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This programme contains
strong language.
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00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:10,640
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS: What is it,
anyway? Did I do that?
3
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,920
Or was it always there?
I should probably tell someone.
4
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,000
No, fuck that, I can't.
5
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,560
It's all Tommy's fault
I found it in the first place.
6
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,160
Here, do you ever
stick your finger up yer bum?
7
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,480
What? What are you on about, Tommy?
8
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,760
Well, I was up in the Gaeltacht
last summer, right,
9
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,320
and I was getting with this
absolute beauty.
10
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,680
You're such a spoofer.
11
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,560
No, I'm serious, right?
12
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,680
She was speaking away to me
in Irish,
13
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,760
well, I haven't a clue what she
was talkin' about,
14
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,440
but it was so hot.
15
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:46,240
You only find the Irish language
sexy because your da was in the Ra.
16
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,960
My da wasn't in the IRA.
17
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,720
Then how come we found a box full
of balaclavas under your stairs?
18
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,040
Cos he gets cold,
he's got weak blood vessels.
19
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,280
Anyway...! We was out in one of the
fields, right,
20
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,960
and things start to get a bit hot
and heavy, do you know what I mean?
21
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,000
And she starts making all these
Irish sex noises.
22
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,160
She asks me a question, I just
nod my head. I can't even speak,
23
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,000
I'm in that much ecstasy,
and next thing I know...
24
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,280
She shoves her finger
right up my hole!
25
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,640
In your bum?!
Tommy, that's stinkin'!
26
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,440
I'm telling you, it is unbelievable.
27
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:17,800
I'm addicted.
28
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,800
So now, like, once or twice a week,
I sit down and really treat myself.
29
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,360
I put on some Sinead O'Connor
30
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,200
and explore the depths of my rect...
Get away!
31
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,600
Rachael.
32
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,360
Need a hand? Aye, good one.
33
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,080
What do you have this for?
34
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,920
Art. It's for drawing,
35
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,640
so you have a reference.
36
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,880
So...can I have it back?
37
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,240
Yeah.
38
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,680
Ahhhh! My hand! No-o-o-o-o!
39
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,080
Fucking hell.
MICK CHUCKLES
40
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,680
So, er, where's yous off to?
Tescos, to grab some lunch.
41
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,400
Do you want to come with?
What? With you?
42
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,440
Only if you're free. If you don't
want to, it's fine. No, no, no...
43
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,680
Here, Mick! Ask them if they're up
for a bit of anal play!
44
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,840
Not with you anyway, you wee rat!
Let's go, Rachael.
45
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,360
You love it, Siobhan!
46
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,680
What the hell was that, Tommy?
They love it!
47
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,640
No, they don't, you spoon!
You scared them off!
48
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,400
He's right. Look, you'll never get
a bird like that, Tommy.
49
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,880
You need to be more sensitive.
50
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,880
See, that's what Niamh
likes about me.
51
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,040
When are we ever going to
meet this Niamh?
52
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,280
She's very busy down in Newry.
53
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,520
Why don't you bring her up to
Belfast for once?
54
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:40,080
You and Niamh, me and Siobhan,
and Mick and Rachael.
55
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,240
She's well into you, man.
Not any more, you dickhead.
56
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,160
Nah, she is.
57
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,520
Do you reckon?
58
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,440
Do you see that wooden hand?
59
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,640
I bet she shoves that right
up her doot.
60
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,080
Oh, piss off!
61
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,000
THEY LAUGH
62
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,160
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS:
Maybe Rachael does like me,
63
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,080
but Tommy is always talking shite -
64
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,920
like this finger-up-the-bum craic.
65
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,680
What's that about?
66
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,320
I've never heard of sticking
your finger up your bum before.
67
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,120
But then...
68
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,680
..I've never been with a girl
either.
69
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,360
But if Tommy's doing it,
maybe everyone's doing it.
70
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,040
And if everyone's doing it,
I'm not going to be
71
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,000
the one weirdo who's not doing it!
72
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,440
I'm testing out the back door
system.
73
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,920
♪ Cos it's easy
74
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,000
♪ Once you know how it's done
75
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,520
♪ You can't stop now
76
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,520
♪ It's already begun
77
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:52,440
♪ You feel it runnin'
through your bones
78
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,680
♪ And you jerk it out... ♪
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00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,400
MUSIC FADES
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00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,480
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS:
What's that?!
81
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,200
What IS that?
82
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,760
Was that always there?
83
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,640
Shit, did I do that?
Was I wanking too hard?
