All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S02E20_English

Okay, Tyler, keep an eye on Chloe.

Your mom and I have
to go to a charity event

for our date tonight.

I still don't understand why
I'm not getting paid to babysit Chloe.

And I still don't understand

why men have to go on dates
every Saturday night

when they're tired and already married.

And why women have to wear high heels

when they're tall and already married.

Oh, hey. Pod People from Pluto.

That's a pretty scary movie.

You're telling me. There's a big warning
right on the box.

"Warning: do not reproduce
under penalty of law."

It's so scary, you're not
allowed to have kids

after watching it.
What would they be like?

This movie sounds great.

I can't wait to watch it.

No, no, no, Tyler can watch it,

but you're too young.

A movie like this could scar you for life.

How come Tyler gets
to be scarred for life?

I want to be scarred.

And I'm sure someday you will be.

Yes!

♪ Scarred, scarred, scarred for life ♪

( theme music playing )

Well, it's Saturday night.

My friends are out of town.
All my summer reading's done.

Time to cut loose.
What crazy thing can I do?

I know, I'll check my spam folder!

What? I've been waiting for this.

Why did you send this to my spam folder?

You know how important this is to me!

Easy there, Avery.

People see you talking to your computer,

they'll think you have
a tenuous grasp of reality.

So you want to tell your
talking dog what's up?

Stan, I have been selected
to design a float

for the Pasadena Petal Parade.

Whoa, that's the second largest

flower-based parade in all of Pasadena.

I know, and the floats are seen

by everyone in town.
It's an incredible honor.

Well, I'm glad they got one thing right.

Did you know they passed over
Robert as the Grand Marshal?

After all he's done for this city.

Get out of the car, Robert,
it's not gonna happen.

Stan, I am the first teenager in 25 years
selected to do a float.

And you'll never guess
who the last one was.

-Your dad.
-How'd you know?

I looked it up on my phone
while you were talking.

By the by, according to my weather app,

it's gonna be 97 degrees
in New York tomorrow.

It's just gonna smell like hot garbage.

Man, I wish I was there.

Dad is gonna be so excited.

You know, he's always doing
stuff with Tyler and Chloe,

but I've never had a chance
to do a big project like this

and really connect with him.
And I'm not even going to let

the rest of the family help out,
so it can be our special thing.

It's the reason I applied for it.

Avery, that's really great.

I'm so happy for you.

Is that the right reaction?

I'm sorry, all I could think
about the whole time

you were talking is hot garbage.

Hot, hot garbage.

( screaming )

What are you doing?

Chloe, you're not supposed
to be watching this.

Well, you are a terrible babysitter.
You had three jobs.

Don't let me watch this movie,
make me go to bed,

and keep me out of Mommy's makeup.

Well, you didn't get into Mommy's makeup.

You're a terrible babysitter!

Get over here.

You can't tell Mom and Dad
you saw this movie,

or we'll both get in trouble.

They'll be home soon.
Now get to bed right away.

I can't. I'm too scared.

Just go get ready. I'll be up to check

under your bed for pod people in a minute.

There could be pod people under my bed?

Why would you say that?

I didn't even know they went under beds!

I-I-I didn't mean they're just under beds.

They could be anywhere.

Anywhere? I'm anywhere!

Scarred for life! Scarred for life!

( screaming )

I'm gonna go make sure she's okay.

You should.

But first, what is my life about?

-A wise quacker.
-What?

Sorry, that's the answer
to a different question.

Ask me "What's another
name for a clever duck?"

( laughing )

I'm serious. That movie made me think.

The hero's life didn't have any meaning

until he saved the earth from destruction.

I'd love to save the planet,
but I don't have the time.

My hair alone takes
two to three hours a day.

So what gives my life meaning?

My hair feels full, but my life doesn't.

Have you been shampooing and conditioning

your life regularly?

'Cause that might be the problem.

Come on, director,
if you're gonna do a commentary,

tell me what my life means!
I don't care that you made

the alien brains out of oatmeal and salsa!

Okay, I do care, 'cause it was awesome

and it sounds delicious, but still.

I have not felt this good in a long time.

Going to this charity event
and giving back

really brings out the best in you.

I know, we're like the nicest, kindest,

most generous people in all of Pasadena.
Eat that, Millers!

I thought you guys were
dreading that charity thing.

Yeah, we were, but being there
makes you realize

that life really is about helping others.

So that's what gives meaning to your life?

Yeah, Tyler, we've been saying this
to you for years.

But you didn't tell me
through the television,

and that's how I learn.

Man, that was a scary movie.

I've got to find something
to get my mind off it.

Goats! Perfect.

