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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:06,775 --> 00:00:10,610
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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We now return to The Terminator.
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I've been sent here from the future.
13
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I have to have sex with your
housekeeper to save humanity.
14
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What?
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00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,552
Bring me your housekeeper!
16
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I have to have sex with her now!
17
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I'm the Terminator!
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I don't have a housekeeper.
19
00:00:50,025 --> 00:00:51,124
And I think you're just
20
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,759
present-day Arnold Schwarzenegger.
21
00:00:52,795 --> 00:00:54,394
No, I am a machine.
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Every second I'm not having
sex with a housekeeper,
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00:00:57,399 --> 00:01:00,133
robots are killing people in the future.
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Okay, I finish for the day.
25
00:01:02,171 --> 00:01:03,403
You lied to me!
26
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:04,971
You do have a housekeeper!
27
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Let's go make a large-faced boy.
28
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,611
Whoa, whoa, whoa, cop, cop, cop.
29
00:01:11,647 --> 00:01:14,514
Peter, it's me, and you're an
adult man drinking in a bar.
30
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Anyway, sorry I'm late.
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00:01:15,918 --> 00:01:18,351
The pantry down at the
station needed new shelf paper.
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That's what they got
you doing down there?
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Well, that, and I'm also in
charge of the office gerbil.
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00:01:22,491 --> 00:01:25,625
And let me tell you, Lieutenant
Nibbles is quite a handful.
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00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:27,928
He'll only eat real
cheese, not processed.
36
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:30,230
You buy special cheese for a gerbil?
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00:01:30,265 --> 00:01:32,065
Yeah, I have to, he outranks me.
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00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:33,700
Jeez, Joe, what the hell happened?
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00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:36,169
You used to be this badass
cop out there on the street,
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busting heads and keeping us safe.
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00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,374
Well, it may not sound exciting,
but I play an important role.
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00:01:41,410 --> 00:01:43,109
I go through all the body cam footage
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and take out all the parts
where the cops go pee-pee.
44
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:48,582
So you're just erasing
cop wieners all day?
45
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Eh, not erasing, sort
of cutting them together
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into a funny montage
we show on birthdays.
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Speaking of which, Flannigan's
got the big "four-oh" coming up.
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Got to go.
49
00:01:57,791 --> 00:02:00,460
Man, you guys think Joe's
as happy as he says he is,
50
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,329
just doing all that desk work?
51
00:02:02,364 --> 00:02:05,332
No way, he's just
putting lipstick on a pig.
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This is called "Crimson Sky."
53
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What do you think?
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Mmm.
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Harold?
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Get this off of me!
57
00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:13,507
What are you doing in
the women's department?
58
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Uh, waiting for you.
59
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Well, I'm ready. Let's go.
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Who are you?
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00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,990
Ugh, she just put her
tampons on top of the bread.
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Take the groceries
out, we got start over.
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Mom, can I go barehand
raisins from the bulk aisle?
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Okay, but if you get caught,
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just say, "oopsie-poopsie,"
like a simpleton.
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00:02:40,235 --> 00:02:41,968
Hey, watch your fat arms!
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Excuse me, ma'am, your little
girl dropped her teddy bear.
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00:02:44,673 --> 00:02:45,639
What?
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00:02:45,674 --> 00:02:47,107
"Little girl"?
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00:02:48,243 --> 00:02:50,043
Yeah, she hates it when she drops that.
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He's actually a little boy,
but thank you very much.
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Did she just think I was a girl?
73
00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:56,316
Why would she think that?
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I don't know, maybe she saw
you try to throw that feather
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in the yard yesterday.
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00:02:59,588 --> 00:03:01,856
Hey, don't watch me
when I'm doing stuff.
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What are you doing, kid?
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Those aren't free!
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Oopsie-poopsie!
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Aw, God bless you.
81
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Help yourself.
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Car trouble?
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Ah, son of a bitch, Joe!
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Didn't even hear you coming.
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00:03:23,378 --> 00:03:25,946
Yeah, I'm kind of quiet on grass.
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00:03:28,884 --> 00:03:30,517
Thanks for giving me a ride, Joe.
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00:03:30,552 --> 00:03:32,085
Hey, since we're in a cop car,
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let's talk about our hunches
and how something doesn't add up.
