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00:00:05,162 --> 00:00:10,162
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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00:00:33,351 --> 00:00:34,653
Thank you.
3
00:00:34,686 --> 00:00:37,821
I have one more for you,
called "I Want To Live."
4
00:00:37,855 --> 00:00:40,891
But first I'd like to introduce
a dear friend of mine
5
00:00:40,924 --> 00:00:42,694
who's going to share
a few words.
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00:00:42,727 --> 00:00:44,329
Treya Wilber.
7
00:00:50,901 --> 00:00:51,869
Thank you.
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00:00:51,902 --> 00:00:52,570
Yeah.
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00:01:05,916 --> 00:01:07,686
Hello.
10
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,655
My name is
Treya Killam Wilber.
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00:01:10,689 --> 00:01:13,758
Many of you here
have known me as Terry.
12
00:01:13,792 --> 00:01:18,896
I've been involved with
Windstar from the early days.
13
00:01:18,929 --> 00:01:22,567
Five years ago,
in August of '83,
14
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:26,371
I met and totally fell in love
with Ken Wilber.
15
00:01:26,404 --> 00:01:30,040
I always used to call it
love at first touch.
16
00:01:40,385 --> 00:01:42,654
"Dear Friends,
17
00:01:42,687 --> 00:01:46,558
Remember those lists
I used to make...
18
00:01:46,591 --> 00:01:51,095
my wish list
for the perfect man?
19
00:01:51,128 --> 00:01:53,431
Well, at 36,
I certainly didn't think
20
00:01:53,465 --> 00:01:57,569
that man
could still happen to me.
21
00:01:57,602 --> 00:02:01,639
Yep, love,
I've finally found him.
22
00:02:01,673 --> 00:02:04,676
His name is Ken Wilber.
23
00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:06,411
Maybe you've heard of him.
24
00:02:06,444 --> 00:02:09,947
He's revered as "the Einstein
of Consciousness."
25
00:02:09,980 --> 00:02:12,350
At the CAL Institute
for Psychological Studies
26
00:02:12,384 --> 00:02:18,889
was where I first read
this Mr. Wilber's work.
27
00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:21,393
I didn't think much of this
until a few weeks later
28
00:02:21,426 --> 00:02:23,595
when Frances called
to invite me to dinner with Ken
29
00:02:23,628 --> 00:02:25,996
at her and Roger's home.
30
00:02:26,029 --> 00:02:28,600
It needs to be explored and
maybe you'll find that answer.
31
00:02:28,633 --> 00:02:31,569
Uh, we're
trying to have kids,
32
00:02:31,603 --> 00:02:33,070
but it's not working.
33
00:02:33,103 --> 00:02:34,071
Ken and I
just barely had a chance
34
00:02:34,104 --> 00:02:35,874
to say hello
when our two friends
35
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:39,711
began to bring up some problems
in their relationship.
36
00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:42,580
It's important to
differentiate, to understand...
37
00:02:42,614 --> 00:02:44,014
Ken was asked to be therapist
38
00:02:44,047 --> 00:02:45,683
for the evening.
39
00:02:45,717 --> 00:02:46,917
But it's like
there's something stopping...
40
00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:47,951
But the love is there.
41
00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:49,721
Which was fine,
42
00:02:49,754 --> 00:02:51,589
because it gave me some time
to get used to his shaved head.
43
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:07,465
So, um, Frances and Roger
told me you're like,
44
00:04:07,499 --> 00:04:09,534
the most amazing woman
to walk the planet.
45
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:16,808
Please...
46
00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:22,714
They say you're amazing too.
47
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,701
Well, good night.
48
00:04:43,735 --> 00:04:45,770
Bye, and good night.
49
00:04:45,803 --> 00:04:48,273
Hey, look, um...
50
00:04:48,306 --> 00:04:49,641
I know this sounds strange,
51
00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:54,779
but when I hugged you
in the kitchen,
52
00:04:54,812 --> 00:04:59,884
I felt like...
53
00:04:59,918 --> 00:05:04,556
I never wanted to let you go.
54
00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:05,590
Yeah.
55
00:05:05,623 --> 00:05:11,128
Yeah, me too...
56
00:05:11,161 --> 00:05:13,731
- Good night.
- Good night.
57
00:05:32,149 --> 00:05:34,252
I found her.
58
00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:42,961
I've really found her.
59
00:05:45,296 --> 00:05:47,130
I noticed a series of subtle
60
00:05:47,164 --> 00:05:48,866
energy currents
running through my body
61
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:53,136
like an earnest series...
62
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:55,340
The softness of the air...
63
00:05:55,373 --> 00:05:56,674
...slow energy currents
64
00:05:56,708 --> 00:05:59,242
an energy that lies asleep
until aroused by
65
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:01,646
the right person or event.
An energy...
66
00:06:01,679 --> 00:06:03,047
Be touched like that.
67
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,785
Deep caring, like he touched me.
68
00:06:07,819 --> 00:06:09,253
...the right person.
69
00:06:09,287 --> 00:06:11,089
Gentleness.
