
01:05:28,716 --> 01:05:30,342
The day is ours!
1326
01:05:31,886 --> 01:05:32,886
Oh, no, dude, it's happening!
1327
01:05:32,970 --> 01:05:34,596
We have to tell them
about Saddam Hussein and Satan!
1328
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:36,306
No way, dude!
My mom can't see me here!
1329
01:05:36,390 --> 01:05:38,642
Kyle, you have to stand up
to your mother! Come on!
1330
01:05:38,726 --> 01:05:41,728
Gentlemen, do you have any last words?
1331
01:05:41,812 --> 01:05:44,064
Last words? Let's see. How's aboot...
1332
01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:46,775
Get me the fuck out of this chair!
How's that for last words?
1333
01:05:46,859 --> 01:05:49,653
All right, anonymous, ready the switch.
1334
01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:52,697
- Wait!
- Stanley!
1335
01:05:52,782 --> 01:05:54,366
- Eric!
- Kyle!
1336
01:05:55,534 --> 01:05:58,203
- Go on, dude, tell her.
- I can't.
1337
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,163
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.
1338
01:06:00,247 --> 01:06:04,709
If they die, Satan and Saddam Hussein
are gonna come take over the world!
1339
01:06:08,589 --> 01:06:10,715
Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison.
1340
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,343
Hey, I'm supposed to be anonymous.
1341
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:16,304
Goodbye, bastards!
1342
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:17,555
No!
1343
01:06:24,897 --> 01:06:28,149
The Canadians are attacking!
Run for your lives!
1344
01:06:28,651 --> 01:06:31,361
Come on.
We have to shut off the power!
1345
01:06:31,821 --> 01:06:33,071
Fuck!
1346
01:06:34,907 --> 01:06:37,409
Hey, some little fat kid saved us!
1347
01:06:42,915 --> 01:06:43,999
Terrance and Phillip, wait!
1348
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:46,918
We have to get you
to the rendezvous point!
1349
01:06:49,922 --> 01:06:51,297
Ned, behind you!
1350
01:07:09,859 --> 01:07:12,402
Be not afraid.
1351
01:07:12,486 --> 01:07:13,570
Oh, my God!
1352
01:07:13,654 --> 01:07:17,157
- Behold my glory.
- What are you?
1353
01:07:17,241 --> 01:07:18,992
I am the clitoris.
1354
01:07:19,326 --> 01:07:21,911
The clitoris? I did it! I found the clitoris!
1355
01:07:21,996 --> 01:07:24,914
Stan, you must not let
Terrance and Phillip's blood
1356
01:07:24,999 --> 01:07:26,541
be spilled on the ground.
1357
01:07:26,625 --> 01:07:28,543
Wait! You're supposed to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me.
1358
01:07:28,627 --> 01:07:30,712
There are more important matters
right now.
1359
01:07:30,796 --> 01:07:32,505
No way, dude! I looked all over for you
1360
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,507
and now you have to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me!
1361
01:07:34,592 --> 01:07:37,343
Dude, you just have to have
confidence in yourself.
1362
01:07:37,428 --> 01:07:40,013
Believe in yourself
and others will believe in you.
1363
01:07:40,097 --> 01:07:43,058
Chicks love confidence. Now go, hurry!
1364
01:07:43,142 --> 01:07:44,642
The clitoris has spoken.
1365
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:47,228
Stan! Stan, are you okay?
1366
01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:48,688
I see you failed in your mission.
1367
01:07:48,773 --> 01:07:51,900
I should not have sent a boy
to do a mars job.
1368
01:07:52,443 --> 01:07:55,653
Come on, everyone,
we've got precious little time.
1369
01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:00,825
Die, Canadian, m'kay?
1370
01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:07,749
- Did you hear that Terrance? I farted.
- You did? Just now?
1371
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:09,959
Terrance and Phillip!
1372
01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:11,836
We have to get them
to the rendezvous point!
1373
01:08:11,921 --> 01:08:13,755
Hey, it's Mr. Garrison!
1374
01:08:13,839 --> 01:08:16,466
Children, take Mr. Hat.
