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>> Biscayne: TONIGHT ON
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"NEWSREADERS" -- WE'LL MEET THE
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MAN WITH THE WORLD'S MOST
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AWKWARD FIST-BUMP.
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ALSO, THE FIVE-SECOND RULE --
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IT'S OKAY TO EAT FOOD THAT'S
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BEEN ON THE GROUND FOR LESS THAN
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FIVE SECONDS.
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BUT DOES THAT SAME RULE APPLY TO
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SOUP?
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ALL THAT AND S'MORES...
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[Muffled] TODAY ON
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"NEWSREADERS."
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ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO -- SOME CALL
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IT THE ALIEN CAPITAL OF THE
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WORLD.
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BUT IS IT ALL A HOAX, LIKE
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POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION?
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OR CAN IT BE PROVEN, LIKE THE
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EXISTENCE OF GOD?
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SADEE DEENUS WILL LET YOU KNOW
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AFTER SHE DOES A COUPLE OF
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INTERVIEWS AND STUFF.
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YOU KNOW THE DEAL.
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>> ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO.
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EXTRA-TERRESTRIALS HAVE BEEN
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COMING HERE FOR YEARS.
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SOME SAY THEY COME HERE FOR THE
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DRY HEAT, WHICH IS GOOD FOR
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ALIEN ARTHRITIS.
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OTHERS SAY THEY DON'T KNOW WHY
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THE ALIENS COME HERE, SO WHY
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ASK?
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WHAT ARE YOU, TRYING TO WRITE A
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BOOK OR SOMETHING?
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BUT OTHERS, LIKE LOCAL
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COMIC-BOOK-STORE OWNER
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PAT FENIS, SAY SOMETHING TOTALLY
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DIFFERENT.
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>> ROSWELL IS NO MORE INFESTED
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WITH ALIENS THAN A PRE-JUSTICE
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LEAGUE BATMAN COMIC.
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>> I DON'T GET THE REFERENCE,
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MAINLY BECAUSE I'M PRETTY AND I
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WORK OUT.
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>> OH, OF COURSE. SORRY.
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ALIENS DON'T EXIST.
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ROSWELL'S JUST A NORMAL,
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ORDINARY TOWN WITH ONE LITTLE
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QUIRK.
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>> THERE'S NO WHOLE FOODS?
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>> NO, WE GOT A WHOLE FOODS
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EXPRESS INSIDE THE
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BARNES & NOBLE.
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>> SO, ROSWELL IS JUST AN
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ORDINARY TOWN.
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>> IT'S NOT AN ORDINARY TOWN.
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ROSWELL IS HAUNTED.
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>> WITH ALIENS.
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>> NO.
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ALIENS DON'T HAUNT.
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THEY INVADE, THEY INFEST, OR
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THEY VISIT.
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SOMETIMES, THEY COME FROM A
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DYING PLANET TO BECOME
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SUPERHEROES.
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>> I DON'T --
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>> SUPERMAN.
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>> OH.
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>> JESUS CHRIST.
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YOU'RE AMERICAN, RIGHT?
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>> SUPERMAN.
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NAN RAFT HEADS THE ROSWELL BOARD
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OF TOURISM, AND SHE DISPUTES
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PAT'S ALLEGATIONS...
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EXCEPT ABOUT THE WHOLE FOODS.
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>> PAT FENIS HAS A WONKY SPINE
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AND WEARS ORTHOPEDIC REEBOKS.
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AND HIS LIPS ARE ALWAYS WET.
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>> NO, I KNOW.
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HE'S LIKE THIS --
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HE DOES LIKE...
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[ LIPS SMACKING ]
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LIKE, THAT SOUND.
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IT'S, LIKE, GROSS.
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HE'S, LIKE, GROSS.
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>> SO, I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY
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THAT ROSWELL IS TEEMING WITH
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ALIENS.
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>> WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU HAVE TO
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SUPPORT THAT CLAIM?
