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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,199 --> 00:00:29,532 ♪ Gets, gets better, better ♪ 2 00:00:33,139 --> 00:00:35,734 ♪ Our summer out west, our summer is sex ♪ 3 00:00:35,808 --> 00:00:38,368 ♪ Our summer just gets better ♪ 4 00:00:38,444 --> 00:00:41,437 ♪ Our summer out west, our summer is sex ♪ 5 00:00:41,514 --> 00:00:43,779 ♪ Our summer just gets better, better ♪ 6 00:00:43,849 --> 00:00:47,115 ♪ I don't need no weekend telling me when to begin, ah ♪ 7 00:00:47,186 --> 00:00:49,314 ♪You stay upstairs until♪ ♪I call you down for dinner♪ 8 00:00:49,388 --> 00:00:52,119 ♪ Single ladies want a ring on it, I shake a finger ♪ 9 00:00:52,191 --> 00:00:53,659 ♪ Let it be, I'll call you Paul ♪ 10 00:00:53,726 --> 00:00:55,251 ♪ Paul, you call me Linda ♪ 11 00:00:55,327 --> 00:00:57,853 ♪ Single ladies want a ring on it, ah ♪ 12 00:00:57,930 --> 00:01:00,490 ♪ I shake a finger, I shake a finger ♪ 13 00:01:00,566 --> 00:01:02,159 ♪ All the single ladies want a ring ♪ 14 00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:03,668 ♪ I shake a finger ♪ 15 00:01:03,736 --> 00:01:06,262 ♪ We're just having fun if you got to order ♪ 16 00:01:06,338 --> 00:01:09,399 ♪ Our summer out west, our summer is sex ♪ 17 00:01:09,475 --> 00:01:12,138 ♪ Our summer just gets better ♪ 18 00:01:12,211 --> 00:01:14,771 ♪ Our summer out west, our summer is sex ♪ 19 00:01:14,847 --> 00:01:18,545 ♪ Our summer just gets, gets better, better ♪ 20 00:01:18,617 --> 00:01:22,145 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 21 00:01:22,221 --> 00:01:24,315 ♪ Better, better, ah ♪ 22 00:01:24,390 --> 00:01:28,657 ♪ Ah, ah, better, better ♪ 23 00:01:28,727 --> 00:01:31,196 ♪ Our summer is sex, we get so wet about the weather ♪ 24 00:01:31,263 --> 00:01:33,858 ♪ She tell you no 'cause she want avoid a commitment ♪ 25 00:01:33,933 --> 00:01:36,767 ♪ She resists, but you persist, and I suggest her sister ♪ 26 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:39,828 ♪ She's a go-getter, she say no, never ♪ 27 00:01:39,905 --> 00:01:42,402 ♪ She's a go-getter, she never say no ♪ 28 00:01:42,474 --> 00:01:45,205 ♪ The sign says open, doesn't ever say closed ♪ 29 00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:48,247 ♪ I put a twenty on her, she's good to go ♪ 30 00:01:48,314 --> 00:01:50,806 ♪ I bet you get her, she say no, never ♪ 31 00:01:50,883 --> 00:01:53,910 ♪ Our summer out west, our summer is sex ♪ 32 00:01:53,986 --> 00:01:56,751 ♪ Our summer just gets better ♪ 33 00:01:56,822 --> 00:01:59,587 ♪ Our summer out west, our summer is sex ♪ 34 00:01:59,658 --> 00:02:02,685 ♪ Our summer just gets, gets better, better ♪ 35 00:02:05,531 --> 00:02:07,500 Ever notice how in high school 36 00:02:07,566 --> 00:02:09,558 There's just something about being first, 37 00:02:09,635 --> 00:02:12,434 Like that girl who's always first to raise her hand 38 00:02:12,504 --> 00:02:15,906 Or that first kid to own every new cutting-edge ithingy? 39 00:02:15,975 --> 00:02:20,845 There's so much pressure to be a trend-setter, a pioneer. 40 00:02:20,913 --> 00:02:22,677 Well, not me. 41 00:02:22,748 --> 00:02:26,651 Tanner Daniels was just like any other average comic-book geek, 42 00:02:26,719 --> 00:02:29,382 More than content to fly under the radar 43 00:02:29,455 --> 00:02:31,651 And leave the trailblazing to the others. 44 00:02:31,724 --> 00:02:34,888 After all, of the many firsts my peers were vying for, 45 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,862 One still remained conspicuously up for grabs. 46 00:02:37,930 --> 00:02:40,593 Never in the history of north gateway high 47 00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:42,726 Had any student admitted out loud 48 00:02:42,801 --> 00:02:46,499 To being an honest-to-goodness, card-carrying, proud... 49 00:02:46,572 --> 00:02:49,406 Or even slightly modest... homosexual, 50 00:02:49,475 --> 00:02:51,671 Including me and my best friend, Brent. 51 00:02:51,744 --> 00:02:54,475 Explain this to me again. How will being the first out kid 52 00:02:54,546 --> 00:02:56,708 In school make you instantly popular? 53 00:02:56,782 --> 00:03:00,014 It's simple. All the teen and tween rags agree... 54 00:03:00,286 --> 00:03:03,017 The hottest new trend sweeping schools worldwide 55 00:03:03,289 --> 00:03:05,690 Is the G.B.F. 56 00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:07,954 G.B.F.? Gay best friend. 57 00:03:08,027 --> 00:03:10,622 Every celeb has one, so every teen girl needs one. 58 00:03:10,696 --> 00:03:13,393 And pretty soon, all three prom-queen front-runners 59 00:03:13,465 --> 00:03:15,593 Will be battling it out for my attention. 60 00:03:17,403 --> 00:03:19,463 ♪ H ♪ 61 00:03:19,538 --> 00:03:21,006 ♪ E ♪ 62 00:03:21,073 --> 00:03:23,599 ♪ R ♪ 63 00:03:23,676 --> 00:03:27,613 Three powerful cliques controlled north gateway high, 64 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,046 And the queen bitch from each 65 00:03:29,315 --> 00:03:31,716 Ruled our school from nearly every direction. 66 00:03:31,784 --> 00:03:34,845 Caprice winters dominated 67 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,515 As queen of drama, all three kinds of choir, 68 00:03:37,589 --> 00:03:40,650 And our school's loose network of minority students. 69 00:03:40,726 --> 00:03:44,356 Then there was 'Shley Osgoode, short for "Ashley," 70 00:03:44,430 --> 00:03:46,558 Which was about as edgy as she got. 71 00:03:46,632 --> 00:03:49,466 With her perpetually sunny Mormon disposition, 72 00:03:49,535 --> 00:03:52,334 'Shley ruled all wearers of shiny gold crosses 73 00:03:52,404 --> 00:03:54,430 And goody-two-shoes. 74 00:03:54,506 --> 00:03:58,773 But neither could hold a candle to Fawcett Brooks. 75 00:03:58,844 --> 00:04:00,574 By far the hottest girl in school 76 00:04:00,646 --> 00:04:02,478 And empress of the rich and popular, 77 00:04:02,548 --> 00:04:05,780 Fawcett loved fads and hated fatties. 78 00:04:05,851 --> 00:04:07,752 Her trademark golden tresses 79 00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:10,449 Had won her "best hair" three years in a row, 80 00:04:10,522 --> 00:04:12,047 an unprecedented achievement 81 00:04:12,124 --> 00:04:16,061 because you're supposed to be a senior to win. 82 00:04:16,128 --> 00:04:19,030 Like neighboring warlords in a third-world country, 83 00:04:19,098 --> 00:04:22,330 They maintained an uneasy balance of power, 84 00:04:22,401 --> 00:04:23,733 Friendly but always vigilant 85 00:04:23,802 --> 00:04:25,862 Of anything that could upset the truce 86 00:04:25,938 --> 00:04:29,102 And create all-out social warfare. 87 00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,810 So, I'm thinking prom, for maximum effect. 88 00:04:31,877 --> 00:04:33,709 That way, no matter who wins king or queen, 89 00:04:33,779 --> 00:04:35,077 All anyone will remember is me. 90 00:04:35,147 --> 00:04:37,981 Why not send out a mass text and be done with it? 91 00:04:38,050 --> 00:04:39,541 "F.Y.I., I like guys. 92 00:04:39,618 --> 00:04:41,416 Now let's never speak of this again." 93 00:04:41,487 --> 00:04:43,820 Tanner, you cannot come out via text. That is so gay. 94 00:04:43,889 --> 00:04:47,883 Well, you can count me out... Er, in, I guess. 95 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,080 Oh, how very early 2000s of you. I'm so not surprised. 96 00:04:50,129 --> 00:04:52,496 Yeah, Glenn here is more likely to come out than Tanner, 97 00:04:52,564 --> 00:04:54,897 And he is our token vagina enthusiast. 98 00:04:54,967 --> 00:04:56,731 Damn straight. Literally. 99 00:04:56,802 --> 00:05:00,534 Look, it's not a matter of if I'm coming out. Of course I am. 100 00:05:00,606 --> 00:05:04,566 It's the "when" I'm still working on. 101 00:05:04,643 --> 00:05:06,703 I just can't believe that you'd be happy 102 00:05:06,779 --> 00:05:08,941 Being some vapid whore's sexless accessory. 103 00:05:09,014 --> 00:05:10,812 And what makes you think this plan will even work? 104 00:05:10,883 --> 00:05:13,682 Oh, you know I've been doing my reconnaissance. 105 00:05:13,752 --> 00:05:15,152 Ready? Okay! 106 00:05:15,421 --> 00:05:17,720 Fawcett's the obvious prom-queen front-runner, 107 00:05:17,790 --> 00:05:20,692 But since mega-hottie Hamilton smith dumped her last week, 108 00:05:20,759 --> 00:05:23,126 She's vulnerable, and she'll be looking for an edge... 109 00:05:23,195 --> 00:05:25,027 whoo! ...any edge. 110 00:05:25,097 --> 00:05:27,464 What the hell was that? You guys were totally out of sync. 111 00:05:27,533 --> 00:05:29,525 It's that time of the month, ladies. 112 00:05:29,601 --> 00:05:32,127 Please. Their "must-have" list is so five minutes ago. 113 00:05:32,204 --> 00:05:34,867 Let's hear it. This month's are... 114 00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:36,806 totally bedazzled vintage totes, 115 00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:38,639 Chunky cashmere ironic shrugs... 116 00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:39,973 been there, worn that. 117 00:05:40,045 --> 00:05:42,446 Distressed jeggings... Cute! 118 00:05:42,514 --> 00:05:44,005 I practically invented them. 119 00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:45,778 Cold Langu. 120 00:05:45,851 --> 00:05:48,184 And a G.B.F. 121 00:05:48,454 --> 00:05:51,185 It... It stands for... I know what it stands for. 122 00:05:52,958 --> 00:05:55,655 Well, I can't help it that the school is devoid of the gay. 123 00:05:55,727 --> 00:05:57,855 I mean, if there were some, they'd obvi worship me. 124 00:05:57,930 --> 00:06:00,422 I mean, look at this. 125 00:06:00,499 --> 00:06:01,899 No, no, totally. They'd worship you. 126 00:06:01,934 --> 00:06:03,732 Like, look at you. You're, like, beautiful, like... 127 00:06:03,802 --> 00:06:05,930 Okay, so, Fawcett might fall for it, 128 00:06:06,004 --> 00:06:08,838 But what makes you think a super-Chris like 'Shley Osgood 129 00:06:08,907 --> 00:06:10,034 Would ever want a G.B.F.? 130 00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,701 'Shley is Mormon. Hey, Glenn. 131 00:06:11,777 --> 00:06:13,837 Their whole shtick is just being relentlessly nice to you 132 00:06:13,912 --> 00:06:16,507 Until you give up and throw on a pair of their magic underwear. 133 00:06:16,582 --> 00:06:18,608 Yeah, they smile to your face and prop-8 you in the back. 134 00:06:18,684 --> 00:06:22,712 I can't believe our godless peers read this blasphemy. 135 00:06:22,788 --> 00:06:25,223 They're trying to make sin seem "in." 136 00:06:25,491 --> 00:06:27,050 I don't know. 137 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:29,185 Don't you ever think it would be kind of neat to meet one? 138 00:06:29,261 --> 00:06:31,890 Like a real, live gay? What? 139 00:06:31,964 --> 00:06:33,990 You know, we could bring him youth group 140 00:06:34,066 --> 00:06:36,467 Or take him out for milkshakes or something. 141 00:06:36,535 --> 00:06:38,561 And then if we're all super-duper nice to him, 142 00:06:38,637 --> 00:06:40,230 Maybe he'd realize that the only person 143 00:06:40,506 --> 00:06:43,032 He should be gay for is Jesus. 144 00:06:43,108 --> 00:06:46,670 'Shley, you can't just befriend these people. 145 00:06:46,745 --> 00:06:47,906 They're out to steal 146 00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:52,213 Our brothers, boyfriends, our gerbils, 147 00:06:52,284 --> 00:06:54,617 All as part of a secret agenda 148 00:06:54,686 --> 00:06:56,287 To spread their gaybies all over America. 149 00:06:56,522 --> 00:06:58,514 Aww. Gay babies? 150 00:06:58,590 --> 00:07:01,492 No! Like... like gay rabies. 151 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,256 Bitch! 152 00:07:03,529 --> 00:07:06,556 'Shley will try to befriend me and convert me, 153 00:07:06,632 --> 00:07:08,498 And that'll make Fawcett want me even more. 154 00:07:08,567 --> 00:07:10,035 So, what about Caprice? Please. 155 00:07:10,102 --> 00:07:13,504 Miss Caprice cannot stand not being the center of attention. 156 00:07:13,572 --> 00:07:15,939 You all saw her mostly plagiarized musical mash-up 157 00:07:16,008 --> 00:07:17,806 Of "mean girls" last spring. 158 00:07:17,876 --> 00:07:21,176 ♪ Mean girls ♪ 159 00:07:21,246 --> 00:07:24,216 ♪ Mean plastic girls ♪ 160 00:07:24,283 --> 00:07:28,118 ♪ I'm coming to get you wherever you turn ♪ 161 00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:31,554 ♪ I'm writing your name in the book of burn ♪ 162 00:07:31,623 --> 00:07:32,921 That actually could have been kind of brilliant. 163 00:07:32,991 --> 00:07:34,584 But it wasn't. 164 00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:36,060 Caprice needs a gay visionary 165 00:07:36,128 --> 00:07:39,621 To shepherd her career towards iconic Diva-Dom. 166 00:07:39,698 --> 00:07:41,829 I just hope everything goes according to plan. 167 00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,835 You won't forget us when you're in a new 168 00:07:43,902 --> 00:07:46,064 Social stratosphere, will you? No promises. 169 00:07:46,138 --> 00:07:47,697 Oh, my god! Is that the new one?! 170 00:07:47,773 --> 00:07:49,105 Oh, sweet, dude! 171 00:07:49,174 --> 00:07:52,144 And I still carry the last flip phone on the planet. 172 00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,577 We are so downloading guydar. 173 00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:56,979 What the hell is guydar? Where have you been? 174 00:07:57,049 --> 00:08:00,645 It's the new app that lets gay guys find other gay guys 175 00:08:00,719 --> 00:08:03,154 Through state-of-the-art, globally positioned technology. 176 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:05,156 She knows. I only know about it 177 00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:07,590 Because Brent here tried to download it onto my phone. 178 00:08:07,659 --> 00:08:10,652 Yeah, and hetero buzzkill here totally cock-blocked me. 179 00:08:10,729 --> 00:08:12,630 I'm not soiling my pristine phone 180 00:08:12,698 --> 00:08:14,326 With some slutty gay hookup app. 181 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,762 Tanner, we're not gonna do anything. 182 00:08:16,835 --> 00:08:18,770 We're just gonna see if there are 183 00:08:18,837 --> 00:08:20,669 any other gay guys in this town 184 00:08:20,739 --> 00:08:23,140 and find out how many cubic feet away they are from us. 185 00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:24,836 It's science. 186 00:08:24,910 --> 00:08:26,902 And it's about to change our lives. 187 00:08:26,979 --> 00:08:30,677 Which was actually true, but not in the way we imagined. 188 00:08:30,749 --> 00:08:32,217 But it isn't fair, Ms. Hoegel. 189 00:08:32,284 --> 00:08:35,345 I'm sorry, Soledad, but the school board was clear. 190 00:08:35,621 --> 00:08:38,090 Now, we can't have a gay/straight alliance 191 00:08:38,156 --> 00:08:39,988 Without an actual gay member. 192 00:08:40,058 --> 00:08:41,754 Just because we're all straight 193 00:08:41,827 --> 00:08:44,353 Doesn't mean that there aren't gay kids at this school. 194 00:08:44,630 --> 00:08:46,911 My future G.B.F. is just waiting to come out of the closet 195 00:08:46,965 --> 00:08:48,957 And tell me how fierce I am. 196 00:08:49,034 --> 00:08:51,663 Please, Ms. "H," this club is all I have. 197 00:08:51,737 --> 00:08:56,198 Is this about helping queer and questioning kids or yourself? 198 00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,004 It's all for the gays! 199 00:08:58,076 --> 00:09:01,638 They need to at least know this group exists. 200 00:09:01,713 --> 00:09:03,944 What if Viola here came out as a lesbian? 201 00:09:04,016 --> 00:09:06,747 Hey! I'm strictly dickly, yo. 202 00:09:06,818 --> 00:09:08,616 Just take one for the team. 203 00:09:08,687 --> 00:09:11,657 Now, Soledad! Or the fact that Braxton has two mommies... 204 00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:13,624 That has got to count for something. 205 00:09:13,692 --> 00:09:15,991 And both Mrs. Cooper-Cullins were so helpful 206 00:09:16,061 --> 00:09:18,053 In organizing last month's Vegan bake sale. 207 00:09:18,130 --> 00:09:19,860 Moms say hi, by the way. 208 00:09:19,931 --> 00:09:21,866 Hi, moms. 209 00:09:21,933 --> 00:09:25,768 But it's simply not enough, I'm afraid. 210 00:09:29,374 --> 00:09:31,900 Please, Ms. Hoegel, just buy me a few more weeks. 211 00:09:31,977 --> 00:09:33,673 Like, I will find a real-life gay, 212 00:09:33,745 --> 00:09:35,737 Even if I have to drag the little teen queen 213 00:09:35,814 --> 00:09:37,009 Out of the closet myself. 214 00:09:37,082 --> 00:09:38,778 Soledad, I don't want you conducting 215 00:09:38,850 --> 00:09:40,250 Some sort of a gay witch-hunt. 216 00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:42,787 No, of course not, Ms. Hoegel. Give it time. 217 00:09:42,854 --> 00:09:45,153 One day you will meet the gay of your dreams, 218 00:09:45,223 --> 00:09:46,919 And it will be the happiest, 219 00:09:46,992 --> 00:09:48,858 Most fulfilling day of your life. 220 00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:52,261 Then it's all downhill from there. 221 00:09:57,903 --> 00:10:00,930 Hi, there, Soledad. Or whatever. 222 00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:03,202 You're prez of the school's currently gay-less 223 00:10:03,275 --> 00:10:05,744 G.S.A., Right? Yeah, something like that. 224 00:10:05,811 --> 00:10:08,212 Couldn't help but overhear your dilem. 