All language subtitles for Duncanville s02e03 Whos Vroomin Who.eng

‐ ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo

♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo

♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo

♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪

‐ [laughs]

Ooh. [growls]

‐ Mommy.
‐ Aaaaaaah.

‐ Duncan.
‐ Duncan.

‐ Ahh.
‐ What's wrong, Jing?

‐ Did you have that dream
about the woman

with no eyes
that stares at you?

‐ No, worse.
I've outgrown my room.

‐ But you love this room.
‐ Sure, 4

Sure, 4 1/2‐year‐old me did,
but that was months ago.

I'm a totally different person.

I can balance on one foot now.

‐ How does she do that?

‐ Well, Jing,
what would you like?

‐ Something more mature,
like maybe warrior princess,

unicorns obvi, but I wouldn't
rule out rapping chipmunks.

‐ Say no more. This weekend

I'm gonna give you
an amazing room makeover.

‐ You're a plumber, Dad.

You dig hair out of toilets.
Hire a contractor.

‐ I dig lots of stuff
out of toilets.

And I can do anything
a contractor does,

just not legally.

‐ Thanks, Daddy.

I'll more in with Kimberly
till you're done.

Sister sleepover.

‐ No, I need my privacy
in case a boy calls.

[laughter]

‐ That's great.

‐ Oh, we're sorry, honey.

It's gonna happen someday.

‐ Have you heard something?

Is it the kid who came
to our door selling seeds?

Because I felt like
we made a connection.

‐ Let's go, Kimberly.

You're making
a fool of yourself.

‐ Hey Duncan, wanna remodel
Jing's room with me?

Be the master's apprentice?

‐ Oh, I'd hate to, but Mom's
already trapped me

into doing something with her.

‐ I'm cashing in an old
IOU Duncan

made for me last Mother's Day.

So we're going bowling, 'cause
that was always our thing.

It'll be just like old times.

Mother and son hangin'
and bowlin' and‐‐Dunkie.

‐ Ooh
‐ Ah.

‐ Ugh, I had it.

‐ Slow and steady wins
the race, Dunkie.

Head on a swivel.
Check side, rear, front,

side, rear, front,
side, rear, front...

‐ I'm gonna barf.
‐ Good. That means you're safe.

Careful.

You almost bumped that car full
of nudists drinking hot tea.

Okay,
there's the bowling alley.

Use your signal
and patiently wait your turn.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Okay, ready?

Wait for it.

Now take your well‐earned
left turn and ease this baby

into a spot far
from unmarked white vans.

‐ Forget it.
I'm not walking that far.

‐ Mom, my name's Duncan.

‐ Dunkie's cuter.
‐ Ugh.

‐ Hold out your hands.

This is what I used to do
for your bottom.

‐ Ugh.

[all cheering]

‐ Aw, man.
‐ What's wrong?

Don't you like bowling anymore?

‐ I love bowling.
It's just that...

‐ Is it the noise?
The watery pizza?

The broken claw machine?

The sweaty guy in the tank top
who keeps kissing his ball?

[laughter]

Oh, I get it.

You think I'm embarrassed
to be seen with you.

Well, don't you worry
your sweet powdered bottom

about that.
Let's hit some pins.

Ugh.

Yes. Three.

‐ Ooh, ahh.

[laughter]

‐ Something popped in my chest.

‐ He does like bowling.

Just not with me.

‐ I came in
like a wrecking ball ♪

♪ I never hit so hard in love

♪ All I wanted
was to break your walls ♪

[grunts]

♪ Yeah, I wre‐e‐e‐ecked you

[grunts]

♪ Yeah, I wre‐e‐e‐ecked you

‐ Wow. I've never been in
your room longer than‐‐

Jing, get out of my room.

‐ Let's lay some ground
rules here.

Don't touch my computer.

Don't touch my makeup.
Don't touch my phone.

‐ This is gonna be fun.

So what do girls
do at sleepovers?

I've never been on one.