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>> BESIDES THE REEBOKS?
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>> MM-HMM.
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>> WELL, I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
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FOR ALL AMERICANS TO COME HERE
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AND SEE FOR THEMSELVES.
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AND IF NOTHING HAPPENS DURING
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THEIR TRIP, WELL, THEN, THEY
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STILL GET TO WALK AWAY WITH A
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T-SHIRT, A BUMPER STICKER, AND
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GREAT MEMORIES OF ALL THE GOOD
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PEOPLE THEY'VE MET HERE.
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>> I SAT DOWN WITH SOME OF THESE
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GREAT-MEMORIES PROVIDERS AT A
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LOCAL DINER CALLED BISCUITS AND
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GREYS-VY TO GET TO THE BOTTOM
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OF THIS ALIEN/GHOST DEBATE.
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>> GHOSTS?
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>> YES.
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>> PLEASE.
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LISTEN, HERE'S THE STORY.
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ONE NIGHT, I WAS IN MY STORE,
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LITTLE GREEN MENSWEAR -- A BIG
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AND TALL SHOP FOR MEN WHO ARE
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SHORT AND SMALL -- AND ALL OF
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A SUDDEN, IT GOT REAL COLD,
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AND ALL THESE FLIES APPEARED ON
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ALL THE WINDOWS.
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AND I HEAR A VOICE THAT IS
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DEFINITELY AN
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EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL'S VOICE SAY,
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"GET OUT."
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>> I'M NOT AN EXPERT, WAYNE, BUT
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THAT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE A CLASSIC
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ENCOUNTER WITH A GHOST.
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>> WELL, I WOULD AGREE.
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YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT.
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>> I'VE HAD DIRECT CONTACT WITH
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AN E.T.
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>> OH.
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>> I WAS UP LATE ONE NIGHT,
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WORKING ON POTTERY WHEEL,
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LISTENING TO "UNCHAINED MELODY."
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AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, OUT OF
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NOWHERE, AN ALIEN PRESENCE COMES
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BEHIND ME, SLIDES ITS ARMS
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AROUND ME.
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WE FELL IN LOVE.
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HE STAYED TILL THE END OF THE
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SONG, HELPED ME MAKE THAT POT.
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>> VERY MOVING.
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>> THAT SOUNDS LIKE A FAMOUS
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SCENE FROM THE MOVIE "GHOST."
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>> YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING.
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IT WAS A REAL TEAR-JERKER OF A
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CLOSE ENCOUNTER.
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>> EVERYBODY'S GOT STORIES LIKE
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THAT.
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I WAS DOWN AT THE SPACE BAR ON
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TRIVIA NIGHT, GETTING HOUSED ON
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SHOCKERS.
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ONE MINUTE, I'M ENJOYING MY
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FAVORITE SPICED LIQUEUR, THE
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NEXT, I'M DOWN AT SOME ALIEN'S
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TRAILER OVER ON GREENSBORO,
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GETTING PROBED BY HIM AND ONE OF
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HIS ALIEN BUDDIES...
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FOR FIVE HOURS.
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>> WES, THAT WASN'T ANY ALIENS.
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YOU JUST HOOKED UP WITH A COUPLE
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OF DUDES.
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>> GOD DAMN IT, WAYNE!
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>> DUDE, YOU WERE HOOKING UP
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WITH A COUPLE OF DUDES!
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>> JUST BECAUSE I'M GAY, I CAN'T
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GET ABDUCTED BY ALIENS?
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WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP?
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NOT EVERY GAY MAN IS OBSESSED
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WITH ANAL SEX, OKAY?
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>> WELL, BUT YOU ARE OBSESSED
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WITH ANAL SEX.
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>> AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG --
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>> YES, I AM, BUT THE TWO DON'T
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CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT.
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I CAN BE OBSESSED WITH ANAL SEX
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AND THEN ALSO GET ANALLY PROBED
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BY ALIENS.
