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1
00:00:04,827 --> 00:00:08,275
[rock and roll playing]
2
00:00:45,103 --> 00:00:48,413
Man:
Burgers, I love burgers.
3
00:00:48,413 --> 00:00:49,724
Who doesn'’t love burgers?
4
00:00:49,724 --> 00:00:51,862
You show me a guy
who doesn'’t love burgers,
5
00:00:51,862 --> 00:00:53,896
I'’ll show you...
6
00:00:53,896 --> 00:00:55,517
I'’m just saying,
we all love burgers.
7
00:00:55,517 --> 00:00:56,931
And why not?
8
00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:59,103
They'’re one of life'’s
simple pleasures.
9
00:00:59,103 --> 00:01:00,896
They make us happy,
10
00:01:00,896 --> 00:01:02,482
and when it'’s all
said and done,
11
00:01:02,482 --> 00:01:04,413
that'’s all anybody wants, right?
12
00:01:04,413 --> 00:01:05,793
To be happy.
13
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:09,344
I say, what makes every guy
happy are the four B'’s:
14
00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:12,827
burgers, beer, babes,
15
00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:14,310
and your buddies.
16
00:01:14,310 --> 00:01:15,862
Speaking of buddies,
17
00:01:15,862 --> 00:01:17,862
let me tell you a little story about my buddy, Frank--
18
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:19,689
Ahh, they don'’t come any nicer.
19
00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:21,448
This guy had it all.
20
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,724
He'’s so nice, he was willing
to give one of his kidneys
21
00:01:23,724 --> 00:01:25,275
to his brother-in-law,
22
00:01:25,275 --> 00:01:27,000
and it wasn'’t even
his brother-in-law anymore.
23
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,724
It was his ex-wife'’s brother.
24
00:01:28,724 --> 00:01:31,758
You never know what you got
until you lose it.
25
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,034
I'’m getting ahead of myself,
let me back up.
26
00:01:34,034 --> 00:01:36,551
Frank had the dream job.
27
00:01:36,551 --> 00:01:38,724
He was the city'’s
number one sportscaster.
28
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:41,793
And when asked how she plans
29
00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:43,931
to spend her $83 million
lottery winnings,
30
00:01:43,931 --> 00:01:46,172
the 97-year-old widow said
31
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,758
she'’s going to Vegas.
32
00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:50,448
And you know what they say,
33
00:01:50,448 --> 00:01:53,068
"What happens in Vegas,
stays in Vegas."
34
00:01:53,068 --> 00:01:54,896
Well, let'’s hope so,
huh, Marco?
35
00:01:54,896 --> 00:01:57,413
And coming up next,
36
00:01:57,413 --> 00:02:00,241
Frank'’s got some big sports
news for us. Right, Frank?
37
00:02:00,241 --> 00:02:02,620
You betcha.
Bigger than big.
38
00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:05,172
Great. But first, let'’s take
a quick look at weather.
39
00:02:05,172 --> 00:02:08,275
Jedda, when are you going to do
something about this heat?
40
00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:10,551
When are you gonna do something
about racial profiling?
41
00:02:10,551 --> 00:02:13,379
Don'’t be asking me
about this heat.
42
00:02:13,379 --> 00:02:15,827
I am not Mother Nature.
Don'’t ask me about the heat.
43
00:02:15,827 --> 00:02:17,965
We are in conjunction
with Mars.
44
00:02:17,965 --> 00:02:20,068
We are so hot right now
45
00:02:20,068 --> 00:02:22,689
because we are getting
the vapors in the atmosphere
46
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:23,965
from the planet Mars--
47
00:02:23,965 --> 00:02:26,275
Hey, did you clean
your room yet?
48
00:02:26,275 --> 00:02:28,068
I'’ll clean it later.
49
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:29,827
You'’re not going to your
father'’s game tomorrow
50
00:02:29,827 --> 00:02:31,620
unless your room'’s clean.
51
00:02:31,620 --> 00:02:32,896
Mom, it'’s the Charity Challenge.
52
00:02:32,896 --> 00:02:34,655
Dad'’s coming on in a second
to talk about it.
53
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,862
Come, smell the money
54
00:02:36,862 --> 00:02:39,689
because nobody
should be ugly and poor.
55
00:02:39,689 --> 00:02:42,551
I'’m Roger Byamm.
56
00:02:42,551 --> 00:02:44,413
Wrapping up with sports.
57
00:02:44,413 --> 00:02:46,137
Frank, you have
a big game tomorrow.
58
00:02:46,137 --> 00:02:48,206
That'’s right. It'’s the Charity Challenge.
59
00:02:48,206 --> 00:02:51,482
Our team, the Ringsiders, will take on Rotolo'’s Pizza.
60
00:02:51,482 --> 00:02:55,655
If we win, $5,000 goes
to the Children'’s Bureau
of New Orleans.
61
00:02:55,655 --> 00:02:56,896
The first pitch, 3:00 p.m.
62
00:02:56,896 --> 00:02:58,793
We hope to see you
all out there.
63
00:02:58,793 --> 00:03:01,517
For myself, Jay,
Frank and Jedda,
64
00:03:01,517 --> 00:03:04,689
thanks for watching
Channel 7 news at 6:00.
65
00:03:04,689 --> 00:03:05,931
You don'’t have
to speak for me.
66
00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:07,689
I can speak for myself.
67
00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:11,413
I can say, "Bye-bye."
See? I'’m a grown woman.
68
00:03:11,413 --> 00:03:12,655
Bye-bye.
69
00:03:12,655 --> 00:03:14,172
Shane:
Clear.
70
00:03:14,172 --> 00:03:16,275
So, Jedda, are you
gonna come watch
the game tomorrow?
71
00:03:16,275 --> 00:03:18,275
Could use the support.
72
00:03:18,275 --> 00:03:20,137
Well, there'’s nothing
I'’d rather see
73
00:03:20,137 --> 00:03:22,068
than your fine white asses
74
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:23,517
in some tight baseball pants,
75
00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:26,413
but I can'’t find a babysitter
for my son, Jihad.
76
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:28,206
But I'’ll be there in spirit.
77
00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:30,551
The greatest double play combo
in Little League history,
78
00:03:30,551 --> 00:03:33,172
Johnny Green to Frank Baum.
79
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:35,655
Hey, how long have you two been
playing ball together anyway?
80
00:03:35,655 --> 00:03:37,379
Since before you were born.
81
00:03:37,379 --> 00:03:39,275
Met during Little League,
been friends ever since.
82
00:03:39,275 --> 00:03:40,551
As you might have noticed,
83
00:03:40,551 --> 00:03:42,172
some of us have aged
better than others.
84
00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:43,275
What?
85
00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:46,827
-Woo!
-Again.
86
00:03:47,896 --> 00:03:51,517
Oh, my, backdoor.
[chuckles]
87
00:03:51,517 --> 00:03:54,931
So I just reminded
your old man
88
00:03:54,931 --> 00:03:56,931
not to go killing himself
before the surgery.
89
00:03:56,931 --> 00:03:59,344
You know the last thing
I need is a bruised kidney.
90
00:03:59,344 --> 00:04:02,275
Frank is not my
old man anymore.
91
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,896
Oh, please. The two of you are
still in love, just admit it.
92
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,241
We'’re getting a divorce.
93
00:04:06,241 --> 00:04:08,413
Listen. I know you'’re
my big sister and all,
94
00:04:08,413 --> 00:04:11,000
but let me remind you
that neither of you
95
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,586
have signed any papers yet.
96
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,758
Okay. He'’s been
really busy at work,
97
00:04:15,758 --> 00:04:17,896
and now he'’s giving you
a kidney,
98
00:04:17,896 --> 00:04:19,655
so I haven'’t wanted
to add to it
99
00:04:19,655 --> 00:04:21,758
by saying, "Gee, thanks
for saving my brother'’s life.
100
00:04:21,758 --> 00:04:23,758
Now would you sign
these papers?"
101
00:04:23,758 --> 00:04:25,758
Yeah, but you came
to the game and all.
102
00:04:25,758 --> 00:04:27,758
I came to the game
because of Frankie.
103
00:04:27,758 --> 00:04:30,137
-He wants to see
his dad play ball.
-Uh-huh.
104
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,413
Johnny:
If you ask me,
105
00:04:31,413 --> 00:04:33,379
I think they'’re still
in love, too.
106
00:04:33,379 --> 00:04:35,241
But one thing
that'’s stopping them
107
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:37,793
is Frank'’s new girlfriend,
Trinnie, get a load of her.
108
00:04:37,793 --> 00:04:38,965
Hey, baby.
109
00:04:38,965 --> 00:04:41,137
Mwah.
110
00:04:41,137 --> 00:04:42,689
-Oh!
-Oh.
111
00:04:42,689 --> 00:04:44,103
Is he your dad?
112
00:04:44,103 --> 00:04:47,068
No, he'’s my boyfriend.
113
00:04:47,068 --> 00:04:49,551
Oh, wow.
You like them old.
114
00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:54,758
Frank happens to be the city'’s
number one sportscaster.
115
00:04:54,758 --> 00:04:56,689
Oh, yeah.
116
00:04:56,689 --> 00:04:58,896
I'’ve seen his work.
117
00:05:00,413 --> 00:05:01,620
[moans]
118
00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:03,586
Look, Henry.
119
00:05:03,586 --> 00:05:04,793
Everything Frank and I
ever did
120
00:05:04,793 --> 00:05:05,965
happened around
a ballpark,
121
00:05:05,965 --> 00:05:08,310
a golf course,
or a boxing ring.
122
00:05:08,310 --> 00:05:10,448
It'’s--it'’s--it'’s just not
what I want.
123
00:05:10,448 --> 00:05:12,482
What do you want?
124
00:05:12,482 --> 00:05:14,241
I want him to grow up.
125
00:05:14,241 --> 00:05:15,965
I'’m not raising
two teenagers.
126
00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:17,724
Besides,
127
00:05:17,724 --> 00:05:20,655
he'’s with that
millionaire hoo-ha now.
128
00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:22,172
Woman: Diane?
129
00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:24,000
Well, speak of the devil.
130
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,413
Oh, excuse. Oh.
131
00:05:25,413 --> 00:05:28,137
Diane, I just want
you to know
132
00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:30,551
how wonderful I think
it is that you brought
little Frankie here
133
00:05:30,551 --> 00:05:32,517
to see his daddy
play this game.
134
00:05:32,517 --> 00:05:35,413
A boy should
be around his daddy.
135
00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:38,620
I was just telling Frank
last night in bed
136
00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:41,689
that I think
you'’re doing a fine job
with little Frankie.
137
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,896
He'’s a great boy.
138
00:05:43,896 --> 00:05:45,827
And Diane,
I want you to know
139
00:05:45,827 --> 00:05:50,379
that I'’m not trying
to take your place
in any way.
140
00:05:50,379 --> 00:05:53,724
-Umpire: Play ball!
-[crowd cheering]
141
00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:09,862
Here we go.
Here we go. Get it.
142
00:06:09,862 --> 00:06:11,275
[cheers]
143
00:06:11,275 --> 00:06:12,931
Announcer:
A double-play combination
144
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:15,896
from Baum to Green
to first base.
145
00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:17,551
Let me buy peanuts
for everybody.
146
00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,413
Hey, peanuts.
147
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:21,482
[crowd cheering]
148
00:06:43,965 --> 00:06:45,137
Umpire: You'’re out.
149
00:06:51,379 --> 00:06:54,413
-Strike three.
-[indistinct chatter]
150
00:07:07,896 --> 00:07:09,137
Announcer:
Oh, for Christ'’s sake.
151
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,379
You guys could screw up
a two-car parade.
152
00:07:13,206 --> 00:07:14,482
What are we gonna do?
153
00:07:14,482 --> 00:07:16,275
Remember our second
Little League championship?
154
00:07:16,275 --> 00:07:17,896
Henry Ott?
155
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,000
-Henry Ott.
-Henry Ott.
156
00:07:21,517 --> 00:07:23,206
We need you to get on base.
157
00:07:23,206 --> 00:07:26,137
Right. So should I bunt or...?
158
00:07:26,137 --> 00:07:28,724
Yeah. We need you
to take one for the team.
159
00:07:28,724 --> 00:07:30,103
What does that mean?
160
00:07:30,103 --> 00:07:32,172
Crowd on the plate.
Let the pitch hit you.
161
00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:34,034
What? Won'’t that hurt?
162
00:07:34,034 --> 00:07:35,620
Yeah. Shake it off.
163
00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:37,241
- Umpire: Batter up.
- You'’re the man, Shane.
164
00:07:41,413 --> 00:07:43,793
[crowd cheering]
165
00:07:46,206 --> 00:07:47,931
-Ah.
-Ooh.
166
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,068
[crowd cheering]
167
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:20,103
Safe.
168
00:08:20,103 --> 00:08:21,482
Are you okay?
169
00:08:21,482 --> 00:08:22,655
[crowd cheering]
170
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:28,000
Yeah! Yeah!
171
00:08:29,482 --> 00:08:32,000
Because if you'’re hurt,
I can get you some money.
172
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,965
Oh, yeah, I smell money.
173
00:08:34,965 --> 00:08:36,931
Stay down. Stay down.
174
00:08:36,931 --> 00:08:38,482
Medic!
175
00:08:38,482 --> 00:08:39,931
Johnny:
So Frank came through,
176
00:08:39,931 --> 00:08:42,137
as he always does,
and we won.
177
00:08:42,137 --> 00:08:43,827
The kids of New Orleans won.
178
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,896
And we went to celebrate
at our bar,
179
00:08:45,896 --> 00:08:48,034
Larry Holmes'’ bar.
180
00:08:48,034 --> 00:08:49,344
Larry:
Kill the jukebox!
181
00:08:49,344 --> 00:08:50,931
Yup, that Larry Holmes.
182
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,137
I wanna make a toast
to a bunch of great guys, man.
183
00:08:53,137 --> 00:08:54,862
You guys played
a heck of a game.
184
00:08:54,862 --> 00:08:57,344
-To the champ!
-[cheering]
185
00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:05,862
Can I have everyone'’s attention,
just for a minute, please?
186
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:07,896
Thank you.
187
00:09:07,896 --> 00:09:12,103
Um, I--I'’d like to make a toast
to the man of the hour.
188
00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:15,896
And for me, many more hours.
189
00:09:15,896 --> 00:09:18,379
I don'’t know how many
of you guys know this,
190
00:09:18,379 --> 00:09:21,793
but Frank is giving me a kidney
the day after tomorrow.
191
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:24,827
And I just--
I wanna say thank you.
192
00:09:24,827 --> 00:09:28,137
To my hero, Frank.
193
00:09:28,137 --> 00:09:30,310
To Frank.
194
00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:33,206
Frank, you'’re one
brave son of a bitch.
195
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,620
That is a beautiful thing
you'’re doing. Beautiful.
196
00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:37,551
Ah, you'’d do
the same thing, buddy.
197
00:09:37,551 --> 00:09:38,724
No, I wouldn'’t,
I'’m a pussy.
198
00:09:38,724 --> 00:09:40,551
I can'’t stand
the sight of blood.
199
00:09:40,551 --> 00:09:44,206
I can'’t stand the sight
of my ex-wives either
or their brothers.
200
00:09:44,206 --> 00:09:47,000
Although, I wouldn'’t mind
seeing their blood.
201
00:09:48,586 --> 00:09:50,103
Well, geez, Dad.
202
00:09:50,103 --> 00:09:51,793
I didn'’t know you could
still run that far.
203
00:09:51,793 --> 00:09:52,965
Hey, hey.
204
00:09:52,965 --> 00:09:56,413
But, uh, really that--
that--that was awesome.
205
00:09:56,413 --> 00:09:59,344
And--and Uncle Henry, I.
206
00:09:59,344 --> 00:10:01,034
Listen. When I get out
of the hospital,
207
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,448
you and I are gonna spend
some serious time together,
all right?
208
00:10:03,448 --> 00:10:06,379
-We are going fishing...
-Hey, Frankie.
209
00:10:09,172 --> 00:10:11,793
Well, another great game.
210
00:10:11,793 --> 00:10:13,310
Thanks for coming.
211
00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:15,827
Listen, Frank,
despite our differences,
212
00:10:15,827 --> 00:10:17,655
I really want you to know
how much I appreciate
213
00:10:17,655 --> 00:10:19,689
what you'’re doing
for my brother.
214
00:10:19,689 --> 00:10:22,241
Hmm, Doc says
three to four days,
215
00:10:22,241 --> 00:10:24,965
I'’ll be out of the hospital,
a little rest, I'’ll be back
at the station.
216
00:10:24,965 --> 00:10:29,103
It'’s a big deal to me Frank,
so thank you.
217
00:10:29,103 --> 00:10:33,000
Well, Frank Baum,
you'’re just the man
of the hour.
218
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,448
I think we ought
to get going soon,
219
00:10:36,448 --> 00:10:40,068
so we can celebrate
this big evening,
don'’t you?
220
00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:41,655
Let'’s have another drink
with the boys.
221
00:10:41,655 --> 00:10:43,172
Hey, everybody,
everybody, hey, hey,
222
00:10:43,172 --> 00:10:46,275
I wanna thank you all
for a great game today,
223
00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:49,655
you played your asses off.
Especially Shane.
224
00:10:49,655 --> 00:10:52,724
Yeah, Shane. That is
a championship ass.
225
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:55,655
[cheering]
226
00:10:55,655 --> 00:11:00,275
We raised $5,000
for a great charity.
227
00:11:00,275 --> 00:11:02,793
-To the children of New Orleans.
-Children of New Orleans.
228
00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:05,448
[cheers and applause]
229
00:11:07,827 --> 00:11:09,758
Trinnie:
It'’s game time.
230
00:11:12,034 --> 00:11:13,448
Batter up.
