All language subtitles for LA.to.Vegas.S01E04.SVA

Cheers!

Hey, Ronnie.

Ronnie!

Oh, hey, what is it, Artem?

I'm not very happy right now.

If I were an emoji, I would be frown face.

Oh, if this is about your
cologne, I already told you,

you can't bring that stuff on board,

they use it in explosives.

No, that's a separate infuriating issue.

This is about luggage.

Now Jackpot charge ten
dollars for carry-on.

This fee is no good for gambling profit.

I know, it sucks.

It's just Jackpot following
the other airlines' lead.

They're squeezing out
every dollar they can.

It's better than when they tried
charging for overhead bassinets.

I still have nightmares about
the babies I didn't catch.

Oh.

Well, I'm outraged.

I'm gonna give this flight
zero stars on Airbnb.

Okay. Wait, um, how about I let you

use the beverage cart,

so you can make that weird
tomato juice iced tea thing

you're always talking about?

I can finally make an Artem Palmer?

You have deal, Ronnie.

Oh. If I were emoji now,

I would be smiley face
or lady in the bathtub.

Because I pamper myself.

Have to admit, pretty
impressive how you handled that.

I was expecting cologne to
start exploding any minute.

I know how to manage my passengers.

It's my job to know what
they need. They're my people.

Like, uh, like that guy.

That's James. He always
shows up for his flight

so drunk, he forgets the name of his hotel.

So, I write it down for him. Hey, James.

- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

Ooh, the Wynn.

Sober me must be doing pretty good.

And that's Ben.

He says he's here visiting family,

but I'm pretty sure he's
just stalking Nichole.

- Stalking Nichole?
- Oh, he's harmless.

It's her other stalker, Kristen,
we really have to worry about.

And that's Dean.

He's always one of the first to board,

orders his coffee black,

two sugars, and every week,

flies with his lovely, lovely wife...

...who is suddenly blonde
and 20 years younger.

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com

I got it, I got it.

Oh.

You have to pay to open it now.

Oh, I see. So they're holding my biography

of Patty Hearst hostage up there.

Well, it could be worse.

I heard VegasAir has a staircase fee

just to get off the plane.

This is your captain here

with a little reminder.

Now that marijuana's legal in Vegas,

you deserve to treat
yourself to a little puff,

a Korean massage and a sandwich.

So head on down to Kim
Bong Dill's Dispensary,

Spa and Deli.

Supreme leader says, "It's the bomb."

Jackpot 529, winds 280 at ten.

Should be a smooth flight.

It is now that I'm talking to you, Gwen.

Always the charmer, Captain Dave.

Once you get to Vegas, feel
free to buzz my tower and say hi.

Will do. I'll be the handsome
brunette flying a plane.

I think ATC Gwen likes you.

Nah, she's just a flirt, that one.

I don't know, she doesn't
talk to other pilots like that.

You should ask her out.

Yeah, right.

A pilot dating an air traffic controller?

Can you imagine?

Yeah. It wasn't that hard.

Hey, as a frequent flyer,
I'm used to this plane

being a capitalist hell state,

but I'm swiping my credit
card and my seat won't recline.

Oh, it looks like the
guy behind you paid double

to keep yours in the upright position.

Well, in that case, how much would it cost

to scream into a pillow?

Um... Nothing to scream,
but a pillow is ten dollars.

Oh! I take it back, screaming is five.

I'll pay $50 for a drinks cart
to block my view of those two.

You want to know the most
disgusting part about them?

I saw it. He touched his
armrest, then touched her face.

Best she can hope for now
is debilitating pink eye.

No. That guy's cheating on
his wife, and that poor girl

probably has no idea.

He's not wearing his wedding ring.

Wedding rings don't mean anything.

Rock Hudson had one, and I had Rock Hudson.

How old are you?

Nichole, you're a woman. Back me up here.

Your generation is so obsessed with labels.

But, yes, as a cis female

polyamory-tolerant monogamist,
I find cheating repulsive.

But, as a stripper, cheating
is the backbone of my industry,

and mama can recline
her chair all she wants.

- This whole thing is disgusting.
- Thank you.

They make you pay now
just to recline your seat.

Back in the old days, we'd carve
our complimentary roast beef

right in the aisle.

I'm losing track of this conversation.

Let's everybody go around and
say what we're angry about.

So far, I've got cheating,
gender labels and roast beef.

- Yes.
- Okay, good to know.

Hey, Ronovan.

- Can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.

Let's say there's a woman
I know, professionally,

and... wanted to ask her out.

- That'd be okay, right?
- No.

Let's say it was okay.

How would I, you know, do that?

- Do what?
- Ask her out.

I'm about to be brave

and tell you something personal here.

You see, I haven't asked
a woman out on a date

since my last divorce.

Oh, you're a good person to ask about this.

Didn't all your ex-wives cheat on you?

Yes, that's right.

So, if there had been someone
to expose the situation,

that would've been a good thing, right?

Well, yeah, that's why for
number three, I hired a P.I.

But he just got himself in on the action.

This is helpful. Thanks, Dave.

Wait, we never talked about me.

Oh, you having trouble

tricking woman into love.

Listen.

Here's what you say:

"I spend most of my time in the
clouds, but you are real angel."

I'm not taking love advice

from someone who mixes
tomato juice and iced tea.

I don't mix.

I stir with a tiny sword.

So you're just gonna walk right up

to that girl and tell her he's married?

Have you considered she might
already know and doesn't care?

Oh, now you're being rational?

Last week, you tried to get someone

kicked off the plane for
watching La La Land.

I don't need Ryan Gosling
to whitesplain jazz to me.

I'm overhearing all this.
I'm not eavesdropping.

You're both screaming,
and it all sounds terrible.

Okay, intervening in other people's lives

is such a poor idea, I'm
actually ignoring my own advice

to intervene and tell you that.

How come when I butt into
other people's lives, I'm nosy,

but when Bernard does it, he's charming?

Well, it's just a likability issue.

Look, I know you think
you're being helpful,

but it's not your place to
tell this woman anything.

You're her flight attendant,
not her friend.

Up here, I'm friend, bartender,
human rights champion.

That African-American man
wanted to sit in the back row.

He was with his friends.

Look, this girl deserves to know
what she's getting involved in.

I'm trying to help her.

Just watch, I'm gonna save her
20s without her even noticing.

No, Ro...

Hi, let me know if you guys need anything.

Oh, that's a nice shirt. Did
your wife get that for you?

Did you see that?

I just lit the fuse on a ticking time bomb.

If it's a time bomb,
it wouldn't have a fuse.

Yeah, I believe it would have a timer.

Okay, then I lit the timer.
Who cares? Just watch.

Looks like the fuse went out.

We just agreed it didn't have a fuse.

Perhaps we should all
stop talking about bombs?

- What?
- Yeah.

Okay, that's enough screen time for you.

Hey there, JP 529.

Hey, Gwen.

Where you been?

Cheating on me with other planes?

No way.

You know I'm a Jackpot girl.

I bet you say that to all the airlines.

I'm gonna need you
to turn right heading 060.

As you wish.

Anyway, I was thinking, and
call me a relief pitcher,

because this is coming out of left field...

...I spend all my time

with angels in the clouds...

Anyway, nothing.

Did you just have a stroke?

You're not supposed to be in here,

so let's make this quick.

I just need you to help me ask out Gwen.

Okay. You do like this:

"Gwen, I'm not a man

who easily says feelings.

"But when that flying love baby hits you,

"you have to answer the call.

"I believe the airplane gods

connected us for a purpose,

and that purpose is
for the making of love."

Hey, Gwen.

This is Jackpot
Five-Two-Niner,

just letting you know that I'm
not a guy who opens up easily,

but when you're shot by
Cupid's arrow, you have to act.

"Cupid." That is name.

I think this universe put us
on this radio for a reason.

And that reason is to take you out

for a steak dinner tonight.

You don't have to answer
right now, just think about it.

How does it feel?

Feels good.

In fact, it feels real good.

Okay, because you just said
that to the whole plane.

- _
- DAVE : ...is to

take you out for a steak dinner tonight.

You don't have to answer
right now, just think about it.

You can get out now.

Please, can I stay until a
bird explodes on the windshield?

Get out.

Come on, Dave.

We talked about this. No
passengers in the cockpit.

I guess I'm wrong.

Maybe she does already know he's married.

Or maybe she had earbuds
in and didn't even hear me.

- I have another chance.
- Oh, please don't.

Secondhand embarrassment
kills 13 Englishmen a year.

So what? I'm just supposed
to sit back and do nothing,

while that poor, naive
girl falls deeper into love?

With no idea that the reason

her name is "IKEA" in that guy's
phone is not a cute reference

to where they first had sex,

but to hide her from his chiropractor wife,

and by the way, if he ever thinks

he's getting his Jethro Tull T-shirt back,

he's out of his mind.

Excuse me.

Oddly specific.

Who was he?

His name was Eric.

I met him in junior college in Bakersfield.

He was older. Swept me off my feet.

Vacations, fancy dinners.

Those movies where the
actors are, like, right there.

You know they're called plays.

Anyway, I dropped out of school,

and moved to L.A. to be with him,

only he was a little too busy...

with his wife.

Do you know what I would've given

to have someone who could've warned me?

I feel terrible that that happened to you,

but even if this were
any of our business...

Which again, to be clear,
it's absolutely not...

This is hardly the time or the place

to be delivering such delicate news.

I mean, for God's sake,
we're three feet away

from a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator.

For legal purposes,

I'm just a "gender-fluid rum pirate."

Fine. God, I liked you better when you kept

your rational ideas to yourself.

Okay, so from my experience,

the way to get a woman's attention

is to completely ignore her.

Or buy her an island.

Like a kitchen island?

No, like an island island.

Like, "Treasure" or "Long."

Vegas approach, Jackpot 529, level 15,000.

Wait, no, this is your chance.
Just play it cool, don't answer.

Jackpot 529?

529, can you hear me?

529, are you there?

Dave? Dave.

Oh, my God. We've lost
comm with Jackpot 529.

No, we're here.

We're fine.

JK, JK.

What the hell is going on there?

Why did you answer?

You totally had her.

You know we're charging
to lower tray tables now?

They've taken all the
dignity out of flying.

Judy Garland once said

she had the best bowel movement of her life

after eating a salmon mousse
on a TWA flight to Paris.

Now look what we've become.

Excuse me.

Oh, hi.

This is embarrassing to ask, but...

am I doing something wrong?

Wow. Okay.

I-I mean,

I know that it's not really
my place to say anything,

but I know when it happened
to me, I blamed myself

for a really long time.

So I guess my question is,

how much do you know?

I know that the little slide says "vacant,"

but I can't get the door open.

Am I, am I doing something wrong?

Oh. No, yeah.

I mean... well, I mean,
no, you're not, you're not.

It's... we, um, we're just...
we're charging 50 cents

to use the bathroom now.

Or you could get a potty pass for $9.99.

But you know what? This one, um...

- This is on me.
- Thank you.

- Yeah.
- Wait. I'm sorry.

What did you think I was talking about?

What's that?

- This is decaf, right?
- Sure.

Before you judge me, I'm
gonna start at the end.

She is so happy I said something.

Something to who about what?

Dyana, the mistress. I
told her Dean is married.

And then, we planned a lunch,
but I'm probably gonna cancel.

You told her?

Didn't we agree that was a bad idea?

It just happened.

We had this delightful
bathroom misunderstanding,

and we started talking,
and then we were hugging,

and then she got mascara on my shoulder,

which I said don't worry about,
but it does kind of bother me.

"Mascara on my Shoulder."

Isn't that the title of
a Joan Collins memoir?

Now, is that a real question, or a burn?

I honestly have no idea with him.

She was upset, yes, but
she was also so sweet,

and so grateful to know the truth,

and maybe I will do that lunch with her.

And you're okay being
trapped with these people

in an enclosed space 20,000 feet up?

She promised that she wouldn't
say anything until we landed,

and she'd totally leave me out of it.

You're married? You son of a bitch!

What?

- Who told you that?
- Her.

Well, that lunch is totally off.

I have no idea what she's talking about.

Oh, really? Why would she lie to me?

I have no... I don't know.

Hey, Kelly. Gary. Anything to drink?

Okay.

Artem. You want some pretzels?

Hey, I'm sorry, Ronald, but
I would prefer you stay out

of my personal business, okay?

Are pretzels that personal?

Yeah, the way I eat
them, they are. Oh, yes.

What's going on?

All the passengers are acting so weird.

Can you blame them? They
just saw what happens

when you let Hurricane
Ronnie into your life.

No, I was trying to help.
Nichole, you get that, right?

Please don't tell my dad
I strip at Grapefruits.

Also, don't tell Grapefruits I love my dad.

It's a real bummer for customers.

No, I... I thought I
was doing something good.

I love my passengers. They're my people.

I mean... look. James, hey,

I-I wrote down the
name of your hotel again

in case you lost the first one.

I don't want it. Take this.

It's a note for you to give to sober me,

telling drunk me not to let
you give me notes anymore.

Hey there, Jackpot,

you're cleared I-L-S
two-eight right for landing.

Copy that, and can I
just add congratulations

on being a strong woman in the workplace?

Aw, thanks.

So, I guess it's time to sign off?

Come on, Captain, ask her
out. She's your sky-mate.

Captain Dave likes you and
he wants to ask you out. Bye.

Sorry, Jackpot, could you repeat?

Uh, yeah, Gwen.

There's a bar in terminal
"C" next to the noodle place

with the great...

Noodles.

Would you want to go

and grab a drink with me when we land?

It's about time you asked.

Copy that. And prepare for landing.

Hey! Captain Dave!

I knew you had it in you.

Hey, I've been out of
the game for a minute.

How far do people go on
first dates these days?

I've heard butts are
very popular right now.

Still here, Jackpot.

Thank you. Thank you for flying Jackpot.

I'm still your friend... you
can trust me with your secrets.

Hey. Black coffee, two sugars to go?

I don't know who the
hell you think you are,

but what I do is none of your business.

What? You think just because
we fly on the same plane,

that you have this unique
insight into our lives?

That's pathetic. You are a nobody

to the people on this plane.

And when we want something from
you, we'll hit the call button.

I'm sorry, is there a problem?

Stay out of it, Frenchie.

Frenchie?

Hey. Hey, hey. Um, you all right?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.

I just...

You were right, I was really stupid

to get involved is all, I...

Excuse me.

Oh, my God.

Um, hi. Excuse me. Uh, yeah, you.

Um, I don't know exactly
what it is you said

to that flight attendant back there,

but she's pretty shaken up, so I think...

What is it with all you people?

Why can't anybody on that
plane mind their own business?

Hey, buddy, I'm the lord chancellor

of "mind your own business,"
but that woman you accosted,

she is my business.

So, if you were any kind of
man, you would go back in there

and you'd apologize.

Oh, I will show you exactly
what kind of man I am

if you don't get out of
my face, Gérard Depardieu.

Gérard Depar... I'm clearly English.

You, on the other hand, you're
a bully and a philanderer.

I really wish you didn't just poke me.

Why? What are you gonna do?

You gonna hit me?

No, I'm gonna detain you.

You have no idea
who you're dealing with, buddy.

Whoa, what's going on?

Did Frenchie do something wrong?

What? I'm the one being assaulted.

Yeah, by an air marshal.

Wait, you're an air marshal?

Yes. And that woman I've been
flying out with every week

was my trainee.

Dyana is my girlfriend.

Huh.

Oh, my God, that is the first time

you called me your girlfriend.

Well, that's what you are, baby.

Aw, that's nice.

I have a date tonight, too.

So, the good news is they're letting you go

with a stern warning.

Bad news is, we have definitely

ruined the start of Dean's vacation.

You know, as I sit here, rapidly
losing feeling in my hands,

It does occur to me:

shouldn't you know the
air marshals on board?

They stopped telling me
and Bernard a while ago

because we were abusing the system.

Can I have a coffee and a water?

Hey, Air Marshal, you
need to tase this bitch.

For what it's worth, thank you

for sticking up for me like that.

It was kind of badass
hearing you be all like,

"She is my business."

- Wait, what accent is that?
- French.

Clearly.

But really, I appreciate it.

Especially since I alienated
everyone else on the plane.

So much for saying they're my people.

Well, if it's any consolation,
I'm still your people.

Anyway, consider confronting
that air marshal as my apology

on behalf of men everywhere for Eric,

the chiropractor's husband.

Well, in a way, Eric did me a favor.

If I hadn't followed him to
L.A., I probably would have just

stayed in Bakersfield, married
a guy with a neck tattoo,

who eventually gets pinched
for driving the getaway car

in an avocado heist.

Again, oddly specific.

His name was Randall.

Yes.

Is she here yet?

I don't know. I have no
idea what she looks like.

Hey, wait, are you
allowed to be back there?

Jill loves it when I
sling. Don't you, Jill?

Excuse me, are you Captain Dave Pratman?

What?! You've been catfished.

Listen, I've been on both
sides catfish many times.

But... remember, this man
is hurting more than you.

No. I'm Gwen's supervisor
from air traffic control.

Gwen's not gonna make it tonight.

Oh, my God, was she on her way
here, but then got hit by a car

and was horribly disfigured,

and is now too embarrassed to see him?

That's so romantic. Tell her
to come, he'll love her anyway.

Whoa, not so fast.

Just how broken is her face, Doc?

What is wrong with you people?

She was not in an accident.

Gwen's filling out citation paperwork.

Your conduct today was
thoroughly unprofessional.

A lot of people were on that channel.

What were you thinking?

We were thinking this is still a world

where true love exists, you bastard.

It's okay.

She's getting off with a warning.

But from now on, that radio is just
for ATC guidance only. Understand?

I do.

That's the end for Gwen and Captain Dave.

It was beautiful while it lasted.

Turns out, we were just two
planes crossing in the night.

Or, just call her on the
phone like a normal person.

Here's her number. Stop being a weirdo.

See you tonight, Nichole.

Bye, Lewis. Remember to eat a light dinner!

Well, look at that.

Turns out old Captain Dave's still got it.

- So, when do I call?
- Right now.

- 20 days.
- Never. I still think catfish.

What's going on?

Oh, you got your wish.

Jackpot had so many complaints,
they're getting rid of

all the credit card swipers.

Plus, everyone's identities were stolen.

Well, at least they brought some
of the dignity back to flying.

Yeah, they found another way to make money.

For a small fee, Jackpot
passengers can now purchase

in-flight flu shots.