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1
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,440
- Am I dead?
2
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,900
both: This appears to be hell.
Could you explain?
3
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,192
You're being an asshole.
4
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:28,985
- Impressive, right?
5
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,409
Been doing this so long,
I can tell
6
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,737
what people
are going to say.
7
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,491
My record is an hour.
8
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,866
[laughs]
9
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,121
Oh, but I won't keep you,
10
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,834
Somebody is waiting for you.
11
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,165
- What does that mean?
12
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,420
- Gloria, pick up
at the front gate.
13
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,513
- I don't do pickups.
14
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,917
- The fax says what it says.
15
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:49,875
- What's this bullshit?
16
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,428
[gates creaking]
17
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:57,601
[foreboding music]
18
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,640
- Have fun.
19
00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:04,734
* *
20
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,483
[creature squawks]
21
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:10,114
- So Gloria...
Gloria, the demon.
22
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,953
- The head demon.
23
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,278
I don't do pickups,
24
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:16,793
so let's see why I'm doing
a fucking pickup.
25
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,446
Name: Zachary Bean?
26
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,615
- Everyone calls me Beans.
27
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:21,752
- Eh, I've heard dumber.
Job: oh,
28
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,290
guess we'll be working
together, Beans.
29
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,884
You're Devil's new assistant.
30
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,549
- What, the devil?
Why me?
31
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,587
I--I never even hurt a fly.
32
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,131
- Devil created
the bureaucracy.
33
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:32,514
The bureaucracy assigns
the jobs.
34
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:34,140
They know what they're doing.
35
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,547
And cut the "never hurt a fly"
shit.
36
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,006
Like there's a threshold
with flies,
37
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,426
kill 100. you go to hell?
News flash: there isn't.
38
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,265
Nobody knows
why anyone is here,
39
00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:45,150
and nobody fucking cares.
Ah, demon dick.
40
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,018
Uncle-fucking cats.
41
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,815
Trying to kill us all.
42
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:52,238
- [laughs] Okay.
This must be a bad trip.
43
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,488
I took too much ketamine,
44
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,120
I'm actually in an alley,
getting molested
45
00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:57,826
by a homeless guy.
46
00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,197
I really hope I'm being
molested by a homeless guy.
47
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,535
- You're not hallucinating.
48
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,919
But if dangerous alleys are
your thing,
49
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,207
we've got the best.
50
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,791
- Oh, shit.
51
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,456
* *
52
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:13,675
[jaunty music]
53
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:20,637
* *
54
00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:29,687
- Hell needs something.
55
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,943
- Baby, enough
with the changes.
56
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,445
- When God put me in charge,
He expected greatness.
57
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,068
I--I just--I don't think
we're there yet.
58
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:40,235
- Violent torture was great.
Remember torture?
59
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,535
- Never again.
That crap traumatizes
60
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,369
both the victim
and the perpetrator.
61
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,874
- What about ball stomping?
62
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,915
- Well, that is not torture
to me.
63
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,249
- I just got
new pair of stilettos.
64
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,665
Real nut poppers.
- Ooh.
65
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,763
[laughs]
Hey, the new guy!
66
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:56,089
Gotta go, Reggie.
67
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,224
- The fuck did I tell you
about calling me--
68
00:02:58,261 --> 00:02:59,761
- Sorry, Regina.
Regina.
69
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,894
Why'd I say Reggie?
Gemini.
70
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,981
So let's see.
My new assistant's name
71
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,517
is Beans.
Is that Welsh?
72
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,311
- I--I'm from New Jersey.
73
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,895
- Says you died when a bus
fell on you.
74
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,859
Not ran over, fell on.
What is that about?
75
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,071
- I have no idea.
76
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,990
- Better than choking
on a Tide pod, I guess.
77
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,529
Do I really need an assistant?
78
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:18,952
I made the bureaucracy to take
79
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,530
these decisions off my plate,
80
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,575
but still, what to do?
81
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,960
What to do?
Circus peanut?
82
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,167
- Um, no.
Thank you.
83
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,168
But hey, Devil, if you don't
want me, that's cool.
84
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,301
You could, I don't know,
send me to heaven instead.
85
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,169
- I get it.
Hell's about suffering, right?
86
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,256
Wrong.
I got tired of the lava look,
87
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,801
so we gentrified.
88
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,394
Now hell's
the address to impress.
89
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,720
I want my citizens to be happy.
90
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,056
All the coolest stuff
ends up in hell,
91
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,442
so why not enjoy it?
92
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,899
- Oh my God.
Are those Zunes?
93
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,480
- You know it, baby.
Now what can you do
94
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,486
to plus this place?
No pressure.
95
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,568
I don't think Gen Z
has anything we need.
