All language subtitles for LA to Vegas - 01x06 - #PilotFight.Amazon.WEB-DL.English.orig.Addic7ed.com

Lady Luck
is on your side
from LA to Vegas.

What, are you gonna put
a sock on the cockpit door?
Don't cockpit-block me.

Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays.

And check out
our other Fox programs,

The Mick, The Last Man on Earth,

and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

The kids are gonna love it.

Only on Fox.

-Uh-uh.

-Uh-uh.

-And this... Oh, yep. Okay.

Yeah. You have a serious abscess
on tooth number 18.

How long has it been
since you last saw the dentist?

-Um... four.

Years?

It's hard to find the time.

My job schedule
is so unpredictable.

But my tooth
has been killing me lately,

so my friend referred me here.

Really?

Your friend referred you here?

Well, she said
you have great lollipops.

You are in luck. You've got the
best dentist in our practice.

He's brilliant and gentle
and handsome.

God, what I would give
to have him in my mouth.

Oh... weird.
That looks like a young...

Ronnie!

Nope.

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

♪

-Cheers!

It's Ronnie!

What happened the other day?

Why did you run out on me?

I'm sorry, Artem.
I was in shock.

I had no idea that when you're
not gambling, you're a dentist.

I just assumed you were
a guy who sold weird fruit

out the back of a tire store.

I'm sorry. Uh, did you say
Artem is a dentist?

Yeah, pediatric dentist.

Here's my card.

Oh, the doll's head is there

so you remember
I'm good with kids.

Well, this will be hard
to ever, ever forget.

So when are you gonna
reschedule?

No need. It's all fixed now.

Laughter and prayer.

It turns out,
that's all you need.

Well, that's good it's better,

because if you still had
that abscess,

flying now would be
excruciating.

Uh... okay.

E

I'm asking for a friend.

At higher altitudes,
trapped air in tooth expands

against the nerve,
causing unbearable pain.

And I don't know
why I'm telling you.

- I should be telling this
to your friend.

Are you this friend?

Damn it, you're fast.

I was captain of my high school
hand-slap team.

No big deal.

No, Alan, that is a big deal.

I'm tired of you
selling yourself short.

Hey. I had an idea.

This flight, why don't
we keep our altitude, say,

below 10,000 feet?

Sorry, Ronnie. I don't tell
this old girl how high to fly.

She tells me.

That's not how it works at all.

Alan, what did Dr. Becker say

about contradicting me
in front of other people?

It's like,
why do we go to therapy

if you're not even gonna try?

Beverage?

Hello, Bernard.

Captain Steve.

Ow!

Ah, what is your face made of?

No, it's just "Steve" now,
ever since I got suspended

for punching Captain Dave.

I lost everything that day.

My wife, my Miata, my mustache.

I didn't deserve it anymore,

so I shaved it off
and buried it in the backyard.

Next to my dad.

Oh, I'm sorry for your losses.

So what are you doing here?

I'm going to Jackpot HQ
to meet with the review board

about getting reinstated
so I can get the life back

that you all took from me.

Well, we know you have
a choice of airlines

when traveling to this or that
disciplinary hearing,

so we thank you
for choosing Jackpot.

Hey, that's weird.
Uh, what are you doing?

Uh... I-I'm scanning my tooth
on the WebMD app.

You're supposed to get
an instant diagnosis.

And my tooth has...
Lou Gehrig's disease.

Would it not be easier
just to go to the dentist

every six months?

What am I, the Queen of England?

Every time I try to do something
for myself, something comes up.

Like, I have to work
an extra turn

or cover
for a sick flight attendant.

Nichole gets it.

We're both active professionals
on the go.

We don't have time
for the dentist.

Oh, no. I go to the dentist
every three months.

Teeth are very important
to strippers.

It's the first thing
customers notice.

No. Breasts.

It's breasts.

Ronnie, we have a problem.

Captain Steve is on the flight,
and he's very bitter.

And not adorably bitter
like a late-in-life Lena Horne.

Scary bitter
like a late-in-life Bette Davis.

Love a reference from
this century once in a while.

Hamilton.

This is not good.
The last time

Captain Steve and Captain Dave
were on a flight together,

it did not end well.

We can't let them anywhere
near each other.

"We"? I've already done my part.

I identified the problem,

deflected it
with a withering bon mot,

then kicked it over to you.

O-Okay, just don't let Dave
anywhere near the cabin.

I'll try, but...

Oh, I'm sorry.

This just feels
so good right now.

Hey there, passengers.

If you find yourself in Vegas
on a Friday night,

why not celebrate the Sabbath
the way Captain Dave does?

Praying the night away
at Temple Beth Vegas,

where you'll find the best
all-you-can-eat Oneg,

and the loosest slots
this side of Haifa.

I'm gonna go do my rounds.