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>> THERE ARE NO ALIENS.
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THIS PLACE IS LOUSY WITH GHOSTS.
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>> HOW CAN YOU BE SURE?
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>> ALL OF ROSWELL IS BUILT ON
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TOP OF A MASSIVE MESCALERO
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BURIAL GROUND.
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PLUS, THERE'S THAT OLD INSANE
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ASYLUM THAT'S NOW A HOTEL.
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THERE'S THAT VICTORIAN ORPHANAGE
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WHERE ALL THOSE KIDS DIED IN A
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FIRE.
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>> SO, THEN, WHY ALL THE ALIEN
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HOO-HA?
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>> LOOK AT THE ECONOMY OF
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ROSWELL.
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WHO WOULD STAND TO BENEFIT FROM
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DRUMMING UP ALL THIS ALIEN
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NONSENSE?
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FOLLOW THE MONEY.
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OKAY, "FOLLOW THE MONEY" FROM
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THE MOVIE "ALL THE PRESIDENT'S
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MEN"?
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>> AH! YES! RIGHT.
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CUBA GOODING JR.
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>> NO.
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>> FOLLOW THE MONEY, TOM CRUISE!
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FOLLOW THE MONEY!
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>> KIND OF RACIST.
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YOU KNOW WHAT?
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YOU JUST NEED TO GO TALK TO
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NAN RAFT.
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SHE RUNS THE TOURISM BOARD.
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>> OH, GOD.
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DO I HAVE TO?
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I ALREADY TALKED TO HER.
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>> LOOK, CAN, UH --
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CAN WE SPEAK OFF THE RECORD?
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>> WE CAN SPEAK OFF THE RECORD,
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BUT I'M GONNA KEEP THESE CAMERAS
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RUNNING.
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>> THERE ARE NO ALIENS, OKAY?
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ROSWELL IS HAUNTED.
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>> THEN WHY THE HOAX?
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WHY ALL THE ALIEN STUFF?
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WHY NOT JUST CALL IT A "GHOST
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TOWN"?
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>> NOBODY WANTS TO COME HERE TO
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BE HAUNTED.
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AND THE MARGINS ON THE GHOST
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SOUVENIRS AREN'T ANYWHERE NEAR
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AS GOOD AS THE ALIEN STUFF.
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WE ARE HURTING FOR CASH.
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WE'RE HAVING A HARD TIME EVEN
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ATTRACTING A DECENT WHOLE FOODS.
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>> ONE THING'S FOR SURE --
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THE THING CAUSING THE BIGGEST
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DISTURBANCE IN ROSWELL IS THE
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ALMIGHTY DOLLAR...
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LITERALLY.
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AFTER OUR INTERVIEW WITH
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NAN RAFT, WE STUMBLED ACROSS
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THIS -- A TRAIL OF COINS.
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THE MISCHIEF MAKERS IN ROSWELL
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AREN'T GHOSTS OR ALIENS.
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YOU NEED ONLY FOLLOW THE MONEY
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TO SEE THAT ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO,
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IS INFESTED...
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WITH LEPRECHAUNS.
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AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE THERE'S
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A POT OF GOLD GLOWING UNDER A
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RAINBOW AT THE END OF THIS
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TRAIL, WELL, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO
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SEE FOR YOURSELF.
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AND WHILE YOU'RE HERE, STOP BY
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SADEE O'DEENUS' PUB FOR A PINT
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OF ALE.
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TUESDAY NIGHT'S KARAOKE AND
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THURSDAY NIGHT'S TRIVIA NIGHT.
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FOR "NEWSREADERS," I'M
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SADEE DEENUS.
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>> Biscayne: ALIENS ARE A BIG
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BUSINESS, BUT NOTHING LIKE THE
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WEDDING BUSINESS.
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THE WEDDING INDUSTRY IS A
262
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,920
$72 BILLION-A-YEAR BUSINESS.