96
00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,283
- I was a social media manager.
97
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,623
- We need that!
Oh my.
98
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,288
Social media is exactly
what hell's been missing.
99
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,697
- It is?
I assumed you invented it.
100
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,955
- No, no.
Humans and free will, right?
101
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:12,918
McKinley, get in here.
102
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,211
This is President McKinley.
He's my left hand.
103
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,835
- I'm sure he knows who I am.
104
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,378
- I have no idea who you are.
105
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,636
- Pleased to see
American schools
106
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,257
are still tip top.
- McKinley, meet Beans,
107
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:26,314
my new assistant
and social media manager.
108
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,349
- [sighs] Wonderful.
- You hear that?
109
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,523
We are gonna Zuckerberg
this shit.
110
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,942
- Social media fuels depression
and influencers.
111
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,271
We do not need it.
112
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:35,685
- I can see it now.
The app
113
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,944
to bring hell together
like never before.
114
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,696
We'll call it, Chit-Chat.
115
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:43,068
The slogan?
Show Me Your Chits.
116
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,986
- In my expert opinion,
that slogan is terrible.
117
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,655
- Market research.
118
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,294
Show me your chits!
119
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,330
[loud bang]
- Fuck you.
120
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,794
- Too small a sample size.
121
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,754
Show me your chits.
- Ah, fuck!
122
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,924
- Uh, and the rest is history?
123
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,973
- Not that your schools
would know.
124
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,507
- Circus peanut?
125
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,514
- How's the Soc-Med coming?
126
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,846
- Okay. I think.
Hell's Internet
127
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,522
is self-contained,
like North Korea's,
128
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,640
but with more pop-up ads,
129
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:12,596
so I had to hack into Earth's
and steal
130
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:13,975
a copy of Chatroulette,
131
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,192
and then I built Chit-Chat
on top of that.
132
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,742
- Hello?
133
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,527
- Hello, welcome to Chit-Chat.
134
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,740
I'm--
- What's this for?
135
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:22,950
- Uh, well, we--
- You want to see my dick?
136
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,199
- I do not.
137
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,530
- Oh, whoa, whoa.
Let him speak.
138
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,525
- If you don't want
to see my dick,
139
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,446
I don't know what this is for.
140
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,669
- My friends, we are about
to usher in a new age.
141
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:40,472
This is a key moment
in history.
142
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,127
[cell phone buzzes]
143
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,925
[energetic music]
144
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,138
Gotta go.
Keep working out the bugs.
145
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,929
You've got the conn.
146
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:49,852
- He's very busy.
147
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,731
- [panting]
148
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,768
I need scrotum bandages.
- That's not a thing.
149
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,152
- You're not a thing.
150
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:02,199
- I just don't know
what it's for.
151
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,697
- Chit-Chat is stable,
152
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,568
but clearly, we need to teach
people how to use it.
153
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,365
- What we need is less
rattlebrained ideas like this
154
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,500
and the return
of proper leadership.
155
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,707
Someday, hell will learn
to fear
156
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,667
the man who conquered
Puerto Rico.
157
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,668
- When were you president?
158
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,880
- Are you spying on me?
159
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,630
- Oh, no.
My name is Beans.
160
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,882
I'm Devil's new assistant,
and I'm--
161
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,934
- Is Devil there?
He could settle an argument.
162
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:28,429
Here, Kitler.
Kitler...
163
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:32,021
Kitler thinks the neoclassical
vision of aggregate production
164
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,938
requires an exogenous role
for capital goods,
165
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,148
and I think he's just a kitty.
166
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,733
- I'm sorry, ma'am,
but Devil is--
167
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,574
- Quiet, fool.
That's a cat.
168
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,189
- What?
169
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,446
- Nothing.
Sorry to interrupt.
170
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:49,158
- Devil went home for the day.
- [meows]
171
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,240
[yowls]
172
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:54,206
- Well, then I just don't know
what this is for.
173
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,417
Is it for this?
- Ugh!
174
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:59,628
* *
175
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,129
- Who is it?
176
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,011
- Pizza delivery, my lady,
but I've no money to pay.
177
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,879
Maybe we can come
to an arrangement?
178
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,635
[seductive musical flourish]
179
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,307
* *
180
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,017
- Devil, it is the customer
who says, "Let's make a deal,"
181
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,308
not the pizza guy.
182
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,641
- Oh, I don't know.
183
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:19,436
* *
184
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,571
[cats grumble]
185
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,227
* *
186
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,105
- Huh, my own apartment.
187
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,033
I can't believe hell is
a step up for me.
188
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:32,738
- [meows]
189
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,076
- Kitler, is that you?
190
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,580
Here kitty, kitty.
You lost, buddy?
