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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:03,160 Yo! Spencer Wright here. 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:05,280 And Billy Joe Cobra. 3 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:06,840 He's an invisible ghost. 4 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,720 How is it that only my homebods and I can see him? 5 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,960 We've each got some of Billy Joe's gear. 6 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:13,960 Yee-haw! 7 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,840 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 8 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,080 SPENCER: Dude, that's my ghost! 9 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,280 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 10 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,280 (GIRL SHOUTING IN DISTANCE) 11 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,240 GIRL: (OVER PHONE) Tiffany! Listen to me! It's a trap! 12 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,280 Whatever you do, do not open that door! 13 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,560 (YELLS) 14 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,120 (YELLS) Turn it off! 15 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,200 (SOBS SOFTLY) It's too scary! 16 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:01,520 -What? That scream was lame-sauce! -Not the scream, the girl! 17 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,000 I rocked that scream! And these fishnets. 18 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,840 Look, guys, the whole movie depends on having a believable scream here, 19 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,680 and I'm... I'm not feeling it. 20 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,920 Maybe we need to scare someone for real! 21 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,320 If only we had something wicked spooky to scare 'em with. 22 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:21,160 -You mean like a ghost? -Yeah! Yeah! 23 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,160 (CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY) Come on, guys, let's go! 24 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,680 (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I know, I think the same thing! 25 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:29,640 BILLY: Hiyah! 26 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,880 I know, but I waited and he didn't call, but, uh, I really think... 27 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,040 -(GIGGLES) -(BILLY GROANS) 28 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,000 (RAJEEV GROANS) 29 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,800 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 30 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:40,760 (CHUCKLES) 31 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,080 Wow! That diet is really paying off! 32 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,400 Eh. 33 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,000 SPENCER: Oh. 34 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,720 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 35 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,440 I'm telling you guys, I'm just having a bad scare day. 36 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,320 Usually, I can score major screamage. 37 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,120 It's okay, BJC, we understand. 38 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:08,040 Yeah, dude, we totally get it. Your chili ain't got no hot sauce. 39 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,320 -(BOTH LAUGHING) -(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION) 40 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,040 Fine! If that's how it is, I'm out of here! Huh! 41 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,240 (BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING) 42 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:16,560 BOY: Hi, Mallory! 43 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,320 Hey! 44 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,000 (CHUCKLES EVILLY) Okay, dipwads. 45 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,840 You want a scream, I'll give you a scream. 46 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:25,960 (CHUCKLES EVILLY) 47 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,560 -Um? -SPENCER: Billy, no! 48 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,080 Don't scare Mallory! Everybody loves her! 49 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,000 -(BILLY CHUCKLING EVILLY) -(MALLORY GRUNTS) 50 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,840 No! 51 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:36,840 (MALLORY SCREAMING) 52 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,880 (SCREAMS LOUDLY) 53 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,480 -(ELECTRICITY RATTLES) -(GRUNTS) 54 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,640 -Mallory! Come back! -Yeah! 55 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,240 (GROANS CONFIDENTLY) 56 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:57,800 -(WHIMPERS) -How's that chili now? Pretty spicy, huh? 57 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:02,800 Uh. I don't think Spensylvania's real happy with you right now. 58 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,240 What? How much screamier can a scream get? 59 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,840 No, I mean... (WHIMPERS) 60 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,760 So, in closing, it totally wasn't a ghost, at all. 61 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,240 It was just a special effect 62 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,720 that I was trying out. For a movie. (CHUCKLES HESITANTLY) 63 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:21,600 That's a relief. Just a special effect. Like you're doing with that lawnmower now? 64 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,720 Yes, precisely. 65 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,480 -(LAWN MOWER WHIRS) -What? 66 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,080 (LAUGHS EVILLY) 67 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,200 -Yeah! Oh! Oh! -(SCREAMS) 68 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,480 -No! -(THUDS) 69 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,200 Okay, was that scary enough? 70 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,560 I don't wanna scare her, drillbit! I was trying to make her feel better! 71 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,200 Oh, now, I get it. 72 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,920 Mallory! Open the door. I need to talk to you. 73 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,960 Sometimes we see things 74 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,440 -and we jump to conclusions. -Mm? 75 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,040 (SCREAMS) 76 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,200 -Billy! -Dude, we gotta get some of these! 