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00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:35,655
All right.
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00:03:35,691 --> 00:03:38,491
I have a hunch Madea's
not really a girl.
91
00:03:38,527 --> 00:03:40,594
Yeah, something doesn't
add up about that.
92
00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:41,962
All units,
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reports of a drug deal in
progress at Fifth and Maple.
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Shots fired.
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Suspect possibly armed.
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00:03:46,902 --> 00:03:50,036
Well, shots fired, so
definitely armed, duh.
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00:03:50,072 --> 00:03:51,204
Dispatch much?
98
00:03:51,239 --> 00:03:52,672
Sorry, guys.
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00:03:52,708 --> 00:03:54,074
Fifth and Maple? That's right near here.
100
00:03:54,076 --> 00:03:55,141
We got to go!
101
00:03:55,177 --> 00:03:56,876
No can do, I got to go to the station
102
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and tidy up the bulletin board.
103
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,447
No one's biting on those guitar lessons.
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00:04:00,482 --> 00:04:01,581
What are you talking about?
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00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,216
There's a drug deal going down!
106
00:04:03,251 --> 00:04:06,019
Peter, there's a lot you don't
understand about police work.
107
00:04:06,054 --> 00:04:07,921
What's to understand? I watch TV.
108
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:11,048
Come on, Joe, let's put this
70's siren on your car and go.
109
00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,294
Did you just wipe a booger on my roof?
110
00:04:14,329 --> 00:04:15,895
Let's go! Let's go!
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00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:21,468
Oh, crap! Cops!
112
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That's the house!
113
00:04:24,106 --> 00:04:25,739
Hold on, Peter, we can't go in there.
114
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We got to wait for backup.
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The hell we do!
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Peter!
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Reach for the stars!
118
00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:33,054
What?
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I think he's telling
us to follow our dreams.
120
00:04:35,327 --> 00:04:36,293
Where are the drugs?
121
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What are you doing?
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You are violating all
kinds of procedures!
123
00:04:39,788 --> 00:04:41,554
There's no drugs here, pig.
124
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Ah-ha! No drugs, huh?
125
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:47,694
Well, what do you call this?
126
00:04:47,729 --> 00:04:49,195
And I'll bet there's
more where that came from.
127
00:04:50,265 --> 00:04:52,365
They're trying to flush their stash!
128
00:04:53,468 --> 00:04:54,801
Nice try, scumbag,
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00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,019
but I got your squishy drugs right here.
130
00:04:57,022 --> 00:04:58,104
Uh-oh.
131
00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,140
Peter, hand me my gun
and get out of here!
132
00:05:00,142 --> 00:05:01,641
I could get fired for this!
133
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:05,412
And I can't go back to my
job as a magician's assistant.
134
00:05:07,616 --> 00:05:10,283
And now, to pull the two sides apart.
135
00:05:12,372 --> 00:05:14,572
And wiggle your toes!
136
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:18,291
I said, wiggle your toes!
137
00:05:18,326 --> 00:05:19,693
Yeah, that's, uh,
138
00:05:19,728 --> 00:05:22,862
that's why I wanted to
talk to you before the show.
139
00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:28,935
What's up, dudes?
140
00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:30,370
Stewie, what the hell is all this?
141
00:05:30,405 --> 00:05:32,772
Uh, only the most manly thing ever.
142
00:05:32,808 --> 00:05:35,875
A little something
called American football.
143
00:05:35,911 --> 00:05:37,744
Is that a Michael Sam jersey?
144
00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:39,279
Yep. Two boy names.
145
00:05:39,314 --> 00:05:40,714
Doubly masculine.
146
00:05:40,749 --> 00:05:42,148
- Like George Michael?
- Shut up!
147
00:05:42,184 --> 00:05:44,017
Come on, Stewie, are
you still hung up about
148
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,292
that woman at the grocery
store thinking you were a girl?
149
00:05:46,321 --> 00:05:47,587
Elton John.
150
00:05:47,622 --> 00:05:48,621
Is another.
151
00:05:48,657 --> 00:05:50,256
It has nothing to do with that, Brian.
152
00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:52,625
I just thought it'd be
good to take up a sport.
153
00:05:52,661 --> 00:05:54,094
You know, like boys do.