I like goats. Goats are friendly.

( goat shrieking )

( Stan screaming )

The Pasadena Petal Parade?

That's the second largest
flower-based parade

in all of Pasadena.

Your dad is gonna be so happy

you're doing this just like he did

when he was a teenager.
And we are going to have

so much fun building it. What's our theme?

Well, my theme is "Out of this World."

My float is going to be a spaceship

based on the pod people movie.

Your theme is "Out of This Project,"

based on the fact that I really don't
want you involved.

Your tone was so positive

but what you said was so negative.

It's like being slapped by a clown.

Why don't you want me involved?

You know how you are.

Yeah, of course, I know how I am.

Bennett, how am I? Tell me now.

Avery said to me, "You know how you are."

What do you think she meant?

Do not hold your breath
and try to pass out on me.

( exhales )

Look, if you want to know what she meant,
why don't you just ask her?

I don't want to seem insecure.

What if that's what she meant?

I'm not getting slapped
by that clown again.

All I wanted to do is help her

with her float
in the Pasadena Petal Parade.

She got it? Oh, that is great.

That is the second largest
flower-based parade

in all of Pasadena.

Hon, don't feel bad.

Avery probably just wants
to do this by herself

and she knows how you are.

How am I?

Bennett!

( exhales )

Listen, Avery isn't gonna want us

horning in and taking over.

We should just back off,
and let this be her thing.

But can you, Bennett? Can you?

You know how you are.

Yes, and I'm fine with how I am.

No, you're supposed to be completely
bothered by my saying that.

Sorry, I'm not. That's not how I am.

That's how you are.

I'm so tired.

I couldn't sleep last night

thinking about aliens coming to earth

to turn us into pod people.

Me, too. Plus goats.

I wish I could ask Mommy and Daddy
about the movie,

but they told me not to watch it.

They also told me not
to eat pie for dinner.

I listened about the pie.

I should have listened about the movie.

Also, I didn't listen about the pie.
My tummy hurts.

Maybe it's a good thing we saw the movie.

Now if aliens come for real,
we'll know what to be on the lookout for.

Right. Like when someone becomes a pod
person, their head gets bigger.

I just don't know about Avery, Bennett.

Maybe it's not how I am.

Maybe she's getting a big head.

( gasping )

I mean, look at this spaceship she
wants to build.

It's very ambitious.

( gasping )

And the way she was
talking to me, Bennett,

it's like she was purposely trying
to alienate me.

Alienate? I bet that means
to turn someone into an alien.

No, Mommy, don't let Avery alienate you!

Oh, honey, it's sweet
that you're concerned,

but we would never let that happen.

Not in my house!

I've always wanted to say that.

-Now that you have?
-Meh!

Ah! Goat!

What are you going to do about Avery?

You can't let her be this way.

You may not have noticed

because of the way you idolize her,

but Avery has always been this way.

Avery's been an alien this whole time.

She just looks like a human.

That's what pod people are!

All her strange behavior
suddenly makes sense.

And she has a talking dog!

All the signs were there!

We've got to do something

before she alienates the whole family,

turns everybody into pod people,

and destroys the earth with her spaceship!

I just don't know how she's going
to have time

to build that spaceship
and also do that float for the parade.

Aliens be multitasking.

Doll: Feed me, feed me.

Where is that coming from?

Feed me.

-Feed me.
-Would you be quiet?

Maybe I should come back another time.

No, no, sweetie, this is fine.

I just need to turn this off.

Feed me. Or maybe I'll just feed her.

So I have some big news.

I know. Your mom told me.

The Pasadena Petal Parade.
Congratulations.

Well, the thing is--

-Burp me.
-Sorry, Avery. Go on.

So I'm not even gonna let
Mom and Tyler help out,

and I came in here to ask you--

To stay out of it, too. I get it.

( baby burps )

Oh, good girl.

Look, Avery, you and I know that

I'm the one who's done this before.

And I would just come in with all my ideas

and then this wouldn't be
your thing anymore.

Well, I just thought that--

I should stay out of it.

I'm okay with that,
and I am so proud of you

for doing this without me.

You are going to make an amazing float.

I can't wait to see it.

Oh. Yeah.

Because that's the whole reason
I applied for it.

To make an amazing float without you.

Doll: Change me.

Ellen!

ELLEN: I am not changing your doll again!

So, how was your first day
making your float?

Not to pry, just idle curiosity.

'Cause that's how I am. Idle and curious.

Oh, I wonder where these are made.

The float's not going well, Mom.
You've got to help me.

My friends are all out of town,

and the person I was planning
on having help me...

doesn't want to.

