All language subtitles for Sex.and.Zen.Extreme.Ecstasy.2011.CHINESE.DC.1080p.BluRay.x265-VXT

"3D sex and zen: Extreme ecstasy"

The amarus bamboo temple
on the condensing cliff

is the most renowned
temple on emei mountain.

It is especially popular among people
from western sichuan.

It is in its incense heyday.

The guanyin hall on the right houses
a bodhisattva statue

designed by the famous artist wu daozi

which dates back to 800 years ago.

The guanyin is known to have answered
to faithful's prayers positively.

Thus, there are countless believers

kneeling and praying to the statue,

asking for a son, health,

or evil spirits to be warded off.

Remember, listen to
instructions and be obedient,

then you will grow up fast and strong.

Understand?

Yes.

Are you asking about your family?

Let me figure it out.

Okay.

We will come back later
to repay our gratitude.

He really answers our prayers.

Go away, go!

Get out!

This is crazy. What's going on?

How dare he blaspheme against guanyin!

You will be damned by the gods!
Beat him... beat him to death!

This is sacrilegious

The ashes is hot!!

Let's go...

What is true happiness?

Happiness today is the
cause of future misery.

Future misery is the result
of the happiness today.

Having said that,

I still prefer happiness today.

I disagree

just like the prince of ning

who leads a hideously luxurious life.

He collects the world's most precious
objects and people.

But do you think he's happy?

While he gratifies his endless desire,

cries of discontent arise among the people.

How could he be happy and at ease
while his people are suffering?

How can you compare a scumbag like him

to a sophisticated scholar like me?

I won't just let go of this incident.

Lin, don't you think
we're too young to get married?

We still haven't fooled around enough.

I'm sure you'd regret it.

If I have a lovely wife,

I wouldn't mind to lose some of my freedom.

Just go and take a look.

You don't have to marry him
if you don't like him.

I'm not getting married.

Master, mister lin is waiting
in the sitting room.

I don't care!

You have to go anyways.
Just to see for yourself.

Miss, you really have nothing to lose.

No, I'm not going.

But Mr. tie is such a square,

I'm sure his daughter must be a bore,

and your sex life is likely to be...

My dearest lin, how's your father doing?

He's doing great.

This is weiyangsheng, a
good friend of mine.

He comes to keep me company.

Lin, I'm so sorry.

My daughter refuses to come out.
I haven't brought her up well enough.

You made a trip here but I'm afraid
you're not meeting her this time

in this case, let's get going.
We're actually kind of busy.

Come on, let's go. Oh, goodbye then

master, miss is on her way
out to meet the guests.

Now that miss tie is here,
I guess we should stay a while.

Okay.

As my daughter lost her
mother at an early age,

she is spoiled.

For matters about herself,

she always has to make her own decisions.

Dad, I only decide on trivial matters.

But marriage is a big thing and of course,
I'll leave it to dad,

for a woman should comply with the three
obediences and four virtues, right?

My daughter is still not
married all these years

because she is my only kid,

and my son-in-law has to
marry into our family.

The maid is so beautiful.
Their first son has to use our surname,

such conditions turn many men away.

Well... but I'm the only son in the family.
So were my father and grandfather...

Throughout 7 generations, all my patriarchal
ancestors are the only sons in the family.

But if I have the honour

to marry a lady like miss tie,

I don't mind marrying into the tie's.

Okay, I've made up my mind.
I'll marry into the tie's.

All my children will bear your last name.

I've also made up my mind.

Even my grandchildren can
bear your last name.

But...

I approached lin's parents first
and I have to stick to that.

So...

Can I borrow a piece of paper?

Miss, he is really talented.

Here's a clumsy painting of mine,

I hope Mr. tie and miss tie
could give some comments.

A picture comes to life
with the artist's exquisite strokes

her eyes watery and sparkling, her lips red

like a woman straight out
of song yu's prose poem

miss dong next door,
showing only her torso above the wall

dad, I have made up my mind.

I will marry no one other
than weiyangsheng.

And I'll also marry no
one other than miss tie.

Well... congratulations...

Lin...

Mr. wei...

Let me introduce a good friend of mine.

This is scholar shangguan shun.

My good friend weiyangshang.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

Master wants you to see him.

Excuse me.

They are Mr. and Mrs. good fortune

they are in their 90s,

and have been happily married for
more than 70 years.

Master invited them to give you blessings.

Mr. and Mrs. good fortune,

hope you are all well.

Good, we will give you a red pocket later.

My dear, look at you.

You have food all over you.

Excuse me,

you two have been married for decades.

How can you

still be so loving to each other?

I don't know.

I just know that I love her very much

and when we say "make love",

you have to make, to have love

I guess... you haven't
made love for many years?

How can you still be in love?

It is no big deal not
being able to make love.

You will understand when time goes by.