154
00:05:54,129 --> 00:05:56,362
You don't have to play
football to prove you're a boy.
155
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:57,797
Barney Frank.
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00:05:57,833 --> 00:05:59,632
Is yet another one.
157
00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:00,667
Chris, please.
158
00:06:00,702 --> 00:06:01,701
Actually, you know what? Ricky Martin.
159
00:06:01,703 --> 00:06:03,002
There's a bunch of these.
160
00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:04,637
Anyway, they're not gonna
let you play football, Stewie.
161
00:06:04,639 --> 00:06:05,605
You're too little.
162
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,840
Oh, don't worry.
163
00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:08,875
I'm gonna be bad news
for the other team.
164
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,144
And nobody likes bad news.
165
00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:14,180
Except for Larry, the
Self-Loathing Idiot.
166
00:06:14,216 --> 00:06:17,517
Larry, I'm afraid you only
have three months to live.
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Swanson!
168
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I need to see you right now!
169
00:06:30,165 --> 00:06:31,564
Captain.
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00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,799
Lieutenant.
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00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:35,201
You had no business
participating in that raid
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at Fifth and Maple.
173
00:06:36,638 --> 00:06:38,238
I know that, Captain.
I'm sorry that I...
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00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,506
But I'm glad you did.
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00:06:39,541 --> 00:06:40,940
Excuse me?
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00:06:40,976 --> 00:06:43,676
You brought down one of the
biggest drug rings in Quahog.
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00:06:43,712 --> 00:06:45,712
Above and beyond, Swanson.
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00:06:45,747 --> 00:06:47,347
Well, sir, I...
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00:06:47,382 --> 00:06:49,149
I'm just like any other cop.
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00:06:49,184 --> 00:06:51,618
My wife puts on my
pants one leg at a time.
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00:06:51,653 --> 00:06:53,920
I appreciate your
modesty, but nice work.
182
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,222
It's hard to believe you
did that all by yourself.
183
00:06:56,258 --> 00:06:59,492
Yep, did it all by myself, I did, I did.
184
00:06:59,528 --> 00:07:02,495
My little lonesome, says I.
185
00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:04,731
That's weird phrasing, but
I'll tell you this, Swanson,
186
00:07:04,766 --> 00:07:06,166
you keep up this kind of work,
187
00:07:06,201 --> 00:07:08,201
there'll be no more
grocery runs for you.
188
00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:10,203
You'll be back on the street full-time.
189
00:07:10,238 --> 00:07:11,504
Thank you, Captain.
190
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:13,773
Sir?
191
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,096
Thank you, sir.
192
00:07:22,369 --> 00:07:23,602
Hey, Peter.
193
00:07:23,637 --> 00:07:26,071
You know, I was just thinking
about how much fun we had
194
00:07:26,106 --> 00:07:28,340
the other day, and wondered
if you'd want to join me
195
00:07:28,375 --> 00:07:29,908
for another ride-along.
196
00:07:29,943 --> 00:07:32,177
Well, yeah, but I-I thought
you said I couldn't do that
197
00:07:32,212 --> 00:07:33,378
'cause you'd get in trouble.
198
00:07:33,414 --> 00:07:34,880
Eh, it'll be our little secret.
199
00:07:34,915 --> 00:07:35,914
All right.
200
00:07:35,949 --> 00:07:37,149
Hey, can I drive the car?
201
00:07:37,184 --> 00:07:39,084
- Yeah, I guess I can let you drive.
- Awesome!
202
00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:41,353
Hey, and-and can we go
slow up to a homeless guy
203
00:07:41,388 --> 00:07:43,321
and go "joop-joop"
and see what he does?
204
00:07:43,357 --> 00:07:44,489
That's half the job.
205
00:07:44,525 --> 00:07:46,224
So, what do you say? You
think you're up to it?
206
00:07:46,226 --> 00:07:47,292
You bet I am.
207
00:07:47,327 --> 00:07:48,927
I'm in the best shape of my life.
208
00:07:48,962 --> 00:07:51,763
I've been working my Dave
Matthews Punching Bag.
209
00:07:51,799 --> 00:07:53,698
Thank you very much for using me today.
210
00:07:56,403 --> 00:07:57,969
This isn't annoying enough.