263
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,791
AND WE SENT SKIP REMING TO TAKE
264
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,890
US INSIDE THE MODERN WEDDING.
265
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,562
SKIP?
266
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:34,761
>> THANK YOU, BLOND LOUIS.
267
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,062
WHAT PASSES FOR NUPTIALS THESE
268
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,673
DAYS WOULD HAVE OUR FOUNDING
269
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:38,965
FATHERS RUBBING THEIR NAMES OFF
270
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,996
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
271
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,801
EVEN THAT FLUFFY SHOW-OFF
272
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,513
HANCOCK.
273
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,765
>> TO GET THE LOW-DOWN ON MODERN
274
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,783
NUPTIALS, I POPPED A SQUAT WITH
275
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,705
WEDDING PLANNER EMILY KOVICKS.
276
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,550
>> I GOT INTO THE BUSINESS
277
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,905
BECAUSE I'M JUST A WEDDING NUT.
278
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,524
>> HEY, SPEAKING OF NUTS, YOU
279
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:56,716
KNOW, BEFORE THEY NAMED THEM
280
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:57,947
CASHEWS, WE USED TO CALL THEM
281
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,851
WOODEN EARS.
282
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:00,993
AND DON'T EVEN ASK WHAT WE
283
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,688
CALLED BOILED FILBERTS.
284
00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:03,690
>> [ CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY ]
285
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:04,661
>> [ LAUGHS ]
286
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,558
SO, TELL ME, WHY ALL THE HOO-HA
287
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,600
ABOUT WEDDINGS?
288
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,055
>> WELL, IT'S, YOU KNOW, AN
289
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,962
OPPORTUNITY FOR THE COUPLE TO
290
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,934
DEBUT THEMSELVES AS MARRIED FOR
291
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:13,973
THE FIRST TIME.
292
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,497
IT'S REALLY SPECIAL.
293
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:16,603
>> WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST GET
294
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:17,774
PREGNANT, SHOTGUN IT, AND THEN
295
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,971
KEEP THE BABY IN THE CELLAR FOR
296
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,512
NINE MONTHS UNTIL THEY CAN JOIN
297
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:23,908
A GOOD CHURCH LIKE WE USED TO?
298
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,611
>> UH, WELL, IT'S --
299
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,653
WEDDINGS ARE A CHANCE FOR, YOU
300
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:30,078
KNOW, A COUPLE TO REALLY EXPRESS
301
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,993
THEIR PERSONALITIES.
302
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,085
>> AH, AND WHO BOUGHT YOU,
303
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:34,987
SISTER?
304
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,618
HUH?
305
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,594
YOU GOT A MAN YOU CAN EXPRESS
306
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,762
YOURSELF AGAINST COME NIGHTFALL?
307
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,001
HMM?
308
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,126
>> I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
309
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,772
IT'S BEEN ONLY SIX MONTHS, SO
310
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:47,597
WE'RE NOT MARRIED.
311
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:48,771
>> WELL, THEN, YOU'RE STILL
312
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,669
GAME.
313
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:54,011
>> UM...
314
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,677
NO. I'M NOT G-GAME...
315
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,647
FOR ANYTHING.
316
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,976
>> WELL, IT WAS A THOUGHT.
317
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,151
>> YEAH...
318
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,119
>> EMILY WAS KIND ENOUGH TO LET
319
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,917
US TAG ALONG TO ONE OF THE
320
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,019
WEDDINGS THAT SHE HAD PLANNED.
321
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:08,991
WAIT A MINUTE, THERE'S TWO BOYS
322
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:09,989
ON TOP OF THAT CAKE.
323
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,660
THAT'S NOT RIGHT, IS IT?
324
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:15,199
YOU HAVE TO FIX THAT.