70
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,190
An energy
that seemed to radiate from her
71
00:06:13,223 --> 00:06:14,626
in all directions.
72
00:06:14,659 --> 00:06:16,193
Willingness to support.
73
00:06:16,226 --> 00:06:19,129
First through his words
and what it showed of him...
74
00:06:19,162 --> 00:06:21,766
An energy of vast intelligence
75
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,034
from the right person...
76
00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:25,937
Asking questions.
77
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:29,607
The depth of his brown eyes,
and then an easy melting.
78
00:06:29,641 --> 00:06:32,043
Suffused with beauty.
79
00:06:32,076 --> 00:06:36,648
But mostly an energy
that was alive.
80
00:06:36,681 --> 00:06:43,254
This woman said life more than
anyone I had ever known.
81
00:06:43,287 --> 00:06:47,792
Of truth...
82
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:50,094
and finding it.
83
00:06:50,128 --> 00:06:52,897
And God, she was alive!
84
00:06:52,930 --> 00:06:54,866
The softness.
85
00:06:54,899 --> 00:07:00,772
I trust him more than...
as if I already know him.
86
00:07:10,281 --> 00:07:15,319
In case
I read this in the future,
87
00:07:15,353 --> 00:07:18,389
just to be clear,
88
00:07:18,423 --> 00:07:25,930
Treya and I have
not slept together.
89
00:07:25,963 --> 00:07:27,230
We simply put our arms
around each other,
90
00:07:27,265 --> 00:07:30,968
once in the kitchen,
and once shortly after.
91
00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:35,740
That was the sum total
of our involvement.
92
00:07:35,773 --> 00:07:39,677
Though I certainly sense
there is more to come.
93
00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:40,712
I became obsessed
94
00:07:40,745 --> 00:07:42,413
with the thought of Ken...
95
00:08:06,337 --> 00:08:10,240
I'll take all these.
96
00:08:10,274 --> 00:08:13,010
I-I'm just checking them out
for some friends.
97
00:08:13,044 --> 00:08:15,379
Hm.
98
00:08:15,413 --> 00:08:18,248
So, then I got a job
as a dishwasher,
99
00:08:18,282 --> 00:08:21,853
earning 350 dollars a month
and sending 100 of that
100
00:08:21,886 --> 00:08:26,457
to Sam at Shambhala Publications
for mail order books.
101
00:08:26,491 --> 00:08:30,428
And I wrote that book.
102
00:08:30,461 --> 00:08:35,066
The Spectrum of Consciousness,
I loved it.
103
00:08:36,367 --> 00:08:40,438
And then five more books
in five years. Right?
104
00:08:40,471 --> 00:08:42,073
Have you been stalking me?
105
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:43,941
Yeah. I'm looking for a good
dishwasher.
106
00:08:46,244 --> 00:08:47,478
Yeah.
I bus tables too, ya know.
107
00:08:47,512 --> 00:08:55,453
Oh, yeah?
108
00:08:57,522 --> 00:09:02,193
What's something that no one
probably knows about you?
109
00:09:02,226 --> 00:09:07,865
I wrote out all of
Alan Watts' books by hand.
110
00:09:07,899 --> 00:09:11,035
All right,
that's pretty exhausting.
111
00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:14,273
I don't think
anybody needs to know that.
112
00:09:14,305 --> 00:09:20,945
So why are you
a psychologist?
113
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,547
I think growing up,
I never had a place
114
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:25,983
to put my thoughts and feelings.
115
00:09:26,017 --> 00:09:27,952
My parents are wonderful.
116
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:31,956
I'd say they're just
highly conventional.
117
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,358
Mm. The old guard?
118
00:09:34,392 --> 00:09:37,395
They did well
in oil and investments.
119
00:09:37,428 --> 00:09:40,865
And I think it's just
reflective of the social circles
120
00:09:40,898 --> 00:09:42,166
they're in as well.
121
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:49,106
But they love
me enormously.
122
00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:50,408
Anyhow, it makes it
123
00:09:50,441 --> 00:09:52,176
so that I can afford to date
authors, you know.
124
00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:54,812
Well, that's okay.
125
00:09:54,846 --> 00:09:57,148
You know,
I'm a great dishwasher,
126
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,683
and I sell a few books.
127
00:10:14,065 --> 00:10:17,535
Has anything like this
ever happened to you?
128
00:10:17,568 --> 00:10:20,305
No.
129
00:10:20,339 --> 00:10:23,574
Nothing like this.
130
00:10:23,608 --> 00:10:26,444
How about you?
131
00:10:26,477 --> 00:10:33,084
Never, not like this.
132
00:10:33,117 --> 00:10:36,153
Oh, god.
133
00:10:36,187 --> 00:10:38,189
It's bigger
than the two of us, pilgrim.
134
00:11:13,624 --> 00:11:17,194
So you've only known him
a few weeks, Treya!
135
00:11:17,228 --> 00:11:19,630
And you've never
raved about a guy, like ever.
136
00:11:19,664 --> 00:11:23,434
Mm-hm. And you have not
dated a boy in over two years.