77 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,080 (LAUGHS) 78 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,520 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 79 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,160 -Huh? -(THUDS) 80 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,000 Ow! 81 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,400 That's for Mallory! (SCOFFS) 82 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,800 What was that all about? 83 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,320 Thanks for your help. 84 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,240 -Huh? -Huh? 85 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:18,880 (BEEPS) 86 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,920 -(GRUNTS) -(MUMBLES) 87 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,640 There really is an app for everything. 88 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,760 (SOBS) Mallory was my number one recruiting tool! 89 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:31,640 What am I supposed to brag about now? Our academic record? 90 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,840 Could somebody tell me what's going on here? 91 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,520 I'm standing outside Beverly Heights High, where moments ago, it was announced that 92 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,000 Mallory, a student so beloved by this community, 93 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,320 -is leaving town for good. -BOTH: Huh? 94 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,880 Sources tell us it is because some punk named Spencer 95 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,280 scared her off in his selfish quest to make a low budget horror film. 96 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,720 Of course, you'll be informed about any news of our precious Mallory. 97 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,240 -(CAMERA BEEPS) -(CHUCKLES HESITANTLY) 98 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,200 Great weather we're having. (CHUCKLES HESITANTLY) 99 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:58,920 Even the weather is awful. 100 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,440 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 101 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,160 -(THUDS) -(SPENCER GRUNTS) 102 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:05,400 Hey, nice swing! 103 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,480 Okay, you know what, Billy? We need to do some serious damage control. 104 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,440 If Mallory leaves, there's gonna be a price on my head, okay? 105 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,120 Oh, man. 106 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:17,800 Look, I know it's a huge risk, but I think we've gotta tell her the truth. 107 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,880 The truth? As in, "That ghost who's been scaring the snot out of you is really 108 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,640 -"the awe-mazing Billy Joe Cobra"? -Yep. 109 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,280 Except for the awe-mazing part. 110 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,600 You're right. That goes without saying. 111 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,160 (CHUCKLES, SIPS) 112 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:32,960 (MUSIC PLAYING) 113 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:41,280 So, even though he's a ghost, Billy would never hurt anyone, 114 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,640 -and there's nothing to be afraid of. -Except when I bring out the hot sauce! 115 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,720 Spencer, you're so sweet. Thank you for making up that silly story 116 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,640 to make me feel better about being haunted. 117 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,160 Okay, I knew you wouldn't believe me, so, I'm gonna prove it to you. 118 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,960 This is Billy's hat. If you put it on, you'll be able to see him. 119 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,760 -Mm? -He's going through a little pirate phase. 120 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,640 Argh! That I am, matey! 121 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,400 I'm gonna put it on you. Don't freak out when you see him. 122 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:05,800 Ice cream man! 123 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,880 -(GASPS) -(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 124 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,920 I'm sorry, Spencer. I don't see any ghost. 125 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,680 What kind of flavor you want? 126 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,840 -You should really keep that on. -I don't need it. 127 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,400 Chocolate? Vanilla? Maybe banana. So, which is it? 128 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,040 Strawberry? Vanilla? Chocolate? Menthol? Wood? Airplane! 129 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,160 -(SPENCER GRUNTS) -Nice try, Spencer. 130 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,000 But I really should finish packing. 131 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,720 I wanna get out of here before that ghost finds me again. 132 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,440 I hope you're moving pretty far away. I wouldn't want him to follow you. 133 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,840 I mean, he is a ghost after all, with... with the flying and the swooshing. 134 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,040 How far away do you think I have to move? 135 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,440 I don't know. What's up with that International Space Station? 136 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,840 I mean, that's pretty cool. They... they got any room up there? 137 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,320 Oh, no! What am I going to do? 138 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,920 Mm. Now, I'm no expert or anything, but if you got a ghost, 139 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,360 you gotta ghost-bust him, right? 140 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,520 It's the only way to get rid of him once and for all. Maybe I can help. 141 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,760 Dude, check this out! 142 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,880 Hm? (SCREAMS) 143 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,840 (SOBS) 144 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,840 Okay, so we all down with the plan? 145 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,640 Billy, you make your entrance, we chase you around a little bit, 146 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,800 big battle, you lose, Mallory doesn't leave town, 147 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,440 and people stop using me as a punching bag. 148 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,560 -Cool? -Mostly. 