325
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,655
FORTUNATELY, WE WERE ABLE TO
326
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,934
FIND ANOTHER WEDDING NEARBY, ONE
327
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,872
THAT GOD WOULDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM
328
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:21,198
WITH.
329
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,671
UH, NO, THANKS,
330
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,770
SUSAN B. ANTHONY.
331
00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:26,111
I'LL WAIT FOR THE MAN PARKER.
332
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,213
THERE'S NOTHING ABOUT WEDDINGS
333
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,851
THAT'S FAMILIAR ANYMORE.
334
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,616
MEN GO TO COUPLE SHOWERS AND TO
335
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,845
BACHELOR PARTIES WHERE THEY
336
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,219
DRINK COCKTAILS THAT ALL END IN
337
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,787
"TINI" AND DON'T START WITH GIN,
338
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:39,846
INSTEAD OF GETTING THEIR FACES
339
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,623
ALL GLAZED UP LIKE A BOX OF
340
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:42,792
DOUGHNUTS.
341
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,963
HEY, IF I WANTED SCOTCH, I WOULD
342
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,100
HAVE ORDERED IT WITH A LISP.
343
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,225
A REAL WHISKEY COMES FROM ONE
344
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,899
PLACE AND ONE PLACE ONLY --
345
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:51,228
CANADA.
346
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,871
NOW, COME ON, SON, LET'S START
347
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:53,966
THAT FIRE IN MY BELLY!
348
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,137
COME ON.
349
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,666
MODERN WEDDINGS.
350
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,041
IT'S ALL GONE TO HELL.
351
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,109
>> ARE YOU WITH THE BRIDE OR
352
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:00,837
GROOM?
353
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,211
>> I'M WITH THE PRESS, KIDDO.
354
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,109
>> THE PRESS?
355
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,010
>> THE ANGLICAN PRESS, NOT THOSE
356
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,852
WOP REPORTERS STANDING IN THE
357
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:07,647
BACK.
358
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,918
>> THAT'S THE GROOM'S FAMILY.
359
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,117
>> OH, THIS IS A DAGO AFFAIR?
360
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:16,259
GOOD THING I BROUGHT MY KNIFE.
361
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,786
[ WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS"
362
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,761
PLAYS ]
363
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,130
THESE DAYS, THE BRIDE WALKS
364
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,998
HERSELF DOWN THE AISLE, AND
365
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,727
PRIESTS AND RABBIS WORK
366
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,273
TOGETHER, LIKE IN SOME KIND OF
367
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,737
PULPY, DIME-STORE,
368
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:29,996
SCIENCE-FICTION BOOK.
369
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,813
THE ONLY TIME A PRIEST AND A
370
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,865
RABBI SHOULD EVER BE TOGETHER IS
371
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,784
WHEN THEY WALK INTO A BAR.
372
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,276
[ LAUGHS ]
373
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,078
>> A READING FROM THE APACHE
374
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,110
WEDDING PRAYER.
375
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,024
>> THE ONLY APACHE I EVER KNEW
376
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,846
WAS A WRESTLER BY THE NAME OF
377
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,152
APACHE JOE, AND HE WAS A
378
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,893
MEXICAN.
379
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,718
>> AND I VOW TO LISTEN --
380
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,894
NOT ONLY WITH MY EARS, BUT ALSO
381
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:54,964
WITH MY HEART.
382
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,702
>> HA HA.
383
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,927
>> SHH.
384
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,871
>> I WILL NOT BE SHUSHED BY A
385
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,867
METHODIST.
386
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:04,170
THE WEDDING RECEPTION IS STILL A
387
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,271
PLACE WHERE YOU CAN GET
388
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,912
COCKEYED, AND, IF YOU'RE LUCKY,
389
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,707
DIP YOUR GIGGLE STICK INTO SOME
390
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,879
LUCKY SKIRT'S DILLYPOT.
391
00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,248
SKIP REMING'S THE NAME, AND THE
392
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,016
BATHTUB IS ALWAYS WARM IN
393
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,915
ROOM 206.