‐ We do each other's hair,
nails,

and you can never go wrong

with dishing hot gossip
or trashing good friends.

‐ Won't that hurt
their feelings?

‐ You have so much to learn.
Let's start with hot gossip.

Tara likes Ryan.
But Ryan likes Amber.

But Amber's just using Ryan
to make Daniel K. jealous.

But here's the twist.
Daniel K.

is in love with Ryan.
Your turn.

‐ Well,
opossum is nice to beaver,

beaver is nice to ladybug,

but opossum
is also nice to ladybug.

It's all crazy,
and I'm, like, drama.

‐ Do you know any real people?
‐ I know you,

but you don't seem
to have a love life.

‐ Ouch. You catch on quick.

‐ [whimpering]

‐ Honey, why are you crying.

And have you seen
my good nail gun?

‐ It's over, Jack.
It's all over.

‐ Can't we at least wait until
the kids leave for college?

‐ No.
Duncan's childhood is over.

He's outgrown me.

Just like he's outgrown
this little hoodie

and his one‐eyed teddy bear
and his baby teeth

and the hair
from his first haircut.

Aw, look how cute
he used to be.

‐ Oh, boy. Listen, honey,
Duncan's 15 now.

It's normal.
He'll appreciate you again

in his forties
when his wife leaves him

and he needs you
to watch his kids.

‐ I can't wait that long.

There's gotta be something
we can enjoy together.

I wonder if he still plays
his little xylophone.

[xylophone clanging]

Yeah, that's jazz, man.

‐ Annie, take it from
the neediest man alive.

You've gotta be patient.
He'll find his way back to you.

‐ Not if I find my way
back to him first.

I put a GPS tracker
on his hoodie.

Thanks for the wise
but completely wrong advice.

See ya.

‐ Hug me.
‐ Ahh!

‐ Well, the night's young, and
this Dew's got me feelin' good.

What's next?

‐ What was that?

‐ If it's in the woods,
it's gotta be good.

[all panting]

‐ I'll bet it's a spaceship.

‐ We can protect the adorable
alien

inside from the government.

‐ I'll get him wasted
and teach him how to cuss.

‐ A stock car track.
That's cool too, right?

‐ Deadbeat dads
goin' 200 miles an hour?

Uh, yeah.

‐ Mia, you work here?

‐ Papa Mom sponsors a car,

so apparently part of
my below‐minimum‐wage job now

is to make sure
nobody messes with it.

‐ Can I mess with it?
‐ Yeah, sure.

‐ Ugh. Look, I'm a race car
drivin' guy.

Meer‐shwer‐hrr‐frow.

‐ Those are some great
racing sounds.

Is he your driver?
‐ Please say yes.

Please say yes. Please say yes.

‐ Hang on, let me just take
a look at my paystub. Yes.

‐ Ah, only good things
will come of this.

[tires screech]

Hi, I'm Dirty Duncan Harris.
When I have a big race,

Papa Mom's Pizza
gives me the fuel I need.

Mmm. Tastes like Amurica.

‐ And cut.
Duncan, baby, beautiful.

‐ Hey, Duncan,
I brought our ten

beautiful multi‐racial kids
to visit you on set.

‐ I am truly blessed.

I can't provide
for all them kids.

[phone beeping]

‐ He's gotta be
around here somewhere.

‐ Mom? What are you doing here?

‐ Not letting you outgrow me.
‐ Duncan.

The race has started.
Vroom‐vroom already.

‐ How do you start this thing?
‐ Ugh.

Flip the rocker switches,

hit the clutch,
and throw it into first.

‐ Huh?

‐ Drive.

[tires squealing]

‐ Side, rear, front.
Wait your turn. Wait your turn.

‐ Forget all that crap.
We're racin' now.

‐ Ahh! Uh‐uh‐uh!

[engines revving]

‐ Faster, Dunkie.
Swift and crazy wins the race.

‐ There's a car in front of us.

‐ Not if you bump
his ass there ain't.