225 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:11,182 I might have an idea that could help you out. 226 00:10:11,249 --> 00:10:15,084 Keep up. 227 00:10:15,153 --> 00:10:16,815 The Wi-Fi password is "Lilo." 228 00:10:16,888 --> 00:10:19,858 Oh, hey, guys. Where's the fire? Oh! Hi, mom. 229 00:10:19,925 --> 00:10:23,089 Um, we just got this really tough math assignment, so... 230 00:10:23,161 --> 00:10:24,789 Oh. Math. 231 00:10:24,863 --> 00:10:26,855 It's gonna be, like, a really tough nut to bust. 232 00:10:26,932 --> 00:10:28,161 T-T-Y-L! 233 00:10:28,233 --> 00:10:29,895 Later, Mrs. Van Camp. 234 00:10:29,968 --> 00:10:34,269 Be safe! W-with your math. 235 00:10:34,339 --> 00:10:37,935 Your mom totally knows and also thinks we're doing it. 236 00:10:38,009 --> 00:10:40,001 Why don't you just tell her? 237 00:10:40,078 --> 00:10:42,206 Oh, she's so smug, dropping her little hints. 238 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,249 I'm not gonna give her the satisfaction. 239 00:10:44,316 --> 00:10:46,285 Maybe when she gets the balls to ask me. 240 00:10:46,351 --> 00:10:48,786 Maybe she's just respecting your privacy. 241 00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:51,824 She wants to milk this for all the drama it's worth. 242 00:10:51,890 --> 00:10:54,724 Trust. I am her son, after all. 243 00:11:05,337 --> 00:11:09,502 Do we have to listen to this heinous pop dance crap? 244 00:11:09,775 --> 00:11:11,175 Shut up. You know you love it. 245 00:11:11,243 --> 00:11:14,145 ♪ Why should I be a victim of this love? ♪ 246 00:11:14,212 --> 00:11:17,046 ♪ Why should I feel so ashamed? ♪ 247 00:11:17,115 --> 00:11:20,108 Knock, knock! 248 00:11:20,185 --> 00:11:21,744 What?! What do you want?! 249 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:23,083 Everybody decent? 250 00:11:23,155 --> 00:11:24,248 Yeah, mom. 251 00:11:24,322 --> 00:11:26,314 No, I'm serious. Yes, we're decent! 252 00:11:26,391 --> 00:11:28,758 Oh, god. Okay, good. Whew! Just checking. 253 00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:32,764 Oh, O-M-G! This be my jam. Whoo! 254 00:11:32,831 --> 00:11:34,493 Hey, you boys have any poppers? 255 00:11:34,566 --> 00:11:36,831 A popper would really hit the spot right about now. 256 00:11:36,902 --> 00:11:42,068 Mom, um, yeah, this, um, dance party is invitation-only, so... 257 00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:44,939 I simply came up to tell you boys 258 00:11:45,010 --> 00:11:50,313 That I won't be back up here for at least one hour or so. 259 00:11:50,382 --> 00:11:53,352 Relax. Do your thing. Get crazy. 260 00:11:53,418 --> 00:11:54,977 Thanks. I'm good with it. 261 00:11:55,053 --> 00:11:57,045 Thank you. All right. Bye! Yeah. Great. All right. 262 00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,254 Now that we've banished the beast, 263 00:12:00,325 --> 00:12:02,556 Let's download that app and find us some mens. 264 00:12:02,828 --> 00:12:04,820 What if we see someone we know on there 265 00:12:04,896 --> 00:12:07,161 Or someone finds my phone? 266 00:12:07,232 --> 00:12:09,258 It's my ass on the line. 267 00:12:09,334 --> 00:12:11,132 Tan, please, 268 00:12:11,203 --> 00:12:13,283 If I don't at least get my makeout on before college, 269 00:12:13,338 --> 00:12:15,102 I'll be playing sexual catch-up for years. 270 00:12:15,173 --> 00:12:16,835 I just want to find out if there are 271 00:12:16,908 --> 00:12:19,343 Any other gay guys there that, you know, aren't you. 272 00:12:19,411 --> 00:12:21,175 You know, no offense. 273 00:12:23,548 --> 00:12:25,915 Okay, fine. 274 00:12:25,984 --> 00:12:27,919 But we're gonna need a profile picture first. 275 00:12:27,986 --> 00:12:29,978 Say "cheese." Cheddar! 276 00:12:31,156 --> 00:12:32,818 Let me see. 277 00:12:32,891 --> 00:12:34,951 No. 278 00:12:35,026 --> 00:12:36,995 Th... Hey! 279 00:12:37,062 --> 00:12:39,293 Relax. You'll just be another headless torso 280 00:12:39,364 --> 00:12:40,992 In a sea of low self-esteem. 281 00:12:41,066 --> 00:12:43,160 P.S... Your abs ain't too bad, Mr. Four-pack. 282 00:12:43,235 --> 00:12:45,033 Really? 283 00:12:45,103 --> 00:12:47,095 Hmm. 284 00:12:47,172 --> 00:12:49,971 Now let's see what the filthy gays of north gateway think of them. 285 00:12:50,041 --> 00:12:52,033 You sure this is a good idea? 286 00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:55,410 Was Drake on "Degrassi"? The answer is yes. 287 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,142 Bad-ass rapper Drake 288 00:12:57,215 --> 00:12:59,912 Was on a wholesome Canadian after-school soap opera. 289 00:12:59,985 --> 00:13:01,851 Never forget. 290 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,388 We had little luck 291 00:13:03,455 --> 00:13:06,015 Chatting up dudes on Guydar that night, 292 00:13:06,091 --> 00:13:08,219 But the next day, Soledad and her swarm 293 00:13:08,293 --> 00:13:10,558 Of blossoming fruit flies were preparing 294 00:13:10,629 --> 00:13:12,495 To put the app to much better use. 295 00:13:12,564 --> 00:13:14,931 Okay, ladies, somewhere in this school, 296 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,400 There's a sexually confused boy 297 00:13:16,468 --> 00:13:18,369 With no one to turn to and nowhere to go. 298 00:13:18,436 --> 00:13:22,567 So we must hunt him down... To help him, of course. 299 00:13:22,641 --> 00:13:24,542 According to a very knowledgeable source 300 00:13:24,609 --> 00:13:26,373 On what's in style, this guydar thing 301 00:13:26,444 --> 00:13:29,107 Is all the rage with the gays, especially the closet cases. 302 00:13:29,180 --> 00:13:31,308 So, we all got our Faux-Mo avatars ready, right? 303 00:13:31,383 --> 00:13:34,649 Yep. Mine's of Robert Pattinson's air-brushed torso. 304 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:36,582 That's what they like, right? Totally. 305 00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:38,419 And you've got Zac Efron. Perfect. 306 00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:40,425 And Persephone's rocking Adam Lambert. 307 00:13:40,492 --> 00:13:42,927 Oh, great. I think we got all our bases covered. 308 00:13:42,994 --> 00:13:45,429 Let the manhunt begin! 309 00:13:45,497 --> 00:13:46,497 Oh, shit! 310 00:13:46,498 --> 00:13:48,330 What was that? 311 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,528 Oh, um, nothing. 312 00:13:50,602 --> 00:13:53,572 Just stating the obvious in here. 313 00:13:53,638 --> 00:13:55,937 Ew. Let's go. 314 00:13:56,007 --> 00:13:59,034 Shit. Shit, shit, shit. 315 00:14:06,084 --> 00:14:08,212 Tanner! Hand it over. 316 00:14:08,286 --> 00:14:10,187 You'll get it back at the end of the day. 317 00:14:10,255 --> 00:14:12,417 Shit. 318 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,550 Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Shit! 319 00:14:20,065 --> 00:14:22,360 Montag. 320 00:14:22,434 --> 00:14:25,136 Dienstag. 321 00:14:25,203 --> 00:14:27,667 Mittwoch. 322 00:14:27,739 --> 00:14:29,230 Donnerstag. 323 00:14:29,307 --> 00:14:30,935 What's up, bitch? 324 00:14:32,510 --> 00:14:33,671 Herr Brent. 325 00:14:33,745 --> 00:14:35,008 Ein moment, Frau Burkhardt. 326 00:14:41,586 --> 00:14:44,249 Oh, Scheisse. 327 00:14:45,557 --> 00:14:48,152 Ooh, I got one! 4packboy95. 328 00:14:48,226 --> 00:14:49,285 He's 400 feet away. 329 00:14:49,361 --> 00:14:51,592 I got him, too! This way! 330 00:14:51,663 --> 00:14:54,326 Yeah! 331 00:14:54,399 --> 00:14:56,027 Give me your phone now! Now! 332 00:14:56,101 --> 00:14:57,330 Oh, my god, Brent! 333 00:14:57,402 --> 00:14:59,633 You're obsessed with that stupid app. 334 00:14:59,704 --> 00:15:02,697 You don't understand. Soledad and her gaggle of junior hacks 335 00:15:02,774 --> 00:15:05,243 Are using guydar to track gays at the school. 336 00:15:05,310 --> 00:15:08,280 Oh, my god. Slatsky took my phone in third period. 337 00:15:08,346 --> 00:15:10,008 It's still signed on. 338 00:15:10,081 --> 00:15:12,516 I am not taking the fall for this! 339 00:15:12,584 --> 00:15:14,485 Time for the big, dramatic coming-out you've always wanted. 340 00:15:14,552 --> 00:15:16,248 Wait. No, no, no, no! This is not how I planned it. 341 00:15:16,321 --> 00:15:18,449 P-P-Prom is months away! 342 00:15:18,523 --> 00:15:19,582 It's coming from in here. 343 00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,216 We are here to help. Come on, guys. 344 00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:23,488 What do you think you're doing? 345 00:15:23,561 --> 00:15:25,621 Who do these hairless abs belong to? 346 00:15:32,103 --> 00:15:34,334 The signal's coming from the front of the classroom... 347 00:15:34,406 --> 00:15:35,446 you have two seconds to... 348 00:15:35,507 --> 00:15:37,066 from right around... 349 00:15:37,142 --> 00:15:38,735 Mr. Slatsky's desk?! 350 00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:40,745 Mr. Slatsky? Mr. Slatsky? 351 00:15:40,812 --> 00:15:42,542 You're married to a lady, 352 00:15:42,614 --> 00:15:45,448 And these are clearly not your abs. 353 00:15:45,517 --> 00:15:47,247 This is false advertising. 354 00:15:47,318 --> 00:15:49,150 What are you talking about? 355 00:15:49,220 --> 00:15:51,314 Wait! It's not Mr. Slatsky's. 356 00:15:51,389 --> 00:15:53,153 Tanner, I don't think you should. 357 00:15:53,224 --> 00:15:54,658 This is your cellphone, correct? 358 00:15:57,462 --> 00:16:00,489 I-I guess it is. 359 00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:04,761 You're the secret gay. 360 00:16:04,836 --> 00:16:07,362 But you're not even that fabulous. 361 00:16:07,439 --> 00:16:10,307 I... 362 00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:12,207 guess I am... 363 00:16:12,277 --> 00:16:14,542 n-not fabulous, but gay. 364 00:16:14,612 --> 00:16:16,547 I'm gay, I guess. 365 00:16:18,516 --> 00:16:22,612 Oh, we've got one, our very own homosexual! 366 00:16:24,823 --> 00:16:28,555 Tweet this right now. 367 00:16:28,626 --> 00:16:32,063 We did it! I'm so excited! 368 00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:40,832 What are you looking at, fag-off? 369 00:16:41,106 --> 00:16:42,369 What, are you... 370 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,239 What, are you checking out my... balls? 371 00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,541 You trying to check out my balls? 372 00:16:47,612 --> 00:16:50,673 Tanner! Wait! Wait! I'm your friend! 373 00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:53,197 Leave him alone, you desperate psycho-bitch. 374 00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:53,834 Whoa. 375 00:16:53,885 --> 00:16:55,251 That was really mean. Oh, really? 376 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,118 Are you a psycho, and are you a bitch? 377 00:16:57,188 --> 00:16:58,781 - I am his best friend. - I couldn't believe it. 378 00:16:58,857 --> 00:17:00,587 I'd been so careful for 17 years. 379 00:17:00,658 --> 00:17:02,320 I mean, I learned how to clear 380 00:17:02,393 --> 00:17:04,191 The internet history when I was 11. 381 00:17:04,262 --> 00:17:07,562 One stupid slip-up had cost me everything, 382 00:17:07,632 --> 00:17:09,863 And I had one person to blame. 383 00:17:14,539 --> 00:17:16,474 Hey, girl, hey. 384 00:17:16,541 --> 00:17:19,841 "Hey"? That's all you have to say? 385 00:17:19,911 --> 00:17:23,177 I'm sorry. I-I freaked. It happened so fast. I... 386 00:17:23,248 --> 00:17:25,274 You were the one who wanted to come out! 387 00:17:25,350 --> 00:17:27,649 I can't believe you let me take the fall! 388 00:17:27,719 --> 00:17:28,778 Shh. Please. Okay, look. 389 00:17:28,853 --> 00:17:30,378 Maybe you can turn this around, 390 00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:32,219 You know, like pretend it was a joke. 391 00:17:32,290 --> 00:17:34,657 You can't "no homo" this, Brent. 392 00:17:34,726 --> 00:17:36,627 I'm basically a dead man, 393 00:17:36,694 --> 00:17:38,595 And what kills me is you're the Queeny one. 394 00:17:38,663 --> 00:17:40,256 The least you can do is come out 395 00:17:40,331 --> 00:17:42,197 And take your share of the daily beatings. 396 00:17:42,267 --> 00:17:44,793 I can't. I mean, it would be, you know, pathetic, 397 00:17:44,869 --> 00:17:46,565 Like I'm copying you or something. 398 00:17:46,638 --> 00:17:48,732 You know what? I blame myself. 399 00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:51,366 All I ever do is go with the flow, your flow 400 00:17:51,442 --> 00:17:52,910 99% of the time. 401 00:17:53,178 --> 00:17:55,773 Oh, please, Tanner. We both know you love being the sidekick. 402 00:17:55,847 --> 00:17:59,147 Oh. So, I'm the sidekick? Wow. 403 00:17:59,217 --> 00:18:01,777 Well, at least now I realize all you care about is yourself, 404 00:18:01,853 --> 00:18:04,254 You self-absorbed, gutless little faggot! 405 00:18:04,322 --> 00:18:05,813 Tanner Daniels. 406 00:18:05,890 --> 00:18:08,860 Christ, Tanner. I said I'm sorry. 407 00:18:08,927 --> 00:18:11,260 Sorry, Mrs. Van Camp, 408 00:18:11,329 --> 00:18:13,457 But I'm allowed to use that word, 409 00:18:13,531 --> 00:18:15,363 Seeing as how I am one... 410 00:18:16,634 --> 00:18:18,603 just like your son. 411 00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:23,672 Tanner, you had no right. 412 00:18:23,741 --> 00:18:27,303 Well, what do you care? You know she knows. 413 00:18:27,378 --> 00:18:29,540 It was a total dick move, 414 00:18:29,614 --> 00:18:32,846 And I immediately regretted it, but it was too late. 415 00:18:32,917 --> 00:18:36,820 Like Lex Luthor and Clark Kent or professor X and Magneto, 416 00:18:36,888 --> 00:18:40,188 Brent and I went from best friends to archenemies 417 00:18:40,258 --> 00:18:41,487 In a matter of seconds. 418 00:18:41,559 --> 00:18:43,653 Hey, Tanner. How was school, honey? 419 00:18:43,728 --> 00:18:45,663 Uh, hey, Shannon, dad. 420 00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:50,293 It was uneventful, lacking events. 421 00:18:50,368 --> 00:18:52,496 Why? You didn't hear anything, did you? 422 00:18:52,570 --> 00:18:57,270 No. What would we have heard about, Tanner? 423 00:18:57,342 --> 00:19:01,905 Nothing, of course, because of the whole nothing thing. 424 00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:03,778 Well, honey, that's great. Are you hungry? 425 00:19:03,848 --> 00:19:07,216 'Cause I made my world-famous, homemade, gluten-free popsicles. 426 00:19:07,285 --> 00:19:08,583 They are delicious. 427 00:19:08,653 --> 00:19:11,213 Oh, I hope you made them extra thick and fruity, 428 00:19:11,289 --> 00:19:12,882 Just the way Tanner likes them. 429 00:19:12,957 --> 00:19:14,983 What?! Uh, I mean, right. 430 00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:18,594 Uh, thanks for freezing juice on a stick for me, Shannon, 431 00:19:18,663 --> 00:19:19,926 But I'm good. 432 00:19:19,998 --> 00:19:21,660 Maybe you'll have one later. 433 00:19:21,733 --> 00:19:23,827 Maybe I'll have one right now. 434 00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:25,301 Ooh. 435 00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:27,635 What flavor did you make? 436 00:19:27,705 --> 00:19:29,731 Cherry. Ohh. 437 00:19:29,807 --> 00:19:33,437 The next day, I tried to keep an even lower profile that usual, 438 00:19:33,511 --> 00:19:37,505 But my power to go unnoticed had been completely neutralized. 439 00:19:37,582 --> 00:19:39,380 Hey. Remember me? 440 00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:42,579 Hey, Sophe. Sorry I haven't texted/called you back. 441 00:19:42,654 --> 00:19:45,021 I'm just really overwhelmed right now. 442 00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:47,486 Look, I know you're pissed at Brent, 443 00:19:47,558 --> 00:19:49,527 And, honestly, I would be, too. 444 00:19:49,594 --> 00:19:51,995 But what he did was an accident. 445 00:19:52,063 --> 00:19:53,793 What you did with his mom was... Wait. 446 00:19:53,865 --> 00:19:55,424 Really? Wow. 447 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:58,800 Of all people, I never expected you to take his side. 448 00:19:58,870 --> 00:20:01,704 He outed me to the entire school. 449 00:20:01,773 --> 00:20:04,402 And plus, his mom already knew. 450 00:20:04,475 --> 00:20:06,595 But it wasn't your job to tell her, and you know that. 451 00:20:06,644 --> 00:20:08,977 You know what, Sophe? I have bigger things 452 00:20:09,047 --> 00:20:11,812 To worry about than Brent's psycho mama drama. 453 00:20:13,584 --> 00:20:15,650 Ohh! 454 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,746 Well, hey, there, tan tan. 455 00:20:17,822 --> 00:20:20,758 You know, I used to think you were a little fag. 456 00:20:20,825 --> 00:20:23,795 I didn't realize you were actually a full-fledged homo! 457 00:20:23,861 --> 00:20:26,296 That doesn't even make sense. 458 00:20:26,364 --> 00:20:28,299 Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? You calling me stupid? 459 00:20:28,366 --> 00:20:30,767 You calling me stupid and gay? 460 00:20:30,835 --> 00:20:34,567 Hamilton, take your hands off him. 461 00:20:34,639 --> 00:20:36,437 Back off, babe. We're history, 462 00:20:36,507 --> 00:20:38,999 Which means you don't tell me what to do anymore. 463 00:20:39,077 --> 00:20:41,478 History... now, that's an appropriate word 464 00:20:41,546 --> 00:20:43,845 Because that's what your sex life is gonna be 465 00:20:43,915 --> 00:20:45,474 If you don't leave him alone. 