191
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,502
- [yowls]
- Ah!
192
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,041
You stabbed me.
193
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,665
[cats growl]
194
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,671
Oh!
Oh, no.
195
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,593
Not my sock!
Son of a...
196
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,382
- Hey, bad kitty.
197
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,465
Stop it.
Get off of him.
198
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:49,590
- Why?
199
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,096
- Gotta watch yourself
around cats.
200
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,597
They're the only true evil
in hell.
201
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,219
- Thank you.
202
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,975
[warm music]
203
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,517
- Oh, well.
Good thing he came along.
204
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:01,111
* *
205
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,937
- Huh?
- Yup. Devil makes sure
206
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,362
they never know where he is.
Oh, ya shit that bed.
207
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,153
* *
208
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,316
- [growls maliciously]
209
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,534
[cats meow]
210
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,033
- [screams]
211
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,695
Ow! Ow! No!
212
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,373
Not my other sock!
213
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,713
* *
214
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,628
[banging at door]
215
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:25,257
* *
216
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:26,756
- Regina.
Aha!
217
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,838
- The fuck?
- It's the cats.
218
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,343
They're making their move.
219
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,885
Agh!
220
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,928
- They never
would have challenged you
221
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,852
if you'd kept the old ways.
222
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:39,600
- Not the time
for that argument!
223
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,404
[growls]
224
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,319
- There's my king.
225
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:49,447
* *
226
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,407
[people screaming]
227
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:54,578
* *
228
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,117
[sirens wailing]
229
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,329
- This normal for hell?
230
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,995
- No.
This is new.
231
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,464
- This normal for New Jersey?
232
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,923
- Well, Newark maybe.
233
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,724
- He told the cats
where you were.
234
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,128
- Shit, Beans.
You've been here
235
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,296
less than a day.
236
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,304
- I didn't ask for--
237
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,595
[ominous music]
238
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,769
- What is with your pants?
239
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,767
- What's you, you pants?
240
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:20,939
- I can have three battalions
of riot demons
241
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,357
ready to go by lunchtime,
maybe brunch,
242
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,856
but I'll get pushback
from the union.
243
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:25,978
- Let them loose, sir.
244
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,824
Let hell burn, as it should.
245
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,948
- I keep hearing
the same things:
246
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,738
riot demons, torture,
fire and brimstone.
247
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,203
No, I've created something new.
248
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,753
Whether people like it or not,
this is hell,
249
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:43,498
and it can only be run
by the boss from hell,
250
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,791
and that is me.
251
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,455
both: Sir, yes, sir.
252
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:48,964
- Exactly
what I've been saying.
253
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,295
- McKinley, clear the streets,
then meet me at the stadium.
254
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,721
Gloria, the Twine District
is burning.
255
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,470
Save it.
Beans, you're with me.
256
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,393
* *
257
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,392
- [clears throat]
258
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:08,654
* *
259
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,402
If you're gonna be part
of hell's inner circle,
260
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,244
you need to be prepared
to pay for your mistakes.
261
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,990
[dramatic music]
262
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,082
Stake McKinley to the ground.
263
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,118
- Wha--what are you doing?
264
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,161
- I know two things,
Mr. President.
265
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,325
First, you're
the best number two
266
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,293
I've ever had.
I'd never fire you,
267
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,673
but you do need to remember
who's in charge.
268
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:31,841
Second, I know you're allergic
to cats.
269
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:35,681
- No, sir.
I apologize sincerely.
270
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:38,349
- Attention, all cats.
271
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,098
Innocent man
with allergies here.
272
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,940
Give him your dander.
He hates it.
273
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,847
Yeah, come on.
274
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,645
Rub your asses on him,
you little twat waffles.
275
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,859
You know what to do.
276
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,939
[cats vocalizing menacingly]
277
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,235
- [coughing and sputtering]
278
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,370
* *
279
00:10:57,407 --> 00:11:00,157
Murderation, please stop.
280
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:03,161
Oh, oh, no!
281
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:07,077
- That's all of 'em, sir.
282
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,665
- How does this seem so wrong,
yet work so well?
283
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:10,881
- Beans, I can tell
284
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,760
you care about people.
I like that.
285
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,797
Stick with me, pay attention,
286
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:18,221
and you'll be a lord of hell
in no time.
287
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,261
- Doesn't that hurt?
- Fuck, yes.
288
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,481
Dear God, added social media
to hell today.
289
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,937
Worked out some bugs
and a few cats, L-O-L.
290
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,069
Haven't spoken in 6k,
291
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,316
but would love feedback
on my new initiatives.
292
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,609
Devil.
293
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:34,901
- Regina, no.
294
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,164
- Then I don't know
what this is for.
20259
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