149 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,760 -What? -Well, I thought your plan 150 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,960 was kind of lacking in the hot sauce department, 151 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,560 -so, I made a few tweaks. -What? What kind of tweaks? 152 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,720 Dude, trust me. Performing's what I do. 153 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,680 -Just follow my lead, okay? -Guys, guys! She's coming! 154 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,600 Hey. Ready to bust some ghost? 155 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,680 No, not really. 156 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,760 (HAUNTING MUSIC PLAYING) 157 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,040 Don't worry. Rajeev and I are gonna take care of everything. 158 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,320 Prepare for ownage, ghost! 159 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,400 How do you know the ghost is gonna be here? 160 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,320 This is where he made initial contact. 161 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,600 His restless spirit is drawn to this place. 162 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,160 Yeah, plus, he loves smoothies. 163 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,720 (GASPS) 164 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,520 -He's here! -(SCREAMS) 165 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,560 (LAUGHS EVILLY) 166 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,320 (BLOWS IN AGONY) 167 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,600 -(GROANING) -(MALLORY SCREAMING) 168 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,800 (CONTINUES GRUNTING) 169 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,560 I didn't know ghosts could be checkered. 170 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,400 Oh, yes, checks are very in with ghosts right now. 171 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,360 (BEEPS, HONKS HORN) 172 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:28,640 (CHUCKLES) 173 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,200 -(MALLORY SCREAMS) -Quick, get the gear! 174 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,240 -Isn't that the frozen yogurt machine? -Yeah. 175 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,880 -But we filled it with ghost antimatter. -Oh. 176 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:47,720 -(SLURPS) Strawberry swirl. -Strawberry swirl antimatter. (CHUCKLES) 177 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,400 Okay, let's get started. 178 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,760 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 179 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:58,310 Yeah, Paul. I totally agree. Yeah, Paul. Beautiful day today. 180 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,360 Whoo! (LAUGHS) 181 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,920 -(GASPS) -(LAUGHS EVILLY) 182 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,360 (SCREAMS) 183 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,640 Billy! Hold still so we can get you! 184 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,520 -Dude, we can't make it that easy. -(GASPS) 185 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,320 -Where's your sense of showmanship? -(MALLORY CRIES) 186 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,720 (RAJEEV SCREAMS) 187 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,200 Pain! (CONTINUES SCREAMING) 188 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,800 Dizzy! Ow! 189 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,440 No! Whoa! 190 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,680 Did he get away? 191 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,560 And now, hot ghost potatoes! 192 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,200 (BOTH GRUNT) 193 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,760 -(GROANS) -(GROANS) 194 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:50,080 (EXHALES SHARPLY, GRUNTS IN AGONY) 195 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,640 (EXHALES, SIGHS) 196 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:55,920 Spencer, be careful! 197 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,520 -(SIGHS) -(SPENCER GROANS) 198 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,360 -(BOTH GRUNT) -(WHIMPERS) 199 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,560 Be gone from these premises, oh foul spirit! 200 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,160 -You're not wanted here! -Mm? 201 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,640 You have no business with this innocent... 202 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,280 -Kind. -...beloved... 203 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,200 -Smoking hot. -(GROANS) 204 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:17,320 ...mortal girl! Returneth to the hereafter from whence you came! 205 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,280 -Seriously, Billy. Now. -Okay. 206 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,880 Good night, WiFri! We love you! 207 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,720 (GASPS) 208 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,040 -Is he really gone? -RAJEEV: Oh, yeah, he gone! 209 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,680 He don't dare come back or he's gon' get some of this! 210 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,360 -Pants are a little loose. -Mm? 211 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,760 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 212 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,560 NEWS REPORTER: The town breathed a sigh of relief 213 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,840 when Mallory announced that she was not moving after all. 214 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,480 Yeah, yeah, I know. It's awesome news. 215 00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:57,440 But can you believe she fell for that loser's stupid special effects? 216 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,080 I mean, come on. A ghost? Huh! Is there anything lamer? 217 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,520 -Mm? (GROANS) -(BOTH CHUCKLE HESITANTLY) 218 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,640 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 219 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,520 -Yeah, so, she w... (GRUNTS) -(LAUGHS EVILLY) 220 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,320 -BILLY: Yeah! -(SCREAMS) 221 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,560 -(CONTINUES SCREAMING) -(LAUGHS) 222 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,160 -Did you get it? -I got it! 223 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,520 -Yes! -Oh, yeah! 224 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:19,680 Yeah! 225 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,240 (GROANS) 226 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,880 You know, Kleet makes a really convincing girl. 227 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,040 Oh, no! Don't even think of replacing me with him! 228 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,160 -I'm just saying. -(BELL RINGS) 229 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,480 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 230 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,280 SPENCER: Maybe. 231 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,360 No. 232 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,640 No. Almost cool. 233 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:45,040 Yo, Spence! Look what I found in the basement, Wax Billy! 234 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,200 -Cheese! -(SPENCER: Hmm. 235 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,600 -Salami! -Whoa! I want that! 236 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:49,880 Back off! He's mine! 237 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,720 Huh? No! I'm talking about this. Some dude is selling the windshield 238 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,520 from the people-eating taxi in Zombie Cab Two. 239 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,400 Yuck! Nasty! It still has the brain splatter on it! 240 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,600 Oh, look at the price. I don't have that kind of cheese. 241 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaking of which...(SNIFFS) ...what's that smell? 242 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,320 -(SNIFFS) Mm? -Billy? 243 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,600 Wax Billy! No! 244 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,040 (MUMBLES) Phew! 245 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,400 Dude, uh, drama queen much? 246 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,200 It's just a little melted. You can't even see it. 247 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,280 Just a little melted? Would you say that about a Picasso? 248 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,680 Spencer, this is museum-quality work! 249 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,520 Yes, uh, of course it is. Sorry. 250 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:36,280 Wait, I got it! We can turn the pad into The Billy Joe Cobra Museum! 251 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,600 -We'll be rolling in it! -(MOTIVATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) 252 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,040 Oh, yeah! 253 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,880 Yeah, and we can use the moolah to get reconstructive surgery for wax Billy! 254 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,560 Well, no, ac... actually I was thinking the windshield, but... 255 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:47,760 What's in it for BJC? 256 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,560 -House full of adoring fans? -I'm in! 257 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,160 Mom and Dad are going to an accounting convention today. It's perfect! 258 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:57,760 (GASPS) Did you hear that, wax Billy? Your fans are coming to see you! 259 00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,360 (GASPS) 260 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,120 Phew! 261 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,040 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 262 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,640 Look out, accountants. You Know Hugh is on the way! 263 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,120 And he's bringing his spreadsheets! Whoo-hoo! 264 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,400 And Jokester Jane is bringing her water balloons! (CHUCKLES) 265 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,000 And don't let any strangers in the house. 266 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,040 Unless they paid admission. 267 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,320 -(BOTH CHUCKLE EVILLY) -JESSICA: Mm? 268 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:29,760 Problem? 269 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,000 Nope. Just waiting for you to do something bad, so, I can tell on you. 270 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,440 SPENCER: Well, then, I guess you're not interested in these rare, 271 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,960 imported outtakes of the greatest karate masters of all time. 272 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:40,400 Woo-hoo! 273 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,720 Sometimes it's just that easy. 274 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,560 And now, we tell the world that the BJC Museum 275 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:46,880 -is open for business! -(PHONE BEEPS) 276 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:47,920 Yeah! 277 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:51,800 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) 278 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,480 I hate museums. So boring! 279 00:13:57,527 --> 00:13:58,687 -MADAME X: Hoover! -(GASPS, SCREAMS) 280 00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:00,267 MADAME X: They're opening the house, you fool! 281 00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:01,762 Get over there and capture Billy! 282 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,600 Right away, your X-ness. 283 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,040 MADAME X: Hoover! 284 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,680 Aren't you forgetting something? 285 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,320 Oh, yes, my student ID! 286 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,440 No way am I playing full price to get in... 287 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,000 -MADAME X: No, you dunce! -(GASPS, SCREAMS) 288 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,680 MADAME X: You need to wear Billy Joe's underwear so you can see him! 289 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,160 Hmm. 290 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,360 (GRUNTS) 291 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,240 (GROANS) 292 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,840 MADAME X: It never gets any easier to see that. 293 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,920 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 294 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,920 -The Cobra still pulls 'em in! -(CROWD CHEER) 295 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,040 -All right, people, show time! -(BABY CRIES) 296 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,440 BILLY: Oh! 297 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,720 Well, that's it for now, peeps. 298 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,560 But sit tight. The next tour's gonna start real soon. 299 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,800 (SPENCER HUMS 300 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,000 Billy Joe Cobra designed the mansion himself. 301 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,840 -TOURIST: Oh, look how out of shape he is. -Mm? 302 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,080 I'll bet this house doesn't even have a gym! 303 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,320 Hey, I was on tour, okay? You try finding a salad on the road. 304 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:08,720 Intruder! 305 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,360 (BOTH GRUNT) 306 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,640 What are you doing out? How come you're not watching DVDs? 307 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,480 What's going on? Who are these people? 308 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,400 Let me go! What kind of museum you running here? 309 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:23,680 You turned the house into a museum? Oh, this is gold. 310 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,640 Look, what's it gonna take for you to keep your mouth shut? 311 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,880 -Partners. 60-40. -I'm not giving you 40 percent! 312 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,400 I know. You're giving me 60. 313 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,800 -Forty. -Sixty. 314 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,760 Okay. 50-50. But you gotta work for it. 315 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,320 Cool. I'll be security chief. 316 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,320 -Would you let me go already? -Sure. For ten bucks. 317 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,560 -(TOURIST GRUNTING SOFTLY) -(CHUCKLES) 318 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,680 -Here you go, partner! -(GROANS) 319 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,850 -MAN: Hey! Pushy! Get to the back! -HOOVER: Out of the way, excuse me. 320 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:53,840 Hey, chillax, my brothers! I'm just delivering some 'za. 321 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,680 (GRUNTS, GROANS) 322 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,320 -(LAUGHS, GRUNTS) -Hiyah! 323 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,440 Freeze, punk! I'm gonna need to see a ticket! 324 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:08,600 Uh. Ticket? Oh! 325 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:13,280 Uh. Totally, man. It's here somewhere. Um. Must have dropped it... 326 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,800 Do I look stupid? 327 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,560 -JESSICA: Out! -(HOOVER GRUNTING, SCREAMING) 328 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,920 Oh. Bogus. 329 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,080 This is Billy Joe's studio, 330 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,480 where he wrote such classics as "I'm Still in Love with Me," 331 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,040 "I Am the Sunshine of My Life" 332 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,240 -and "P.S. I Love Me." -(SMOOCHES) 333 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,600 Look at me, I'm Billy Joe Cobra. I only know two chords! 334 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,240 -That's a lie! I know three chords! -(PLAYS GUITAR) 335 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,840 No playing the instruments. Ah. Unless you wanna pay extra. 336 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,840 -(CONTINUES PLAYING GUITAR) -Huh? (GROANS) 337 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,840 -Dudenstein, what the hay? -Mm? 338 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,880 Come on, Billy. This is a moment they'll never forget. 339 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,600 And isn't that what the Cobra Museum's all about? 340 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,160 You're right, I do touch people. 341 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:00,320 (CHUCKLES) 342 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,200 And here we have Billy's famous limo. 343 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,440 -Gosh, that's wonderful. -Wow, that's amazing! 344 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:11,480 -Okay, little guy. That's not for eating. -Spencer! Seeing this? 345 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,200 I have to have it! 346 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:18,040 -Off, off, off, get off my limo! -Uh. You... you can't do that! 347 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,760 -(BABY CRIES) -Unless you wanna pay extra. 348 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,600 (GROANS) 349 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,840 Dude! I am not all right with this! 350 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,040 But think of the money... I mean, think of the lives you're touching! 351 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,040 (GROANS) 352 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,320 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 353 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,680 Cleaning service! Nothing suspicious here. 354 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,040 Huh! 355 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,800 (GROANS, GASPS) 356 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,400 Oh, so, we're doing this again? 357 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,440 HOOVER: Oh. (GRUNTING, SCREAMING) 358 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:01,720 (THUDS) 359 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:05,840 (GRUNTS IN AGONY) 360 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:10,200 This was Billy's favorite room in the house, the Freaky Tiki Room. 361 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:13,400 It features the third-largest indoor waterfall in Beverly Heigh... 362 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,360 Huh! They should call it the Tacky Tiki Room! (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) 363 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,560 Why did you come on this tour anyway? 364 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,360 I needed to use a bathroom, and I couldn't find a gas station. 365 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,240 Okay, guys. No fighting on the tour. 366 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,960 -Unless you wanna pay extra. -Huh? 367 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,400 (INDISTINCT) 368 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,600 Wax Billy! 369 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:35,600 (WHIMPERS) 370 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,480 (CRIES) 371 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,080 (GROANS FURIOUSLY) 372 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:44,840 Phew! 373 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,680 That's it! This museum is closed! 374 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,360 -(GROANS) -SPENCER: Come on, Billy. 375 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,160 Just hang in there, please? 376 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:59,480 No way! I don't want these lunatics messing with my stuff anymore! Huh! 377 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,120 It's only 'cause they love you so much! They can't help themselves. 378 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,840 BILLY: Yeah, nice try. 379 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,680 -You think? -Of course. 380 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,760 So, we're okay now? Cool, good talk. 381 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:14,120 Who wants to use Billy Joe Cobra's crystal toilet for a very reasonable fee? 382 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,240 -You? You? No? Okay. -(GROANS FURIOUSLY) 383 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:21,080 Eh? (GASPS) This place is haunted! 384 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,920 (ALL SCREAM) 385 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,360 Billy, quit it! You're ruining the tour. 386 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,240 That's the idea, my former friend. 387 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,280 -Oh, so, it's like that? -Yeah, it's like that. 388 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,880 Lobstergram, coming through. Move yourselves. Make it snappy. (GRUNTS) 389 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,120 (TOURISTS SCREAM) 390 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,880 -It's haunted! -(TOURISTS SCREAM) 391 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,400 -(HOOVER GRUNTS) -JESSICA: You again! 392 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,880 How many times are we gonna go through this? 393 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,960 -(HOOVER GRUNTING, SCREAMING) -And never come back, lobster face! 394 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,400 Oh, great, they're all gone. 395 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,320 -Billy, one, Spencer, zero. -I'm not done yet. 396 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,600 Is there gonna be any more ghost stuff? 'Cause this is getting lame. 397 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,440 Hey! Let's go have a picnic in that celebrity graveyard. 398 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,240 -That's a great idea. -BOY: Yeah. 399 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,440 Hey, what gives? How come they're not spooked? 400 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,240 'Cause I changed the name to the Billy Joe Cobra Haunted Museum. 401 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,120 (CHUCKLES) Yeah, that's right, buddy! 402 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,360 That's what happens when you mess with a man's windshield. 403 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:30,080 Okay, fine. Let's see how you like people putting their mitts all over your stuff! 404 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,040 Huh? What? Oh, no! 405 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:35,520 Oh, what's that in there? Fantastic! Oh, I love that! 406 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:40,640 -(GROANS) Oh, fingerprints, oh, no. Huh! -(GASPS) 407 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,000 -Hey, put that down! (GROANS) -Why, Spence? Is it important to you? 408 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,160 Wax Billy! 409 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,280 -(SOBS) -Dude, I'm really sorry. 410 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,400 Sorry's not good enough, Spence! 411 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:59,280 You've crossed the line! Once that line has been crossed... 412 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,200 it can't be uncrossed! Cobra out! 413 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:10,200 I'm most sorry, your X-ness. But security was airtight. 414 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,810 MADAME X OVER PHONE: You wouldn't know airtight 415 00:21:11,902 --> 00:21:13,862 if it came along and sealed you in a box! 416 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,320 -Hm? -Could I put you on hold? 417 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,520 -(BILLY GRUNTS) -Billy, I'm sorry. 418 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:22,920 Billy? 419 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:24,920 Hey, get back here! 420 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,800 -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) -(HOOVER PANTS) 421 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,360 (BOTH PANTING) 422 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,480 -Security! -(PANTING) 423 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,160 -Hiyah! -(HOOVER GRUNTS) 424 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,040 (JESSICA GRUNTS) 425 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,280 (HOOVER SCREAMING) 426 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,600 (BALLOON DEFLATES) 427 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,080 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 428 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,760 BILLY: Goodbye, wax Billy. 429 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,880 -Hey, Billy, check it out. -Yeah, you got your windshield. Whatever. 430 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,120 -Better than a windshield. -Hmm? (GASPS) 431 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,880 -Wax Billy! Whoo! -Brand new, buddy. 432 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,360 Just my way of saying that I'm sorry for being such a bad friend. 433 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,880 Oh, man. Right now, you're looking like a pretty awesome friend! 434 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,000 Let me look at you, you handsome devil. 435 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,360 -Huh? -(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 436 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,800 SPENCER: Billy Joe Cobra Theme Park next weekend? 437 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,720 -BILLY: Yes! -SPENCER: Yes! 438 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,880 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 439 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,160 MALE VOICE: Yes! 33448

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