137
00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:29,374
I know. I know.
He's, he's amazing.
138
00:11:29,408 --> 00:11:32,510
He's just so lovable.
139
00:11:32,543 --> 00:11:37,448
So you think you might get,
you know, you might?
140
00:11:37,481 --> 00:11:38,549
You better.
141
00:11:38,582 --> 00:11:43,322
I think well... yes!
We will get married.
142
00:11:46,457 --> 00:11:48,960
Oh, my god. Finally!
143
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:52,663
I haven't heard you
say that word
144
00:11:52,697 --> 00:11:55,267
since you were three years old
when you used to play dress up.
145
00:11:55,300 --> 00:12:03,174
Remember that?
146
00:12:03,207 --> 00:12:06,544
Not only do I approve,
147
00:12:06,577 --> 00:12:09,013
I'm a little worried
she's getting shortchanged, pal.
148
00:12:09,046 --> 00:12:12,417
I know.
149
00:12:27,432 --> 00:12:32,404
So what did you
tell Sam about me?
150
00:12:32,437 --> 00:12:39,577
Let's see. Hmmm. No, I told Sam
that if she'll have me,
151
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:44,682
that... this is the girl
that I'd like to marry.
152
00:12:44,715 --> 00:12:48,019
Of course.
153
00:12:48,052 --> 00:12:54,326
I was gonna ask you.
154
00:13:03,402 --> 00:13:04,702
When I met your daddy,
155
00:13:04,735 --> 00:13:09,307
I was so busy with my life,
but I knew he was the one.
156
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:13,144
It's all
I've ever wanted for you.
157
00:13:13,177 --> 00:13:17,282
So I want you to know, honey:
I am here for you,
158
00:13:17,315 --> 00:13:20,785
come rain or come shine.
Love you.
159
00:13:20,818 --> 00:13:26,291
Mom.
160
00:13:26,324 --> 00:13:27,558
Go get your man.
161
00:13:41,473 --> 00:13:43,140
I love you
more than life.
162
00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:48,045
I just can't believe it's real.
163
00:13:48,079 --> 00:13:54,785
I've known you
less than four months.
164
00:13:54,819 --> 00:13:59,090
I've been searching
for you for a hundred lifetimes.
165
00:13:59,123 --> 00:14:05,062
I've slain a thousand dragons
to find you.
166
00:14:05,096 --> 00:14:07,765
I love you
to the depths of the ocean,
167
00:14:07,798 --> 00:14:10,167
beyond the height
of the mountains,
168
00:14:10,201 --> 00:14:12,169
beyond the heat of the sun...
169
00:14:13,572 --> 00:14:15,139
beyond time...
170
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,243
forever. Forever.
171
00:14:32,457 --> 00:14:35,226
Let's go get married.
172
00:14:50,308 --> 00:14:52,109
You know,
when I recently opened up
173
00:14:52,143 --> 00:14:55,146
a box of books that Treya
sent to me, I thought,
174
00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:58,883
"Ah, Treya has discovered
my favorite writer."
175
00:14:58,916 --> 00:15:01,586
And then I opened her letter.
176
00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:04,655
"Oh, Treya is marrying
my favorite writer."
177
00:15:07,425 --> 00:15:09,660
Ken, Treya, you're
gathered here today
178
00:15:09,693 --> 00:15:13,197
being bound not only as lovers,
but as souls
179
00:15:13,230 --> 00:15:16,434
to continually bring out
the courageous and beautiful
180
00:15:16,468 --> 00:15:18,603
from inside one another.
181
00:15:18,637 --> 00:15:22,840
And here, now, like a bridge
joining two lands,
182
00:15:22,873 --> 00:15:26,311
we witness the joining
of these two souls through love,
183
00:15:26,344 --> 00:15:29,447
entering into a dance
from this day forward
184
00:15:29,481 --> 00:15:33,485
to unite separateness,
to pierce time,
185
00:15:33,518 --> 00:15:40,791
and to leap together
into eternity.
186
00:15:40,824 --> 00:15:46,730
I will take you from here
to forever and never let you go.
187
00:15:46,764 --> 00:15:52,270
I will take you from here
to forever and never let you go.
188
00:15:52,304 --> 00:15:54,472
My wife.
189
00:15:54,506 --> 00:15:58,643
My husband.
190
00:16:09,688 --> 00:16:17,662
Please stand.
191
00:16:43,988 --> 00:16:46,558
I know, Mom, it's a miracle.
192
00:16:46,591 --> 00:16:49,294
I finish classes,
Ken has some final editing,
193
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:52,330
and then Hawaii.
194
00:16:52,364 --> 00:16:53,398
Hawaii?
195
00:16:53,431 --> 00:16:54,366
Yes, Hawaii.
196
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:56,701
So we'll see you at Christmas.
197
00:16:56,735 --> 00:16:59,537
All right.
Um, you know, honey...
198
00:16:59,571 --> 00:17:03,541
I'm... I'm just not crazy
about his writing.