Well, I'm a little hurt
that I'm not your first choice.

Is that how I am? Easily hurt?

Because I think of myself as having
a very thick skin.

Don't you?

Of course. Of course,
your skin is so thick.

You're like a hippopotamus.

Thank you, Avery.

I am a thick hippo, aren't I?

It's just I need this float to be amazing.

I really want Dad to be proud of me.

I want everyone in town to be proud.

Even the guy in the bunny suit

who spins the sign outside the copy place.

Why do I care what he thinks?

And what do bunnies have
to do with making copies?

Oh, wait, I just got it.

Well played, Donny.

So will you help me build my spaceship?

Oh, I have no power to resist
that hug, Avery. I'm in.

( gasp )

Thanks, Mom. I feel like together,

we can conquer the whole world.

That's how she turns her
victims into pod people.

Special hugs.

It's just like the alien
mind meld from the movie.

From now on, we can't let anyone hug us.

But how? We're the two most huggable ones
in this whole house.

Maybe in all of Pasadena.

Chloe, you're so tired,
you're not making any sense.

We're the most huggable ones
in the whole world.

Hey, Dad, so you're still in a good mood

about that charity thing, huh?

Actually, I am, Tyler.

That, and this apple is promising

to be really firm, but juicy.

When you hear that noise when I cut it,

yup, everything is coming up Bennett.

I was trying to do that thing you said

to give my life meaning by helping people.

I saw a bunch of nerds at the mall

and said, "Hey, nerds,

get over here. I'm gonna fix you."

They just scattered like roaches
and ran into a comic book store,

so I couldn't follow.

That doesn't sound like
they wanted to be helped.

( crunch )

Oh. Yeah.

Try finding someone
who really needs your help.

But where am I gonna
find someone like that?

Tyler, I really need your help.

Not a chance!

Sorry, reflex.

I meant to say, "Never happening."

Why do I keep doing that?

Will you help Mom and me
decorate my float for the parade?

Sure, I'd love to. Man, that felt weird.

Thank you, Tyler.

Not the hug, Tyler! Don't!

Here, I'll show you the plans.

Oh, no. Tyler's become a pod person.

But why would an advanced
alien race want Tyler?

Maybe to plant him on a hair farm

to grow themselves wigs.

Yes, that's it. I don't need sleep to come

to that brilliantly logical conclusion!

Daddy, Tyler and Mommy have joined Avery.

And we're the only ones left.
You have to help.

Well, I wish I could,
but I have to stay out of it.

-Why?
-Doll: Feed me.

Ignore that.

Honey, you may be too young
to understand this,

but if I try to help, it'll only make
things worse.

But you go on and do what you can.

Okay, I'll go save the world.

I'll do it for you, Daddy.

Oh, that is so cute.

Yeah, you go on, save the world for Daddy.

So it's up to us, Stan.
We've got to stop Avery

and free Tyler and Mommy
from being pod people.

We better do it before they plant you

in one of their hair farms.

Plant me? What do you mean plant me?

Nothing, nothing.

You have nothing to worry about.

Okay, the parade is tomorrow,

so we have less than 24 hours
to finish decorating.

These coveralls are partly
to protect your clothes,

but mainly because studies show

when workers are dressed alike,

they follow their leader blindly--gladly.

I really need this float to be great

so thank you both so much for helping.

Well, you know how I am. Helpful.

That is how I am, right?
You don't have to say it.

I know it is, I know it is.

Hey, I'm happy to help because
it's going to give my life meaning.

So far, it's only given my life boredom

and frustration, but I'm hoping

that meaning part is coming right up

behind it like the dessert part
of a healthy meal.

Good luck with that.

All right, Stan. Are you ready
to go undercover in these spacesuits,

so we can stop their evil plan?

I'm totally down
for stopping their evil plan,

but then can we still
keep these spacesuits?

They are super-comfy.
Almost like coveralls.

( gasp ) Oh, no.

They're just like
the pod people from the movie.

-Almost done, Mom?
-Getting there.

Okay, either we're really tired 'cause
we're freaked out

and haven't slept in two days and we're
seeing things,

or they all have giant alien heads.

Giant alien heads does
make the most sense.

That's what I was thinking!

I know we can make this
the best spaceship ever,

then march it through the town
and blow everyone away.

Yeah!

Tyler, it is so nice that you are helping
your sister with this.

But I'm not feeling good about it yet.

I'm still not getting the dessert part
of the healthy meal.

Where's my pudding?

Where's my feel-good pudding?

I thought you liked healthy food.

Not as much as feel-good pudding, Mom.

Not nearly as much.

I think we're going
to finish on time, Mom.

I really owe you.

You can repay me by telling me how I am.

You're somebody who
latches on to something

somebody says and won't let it go.

No, that doesn't sound like me.

Okay, Mom.

The only reason I said that is because

I really wanted Dad to help me with this
instead of you,

and I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

You didn't want to hurt my feelings

and yet you're telling me this?

You know how I am!

But you and I have gotten to do
so many great things together.

I've never done anything
like this with Dad.

I really wanted to share
something special with him.

Oh, sweetie. You know what?

I'm gonna call your dad right now and--

No, no, no. Don't.

You should have seen
how proud he was of me

doing this without his help.

And he's going to be even prouder

when he sees how great
the float turns out.

Please don't mess that up for me.

Okay, I won't.

And maybe next year,
we can have a turn bonding

when you try something
I did when I was your age,

Irish step dancing.

Until I was kicked out for trash talk.

"You're dancing like you've got Blarney
stones in your ghillies."

Trust me, that's really mean.

We've been spying on them for hours,

and I still don't know how we're
gonna stop them.

And look, the ship is almost done.

Boy, I am so sleepy.

Is there any chance
that's affecting the way

-we're seeing all this?
-No, how could it be?

A dog and a 7-year-old girl
are trying to stop aliens

from taking over the planet.
Everything's normal.

We did it. Oh, we pulled it off.

Thank you guys so much.

Oh, Avery, I could not be more pleased.

I'm so happy I could dance.

It's fun. You'll see, you'll see.

When you do it next year, you'll see.

You know, Avery, seeing you
this happy makes me feel...

Wow, happy.

There's the feel-good pudding!

My life has meaning. Thank you.

I never have to help anyone ever again.

Wait, Tyler, that's not the way it--

Mom, let the boy have his pudding.

So, you ready to climb behind the wheel?

Rev that engine, and we'll drive it

right out to the staging area.

( engine revving )

ELLEN: It's not moving.

Give it more gas.

I'm giving her all she's got, Captain.

I don't know if the engines
can take any more.

Trekkie one, Ellen.

And I think it's too heavy.

No, no, it can't be.

Oh, no. I-I-I didn't account
for the weight of the flowers.

How could I have been so stupid?

I'm gonna be humiliated
in front of the whole town.

And Dad won't be...

Oh, sweetie, it's okay.

We'll just take some of the flowers off.

We have to take off too many.

There's no time. I totally failed.

I brought muffins.

Not getting involved.
Letting Avery do her thing.

Wow!

Just wanted to show my support.

Nobody wants muffins?
I could get croissants.

It doesn't move. It's too heavy.
I totally messed it up.

If it's any consolation,
I still feel pretty good.

Mmm. Yeah.

Everything's coming up Tyler.

Avery, hon, this is still
quite an accomplishment.

It looks amazing. Don't lose sight
of why you did this.

I...

I did it to bond with you.

And that never even happened.

This whole thing has been
a disaster from start to finish.

You did this to bond with me?

Yeah, I do stuff with Mom,

you do stuff with Tyler and Chloe.

I thought we could do this together.

Oh, my gosh, Avery.

Why didn't you say something?

I tried, but you told me
how proud you were

I was doing it without you.

And then that baby belched like a trucker.

Look, the only reason I didn't want to
do this with you

is because I didn't want to take over.

I didn't want...

What?

To be like my dad.

Okay, when I did my float,
my dad swooped in and took over.

I mean, I got all kinds of praise for it,

but I did nothing, hon.

And that made me feel horrible.

I just wanted to make sure I didn't do
the same thing to you.

But you wouldn't have.

We would have done it together.

Well, I guess I messed up, too.

I'm sorry.

Maybe it's not too late.

Maybe we can fix both
our mistakes together, huh?

Let's see these plans.

Okay, it's rigged and ready to go.

I rewired it so the motor will overload

and blow the whole spaceship.

How do you know how to do that?

Let's just say I know a thing or two
from scuttling the spaceship

I flew here in
from the talking dog planet.

-What?
-No, I'm just kidding.

I'm a normal talking earth dog.

( engine explodes )

What happened?

I don't know, but it
removed a lot of flowers.

Hey, maybe the float will move now.

But it's a mess and the engine's blown.

I bet if the two of us work together,

we can fix it.

Well, it'll be fun to try with you.

We destroyed the spaceship!

We saved the world!

-I need a nap.
-Me, too.

After Chloe and I saved the world,

a big parade was thrown in our honor

as we rode the destroyed
spacecraft through town.

Avery and Bennett seemed
happy about something.

Tyler kept feeling good about his life

and his muffin.

And Ellen, well, you know how she is.

( music )

( boing )