1375
01:08:16,550 --> 01:08:18,760
Please, get him out of here.
1376
01:08:19,345 --> 01:08:23,014
Holy shit!
This V-Chip is getting all screwy!
1377
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,016
Take cover in the trench!
1378
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:27,393
All right, men! Human Shield up front,
1379
01:08:27,478 --> 01:08:29,479
then Operation Get Behind the Darkies.
1380
01:08:29,563 --> 01:08:33,483
Remember, Human Shield,
protect our tanks and planes, too!
1381
01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:39,114
Holy mother of Jehoshaphat!
1382
01:08:39,198 --> 01:08:40,156
Fire on my command!
1383
01:08:40,241 --> 01:08:42,992
All right, squad, just like I told you.
1384
01:08:43,744 --> 01:08:46,287
One, two...
1385
01:08:46,372 --> 01:08:48,248
Yousa people gonna die?
1386
01:08:48,332 --> 01:08:49,874
- Fire!
...three!
1387
01:08:50,709 --> 01:08:51,918
What in the...
1388
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:56,214
- Great plan, Chef!
- Operation Human Shield, my ass!
1389
01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:01,136
My God, this is terrible!
1390
01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:02,929
This is what we wanted!
1391
01:09:03,055 --> 01:09:07,308
We wanted our children to be
brought up in a smut-free environment!
1392
01:09:07,393 --> 01:09:09,602
But we didn't want this!
1393
01:09:09,687 --> 01:09:11,479
Where are you going?
1394
01:09:11,564 --> 01:09:13,273
We're going to find our boys!
1395
01:09:13,357 --> 01:09:16,818
For God's sake, Sheila,
we're going to get them killed!
1396
01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:25,410
Kyle, all those times I said
you were a big, dumb Jew,
1397
01:09:25,494 --> 01:09:28,037
I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
1398
01:09:28,414 --> 01:09:30,665
Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Can'tman!
1399
01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:33,501
No, no, Kyle,
don't be so hard on yourself.
1400
01:09:33,586 --> 01:09:35,837
What the hell am I still holding this for?
1401
01:09:35,921 --> 01:09:38,131
Mr. Hat! No!
1402
01:09:38,215 --> 01:09:41,050
Fuck this, dude. I'm getting out of here
before I get in really big trouble.
1403
01:09:41,135 --> 01:09:43,094
- I heard that.
- Stan!
1404
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:44,179
Dude, I found the clitoris,
1405
01:09:44,263 --> 01:09:46,181
so now I think I can get Wendy
to like me again.
1406
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:47,473
That's swell, Stan.
1407
01:09:47,558 --> 01:09:49,058
Yeah, I guess all's well
that ends well, huh?
1408
01:09:49,143 --> 01:09:51,102
We can go home now, you dipshit!
1409
01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:53,521
- What's wrong with this thing?
- Come on.
1410
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:57,275
We can't let Terrance and Phillip die
or else the whole world's gonna end!
1411
01:09:58,611 --> 01:10:00,695
- Terrance, look!
- There they are!
1412
01:10:00,779 --> 01:10:02,530
Phillip, we're done for!
1413
01:10:02,615 --> 01:10:04,699
All right, men, fire!
1414
01:10:04,783 --> 01:10:06,451
Goodbye, Terrance.
1415
01:10:10,998 --> 01:10:13,208
- What is this?
- Don't shoot!
1416
01:10:13,667 --> 01:10:17,128
I'll take care of this.
Kids, get out of the way now!
1417
01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:25,887
- Kyle!
- I'm not gonna let you kill them, Mom!
1418
01:10:25,971 --> 01:10:27,180
What? What? What?
1419
01:10:27,264 --> 01:10:28,848
I'm not moving!
1420
01:10:31,310 --> 01:10:32,435
Stand down, children.
1421
01:10:32,519 --> 01:10:34,687
You can still see fartjokes
on Nickelodeon.
1422
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:37,273
No! This is about more than fartjokes!
1423
01:10:37,358 --> 01:10:41,903
This is about freedom of speech,
about censorship and stuff.
