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1
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Yo! Spencer Wright here.
2
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And Billy Joe Cobra.
3
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He's an invisible ghost.
4
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How is it that only my homebods
and I can see him?
5
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We've each got some of Billy Joe's gear.
6
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Yee-haw!
7
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
8
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SPENCER:
Dude, that's my ghost!
9
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(THUNDER RUMBLING)
10
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(GIRL SHOUTING IN DISTANCE)
11
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GIRL: (OVER PHONE)
Tiffany! Listen to me! It's a trap!
12
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Whatever you do, do not open that door!
13
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(YELLS)
14
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(YELLS) Turn it off!
15
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(SOBS SOFTLY) It's too scary!
16
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-What? That scream was lame-sauce!
-Not the scream, the girl!
17
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I rocked that scream! And these fishnets.
18
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,840
Look, guys, the whole movie depends
on having a believable scream here,
19
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and I'm... I'm not feeling it.
20
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Maybe we need to scare someone for real!
21
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If only we had something wicked spooky
to scare 'em with.
22
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-You mean like a ghost?
-Yeah! Yeah!
23
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(CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY)
Come on, guys, let's go!
24
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(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I know,
I think the same thing!
25
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BILLY: Hiyah!
26
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I know, but I waited and he didn't call,
but, uh, I really think...
27
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-(GIGGLES)
-(BILLY GROANS)
28
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(RAJEEV GROANS)
29
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(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
30
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(CHUCKLES)
31
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Wow! That diet is really paying off!
32
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Eh.
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SPENCER: Oh.
34
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
35
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I'm telling you guys,
I'm just having a bad scare day.
36
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Usually, I can score major screamage.
37
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It's okay, BJC, we understand.
38
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Yeah, dude, we totally get it.
Your chili ain't got no hot sauce.
39
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-(BOTH LAUGHING)
-(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)
40
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Fine! If that's how it is,
I'm out of here! Huh!
41
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(BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING)
42
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BOY: Hi, Mallory!
43
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Hey!
44
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(CHUCKLES EVILLY)
Okay, dipwads.
45
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You want a scream,
I'll give you a scream.
46
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(CHUCKLES EVILLY)
47
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-Um?
-SPENCER: Billy, no!
48
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Don't scare Mallory!
Everybody loves her!
49
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-(BILLY CHUCKLING EVILLY)
-(MALLORY GRUNTS)
50
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No!
51
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(MALLORY SCREAMING)
52
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(SCREAMS LOUDLY)
53
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-(ELECTRICITY RATTLES)
-(GRUNTS)
54
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-Mallory! Come back!
-Yeah!
55
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(GROANS CONFIDENTLY)
56
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-(WHIMPERS)
-How's that chili now? Pretty spicy, huh?
57
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Uh. I don't think Spensylvania's
real happy with you right now.
58
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,240
What? How much screamier can a scream get?
59
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,840
No, I mean... (WHIMPERS)
60
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So, in closing, it totally wasn't a ghost,
at all.
61
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It was just a special effect
62
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that I was trying out. For a movie.
(CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)
63
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That's a relief. Just a special effect.
Like you're doing with that lawnmower now?
64
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,720
Yes, precisely.
65
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-(LAWN MOWER WHIRS)
-What?
66
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(LAUGHS EVILLY)
67
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,200
-Yeah! Oh! Oh!
-(SCREAMS)
68
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-No!
-(THUDS)
69
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,200
Okay, was that scary enough?
70
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,560
I don't wanna scare her, drillbit!
I was trying to make her feel better!
71
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,200
Oh, now, I get it.
72
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,920
Mallory! Open the door.
I need to talk to you.
73
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Sometimes we see things
74
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-and we jump to conclusions.
-Mm?
75
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(SCREAMS)
76
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-Billy!
-Dude, we gotta get some of these!
77
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(LAUGHS)
78
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(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
79
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-Huh?
-(THUDS)
80
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Ow!
81
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,400
That's for Mallory! (SCOFFS)
82
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,800
What was that all about?
83
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,320
Thanks for your help.
84
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,240
-Huh?
-Huh?
85
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(BEEPS)
86
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-(GRUNTS)
-(MUMBLES)
87
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There really is an app for everything.
88
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,760
(SOBS) Mallory was my number one
recruiting tool!
89
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:31,640
What am I supposed to brag about now?
Our academic record?
90
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,840
Could somebody tell me
what's going on here?
91
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I'm standing outside Beverly Heights High,
where moments ago, it was announced that
92
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Mallory, a student so beloved
by this community,
93
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-is leaving town for good.
-BOTH: Huh?
94
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,880
Sources tell us
it is because some punk named Spencer
95
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,280
scared her off in his selfish quest
to make a low budget horror film.
96
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,720
Of course, you'll be informed
about any news of our precious Mallory.
97
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,240
-(CAMERA BEEPS)
-(CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)
98
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,200
Great weather we're having.
(CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)
99
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Even the weather is awful.
100
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(THUNDER RUMBLING)
101
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-(THUDS)
-(SPENCER GRUNTS)
102
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Hey, nice swing!
103
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,480
Okay, you know what, Billy?
We need to do some serious damage control.
104
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,440
If Mallory leaves, there's gonna be
a price on my head, okay?
105
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,120
Oh, man.
106
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:17,800
Look, I know it's a huge risk, but I think
we've gotta tell her the truth.
107
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,880
The truth? As in, "That ghost who's been
scaring the snot out of you is really
108
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,640
-"the awe-mazing Billy Joe Cobra"?
-Yep.
109
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Except for the awe-mazing part.
110
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You're right. That goes without saying.
111
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(CHUCKLES, SIPS)
112
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(MUSIC PLAYING)
113
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So, even though he's a ghost,
Billy would never hurt anyone,
114
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-and there's nothing to be afraid of.
-Except when I bring out the hot sauce!
115
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Spencer, you're so sweet.
Thank you for making up that silly story
116
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to make me feel better
about being haunted.
117
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Okay, I knew you wouldn't believe me,
so, I'm gonna prove it to you.
118
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This is Billy's hat. If you put it on,
you'll be able to see him.
119
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,760
-Mm?
-He's going through a little pirate phase.
120
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,640
Argh! That I am, matey!
121
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I'm gonna put it on you.
Don't freak out when you see him.
122
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Ice cream man!
123
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-(GASPS)
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
124
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,920
I'm sorry, Spencer. I don't see any ghost.
125
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,680
What kind of flavor you want?
126
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-You should really keep that on.
-I don't need it.
127
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Chocolate? Vanilla? Maybe banana.
So, which is it?
128
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Strawberry? Vanilla? Chocolate? Menthol?
Wood? Airplane!
129
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-(SPENCER GRUNTS)
-Nice try, Spencer.
130
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But I really should finish packing.
131
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I wanna get out of here before that ghost
finds me again.
132
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,440
I hope you're moving pretty far away.
I wouldn't want him to follow you.
133
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,840
I mean, he is a ghost after all, with...
with the flying and the swooshing.
134
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,040
How far away do you think I have to move?
135
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,440
I don't know. What's up with that
International Space Station?
136
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,840
I mean, that's pretty cool. They...
they got any room up there?
137
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,320
Oh, no! What am I going to do?
138
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,920
Mm. Now, I'm no expert or anything,
but if you got a ghost,
139
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,360
you gotta ghost-bust him, right?
140
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,520
It's the only way to get rid of him
once and for all. Maybe I can help.
141
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,760
Dude, check this out!
142
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Hm? (SCREAMS)
143
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,840
(SOBS)
144
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,840
Okay, so we all down with the plan?
145
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,640
Billy, you make your entrance,
we chase you around a little bit,
146
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,800
big battle, you lose,
Mallory doesn't leave town,
147
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,440
and people stop using me
as a punching bag.
148
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,560
-Cool?
-Mostly.
149
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,760
-What?
-Well, I thought your plan
150
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,960
was kind of lacking
in the hot sauce department,
151
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-so, I made a few tweaks.
-What? What kind of tweaks?
152
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,720
Dude, trust me. Performing's what I do.
153
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,680
-Just follow my lead, okay?
-Guys, guys! She's coming!
154
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,600
Hey. Ready to bust some ghost?
155
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,680
No, not really.
156
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,760
(HAUNTING MUSIC PLAYING)
157
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,040
Don't worry. Rajeev and I are gonna
take care of everything.
158
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,320
Prepare for ownage, ghost!
159
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,400
How do you know the ghost
is gonna be here?
160
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,320
This is where he made initial contact.
161
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,600
His restless spirit is drawn
to this place.
162
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,160
Yeah, plus, he loves smoothies.
163
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,720
(GASPS)
164
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,520
-He's here!
-(SCREAMS)
165
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,560
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
166
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,320
(BLOWS IN AGONY)
167
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-(GROANING)
-(MALLORY SCREAMING)
168
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,800
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
169
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,560
I didn't know ghosts could be checkered.
170
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,400
Oh, yes, checks are very in
with ghosts right now.
171
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,360
(BEEPS, HONKS HORN)
172
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:28,640
(CHUCKLES)
173
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,200
-(MALLORY SCREAMS)
-Quick, get the gear!
174
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,240
-Isn't that the frozen yogurt machine?
-Yeah.
175
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,880
-But we filled it with ghost antimatter.
-Oh.
176
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:47,720
-(SLURPS) Strawberry swirl.
-Strawberry swirl antimatter. (CHUCKLES)
177
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,400
Okay, let's get started.
178
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,760
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
179
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,310
Yeah, Paul. I totally agree.
Yeah, Paul. Beautiful day today.
180
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,360
Whoo! (LAUGHS)
181
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,920
-(GASPS)
-(LAUGHS EVILLY)
182
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,360
(SCREAMS)
183
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,640
Billy! Hold still so we can get you!
184
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,520
-Dude, we can't make it that easy.
-(GASPS)
185
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,320
-Where's your sense of showmanship?
-(MALLORY CRIES)
186
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,720
(RAJEEV SCREAMS)
187
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,200
Pain! (CONTINUES SCREAMING)
188
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,800
Dizzy! Ow!
189
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,440
No! Whoa!
190
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,680
Did he get away?
191
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,560
And now, hot ghost potatoes!
192
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,200
(BOTH GRUNT)
193
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,760
-(GROANS)
-(GROANS)
194
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:50,080
(EXHALES SHARPLY, GRUNTS IN AGONY)
195
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,640
(EXHALES, SIGHS)
196
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:55,920
Spencer, be careful!
197
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,520
-(SIGHS)
-(SPENCER GROANS)
198
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,360
-(BOTH GRUNT)
-(WHIMPERS)
199
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,560
Be gone from these premises,
oh foul spirit!
200
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,160
-You're not wanted here!
-Mm?
201
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,640
You have no business with this innocent...
202
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,280
-Kind.
-...beloved...
203
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,200
-Smoking hot.
-(GROANS)
204
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:17,320
...mortal girl! Returneth to the hereafter
from whence you came!
205
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,280
-Seriously, Billy. Now.
-Okay.
206
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,880
Good night, WiFri! We love you!
207
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,720
(GASPS)
208
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,040
-Is he really gone?
-RAJEEV: Oh, yeah, he gone!
209
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,680
He don't dare come back or he's gon' get
some of this!
210
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,360
-Pants are a little loose.
-Mm?
211
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,760
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
212
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,560
NEWS REPORTER:
The town breathed a sigh of relief
213
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,840
when Mallory announced
that she was not moving after all.
214
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,480
Yeah, yeah, I know. It's awesome news.
215
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:57,440
But can you believe she fell for that
loser's stupid special effects?
216
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,080
I mean, come on. A ghost? Huh!
Is there anything lamer?
217
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,520
-Mm? (GROANS)
-(BOTH CHUCKLE HESITANTLY)
218
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,640
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
219
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,520
-Yeah, so, she w... (GRUNTS)
-(LAUGHS EVILLY)
220
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,320
-BILLY: Yeah!
-(SCREAMS)
221
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,560
-(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
-(LAUGHS)
222
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,160
-Did you get it?
-I got it!
223
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,520
-Yes!
-Oh, yeah!
224
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:19,680
Yeah!
225
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,240
(GROANS)
226
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,880
You know, Kleet makes
a really convincing girl.
227
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,040
Oh, no! Don't even think of replacing me
with him!
228
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,160
-I'm just saying.
-(BELL RINGS)
229
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,480
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
230
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,280
SPENCER: Maybe.
231
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,360
No.
232
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,640
No. Almost cool.
233
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:45,040
Yo, Spence! Look what I found
in the basement, Wax Billy!
234
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,200
-Cheese!
-(SPENCER: Hmm.
235
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,600
-Salami!
-Whoa! I want that!
236
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:49,880
Back off! He's mine!
237
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,720
Huh? No! I'm talking about this.
Some dude is selling the windshield
238
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,520
from the people-eating taxi
in Zombie Cab Two.
239
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,400
Yuck! Nasty!
It still has the brain splatter on it!
240
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,600
Oh, look at the price.
I don't have that kind of cheese.
241
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,640
Speaking of which...(SNIFFS)
...what's that smell?
242
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,320
-(SNIFFS) Mm?
-Billy?
243
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,600
Wax Billy! No!
244
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,040
(MUMBLES) Phew!
245
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,400
Dude, uh, drama queen much?
246
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,200
It's just a little melted.
You can't even see it.
247
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,280
Just a little melted?
Would you say that about a Picasso?
248
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,680
Spencer, this is museum-quality work!
249
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,520
Yes, uh, of course it is. Sorry.
250
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:36,280
Wait, I got it! We can turn the pad
into The Billy Joe Cobra Museum!
251
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,600
-We'll be rolling in it!
-(MOTIVATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING)
252
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,040
Oh, yeah!
253
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,880
Yeah, and we can use the moolah to get
reconstructive surgery for wax Billy!
254
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,560
Well, no, ac... actually I was thinking
the windshield, but...
255
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:47,760
What's in it for BJC?
256
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,560
-House full of adoring fans?
-I'm in!
257
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,160
Mom and Dad are going to an accounting
convention today. It's perfect!
258
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:57,760
(GASPS) Did you hear that, wax Billy?
Your fans are coming to see you!
259
00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,360
(GASPS)
260
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,120
Phew!
261
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,040
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
262
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,640
Look out, accountants.
You Know Hugh is on the way!
263
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,120
And he's bringing his spreadsheets!
Whoo-hoo!
264
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,400
And Jokester Jane is bringing her
water balloons! (CHUCKLES)
265
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,000
And don't let any strangers in the house.
266
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,040
Unless they paid admission.
267
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,320
-(BOTH CHUCKLE EVILLY)
-JESSICA: Mm?
268
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:29,760
Problem?
269
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,000
Nope. Just waiting for you to do
something bad, so, I can tell on you.
270
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,440
SPENCER: Well, then, I guess you're
not interested in these rare,
271
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,960
imported outtakes of the greatest
karate masters of all time.
272
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:40,400
Woo-hoo!
273
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,720
Sometimes it's just that easy.
274
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,560
And now, we tell the world that
the BJC Museum
275
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:46,880
-is open for business!
-(PHONE BEEPS)
276
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:47,920
Yeah!
277
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:51,800
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
278
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,480
I hate museums. So boring!
279
00:13:57,527 --> 00:13:58,687
-MADAME X: Hoover!
-(GASPS, SCREAMS)
280
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:00,267
MADAME X:
They're opening the house, you fool!
281
00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:01,762
Get over there and capture Billy!
282
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,600
Right away, your X-ness.
283
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,040
MADAME X: Hoover!
284
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,680
Aren't you forgetting something?
285
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,320
Oh, yes, my student ID!
286
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,440
No way am I
playing full price to get in...
287
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,000
-MADAME X: No, you dunce!
-(GASPS, SCREAMS)
288
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,680
MADAME X: You need to wear
Billy Joe's underwear so you can see him!
289
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,160
Hmm.
290
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,360
(GRUNTS)
291
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,240
(GROANS)
292
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,840
MADAME X:
It never gets any easier to see that.
293
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,920
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
294
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,920
-The Cobra still pulls 'em in!
-(CROWD CHEER)
295
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,040
-All right, people, show time!
-(BABY CRIES)
296
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,440
BILLY: Oh!
297
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,720
Well, that's it for now, peeps.
298
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,560
But sit tight.
The next tour's gonna start real soon.
299
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,800
(SPENCER HUMS
300
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,000
Billy Joe Cobra designed
the mansion himself.
301
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,840
-TOURIST: Oh, look how out of shape he is.
-Mm?
302
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,080
I'll bet this house
doesn't even have a gym!
303
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,320
Hey, I was on tour, okay?
You try finding a salad on the road.
304
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:08,720
Intruder!
305
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,360
(BOTH GRUNT)
306
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,640
What are you doing out?
How come you're not watching DVDs?
307
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,480
What's going on? Who are these people?
308
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,400
Let me go!
What kind of museum you running here?
309
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:23,680
You turned the house into a museum?
Oh, this is gold.
310
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,640
Look, what's it gonna take for you
to keep your mouth shut?
311
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,880
-Partners. 60-40.
-I'm not giving you 40 percent!
312
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,400
I know. You're giving me 60.
313
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,800
-Forty.
-Sixty.
314
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,760
Okay. 50-50.
But you gotta work for it.
315
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,320
Cool. I'll be security chief.
316
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,320
-Would you let me go already?
-Sure. For ten bucks.
317
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,560
-(TOURIST GRUNTING SOFTLY)
-(CHUCKLES)
318
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,680
-Here you go, partner!
-(GROANS)
319
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,850
-MAN: Hey! Pushy! Get to the back!
-HOOVER: Out of the way, excuse me.
320
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:53,840
Hey, chillax, my brothers!
I'm just delivering some 'za.
321
00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,680
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
322
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,320
-(LAUGHS, GRUNTS)
-Hiyah!
323
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,440
Freeze, punk!
I'm gonna need to see a ticket!
324
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:08,600
Uh. Ticket? Oh!
325
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:13,280
Uh. Totally, man. It's here somewhere.
Um. Must have dropped it...
326
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,800
Do I look stupid?
327
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,560
-JESSICA: Out!
-(HOOVER GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
328
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,920
Oh. Bogus.
329
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,080
This is Billy Joe's studio,
330
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,480
where he wrote such classics as
"I'm Still in Love with Me,"
331
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,040
"I Am the Sunshine of My Life"
332
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,240
-and "P.S. I Love Me."
-(SMOOCHES)
333
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,600
Look at me, I'm Billy Joe Cobra.
I only know two chords!
334
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,240
-That's a lie! I know three chords!
-(PLAYS GUITAR)
335
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,840
No playing the instruments.
Ah. Unless you wanna pay extra.
336
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,840
-(CONTINUES PLAYING GUITAR)
-Huh? (GROANS)
337
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,840
-Dudenstein, what the hay?
-Mm?
338
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,880
Come on, Billy. This is a moment
they'll never forget.
339
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,600
And isn't that what the Cobra Museum's
all about?
340
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,160
You're right, I do touch people.
341
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:00,320
(CHUCKLES)
342
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,200
And here we have Billy's famous limo.
343
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,440
-Gosh, that's wonderful.
-Wow, that's amazing!
344
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:11,480
-Okay, little guy. That's not for eating.
-Spencer! Seeing this?
345
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,200
I have to have it!
346
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:18,040
-Off, off, off, get off my limo!
-Uh. You... you can't do that!
347
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,760
-(BABY CRIES)
-Unless you wanna pay extra.
348
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,600
(GROANS)
349
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,840
Dude! I am not all right with this!
350
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,040
But think of the money... I mean,
think of the lives you're touching!
351
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,040
(GROANS)
352
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,320
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
353
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,680
Cleaning service! Nothing suspicious here.
354
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,040
Huh!
355
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,800
(GROANS, GASPS)
356
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,400
Oh, so, we're doing this again?
357
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,440
HOOVER: Oh. (GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
358
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:01,720
(THUDS)
359
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:05,840
(GRUNTS IN AGONY)
360
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:10,200
This was Billy's favorite room
in the house, the Freaky Tiki Room.
361
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:13,400
It features the third-largest
indoor waterfall in Beverly Heigh...
362
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,360
Huh! They should call it
the Tacky Tiki Room! (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
363
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,560
Why did you come on this tour anyway?
364
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,360
I needed to use a bathroom,
and I couldn't find a gas station.
365
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,240
Okay, guys. No fighting on the tour.
366
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,960
-Unless you wanna pay extra.
-Huh?
367
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,400
(INDISTINCT)
368
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,600
Wax Billy!
369
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:35,600
(WHIMPERS)
370
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,480
(CRIES)
371
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,080
(GROANS FURIOUSLY)
372
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:44,840
Phew!
373
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,680
That's it! This museum is closed!
374
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,360
-(GROANS)
-SPENCER: Come on, Billy.
375
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,160
Just hang in there, please?
376
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:59,480
No way! I don't want these lunatics
messing with my stuff anymore! Huh!
377
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,120
It's only 'cause they love you so much!
They can't help themselves.
378
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,840
BILLY: Yeah, nice try.
379
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,680
-You think?
-Of course.
380
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,760
So, we're okay now? Cool, good talk.
381
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:14,120
Who wants to use Billy Joe Cobra's
crystal toilet for a very reasonable fee?
382
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,240
-You? You? No? Okay.
-(GROANS FURIOUSLY)
383
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:21,080
Eh? (GASPS)
This place is haunted!
384
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,920
(ALL SCREAM)
385
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,360
Billy, quit it! You're ruining the tour.
386
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,240
That's the idea, my former friend.
387
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,280
-Oh, so, it's like that?
-Yeah, it's like that.
388
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,880
Lobstergram, coming through.
Move yourselves. Make it snappy. (GRUNTS)
389
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,120
(TOURISTS SCREAM)
390
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,880
-It's haunted!
-(TOURISTS SCREAM)
391
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,400
-(HOOVER GRUNTS)
-JESSICA: You again!
392
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,880
How many times
are we gonna go through this?
393
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,960
-(HOOVER GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
-And never come back, lobster face!
394
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,400
Oh, great, they're all gone.
395
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,320
-Billy, one, Spencer, zero.
-I'm not done yet.
396
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,600
Is there gonna be any more ghost stuff?
'Cause this is getting lame.
397
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,440
Hey! Let's go have a picnic
in that celebrity graveyard.
398
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,240
-That's a great idea.
-BOY: Yeah.
399
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,440
Hey, what gives?
How come they're not spooked?
400
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,240
'Cause I changed the name
to the Billy Joe Cobra Haunted Museum.
401
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,120
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, that's right, buddy!
402
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,360
That's what happens when you mess
with a man's windshield.
403
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:30,080
Okay, fine. Let's see how you like people
putting their mitts all over your stuff!
404
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,040
Huh? What? Oh, no!
405
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:35,520
Oh, what's that in there? Fantastic!
Oh, I love that!
406
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:40,640
-(GROANS) Oh, fingerprints, oh, no. Huh!
-(GASPS)
407
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,000
-Hey, put that down! (GROANS)
-Why, Spence? Is it important to you?
408
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,160
Wax Billy!
409
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,280
-(SOBS)
-Dude, I'm really sorry.
410
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,400
Sorry's not good enough, Spence!
411
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:59,280
You've crossed the line!
Once that line has been crossed...
412
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,200
it can't be uncrossed! Cobra out!
413
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:10,200
I'm most sorry, your X-ness.
But security was airtight.
414
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,810
MADAME X OVER PHONE:
You wouldn't know airtight
415
00:21:11,902 --> 00:21:13,862
if it came along and sealed you in a box!
416
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,320
-Hm?
-Could I put you on hold?
417
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,520
-(BILLY GRUNTS)
-Billy, I'm sorry.
418
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:22,920
Billy?
419
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:24,920
Hey, get back here!
420
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,800
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-(HOOVER PANTS)
421
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,360
(BOTH PANTING)
422
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,480
-Security!
-(PANTING)
423
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,160
-Hiyah!
-(HOOVER GRUNTS)
424
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,040
(JESSICA GRUNTS)
425
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,280
(HOOVER SCREAMING)
426
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,600
(BALLOON DEFLATES)
427
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,080
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
428
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,760
BILLY: Goodbye, wax Billy.
429
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,880
-Hey, Billy, check it out.
-Yeah, you got your windshield. Whatever.
430
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,120
-Better than a windshield.
-Hmm? (GASPS)
431
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,880
-Wax Billy! Whoo!
-Brand new, buddy.
432
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,360
Just my way of saying that I'm sorry
for being such a bad friend.
433
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,880
Oh, man. Right now, you're looking
like a pretty awesome friend!
434
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,000
Let me look at you, you handsome devil.
435
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,360
-Huh?
-(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
436
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,800
SPENCER:
Billy Joe Cobra Theme Park next weekend?
437
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,720
-BILLY: Yes!
-SPENCER: Yes!
438
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,880
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
439
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,160
MALE VOICE: Yes!
33448
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