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1
00:00:00,961 --> 00:00:02,333
(CELL DOOR SLAMS)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
3
00:00:02,713 --> 00:00:04,125
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
4
00:00:04,545 --> 00:00:06,127
(BAD TO THE BONE PLAYING)
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
6
00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:10,221
Geez, look at me.
7
00:00:10,221 --> 00:00:12,343
And I thought
my yearbook photo sucked.
8
00:00:13,184 --> 00:00:14,515
ABIGAIL: And that's me.
9
00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:17,478
Man, that dress does not
look good on anybody.
10
00:00:18,439 --> 00:00:19,230
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
11
00:00:19,690 --> 00:00:21,692
"Turn"? What if
I don't wanna turn?
12
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:24,105
Who's gonna
turn me, you?
13
00:00:24,105 --> 00:00:25,776
Why don't you turn this?
14
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,027
Something you should
know about me,
15
00:00:27,948 --> 00:00:29,410
I have a little problem
with authority.
16
00:00:29,410 --> 00:00:30,821
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
17
00:00:30,821 --> 00:00:33,414
In second grade,
I told our music teacher,
Mrs. Florentine,
18
00:00:33,414 --> 00:00:35,496
that if she wanted us
to sing like birds,
19
00:00:35,496 --> 00:00:38,209
she should get herself
some freakin' birds.
20
00:00:38,209 --> 00:00:40,121
I laughed so hard I peed.
21
00:00:40,121 --> 00:00:42,213
And then we had to
sit facing the corner
during recess.
22
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,217
BOTH: We've been friends
ever since.
23
00:00:47,218 --> 00:00:49,090
PARKER: And that's Rachel.
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
24
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,721
PARKER: Sweet Rachel.
25
00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:53,554
The only nice one
of the bunch of us.
26
00:00:54,175 --> 00:00:56,137
I feel so bad we
dragged her into this.
27
00:00:56,137 --> 00:00:58,559
But the thing is,
we did it all for her,
really we did.
28
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,681
That was the idea, anyway.
29
00:01:01,182 --> 00:01:02,483
You know what,
maybe I better explain.
30
00:01:03,144 --> 00:01:04,145
We're bridesmaids.
31
00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:07,488
Not the good kind
who love the bride
like a sister
32
00:01:07,488 --> 00:01:11,242
and want to make her wedding
the most special day ever. No.
33
00:01:11,242 --> 00:01:12,653
PARKER: We're more like
the "Avenging angels
34
00:01:12,653 --> 00:01:16,157
"who are gonna give you
what's coming to you"
type of bridesmaid.
35
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,750
You know what,
you're coming in
in the middle of things.
36
00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:22,753
So maybe I should
back up a bit.
Say, 20 years.
37
00:01:23,294 --> 00:01:26,797
So you can meet
the fourth member of
our little sisterhood.
38
00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:31,592
ABIGAIL: This is
where she lived.
39
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:32,843
Still lives.
40
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:35,176
It's such
an amazing house,
it has its own name,
41
00:01:35,176 --> 00:01:36,557
Bellefontaine.
42
00:01:38,889 --> 00:01:41,222
Caitlyn McNabb lives here
with her mother
43
00:01:41,222 --> 00:01:42,603
and occasional
stepfather.
44
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,645
(GASPS) Oh, and servants,
of course.
45
00:01:44,645 --> 00:01:46,897
You need servants
when your house has
its own zip code.
46
00:01:46,897 --> 00:01:48,779
And by the way,
"Bellefontaine" is French
47
00:01:48,779 --> 00:01:52,533
for "My house is so much
nicer than your house
will ever be."
48
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,616
It's a good thing
Caitlyn was an only child.
49
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,868
She didn't
do sharing very well.
50
00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:00,241
She was much better
at taking.
51
00:02:00,241 --> 00:02:01,742
But we didn't mind.
52
00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:05,796
We were just little girls
blinded by the magic
of Bellefontaine.
53
00:02:05,796 --> 00:02:07,628
Could you blame us?
54
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:11,252
There were tea parties
on the lawn with
homemade biscuits.
55
00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:14,425
And a secret staircase.
56
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:17,558
You got to it from inside
of this huge wardrobe.
57
00:02:18,219 --> 00:02:19,139
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
58
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,602
And it led all the way
to the backyard.
59
00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:22,813
Coast's clear.
Come on.
60
00:02:22,813 --> 00:02:25,226
We felt so lucky
to be there.
61
00:02:25,226 --> 00:02:26,817
Oh, and when we didn't,
Caitlyn would remind us
62
00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:29,230
how lucky we were
to be there.
63
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,482
YOUNG CAITLYN:
...eight, nine, ten.
64
00:02:31,482 --> 00:02:33,534
Ready or not,
here I come.
65
00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:35,736
So, then we play
our own little version
of hide-and-seek.
66
00:02:35,736 --> 00:02:36,827
(SHUSHING)
(GIGGLING)
67
00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:39,870
Rachel! Abigail! Parker!
68
00:02:40,371 --> 00:02:43,834
And we called it
"I know a place where
Caitlyn can't find us."
69
00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:46,837
It was a pretty spot
and under a cherry tree.
70
00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:49,290
But then,
Rachel would feel guilty
and we'd all go back...
71
00:02:49,290 --> 00:02:52,963
CAITLYN: Once upon a time,
there was a beautiful
princess that lived...
72
00:02:52,963 --> 00:02:54,555
...and listen to Caitlyn
73
00:02:55,846 --> 00:02:58,509
talk about Caitlyn
and make up stories
about Caitlyn.
74
00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:02,303
Got married, and lived
happily ever after.
75
00:03:02,303 --> 00:03:05,436
Her house,
her rules, her ego.
76
00:03:06,807 --> 00:03:08,399
(ALL HUMMING)
77
00:03:11,402 --> 00:03:13,314
CAITLYN: Yoo-hoo!
Here I come.
78
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,198
Wait.
79
00:03:18,579 --> 00:03:19,700
What's that?
80
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,242
I'm the groom.
81
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,533
No, you're all bridesmaids.
82
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:23,874
There has to
be a groom.
83
00:03:23,874 --> 00:03:25,956
Nuh-uh.
It's my wedding. Mom!
84
00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:27,708
(SIGHS IN ANNOYANCE)
85
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,960
Your dress looks
really pretty.
86
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,792
Well, duh.
Of course it does.
87
00:03:32,002 --> 00:03:33,794
Mother!
88
00:03:34,004 --> 00:03:37,007
ABIGAIL: There she is,
like most normal
nine year olds
89
00:03:37,007 --> 00:03:38,969
wearing a wedding dress.
90
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,892
Right now we're playing
her favorite game, wedding.
91
00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:42,893
And we're losing.
92
00:03:42,893 --> 00:03:43,974
(GROANS)
93
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:45,896
OLIVIA: Honeybelle, what?
94
00:03:46,687 --> 00:03:48,479
What are these girls
doing to you?
95
00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:49,940
They're not listening.
96
00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:51,402
YOUNG PARKER:
It's a wedding,
Caitlyn,
97
00:03:51,402 --> 00:03:52,903
there has to
be a groom.
98
00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:55,816
My, don't you think a lot.
99
00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:58,409
Well, doesn't there?
OLIVIA: Well, yes.
100
00:03:58,409 --> 00:04:00,911
Technically, dear.
But it's not
very important.
101
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:02,703
Here,
let's use this chair.
102
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,246
Thank you, Abigail.
103
00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:09,420
There. Isn't he handsome?
104
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:11,792
And from a wealthy family,
I understand.
105
00:04:13,424 --> 00:04:15,506
Lovely bride.
Thank you, Mother.
106
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:18,008
(GIRLS CHATTERING)
107
00:04:18,679 --> 00:04:19,930
(CHUCKLING)
108
00:04:24,595 --> 00:04:25,936
ABIGAIL: This was
our life with Caitlyn...
109
00:04:25,936 --> 00:04:26,847
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
110
00:04:26,847 --> 00:04:29,600
...pretty much
through high school.
111
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:33,944
She called the shots
and we played the parts.
112
00:04:33,944 --> 00:04:37,488
Why? It's a small town.
You take what you can get.
113
00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:40,951
And in Lambert, Louisiana,
we got Miss Caitlyn McNabb.
114
00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:43,574
After college,
my folks moved out west,
115
00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:45,616
and Parker and I
both headed for New York.
116
00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:46,907
I got a book published.
117
00:04:46,907 --> 00:04:50,581
(CHUCKLING) It sold okay,
you know, for a first novel.
118
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:54,965
The second one is
coming along slowly,
very slowly.
119
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,589
Meanwhile, Parker went
the acting route.
120
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,721
She did a bunch
of plays off Broadway.
121
00:05:00,721 --> 00:05:04,635
Well, off, off, off Broadway.
122
00:05:05,686 --> 00:05:07,137
I mean, she was good.
123
00:05:07,728 --> 00:05:11,522
But we always
kept in touch with Rachel,
who never left Lambert.
124
00:05:11,522 --> 00:05:15,396
She was going out
with this guy Tony
she was crazy about.
125
00:05:15,396 --> 00:05:16,937
And that seemed
to be enough for her.
126
00:05:16,937 --> 00:05:18,489
I mean,
from what I knew.
127
00:05:18,489 --> 00:05:19,820
I don't get
back home much.
128
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,782
Parker goes back a lot.
129
00:05:22,403 --> 00:05:24,575
She actually likes
her parents.
130
00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,867
And that's how we ended up
in Lambert last week.
131
00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:30,080
Her parents' 30th anniversary,
and she dragged me along.
132
00:05:31,412 --> 00:05:34,455
Parker's dad was taking
her mom on the cruise
she'd always wanted.
133
00:05:34,455 --> 00:05:37,838
But first, the mandatory party
where every living relative
134
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:41,011
can ask us why
we aren't married
or famous yet.
135
00:05:41,011 --> 00:05:43,554
And Parker does plays
in New York all the time.
136
00:05:43,554 --> 00:05:45,015
Don't you, dear?
137
00:05:45,015 --> 00:05:48,429
Uh, well, I...
I audition all the time.
138
00:05:48,429 --> 00:05:49,430
(PARKER LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
139
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:52,102
ABIGAIL: This is why
I don't get back much.
140
00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:54,064
Sometimes I get callbacks.
141
00:05:54,064 --> 00:05:57,438
Which is sort of
like a chance to
audition again.
142
00:05:57,438 --> 00:05:59,109
You know what,
she's constantly in plays,
143
00:05:59,530 --> 00:06:00,901
and she's fabulous.
144
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:03,694
(LAUGHS) Oh,
she gets that from me.
145
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:07,037
You got to lie to them.
Tell them what they want
to hear.
146
00:06:07,037 --> 00:06:07,868
And how about you,
Abby?
147
00:06:09,039 --> 00:06:10,541
You got another book
coming out?
148
00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:11,662
(CHUCKLES)
149
00:06:13,704 --> 00:06:15,045
Yes, she does.
150
00:06:15,045 --> 00:06:18,669
She has a huge book
coming out. (CHUCKLES)
151
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,501
But she's sworn to secrecy
by her publisher.
152
00:06:20,501 --> 00:06:21,552
Oh.
153
00:06:21,552 --> 00:06:24,214
You know, Mom,
I'm going to go check
my voicemail.
154
00:06:24,214 --> 00:06:25,806
Oh, is it about
an audition?
155
00:06:25,806 --> 00:06:26,967
Maybe.
156
00:06:29,219 --> 00:06:30,471
Good luck!
157
00:06:30,471 --> 00:06:31,892
Knock 'em dead!
158
00:06:33,854 --> 00:06:35,145
Great being home,
isn't it?
159
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,937
Surrounded by
familiar faces
160
00:06:36,937 --> 00:06:38,068
that will never
understand you.
161
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:39,730
Air, I need air.
162
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:40,901
We're outside.
163
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,733
Air without relatives.
164
00:06:42,983 --> 00:06:46,026
Oh! Ah! Is that
Parker Wald I see?
165
00:06:46,026 --> 00:06:50,160
And Abigail? No.
Abigail Scanlon.
166
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,032
Oh, my God,
it's Caitlyn.
167
00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:53,123
Run for your life.
168
00:06:53,123 --> 00:06:54,414
I can't, I'm in heels.
169
00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:58,038
Oh, my goodness,
get over here.
170
00:06:58,038 --> 00:07:00,881
It has just
been forever.
171
00:07:01,962 --> 00:07:03,133
Mother! Mother!
172
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:05,756
You remember
Parker and Abigail.
173
00:07:05,756 --> 00:07:06,847
Yes.
174
00:07:13,053 --> 00:07:14,815
Hey, Rach!
Rachel! Hey!
175
00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:16,817
PARKER: Hey!
ABIGAIL: Hey!
176
00:07:16,817 --> 00:07:17,818
Did you change
your e-mail?
177
00:07:19,059 --> 00:07:20,731
I've been trying to
get a hold of you.
I'm sorry. I...
178
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:24,064
Oh! Oh, my goodness,
y'all don't even know
why I am here.
179
00:07:24,064 --> 00:07:25,946
These are
my bridesmaids.
180
00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:28,779
Yup. I'm getting married!
181
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:31,912
To a groom or a chair?
182
00:07:33,073 --> 00:07:34,625
Oh, you and
your little quips.
183
00:07:34,915 --> 00:07:36,206
You know, the wedding's
in 10 days.
184
00:07:37,037 --> 00:07:39,630
And I so wanted to
invite y'all,
185
00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:41,792
but Mother said
she couldn't find
your addresses anywhere.
186
00:07:42,042 --> 00:07:43,133
I'm sure if you called
Parker's parents...
187
00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:45,846
What's that, Parker,
like 30 years
in the same house?
188
00:07:45,846 --> 00:07:47,047
I'm sure they could
have told you.
189
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,891
Oh, gosh!
Well, of course! Mother.
190
00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:53,974
Goodness me,
you're right.
191
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:54,975
Next time, huh?
192
00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:57,808
Oh, oh, oh,
let me introduce you
to everyone.
193
00:07:57,808 --> 00:07:58,769
Rachel
you know of course.
194
00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:00,901
And these are my other
super bridesmaids.
195
00:08:00,901 --> 00:08:02,903
Bitsy, Ashley
and Ashlie.
196
00:08:02,903 --> 00:08:04,024
Oh, you're not
hearing double.
197
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:05,776
They're both really
named Ashley.
198
00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:08,028
I spell it "ie" and
she spells it "ey."
199
00:08:08,028 --> 00:08:08,819
Some people
get confused.
200
00:08:08,819 --> 00:08:10,320
ASHLIE: But not us.
Right, Ash?
201
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,742
You got it, Ash.
202
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,163
(WOMEN GIGGLING)
203
00:08:13,163 --> 00:08:14,074
Oh, my God.
204
00:08:15,916 --> 00:08:17,287
BITSY: Oh,
look at that ring.
(EXHALES)
205
00:08:17,287 --> 00:08:18,619
Picture.
Oh, yes.
206
00:08:18,829 --> 00:08:20,881
So, Rachel,
you're a bridesmaid.
207
00:08:20,881 --> 00:08:22,212
I so wish I could come
to the wedding.
208
00:08:22,212 --> 00:08:24,174
I could meet Tony.
He's going to
be there, right?
209
00:08:24,174 --> 00:08:25,215
BITSY: Say "cheese."
210
00:08:25,215 --> 00:08:26,757
Uh, yes.
211
00:08:27,217 --> 00:08:28,589
Oh, is that him?
212
00:08:28,589 --> 00:08:29,930
I recognize him
from your PhotoBox.
213
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:31,011
Nice, sister.
214
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,014
OLIVIA: There's
our gorgeous groom.
215
00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:37,688
CAITLYN: Oh, Tony-Bear!
We have been waiting
for you!
216
00:08:38,138 --> 00:08:39,229
(CHUCKLING)
217
00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:42,522
TONY: All right, then,
bridesmaids, groomsmen,
let's get this lunch moving.
218
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:43,984
CAITLYN: Oh, you, stop.
219
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,526
Someone has a game
he wants to catch at 3:00,
hmm?
220
00:08:47,908 --> 00:08:49,029
(LAUGHS)
221
00:08:52,202 --> 00:08:53,203
(BOTH SIGH)
222
00:08:54,114 --> 00:08:56,036
Excuse me
for a moment.
223
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:04,004
All right, y'all.
Let's go.
224
00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:05,255
BITSY: Oh, okay.
225
00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:07,758
OLIVIA: Gregory, dear...
Oh, my goodness.
So good seeing y'all.
226
00:09:09,129 --> 00:09:11,131
Close your mouths.
227
00:09:11,131 --> 00:09:13,674
Rachel an old
friend of yours?
228
00:09:13,674 --> 00:09:16,226
And I'm guessing
you haven't talked to
her in a while.
229
00:09:16,727 --> 00:09:19,059
So, yeah, that's the Tony
that Rachel used to
go out with.
230
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,642
Although we can't
officially acknowledge
that ever happened.
231
00:09:21,642 --> 00:09:23,063
So, this is me
not acknowledging.
232
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,236
You're Henry Kent.
You used to have big ears
and a slutty sister.
233
00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:28,949
I grew into my ears.
234
00:09:28,949 --> 00:09:30,741
And I'll tell Carol
you said hi.
235
00:09:30,951 --> 00:09:32,192
Thank you.
236
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:34,244
I don't remember you.
Really?
237
00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:37,577
We only had
Bio together twice and
I asked you to prom.
238
00:09:38,038 --> 00:09:39,620
What?
No, I'm just kidding.
239
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,871
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
I was two years older
240
00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:44,084
and I spent most of
high school tripping
over my ears.
241
00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:46,256
So, you still live
in Lambert?
242
00:09:46,256 --> 00:09:48,048
Yeah, still live
in Lambert.
243
00:09:48,048 --> 00:09:50,090
I'm sorry, no,
I didn't mean it
like that.
244
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,802
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you did.
Let's go find Rach.
245
00:09:51,802 --> 00:09:52,883
Okay.
246
00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:54,134
See you around.
Bye.
247
00:09:54,765 --> 00:09:55,766
Cute!
I know.
248
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,181
Now, you two
just have to stay
for the wedding.
249
00:10:01,181 --> 00:10:02,813
Oh, we would love to,
250
00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:04,895
but I have
this big audition.
251
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,817
And I have to
re-curl my weave.
252
00:10:06,817 --> 00:10:08,819
(LAUGHS) You...
Listen to you.
253
00:10:09,069 --> 00:10:10,861
Y'all know
you want to come
to this wedding.
254
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,113
And Mother and I
would just adore
to have you.
255
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,284
Mother!
256
00:10:14,735 --> 00:10:16,616
Have a safe trip back.
257
00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:18,118
Well, we would.
258
00:10:18,739 --> 00:10:20,080
Please think about it.
259
00:10:20,290 --> 00:10:21,291
Okay.
260
00:10:23,704 --> 00:10:25,245
Just let's go
find Rachel.
261
00:10:26,046 --> 00:10:26,957
(RACHEL SOBBING)
262
00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:28,959
Rach!
Rachel!
263
00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:31,301
Rachel, honey,
are you in there?
264
00:10:31,301 --> 00:10:32,923
RACHEL: It's okay,
I'm doing fine.
265
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,054
(RACHEL BLOWING NOSE)
266
00:10:34,054 --> 00:10:35,886
You have been
dating Tony
for like ever.
267
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,307
You said
he was the one.
What happened?
268
00:10:37,307 --> 00:10:38,889
Yeah, why the hell
didn't you call us?
269
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:41,061
'Cause you would've
been mad and
yelled at me.
270
00:10:41,061 --> 00:10:43,103
You're damn right!
271
00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:43,894
(SNIFFLING)
272
00:10:44,765 --> 00:10:46,186
She stole him from you,
didn't she?
273
00:10:46,186 --> 00:10:48,108
No, no.
Caitlyn's a good friend.
274
00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:50,150
After all, she asked me
to be her bridesmaid.
275
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,982
And why did you
say yes?
276
00:10:51,982 --> 00:10:53,153
Because I was
brought up well.
277
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,195
Oh, honey,
what are you gonna do?
278
00:10:55,195 --> 00:10:57,828
I'm going to put on
that ugly fuchsia dress
279
00:10:58,038 --> 00:10:59,489
and march in that
bridal procession
280
00:10:59,489 --> 00:11:03,994
and show the whole world
that I'm completely and
totally over Tony Penning.
281
00:11:04,835 --> 00:11:06,126
Oh, my God.
282
00:11:06,837 --> 00:11:08,168
That's an air-tight plan.
283
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,169
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
284
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:14,054
Holy smokes!
285
00:11:14,054 --> 00:11:14,925
ASHLEY: What's wrong?
286
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,177
Um, you know what?
287
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,179
Rachel just found out
288
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,142
that she signed up
for a phone plan that
doesn't have texting.
289
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,805
Three years, no refund.
(BOTH GASP)
290
00:11:25,015 --> 00:11:26,857
Oh, you should've
asked me.
291
00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:28,979
Yuh-huh. Ashley knows
all the phone plans.
292
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:32,983
I do. But Ashlie knows
where to find the best
frozen yogurt anywhere.
293
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,154
ABIGAIL: So, wait,
let me get this straight.
294
00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:35,946
One of you guys fills in
what the other doesn't know.
295
00:11:37,778 --> 00:11:38,909
BOTH: Mmm-hmm.
296
00:11:38,909 --> 00:11:40,280
That's pretty awesome.
297
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:42,282
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
298
00:11:44,084 --> 00:11:45,455
ABIGAIL:
Can you believe Caitlyn?
299
00:11:46,086 --> 00:11:47,878
PARKER: Poor Rachel.
I know.
300
00:11:47,878 --> 00:11:48,999
I mean, it's crazy!
301
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:49,960
Tell me about it.
302
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,793
PENNY: Lou, I still need
the big suitcase.
303
00:11:52,793 --> 00:11:55,005
Well, that's why
I'm getting it.
304
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:57,097
What could Tony
possibly see in Caitlyn?
305
00:11:57,097 --> 00:11:58,839
Boobs. He's a guy.
306
00:11:59,099 --> 00:12:01,051
It's a business
transaction.
307
00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:02,392
What?
A business transaction?
308
00:12:02,392 --> 00:12:03,894
I really shouldn't
say anything.
309
00:12:03,894 --> 00:12:05,475
Have some wine, Lou.
310
00:12:05,896 --> 00:12:08,228
Did you hear something
down at the bank?
311
00:12:09,059 --> 00:12:10,190
Daddy?
312
00:12:11,521 --> 00:12:17,067
Well, three months ago,
Olivia put Bellefontaine
up for sale.
313
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:18,949
What?
They've owned it forever.
314
00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:20,861
Olivia ran through
a third husband's money,
315
00:12:20,861 --> 00:12:22,783
was having trouble
finding number four.
316
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,915
Gold-diggin' is
a young person's game.
317
00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,746
And Tony's family?
Loaded.
318
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:28,078
A day after
the engagement,
319
00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:30,080
Olivia took the place
off the market.
320
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:31,421
PENNY: Lou!
321
00:12:31,962 --> 00:12:33,924
Sex for money?
322
00:12:33,924 --> 00:12:35,876
It's good to see
traditional marriage
is alive and well.
323
00:12:35,876 --> 00:12:38,088
(EXCLAIMS) Poor Rachel.
We should tell her.
324
00:12:38,088 --> 00:12:40,090
Tell her a she-witch
stole the love of her life?
325
00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:40,971
I think she knows
that, Parker.
326
00:12:40,971 --> 00:12:43,093
Okay, but it's wrong!
It's evil, okay?
327
00:12:43,093 --> 00:12:44,144
We can't just drop it
like...
(RINGING)
328
00:12:44,434 --> 00:12:46,937
Oh, it's my agent.
I've got to take it.
329
00:12:46,937 --> 00:12:48,438
Hello?
ALICE: Parker darling?
330
00:12:48,438 --> 00:12:50,480
Oh, hey, Alice.
331
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,233
Oh! The audition.
I almost forgot about it.
332
00:12:53,233 --> 00:12:54,774
When do they want
to see me?
333
00:12:55,105 --> 00:12:57,487
Oh, okay. I see.
334
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:01,321
(STAMMERING) Not...
Okay. Love you, too.
335
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,614
Good news?
336
00:13:04,614 --> 00:13:06,116
Not even a reading.
Nothing.
337
00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:08,078
You know what,
the play was flawed.
338
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:10,040
The female characters
were completely
underwritten.
339
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,411
It really wasn't even
worth my time.
340
00:13:11,411 --> 00:13:12,963
You wanted it bad,
didn't you?
So much.
341
00:13:12,963 --> 00:13:14,915
Yeah, I know.
Here, babe,
take this,
342
00:13:14,915 --> 00:13:17,007
and I'll get
some more for me.
343
00:13:18,969 --> 00:13:21,011
WOMAN ON TV:
Well, how was I supposed
to know, silly?
344
00:13:21,011 --> 00:13:23,423
A girl's not a mind reader,
you know.
MAN: Darling...
345
00:13:23,633 --> 00:13:25,976
PARKER: How could
Rachel and Tony
have mucked this up?
346
00:13:25,976 --> 00:13:27,137
They were perfect
for each other.
347
00:13:27,137 --> 00:13:29,139
You never met him.
I'm highly intuitive.
348
00:13:29,139 --> 00:13:30,640
They were meant
for each other,
349
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,063
and now Tony is
gonna marry Caitlyn.
(BRIDAL MARCH PLAYING ON TV)
350
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,985
And Rachel's gonna have
her heart broken forever.
351
00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:36,066
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
352
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,358
Three thousand years of
watching romantic comedies
353
00:13:38,358 --> 00:13:40,030
and it's just
one big stinking lie.
354
00:13:40,030 --> 00:13:41,611
I mean,
the couple stumbles
around for two hours
355
00:13:41,611 --> 00:13:43,864
and then miraculously,
five minutes before
the credits roll,
356
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,325
they realize that
they're meant
to be together?
357
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,536
(LAUGHS)
358
00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:49,159
That is not how
life works, my friend.
359
00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:51,041
Action movies
have it right.
360
00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:52,332
You hate
action movies.
361
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,214
I hate them
because they're right.
362
00:13:54,214 --> 00:13:58,008
In action movies,
some psychopath takes
25 sweet people hostage
363
00:13:58,008 --> 00:13:58,838
and he's gonna
kill 'em all.
364
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,921
And then
Bruce Willis...
Or Denzel.
365
00:14:00,921 --> 00:14:03,013
Also good.
He puts together
an elite SWAT team
366
00:14:03,013 --> 00:14:05,095
of Navy SEALs,
and they go behind
enemy lines
367
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,636
and they do
what has to be done.
368
00:14:06,636 --> 00:14:08,098
They wipe out
the henchmen,
369
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,060
the psychopath dies
a spectacular death,
370
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:11,641
and the sweet people
go free.
371
00:14:11,641 --> 00:14:13,023
That's what you need
to make love work,
372
00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:15,315
a ruthless SWAT team
with guns.
373
00:14:16,686 --> 00:14:18,278
Gavin still
hasn't called yet?
No.
374
00:14:18,278 --> 00:14:20,030
He went to LA
for pilot season
375
00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:21,191
with his cute
scene partner...
376
00:14:21,191 --> 00:14:23,073
BOTH: ...that he swears
he's not sleeping with. Ha!
377
00:14:24,244 --> 00:14:25,405
You should not
date actors.
378
00:14:25,405 --> 00:14:26,486
Who else do I meet?
379
00:14:26,486 --> 00:14:28,078
Oh, you met that
really cute guy
Henry today.
380
00:14:28,078 --> 00:14:29,199
And he liked you.
381
00:14:29,199 --> 00:14:30,540
No. He did not like me.
382
00:14:31,661 --> 00:14:34,374
Okay, yeah,
he did like me.
But he is a trap.
383
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,997
There's like 300 of them
in every hometown.
384
00:14:36,997 --> 00:14:39,339
Nice, regular guy,
unpretentious.
385
00:14:39,339 --> 00:14:40,630
You go out on
one date
386
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,382
and all of a sudden
you wake up 10 years later
387
00:14:42,552 --> 00:14:45,385
with six kids, a fat ass,
and ugly pink sweatpants.
388
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,217
You like him.
389
00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,639
You really, really
like him.
390
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,471
(STAMMERS) I do not.
391
00:14:51,471 --> 00:14:52,722
What are you going to do
when he calls?
392
00:14:52,722 --> 00:14:55,065
He's not going to call
because nice guys
don't call me.
393
00:14:55,065 --> 00:14:57,227
Just selfish actors who
screw their scene partners.
394
00:14:57,227 --> 00:14:59,069
And what are we going
to do about Rachel?
395
00:14:59,069 --> 00:15:00,570
I say we go
full bore SWAT team
396
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:02,072
and break up
Caitlyn and Tony.
397
00:15:02,072 --> 00:15:03,613
Okay, no more
wine for you.
398
00:15:04,484 --> 00:15:05,575
No, I'm serious, right?
399
00:15:05,575 --> 00:15:07,077
That's what Will Smith
or Matt Damon
400
00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:09,409
or any of those
hot action guys
would've done.
401
00:15:09,619 --> 00:15:13,203
We sneak into the compound,
we bust stuff the hell up.
402
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:16,296
What are we gonna do,
disguise ourselves
as German officers?
403
00:15:17,377 --> 00:15:18,458
Exactly.
404
00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:21,541
(CHUCKLES) All right.
What the hell
are you talking about?
405
00:15:21,541 --> 00:15:24,424
I'm saying,
we wear the uniform
of the enemy.
406
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:26,256
Bridesmaids.
407
00:15:26,546 --> 00:15:28,098
She already has
her bridesmaids.
408
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:30,310
Okay, then two of them
"have a little accident."
409
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,142
Parker,
410
00:15:32,142 --> 00:15:34,975
if anyone deserves to be
knocked down a couple
of pegs, it's Caitlyn.
411
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:38,478
Rachel had one thing
she loved in life
and Caitlyn took it.
412
00:15:39,059 --> 00:15:40,520
Are you really gonna
let her get away
with that?
413
00:15:41,021 --> 00:15:43,113
Do you really think
we could take down
Caitlyn?
414
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,485
And do you think
we could stop
this wedding?
415
00:15:45,485 --> 00:15:46,616
We can do anything. Why?
416
00:15:46,616 --> 00:15:48,948
Because we're
sophisticated babes
from New York.
417
00:15:49,119 --> 00:15:50,070
Or as Miss Olivia
would put it,
418
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:53,413
"You girls are just
a little too thinky."
419
00:15:53,413 --> 00:15:54,494
All right.
420
00:15:55,035 --> 00:15:56,956
I'm starting to like it.
421
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:58,788
Caitlyn is going down.
422
00:15:58,788 --> 00:16:00,130
Yes!
423
00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:02,132
The Thinky Girls
are back.
Yes!
424
00:16:02,132 --> 00:16:03,423
To love.
To Rachel.
425
00:16:03,423 --> 00:16:05,085
To the defeat of
the Third Reich!
426
00:16:05,085 --> 00:16:06,466
(BOTH LAUGHING)
427
00:16:17,857 --> 00:16:20,690
Mmm.
Girls, you're so right.
428
00:16:20,690 --> 00:16:23,863
This is the best
frozen yogurt
in all of Lambert.
429
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,865
Told you.
430
00:16:27,107 --> 00:16:29,369
Aren't you glad
you called us?
431
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:30,990
So glad.
432
00:16:31,531 --> 00:16:34,034
We owe you Ashleys.
We really owe them.
433
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:37,747
Yeah, but what can
we give them that
they don't have?
434
00:16:38,788 --> 00:16:41,461
(SIGHS) Huh... Well...
435
00:16:41,881 --> 00:16:42,962
How's it going up
at the house?
436
00:16:42,962 --> 00:16:45,715
You guys getting along
with Olivia?
437
00:16:45,715 --> 00:16:46,796
It's okay.
438
00:16:46,796 --> 00:16:48,048
Yeah. Not so bad.
439
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:51,010
Ashleys! Come on.
We're yogurt pals now.
440
00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:52,842
Share.
441
00:16:53,933 --> 00:16:55,225
We can't do
anything right.
442
00:16:55,225 --> 00:16:56,846
She's always
on our case.
443
00:16:56,846 --> 00:16:58,768
And she treats us
like we're big dopes.
444
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,400
Can you believe that?
445
00:17:02,142 --> 00:17:03,903
This is how
we can help them.
446
00:17:03,903 --> 00:17:05,605
You mean
our secret Olivia tip?
447
00:17:06,446 --> 00:17:08,738
You're right.
Yeah, she always liked us.
448
00:17:08,738 --> 00:17:09,609
Really?
449
00:17:09,609 --> 00:17:10,780
Look, girls,
you have to understand.
450
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,533
I mean, Olivia's
under a lot of
pressure right now,
451
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,075
wedding
and everything.
BOTH: Uh-huh.
452
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,706
Is she drinking?
453
00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:17,747
Yes. Constantly.
454
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,749
That's what happens.
ABIGAIL: Yeah,
here's the trick.
455
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,662
When she's drinking,
tell her to slow down.
456
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,795
Like, in front
of everybody?
457
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:26,966
That's the only way
it works.
458
00:17:28,428 --> 00:17:30,800
What we used to do
is we would count her drinks
and then we'd let her know.
459
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,801
Mmm-hmm.
460
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,633
PARKER: She'd always
thank us in the morning.
461
00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:34,764
We could do that.
Yeah, we could.
462
00:17:34,764 --> 00:17:36,766
Do it, you'll be golden.
463
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:38,768
How's the frozen yogurt?
464
00:17:38,768 --> 00:17:40,140
It's really cold.
(LAUGHS)
465
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,771
If I eat it too fast,
my brain freezes.
466
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,143
(BOTH ASHLEYS CHUCKLE)
467
00:17:43,143 --> 00:17:44,604
How can you tell?
468
00:17:47,607 --> 00:17:48,948
And the trap is set.
469
00:17:48,948 --> 00:17:51,030
Their poor frozen brains
never stood a chance.
470
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:53,493
Well, you pick up
a few skills when
you live in the big city.
471
00:17:53,493 --> 00:17:55,074
How the world works.
472
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,866
Oh, my God,
they're towing
my mom's car!
473
00:17:56,866 --> 00:17:57,697
No! Hey!
474
00:17:59,619 --> 00:18:00,790
Hey, what are you doing?
475
00:18:04,874 --> 00:18:06,126
Where did that
come from?
476
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,797
Been up there
for about three years.
477
00:18:07,797 --> 00:18:10,800
Okay, well, we didn't
know 'cause we don't
live here anymore.
478
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,881
We live in New York City.
479
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:20,180
Hey, Dougie,
how's it going?
480
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:22,772
Livin' the dream, Henry.
How about you?
481
00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:25,145
I'm good.
Can you give me a sec?
482
00:18:25,685 --> 00:18:26,686
(SIGHS)
483
00:18:28,528 --> 00:18:29,989
There's your boy.
Okay.
484
00:18:29,989 --> 00:18:31,821
(INAUDIBLE)
485
00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:34,614
My mistake.
486
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,736
It turns out
you can park here
487
00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,538
if you're back in town for
your parents' anniversary.
488
00:18:39,329 --> 00:18:40,870
So cute.
Okay.
489
00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,124
So cute.
490
00:18:47,747 --> 00:18:49,008
Hi.
Hi.
491
00:18:55,014 --> 00:18:57,177
You know, I think I lost
something somewhere.
492
00:18:57,177 --> 00:19:00,260
I'm gonna go look for it
in case I did.
493
00:19:02,021 --> 00:19:03,183
I like your friend.
494
00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:05,935
How did you do that?
495
00:19:05,935 --> 00:19:07,727
I pulled a thorn
out of his paw
a few years back.
496
00:19:08,358 --> 00:19:10,770
Or I'm a cop and
Dougie owes me a favor.
497
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:11,861
You're a cop?
498
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,614
Wow, that sounded awful.
I'm...
499
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,196
Let me try that again.
500
00:19:16,696 --> 00:19:18,198
Oh, so you're in
law enforcement?
501
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,869
That sounds like
very important work.
502
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,242
That wasn't
much better either.
503
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:23,833
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
504
00:19:23,833 --> 00:19:25,995
I like seeing
you rattled. It's cute.
505
00:19:27,247 --> 00:19:28,288
So, listen, Parker...
506
00:19:28,708 --> 00:19:29,709
Look, I...
507
00:19:29,999 --> 00:19:31,170
I think you're
really nice
508
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,882
and I so appreciate
what you just did
right there,
509
00:19:32,882 --> 00:19:34,133
but I don't think
it would be smart for...
510
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:35,925
Take it easy.
Nobody's asking
anybody out.
511
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,217
Oh.
512
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:38,678
Just wanna say
be sure you read
513
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,060
all of our small-town
parking signs,
514
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,893
and you have
yourself a safe trip
back to the big city.
515
00:19:45,265 --> 00:19:46,266
Okay?
516
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:50,770
That's it?
517
00:19:54,073 --> 00:19:57,737
My mother's
great grandfather
built Bellefontaine
518
00:19:57,737 --> 00:19:59,239
with his own
two hands.
519
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:02,702
Oh, Mr. Woodward,
it would be such
an honor
520
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:03,993
to have it grace
the cover of your magazine.
521
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,746
Now, I'm just
writing the article,
Miss Caitlyn.
522
00:20:06,746 --> 00:20:08,998
I can't
guarantee you a cover.
523
00:20:08,998 --> 00:20:10,920
Well, I see there are
no weight restrictions
524
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,211
on the brides
you feature.
525
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,134
That gown must've
taken all the lace
in England that year.
526
00:20:15,134 --> 00:20:17,337
That's the Governor's
niece you're referring to.
527
00:20:17,927 --> 00:20:19,259
She has a lovely
complexion.
528
00:20:19,929 --> 00:20:20,930
Mmm.
529
00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:23,803
(CLEARING THROAT)
530
00:20:23,803 --> 00:20:25,345
Did you know,
Mr. Woodward,
531
00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:27,897
that all the bridesmaids
are living here
at Bellefontaine
532
00:20:27,897 --> 00:20:28,768
right up until
the wedding?
533
00:20:29,689 --> 00:20:31,271
And staying at such
a magnificent home,
534
00:20:31,651 --> 00:20:34,354
why, it's like living
in a fairyland.
535
00:20:34,354 --> 00:20:35,985
(ALL CHUCKLING)
536
00:20:37,777 --> 00:20:39,118
(WHISPERS) Now you.
Oh, yes.
537
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,912
You know, all the girls
are staying right here
at Bellefontaine
538
00:20:42,912 --> 00:20:43,783
up until the wedding.
539
00:20:47,867 --> 00:20:49,709
I said that part.
And um...
540
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,211
Snowglobe.
Yes.
541
00:20:53,132 --> 00:20:55,795
This home is so beautiful,
isn't it?
542
00:20:55,795 --> 00:20:57,377
It's like an idyllic scene
in a snowglobe.
543
00:20:57,837 --> 00:20:58,548
Oh!
544
00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:01,090
That is so sweet
of you to say.
545
00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:02,302
More sherry, anyone?
546
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:04,093
Oh, yes, precious,
I believe I will.
547
00:21:04,684 --> 00:21:05,725
Number three!
548
00:21:06,686 --> 00:21:07,887
I beg your pardon?
549
00:21:07,887 --> 00:21:09,389
Oh, that's your
third glass of sherry.
550
00:21:09,389 --> 00:21:10,890
Actually,
it's her fourth.
551
00:21:10,890 --> 00:21:12,812
She had a little nip
in the kitchen.
552
00:21:13,152 --> 00:21:14,654
But I think
that was scotch.
553
00:21:16,155 --> 00:21:17,397
What are you doing?
554
00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:18,698
Helping.
555
00:21:18,698 --> 00:21:19,779
We know you're under
a lot of pressure,
556
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,901
and we certainly don't
want to see you
get hammered
557
00:21:21,901 --> 00:21:23,282
like you did
Wednesday night.
558
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:24,864
When you fell
into the duck pond.
559
00:21:24,864 --> 00:21:26,326
And told the gardener
your hedge needed trimming.
560
00:21:26,996 --> 00:21:29,909
So, we'll be here
counting your drinks
every day.
561
00:21:29,909 --> 00:21:32,332
And night,
when you really
go to town.
562
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:34,874
How thoughtful of you.
563
00:21:37,717 --> 00:21:38,878
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
564
00:21:43,222 --> 00:21:45,845
I think those girls
gave us bad advice.
565
00:21:45,845 --> 00:21:47,887
Boy, I think
you're right.
566
00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:06,245
Well, apparently,
some of Caitlyn's
old rivals
567
00:22:06,245 --> 00:22:09,038
were pulling some
silly sorority stunt.
568
00:22:09,038 --> 00:22:12,372
(LAUGHING) Oh,
why thank you, Mr. Woodward,
I knew you'd understand.
569
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:15,294
So, we'll see you
and your photographer
tomorrow morning?
570
00:22:15,294 --> 00:22:18,007
Wonderful. Okay.
Bye, now.
571
00:22:18,007 --> 00:22:19,008
Oh! Mama!
572
00:22:19,258 --> 00:22:21,801
(EXCLAIMING)
Fantastic news!
573
00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:23,763
Abby and Parker have
changed their plans.
574
00:22:23,763 --> 00:22:26,466
Because of me!
They're going to stay
in town for the wedding.
575
00:22:26,466 --> 00:22:28,267
Isn't that
just the best?
576
00:22:28,267 --> 00:22:29,178
Mmm.
577
00:22:29,178 --> 00:22:30,520
Oh, don't worry,
we'll sit in the back.
578
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:31,731
We're not going to
make a peep.
579
00:22:31,731 --> 00:22:33,312
PARKER: Yeah,
we don't even need
to be in the photos.
580
00:22:33,312 --> 00:22:35,314
(LAUGHING) It's not like
we're bridesmaids
or anything.
581
00:22:35,314 --> 00:22:36,816
Oh, my gosh.
582
00:22:37,397 --> 00:22:38,778
Lightbulb!
583
00:22:38,778 --> 00:22:40,780
What if you
were bridesmaids?
584
00:22:41,070 --> 00:22:42,321
No!
I mean, it would...
585
00:22:42,321 --> 00:22:44,444
Yes!
It would be a dream
come true.
586
00:22:44,444 --> 00:22:45,825
PARKER: Yeah.
587
00:22:45,825 --> 00:22:48,157
Caitlyn, may I have
a word with you?
588
00:22:50,910 --> 00:22:51,911
(GIGGLES)
589
00:22:56,295 --> 00:22:58,297
(WHISPERING)
They are not
bridesmaid material.
590
00:22:58,297 --> 00:22:59,499
Mom, it's okay.
591
00:22:59,499 --> 00:23:01,841
Listen to me...
It's my wedding and
I want my bridesmaids.
592
00:23:02,341 --> 00:23:03,763
(CLEARING THROAT)
593
00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:05,885
Mama has something to say.
594
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:06,886
Yes.
595
00:23:09,098 --> 00:23:10,309
Mother?
596
00:23:10,850 --> 00:23:13,813
We would be
honored if you would...
597
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,398
Oh, for gosh sakes.
You're my new bridesmaids!
598
00:23:20,069 --> 00:23:21,110
No way!
599
00:23:21,110 --> 00:23:22,111
Yay!
Shut up!
600
00:23:23,112 --> 00:23:25,074
Yes, yes, yes!
Amazing!
601
00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:28,528
PARKER: Okay, here we are.
602
00:23:31,581 --> 00:23:33,202
Got cherubs?
603
00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:36,295
There's something
I've learned in life,
604
00:23:36,295 --> 00:23:37,917
you can never have
too many cherubs.
605
00:23:39,629 --> 00:23:42,632
All right, Sarge,
we're behind
enemy lines. What's next?
606
00:23:42,632 --> 00:23:43,883
Why are you asking me?
607
00:23:44,343 --> 00:23:45,885
Because you're the plotter.
608
00:23:45,885 --> 00:23:47,426
Didn't Publishers Weekly
call you inventive?
609
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,809
"Abigail Scanlon
is in full command
of her narrative."
610
00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:51,811
I will give you that one.
611
00:23:51,811 --> 00:23:56,225
All right, break up
the couple. Break up
the wedding couple.
612
00:23:56,225 --> 00:23:59,438
(GASPS) I got it!
You sleep with the groom.
613
00:23:59,649 --> 00:24:01,981
Huh, yeah. We help
our friend Rachel
614
00:24:01,981 --> 00:24:03,983
by me sleeping
with the love
of her life.
615
00:24:04,233 --> 00:24:06,826
Hey, I never said
there wouldn't be
any casualties.
616
00:24:07,406 --> 00:24:10,159
(GASPS) Uh...
You sleep with Caitlyn.
617
00:24:10,409 --> 00:24:12,532
Why do all of your plans
have me sleeping
with someone?
618
00:24:12,532 --> 00:24:13,663
Is this how you see me?
619
00:24:13,663 --> 00:24:14,624
A little bit.
620
00:24:14,624 --> 00:24:17,036
All right. Well,
if Tony's like most guys,
621
00:24:17,036 --> 00:24:20,249
me and Caitlyn
in bed together
will not be a deal breaker.
622
00:24:20,249 --> 00:24:21,460
I wonder where
they have Rachel stashed?
623
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,883
Probably in the
"Ha, ha, stole
your boyfriend" room.
624
00:24:23,883 --> 00:24:25,214
No, she's
in the Persimmon Room.
625
00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:26,175
How do you know?
626
00:24:26,175 --> 00:24:29,008
Oh, it's right here,
under "Room Assignments"
627
00:24:29,008 --> 00:24:30,930
in the Bridesmaids' News.
628
00:24:30,930 --> 00:24:32,642
Oh, of course.
629
00:24:32,642 --> 00:24:36,435
An in-home published
newspaper about
your very own wedding.
630
00:24:36,435 --> 00:24:37,687
Guess who made
the cover? Caitlyn.
631
00:24:37,687 --> 00:24:40,189
You know,
I really think that
we're over-thinking this.
632
00:24:40,189 --> 00:24:41,561
If we want to get
Rachel and Tony
back together,
633
00:24:41,561 --> 00:24:43,693
well, let's just get
Rachel and Tony
back together.
634
00:24:43,693 --> 00:24:45,525
We can fix her up a bit,
635
00:24:45,525 --> 00:24:47,987
boost her confidence,
and then throw 'em
in a room together.
636
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:50,660
They were cooking before.
Come on, let's turn up
the flame a little bit,
637
00:24:50,660 --> 00:24:53,032
and then I do not
have to sleep
with anyone.
638
00:24:53,032 --> 00:24:54,203
You okay with that?
639
00:24:54,203 --> 00:24:56,415
Oh, behold!
The Persimmon Room.
(LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY)
640
00:24:57,036 --> 00:24:58,207
(WHISPERS) Rachel?
641
00:24:59,919 --> 00:25:03,583
(GASPS) What are
you guys doing here?
How'd you get in?
642
00:25:03,583 --> 00:25:04,964
We're the new bridesmaids.
643
00:25:04,964 --> 00:25:06,926
Really?
Does Olivia know?
644
00:25:06,926 --> 00:25:08,297
OLIVIA: Yes, she does.
645
00:25:08,718 --> 00:25:11,010
Is there something wrong
with your room, girls?
646
00:25:11,390 --> 00:25:14,133
No, I just wanted to
check out the
Persimmon Room.
647
00:25:14,473 --> 00:25:18,267
It's clearly stated in
the newsletter that
lights out is 11:00 p.m.
648
00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:19,979
A curfew?
Are you kidding me?
649
00:25:19,979 --> 00:25:23,062
(CHUCKLING)
By which she means,
"Yes, ma'am."
650
00:25:23,563 --> 00:25:24,904
Good night then, Rachel.
651
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,527
Good night.
Good night.
652
00:25:29,148 --> 00:25:30,570
It's off to bed.
Mmm-hmm.
653
00:25:34,243 --> 00:25:37,076
I know why you're here.
I know exactly
what you're planning.
654
00:25:37,657 --> 00:25:40,209
You think being
a bridesmaid
is a little game.
655
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:42,582
You're here to
laugh at our expense.
656
00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:46,085
No, we take
what we're doing here
very seriously.
657
00:25:46,085 --> 00:25:49,669
Yeah, like we're
on a mission or something.
658
00:25:50,299 --> 00:25:52,131
This wedding
is in eight days.
659
00:25:52,341 --> 00:25:57,637
I expect you to honor
the sacred trust that Caitlyn
has bestowed upon you.
660
00:25:57,637 --> 00:25:59,979
We do understand
each other, don't we?
661
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,441
Yeah.
Good.
662
00:26:02,732 --> 00:26:04,393
Well, I'm glad
we've had this little talk.
663
00:26:05,104 --> 00:26:07,236
Now you two girls
get to bed.
664
00:26:07,236 --> 00:26:08,738
You need your beauty sleep.
665
00:26:08,738 --> 00:26:10,529
Especially you, Abigail.
666
00:26:10,529 --> 00:26:11,651
(GRUNTING)
No, no, no.
667
00:26:12,992 --> 00:26:14,453
(EXCLAIMING)
668
00:26:16,455 --> 00:26:17,456
(GRUNTING)
(EXCLAIMS)
669
00:26:29,208 --> 00:26:30,670
(DOOR OPENING)
670
00:26:30,670 --> 00:26:32,011
(HUMMING BUGLE REVEILLE)
671
00:26:32,011 --> 00:26:36,976
Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
Extra, extra,
read all about it!
672
00:26:36,976 --> 00:26:38,597
Y'all made
the front page.
673
00:26:38,978 --> 00:26:41,811
Look, "Old pals
join bridal fun!
674
00:26:41,811 --> 00:26:43,602
"Caitlyn tickled pink!"
675
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:45,815
Now, breakfast
is in half an hour
on the east porch.
676
00:26:45,815 --> 00:26:46,986
Yum, yum.
677
00:26:46,986 --> 00:26:49,859
Then at 8:00,
ladies, it's time to
turn on the charm
678
00:26:49,859 --> 00:26:51,190
because
Wedding Belles
of the South magazine
679
00:26:51,190 --> 00:26:53,322
will be here for
interviews and photos.
680
00:26:53,322 --> 00:26:55,695
Then at 11:00,
oh, get ready.
681
00:26:55,695 --> 00:26:56,906
(IMITATING DRUMROLL PLAYING)
682
00:26:57,827 --> 00:26:58,788
Your first dress fitting.
683
00:26:58,788 --> 00:27:00,950
Oh, and there's
so much more after that.
684
00:27:00,950 --> 00:27:02,792
Y'all need to
get moving, okay?
685
00:27:02,792 --> 00:27:04,834
Let's go! Chop-chop! Bye!
686
00:27:05,835 --> 00:27:09,919
She keeps this up,
this is gonna need
an obituary page.
687
00:27:10,169 --> 00:27:11,170
(SIGHS)
688
00:27:13,843 --> 00:27:16,926
Well, being selected
Caitlyn's maid of honor
689
00:27:16,926 --> 00:27:19,759
is so completely
the most important thing
690
00:27:19,759 --> 00:27:22,021
that has ever happened
in my entire
691
00:27:23,352 --> 00:27:24,603
life.
692
00:27:24,603 --> 00:27:25,604
Oh!
693
00:27:25,855 --> 00:27:27,106
I'm sorry.
694
00:27:27,106 --> 00:27:30,860
It's just ever since
we were freshmen rushes
at Gamma Kappa,
695
00:27:32,862 --> 00:27:35,324
Caitlyn and I
have been like sisters.
More than sisters.
696
00:27:35,324 --> 00:27:39,538
We're like two big halves
of one big Siamese twin.
697
00:27:41,701 --> 00:27:42,661
(LAUGHS)
698
00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:44,283
The funny thing is,
she's happier than we are.
699
00:27:45,584 --> 00:27:46,706
Morning, ladies.
700
00:27:46,706 --> 00:27:48,207
Hey.
Oh, okay.
701
00:27:49,879 --> 00:27:51,670
(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
Okay, girls.
702
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,883
The better the interviews,
the more likely we are
to get the cover.
703
00:27:54,093 --> 00:27:56,796
I hope you're both thinking of
lots of colorful anecdotes.
704
00:27:56,796 --> 00:27:58,177
Yeah, that's what
we're doing over here.
705
00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:00,890
Yeah, I tried a couple of
jokes on the butler.
Freakin' killed.
706
00:28:00,890 --> 00:28:06,185
(LAUGHS) Oh, Abigail,
you're just a regular, old
Dane Cook sometimes.
707
00:28:06,856 --> 00:28:09,148
But seriously,
when it's your turn
to be interviewed,
708
00:28:09,148 --> 00:28:13,022
please, no frowny faces,
no sassy attitude,
709
00:28:13,022 --> 00:28:14,693
and remember,
you are the bridal support.
710
00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:16,695
And, oh, dear God,
please, none of that
other thing you do.
711
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:17,987
Oh, you mean sarcasm?
712
00:28:17,987 --> 00:28:18,818
None of that.
713
00:28:19,869 --> 00:28:21,200
Caitlyn, I could never be
sarcastic with you.
714
00:28:22,081 --> 00:28:23,242
Thank you.
715
00:28:23,242 --> 00:28:26,085
Here we are, ladies.
Eggs Benedict
716
00:28:26,085 --> 00:28:28,828
with a rasher of applewood
smoked bacon for Miss Parker.
717
00:28:29,288 --> 00:28:34,213
And for Miss Abigail,
spelt toast, dry,
and soy bacon bits.
718
00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:36,215
This spelt toast,
what, that means
somebody ate it already?
719
00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:37,757
OLIVIA:
I'll take care of this.
720
00:28:37,757 --> 00:28:43,102
Abigail, our bridesmaids
dresses aren't going to
impress in the plus sizes.
721
00:28:43,102 --> 00:28:44,894
And we think,
with a little work,
722
00:28:44,894 --> 00:28:46,055
you could lose
10 pounds this week.
723
00:28:46,846 --> 00:28:47,937
If you cut off my leg.
724
00:28:47,937 --> 00:28:48,938
(OLIVIA CHUCKLES)
725
00:28:48,938 --> 00:28:50,269
Now, it's not just diet,
726
00:28:50,269 --> 00:28:52,691
we're bringing in
a personal trainer for you.
727
00:28:52,691 --> 00:28:55,274
And trust me,
she is a miracle worker.
728
00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:57,156
I need a miracle?
729
00:28:57,156 --> 00:28:58,697
Look, I know
you don't want to
hear this right now,
730
00:28:58,697 --> 00:29:00,990
but this is seriously
the best eggs Benedict
that I've ever had.
731
00:29:01,781 --> 00:29:03,783
RACHEL:
We've been best friends
since kindergarten.
732
00:29:03,783 --> 00:29:05,624
Abigail, Parker and Caitlyn.
733
00:29:08,828 --> 00:29:11,831
We used to play wedding,
right there on that lawn.
734
00:29:12,792 --> 00:29:13,963
And now
it's a real wedding.
735
00:29:13,963 --> 00:29:14,964
Yes. It is.
736
00:29:15,294 --> 00:29:18,137
When you see
Caitlyn and Tony together,
737
00:29:18,137 --> 00:29:20,759
bride and groom,
how does that
make you feel?
738
00:29:21,971 --> 00:29:23,092
Um...
739
00:29:24,303 --> 00:29:25,304
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
740
00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:33,853
I'm so, so sorry.
741
00:29:36,816 --> 00:29:39,778
What a sweet
dear friend she is.
742
00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:41,991
Rachel! Rachel!
Rach.
743
00:29:41,991 --> 00:29:43,782
Rachel!
Rach!
744
00:29:44,113 --> 00:29:47,286
They used to run after
each other like that
when they were children.
745
00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:49,288
Such memories!
746
00:29:49,288 --> 00:29:50,870
ABIGAIL: Rach!
Rachel!
747
00:29:50,870 --> 00:29:54,003
Rachel! Rachel!
Rachel!
748
00:29:54,003 --> 00:29:55,875
ABIGAIL: Slow down!
749
00:29:55,875 --> 00:29:56,876
Rachel!
750
00:29:58,878 --> 00:30:00,880
Rachel!
Rach!
751
00:30:02,421 --> 00:30:04,053
Come on!
Rach!
752
00:30:05,184 --> 00:30:08,017
Hey, how those
eggs Benedict
treating you right now, huh?
753
00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:11,140
Oh, I figured
they'd ask me
about Caitlyn,
754
00:30:11,140 --> 00:30:13,522
but I did not think
they would ask me
about Tony.
755
00:30:13,522 --> 00:30:14,693
(WHIRRING)
756
00:30:14,693 --> 00:30:17,236
Look, it's gonna be okay.
We're gonna fix everything.
757
00:30:17,236 --> 00:30:20,149
Excuse me! We're trying
to have a conversation!
758
00:30:20,149 --> 00:30:21,280
Can you wrap it up?
759
00:30:21,530 --> 00:30:22,862
(WHIRRING STOPS)
760
00:30:22,862 --> 00:30:24,864
Thank you.
You're a prince.
761
00:30:25,534 --> 00:30:27,116
What do you mean
you're gonna
fix everything?
762
00:30:27,116 --> 00:30:29,208
That's why the Ashleys
are gone and we're here.
763
00:30:29,208 --> 00:30:30,369
You did that?
Yes,
we did.
764
00:30:30,369 --> 00:30:32,451
And we did it for you.
We're gonna help you
get Tony back.
765
00:30:32,451 --> 00:30:34,753
So spruce it on up, girl.
You gotta look pretty.
766
00:30:34,753 --> 00:30:36,255
Yes, he's gonna
fall in love with you
all over again.
767
00:30:36,255 --> 00:30:37,216
No, he can't.
768
00:30:37,216 --> 00:30:39,458
Yes, he can. Come on,
there's still plenty...
769
00:30:39,458 --> 00:30:40,960
No, they have to
get married.
770
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:41,760
Whose side are you on?
771
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:42,882
It's a secret.
It's a big secret.
772
00:30:42,882 --> 00:30:44,513
I'm not supposed to
tell anyone, so I can't!
Spill it!
773
00:30:44,513 --> 00:30:45,804
Caitlyn's pregnant.
774
00:30:46,225 --> 00:30:47,266
What?
775
00:30:47,967 --> 00:30:49,058
And it's Tony's.
776
00:30:50,229 --> 00:30:52,771
So they have to get married.
777
00:30:52,771 --> 00:30:53,933
(SNIFFLING)
778
00:30:53,933 --> 00:30:55,895
That sweet little baby
cannot grow up
without a daddy.
779
00:30:59,478 --> 00:31:02,441
RACHEL: It always felt weird
with me and Tony's family.
780
00:31:02,441 --> 00:31:05,574
They think anybody
who isn't rich like them
is some sort of gold-digger.
781
00:31:05,574 --> 00:31:06,906
But that isn't me.
782
00:31:06,906 --> 00:31:08,157
Oh, we know, honey.
783
00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:10,409
They made me feel
so uncomfortable.
784
00:31:10,409 --> 00:31:12,541
Then one day,
Tony made this joke
785
00:31:12,541 --> 00:31:15,915
about how I liked
their big sailboat,
and I lost it.
786
00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:19,418
I said, "If that's what you
think I am, then we should
just break up right now."
787
00:31:19,418 --> 00:31:22,881
I didn't mean it.
I was just upset and mad.
788
00:31:23,422 --> 00:31:26,926
When I finally got up
the nerve to call
and say I was sorry,
789
00:31:26,926 --> 00:31:28,968
somebody else
had swooped in
and grabbed him.
790
00:31:28,968 --> 00:31:32,011
Hmm. Yeah, let me guess.
Our lifelong friend
Caitlyn.
791
00:31:32,011 --> 00:31:33,973
Yeah. She threw
herself at him.
792
00:31:33,973 --> 00:31:35,474
Under him,
more likely.
793
00:31:35,474 --> 00:31:38,227
He only slept
with her once,
but that was enough.
794
00:31:38,227 --> 00:31:39,358
Mmm-hmm.
795
00:31:39,358 --> 00:31:41,570
Yeah, just like my mom
always said.
796
00:31:41,570 --> 00:31:42,651
How do you know
she was pregnant?
797
00:31:42,651 --> 00:31:45,904
She told me.
She said she went
to Dr. Wallach.
798
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:48,027
They did a test. Baby.
799
00:31:48,027 --> 00:31:49,828
So now they have to
get married.
800
00:31:50,869 --> 00:31:52,411
Tony's doing
the right thing.
801
00:31:53,832 --> 00:31:55,414
He always does
the right thing.
802
00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:58,297
Except playing
that game of
happy-slappy with Caitlyn.
803
00:31:58,998 --> 00:32:01,040
Promise me
you will not
break up this wedding.
804
00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:02,881
Promise?
805
00:32:02,881 --> 00:32:03,963
(SIGHS)
806
00:32:03,963 --> 00:32:05,174
Fine.
All right,
we promise.
807
00:32:10,970 --> 00:32:12,431
You know what,
that gold-digger's pregnant
808
00:32:12,431 --> 00:32:13,892
and it's a shotgun wedding?
809
00:32:13,892 --> 00:32:16,315
This marriage gets
more traditional
all the time.
810
00:32:16,315 --> 00:32:17,816
What are we gonna do?
811
00:32:17,816 --> 00:32:21,320
Nothing. We just buck up
and be sweet little
bridesmaids to that bitch
812
00:32:22,021 --> 00:32:23,322
and her hellish mother.
813
00:32:24,323 --> 00:32:26,945
(EXCLAIMING ANGRILY)
This is not fun anymore.
814
00:32:33,202 --> 00:32:35,874
Caitlyn,
if I'm gonna stage this,
815
00:32:35,874 --> 00:32:38,577
we need the groom
and his groomsmen.
816
00:32:39,338 --> 00:32:41,500
Your mother never kept
her husbands for very long,
817
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:44,003
but she certainly knew
how to get them
to show up on time
818
00:32:44,003 --> 00:32:45,344
for all the rehearsals.
819
00:32:45,344 --> 00:32:46,505
Thank you, Charlotte.
820
00:32:46,505 --> 00:32:48,217
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
821
00:32:50,049 --> 00:32:51,300
(GASPS)
822
00:32:54,143 --> 00:32:55,144
Yay!
823
00:32:59,358 --> 00:33:00,519
Got your groom, ma'am.
824
00:33:02,521 --> 00:33:03,652
Sorry we're late.
825
00:33:03,652 --> 00:33:06,275
Four guys trying on tuxes,
you can't pull them away.
826
00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:20,419
CHARLOTTE: Settle down.
Now first thing, we need to
match our groomsmen
827
00:33:20,419 --> 00:33:22,581
with our bridesmaids
for the processional.
828
00:33:24,043 --> 00:33:28,006
We'll do this by height
because this day
is all about aesthetics.
829
00:33:32,301 --> 00:33:33,302
MAN: Okay.
830
00:33:34,223 --> 00:33:35,554
HENRY: Hi.
Hi.
831
00:33:38,267 --> 00:33:39,898
You had me at "Hello."
832
00:33:40,139 --> 00:33:43,642
Oh. I didn't say hello.
833
00:33:44,233 --> 00:33:46,485
Gary, in heels
she's gonna be a lot taller.
834
00:33:46,985 --> 00:33:49,068
Yeah, Gary,
he's right.
835
00:33:49,068 --> 00:33:50,409
I think
I'm the girl for you.
836
00:33:50,409 --> 00:33:54,032
Plus, I am just dazzled
by a guy that can
rock plaid, so...
837
00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:55,033
Mmm.
838
00:33:58,077 --> 00:34:01,039
Kind of surprised
to see you two here
instead of Team Ashley.
839
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:04,083
Oh, yeah, well,
they had to present
this big paper at MIT,
840
00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:05,754
and, you know,
Caitlyn asked us to fill in.
841
00:34:05,754 --> 00:34:09,668
You do know that
I'm a detective
for a living.
842
00:34:09,668 --> 00:34:10,929
Well, in that case,
843
00:34:10,929 --> 00:34:13,011
I'm not answering
any more questions
without a lawyer.
844
00:34:13,011 --> 00:34:15,013
Even if I invite you
to dinner?
845
00:34:15,013 --> 00:34:17,055
I can't.
We're on lockdown here.
846
00:34:17,636 --> 00:34:20,439
No dinners out.
No men upstairs.
847
00:34:20,439 --> 00:34:23,602
Too bad.
I'm just trying to get
a little background
848
00:34:23,602 --> 00:34:25,944
on the woman
I'm walking down
the aisle with.
849
00:34:28,737 --> 00:34:31,690
New York actress.
Gone next Monday.
850
00:34:33,112 --> 00:34:34,113
(BELL TINKLING)
851
00:34:34,783 --> 00:34:36,155
You two, let's go.
852
00:34:36,655 --> 00:34:37,656
Plenty of time
to hit on her
853
00:34:37,656 --> 00:34:39,538
when you're tanked
at the reception.
854
00:34:42,791 --> 00:34:44,042
Thank you.
855
00:34:46,705 --> 00:34:48,967
CHARLOTTE: Oh, dear,
I don't know.
856
00:34:49,758 --> 00:34:52,171
Livvy, the dress
was made
for one of those
857
00:34:52,171 --> 00:34:54,713
shapely Ashley girls
you discarded.
858
00:34:54,713 --> 00:34:57,426
This bony child
has no rump at all.
859
00:34:57,426 --> 00:34:59,388
Where's your bottom, dear?
860
00:34:59,388 --> 00:35:01,770
Charlotte, this girl
is as good as
we can get.
861
00:35:01,770 --> 00:35:04,723
We're just gonna
have to soldier on.
862
00:35:04,723 --> 00:35:07,105
Pin, my dear,
till your hands bleed.
863
00:35:07,566 --> 00:35:12,401
Uh, hey, excuse me.
I don't think that
this dress fits anybody.
864
00:35:13,071 --> 00:35:14,653
Ah, a woman built
to bear children.
865
00:35:15,154 --> 00:35:16,655
Excuse me?
866
00:35:16,655 --> 00:35:20,038
If only there was a way
of transplanting some of
your womanly abundance
867
00:35:20,038 --> 00:35:22,241
to the one
built like a little boy.
868
00:35:22,241 --> 00:35:24,543
A boy? Have you not
seen these babies?
869
00:35:24,543 --> 00:35:28,046
Charlotte, she's going to lose
10 pounds by the wedding.
870
00:35:28,046 --> 00:35:29,798
I'm sorry.
Why don't you try
to alter the dresses
871
00:35:29,798 --> 00:35:31,380
instead of the bridesmaids?
872
00:35:31,670 --> 00:35:34,173
Abigail, dear Abigail.
873
00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:35,554
You're going to be
standing in front of
874
00:35:35,554 --> 00:35:37,556
hundreds of people
next Saturday.
875
00:35:37,556 --> 00:35:38,887
You don't want them
looking at you
876
00:35:38,887 --> 00:35:41,720
and recalling that
hateful nickname
they used to have for you.
877
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:43,182
What was it again?
878
00:35:43,682 --> 00:35:44,683
Flabigail.
879
00:35:45,434 --> 00:35:46,435
(GASPS)
880
00:35:46,725 --> 00:35:48,527
Young people
can be so cruel.
881
00:35:52,821 --> 00:35:54,032
(SIGHS)
882
00:36:00,369 --> 00:36:01,740
(CLATTERING)
883
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,713
Soup? Are you
frickin' kidding me?
884
00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:17,756
Figured I'd find you
down here.
885
00:36:17,756 --> 00:36:21,560
They moved everything.
Everything.
886
00:36:21,890 --> 00:36:25,103
This cabinet...
This cabinet used to be
full of cookies.
887
00:36:25,304 --> 00:36:30,569
Always. Even the
Little Debbie cakes
with the pink wrapper.
888
00:36:30,569 --> 00:36:32,070
I could count on it.
889
00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:34,313
And now
she's starving me
for 24 hours,
890
00:36:34,313 --> 00:36:37,776
and what does she give me
in my happy cabinet?
A frickin' can of tomato soup!
891
00:36:39,488 --> 00:36:41,079
You know what?
892
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,582
Fine.
893
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:49,788
(SLURPING) Mmm.
894
00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:52,251
It's not that bad.
895
00:36:53,131 --> 00:36:54,543
Can I buy you a round?
896
00:36:54,543 --> 00:36:55,594
No.
897
00:37:01,430 --> 00:37:02,301
Flabigail.
898
00:37:03,842 --> 00:37:05,434
She really put
the knife in on that one.
899
00:37:06,765 --> 00:37:08,687
Well, pull it right back out.
She was just trying
to get to you.
900
00:37:08,687 --> 00:37:11,730
One word and that sad
little 12-year-old girl
was back.
901
00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:13,562
But now you're beautiful.
902
00:37:13,562 --> 00:37:15,734
And you're a very
successful New York writer.
903
00:37:15,734 --> 00:37:18,617
Who's hitting
her head up
against the wall
904
00:37:18,617 --> 00:37:21,199
because she has
not one idea
for her second novel.
905
00:37:21,199 --> 00:37:22,781
Not one. Nothing.
906
00:37:22,781 --> 00:37:25,414
I'm blocked, I'm spent,
907
00:37:26,785 --> 00:37:29,498
I'm a has-been
after one book.
908
00:37:29,498 --> 00:37:30,579
Cold spaghetti?
909
00:37:30,579 --> 00:37:31,790
Give it to me.
910
00:37:33,582 --> 00:37:35,714
Mmm.
Mmm-hmm. Nuh-uh.
911
00:37:36,295 --> 00:37:37,296
Okay.
912
00:37:38,467 --> 00:37:40,299
Remember when
we used to sneak down
that secret passageway
913
00:37:40,299 --> 00:37:41,550
and make snacks
for movie night?
914
00:37:41,550 --> 00:37:43,552
(LAUGHS) Always
the same snacks,
right?
915
00:37:43,552 --> 00:37:46,435
It was s'mores
and pink lemonade.
916
00:37:46,725 --> 00:37:47,646
And always the same movie.
917
00:37:47,646 --> 00:37:49,768
BOTH: An Officer
and a Gentleman.
918
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:52,851
For two years,
that's the only movie Caitlyn
would ever let us watch.
919
00:37:53,982 --> 00:37:55,354
Oh, my God, that's it.
920
00:37:56,525 --> 00:37:58,567
Okay,
Caitlyn's not pregnant.
921
00:37:58,857 --> 00:38:01,700
Ready?
Officer and a Gentleman,
922
00:38:01,700 --> 00:38:03,902
Lisa Eilbacher
pretended to be pregnant
923
00:38:03,902 --> 00:38:06,495
so that David Keith
will marry her.
924
00:38:06,825 --> 00:38:10,959
Caitlyn is Lisa Eilbacher.
Oh, it's so obvious.
925
00:38:10,959 --> 00:38:13,792
She went to
Dr. Wallach, Abigail.
She got a test.
926
00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:15,003
No. Mmm-mmm.
I don't think she did.
927
00:38:15,003 --> 00:38:16,795
I think Caitlyn is lying.
928
00:38:16,795 --> 00:38:18,046
Okay, you might need
a little proof of that.
929
00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:20,799
I'll get you some proof,
Little Miss Skeptical No Butt.
930
00:38:21,470 --> 00:38:22,881
We move at dawn.
931
00:38:22,881 --> 00:38:24,843
Let's get going,
we need our sleep. Let's go!
932
00:38:24,843 --> 00:38:26,425
And I need my spaghetti.
933
00:38:27,726 --> 00:38:28,767
Oh, yeah.
934
00:38:30,849 --> 00:38:31,850
PARKER: Oh!
935
00:38:39,698 --> 00:38:41,700
KELTON: Well,
good morning, bridesmaids.
936
00:38:41,990 --> 00:38:43,612
What are you ladies up to?
937
00:38:43,942 --> 00:38:46,745
Uh, we were just
gonna go into town.
938
00:38:46,745 --> 00:38:47,866
Yeah, I need to
run an errand.
939
00:38:47,866 --> 00:38:50,078
You know,
Miss Olivia doesn't like
people driving off,
940
00:38:50,078 --> 00:38:51,329
doing their own thing, now.
941
00:38:51,329 --> 00:38:52,791
I need tampons.
942
00:38:54,292 --> 00:38:56,044
Well, have a good day.
943
00:39:02,761 --> 00:39:03,882
ABIGAIL: Bye!
944
00:39:07,175 --> 00:39:08,847
Hi, how are you?
945
00:39:09,347 --> 00:39:10,348
Come on.
946
00:39:16,184 --> 00:39:18,687
Hi, we're here from, uh...
947
00:39:20,238 --> 00:39:21,480
Filex Cabinets.
948
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:22,280
Uh-huh.
949
00:39:22,941 --> 00:39:25,904
Yes. You obviously
got the recall notice.
950
00:39:26,154 --> 00:39:27,245
The what?
951
00:39:27,245 --> 00:39:29,828
The recall notice, sweetheart.
Don't you read the news?
952
00:39:29,828 --> 00:39:32,831
Yeah, a lot of
our filing cabinets
have been collapsing.
953
00:39:32,831 --> 00:39:36,705
Apparently the titanium
brackets have a little
too much alloy in them.
954
00:39:36,705 --> 00:39:37,706
Yeah, way too much.
955
00:39:38,707 --> 00:39:40,709
These cabinets
were purchased
after 1970?
956
00:39:40,919 --> 00:39:42,761
Um, I started here in June.
957
00:39:43,842 --> 00:39:45,844
Then we need to
check those, don't we?
958
00:39:49,177 --> 00:39:50,889
Okay. Let's go.
(DOOR BUZZING)
959
00:39:51,510 --> 00:39:53,351
I'm gonna pick
a file at random.
960
00:39:53,351 --> 00:39:54,853
You know what,
how about "M"?
961
00:39:54,853 --> 00:39:57,315
"M." Middle letter.
Very wise.
962
00:39:57,516 --> 00:40:01,860
Oh, my God.
Those glasses are so cute.
963
00:40:01,860 --> 00:40:02,901
Thank you.
964
00:40:02,901 --> 00:40:04,322
They must have been
really expensive.
965
00:40:04,322 --> 00:40:05,944
No, I bought them online.
966
00:40:05,944 --> 00:40:07,155
$20.
967
00:40:07,155 --> 00:40:11,079
Get out of here!
Would it be okay
if I tried them on?
968
00:40:11,790 --> 00:40:12,791
Oh.
969
00:40:13,452 --> 00:40:14,242
Thanks.
970
00:40:16,875 --> 00:40:20,298
Oh. Wow, they're so comfy.
How do I look?
971
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,132
Blurry.
I can't see a thing
without my glasses.
972
00:40:24,132 --> 00:40:25,884
(BOTH LAUGHING)
973
00:40:26,214 --> 00:40:28,046
Have you ever tried contacts?
974
00:40:28,046 --> 00:40:30,929
Because, you know,
your eyes are really pretty.
975
00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:33,391
Oh, I did,
but don't they hurt?
976
00:40:33,892 --> 00:40:35,894
Beauty is pain, girlfriend!
977
00:40:36,855 --> 00:40:37,856
(EXCLAIMING ANGRILY)
She's pregnant!
978
00:40:40,819 --> 00:40:42,861
That's just an expression
that we use to mean
979
00:40:42,861 --> 00:40:46,274
that this cabinet is
crazy full and
it's about to go.
980
00:40:46,274 --> 00:40:48,827
So, we need to
get that report in
right away.
981
00:40:48,827 --> 00:40:50,368
Absolutely.
Okay.
982
00:40:50,368 --> 00:40:51,910
Here are your glasses.
Thank you.
983
00:40:56,204 --> 00:40:57,496
Stay clear of those.
984
00:41:00,919 --> 00:41:02,040
(PARKER LAUGHS)
985
00:41:07,085 --> 00:41:09,387
Lab report
with urine test.
986
00:41:09,387 --> 00:41:12,090
"McNabb comma Caitlyn.
Bun in oven."
987
00:41:12,090 --> 00:41:13,972
What about
An Officer and a Gentleman?
988
00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:17,936
Just like every other
romantic movie, okay?
It let us down.
989
00:41:23,982 --> 00:41:25,483
ALL: Mmm. Mmm.
990
00:41:27,025 --> 00:41:28,777
That was the orange ginger.
991
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,913
Bitsy, don't copy off me.
992
00:41:36,034 --> 00:41:37,035
I wasn't!
993
00:41:37,035 --> 00:41:39,538
Girls, do I have to
separate the two of you?
994
00:41:39,538 --> 00:41:42,040
This next one
is red velvet.
995
00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:43,882
Very daring
for a wedding.
996
00:41:47,085 --> 00:41:48,386
What do you think, honey?
997
00:41:48,386 --> 00:41:49,548
It's really good.
I like it.
998
00:41:50,889 --> 00:41:52,841
Men. Put food
in their mouths
and that's all they need.
999
00:41:53,301 --> 00:41:55,513
Not all. At least not
in my experience.
1000
00:41:55,934 --> 00:41:57,435
Which is no doubt
extensive.
1001
00:41:58,847 --> 00:42:02,561
You like it? Sweetheart,
that's what you said
about the last three.
1002
00:42:03,141 --> 00:42:05,313
I like cake. All cake.
1003
00:42:05,604 --> 00:42:07,525
Cake and me,
we just get along.
1004
00:42:09,147 --> 00:42:12,911
Tony-Bear, participate.
1005
00:42:12,911 --> 00:42:14,913
Come on, we need
an opinion from the groom.
1006
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:25,333
Look, Caitlyn,
I'm doing what
everybody wants here.
1007
00:42:25,333 --> 00:42:26,164
It's just cake.
1008
00:42:28,546 --> 00:42:30,548
Yes, you do like milk
with your cake.
1009
00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:32,380
Why don't you go
get some milk, hmm?
1010
00:42:32,671 --> 00:42:33,882
I think I will.
1011
00:42:35,974 --> 00:42:37,225
He's just getting
some milk.
1012
00:42:41,309 --> 00:42:42,891
OLIVIA: Well, if he's
going to have milk,
1013
00:42:42,891 --> 00:42:44,352
I think we should all
have a sherry.
1014
00:42:45,183 --> 00:42:46,184
Mmm.
1015
00:42:51,279 --> 00:42:52,490
Oh. Uh...
Oh.
1016
00:42:52,490 --> 00:42:54,192
Sorry. Bye.
(STAMMERING)
1017
00:42:54,192 --> 00:42:56,865
Rach, don't go.
1018
00:43:01,539 --> 00:43:04,542
It's okay. We can be
in the same room together.
1019
00:43:07,085 --> 00:43:08,877
No, I don't think we can.
1020
00:43:09,417 --> 00:43:10,629
Do you hate me that much?
1021
00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:13,211
Is that what you think?
1022
00:43:15,093 --> 00:43:17,716
I'm trying not to
think anymore.
1023
00:43:17,716 --> 00:43:20,889
I'm just doing
what I have to do.
1024
00:43:23,221 --> 00:43:24,933
One stupid mistake,
1025
00:43:24,933 --> 00:43:27,275
and I'm gonna be
paying for it
for the rest of my life.
1026
00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:37,115
I miss you so much.
1027
00:43:39,537 --> 00:43:43,501
And I'm the one
who messed this up,
1028
00:43:43,501 --> 00:43:45,704
and I wish
I could go back.
But it's too late.
1029
00:43:45,704 --> 00:43:46,915
Rachel.
1030
00:43:48,707 --> 00:43:49,918
I love you.
1031
00:43:52,420 --> 00:43:53,591
I always will.
1032
00:43:53,591 --> 00:43:55,253
(SOFTLY)
I love you, too.
1033
00:43:56,464 --> 00:43:58,927
There's not much
we can do about it, though.
1034
00:44:00,058 --> 00:44:01,519
It's just nice to know.
1035
00:44:02,681 --> 00:44:06,644
CAITLYN: Tony-Bear!
This carrot cake
is to die for!
1036
00:44:19,617 --> 00:44:22,781
And then we both said
we still love each other.
1037
00:44:22,781 --> 00:44:24,042
(RACHEL LAUGHS)
1038
00:44:24,042 --> 00:44:27,125
I haven't been
this happy in months.
Isn't it wonderful?
1039
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:29,627
No, no.
It's not wonderful.
1040
00:44:29,627 --> 00:44:30,999
It's the opposite
of wonderful.
1041
00:44:30,999 --> 00:44:32,290
He's marrying
someone else,
1042
00:44:32,290 --> 00:44:33,381
and not just
any someone else,
1043
00:44:33,381 --> 00:44:34,592
he's marrying
Caitlyn McNabb,
1044
00:44:34,592 --> 00:44:36,755
the great biatch
de les biatches.
1045
00:44:36,755 --> 00:44:38,096
(BLOWS)
1046
00:44:38,096 --> 00:44:39,297
(CRYING)
1047
00:44:40,598 --> 00:44:42,260
Hey, Parker, I heard
there are some
little kids playing outside,
1048
00:44:42,260 --> 00:44:44,302
why don't you go out there
and tell 'em they're
all gonna die someday?
1049
00:44:45,063 --> 00:44:47,435
Okay. What are we all
doing here, seriously?
1050
00:44:47,435 --> 00:44:49,687
We're miserable.
We should just crash
the gate and go.
1051
00:44:49,687 --> 00:44:51,359
No! You can't go.
1052
00:44:51,359 --> 00:44:52,610
If you all left,
I'd be a mess.
1053
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:54,983
We don't want that
to happen now, do we?
1054
00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:57,615
Go wash your face.
1055
00:44:57,615 --> 00:44:58,616
Okay.
1056
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:02,490
We cannot leave her.
1057
00:45:02,490 --> 00:45:03,822
Then what
are we gonna do?
1058
00:45:03,822 --> 00:45:05,623
We can't break up
a wedding if we can't
break up the couple.
1059
00:45:05,623 --> 00:45:08,206
Oh, don't worry
about it, okay?
I will find a way.
1060
00:45:08,206 --> 00:45:12,670
Why? Because
I'm Abigail Scanlon,
master of the narrative.
1061
00:45:12,670 --> 00:45:14,502
I thought you were
blocked and a has-been.
1062
00:45:15,093 --> 00:45:17,595
Not yet I'm not.
We'll figure this out.
1063
00:45:20,178 --> 00:45:21,429
I'm sorry.
1064
00:45:29,808 --> 00:45:34,612
Bitsy, you got
something for Tony,
but nothing for me?
1065
00:45:39,317 --> 00:45:41,739
Come on. Feet apart.
(PANTING)
1066
00:45:44,572 --> 00:45:46,034
Kick it.
1067
00:45:47,285 --> 00:45:48,746
Harder and higher!
1068
00:45:50,869 --> 00:45:52,330
Come on, no resting!
1069
00:45:52,330 --> 00:45:53,331
(GRUNTS)
1070
00:45:58,136 --> 00:46:01,219
Hey, you, we need
a ring bearer,
not a clown.
1071
00:46:01,219 --> 00:46:03,471
You're not to smile.
This is not about you.
1072
00:46:03,882 --> 00:46:05,053
Mom!
1073
00:46:06,224 --> 00:46:07,595
You.
You're it!
1074
00:46:07,595 --> 00:46:08,596
(SIGHS)
1075
00:46:10,478 --> 00:46:13,441
FEMALE TRAINER:
All right now. Good. Harder!
1076
00:46:13,852 --> 00:46:15,233
Come back here!
1077
00:46:25,573 --> 00:46:28,116
Let's go! That's right.
Time's a-wasting!
1078
00:46:28,116 --> 00:46:29,407
♪ Something old
Something new
1079
00:46:29,407 --> 00:46:30,909
♪ Something borrowed
Something blue
1080
00:46:30,909 --> 00:46:37,715
♪ But all I need
is something new
1081
00:46:39,417 --> 00:46:41,880
♪ Ooh, ooh
1082
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:44,422
♪ All I need
is something new ♪
1083
00:46:44,422 --> 00:46:47,765
Well, I think we finally
have an arrangement
that works for everybody.
1084
00:46:47,765 --> 00:46:49,267
Thank you, Charlotte.
1085
00:46:49,267 --> 00:46:51,269
Yes. You are a genius.
1086
00:46:53,351 --> 00:46:54,732
(ALL GASPING)
No!
1087
00:46:58,696 --> 00:46:59,777
(SIGHS IN DISAPPOINTMENT)
1088
00:47:00,859 --> 00:47:01,860
Ooh.
1089
00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:04,492
Was that
something important?
1090
00:47:06,784 --> 00:47:07,785
(SOBS)
1091
00:47:10,448 --> 00:47:13,291
Some candid pics
of fun with my bridesmaids.
1092
00:47:13,291 --> 00:47:15,163
This is the big
pillow fight, okay?
1093
00:47:19,627 --> 00:47:20,919
(SIGHING)
I hate pillow fights.
1094
00:47:20,919 --> 00:47:22,630
Oh, don't be
a big poop!
1095
00:47:24,963 --> 00:47:26,634
Abigail, easy.
1096
00:47:28,636 --> 00:47:29,637
(EXCLAIMS)
1097
00:47:30,308 --> 00:47:31,429
(LAUGHING)
BITSY: Oh! Ow!
1098
00:47:31,679 --> 00:47:32,770
(RACHEL GASPS)
1099
00:47:32,770 --> 00:47:34,142
BITSY: I'm okay.
Oh...
1100
00:47:35,273 --> 00:47:36,474
(GROANS) Okay. Oh!
1101
00:47:36,684 --> 00:47:37,685
Ow!
1102
00:47:39,277 --> 00:47:41,189
Can I have some help?
(EXCLAIMS)
1103
00:47:42,941 --> 00:47:45,443
(LAUGHING) Oh,
we're having so much fun!
1104
00:47:47,325 --> 00:47:49,327
(BITSY EXCLAIMING)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
1105
00:47:50,328 --> 00:47:51,950
♪ 'Cause I just
don't let you see
1106
00:47:51,950 --> 00:47:53,491
♪ How much I want you
1107
00:47:53,791 --> 00:47:56,334
♪ I feel so lucky
it seems that it's...
1108
00:47:56,334 --> 00:47:59,417
♪ Uh-uh, uh-uh
It's dangerous ♪
1109
00:47:59,918 --> 00:48:01,669
Ooh, we get a choice.
1110
00:48:01,669 --> 00:48:03,801
"At 8:00 p.m.,
scrapbooking
in Caitlyn's room,
1111
00:48:03,801 --> 00:48:05,503
"Sleepless in Seattle
in the den,
1112
00:48:05,503 --> 00:48:07,715
"or making popcorn balls
in the kitchen."
1113
00:48:07,715 --> 00:48:10,678
How about if I jump
out the window
of the "Stir Crazy" room?
1114
00:48:10,929 --> 00:48:13,641
Parker, you ditched
"I Love the '80s" karaoke
1115
00:48:13,641 --> 00:48:14,852
two nights
in a row, all right?
1116
00:48:14,852 --> 00:48:16,644
You can't sit in here
and mope all night.
1117
00:48:16,644 --> 00:48:18,606
Amazingly, I can.
1118
00:48:18,896 --> 00:48:21,819
Seriously, come on, get up.
1119
00:48:21,819 --> 00:48:24,482
You want to leave Rachel
suffering out there
by herself?
1120
00:48:24,482 --> 00:48:25,693
Fine. But I hate you.
1121
00:48:25,693 --> 00:48:26,784
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(GASPS) Oh!
1122
00:48:27,445 --> 00:48:28,366
Henry Kent.
1123
00:48:28,366 --> 00:48:30,328
You look cute. Answer it.
(CLEARS THROAT)
1124
00:48:31,789 --> 00:48:32,700
Yes?
1125
00:48:32,700 --> 00:48:35,913
Yeah, hi, it's Henry Kent,
1126
00:48:35,913 --> 00:48:37,665
small-town
police detective.
1127
00:48:37,665 --> 00:48:38,997
Oh, hi.
1128
00:48:38,997 --> 00:48:40,668
Very casual. Nice.
1129
00:48:40,668 --> 00:48:42,800
I know that
it's a long shot,
1130
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,003
and I know it's tough
getting out of the compound...
1131
00:48:45,003 --> 00:48:46,965
Dinner? Yes, absolutely.
1132
00:48:47,966 --> 00:48:49,257
Well, great.
1133
00:48:49,257 --> 00:48:52,680
How about Crawdid's
in 20 minutes?
It's still there, right?
1134
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:54,352
It was this morning.
1135
00:48:54,352 --> 00:48:55,723
See you there.
1136
00:48:56,394 --> 00:48:57,685
(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
I have a date.
1137
00:48:57,685 --> 00:49:00,608
I have a date.
I have a date.
1138
00:49:01,319 --> 00:49:03,561
Fine.
But I hate you back.
1139
00:49:03,561 --> 00:49:04,652
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1140
00:49:04,983 --> 00:49:06,324
Do that move again.
1141
00:49:06,324 --> 00:49:07,325
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1142
00:49:08,366 --> 00:49:10,368
CAITLYN: Yay!
Abigail's here.
BITSY: Yay!
1143
00:49:11,949 --> 00:49:13,621
RACHEL: Uh-oh!
1144
00:49:14,993 --> 00:49:16,534
(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
I have a date.
1145
00:49:19,707 --> 00:49:21,419
WOMAN: ♪ Want to ask you
something, man
1146
00:49:25,083 --> 00:49:26,464
MAN: ♪ Here we go! ♪
1147
00:49:27,755 --> 00:49:29,797
If you hadn't called me,
right now I'd be
pasting baby pictures
1148
00:49:29,797 --> 00:49:31,759
of Caitlyn on a page
called, "Cute as a Button."
1149
00:49:31,759 --> 00:49:33,721
They're pretty hard-core
up there, huh?
1150
00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:35,393
We wear matching pajamas.
1151
00:49:35,393 --> 00:49:36,394
Ooh.
1152
00:49:37,685 --> 00:49:40,018
So, I'm still a little curious
as to why you stuck around
in town.
1153
00:49:40,018 --> 00:49:41,769
I quickly ruled out
interest in me.
1154
00:49:42,690 --> 00:49:45,063
Because we're worried
about Rachel.
This is awful for her.
1155
00:49:45,063 --> 00:49:47,025
She's not even close to
being over Tony.
1156
00:49:48,776 --> 00:49:51,279
Sort of a sensitive area
for a friend of the groom.
1157
00:49:51,989 --> 00:49:53,531
Sorry. You wanna
change the subject?
1158
00:49:53,741 --> 00:49:55,703
Nah. I mean,
I know what's going on.
1159
00:49:55,703 --> 00:49:56,994
I know why
they're really
getting married.
1160
00:49:56,994 --> 00:49:58,786
Oh, yeah,
secretly pregnant bride.
1161
00:49:58,786 --> 00:50:00,788
What a cliche.
What?
1162
00:50:01,379 --> 00:50:02,420
She's pregnant?
1163
00:50:02,420 --> 00:50:04,962
Oh, no.
No, please don't tell
anyone I told you.
1164
00:50:04,962 --> 00:50:08,386
It's okay.
'Cause I'm joking.
Everybody knows.
1165
00:50:09,087 --> 00:50:10,678
I'm serious.
The busboy knows.
1166
00:50:10,678 --> 00:50:12,680
Hey, Javier!
Who's pregnant?
1167
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:13,841
Miss Caitlyn.
1168
00:50:17,805 --> 00:50:21,399
All right, well,
I told you about Rachel.
1169
00:50:21,399 --> 00:50:23,481
So what's Tony's story?
1170
00:50:23,481 --> 00:50:25,643
Tony's a stand-up guy.
1171
00:50:25,643 --> 00:50:26,694
He's doing
what he has to do.
1172
00:50:27,565 --> 00:50:29,407
But is he happy
about it?
1173
00:50:29,407 --> 00:50:31,739
Um, let's see. No.
1174
00:50:33,571 --> 00:50:34,702
When he found out
she was pregnant,
1175
00:50:34,702 --> 00:50:35,913
he put his fist
through a wall.
1176
00:50:36,994 --> 00:50:39,617
But then he realized
this is Lambert,
Louisiana,
1177
00:50:39,617 --> 00:50:43,791
it's 1870, and the options
are "get married"
or "get married now."
1178
00:50:44,001 --> 00:50:46,084
So he's biting his lip
and taking his punishment.
1179
00:50:46,504 --> 00:50:48,166
This is just one big
misery fest, isn't it?
1180
00:50:48,166 --> 00:50:49,797
Yeah.
1181
00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:52,760
In fact, I would
probably have to say
that meeting you
1182
00:50:53,841 --> 00:50:55,933
is the only good thing
to come out of this
whole lousy wedding.
1183
00:50:56,174 --> 00:50:57,805
Look, Henry,
1184
00:50:57,805 --> 00:50:59,677
I leave for New York
the day after the wedding.
1185
00:50:59,677 --> 00:51:01,349
And there's not much time.
And I sort of have this rule
1186
00:51:01,349 --> 00:51:02,520
where I don't
sleep with a guy
1187
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:03,561
until I've known him
for three weeks.
1188
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:04,562
Parker?
1189
00:51:04,812 --> 00:51:05,943
Yeah?
1190
00:51:05,943 --> 00:51:06,984
It's just dinner.
1191
00:51:10,067 --> 00:51:11,899
Although, if I happen
to find myself in New York
1192
00:51:11,899 --> 00:51:14,652
in, I don't know,
exactly three weeks, then...
1193
00:51:26,704 --> 00:51:27,705
Hey!
1194
00:51:28,045 --> 00:51:29,837
How was the date
with the cop?
1195
00:51:29,837 --> 00:51:32,470
Did he frisk you?
Did he find anything?
1196
00:51:32,470 --> 00:51:33,471
It was awful.
1197
00:51:34,472 --> 00:51:35,633
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I thought that was solid.
1198
00:51:35,633 --> 00:51:39,096
No, he's great.
Possibly better than great.
1199
00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:41,719
And he likes me.
Oh, God.
1200
00:51:41,979 --> 00:51:45,062
Well, why don't
you stick around
and see what happens?
1201
00:51:45,563 --> 00:51:47,725
Because I live
in New York City.
My career is there.
1202
00:51:47,725 --> 00:51:49,106
Which I don't even have.
1203
00:51:49,106 --> 00:51:51,729
I didn't tell you this,
but my agent, Alice,
dumped me yesterday
1204
00:51:51,729 --> 00:51:54,782
in an email
which she signed
"Love." (LAUGHS)
1205
00:51:55,653 --> 00:51:56,734
So I'm going home
to nothing
1206
00:51:56,734 --> 00:51:59,497
and I'm leaving
this adorable guy here.
1207
00:52:00,538 --> 00:52:01,829
Olivia has me
so carb-starved
1208
00:52:01,829 --> 00:52:03,951
that if you put
your sweet hand
on a kaiser roll,
1209
00:52:03,951 --> 00:52:05,873
I'd eat it in three bites.
1210
00:52:07,705 --> 00:52:09,797
Out of the two of us,
who do you think
is more pathetic?
1211
00:52:09,797 --> 00:52:11,088
I need BAND-AIDs.
1212
00:52:11,088 --> 00:52:14,011
We were scrapbooking
last night and I got
all these paper cuts.
1213
00:52:14,011 --> 00:52:15,092
We have a winner.
1214
00:52:15,092 --> 00:52:17,925
(SIGHS) What a
super morning it is!
1215
00:52:17,925 --> 00:52:20,178
I just saw a redbird
outside my window.
1216
00:52:21,018 --> 00:52:23,931
You know, Bitsy.
I hope we all
stay in touch
1217
00:52:23,931 --> 00:52:25,062
when this week is over.
1218
00:52:27,104 --> 00:52:29,687
Girls, breakfast
is on the patio,
not in the kitchen.
1219
00:52:30,478 --> 00:52:31,529
Is Caitlyn out there?
1220
00:52:32,860 --> 00:52:34,402
No. Our bride-to-be
is not feeling at all
well this morning.
1221
00:52:34,692 --> 00:52:37,114
I thought I heard her
throwing up. Is she okay?
1222
00:52:37,775 --> 00:52:38,826
Well, these things happen.
1223
00:52:38,826 --> 00:52:40,618
Mmm, morning sickness.
1224
00:52:40,618 --> 00:52:41,909
Oh, yeah.
1225
00:52:41,909 --> 00:52:44,582
Or somebody and her
maid of honor were
up late last night
1226
00:52:44,582 --> 00:52:46,744
doing mucho, mucho
tequila shots.
1227
00:52:49,046 --> 00:52:51,048
Pregnant girls
don't do tequila shots.
1228
00:52:52,790 --> 00:52:54,212
Unless they're
not pregnant.
1229
00:53:02,139 --> 00:53:05,353
Bitsy, you need
to tell us the truth.
1230
00:53:06,434 --> 00:53:07,605
Mmm-mmm.
1231
00:53:07,605 --> 00:53:10,308
It'll be much easier
on you if you just talk.
1232
00:53:10,478 --> 00:53:11,979
Anything yet?
No.
1233
00:53:12,770 --> 00:53:13,981
Not gonna happen.
1234
00:53:16,814 --> 00:53:18,986
Oh, what is this?
1235
00:53:18,986 --> 00:53:20,818
(GASPS) Ooh!
1236
00:53:21,869 --> 00:53:22,740
Oh, my.
1237
00:53:22,740 --> 00:53:25,493
Those are mine!
Where did you get those?
1238
00:53:25,493 --> 00:53:27,665
From your room.
Is that cashmere?
1239
00:53:27,665 --> 00:53:28,786
I think so.
1240
00:53:28,786 --> 00:53:29,827
And there's not
a spot on it.
1241
00:53:29,827 --> 00:53:32,460
It would be a shame
if anything happened to it.
1242
00:53:32,460 --> 00:53:33,671
Don't you dare.
Mmm!
1243
00:53:33,671 --> 00:53:34,752
(GASPS)
1244
00:53:34,752 --> 00:53:35,883
What do you got there,
Abigail?
1245
00:53:35,883 --> 00:53:39,096
You know, just a few things
that spill on fine garments.
1246
00:53:39,096 --> 00:53:40,388
Like
1247
00:53:41,389 --> 00:53:42,640
marinara sauce.
1248
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:44,392
Club soda.
Gets it right out.
1249
00:53:46,894 --> 00:53:48,476
Soy sauce.
1250
00:53:48,476 --> 00:53:49,937
(GASPS)
White vinegar and peroxide.
1251
00:53:56,854 --> 00:53:59,567
Oh, well, look
what I have here.
1252
00:53:59,907 --> 00:54:00,908
Mmm.
1253
00:54:01,859 --> 00:54:03,451
Fruit preserves.
And I think that's... (SNIFFS)
1254
00:54:03,451 --> 00:54:05,703
Yeah, that's blueberry.
1255
00:54:07,034 --> 00:54:08,786
You wouldn't.
1256
00:54:28,556 --> 00:54:31,058
(GASPS) She's not pregnant,
she never was!
1257
00:54:31,058 --> 00:54:32,350
Please don't
hurt my sweaters.
1258
00:54:32,350 --> 00:54:35,893
Okay, but what about
the pregnancy test?
We saw the lab results.
1259
00:54:35,893 --> 00:54:37,395
That was my sister's urine.
1260
00:54:38,736 --> 00:54:40,568
Muffy married
an Irish Catholic guy,
so she's always pregnant.
1261
00:54:41,659 --> 00:54:43,661
Caitlyn asked me
to get a cup
of her pee, so I did.
1262
00:54:45,953 --> 00:54:47,825
Please don't tell her
I blabbed.
1263
00:54:47,825 --> 00:54:50,908
We're Gamma Kappa Nus.
Forever.
1264
00:54:52,870 --> 00:54:55,543
It's okay, Bitsy. It's over.
1265
00:54:55,793 --> 00:54:57,044
Can I go now?
Sure.
1266
00:54:59,587 --> 00:55:00,628
(EXCLAIMING)
1267
00:55:03,090 --> 00:55:04,512
I can't believe it.
1268
00:55:04,512 --> 00:55:09,977
Caitlyn lied about
being pregnant to trick
Tony into marrying her.
1269
00:55:11,098 --> 00:55:14,021
That bi...
That...
1270
00:55:14,021 --> 00:55:15,933
Say it.
Yeah, it'll make
you feel good.
1271
00:55:15,933 --> 00:55:17,935
No, I can't.
I just can't.
That bitch!
1272
00:55:17,935 --> 00:55:20,107
(RACHEL'S VOICE ECHOING)
1273
00:55:20,938 --> 00:55:22,069
(ABIGAIL AND PARKER LAUGH)
1274
00:55:22,069 --> 00:55:23,821
Careful, sweetheart.
Don't hurt yourself.
1275
00:55:23,821 --> 00:55:24,822
Sorry.
1276
00:55:25,863 --> 00:55:27,535
Okay, well, you know what?
This changes everything.
1277
00:55:27,535 --> 00:55:28,906
Sure does.
We gotta tell Tony.
1278
00:55:28,906 --> 00:55:31,118
Yeah, we have to. When?
1279
00:55:31,118 --> 00:55:32,119
(CAITLYN GIGGLING)
1280
00:55:32,790 --> 00:55:33,831
Tony, baby.
1281
00:55:33,831 --> 00:55:36,163
How about right now?
He's here.
1282
00:55:37,084 --> 00:55:39,046
We'll distract Caitlyn,
and you go tell Tony.
1283
00:55:39,046 --> 00:55:40,257
Me tell him?
I don't think I can.
1284
00:55:40,257 --> 00:55:41,839
After what
she did to you?
1285
00:55:41,839 --> 00:55:42,800
After what
she did to us?
1286
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:44,922
Yeah, you're right.
I'll tell him.
I have to.
1287
00:55:47,805 --> 00:55:50,558
Okay. Here goes.
1288
00:55:50,968 --> 00:55:52,680
I'm taking my life back.
1289
00:55:53,641 --> 00:55:54,812
Wish me luck!
1290
00:55:57,935 --> 00:55:59,977
Bye, boys! Have fun!
1291
00:56:00,818 --> 00:56:03,821
Be careful.
Don't you do anything
I wouldn't do.
1292
00:56:05,903 --> 00:56:06,864
Oh!
1293
00:56:06,864 --> 00:56:09,036
Isn't that cute?
They're going on a canoe trip.
1294
00:56:09,286 --> 00:56:11,829
Male bonding.
Three days out
in the woods.
1295
00:56:11,829 --> 00:56:13,991
No laptops,
no cell phones,
1296
00:56:13,991 --> 00:56:15,623
no strippers,
thank you very much.
1297
00:56:15,623 --> 00:56:16,664
So when are they
gonna be back?
1298
00:56:16,664 --> 00:56:19,296
Just right
before the wedding,
which is fine by me.
1299
00:56:19,296 --> 00:56:20,998
All he has to do is shave
and put on a tux.
1300
00:56:20,998 --> 00:56:23,841
Men are not
very complicated,
are they?
1301
00:56:40,017 --> 00:56:43,020
I got it. Why don't we
just find out what river
they are on,
1302
00:56:43,020 --> 00:56:45,903
rent a canoe
and some maps and stuff,
1303
00:56:46,824 --> 00:56:48,195
and just hunt them down?
1304
00:56:48,195 --> 00:56:51,869
Excellent. A plan
that utilizes our vast
wilderness skill set.
1305
00:56:51,869 --> 00:56:52,990
Okay, well, what do you got?
1306
00:56:52,990 --> 00:56:55,703
A headache.
And I'm hungry, too.
1307
00:56:55,703 --> 00:56:56,874
BLUTMAN: Careful now.
1308
00:56:56,874 --> 00:56:58,996
Is that Caitlyn's dress?
BLUTMAN: Oh. Okay.
Got it there?
1309
00:56:58,996 --> 00:57:00,037
Oh, I was at the fitting.
1310
00:57:00,037 --> 00:57:02,590
It is an absolutely
beautiful gown.
1311
00:57:03,090 --> 00:57:04,882
Do you realize what
we're trying to do here?
1312
00:57:05,633 --> 00:57:06,594
You're right.
I was just...
1313
00:57:06,594 --> 00:57:08,716
You're Southern, sweetie.
It's not your fault.
1314
00:57:08,716 --> 00:57:10,097
ABIGAIL: We have to
figure out a way to bring
1315
00:57:10,097 --> 00:57:10,928
this entire wedding
to its knees.
1316
00:57:10,928 --> 00:57:13,721
And when we do,
it is not going to be pretty.
1317
00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,683
Okay, well, we might
need an actual plan.
1318
00:57:16,103 --> 00:57:17,855
(CAITLYN SCREAMING)
1319
00:57:17,855 --> 00:57:19,106
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh.
1320
00:57:20,898 --> 00:57:24,061
CAITLYN: No! No!
1321
00:57:24,061 --> 00:57:27,985
No, no, no,
no, no! Mother!
1322
00:57:27,985 --> 00:57:30,067
(CAITLYN EXCLAIMING)
1323
00:57:30,067 --> 00:57:33,240
No!
1324
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:35,993
Oh! It's wrong,
it's all wrong!
1325
00:57:35,993 --> 00:57:39,246
Caitlyn, honey,
what's all wrong?
What's the matter?
1326
00:57:39,877 --> 00:57:41,749
Calm down.
Oh, I will not!
1327
00:57:41,749 --> 00:57:42,920
Those idiots,
they ruined it!
1328
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,962
Look, look at it! See?
What? What am I
looking at?
1329
00:57:44,962 --> 00:57:46,964
Oh, God!
My mother is blind!
1330
00:57:46,964 --> 00:57:49,637
Look, blind Mother.
It's Summer Pearl.
1331
00:57:49,637 --> 00:57:52,720
And what did I order?
What color did I specify?
1332
00:57:54,011 --> 00:57:55,142
Burnished Eggshell!
1333
00:57:56,353 --> 00:57:58,856
It's true. I was there.
Burnished Eggshell.
It was lovely.
1334
00:57:58,856 --> 00:58:00,307
Are you kidding me?
1335
00:58:00,858 --> 00:58:02,980
It's ruined,
the wedding is ruined.
1336
00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:04,942
Oh, now, honeybelle,
we've got time.
1337
00:58:05,442 --> 00:58:08,866
We can fix it.
I'm gonna get on the phone
straightaway to Jean-Louis.
1338
00:58:08,866 --> 00:58:11,108
Oh, well, you better.
1339
00:58:12,029 --> 00:58:14,371
You promised me.
1340
00:58:14,872 --> 00:58:18,455
Every detail of this wedding
has to be exactly right.
1341
00:58:18,455 --> 00:58:21,919
I'm only marrying this guy
because of all the money
you went through.
1342
00:58:22,790 --> 00:58:24,461
I don't mind
a loveless marriage,
1343
00:58:24,461 --> 00:58:29,006
but I will not tolerate
anything less than
a perfect wedding.
1344
00:58:31,929 --> 00:58:33,010
If it is not
the wedding I want,
1345
00:58:33,010 --> 00:58:35,012
I am not walking down
your aisle. Period.
1346
00:58:36,053 --> 00:58:39,807
It'll be perfect, honeybelle.
It'll be perfectly perfect.
1347
00:58:42,189 --> 00:58:44,942
Man, it'd sure
be a shame if
anything happened
1348
00:58:44,942 --> 00:58:46,984
in the next couple
of days that would
make this wedding
1349
00:58:46,984 --> 00:58:48,696
less than perfect.
Mmm-hmm.
1350
00:58:48,696 --> 00:58:51,238
Ooh, I just
got chills.
1351
00:58:58,576 --> 00:59:01,619
Yes, is this the
florist in charge of
the McNabb wedding?
1352
00:59:02,419 --> 00:59:04,752
Who am I?
Caitlyn.
You can do Caitlyn.
1353
00:59:05,753 --> 00:59:09,126
Well, this is
Miss Caitlyn McNabb,
bride-to-be.
1354
00:59:09,126 --> 00:59:10,758
I would like to make
a few changes to my
floral arrangements...
1355
00:59:11,799 --> 00:59:13,801
I would never
order lilies.
1356
00:59:13,801 --> 00:59:16,263
Ever since I was
six years old...
1357
00:59:16,263 --> 00:59:18,726
Do you know what
they do to her?
Her eyes water.
1358
00:59:18,726 --> 00:59:20,728
And I get these
awful hives
all over my body.
1359
00:59:20,728 --> 00:59:24,231
Mother, I need my ointment!
1360
00:59:25,272 --> 00:59:27,605
Mother and I think
a white tent
is just so blah,
1361
00:59:27,605 --> 00:59:29,186
so I was wondering
if you had anything
1362
00:59:29,186 --> 00:59:31,779
a little bit more playful.
1363
00:59:31,779 --> 00:59:34,361
(GASPS) Yes, something
a little bit more
playful!
1364
00:59:34,361 --> 00:59:37,745
A dream bouncy
castle is not what
I dreamed about, Mother!
1365
00:59:37,745 --> 00:59:39,456
Where is my white tent?
1366
00:59:40,457 --> 00:59:42,289
We'll find it, baby,
we will find it.
1367
00:59:42,289 --> 00:59:44,832
Pop the damn thing,
Blutman! Pop it!
1368
00:59:47,464 --> 00:59:49,667
This is Olivia Warburton
from Bellefontaine.
1369
00:59:50,207 --> 00:59:52,800
Are you the woman in charge
of the ice sculptures
in my Caitlyn's wedding?
1370
00:59:54,301 --> 00:59:55,472
Mother!
1371
00:59:55,763 --> 00:59:56,804
What is it now?
1372
00:59:58,215 --> 00:59:59,767
What, honeybelle?
1373
00:59:59,767 --> 01:00:02,599
Is there some
little something
that they got wrong?
1374
01:00:06,814 --> 01:00:08,355
That's not so little.
1375
01:00:08,355 --> 01:00:10,487
This was supposed
to be a baby cupid,
1376
01:00:10,898 --> 01:00:12,730
not some
aroused sailor!
1377
01:00:12,730 --> 01:00:15,322
Maybe, uh,
the guests could hang
their umbrellas on him.
1378
01:00:15,653 --> 01:00:17,324
That's the biggest one
I've ever seen.
1379
01:00:18,445 --> 01:00:20,367
I can't do this anymore.
1380
01:00:20,367 --> 01:00:22,199
Honeybelle, breathe.
1381
01:00:22,499 --> 01:00:24,912
It'll be okay. Breathe.
1382
01:00:24,912 --> 01:00:27,544
Mama is gonna
take care of it, okay?
1383
01:00:27,745 --> 01:00:30,417
Breathe. Mama's gonna
take care of it.
1384
01:00:40,637 --> 01:00:41,638
(GASPS)
1385
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:44,641
(SNICKERING)
1386
01:00:53,861 --> 01:00:56,734
Oh, my. Don't you girls
look just lovely.
1387
01:00:56,944 --> 01:00:58,615
Even you, Abigail.
1388
01:00:58,866 --> 01:01:01,909
Oh, Miss Olivia,
if you had wings,
you'd be an angel.
1389
01:01:01,909 --> 01:01:02,910
Hmm.
1390
01:01:04,912 --> 01:01:07,494
Or a nasty-ass dragon.
1391
01:01:07,494 --> 01:01:08,495
I heard that.
Mmm.
1392
01:01:11,879 --> 01:01:13,841
Everything's humming
along nicely, dear.
1393
01:01:13,841 --> 01:01:16,844
I've seen the new cherubs,
and they're as sweet as pie.
1394
01:01:16,844 --> 01:01:19,636
And the flowers!
Oh, the flowers.
1395
01:01:19,636 --> 01:01:22,559
Roses and roses
as far as the eye can see.
1396
01:01:23,060 --> 01:01:24,391
CAITLYN: What about the cake?
1397
01:01:24,762 --> 01:01:26,563
You know,
the one that says,
1398
01:01:26,563 --> 01:01:31,398
"Mazel tov, Bernie and Agnes,
on 50 fabulous years"?
1399
01:01:31,398 --> 01:01:32,569
Just a bad memory.
1400
01:01:33,650 --> 01:01:36,233
I'm not feeling happy, Mother.
1401
01:01:36,814 --> 01:01:39,817
The bride should be
happy the day
before her wedding.
1402
01:01:39,817 --> 01:01:40,908
(SNAPPING FINGERS)
1403
01:01:40,908 --> 01:01:42,119
More shoulders.
Yes, ma'am.
1404
01:01:42,119 --> 01:01:45,873
Relax, darling,
Mother has everything
under control.
1405
01:01:47,664 --> 01:01:48,665
Everything.
1406
01:01:53,630 --> 01:01:55,292
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
1407
01:01:57,464 --> 01:01:58,926
PARKER: Go, go, go, go!
1408
01:01:58,926 --> 01:02:00,007
Okay, okay.
1409
01:02:05,803 --> 01:02:08,976
I just heard them
talking. Caitlyn is so
completely frazzled!
1410
01:02:08,976 --> 01:02:11,688
Oh, then she's going
to go over the edge
when this happens.
1411
01:02:12,019 --> 01:02:13,400
Who wants
the honors?
1412
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:14,651
Me, please?
1413
01:02:16,313 --> 01:02:17,855
Come on, Rachel,
come on.
1414
01:02:19,406 --> 01:02:20,487
Let's go, Rachel!