231
00:11:18,793 --> 00:11:21,965
[imitating echo]:
Today, today, today, today,
232
00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:26,206
I consider myself,
self, self, self
233
00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:29,655
the luckiest man,
man, man, man
234
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,931
on the face of the Earth,
Earth, Earth, Earth.
235
00:11:31,931 --> 00:11:33,689
[music playing]
236
00:11:33,689 --> 00:11:36,206
Newscaster:
And from all of us
at Channel 7 News,
237
00:11:36,206 --> 00:11:37,724
good night.
238
00:11:37,724 --> 00:11:38,965
Director: Clear.
239
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,827
Good show. Good show.
Good show.
240
00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:42,655
Now Frank, I know you'’re
going on medical leave,
241
00:11:42,655 --> 00:11:45,206
so I'’m thinking maybe
we'’ll do a news story
on your organ donation.
242
00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:47,793
You know, sweeps season'’s
coming up, and I got
nothing else on the calendar.
243
00:11:47,793 --> 00:11:49,068
-I don'’t think so, Stan.
-Great.
244
00:11:49,068 --> 00:11:50,689
Hmm, that reminds me.
Biff!
245
00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:52,103
I wanna introduce you
to the guy
246
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:53,689
who'’s gonna be filling in
for you while you'’re gone.
247
00:11:53,689 --> 00:11:55,103
Biff, Frank.
Frank, Biff.
248
00:11:55,103 --> 00:11:56,896
-Frank? So nice
to finally meet you.
-Pleasure.
249
00:11:56,896 --> 00:11:58,862
It'’s an honor to pinch-hit
for you while you'’re out.
250
00:11:58,862 --> 00:12:00,586
-Yeah.
-I'’ve been watching you for
251
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,517
as long as I can remember.
252
00:12:02,517 --> 00:12:03,931
How long have you been
on the air?
253
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,586
Seems like forever.
[chuckles]
254
00:12:06,586 --> 00:12:08,862
So, uh, how long
are you gonna be gone?
255
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,379
I don'’t know.
A week, maybe two.
256
00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:12,310
Oh, cool.
Great. Yeah.
257
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:15,000
Yeah, I'’ve been, uh,
trying to finish up
my reel.
258
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,655
My agent says that ESPN
is very interested in me.
259
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:21,034
Who'’s, uh, your agent, Frank?
260
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:24,172
I don'’t have one.
I'’m not going anywhere.
261
00:12:24,172 --> 00:12:26,896
Who knows these days, right?
262
00:12:31,034 --> 00:12:33,413
Woman [on speaker]:
Dr. Howard, Dr. Howard,
Dr. Howard...
263
00:12:33,413 --> 00:12:35,448
Hey, you.
264
00:12:35,448 --> 00:12:37,896
Margarita,
that'’s your name, right?
265
00:12:37,896 --> 00:12:40,482
I need to have a smoke.
Cigareto.
266
00:12:40,482 --> 00:12:44,862
Nicotino,you understand?
Nicotino, comprendo?
267
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:47,551
Just stay in here.
268
00:12:47,551 --> 00:12:49,310
There'’s one more patient
coming in.
269
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,896
If I'’m not back,
just have him sign this.
270
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,379
-Comprendo?
-Okay.
271
00:12:54,379 --> 00:12:56,896
Okay. After the patient
signs this,
272
00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:59,655
take the paperwork,
put it into the blue folder.
273
00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:01,000
Okay.
274
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,965
The blue folder goes into
the orange folder, okay?
275
00:13:03,965 --> 00:13:05,793
Okay.
276
00:13:05,793 --> 00:13:07,965
Then the orange goes
into the green, okay?
277
00:13:07,965 --> 00:13:09,586
Okay.
278
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:14,206
Now listen, mamacita,
279
00:13:14,206 --> 00:13:16,931
whatever you do,
280
00:13:16,931 --> 00:13:20,448
do not put the blue
into the red
281
00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:23,000
and into the green, okay?
282
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,172
-Okay.
-Muchas nachos.
283
00:13:28,551 --> 00:13:30,620
Hi, I'’m Frank Baum.
284
00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:31,965
Is this pre-surgery check-in?
285
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:35,103
Okay.
286
00:13:35,103 --> 00:13:37,689
-Okay?
-Okay.
287
00:13:39,379 --> 00:13:40,655
Okay.
288
00:13:40,655 --> 00:13:43,103
-Okay.
-Okay.
289
00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:44,965
Woman [on P.A.]:
Dr. Holsen to the ER.
290
00:13:44,965 --> 00:13:48,586
I need to talk to Dr. Metalon
on the 4th floor, okay?
291
00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:49,827
Okay.
292
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:52,758
Okay.
293
00:13:52,758 --> 00:13:54,655
Dr. Scholl to Orthopedics.
294
00:13:54,655 --> 00:13:56,448
Dr. Scholl
to Orthopedics.
295
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,379
Woman:
Okay, Frank,
296
00:14:05,379 --> 00:14:07,551
now count backwards
from a hundred.
297
00:14:07,551 --> 00:14:11,344
Ninety-nine, ninety-eight,
298
00:14:11,344 --> 00:14:16,172
ninety-seven, ninety-six...
299
00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:20,482
Two.
300
00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:22,896
[beeping]
301
00:14:28,172 --> 00:14:30,448
Morning, baby.
302
00:14:30,448 --> 00:14:32,000
Time to take some vitals.
303
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,068
Okay. What do you need?
304
00:14:34,068 --> 00:14:36,931
Oh, just temperature,
blood pressure.
305
00:14:36,931 --> 00:14:40,034
Your breakfast should be up
in a minute. You hungry?
306
00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:42,517
I guess.
I'’m just tired.
307
00:14:42,517 --> 00:14:46,068
Yeah. Well, you had
some surgery, missy.
308
00:14:46,068 --> 00:14:48,586
The anesthesia should, um,
wear off in a minute.
309
00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:51,137
Good morning.
310
00:14:51,137 --> 00:14:53,103
Rise and shine.
311
00:14:53,103 --> 00:14:55,896
Look what I got for you today.
Breakfast.
312
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,655
-Oh, thank you.
-I'’m Annie Mae.
313
00:14:57,655 --> 00:15:00,068
If you need anything, you
just press that button, baby.
314
00:15:00,068 --> 00:15:01,620
Okay. Thanks.
315
00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:03,068
You'’re too out of it
last night to order
316
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,758
so I got you the slim diet.
317
00:15:05,758 --> 00:15:07,275
All the posties order that.
318
00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:08,758
Okay. Great.
Thank you.
319
00:15:08,758 --> 00:15:11,000
If you need anything,
just let the nurse know, okay?
320
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,379
All right.
321
00:15:13,689 --> 00:15:15,172
-Morning.
-Morning.
322
00:15:15,172 --> 00:15:17,275
I have today'’s newspaper
and some magazines for you.
323
00:15:17,275 --> 00:15:19,689
Great, thank you.
324
00:15:19,689 --> 00:15:22,862
Do you have Sports Illustrated
or something like that?
325
00:15:22,862 --> 00:15:25,068
Sure. Not with me,
326
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:27,068
but I'’ll see if I can find one
and bring it back later.
327
00:15:27,068 --> 00:15:28,827
Okay, great.
Thank you.
328
00:15:31,448 --> 00:15:34,275
Good morning.
329
00:15:34,275 --> 00:15:38,655
It'’s the first day
of the rest of your life.
330
00:15:38,655 --> 00:15:40,034
And you are?
331
00:15:40,034 --> 00:15:43,482
Dr. Ramada. I performed
the surgery on you.
332
00:15:43,482 --> 00:15:46,310
-Where'’s Dr. Metalon?
-Should I know him?
333
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:48,137
Well, I guess. I mean,
he'’s the one I talked to.
334
00:15:48,137 --> 00:15:49,896
I thought he was gonna
perform the surgery.
335
00:15:49,896 --> 00:15:52,827
Well, the thing is, you'’ve
already had the surgery
336
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,724
and it could not
have gone better.
337
00:15:54,724 --> 00:15:59,551
And it looks like you are
doing very, very well.
338
00:15:59,551 --> 00:16:01,379
-How'’s Henry?
-Who'’s Henry?
339
00:16:01,379 --> 00:16:03,724
Henry. He'’s Henry Gayle.
340
00:16:03,724 --> 00:16:05,551
He'’s the reason
I had the surgery.
341
00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:08,000
Oh, sure.
342
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,827
His name is Henry.
343
00:16:09,827 --> 00:16:12,103
-Yeah.
-Well, I don'’t know
344
00:16:12,103 --> 00:16:16,034
but, uh, I'’m sure
he'’s very happy.
345
00:16:16,034 --> 00:16:17,827
Well, I don'’t know about happy,
346
00:16:17,827 --> 00:16:19,275
but as long as he'’s okay.
347
00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:20,275
Are you in any pain?
348
00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:22,103
Actually, yeah.
A lot.
349
00:16:22,103 --> 00:16:24,344
Where?
350
00:16:24,344 --> 00:16:25,793
My balls.
351
00:16:25,793 --> 00:16:29,068
[laughing]
352
00:16:29,068 --> 00:16:30,931
Impossible.
353
00:16:30,931 --> 00:16:33,310
No. No.
They--they really hurt.
354
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:36,068
Well, it may hurt
but I can assure you,
355
00:16:36,068 --> 00:16:38,379
it'’s not your balls.
356
00:16:38,379 --> 00:16:40,379
I'’m no doc,
but I'’m telling you,
357
00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:42,448
the whole groin
is, like, throbbing.
358
00:16:42,448 --> 00:16:44,206
You know?
359
00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:46,758
Let me take a look.
360
00:16:46,758 --> 00:16:48,275
Please.
361
00:16:51,896 --> 00:16:56,620
Wow, that is beautiful.
362
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:59,931
Yeah. Doc, maybe you could
just look at the incision.
363
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,137
I am.
364
00:17:01,137 --> 00:17:03,586
Oh.
365
00:17:03,586 --> 00:17:06,344
I thought they took it
from somewhere else.
366
00:17:06,344 --> 00:17:09,241
Well, where else do you think
we might'’ve taken it from?
367
00:17:09,241 --> 00:17:12,310
I don'’t know,
I just--yeah.
368
00:17:12,310 --> 00:17:15,275
Now look, Frank,
or is it Fran?
369
00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:17,344
Frank.
370
00:17:17,344 --> 00:17:20,103
When you get home,
tell Henry to, uh,
371
00:17:20,103 --> 00:17:23,344
take it easy for a while
until everything heals.
372
00:17:23,344 --> 00:17:24,551
All right. Will do.
373
00:17:24,551 --> 00:17:26,241
I mean, we don'’t
live together, so.
374
00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:28,172
-Really?
-Yeah.
375
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:31,758
So what should I do
and not do?
376
00:17:31,758 --> 00:17:36,172
Well, I would say start
with some gentle foreplay
377
00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:39,241
and make sure you use
a good lubricant.
378
00:17:39,241 --> 00:17:40,896
-What?
-To keep it moist.
379
00:17:40,896 --> 00:17:42,931
-Moist?
-Yeah, sure.
380
00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:46,068
You'’re not gonna be able
to do that naturally.
381
00:17:46,068 --> 00:17:47,448
Didn'’t they explain this to you?
382
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:49,172
No. Actually, they didn'’t.
383
00:17:49,172 --> 00:17:52,965
Well, lube, okay?
384
00:17:52,965 --> 00:17:54,379
Okay. Well, whatever.
385
00:17:54,379 --> 00:17:55,896
I had no idea
donating an organ
386
00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:57,517
was gonna be
such a hassle.
387
00:17:57,517 --> 00:18:00,379
[cackling] Donating?
That'’s a good one.
388
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:01,862
I never heard it
called that before.
389
00:18:01,862 --> 00:18:04,172
Well, that'’s what I did,
right?
390
00:18:04,172 --> 00:18:06,517
No. No. No. Frank,
you know, I like you.
391
00:18:06,517 --> 00:18:08,034
You'’re a funny guy.
392
00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:10,034
You know, you don'’t just
take that organ and...
393
00:18:10,034 --> 00:18:12,517
[laughing]
394
00:18:12,517 --> 00:18:15,827
What a minute.
You'’re my doc, right?
395
00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:18,482
Well, I would say I am.
I performed the surgery.
396
00:18:18,482 --> 00:18:20,896
-I mean, you took my organ?
-Yeah.
397
00:18:20,896 --> 00:18:22,655
And then you gave it
to Henry?
398
00:18:22,655 --> 00:18:25,103
Oh! Oh, no.
Oh, no, no.
399
00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:28,172
I'’m sorry, no.
You thought Henry had it?
400
00:18:28,172 --> 00:18:32,137
-What do you mean? Yeah.
-Well, that'’s so sweet.
401
00:18:32,137 --> 00:18:34,103
No, no, no, Frank.
It--it--
402
00:18:34,103 --> 00:18:36,379
it'’s not like your tonsils.
403
00:18:36,379 --> 00:18:38,379
You don'’t take it home
in a jar.
404
00:18:38,379 --> 00:18:40,758
Wait, Henry doesn'’t have
my kidney?
405
00:18:40,758 --> 00:18:42,517
-Kidney?
-My kidney.
406
00:18:42,517 --> 00:18:43,896
-Kidney?
-Yeah, my kid--
407
00:18:43,896 --> 00:18:45,172
Jesus, Doc,
408
00:18:45,172 --> 00:18:47,517
I donated my kidney
to Henry Gayle.
409
00:18:51,068 --> 00:18:53,241
Oh, boy.
410
00:18:53,241 --> 00:18:55,241
Oh, boy what?
411
00:18:55,241 --> 00:18:58,379
Oh, shit, oh, boy.
412
00:18:58,379 --> 00:19:00,034
Wait, wait,
what does that mean?
413
00:19:00,034 --> 00:19:03,758
Uh, your name Frank Baum?
414
00:19:03,758 --> 00:19:05,103
Yeah, I'’m Frank Baum.
415
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,448
This does not make any sense.
416
00:19:07,448 --> 00:19:09,413
I don'’t like the sound
of that, Doc.
417
00:19:09,413 --> 00:19:10,586
Well...
418
00:19:10,586 --> 00:19:11,620
Oh, Jesus, Doc.
419
00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:13,620
What are you saying here?
420
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,689
Are you in touch
with your feminine side?
421
00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:17,689
Well, what are you
getting at, Doc?
422
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:21,413
There'’s been a little mix-up.
423
00:19:21,413 --> 00:19:22,793
A mix-up?
424
00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:25,137
We took the wrong organ.
425
00:19:28,137 --> 00:19:30,068
The wrong organ?
426
00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:32,448
Like my liver?
427
00:19:32,448 --> 00:19:34,344
No.
428
00:19:34,344 --> 00:19:36,137
Well, I still have my heart.
429
00:19:36,137 --> 00:19:38,068
Right.
430
00:19:47,275 --> 00:19:48,448
Oops.
431
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,724
No!
432
00:20:12,724 --> 00:20:15,413
[sighs]
433
00:20:15,413 --> 00:20:18,137
[tinkling]
434
00:20:30,206 --> 00:20:31,827
Hey, Dad, what'’s up?
435
00:20:31,827 --> 00:20:33,413
Hey, buddy.
436
00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:36,724
-Trinnie: Hey, how are you?
-Bad.
437
00:20:36,724 --> 00:20:38,655
Oh, not feeling so well?
438
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,413
-No.
-A little pain, Pop?
439
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:43,344
Yeah, pain,
but worse than pain.
440
00:20:43,344 --> 00:20:46,620
Oh, my God, Frank,
did something go wrong?
441
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,206
They said everything
went perfectly.
442
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,068
No, it did not go perfectly.
443
00:20:50,068 --> 00:20:52,517
Not perfectly at all,
at all, at all.
444
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:55,137
Well, Dad, what is it?
445
00:20:55,137 --> 00:20:56,482
I don'’t wanna
talk about it, son.
446
00:20:56,482 --> 00:20:58,793
No, look, Frank, what happened?
How serious is it?
447
00:20:58,793 --> 00:21:01,034
I don'’t wanna
talk about it, okay?
448
00:21:01,034 --> 00:21:02,517
Okay.
449
00:21:02,517 --> 00:21:05,413
Hey, there'’s
the man of the hour.
450
00:21:05,413 --> 00:21:07,310
-Oh, Jesus.
-I figured you could use
451
00:21:07,310 --> 00:21:09,241
a little root pop after
what you'’ve been through.
452
00:21:09,241 --> 00:21:10,586
What is this, a party?
453
00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:12,068
What'’s his problem?
454
00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:13,689
Surgery didn'’t go right.
455
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,586
Is he okay?
456
00:21:15,586 --> 00:21:18,241
I don'’t know.
He won'’t talk about it.
457
00:21:18,241 --> 00:21:21,793
What? Frank, what the hell
happened? Are you okay?
458
00:21:21,793 --> 00:21:23,724
No, I am not okay.
I don'’t wanna talk about it.
459
00:21:23,724 --> 00:21:25,586
You can'’t make me,
I'’m never gonna talk about it.
460
00:21:25,586 --> 00:21:27,103
Come on, Dad,
what'’s the deal?
461
00:21:27,103 --> 00:21:29,206
This is crazy. You don'’t even
sound like yourself, Frank.
462
00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:30,413
I am not myself.
463
00:21:30,413 --> 00:21:32,310
Come on, buddy, Frank.
464
00:21:32,310 --> 00:21:34,793
That'’s just
the medication talking.
465
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:37,275
You'’re gonna be back again
to your old self in no time.
466
00:21:37,275 --> 00:21:38,620
No, buddy, no.
467
00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:40,482
I'’m never gonna be
myself again.
468
00:21:40,482 --> 00:21:41,862
It'’s over.
469
00:21:41,862 --> 00:21:45,310
Frank, this is ridiculous.
Stop being like this.
470
00:21:45,310 --> 00:21:47,344
All right, Dad, come on.
Snap out of it.
471
00:21:47,344 --> 00:21:49,586
You don'’t understand.
472
00:21:49,586 --> 00:21:51,068
Something happened.
473
00:21:51,068 --> 00:21:53,241
That doctor, he...
474
00:21:53,241 --> 00:21:54,896
Frank, sweetie?
475
00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:56,241
Oh, Jesus.
476
00:21:56,241 --> 00:21:58,034
Oh, there he is.
477
00:21:58,034 --> 00:22:01,344
How is my big,
handsome stud doing?
478
00:22:01,344 --> 00:22:02,586
[groans]
479
00:22:02,586 --> 00:22:04,379
What'’s wrong with him?
480
00:22:04,379 --> 00:22:05,965
He says he'’s not himself
and never will be again.
481
00:22:05,965 --> 00:22:08,172
Why? What happened?
Did something go wrong?
482
00:22:08,172 --> 00:22:09,724
It'’s horrible,
just horrible.
483
00:22:09,724 --> 00:22:12,689
Come on, Frank,
what happened already?
484
00:22:12,689 --> 00:22:15,448
The doctor, he--
485
00:22:15,448 --> 00:22:18,275
Frank Baum,
here I am
486
00:22:18,275 --> 00:22:21,000
with good wishes
and prayers of
the entire parish.
487
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,896
-Jesus Christ.
-Him too.
488
00:22:23,896 --> 00:22:25,896
-Oh.
-What'’s wrong
with the boy?
489
00:22:25,896 --> 00:22:28,862
Look, Frank, this is enough.
You'’re being childish.
490
00:22:28,862 --> 00:22:30,724
Come on, Frank,
what is the big deal here?
491
00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:32,379
You wanna know?
You wanna know what'’s wrong?
492
00:22:32,379 --> 00:22:35,068
You wanna know
what those bastards did to me?
493
00:22:35,068 --> 00:22:37,206
Take a look at this.
494
00:22:49,931 --> 00:22:53,310
Hey, Frank, thanks for
saving my life.
495
00:22:53,310 --> 00:22:54,793
I didn'’t.
There was an error.
496
00:22:54,793 --> 00:22:57,068
Huge error.
497
00:22:57,068 --> 00:22:58,482
Unimaginable error.
498
00:22:58,482 --> 00:22:59,689
Biblical error.
499
00:22:59,689 --> 00:23:01,689
What do you mean?
I got a kidney.
500
00:23:01,689 --> 00:23:04,034
-Not mine.
-Hold on, Henry.
501
00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:06,241
If you don'’t have
Frank'’s kidney,
502
00:23:06,241 --> 00:23:09,931
whose kidney do you have?
503
00:23:21,586 --> 00:23:24,103
[high-pitched screaming]
504
00:23:24,103 --> 00:23:26,896
-I'’m nurse Carly.
-And I'’m nurse Carl.
505
00:23:26,896 --> 00:23:29,172
And we have a song.
506
00:23:29,172 --> 00:23:31,482
Just for you.
507
00:23:31,482 --> 00:23:33,448
[blows pitch pipe]
508
00:23:34,793 --> 00:23:38,586
♪ You'’ve got a vagina
Fresh and new ♪
509
00:23:38,586 --> 00:23:41,551
♪ Here'’s a little tip
From us to you ♪
510
00:23:41,551 --> 00:23:45,103
♪ If you'’re gonna hook up
With a dude ♪
511
00:23:45,103 --> 00:23:48,517
♪ Be sure to use
Lots of lube ♪
512
00:23:51,620 --> 00:23:54,931
Man:
Channel 7 News is brought to
you today by Rotolo'’s Pizzeria.
513
00:23:54,931 --> 00:23:57,517
We'’re America'’s
fastest growing pizzeria,
514
00:23:57,517 --> 00:24:00,931
with 15 convenient locations
throughout the metro area,
515
00:24:00,931 --> 00:24:02,896
including the Superdome.
516
00:24:02,896 --> 00:24:05,551
We always use
the freshest mozzarella,
517
00:24:05,551 --> 00:24:08,172
and we make our sauces
by hand every morning
518
00:24:08,172 --> 00:24:10,379
with the finest garden-fresh
ingredients.
519
00:24:10,379 --> 00:24:12,000
Our dough is made hourly,
520
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,586
so it'’s always exactly the way you want it, fresh and tasty.
521
00:24:15,586 --> 00:24:17,241
And we don'’t skimp on toppings.
522
00:24:17,241 --> 00:24:21,034
More sauce, more cheese,
more sausage.
523
00:24:21,034 --> 00:24:22,275
Rotolo'’s Pizzeria.
524
00:24:22,275 --> 00:24:24,517
Franchise opportunities
are available.
525
00:24:24,517 --> 00:24:26,103
[music plays]
526
00:24:26,103 --> 00:24:28,896
Man:
And now for your five-day
forecast with Jedda.
527
00:24:28,896 --> 00:24:30,413
Boy, look,
528
00:24:30,413 --> 00:24:32,758
don'’t make me come home
and have to whup you.
529
00:24:32,758 --> 00:24:35,068
No, no, no, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
530
00:24:35,068 --> 00:24:37,068
Turn on the TV and put--
531
00:24:37,068 --> 00:24:39,000
and put on Channel 7.
532
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,965
Now, listen, listen to me.
533
00:24:40,965 --> 00:24:44,482
Don'’t you dare set
that babysitter on fire again.
534
00:24:44,482 --> 00:24:46,275
Jedda, weather.
535
00:24:46,275 --> 00:24:48,344
It'’s hot!
And it'’s gonna be hot.
536
00:24:48,344 --> 00:24:51,275
It'’s New Orleans
in the summertime. Hot.
537
00:24:51,275 --> 00:24:54,137
And now Biff has a special
sports update for us.
538
00:24:54,137 --> 00:24:57,896
Biff, I can'’t believe
you actually rode
a horse in the Derby.
539
00:24:57,896 --> 00:24:59,689
And finished in the money.
540
00:24:59,689 --> 00:25:01,586
I can vouch for that.
541
00:25:01,586 --> 00:25:04,034
-That was truly amazing.
-[trumpet fanfare]
542
00:25:04,034 --> 00:25:05,379
Thanks for the tip.
543
00:25:12,206 --> 00:25:14,275
I'’m out.
544
00:25:14,275 --> 00:25:15,551
I'’ll raise you a buck.
545
00:25:15,551 --> 00:25:17,275
This is too rich for me.
546
00:25:17,275 --> 00:25:18,965
I'’m just
a poor working stiff.
547
00:25:18,965 --> 00:25:23,586
Your buck, and I'’ll take
last raise.
548
00:25:23,586 --> 00:25:25,034
-What you got, man?
-Full boat.
549
00:25:25,034 --> 00:25:27,344
Oh, very nice.
550
00:25:27,344 --> 00:25:28,827
I got a bigger boat.
551
00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,448
Thank you, gents.
552
00:25:30,448 --> 00:25:32,482
A pleasure
doing business with you.
553
00:25:32,482 --> 00:25:35,034
This is not my week.
I mean, really.
554
00:25:38,965 --> 00:25:42,275
Oh, come on, Frank,
it'’s--it'’s nothing.
555
00:25:42,275 --> 00:25:44,379
It'’s nothing at all.
556
00:25:44,379 --> 00:25:45,724
Nothing.
557
00:25:45,724 --> 00:25:47,482
Nada, who cares?
558
00:25:47,482 --> 00:25:49,034
Who cares about what?
559
00:25:49,034 --> 00:25:52,137
Who cares about nothing,
right, guys? Nothing.
560
00:25:52,137 --> 00:25:53,965
Nothing.
561
00:25:53,965 --> 00:25:58,206
Johnny, did you tell them?
562
00:25:58,206 --> 00:25:59,758
No. Nothing.
563
00:25:59,758 --> 00:26:02,413
All right. Something.
564
00:26:02,413 --> 00:26:06,275
I--I--I might have told them
to just be a little supportive.
565
00:26:06,275 --> 00:26:08,344
Frank, it'’s nothing.
566
00:26:09,724 --> 00:26:13,586
It'’s nothing, Frank.
Come on, who cares?
567
00:26:13,586 --> 00:26:16,655
So, you got a snatch.
No big deal.
568
00:26:16,655 --> 00:26:18,689
Yeah, no big deal.
Nothing to worry about.
569
00:26:18,689 --> 00:26:21,137
-Really?
-Really, really.
570
00:26:21,137 --> 00:26:23,379
-Who cares? Who cares?
-Don'’t give it another thought.
571
00:26:23,379 --> 00:26:26,551
Doesn'’t make a difference.
It'’s nothing, buddy.
572
00:26:26,551 --> 00:26:28,275
I mean, come on, guys,
think about it.
573
00:26:28,275 --> 00:26:30,206
Who among us,
at one point or another,
574
00:26:30,206 --> 00:26:32,448
has not seriously wished
that they had a snatch?
575
00:26:34,896 --> 00:26:39,103
Well, to be honest,
I never have.
576
00:26:39,103 --> 00:26:40,758
I never even thought about it.
577
00:26:40,758 --> 00:26:42,034
Yeah, me neither, it'’s awful.
578
00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:43,482
But the point is, buddy,
we love you.
579
00:26:43,482 --> 00:26:45,896
You are the man.
You are the one and only.
580
00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:48,310
So, come on, don'’t be so damn
hard on yourself.
581
00:26:48,310 --> 00:26:49,896
I appreciate the support, guys,
582
00:26:49,896 --> 00:26:51,758
but I am getting this
taken care of.
583
00:26:51,758 --> 00:26:53,482
I am getting back to normal.
584
00:26:53,482 --> 00:26:56,517
Back to normal.
585
00:26:56,517 --> 00:26:59,724
Okay, boys, ante up.
Five cards.
586
00:26:59,724 --> 00:27:01,103
Jacks or better.
587
00:27:03,068 --> 00:27:05,517
I mean, it'’s not like things
have really changed.
588
00:27:05,517 --> 00:27:07,310
You look the same to me.
589
00:27:07,310 --> 00:27:09,275
Yeah, you'’re as ugly
as always.
590
00:27:09,275 --> 00:27:10,655
[laughing]
591
00:27:10,655 --> 00:27:12,689
Yeah, I mean, it'’s not like
it'’s a turn-on.
592
00:27:16,931 --> 00:27:19,379
What?
593
00:27:19,379 --> 00:27:22,000
You having a--a snatch.
594
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,482
It'’snot--that'’s not, I guess,
a turn-on or anything.
595
00:27:28,103 --> 00:27:29,793
Yeah, yeah,
too ugly to fuck.
596
00:27:31,827 --> 00:27:33,482
I mean, there are
some guys that, you know,
597
00:27:33,482 --> 00:27:35,137
they had a snatch.
598
00:27:35,137 --> 00:27:37,344
I mean, you--you know,
599
00:27:37,344 --> 00:27:39,241
I don'’t know, you know.
600
00:27:39,241 --> 00:27:40,931
-You lost me.
-Be grateful.
601
00:27:40,931 --> 00:27:44,034
I'’m just saying there are
some pretty guys that maybe,
602
00:27:44,034 --> 00:27:47,034
just maybe, you might
have to consider.
603
00:27:47,034 --> 00:27:48,413
What, are we
in a Turkish prison?
604
00:27:48,413 --> 00:27:49,827
Well, I'’m not saying
605
00:27:49,827 --> 00:27:52,310
you'’d bypass Halle Berry
to get to them,
606
00:27:52,310 --> 00:27:53,517
but say you'’re--
607
00:27:53,517 --> 00:27:56,103
you'’re stranded
on a desert island.
608
00:27:56,103 --> 00:27:57,551
-Like Gilligan'’s Island?
-Exactly.
609
00:27:57,551 --> 00:28:00,413
-I'’d do Ginger or Mary Anne.
-Me too.
610
00:28:00,413 --> 00:28:02,896
But what if
they weren'’t there?
611
00:28:02,896 --> 00:28:05,758
Mrs. Howell.
Definitely Mrs. Howell.
612
00:28:05,758 --> 00:28:08,103
Good call. Old, but rich.
613
00:28:08,103 --> 00:28:09,620
Okay, okay.
614
00:28:09,620 --> 00:28:11,620
But let'’s say
you'’re the Skipper
615
00:28:11,620 --> 00:28:13,379
and it'’s just Mr. Howell
and Gilligan.
616
00:28:13,379 --> 00:28:15,275
Okay, guys, stop, okay?
Stop.
617
00:28:15,275 --> 00:28:17,172
What'’s the question?
618
00:28:17,172 --> 00:28:19,206
If Gilligan had a snatch,
is what I'’m saying.
619
00:28:19,206 --> 00:28:20,758
That'’s the option?
620
00:28:20,758 --> 00:28:23,000
And we'’re moving
right along.
621
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,000
Okay. Forget it.
622
00:28:29,724 --> 00:28:31,931
-Matt Damon.
-Huh?
623
00:28:31,931 --> 00:28:33,241
What about Matt Damon?
624
00:28:33,241 --> 00:28:35,551
If Matt Damon and I
were on a desert island
625
00:28:35,551 --> 00:28:38,344
and he had a snatch,
626
00:28:38,344 --> 00:28:40,275
maybe.
627
00:28:40,275 --> 00:28:42,241
Matt Damon? Hmm.
628
00:28:42,241 --> 00:28:46,137
Hmm. Matt Damon
is awfully pretty.
629
00:28:46,137 --> 00:28:48,586
-Very.
-Agreed.
630
00:28:48,586 --> 00:28:51,172
Matt Damon is
a very pretty man.
631
00:28:51,172 --> 00:28:54,482
Well, I'’d do Matt Damon on
the condition he had a snatch.
632
00:28:54,482 --> 00:28:55,758
Jesus, guys.
633
00:28:55,758 --> 00:28:57,551
So you'’re saying,
we would--
634
00:28:57,551 --> 00:28:59,413
we would bang Matt Damon
if he had a pussy?
635
00:28:59,413 --> 00:29:01,724
-You'’ve done worse.
-True.
636
00:29:01,724 --> 00:29:04,586
Yeah. Matt Damon.
637
00:29:04,586 --> 00:29:05,793
On a desert island.
638
00:29:05,793 --> 00:29:08,827
With a snatch.
639
00:29:08,827 --> 00:29:12,448
Well, I would have
to vote yes.
640
00:29:12,448 --> 00:29:13,827
I need to use the head.
641
00:29:13,827 --> 00:29:15,448
So it'’s agreed.
642
00:29:15,448 --> 00:29:17,724
If one of us were trapped
on a desert island,
643
00:29:17,724 --> 00:29:19,517
and the only other person
on said desert island
644
00:29:19,517 --> 00:29:22,827
was one very pretty actor
by the name of Matt Damon,
645
00:29:22,827 --> 00:29:24,827
and this said actor,
Matt Damon,
646
00:29:24,827 --> 00:29:27,275
had no male genitalia,
but in fact, a snatch,
647
00:29:27,275 --> 00:29:29,034
we would therefore fornicate
648
00:29:29,034 --> 00:29:30,896
with said pretty actor,
Matt Damon?
649
00:29:30,896 --> 00:29:32,862
-Yes.
-If he'’d have me.
650
00:29:32,862 --> 00:29:35,103
Frank: Jesus, guys,
is it too much to ask?
651
00:29:35,103 --> 00:29:37,172
When you use the toilet,
put the seat down!
652
00:29:37,172 --> 00:29:38,965
[toilet seat slams]
653
00:29:38,965 --> 00:29:42,103
Woman:
I'’m sorry, but he'’s not
in his office.
654
00:29:42,103 --> 00:29:44,241
-When do you expect him?
-I really can'’t.
655
00:29:44,241 --> 00:29:45,862
-Frank Baum.
-Doctor.
656
00:29:45,862 --> 00:29:47,379
What brings you here?
657
00:29:47,379 --> 00:29:49,448
I was wondering if you'’d like
to give me my penis back.
658
00:29:49,448 --> 00:29:50,655
I'’d love to.
659
00:29:50,655 --> 00:29:52,413
-Great, when can we schedule?
-I can'’t.
660
00:29:52,413 --> 00:29:54,034
What the hell?
I thought.
661
00:29:54,034 --> 00:29:56,758
I would love to,
but since your operation,
662
00:29:56,758 --> 00:30:00,172
I'’ve lost my license to perform
surgery in the United States.
663
00:30:00,172 --> 00:30:01,931
I might go to Bangkok.
664
00:30:01,931 --> 00:30:03,827
No, no. You'’re the one
that got me
665
00:30:03,827 --> 00:30:05,655
into this situation
in the first place.
666
00:30:05,655 --> 00:30:07,689
I was supposed to donate
my kidney, not my--
667
00:30:07,689 --> 00:30:10,655
Frank, maybe it'’s not
such a bad thing.
668
00:30:10,655 --> 00:30:12,689
Why don'’t you take it out
for a test drive?
669
00:30:12,689 --> 00:30:14,379
A what?
670
00:30:14,379 --> 00:30:16,586
You know, take it around
the block a few times.
671
00:30:16,586 --> 00:30:18,000
You might like it.
672
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,620
No, no, I don'’t wanna test it.
I want my dick back.
673
00:30:20,620 --> 00:30:22,517
You'’d have to talk
to Dr. Weller about that.
674
00:30:22,517 --> 00:30:26,793
Who--who'’s Dr. Weller?
675
00:30:26,793 --> 00:30:28,689
I am the head
of the hospital'’s
676
00:30:28,689 --> 00:30:31,068
gender reassignment department.
And you are?
677
00:30:31,068 --> 00:30:33,000
I'’m Frank Baum.
678
00:30:34,413 --> 00:30:37,137
Of course. You.
679
00:30:37,137 --> 00:30:39,620
Please sit in the other chair.
680
00:30:39,620 --> 00:30:41,896
Oh, that one broken?
681
00:30:41,896 --> 00:30:43,586
Of course not.
682
00:30:43,586 --> 00:30:45,620
Please don'’t cross your legs.
683
00:30:45,620 --> 00:30:47,103
Okay.