Kiss some hands
and shake some babies.

Oh, hey, Bernie.

Hey.

What...?

Can I, uh... get through?

Um... you know
what I just realized?

You never told me
what it was like going vegan.

Oh, I am so glad you asked.

You see, Bern, if you stretch
the human digestive tract

and lay it next to that
of a true omnivore,

like a grizzly bear,
there's only one conclusion:

we're herbivores, my friend.

Can I get through?

Sorry, we're going to be doing
beverage service indefinitely.

Why don't you sit down and go
back to your... Doobie Brothers,

or whatever?

Doobie Brothers? Please.

This Discman only plays Seger.

Mainly 'cause it's been
stuck closed since 2004.

Excuse me, miss.

Could I get a diet soda?

Uh-huh.

This is all foam.

Okay, you know what?

Why don't you just take the can?

Beverage service today
is if you're thirsty,

you should've thought about that
at the airport,

and gotten something then!

Of course, after eight days
of no erections,

I realized I needed
some red meat.

So I'm back on steak.

And now, I wait.

-Oh, no.

We have a Ronnie down!

Make way, I'm a captain.

Make way, I'm a captain.

Captain Steve.

Captain Dave.

I'm okay.

Oh, crap.

What the hell
are you doing on my plane?

It's not your plane.

Your name isn't Dave Jackpot.

It is on several
dating Web sites.

You don't know.

I know you ruined me the moment

you ran your weird face
into my fist.

You're lucky
that was a sucker punch.

If it had been a real fight,
I would've given you

a one-way ticket to Pain Island.

Population: you.

I'm standing right here.
Now's your chance.

No, I'm on duty.
Unlike some people,

I don't fight my passengers.

That's fine.
I can wait till we land.

How long's your turnaround?

- An hour.
- Perfect.

Gives me a half hour to warm up,

ten minutes to kick your ass

and 20 minutes
to high-five all my fans.

That is, of course,
unless you're scared.

The only thing I'm scared of
is your naked under-nose.

Have some respect,
and cover that thing up.

- It's on.
- Oh, it's on.

Lost luggage room, 3:00 p.m.

Barring any weather delays.

Oh, of course.

-About 20 knots.

That's not so bad.

We could maybe push it to 2:50.

The way I fly, make it 2:45.

:
This is so dumb.

Oh, no, this is worse
than I suspected.

Your mouth looks exactly how

other people are sure
my mouth looks.

Artem, you have to help me.

I cannot take
another flight like this,

and my turn is in an hour.

Is there anything you can do?

Ronnie always help Artem
on the plane,

so it would be an honor
to help you here on the ground.

Ronnie. What are you gonna do
about this Steve

We can't actually
let them fight.

I have my own problems, Bernard.

I have to get this tooth fixed
before our next flight.

I don't have time to worry about

what those two dummies
are doing.

Forget them. I'm the dummy
I'm worried about.

This fight could delay
our turn back to L.A.

And I have a date
at Musso & Frank's

with a married Swede
I met in a chat room.

I'm sorry,
but I cannot always be fixing

everybody else's stuff.

If you want to stop the fight,
be my guest and stop the fight.

Let's go, Artem.

No, o-oh, just a moment,
I have to give Nichole

my secret recipe for... queso.

'Kay, so, there's gonna be

a lot of action
on this pilot fight.

PilotFight.

I have no time for bets,

but as my protégé,
you are in charge.

Artem, I'm so honored.

Wait.

We're gonna be splitting
that money 50

Because I'm gonna need cash

if I'm gonna start buying
freshwater lakes.

It's what the wars of the future
will be fought over.

Of course.

We're equal partners.

Hey, I have a strong feeling

that Captain Dave
will win this fight.

He has this sad rage in him.

That means you have to encourage

hefty bets on Captain Steve.

You can count on me.

-I know I can.

That's why the little black book
is yours.

Wow.

Steffi Graf,
Angela Merkel, Sade?

I'm sorry, that's the wrong
little black book.

Here.

Oh.

Dave?

- You and I need to talk.
- We do.

Which of these do you like?

I'm looking
for something intimidating

that breathes,
and doesn't skimp on style.

You don't have to do this.

You're the guy
who's still flying.

You already won.

And I'll be the real winner
when I'm sharing

a shrimp cocktail with
my Swedish orthopedist Bjorn.

The "J" is silent.

Just like his love for me.

Look, I have to fight Steve.

My honor is at stake here.

Like when I was a teenager,
my dad was gonna buy

that ski resort
to turn into condos,

until a scrappy ski instructor
beat me in that race

down Devil's Backbone.

So you were the villain
in an '80s ski movie?

No, I was the good guy.

Those condos would've been
state-of-the-art.

Look, everyone that works
in this airport

knows that Steve challenged me.

If I back out now,
I'll lose their respect

and maybe never get it back.