84
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,480
Michael! Dinner!
85
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,840
Yeah.
86
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,880
Sure, we always knew she was like
that - it's all fur coat with her.
87
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:22,400
Still a couple of stalls to fill
at this bloody charity thing.
88
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,480
Don't know why I'm doing
it in the first place.
89
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,080
Oh, my God, are you serious?!
90
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,000
Here, two seconds.
91
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,320
Mum, I'm finished. Can I be excused?
92
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,800
Me, too.
93
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:34,840
What about the dishes?
94
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,360
BOTH: Bagsy not me!
95
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,920
You're slow off the mark today.
You feeling OK?
96
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,760
Yeah. Grand.
97
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,640
You've barely touched your dinner,
do you not like it?
98
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,040
Father Donal likes it
when I cook it for him.
99
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,320
Why do we always have to eat
leftovers from a priest?
100
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,000
Because I get paid to cook for him
101
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,360
and, if he has leftovers,
they're not going to go to waste.
102
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,800
There's people starving all over
this world. Now, come on.
103
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,880
They'll put hairs on your chest.
104
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,360
What, are you not hungry?
105
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,280
Hmm. Oh, for God's sake, fine,
leave it.
106
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:10,760
I'll do these, you go on up and do
your homework. Honest to God.
107
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,520
SHE SIGHS HEAVILY
108
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,880
Ye-o, ten kills!
Suck my hairy ballbag!
109
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:27,000
How are you on ten already?
Ah, shite.
110
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,880
I've got magic fingers,
just ask your ma.
111
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,560
My ma says you're shite.
Oh, come on, come on!
112
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,520
Tommy and Conor's ma, ye-e-o!
Ah, your ma's your da, Mick!
113
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,960
Conor, don't be like that!
114
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,280
Ah, shit.
I didn't mean to bring up your da.
115
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,280
It's grand. It's just what you say.
116
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,600
I know, but...
117
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,240
Oh, fuck's sake, Mick,
that was never a kill!
118
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,520
Um, here, lads...
119
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,760
What?
120
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,000
Well, um...
121
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,360
Yes, shotgun, sweet!
122
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,240
Well...
123
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,080
HE STUTTERS
I was trying out, you know,
124
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,640
earlier on, the pokey bum wank
thing and...
125
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,000
You stinker!
You actually tried that?!
126
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,120
No, I was going to, but...
127
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,640
You're absolutely rotten.
Why would you even do that?
128
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,400
Ye-o! My influence spreads far
and wide.
129
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,800
It's good, isn't it?!
130
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,880
Well, I didn't actually...
131
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,400
Yes! Yes!
Got you, Mick, you're dead!
132
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,840
Ah, shit.
133
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,440
Ha, you can't play properly with all
that shite on your fingers!
134
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:26,680
What?!
135
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,440
It was your idea, Tommy! Anyway...
136
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,720
It's not about that.
It was afterwards... Ye-o-o!
137
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,200
Shitey Fingers Mick! I found...
Shitey Fingers Mick...
138
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,440
Can you just shut up for two
seconds? I'm trying to...
139
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:41,040
BOTH CHANT: Shitey Fingers Mick!
Shitey Fingers Mick! Fuck off!
140
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,600
CONTROL CLATTERS
Pricks.
141
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,200
DOOR OPENS
142
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,320
What's all that effin'
and blinding about? Nothin'.
143
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,600
What is wrong with you this evening?
144
00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,360
Come on, there's clearly something
wrong. What's up?
145
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,280
How did Dad first know he was sick?
146
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,960
You want to know about that?
147
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,520
I've just been thinking about it.
148
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,320
Well, um...
149
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,520
..it was around Easter, um...
150
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,400
..when he realised something
was wrong,
151
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,320
so that was... That was...what?
152
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,280
About a year, year and a half
before he died.
153
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,960
Because we were on holiday
in Donegal, in Jackson's...
154
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,160
Do you remember Jackson's Hotel in
Ballybofey?
155
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,400
The one where you wet the bed? Mum!
156
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,720
Well, uh, yeah, we were there
157
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:50,600
and, uh, we were in
the pool...and he...
158
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,600
..couldn't lift his arm
to make a stroke.
159
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:01,200
Yeah, I gave off stink to him,
you know, I just kept saying,
160
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,640
"Oh, in the name of God, Jimmy, when
was the last time you were swimming?
161
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:08,200
"You're not fit, you need to join a
gym! Blah, blah, blah, blah..."
But...
162
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,240
No, he was...
SHE SIGHS
163
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,520
He was obviously worried that the
feeling in his arm, you know...
164
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,120
..it wasn't right.
165
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,920
PHONE RINGS
166
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,120
RINGING STOPS
167
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,680
HE EXHALES
168
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,160
SOFTLY: What has you thinking
about your dad?
169
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,640
You've... You've never
really...spoken about him before.
170
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,000
I-I don't know.
171
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,440
Don't remember much about him.
172
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,240
Well...
173
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,600
Anything you want to know,
you just ask, OK?
174
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,040
Any time you want,
we'll talk about him.
175
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,360
Big eejit that he was.
176
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,000
PHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE
177
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,360
I'll get it!
178
00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:00,200
Or you can talk to him.
179
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,840
He won't talk back, but...
180
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,200
..he's listening.
181
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,280
Mick! It's Tommy for you!
182
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,200
What does he want?
I don't know, do I?
183
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:15,000
You know, I could ask
Father Donal to talk to you.
184
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,960
I'm not talking to a priest.
185
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,960
All right, Tommy? Why aren't you
answering your phone?
186
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,320
Making me ring your house phone
like a weirdo.
187
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,600
Least I got to speak to your sister,
though.
188
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,640
She's gaggin' for the ride!
TOMMY GIGGLES
189
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,400
Shut up. What do you want?
Well, I've got big news,
190
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,640
but you bitched out of the game
before I could tell you.
191
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,640
You've got a date this Saturday!
192
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,280
A date, what?
193
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,920
Aye, I got onto Siobhan.
Me and her, you and Rachael,
194
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,280
hitting up the cinema.
Are you serious?
195
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,880
Rachael actually said she wanted to
go with me, like? Well...
196
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:59,640
I mean, I didn't actually speak to
Rachael. Siobhan's sorting it.
197
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,000
OK, OK. Wow. Class. What's on?
198
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,360
Well, it doesn't matter what film's
on, you spanner!
199
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,800
Dark room, back row, cut a hole
in the bottom of the popcorn box.
200
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,840
No-one actually does that, do they?
201
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:14,000
Well, I mean, they don't actually do
the popcorn box thing, but...
202
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,480
..it's just a bit of wee
hand-shandy in the cinema...
203
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,840
Everyone's doing it!
204
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,840
Siobhan and Rachael are well
up for it, man! See you the morra!
205
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,360
CALL DISCONNECTS
206
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,920
STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS: A date?!
With Rachael?! Fucking right!
207
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,680
But what if she wants to
touch my ball?
208
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,120
She'll freak out and
probably tell everyone!
209
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,520
Mum! Get out! Oh, Jesus!
210
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,560
What are you doing, Mum?!
Calm yourself down.
211
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,960
It's nothing I haven't seen before.
I gave birth to you,
212
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,400
for Christ's sake. Mu-u-um!
213
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,760
All right! Just keep the door locked
in future.
214
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,200
HE SIGHS
Fuck's sake!
215
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,720
KNOCK ON DOOR
What now?!
216
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,880
Hurry up! I need to shave my legs,
I'm meeting Danny.
217
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,080
Can a man not shit in peace?!
That's no way to talk to a lady!
218
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,520
You'll never get a girlfriend
if you carry on like that.
219
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:57,720
Piss off!
220
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,600
CONSCIOUSNESS: Shit.
How do you speak to a girl on date?
221
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,360
Is it just normal chatting or what?
222
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:12,920
Look, there's no rules or anything.
Niamh and I just get along.
223
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,000
Just any advice you have, please.
224
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,840
All right, but give me a hand,
would you?
225
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,640
First thing, buying the snacks.
226
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,280
Popcorn only.
227
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,720
Stay away from chocolate.
228
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,720
But... I'm a Malteser man.
229
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,000
Aye, and I'm mad for a bag of mint
Aero bubbles,
230
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,640
but I gotta stick to popcorn.
231
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,880
You buy a bag of chocolate,
it gets all over your hands.
232
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,000
Next thing you know,
you've got chocolate stains
233
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,480
all over her white jeans
234
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,280
and then she'll be calling you
Shitey Fingers Mick.
235
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,960
Popcorn's grand, sure,
especially if you share,
236
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,720
gives you more opportunities to
brush up against her hand.
237
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,840
Next thing - hand-holding.
It's important not to get trapped.
238
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,040
Trapped? Right...
239
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,640
You're in the cinema,
she's sitting next to you,
240
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,440
the film starts up. Your hands are
very close together...
241
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,840
..you probably should reach out
and hold it. Right, yeah.
242
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,640
How long do you hold it for?
243
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,800
Oh... Just for a while?
244
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,000
Well, you can't let go -
she'll get offended.
245
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,640
So now you're stuck holding her
hand for the whole film.
246
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:15,360
120 minutes of your hand just
getting sweatier and sweatier
247
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,520
and sweatier, till she thinks
you've got some sort of
248
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,920
sweating disease and it's contagious
and she never holds your hand again!
249
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:24,120
So... How long should I hold her
hand for?
250
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,000
Well, on average, I'd say, um...
251
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,160
I'd say you tease it for the first
half-hour.
252
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,200
Then hold it for the next half-hour
253
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,080
and, by that point,
you should be kissing.
254
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,680
And you just keep
kissing for the rest of the film.
255
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,200
Shit.
256
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,360
Right...
257
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,400
Unless... Unless what?
258
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,120
Well, unless there's a sex scene.
You know, if there's a sex scene,
259
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,680
you HAVE to start making out
immediately - that's the rule.
260
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,000
OK. Yeah.
261
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,080
TAPPING ON GLASS
262
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,320
Oh, right.
263
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,400
I'd better go,
my dad's picking me up.
264
00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,880
Off to the driving range!
265
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,520
I thought you were with
Niamh this weekend?
266
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,360
Oh, no. She's...not well, so...
267
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,480
Look, you'll do great, Mick.
Just remember what I told you
268
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,440
and everything else is common sense.
269
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,120
Clean shirt, right?
Deodorant and...
270
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,960
You might want to shave!
271
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,320
Do you know how to...?
272
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,560
Just... I know your da's not around,
so do you need me to show you how?
273
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,680
Fuck's sake, Conor,
I know how to shave.
274
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,280
I've done it loads of times.
I'm not an idiot.
275
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:34,320
Yeah, right, sorry.
Well, um, fresh shave then.
276
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,880
CONSCIOUSNESS: Wait.
277
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,040
Can you see it through my trousers?
278
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,880
Has it...?
279
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,000
It has, it's definitely
gotten bigger.
280
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,120
Shit, I'm going to have to sort
it myself.
281
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,800
I could try squeezing it.
282
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,200
Freezing it.
283
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,360
Ooh!
284
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,960
Holy water?
285
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,960
CHOIR HARMONISES
286
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,480
Or...spraying it?
287
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,520
Shit!
288
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:36,840
Fuck.
289
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,160
You can definitely still see it.
290
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,080
That'll have to do.
291
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,120
Mum? Mum? Hmm-Hmm?
292
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,520
I need a...
293
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,360
What is it?
294
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,000
Well, well, I need a, you know?
295
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,840
The next time you're out,
could you pick me up something?
296
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,200
In the name of God what is
it you're after? A razor!
297
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:24,080
A razor?
Yeah, you know, I need a shave.
298
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,880
No, you don't, you're only...
I'm 15.
299
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,280
I'm not a child, Mum. Right.
300
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:35,440
Good. Right. Uh, absolutely,
I can get that for you.
301
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,240
Um, and do you know...? Can you
actually...? Do you know how to...?
302
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,320
I know how to shave, Mum.
303
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,080
I just need a razor. Right.
304
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,280
Good. I'll be out and about
tomorrow, and I'll get you one then.
305
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,960
No, I need it for tonight.
I'm going out.
306
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,960
Where? Cinema, with Tommy.
307
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,040
Why do you need to shave to
go to the cinema? Sure, who'd be
lookin' at you?
308
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,520
Mum, I need it for tonight, please!
309
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,400
Look, Michael, I'm just back in
from the shops,
310
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,640
I'm not going out again.
And me and Finn have to go meet
311
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,640
Father Donal to pick up the raffle
prizes. Mum! I need it!
312
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,120
Aye, I'll just tell
the Motor Neurone Disease charity
313
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,080
that we didn't raise enough
money because my son needed a shave.
314
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,000
Look, what time will you be
finished at the night
315
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,400
and I'll get Lucy to pick you up?
I don't need looking after.
316
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,000
I'll get the bus. Don't be silly,
she can give you a lift.
317
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,480
I'll get you one tomorrow,
I promise!
318
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,600
FOOTSTEPS RETREAT UPSTAIRS,
DOOR CLOSES
319
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:25,960
SHE SIGHS
320
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,520
Shaving.
321
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,080
That's the next bloody thing.
322
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,240
Desperate times.
323
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,520
Ah, there he is.
324
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,040
Hey. All right? Hi.
325
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,480
Hey, Mick.
326
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,280
All right, ladies, shall we?
All right.
327
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,840
You're paying!
328
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,440
Jesus, what the fuck did you shave
with?
329
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,080
A cheese grater?!
Is it really noticeable?
330
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,600
Why you wearing a jacket round your
waist like a weirdo?
331
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,360
Don't be ruining this for us!
332
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,720
Nah, nah, it's cool. I won't.
333
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,200
Popcorn?
334
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,880
No thanks. I prefer chocolate,
really.
335
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,920
Really?
336
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,000
What about Maltesers?
I'm not a big fan.
337
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,320
We'll get popcorn. OK.
338
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,800
One popcorn, please. Salt or sweet?
339
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,920
Salt. Sweet, please.
340
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,040
Sweet.
341
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,120
We can do a mix.
342
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,200
Sweet's good.
No, we'll get a mix, please.
343
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,680
No, no, I don't even like salted
anyways. OK.
344
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,240
Regular or large?
345
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,560
Large?
346
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,800
You're the closest thing to a parent
any of them will ever have.
347
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,200
It's tough, being in this...
348
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,040
OK, OK. Going well.
349
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,280
Bit early to start holding
hands yet.
350
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,680
Just tease it, as Conor said.
351
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,600
Wait, Tommy's doing it already!
352
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,200
No. Stick to your guns,
wait a half-hour.
353
00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:01,520
Shit, she's going in! It's too soon.
354
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:04,520
Just a drink.
355
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,280
Right! Cool, cool.
356
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,080
Oh, shit. She's going for the ball!
357
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,520
Quick, do something! Do something!
358
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,320
Are you inviting me back to your
apartment?
359
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,720
Oh, no.
360
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,800
Sex scene. This is it.
361
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,080
WOMAN MOANS ON SCREEN
362
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,560
I can't do it.
363
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:41,920
I'm pathetic.
364
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:00,440
He do it on purpose?
365
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,800
So, here, I'm going to bring Siobhan
around the corner,
366
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,160
so I can get a feel. Leave you
and Rachael to do the same.
367
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,400
OK. Yeah. Good man.
368
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,720
I'm glad you came out tonight.
369
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:25,080
I'm glad you did.
370
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,600
It was fun.
Yeah, I thought so, too.
371
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,960
Are you cold? Yeah, it's freezing!
372
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,920
Pff, it's not that cold.
373
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,120
So... Yeah?
374
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,640
Can I...?
375
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,160
Well, I mean, can we...
376
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,200
..kiss?
377
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,840
Smooth.
378
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,520
I'd like that.
379
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,640
Just...
380
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,920
No touching below the belt.
381
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,480
What?
382
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,040
Oh, you know,
just keep it above the belt.
383
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,080
Boxing joke. What did you think I
was going to do? Nothing, I just...
384
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:22,080
I'm not going to give you a hand job
in the middle of a car park, like!
385
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,400
No, no! That's disgusting! No,
seriously... Sorry, I need to go.
386
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,640
Please!
387
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,800
It wasn't anything like that.
388
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,720
It was just a stupid joke.
389
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,000
I'm sorry.
390
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,840
I'm nervous.
391
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,640
Yeah? Yeah.
392
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,280
To be honest, I've been shitting
myself all day. Me, too.
393
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,920
What? Why would you be nervous?
394
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,560
You're great.
395
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,040
BASSY MUSIC APPROACHES
396
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,600
What's that? What's what?
CAR HORN HONKS
397
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,960
Get your hand off my boyfriend,
you dirty who-o-ore! Who-o-o-o!
398
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,600
What's your problem?! Hurry up!
Two seconds!
399
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,960
That's my sister and her boyfriend.
RACHAEL CHUCKLES
400
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,920
I'm going to kill them.
I'm going to actually kill them.
401
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,800
How'd it go? Yeah, it went well.
402
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,960
Did you get with her? Yeah.
403
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,560
Oh, go on, then, gi's a sniff.
Get to fuck!
404
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:31,080
Let's go, big man! I'm coming!
405
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,120
Better get on then.
406
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,800
Yeah, OK.
407
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,520
OK, well... See you soon, Rachael.
408
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,280
Well? I'm not speaking to you.
409
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,680
You l-i-i-i-ike her. Shut up, Lucy!
410
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,520
CONSCIOUSNESS: She felt it.
411
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,520
What if it just keeps getting
bigger and bigger?
412
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,880
What if it's something
really serious?
413
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,960
Holy fuck!
31093
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