394
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,817
[ GLASS CLINKING ]
395
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:19,249
>> EXCUSE ME.
396
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,152
I'M THE BEST MAN.
397
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,253
>> OH, HERE'S THE BEST-MAN
398
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:21,924
SPEECH.
399
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,162
I HOPE YOU GIRLS LIKE STORIES
400
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,686
ABOUT GETTING THE CRABS AND
401
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:25,262
ALMOST DROWNING.
402
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,228
[ LAUGHS ]
403
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,956
>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
404
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,831
ANYWAY, UM, I MET BRIAN THE
405
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,771
FIRST DAY OF YMCA BASKETBALL
406
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:33,096
CAMP.
407
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,070
>> AH, HERE COMES THE BIT WHERE
408
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,297
HE LETS THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE
409
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,342
KNOW THAT HIS SON-IN-LAW DOESN'T
410
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,967
SHOOT BLANKS.
411
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,712
[ LAUGHS ]
412
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:41,908
>> I HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN
413
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:42,179
NOW --
414
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:42,935
>> COME ON!
415
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,043
GET TO THE TITTY STORIES!
416
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,254
>> SIR, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
417
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:45,875
LEAVE.
418
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,009
>> I'M NOT LEAVING TILL THE
419
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,154
BRIDE'S FACE IS COVERED WITH
420
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,248
FROSTING AND NOT A SECOND
421
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:49,919
BEFORE.
422
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,117
>> I'M NOT GONNA ASK YOU AGAIN.
423
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:52,218
>> WELL, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO
424
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:53,719
AFTER I MAKE A NECKLACE OUT OF
425
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:55,221
YOUR TONGUE.
426
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,792
JUDO!
427
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,091
OW!
428
00:10:59,092 --> 00:10:59,892
OH, YOU.
429
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,833
I SHOT MEN IN THE JUNGLE, YOU
430
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:03,959
POLICE ACADEMY REJECT.
431
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,874
ROOM 206!
432
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,796
206!
433
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,866
>> Biscayne: TONIGHT, HUMORIST
434
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,211
JIM DAVIDSON IS HERE WITH HIS
435
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,905
SEGMENT, "THINGS THAT MAKE YOU
436
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,177
GO 'JIM.'"
437
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,775
JIM?
438
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:17,847
>> YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO
439
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:18,375
CHEW A STICK OF GUM.
440
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,078
I KNOW I DO FROM TIME TO TIME.
441
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,850
OTHER PEOPLE LIKE TO POP A PIECE
442
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:22,249
OF CANDY.
443
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:23,919
THE BIG QUESTION IS, WHICH IS
444
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:24,277
BETTER?
445
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:25,994
GUM VERSUS CANDY, THE BATTLE
446
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,016
BEGINS RIGHT NOW.
447
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,260
ALL RIGHT, LET'S START WITH GUM.
448
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,385
YOU CHEW IT, AND THEN WHEN
449
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:30,919
YOU'RE DONE WITH IT, YOU STILL
450
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,134
HAVE IT AND YOU THROW IT AWAY.
451
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,755
CANDY, YOU CHEW IT AND THEN IT'S
452
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:33,991
GONE.
453
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,264
SO, I GUESS GUM'S BETTER.
454
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,973
>> Biscayne: THANKS, JIM.
455
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,165
COMING UP NEXT WEEK ON
456
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,996
"NEWSREADERS" -- WE'LL MEET THE
457
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,871
FIRST HUMAN TO BE INFECTED WITH
458
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,140
A COMPUTER VIRUS.
459
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,267
SO, YOU TAKE ONE OF THESE TWICE
460
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,113
A DAY?
461
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:47,837
>> MM-HMM.
462
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:48,341
>> Biscayne: I'M
463
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,211
REAGAN BISCAYNE.
464
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,279
GOOD NIGHT.
28933
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