I can't let them see me
as a coward.

Colin, will you please
talk some sense

and tell Dave this fight
won't solve anything?

Well, actually,
it may solve quite a lot.

As a university-trained boxer,

I believe that physical
confrontation is an effective

and downright zesty means
of conflict resolution.

You know, I have some time

before I pick my son up
from school.

Maybe we could train together?

I'll show you some tips.

Let's do it then.

Donna, put this on my tab.

And here you stand, Bernard,
forsaken and alone.

Like a young Hedy Lamarr's
Joan of Arc.

With no around to tell you
they don't get that reference.

All right, we don't have time to
go to a real dentist's office,

so hopefully this place will
have to work.

Oh, this is like a little
airport hospital.

Is this where sick airplanes go?

This is the Vegas airport
medical office.

It's mainly used for hangovers,
stripper-heel ankle sprains,

and people still tripping
from last night's EDM show.

I need to lick something
or else I'll die.

I just don't know if they have
any dentist stuff here.

Don't worry, I got my own
dental emergency kit.

I have some fun pokey things,
and some fun scrape-y things...

Whatever. Just use all of it.
You have half an hour,

so start scraping
and start poking.

Okay, listen, one important
question before we start.

Which tablet would you like
to use for cartoons?

The panda or penguin?

Artem, I'm not a child.
Penguin.

Good choice.

Okay, David, we are gonna start
with a simple combination.

Jab, cross, then you slip
when I counter.

Ow. That's not cool.

That's okay. We'll go again.

Remember to dodge
when I counter.

- You don't have to tell me
twice. -Okay.

Try again.

Why don't you use your martial
arts training for this fight?

Oh, I would never.
Muay Thai is a sacred discipline

whose purpose is
the enrichment of the soul.

And besides, they moved
my book club to Tuesday nights,

so I had to make some
hard choices.

Yeah, schedules can be
difficult.

That's fine, we'll go again.

Okay. Jab, cross, slip.

Just... slip means
get out of the way.

So, again, that's jab, cross,
get out of the way.

Damn it.
This would be easier if I knew

which hand you were
punching with.

Just tell me, right or left,
and then I'll move.

Steve's not gonna announce which
hand he's gonna punch you with.

He will, if we make it a rule.
Like in pool.

You call the pocket first.
Eight ball, corner pocket.

Same thing:
left hand, your face.

- Oh, God this is gonna be harder
than I thought. -Oh.

Come on, man,
I was wiping my brow.

Then do my rule... call out
"left hand, wiping brow."

Wait, so Captain Steve and
Captain Dave are gonna fight?

Oh, yeah. We're calling it
"Pilot Pummel I: The Rematch."

Ten to one Dave wins
in a knockout. Are you in?

Hell yeah. With those odds,
put me down for $50 on Steve.

Just $50? Come on.
If you put in $250,

I'll make one of those
whisper videos

where I talk real quiet
while I fold a napkin.

-Deal.

$250 on Steve.

$100 on Steve.

$500 on Steve.

♪

$1,500 on Steve...
and Dave falling in love?

I'm a romantic.

Steve, listen...

♪

Happy birthday, Mr. President.

Listen, you, I'm calling off
this fight.

Stay out of this, Bernard.

Say my name again.

No! This is crazy.

You are two grown men.

You shouldn't be settling
your differences

in a lost luggage room
in the middle of the day.

You're not fighting.
Now, say my name again.

This is happening. There's
nothing you can do to stop it.

You just got caught up
in the moment.

Take a step back
and think about this.

Think about this?
Please.

That's all I've thought about
for months.

I'm not meeting
with the Jackpot Review Board.

The only reason
I was on that plane

was to get Dave to fight me.

I've spent every day
since that flight

waiting, watching, training.

White lightning.

That's right, Bernard.

This isn't gonna be a fight.

It's gonna be a massacre.

Okay, Ronnie, so I cemented

the temporary cap to your molar.

I want you to bite down
on this cotton roll

until the cement is dry, okay?

Uh-huh.

Ronnie. Problem.

This pilot fight is getting
out of hand.

Steve is gonna murder Dave.

:
What are you talking about?

I saw him warming up.
He's so powerful and raw.

In my Revenant fantasy, he'll
now be starring as the bear.

Hey. Captain Steve is gonna win?

Yes. I need you.
This is not my department.

This is like sporting goods,
and I'm men's fragrances.

Oh, ah. If Dave is really
in trouble...

- No-no-no, you're not going
nowhere. Open mouth. -Ah.

Close it.
Today, you have to be patient.

Both as a noun and adjective.

- But I have...
- No buts!

Dr. Artem's order.

You have to wait here until
the cement is dry.

It's gonna be, like, 20 minutes.
No moving, no talking.

-I'll fix it.

Okay, Captain Steve is
gonna win,

so we have to change
the betting line immediately.