199
00:17:03,575 --> 00:17:05,242
I just opened it,
200
00:17:05,277 --> 00:17:07,746
and there was a picture
of somebody humping.
201
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:09,314
Mom, Mom, I gotta go.
202
00:17:09,347 --> 00:17:10,448
But as long as you're happy.
203
00:17:10,482 --> 00:17:11,716
Okay. Bye, Mom.
204
00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:13,817
All right. Love you.
205
00:17:13,851 --> 00:17:18,856
I love you too.
206
00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:21,526
I guess I said
the wrong thing.
207
00:17:26,997 --> 00:17:29,668
Okay.
208
00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:33,037
And now I'm gonna examine
the left breast.
209
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:43,648
Now I'm going to do the right.
210
00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:07,938
Do you know you have
a lump in your right breast?
211
00:18:07,971 --> 00:18:09,507
What?
212
00:18:09,541 --> 00:18:14,312
Well, it's fairly
large and hard.
213
00:18:14,346 --> 00:18:17,749
But it's not attached to
the muscle and moves easily.
214
00:18:17,782 --> 00:18:20,652
My guess is
it's nothing to worry about.
215
00:18:20,685 --> 00:18:22,387
Maybe just a cyst.
216
00:18:22,420 --> 00:18:24,522
What do you think
we should do?
217
00:18:24,556 --> 00:18:26,957
Why don't we wait a month and
see if it changes in size.
218
00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:29,461
It could change
with your menstrual cycle.
219
00:18:29,494 --> 00:18:30,729
Come back
and see me in a month.
220
00:18:30,762 --> 00:18:31,763
Okay.
221
00:18:49,614 --> 00:18:51,750
It's hard, which is bad.
222
00:18:51,783 --> 00:18:54,419
But it's symmetrical
and detached,
223
00:18:54,452 --> 00:18:57,622
which is good,
so don't worry.
224
00:18:57,655 --> 00:19:02,627
Let's get a second opinion.
225
00:19:02,660 --> 00:19:07,030
And no, nothing is gonna
tear me away from you.
226
00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:10,134
Nothing.
227
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:12,404
Good, Mr. Wilber.
228
00:19:12,437 --> 00:19:14,071
I hope not.
229
00:19:17,007 --> 00:19:19,977
I think you're done for tonight.
230
00:19:20,010 --> 00:19:20,978
Bye-bye, book.
231
00:19:21,011 --> 00:19:26,851
Bye-bye, book.
232
00:19:26,885 --> 00:19:29,487
If only I could have everything
233
00:19:29,521 --> 00:19:33,625
that's inside of
this beautiful mind.
234
00:19:33,658 --> 00:19:34,659
If only I could have everything
235
00:19:34,692 --> 00:19:42,867
inside this beautiful heart.
236
00:19:42,901 --> 00:19:52,510
All right, ready?
237
00:19:52,544 --> 00:19:54,813
Mm.
238
00:19:54,846 --> 00:20:00,752
It's probably a fibroadenoma,
a benign growth.
239
00:20:00,785 --> 00:20:05,423
Should definitely
have it removed.
240
00:20:05,457 --> 00:20:07,124
We... we leave
for our honeymoon,
241
00:20:07,157 --> 00:20:09,126
and then we're gone
for two weeks over Christmas.
242
00:20:09,159 --> 00:20:10,528
Can it wait?
243
00:20:10,562 --> 00:20:11,696
Yes, I think so.
244
00:20:11,729 --> 00:20:13,731
No danger in waiting
three weeks.
245
00:20:13,765 --> 00:20:17,869
Though, I want you to see
a surgeon for his opinion.
246
00:20:17,902 --> 00:20:19,737
Um, Dr. Peter Richards.
247
00:20:19,771 --> 00:20:21,906
His office is close
to Marin General.
248
00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:24,776
Um, you know, let's give him
a call in my office.
249
00:20:24,809 --> 00:20:26,711
He might want to fit you in
before the trip.
250
00:20:26,744 --> 00:20:27,745
- Okay?
- Okay.
251
00:20:27,779 --> 00:20:29,514
Oh, Dr. Peter Richards.
252
00:20:29,547 --> 00:20:31,683
He is wonderful.
253
00:20:31,716 --> 00:20:37,755
He did my colon operation
15 years ago at M.D. Anderson.
254
00:20:37,789 --> 00:20:38,857
He's the Chief of Surgery
255
00:20:38,890 --> 00:20:40,892
at Children's
Hospital in San Fran now.
256
00:20:40,925 --> 00:20:42,894
He says
it's probably nothing but
257
00:20:42,927 --> 00:20:44,863
just to be safe,
he wants to take it out.
258
00:20:44,896 --> 00:20:46,498
Anyhow,
I gotta go pack.
259
00:20:46,531 --> 00:20:49,233
So you have
your exam tomorrow and then
260
00:20:49,267 --> 00:20:51,001
you're counseling.
Is that right?
261
00:20:51,034 --> 00:20:53,671
Yes. Dr. Richards
will remove the lump
262
00:20:53,705 --> 00:20:55,974
the next day before we fly.
263
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:58,543
Oh? All right.
264
00:20:58,576 --> 00:21:00,945
And Ken is taking
good care of you?
265
00:21:00,979 --> 00:21:02,747
Of course he is, Mom.
266
00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:04,248
Well, I just...
267
00:21:04,282 --> 00:21:05,517
You just what?
268
00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:07,050
Oh, nothing, honey.
I just, uh...
269
00:21:07,084 --> 00:21:09,086
Mom, listen.
270
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:10,788
I know what you think
271
00:21:10,822 --> 00:21:14,024
and not everyone understands
or agrees with his books.
272
00:21:14,057 --> 00:21:15,894
But, you know, he's more than
273
00:21:15,927 --> 00:21:18,630
what's just written
in those books, okay?
274
00:21:18,663 --> 00:21:20,698
All right.
275
00:21:20,732 --> 00:21:22,199
I love you. I've
got to go pack.
276
00:21:22,232 --> 00:21:23,668
I love you.
277
00:21:23,701 --> 00:21:25,235
Bye.
278
00:21:25,270 --> 00:21:27,972
Safe flight.
279
00:21:35,613 --> 00:21:38,850
Honey, are we gonna do
that swim across the bay?
280
00:21:40,285 --> 00:21:41,886
Is the Pope Catholic?
281
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,053
Uh huh.
282
00:21:43,086 --> 00:21:44,856
Does a one-legged duck
swim in circles?
283
00:21:44,889 --> 00:21:47,157
Yes.
284
00:21:47,190 --> 00:21:48,927
Was Jesus a carpenter?
285
00:21:50,628 --> 00:21:52,797
Does an obnoxious husband
think that he's gonna
286
00:21:52,830 --> 00:21:56,267
get me tonight
by asking silly questions?
287
00:21:56,301 --> 00:21:57,702
Oh, that's nice.
288
00:21:57,735 --> 00:21:58,803
It is nice.
289
00:22:00,004 --> 00:22:04,542
Soft...
290
00:22:04,576 --> 00:22:06,010
So, do you think
we're gonna find dolphins
291
00:22:06,044 --> 00:22:07,845
out there in that ocean?
292
00:22:07,879 --> 00:22:09,079
Mm-hm.
293
00:22:09,112 --> 00:22:11,181
Maybe we can see
some whales?
294
00:22:12,283 --> 00:22:13,685
Or sharks.
295
00:22:13,718 --> 00:22:15,887
This little bay
right here. No sharks!
296
00:22:21,259 --> 00:22:22,627
So how old were you
297
00:22:22,660 --> 00:22:24,762
when you started menstruating?
298
00:22:24,796 --> 00:22:26,264
Maybe 14.
299
00:22:26,297 --> 00:22:29,300
Okay.
Have you ever had a child?
300
00:22:29,334 --> 00:22:31,101
Uh, no.
I've never been pregnant.
301
00:22:31,134 --> 00:22:32,704
Okay.
302
00:22:32,737 --> 00:22:35,205
Has anyone in your family
had breast cancer?
303
00:22:35,238 --> 00:22:36,975
Not that I know of.
304
00:22:37,008 --> 00:22:40,878
Okay.
And has the lump ever hurt?
305
00:22:40,912 --> 00:22:43,113
No, never.
306
00:22:43,146 --> 00:22:45,115
Okay.
Are you nervous
307
00:22:45,148 --> 00:22:48,786
about the operation,
about the local anesthesia?
308
00:22:48,820 --> 00:22:50,888
I mean, if you... if you are,
we can give you something.
309
00:22:50,922 --> 00:22:52,724
No, I feel fine.
310
00:22:52,757 --> 00:22:54,292
Good.
And do you eat meat?
311
00:22:54,325 --> 00:22:56,193
Nope. Vegetarian.
312
00:22:56,226 --> 00:22:57,160
Oh, good for you.
313
00:22:58,896 --> 00:22:59,797
All right.
314
00:24:05,430 --> 00:24:08,399
Hi. I'd like to see
the Wilbers in my office.
315
00:24:08,433 --> 00:24:09,367
- Okay.
- Good.
316
00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:20,445
I'm sorry.
But the tumor is malignant.
317
00:24:24,749 --> 00:24:29,320
And, um,
the detailed results are...?
318
00:24:29,353 --> 00:24:30,922
Yeah, let me get that for you.
319
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:38,329
Can I get a nurse in my office
with the Wilber chart, please?
320
00:24:38,362 --> 00:24:41,199
How? It's so unfair.
321
00:24:46,771 --> 00:24:47,839
This is crazy.
322
00:24:47,872 --> 00:24:49,340
Most medical and scientific
information
323
00:24:49,373 --> 00:24:52,076
is either inconclusive
or negative.
324
00:24:52,110 --> 00:24:54,045
Okay. I just read
a New Age perspective
325
00:24:54,078 --> 00:24:57,415
that says illness is a lesson.
326
00:24:57,448 --> 00:24:58,883
While most alternative
information
327
00:24:58,916 --> 00:25:01,119
is unrelenting and positive.
328
00:25:01,152 --> 00:25:03,421
Did you see
that Woody Allen quote?
329
00:25:03,454 --> 00:25:04,922
It looks like everybody
who gets treated
330
00:25:04,956 --> 00:25:07,325
by orthodox medicine dies.
331
00:25:07,358 --> 00:25:11,462
"I don't get angry.
I grow tumors instead."
332
00:25:11,496 --> 00:25:13,898
The one who gets treated with
the alternative medicine lives.
333
00:25:15,867 --> 00:25:17,902
A film with
a giant squirting boob
334
00:25:17,935 --> 00:25:20,071
as a character in it.
335
00:25:20,104 --> 00:25:21,339
Condemned to meaning.
336
00:25:23,074 --> 00:25:24,842
Are we wearing
matching outfits?
337
00:25:29,413 --> 00:25:31,415
By curiosity,
or whatever design...
338
00:25:39,557 --> 00:25:41,025
Okay, Mr. Wilber.
339
00:25:43,262 --> 00:25:44,562
I'll make the list.
340
00:25:46,364 --> 00:25:49,100
A period of depression
I went through,
341
00:25:49,133 --> 00:25:53,070
repressing some emotions,
eating too much animal fat.
342
00:25:53,104 --> 00:25:57,875
Is it possible that somewhereinside... worrying...
343
00:25:57,909 --> 00:26:00,077
part of me
doesn't want to live?
344
00:26:00,111 --> 00:26:02,947
Being too self-critical.
345
00:26:02,980 --> 00:26:05,284
I just don't want you to
have to worry about me.
346
00:26:05,316 --> 00:26:07,385
Lonely as a child maybe.
347
00:26:07,418 --> 00:26:09,420
People saying it's caused
by repressed emotions
348
00:26:09,453 --> 00:26:10,855
don't know
what they're talking about.
349
00:26:10,888 --> 00:26:12,291
Not meeting Ken sooner.
350
00:26:15,393 --> 00:26:17,528
So, what do you think?
351
00:26:17,562 --> 00:26:18,563
I like the last one.
352
00:26:23,467 --> 00:26:25,436
I don't know what caused it,
sweetheart,
353
00:26:25,469 --> 00:26:27,205
and I don't think anybody does.
354
00:26:27,238 --> 00:26:28,973
Ken, I'm scared.
355
00:26:36,113 --> 00:26:39,284
As long as you're
breathing and crying,
356
00:26:39,318 --> 00:26:41,118
I won't worry about you.
357
00:26:41,152 --> 00:26:44,021
Now, if you stop either one,
then I'll worry.
358
00:26:52,297 --> 00:26:54,932
If you want to make
any changes,
359
00:26:54,966 --> 00:26:57,535
don't do any of them because
you think they caused it.
360
00:27:00,638 --> 00:27:03,342
Do it because
you want to do it anyway.
361
00:27:05,042 --> 00:27:07,245
Hm? Look...
362
00:27:09,647 --> 00:27:12,149
let's make it
a new beginning. Hm?
363
00:27:14,619 --> 00:27:16,454
You promise?
364
00:27:25,563 --> 00:27:27,366
I love you.
365
00:27:37,608 --> 00:27:40,177
Okay, it's a new procedure.
366
00:27:40,211 --> 00:27:41,612
It was pioneered in Europe.
367
00:27:41,646 --> 00:27:44,415
And I think you'd be
a really good candidate for it.
368
00:27:44,448 --> 00:27:47,585
You see, these tumors are
the Nazis of the cancer crowd
369
00:27:47,618 --> 00:27:48,953
and they're not
terribly impressed with
370
00:27:48,986 --> 00:27:50,888
wheatgrass or sweet thoughts.
371
00:27:50,922 --> 00:27:53,457
I mean, you got to
nuke these bastards.
372
00:27:53,491 --> 00:27:55,092
As a matter of fact,
I had a discussion about it
373
00:27:55,126 --> 00:27:57,228
with your mom and Rad
right after I'd read about it.
374
00:28:00,431 --> 00:28:01,532
Babe?
375
00:28:03,302 --> 00:28:04,568
Um, we've certainly
done the research
376
00:28:04,602 --> 00:28:06,938
on the various combinations.
377
00:28:06,971 --> 00:28:08,072
For sure.
378
00:28:08,105 --> 00:28:11,575
Okay.
379
00:28:11,609 --> 00:28:16,547
Segmental mastectomy,
that'll save lymph nodes.
380
00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:18,082
Followed by radiation
381
00:28:18,115 --> 00:28:21,218
and a spectrum
of holistic treatments.
382
00:28:23,087 --> 00:28:24,021
I like this.
383
00:28:25,589 --> 00:28:26,425
Okay.
384
00:28:39,570 --> 00:28:41,672
Babe, I can't believe
this is our honeymoon.
385
00:28:43,708 --> 00:28:47,346
We'll be there in Hawaii.
I'll wear that bikini.
386
00:28:52,016 --> 00:28:53,551
What are you doing?
387
00:28:53,584 --> 00:28:56,053
A hospital is a terrible
place to be if you're sick.
388
00:28:56,087 --> 00:28:57,389
I mean, there are germs
in the hospital
389
00:28:57,422 --> 00:28:59,657
that you can't get
anywhere else.
390
00:28:59,690 --> 00:29:02,159
If the germs don't get you,
the food will.
391
00:29:02,193 --> 00:29:04,695
So, I'm staying.
392
00:29:04,729 --> 00:29:08,099
Besides, this is our honeymoon.
393
00:29:18,642 --> 00:29:20,044
Come in.
394
00:29:21,380 --> 00:29:23,482
You've got visitors.
395
00:29:23,514 --> 00:29:27,685
Ooh. So you are
rock solid, sweetheart.
396
00:29:27,718 --> 00:29:31,655
Oh. Twenty nodes out,
all negative.
397
00:29:31,689 --> 00:29:34,225
- I know.
- That is so impressive.
398
00:29:34,259 --> 00:29:37,995
Now, Kent and Kati and I went
Christmas shopping near Max's,
399
00:29:38,029 --> 00:29:40,432
but we didn't find
a thing for you.
400
00:29:40,465 --> 00:29:42,166
Thanks, Mom.
401
00:29:42,199 --> 00:29:44,035
We are busting you
outta here tomorrow.
402
00:29:44,068 --> 00:29:45,504
I can't wait!
403
00:29:45,536 --> 00:29:47,472
- I'm so excited!
- Me too. I missed you.
404
00:29:47,506 --> 00:29:48,572
I missed you.
405
00:29:48,606 --> 00:29:51,376
Come home for Christmas.
406
00:29:51,410 --> 00:29:52,543
We have cookies ready...
407
00:29:52,576 --> 00:29:54,312
- Presents.
- Yep.
408
00:29:54,346 --> 00:29:57,382
Oh, you're gonna get
so many presents.
409
00:29:57,416 --> 00:29:59,250
- Oh, my favorite.
- Oh.
410
00:31:36,548 --> 00:31:40,751
Since your tumor
was estrogen positive,
411
00:31:40,784 --> 00:31:43,588
the... the hormonal shifts
with being pregnant
412
00:31:43,622 --> 00:31:48,326
would be like fertilizer
for any remaining cells.
413
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,263
I think it's an amazing sign
that you're...
414
00:31:51,296 --> 00:31:54,198
that you're pregnant, Terry.
I do.
415
00:31:54,231 --> 00:31:57,168
And if, if you're free of this
in two years,
416
00:31:57,201 --> 00:32:00,771
you can get pregnant again.
417
00:32:00,804 --> 00:32:02,840
So we'll wait.
418
00:32:02,873 --> 00:32:05,510
Hey, we'll do it again.
419
00:32:05,544 --> 00:32:06,677
And you're a healthy girl
420
00:32:06,710 --> 00:32:08,746
and we're gonna start
a big fucking family.
421
00:32:16,921 --> 00:32:18,789
Thanks, Doc.
422
00:32:18,822 --> 00:32:19,924
Of course.
423
00:32:30,268 --> 00:32:32,870
Sorry
I haven't written in so long.
424
00:32:32,903 --> 00:32:36,474
The big news now is that
we're moving to Lake Tahoe.
425
00:32:38,677 --> 00:32:41,379
It all came about because
I accidentally got pregnant.
426
00:32:42,813 --> 00:32:45,249
I cried for a week.
427
00:32:45,283 --> 00:32:49,421
It made me realize how much
I really want Ken's child.
428
00:32:49,454 --> 00:32:51,423
Kids love Ken.
429
00:32:51,456 --> 00:32:52,657
He says it's because
430
00:32:52,691 --> 00:32:54,758
he's the same emotional age
as they are.
431
00:32:57,728 --> 00:32:59,763
We'll be clear
in two years though.
432
00:32:59,797 --> 00:33:01,466
Honey, are you ready?
433
00:33:02,833 --> 00:33:05,270
I told the magazine
I'd fax your interview today.
434
00:33:05,303 --> 00:33:06,438
When we met,
435
00:33:06,471 --> 00:33:09,940
he owned one desk chair,
a typewriter...
436
00:33:09,974 --> 00:33:11,942
Okay, Mr. Wilber.
437
00:33:11,976 --> 00:33:13,545
...and 4,000 books.
438
00:33:13,578 --> 00:33:15,212
Why don't you start
by explaining
439
00:33:15,246 --> 00:33:18,316
what you mean by
the "perennial philosophy"?
440
00:33:18,350 --> 00:33:20,985
Okay, well,
the human body, for example,
441
00:33:21,018 --> 00:33:23,555
has 208 bones,
one heart and two kidneys,
442
00:33:23,588 --> 00:33:25,756
whether it appears in
Mozambique or Manhattan,
443
00:33:25,789 --> 00:33:27,559
whether today
or a thousand years ago.
444
00:33:27,592 --> 00:33:29,927
These we call "deep structures."