1415
01:02:20,487 --> 01:02:22,119
Who stole
your man, Rachel?
1416
01:02:22,119 --> 01:02:24,862
Take that,
you slut-bag man-stealer!
1417
01:02:25,662 --> 01:02:26,954
(ALL CHEERING)
1418
01:02:29,787 --> 01:02:31,288
(ALL GASPING)
1419
01:02:32,830 --> 01:02:34,581
(ALL SCREAMING)
1420
01:02:36,874 --> 01:02:38,005
RACHEL: Oh, my God!
1421
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:44,842
(ALL WHOOPING)
1422
01:03:16,123 --> 01:03:17,915
You see, Caitlyn,
as I suspected,
1423
01:03:17,915 --> 01:03:20,467
your dear old friends
have been behind
all of it.
1424
01:03:21,839 --> 01:03:24,972
Detective? I believe
we can hand this
over to you now.
1425
01:03:24,972 --> 01:03:27,885
Theft, destruction of
property, harassment,
malicious mischief.
1426
01:03:27,885 --> 01:03:30,597
Do you need more?
No, that's plenty.
1427
01:03:32,059 --> 01:03:33,810
Oh, and, by the way,
1428
01:03:34,852 --> 01:03:36,773
that dress was
just a decoy.
1429
01:03:36,773 --> 01:03:39,526
The real one
is safely locked away.
1430
01:03:39,526 --> 01:03:42,489
Okay, I gotta read
you all your rights now.
1431
01:03:44,401 --> 01:03:45,492
Wait!
1432
01:03:46,994 --> 01:03:47,995
Wait.
1433
01:03:53,951 --> 01:03:57,454
And you call
yourselves bridesmaids.
1434
01:03:59,546 --> 01:04:01,418
You're a disgrace
to the name
1435
01:04:02,219 --> 01:04:04,761
and not worthy
of the dresses you wear.
1436
01:04:24,071 --> 01:04:25,943
And after everything
I did for you.
1437
01:04:40,958 --> 01:04:42,549
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
1438
01:04:43,460 --> 01:04:44,591
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
1439
01:04:46,503 --> 01:04:48,926
So, uh, we all thought
you groomsmen
1440
01:04:48,926 --> 01:04:50,847
were on like
this big canoe trip.
1441
01:04:51,558 --> 01:04:52,769
I couldn't get off work.
1442
01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:54,932
Wish I was
there, though.
1443
01:04:56,103 --> 01:04:57,104
FEMALE OFFICER: Next.
1444
01:05:02,649 --> 01:05:03,941
Hey, how you doing?
1445
01:05:03,941 --> 01:05:05,482
Can I get more of
a flattering light?
1446
01:05:07,864 --> 01:05:09,446
Thank you so much.
1447
01:05:09,656 --> 01:05:10,657
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
1448
01:05:11,989 --> 01:05:14,291
Don't judge us.
You don't know
the whole story.
1449
01:05:14,291 --> 01:05:15,993
Just stop talking
until you get a lawyer.
1450
01:05:15,993 --> 01:05:17,204
You're only gonna
make it worse for yourself.
1451
01:05:17,204 --> 01:05:18,705
We had to do something!
1452
01:05:18,705 --> 01:05:20,998
Stop. Please.
1453
01:05:28,175 --> 01:05:29,256
(CELL DOOR BUZZING)
1454
01:05:29,256 --> 01:05:30,547
(CELL DOOR OPENS)
1455
01:05:30,547 --> 01:05:31,969
Hey, Parker.
1456
01:05:31,969 --> 01:05:33,930
Oh, look, they're
gonna let us take
a picture together.
1457
01:05:41,438 --> 01:05:42,819
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
1458
01:05:42,819 --> 01:05:44,901
You know, Miss Wald,
you're fully entitled
to an attorney here.
1459
01:05:44,901 --> 01:05:47,944
I know. But I'm not
arguing with you.
1460
01:05:47,944 --> 01:05:50,277
We did all of the things
you said that we did.
1461
01:05:50,737 --> 01:05:52,909
Plus a few more
things, actually.
1462
01:05:52,909 --> 01:05:55,782
Miss, you really wanna
wait for an attorney.
1463
01:05:55,782 --> 01:05:57,914
It was the right
thing to do!
1464
01:05:57,914 --> 01:06:00,707
Henry. You're
listening, right?
1465
01:06:01,538 --> 01:06:03,290
I can tell that
you're there.
1466
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:05,252
Close.
1467
01:06:07,844 --> 01:06:08,795
What choice
did we have?
1468
01:06:08,795 --> 01:06:10,887
We found out that
Caitlyn's not pregnant.
1469
01:06:10,887 --> 01:06:13,760
She lied to Tony.
Tricked him.
How about that?
1470
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:16,803
And why? Because
Miss Olivia ran out
of money,
1471
01:06:16,803 --> 01:06:18,765
and she doesn't want
to lose her big house
1472
01:06:18,765 --> 01:06:20,307
and ten closets
full of clothes.
1473
01:06:20,307 --> 01:06:23,480
Caitlyn doesn't even love
Tony! We heard her say it.
1474
01:06:24,771 --> 01:06:25,902
But Rachel...
1475
01:06:27,444 --> 01:06:28,815
Rachel does love Tony,
1476
01:06:30,447 --> 01:06:32,369
and he loves her
and you know that.
1477
01:06:33,530 --> 01:06:35,612
And the sham of a wedding
is gonna happen tomorrow
1478
01:06:35,612 --> 01:06:36,873
if somebody
doesn't stop it.
1479
01:06:38,035 --> 01:06:39,496
Come on, Henry.
1480
01:06:40,917 --> 01:06:41,918
This is about love.
1481
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:45,502
Don't you care about love?
1482
01:06:47,794 --> 01:06:48,885
Oh, boy.
1483
01:06:50,837 --> 01:06:52,469
I kind of thought
you did.
1484
01:06:54,051 --> 01:06:55,802
I kind of thought
1485
01:06:56,933 --> 01:06:58,935
that's the guy you are.
1486
01:07:01,978 --> 01:07:02,979
Oh.
1487
01:07:04,441 --> 01:07:07,314
Do you know how much
I've been thinking about you
the past few days?
1488
01:07:08,645 --> 01:07:11,488
I'm so glad this glass
is here right now because
1489
01:07:12,739 --> 01:07:15,782
I would never have
the nerve to tell you
how I feel.
1490
01:07:17,954 --> 01:07:19,916
But for the past
couple of days,
1491
01:07:21,458 --> 01:07:22,789
I've been thinking
to myself,
1492
01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:24,831
"What if I didn't go back
to New York?
1493
01:07:25,792 --> 01:07:27,874
"What if I stuck around
here for a while?
1494
01:07:28,965 --> 01:07:31,088
"What would life be like
with a guy like Henry?"
1495
01:07:34,381 --> 01:07:36,883
Well, not a guy
like Henry.
1496
01:07:38,175 --> 01:07:39,346
Henry.
1497
01:07:55,692 --> 01:07:57,574
Um... Detective,
1498
01:08:00,867 --> 01:08:02,539
I'm thinking
this one's yours.
1499
01:08:06,753 --> 01:08:10,046
I kind of heard
everything you just said.
You're... You're very
1500
01:08:10,917 --> 01:08:12,048
persuasive.
1501
01:08:12,879 --> 01:08:14,881
And we could prove
everything, Henry.
1502
01:08:14,881 --> 01:08:16,303
I mean,
I even know how...
No. Not about that.
1503
01:08:16,303 --> 01:08:19,386
I mean, what you said
about me and you.
1504
01:08:22,849 --> 01:08:25,142
I am crossing so many
professional lines here.
1505
01:08:25,142 --> 01:08:27,144
That's because
you're a good person.
1506
01:08:27,144 --> 01:08:28,725
I need to be
a good cop.
1507
01:08:29,226 --> 01:08:30,937
But you believe
what I said, right?
1508
01:08:30,937 --> 01:08:32,649
About me and you,
or the other one?
1509
01:08:35,031 --> 01:08:36,112
I was kind of hoping both.
1510
01:08:40,947 --> 01:08:42,699
Where are we, Henry?
1511
01:08:47,874 --> 01:08:49,586
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
1512
01:08:50,006 --> 01:08:51,958
ABIGAIL: How'd
you do it? Hmm?
1513
01:08:51,958 --> 01:08:53,960
How'd you get Henry
to spring us?
1514
01:08:53,960 --> 01:08:55,712
(CHUCKLES) Oh, I know.
1515
01:08:56,052 --> 01:08:57,214
No, I did not.
1516
01:08:57,214 --> 01:08:58,515
Oh, but you would've.
1517
01:08:58,515 --> 01:08:59,596
Didn't come to that.
1518
01:08:59,596 --> 01:09:01,097
You so would've!
1519
01:09:01,097 --> 01:09:02,519
When did you and Henry
hook up?
1520
01:09:02,519 --> 01:09:05,602
We didn't. Yet.
Look, it's complicated.
1521
01:09:05,602 --> 01:09:08,935
Complicated? Hey,
your man's not marrying
somebody else in 24 hours.
1522
01:09:10,187 --> 01:09:12,269
Okay, bridesmaids,
we've been thinking small.
1523
01:09:12,269 --> 01:09:14,611
The time for girlie
little pranks is over.
1524
01:09:14,611 --> 01:09:16,773
No guts, no glory.
This is war!
1525
01:09:16,773 --> 01:09:18,735
True that.
You got any mustard?
1526
01:09:19,906 --> 01:09:22,779
Tomorrow,
we go in for the kill.
1527
01:09:22,779 --> 01:09:25,041
We eliminate
the most essential part
of this wedding.
1528
01:09:25,702 --> 01:09:26,953
The bride.
1529
01:09:26,953 --> 01:09:28,545
I guess we have to.
I know the estate pretty well.
1530
01:09:28,545 --> 01:09:31,958
There's a lot of good
places to bury the body
where they'll never find it.
1531
01:09:31,958 --> 01:09:35,962
Uh, Rach, "kill" is
just an expression.
1532
01:09:35,962 --> 01:09:36,963
Oh. Of course.
1533
01:09:38,094 --> 01:09:39,926
But look at the
shy one, all giddy
and ready for blood.
1534
01:09:39,926 --> 01:09:40,967
That is just adorable.
1535
01:09:40,967 --> 01:09:43,260
But if we don't kill her,
she'll just come back.
1536
01:09:43,260 --> 01:09:44,471
Not if we
do this right.
1537
01:09:44,471 --> 01:09:47,304
Don't worry about it.
That Gamma Kappa mama
is going down.
1538
01:09:47,304 --> 01:09:48,935
Who's in?
1539
01:09:50,146 --> 01:09:51,898
Let's do this!
(ALL CHEERING)
1540
01:09:55,572 --> 01:09:57,614
(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)
1541
01:10:00,737 --> 01:10:01,988
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
1542
01:10:26,012 --> 01:10:28,014
These are the three women
I told you about.
1543
01:10:28,014 --> 01:10:29,846
They may yet
try something else.
1544
01:10:29,846 --> 01:10:33,189
We cannot be too cautious.
Are your men armed, sir?
1545
01:10:33,189 --> 01:10:35,942
This is Louisiana, ma'am,
of course we are.
1546
01:10:39,025 --> 01:10:41,698
Good. Don't be afraid
to use them.
1547
01:10:41,698 --> 01:10:42,989
Oh, Reverend!
1548
01:10:45,912 --> 01:10:47,954
(BAD TO THE BONE PLAYING)
1549
01:10:54,631 --> 01:10:55,962
You ready,
Miss Olivia?
1550
01:10:58,335 --> 01:11:01,047
Out of my way,
Thinky Girls.
1551
01:11:07,644 --> 01:11:10,687
Oh, Caitlyn,
you look so gorgeous
in this dress.
1552
01:11:10,687 --> 01:11:13,730
Oh, I know.
Where's the veil?
1553
01:11:13,730 --> 01:11:16,603
Oh, um...
It's around.
Somewhere.
1554
01:11:17,894 --> 01:11:19,566
"It's around somewhere"?
1555
01:11:20,817 --> 01:11:25,201
Bitsy, do you know
why I asked you to be
my maid of honor?
1556
01:11:27,073 --> 01:11:28,284
I have no idea.
1557
01:11:29,996 --> 01:11:30,997
Find it.
1558
01:11:32,078 --> 01:11:33,079
Find it!
1559
01:11:40,677 --> 01:11:41,678
I look good.
1560
01:11:45,882 --> 01:11:47,344
Why are you two
loitering about?
1561
01:11:47,344 --> 01:11:48,765
Miss Olivia?
1562
01:11:48,765 --> 01:11:50,186
What are you looking at?
1563
01:11:50,186 --> 01:11:54,020
Am I the first person to fall
asleep in a tanning bed?
I think not.
1564
01:11:54,020 --> 01:11:57,103
You should be
looking out for
those three awful girls!
1565
01:11:57,103 --> 01:11:58,605
Now move.
Yes, ma'am.
1566
01:11:59,696 --> 01:12:00,777
Ma'am.
1567
01:12:01,778 --> 01:12:03,700
I don't know why you
think acting is so hard.
1568
01:12:03,700 --> 01:12:05,862
Try getting paid for it.
Hush, you!
1569
01:12:10,367 --> 01:12:12,038
Now or never.
1570
01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,370
Now.
1571
01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:17,624
Hey, honeybelle!
Ready for your big day?
1572
01:12:18,415 --> 01:12:19,626
(EXCLAIMS)
1573
01:12:24,010 --> 01:12:25,011
Mom!
1574
01:12:25,922 --> 01:12:27,303
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
1575
01:12:27,303 --> 01:12:28,425
See? I don't really care
what you're saying.
1576
01:12:28,425 --> 01:12:29,886
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
1577
01:12:29,886 --> 01:12:30,887
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
1578
01:12:43,069 --> 01:12:44,150
(MUFFLED SCREAM)
1579
01:12:44,150 --> 01:12:45,151
(THUD)
1580
01:12:49,696 --> 01:12:50,697
(GASPS)
1581
01:12:51,488 --> 01:12:53,830
(MUFFLED) Bitsy! Help me!
1582
01:12:59,836 --> 01:13:00,877
Wait a minute.
1583
01:13:02,839 --> 01:13:05,131
We better hurry.
Olivia's due up here
any second.
1584
01:13:06,803 --> 01:13:10,006
I know this isn't very
Gamma Kappa of me,
but I hate her guts!
1585
01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:13,470
Are you going to kill her?
1586
01:13:13,470 --> 01:13:15,101
No. They said no.
1587
01:13:16,352 --> 01:13:17,353
Oh.
1588
01:13:18,354 --> 01:13:19,355
(CAITLYN EXCLAIMS)
1589
01:13:20,897 --> 01:13:22,188
Are you gonna help?
1590
01:13:22,188 --> 01:13:23,189
I'm in heels.
1591
01:13:25,071 --> 01:13:26,072
Girls, come on.
1592
01:13:36,202 --> 01:13:39,375
OLIVIA: I swear, Charlotte,
half these people don't even
know how to dress.
1593
01:13:39,375 --> 01:13:40,457
Come upstairs.
1594
01:13:40,457 --> 01:13:42,088
(WHISPERS) Secret staircase.
1595
01:13:46,463 --> 01:13:47,464
Wow!
1596
01:13:57,554 --> 01:13:59,646
Ma'am.
Miss Olivia.
1597
01:13:59,646 --> 01:14:00,897
Mmm-hmm.
1598
01:14:01,518 --> 01:14:02,438
Come on.
1599
01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:04,521
Come on,
the coast is clear.
Come on.
1600
01:14:04,521 --> 01:14:05,982
That was handy.
1601
01:14:05,982 --> 01:14:09,616
This is a filthy and evil
rug! I want it nowhere
near my house today!
1602
01:14:09,776 --> 01:14:11,447
Move it along.
Thank you.
1603
01:14:13,329 --> 01:14:14,370
Oh!
1604
01:14:16,452 --> 01:14:18,625
Good luck.
Anything else you need?
1605
01:14:18,625 --> 01:14:20,286
Can you drive stick?
1606
01:14:24,040 --> 01:14:26,382
Hold on, cowgirls!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1607
01:14:26,382 --> 01:14:27,463
ALL: Whoa!
BITSY: Sorry!
1608
01:14:38,935 --> 01:14:40,977
Y'all are so not
my friends anymore.
1609
01:14:41,808 --> 01:14:43,860
Oh, well, we still
like you. We even
brought you some iced tea.
1610
01:14:44,060 --> 01:14:46,152
Passion fruit.
Your favorite.
Drink some.
1611
01:14:46,152 --> 01:14:47,443
Why?
1612
01:14:47,443 --> 01:14:49,485
'Cause it's
really good.
See? Mmm.
1613
01:14:50,106 --> 01:14:51,487
No.
1614
01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:52,659
Drink the tea, Caitlyn!
1615
01:14:52,659 --> 01:14:53,820
No, thank you, Parker.
1616
01:14:55,161 --> 01:14:56,993
Gosh, Caitlyn,
they did a really
great job with your hair.
1617
01:14:56,993 --> 01:14:58,034
Duh.
1618
01:14:58,034 --> 01:14:59,576
Yeah, I really wish
I could have hair like you.
1619
01:14:59,576 --> 01:15:00,707
Do you want some?
1620
01:15:00,707 --> 01:15:01,828
(GASPING)
1621
01:15:01,828 --> 01:15:03,079
You wouldn't dare.
1622
01:15:03,079 --> 01:15:04,420
How much do you want?
1623
01:15:04,420 --> 01:15:05,922
Just a little bit
more than that.
1624
01:15:05,922 --> 01:15:07,624
There?
A little bit... Right.
1625
01:15:07,624 --> 01:15:08,675
Little bit more.
There?
1626
01:15:08,675 --> 01:15:09,836
Right there?
Yeah, perfect.
1627
01:15:09,836 --> 01:15:13,339
Okay! I'll drink
the damn tea.
1628
01:15:13,930 --> 01:15:14,931
Drink it.
1629
01:15:15,391 --> 01:15:16,392
Okay!
1630
01:15:17,013 --> 01:15:18,014
Bottoms up.
1631
01:15:18,685 --> 01:15:19,726
(MUTTERING)
1632
01:15:23,019 --> 01:15:23,770
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON PA)
1633
01:15:23,770 --> 01:15:25,942
This is more fun
than rush week.
1634
01:15:26,563 --> 01:15:28,194
Hi. We're here for
a pregnancy test.
1635
01:15:28,194 --> 01:15:29,525
Wait, what?
Yes, that's right!
1636
01:15:29,525 --> 01:15:33,409
We have an appointment.
McNabb, 4:00.
We're a little early.
1637
01:15:33,409 --> 01:15:36,032
Don't mind her.
She's a little nervous.
It's her big day.
1638
01:15:36,032 --> 01:15:37,033
You understand.
1639
01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:40,957
Uh, yeah. Room 7.
That way.
1640
01:15:40,957 --> 01:15:42,038
Thank you.
1641
01:15:42,038 --> 01:15:44,871
Somebody!
Call my mama!
Mama!
1642
01:15:44,871 --> 01:15:46,542
(MUFFLED) I'm not supposed
to be here!
1643
01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:47,874
(MUFFLED
SCREAMING)
1644
01:15:47,874 --> 01:15:50,046
The doctor will be
in with you shortly.
1645
01:15:52,629 --> 01:15:53,630
OLIVIA: Honeybelle.
1646
01:15:55,051 --> 01:15:56,052
(GASPS)
1647
01:15:56,552 --> 01:15:57,884
What is it?
1648
01:15:57,884 --> 01:15:59,385
My Obeson carpet.
1649
01:16:00,516 --> 01:16:02,889
Caitlyn, where is my carpet?
1650
01:16:04,981 --> 01:16:06,392
Caitlyn?
1651
01:16:07,023 --> 01:16:08,024
(GASPS)
1652
01:16:09,445 --> 01:16:11,778
Pee in the cup, Caitlyn.
1653
01:16:11,778 --> 01:16:12,899
Never.
1654
01:16:12,899 --> 01:16:13,900
Pee in the cup.
1655
01:16:14,240 --> 01:16:16,032
Jamais.
That's French.
1656
01:16:16,452 --> 01:16:19,035
Caitlyn, you're full of tea
up to your eyeballs.
1657
01:16:19,906 --> 01:16:21,197
You gotta go
sooner or later.
1658
01:16:21,197 --> 01:16:24,831
I can hold out for days.
I have the McNabb bladder.
1659
01:16:24,831 --> 01:16:26,582
And I know what you're up to.
1660
01:16:27,083 --> 01:16:28,164
What are we up to?
1661
01:16:28,164 --> 01:16:29,545
You think that...
1662
01:16:29,545 --> 01:16:32,669
(STAMMERS) You know...
Well, I'm not even going
to say what you think.
1663
01:16:33,089 --> 01:16:34,971
We have all day.
Mmm.
1664
01:16:38,174 --> 01:16:39,175
(GROANING)
1665
01:16:39,926 --> 01:16:42,018
Stop that! Girls!
1666
01:16:42,018 --> 01:16:43,099
(BOTH GIGGLING)
1667
01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:44,270
Stop.
1668
01:16:44,270 --> 01:16:46,933
Well, your
first mistake, Officer,
was releasing them.
1669
01:16:48,024 --> 01:16:49,856
Listen, they snuck
back in here
and stole my daughter!
1670
01:16:49,856 --> 01:16:51,778
Now you've got
to find them!
1671
01:16:51,778 --> 01:16:52,989
Bitsy's gone as well.
1672
01:16:52,989 --> 01:16:53,940
Oh, this is a disaster.
1673
01:16:53,940 --> 01:16:55,992
Those rotten girls
are out to ruin everything.
1674
01:16:55,992 --> 01:16:57,533
And after I practically
raised them.
1675
01:16:57,533 --> 01:17:00,997
I should've smothered them
in their little beds during
one of those sleepovers.
1676
01:17:00,997 --> 01:17:02,288
Hello, darling.
Hello.
1677
01:17:02,288 --> 01:17:04,200
Oh, you look lovely.
Just lovely.
1678
01:17:04,200 --> 01:17:06,082
(TAP WATER RUNNING)
1679
01:17:06,082 --> 01:17:09,956
PARKER: Niagara Falls.
All of the great, wondrous,
1680
01:17:09,956 --> 01:17:13,089
enormous flowing
bodies of water.
1681
01:17:13,089 --> 01:17:14,090
Whoosh.
1682
01:17:15,131 --> 01:17:18,174
Listen to that sound, Caitlyn.
Like a gurgling stream
1683
01:17:18,174 --> 01:17:20,847
building,
becoming stronger,
1684
01:17:20,847 --> 01:17:23,019
feeding into a mighty,
mighty waterfall.
1685
01:17:23,019 --> 01:17:24,851
(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
Not gonna work.
1686
01:17:24,851 --> 01:17:25,932
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
1687
01:17:25,932 --> 01:17:27,223
Oh, my God! Police!
Crap.
1688
01:17:27,223 --> 01:17:31,978
(LAUGHS) Well, well, ladies,
looks as if the cavalry
has arrived.
1689
01:17:31,978 --> 01:17:35,531
What is going on?
There are police cars
all over the parking lot.
1690
01:17:35,531 --> 01:17:36,983
Does this have something
to do with you?
1691
01:17:36,983 --> 01:17:40,036
Yes, sir, it does.
I'm being held captive
against my will.
1692
01:17:40,036 --> 01:17:41,537
No, she's not.
1693
01:17:41,988 --> 01:17:43,830
Well, I actually...
(DOOR SLAMS)
1694
01:17:43,830 --> 01:17:45,992
Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna pee,
1695
01:17:45,992 --> 01:17:47,623
and you're gonna test it!
1696
01:17:47,954 --> 01:17:49,245
(LAUGHS)
1697
01:17:49,245 --> 01:17:52,548
Caitlyn, I will
call that reporter
from Wedding Belles
1698
01:17:52,548 --> 01:17:54,290
and I will tell him exactly
1699
01:17:54,290 --> 01:17:57,003
how you got that
A-plus from Mr. Peterson
in Physics.
1700
01:17:57,964 --> 01:18:01,637
Oh, honey.
Five minutes well spent.
1701
01:18:01,637 --> 01:18:02,678
Oh.
1702
01:18:02,678 --> 01:18:03,970
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
1703
01:18:03,970 --> 01:18:05,932
OFFICER ON LOUDSPEAKER:
This is the Lambert
Police Department.
1704
01:18:05,932 --> 01:18:07,353
We have the building
surrounded.
1705
01:18:07,353 --> 01:18:10,016
Release the bride
and come out.
1706
01:18:10,016 --> 01:18:11,687
What the heck
is going on here?
1707
01:18:11,687 --> 01:18:13,069
Abby, it's not gonna work.
1708
01:18:13,069 --> 01:18:15,021
But we did everything right.
It should've worked.
1709
01:18:16,813 --> 01:18:18,194
I'm so sorry, Rachel.
1710
01:18:19,075 --> 01:18:20,576
Y'all are pathetic.
1711
01:18:21,697 --> 01:18:23,079
You thought
you could trick me?
1712
01:18:23,079 --> 01:18:25,531
Make me
fill your little cup?
1713
01:18:26,743 --> 01:18:28,995
The police are going
to lock y'all up
1714
01:18:28,995 --> 01:18:31,918
while Tony and I
take a nice long
walk down the aisle.
1715
01:18:31,918 --> 01:18:34,751
Me and him
and all his family's money.
1716
01:18:35,091 --> 01:18:36,132
You don't love him.
1717
01:18:37,043 --> 01:18:38,174
What does love have
to do with marriage?
1718
01:18:38,174 --> 01:18:39,715
Marriage is an arrangement.
1719
01:18:39,715 --> 01:18:42,929
And I arranged
for Tony to believe
that I was pregnant.
1720
01:18:42,929 --> 01:18:45,181
Oh, my God.
How can you live
with yourself?
1721
01:18:45,802 --> 01:18:46,933
Well, in a big house.
1722
01:18:46,933 --> 01:18:50,937
With Tony and servants
and no little diapers
to change.
1723
01:18:50,937 --> 01:18:54,310
So, see, Caitlyn wins,
and y'all lose.
1724
01:18:54,851 --> 01:18:56,062
Like it's always been.
1725
01:18:56,903 --> 01:18:59,065
Like it always will be.
1726
01:19:00,406 --> 01:19:02,158
Wow.
That was wonderful.
1727
01:19:02,158 --> 01:19:03,569
(ALL APPLAUDING)
1728
01:19:04,070 --> 01:19:05,621
Better than
I expected.
1729
01:19:07,073 --> 01:19:08,915
Can I cut now?
Sure.
1730
01:19:09,285 --> 01:19:11,627
OFFICER ON LOUDSPEAKER:
That's it, we're coming in!
1731
01:19:11,627 --> 01:19:12,959
There is a lot of us!
1732
01:19:12,959 --> 01:19:14,961
Relax, Henry, we cut.
1733
01:19:17,043 --> 01:19:18,254
How did we do?
1734
01:19:18,254 --> 01:19:19,715
We did great.
1735
01:19:19,715 --> 01:19:20,716
(ALL APPLAUDING)
1736
01:19:21,337 --> 01:19:22,969
Good job, everybody.
1737
01:19:29,145 --> 01:19:29,936
(GROANS)
1738
01:19:30,977 --> 01:19:32,979
(VIOLIN TRIO PLAYING
BRIDAL MARCH)
1739
01:19:33,940 --> 01:19:35,852
(ALL MURMURING)
1740
01:19:46,993 --> 01:19:48,364
Wasn't that wonderful?
1741
01:19:48,364 --> 01:19:50,957
It just gets better
every time.
1742
01:19:51,908 --> 01:19:53,119
Play it again, boys.
Play it again.
1743
01:19:54,710 --> 01:19:56,122
(PLAYING BRIDAL MARCH)
1744
01:19:57,043 --> 01:19:58,334
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
1745
01:20:06,222 --> 01:20:07,633
Oh! Oh!
1746
01:20:07,884 --> 01:20:08,885
Oh!
1747
01:20:12,889 --> 01:20:14,020
Upsy-daisy.
1748
01:20:14,020 --> 01:20:16,392
We're all here now!
Everything's fine!
1749
01:20:16,392 --> 01:20:19,025
(HUMMING BRIDAL MARCH)
Play it!
1750
01:20:19,936 --> 01:20:21,397
(VIOLIN TRIO PLAYING
BRIDAL MARCH)
1751
01:20:21,397 --> 01:20:22,398
Nice tux.
1752
01:20:25,071 --> 01:20:26,993
Would you like to show him
the tape, or should we?
1753
01:20:31,998 --> 01:20:33,659
(ALL MURMURING)
1754
01:20:34,160 --> 01:20:35,161
Uh...
1755
01:20:36,122 --> 01:20:38,334
Tony, um...
1756
01:20:39,005 --> 01:20:43,009
I have something
to tell you, and...
1757
01:20:44,961 --> 01:20:47,053
And it's horrible to say.
1758
01:20:48,384 --> 01:20:49,385
But, um...
1759
01:20:55,972 --> 01:21:01,147
These wicked, wicked girls
are about to show you
a tape filled with lies.
1760
01:21:01,147 --> 01:21:02,108
(CROWD GASPING)
1761
01:21:02,108 --> 01:21:04,150
They made me drink something,
God knows what,
1762
01:21:04,150 --> 01:21:06,192
and I started saying
the most outrageous things.
1763
01:21:06,192 --> 01:21:07,323
But you mustn't believe them.
1764
01:21:07,323 --> 01:21:09,986
No, no, no.
Let's just get married
1765
01:21:09,986 --> 01:21:11,908
and run off to one of
your many, many homes.
1766
01:21:11,908 --> 01:21:13,079
Right now.
Yeah, right now.
1767
01:21:18,794 --> 01:21:19,795
Tony-Bear.
1768
01:21:20,126 --> 01:21:22,338
Funny thing
about those homes.
1769
01:21:22,999 --> 01:21:24,760
As of yesterday,
we don't have them anymore.
1770
01:21:24,760 --> 01:21:26,002
(CROWD GASPING)
1771
01:21:26,002 --> 01:21:28,344
What are you talking about?
Of course you do.
1772
01:21:28,884 --> 01:21:32,508
As it turns out,
Dad's company was holding
some phony stock certificates.
1773
01:21:32,508 --> 01:21:34,430
The FCC just shut him down.
1774
01:21:34,430 --> 01:21:36,062
The family fortune's gone.
1775
01:21:37,433 --> 01:21:40,776
So I guess we'll just
have to raise this
little baby on a budget.
1776
01:21:42,398 --> 01:21:44,900
And I can do what
I've always wanted to do,
1777
01:21:44,900 --> 01:21:46,402
teach high school.
Oh, God.
1778
01:21:46,402 --> 01:21:48,444
Now, there might be
some lean years...
1779
01:21:48,444 --> 01:21:50,987
I'm sorry. "Lean years"?
1780
01:21:50,987 --> 01:21:53,119
(LAUGHING) Oh, no, see,
1781
01:21:53,119 --> 01:21:56,993
I can't marry "lean years."
1782
01:21:57,373 --> 01:21:58,534
What about the baby?
1783
01:21:58,534 --> 01:22:02,918
Oh, God.
There is no baby.
Grow up!
1784
01:22:02,918 --> 01:22:04,040
(CROWD GASPS)
1785
01:22:04,040 --> 01:22:05,461
I need a drink.
1786
01:22:10,426 --> 01:22:13,049
So we're not
getting married?
1787
01:22:18,894 --> 01:22:19,895
Honey,
1788
01:22:21,017 --> 01:22:24,270
does this look like the body
of a teacher's wife to you?
1789
01:22:25,111 --> 01:22:26,442
(ALL MURMURING)
1790
01:22:27,443 --> 01:22:28,444
(LAUGHING)
1791
01:22:34,120 --> 01:22:35,451
CAITLYN: What are you
looking at?
1792
01:22:36,332 --> 01:22:37,783
Oh! Oh!
1793
01:22:38,954 --> 01:22:39,955
(EXCLAIMS)
1794
01:22:40,336 --> 01:22:42,128
I guess we won't be
needing this.
1795
01:22:42,128 --> 01:22:43,289
No. No, no.
1796
01:22:43,289 --> 01:22:47,963
Oh, Tony. I'm so sorry
about what happened
to your family.
1797
01:22:47,963 --> 01:22:49,255
How about you?
1798
01:22:50,136 --> 01:22:53,089
Could you spend your life
with a schoolteacher?
1799
01:22:53,089 --> 01:22:57,553
No big wedding,
nothing very glamorous,
just you and me?
1800
01:22:59,095 --> 01:23:01,227
I couldn't imagine
anything more wonderful.
1801
01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:04,980
What are you doing?
1802
01:23:04,980 --> 01:23:06,272
(ALL GASPING)
1803
01:23:07,443 --> 01:23:09,565
Would you
marry me, Rachel?
1804
01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:12,568
Oh, so much.
Of course.
1805
01:23:13,869 --> 01:23:15,111
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1806
01:23:22,538 --> 01:23:23,619
Oh, my God.
1807
01:23:23,619 --> 01:23:24,830
(GRUNTS)
1808
01:23:28,044 --> 01:23:29,965
Oh, sweetheart.
Yeah.
1809
01:23:29,965 --> 01:23:31,087
I do have some
bad news.
1810
01:23:31,677 --> 01:23:33,679
I kind of lied.
Oh.
1811
01:23:33,679 --> 01:23:35,551
Nobody lost any money.
1812
01:23:36,052 --> 01:23:38,184
I just said that
to Caitlyn to see
how she would take it.
1813
01:23:38,184 --> 01:23:40,015
You mean you're still rich?
1814
01:23:40,516 --> 01:23:42,017
You still interested?
1815
01:23:43,309 --> 01:23:44,440
Nobody's perfect.
1816
01:23:45,481 --> 01:23:47,022
Of course.
1817
01:23:47,022 --> 01:23:48,274
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
1818
01:23:48,274 --> 01:23:49,525
(MAN WHISTLING)
1819
01:23:49,525 --> 01:23:52,027
Okay, okay,
okay, ready?
1820
01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:53,028
We could be
your bridesmaids.
1821
01:23:53,028 --> 01:23:55,861
We have a lot
of experience.
1822
01:24:01,997 --> 01:24:04,540
So it looks like
you might have to stick
around town a little while.
1823
01:24:04,540 --> 01:24:06,922
You'd like that,
wouldn't you?
1824
01:24:07,373 --> 01:24:08,374
Yeah.
1825
01:24:11,967 --> 01:24:13,469
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
1826
01:24:18,053 --> 01:24:21,307
♪ Yeah ♪
1827
01:24:26,021 --> 01:24:29,064
ABIGAIL: Three months later,
we had our second
outing as bridesmaids.
1828
01:24:29,064 --> 01:24:30,986
And this time,
it was a lot more fun
1829
01:24:30,986 --> 01:24:33,899
because we were actually
rooting for the couple.
1830
01:24:35,571 --> 01:24:37,193
(MAN CHEERING)
1831
01:24:37,193 --> 01:24:42,158
♪ You can't find a reason
to think your world
will ever change ♪
1832
01:24:47,293 --> 01:24:50,045
You never saw anybody
happier than Rachel.
1833
01:24:51,257 --> 01:24:54,009
Hey, we're all
pretty happy these days.
1834
01:24:54,009 --> 01:24:55,341
Parker went back
to New York
1835
01:24:55,341 --> 01:24:59,175
and about a week later,
landed this incredible
new job.
1836
01:24:59,175 --> 01:25:00,426
Freeze, scumbag!
1837
01:25:01,056 --> 01:25:02,097
MAN 1: Cut.
1838
01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:03,098
WOMAN: Green sheets
for tomorrow.
1839
01:25:03,098 --> 01:25:04,180
MAN 2 ON LOUDSPEAKER:
Great job, everybody.
1840
01:25:04,180 --> 01:25:07,102
ABIGAIL: She got a major part
in a big action movie!
1841
01:25:07,102 --> 01:25:08,984
She came back
from Lambert a new person,
1842
01:25:08,984 --> 01:25:12,728
a totally transformed,
take-charge babe.
1843
01:25:12,728 --> 01:25:15,070
And she nailed
the first audition she got.
1844
01:25:15,070 --> 01:25:18,113
Aw, look at our little Parker,
a police sergeant.
1845
01:25:19,074 --> 01:25:20,035
Oh, and the best part?
1846
01:25:20,035 --> 01:25:22,538
They let her hire
her own consultant.
1847
01:25:22,538 --> 01:25:25,040
Nice gun action.
I had my hands up.
1848
01:25:26,622 --> 01:25:29,705
Henry takes the state
detective exam next week.
1849
01:25:29,705 --> 01:25:31,457
They are so cute together.
1850
01:25:31,457 --> 01:25:33,629
And you probably
heard about my news.
1851
01:25:35,211 --> 01:25:38,013
This whole Caitlyn plot
with the wedding
and the scheming,
1852
01:25:38,013 --> 01:25:41,136
and the sneaking, yeah,
it was so completely
ludicrous,
1853
01:25:41,136 --> 01:25:42,808
I figured there had
to be a book here.
1854
01:25:42,808 --> 01:25:45,311
So I banged it out,
changed a few names...
1855
01:25:45,311 --> 01:25:47,353
Third week on the
fiction bestseller list.
(GIGGLES)
1856
01:25:47,353 --> 01:25:50,025
Look for me
at a bookstore near you.
1857
01:25:50,025 --> 01:25:52,358
What? Oh, where did all
the ideas come from?
1858
01:25:53,269 --> 01:25:54,820
Right here.
You know,
1859
01:25:54,820 --> 01:25:57,483
it just flows out
of me constantly.
1860
01:25:57,483 --> 01:25:58,484
I can't stop it.
1861
01:26:19,255 --> 01:26:20,506
(INAUDIBLE)
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