211
00:07:58,005 --> 00:07:59,572
I need my David Lee Roth bag.
212
00:08:09,616 --> 00:08:12,884
Wow. So these are the
wife-beaters of tomorrow.
213
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,653
Which team is Stewie gonna be on?
214
00:08:14,688 --> 00:08:16,154
He's not gonna be on any team.
215
00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:18,957
He's just overcompensating,
because he was called a girl.
216
00:08:18,992 --> 00:08:21,660
But once he sees how big the
other kids are, he'll back out.
217
00:08:22,629 --> 00:08:24,696
Ooh! My shoes have 12 little heels.
218
00:08:24,731 --> 00:08:25,797
They're cleats!
219
00:08:25,833 --> 00:08:28,166
Okay, kids, let's start practice.
220
00:08:28,202 --> 00:08:29,367
Yeah! Football!
221
00:08:29,403 --> 00:08:31,036
Boy stuff. Hitting the shower.
222
00:08:31,071 --> 00:08:32,170
Getting embarrassed.
223
00:08:32,206 --> 00:08:33,271
Going home to shower.
224
00:08:33,307 --> 00:08:34,773
Okay, Stewie, enough is enough.
225
00:08:34,808 --> 00:08:36,508
All right, let's-let's
get you out of here.
226
00:08:36,543 --> 00:08:38,383
Yeah, you probably should
get him out of there,
227
00:08:38,412 --> 00:08:39,945
'cause he's just a little shrimp.
228
00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:41,580
Uh, okay, thank you.
229
00:08:41,615 --> 00:08:42,714
I mean, look at him.
230
00:08:42,749 --> 00:08:44,549
My Tyler would kill him out there.
231
00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:45,917
Okay, well, believe me, there's
232
00:08:45,953 --> 00:08:47,118
there's more to him than you think.
233
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,086
Come on, Stewie.
234
00:08:48,121 --> 00:08:49,888
You know, ballet is great exercise.
235
00:08:49,923 --> 00:08:52,390
Maybe you should put
short stack in a tutu.
236
00:08:52,426 --> 00:08:53,625
No, you know what, Stewie?
237
00:08:53,660 --> 00:08:55,193
Get the hell out on that field!
238
00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:57,462
And if you see that
Tyler, take his knee out.
239
00:08:57,498 --> 00:08:58,497
All right, let's do it!
240
00:08:58,532 --> 00:08:59,531
Football game!
241
00:08:59,566 --> 00:09:02,133
Then, reminder, showering at home.
242
00:09:02,169 --> 00:09:05,170
Okay, I guess we'll see who's
got the toughest kid here.
243
00:09:05,205 --> 00:09:06,638
Yeah, I guess we will.
244
00:09:09,042 --> 00:09:10,008
Hey!
245
00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:12,077
Oopsie-poopsie!
246
00:09:12,112 --> 00:09:13,478
Aw.
247
00:10:26,019 --> 00:10:27,319
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
248
00:10:27,354 --> 00:10:28,787
Our top story tonight:
249
00:10:28,822 --> 00:10:30,488
local news anchor too professional
250
00:10:30,524 --> 00:10:33,258
to laugh at penis poked
through hole in cue card.
251
00:10:33,293 --> 00:10:35,727
But first, earlier today at city hall,
252
00:10:35,762 --> 00:10:37,495
the mayor honored a hero cop
253
00:10:37,531 --> 00:10:39,998
who has foiled a
string of recent crimes.
254
00:10:40,033 --> 00:10:42,968
Good afternoon, we had a
budget meeting that ran long,
255
00:10:43,003 --> 00:10:44,769
so I'm gonna eat my lunch
256
00:10:44,805 --> 00:10:48,073
while I hold this press conference.
257
00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:49,941
Ooh, my favorite!
258
00:10:49,977 --> 00:10:52,711
Loose Cobb salad in a lunchbox.
259
00:10:52,746 --> 00:10:55,046
I'm gonna now shake this up
260
00:10:55,082 --> 00:10:58,550
like a lady in your office.
261
00:10:58,585 --> 00:11:01,286
Okay, while the dressing does its magic,
262
00:11:01,321 --> 00:11:03,822
let's honor Officer Joe Swanson,
263
00:11:03,857 --> 00:11:08,526
who single-handedly cut
crime in Quahog by 75%.
264
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:12,230
What? "Single-handedly"?
265
00:11:12,265 --> 00:11:15,667
Officer Swanson, as thanks
from a grateful city,
266
00:11:15,702 --> 00:11:18,203
please accept this Certificate of Merit.
267
00:11:18,238 --> 00:11:23,108
And with that, I hereby
declare this hero cop open!
268
00:11:23,143 --> 00:11:25,076
Whoa, sweet bod.
269
00:11:25,112 --> 00:11:26,711
You lift, bro?
270
00:11:26,747 --> 00:11:29,214
Damn it, I can't believe
Joe's hogging all the credit.
271
00:11:29,249 --> 00:11:32,050
That bastard's just getting
famous by tricking people.
272
00:11:32,085 --> 00:11:33,785
Like Orson Welles.
273
00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:36,488
So the aliens have come to Earth
274
00:11:36,523 --> 00:11:38,923
to destroy all mankind.
275
00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:41,192
And, uh...
276
00:11:41,228 --> 00:11:43,395
they're going to start at McDonald's.
277
00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:46,798
So if you're in line
there, you better run.
278
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:49,100
Whoa, whoa! N-Not the workers, though.
279
00:11:49,136 --> 00:11:52,070
They've already said
the workers are safe.
280
00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:59,477
Excuse me, Coach
Herar-Herar-ra-ra-ra...?
281
00:11:59,513 --> 00:12:00,645
It's Herrera.
282
00:12:00,681 --> 00:12:02,313
Okay, well that's a
lot of Rs, but listen,
283
00:12:02,315 --> 00:12:04,082
I-I noticed you're not starting Stewie.
284
00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:05,517
Oh, I can't put him in.
285
00:12:05,552 --> 00:12:07,152
I mean, he can come
out for limp handshakes
286
00:12:07,154 --> 00:12:09,721
at the end of the game, but I
can't play him. He's too little.
287
00:12:09,724 --> 00:12:10,588
"Little"?
288
00:12:10,624 --> 00:12:12,424
Oh, like that car you drive over there?
289
00:12:12,459 --> 00:12:15,460
Let's see if it looks bigger
when I throw a Sprite at it.
290
00:12:16,963 --> 00:12:19,330
Well, that's not my
car, but I don't care,
291
00:12:19,366 --> 00:12:21,099
I'm just a volunteer.
292
00:12:21,134 --> 00:12:22,667
All right, Griffin, get in there!
293
00:12:26,373 --> 00:12:29,340
Come on, Stewie, give your dog
something to post on Facebook!
294
00:12:29,376 --> 00:12:31,443
Something to post on Facebook, let's go.
295
00:12:34,781 --> 00:12:36,648
All right, and nobody's blocking.
296
00:12:39,119 --> 00:12:40,518
Oh, my God. Stewie!
297
00:12:41,488 --> 00:12:42,921
Are you okay?
298
00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:44,656
Back off! He may have a concussion.
299
00:12:44,691 --> 00:12:45,757
A concussion?
300
00:12:45,792 --> 00:12:47,926
You do me an honor, Lieutenant,
301
00:12:47,961 --> 00:12:51,262
but my dance card is full.
302
00:12:55,902 --> 00:12:57,802
Officer Swanson, as you requested,
303
00:12:57,838 --> 00:12:59,971
here's a big stack of
all the cases you cracked.
304
00:13:00,006 --> 00:13:02,841
Oh, great. Now I'm gonna go
ahead and brood over a photo
305
00:13:02,876 --> 00:13:06,478
of the girl whose case was
the one I couldn't solve.
306
00:13:06,513 --> 00:13:09,414
Your '70s sweater and
feathered hair let people know
307
00:13:09,449 --> 00:13:11,816
this is a cold case.
308
00:13:11,852 --> 00:13:14,819
Well, hello, Officer Swanson.
309
00:13:14,855 --> 00:13:16,554
Peter? What are you doing?
310
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:18,223
You're not supposed to be here.
311
00:13:18,258 --> 00:13:21,826
I saw you on TV, hogging all
the credit for my police work.
312
00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:24,629
Look, I told you, I need you
to be a silent partner on this.
313
00:13:24,664 --> 00:13:26,831
The truth is I could
get in a lot of trouble.
314
00:13:26,867 --> 00:13:30,034
Oh, I see. You need me to be
the bad cop who kicks all the ass
315
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,936
and then I'm supposed
to be quiet about it?
316
00:13:31,972 --> 00:13:34,372
Well, my silence is gonna cost you.
317
00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:35,440
What are you saying?
318
00:13:35,475 --> 00:13:37,675
I'm saying you get stuff, I want stuff.
319
00:13:37,711 --> 00:13:39,144
I've seen that evidence locker.
320
00:13:39,179 --> 00:13:41,045
I know you got Discmans in there.
321
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,014
I want a murdered jogger's Discman.
322
00:13:43,049 --> 00:13:44,749
Peter, you know I can't do that.
323
00:13:44,785 --> 00:13:47,285
Yeah? Well, maybe I accidentally reveal
324
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,320
that you're not the hero
everyone thinks you are
325
00:13:49,356 --> 00:13:50,722
and that you've been
letting your neighbor
326
00:13:50,724 --> 00:13:52,357
do all kinds of cop stuff.
327
00:13:52,392 --> 00:13:54,225
You wouldn't do that, would you?
328
00:13:54,261 --> 00:13:55,493
You bet I would.
329
00:13:55,529 --> 00:13:57,695
And one more thing.
330
00:13:57,731 --> 00:13:59,097
Peter asked me to do this.
331
00:13:59,132 --> 00:14:00,899
He, he said it's something from before.
332
00:14:00,934 --> 00:14:02,921
I, I don't know, I... I hope it's funny.
333
00:14:09,487 --> 00:14:12,557
All right, I'm here. But why
did you want me to bring this?
334
00:14:12,604 --> 00:14:14,751
I'll tell you why. You're
getting all the credit
335
00:14:14,786 --> 00:14:17,320
for my police work, so
I want stuff from you.
336
00:14:17,355 --> 00:14:19,589
I want a minute in your
house with this shopping cart,
337
00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:20,957
like Supermarket Sweep.
338
00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:22,258
Here, time me.
339
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:25,128
Peter, you expect me to
let you ransack my house?
340
00:14:25,163 --> 00:14:27,597
Well, unless you'd rather I
spill the beans to the chief
341
00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:30,066
about who's been doing your dirty work.
342
00:14:30,101 --> 00:14:32,001
Okay, go.
343
00:14:34,005 --> 00:14:35,838
Aw, sweet, board games!
344
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:37,666
I'm taking the cannon
from your Monopoly!
345
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:39,976
Why is Peter in the house?
346
00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:42,078
It's a police matter, Bonnie!
347
00:14:42,113 --> 00:14:44,247
Hey, how come Kevin's room is locked?
348
00:14:44,282 --> 00:14:45,882
He just wants some privacy!
349
00:14:45,917 --> 00:14:47,617
It's locked from the outside!
350
00:14:47,652 --> 00:14:49,385
Don't open it, Peter!
351
00:14:51,022 --> 00:14:53,289
Hi, baby. Hi, baby.
352
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:54,891
Get out of Susie's room!
353
00:14:57,028 --> 00:15:00,063
Your stuff sucks. I didn't
need the full minute.
354
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:07,363
Hey, Stewie, how's our
little concussion guy?
355
00:15:10,141 --> 00:15:12,608
Oh, my God. Can you, can you see me?
356
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:14,711
Yeah, I know, I'm fine, I'm fine.
357
00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:17,246
I-Is anybody gonna
answer that telephone?
358
00:15:17,282 --> 00:15:19,749
He keeps thinking the
phone is ringing, Brian.
359
00:15:19,784 --> 00:15:21,217
Well, at least he's talking again.
360
00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:22,652
I think that means he's getting better.
361
00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:24,454
Is it day or night?
362
00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:26,456
I don't, I don't care,
I just want to know.
363
00:15:26,491 --> 00:15:27,957
Lois, answer the bloody phone!
364
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,759
N-No, no! W-we don't need Lois.
365
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,461
Chris, pretend to answer the phone.
366
00:15:31,496 --> 00:15:33,329
Oh, uh, hello?
367
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,698
Okay. Yes, one second.
368
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,600
Mom, it's for you!
369
00:15:37,635 --> 00:15:39,035
What? No! Damn it, Chris!
370
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,737
Um, um... I'll, I'll take that.
371
00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:42,672
Hello, this is Brian Griffin.
372
00:15:42,707 --> 00:15:45,274
Actually, I already
receive The New York Times,
373
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:48,544
and I always enjoy finishing
the crossword puzzle.
374
00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,513
You're bragging to nobody?
375
00:15:50,548 --> 00:15:51,848
Phone's still ringing.
376
00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:53,683
Crap, Chris, he's worse
off than I thought.
377
00:15:53,718 --> 00:15:55,018
We have to do something.
378
00:15:55,053 --> 00:15:57,220
Well, on TV if somebody
gets hit on the head,
379
00:15:57,255 --> 00:16:00,690
you hit them a second time and
that gets them back to normal.
380
00:16:00,725 --> 00:16:02,258
No, no, Chris. This is very serious.
381
00:16:02,293 --> 00:16:05,161
You see, what a concussion is
is the impact of brain matter
382
00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:06,929
on the inside of the skull.
383
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,925
That's why you sometimes
hear this nonsense about,
384
00:16:08,933 --> 00:16:10,500
"Oh, let's just give
them better helmets."
385
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:13,236
But you can't make a
helmet for the inside...
386
00:16:13,271 --> 00:16:14,737
Chris, are you crazy?
387
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,907
Shh. Let's just let him sleep this off.
388
00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:19,742
Look how peaceful he is.
389
00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:22,545
I wonder what's going on
in that little head of his.
390
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:28,284
♪ The world looks
mighty good to me ♪
391
00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:31,821
♪ 'Cause Tootsie
Rolls are all I see ♪
392
00:16:31,856 --> 00:16:35,058
♪ Whatever it is I think I see ♪
393
00:16:35,093 --> 00:16:39,195
♪ Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me! ♪
394
00:16:43,334 --> 00:16:45,668
Joe, is something wrong?
395
00:16:45,703 --> 00:16:48,805
I didn't hear you crying
in the shower this morning.
396
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,840
I'm just dealing with
some stuff at work.
397
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:52,809
But everything's going so well.
398
00:16:52,844 --> 00:16:54,677
You've been getting
all those commendations
399
00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:58,648
and my online handmade lip balm
business is really taking off.
400
00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:00,403
I don't even know what
you're talking about.
401
00:17:00,418 --> 00:17:02,118
Well, I'm proud of you.
402
00:17:02,153 --> 00:17:05,221
And you should be proud of yourself.
403
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,660
I want these: rechargeable
heated mittens.
404
00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:12,728
Write it down.
405
00:17:12,764 --> 00:17:14,063
Forget it, Peter.
406
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,598
I'm done being blackmailed by you.
407
00:17:15,633 --> 00:17:16,766
Oh, yeah?
408
00:17:16,801 --> 00:17:18,034
Well, fine, but remember,
409
00:17:18,076 --> 00:17:19,771
you're nothing without your muscle.
410
00:17:19,774 --> 00:17:21,304
Any available unit,
411
00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:24,340
we have a report of an
armed robbery in progress.
412
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,809
Go on, hero cop. You don't need me.
413
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:30,913
Well, uh, maybe you and
I could do one last bust
414
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:32,215
for old time's sake.
415
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:34,183
Yes! All right, let's do
it. Let's go be heroes.
416
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:36,219
Like the designated Shriver.
417
00:17:36,254 --> 00:17:40,323
Is there a skeleton with a
wig that can drive me home?
418
00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:41,724
I can.
419
00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:43,326
Look at this mess!
420
00:17:43,361 --> 00:17:45,895
Where is the housekeeper?
421
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,635
Well, you already look better.
422
00:17:52,637 --> 00:17:54,103
The doctor should be in any minute.
423
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:57,206
Chris, what the hell?
424
00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:00,743
There is a room where you can
go in and just get free people.
425
00:18:00,778 --> 00:18:03,312
Yeah, you should give that back.
426
00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:06,149
Look, I'm really sorry I
let you get hurt, Stewie.
427
00:18:06,184 --> 00:18:08,451
I never should've pushed
you into that game.
428
00:18:08,486 --> 00:18:09,852
Oh, it's not your fault.
429
00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:12,421
I just have to accept that I'm not a man
430
00:18:12,457 --> 00:18:14,123
and I'm never going to be one.
431
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,439
That's ridiculous. You can't let
432
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:18,728
what one woman says in a
grocery store define who you are.
433
00:18:18,763 --> 00:18:20,263
Mom and Dad said it, too.
434
00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:22,565
I heard it through a vent in the wall.
435
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,200
Hey, knock, knock.
436
00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:25,368
Coach Herrera?
437
00:18:25,403 --> 00:18:26,736
You came to see Stewie?
438
00:18:26,771 --> 00:18:29,805
Yeah, I wanted to check in
on this tough little guy.
439
00:18:29,841 --> 00:18:31,674
"Tough little guy"?
440
00:18:31,709 --> 00:18:34,010
It takes a real man to
take a hit like that.
441
00:18:34,045 --> 00:18:36,145
Feel better, sport.
442
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:37,880
How about that?
443
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,515
"Real man."
444
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:40,883
See? I told you, Stewie.
445
00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:42,485
You're a big, tough boy.
446
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,287
Yes, I guess I am.
447
00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:45,488
That may be, Stewie.
448
00:18:45,523 --> 00:18:47,790
But if I were you,
I'd stay off the field.
449
00:18:47,825 --> 00:18:50,760
Concussions are the number
one problem in football today.
450
00:18:50,795 --> 00:18:52,828
Recent brain scan studies have shown...
451
00:18:54,699 --> 00:18:58,167
...that brain injuries are
directly linked to dementia
452
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,636
and suicides in former players!
453
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,605
Yet the league...
454
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:06,642
You can play the music louder
but you can't silence the truth!
455
00:19:09,747 --> 00:19:11,147
Peter, slow down!
456
00:19:11,182 --> 00:19:12,848
No can do, Joe. I'm all hopped up
457
00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:15,351
'cause I Vicks Vapo'd my sack.
458
00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:19,188
I also got some of it in my eyes.
459
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:23,159
Am I getting them? Am
I getting the robbers?
460
00:19:23,194 --> 00:19:26,329
Peter, put the gun down!
461
00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:28,364
On the floor, punks.
462
00:19:28,399 --> 00:19:29,832
Everybody dies.
463
00:19:31,035 --> 00:19:33,169
My already-irritated eyes!
464
00:19:36,949 --> 00:19:38,941
Aw, damn it, Peter!
465
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:41,310
This is Officer Swanson,
I need backup at...
466
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:44,280
Ow! They're beating me
with vaping accessories!
467
00:19:44,315 --> 00:19:46,983
Forget it, there's no time.
468
00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:49,752
Freeze, police!
469
00:19:49,787 --> 00:19:52,255
Too late, Joe. I already
identify with my captors.
470
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,490
Don't hurt Max and Ken.
471
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:16,946
Holy crap, Joe. That
was freaking amazing!
472
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:18,214
You kicked their ass!
473
00:20:18,249 --> 00:20:20,383
You're right, I guess I did.
474
00:20:20,418 --> 00:20:21,751
And without my help.
475
00:20:21,786 --> 00:20:23,753
See, this is the Joe I remember.
476
00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:27,256
You know, maybe you
had it in you all along.
477
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:30,326
Wow. I guess I just
got ground down by years
478
00:20:30,361 --> 00:20:32,528
of people treating
me like an errand boy,
479
00:20:32,563 --> 00:20:35,431
and I just let them walk all over me.
480
00:20:35,466 --> 00:20:37,867
You know, you were a real
pain in the butt as a partner,
481
00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:40,102
but you helped me find myself again.
482
00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:41,537
Thanks, Peter.
483
00:20:41,572 --> 00:20:43,406
You're welcome, Joe.
484
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:46,642
Excuse me, do you have any
Tab soda I can bring back
485
00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:49,712
to the sex dungeon where I've
been held captive for decades?
486
00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:51,314
Ma'am, this is a crime scene.
487
00:20:51,349 --> 00:20:54,450
I'm gonna have to ask you to move along.
488
00:20:54,485 --> 00:20:57,257
You're right, Peter.
I'm a pretty good cop.
35761
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