‐ Since when are you
a psycho driver?

‐ Since I thought I lost
my baby boy forever.

‐ I have a brother?

Oh, cool, but you should
probably tell Dad.

[cheers and applause]

Oh, my God, we won.
Thanks, Mom.

‐ I've reconnected with my son.

[cheers and applause]

‐ [slurping] Mom, would you
like a victory sip?

‐ Oh, wow, gravy tastes
so much better out of a trophy.

‐ Well, congratulations,
you two.

‐ Jealousy doesn't look good
on you, Jack.

[glugging]

‐ I didn't know you were
so into racing, Mom.

‐ Oh, I'm not.
I'm into winning.

Especially with my son.

‐ With her crazy competitive
side and my ability

to sit,
we're a great team.

‐ We ride together;
we die together.

‐ I wanna die with Kimberly.
‐ Aw.

I thought I was dying alone.

‐ Wait. Who do I get
to die with?

‐ You can die
with me too, Daddy.

‐ Thanks, honey. Mwah.

‐ I'm sorry, Jack, I was so
busy talking about Duncan

and I being race car drivers
that I forgot to ask

how your little girl's room
was coming along.

‐ Well, I'm hell on wheels too.
Pastel color wheels.

Pick one, Jing.
What's speaking to you?

Cherub's Nipple
Pink or Bunnies' Blood Blue?

‐ What paint store
do you shop at?

‐ Surprise me.
And take your time, Daddy.

We're having fun
doing sister stuff.

Today I learned to throw shade,

and we talked to Grandma
on the Ouija board.

She's in pain.

[giggling]

‐ There are 500 shows
on 600 streaming services

and whatever Quibi was.
Why are you watching

"Hector The Detector"
for the fourth time?

‐ I find something new
every time I watch it.

And I wanna give you a peak
into my world.

Watch with me.

‐ Let's see what's
in the mailbox.

It's mail.

‐ [laughs]

‐ Oh, my God. Calm down.

Mail should be in the mailbox.
That's where it belongs.

‐ It's fun to laugh.
How come you never laugh?

‐ Laughing gives you wrinkles.
I'd rather be hot than happy.

‐ The laughing stops now.
Mmm. Hee‐hee.

Sorry, I just thought
about Hector and the mail.

‐ Ugh. Good night.

Huh?

‐ [snoring]

‐ [groans]

[groaning]

‐ [giggles]
Mail.

[twangy upbeat music]

‐ Fake high. Go low, Dunkie.

‐ [grunting]

Yeah!
‐ Whoo!

And that's the
Kansas City shuffle.

‐ I can't get ahead of him.

‐ Get me close.

♪

"Frogger" it, baby.

♪

‐ Last lap.
We're never gonna win this.

‐ [whistles]

♪

‐ Uh, that don't seem fair.

‐ Yeah,
is anyone gonna say anything?

[cheers and applause]

‐ Ugh.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Ugh, ugh.

Ugh, if you ain't fast,
you last.

‐ Bow to your gods.
Your wives are mine now.

‐ Thanks for teaching me that
vulgar celebration dance, Mom.

[grunting]

‐ Everyone loves
a cocky winner.

‐ Duncan and Annie,

that was an incredible
montage of victories.

Just the right amount
to qualify

for the 24 Minutes of Oakdale.

‐ Thank you, Jimmy Don.
And I just want to say

as a mama
I am so proud of my boy.

‐ Give it up
for Team Mama's Boy.

‐ Team what?

[cheers and applause]

all: Mama's Boy. Mama's Boy.

Mama's Boy. Mama's Boy.

‐ Mama's Boy.

‐ Dunkie, we're a hit.

all: Mama's Boy. Mama's Boy.
‐ [groans]

‐ You awake? You awake?

‐ Stop.
‐ Oh good, you're awake.

‐ What are you doing up
so early?

‐ You mean what
are we doing up so early?

We're having breakfast.

‐Ugh.
‐ Hurry up and eat

so I can finish your
"Hector the Detector" tattoo.

‐ Finish? Augh.

‐ Don't worry. It's permanent.

‐ Ahh!

‐ Ahh!
It's fun screaming with you.

‐ Ugh.

When are you gonna be done
with...

‐ Ohh, I can't decide
what to build.

It's too hard.

‐ I thought you
were almost done.

This morning you had
a color wheel.

‐ I was going to do
a princess castle,

but then I worried that
that would reinforce the idea

that women need a man
to be happy.

Then I thought Wonder Woman,

but would that make
her feel bad,

because Jing can't do
what Wonder Woman does.

She kills Nazis,

and a five‐year‐old
can't compete with that.

Then I thought space station,
but I don't want her

to live out of state.
I'm in over my head.

Maybe it's time
to call a contractor.

‐ First of all, women do need
a man to be happy.

And we don't have time
to call a contractor.

Give me your pen.

This is what we're doing.

‐ I love it.

But I had this idea
for vaulted ceilings and‐‐

‐ You're not in charge anymore.
Turn in your nail gun.

‐ Thank you
for your leadership.

‐ Mmm, I think you made
Duncan's mom a little too sexy.

‐ I don't think
I made her sexy enough.

Here's my original design.

[all groan]

‐ Dang, son,
what's wrong with you?

‐ That is anatomically
impossible.

‐ Yeah, her back would break.
Oh!

‐ That is the worst thing
I've ever seen.

‐ Trust me. It's not.
[gulps]

‐ This is humiliating.

Isn't there a better name
than Mama's Boy?

‐ You gotta embrace it, man;
it's your moniker.

Or as I called it, "money‐ker."

‐ Heh, clever.

‐ Once the public knows you
as something, you're branded.

Look, your hashtag's
already trending.

Or as I call it,
"spending." [chuckles]

I call everything
something else.

‐ Ooh, Wolf. I love it.

You really know
how to paint a woman.

‐ Mom, I've been thinking.

Maybe it's time
we get out of racing.

You know, like, quit while
we're solidly in the middle.

‐ No way.
I would never quit on you.

‐ I don't mind.
I‐‐I quit on you in bowling.

‐ And that was the worst day
of my life.

I wanted to step in front
of a speeding train,

but now look at us.
We have a thing again.

Now let's go get our urine
tested for drugs together.

For drugs. Together.

‐ Ba‐donk. Ba‐damn.

‐ Your urine test says
you're drug‐free

but peri‐menopausal.

Oh, wait, that's mine.
[laughs]

God, we laugh together,
don't we, Dunkie?

‐ I'm going to the car.
‐ Let's go together as a team.

‐ Ugh.
‐ Already racing, huh?

‐ Hey, Mrs. H.
‐ Oh, hi, Bex.

‐ So how ya doin', huh? Jack?
The kids?

‐ Uh, the‐‐the race is about
to start, Bex.

‐ Okay, uh,
how do I put this lightly?

Every moment Duncan sits
in that car with you

is a humiliating nightmare.

‐ What?
Where's that coming from?

Also,
what was the harsh version?

‐ Duncan hates being called
Mama's Boy.

‐ But the crowd loves it.

And if he had a problem
with it, he would have told me.

Teenage boys love to share.

‐ Mrs. H, may I turn your head?

‐ Of course, always.

all: ♪ Rock‐a‐bye Dunkie
on the blacktop ♪

‐ Stop it.
You're making me sleepy.

‐ Have I been so blinded
by my desire

for a connection with my son

that I put my emotional needs
ahead of what's best for him?

‐ Yeah, I guess.
‐ Oh, Bex, I can always count

on you
to call me on my crap.

Let's finally have that lunch
we keep saying we're gonna do.

‐ I'd like that.

[engines revving]

‐ [groaning]

Hurry up, get in.
The race is gonna start.

‐ Sorry, you're driving this
one

on your own.
‐ Are you sure?

I know how much us being
a team means to you.

‐ Yeah, but I'm a mom.