466 00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:47,644 After all, I know things... 467 00:20:47,719 --> 00:20:50,018 Tiny, little, pinky-sized details. 468 00:20:50,088 --> 00:20:52,387 Touch him again, and you won't be able 469 00:20:52,457 --> 00:20:54,449 To get as much as a half-ass handjob 470 00:20:54,525 --> 00:20:56,721 From some flag-twirling color guard skank. 471 00:20:56,794 --> 00:20:58,956 Bitch, you wouldn't dare. 472 00:20:59,030 --> 00:21:00,760 Try me. 473 00:21:09,974 --> 00:21:11,465 You okay, babes? 474 00:21:11,542 --> 00:21:13,374 I'm... fine. 475 00:21:13,444 --> 00:21:14,912 I'm Fawcett. 476 00:21:14,979 --> 00:21:16,675 Yeah, I know. 477 00:21:16,748 --> 00:21:18,740 You doing anything after school? 478 00:21:18,816 --> 00:21:21,650 Want to go sip extra-large low-fat iced coffees 479 00:21:21,719 --> 00:21:23,881 And talk shit about people? 480 00:21:23,955 --> 00:21:26,891 Hey, there, you. I like coffee, too. 481 00:21:26,958 --> 00:21:28,085 I'll come with. 482 00:21:28,159 --> 00:21:30,060 Ooh! I like decaf. 483 00:21:30,128 --> 00:21:32,120 How nice for you both. 484 00:21:32,397 --> 00:21:36,664 Well, uh, we could all go together? 485 00:21:36,734 --> 00:21:39,533 Fine. Whatevs. Let's. 486 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,709 So... 487 00:21:51,783 --> 00:21:54,116 so, you're a gay now. 488 00:21:54,185 --> 00:21:57,019 Uh, not now. I mean, I've always been. 489 00:21:57,088 --> 00:21:59,057 Just now everybody knows. 490 00:21:59,123 --> 00:22:01,149 Are you gonna audition for the spring musical? 491 00:22:01,426 --> 00:22:03,588 'Cause we're doing "The Wiz," and we're gonna need, 492 00:22:03,661 --> 00:22:05,459 Like, as many minorities as we can get. 493 00:22:05,530 --> 00:22:08,056 I'm not much for the whole singing or dancing 494 00:22:08,132 --> 00:22:10,465 Or being onstage thing. 495 00:22:10,535 --> 00:22:11,901 You sure you're a 'mo? 496 00:22:11,969 --> 00:22:13,995 What gay stuff do you, like, like? 497 00:22:14,071 --> 00:22:16,540 Um, I'm into comics. 498 00:22:16,607 --> 00:22:18,576 Like Kathy griffin? She's Hilar. 499 00:22:18,643 --> 00:22:20,908 Uh, no, like comic books. 500 00:22:20,978 --> 00:22:23,948 That's not gay. That's just lame. 501 00:22:24,015 --> 00:22:25,950 You don't even sound like the ones on bravo. 502 00:22:26,017 --> 00:22:29,010 Say the word "fierce." Ooh. 503 00:22:29,086 --> 00:22:31,419 Yeah, I don't really say that word. 504 00:22:31,489 --> 00:22:33,151 Oh, well, maybe it's like Caprice. 505 00:22:33,224 --> 00:22:35,420 I mean, she's black, but she doesn't talk like them. 506 00:22:35,493 --> 00:22:38,429 Excuse me? Well, not all the time. 507 00:22:38,496 --> 00:22:40,055 Yeah, Ashley, it's like when we call you a "Mormon" 508 00:22:40,131 --> 00:22:41,997 But forget the second "M." 509 00:22:42,066 --> 00:22:44,763 Anyway, what about those other losers you eat lunch with? 510 00:22:44,836 --> 00:22:46,429 They seem way gayer than you. 511 00:22:46,504 --> 00:22:49,531 Oh, no, no, no, no. I heard Brent is like super hetero. 512 00:22:49,607 --> 00:22:51,200 That's why they're all fighting. 513 00:22:51,476 --> 00:22:54,036 That Glenn, though... Oh, he is way too cute to be straight. 514 00:22:54,111 --> 00:22:56,103 Uh, Glenn is so not gay. Trust me. 515 00:22:56,180 --> 00:22:59,150 I would know 'cause I've got that gaydar thing, right? 516 00:22:59,217 --> 00:23:02,119 But even that Sophie girl... She's always seemed like 517 00:23:02,186 --> 00:23:04,018 A mucho muncher supreme to me. 518 00:23:04,088 --> 00:23:06,717 I don't think so. I mean, she hates all the guys 519 00:23:06,791 --> 00:23:09,158 At this school, but she hates all the girls, too. 520 00:23:09,227 --> 00:23:11,924 Well, Tanner, I just want you to know 521 00:23:11,996 --> 00:23:14,124 That I'm totally fine with your homosexiness. 522 00:23:14,198 --> 00:23:15,791 I mean, it is a sin and all, 523 00:23:15,867 --> 00:23:17,836 But we Mormons pretty much think everything's a sin, 524 00:23:17,902 --> 00:23:21,031 Including those caffeinated beverages you guys are sucking down right now. 525 00:23:21,105 --> 00:23:23,185 So, if you're all gonna burn in hell for an eternity, 526 00:23:23,207 --> 00:23:24,675 You may as well have a nice time 527 00:23:24,742 --> 00:23:26,540 Being all queer and stuff while you're here. 528 00:23:26,611 --> 00:23:29,080 Well, that's at least consistent of you, 'Shley. 529 00:23:29,146 --> 00:23:31,741 I have an amazeballs idea. 530 00:23:31,816 --> 00:23:34,183 This Saturday, why don't you and me come back here, 531 00:23:34,252 --> 00:23:35,982 And we can totally gay you over? 532 00:23:36,053 --> 00:23:38,716 Oh, and I know all the stylists at heroine salon. 533 00:23:38,789 --> 00:23:41,054 I'm sure they can give you something butchy 534 00:23:41,125 --> 00:23:42,559 And Rihanna-esque. 535 00:23:42,627 --> 00:23:44,789 I think he just needs a trim, sweetie, 536 00:23:44,862 --> 00:23:46,091 Not a full-blown weave. 537 00:23:46,163 --> 00:23:47,688 These are clips, boo. 538 00:23:47,765 --> 00:23:49,597 Um, I-I have a gift card 539 00:23:49,667 --> 00:23:51,602 To banana republic that's half full. 540 00:23:51,669 --> 00:23:55,765 Well, perf. I guess we'll see you both there. 541 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,139 None of them wanted to share 542 00:23:58,209 --> 00:24:01,509 The school's newest limited-edition status symbol, 543 00:24:01,579 --> 00:24:03,605 And if that meant pretending to play nice with each other, 544 00:24:03,681 --> 00:24:05,013 Game on. 545 00:24:05,082 --> 00:24:07,642 That weekend, I quickly discovered that if I was 546 00:24:07,718 --> 00:24:10,119 Going to accept the protection of the "in" crowd, 547 00:24:10,187 --> 00:24:12,088 I had some Major catching-up to do. 548 00:24:12,156 --> 00:24:13,681 Where have you been? 549 00:24:13,758 --> 00:24:15,920 I thought we were meeting at the food court. 550 00:24:15,993 --> 00:24:18,087 That was like four texts ago. Come on! 551 00:24:18,162 --> 00:24:21,963 My texts-per-minute average was extremely subpar. 552 00:24:22,033 --> 00:24:25,026 I had about 200 completely unacceptable photos of myself 553 00:24:25,102 --> 00:24:26,570 Tagged on Facebook. 554 00:24:26,637 --> 00:24:28,230 Ooh. Fat face. De-Tag. 555 00:24:28,306 --> 00:24:32,004 De-Tag. De-Tag. De-Tag! 556 00:24:32,076 --> 00:24:35,308 Oh, my god. De-friend whoever put that one up! 557 00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:37,208 And I was about three months behind 558 00:24:37,281 --> 00:24:38,715 On all of the latest abbreves. 559 00:24:38,783 --> 00:24:39,910 Incredsies. 560 00:24:39,984 --> 00:24:41,213 Ugh, fug, in the good way. 561 00:24:41,285 --> 00:24:43,811 Ohh! This one is tally "feroshe"-balls. 562 00:24:43,888 --> 00:24:45,186 "Feroshe"-balls? 563 00:24:45,256 --> 00:24:47,191 That's what we're calling it. 564 00:24:47,258 --> 00:24:48,556 Here, sweetie. 565 00:24:48,626 --> 00:24:52,763 ♪ Since we found out ♪ 566 00:24:52,830 --> 00:24:55,061 One, two, three. 567 00:24:55,132 --> 00:24:58,795 ♪ Anything can happen ♪ 568 00:24:58,869 --> 00:25:00,895 Oh, my god. 569 00:25:00,972 --> 00:25:02,133 Praising the leather god. 570 00:25:02,206 --> 00:25:06,276 ♪ Anything can happen ♪ 571 00:25:06,344 --> 00:25:08,176 ♪ Anything can ♪ 572 00:25:10,348 --> 00:25:13,318 How do we look together? 573 00:25:17,188 --> 00:25:19,919 I love it! 574 00:25:24,195 --> 00:25:27,825 It was a straight-up makeover-Montage situation, 575 00:25:27,898 --> 00:25:29,298 And all I could think of was how much Brent 576 00:25:29,367 --> 00:25:32,599 Would have lived for every second of it. 577 00:25:36,340 --> 00:25:40,971 ♪ I guess we thought that's just what humans do ♪ 578 00:25:41,045 --> 00:25:44,379 With Brent, Sophie, and Glenn, it was always so easy. 579 00:25:44,649 --> 00:25:47,141 I never worked so hard just to have friends. 580 00:25:47,218 --> 00:25:49,653 But without Fawcett and the other clique queens 581 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,714 Watching my back, I was a sitting duck. 582 00:25:53,791 --> 00:25:55,851 ♪ But now I've seen it through ♪ 583 00:25:55,926 --> 00:25:57,827 Good morning, ladies. Hey. 584 00:25:57,895 --> 00:25:59,158 So, you speak to traitor... 585 00:25:59,230 --> 00:26:01,131 Excuse me, I mean Tanner... This weekend? 586 00:26:01,198 --> 00:26:02,826 Well, no, actually. 587 00:26:02,900 --> 00:26:06,302 I called him like 50 times, and no responses. 588 00:26:06,370 --> 00:26:09,204 You two really need to work it out. I mean, it's like... 589 00:26:09,273 --> 00:26:11,071 Uh, ladies... 590 00:26:11,142 --> 00:26:12,633 ♪ I know it's gonna be ♪ 591 00:26:12,710 --> 00:26:16,370 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 592 00:26:16,447 --> 00:26:18,075 ♪ Uh-huh ♪ 593 00:26:18,149 --> 00:26:20,050 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 594 00:26:20,117 --> 00:26:22,916 But I don't think I need you 595 00:26:22,987 --> 00:26:29,987 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 596 00:26:30,294 --> 00:26:32,763 He united them. I can't believe this. 597 00:26:32,830 --> 00:26:36,426 I can't believe how tight his pants are. 598 00:26:36,701 --> 00:26:38,761 And is he wearing bronzer? 599 00:26:38,836 --> 00:26:42,329 He's spray-Tanner now. 600 00:26:42,406 --> 00:26:44,170 Before, I could move through this school 601 00:26:44,241 --> 00:26:45,869 Unnoticed, invisible. 602 00:26:45,943 --> 00:26:50,938 But as the G.B.F., Well, I was kind of indestructible. 603 00:26:51,015 --> 00:26:54,179 The up-close view of 'topher, 'Shley's hot Mormon boyfriend, 604 00:26:54,251 --> 00:26:56,117 Wasn't bad, either. 605 00:26:56,187 --> 00:27:02,218 For once, I was actually kind of enjoying the spotlight. 606 00:27:04,428 --> 00:27:07,091 What do you think you're doing with that... 607 00:27:07,164 --> 00:27:08,962 That ho... Ho... Ho... 608 00:27:09,033 --> 00:27:11,434 Ho-ho? This is a Twinkie. 609 00:27:11,502 --> 00:27:13,232 Homosexual. 610 00:27:13,304 --> 00:27:15,330 I'm talking about that other Twinkie, 611 00:27:15,406 --> 00:27:17,841 Your new apparent B.F.F. 612 00:27:17,908 --> 00:27:19,706 Tanner? He's super nice, actually. 613 00:27:19,777 --> 00:27:21,370 Like not pure evil at all, really. 614 00:27:21,445 --> 00:27:23,471 I mean, maybe we're wrong. 615 00:27:23,748 --> 00:27:27,014 'Shley, this is not god's plan. 616 00:27:27,084 --> 00:27:28,450 I think that means "time-out." 617 00:27:28,519 --> 00:27:30,852 This is part of the polygamists' plot, isn't it? 618 00:27:30,921 --> 00:27:33,390 The pastor always said it's a slippery slope. 619 00:27:33,457 --> 00:27:35,858 First come the gays. Then next thing we know, 620 00:27:35,926 --> 00:27:38,486 You people will want multiple sister-wife prom dates. 621 00:27:38,763 --> 00:27:40,732 Well, I'm taking a stand. 622 00:27:40,798 --> 00:27:43,358 Consider this my resignation from the O-M-G club. 623 00:27:43,434 --> 00:27:45,164 I can't be a part of a group 624 00:27:45,236 --> 00:27:47,262 Whose leader is in league with sodomites. 625 00:27:49,907 --> 00:27:51,341 What's a sodomite? 626 00:27:51,408 --> 00:27:55,243 I think it's like dust mite, but with sod. 627 00:27:55,312 --> 00:27:56,940 Oh. 628 00:27:57,014 --> 00:28:00,979 In times of crisis, I turn to Lilo. 629 00:28:03,554 --> 00:28:07,150 I mean, I know he's angry at me, but, like... 630 00:28:08,526 --> 00:28:11,018 how could he do this? 631 00:28:11,095 --> 00:28:12,461 Tanner's just doing his best 632 00:28:12,530 --> 00:28:14,294 Trying not to get his ass kicked. 633 00:28:14,365 --> 00:28:15,765 I mean, aren't we all? 634 00:28:15,833 --> 00:28:17,825 I'm not letting him off that easy. 635 00:28:17,902 --> 00:28:21,066 This literally could not get any worse. 636 00:28:21,138 --> 00:28:24,939 Actually, it can. 637 00:28:27,211 --> 00:28:29,271 You know how the paper 638 00:28:29,346 --> 00:28:31,406 Has its prom-court preview issue coming up? 639 00:28:31,482 --> 00:28:32,882 Yeah. 640 00:28:32,950 --> 00:28:36,045 I got a proof. 641 00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:38,021 Tanner is the undisputed front-runner 642 00:28:38,088 --> 00:28:39,351 For prom king this year. 643 00:28:42,393 --> 00:28:44,953 And it's... It's not even close, really. 644 00:28:45,029 --> 00:28:47,089 What offends me more than anything 645 00:28:47,164 --> 00:28:49,360 Is the hypocrisy and sexism of it all. 646 00:28:49,433 --> 00:28:51,197 If I were to come out as a lesbian, 647 00:28:51,268 --> 00:28:53,362 Would I all of a sudden be a top candidate for prom queen? 648 00:28:53,437 --> 00:28:54,564 I think not. 649 00:28:54,839 --> 00:28:57,331 Congratulations, your Majesty. 650 00:28:57,408 --> 00:28:59,877 This has got to be a joke. Oh, it's no joke. 651 00:28:59,944 --> 00:29:01,105 You're pretty much a lock. 652 00:29:01,178 --> 00:29:02,806 Yeah, you've got all our votes. 653 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,840 And the votes of our various minions and mini-mes. 654 00:29:04,882 --> 00:29:07,215 As for queen, they've got us in a three-way. 655 00:29:07,284 --> 00:29:10,186 Tie, that is. Most kids are undecided. 656 00:29:10,254 --> 00:29:12,450 They're waiting for you to tell them what to think. 657 00:29:12,523 --> 00:29:14,389 Me?! Everyone knows that 'mos 658 00:29:14,458 --> 00:29:17,292 Are always way ahead of what's hot and what's so not. 659 00:29:17,361 --> 00:29:19,330 Well, on a completely unrelated topic, 660 00:29:19,396 --> 00:29:21,092 I made you a batch of my famous 661 00:29:21,165 --> 00:29:22,997 Brigham yum-yum double fudge brownies last night. 662 00:29:23,067 --> 00:29:25,559 'Shley, are you special? Gays don't do carbs. 663 00:29:25,636 --> 00:29:29,937 Yeah, a carb to a 'mo is like sunlight to a vampire. 664 00:29:30,007 --> 00:29:34,138 Carbs make gay people sparkle? 665 00:29:34,211 --> 00:29:36,077 So, I'm thinking maybe we should hang out 666 00:29:36,146 --> 00:29:38,206 Just the two of us tonight, sans "C" and 'Shley. 667 00:29:38,282 --> 00:29:40,046 Will they be cool with that? 668 00:29:40,117 --> 00:29:43,178 Those bitches can suck it. I'm so over sharing you. 669 00:29:44,455 --> 00:29:48,984 Psst. Um, psst. Hey. 670 00:29:49,059 --> 00:29:51,426 Soledad. Remember me? 671 00:29:51,495 --> 00:29:52,895 How could I forget? 672 00:29:52,963 --> 00:29:54,864 This is an "a" and gay conversation, 673 00:29:54,932 --> 00:29:57,026 So kindly see your next Tuesday out of it. 674 00:29:57,101 --> 00:30:01,232 Um, well, Tanner, I just wanted to let you know 675 00:30:01,305 --> 00:30:03,365 That there's a G.S.A. Meeting after school, so I thought... 676 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,035 He doesn't want to join your little fag-hag training club. 677 00:30:06,110 --> 00:30:08,045 That is a highly inflammatory term. 678 00:30:08,112 --> 00:30:10,877 I mean, Soledad, you did out me to the entire school. 679 00:30:10,948 --> 00:30:12,917 Think of all the other gay kids at this school 680 00:30:12,983 --> 00:30:14,584 That are still languishing in the closet. 681 00:30:14,652 --> 00:30:17,588 You could be a real role model for them. 682 00:30:19,957 --> 00:30:22,586 That's not my problem. 683 00:30:26,063 --> 00:30:28,623 Hey, so, we heard a vicious rumor 684 00:30:28,699 --> 00:30:31,191 That Fawcett's snagged you all to herself after school? 685 00:30:31,268 --> 00:30:32,600 Word travels fast. 686 00:30:32,670 --> 00:30:34,332 Well, if that's how we're gonna play it, 687 00:30:34,405 --> 00:30:35,805 I'm calling you after school Friday 688 00:30:35,940 --> 00:30:37,203 For one-on-one audition prep. 689 00:30:37,274 --> 00:30:39,140 We're gonna turn the shiz out of "The Wiz." 690 00:30:39,209 --> 00:30:40,507 And Thursday you're all mine. 691 00:30:40,577 --> 00:30:42,341 'Topher and I are gonna cook you din-din. 692 00:30:42,413 --> 00:30:45,042 Fawcett had made her move, but it looked like 693 00:30:45,115 --> 00:30:47,482 The other queens weren't going down without a fight. 694 00:30:47,551 --> 00:30:49,520 And then Friday night is Cameron woods' party. 695 00:30:49,586 --> 00:30:52,215 We'll all be there, including 'Shley for some reason. 696 00:30:52,289 --> 00:30:55,453 I'm bringing enough diet, caffeine-free ginger ale for everybody. 697 00:30:55,526 --> 00:30:59,019 Wow. Well, I guess my week's planned out, then. 698 00:30:59,096 --> 00:31:02,123 Mm-hmm. We've so got you booked, bitch. Boom. 699 00:31:05,469 --> 00:31:08,337 Wow. This really works. 700 00:31:08,405 --> 00:31:09,685 Or did you prefer the other one? 701 00:31:09,740 --> 00:31:11,936 I'm really not very good at this. 702 00:31:12,009 --> 00:31:14,672 Tanner, I don't actually think 703 00:31:14,745 --> 00:31:16,611 That gays have a heightened sense of fashion. 704 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:18,478 I'm just asking you to look at two options 705 00:31:18,549 --> 00:31:19,983 And choose the one you prefer. 706 00:31:20,050 --> 00:31:22,281 I like the one from before. 707 00:31:22,353 --> 00:31:24,584 Those kind of give you '90s mom ass. 708 00:31:24,655 --> 00:31:26,521 Ah, thank you! That is just the kind 709 00:31:26,590 --> 00:31:28,525 Of bitchy gay insight I'm looking for. 710 00:31:28,592 --> 00:31:30,959 So, the bitchier I am, the more you'll like me? 711 00:31:31,028 --> 00:31:33,725 Exactly. But don't push it. 712 00:31:36,133 --> 00:31:38,125 You sure have a lot of stuff. 713 00:31:38,202 --> 00:31:39,727 I know. Don't you love? 714 00:31:40,004 --> 00:31:42,439 I kind of have a thing for labels... 715 00:31:42,506 --> 00:31:44,737 Chanel, Versace, 716 00:31:45,009 --> 00:31:47,672 Gay, fiercely fabulous. 717 00:31:47,745 --> 00:31:49,714 That's kind of like your new comic strips. 718 00:31:49,780 --> 00:31:51,646 Books. Whatevs. 719 00:31:51,715 --> 00:31:54,150 I'd much rather say hello to a new handbag 720 00:31:54,218 --> 00:31:56,278 Than a friend or boyfriend. 721 00:31:56,353 --> 00:31:58,345 And they're much easier to return. 722 00:31:58,422 --> 00:32:00,584 Is that why you and Hamilton broke up? 723 00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:03,286 Now, he is someone 724 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,262 Who doesn't understand the value of a label. 725 00:32:06,330 --> 00:32:08,526 Somehow me being his "girlfriend" meant 726 00:32:08,599 --> 00:32:11,194 The whole cheerleading squad suddenly became 727 00:32:11,268 --> 00:32:13,100 His own personal hookup harem. 728 00:32:13,170 --> 00:32:15,264 Gross. 729 00:32:15,339 --> 00:32:17,467 But now I've got you, bitch. 730 00:32:18,809 --> 00:32:20,607 Seriously, though. 731 00:32:20,677 --> 00:32:23,511 I feel like I can be myself around you, you know? 732 00:32:23,580 --> 00:32:26,049 You're not trying to screw me like a guy 733 00:32:26,116 --> 00:32:28,676 Or threatened by me like every other girl in school. 734 00:32:28,752 --> 00:32:32,689 I guess that's the appeal of this whole G.B.F. Thing. 735 00:32:32,756 --> 00:32:35,191 Not sure what I get out of it. 736 00:32:35,259 --> 00:32:38,127 Duh... you get to hang out with me. 737 00:32:41,465 --> 00:32:45,163 Okay, um... 738 00:32:45,235 --> 00:32:47,036 I could help you with your chemistry homework. 739 00:32:47,071 --> 00:32:49,370 You're getting a "C," right? 740 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,204 Mm. 741 00:32:51,275 --> 00:32:53,335 I'm actually kind of brills when it comes to science-y stuff. 742 00:32:53,410 --> 00:32:55,072 Really? 743 00:32:56,580 --> 00:32:57,741 Can you keep a secret? 744 00:33:00,217 --> 00:33:04,655 Okay, my hair is only 99.9% flawless. 745 00:33:04,721 --> 00:33:08,488 I mix all of my own hair serums and conditioners in here. 746 00:33:08,559 --> 00:33:10,619 I'll have my own hair-care line one day 747 00:33:10,694 --> 00:33:14,654 On, like, QVC or something, finally make it big. 748 00:33:14,731 --> 00:33:16,131 That's when I realized 749 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,362 Fawcett was more than just popular. 750 00:33:18,435 --> 00:33:20,427 She was actually kind of cool. 751 00:33:20,504 --> 00:33:24,339 Conversions. This is easy. 752 00:33:26,143 --> 00:33:28,078 I know you and Tanner had a falling out, 753 00:33:28,145 --> 00:33:30,341 But you're taking it kind of literally. 754 00:33:30,414 --> 00:33:33,248 Yeah, well, my life is over. So, thanks. 755 00:33:33,317 --> 00:33:36,651 Oh, come on, man. I mean, you still got the two of us. 756 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:41,454 For about 10 minutes. I never RSVP to a nonstop pity party. 757 00:33:41,525 --> 00:33:44,586 So, I'm bound to eternity in Loserland with you two. Great. 758 00:33:44,661 --> 00:33:46,323 That's a little harsh. 759 00:33:46,396 --> 00:33:48,763 And here I thought we were all doing pretty okay, 760 00:33:48,832 --> 00:33:50,733 But I guess we aren't sparkly enough 761 00:33:50,801 --> 00:33:53,396 Or have enough synthetic hair extensions for you. 762 00:33:53,470 --> 00:33:55,110 Oh, my god, Sophie. You know what I meant. 763 00:33:55,139 --> 00:33:56,334 No. You know what? 764 00:33:56,406 --> 00:33:58,375 Why don't we take a few days apart, 765 00:33:58,442 --> 00:34:01,241 Maybe without a couple losers like us hanging around? 766 00:34:01,311 --> 00:34:03,871 You'll ascend to your proper social station. 767 00:34:04,148 --> 00:34:06,640 Just be careful, though, because we might not be here 768 00:34:06,717 --> 00:34:08,652 To bandage you up next time you fall. 769 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:10,119 Come on, Glenn. 770 00:34:10,187 --> 00:34:11,485 Sophie! 771 00:34:11,555 --> 00:34:14,889 Um, yeah. Take it easy, bro. 772 00:34:15,159 --> 00:34:18,721 Glenn. Come on. We were gonna watch "the voice." 773 00:34:22,366 --> 00:34:23,891 As the wheels seemed to be coming off 774 00:34:24,168 --> 00:34:26,262 My old friend group, the next day, 775 00:34:26,336 --> 00:34:28,828 I was third-wheeling it, Mormon-style. 776 00:34:28,906 --> 00:34:31,671 Wow. This is a whole lot of meat, 'Shley. 777 00:34:31,742 --> 00:34:35,543 Well, that's what you like, isn't it? Meat. 778 00:34:35,612 --> 00:34:37,274 Huh? 779 00:34:37,347 --> 00:34:39,543 No carbs. I remembered. 780 00:34:39,616 --> 00:34:43,917 Oh, right. Uh, mmm, meats with... 781 00:34:44,188 --> 00:34:48,353 sides of meats. 782 00:34:48,425 --> 00:34:52,328 Um, may I use the restroom? 783 00:34:58,735 --> 00:35:00,601 Whoa! What are you doing?! 784 00:35:00,671 --> 00:35:03,266 Girl-talk time. So, what do you think? 785 00:35:03,340 --> 00:35:05,639 Think about what? 'Topher. 786 00:35:05,709 --> 00:35:07,575 Do you think he's bored with our relationship? 787 00:35:07,644 --> 00:35:08,737 I feel like he's bored. 788 00:35:08,812 --> 00:35:10,405 Um, I don't know. 789 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,814 I'm worried because we don't, you know... 790 00:35:13,884 --> 00:35:16,513 so I need some tips. Tips? 791 00:35:16,587 --> 00:35:19,284 You gays are supposed to be experts in man pleasing. So, spill. 792 00:35:19,356 --> 00:35:21,655 Uh... do you think I should give him a B.J.? 793 00:35:21,725 --> 00:35:23,523 A what?! Or an H.J.? 794 00:35:23,594 --> 00:35:24,755 Or how about an R.J.? 795 00:35:24,828 --> 00:35:27,559 Uh... I don't even know 796 00:35:27,631 --> 00:35:29,361 What an R.J. Could possibly be. 797 00:35:29,433 --> 00:35:32,767 Ugh. Me neither. I was hoping you would. 798 00:35:32,836 --> 00:35:34,862 Are Mormons even allowed to... What about backdoor? 799 00:35:34,938 --> 00:35:36,873 Oh, my god! Tanner, honey. 800 00:35:36,940 --> 00:35:39,273 Please do not take the lord's name in vain in my house. 801 00:35:39,343 --> 00:35:41,869 I'm sorry. I actually did have to pee. 802 00:35:41,945 --> 00:35:44,676 Could we, uh, talk later? 803 00:35:44,748 --> 00:35:48,879 Fine, but you owe me girl-talk time, mister, okay? 804 00:35:54,391 --> 00:35:56,917 Oh, Tanner, I am so, so sorry. 805 00:35:56,994 --> 00:35:58,462 'Topher just reminded me I have 806 00:35:58,528 --> 00:36:00,258 A junior republicans meeting in like 20 minutes. 807 00:36:00,330 --> 00:36:01,696 Do you mind if 'tophie takes you home? 808 00:36:01,765 --> 00:36:05,861 Um, s-sure, I guess. 809 00:36:18,515 --> 00:36:21,007 'Topher, this isn't my house. 810 00:36:21,285 --> 00:36:24,585 I know. I just wanted to talk. Okay. 811 00:36:24,655 --> 00:36:26,351 You know, I've caught you checking me out. 812 00:36:26,423 --> 00:36:28,823 Please don't beat me up! I'm so sorry! It won't happen again! 813 00:36:28,859 --> 00:36:30,885 Whoa, dude. Whew! Relax. 814 00:36:30,961 --> 00:36:34,591 I find it kind of flattering. 815 00:36:34,665 --> 00:36:38,363 So, what do you like most about me, huh? 816 00:36:38,435 --> 00:36:42,497 What's my sexiest quality? 817 00:36:42,572 --> 00:36:44,768 Oh, I get it. You're one of those straight guys 818 00:36:44,841 --> 00:36:47,538 Who likes to flirt with gay guys for your own amusement. 819 00:36:47,611 --> 00:36:49,580 No, Tanner, that's actually not... You know what? 820 00:36:49,646 --> 00:36:51,342 Contrary to what you might believe, 821 00:36:51,415 --> 00:36:54,510 We homos don't all sit around pining for straight boys, okay? 822 00:36:54,584 --> 00:36:56,485 Some of us like the idea of a guy 823 00:36:56,553 --> 00:36:58,749 Actually being turned on by us. 824 00:36:58,822 --> 00:37:02,987 Does this feel straight to you? 825 00:37:03,060 --> 00:37:05,894 Um, it does, actually. 826 00:37:07,064 --> 00:37:09,533 You Mormons are a horny, repressed people! 827 00:37:09,599 --> 00:37:10,897 You have no idea. 828 00:37:10,967 --> 00:37:13,835 Mnh! Wait! This is wrong. You're with 'Shley. 829 00:37:13,904 --> 00:37:16,874 Dude, in two years, I'm gonna go on my mission. 830 00:37:16,940 --> 00:37:18,909 In four years, I'll probably be married 831 00:37:18,975 --> 00:37:21,501 With a bunch of redheaded Rugrats running around. 832 00:37:21,578 --> 00:37:24,412 So, why don't you just sit back... 833 00:37:24,481 --> 00:37:27,849 relax... 834 00:37:27,918 --> 00:37:30,717 and let me get this out of my system? 835 00:37:34,725 --> 00:37:36,694 Ooh. 836 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:37,784 You okay? 837 00:37:37,861 --> 00:37:40,092 Uh, t-thanks. I'll walk. 838 00:38:06,089 --> 00:38:08,456 So, I have some news for you. 839 00:38:08,525 --> 00:38:10,391 It's pretty Maj. What? 840 00:38:10,460 --> 00:38:12,429 I may have snatched you a prom date. 841 00:38:12,496 --> 00:38:14,089 His name is Christian. 842 00:38:14,164 --> 00:38:16,429 He went to theater camp with me last summer. 843 00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:18,935 He's a tenor, a college boy, and he's British. 844 00:38:19,002 --> 00:38:20,664 Love it? 845 00:38:20,737 --> 00:38:22,569 He sounds great. 846 00:38:22,639 --> 00:38:25,803 I'm just not sure if this whole prom thing is for me. 847 00:38:25,876 --> 00:38:29,506 Okay. You're losing yourself. Come with mama. 848 00:38:32,048 --> 00:38:33,744 Take a look, Tanner. 849 00:38:33,817 --> 00:38:37,413 This is every prom king and queen since 1983. 850 00:38:37,487 --> 00:38:39,046 You notice anything? 851 00:38:39,122 --> 00:38:41,387 Not the most diverse selection. 852 00:38:41,458 --> 00:38:43,950 Huh. All white, all straight, 853 00:38:44,027 --> 00:38:46,792 All jocks and pom-pom wranglers. 854 00:38:46,863 --> 00:38:50,027 Tanner, we could be the ones to change all that. 855 00:38:50,100 --> 00:38:52,695 You could be the first openly gay prom king 856 00:38:52,769 --> 00:38:54,670 And enjoy a hot date to boot, 857 00:38:54,738 --> 00:38:56,570 And I can be the first queen 858 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,075 Who's actually deserving of any notoriety. 859 00:38:59,142 --> 00:39:01,771 So, what do you say? 860 00:39:01,845 --> 00:39:03,643 I get you laid. You get me crowned. 861 00:39:03,713 --> 00:39:05,079 You can lose that virginity 862 00:39:05,148 --> 00:39:06,912 Before you snatch up that diploma. 863 00:39:06,983 --> 00:39:08,884 Caprice, just because you know another gay guy 864 00:39:08,952 --> 00:39:10,545 Doesn't mean I... 865 00:39:10,620 --> 00:39:13,886 Whoa! He's... very attractive. 866 00:39:13,957 --> 00:39:15,619 Those lips. 867 00:39:15,692 --> 00:39:18,890 Mm-hmm. That's what we call some high-speed DSLs. 868 00:39:18,962 --> 00:39:21,693 So? 869 00:39:21,765 --> 00:39:24,166 I'll... think about it. Perf! 870 00:39:24,234 --> 00:39:26,100 I'm gonna invite him to Cameron's tonight 871 00:39:26,169 --> 00:39:27,933 So you two can get to know each other. 872 00:39:28,004 --> 00:39:29,597 Crap. I forgot that was tonight. 873 00:39:29,673 --> 00:39:31,733 Oh, relax. It's gonna be "V" low-key. 874 00:39:35,579 --> 00:39:37,639 Everyone can relax. 875 00:39:37,714 --> 00:39:40,707 The people who matter have arrived. 876 00:39:43,553 --> 00:39:45,021 I'm gonna go see if Christian's here. 877 00:39:45,088 --> 00:39:46,886 Ooh. There are Christians here? 878 00:39:46,957 --> 00:39:49,620 Get your gay game face on. 879 00:39:49,693 --> 00:39:51,894 After tonight, you'll have the prom date of your dreams. 880 00:39:51,895 --> 00:39:53,727 Oh. 881 00:39:53,797 --> 00:39:56,699 So, Caprice reeled you in some Mangina, huh? 882 00:39:56,766 --> 00:39:58,792 Well played. I guess. 883 00:39:58,869 --> 00:40:01,634 I mean, I don't even know if he'll like me. 884 00:40:01,705 --> 00:40:03,901 Sounds like you need some liquid courage. 885 00:40:03,974 --> 00:40:05,135 Follow me. 886 00:40:05,208 --> 00:40:07,768 Oh. Come on. 887 00:40:07,844 --> 00:40:11,144 You call this an ensemble? Get it together, girl. 888 00:40:11,214 --> 00:40:13,809 Do not call me that. 889 00:40:13,884 --> 00:40:16,877 Wh-why? I meant, like, "gurl" with a "u." 890 00:40:16,953 --> 00:40:18,785 Gurl! 891 00:40:18,855 --> 00:40:22,087 Not like you're a... Oh, okay. 892 00:40:22,158 --> 00:40:24,127 Um, so, hey, why don't we dust this off 893 00:40:24,194 --> 00:40:27,062 And you take me to the mall and pick me out some eye shadow, 894 00:40:27,130 --> 00:40:28,689 Just like the old days, huh? 895 00:40:28,765 --> 00:40:30,563 You're so good with color. 896 00:40:30,634 --> 00:40:32,865 Yeah, I don't think I'm leaving the house 897 00:40:32,936 --> 00:40:34,598 Till college, but, thanks. 898 00:40:34,671 --> 00:40:37,539 Oh, "b" boo. 899 00:40:37,607 --> 00:40:39,735 Listen. I get it. I really do. 900 00:40:39,809 --> 00:40:43,246 With what happened with Tanner, I know that you didn't 901 00:40:43,313 --> 00:40:46,772 Get to come out to me in the way that you wanted to. 902 00:40:46,850 --> 00:40:49,718 We didn't get to have our extra-special 903 00:40:49,786 --> 00:40:52,187 Mother/son lifetime movie moment. 904 00:40:52,255 --> 00:40:54,281 I know that. 905 00:40:54,558 --> 00:40:56,720 You don't want to go out tonight, right? 906 00:40:56,793 --> 00:40:59,661 I got a plan "b"! 907 00:40:59,729 --> 00:41:02,597 Did you know that WebFlix 908 00:41:02,666 --> 00:41:05,067 Has an entire gay and lesbian section? 909 00:41:05,135 --> 00:41:06,728 Blew my mind. 910 00:41:06,803 --> 00:41:09,932 Okay, "milk." I got "milk." It's about a gay mayor. 911 00:41:10,006 --> 00:41:12,874 "Boys don't cry"...Now, this is girl that wants to be a boy. 912 00:41:12,943 --> 00:41:14,844 That's a tricky one. 913 00:41:14,911 --> 00:41:17,210 "Brokeback Mountain"... That's the cowboys. 914 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,647 And something called "shortballs"... 915 00:41:19,716 --> 00:41:22,015 Oh, "shortbus." "Shortbus." 916 00:41:22,085 --> 00:41:24,987 So, which one do you want to pop in first, huh? 917 00:41:25,055 --> 00:41:28,048 Probably the cowboys, right? That one's safe. 918 00:41:28,124 --> 00:41:31,253 Someone drank all my ginger ales. 919 00:41:31,328 --> 00:41:33,763 Hey, do you know if there's caffeine/alcohol 920 00:41:33,830 --> 00:41:35,594 In a chica loca? 921 00:41:35,665 --> 00:41:37,634 No, 'Shley, of course not. 922 00:41:37,701 --> 00:41:39,294 Chug away. 923 00:41:41,171 --> 00:41:43,163 This was a bad idea. 924 00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,174 There is no getting cold feet now. 925 00:41:45,241 --> 00:41:46,971 We have got to rescue Tanner 926 00:41:47,043 --> 00:41:49,171 From those gay-snatching fashion Nazis. 927 00:41:49,245 --> 00:41:53,012 Divide and conquer. 928 00:41:53,083 --> 00:41:55,609 Hey, sexy. 929 00:41:55,685 --> 00:41:58,849 Don't think me presumptuous when I say "bottoms up." 930 00:42:00,724 --> 00:42:03,819 Ugh. This tastes like ass. 931 00:42:03,893 --> 00:42:05,225 Mm-hmm. Perfect for you. 932 00:42:05,295 --> 00:42:06,627 Funny. 933 00:42:06,696 --> 00:42:08,358 Loosen up. I hear that's helpful. 934 00:42:08,632 --> 00:42:09,998 There you go. 935 00:42:10,066 --> 00:42:11,659 Look, don't let Caprice pressure you. 936 00:42:11,735 --> 00:42:13,655 If you're really that nervous, then just blow off 937 00:42:13,670 --> 00:42:16,731 Blowing what's his name and come to prom as my arm candy. 938 00:42:16,806 --> 00:42:18,638 It might be kind of cool to, like, 939 00:42:18,708 --> 00:42:20,609 Actually go on a date or something. 940 00:42:20,677 --> 00:42:26,082 P.S... This one can has over 600 calories. 941 00:42:26,149 --> 00:42:28,744 I thought carbs were like gay kryptonite or something. 942 00:42:28,818 --> 00:42:30,946 Alcohol is the one exception. Duh. 943 00:42:31,021 --> 00:42:32,751 Now down it, bitch. 944 00:42:32,822 --> 00:42:34,882 Whoo! 945 00:42:34,958 --> 00:42:37,325 Well, it's just freezing cold out there. 946 00:42:37,394 --> 00:42:39,829 Heath! Don't stand on your pride. 947 00:42:39,896 --> 00:42:43,298 Get in the tent with Jake! For crying out loud. 948 00:42:43,366 --> 00:42:45,392 Good. Get in there. Snuggle up. 949 00:42:45,669 --> 00:42:47,900 Snuggle up for warmth. There you go. 950 00:42:47,971 --> 00:42:50,304 Oh. Looks like they're waking back up. 951 00:42:50,373 --> 00:42:54,868 Uh-oh. Here we go. Game on. 952 00:42:54,944 --> 00:42:57,345 You know, I do sense an affection there. 953 00:42:57,414 --> 00:43:00,384 I mean, you really do feel they care about one another. 954 00:43:00,450 --> 00:43:03,420 Oh, my. Well, yeah. 955 00:43:03,687 --> 00:43:07,021 I guess necessity is the mother of invention. 956 00:43:07,090 --> 00:43:09,389 I mean... 957 00:43:09,459 --> 00:43:11,121 you know, it's funny. I guess back then 958 00:43:11,194 --> 00:43:13,163 They didn't even need to use protection, really, right? 959 00:43:13,229 --> 00:43:15,095 You know, I'm gonna get a drink. 960 00:43:15,165 --> 00:43:17,657 They could have made something out of like a... 961 00:43:17,734 --> 00:43:19,669 Some kind of lamb skin or something, 962 00:43:19,736 --> 00:43:22,137 But there probably wasn't time for that. 963 00:43:22,205 --> 00:43:24,800 A few hours and a lot of drinks later, 964 00:43:24,874 --> 00:43:28,106 I was getting all the frequently asked questions. 965 00:43:28,178 --> 00:43:32,115 So, with straight guys, there's ass men and tit men, 966 00:43:32,182 --> 00:43:34,151 But what's the gay equivalent? 967 00:43:34,217 --> 00:43:36,015 Like, ball men? 968 00:43:36,086 --> 00:43:38,351 When you're getting gay with a guy, 969 00:43:38,421 --> 00:43:42,153 How do you decide who's the girl and who's the boy? 970 00:43:42,225 --> 00:43:45,684 Not an expert, but I think you're both the boy. 971 00:43:45,762 --> 00:43:47,856 That's kind of the point. 972 00:43:47,931 --> 00:43:49,297 Just Wiki that shit, freak. 973 00:43:49,365 --> 00:43:50,856 Leave him alone. 974 00:43:50,934 --> 00:43:52,835 Come on, slut. You owe me a dance. 975 00:43:54,738 --> 00:43:57,207 ♪ You do your body work ♪ 976 00:43:57,273 --> 00:44:00,004 ♪ I feel my pulse working overtime ♪ 977 00:44:00,076 --> 00:44:01,942 Oh, my god! Sorry. 978 00:44:02,011 --> 00:44:03,309 ♪ You do your body work ♪ 979 00:44:04,881 --> 00:44:07,077 Oh. Sorry. 980 00:44:07,150 --> 00:44:09,278 Oh, you guys, I found you! 981 00:44:09,352 --> 00:44:11,014 Hi! 982 00:44:11,087 --> 00:44:13,113 'Shley. Hi. 983 00:44:13,189 --> 00:44:14,189 Hi. Hi. 984 00:44:14,257 --> 00:44:17,489 Hi and bye. 985 00:44:17,761 --> 00:44:21,027 Is it just me, or is she, like, the worst Mormon ever? 986 00:44:21,097 --> 00:44:23,862 It's so not just you. She's cray-cray. 987 00:44:23,933 --> 00:44:27,802 Hey! You! Gaysian boy, come here. 988 00:44:27,871 --> 00:44:30,136 Ew. Get out. 989 00:44:30,206 --> 00:44:32,072 We're having gay-guy/girl gab time. 990 00:44:32,142 --> 00:44:34,407 Seriously? Oh, my god. 991 00:44:34,477 --> 00:44:36,912 There's a bean bag in the other... Let's go. 992 00:44:36,980 --> 00:44:38,278 Sorry about this. I can't wait. 993 00:44:38,348 --> 00:44:40,010 Really sorry. God. Bitch. 994 00:44:40,083 --> 00:44:43,952 So, your friend Tanner won't tell me anything about the J's. 995 00:44:44,020 --> 00:44:45,147 The... The who? 996 00:44:45,221 --> 00:44:47,156 The... The H.J.s and the B.J.s, 997 00:44:47,223 --> 00:44:49,055 Pretty much any of the J's. 998 00:44:49,125 --> 00:44:51,924 But I've got an idea. 999 00:44:51,995 --> 00:44:53,964 You are gonna show me how. 1000 00:44:54,030 --> 00:44:57,330 And it's not gonna count because you're like supes gay-mosexual. 1001 00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:00,336 Uh, yeah, right. Shh! 1002 00:45:00,403 --> 00:45:03,999 Just pretend I'm, like, some super-hot guy, 1003 00:45:04,073 --> 00:45:06,941 Like David Archuleta. 1004 00:45:07,010 --> 00:45:08,808 Oh, David Archuleta? David, don't you worry. 1005 00:45:08,878 --> 00:45:11,905 I'm gonna teach you all about the H.J.s and the B.J.s 1006 00:45:11,981 --> 00:45:14,314 And the Jay-Zs and the J.J. Abrams. 1007 00:45:14,384 --> 00:45:16,853 No, wait. Hold on. 1008 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,355 You're drunk, plus, you're Mormon, 1009 00:45:19,422 --> 00:45:21,516 Which, like, totally exacerbates the whole being drunk thing. 1010 00:45:21,591 --> 00:45:23,492 "Exasturbates." 1011 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,324 That's a funny word. 1012 00:45:25,395 --> 00:45:27,296 Yeah. 1013 00:45:27,363 --> 00:45:29,559 Yeah, anyway, I'm... I'm not even... 1014 00:45:29,833 --> 00:45:30,926 What? 1015 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:32,093 Gay. 1016 00:45:32,168 --> 00:45:33,898 Prove it, Gaysian. 1017 00:45:39,108 --> 00:45:40,974 Look who I found! 1018 00:45:41,044 --> 00:45:44,173 Sorry. Oh, hi. 1019 00:45:44,247 --> 00:45:45,909 You must be... 1020 00:45:45,982 --> 00:45:47,974 Christian. Hello, Tanner. 1021 00:45:48,051 --> 00:45:49,451 Even better in real life, right? 1022 00:45:49,519 --> 00:45:51,420 Even better with beer goggles, she means. 1023 00:45:51,487 --> 00:45:53,319 Don't touch me. 1024 00:45:53,389 --> 00:45:55,290 Damn, you are pretty. 1025 00:45:55,358 --> 00:45:58,089 I mean handsome. I mean pretty handsome. 1026 00:45:58,161 --> 00:46:02,326 'Sup, bro? 1027 00:46:02,398 --> 00:46:05,334 He's usually less special. 1028 00:46:05,401 --> 00:46:07,961 Do you maybe want a glass of water or something, mate? 1029 00:46:08,037 --> 00:46:10,973 Oh, hi, there. I hate to break up this little... 1030 00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:13,134 whatever this is, but I need to talk to Tanner. 1031 00:46:13,209 --> 00:46:15,041 Tanner can't talk right now, and he and Christian 1032 00:46:15,111 --> 00:46:16,579 Were about to have a private moment alone. 1033 00:46:16,646 --> 00:46:18,726 Caprice, I really think we got off on the wrong foot. 1034 00:46:18,882 --> 00:46:20,373 Yo, 'topher, welcome to the casa. 1035 00:46:20,450 --> 00:46:22,544 Thank you. Hey, is Tanner here? I mean 'Shley. 1036 00:46:22,619 --> 00:46:24,952 Is 'Shley here? She's my girlfriend. Love her. 1037 00:46:25,021 --> 00:46:26,182 Yeah. She's in the back. 1038 00:46:26,256 --> 00:46:27,884 Okay. Thank you. All right. 1039 00:46:31,294 --> 00:46:32,853 Hey, Glenn. 1040 00:46:32,929 --> 00:46:35,091 Oh, my god. Ew, 'Shley. 1041 00:46:35,164 --> 00:46:37,190 Glenn, you really are straight? 1042 00:46:37,267 --> 00:46:41,398 No, no, he's totes not. So it doesn't count. Right? 1043 00:46:41,471 --> 00:46:42,939 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1044 00:46:43,006 --> 00:46:44,975 Caprice, watch your mouth, please. 1045 00:46:45,041 --> 00:46:46,509 I could say the same for you, "whore-mon." 1046 00:46:46,576 --> 00:46:48,169 I think I have to barf. 1047 00:46:48,244 --> 00:46:50,179 I'll hold your hair. 1048 00:46:51,581 --> 00:46:54,244 Hey, "T." Remember me? 1049 00:47:00,290 --> 00:47:02,987 I just ripped it off. I just had to because... 1050 00:47:03,059 --> 00:47:07,622 Tan-pon, I heard you bulimed cuisine all over a Mormon. 1051 00:47:07,697 --> 00:47:09,495 I thought I told you 1052 00:47:09,565 --> 00:47:11,557 To always drink on an empty stomach. 1053 00:47:11,634 --> 00:47:13,603 I'm gonna go. 1054 00:47:13,670 --> 00:47:16,606 I'm kind of over being the party's gay mascot 1055 00:47:16,673 --> 00:47:19,108 And of publicly humiliating myself 1056 00:47:19,175 --> 00:47:21,303 In front of potential dates. 1057 00:47:21,377 --> 00:47:23,312 You want Mindie to drive you? 1058 00:47:23,379 --> 00:47:25,371 Don't worry. I'm totally sober. 1059 00:47:27,250 --> 00:47:30,084 No, thanks. I'll walk. 1060 00:47:30,153 --> 00:47:33,021 Okay. Call me tomorrow. Kisses. Mwah! 1061 00:47:33,089 --> 00:47:36,059 Oh, my god, you totally made out with your gay Bestie. 1062 00:47:36,125 --> 00:47:38,458 No! 1063 00:47:45,134 --> 00:47:48,036 Oh, um... 1064 00:47:48,104 --> 00:47:51,632 I... am... drunk. 1065 00:47:51,708 --> 00:47:54,177 Me too. 1066 00:48:01,551 --> 00:48:04,350 What are you doing in front of my house? 1067 00:48:04,420 --> 00:48:06,548 I have no clue. 1068 00:48:08,424 --> 00:48:10,689 Since I basically have no friends left, 1069 00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:14,595 My mom decided to have a queer-movie marathon. 1070 00:48:14,664 --> 00:48:17,691 But when we got to heath and Jake grunting in a tent, 1071 00:48:17,767 --> 00:48:19,531 I started drinking heavily. 1072 00:48:23,439 --> 00:48:26,034 You walked all the way over here? 1073 00:48:26,109 --> 00:48:27,737 Mm-hmm. 1074 00:48:28,011 --> 00:48:31,038 I had this idea that I'd make this grand entrance at the party 1075 00:48:31,114 --> 00:48:34,175 And make a huge scene, but this is as far as I got. 1076 00:48:34,250 --> 00:48:36,014 Oops. Yeah. I see. 1077 00:48:36,085 --> 00:48:38,145 It's not fair! 1078 00:48:38,221 --> 00:48:40,417 You get to be belle of the ball, 1079 00:48:40,490 --> 00:48:43,460 And I'm stuck home with mommy dearest. 1080 00:48:43,526 --> 00:48:46,325 I'd trade places with you in a second. 1081 00:48:46,396 --> 00:48:48,388 Just... Just do me a favor. 1082 00:48:48,464 --> 00:48:50,057 Hmm? 1083 00:48:50,133 --> 00:48:55,128 When you win prom king, you'll make a big speech 1084 00:48:55,204 --> 00:48:57,264 About, you know, everything that you've learned, 1085 00:48:57,340 --> 00:48:59,434 You know, very Lohan. 1086 00:48:59,509 --> 00:49:03,674 Not really my style, but... we'll see. 1087 00:49:08,484 --> 00:49:10,316 Sorry. Still picturing you 1088 00:49:10,386 --> 00:49:13,379 Watching "brokeback" with your mom. 1089 00:49:13,456 --> 00:49:14,788 It's not funny! 1090 00:49:15,058 --> 00:49:17,118 I'm gonna have to emancipate or something. 1091 00:49:17,193 --> 00:49:18,354 She's driving me crazy. 1092 00:49:18,428 --> 00:49:21,557 She's just being supportive. 1093 00:49:21,631 --> 00:49:25,693 Maybe everyone secretly wants a G.B.F., 1094 00:49:25,768 --> 00:49:28,169 Even moms. 1095 00:49:31,474 --> 00:49:36,412 Right now I would just settle for, like, a B.F. 1096 00:49:39,115 --> 00:49:44,782 You mean like a best friend or, like, boyfriend? 1097 00:49:47,857 --> 00:49:50,258 Either/or... 1098 00:49:50,326 --> 00:49:52,625 or both. 1099 00:50:20,189 --> 00:50:22,715 Wait. What? 1100 00:50:22,792 --> 00:50:24,522 Oh, my god, no, no. 1101 00:50:24,594 --> 00:50:27,393 Did we...? We didn't, right? 1102 00:50:27,463 --> 00:50:29,261 You don't know? Do you? 1103 00:50:29,332 --> 00:50:31,267 No, no, no, no, we... We... We came in, 1104 00:50:31,334 --> 00:50:32,802 And we... We just... We were drunk. 1105 00:50:32,869 --> 00:50:34,235 We passed out, I think. 1106 00:50:34,303 --> 00:50:36,238 Right. That sounds right. Yeah. 1107 00:50:36,305 --> 00:50:38,399 Closet! Now! 1108 00:50:38,474 --> 00:50:39,567 Seriously? Oh! Gah! 1109 00:50:45,348 --> 00:50:46,839 Honey, what was that? 1110 00:50:46,916 --> 00:50:49,715 Nothing. I'm just cleaning up in here. 1111 00:50:49,785 --> 00:50:52,721 Yeah, it does smell kind of musky in here. 1112 00:50:52,788 --> 00:50:56,384 So, I've got bubbling cinnabons in the microwave 1113 00:50:56,459 --> 00:50:57,825 And some chocolate milk for you. 1114 00:50:57,894 --> 00:50:59,453 Super. I'll be right there. 1115 00:50:59,529 --> 00:51:01,293 Come on. 1116 00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:05,566 Thanks for that. 1117 00:51:05,635 --> 00:51:08,195 I'm sorry. I'm just not ready. 1118 00:51:08,271 --> 00:51:12,231 I don't even know what I'm doing here. Ugh, god. 1119 00:51:12,308 --> 00:51:14,504 Wait! What? 1120 00:51:14,577 --> 00:51:18,673 Could you, uh, just go that way? 1121 00:51:18,748 --> 00:51:20,842 So, first you want to put me back in the closet, 1122 00:51:20,917 --> 00:51:22,909 And now you want me to jump out your window? 1123 00:51:23,186 --> 00:51:25,382 Yes. Real nice, Tanner. 1124 00:51:25,454 --> 00:51:26,922 I'll make it up to you. I swear. 1125 00:51:27,190 --> 00:51:28,783 Yeah, whatever. It's fine. I get it. 1126 00:51:31,427 --> 00:51:34,795 ♪ I don't wanna be all right ♪ 1127 00:51:34,864 --> 00:51:38,665 ♪ I don't wanna feel just okay ♪ 1128 00:51:38,734 --> 00:51:42,603 ♪ I wanna see everything ♪ 1129 00:51:42,672 --> 00:51:46,439 ♪ I wanna go everywhere ♪ 1130 00:51:46,509 --> 00:51:48,603 ♪ I wanna settle down ♪ 1131 00:51:48,678 --> 00:51:50,374 ♪ Hey, lover ♪ 1132 00:51:50,446 --> 00:51:52,847 The next Monday, I still couldn't shake my hangover 1133 00:51:52,915 --> 00:51:55,908 Or what happened between Brent and me. 1134 00:51:55,985 --> 00:51:59,217 I mean, what was I thinking? 1135 00:51:59,288 --> 00:52:01,951 ♪ I don't wanna simplify it ♪ 1136 00:52:02,225 --> 00:52:04,421 Hey, "T." Amazing news. 1137 00:52:04,493 --> 00:52:07,361 Christian's willing to forget about your projectile vomit 1138 00:52:07,430 --> 00:52:09,456 And general Schwastedness this weekend. 1139 00:52:09,532 --> 00:52:11,398 He's still willing to go to the prom with you. 1140 00:52:11,467 --> 00:52:13,936 Really? Still? Believe it, bitch. 1141 00:52:14,003 --> 00:52:15,972 Apparently, you being the only decent-looking, 1142 00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:17,935 Age-appropriate gay guy in a 20-mile radius 1143 00:52:18,007 --> 00:52:20,772 Has given him a convenient case of boner-induced amnesia. 1144 00:52:20,843 --> 00:52:24,439 He really thinks I'm decent-looking? 1145 00:52:24,513 --> 00:52:25,640 Yeah. 1146 00:52:25,715 --> 00:52:27,240 Just one condition... 1147 00:52:27,316 --> 00:52:30,343 Lay off the cosmo-tini-ritas on prom night, okay? 1148 00:52:30,419 --> 00:52:32,285 That definitely won't be a problem. 1149 00:52:32,355 --> 00:52:36,656 Yay! This is gonna be so homo-doralbe! 1150 00:52:36,726 --> 00:52:39,628 Come on, Tan-Tut. 1151 00:52:39,695 --> 00:52:43,393 Thank you so much. 1152 00:52:43,466 --> 00:52:46,300 I'd like to get two tickets to prom. 1153 00:52:46,369 --> 00:52:47,860 Oh, okay, then. 1154 00:52:47,937 --> 00:52:50,634 Just write down the name of your date here 1155 00:52:50,706 --> 00:52:53,369 And also her school if she... "He." 1156 00:52:53,442 --> 00:52:54,842 Um, excuse me? 1157 00:52:54,910 --> 00:52:57,345 He. He. Something funny? 1158 00:52:57,413 --> 00:52:58,779 No, "he,"as in "him," 1159 00:52:58,848 --> 00:53:02,717 Pronouns that describe my date, who is a dude. 1160 00:53:02,785 --> 00:53:04,981 Yikes. Sorry. To get the couple's special, 1161 00:53:05,054 --> 00:53:07,614 You need to be a traditional boy/girl pairing. 1162 00:53:07,690 --> 00:53:08,885 You want me to fight this bitch, Tanner? 1163 00:53:08,958 --> 00:53:10,722 Sorry, but that's just the policy. 1164 00:53:10,793 --> 00:53:13,456 Tanner, I just want you to know that I share your outrage. 1165 00:53:13,529 --> 00:53:15,623 Now, what are we gonna do about this? "We"? 1166 00:53:15,698 --> 00:53:17,530 I just thought you could use the G.S.A.'s help 1167 00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:19,040 To right this blatant discrimination. 1168 00:53:19,068 --> 00:53:20,627 That's why our group exists. 1169 00:53:20,703 --> 00:53:22,695 Please come to our meeting after school. 1170 00:53:22,772 --> 00:53:25,571 Thanks, "sole-hag," but we can fight out own battles. 1171 00:53:25,641 --> 00:53:27,371 This isn't over. 1172 00:53:29,078 --> 00:53:33,448 It's just outrageous. I mean, what is this... 2008? 1173 00:53:33,516 --> 00:53:34,916 Okay, that's 20. Give me 20 more. 1174 00:53:34,984 --> 00:53:37,681 You want to stay a four-pack queer forever? Let's go! 1175 00:53:37,753 --> 00:53:38,914 McKenzie has a different take 1176 00:53:38,988 --> 00:53:40,650 On the whole "love thy neighbor" thing. 1177 00:53:40,723 --> 00:53:42,487 Yeah, and apparently you can't get enough 1178 00:53:42,558 --> 00:53:44,424 Of that neighbor lovin'. 1179 00:53:44,493 --> 00:53:46,826 McKenzie price is deceased, socially, at this school. 1180 00:53:46,896 --> 00:53:48,956 I've already got the Facebook post composed. 1181 00:53:49,031 --> 00:53:51,762 But that defeats the purpose. 1182 00:53:51,834 --> 00:53:53,530 I think I'm gonna go 1183 00:53:53,602 --> 00:53:55,503 To the G.S.A. Meeting after school. 1184 00:53:56,739 --> 00:53:59,334 No. Soledad and her little group... 1185 00:53:59,408 --> 00:54:01,400 It'll totally downgrade your rep. 1186 00:54:01,477 --> 00:54:02,911 Plus, those busted bitches were the ones 1187 00:54:02,978 --> 00:54:04,469 That dragged you out of the closet. 1188 00:54:04,547 --> 00:54:06,675 Remember? You want my advices? 1189 00:54:06,749 --> 00:54:08,615 Just buy the stag tickets and get the "F" over it. 1190 00:54:08,684 --> 00:54:10,983 Please don't tell me you're seriously considering this. 1191 00:54:11,053 --> 00:54:13,852 What have I got to lose? I mean, they outed me, 1192 00:54:13,923 --> 00:54:17,860 But at least their intentions were kind of noble, I guess. 1193 00:54:17,927 --> 00:54:20,954 And let me just say... If you guys really claim to be my friends, 1194 00:54:21,030 --> 00:54:22,555 You could focus a little less 1195 00:54:22,631 --> 00:54:24,964 On how much I match your outfit on any given day 1196 00:54:25,034 --> 00:54:27,765 And show some concern for my freaking equal rights! 1197 00:54:27,837 --> 00:54:31,831 ♪ A-amazing, a-a-amazing ♪ 1198 00:54:31,907 --> 00:54:35,036 P.S... Are my arms looking Michelle Obama toned 1199 00:54:35,111 --> 00:54:36,909 Or Madonna scary? 1200 00:54:36,979 --> 00:54:39,975 Hey! Hey! Hey! Have you heard about Tanner? 1201 00:54:40,049 --> 00:54:42,985 What? What did... I didn't... What did you hear? 1202 00:54:43,052 --> 00:54:45,078 Well, apparently he totally threw down 1203 00:54:45,154 --> 00:54:46,918 With McKenzie price over prom. 1204 00:54:46,989 --> 00:54:48,981 Yeah, he was all like, "I'm gonna take a dude as my date," 1205 00:54:49,058 --> 00:54:50,778 And she was all like, "oh, not on my watch," 1206 00:54:50,793 --> 00:54:52,386 And then he was all like, "oh, yeah, 1207 00:54:52,461 --> 00:54:53,827 We'll see about that, you c-word-face mofo ho." 1208 00:54:53,896 --> 00:54:58,061 Hold that, Wonton. Tanner wants to ask a guy to prom? 1209 00:54:58,134 --> 00:55:00,535 Yeah. I have no idea who, though. 1210 00:55:00,603 --> 00:55:02,731 Hey, maybe he met someone. 1211 00:55:05,074 --> 00:55:07,509 No one I can think of. 1212 00:55:07,576 --> 00:55:09,408 Me neither. 1213 00:55:09,478 --> 00:55:10,844 See ya. 1214 00:55:10,913 --> 00:55:12,973 First order of business, G.S.A.'Ers... 1215 00:55:13,048 --> 00:55:16,416 I'd like to introduce our first actually gay member, 1216 00:55:16,485 --> 00:55:18,647 Tanner Daniels! Whoo! 1217 00:55:18,721 --> 00:55:20,690 Welcome, bro dude. 1218 00:55:20,756 --> 00:55:23,658 Good to have another member with a member representin'. 1219 00:55:23,726 --> 00:55:25,126 Uh, right. Well, I'm just here 1220 00:55:25,194 --> 00:55:27,561 Because I was trying to buy prom tickets, and... 1221 00:55:27,630 --> 00:55:30,794 And he couldn't because of our school's unjust, 1222 00:55:30,866 --> 00:55:32,858 Totally outdated prom-date policies. 1223 00:55:32,935 --> 00:55:35,029 So, what are we gonna do about this? 1224 00:55:35,104 --> 00:55:36,504 "We"? 1225 00:55:36,572 --> 00:55:38,939 Yeah. I am joining the G.S.A. 1226 00:55:39,008 --> 00:55:42,968 To support my G.B.F. Move. 1227 00:55:43,045 --> 00:55:44,741 Sorry. I'm sorry. 1228 00:55:44,814 --> 00:55:48,615 Um, Fawcett, thank you, but, um, we're at capacity. 1229 00:55:48,684 --> 00:55:50,414 So we don't really... 1230 00:55:50,486 --> 00:55:54,048 Soledad, the G.S.A. Is open to anyone who wants to join. 1231 00:55:54,123 --> 00:55:57,116 But, Ms. Hoegel, this is my thing, you know? 1232 00:55:57,193 --> 00:55:59,594 She has things, lots of things, 1233 00:55:59,662 --> 00:56:03,064 And she's trying to take my... My, uh... 1234 00:56:03,132 --> 00:56:04,794 she's... Are you quite done? 1235 00:56:06,101 --> 00:56:08,832 So, can we please just... Just one moment, Fawcett. 1236 00:56:08,904 --> 00:56:12,068 I've noticed some disturbing trends 1237 00:56:12,141 --> 00:56:14,542 In this school as of late. 1238 00:56:14,610 --> 00:56:17,739 It seems that many of you girls are treating Tanner 1239 00:56:17,813 --> 00:56:21,944 As more of a prize to be won than an actual person. 1240 00:56:22,017 --> 00:56:24,009 Ms. Hoegel, that's ridiculous. 1241 00:56:24,086 --> 00:56:26,453 Right, "T"? 1242 00:56:26,522 --> 00:56:29,617 Listen, girls. I get the appeal. 1243 00:56:29,692 --> 00:56:33,185 Now, I myself had a gay best friend once and... 1244 00:56:33,262 --> 00:56:37,165 Oh, we were roommates for many fruitful years. 1245 00:56:37,233 --> 00:56:42,001 But now he's no longer with us. 1246 00:56:43,839 --> 00:56:45,569 Oh. 1247 00:56:45,641 --> 00:56:47,735 Oh, damn. 1248 00:56:47,810 --> 00:56:49,506 What? Where'd he go? 1249 00:56:49,578 --> 00:56:51,911 He obvi died of the HIV, dumbass. 1250 00:56:51,981 --> 00:56:53,973 Oh, god, no! 1251 00:56:54,049 --> 00:56:56,609 He moved to San Diego with a leather queen. 1252 00:56:56,685 --> 00:57:01,680 I meant myself and my cat... Anderson coo-purr. 1253 00:57:03,959 --> 00:57:05,655 Oh, my god. 1254 00:57:05,728 --> 00:57:10,666 We're very happy, Mr. Coo-purr and I. 1255 00:57:10,733 --> 00:57:12,668 What are we gonna do about this prom situation? 1256 00:57:12,735 --> 00:57:14,727 If you can't take your boy toy to prom, 1257 00:57:14,803 --> 00:57:16,635 I will lead a school-wide boycott, 1258 00:57:16,705 --> 00:57:22,110 And if they don't meet my... I mean our... Demands 1259 00:57:22,177 --> 00:57:26,945 Then I will just host my own cooler alterna-prom. 1260 00:57:27,016 --> 00:57:28,985 Fawcett, you'd do that? 1261 00:57:29,051 --> 00:57:32,920 I mean, prom's your night. You're a shoe-in for prom queen. 1262 00:57:32,988 --> 00:57:35,958 Come on. What's the point of being queen 1263 00:57:36,025 --> 00:57:38,688 When I don't have a fabulous king to share it with? 1264 00:57:38,761 --> 00:57:41,287 You know what, Soledad? 1265 00:57:41,564 --> 00:57:43,692 You have done such a great job with this group, 1266 00:57:43,766 --> 00:57:45,962 But I think it's time that some things 1267 00:57:46,035 --> 00:57:47,697 Actually changed around this school. 1268 00:57:47,770 --> 00:57:51,229 Who's with me? Whoo! 1269 00:57:55,978 --> 00:57:57,640 Hey, Tanner, looking good. 1270 00:57:57,713 --> 00:57:59,011 Hey. Thanks. 1271 00:57:59,081 --> 00:58:00,572 Ugh! W-T-F, "T"? 1272 00:58:00,649 --> 00:58:02,880 I secure you a date with the hottest teen homo 1273 00:58:02,952 --> 00:58:05,148 In the Tri-State area, and that Jizz-bin 1274 00:58:05,220 --> 00:58:06,779 Still gets your endorsement? 1275 00:58:06,855 --> 00:58:10,019 What? But I didn't ever... What? 1276 00:58:10,092 --> 00:58:12,994 "Tanner Daniels endorsed Fawcett brooks yesterday 1277 00:58:13,062 --> 00:58:14,553 "At the G.S.A. Meeting. 1278 00:58:14,630 --> 00:58:16,861 The new power B.F.F.s known as..." 1279 00:58:16,932 --> 00:58:19,561 G-Fawce. Cute, isn't it? 1280 00:58:19,635 --> 00:58:21,570 You really think another bland blonde like her 1281 00:58:21,637 --> 00:58:23,162 Deserves the crown, Tanner? 1282 00:58:23,238 --> 00:58:26,174 Well, at least she stands up for my... My rights or whatever. 1283 00:58:26,241 --> 00:58:27,921 What? Please. This hack-tivist doesn't give 1284 00:58:27,977 --> 00:58:29,673 A flying fairy about gay rights. 1285 00:58:29,745 --> 00:58:31,941 She just did it to gain the advantage with you. 1286 00:58:32,014 --> 00:58:34,210 Oh, you mean like what you did with that male-bait, Christian? 1287 00:58:34,283 --> 00:58:36,616 Whatever! At least I tried to bribe him with sex. 1288 00:58:36,685 --> 00:58:38,347 I treated him like an actual human being 1289 00:58:38,621 --> 00:58:40,783 And not some asexual, neutered little purse puppy. 1290 00:58:40,856 --> 00:58:42,119 Come on, tan. I've had enough 1291 00:58:42,191 --> 00:58:43,989 Bad-dinner-theater dramatics for one day. 1292 00:58:44,059 --> 00:58:46,028 We've got a revolution to plan. 1293 00:58:46,095 --> 00:58:48,121 Do not come for my craft, bitch! 1294 00:58:48,197 --> 00:58:50,063 Do not come for my bitch, bitch! 1295 00:58:50,132 --> 00:58:53,000 Aah! 1296 00:58:53,068 --> 00:58:55,128 Yeah, it sounds great. 1297 00:58:55,204 --> 00:58:58,868 Right. Promise. No drinks for me. 1298 00:58:58,941 --> 00:59:01,877 See you then, dude. 1299 00:59:03,646 --> 00:59:05,012 Hey. 1300 00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:06,946 What's up? 1301 00:59:07,016 --> 00:59:08,382 Not much. 1302 00:59:08,651 --> 00:59:11,052 You're making quite the stank over prom, 1303 00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:14,056 Joining the G.S.A., Endorsing your new Bestie. 1304 00:59:14,123 --> 00:59:18,652 I didn't endorse anyone. I just... It's not fair. 1305 00:59:18,727 --> 00:59:20,787 We should be treated like everyone else. 1306 00:59:20,863 --> 00:59:25,665 "We"? I mean, you got to ask me first. 1307 00:59:25,734 --> 00:59:27,794 What are you talking about? 1308 00:59:27,870 --> 00:59:30,863 You and me. Prom. 1309 00:59:30,939 --> 00:59:33,306 Uh... 1310 00:59:33,375 --> 00:59:37,142 Caprice set up this thing with her friend. I just... 1311 00:59:37,212 --> 00:59:39,078 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said anything 1312 00:59:39,148 --> 00:59:40,428 About us going to prom together? 1313 00:59:40,683 --> 00:59:42,879 Just that... No, no, I was saying, 1314 00:59:42,951 --> 00:59:46,410 Like, if you wanted a friend to go with, 1315 00:59:46,689 --> 00:59:50,057 But, like, obviously you got that, you know, taken care of, 1316 00:59:50,125 --> 00:59:53,425 So, you know, I hope your prince charming 1317 00:59:53,696 --> 00:59:56,723 Gives you everything you want... 1318 00:59:56,799 --> 00:59:57,960 and also crabs. 1319 01:00:10,145 --> 01:00:12,808 I got your Facebook message. 1320 01:00:12,881 --> 01:00:15,817 Why are you wearing sunglasses? 1321 01:00:17,786 --> 01:00:20,221 Does your vocal coach know you smoke? 1322 01:00:23,192 --> 01:00:25,320 Look, we all know you're gayer 1323 01:00:25,394 --> 01:00:28,057 Than a very special episode of "glee." 1324 01:00:28,130 --> 01:00:30,224 I am not! 1325 01:00:30,299 --> 01:00:32,234 What's your point? 1326 01:00:32,301 --> 01:00:35,931 Well, I need a minion, and you need a diva to worship. 1327 01:00:36,004 --> 01:00:39,236 With Tanner and Fawcett heading up this fey prom, 1328 01:00:39,308 --> 01:00:40,776 That leaves an opportunity 1329 01:00:40,843 --> 01:00:42,436 For me to be the queen of the real one. 1330 01:00:42,511 --> 01:00:46,346 So, how would you like to be my date, maybe even my king? 1331 01:00:48,784 --> 01:00:50,184 All right, if you still need convincing, 1332 01:00:50,252 --> 01:00:53,154 Check out a pic of Tanner's prom date. 1333 01:00:53,222 --> 01:00:55,191 He can do better, but I'm in. 1334 01:00:59,361 --> 01:01:00,954 Hi, there. Caprice, you said 1335 01:01:01,029 --> 01:01:03,157 You had something you wanted to talk about? 1336 01:01:03,232 --> 01:01:05,360 I do. 1337 01:01:08,437 --> 01:01:10,133 Love your cloak. 1338 01:01:10,205 --> 01:01:11,434 Thanks. 1339 01:01:14,810 --> 01:01:16,938 Support traditional prom-going values. 1340 01:01:17,012 --> 01:01:21,006 Buy tickets to the official, school-sanctioned prom. 1341 01:01:21,083 --> 01:01:24,884 Attend the prom by students, for all students. 1342 01:01:26,855 --> 01:01:28,323 Can I have one, please? 1343 01:01:28,390 --> 01:01:30,188 No. Um, sorry. 1344 01:01:30,259 --> 01:01:32,389 You're not on our list of approved students. 1345 01:01:32,415 --> 01:01:32,947 What? 1346 01:01:32,995 --> 01:01:35,863 This being an Indie operation, we've got very limited space, 1347 01:01:35,931 --> 01:01:38,196 But I'm sure Caprice's old-fashioned loser dance 1348 01:01:38,267 --> 01:01:40,896 Has plenty of tickets available. Thank you. 1349 01:01:42,104 --> 01:01:44,005 Fawcett, what the hell was that?! 1350 01:01:44,072 --> 01:01:47,509 Tan, if we want to pull off this whole gay-inclusive-prom thing, 1351 01:01:47,576 --> 01:01:51,035 We're gonna have to keep it kind of... exclusive. 1352 01:01:51,113 --> 01:01:53,014 Look, I didn't make up these rules, 1353 01:01:53,081 --> 01:01:54,913 But a fugly prom is a failed prom. 1354 01:01:56,585 --> 01:01:58,520 So wrong. 1355 01:01:58,587 --> 01:02:01,284 You smell great. 1356 01:02:02,591 --> 01:02:04,423 Thank you. 1357 01:02:04,493 --> 01:02:06,086 I told you. This is crazy. 1358 01:02:06,161 --> 01:02:08,562 It's like freaking high-school "game of thrones" 1359 01:02:08,831 --> 01:02:10,891 Out here or something. 1360 01:02:10,966 --> 01:02:13,492 Sorry, Ellen Jr., But you can't take 1361 01:02:13,569 --> 01:02:15,265 Your poor man's Portia to this dance. 1362 01:02:15,337 --> 01:02:17,169 Try the pro-sodomy prom. 1363 01:02:17,239 --> 01:02:19,572 You do know that oral counts as sodomy, right? 1364 01:02:19,842 --> 01:02:23,006 So, with the amount of going down that goes down at prom, 1365 01:02:23,078 --> 01:02:26,207 You might want to rethink the concept. Right, Brent? 1366 01:02:26,281 --> 01:02:29,217 By the way, did they change the official prom song 1367 01:02:29,284 --> 01:02:31,583 To "trapped in the closet" just for you? 1368 01:02:31,854 --> 01:02:34,016 Nice try, lies-bian, but I know for a fact 1369 01:02:34,089 --> 01:02:36,422 That my boo Brent is as straight as they come. 1370 01:02:36,491 --> 01:02:40,053 Like Kanye or Diddy or Tyler Perry. 1371 01:02:40,128 --> 01:02:42,222 Whatev. 1372 01:02:42,297 --> 01:02:44,926 Er. Whatever. 1373 01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:48,368 The full word. I said it all. 1374 01:02:49,872 --> 01:02:52,967 'tophie, I want to go to cool prom. 1375 01:02:53,041 --> 01:02:55,476 Hey, 'Shley, you know Caprice calls you 1376 01:02:55,544 --> 01:02:57,570 A Ginger-snatch behind your back, right? 1377 01:02:57,646 --> 01:02:59,080 She does? 1378 01:02:59,147 --> 01:03:01,173 Well, Fawcett said your religion 1379 01:03:01,250 --> 01:03:04,049 Is just scientology without birth control or famous people. 1380 01:03:04,119 --> 01:03:07,089 Well, you know what? 1381 01:03:07,155 --> 01:03:09,317 "F" you both. 1382 01:03:09,391 --> 01:03:11,189 She'll be fine. 1383 01:03:11,260 --> 01:03:15,493 And we'll take two tickets to the 100% totally un-gay prom. 1384 01:03:15,564 --> 01:03:17,192 Thank you. 1385 01:03:18,634 --> 01:03:20,933 Mm. Cute shorts. 1386 01:03:21,003 --> 01:03:22,904 And you. 1387 01:03:22,971 --> 01:03:25,634 I hear you and spigot here are denying 1388 01:03:25,908 --> 01:03:28,002 Certain less-than-favorable people tickets. 1389 01:03:28,076 --> 01:03:29,544 Relax, "so-fat." 1390 01:03:29,611 --> 01:03:31,978 You and "memoirs of a gay nerd" are allowed to come. 1391 01:03:32,047 --> 01:03:35,313 I'm giving you a temporary pass to the cool kids' table. 1392 01:03:35,384 --> 01:03:37,649 We wouldn't come if you paid us, Fawcett. 1393 01:03:37,920 --> 01:03:40,185 Or should I say "fascist"? 1394 01:03:40,255 --> 01:03:42,247 It's your social funeral, sweetie. 1395 01:03:42,324 --> 01:03:45,089 I'll start mourning now. 1396 01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:50,360 So-fat! I mean, Sophie... Damn it... Wait! 1397 01:03:50,432 --> 01:03:52,594 You know what? 1398 01:03:52,668 --> 01:03:56,298 You both have become so much more 1399 01:03:56,371 --> 01:04:00,240 Than these bitches' sexless accessories. 1400 01:04:00,309 --> 01:04:03,609 You've become full-blown tools, 1401 01:04:03,679 --> 01:04:06,114 In every sense of the word. 1402 01:04:07,616 --> 01:04:09,141 Oh. 1403 01:04:14,256 --> 01:04:17,283 Tanner. Tanner. 1404 01:04:17,359 --> 01:04:20,454 Tanner! Tanner! 1405 01:04:20,529 --> 01:04:23,465 Tanner! 1406 01:04:23,532 --> 01:04:25,091 What is your deal? 1407 01:04:25,167 --> 01:04:27,329 I can't do this anymore! Excuse me? 1408 01:04:27,402 --> 01:04:29,701 The last I checked, this was all for you. 1409 01:04:29,972 --> 01:04:31,531 Is it? 1410 01:04:31,606 --> 01:04:34,440 You know I actually started to believe that you were my friend? 1411 01:04:34,509 --> 01:04:37,479 But what is this, really? Am I just some tool to you, 1412 01:04:37,546 --> 01:04:41,176 A wrench so that you can screw over Caprice and 'Shley? 1413 01:04:41,249 --> 01:04:44,378 Wrenches don't screw things. God, you are gay. 1414 01:04:44,453 --> 01:04:46,649 But you're right. 1415 01:04:46,722 --> 01:04:50,181 Look, at first I just wanted to keep you to myself. 1416 01:04:50,258 --> 01:04:56,289 After Hamilton dumped me... Yeah, it's true, he dumped me... 1417 01:04:56,365 --> 01:04:59,028 I thought I needed you by my side to win. 1418 01:04:59,101 --> 01:05:01,161 But it's different now. 1419 01:05:01,236 --> 01:05:03,569 I really like hanging out with you... 1420 01:05:03,638 --> 01:05:05,436 for real. 1421 01:05:05,507 --> 01:05:07,476 Then why create a separate prom? 1422 01:05:07,542 --> 01:05:09,636 I mean, you're gonna win queen no matter what. 1423 01:05:09,711 --> 01:05:12,738 Don't be so sure. 1424 01:05:13,015 --> 01:05:15,610 I took a peek at the polling data. 1425 01:05:15,684 --> 01:05:17,243 I rule with the popular kids, 1426 01:05:17,319 --> 01:05:19,311 But the other 90%, the rest of the school, 1427 01:05:19,388 --> 01:05:22,187 Just think I'm a soulless bitch. 1428 01:05:22,257 --> 01:05:24,351 I mean, they'd rather vote for 'Shley. 1429 01:05:24,426 --> 01:05:26,588 At least she's nice. 1430 01:05:26,661 --> 01:05:31,224 Caprice... She's got talent. 1431 01:05:31,299 --> 01:05:32,631 What have I got? 1432 01:05:36,438 --> 01:05:39,340 You have me. 1433 01:05:39,408 --> 01:05:41,104 Really? 1434 01:05:43,145 --> 01:05:45,614 You're more than what people see on the surface, Fawcett, 1435 01:05:45,680 --> 01:05:47,615 And you're the only one who stood up for me 1436 01:05:47,682 --> 01:05:51,642 When it really mattered, so let's make a compromise. 1437 01:05:51,720 --> 01:05:54,053 You let everyone come to the alterna-prom, 1438 01:05:54,122 --> 01:05:56,182 And I'll make sure that you get that crown. 1439 01:05:56,258 --> 01:05:57,453 Deal? 1440 01:05:57,526 --> 01:06:00,325 Yeah. 1441 01:06:04,099 --> 01:06:08,799 Thanks, all of you, for helping to keep our prom gayness-free. 1442 01:06:09,071 --> 01:06:14,567 So, I'm thinking, activity-wise, how about a promise-ring booth? 1443 01:06:14,643 --> 01:06:16,202 So charming. Love it. 1444 01:06:16,278 --> 01:06:19,112 Promise rings for prom. Cute. 1445 01:06:19,181 --> 01:06:21,309 I've got a little bit of a different plan, all right? 1446 01:06:21,383 --> 01:06:24,217 Listen up, ladies. Tanner and Fawcett are poaching 1447 01:06:24,286 --> 01:06:26,255 All the cool kids for their little pansy prom. 1448 01:06:26,321 --> 01:06:28,415 If we don't act quick, we won't have enough people 1449 01:06:28,490 --> 01:06:30,083 For a halfway-decent hokey pokey. 1450 01:06:30,158 --> 01:06:35,461 What we need to do is start "Prom-oting" prom. 1451 01:06:35,530 --> 01:06:37,055 You feel me? 1452 01:06:37,132 --> 01:06:40,796 Amazing. Whoo! Yeah! 1453 01:06:42,504 --> 01:06:46,669 Hmm. Don't you think this might be a bit over-the-top, Brent? 1454 01:06:46,741 --> 01:06:51,736 I'm just fighting flamers with flame. 1455 01:06:51,813 --> 01:06:55,272 ♪ A la, a la la, would you be kind? ♪ 1456 01:06:55,350 --> 01:06:58,548 ♪ Gimme one little more, and I'll be superfine ♪ 1457 01:06:58,620 --> 01:07:00,384 ♪ A la la, a la la ♪ 1458 01:07:00,455 --> 01:07:02,447 Hey. Oh, my god! 1459 01:07:02,524 --> 01:07:04,152 Relax, dude. 1460 01:07:04,226 --> 01:07:07,560 I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your passion. 1461 01:07:07,629 --> 01:07:11,293 You're really... organized. 1462 01:07:11,366 --> 01:07:13,207 I mean, when I heard about Tanner going to prom 1463 01:07:13,268 --> 01:07:16,432 With that other dude, I was totally grossed out, too. 1464 01:07:16,505 --> 01:07:20,340 Right, bro? I mean, like, two dudes, like... 1465 01:07:20,408 --> 01:07:23,401 Ugh! Ugh. Ick. Blah. Yeah. 1466 01:07:23,478 --> 01:07:28,849 So, um, do you want to feel how straight I am? 1467 01:07:30,519 --> 01:07:32,283 Come again. 1468 01:07:35,290 --> 01:07:37,555 Whoa. Is this actually happening, or is this a dream? 1469 01:07:37,626 --> 01:07:39,595 Because I just changed my sheets yesterday. 1470 01:07:39,661 --> 01:07:41,357 No, it's real, bro. Oh, my god. 1471 01:07:41,429 --> 01:07:42,727 Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. 1472 01:07:42,797 --> 01:07:45,824 How did you know? I mean, did Tanner tell you? 1473 01:07:45,901 --> 01:07:47,597 No, dude, I figured it out myself. 1474 01:07:47,669 --> 01:07:49,865 Tanner won't even look at me since I tried to get with him. 1475 01:07:49,938 --> 01:07:52,305 Mmm. Mmm. Wait. What am I doing? 1476 01:07:52,374 --> 01:07:53,672 No, no way, no. 1477 01:07:53,742 --> 01:07:56,234 I cannot have Tanner's rejected sloppy seconds. 1478 01:07:56,311 --> 01:07:57,745 I have too much self-respect. 1479 01:07:57,812 --> 01:08:00,281 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some anti-gay 1480 01:08:00,348 --> 01:08:02,340 Prom posters to finish. 1481 01:08:02,417 --> 01:08:04,443 Mmm. 1482 01:08:06,555 --> 01:08:10,458 So close. God damn it! 1483 01:08:11,693 --> 01:08:14,162 I am so sorry. 1484 01:08:14,229 --> 01:08:16,357 ♪ You got me shrunk like a... ♪ 1485 01:08:16,431 --> 01:08:19,629 "Prom is short for promenade, not prom-n-aids." 1486 01:08:19,701 --> 01:08:22,398 No one but Brent could come up with a pun 1487 01:08:22,470 --> 01:08:24,905 That simultaneously lame and offensive. 1488 01:08:24,973 --> 01:08:28,171 I told you... He has officially lost it. 1489 01:08:28,243 --> 01:08:30,178 What the shit were you thinking?! 1490 01:08:30,245 --> 01:08:31,838 This language is unacceptable! 1491 01:08:31,913 --> 01:08:33,677 Principal Crowe, as a devout Mormon, 1492 01:08:33,748 --> 01:08:37,276 I think the signs are all totally true and appropriate. 1493 01:08:37,352 --> 01:08:40,880 Oh, in what universe would "boutonnieres, not butt sex!" 1494 01:08:40,956 --> 01:08:43,516 Be appropriate for a prom slogan? 1495 01:08:43,592 --> 01:08:45,458 Yeah, and "no tossing salads"? 1496 01:08:45,527 --> 01:08:47,792 I got the cafeteria ladies coming in here 1497 01:08:47,862 --> 01:08:49,797 Asking me if I changed the menu! 1498 01:08:49,864 --> 01:08:52,299 I've got news organizations calling me, 1499 01:08:52,367 --> 01:08:54,359 Not to mention the ACLU. 1500 01:08:54,436 --> 01:08:55,699 Facebook! 1501 01:08:55,770 --> 01:08:56,931 People are tweeting about this! 1502 01:08:57,005 --> 01:08:59,372 We... We weren't thinking. 1503 01:08:59,441 --> 01:09:00,932 Well, I'm particularly disappointed 1504 01:09:01,009 --> 01:09:02,637 In you, Mr. Van Camp. 1505 01:09:02,711 --> 01:09:04,543 I expected more of you. 1506 01:09:04,613 --> 01:09:06,411 I was thinking about suspending you all. 1507 01:09:07,816 --> 01:09:10,217 But instead I'm just gonna cancel prom. 1508 01:09:10,285 --> 01:09:12,481 Oh, wait, no! You can't do that! 1509 01:09:12,554 --> 01:09:14,819 Wait a minute. That'll turn us into social pariahs. 1510 01:09:14,889 --> 01:09:17,324 Yeah, that's not fair. You're not canceling their prom, too. 1511 01:09:17,392 --> 01:09:19,418 That prom is out of principal Crowe's jurisdiction, 1512 01:09:19,494 --> 01:09:21,895 And its organizers haven't been promoting a hate. 1513 01:09:21,963 --> 01:09:24,694 Now get out of here before I change my mind about the suspensions. 1514 01:09:27,302 --> 01:09:28,736 That was terrific restraint. 1515 01:09:28,803 --> 01:09:30,829 Thank you. 1516 01:09:36,778 --> 01:09:40,010 Well, Tanner, looks like we've now got the only game in town. 1517 01:09:40,282 --> 01:09:42,877 Though, Brent, I have to give you some props. 1518 01:09:42,951 --> 01:09:45,819 Those signs were pretty Hilar. Later, later. 1519 01:09:45,887 --> 01:09:47,651 Sorry. 1520 01:09:48,823 --> 01:09:50,416 Onward, Christian soldiers. 1521 01:09:50,492 --> 01:09:51,892 They want to cancel our prom? 1522 01:09:51,960 --> 01:09:53,553 Then we will organize a protest 1523 01:09:53,628 --> 01:09:55,927 Of their deviant dance of debauchery. 1524 01:09:55,997 --> 01:09:57,522 She's right, "b." 1525 01:09:57,599 --> 01:10:00,034 The whole "me being prom queen" ship has sailed. 1526 01:10:00,302 --> 01:10:03,466 But take it from an actress... If we can't be in the spotlight, 1527 01:10:03,538 --> 01:10:06,007 We can sure make one hell of a scene. 1528 01:10:06,074 --> 01:10:10,846 Family values! 1529 01:10:10,912 --> 01:10:13,643 Family values! Family... 1530 01:10:13,715 --> 01:10:14,978 'tophie, how could you? 1531 01:10:15,050 --> 01:10:17,713 Those signs that you made were just so, so mean. 1532 01:10:17,786 --> 01:10:20,312 Babe, I was just trying to protect our relationship. 1533 01:10:20,388 --> 01:10:22,755 Oh, well, congratulations. You just did the opposite. 1534 01:10:22,824 --> 01:10:24,793 We are so done-zo. 1535 01:10:27,829 --> 01:10:30,298 Hmm. 1536 01:10:30,365 --> 01:10:31,731 How's it going, guys? 1537 01:10:31,800 --> 01:10:33,735 Oh, fantastic. 1538 01:10:33,802 --> 01:10:35,737 We've devised a genius way to take "tan lines" 1539 01:10:35,804 --> 01:10:37,295 Down a few notches. 1540 01:10:37,372 --> 01:10:39,068 And knock "fawce-slut" off her horse high. 1541 01:10:39,341 --> 01:10:40,866 Okay, so, while you crazy Christians 1542 01:10:40,942 --> 01:10:42,843 Are outside protesting, Caprice and I will 1543 01:10:42,911 --> 01:10:44,777 Infiltrate the prom in killer ensembles. 1544 01:10:44,846 --> 01:10:46,075 James bond. Hello. 1545 01:10:46,348 --> 01:10:47,828 And the moment that Tanner and Fawcett 1546 01:10:47,882 --> 01:10:51,649 Are crowned king and queen, we douse them with this. 1547 01:10:51,720 --> 01:10:53,621 It'll be very Stephen king's "Carrie" 1548 01:10:53,688 --> 01:10:55,384 Meets Mariah Carey's "glitter." 1549 01:10:55,457 --> 01:10:57,016 Tanner will hate it. 1550 01:10:57,092 --> 01:10:59,084 This one time, in, like, the fourth grade, I accidentally, 1551 01:10:59,361 --> 01:11:00,852 Like spilled glitter on him in arts and crafts. 1552 01:11:00,929 --> 01:11:02,693 He didn't talk to me for like a month. 1553 01:11:02,764 --> 01:11:04,630 It's like the longest he and I have ever gone without speaking, 1554 01:11:04,699 --> 01:11:06,930 You know, up until now. 1555 01:11:07,001 --> 01:11:08,492 And Fawcett will be picking it 1556 01:11:08,570 --> 01:11:10,869 Out of her prized Goldilocks for months. 1557 01:11:10,939 --> 01:11:13,465 With any luck, she'll have to shave it back like Britney. 1558 01:11:13,541 --> 01:11:15,601 Yeah! I love it! 1559 01:11:15,677 --> 01:11:17,373 Great scheming, guys. 1560 01:11:17,445 --> 01:11:19,914 I'm just so glad we're friends now, Caprice. 1561 01:11:19,981 --> 01:11:22,007 I've always wanted an S.B.F. 1562 01:11:22,083 --> 01:11:23,551 An S.B.F.? 1563 01:11:23,618 --> 01:11:25,553 - Sassy black friend. - Duh. 1564 01:11:28,656 --> 01:11:31,558 As Brent and Caprice plotted, 1565 01:11:31,626 --> 01:11:32,958 I realized I had my own 1566 01:11:33,027 --> 01:11:35,724 Unfinished business to take care of. 1567 01:11:35,797 --> 01:11:36,958 Hey. 1568 01:11:37,031 --> 01:11:39,523 I-I mean, hey. 1569 01:11:39,601 --> 01:11:42,070 I've got something to say. 1570 01:11:42,137 --> 01:11:45,596 Tanner, honey, what is it? You need a snack. 1571 01:11:45,673 --> 01:11:47,665 No, Shannon, I'm not hungry. 1572 01:11:47,742 --> 01:11:49,370 I, um... 1573 01:11:49,444 --> 01:11:51,106 I've got something to tell you both, 1574 01:11:51,179 --> 01:11:53,375 And I don't care if you like it or not. 1575 01:11:54,816 --> 01:11:56,148 Tanner? 1576 01:11:56,418 --> 01:11:58,080 Honey, what is it? 1577 01:12:00,088 --> 01:12:01,750 I, um... 1578 01:12:01,823 --> 01:12:03,951 so, I'm... I'm not actually going to the prom 1579 01:12:04,025 --> 01:12:05,653 With Fawcett tomorrow. 1580 01:12:05,727 --> 01:12:09,823 I mean, she's driving me, but I've got another date... 1581 01:12:09,898 --> 01:12:11,161 A boy. 1582 01:12:11,433 --> 01:12:13,163 I like boys. 1583 01:12:14,669 --> 01:12:17,070 Well, I mean, not boys, like... Gross. 1584 01:12:17,138 --> 01:12:19,937 Men. Men. Like men my own age. 1585 01:12:20,008 --> 01:12:23,638 And so did Abraham Lincoln. I read that somewhere. 1586 01:12:23,711 --> 01:12:26,613 And he was, like, the best republican ever, 1587 01:12:26,681 --> 01:12:29,082 So you should probably say something 1588 01:12:29,150 --> 01:12:31,745 Before I keep saying more things. 1589 01:12:34,722 --> 01:12:36,418 Tanner... 1590 01:12:36,491 --> 01:12:37,982 we know. 1591 01:12:40,528 --> 01:12:42,019 Y-You what? 1592 01:12:42,096 --> 01:12:44,088 We know. 1593 01:12:44,165 --> 01:12:45,963 And it's okay. 1594 01:12:46,034 --> 01:12:49,630 Although your claims about Abraham Lincoln 1595 01:12:49,704 --> 01:12:51,935 I don't think are entirely substantiated. 1596 01:12:52,006 --> 01:12:53,440 Tanner, sweetie. 1597 01:12:53,508 --> 01:12:55,909 I mean, you haven't been completely consistent 1598 01:12:55,977 --> 01:12:57,741 In clearing the internet history. 1599 01:12:57,812 --> 01:13:00,680 We've seen some stuff. 1600 01:13:00,748 --> 01:13:02,717 Word. We have seen some stuff. 1601 01:13:02,784 --> 01:13:04,685 I mean, who knew that that even... Oh, my god. 1602 01:13:04,752 --> 01:13:07,517 Anyway, so, you're 100% 1603 01:13:07,589 --> 01:13:10,115 Completely allergic to the lady parts. 1604 01:13:10,191 --> 01:13:13,184 That's fine! Who cares? It's okay. 1605 01:13:13,261 --> 01:13:15,856 I- I-I could be Bi. 1606 01:13:15,930 --> 01:13:17,865 Yeah, right! 1607 01:13:17,932 --> 01:13:19,833 Of course you can. 1608 01:13:19,901 --> 01:13:23,838 Okay, well, um... 1609 01:13:23,905 --> 01:13:26,170 so, good, I guess, then. 1610 01:13:26,241 --> 01:13:29,507 I'm... I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. 1611 01:13:29,577 --> 01:13:31,011 Tanner, honey, do you need a snack? 1612 01:13:31,079 --> 01:13:33,048 You're skinny. 1613 01:13:33,114 --> 01:13:35,140 He could be bi. 1614 01:13:35,216 --> 01:13:36,684 Coastal. 1615 01:13:38,953 --> 01:13:40,888 Oh, prom! Let's do this! 1616 01:13:42,857 --> 01:13:44,519 Oh, that's cute. 1617 01:13:44,592 --> 01:13:48,029 Oh, that's so prom. Yes. 1618 01:13:55,203 --> 01:13:58,640 ♪ Oh, ooh-ooh-oh ♪ 1619 01:13:58,706 --> 01:14:01,005 ♪ Ooh-ooh-oh, oh ♪ 1620 01:14:01,075 --> 01:14:02,668 Girl, you look great. 1621 01:14:02,744 --> 01:14:04,007 Hey, girl. 1622 01:14:04,078 --> 01:14:06,638 I was talking to my son. 1623 01:14:06,714 --> 01:14:08,774 Thank you. 1624 01:14:08,850 --> 01:14:10,751 ♪ Oh ♪ 1625 01:14:10,818 --> 01:14:11,877 Ready? 1626 01:14:11,953 --> 01:14:13,922 Yeah. Let's do this. 1627 01:14:13,988 --> 01:14:16,048 ♪ Don't you think it's time ♪ 1628 01:14:16,124 --> 01:14:21,222 ♪ For you and me to make some history? ♪ 1629 01:14:21,296 --> 01:14:22,924 ♪ Tell me now what you say ♪ 1630 01:14:22,997 --> 01:14:25,125 Cheese! 1631 01:14:25,199 --> 01:14:27,600 Ah! Aww. 1632 01:14:27,669 --> 01:14:28,669 ♪ We can take anything ♪ 1633 01:14:28,736 --> 01:14:30,728 Caprice, I'm impressed. 1634 01:14:30,805 --> 01:14:34,901 I mean, you look very convincing. 1635 01:14:38,746 --> 01:14:42,239 ♪ When times are hard we'll smile and say ♪ 1636 01:14:42,317 --> 01:14:45,253 ♪ We're not afraid of anything ♪ 1637 01:14:45,320 --> 01:14:48,552 ♪ 'Cause we feel young and wild ♪ 1638 01:14:48,623 --> 01:14:50,148 ♪ I believe ♪ 1639 01:14:50,224 --> 01:14:52,591 Darling, can I just... Just want... 1640 01:14:52,660 --> 01:14:55,323 Listen, I just wanted to say that I don't know what, 1641 01:14:55,597 --> 01:14:57,623 You know, all this is and I don't... 1642 01:14:57,699 --> 01:15:00,328 Whatever... Whatever you want to call yourself. 1643 01:15:00,602 --> 01:15:07,602 I mean, the bottom line is your mom loves you very much, 1644 01:15:07,875 --> 01:15:10,640 Like crazy a lot, like to the point 1645 01:15:10,712 --> 01:15:13,147 Where it's really kind of ridiculous. 1646 01:15:13,214 --> 01:15:15,706 It's almost embarrassing. A lot. 1647 01:15:15,783 --> 01:15:19,220 So, please just know that, darling. 1648 01:15:19,287 --> 01:15:22,655 Thanks. I love you, too. 1649 01:15:22,724 --> 01:15:24,283 Oh, gosh, honey. Thank you so much. 1650 01:15:24,359 --> 01:15:27,193 Here, I don't want to... I don't want to smudge your makeup. 1651 01:15:27,261 --> 01:15:29,321 Shall surely be put to death! 1652 01:15:30,832 --> 01:15:34,769 Prepare ye... for the infidels. 1653 01:15:36,137 --> 01:15:37,867 Finally. Where have you been? 1654 01:15:37,939 --> 01:15:40,773 And why are you wearing that? 1655 01:15:40,842 --> 01:15:44,142 You're bailing on me to go after that latter-day skank. 1656 01:15:44,212 --> 01:15:45,703 'Shley dumped 'topher 1657 01:15:45,780 --> 01:15:48,045 And needs a G.B.F. To escort her to prom. 1658 01:15:48,116 --> 01:15:50,381 She still seems to think that I'm gay, 1659 01:15:50,652 --> 01:15:53,053 Despite our little dry-humping session. 1660 01:15:53,121 --> 01:15:56,091 The indignities and humiliations a guy will go through 1661 01:15:56,157 --> 01:15:58,058 Just for some Mormon ginge-muff. 1662 01:15:58,126 --> 01:16:01,790 You really are a flaming heterosexual. 1663 01:16:01,863 --> 01:16:03,195 Guilty. 1664 01:16:03,264 --> 01:16:05,256 Seriously, Sophe, can you do me a huge favor 1665 01:16:05,333 --> 01:16:06,858 And cover prom for the gazette? 1666 01:16:06,934 --> 01:16:09,028 No. Come on! Please. 1667 01:16:09,103 --> 01:16:10,401 You, of all people, know 1668 01:16:10,672 --> 01:16:12,402 That this insanity needs to be documented. 1669 01:16:12,674 --> 01:16:16,839 And, uh, well, I might have my hands full. 1670 01:16:16,911 --> 01:16:18,311 I am not paying aqua-valve one cent 1671 01:16:18,379 --> 01:16:20,109 To get into her sham of a dance. 1672 01:16:20,181 --> 01:16:22,878 Comped press passes. 1673 01:16:22,950 --> 01:16:26,682 Fine, but I'm only going if there are appetizers. 1674 01:16:26,754 --> 01:16:28,416 Yes! 1675 01:16:28,690 --> 01:16:30,784 Don't hug me. Come on. 1676 01:16:35,763 --> 01:16:37,425 Aww! 1677 01:16:37,699 --> 01:16:38,894 You're doing it again. 1678 01:16:38,966 --> 01:16:40,400 What? 1679 01:16:40,468 --> 01:16:42,960 That noise girls make when they see two gay guys together. 1680 01:16:43,037 --> 01:16:45,404 Yeah, it's the same annoying sound people make 1681 01:16:45,473 --> 01:16:48,102 When they see cute animals dressed in human clothes. 1682 01:16:48,176 --> 01:16:51,237 Ew, gross. Barf. Is that better? 1683 01:16:51,312 --> 01:16:54,282 Much. 1684 01:16:54,348 --> 01:16:55,714 You're all gonna burn! 1685 01:16:55,783 --> 01:16:57,718 Think of your soul you're defiling! 1686 01:16:57,785 --> 01:16:59,151 Ever read the bible?! 1687 01:16:59,220 --> 01:17:01,246 "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman! 1688 01:17:01,322 --> 01:17:03,154 It is an abomination!" 1689 01:17:03,224 --> 01:17:05,352 Abomination! 1690 01:17:05,426 --> 01:17:07,156 You're all going to hell! 1691 01:17:11,733 --> 01:17:13,429 That's right, bitches. 1692 01:17:13,501 --> 01:17:15,367 I'm upstaging you all with double the 'mo. 1693 01:17:15,436 --> 01:17:18,201 And this one's imported. 1694 01:17:44,932 --> 01:17:46,958 Take my picture! Please, please take my picture! 1695 01:18:20,301 --> 01:18:21,826 Caprice. 1696 01:18:21,903 --> 01:18:23,337 Brent. 1697 01:18:23,404 --> 01:18:25,373 Funny seeing you here. 1698 01:18:25,439 --> 01:18:27,237 Welcome. 1699 01:18:27,308 --> 01:18:29,072 We've seen the error of our ways. 1700 01:18:29,143 --> 01:18:30,839 We just can't wait to see you both crowned. 1701 01:18:30,912 --> 01:18:33,973 You guys really deserve it. Truly. 1702 01:18:34,048 --> 01:18:36,017 See, you guys? It all worked out. 1703 01:18:36,083 --> 01:18:37,779 We all have our very own G.B.F. 1704 01:18:37,852 --> 01:18:40,447 Actually, we're not all G.B.F.'s. 1705 01:18:40,521 --> 01:18:42,922 Right... Brent's 100%, grade-"A" hetero. 1706 01:18:42,990 --> 01:18:45,425 Sure he is. 1707 01:18:54,435 --> 01:18:56,131 ♪ I might be drastic, ♪ 1708 01:18:56,204 --> 01:18:58,469 ♪ But I'm more than plastic, I show it off... ♪ 1709 01:18:58,539 --> 01:19:00,167 Well, hey, there, prom date. 1710 01:19:00,241 --> 01:19:01,470 Hey. 1711 01:19:01,542 --> 01:19:03,807 So, is this not the lamest thing ever? 1712 01:19:03,878 --> 01:19:05,403 I didn't know we were gonna be 1713 01:19:05,479 --> 01:19:07,448 Your girlfriend's matching corsages. 1714 01:19:07,515 --> 01:19:10,542 I know, right? Sorry about that. 1715 01:19:10,618 --> 01:19:12,883 You want to get out of here? 1716 01:19:12,954 --> 01:19:16,447 I know a place where we could... get to know each other. 1717 01:19:16,524 --> 01:19:19,858 Yeah, that sounds awesome. I just feel like I should 1718 01:19:19,927 --> 01:19:22,021 Really stay here for Fawcett's sake, you know, 'cause... 1719 01:19:22,096 --> 01:19:23,291 Tanner. ...she's like... 1720 01:19:23,364 --> 01:19:24,889 Tanner. ...really fragile... 1721 01:19:24,966 --> 01:19:26,992 Tanner. ...and... Hmm? 1722 01:19:27,068 --> 01:19:31,062 I get it. You're not there yet. 1723 01:19:31,138 --> 01:19:34,870 So, if you don't mind, I'm... I'm gonna bounce. 1724 01:19:36,177 --> 01:19:37,338 Okay. 1725 01:19:40,014 --> 01:19:41,846 Night. 1726 01:19:41,916 --> 01:19:43,544 Sure. 1727 01:19:53,527 --> 01:19:55,359 These ways, for this is how the nations 1728 01:19:55,429 --> 01:19:57,421 I am driving out before you became defiled. 1729 01:19:57,498 --> 01:19:58,051 Nice! 1730 01:19:58,077 --> 01:20:00,288 As the land was defiled, I came to punish it, 1731 01:20:00,334 --> 01:20:02,132 And it has vomited out its inhabitants. 1732 01:20:02,203 --> 01:20:04,263 You shall keep my promises... See ya. 1733 01:20:09,410 --> 01:20:11,072 What are you doing? 1734 01:20:11,145 --> 01:20:14,411 I feel a monster stress zit coming on. 1735 01:20:14,482 --> 01:20:16,041 You know when you can feel it coming 1736 01:20:16,117 --> 01:20:17,608 And there's nothing you can do to stop it? 1737 01:20:17,685 --> 01:20:19,017 Let me look. 1738 01:20:20,221 --> 01:20:22,315 Okay, well, I do see it. 1739 01:20:22,390 --> 01:20:25,189 The good news is it won't surface for a few hours. 1740 01:20:25,259 --> 01:20:26,591 Thanks. 1741 01:20:26,661 --> 01:20:29,153 But if things run late with posh spice, 1742 01:20:29,230 --> 01:20:31,893 He might have to learn to love you, zits and all. 1743 01:20:31,966 --> 01:20:35,903 Not gonna happen. He bailed. 1744 01:20:35,970 --> 01:20:38,496 I guess I spent all this time being a G.B.F. 1745 01:20:38,572 --> 01:20:42,270 And never actually learned how to be a real, live gay. 1746 01:20:42,343 --> 01:20:47,145 Well, it sounds to me like he doesn't deserve you. 1747 01:20:48,983 --> 01:20:53,444 I just miss you guys so much. 1748 01:20:53,521 --> 01:20:55,581 I can't believe I ditched you. 1749 01:20:55,656 --> 01:20:58,057 I don't know what happened to me. 1750 01:20:58,125 --> 01:21:01,493 I just... Just got s-scared. 1751 01:21:01,562 --> 01:21:03,394 Not to mention blinded by the flash 1752 01:21:03,464 --> 01:21:05,456 Of bleached teeth and hair? 1753 01:21:05,533 --> 01:21:08,435 Tanner? 1754 01:21:08,502 --> 01:21:11,438 Our crowning moment is only minutes away. 1755 01:21:16,544 --> 01:21:18,708 Great tunes, great tunes. 1756 01:21:18,980 --> 01:21:21,279 Okay, hello there, ladies and gentlemen, 1757 01:21:21,349 --> 01:21:23,443 And, uh, everything in between. 1758 01:21:23,517 --> 01:21:26,009 This is it, babes. This is our moment. 1759 01:21:26,087 --> 01:21:28,386 T-Fawce is gonna dominate. 1760 01:21:31,392 --> 01:21:36,421 This is it, our moment. T-Fawce is gonna eat it. 1761 01:21:36,497 --> 01:21:38,557 We make a good team, "b." 1762 01:21:38,632 --> 01:21:41,534 It is my pleasure to announce this year's, 1763 01:21:41,602 --> 01:21:44,572 Uh, prom king and queen of north gateway's first 1764 01:21:44,638 --> 01:21:48,632 "L-G-B-T-Q-A 1765 01:21:48,709 --> 01:21:51,679 And every other letter you can think of"- Inclusive prom. 1766 01:21:51,746 --> 01:21:55,342 So, without further ado... 1767 01:21:59,320 --> 01:22:02,256 our trailblazing couple is... 1768 01:22:03,491 --> 01:22:04,720 T-Fawce! 1769 01:22:07,061 --> 01:22:08,757 Tanner and Fawcett! 1770 01:22:09,030 --> 01:22:11,397 Wow. 1771 01:22:16,604 --> 01:22:19,574 Congratulations. Well deserved. 1772 01:22:19,640 --> 01:22:22,007 Let me know when you think they're in position. 1773 01:22:22,076 --> 01:22:23,203 Congratulations. 1774 01:22:23,277 --> 01:22:24,370 We love you, Tanner. 1775 01:22:24,445 --> 01:22:25,606 Thank you. 1776 01:22:25,679 --> 01:22:28,012 Oh, my goodness. This is such a surprise. 1777 01:22:28,082 --> 01:22:29,710 Fawcett, I want to say something. 1778 01:22:29,784 --> 01:22:31,685 Okay. 1779 01:22:31,752 --> 01:22:33,721 You're fierce! 1780 01:22:33,788 --> 01:22:36,519 This is for you. 1781 01:22:36,590 --> 01:22:38,582 Wait. Give him a second. 1782 01:22:38,659 --> 01:22:41,219 We love you, T-Fawce! 1783 01:22:41,295 --> 01:22:42,729 Look, uh, thanks, everyone, 1784 01:22:42,797 --> 01:22:47,326 For making me king of this gay prom. 1785 01:22:47,401 --> 01:22:50,394 Oh, my god, he's doing it. He's going full Lohan. 1786 01:22:50,471 --> 01:22:55,068 I don't want to be king of the gay prom 1787 01:22:55,142 --> 01:23:01,548 Or be a gay best friend or get gay-married. 1788 01:23:01,615 --> 01:23:04,278 I just want to go to prom, 1789 01:23:04,351 --> 01:23:09,346 Be a friend, and get married, maybe. 1790 01:23:09,423 --> 01:23:14,225 You all see me more as an object or a symbol. 1791 01:23:14,295 --> 01:23:17,356 I guess I've been guilty of that myself. 1792 01:23:17,431 --> 01:23:21,664 I used my friends as shields to hide behind. 1793 01:23:24,205 --> 01:23:27,334 I had friends who cared about me, 1794 01:23:27,408 --> 01:23:31,140 Whether I was gay or whatever. 1795 01:23:33,848 --> 01:23:39,412 And I had a best friend who I shared everything with. 1796 01:23:39,487 --> 01:23:43,754 And all I want is... I mean, I'd give anything 1797 01:23:43,824 --> 01:23:47,591 To just be his loyal sidekick again. 1798 01:23:52,266 --> 01:23:53,791 Thank you very much. 1799 01:23:58,139 --> 01:24:01,166 Well, that's just sweeter than a pug in a sundress. 1800 01:24:01,242 --> 01:24:02,335 Oh, no! 1801 01:24:08,449 --> 01:24:10,350 Oh, my god. 1802 01:24:20,928 --> 01:24:23,295 Mnh. 1803 01:24:23,364 --> 01:24:26,459 Brent! Jesus. Are you okay? 1804 01:24:26,534 --> 01:24:27,866 Thought you could upstage me 1805 01:24:27,935 --> 01:24:29,836 With a classic "what I learned" speech? 1806 01:24:29,904 --> 01:24:33,170 Amateur. 1807 01:24:33,240 --> 01:24:35,141 So, Brent burst out of the closet 1808 01:24:35,209 --> 01:24:38,338 In an explosion of glitter, just like he always wanted, 1809 01:24:38,412 --> 01:24:39,903 And I got my best friend back. 1810 01:24:40,181 --> 01:24:41,740 Caprice, mission accomplished? 1811 01:24:41,815 --> 01:24:43,613 Uh, not yet. 1812 01:24:43,684 --> 01:24:46,381 Okay, y'all made your point. 1813 01:24:46,453 --> 01:24:49,617 I made mine. Now we all have a choice. 1814 01:24:49,690 --> 01:24:51,522 You can stay out here, bored out of your minds 1815 01:24:51,592 --> 01:24:53,552 And freezing your asses off with this crazy bitch. 1816 01:24:53,594 --> 01:24:56,428 Or you can come inside and dance your asses off 1817 01:24:56,497 --> 01:24:58,432 With this crazy bitch. 1818 01:24:58,499 --> 01:25:00,019 I mean, do you really want to go heaven 1819 01:25:00,201 --> 01:25:02,121 If it's filled with nothing but psychos like her? 1820 01:25:05,439 --> 01:25:06,566 That's what I thought. 1821 01:25:06,640 --> 01:25:08,370 Let's go. 1822 01:25:08,442 --> 01:25:11,207 Suit yourselves! Run toward damnation! 1823 01:25:11,278 --> 01:25:13,338 I'll see you all in hell! 1824 01:25:13,414 --> 01:25:16,213 I mean, I won't see you 'cause I won't be there, 1825 01:25:16,283 --> 01:25:18,752 But there's probably, like, a window or something 1826 01:25:18,819 --> 01:25:21,721 Where people in heaven can look down to people in hell! 1827 01:25:21,789 --> 01:25:26,750 And I'll see you through that hell window... thing! 1828 01:25:26,827 --> 01:25:29,387 That sucks, man. 1829 01:25:29,463 --> 01:25:32,627 ♪ It's not just all physical ♪ 1830 01:25:32,700 --> 01:25:34,328 How about an H.J.? 1831 01:25:34,401 --> 01:25:36,336 ♪ Drop that beat, bitch ♪ 1832 01:25:36,403 --> 01:25:41,239 ♪ It's hook, man, hey, hey, hey ♪ 1833 01:25:41,308 --> 01:25:43,800 ♪ My name is Heven ♪ 1834 01:25:43,877 --> 01:25:45,607 ♪ My gay best friend, my gay best friend ♪ 1835 01:25:45,679 --> 01:25:47,841 ♪ He's on the go, he's on the go ♪ 1836 01:25:47,915 --> 01:25:49,907 ♪ We hit the club, we hit the club ♪ 1837 01:25:49,984 --> 01:25:51,816 ♪ We drop it low, we drop it low ♪ 1838 01:25:51,885 --> 01:25:54,218 ♪ He always gets, he always gets ♪ 1839 01:25:54,288 --> 01:25:55,881 So, I went down in history 1840 01:25:55,956 --> 01:25:58,448 As the first kid in our school to come out, 1841 01:25:58,525 --> 01:26:01,620 But I definitely wasn't the last because, as it turns out, 1842 01:26:01,695 --> 01:26:04,927 The closet and high school are kind of the same thing. 1843 01:26:04,999 --> 01:26:07,366 They're both something you can't wait to escape 1844 01:26:07,434 --> 01:26:09,767 But are scared to death of what lies beyond. 1845 01:26:09,837 --> 01:26:11,999 They both make you kind of insane, 1846 01:26:12,273 --> 01:26:14,606 Cause you to take on a secret identity, 1847 01:26:14,675 --> 01:26:17,474 Or make you confused... 1848 01:26:17,544 --> 01:26:21,447 or mean... 1849 01:26:21,515 --> 01:26:22,983 or crazy horny, even. 1850 01:26:23,050 --> 01:26:24,985 Sweet Joseph smith, you are sexy. 1851 01:26:25,052 --> 01:26:27,817 You too. 1852 01:26:27,888 --> 01:26:29,720 You're out, right? 1853 01:26:29,790 --> 01:26:31,759 For a face like yours, I'll out myself 1854 01:26:31,825 --> 01:26:34,920 To the entire Mormon tabernacle choi... 1855 01:26:34,995 --> 01:26:37,362 When you're in, every little thing 1856 01:26:37,431 --> 01:26:38,956 Just seems like the hugest deal, 1857 01:26:39,033 --> 01:26:40,501 But once you're out, well, 1858 01:26:40,567 --> 01:26:42,729 You wonder why you ever made such a fuss. 1859 01:26:42,803 --> 01:26:45,967 And while things still suck every once in a while, 1860 01:26:46,040 --> 01:26:49,602 When you finally leave both the closet and high school, 1861 01:26:49,677 --> 01:26:51,873 Everything just kind of... 1862 01:26:51,945 --> 01:26:53,880 sucks less. 1863 01:26:53,947 --> 01:26:55,779 So, now that you're out... 1864 01:26:55,849 --> 01:26:57,374 I am? 1865 01:26:57,451 --> 01:27:00,387 What about us? 1866 01:27:00,454 --> 01:27:01,854 Us? 1867 01:27:01,922 --> 01:27:03,618 Mm-hmm. 1868 01:27:03,691 --> 01:27:06,024 Well, I just... I was... Huh? 1869 01:27:06,093 --> 01:27:09,063 What? No, you go first. 1870 01:27:09,330 --> 01:27:10,764 I was thinking... 1871 01:27:10,831 --> 01:27:12,026 mm-hmm. 1872 01:27:12,099 --> 01:27:14,295 You know, if we ended up together... 1873 01:27:14,368 --> 01:27:15,563 Which we totally would 1874 01:27:15,636 --> 01:27:18,071 If this were a classic high-school movie. 1875 01:27:18,339 --> 01:27:19,602 Right, and, you know, 1876 01:27:19,673 --> 01:27:21,505 But we don't get to kiss as the credits roll. 1877 01:27:21,575 --> 01:27:23,544 Well, we got to, you know, keep going. 1878 01:27:23,610 --> 01:27:26,774 Maybe we'd last a few months... 1879 01:27:26,847 --> 01:27:28,076 Right. ...A year. 1880 01:27:28,349 --> 01:27:30,375 And then what? Then we go to college 1881 01:27:30,451 --> 01:27:32,647 And then I cheat on you and it's awkward 1882 01:27:32,720 --> 01:27:34,586 And I lose you forever. 1883 01:27:34,655 --> 01:27:37,420 So, what you're saying is, 1884 01:27:37,491 --> 01:27:41,952 Instead of satisfying our teenage horniness... 1885 01:27:42,029 --> 01:27:47,798 instead of risking having you as my B.F., 1886 01:27:47,868 --> 01:27:51,737 I'd rather keep you forever as my B.F.F. 1887 01:27:53,540 --> 01:27:55,736 Go "f" yourself. 1888 01:27:57,845 --> 01:28:00,974 ♪ But now I've come back again ♪ 1889 01:28:01,048 --> 01:28:04,917 So, after Brent had made his gayness official, 1890 01:28:04,985 --> 01:28:06,544 'Shley and Glenn won cutest couple 1891 01:28:06,620 --> 01:28:09,351 When he came out as irrefutably straight 1892 01:28:09,423 --> 01:28:11,688 And she came out as a total rice queen. 1893 01:28:11,759 --> 01:28:14,490 But it took us a bit longer to convince Fawcett to come out 1894 01:28:14,561 --> 01:28:18,020 As a chemistry nerd with a secret nice streak. 1895 01:28:18,098 --> 01:28:19,589 Oh, my god! 1896 01:28:19,666 --> 01:28:21,897 Sophie won a scholarship to Sarah Lawrence 1897 01:28:21,969 --> 01:28:23,961 After she published a well-regarded analysis 1898 01:28:24,037 --> 01:28:25,437 Of the adolescent propensity 1899 01:28:25,506 --> 01:28:27,600 For self-perpetuated objectification. 1900 01:28:27,674 --> 01:28:31,441 And Brent and Caprice were voted most dramatic, 1901 01:28:31,512 --> 01:28:33,606 Which... Let's face it... Is basically short-hand 1902 01:28:33,680 --> 01:28:36,411 For "gayest"and "bitchiest." 1903 01:28:36,483 --> 01:28:40,443 As for me, I didn't win any senior superlatives. 1904 01:28:40,521 --> 01:28:42,422 With all the new outings going on, 1905 01:28:42,489 --> 01:28:44,458 My sex life... Or lack thereof... 1906 01:28:44,525 --> 01:28:47,552 Was once again the least interesting thing about me. 1907 01:28:47,628 --> 01:28:51,121 I wasn't an accessory or a sidekick. 1908 01:28:51,198 --> 01:28:52,894 I was just me. 1909 01:28:52,966 --> 01:28:54,935 And I couldn't have been gayer about it. 1910 01:28:55,002 --> 01:28:57,164 And I mean that in the old-timey, happy way, 1911 01:28:57,438 --> 01:28:58,963 Not the gay way, but... 1912 01:28:59,039 --> 01:29:01,668 Yeah, that, too. 1913 01:29:05,946 --> 01:29:12,613 ♪ I will be waiting for you ♪ 1914 01:29:12,686 --> 01:29:14,655 Pop dance crap! 1915 01:29:14,721 --> 01:29:17,020 Oh, shut up. You know you love that crap. 1916 01:29:17,090 --> 01:29:18,786 Ooh! 1917 01:29:18,859 --> 01:29:20,139 You have a ladybug in your hair. 1918 01:29:20,194 --> 01:29:22,663 Ahh! 1919 01:29:22,729 --> 01:29:24,425 Uh-oh. Looks like they're waking back up. 1920 01:29:26,800 --> 01:29:27,961 You want to hang out? 1921 01:29:28,035 --> 01:29:29,435 Yeah. Should I just...? 1922 01:29:29,503 --> 01:29:31,802 Yeah, just have a seat. 1923 01:29:31,872 --> 01:29:35,639 Mm. Sits well. 1924 01:29:35,709 --> 01:29:39,578 She di... You... You... Ah! Okay, do it again. 1925 01:29:39,646 --> 01:29:44,016 You're not wearing underwear, are you? 1926 01:29:44,084 --> 01:29:45,885 I think they do care about each other, though. 1927 01:29:45,953 --> 01:29:48,184 I mean, that's the nice thing. 1928 01:29:48,255 --> 01:29:49,814 Oh! 1929 01:29:49,890 --> 01:29:51,825 Yeah! 1930 01:29:51,892 --> 01:29:54,191 You could be like my sister wife. 1931 01:29:54,261 --> 01:29:56,127 I like just "gay." He's gay. 1932 01:29:56,196 --> 01:29:59,496 Yo, bro. Oh. 1933 01:29:59,566 --> 01:30:01,933 Necessity is the mother of invention, right? 1934 01:30:02,002 --> 01:30:03,800 Little... 1935 01:30:03,871 --> 01:30:05,134 spitting. 1936 01:30:05,205 --> 01:30:08,004 ♪ He's a guy, but he only likes boys ♪ 1937 01:30:08,075 --> 01:30:10,544 Now give me booty bump, booty bump. 1938 01:30:10,611 --> 01:30:14,173 Oh. Oh, boy, that's firm. Not surprised. 1939 01:30:16,149 --> 01:30:17,777 I can't wait to go home. 1940 01:30:17,851 --> 01:30:20,946 I miss you. 1941 01:30:21,021 --> 01:30:23,547 Yeah. 1942 01:30:23,624 --> 01:30:26,059 Thank you. 1943 01:30:28,061 --> 01:30:30,621 Drama. 1944 01:30:30,697 --> 01:30:32,757 You checking out my bal... 1945 01:30:32,833 --> 01:30:34,961 I like the colors. 1946 01:30:35,035 --> 01:30:37,664 I really think hipster Goth is coming back. 1947 01:30:37,738 --> 01:30:41,072 No, it's not. Let's go. 1948 01:30:41,141 --> 01:30:45,169 I just bought these! 1949 01:30:45,245 --> 01:30:47,180 What flavors did you make? 1950 01:30:47,247 --> 01:30:48,909 Cherry, of course. 1951 01:30:48,982 --> 01:30:50,610 Mmm. Black or bing? 1952 01:30:52,252 --> 01:30:53,618 You know I like the black ones. 1953 01:30:54,855 --> 01:30:56,118 He could be bi. 1954 01:30:56,189 --> 01:30:58,920 Lingual. 1955 01:30:58,992 --> 01:31:01,154 Yeah, but then we'd have a Spanish-speaking son. 1956 01:31:01,228 --> 01:31:02,696 Who the hell wants that? 1957 01:31:02,763 --> 01:31:04,527 Bi is confusing. I don't get it. 1958 01:31:04,598 --> 01:31:07,534 I'm glad he's gay. Yo no comprendo bi. 1959 01:31:07,601 --> 01:31:08,864 Yeah. 1960 01:31:08,936 --> 01:31:09,960 How about a pop-tart? 1961 01:31:10,037 --> 01:31:11,130 Do you want a pop-tart? 1962 01:31:11,204 --> 01:31:12,763 Yes, I would like a pop-tart. 1963 01:31:12,839 --> 01:31:14,808 I'm gonna get you a pop-tart. Thank you, love. 1964 01:31:16,810 --> 01:31:18,574 ♪ Traditional prom ♪ 1965 01:31:21,848 --> 01:31:23,214 It's always my day. 1966 01:31:23,283 --> 01:31:25,047 Wait! Whoa! I wouldn't lift up that high. Okay. 1967 01:31:25,118 --> 01:31:26,552 Oh, my Britney. 1968 01:31:26,620 --> 01:31:28,816 Is that what they call it these days? 1969 01:31:28,889 --> 01:31:31,154 My sunglasses are supposed to be on. 1970 01:31:31,224 --> 01:31:35,218 Tweets! People are tweet... Tweeting. 1971 01:31:37,130 --> 01:31:39,156 Or how about an arch "J"? 1972 01:31:39,232 --> 01:31:41,133 Not "arch." An arch "J"? 1973 01:31:42,669 --> 01:31:44,695 I don't know... What's an arch "J"? 1974 01:31:44,771 --> 01:31:47,263 "...Can think of"-inclusive prom, so... Sorry! 1975 01:31:47,341 --> 01:31:50,072 With that... 1976 01:31:50,143 --> 01:31:54,581 he can't deal with it. Heath is freaking. 1977 01:31:54,648 --> 01:31:56,879 That's sad. 1978 01:31:56,950 --> 01:31:58,111 ♪ My gay best friend ♪ 1979 01:31:58,185 --> 01:32:00,017 Are you coming back? 1980 01:32:01,955 --> 01:32:03,856 ♪ H ♪ 1981 01:32:03,924 --> 01:32:05,722 ♪ E ♪ 1982 01:32:05,792 --> 01:32:07,988 ♪ R ♪ 1983 01:32:08,061 --> 01:32:10,621 ♪ Oh, I'm such a lady ♪ 1984 01:32:10,697 --> 01:32:12,996 ♪ But now I wanna get freaky ♪ 1985 01:32:13,066 --> 01:32:16,036 ♪ I'm feeling naughty, am I crazy? ♪ 1986 01:32:16,103 --> 01:32:18,732 ♪ Oh, I just want to be bad ♪ 1987 01:32:18,805 --> 01:32:20,637 ♪ Pass me my glass ♪ 1988 01:32:20,707 --> 01:32:22,869 ♪ The fangs are out tonight ♪ 1989 01:32:22,876 --> 01:32:23,876 ♪ Who am I gonna bite? ♪ 1990 01:32:23,877 --> 01:32:25,778 ♪ "H"...My hips ♪ 1991 01:32:25,846 --> 01:32:27,838 ♪ "E"...Emotion ♪ 1992 01:32:27,914 --> 01:32:29,849 ♪ "R"...The rhythm ♪ 1993 01:32:29,916 --> 01:32:31,817 ♪ All the parts of her ♪ 1994 01:32:31,885 --> 01:32:33,786 ♪ "H"...My hips ♪ 1995 01:32:33,854 --> 01:32:35,880 ♪ "E"...Emotion ♪ 1996 01:32:35,956 --> 01:32:37,822 ♪ "R"...The rhythm ♪ 1997 01:32:37,891 --> 01:32:39,883 ♪ All the parts of her ♪148947

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