This was your plan to handle it?

Yes, because Nichole and I were
gonna lose money.

Wasn't that everybody's concern?

Artem, I've already taken

thousands of dollars
of bets on Steve.

Thousands? Oh, we have to
stop this fight.

Bitch, I've been saying that
for the last half hour.

So, what do you think?
Not too bad, huh?

Well, you stopped
yelling "punch"

every time you threw a punch,
so that's progress.

Why don't we take a short break?

- Okay, you catch your breath.
- Ah.

Maybe put your affairs in order,

and we'll meet back here
in five.

How's that, champ?

Punch, punch!

-Ah! I'm doing it again.

Quick update:
get here immediately.

Is this about the fight? Artem
and Bernard are handling it.

Right, nobody
is handling anything.

Do you know how I know?
Because right now,

I am watching Steve
walk into this room.

I am not supposed to move.

I shouldn't even be talking.

Look, Ronnie, I know
you don't want this role,

but you are quite possibly
the only person

in this entire airport

capable of stopping
an imminent calamity.

We need you.

-Punch, punch! Whoo!

So what are you saying?
He punched a wall?

Big deal. I've punched
hundreds of them.

Besides, Colin's been
training me. I'm good.

No, you're quite literally
the worst boxer I've ever seen.

You should walk away now,

while you still
have the use of your legs.

Yeah, you might die.

Why the hell didn't you tell me
all this sooner?

I can't back down now.

Look at all these people
watching.

I'll lose their respect forever.

There is another way.
You could fight dirty.

It's cheap and you'd have to
completely abandon your dignity.

Great, let's do that then.

So, stick to biting,
pulling hair,

and if in doubt,
you throw sand in his face.

Wait, you carry sand around
in your pocket?

Yeah, it's a good thing
I do, right?

You ready to rumble,
you son of a bitch?

Oh, did you hear that?

-Go get 'em.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Come on, Dave!

I've been dreaming about kicking
your ass for a long time, Dave.

Well, that's not gonna happen,
so keep dreaming, Pam Ewing!

-From Dallas.

All of season nine
was Pam Ewing's dream.

You never watched Dallas?

I believe it's pronounced
"Da-yas."

Say good night, Steve!

Stop! That is enough.

What the hell are you two doing?

You're acting like children.

Show me one child
with a mustache like this.

Foreigners don't count.

Oh, if you two idiots
could forget about

this stupid grudge
for one minute,

I bet you'd realize
you have a lot in common.

Like what?

Uh... well, um...

Oh, Seger!

You like Bob Seger.
So does Dave.

I don't like Bob Seger.

I love Bob Seger.

Uh...

Steve drives a Miata!

Oh! You both love cars
marketed to women.

What's wrong with a sporty car
that's tight around corners?

My Pontiac Sunfire
used to have 'em screaming.

Just ask my ex, Keisha.

I dated a Keisha.
Distefano? -Berardi.

Both Italian.

Now do you see
what I'm talking about?

This might be weird,
but do you also, um,

sometimes feel like the sky

is the only one
that understands you?

Sometimes?

Try all the time.

My God.

We're like the same person.

You see? You were both
about to beat up

the only other person
in the world who truly gets you.

Friends?

Brothers.

Oh, my God, people.
Get a life!

Fight already!

Oh!

Hey, champ.
How's the tooth?

Oh... Artem has to redo
the whole thing.

But luckily, the luggage
knocked out another tooth,

- and that hurts a lot more.
- Well, even though

it cost you a pair of teeth,

at least you can feel good
knowing that,

- yet again, you saved the day.
- Yeah.

At least being the person
who fixes

other people's screwups makes
my life seem less like a mess.

Well, you're in luck,
because none of us

are in any danger of getting
our acts together... ever.

Hey, guys.

You two must be happy.

You narrowly avoided losing
heaps of money.

Mm-mm. We lost a bundle.
To Alan.

But the fight didn't
even happen.

- Right. Because Steve and Dave
fell in love. -Mm.

Ronnie, will you hold
this money for me?

Otherwise, it'll go
right up my nose.

I can't thank you enough for
helping me earn back my wings.

Hey, we're brothers,
and I told those Jackpot suits,

if my brother can't fly,
I can't fly.

And now look at us.

Two straight-up Norse gods
ready to conquer the sky.

And to think,
I almost gave you a beatdown.

Don't make me laugh, old man.

I would've kicked your ass

- from here to Da-yas,
Fort Worth.

Well, time to fly.

Let's do this.

Uh, what are you doing?

What do you mean? I'm the pilot,
you're the co-pilot.

I don't "co" anything.
I'm the captain.

You are loco in the cabeza
if you think

you're gonna fly this thing.

Out of my way!

- No, get out of my way!
- Get out of my way!

This is so dumb.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH