Original subtitles

Remembering the sensation without context,

Which means it's working,

That is not what that means,

Yes,

Isn't that the experience of a dog

or the physical memory without context,

Some sort of physical association is necessary survival-

- Spindly king wobble,

Sarah?

Wobble, wonder,

Sarah?

Wonder, wobble,

You're bleeding,

Dra ma mmm,

What?

What? What?

What? What?

Fa,,,

Sarah!

Sarah!

Sarah, please,

Sarah, don't!

Sarah,

Are you,,,

Are you awake?

Sarah, you're okay,

- Sarah, - No!

- Sarah, - No!

Please, Sarah, stop,

- Nurse, no, no! - Sarah, you're gonna

- hurt yourself, - No!

- Sarah! - No!

You're gonna hurt yourself, please,

- No, no! - Sarah, hey, you're safe!

Focus,

Focus,

Eyes on my left ear,

Left,

Good girl,

And now the right,

Good,

What's the last thing you remember?

Do you remember your birthday?

The year?

What's your name?

Her name?

Try one out,

Marjorie, Rebecca, Catherine,

No, no, no, no, no, no,

Sarah,

Don't play games with her,

I'm not playing games,

Your name is Sarah,

Sarah?

This is Ingrid, your sister,

I'm James, her husband,

We're your family, this is your home,

You're safe here,

And you're improving very well,

You're safe,

You're safe,

Where did I put my keys?

What did I even come in here for?

Hello?

Hello?

What were you looking for?

I don't know,

You don't?

I remembered a piece of paper,

And the significance of this paper?

Was there writing on it?

What did you want it for?

I thought I would remember if I saw it,

I want to go to the hospital,

What for?

There's something very wrong with me,

What do you think is wrong with you?

I don't remember anything,

Anything?

Even my name,

You said it was Sarah, but,,,

Yeah, but you remember her telling you it was Sarah,

That's something,

There has to be more,

I don't remember anything except for that room,

Okay,

Okay, you're getting a-

- I want to go to the hospital!

You released from the hospital

and that's why you're at home with us,

You're safe and that's all you need to worry about,

James is a doctor,

But nothing is connecting,

It's just moments after moments, but nothing,

Well, that's all memory is, just moments,

How do you know we didn't go

to the hospital this afternoon?

James,

Would you know the difference?

Darling, just try and imagine,

as upset and as frustrated as you are right now,

we've been trying to help you much longer

than you've been aware of it,

Who are you?

Sarah, this is Errol,

Your father,

Dad, this is Sarah,

Do you remember Sarah?

What? He doesn't remember either?

Not all the time,

Are you awake?

Yes, Hank,

Auntie Sarah's awake now,

Shit, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry,

I know, buddy, I know,

Come with me,

Let's get you all cleaned up,

This used to be a working ranch,

Mostly cattle,

That's the old grain silo,

We're not ranchers, really, but James doesn't

wanna tear anything down,

We're interested in letting things go back to nature,

What am I?

Was I a doctor?

You're you,

Everything you are is in this moment,

What happened?

A bull probably charged it,

Maybe he saw a pretty cow on the other side,

Sarah!

Where did you go?

What are you doing here?

Dad?

Is that what I called you?

Are you dreaming?

At night,

You remembering your dreams?

No memories,

No dreams,

No escape from the present moment,

How's that working out for you?

That smell,

Bacon?

Sarah, Sarah,

It's all all right,

Are you part of my dream?

A branch twisted off, a limb cut from a trunk,

Was that you yesterday?

Did he bite you?

Fickle little bastard,

He didn't break the skin, did he?

More of an emotional wound,

One minute he can't get enough of you

and then the next bares his teeth and runs away,

I think I know how he feels,

Yes, you are a little catlike, aren't you?

I brought you a present,

Looks like he's laughing or screaming,

He's eating your money,

It's like a piggy bank,

I thought it might be familiar,

Mother made these when we were little,

I thought it might, well, let's see what it brings up,

Is she still here?

No, long gone years ago,

I don't wanna overwhelm you, I,,,

It might be a comfort,

Oh, Sarah, one more thing,

The next time you use a toilet

would you mind urinating in this for me?

Just some standard tests,

Kitty,

Come here,

Sarah, what are you doing out here?

You need something?

There's um something,

Something?

Inside,

There's something inside here,

Physical flashbacks, remembering the sensation

- without context, - Which means it's working,

That is not what that means,

Yes, the experience of a dog

or a physical memory without context,

Some sort of physical association is survival,

We wouldn't want her to forget a burn, a slap,

Her cognitive functions are still

going in and out, so what happens when she covers

that physical memory with the real sensation

of having a child?

She will not just do that,

Ingrid,

She'll know if she connects the dots,

Source,

I'm concerned,

To herself herbs,

You know, honestly you can be so careless,

What is this?

There was blood,

I'm sure there was blood,

You're a different person now, Sarah,

than the person that did that,

How am I different if I don't know who I am?

You're the thing looking out through

those eyes at this moment,

That's all,

Do you want to hurt yourself?

Then you're different,

The person that did that to you is gone,

There was a memory,

Memory?

You were braiding my hair,

Tell me more,

You put money in that,

How old was I in the dream? The memory?

What is it?

No, Sarah,

- I don't know anything, - Help me!

Help me,

I swear to you nothing is there,

I saw it,

Your mind is in a state of disarray right now,

It's playing tricks on you, okay?

Just trust James and me,

One day you'll be able to tell what's real and what's not,

But not right now,

I know,

Try to be patient and let it all go,

Try and get some rest,

You're in the ground!

You're in the fucking ground!

How long has this been going on?

- I've always, always- - I don't know,

Always been here!

You're what!

You're gone!

What?

Papa Hank,

Papa?

Is he your grand,,,

You're her son so you're my what's the word?

Papa,

Oh, this fucking little bitch,

What the hell is she doing out here?

I'm the boss, you cunt,

Not you!

I'm in control!

You thought you were-

What's the matter, Dad?

I don't fucking need that right now,

Dad?

Don't you,,,

Don't you call me that,

What should I call you?

Don't fucking care, but not that,

Do you know what they put in me?

How did it get in here?

You gonna help?

What do you want me to help you with?

Gotta get it big enough,

For what?

The boy,

Boy?

You ain't gonna keep him, is you?

Is he in here?

What do you know about him?

What you doin' out here?

It's not safe,

You go on in the house,

Go on, girl,

Go on now,

What did he say to you?

♪ This old man, he played one ♪

♪ He played knick knack on my thumb ♪

♪ With a knick knack paddy whack ♪

♪ Give a dog a bone ♪

♪ This old man came rolling home ♪

♪ This old man, he played two ♪

♪ He played knick knack on my shoe ♪

♪ With a knick knack paddy whack ♪

♪ Give a dog a bone ♪

♪ This old man came rolling home ♪

♪ This old man, he played three ♪

♪ He played knick knack on my knee ♪

♪ With a knick knack paddy whack ♪

♪ Give a dog a bone ♪

♪ This old man ♪

♪ He played knick knack on my eye ♪

♪ With a knick knack paddy whack ♪

♪ Give a dog a bone ♪

♪ This old man came rolling home ♪

♪ This old man, he played six ♪

♪ He played knick knack on my sticks ♪

♪ With a knick knack paddy whack ♪

♪ Give a dog a bone ♪

♪ This old man came rolling home ♪

♪ This old man, he played seven ♪

♪ He played knick knack once in heaven ♪

♪ With a knick knack paddy whack ♪

♪ Give a dog a bone ♪

♪ This old man came rolling home ♪

Sarah?

What are we up to?

A walk,

It's time for your treatment,

Transcranial magnetic stimulation is

an experimental therapy,

We've been achieving impressive results in your case,

Does this seem familiar to you?

Please don't do this to me,

Don't do what?

We've done it before,

It's noninvasive, we're just activating

and deactivating certain pathways,

Noninvasive deactivating,

The brain's problem isn't always too little of something,

Sometimes it's too much,

This is going to help me?

It's what all this is for,

First we're gonna do a little test

just to get you used to it,

We're gonna start by activating your right hemisphere,

We're gonna target your left hand,

When I do this it's going to twitch,

And now the arm,

Left shoulder,

Right shoulder,

Right arm,

Right hand,

Good,

How do you feel?

I feel like all wooden with strings,

What's the word?

His nose grows when you tell a lie,

You feel like a puppet,

You are a bit like a puppet,

To your brain,

It's controlling everything from right up there,

Now the real work,

Keep your head still,

Here,

Sarah, how much power do I have over you right now?

What could I possibly want from you?

Now, I have a very specific task for you,

This will only work if you fully participate,

As the machine does its work I want you to focus

on the concept of I,

You,

I want you to tell me who you are,

I don't know who I am,

Tell me what you do know,

I'm a sister,

daughter, an aunt,

What am I?

No questions, only statements,

I am sick, I'm damaged,

I can't remember-

- Stick to positives,

What are you?

- I'm- - What can you do?

I'm human,

I have skin, hair, scars,

I heal,

I heal,

I hear, I see,

I see things,

What kind of things?

I see me,

I see me right now,

I see me,

Stop!

Stop!

What do you see?

There is something inside me,

I know it's real,

No matter what you say or what she says,

I know what's in my own body,

Are you saying you think you're pregnant?

I don't know,

How would you of gotten pregnant?

You remember how babies are made?

Or do we need to have a talk?

Maybe you put something,

What would I have put inside you?

Can I do it to you?

What kind of therapy do you think I need?

I want to feel what it's like to have a puppet,

We'll send a pulse to a specific location in the brain,

hold the magnet against the skull on

the appropriate location and press this button,

Do you need these?

No,

What part of me would you like to move first?

Right leg,

Be very careful,

Hold very still,

Right arm,

Can I feel it?

What part of me do you wanna move now?

Right leg again,

Don't move,

Shall we get back to work?

Transcranial magnetic stimulation is

an experimental therapy,

But we've been achieving impressive results in your case,

Does this seem familiar to you?

Please don't do this to me,

Don't do what?

We've done it before,

It's noninvasive,

Just activating and deactivating certain pathways,

Sarah!

Munchkin!

Where you hiding?

There you are, darling,

Why you hiding from your papa?

No!

I know, it's difficult,

That's what animals do,

Am I dreaming?

The mind is a funny thing,

The funniest thing about is that you can be inside it,

talk about it, and be it all at the same time,

I am it,

Isn't that funny?

It's just strange, lumpy gelatin filled with tiny fires,

A closed circuit generating thoughts,

watching the thoughts, reacting to the thoughts

with chemical and electrical impulses

that create new thoughts,

Isn't that funny?

I am my thoughts,

That's a sad thing to think with a broken brain,

Sarah,

What is it?

You're bleeding,

I did this,

Why would you want to know her

if she tried to kill you?

Fuck! Jesus!

Who are you?

Took my baby,

Help me,

Please,

Sarah?

You all right?

Dreaming,

Oh,

Go back to sleep,

You need your rest,

Do you mind if I stay here?

Who are you?

I just don't wanna deal with them yet, you know?

You one of my dad's students?

They took my baby,

I'm Chloe,

What is that?

Excuse me, what are you,,,

Hello?

Jesus, you can't even do anything with it

unless I unlock it,

Thank you,

What, did they take yours away too?

Please don't tell them I have this,

I had to pay for this,

They're so like stuck in the 1800s, right?

You use it to type?

Communicate?

- Yeah, - Information,

On a network,

Can I touch it?

Okay, yeah,

Just don't like look at my photos

or post anything on social media, please,

I know this,

I know this,

Yeah, if you've never like left this ranch in your life,

Have I?

Have I left?

The ranch?

Who are you?

Sarah,

Should I know you?

I'm, I think I'm your,,,

I'm your aunt,

On whose side?

My mom's or my dad's?

I'm Ingrid's sister,

Well, I'm in boarding school

so I'm not really here that much and I just

really don't wanna talk to them yet,

Okay?

Do you mind if I just hang here for a bit?

Thanks,

Can I hold it?

Yeah, sure,

Where?

Where?

Where's what?

Who?

Who is,,,

Who?

I don't know,

James told me you had a session yesterday,

That can lead to strange dreams,

Oh,

I feel better,

Better?

How?

After the treatment,

Clearer,

I remember,

What do you remember?

I had the baby,

I know you took him,

And,,,

Sarah,

Sarah,

Sarah,

Time to go to sleep,

Sleep,

Are you ready to try?

It's okay,

It's just a little side effect,

We're gonna fix this,

Do you know who I am?

Good,

Who are you?

Sarah,

Sarah?

Sarah,

What do you remember?

I'll give you some privacy,

Do you know there was an experiment in the 60s

where some scientists tried to teach dolphins to talk?

He had this dolphin locked up in a converted apartment

with a female researcher,

She liked to sleep above the water

and walk around in the water,

She was never more than a few feet away,

All right,

The dolphin was an adolescent male

and the researcher noticed that every time

he sat down to do the language exercises

he got an erection and would start humping her,

He was too distracted to do the work,

So she started jacking him off before every lesson,

And he started learning,

Obviously the experiment got shut down

before he could actually learn English,

People are so fucked up about sex,

Now no one even tries those kinds

of experiments on dolphins,

And all she was doing was relieving an obstacle, right?

It's just biology,

Three, two, one,

Three, two, one,

Three, two, one,

Three, two, one,

Three, two, one,

Three, two, one,

Three, two, one,

You did good today,

I can tell it's really starting to work,

Do you really not remember anything?

How do you know that?

You've been here like forever,

Five months ago this kid at school brought

a knife to class and like stabbed this girl,

Stabbed,

It wasn't like a big deal or anything, it was,,,

I guess it was for like a day but the girl's fine

and like I don't know,

These things happen,

They do?

Yeah,

Right, you don't know anything right now, but they do,

They happen all the time,

My phone always wants me to type the word get

after I type you,

You're not my aunt,

I've never met you before in my life,

And my mom doesn't have a sister,

You get one?

Yep!

Nice doe,

Let's get you cleaned up,

Oh shit,

How are you feeling?

What are they doing?

Does it make you uncomfortable?

Hungry,

It's very good,

Put it on the plate,

Sarah, come here,

He would just hate what I've done to him

if he could see himself drooling, shitting,

can't string two thoughts together,

He hated stupid people,

The worst thing you could be was stupid,

That's who he laughed at,

Well, fuck him,

He's pretty fucking stupid now, isn't he?

What do you say we eat his meat when he keels over?

Thank you, Sarah,

All right,

I get it,

You need a little love, don't you?

I told her we should've given you a friend,

I really wish you wouldn't,

You're jealous,

It's unethical,

She needs affection,

It's like petting a dog,

Well we don't fuck dogs though, do we?

Even if they act like they want it,

What did you do?

What did you do?

What did you do to me?

Sarah, tell me what you think is happening,

What do you think is happening?

- No, No, no, - In your mind right now

at this exact moment,

No, you did something,

What makes you think that?

I'm not who you say I am, she said so,

She?

Chloe,

Let him go!

He's mine!

- He's mine and you- - Sarah,

Took him from me!

Sarah, put the knife down,

Fuck,

Great work,

You escaped,

You were here?

And other places,

Watching,

They do tests on you,

Experiments,

What kind of tests?

I had a baby,

They took it from me,

How do you?

You gave it to me to hide,

For safekeeping,

What does it open?

Hello!

Ma'am!

Help me,

What the hell are you doing out here?

Help me,

Come,

We'll get you some help,

Let's get on the tractor,

You're okay,

Step right there,

Sit on the fender over there,

You're okay,

No!

- It's okay, - No!

I'm taking you to the doctor,

- he'll know what to do, - No!

- No, don't! - Hey, hey!

No!

No!

Stop, stop!

No!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Help!

Help!

I fell,,,

Help!

Help!

Help,

Got the thing in the hole,

Laid the trap,

Gotta lay where you're caught, little demon,

Help,

Help, help, help,

Machine only sees what you tell it to,

Did you know that there's research

that suggests cuttlefish, yep this little guy right here,

that he, they, might be able to recognize themselves?

- Really? - Mmhmm

It's a sign of higher consciousness,

Most animals don't have it,

Yeah, like he can see himself in the reflection

on the side of the tank and go, "That's me,

That's not some other cuttlefish,

I'm an individual, I have a sense of self,"

Because over thousands and thousands of years

his brain has grown to sizes unseen in other invertebrates,

He needs that giant brain to be able to do

the little magic trick we're watching right now,

- Wow, - See?

Yeah,

But he's still low on the food chain,

At the whim the predators who he can outsmart for awhile,

really for how long?

Self awareness isn't an evolutionary asset,

Just a tragic byproduct,

Sarah, are you awake?

Can you hear me?

Sarah, darling, you need to calm down

for the baby,

- Baby? - Mmhmm,

We thought you mighta lost it,

Ingrid and her husband, they're both doctors

and they were kind enough to treat you

while they were waiting for me to arrive,

How long?

How long were you waiting?

Oh, we found you yesterday,

We heard about the search on the radio,

Do you have a son?

A little boy?

No, sweetie,

I'm terrified you're gonna kill me,

No,

Murder me,

Cathy,

Are you awake?

Can you hear me?

Sam,

I didn't think I was ever gonna see you again,

Can you sit up?

These are vitamin supplements for the pregnancy,

I'm sorry,

Sorry,

I don't know who anyone is,

I don't know who I am,

Who am I?

I don't remember this place,

My memory is confused,

It doesn't matter what happened yesterday,

Or two months ago,

Consciousness is a mental disorder

that deserves to be treated,

It's our cognizance of time, events, and their consequences,

or lake thereof, that lead to the real pain of being alive,

You're almost there,

We're almost there,

You're almost free,

I wanna be a part of it,

I wanna be part of it very much,

You ever been to a family farm with seven

or eight chickens, free range, a habitat made just for them?

It's quite a change from the stringy

stressed out things we're used to,

I've had really extreme anxiety,

depression, my whole life,

Honestly, your work is the only thing keeping me

from wanting to kill myself,

Now, what we're talking about

is not exactly legal,

I know that and I want to be a part of it,

I want to be a part of it or I want to be nothing,

Can you help me?

You ever visit a family farm with just seven

or eight chickens living off the land, space to roam,

a habitat of their own making?

They look like an entirely different species,

Not the stressed out stringy things we're used to,

Can I see him?

The promise is giving up control of the mind and the body,

Past, future, planning, decision making,

There are stages to learning how to just be,

There's something I need to tell you,

I just found out a couple days ago,

I don't want it to impact anything,

I'm pregnant,

You're having second thoughts?

If I died, it would die too, so you're helping me live,

Shouldn't this tissue get to live too because of you?

Isn't he beautiful?

Just imagine all you can become,

Sarah!

Sarah!

Sarah, come here,

Sarah, don't!

Sarah,

Sarah,

Sarah,

Sarah,

Sarah,

Sarah,

Shit,

Okay, Sarah,

Come on, Sarah,

Come on, baby,

All right,

Come on,

So, let me tell you what you're

getting yourself into here,

We believe, my partner and I who I think you've met,

we believe that evolution has

not been kind to the human mind,

You yourself, you're an example of that,

We've evolved wildly out of control, taken over the world,

eradicated all the threats that used to rein us in

in any meaningful way,

And here we are headed towards entropy,

burning up all the fuel, killing the planet,

getting ready to eradicate ourselves in the process

all while these massive brains keep us thinking, thinking,

Thinking about every single one of those steps,

Watching ourselves kill ourselves,

What's the good in that?

So our aim here, really, is to press rewind a little bit,

Give as many people as we can the experience

of being alive without the trauma of being so aware of it,

A little ascension sound good to you?

Okay,

But I'm interested in developing some stronger ones,

Let's see if we can get that brain of yours

back to a more manageable place,

Sound good?

Yeah,

Okay,

Great,

Let's begin,