684
00:30:47,103 --> 00:30:49,000
-Please don'’t do that.
-What?
685
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,275
-That.
-What that?
686
00:30:50,275 --> 00:30:52,724
That that. Stop it now.
I insist.
687
00:30:52,724 --> 00:30:54,862
-Okay, stopped.
-Thank you.
688
00:30:54,862 --> 00:30:58,379
Now, what seems to be
the problem?
689
00:30:58,379 --> 00:31:01,551
Well, first of all,
I have a vagina.
690
00:31:01,551 --> 00:31:04,620
And a very nice one,
I might add. Congratulations.
691
00:31:04,620 --> 00:31:06,724
Thank you,
but I don'’t want it.
692
00:31:06,724 --> 00:31:08,206
You should'’ve thought
of that before you got it.
693
00:31:08,206 --> 00:31:09,448
-What?
-Tell me,
694
00:31:09,448 --> 00:31:11,103
did you give serious
consideration to this
695
00:31:11,103 --> 00:31:13,275
before you had your
gender reassignment?
696
00:31:13,275 --> 00:31:14,793
No, never for a second.
697
00:31:14,793 --> 00:31:17,172
Well, that seems rather silly,
don'’t you think?
698
00:31:17,172 --> 00:31:19,172
No, no, no.
There'’s been a terrible mistake.
699
00:31:19,172 --> 00:31:21,413
Okay, let me guess.
700
00:31:21,413 --> 00:31:24,275
Your mother was overbearing
and your father was distant.
701
00:31:24,275 --> 00:31:26,413
You loved to play with dolls
702
00:31:26,413 --> 00:31:30,000
and put on your mother'’s pretty
dresses and high-heeled shoes
703
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,275
every morning
when she went off to work.
704
00:31:32,275 --> 00:31:35,068
-Never.
-Not even once?
705
00:31:35,068 --> 00:31:36,206
-Never.
-Hmm.
706
00:31:36,206 --> 00:31:39,931
Doctor, if we could
just schedule
707
00:31:39,931 --> 00:31:42,827
the operation
and give it all back.
708
00:31:42,827 --> 00:31:44,379
No.
709
00:31:44,379 --> 00:31:46,310
-No?
-No.
710
00:31:46,310 --> 00:31:47,862
-Why not?
-Well, it'’s not that easy.
711
00:31:47,862 --> 00:31:49,758
We don'’t just change
someone'’s gender willy-nilly.
712
00:31:49,758 --> 00:31:51,689
-Oh, I--I--
I beg to differ you do.
-Don'’t.
713
00:31:51,689 --> 00:31:53,000
-Do.
-Don'’t.
714
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,000
-Do, did. Well, you did with me.
-Well, I didn'’t.
715
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,620
-Well, the other doctor,
he did.
-Ah, yes.
716
00:31:57,620 --> 00:31:59,448
He doesn'’t work here anymore.
717
00:31:59,448 --> 00:32:01,517
In fact, he'’s no longer
even a doctor.
718
00:32:01,517 --> 00:32:03,137
I know. He told me.
719
00:32:03,137 --> 00:32:06,172
-This is all so sad.
-I know.
720
00:32:06,172 --> 00:32:08,172
Not you, him.
721
00:32:08,172 --> 00:32:09,862
He'’s been a surgeon
his whole life.
722
00:32:09,862 --> 00:32:11,517
Now, it'’s all down the drain.
723
00:32:11,517 --> 00:32:13,862
No more pension,
no retirement in Florida.
724
00:32:13,862 --> 00:32:15,862
Wait, I'’m the one
who was screwed here.
725
00:32:15,862 --> 00:32:18,413
-He lost his license...
-I lost my dick, you prick.
726
00:32:18,413 --> 00:32:20,724
Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey.
727
00:32:20,724 --> 00:32:22,586
I can'’t work with you
if you'’re gonna be hostile.
728
00:32:22,586 --> 00:32:25,310
I'’m hostile because you
won'’t give me my dick back.
729
00:32:25,310 --> 00:32:28,310
I don'’t have it.
730
00:32:28,310 --> 00:32:31,034
I just wanna be a man again.
731
00:32:31,034 --> 00:32:33,344
-Are you a misogynist?
-Of course not, I love women.
732
00:32:33,344 --> 00:32:35,103
As long as you don'’t
have to be one.
733
00:32:35,103 --> 00:32:37,413
Tell me, are you the same way
with blacks as well?
734
00:32:37,413 --> 00:32:40,724
-Blacks, blacks.
Do you like blacks?
-Of course...
735
00:32:40,724 --> 00:32:43,068
Yeah, as long as you don'’t
have to actually be black.
736
00:32:43,068 --> 00:32:44,724
-No, no...
-Would you rather
be a black man
737
00:32:44,724 --> 00:32:46,034
-or a black woman?
-Neither.
738
00:32:46,034 --> 00:32:48,689
My point exactly.
739
00:32:48,689 --> 00:32:51,275
I'’m sorry, you'’re just not ready
to be transformed.
740
00:32:51,275 --> 00:32:53,586
And until you are, I can'’t,
in all good conscience,
741
00:32:53,586 --> 00:32:55,344
approve you
for gender reassignment.
742
00:32:55,344 --> 00:32:56,827
This is crazy.
You'’re crazy.
743
00:32:56,827 --> 00:32:59,344
That is exactly the kind of
attitude that is going to delay
744
00:32:59,344 --> 00:33:01,448
your gender reassignment
procedure.
745
00:33:01,448 --> 00:33:03,827
Oh, my God. Okay.
What do I have to do?
746
00:33:03,827 --> 00:33:06,103
Just--just tell me
what I need to do. What?
747
00:33:06,103 --> 00:33:09,310
When you are ready to...
[inhales, exhales]
748
00:33:09,310 --> 00:33:12,068
...heal yourself and calmly
progress down
749
00:33:12,068 --> 00:33:13,862
the path toward gender
reassignment
750
00:33:13,862 --> 00:33:15,931
like a nice, calm, normal,
751
00:33:15,931 --> 00:33:18,620
sane human being,
then we can talk.
752
00:33:18,620 --> 00:33:21,034
Until then, I have other
patients to see.
753
00:33:23,896 --> 00:33:26,448
This is not over.
Not over.
754
00:33:30,517 --> 00:33:33,034
[deep voice]
It'’s never over.
755
00:33:38,793 --> 00:33:42,379
Do you suffer from sneezing
and runny eyes every spring?
756
00:33:42,379 --> 00:33:45,344
Think maybe it'’s pollen
or spring fever?
757
00:33:45,344 --> 00:33:49,379
Take it from me, Roger Byamm,
it'’s time to think again.
758
00:33:49,379 --> 00:33:52,413
You may be suffering
from asphaltitis...
759
00:33:52,413 --> 00:33:54,896
[indistinct chatter]
760
00:33:54,896 --> 00:33:58,517
...of the nose and sinus area
caused by the microscopic...
761
00:33:58,517 --> 00:34:00,448
-Hey, Frank.
-Yup.
762
00:34:00,448 --> 00:34:02,862
-Can I talk to you?
-Yeah. Give me a minute.
I'’m almost done.
763
00:34:02,862 --> 00:34:05,413
Now.
764
00:34:05,413 --> 00:34:08,655
Sure, what'’s so important?
765
00:34:08,655 --> 00:34:10,034
There seems to be
a little problem.
766
00:34:10,034 --> 00:34:11,827
-With what?
-With you.
767
00:34:11,827 --> 00:34:13,620
Me? With what?
768
00:34:13,620 --> 00:34:16,586
There'’s been a few complaints
from some of the other
gym members.
769
00:34:16,586 --> 00:34:19,034
What? Like--
was the equipment
not wiped down?
770
00:34:19,034 --> 00:34:20,689
It'’s kind of a different
problem than that.
771
00:34:20,689 --> 00:34:24,000
We'’ve gotten a few
complaints about you using
the men'’s locker room.
772
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,758
I'’m a man.
773
00:34:26,758 --> 00:34:28,517
Yeah, but with a vagina.
774
00:34:28,517 --> 00:34:31,275
And so, technically,
you shouldn'’t even be in there.
775
00:34:31,275 --> 00:34:33,206
What, you want me to use
the women'’s locker room?
776
00:34:33,206 --> 00:34:35,103
You'’re not supposed
to be in there either.
777
00:34:35,103 --> 00:34:36,482
So you don'’t want me
to use the men'’s locker room,
778
00:34:36,482 --> 00:34:38,344
you don'’t want me to use
the women'’s locker room,
779
00:34:38,344 --> 00:34:40,655
what kind of discrimination
is that?
780
00:34:40,655 --> 00:34:43,068
It'’s just making some people
feel being uncomfortable.
781
00:34:43,068 --> 00:34:44,896
You'’re saying you don'’t want me
to work out here anymore?
782
00:34:44,896 --> 00:34:47,000
Yes, yes, that'’s what
I'’m saying.
783
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,241
I'’m sorry.
784
00:34:49,241 --> 00:34:50,793
[scoffs]
785
00:34:50,793 --> 00:34:52,310
Roger:
Let'’s smell the money, baby.
786
00:34:52,310 --> 00:34:55,551
I smell money for you
and for me.
787
00:34:55,551 --> 00:34:57,517
Call the offices
of Roger Byamm.
788
00:34:57,517 --> 00:34:58,931
I answer the phone myself.
789
00:34:58,931 --> 00:35:02,103
You know what?
I ought to sue your ass.
790
00:35:02,103 --> 00:35:04,758
I ought to sue you
for discrimination.
791
00:35:04,758 --> 00:35:07,379
I'’m gonna sue you
into next Tuesday, big guy.
792
00:35:07,379 --> 00:35:10,862
You know that?
And I'’m gonna sue you,
Mr. West Village.
793
00:35:10,862 --> 00:35:14,034
And I'’m gonna sue you,
Mr. Tattoo Man.
794
00:35:14,034 --> 00:35:15,586
And I'’m suing you, baby.
795
00:35:15,586 --> 00:35:18,551
But first, I am suing
that goddamn hospital!
796
00:35:18,551 --> 00:35:20,965
Roger: [chuckling]
Okay, Earl.
797
00:35:20,965 --> 00:35:24,172
Keep that neck brace on
and work on that limp.
798
00:35:24,172 --> 00:35:25,413
Pain and suffering.
799
00:35:25,413 --> 00:35:27,137
Pain and suffering
are good, Earl.
800
00:35:27,137 --> 00:35:28,931
They are good.
801
00:35:28,931 --> 00:35:31,724
-If you say so.
-I do say so. I know so.
802
00:35:31,724 --> 00:35:33,896
Now, we'’ll work on
mental anguish next time,
803
00:35:33,896 --> 00:35:36,517
but for now,
what, Earl?
804
00:35:36,517 --> 00:35:39,896
-Pain and suffering.
-Ha! There you go.
Way to go, Earl.
805
00:35:39,896 --> 00:35:43,103
-Earl, what do I smell?
-Money?
806
00:35:43,103 --> 00:35:45,206
Yeah, you'’re getting it.
807
00:35:45,206 --> 00:35:46,793
Earl? [sniffing]
808
00:35:46,793 --> 00:35:48,000
Money.
809
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:49,965
Yeah. That'’s it, baby.
810
00:35:49,965 --> 00:35:52,620
Hey, Frank. How are you?
You look great.
811
00:35:52,620 --> 00:35:55,034
Come on in.
All right.
812
00:35:56,379 --> 00:35:58,068
Gosh, I'’m sorry for
the wait, everyone.
813
00:35:58,068 --> 00:36:00,482
But remember,
it'’s Vicodin Monday.
814
00:36:03,724 --> 00:36:05,517
So, Frank,
what can I do to help?
815
00:36:05,517 --> 00:36:08,379
Well, um...
816
00:36:09,931 --> 00:36:12,655
you know, this isn'’t easy.
817
00:36:12,655 --> 00:36:15,586
Suing people never is,
but that'’s what we do here.
818
00:36:15,586 --> 00:36:17,103
Well, it'’s a little--
it'’s--it'’s--
819
00:36:17,103 --> 00:36:18,689
it'’s personal.
It'’s embarrassing.
820
00:36:18,689 --> 00:36:20,586
Nothing'’s embarrassing.
821
00:36:20,586 --> 00:36:21,862
Well, it'’s sexual.
822
00:36:21,862 --> 00:36:23,517
-Can'’t get wood?
-Hmm?
823
00:36:23,517 --> 00:36:26,586
-Impotent.
-Oh, in a way.
824
00:36:26,586 --> 00:36:29,068
- Preservatives
in the food, maybe.
-What?
825
00:36:29,068 --> 00:36:30,965
I got some cash
last year for this guy.
826
00:36:30,965 --> 00:36:33,310
He had a really hot wife,
and she left him
827
00:36:33,310 --> 00:36:35,206
because he lost the chub
in his chubby.
828
00:36:35,206 --> 00:36:36,896
I blamed it
on salad dressing.
829
00:36:36,896 --> 00:36:38,896
I know that sounds crazy,
but it worked.
830
00:36:38,896 --> 00:36:41,413
Yeah. Well, it'’s--it'’s--
that'’s not it exactly.
831
00:36:41,413 --> 00:36:44,931
Oh, well.
Look, don'’t worry about it.
832
00:36:44,931 --> 00:36:46,379
This happens all the time.
833
00:36:46,379 --> 00:36:48,344
We just have to figure out
someone to blame it on.
834
00:36:48,344 --> 00:36:50,413
No, no.
I know who to blame.
835
00:36:50,413 --> 00:36:51,793
Great, makes my job
a lot easier.
836
00:36:51,793 --> 00:36:53,413
Who are you thinking?
837
00:36:53,413 --> 00:36:56,931
Look, it'’s--it'’s worse--
it'’s worse than that.
838
00:36:56,931 --> 00:36:58,965
Is there anything worse
than a limp dick?
839
00:36:58,965 --> 00:37:01,689
No dick.
840
00:37:01,689 --> 00:37:03,344
I'’m Roger.
841
00:37:03,344 --> 00:37:06,827
-At the hospital,
they cut off my dick.
-What?
842
00:37:06,827 --> 00:37:09,310
I was going to give my ex-wife'’s
brother my kidney.
843
00:37:09,310 --> 00:37:12,620
-I came out with a vagina.
-They did what?
844
00:37:12,620 --> 00:37:15,034
They cut off
my dick and my balls.
They gave me a snatch.
845
00:37:17,206 --> 00:37:20,655
[chuckles]
Okay. You'’re putting me on.
846
00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:23,586
Man, you had me going.
This is a put-on.
[laughs]
847
00:37:23,586 --> 00:37:27,413
Are there cameras here
somewhere, huh?
848
00:37:27,413 --> 00:37:30,068
I'’m being Punk'’d, right?
This is kind of cool.
849
00:37:30,068 --> 00:37:32,137
I know.
I was famous around here
850
00:37:32,137 --> 00:37:35,034
but I didn'’t think
Ashton Kutcher
knew who I was.
851
00:37:35,034 --> 00:37:36,379
What do I do,
just kind of what,
852
00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:37,586
play along with it,
huh, Frank?
853
00:37:37,586 --> 00:37:38,793
No. You don'’t understand.
854
00:37:38,793 --> 00:37:41,655
I have a vagina, a beaver,
a snatch, a twat,
855
00:37:41,655 --> 00:37:42,896
a muff, a gash, a cooz,
856
00:37:42,896 --> 00:37:44,379
whatever you wanna call it,
I have one.
857
00:37:44,379 --> 00:37:45,965
Sure you do,
I see it all the time.
858
00:37:45,965 --> 00:37:47,931
[loudly] You know,
I think I'’m gonna check case law
859
00:37:47,931 --> 00:37:50,931
to see if there'’s
a precedent for this.
860
00:37:52,241 --> 00:37:54,344
-[belt clanks]
-[unzips pants]
861
00:37:59,068 --> 00:38:00,551
Oh, my God.
862
00:38:06,241 --> 00:38:08,448
I smell money.
863
00:38:08,448 --> 00:38:11,793
Frank, this is big.
864
00:38:11,793 --> 00:38:13,931
This is huge!
It'’s unbelievable!
865
00:38:13,931 --> 00:38:16,068
I have never seen
anything like this,
866
00:38:16,068 --> 00:38:19,103
because there has never
been anything like this.
867
00:38:19,103 --> 00:38:22,379
There is no case law
for anything like this.
868
00:38:22,379 --> 00:38:24,586
Oh, my God.
You have hit the lottery.
869
00:38:24,586 --> 00:38:26,413
I'’ve hit the lottery.
We have hit the lottery.
870
00:38:26,413 --> 00:38:29,275
You'’re gonna be rich, Frank.
I'’m gonna be richer.
871
00:38:29,275 --> 00:38:32,689
Oh, there'’s gonna be
lots and lots and
lots of money.
872
00:38:32,689 --> 00:38:34,965
Warehouses full of money.
873
00:38:34,965 --> 00:38:37,517
Obama and every democrat
that ever lived
874
00:38:37,517 --> 00:38:40,034
has never given away
the kind of money
we'’re talking about.
875
00:38:40,034 --> 00:38:43,551
You'’re a one-man economic
stimulus package, Frank.
876
00:38:43,551 --> 00:38:45,275
Do you smell it?
877
00:38:45,275 --> 00:38:46,655
[sniffs]
878
00:38:46,655 --> 00:38:48,413
-Breathe.
-[sniffs]
879
00:38:48,413 --> 00:38:50,034
That'’s money.
880
00:38:50,034 --> 00:38:54,448
Oh, Frank,
I smell money.
[laughs]
881
00:38:54,448 --> 00:38:56,827
Johnny:
Well, by now,
Frank was desperate.
882
00:38:56,827 --> 00:38:59,586
I am one with my open mind.
883
00:38:59,586 --> 00:39:01,689
And Dr. Weller suggested
to go to a support group.
884
00:39:01,689 --> 00:39:03,068
All:
I am one with my open mind.
885
00:39:03,068 --> 00:39:06,655
I am one with
my singing heart.
886
00:39:06,655 --> 00:39:08,758
Johnny:
And let me tell you,
what a group.
887
00:39:08,758 --> 00:39:10,137
All:
...with my singing heart.
888
00:39:10,137 --> 00:39:14,344
I am one with my
blossoming genitals.
889
00:39:14,344 --> 00:39:19,034
All:
I am one with my
blossoming genitals.
890
00:39:19,034 --> 00:39:20,793
Yes.
[exhales]
891
00:39:20,793 --> 00:39:22,172
[exhales]
892
00:39:22,172 --> 00:39:24,517
Uh, is this the...?
893
00:39:24,517 --> 00:39:27,206
Oh, you must be Frank.
Welcome to the group.
894
00:39:27,206 --> 00:39:29,241
Come on in
and have a seat.
895
00:39:31,827 --> 00:39:36,241
Everyone, Frank is gonna
be a part of our little group.
896
00:39:36,241 --> 00:39:39,965
Honey, ease up
on the testosterone shots.
897
00:39:39,965 --> 00:39:41,862
You'’re there.
898
00:39:41,862 --> 00:39:44,724
I like them manly.
I'’ll do you like a jackhammer.
899
00:39:44,724 --> 00:39:47,310
[grunting]
900
00:39:47,310 --> 00:39:49,241
-Ladies, ladies...
-I ain'’t no lady.
901
00:39:49,241 --> 00:39:50,862
Sorry, Michelle.
902
00:39:50,862 --> 00:39:52,517
It'’s Mitchell, and you
damn well know that.
903
00:39:52,517 --> 00:39:54,655
Yes. Mitchell, please.
904
00:39:54,655 --> 00:39:57,517
Frank is here for the same
reason that you all are.
905
00:39:57,517 --> 00:39:59,655
He wants a penis.
906
00:39:59,655 --> 00:40:02,448
Well, no shit.
907
00:40:02,448 --> 00:40:05,275
Exactly how much
testosterone do you take?
908
00:40:05,275 --> 00:40:07,000
Hmm? None.
909
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,206
Well, how much
were you taking?
910
00:40:08,206 --> 00:40:10,413
-None.
-Bullshit.
911
00:40:10,413 --> 00:40:12,482
Frank is a unique case.
912
00:40:12,482 --> 00:40:13,724
Yeah. I'’m a, uh...
913
00:40:13,724 --> 00:40:14,965
I'’m a unique case.
914
00:40:14,965 --> 00:40:18,103
Yeah. You'’re the ugliest
woman I ever seen.
915
00:40:18,103 --> 00:40:20,172
Don'’t let them hurt your
feelings, Frank.
916
00:40:20,172 --> 00:40:22,862
They can be mean,
especially the little one.
917
00:40:22,862 --> 00:40:24,965
Up yours, princess.
918
00:40:24,965 --> 00:40:29,103
Michelle, Mitchell.
Please be supportive.
919
00:40:29,103 --> 00:40:31,103
Ugly, so ugly.
920
00:40:31,103 --> 00:40:32,689
-Well, thank you.
-For what?
921
00:40:32,689 --> 00:40:34,827
-I don'’t wanna
look like a woman.
-You don'’t.
922
00:40:34,827 --> 00:40:36,551
Well, not a pretty one
for sure.
923
00:40:36,551 --> 00:40:38,344
But you are pretty
in your own way.
924
00:40:38,344 --> 00:40:39,586
What freaking way
is that?
925
00:40:39,586 --> 00:40:42,172
Frank is unique in
that he isa man
926
00:40:42,172 --> 00:40:44,758
who happens to have
a vagina by mistake.
927
00:40:44,758 --> 00:40:46,310
-Same here.
-No, no, no.
928
00:40:46,310 --> 00:40:48,965
What she means is I'’m--
I'’m a man,
929
00:40:48,965 --> 00:40:52,448
but because of an accident,
I have a vagina.
930
00:40:52,448 --> 00:40:53,965
Same here, same here.
931
00:40:53,965 --> 00:40:56,758
No, no, I--I--
I was born a man.
932
00:40:56,758 --> 00:40:58,482
-What?
-With a penis.
933
00:40:58,482 --> 00:41:00,034
-You were?
-Yes, I was a man.
934
00:41:00,034 --> 00:41:03,034
-There was an accident.
-What sort of accident?
935
00:41:03,034 --> 00:41:04,793
A terrible accident.
936
00:41:04,793 --> 00:41:07,034
Frank, you wanna--
you wanna share your story?
937
00:41:07,034 --> 00:41:10,000
Yes, Frank, please,
tell us how you lost
your dick.
938
00:41:11,620 --> 00:41:15,000
Well, my brother-in-law,
939
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:18,517
my ex-brother-in-law, he--
he needed a transplant.
940
00:41:18,517 --> 00:41:20,068
-He needed a dick?
-A kidney.
941
00:41:20,068 --> 00:41:21,793
I'’m already confused.
942
00:41:21,793 --> 00:41:23,793
-Go on, Frank.
-The admitting nurse,
943
00:41:23,793 --> 00:41:25,241
she didn'’t speak English
very well.
944
00:41:25,241 --> 00:41:27,241
-Fucking spics.
-No, she wasn'’t Spanish.
945
00:41:27,241 --> 00:41:29,862
Koreans,
those fucking people.
946
00:41:29,862 --> 00:41:32,103
Actually, she was, like,
Indian or Pakistani,
something like that.
947
00:41:32,103 --> 00:41:33,620
Oh, like the ones
that answer the phone
948
00:41:33,620 --> 00:41:35,103
when you call about
your credit card?
949
00:41:35,103 --> 00:41:37,068
Yeah, like that.
950
00:41:37,068 --> 00:41:38,724
Did she have a red dot
on her forehead?
951
00:41:38,724 --> 00:41:41,103
-She did.
-They'’re so hot.
952
00:41:41,103 --> 00:41:43,689
I would like to do one
of those women with a red dot.
953
00:41:43,689 --> 00:41:47,965
Mitchell, please. Frank.
954
00:41:47,965 --> 00:41:52,068
The next thing I knew,
it was gone.
955
00:41:52,068 --> 00:41:53,689
So your brother-in-law'’s
got your dick?
956
00:41:53,689 --> 00:41:55,862
-They do dick transplant?
-I have no idea.
957
00:41:55,862 --> 00:41:58,000
-Well, who'’s got your dick?
-I think they threw it out.
958
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,034
-Those bastards.
-Son of a bitches.
959
00:42:00,034 --> 00:42:01,655
-I want that dick.
-I want that dick.
960
00:42:01,655 --> 00:42:03,620
I hadthat dick.
961
00:42:03,620 --> 00:42:06,137
Everybody, I think
we should have
962
00:42:06,137 --> 00:42:10,310
a moment of silence
in memory of Frank'’s penis.
963
00:42:10,310 --> 00:42:13,379
[soft music playing]
964
00:42:19,896 --> 00:42:21,862
Doc, I went to that support
group you suggested.
965
00:42:21,862 --> 00:42:23,482
Why can'’t I get
my surgery now?
966
00:42:23,482 --> 00:42:24,827
Oh, Frank, Frank, Frank.
967
00:42:24,827 --> 00:42:27,068
Just because you went to one
meeting with a bunch of pre-ops
968
00:42:27,068 --> 00:42:28,862
who wanna have their
genders reassigned
969
00:42:28,862 --> 00:42:31,448
doesn'’t mean you'’re
physically and emotionally
prepared for this procedure.
970
00:42:31,448 --> 00:42:34,068
You'’ll have to do
more than that to get
approved for your operation.
971
00:42:34,068 --> 00:42:35,965
Well, who decides
when I get approved?
972
00:42:35,965 --> 00:42:37,172
-I do.
-You?
973
00:42:37,172 --> 00:42:38,172
-Me.
-Just you?
974
00:42:38,172 --> 00:42:40,448
Just me.
975
00:42:40,448 --> 00:42:43,620
Woman [on speaker]:
Dr. Hugh to Psychiatry.
Dr. Hugh to Psychiatry.
976
00:42:45,137 --> 00:42:47,206
Hey, girl.
977
00:42:47,206 --> 00:42:48,896
Hey, Frank.
978
00:42:48,896 --> 00:42:51,344
So I'’m planning on having you
talk to someone from the NHL
979
00:42:51,344 --> 00:42:53,551
-for the upcoming
winter sport season?
-Great.
980
00:42:53,551 --> 00:42:55,241
But would you feel
more comfortable
981
00:42:55,241 --> 00:42:57,689
if you had to interview
someone from the Croatian
982
00:42:57,689 --> 00:42:59,758
women'’s gymnastics team?
983
00:42:59,758 --> 00:43:01,551
No, the usual, Sugar Bowl,
stuff like that.
984
00:43:01,551 --> 00:43:03,413
Sure, fine.
985
00:43:03,413 --> 00:43:06,137
So listen, you'’re gonna
be on the 5:00, the 7:00,
986
00:43:06,137 --> 00:43:07,586
and the 11:00 news.
987
00:43:07,586 --> 00:43:09,551
This is huge.
988
00:43:09,551 --> 00:43:12,344
Why didn'’t you tell us before?
You know we'’re in sweeps.
989
00:43:12,344 --> 00:43:14,068
Wait, what?
990
00:43:14,068 --> 00:43:17,310
Your sex change operation.
991
00:43:17,310 --> 00:43:19,275
That lawyer guy
who advertises with us,
992
00:43:19,275 --> 00:43:22,241
Roger Byamm, we picked up
his press release
on the lawsuit.
993
00:43:22,241 --> 00:43:26,724
Frank, you are a one-man
ratings bonanza.
994
00:43:26,724 --> 00:43:29,551
Can you say local Emmy?
995
00:43:29,551 --> 00:43:31,448
You know, Stan,
I think I'’d really rather
996
00:43:31,448 --> 00:43:33,448
keep this private,
if you don'’t mind.
997
00:43:33,448 --> 00:43:35,206
And our viewers, I don'’t
think they want this.
998
00:43:35,206 --> 00:43:37,068
They tune into us
for news.
999
00:43:37,068 --> 00:43:39,827
Oh, please, please.
Our viewers get their
news off the internet, Frank.
1000
00:43:39,827 --> 00:43:41,793
They come to us
for entertainment.
1001
00:43:41,793 --> 00:43:45,034
Frank, this is all
about the ratings.
1002
00:43:45,034 --> 00:43:47,448
Some people
are gonna tune in
just out of curiosity.
1003
00:43:47,448 --> 00:43:49,275
Heck, we might even pick up
some freaky viewers.
1004
00:43:49,275 --> 00:43:51,482
-Hey, I'’m no freak.
-I know.
1005
00:43:51,482 --> 00:43:54,137
All I'’m saying is,
Frank, the freaks,
they'’ve got TVs too.
1006
00:43:54,137 --> 00:43:57,655
As a matter of fact,
we should be selling ad space
1007
00:43:57,655 --> 00:44:00,241
to all of those joints
that sell to the freaks,
1008
00:44:00,241 --> 00:44:01,827
all that freaky stuff.
1009
00:44:01,827 --> 00:44:03,137
Sales!
1010
00:44:03,137 --> 00:44:05,793
Frank, every talk show
is calling to interview you.
1011
00:44:05,793 --> 00:44:07,482
We'’ve got messages
from Ellen, Regis,
1012
00:44:07,482 --> 00:44:09,172
Katie Couric,
Letterman, Oprah.
1013
00:44:09,172 --> 00:44:11,241
-Oprah?
-Yeah. And Dr. Drew
from Loveline.
1014
00:44:11,241 --> 00:44:13,413
And speaking of that,
can I ask you a question?
1015
00:44:13,413 --> 00:44:14,655
What is it, buddy?
1016
00:44:14,655 --> 00:44:17,206
Where exactly
is the G-spot?
1017
00:44:20,586 --> 00:44:22,517
I'’m not sure.
1018
00:44:22,517 --> 00:44:24,620
Great. You have a vagina
and you don'’t even know.
1019
00:44:24,620 --> 00:44:25,931
How am I ever gonna find it?
1020
00:44:25,931 --> 00:44:27,137
My girl.
1021
00:44:27,137 --> 00:44:29,241
My name is Frank.
I am not a girl, Jedda.
1022
00:44:29,241 --> 00:44:31,172
Okay, let me just talk to you.
1023
00:44:31,172 --> 00:44:35,310
This whole you got
a va-jay-jay thing
is not a big deal.
1024
00:44:35,310 --> 00:44:38,758
My brother Earl
had the same operation
1025
00:44:38,758 --> 00:44:40,896
and everything
turned out fine.
1026
00:44:40,896 --> 00:44:43,206
He would show up
for Christmas dinner
1027
00:44:43,206 --> 00:44:45,448
as Uncle Earl,
and then he would
1028
00:44:45,448 --> 00:44:48,344
come back for dessert
as Aunt Earlina.
1029
00:44:48,344 --> 00:44:50,413
And we all got two gifts.
1030
00:44:50,413 --> 00:44:53,137
Oh, one thing.
1031
00:44:53,137 --> 00:44:55,068
Yeast.
1032
00:44:55,068 --> 00:44:58,000
Oh, my God. Frank...
1033
00:45:00,034 --> 00:45:02,241
you'’re a cougar.
1034
00:45:05,551 --> 00:45:08,241
-What are you doing?
-My desk now.
1035
00:45:08,241 --> 00:45:11,206
Ned, we have a situation.
1036
00:45:11,206 --> 00:45:13,793
[soft rock playing]
1037
00:45:20,517 --> 00:45:25,137
You'’re my stud,
my main man.
1038
00:45:25,137 --> 00:45:26,310
Hmm, this is nice.
1039
00:45:26,310 --> 00:45:28,103
I'’ve missed you.
1040
00:45:28,103 --> 00:45:32,344
And your little Trin Trin
has missed her man, too.
1041
00:45:32,344 --> 00:45:35,586
I tried calling and calling,
1042
00:45:35,586 --> 00:45:37,758
but you never picked up.
1043
00:45:37,758 --> 00:45:40,896
Well, I had a lot
to think about.
1044
00:45:40,896 --> 00:45:45,758
Well, I hope you were
thinking about me
all that time.
1045
00:45:45,758 --> 00:45:49,103
Well, I guess we need
to be a little patient.
1046
00:45:49,103 --> 00:45:50,758
I'’m gonna get
that operation
1047
00:45:50,758 --> 00:45:52,586
and everything'’s gonna
get back to normal.
1048
00:45:52,586 --> 00:45:56,827
Mm-hmm.
Maybe even better.
1049
00:45:56,827 --> 00:45:59,068
Hmm?
1050
00:45:59,068 --> 00:46:03,482
Maybe it can be like
the Six Million Dollar Man.
1051
00:46:03,482 --> 00:46:06,034
We can build him,
1052
00:46:06,034 --> 00:46:08,586
we can make him
better than he was.
1053
00:46:08,586 --> 00:46:10,586
Well, I'’d like to think
I was okay before.
1054
00:46:10,586 --> 00:46:11,896
[laughs]
1055
00:46:11,896 --> 00:46:14,068
No complaints.
1056
00:46:14,068 --> 00:46:16,448
No complaints, mister.
1057
00:46:23,517 --> 00:46:25,275
Oh, yeah.
1058
00:46:25,275 --> 00:46:27,068
Oh, yeah.
1059
00:46:27,068 --> 00:46:28,862
Oh, yeah.
1060
00:46:33,310 --> 00:46:37,896
Oh, oh, oh, no,
oh, oh. Oh.
1061
00:46:37,896 --> 00:46:40,344
-[Trinnie moans]
-Oh.
1062
00:46:43,137 --> 00:46:44,827
Oh.
1063
00:46:45,896 --> 00:46:49,206
Okay. I'’m sorry, I can'’t.
1064
00:46:49,206 --> 00:46:50,862
What?
1065
00:46:50,862 --> 00:46:54,275
I'’m sorry, I just
cannot do this. Wow.
1066
00:46:54,275 --> 00:46:56,172
Can'’t do what?
Baby, it'’s me.
1067
00:46:56,172 --> 00:47:00,620
No, it'’s not,
at least not all of you.
1068
00:47:00,620 --> 00:47:03,655
I'’m just--I'’m not--
I'’m not like this.
I'’m not.
1069
00:47:03,655 --> 00:47:06,241
-Like what?
-I'’m not a lesbian.
1070
00:47:06,241 --> 00:47:07,931
Me neither,
I'’m not even a woman.
1071
00:47:07,931 --> 00:47:09,137
I'’m me, Frank.
I'’m a man.
1072
00:47:09,137 --> 00:47:10,827
With a vagina.
1073
00:47:10,827 --> 00:47:13,413
Frank, ugh!
1074
00:47:13,413 --> 00:47:15,551
Even if I wanted
to experiment,
1075
00:47:15,551 --> 00:47:18,655
it would be with some
hot chick like Angelina Jolie
1076
00:47:18,655 --> 00:47:20,137
over wine or whatever.
1077
00:47:20,137 --> 00:47:21,344
But not like this.
1078
00:47:21,344 --> 00:47:23,172
I'’m sorry, Frank,
1079
00:47:23,172 --> 00:47:24,517
but this just
is not gonna work.
1080
00:47:24,517 --> 00:47:26,793
I tried, but I don'’t know.
1081
00:47:26,793 --> 00:47:28,000
I don'’t wanna see that, Frank.
1082
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,034
What?
1083
00:47:29,034 --> 00:47:33,206
Your snatch, Frank,
your snatch.
1084
00:47:33,206 --> 00:47:36,758
I don'’t think I'’m ever
gonna forget it, ever.
1085
00:47:39,551 --> 00:47:41,103
Where are you going?
1086
00:47:41,103 --> 00:47:43,620
To get drunk,
very drunk.
1087
00:47:43,620 --> 00:47:45,586
-And then you'’re coming back?
-No.
1088
00:47:45,586 --> 00:47:46,862
Well, then where
are you going?
1089
00:47:46,862 --> 00:47:49,000
To therapy,
weeks, months,
1090
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,413
maybe years of therapy.
1091
00:47:50,413 --> 00:47:52,103
As much as my daddy
can afford.
1092
00:47:52,103 --> 00:47:54,206
Well,
I'’ll call you tomorrow.
1093
00:47:54,206 --> 00:47:56,413
-We can talk about it,
all right?
-No. Aah!
1094
00:47:56,413 --> 00:48:00,000
There it is again. Jesus.
1095
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:03,896
[sighs]
Goodbye, Frank.
1096
00:48:03,896 --> 00:48:04,965
Goodbye.
1097
00:48:06,551 --> 00:48:08,586
[door slams]
1098
00:48:08,586 --> 00:48:10,793
Drive safely.
1099
00:48:14,275 --> 00:48:17,344
So you'’re all
alone now, huh?
Me, too.
1100
00:48:17,344 --> 00:48:19,862
I'’m all alone too,
who cares?
1101
00:48:19,862 --> 00:48:24,137
So what?
The main thing is
we have each other.
1102
00:48:24,137 --> 00:48:25,482
Right?
1103
00:48:25,482 --> 00:48:26,724
You bet, buddy.
1104
00:48:26,724 --> 00:48:30,034
I mean, you remember
when Marge left me
1105
00:48:30,034 --> 00:48:32,862
for that cable guy? Huh?
1106
00:48:32,862 --> 00:48:34,862
You were there for me.
1107
00:48:34,862 --> 00:48:37,793
Oh, and Emily left me
for the mailman?
1108
00:48:37,793 --> 00:48:40,793
You were there for me.
1109
00:48:40,793 --> 00:48:44,379
When Joan left me for the guy
who mows the lawn.
1110
00:48:44,379 --> 00:48:46,758
-The Mexican guy?
-I think he was Ecuadorian.
1111
00:48:46,758 --> 00:48:48,551
But you were there for me.
1112
00:48:48,551 --> 00:48:52,137
Women, they come and go,
they come and they go.
1113
00:48:52,137 --> 00:48:54,482
But friends,
best friends, Frank,
1114
00:48:54,482 --> 00:48:59,551
like you, you'’re always
there for me.
1115
00:48:59,551 --> 00:49:01,551
I always will be, buddy.
1116
00:49:01,551 --> 00:49:03,310
How long have we known
each other, huh?
1117
00:49:03,310 --> 00:49:04,758
Thirty years?
1118
00:49:04,758 --> 00:49:07,965
-Thirty-one?
-Thirty-one years, wow.
1119
00:49:07,965 --> 00:49:10,931
Long time.
1120
00:49:10,931 --> 00:49:14,517
Hey, Frank,
what do you say?
1121
00:49:14,517 --> 00:49:16,172
How about we kick
things up a notch?
1122
00:49:16,172 --> 00:49:21,068
-What do you mean?
-Notch, kick, up.
1123
00:49:25,103 --> 00:49:26,137
You wanna fuck me?
1124
00:49:26,137 --> 00:49:27,379
[laughs]
1125
00:49:27,379 --> 00:49:29,068
-What?
-What?
1126
00:49:29,068 --> 00:49:32,275
Jesus Christ, Frank.
My God, what are you, crazy?
1127
00:49:32,275 --> 00:49:34,586
Okay. Sorry, sorry,
I thought--
1128
00:49:34,586 --> 00:49:37,310
when you--
when you said--
1129
00:49:37,310 --> 00:49:38,931
sorry.
1130
00:49:38,931 --> 00:49:40,758
My God.
1131
00:49:40,758 --> 00:49:42,551
Oh, man.
[chuckles]
1132
00:49:44,172 --> 00:49:46,172
Hey, now that you
brought it up...
1133
00:49:46,172 --> 00:49:48,275
-You do wanna fuck me?
-What? No.
1134
00:49:48,275 --> 00:49:50,172
-No, I don'’t wanna fuck--
-You do.
1135
00:49:50,172 --> 00:49:51,827
It'’s not like I wanna
kiss you or anything.
1136
00:49:51,827 --> 00:49:54,793
I'’m just saying you got
a nice new shiny vagina,
1137
00:49:54,793 --> 00:49:56,655
it'’s a waste
just sitting there.
1138
00:49:56,655 --> 00:49:57,896
Let'’s take it for a spin.
1139
00:49:57,896 --> 00:49:59,689
I am not gay.
You are not gay.
1140
00:49:59,689 --> 00:50:01,379
You weren'’t until,
like, a second ago.
1141
00:50:01,379 --> 00:50:02,965
No, I am not gay.
1142
00:50:02,965 --> 00:50:04,896
You wanna fuck me?
We'’re not that drunk.
1143
00:50:04,896 --> 00:50:07,620
Me fucking you,
not gay.
1144
00:50:07,620 --> 00:50:09,206
Johnny fucking Frankie,
very gay!
1145
00:50:09,206 --> 00:50:13,310
You have a vagina, huh?
Not gay.
1146
00:50:13,310 --> 00:50:15,517
Buddy, all I'’m saying
is we have
1147
00:50:15,517 --> 00:50:17,724
what married couples
wish they had.
1148
00:50:17,724 --> 00:50:20,862
I mean, we'’re best friends,
we'’re buddies.
1149
00:50:20,862 --> 00:50:22,344
I mean, think about it.
Picture this.
1150
00:50:22,344 --> 00:50:23,896
I don'’t want to picture it.
1151
00:50:23,896 --> 00:50:26,000
Sundays, huh?
1152
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:27,413
What do you like to do?
1153
00:50:27,413 --> 00:50:29,448
-Saints games.
-Saints games, me too.
1154
00:50:29,448 --> 00:50:31,689
-What do you do
on Saturday?
-Golf?
1155
00:50:31,689 --> 00:50:34,793
Golf, 10:00 tee time,
sharp, me too.
1156
00:50:34,793 --> 00:50:38,000
You like burgers,
I like burgers.
1157
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,206
[whispering]
I love burgers.
You are not fucking me.
1158
00:50:42,034 --> 00:50:44,965
Both of you guys
are making me sick.
1159
00:50:44,965 --> 00:50:46,862
All right,
I won'’t fuck you.
1160
00:50:46,862 --> 00:50:48,931
You most certainly
will not fuck me.
1161
00:50:48,931 --> 00:50:51,758
So I says to him,
"Dad, the good news is
1162
00:50:51,758 --> 00:50:54,620
you'’re finally gonna get
that son you always wanted."
1163
00:50:54,620 --> 00:50:56,068
[all laugh]
1164
00:50:56,068 --> 00:50:58,448
Hey, what do you say
we take a five-minute break?
1165
00:51:06,137 --> 00:51:09,172
You look down, Frank.
What'’s going on?
1166
00:51:09,172 --> 00:51:10,931
I just want Weller
to give me that surgery
1167
00:51:10,931 --> 00:51:12,655
so I can get
my life back.
1168
00:51:12,655 --> 00:51:14,275
Well, that'’s natural.
1169
00:51:14,275 --> 00:51:15,620
But in the meantime,
1170
00:51:15,620 --> 00:51:17,965
you need to focus
on your inner self.
1171
00:51:17,965 --> 00:51:20,448
In fact,
1172
00:51:20,448 --> 00:51:22,931
we'’re doing a day
of readings and poetry
1173
00:51:22,931 --> 00:51:25,103
as a little fundraiser
for the center.
1174
00:51:25,103 --> 00:51:27,206
Why don'’t you
read something?
1175
00:51:27,206 --> 00:51:29,655
Express how you feel,
get it out of your system.
1176
00:51:29,655 --> 00:51:31,689
In public?
I don'’t think so.
1177
00:51:31,689 --> 00:51:32,896
Yeah, come on.
1178
00:51:32,896 --> 00:51:35,103
Nobody would understand it.
1179
00:51:35,103 --> 00:51:36,310
Aww. Frank,
1180
00:51:36,310 --> 00:51:37,827
it'’ll be a good way
for you to get know
1181
00:51:37,827 --> 00:51:39,068
about other people
at the center.
1182
00:51:39,068 --> 00:51:42,931
Plus, it might look good
to Dr. Weller.
1183
00:51:42,931 --> 00:51:44,689
Weller.
1184
00:51:44,689 --> 00:51:46,482
What'’s that tool'’s problem?
1185
00:51:46,482 --> 00:51:48,310
Yeah, he'’s a tool
with a God complex.
1186
00:51:48,310 --> 00:51:50,758
-What do you say?
-I don'’t know.
1187
00:51:50,758 --> 00:51:53,068
Gabriella,
can you help Frank
1188
00:51:53,068 --> 00:51:55,137
write something to read
at the fundraiser?
1189
00:51:55,137 --> 00:51:57,413
Yeah, I could totally help.
1190
00:51:57,413 --> 00:51:59,172
-Well...
-Great.
1191
00:51:59,172 --> 00:52:02,034
Everyone, Frank has decided
1192
00:52:02,034 --> 00:52:04,344
to join you in your
upcoming performance.
1193
00:52:04,344 --> 00:52:06,793
-Oh, awesome.
-[applause]
1194
00:52:06,793 --> 00:52:09,206
In the meantime,
why don'’t we figure out
a little group activity
1195
00:52:09,206 --> 00:52:11,896
for everybody
to participate in
before the show?
1196
00:52:11,896 --> 00:52:14,965
-Oh, putt-putt golf.
-Are you crazy?
1197
00:52:14,965 --> 00:52:17,482
Those fucking golf clubs
are bigger than me.
1198
00:52:17,482 --> 00:52:20,034
-That'’s not fair.
-Let'’s do batting cages.
1199
00:52:20,034 --> 00:52:23,137
-You play ball?
-Does she play ball?
1200
00:52:23,137 --> 00:52:25,172
Abbe'’s the Great Bambina.
1201
00:52:25,172 --> 00:52:28,068
I'’ve been playing softball
18 years, pal.
1202
00:52:28,068 --> 00:52:29,275
And she ain'’t bad either.
1203
00:52:29,275 --> 00:52:33,034
-Her?
-No strike zone.
1204
00:52:37,793 --> 00:52:40,241
Let me catch my breath.
1205
00:52:40,241 --> 00:52:41,862
That was great, huh?
1206
00:52:41,862 --> 00:52:43,724
-[laughs]
-Sure, Dad.
1207
00:52:43,724 --> 00:52:47,275
What? Cats in the Cradle.
You love that one.
1208
00:52:47,275 --> 00:52:50,206
Well, not really.
I mean, not anymore.
1209
00:52:50,206 --> 00:52:53,275
I liked it when
I was, like, seven,
but I'’m grown up now.
1210
00:52:53,275 --> 00:52:56,172
Wow.
1211
00:52:56,172 --> 00:52:58,793
Well, all grown up, yeah.
1212
00:52:58,793 --> 00:53:00,206
You'’re a man now, huh?
1213
00:53:00,206 --> 00:53:02,103
That'’s right, Dad.
I am a man.
1214
00:53:02,103 --> 00:53:05,241
Well, let me ask you
something then.
1215
00:53:05,241 --> 00:53:07,827
Man to man.
1216
00:53:07,827 --> 00:53:11,034
You'’re okay with everything?
1217
00:53:11,034 --> 00:53:12,379
What everything?
1218
00:53:12,379 --> 00:53:15,310
I don'’t know, I mean,
your mother and I we...
1219
00:53:15,310 --> 00:53:17,482
we don'’t get on that well.
1220
00:53:17,482 --> 00:53:20,620
You know,
everything else?
1221
00:53:20,620 --> 00:53:23,655
Look, you'’re my dad.
1222
00:53:23,655 --> 00:53:25,896
I love and I'’m proud of you.
1223
00:53:25,896 --> 00:53:30,413
I don'’t care what you have
or don'’t have down there.
1224
00:53:30,413 --> 00:53:33,206
It'’s never been a factor
in my life,
1225
00:53:33,206 --> 00:53:35,931
and I wanna keep it
that way.
1226
00:53:35,931 --> 00:53:37,137
Deal?
1227
00:53:38,310 --> 00:53:40,172
-Deal.
-All right.
1228
00:53:41,793 --> 00:53:44,965
Wow, no more Storyland, huh?
1229
00:53:44,965 --> 00:53:46,827
Nope.
1230
00:53:46,827 --> 00:53:50,172
Okay, well, let me ask you
this then, man to man.
1231
00:53:50,172 --> 00:53:51,758
What are you into now?
1232
00:53:51,758 --> 00:53:53,275
-Man to man?
-Mm-hmm.
1233
00:53:53,275 --> 00:53:55,724
Chicks.
1234
00:53:55,724 --> 00:53:58,034
-[man chuckling]
-[beer bottle opens]
1235
00:53:58,034 --> 00:54:01,034
Breakfast is the most important
meal of the day.
1236
00:54:01,034 --> 00:54:03,448
You'’re sure you won'’t
have a beer?
1237
00:54:03,448 --> 00:54:04,965
No, no. It'’s a little early
for me, Pop.
1238
00:54:06,551 --> 00:54:07,655
You know,
those are twist-offs.
1239
00:54:07,655 --> 00:54:10,344
Twist off.
1240
00:54:10,344 --> 00:54:13,758
A bottle to me
is meant to be popped open.
1241
00:54:13,758 --> 00:54:16,275
Hell, if I had a buck
for every bottle of beer
that I opened,
1242
00:54:16,275 --> 00:54:18,413
I'’d owned a brewery.
[laughs]
1243
00:54:18,413 --> 00:54:21,413
I could remember
when you were a kid,
1244
00:54:21,413 --> 00:54:23,896
I use to open up
your root beer bottles
with this, remember?
1245
00:54:23,896 --> 00:54:25,862
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
1246
00:54:25,862 --> 00:54:27,724
Those long-necked Barq'’s,
I remember.
1247
00:54:27,724 --> 00:54:29,689
That'’s the one.
[chuckles]
1248
00:54:29,689 --> 00:54:31,931
I'’d have my beer
and you'’d drink your root beer,
1249
00:54:31,931 --> 00:54:35,137
and we'’d be like
a couple of old-timers.
1250
00:54:35,137 --> 00:54:37,413
Made me feel like
a grown-up.
1251
00:54:37,413 --> 00:54:39,034
Yeah. Yeah.
1252
00:54:41,448 --> 00:54:44,137
What'’s the matter, son?
What'’s--what'’s eating at you?
1253
00:54:44,137 --> 00:54:46,793
Oh, you know, Pop.
1254
00:54:46,793 --> 00:54:48,586
Oh, that?
1255
00:54:48,586 --> 00:54:51,551
Yeah. That damn shame.
1256
00:54:51,551 --> 00:54:53,413
I'’m hoping they let me
have my surgery soon.
1257
00:54:53,413 --> 00:54:54,965
I just wanna be a man again.
1258
00:54:54,965 --> 00:54:56,931
You are a man,
a good man.
1259
00:54:56,931 --> 00:54:58,482
Well, it doesn'’t
feel that way.
1260
00:54:58,482 --> 00:55:02,965
You know, there'’s a lot
that goes into being a man
1261
00:55:02,965 --> 00:55:04,310
besides having a johnson.
1262
00:55:04,310 --> 00:55:06,000
Oh, they took my balls too.
1263
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:09,000
I got an idea.
1264
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:10,344
Come on with me.
1265
00:55:10,344 --> 00:55:12,275
-Where?
-Come on, come on, come on.
1266
00:55:12,275 --> 00:55:14,344
I'’ll show you. Come on.
Let'’s go.
1267
00:55:14,344 --> 00:55:16,172
Hey, good morning, sweetie.
1268
00:55:16,172 --> 00:55:18,241
Well, hello, Frank.
You'’re looking mighty good
today.
1269
00:55:18,241 --> 00:55:20,103
How are you?
Thank you very much.
1270
00:55:20,103 --> 00:55:21,586
Meet my son Frank.
1271
00:55:21,586 --> 00:55:24,344
-Frank, Jr.?
-No, Frank the VI.
1272
00:55:24,344 --> 00:55:26,344
-The VI?
-Long story.
1273
00:55:26,344 --> 00:55:29,172
All the men in my family
are named Frank.
1274
00:55:29,172 --> 00:55:32,068
Like George Foreman and all
his boys being named George.
1275
00:55:32,068 --> 00:55:34,896
I don'’t know. We'’re Franks
and they'’re Georges.
1276
00:55:34,896 --> 00:55:36,310
[laughs]
1277
00:55:36,310 --> 00:55:38,517
Okay. Well, may I be
frank with you?
1278
00:55:38,517 --> 00:55:39,931
Why not?
Everybody else is.
1279
00:55:39,931 --> 00:55:41,482
Yeah, yeah.
1280
00:55:41,482 --> 00:55:43,793
Oh, where'’s Hunter?
1281
00:55:43,793 --> 00:55:46,724
-Where else?
-Oh, where else is right.
1282
00:55:46,724 --> 00:55:48,068
-See you later, sweetie.
-Have a good day, guys.
1283
00:55:48,068 --> 00:55:49,000
Thank you.
1284
00:55:55,034 --> 00:55:58,241
Hot dog.
That'’s a good man.
1285
00:55:58,241 --> 00:55:59,793
Hey, Frank.
1286
00:55:59,793 --> 00:56:02,000
How'’s it going? Wanna do
some one-on-one with me?
1287
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:03,413
Come on.
1288
00:56:03,413 --> 00:56:05,482
Lay off us old-timers,
will you?
1289
00:56:05,482 --> 00:56:07,137
Hey, this is my son Frank.
He'’s a hotshot.
1290
00:56:07,137 --> 00:56:08,517
He'’ll give you
some competition.
1291
00:56:08,517 --> 00:56:10,172
Oh, I don'’t know about that.
1292
00:56:10,172 --> 00:56:11,965
How about Around the World?
1293
00:56:11,965 --> 00:56:13,517
-Huh?
-Why not?
1294
00:56:13,517 --> 00:56:15,206
Take it easy on him,
will you?
1295
00:56:15,206 --> 00:56:17,586
-Okay.
-All right.
1296
00:56:17,586 --> 00:56:20,034
Hey, how about you guys, huh?
1297
00:56:20,034 --> 00:56:22,379
How are you doing, Joe?
Let me give you a hand.
1298
00:56:24,896 --> 00:56:26,862
-Good luck.
-All right.
1299
00:56:26,862 --> 00:56:28,689
I'’ll take your wallet.
1300
00:56:31,241 --> 00:56:33,000
[indistinct chatter]
1301
00:56:57,862 --> 00:57:01,586
All right.
This is the one.
1302
00:57:01,586 --> 00:57:03,241
Oh!
1303
00:57:10,620 --> 00:57:12,620
I think I just got hustled.
1304
00:57:12,620 --> 00:57:15,344
Where did you learn
to shoot like that?
1305
00:57:15,344 --> 00:57:16,551
Playground.
1306
00:57:16,551 --> 00:57:18,586
Warren Easton High School.
1307
00:57:18,586 --> 00:57:20,724
Warren Easton High School?
1308
00:57:20,724 --> 00:57:22,206
Mm-hmm.
1309
00:57:22,206 --> 00:57:24,724
Wait a minute.
1310
00:57:24,724 --> 00:57:27,344
You'’re Hunter Mileaux.
1311
00:57:27,344 --> 00:57:29,000
The one and only.
1312
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:32,172
I remember you.
You were all-state.
1313
00:57:33,896 --> 00:57:38,379
-Life, huh?
-Life, man, Afghanistan.
1314
00:57:39,620 --> 00:57:41,344
Land mine.
1315
00:57:43,551 --> 00:57:44,862
Wow.
1316
00:57:44,862 --> 00:57:46,758
Yeah, it ain'’t how
I saw life going,
1317
00:57:46,758 --> 00:57:51,862
but I'’m here talking to you.
1318
00:57:51,862 --> 00:57:54,724
And I think I just kicked
your ass at basketball.
1319
00:57:54,724 --> 00:57:57,862
-[laughs]
-I think you did.
1320
00:57:57,862 --> 00:58:00,482
See, life is not
about yesterday.
1321
00:58:00,482 --> 00:58:02,344
It'’s about today.
1322
00:58:02,344 --> 00:58:04,517
It'’s about now.
It'’s about next week,
1323
00:58:04,517 --> 00:58:06,275
next year.
1324
00:58:06,275 --> 00:58:08,103
I get out of here
next month.
1325
00:58:08,103 --> 00:58:10,241
Got a job as
an accountant.
1326
00:58:10,241 --> 00:58:12,655
Took the classes
while I was in here.
1327
00:58:12,655 --> 00:58:17,103
I got a life
and a career.
1328
00:58:17,103 --> 00:58:21,310
Don'’t get me wrong,
I miss the fast breaks
1329
00:58:21,310 --> 00:58:22,620
and the slam dunks.
1330
00:58:22,620 --> 00:58:24,551
Man, you used to fly
through the air,
1331
00:58:24,551 --> 00:58:25,827
just hang there.
1332
00:58:25,827 --> 00:58:28,482
Listen to the roar
of the crowd.
1333
00:58:28,482 --> 00:58:31,689
It'’s unreal, man.
Just unreal.
1334
00:58:31,689 --> 00:58:33,758
But it'’s in here.
1335
00:58:33,758 --> 00:58:35,206
Right here.
1336
00:58:35,206 --> 00:58:37,862
Nothing could take
that away from me.
1337
00:58:37,862 --> 00:58:41,103
And no matter what
you see here,
1338
00:58:41,103 --> 00:58:44,034
or what body parts
aren'’t here,
1339
00:58:44,034 --> 00:58:45,689
I'’m here.
1340
00:58:45,689 --> 00:58:48,517
I'’m right here.
1341
00:58:59,172 --> 00:59:00,827
Yo.
1342
00:59:04,482 --> 00:59:07,000
You guys have a lot
in common, you know?
1343
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,137
Nah. I'’m just
a sportscaster.
1344
00:59:09,137 --> 00:59:11,137
You know, a lot of people
don'’t know this,
1345
00:59:11,137 --> 00:59:13,758
but Hunter was instrumental
to saving lot of lives.
1346
00:59:13,758 --> 00:59:15,965
That mine went off
right under him,
1347
00:59:15,965 --> 00:59:18,275
and it took everything.
1348
00:59:18,275 --> 00:59:20,068
He crawled with
what he had left.
1349
00:59:20,068 --> 00:59:22,758
He went down and radioed
for support.
1350
00:59:22,758 --> 00:59:25,000
That tough SOB.
1351
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:26,448
But let me tell you something,
1352
00:59:26,448 --> 00:59:29,586
I'’ve been in combat
and I'’ve seen a lot,
1353
00:59:29,586 --> 00:59:32,310
but I never saw anything
more beautiful
1354
00:59:32,310 --> 00:59:34,965
than you being wheeled
into that operating room,
1355
00:59:34,965 --> 00:59:37,172
ready to give
one your kidneys.
1356
00:59:37,172 --> 00:59:40,655
You went in there
to save a man'’s life.
1357
00:59:40,655 --> 00:59:43,931
Not for pay,
or patriotic duty,
1358
00:59:43,931 --> 00:59:47,965
but just because
you'’re a man.
1359
00:59:47,965 --> 00:59:50,448
You'’re brave, son.
Real brave.
1360
00:59:50,448 --> 00:59:53,655
Okay,
1361
00:59:53,655 --> 00:59:56,000
so they took
your junk instead.
1362
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:59,827
But that doesn'’t change
why you were there.
1363
00:59:59,827 --> 01:00:02,896
Having a penis
makes you a male,
1364
01:00:02,896 --> 01:00:04,620
but it doesn'’t make you a man.
1365
01:00:06,793 --> 01:00:09,448
You'’re a man,
Frank Baum.
1366
01:00:09,448 --> 01:00:11,310
Understood?
1367
01:00:14,379 --> 01:00:16,172
Understood.
1368
01:00:22,793 --> 01:00:26,103
[sitar music playing]
1369
01:00:30,103 --> 01:00:32,896
Hey, Frank, I just wanted
to come check on you.
1370
01:00:32,896 --> 01:00:35,000
Yeah, uh, I'’m not so sure
about this.
1371
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:38,034
I'’m thinking maybe I ought
to tell some funny stories
about athletes instead.
1372
01:00:38,034 --> 01:00:39,517
There was this one time
in Puerto Rico,
1373
01:00:39,517 --> 01:00:41,862
I was at this bar mitzvah,
with Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson
1374
01:00:41,862 --> 01:00:44,413
-and Elton John.
We'’re at the piano...
-No. Frank, don'’t do that.
1375
01:00:44,413 --> 01:00:46,689
Be a part of this.
1376
01:00:46,689 --> 01:00:48,724
Use this experience.
1377
01:00:48,724 --> 01:00:51,103
-For what?
-To learn.
1378
01:00:51,103 --> 01:00:54,413
Learn about yourself,
and maybe about your friends,
1379
01:00:54,413 --> 01:00:57,344
and the people who love you
and why they love you.
1380
01:00:57,344 --> 01:01:00,000
Oh, I say
1381
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:03,793
these are not the parts
and poems of the body only,
1382
01:01:03,793 --> 01:01:05,344
but of the soul.
1383
01:01:07,241 --> 01:01:11,482
Oh, I say now,
these are the soul.
1384
01:01:13,620 --> 01:01:16,103
[applause]
1385
01:01:18,310 --> 01:01:22,379
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
1386
01:01:22,379 --> 01:01:25,103
And now for the last,
and I would say,
1387
01:01:25,103 --> 01:01:28,103
most special performer
in our program.
1388
01:01:28,103 --> 01:01:30,551
Please welcome,
a wonderful man,
1389
01:01:30,551 --> 01:01:32,241
Frank Baum.
1390
01:01:32,241 --> 01:01:34,655
-[applause]
-Yeah, go get him, Frank.
1391
01:01:39,172 --> 01:01:40,655
Frankie!
1392
01:01:40,655 --> 01:01:42,103
Go get them!
1393
01:01:46,241 --> 01:01:49,000
-[microphone feedback]
-Sorry.
1394
01:01:55,862 --> 01:01:57,413
"My vagina.
1395
01:01:57,413 --> 01:01:58,586
[snorts]
1396
01:02:00,241 --> 01:02:05,068
"My vagina
is a part of me.
1397
01:02:05,068 --> 01:02:08,724
"But it is not
the all of me.
1398
01:02:08,724 --> 01:02:13,586
"It is not who I am
or who I shall be,
1399
01:02:13,586 --> 01:02:17,965
"but just one unique
and special part of me.
1400
01:02:17,965 --> 01:02:21,413
"I live and love
1401
01:02:21,413 --> 01:02:24,172
"and want the world to see
1402
01:02:24,172 --> 01:02:27,689
"that there is
so much more of me.
1403
01:02:27,689 --> 01:02:32,172
"Judge me by my soul
and by my deeds
1404
01:02:32,172 --> 01:02:34,827
"and not by just
this part of me.
1405
01:02:34,827 --> 01:02:39,206
"I am who I am
1406
01:02:39,206 --> 01:02:43,896
and that
I shall always be."
1407
01:02:43,896 --> 01:02:47,172
-Bravo!
-[applause]
1408
01:02:52,896 --> 01:02:54,620
All right, Frank.
1409
01:03:05,275 --> 01:03:07,517
Really? I mean,
you'’re not just saying that?
1410
01:03:07,517 --> 01:03:10,206
-Really, you were fantastic.
-It wasn'’t too...
1411
01:03:10,206 --> 01:03:11,827
No, no.
1412
01:03:11,827 --> 01:03:13,482
As a matter of fact,
I found the whole thing
1413
01:03:13,482 --> 01:03:17,344
-to be very moving.
-Thanks, buddy.
1414
01:03:17,344 --> 01:03:20,551
Yeah, I'’m even thinking of
getting one of those myself.
1415
01:03:20,551 --> 01:03:24,620
About that conversation
we had at the bar...
1416
01:03:24,620 --> 01:03:27,448
What conversation?
1417
01:03:27,448 --> 01:03:29,517
Good.
1418
01:03:29,517 --> 01:03:32,275
[indistinct chatter]
1419
01:03:32,275 --> 01:03:33,482
Frank:
Very pretty
in that one.
1420
01:03:33,482 --> 01:03:35,482
Hands, great hands.
1421
01:03:35,482 --> 01:03:37,655
Hey, Chad.
Check this out, man.
1422
01:03:37,655 --> 01:03:40,034
Looks like a circus
came into town early.
1423
01:03:40,034 --> 01:03:42,413
Hey, what kind of freak show
are you guys putting on?
1424
01:03:42,413 --> 01:03:44,344
Hey, cool it guys, huh?
1425
01:03:44,344 --> 01:03:46,896
Dude, look at that one.
That is the ugliest one
I'’ve ever seen.
1426
01:03:46,896 --> 01:03:49,413
I said cool it.
1427
01:03:49,413 --> 01:03:51,206
Whoa, no way.
1428
01:03:51,206 --> 01:03:52,931
You'’re that dude on TV?
1429
01:03:52,931 --> 01:03:55,068
What, are you defending
these freaks now?
1430
01:03:55,068 --> 01:03:56,896
I'’m a bit of a freak myself.
1431
01:03:56,896 --> 01:03:58,103
That'’s right.
1432
01:03:58,103 --> 01:04:00,310
You'’re the man
with the pussy.
1433
01:04:00,310 --> 01:04:01,827
[all laugh]
1434
01:04:01,827 --> 01:04:03,827
-This is gonna get physical.
-Physical?
1435
01:04:03,827 --> 01:04:06,275
There are three of us,
and there'’s only one of you.
1436
01:04:06,275 --> 01:04:07,482
-Two.
-Three.
1437
01:04:07,482 --> 01:04:10,000
-Four.
-Five.
1438
01:04:11,758 --> 01:04:14,068
Whatever.
1439
01:04:14,068 --> 01:04:15,586
Freaks.
1440
01:04:18,724 --> 01:04:20,896
-Thanks, Frank.
-Thanks.
1441
01:04:20,896 --> 01:04:22,620
-We owe you one.
-I owe you guys.
1442
01:04:22,620 --> 01:04:24,241
-Bah.
-Yeah.
1443
01:04:24,241 --> 01:04:26,344
-[door knocking]
-Come in.
1444
01:04:28,034 --> 01:04:30,206
-Oh, hey, Dad.
-[door closes]
1445
01:04:30,206 --> 01:04:31,724
Hey, kiddo.
1446
01:04:31,724 --> 01:04:35,758
So, first real date, huh?
1447
01:04:35,758 --> 01:04:37,482
First official date.
1448
01:04:37,482 --> 01:04:39,724
Right, official date,
of course.
1449
01:04:39,724 --> 01:04:41,344
Yeah, been on a bunch
of unofficial dates.
1450
01:04:41,344 --> 01:04:43,862
-Of course you have.
Listen, kiddo.
-Yeah?
1451
01:04:43,862 --> 01:04:46,517
-Let'’s have a little talk.
-About what--no, Dad.
1452
01:04:46,517 --> 01:04:48,379
I already know this stuff.
1453
01:04:48,379 --> 01:04:51,551
I looked it up on
how to be pleased without
being diseased.com.
1454
01:04:53,206 --> 01:04:55,172
Oh.
1455
01:04:55,172 --> 01:04:58,344
Okay. Great.
[chuckles]
1456
01:04:58,344 --> 01:05:00,827
So no other questions?
1457
01:05:00,827 --> 01:05:02,965
Well, now that
you mention it,
1458
01:05:02,965 --> 01:05:04,517
I do have one question.
1459
01:05:04,517 --> 01:05:06,620
What is it, son?
1460
01:05:06,620 --> 01:05:09,965
-Dad, it'’s kind of
a tough one.
-It'’s all right.
1461
01:05:09,965 --> 01:05:11,793
All right.
1462
01:05:11,793 --> 01:05:13,000
Why do you have a camel toe?
1463
01:05:15,827 --> 01:05:18,586
Ah, made you look.
[laughs]
1464
01:05:18,586 --> 01:05:21,000
-Uh, that'’s a good one.
-Yeah.
1465
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:22,655
So listen,
1466
01:05:22,655 --> 01:05:25,689
there'’s a little something
you might not have seen online.
1467
01:05:25,689 --> 01:05:27,620
A secret weapon
1468
01:05:27,620 --> 01:05:31,206
guaranteed to render
the chicks helpless.
1469
01:05:35,068 --> 01:05:37,793
No, whoa, whoa, easy.
1470
01:05:37,793 --> 01:05:41,620
It is very potent.
1471
01:05:41,620 --> 01:05:44,482
-Frankie, Jessie'’s here.
-Coming.
1472
01:05:44,482 --> 01:05:46,448
You look really beautiful
tonight, Jessie.
1473
01:05:46,448 --> 01:05:47,827
Thank you.
1474
01:05:47,827 --> 01:05:50,068
And there'’s my Frankie
all dressed up.
1475
01:05:50,068 --> 01:05:51,344
Hi, Jessie.
You look awesome.
1476
01:05:51,344 --> 01:05:52,758
You too.
1477
01:05:52,758 --> 01:05:54,758
Okay, let me a get
a picture of you guys.
1478
01:05:56,724 --> 01:05:58,103
[car horn honking]
1479
01:05:58,103 --> 01:06:01,000
Let'’s go, kids.
Dad'’s getting antsy.
1480
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,896
Hey. Oh, sweetie,
1481
01:06:02,896 --> 01:06:04,827
have fun tonight.
1482
01:06:04,827 --> 01:06:06,689
Be good, Frankie.
1483
01:06:06,689 --> 01:06:08,655
I'’ll try, Dad.
1484
01:06:10,137 --> 01:06:12,068
[door closes]
1485
01:06:12,068 --> 01:06:13,827
Well... [clears throat]
1486
01:06:13,827 --> 01:06:15,655
...I'’ll head home
and get some dinner.
1487
01:06:15,655 --> 01:06:19,241
Um, you know, Frank,
1488
01:06:19,241 --> 01:06:22,068
I haven'’t eaten yet,
1489
01:06:22,068 --> 01:06:24,965
and I have plenty of food.
1490
01:06:27,655 --> 01:06:29,482
Mitchell:
Are you sure about this?
1491
01:06:29,482 --> 01:06:32,310
Couldn'’t this push back
the chances of us
getting our operation?
1492
01:06:32,310 --> 01:06:33,586
We already waited this long.
1493
01:06:33,586 --> 01:06:35,482
It'’s not gonna kill us
to wait a little bit longer.
1494
01:06:35,482 --> 01:06:36,896
[bangs on door]
1495
01:06:36,896 --> 01:06:39,000
Yes?
1496
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:40,689
Excuse me, do you have
an appointment?
1497
01:06:40,689 --> 01:06:41,896
-No.
-Oops.
1498
01:06:41,896 --> 01:06:43,241
Are you out of your mind?
1499
01:06:43,241 --> 01:06:44,448
Maybe.
1500
01:06:44,448 --> 01:06:45,793
Listen up, jerkoff,
1501
01:06:45,793 --> 01:06:48,068
I wanna talk to you
about Frank Baum.
1502
01:06:48,068 --> 01:06:49,689
He has a family,
and friends,
1503
01:06:49,689 --> 01:06:51,551
and a life he should
get back to.
1504
01:06:51,551 --> 01:06:54,965
So why don'’t you
cut your bullshit
and help the man?
1505
01:06:54,965 --> 01:06:57,413
This is absurd.
You are absurd.
1506
01:06:57,413 --> 01:06:59,482
You are all absurd.
1507
01:06:59,482 --> 01:07:00,758
Hi.
1508
01:07:00,758 --> 01:07:02,344
Not my Liza.
1509
01:07:02,344 --> 01:07:04,310
[growls]
1510
01:07:04,310 --> 01:07:05,758
You know, Doc,
1511
01:07:05,758 --> 01:07:08,620
you don'’t have one picture
of anybody in your family
1512
01:07:08,620 --> 01:07:10,172
or a friend in here.
[scoffs]
1513
01:07:10,172 --> 01:07:11,965
Maybe you don'’t
have any.
1514
01:07:11,965 --> 01:07:13,517
maybe you don'’t
deserve any.
1515
01:07:13,517 --> 01:07:15,482
But Frank Baum
is my friend.
1516
01:07:15,482 --> 01:07:17,965
Our friend.
1517
01:07:17,965 --> 01:07:20,896
You know,
1518
01:07:20,896 --> 01:07:23,379
we asked to go through this.
He didn'’t.
1519
01:07:23,379 --> 01:07:26,000
So why don'’t you help the man
get back to his life?
1520
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:28,034
It'’d be a nice thing to do.
1521
01:07:28,034 --> 01:07:29,586
And sometimes, Doc,
1522
01:07:29,586 --> 01:07:31,862
it just feels good
to do something nice.
1523
01:07:31,862 --> 01:07:33,310
You should try it sometime.
1524
01:07:34,724 --> 01:07:37,517
Come on, Mitchell.
Let'’s go.
1525
01:07:37,517 --> 01:07:40,482
[growls]
1526
01:07:40,482 --> 01:07:42,413
[music]
1527
01:07:42,413 --> 01:07:44,965
Woman [singing]:
♪ I don'’t want spend... ♪
1528
01:07:44,965 --> 01:07:47,275
Oh, Frank.
1529
01:07:47,275 --> 01:07:49,793
Seeing them tonight,
1530
01:07:49,793 --> 01:07:51,758
I kept thinking
of you and me
1531
01:07:51,758 --> 01:07:53,206
way back on
our first dance.
1532
01:07:53,206 --> 01:07:54,724
I know.
1533
01:07:54,724 --> 01:07:57,448
He'’s growing up so fast.
1534
01:07:57,448 --> 01:07:59,206
Seems like every time
I turn around,
1535
01:07:59,206 --> 01:08:01,965
I'’m missing something
in his life.
1536
01:08:01,965 --> 01:08:05,241
That'’s easy to fix.
1537
01:08:05,241 --> 01:08:08,068
-Don'’t turn around.
-[chuckles]
1538
01:08:12,827 --> 01:08:15,000
You know, this whole...
1539
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:17,172
screwup.
1540
01:08:18,862 --> 01:08:21,827
It'’s like I see
everything clearly now.
1541
01:08:21,827 --> 01:08:24,103
I look at myself
and I say,
1542
01:08:24,103 --> 01:08:26,620
"What the hell
was I thinking?"
1543
01:08:26,620 --> 01:08:32,103
I should'’ve been focused
on you and Frankie.
1544
01:08:32,103 --> 01:08:34,655
How'’d you put up with me?
1545
01:08:34,655 --> 01:08:37,482
That'’s a good question.
[chuckles]
1546
01:08:37,482 --> 01:08:41,655
Uh... yeah.
1547
01:08:41,655 --> 01:08:45,896
Thanks for dinner.
I should head back.
1548
01:08:45,896 --> 01:08:48,620
Um, Frank...
1549
01:08:49,931 --> 01:08:51,206
you look tired.
1550
01:08:51,206 --> 01:08:53,862
[chuckles]
1551
01:08:53,862 --> 01:08:56,137
And I think maybe
you should stay the night.
1552
01:08:56,137 --> 01:08:58,448
Oh, Diane, no way. No.
1553
01:08:58,448 --> 01:09:00,827
I couldn'’t--I can'’t--
1554
01:09:00,827 --> 01:09:02,344
you know, I mean,
1555
01:09:02,344 --> 01:09:05,517
we couldn'’t,
you know...
1556
01:09:05,517 --> 01:09:07,103
No, I know.
1557
01:09:08,586 --> 01:09:10,241
[clears throat]
1558
01:09:10,241 --> 01:09:14,862
Although, you know
I can'’t resist that cologne.
1559
01:09:14,862 --> 01:09:16,241
[sprays cologne]
1560
01:09:22,034 --> 01:09:23,827
[cell phone ringing]
1561
01:09:23,827 --> 01:09:25,758
-Hello?
-Frank.
1562
01:09:25,758 --> 01:09:28,758
-Dr. Weller.
-Yes?
1563
01:09:28,758 --> 01:09:31,413
I have some news I think
is going to make you
1564
01:09:31,413 --> 01:09:34,620
and your friends
very happy.
1565
01:09:39,482 --> 01:09:42,068
Hey, Shane.
1566
01:09:42,068 --> 01:09:44,137
I want you to pull
some footage for me
1567
01:09:44,137 --> 01:09:45,551
and shoot my new promo.
1568
01:09:45,551 --> 01:09:48,275
Oh, sure, but that
has to be cleared
by promotions and the...
1569
01:09:48,275 --> 01:09:50,275
Sure. Sure.
1570
01:09:50,275 --> 01:09:54,034
Do you have to clear it
when you help out
your Uncle Frank?
1571
01:09:54,034 --> 01:09:56,551
Oh, he'’s not my uncle.
He'’s my friend.
1572
01:09:56,551 --> 01:09:59,275
Yeah, whatever
that is all about.
1573
01:09:59,275 --> 01:10:00,827
-Huh?
-I just wonder why
1574
01:10:00,827 --> 01:10:02,482
a young up-and-comer
like you
1575
01:10:02,482 --> 01:10:04,586
would lasso yourself
to that guy'’s star.
1576
01:10:04,586 --> 01:10:06,965
He'’s old, he'’s a freak,
1577
01:10:06,965 --> 01:10:08,793
and he'’s on his way out.
1578
01:10:08,793 --> 01:10:10,931
Okay, listen,
Biff Baxter,
1579
01:10:10,931 --> 01:10:12,965
or whatever
your real name is,
1580
01:10:12,965 --> 01:10:15,379
I really hate
to do this but...
1581
01:10:15,379 --> 01:10:17,413
you are a butthole.
1582
01:10:17,413 --> 01:10:18,551
Hey, hey.
1583
01:10:18,551 --> 01:10:20,586
Shane, watch your language
there, buddy.
1584
01:10:20,586 --> 01:10:22,103
Well, he had it
coming to him, Frank.
1585
01:10:22,103 --> 01:10:25,310
What has you rattling cages,
Biff?
1586
01:10:25,310 --> 01:10:28,068
Dude, all I'’m saying
is your lame reports
1587
01:10:28,068 --> 01:10:30,275
are gonna cost the station
the ratings bump.
1588
01:10:30,275 --> 01:10:31,482
I got it.
1589
01:10:31,482 --> 01:10:33,620
I'’d love to stay
and debate you,
1590
01:10:33,620 --> 01:10:35,482
but Shane
and I have practice.
1591
01:10:35,482 --> 01:10:37,137
Oh, yeah, that charity
challenge bullshit.
1592
01:10:41,103 --> 01:10:42,310
Bullshit?
1593
01:10:42,310 --> 01:10:44,034
Yeah.
1594
01:10:44,034 --> 01:10:47,310
A bunch of
middle-aged men and him.
1595
01:10:47,310 --> 01:10:50,758
I could beat you guys
single-handed, blindfolded.
1596
01:10:50,758 --> 01:10:53,620
But the rules state
I got to have nine on a team.
1597
01:10:53,620 --> 01:10:55,965
Is that a challenge?
1598
01:10:55,965 --> 01:10:59,068
Me and my friends are in.
1599
01:10:59,068 --> 01:11:01,241
How do I know you'’ve got
what it takes?
1600
01:11:01,241 --> 01:11:03,172
-Five Gs?
-Eight friends.
1601
01:11:03,172 --> 01:11:04,724
Oh.
1602
01:11:04,724 --> 01:11:06,517
Are we on?
1603
01:11:06,517 --> 01:11:08,000
You win,
I leave Channel 7.
1604
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:09,931
I win,
1605
01:11:09,931 --> 01:11:12,586
it'’s bye-bye, Biffy.
1606
01:11:13,896 --> 01:11:16,000
Pack your bags, Pops.
1607
01:11:25,172 --> 01:11:26,655
Frank, what if we lose?
1608
01:11:28,965 --> 01:11:30,551
Shut up, Shane.
1609
01:11:30,551 --> 01:11:32,931
Johnny:
So, now that Frank was gonna
get his junk back,
1610
01:11:32,931 --> 01:11:35,379
we just had to help him
get his job back.
1611
01:11:35,379 --> 01:11:37,965
Frank, are these guys
gonna show up
1612
01:11:37,965 --> 01:11:39,275
or are we gonna win
by forfeit?
1613
01:11:39,275 --> 01:11:40,689
-I don'’t know.
-[police siren chirps]
1614
01:11:40,689 --> 01:11:41,827
Look.
1615
01:12:38,482 --> 01:12:40,896
Oh, my God. Look at them,
they'’re like pros.
1616
01:12:40,896 --> 01:12:42,517
What can I do, Frank?
What can I do?
1617
01:12:42,517 --> 01:12:44,241
You can act like a man.
1618
01:12:44,241 --> 01:12:45,965
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1619
01:12:45,965 --> 01:12:47,620
Easy, Don Corleone.
1620
01:12:50,758 --> 01:12:53,103
Let'’s play ball.
1621
01:12:56,103 --> 01:12:57,965
We are down to...
1622
01:12:57,965 --> 01:13:00,724
what is going to be
one heck of a game.
1623
01:13:00,724 --> 01:13:02,137
[crowd cheering]
1624
01:13:07,310 --> 01:13:09,379
[cheers]
1625
01:13:30,482 --> 01:13:32,586
[cheering]
1626
01:13:52,206 --> 01:13:55,448
Strike three!
You'’re out!
1627
01:14:06,206 --> 01:14:08,448
[crowd groaning]
1628
01:14:20,448 --> 01:14:22,103
Two. That'’s two.
1629
01:14:22,103 --> 01:14:24,793
[cheering]
1630
01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:30,379
Henry Ott?
1631
01:14:30,379 --> 01:14:32,413
Henry Ott.
1632
01:14:35,551 --> 01:14:37,655
We need you
to get on base.
1633
01:14:37,655 --> 01:14:40,448
Right. You want me
to bunt or swing away?
1634
01:14:40,448 --> 01:14:42,862
Yeah, we need you
to take one for the team.
1635
01:14:42,862 --> 01:14:44,275
What does that mean?
1636
01:14:44,275 --> 01:14:46,103
Lean over the plate.
Let the pitch hit you.
1637
01:14:46,103 --> 01:14:47,655
What? Won'’t that hurt?
1638
01:14:47,655 --> 01:14:50,068
Take it like a man.
1639
01:14:50,068 --> 01:14:51,586
Come on.
1640
01:14:51,586 --> 01:14:54,517
[crowd cheering]
1641
01:15:05,206 --> 01:15:06,655
Nice. Get '’em.
1642
01:15:06,655 --> 01:15:08,275
Come on.
Team!
1643
01:15:20,689 --> 01:15:23,000
[cheering]
1644
01:15:30,275 --> 01:15:31,758
Umpire: Safe!
1645
01:15:43,310 --> 01:15:45,344
You'’re awesome,
sweetheart.
1646
01:15:45,344 --> 01:15:48,000
Biff: Frank.
1647
01:15:54,655 --> 01:15:56,793
Keep in touch,
little man.
1648
01:15:56,793 --> 01:15:59,034
-Congrats, Frank.
-Good game, Frank.
1649
01:15:59,034 --> 01:16:00,379
All right, guys.
1650
01:16:00,379 --> 01:16:02,413
Hey, buddy, for your
surgery tomorrow,
1651
01:16:02,413 --> 01:16:05,000
promise me you won'’t get
in the wrong operating room
this time.
1652
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:06,310
What could possibly go wrong?
1653
01:16:06,310 --> 01:16:07,413
Oh.
1654
01:16:08,896 --> 01:16:10,931
Let'’s go home, huh?
1655
01:16:16,793 --> 01:16:18,517
Nurse:
Okay, Frank.
1656
01:16:18,517 --> 01:16:20,482
Now count backwards
from a hundred.
1657
01:16:20,482 --> 01:16:22,655
Ninety-nine,
1658
01:16:22,655 --> 01:16:24,862
ninety-eight,
1659
01:16:24,862 --> 01:16:27,482
ninety-seven,
1660
01:16:27,482 --> 01:16:30,965
ninety-six...
1661
01:16:30,965 --> 01:16:33,689
-...two...
-[beeping]
1662
01:16:37,482 --> 01:16:39,310
So everybody lived
happily ever after.
1663
01:16:39,310 --> 01:16:41,206
Frank got his settlement
from the hospital
1664
01:16:41,206 --> 01:16:43,172
and he even wrote
a number one best seller,
1665
01:16:43,172 --> 01:16:45,068
The Vagina Man.
1666
01:16:45,068 --> 01:16:47,103
Michelle--I mean, Mitchell,
1667
01:16:47,103 --> 01:16:48,379
ended up getting married
1668
01:16:48,379 --> 01:16:51,310
to Frank'’s ex-girlfriend,
Trinnie.
1669
01:16:51,310 --> 01:16:53,206
-Man: Hurry up, Johnny.
-Coming.
1670
01:16:53,206 --> 01:16:55,793
[upbeat music playing]
1671
01:16:56,931 --> 01:16:59,551
Spud:
Bourne Identity is coming on.
1672
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:08,172
This is my favorite
Matt Damon film.
1673
01:17:08,172 --> 01:17:11,206
He sure is a pretty man.
1674
01:17:11,206 --> 01:17:13,482
Very.
1675
01:17:15,413 --> 01:17:16,689
[both sigh]
1676
01:17:16,689 --> 01:17:18,827
-Matt Damon.
-Matt Damon.
1677
01:18:25,482 --> 01:18:27,413
[hip-hop music playing]
1678
01:18:27,413 --> 01:18:29,172
Peanuts!
1679
01:18:29,172 --> 01:18:31,689
Oh! I just love peanuts!
1680
01:18:31,689 --> 01:18:32,896
Oh!
1681
01:18:32,896 --> 01:18:34,310
Peanuts.
1682
01:18:34,310 --> 01:18:35,896
Please, let me buy peanuts
for everybody.
1683
01:18:35,896 --> 01:18:39,310
Hey, peanut man.
Whoa, peanut man.
1684
01:18:39,310 --> 01:18:41,793
-Well.
-Awesome.
1685
01:18:41,793 --> 01:18:44,586
Okay, how many do we need?
Peanuts?
1686
01:18:44,586 --> 01:18:46,344
Thanks, Trinnie.
But I can'’t have any.
1687
01:18:46,344 --> 01:18:47,655
-Diane?
-Maybe later.
1688
01:18:47,655 --> 01:18:49,620
-Oh.
-I guess I'’ll take a bag.
1689
01:18:49,620 --> 01:18:51,241
-[laughs]
-I already have nuts.
1690
01:18:51,241 --> 01:18:52,517
Oh, well.
1691
01:18:52,517 --> 01:18:54,310
I like a man
who thinks ahead.
1692
01:18:54,310 --> 01:18:56,172
Okay, so let'’s see.
1693
01:18:56,172 --> 01:18:57,931
Henry was a no.
1694
01:18:57,931 --> 01:19:00,241
Diane was a no.
1695
01:19:00,241 --> 01:19:02,172
Frankie was a yes.
1696
01:19:02,172 --> 01:19:04,310
And Travis has his own.
So that'’s...
1697
01:19:04,310 --> 01:19:06,551
Well, that'’s one,
1698
01:19:06,551 --> 01:19:08,689
and I'’ll have four.
1699
01:19:08,689 --> 01:19:10,275
So, that'’s...
1700
01:19:10,275 --> 01:19:14,827
five bags of peanuts, please.
1701
01:19:14,827 --> 01:19:16,379
One, two...
1702
01:19:16,379 --> 01:19:18,793
oh, three, four--
1703
01:19:18,793 --> 01:19:20,655
oh, here you go.
1704
01:19:20,655 --> 01:19:23,103
-Okay. How much is this?
-That'’ll be $10, ma'’am.
1705
01:19:23,103 --> 01:19:24,586
All right.
All right.
1706
01:19:24,586 --> 01:19:28,482
Oh, thanks, ma'’am,
but do you have cash?
1707
01:19:28,482 --> 01:19:30,586
Oh, well. Okay.
1708
01:19:33,275 --> 01:19:35,137
-Well, thank you, ma'’am.
-Oh, thank you.
1709
01:19:35,137 --> 01:19:37,103
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
1710
01:19:37,103 --> 01:19:39,068
I wanna give you something.
1711
01:19:39,068 --> 01:19:40,965
All right.
I appreciate that.
[chuckling]
1712
01:19:43,206 --> 01:19:46,482
-Oh, you are too kind.
-Thank you very much.
1713
01:19:49,206 --> 01:19:51,275
Cheap-ass bitch.
1714
01:19:51,275 --> 01:19:54,551
I just love peanuts.
1715
01:19:54,551 --> 01:19:56,689
I always have.
1716
01:19:56,689 --> 01:19:59,931
I should tell my daddy
that I want him to buy me
1717
01:19:59,931 --> 01:20:01,413
a big old peanut ranch.
1718
01:20:01,413 --> 01:20:02,620
Oh!
1719
01:20:02,620 --> 01:20:04,137
But do you know,
1720
01:20:04,137 --> 01:20:07,724
I do not know why
they call it peanut butter.
1721
01:20:07,724 --> 01:20:10,137
You cannot cook with it,
believe me.
1722
01:20:10,137 --> 01:20:12,000
I have tried.
117235
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