Shit.

The groom and the bride kneel
to the heaven and earth...

So cool!

Wait a minute.

My dear, will it hurt?

It will hurt, but it
feels extremely awesome.

Thank god it didn't hurt. But...

I wouldn't call it awesome either...

I have to admit that there is room
for improvement.

I guess I need more practice,

improvement is absolutely possible.

Did you see it?

No. I blinked and it's over.

You hate prince of ning so much,

why do you want me
to bring you to the tower of rarities?

If I don't go in the tiger's den,

how can I collect his crime evidence?

Oh yes, good point...

Your highness,
I brought my best friend here today.

I guess you don't need me
to explain the rules here, do you?

Before I enter the tower, I have to
make a contribution to the collection.

I do understand.

This is from my father's collection.

I know it's not anything near a rarity.

It's not hard to find a coral this big,

but it's quite rare to see one
that big in bright red colour.

Bring over a few of those corals

that are to be packed into the store room.
Let them take a look.

You think a piece of junk of such calibre
could get you in the tower of rarities?

Now you can pick any one of these rejects

as your compensation.

And don't ever come back again, okay?

My ignorance has disgraced myself.

I'm in no position to accept
any generous gift from your highness.

I'd better get going.

I thought I've had a taste
of your highness' collection.

But I didn't expect to see a counterfeit
hung on the wall as if it's real.

This painting has been verified
by many connoisseurs.

The paper, ink and the brush
are all from the tang dynasty,

even the brushstrokes
are signature of wu's.

On what grounds do you
think it's counterfeit?

Cut open the border,

you'd see the painting
is made up of two layers of paper.

The ingenious thing about this counterfeit is
the use of rare ancient paper for tracing.

The rice paper on top

was used to trace the brushstrokes of wu.

But the backing sheet underneath is chengxintang paper
from the last reign of the Southern tang kingdom.

You'd see plum blossom-shaped
watermarks on the backing paper.

The two were over two hundred years apart,

then how can it be real?

Your insight is a rarity good enough

to get you in the tower.

Thank you.

The original from scholar yan zhun xing

This is impossible!

This has been lost for hundreds of years.

The original from calligrapher wang xi zi.

I sent someone to dig out
the emperor's grave.

Spent seven years to get it.

This is the best mathematician in history.

I travelled all over our country

and did my calculations according
to changes in the shadows,

I conclude that our land is not flat.

It is in a ball shape.

The diameter of the ball

from whatever direction

is about 35,000 miles...

This place is small. I
don't want to be disturbed

how old do you think he is?

With all his white hair

in his 60s, I suppose.

He thinks and does math too much,

his hair turns white overnight
and he also turns mental.

He's only 23.

My place is so big and he said it's small.

And if the land is in a ball shape,

how come we don't fall?

Let's go

stupid

look.

It's a horse.

Stroke the horse.

Is it...

This is the legendary blood-sweating horse.

Ha... very amazing!

But nothing compares
to the pavilion of ultimate bliss.

You have to take some wushi powder
before you get in though.

You gotta have a taste
of this ultimate bliss,

everything will turn beautiful.

Let's drink.

I drink again?

Yes, your turn.

Don't go.

Let me catch you, and you will be dead.

Drink with me, come on.

Do you know him?

That's shangguan shen.

He was one of my guests

at my wedding

shangguan shen is my guest,

I let him in because

he has altogether 127 wives and concubines.

Apart from the emperor his majesty,

he has the most wives and
concubines on earth.

But...

They aren't good looking at all.

Let me make a Mark on your neck.

The most beautiful woman in the world.

Skin fair like icy snow.

Demeanour like the Autumn water.
Bones like Jade.

A fraction of an inch taller would be too tall. A
fraction of an inch shorter would be too short.

This is the most discerning connoisseur
in the world.

She is the walking example
of perfect proportion.

The flawless exemplar of the word beauty,

but I admire her personality most.

Mister, I'm terribly sorry.

Go to hell!

Miss, please don't!

Stop...

Stop...

No...

You shouldn't torture her
if she has done something wrong,

you should just shoot her to death!

Your hand is hurting and
she is not dead yet.

It doesn't work, okay?

Don't do it next time.

Hurry, or else you'll miss it.

Well, she is not that special...

So beautiful...

Go away, go away...

Go away.

Your highness.

Her name is ruizhu

she's a part of my rare collection.

Ruizhu is unique in her sexual tricks,

and her ability to boost
yin and Yang energies mutually with a man.

She can make any impotent man virile again.

And maintain an erection
as long as he wants.

But she can only serve one man each day.

Of course, only those who
have my approval can have sex with her.

She seems interested in you.

I can give my permission
if you want to have sex with her.

Thank you, your highness.

Hey, hold on, hold on.
My permission is granted on conditions.

I'm all ears.