And my job is to suffer
so you can be happy.

Besides,
we'll always be a team.

And when you're 40
and divorced,

I'll watch your kids for you.

‐ Good, 'cause there's gonna be
ten of 'em. Thanks, Mom.

‐ Drivers, start your engines.

‐ And I had Wolf
make a few changes to the car.

‐ Damn straight I'm a Big Boy.

‐ Go get 'em, Dunkie.

[engines revving]

‐ Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Ahh! I want my mama!

‐ Aww, nuts.

There goes my lunch with Annie.

‐ Ready, Jing?

♪ Ta‐daaah

‐ Ohh.

‐ You said you liked
warrior princesses,

so now you can sleep
on Moana's boat

under the stars at night.

‐ And I built you
a unicorn dresser, obvi.

‐ And finding an outfit
is a breeze

with Hector the Detector.

‐ Socks are for feet.

‐ And I believe someone said
rapping chipmunks.

[chipmunks chittering]

‐ Awww, spit that nasty stuff.

‐ Oh, my gosh.

You did everything I said.

‐ So do you love it?
‐ No. I wanna list it.

‐ What's wrong with you?

I would've killed for a room
like this when I was your age.

But I had to bunk with Duncan,

because Dad needed a room
for his scrapbooking.

‐ I thought I was into it.

Turns out, I was just high
from the glue fumes.

‐ I actually liked my old room,

but I wanted to hang out
with my cool big sister

before she forgets all about me

and only cares about boys
who make her cry.

‐ I had no idea
you wanted to hang out.

‐ I want your advice
on fashion and boys,

even though your love life
is a disaster.

You're funny,
and you smell good.

I want to be like you.

‐ I knew I was perfect.
[camera shutter clicks]

‐ I can't wait to glue this
in a scrapbook.

[inhales]
Glue.

[engines revving]

‐ Ahhh! Something popped
in my chest again.

‐ Oh, Bex, I don't want
to smother Dunkie,

but his car is spinning wildly
out of control.

‐ And his engine's on fire.

I know nothing about
being a parent,

but I think it's time to step in.

‐ Ahhhh!

[loud thump]

‐ Ride or die, baby.

[tires squealing]

‐ Never give me my space again.
‐ That's all I wanted to hear.

Now let's win this thing.
‐ Mama's Boy!

[tires squealing]

[twangy upbeat music]

♪

‐ And team Mama's Boy

in a miracle
comeback finishes...sixth.

‐ Yeah, it was crazy to think
we could win.

I mean, we were so far behind
when I jumped on the roof.

‐ Oh, yeah,
I was driving backwards

for at least ten minutes.

‐ Yeah, ugh, ugh, ugh.
Dance with me, Mom.

‐ A good mother knows when
it's time to let her son

crotch chop alone.

‐ Ugh, ugh. Take that.
Take all of it.

‐ That's my boy!

[cheers and applause]

‐ Heads‐up, do not order
the cheesy‐filled crust.

‐ Why not?

‐ It is neither cheese
nor crust.

‐ But they're BOGO.
‐ Come on, Mom.

It's our victory party.

Let's go
get some sixth‐place pies.

‐ Go with your friends
and celebrate, Duncan.

‐ Thanks. And let's go
bowling again sometime.

Also, I need your credit card.

‐ Already pinned it
to your T‐shirt.

[tires squealing]

Rrrr! Whoo‐hoo!

‐ What a woman.

‐ Ow.

Huh?

Little sis to big sis.
Thank you. Over.

‐ This is big sis.
You're welcome. Over.

‐ What happened to Ryan
and Daniel K? Over.

‐ They're over. Over.

‐ Girl, that's not
what I heard. Over.

‐ Guys, get off channel one.
It's for me and Mom. Over.

‐ Everyone off the channel
and go to bed. Over.

‐ I love you, sexy driver.

‐ I love you, construction man.

You can property
my brother any time.

[smooching]

‐ Oh, my God.
Your walkies are still on.

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