1424
01:10:41,987 --> 01:10:43,196
What about lke, huh, Mom?
1425
01:10:43,280 --> 01:10:46,658
Did you forget that your own
adopted son is Canadian?
1426
01:10:47,076 --> 01:10:50,912
I'm doing very important things.
1427
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:53,581
But, Mom, you never took the time
to talk to me.
1428
01:10:53,666 --> 01:10:56,960
Whenever I get in trouble,
you go off and blame everybody else,
1429
01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:59,462
but I'm the one to blame. Deal with me.
1430
01:10:59,546 --> 01:11:01,965
You keep going off
and fighting all these causes,
1431
01:11:02,049 --> 01:11:05,009
but I don't want a fighter.
I want my mom.
1432
01:11:09,306 --> 01:11:10,932
Poor little fellow.
1433
01:11:11,350 --> 01:11:12,976
No!
1434
01:11:13,602 --> 01:11:14,602
Terrance!
1435
01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:19,816
- Holy shit, dude!
- Young man, you watch your mouth!
1436
01:11:28,075 --> 01:11:30,034
My time has come!
1437
01:11:30,119 --> 01:11:32,370
You are really fucked now!
1438
01:11:32,454 --> 01:11:34,872
It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him!
1439
01:11:36,375 --> 01:11:38,001
What a dumbass!
1440
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:43,881
You have spilled
the blood of the innocent!
1441
01:11:43,966 --> 01:11:46,926
Now begins two million years
of darkness!
1442
01:11:47,011 --> 01:11:49,345
Good job, Ms. Broflovski! Thanks a lot!
1443
01:11:49,430 --> 01:11:52,807
I was just trying to make the world
a better place for children.
1444
01:11:52,891 --> 01:11:54,934
Yeah, and you brought
enough intolerance
1445
01:11:55,019 --> 01:11:56,644
to the world to allow my coming.
1446
01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:59,647
Now, everyone bow down to me!
1447
01:12:02,693 --> 01:12:04,027
Bend over!
1448
01:12:04,403 --> 01:12:06,029
What have we done?
1449
01:12:06,113 --> 01:12:08,740
Saddam, I am the dark ruler, not you.
1450
01:12:08,824 --> 01:12:11,909
Relax, bitch.
You're better seen, not heard.
1451
01:12:11,994 --> 01:12:13,411
I can't.
1452
01:12:13,495 --> 01:12:16,122
Let's start by building a big statue of me
1453
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:18,166
right over there
where that fat kid is standing.
1454
01:12:18,250 --> 01:12:20,918
Hey, don't call me fat, butt-fucker!
1455
01:12:26,717 --> 01:12:28,593
Yeah, Can'tman, do it!
1456
01:12:28,677 --> 01:12:31,929
Damn! Shit!
Respect my fucking authority!
1457
01:12:33,474 --> 01:12:34,474
Yes!
1458
01:12:34,558 --> 01:12:37,226
Hey! You need to
watch your mouth, brat!
1459
01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:39,103
Dog shit taco!
1460
01:12:43,609 --> 01:12:45,234
Quick, Satan, do something!
1461
01:12:45,319 --> 01:12:47,278
Try this on for size.
1462
01:12:47,821 --> 01:12:51,115
Blood-drenched
frozen tampon Popsicle!
1463
01:12:53,118 --> 01:12:57,622
Hey, buddy, I know I was mean before,
but don't worry, I can change.
1464
01:12:59,124 --> 01:13:00,375
Okay.
1465
01:13:01,877 --> 01:13:03,002
Not!
1466
01:13:04,338 --> 01:13:06,631
Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner,
1467
01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:09,050
bitch, muff, pussy, cock, butthole,
1468
01:13:09,134 --> 01:13:10,885
Barbra Streisand!
1469
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:19,060
What are you waiting for, bitch?
Destroy him.
1470
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,813
Come on, you weak,
stupid come-bucket! Save me!
1471
01:13:21,897 --> 01:13:23,398
That's it!
1472
01:13:24,066 --> 01:13:27,276
I have had enough of you!
1473
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:31,489
Hey, guy, relax!
1474
01:13:40,374 --> 01:13:43,876
He spent so much time convincing me
I was weak and stupid
1475
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:46,254
that I believed it myself.
1476
01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:49,298
I have you to thank, little one.
1477
01:13:49,383 --> 01:13:51,926
You showed me
that I had to get away from him.
1478
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:55,304
Just make any wish you want,
and I shall grant it.
1479
01:13:58,183 --> 01:14:00,226
- Are you sure, Kenny?
- What did he say?
1480
01:14:00,310 --> 01:14:02,979
He said that his wish is for everything
to go back to the way it was
1481
01:14:03,063 --> 01:14:04,939
before this horrible war.
1482
01:14:05,023 --> 01:14:08,609
Kenny, you realize that means
you'd go back, too?
1483
01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:21,289
Very well, then.
I will pull all my minions back.
1484
01:14:21,373 --> 01:14:24,667
I guess I'm destined to live in hell.
Alone.
1485
01:14:26,378 --> 01:14:28,296
Hello. What's this?
1486
01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:33,050
Hi, there, little guy.
Would you like to go to hell with me?
1487
01:14:33,802 --> 01:14:37,472
Sure. I bet we could be
best friends, Mr. Satan.
1488
01:14:37,556 --> 01:14:40,475
Feel free to come back and visit us
any time you want, Satan.
1489
01:14:40,559 --> 01:14:42,310
I just might do that.
1490
01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:43,394
Thank you, Kenny.
1491
01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:44,729
Yeah, thanks for going
back to hell for us.
1492
01:14:44,813 --> 01:14:46,647
You're a real pal.
1493
01:14:51,069 --> 01:14:52,862
Goodbye, you guys.
1494
01:15:05,417 --> 01:15:07,376
I'm alive. Where's Mr. Hat?
1495
01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:10,087
Wow! We were all dying
and now we're fine!
1496
01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:11,756
That's super!
1497
01:15:11,840 --> 01:15:14,008
What the fuck's going on?
1498
01:15:17,930 --> 01:15:19,138
You see, Mom? After all that,
1499
01:15:19,223 --> 01:15:21,849
it was Can'tmars filthy fucking mouth
that saved us all.
1500
01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:24,977
I'm sorry I didn't pay attention
to you, Kyle.
1501
01:15:27,439 --> 01:15:29,106
But, Wendy, what about Gregory?
1502
01:15:29,191 --> 01:15:31,025
Stan, I never really cared for Gregory.
1503
01:15:31,109 --> 01:15:32,818
- You didn't?
- No, dude. Fuck Gregory!
1504
01:15:32,903 --> 01:15:36,197
- Fuck him right in the ear!
- Thank you, clitoris.
1505
01:15:36,281 --> 01:15:39,867
Everything worked out
What a happy end
1506
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:44,163
Americans and Canadians
are friends again
1507
01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:47,208
So let's all join hands
and knock oppression down
1508
01:15:47,292 --> 01:15:48,376
Good Lordy, I'm found
1509
01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:51,254
Don't you know our little lives
are now complete?
1510
01:15:51,338 --> 01:15:53,422
'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet
1511
01:15:53,507 --> 01:15:54,799
Super sweet!
1512
01:15:54,883 --> 01:15:57,635
Thank God we live in this quiet
1513
01:15:57,719 --> 01:16:01,222
Little, pissant, redneck
Podunk, jerkwater
1514
01:16:01,306 --> 01:16:03,558
Greenorn, one-horse
Mudhole, peckerwood
1515
01:16:03,642 --> 01:16:06,143
Right-wing, whistle-stop
Hobnail, truck-driving
1516
01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:08,354
Old-fashioned, hayseed
Inbred, unkempt
1517
01:16:08,438 --> 01:16:10,189
Out-of-date, out-of-touch, white-trash
1518
01:16:10,274 --> 01:16:15,403
Kick-ass, mountain
1519
01:16:15,487 --> 01:16:19,407
Town!
1520
01:16:20,784 --> 01:16:22,034
Look!
1521
01:21:07,779 --> 01:21:09,822
Guys, up there is Hodun.
114743
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.