First, you have to serve me for 10 years,
during which time you're on call 24-7.

If you agree,
I'll let you have a day's slot with ruizhu.

Is that it? That's a deal.

I haven't tried even once.

Don't rush it. We have a whole day.

I'm afraid I can't keep
it up the whole day.

Don't worry. I'll take care of it.

I can't hold back anymore...

Master, weiyangsheng and ruizhu

aven't been out of the room all day...

They are still doing it.

Miss tie is a well-bred lady of excellent
manners and elegance,

I chose to hang out in brothels
and cold-shoulder my lovely wife.

Hereby, we both agree
to divorce each other.

From now on,
each of us is free to get married again.

I've made a serious mistake,

I'm indebted to her for her innocent love,

I really don't have any excuse.

That's enough. Put your signature down.

Cut that crap, bastard!

You have been fooling around
among other women all the time,

you don't even care if your wife is sick.

You are worse than an animal.

Yuxiang,

This brush

is my favourite and was passed
on to me from my ancestors.

A broken mirror can be fixed,

but I'm afraid a broken brush can't be.

L, weiyangshang, have decided that

I shall never paint again.

Miss.

Miss, your hand...

If the two of you still love each other,

why do you divorce him?

It's my fault,

I can't satisfy his needs on bed.

I will never be able to give him happiness.

Why doesn't dong Mei feel the pain?

A certain level of pain

can create a pleasurable
feeling like reaching a climax.

Is that true?

Try it out and you will know.

No thanks.

Your highness,

can I take a look at that painting?

Harder!

Harder!

The stamp is fake.

And the inscription that says
it is from the Southern tang dynasty

is also wrong.

Is it worthless then?

How much time is it off from Southern tang?

It's 300 years off.

Congratulations, your highness.

It's priceless.

This is an authentic work of dong ju.

This is the oldest painting on earth,

but the antique shop owner
doesn't seem to be very knowledgeable,

as to put on a fake stamp
and inscribed some bullshit on it.

Oh... what a twist!

Officially one more rare
item to my collection.

Good. Come with me.

No one can go in except the prince.

Death is the penalty with no exception.

It hurts.

What should I give you as a reward?
What do you want?

There's nothing else I'd ask for.

Dongmei.

Congratulations, your highness.

Do you know what is pleasure
comes through toil?

Coffin, for you.

Bird, your favourite.

Now what? Who's turn?

You have us waiting every time.

You dare to discard this
one, you are so dead.

Hurry up. Don't think too much.

If I am not allowed to
think, I'd rather not play.

Which one should I discard?

Discard this one then you have
5 chances to win. Dump ass!

Awesome!

So big!

I want it so much!

You think she's frigid, right?

But do you know why?

She's not frigid.

The problem is you.

Mr.

How can it be so small?

Hey you! Who told you to come this way?

East side is where miss tie's room is

you are just a servant,

you cannot come over this side.

You are fired.

I'm so sorry. It's really stupid of me and I made
a terrible mistake. But please, don't fire me.

Dong, he has apologized.

It's no big deal.

It's your lucky day, son! Now that miss
intercedes for you, I'll let you stay.

Don't you forget to thank miss.

Yes.

My name is quan laoshi
and I thank miss for your mercy.

Oh... you don't have to... stand up please.

What are you standing there for?

Go take the coal balls
into the storeroom now!

Yes. Yes, sir.

He said he is raising
money to bury his father,

otherwise I won't even hire him.

What a waste to feed you. Work now.

This money is for him.

Some tips.

Okay.

Come over here.

Miss gives you some tip.

Thank you...

Make it quick, and hurry!

Yes, I understand.

Slow poke, not a smart guy.

Just with muscles, but good for nothing.

You are late in everything.

Take it easy, my friend.

How can 1? I'm really looking forward
to meeting this elder of ultimate bliss!

He has the most mind-blowing
sex tricks in the world.

Let's go.

Shangguan shen,

when are you going to
marry your 128th wife?

Your highness, you are joking.

Your highness. You are late.

Sit.

Hope you are well.

Your highness,

you said that by noon today,

that elder of ultimate bliss would show up?

He is not here yet.

How dare he comes late
to your highness' party?

As this gentleman is so desperate,

why don't you

calm his nerves by drinking with him?

Awesome.

Master must be enjoying himself.

You have a cute and
interesting accessory...

I am the elder of ultimate bliss
and my name is Lee changchun.

Wow... amazing.

You're so ignorant, kid.
Don't you know the elder of ultimate bliss

is an androgynous being
with extraordinary sex tricks?

I'm so pleased

to have the pleasure to
eyewitness that today.

My pleasure too, your highness.

As I've kind of overloaded
myself a little just now,

I'd like to excuse myself
first if you don't mind,

I need a break at home.

Feel free to leave.

Your highness,
you are so well endowed to begin with,

if you learn his tricks from him,

you will do way better.

Elder of ultimate bliss is a monster

who possesses both male
and female genitals.

His skills are not something
a normal person can learn.

You are absolutely right, your highness.

Let's stop talking and drink.

Cheers... let's go.

Where are we going?

Just follow me.

This way, come over here,
let's have more fun.

This way, throw it here.

Calm down, ma'am. We
don't mean to scare you.

We're here for the elder of ultimate bliss.

Huh? What did you say?

They have hearing problems.
They can't hear you.

Master!

Godfather... who are they?

I'm so scared, godfather.

Godfather?

Did they call you godfather?

Why don't you kids tell these guys
how old you are?

I'm 14... I'm 15

I'm 16...

Huh?

They are the leftovers of my treatments.

Have you ever heard of boosting
the Yang by consuming the yin?

You're saying they look that old

because you've consumed them?

Yes, I am.

Go and play.

Okay, let's go and play...

Ah.. Master...

So, why did you follow me here?

I had the honour

to see your sex trick this afternoon.

I was so amazed.

I desperately need to refine
my techniques on bed,

that's why I want to learn it from you.

I hope you can take me as your protége.

These sex tricks are strict secrets within our
sect and never disclosed to anyone outsiders.

I'm afraid I can't teach you.

I can give you everything I have.

Money is not an issue here,

if I learn a couple tricks from you,

I will have no regret for my life.

I don't mind losing all my wealth,

I'd even risk my life for them. Please!

Get up please, mister.

You're just too poorly endowed,

there's no point teaching
you anything at all.

Okay, I'll teach you.

But on two conditions.

Absolutely, I'm all ears.

First,

you'd have to do one thing for me,

I'll let you know

what that is later on.

Not a problem

what's the second condition?

Your valet is quite hot.
Let me consume him to boost my own energy!

No, master. Don't.

Didn't you say you owe me so much?

Why don't you sacrifice yourself
and pay me back once and for all?

No! Please! It's your chance now.

We are here to help.

No.

Do you know what this is?

What?

Ooh... Booty hurts.

It really hurts.
Someone takes him to my room.

Master!

Help! Master! No!

When can we start?

Not so soon!
Haven't you ever heard the saying that

"a worker sharpens his tools
before he can do his job well?"

Now, you'd have to go find my old friend

the medical Sage tianjizi.

I'm afraid

you have to get a new cock.

Huh? A new cock?

Can't we just take a few of those pills?

There might be some serious side effects.

The foundation of our sex tricks
is based on studies

from emperor huang di
thousands of years ago.

Combined with studies from other countries,

the root is founded on a
unique breathing method.

Which makes the cock able to lift anything.

It will be able to control any woman
and gives her extreme pleasure.

Lucky! Shut up and go inside!

How can I help you?

My name is weiyangsheng.

The elder of ultimate bliss
told me to come here.

May I ask if tianjizi is here?

So you are here for my master? Yes.

But he's dead.

He's dead?

What are you here for?

I'm his second apprentice, tiancan.

I'm his first apprentice, dique.

Come in first.

Come on in.

Since the elder of ultimate bliss
asked you to come here,

let us know how we can help.

I want to...

No fucking way. A new cock?

Who is getting a new cock?

Is someone going to get a new cock?

Hey, someone wants a new cock.

Come quickly and have a look...

Get a new cock? What fucking new cock?

Let me take a look at your cock first.

It is like a dead snake.

What... you let me look at stuff
like these, how can I get hard?

I'll make it quick and clear.

From the hardness of it, I can see

this is certainly a level 2

erectile dysfunction.

What?

Erectile dysfunction?

Well, level 1 erectile dysfunction

will be just like this piece of tofu.

One squish and it's over.

What about level 27

It's not for you.

Level 2 erectile dysfunction

is like this banana without the skin.
It's soft.

Are you serious? I was
just too nervous before.

Will you get hard if you
are touched by a man?

Do you want me to bump you up to level 3?

From a banana without skin,

to a banana with skin, how's that?

But it's still erectile dysfunction.

Well, then what is normal?

Normal?

It should sound like this.
This is called normal.

Is there any cure?

A super pill?

This pill is passed on from
our master's ancestor.

It is especially effective for men like you

who are impotence,

and help them to be robust again,

they can then regain the
pleasure of coitus.

That's incredible!

Is there any side effect?

It has been clinically tested

by the three of us,

we guarantee it works.

Oh

That means all the three of you
have erectile dysfunction.

Bullshit! What are you talking about?

Well I mean,
since both of you are experts in this area,

and are the greatest doctors on earth,

what are we waiting for?
Please give me one of those pills.

You have made the right decision.

Of course...

However, it is a pity.

What is?

Since this is made from
a secret formula from our master,

and our master has passed away,

what a pity he didn't
leave the formula behind.

We are afraid that we
have to disappoint you.

If you don't have it, maybe
someone else has it?

Forget about it. It's exclusive.

If someone else has it, it must be fake.

I sincerely suggest that
you make up your mind

to get a new cock.

Get a new cock?

We have this book as well.

This is an advanced medical handbook.

Our master spent so much time

discussing this book with
us when he was alive.

This cock-swapping thing

has been a topic that the three of us
studied for a long time

we surely want to put it into practice.

You mean, you've never done one?

We've done it to a dog.

And my master did it once for a man
before he died.

Yes.

I guess no one is willing to swap
his cock with yours...

Can I swap it with an animal?

Theoretically, that's possible.

Which animal do you want?

I'm going for the obvious
if I'm gonna do it.

People say "hung like a horse."
I want a horse cock.

Good idea. That's brilliant.

Good, a horse cock is a great thing.

Horse cock. Are you sure you're capable
of doing the surgery?

What?

Are you discriminating
against the disabled?

Before the surgery

there are two rules that
we have to strictly adhere to

first.

The surgery has to be done within the time
when an incense stick burns.

If we run late,

your newly attached cock will be useless.

Or, you'd have no cock at all.

Second.

You cannot have sex in one month,

otherwise, it'd really be useless.

Now drink this anaesthetic,

you won't feel the pain after that.

Relax,

look around and don't focus here.

It will soon be done.

Okay.

It's cut.

Don't feel it? Don't feel it, right?

Wipe the sweat.

Hey, what the hell?

By the way, how did your master die?

Oh, he failed the cock-swapping operation

and was killed by the patient.

We're physically challenged but so what?

We do our job well.

We are not worse than any healthy person.

Oh

The cock is squished.

What?

Do you think we can still swap it?

We're such cockheads, aren't we?

No worries, we still got time.

Why don't we put your own cock back on?

At least you have something.

That's the only way. Let's do it.

Hey, no...

Don't eat my cock!

Lucky! Hey, where are you going?

No, lucky! Don't!

Go get him!

Grab that baby sausage!

But I need an extra hand for that.

Extra hand?

Use you mouth! Your mouth!

Use my mouth?

Hurry up!

Got it! I got it back!

But it's just this much left.

Are you sure you still want it?

What?

Gee, we're running out of time.

Either of you can give me your cock!

It won't work even if I am willing to.

If I am willing to give up my cock,

I don't have hands to do the operation.

If I give up my cock,

no one can run errands for me.

We don't have enough time. That's right.

Don't tell me it's my fate that

I have no cock.

Hey, hold it!

Is your donkey a male?

The donkey, hey!
Hey, where are you going?

If it is male, we will buy
it no matter how much.

We can repay what we owe you.

Though we lost the horse cock
but we will pay you back with a donkey's.

Drown her! She deserves it!

This is master tie's daughter.

Drag her out of water. Whore!

Drown her to death!

You whore, you seduced a
servant in the house...

Whore! ...Which induced your father's death

you tramp!
Say your last words before being executed.

I have nothing to say.

Okay then.

Drown her again.
Throw her into the water.

Stop! Stop it! Hold it there.

I raped her.

Quan laoshi, did you say you raped her?

Rape is a serious crime.
Don't admit it if you haven't done it.

That's right. Rape is a very serious crime.

Now listen! I did rape her.

You're the rapist
and you'd get drowned with her. Get him!

Come on guys, go get him! Laoshi, run!

Get him. Hold him tight

Quan, I believe what you said.

For a powerful martial artist like you

to rape a flimsy lady

will be so easy.

This is so evident that you did it.

Enough said. Let's go.

Go? Yes... I tell you to go.

Mayor, you have something on your...

Take care, mayor, take care!

Shall I get paid now?

Miss tie,

Quan is selling you to me.

Are you okay with it?

Help! This is really huge!

This is unbelievable.

He's got guts. He really
got his cock swapped.

Yes, he is my idol now.

Come...

Tell dongmei to come over. Yes, master.

I want to have sex with 10
women at the same time.

Come, come altogether, come.

I want it... master wei, take me.

Master is taking a rest inside. Miss!

You can't go in.

You saved my life

just because you want to
sleep with me, right?

Now, please make it quick.

You guys leave the room now.

I want you to know,

everything I did for you was out of love.

I never force any person
into doing anything,

this is my principal.

All my concubines

come here of their own accord

so, I want you to love me willingly.

If you want me to live with you willingly,

I have one condition.

I can only accept

monogamous love.

I will give every one
of you 3,000 teals of silver,

that should be enough.

You get to keep all jewellery I gave you.

I don't want the money,

I just want to stay with you.

We will not go.

Why are you driving us out?
Don't send us away.

Please...

This is the only condition on which
yuxiang will stay and live with me.

I'd rather die than live away from you.

Stop. All of you don't have to go.

I'm actually asking them to go just now...

I think we better...

Why are you still standing here?

Come join me in serving our husband.

Understand.

Yes.

We are here for you.

Yuxiang

yuxiang

yuxiang...

Yuxiang

are you awake? Master, it's you...

Hey, old man.

Do you want to scare me to death?

Master, it's me...

It's me.

It's chow dong.

Are you really being

tortured so badly?

Cut the crap. Come over here.

Do you still remember that

you promised me to do one thing for me?

Yes, I do.

I want you to steal

the precious metal plate
that the first emperor of ming

gave to the ancestor of prince of ning.

Why?

Over the last couple of years,
I disguise myself as a woman

and sneak into senior officials' residences
to fool around with their kids.

Now I am a wanted person,

only this metal plate can help me.

Metal plate... is it the one

that people call it
"the golden plate of death avoidance"?

Hmm...

So... how do I steal it?

Where does the prince

hide his most precious items?

How dare you! Stealing my metal plate?

Shut up!

Your highness

weiyangshang has a habit of stealing,

this time you are caught at the scene.

It's all bullshit!

Did I say something wrong?

Don't you remember

how you snapped yuxiang off me?

You really thought that I
don't hold any grudges?

You two...

Yes,

we set you up.

How dare you offend the prince of ning!

When did I offend the prince of ning?
You didn't?

When you talked behind my back

with that stupid monk
in amarus bamboo temple

just like the prince of ning

who leads a hideously luxurious life.

He will have his retribution soon.

How can you compare a scumbag like him

to a sophisticated scholar like me?

Don't worry. I am a fair person,

after I take care of you,

I'll take care of that monk.

You will take revenge on monk budai?
Please don't!

Take care of your own self first.

This guy is called quan laoshi.

He is the flying dagger
expert at the tower,

I sent him to the tie mansion

to rape your wife,

which induced your father-in-law's
death of a heart attack.

And guess what? Your lovely wife
is now shangguan's concubine.

Just because of my small talks

you want to take revenge on me like this

and on my wife? Shut up!

You join with other scholars

and write letters to the
emperor to criticize me.

You're just a bastard who brings
sufferings to the people of this country.

I am not afraid of death
if I can do some good to the people.

Shut up!

I am a scholar.
I will not be threatened by brute force.

Death is not a big deal...

Mother fucker! Scholar?

A scholar who just fucks women everyday

and reports me to the
emperor after fucking?

If death is no big deal then shut up!

What a loser!

Just kill me, you bastard!

Do you know how much I spent

to fix the mess you made

lock him up! Yes

more suffering is waiting for you, loser.

Walk... get up.

You have to teach me
your secret sex tricks.

I need to learn
how to give dongmei ten orgasms in a row.

I'll let you go if you can do that.

Su... sure!

As long as your highness spare my life.

I've offered to teach you before,
but you said you're not interested.

I still want to have my own children

well... that's kind of tough.

Tell the government

that we found someone on
the wanted list here.

Hold on, hold on! Your highness.

I heard what you say... you want the
tricks but not having no offspring.

That should be fine.

I will figure it out.

When you came here you held
tight onto this brush,

I know it must be very important to you.

I got it repaired,

Thank you so much for your care,

I'll have to return the
favour in my next life.

Yuxiang bids farewell...

Yuxiang...

If anything can possibly be done
to save your ex-husband,

I have done it already.

You are just sacrificing for nothing.

If I can die with him

together on the same day,

I have no regret.

Please wait here.

Your highness.

This is yuxiang, the wife of weiyangshang.

Your highness.

Your highness, where is my husband?

Come and take a look then you will know.

I admire his courage to do this to himself.

Otherwise, when the worms reach his bone,

he will die for sure.

Your highness, I beg you,

please give him treatment.

I beg you... why would I do that?

If you can help him,

I'd do whatever you want me to.

Please save my husband.

As soon as I take this pill,

I'd have an erection that
lasts for 49 days and nights?

Perfectly safe?

Yes, perfectly safe.

You take one first!

Shit!

Dong Mei, ask dong Mei to come.

Hurry up, ask dong Mei to come.

Right now!

Dong Mei!

Sir... please...

I am just an official to the emperor,

I'm sorry that I'm unable to help.

Hmm... l understand...

Bring the treasure that is passed
on to me by my ancestors.

Yes, master.

Open the lock. Yes sir.

Okay. Go now. Yes.

You're still alive? The
prince wants to see you.

Although I had snatched your love from you,

you have also separated my wife and I.

Now I may be handicapped
for the rest of my life.

Are you still angry?

Well...

We are square now.

Okay. Maybe I've done wrong,

but monk budai is in
his Buddhist practice for 50 years.

He is absolutely innocent,

I know you since six years old,

and we have twenty years of friendship.

Can I beg you to do one thing for me?

Please go to see monk budai and warn him,

that the prince is going
to take revenge on him.

I beg you, please do me this flavour

How do you want to torture me now?

Let you see something.

This horse is fun to play with.

If you play with its tail,

the iron lotus above it

will open and close.

Look carefully!

Look carefully!

Stop!

Your highness, it's my fault, I deserve it.

Can you punish me and let her go?

She comes and begs me to save you,

now you want me to let her go.

Are you two joining
together to fool me around.

If you can let her go, I can do anything!

If you want to kill me, that's fine!

I don't want to kill you.

Well, let's chop it off!

If you are willing to chop your penis off,
I'll let your wife go!

No problem, chop it off!

You're willing to chop your penis off?

Okay, I want to see
how you can be a man from now on.

Go and catch tiancan and dique.

Old monster,

do you know why I keep you alive?

Your highness thinks I am still useful.
I will do anything you ask...

Ruizhu.

You dare to feed me with some random pills,

I have poisonous pills too.

This pill that you have taken
will give you half day's life.

If you don't have my
medication in 12 hours,

you will bleed from seven holes
and explode before you die.

You need to go to
the amarus bamboo temple with rizhu,

and use your exclusive

sexual arousing incense

to help ruizhu to seduce
the goddemn monk budai.

If you finish your mission

and come back within half day,

I might give you medicine.

What if...

You talk again I will kill
you right away. Go now!

Don't push. I can walk

hurry up

are you blind? Can't you
see that I am disabled?

Where are you going?
We are putting up a great show now

get out!

Hurry out!

Stay and see how I fool
the two of them around.

I guarantee you'll feel delighted.

Save monk budai. Save him.

Kneel.

Save monk budai. Save him.

Stuff his mouth.

Save monk budai. Save...

You have a great cock that you can
fuck 10 women at the same time, right?

Now I want your woman
to see your cock being chopped.

Take yuxiang here!

The royal guards are here.

How is the emperor?

Your highness. The emperor is doing great.

We came from the capital without stopping.

To carry out this order.

We can go now.

Your highness, please.

Look. My dear.

My dear.

What a sweet couple in love.

I want to hear

what you havr to say to each other
from your heart.

I've divorced you.

Why do you come here to risk your life?

After you left,

I found that I cannot live without you.

But now you are risking your life

for nothing.

If I die with you at the same time,
I am satisfied.

Me too...

My sweatheart... my dear...

Very touching...

I am about to cry...

Cuff them.

Are you ready?

Your highness, we're almost ready,

but...

Although we are not great doctors,

we still have a kind heart.

We consider saving lives our duty.

The true love between them awakes
our consciousness,

to separate a loving couple

or to hurt someone's lower body

to destroy their lives?

We won't do it.

The second commandment of
our school of teaching is

that "whoever uses his
knowledge to do evil,

he is disrespectful to his master.

He will be punished.
He will be hit by five thunders"

so to say,
we can lose our life and shed our blood.

We cannot change our code of standard!

People like us are just stubborn!

Just plain stubborn!

Yeah!

Well, life is...

Also the art of compromising.

Your highness, how do you want it chopped?

Slice it or cut into strips?

So you can disregard the commandments
from your master?

The first commandment is

"the knowledge must pass on".

If the first commandment

is in conflict with the second,

the first has priority.

The two of us are the
only remaining students,

so we must not die.

Let's make it quick. Where
do you want to cut?

Let's go.

You must keep him alive.

I ask you guys to do it
because I don't want him to die so quick.

I still want to play with him!

Yes

what's the matter?

You two go and take a look.

Yes

it's fine, your highness. I...
I just need a rest.

I'll be okay.

Okay.

Are you okay?

You can go back. I am fine.

Go, go... yes.

Who are you? How dare you
coming here without permission?

We have the emperor's order to
arrest the prince of ning.

Put down your weapons, or
else, you'll be killed.

Your husband is about to lose his cock.

He cannot have sex with you
for the rest for his life.

Yuxiang, I am so sorry to you...

Cut it

bite it tight.

My dear husband,
even if we cannot make love anymore,

it is not important.

As long as I know that

you love me,

and that's the greatest satisfaction.

They can kill us,

but they cannot separate our hearts.

My dear husband, I love you!

Abbot!

Who is it?

My master is weiyangshang.

He sent me here to bring
some Buddha books to you.

Your master has a kind heart.

Please tell him I am very thankful.

Not a problem. Abbot, I am leaving now.

What's the matter...

Are you okay?

So... is it okay

to let yuxiang go...

Let her go?

I am a man of my word.

I haven't played enough of her.

Let her go! You bastard!

This is an iron chastity belt

made by the first Jin emperor.

In the world, except with
this key in my hand,

no one can open it.

I'm going to put the belt on her.

From now on, she is unable
to have sex for the rest of her life.

No one can even touch her.

You are an animal! Scumbag!

Go away, loser.

Since you don't have your cock anymore,

I'll fuck her well for you.

I'll kill you.

I am going to fuck her now.

Stop!

Tianchan.

Go.

You really piss us off.

Stop.

Dique.

Disabled but not useless.

Both of us are disabled for our life.

You are different. You will get punished.

Punished?

Retribution?

Who dares to stop me anymore!

I am going to fuck your wife now!

That's odd. You don't seem
sick from your pulses.

But... venerable sir.

It really hurts in my stomach.

Now you're in such pain,
I have to get someone to help you...

You don't have to get help.

In fact, I've had this weird sickness
ever since I was a child

on the first day of every month,
and whenever there's a full moon,

how can there be such
a weird sickness in this world!

But my pain will go away
if venerable sir would help me.

If you warms my tummy up with yours,

the pain will be alleviated

huh? I've never heard of
such treatment all my life.

Never.

Venerable sir, just like this.

Yes, just like this.

If you are feeling better,
you can get up now.

Not so soon, venerable sir.

Just hang in there for a bit longer.
I'm gonna be okay soon.

Could you please?

What?

Where did the flying dagger come from?

No, please get up.

Why are you taking off your clothes?

You are a woman!

Excuse me.
What are you doing? Are you blind?

That's so rude. Excuse me.

Help!

Help!

What are you doing?

Stop, please stop. You...

What are you doing?

Get away from me.

Form is emptiness, emptiness is form...

He threw the flying daggers. Catch him.

Run...

I fed your wife so well.

I will kill you!

She is not that much fun

put the chastity belt on

form is emptiness, emptiness is form...

Namo amitabha.

Form is emptiness, emptiness is form...

Abbot, are you all empty now?

Namo amitabha.

Form is emptiness, emptiness is form...

Namo amitabha.

You won't be able to open it
for the rest of your life.

My dear wife,

do you still remember?

A picture comes to life
with the artist's exquisite strokes

the most wonderful moment of my life

is the day when I first met you,

I've been with many women.

Every night I sleep on human praying mat,

what I've learnt is

that physical pleasure is not real joy.

Real love is the most valuable.

My sweetheart.

My dear.

Your highness.

The emperor has sent his royal guard

to arrest you.

They said you are helping
a wanted man to hide.

Your highness, please leave now!

Fine, you go first!

Thank you, your highness...

See who still wants to go!

Go

Trip me?

Abbot...

The Abbot killed himself for some reason!

Abbot!

Abbot!

My 50 years of Buddhist practice
and prayer are all ruined in one night.

I can't rest in peace.

Abbot...

Abbot died because of the two people
who were just here.

Even Buddha is angry this time!

Catch him! Yes!

Go!

Abbot... Abbot... Abbot...

Catch him! Catch him!

Chop me?

You will never have the chance in your life

Don't go. Stand still. Stop there.

Don't go. Stand still.

Stand still.

Stop there. Keep chasing!

Stand still. They are here!

Don't let them go.

Are you okay?

Stand still.

Catch them.

Don't go.

Stop.

We cannot let them go.

Chase him.

Catch them...

Don't go, you!

Stop there. Don't think you can go.

Stand still. What?

What's going on? What is it?

Weiyangshang, you are my friend.

Why did you bad-mouth me?

And criticized me in front of the emperor?

Why are you laughing?

What are you laughing at?

I will kill your wife now.

The emperor's order is to arrest
the prince of ning.

Yuxiang...

Did you see this? The metal plate!

Who dares to arrest me?

Kneel down now, or I will
kill his whole family!

Chief official?

Even with the emperor's
order, what can you do?

Traitor.

I am killing him in front of you.

Please find a way to help...

I am just a government official.
I can't help...

I am going to kill you now.

You shot me?!

Fuck, how could you miss?!

I will chop your penis off!

Arrest them all. Yes.

My sweetheart.

My dear husband.

My dear husband... my dear husband

my dear husband

First bow.

Second bow, third bow.

Please drink tea.

After drinking this tea, you are blessed with
fortune. Congratulations, congratulations.

This couple are in their 90s,

they have been happily married for decades.

They come here to give you blessings.

Mr. and Mrs. good fortune.

Greetings.

Good.

I will give you a red packet later on.

May I ask,

how can you stay in love for decades.

Because I love her dearly.

But, from what I can see,

I dare say you haven't
had sex for a long time.

If you don't make, you
won't have love, right?

Chastity belt?

When we were your age,

we were unable to do it already.

My dear, there are so many people here.

That's embarrassing.

Young man,
it doesn't matter if you can do it or not,

you will understand as time goes by.

Let's take a walk.

Okay.

Fuck, what nonsense. How werid.