445
00:33:32,364 --> 00:33:35,600
Well, just as the human body
universally grows hair,
446
00:33:35,634 --> 00:33:38,436
the human mind
universally grows ideas,
447
00:33:38,470 --> 00:33:41,740
and the human spirit
universally grows intuitions.
448
00:33:41,772 --> 00:33:44,241
It's hard to see
what many religions,
449
00:33:44,276 --> 00:33:47,845
like Buddhism and Christianity,
for instance, might agree on.
450
00:33:47,878 --> 00:33:50,247
Mm. We charge extra
for that.
451
00:33:50,282 --> 00:33:53,418
Oh, come on.
Give me six points.
452
00:33:53,451 --> 00:33:58,256
All right. One, spirit exists.
Two, it resides within.
453
00:33:58,290 --> 00:34:00,358
Three, most of us
don't realize this
454
00:34:00,392 --> 00:34:02,793
because we're living in
an illusory state of separation.
455
00:34:02,826 --> 00:34:05,829
Four, there is a path
out of this state.
456
00:34:05,863 --> 00:34:09,434
Five, if you follow this path,
the result is transcendence,
457
00:34:09,467 --> 00:34:13,505
which, six,
marks the end of suffering.
458
00:34:15,407 --> 00:34:16,508
Now take your pants off.
459
00:34:17,609 --> 00:34:18,643
Mr. Wilber!
460
00:34:20,445 --> 00:34:23,814
Okay, so you're saying
that spirit exists within?
461
00:34:23,847 --> 00:34:24,815
Yes.
462
00:34:26,083 --> 00:34:29,053
And it's found by
consistently looking within
463
00:34:29,086 --> 00:34:33,824
until within becomes beyond.
464
00:34:33,857 --> 00:34:35,025
Within, huh?
465
00:34:43,435 --> 00:34:44,902
Okay, so for the grand prize.
466
00:34:55,413 --> 00:35:00,884
So by looking at my mind,
I eventually transcend the mind?
467
00:35:00,918 --> 00:35:02,019
Exactly.
468
00:35:06,558 --> 00:35:07,891
You wanna get something to eat?
469
00:35:09,828 --> 00:35:13,565
Or I could make spaghetti again.
470
00:35:13,598 --> 00:35:15,400
I'm trying to transcend.
471
00:35:15,433 --> 00:35:19,870
I'm starving.
Transcendence can wait.
472
00:35:27,579 --> 00:35:29,581
Hello, Dr. Richard's office.
473
00:35:29,614 --> 00:35:31,449
Hi. This is
Terry Killam Wilber.
474
00:35:31,483 --> 00:35:33,117
Can I please speak to
Dr. Richards, please?
475
00:35:33,150 --> 00:35:34,853
Of course, one second.
476
00:35:34,885 --> 00:35:35,820
Hey, Terry.
477
00:35:35,854 --> 00:35:37,888
It's Dr. Richards.
478
00:35:37,921 --> 00:35:41,359
Listen, we got the results
of your test back today.
479
00:35:41,393 --> 00:35:43,093
Look, I'm really sorry
to say this.
480
00:35:43,127 --> 00:35:46,464
It's... it's an unusual
kind of recurrence.
481
00:35:46,498 --> 00:35:49,133
But I don't want you to worry.
We can take care of this.
482
00:35:49,166 --> 00:35:50,702
So, when can you come back in?
483
00:35:50,735 --> 00:35:51,902
Uh, I can be there tomorrow.
484
00:35:53,872 --> 00:35:56,674
Okay. Thank you.
485
00:36:00,911 --> 00:36:02,447
If it is, it is.
486
00:36:08,653 --> 00:36:10,555
Hello, how are you doing?
487
00:36:10,588 --> 00:36:11,623
Good.
488
00:36:11,656 --> 00:36:12,791
Comfortable?
489
00:36:12,824 --> 00:36:13,825
Yeah.
490
00:36:13,858 --> 00:36:14,759
Good.
491
00:36:16,126 --> 00:36:20,899
So, when I remove
your right breast today,
492
00:36:20,931 --> 00:36:22,032
Dr. Harvey will be reducing
493
00:36:22,065 --> 00:36:24,502
- the size of your left.
- Yeah.
494
00:36:24,536 --> 00:36:28,573
See, some of the cells
got caught on the drainage tube.
495
00:36:28,606 --> 00:36:30,875
And so when we took that out,
they got caught on the skin
496
00:36:30,909 --> 00:36:32,610
and were left behind.
497
00:36:32,644 --> 00:36:34,978
And I promise you, we will
get them all today, Terry.
498
00:36:35,012 --> 00:36:35,914
Okay.
499
00:36:38,483 --> 00:36:39,216
Okay.
500
00:36:41,453 --> 00:36:43,621
There.
501
00:36:43,655 --> 00:36:46,491
All right, so we're gonna
have to move your nipple up.
502
00:36:46,524 --> 00:36:47,991
But we can do this without
severing the connection
503
00:36:48,025 --> 00:36:49,594
with the milk ducts.
504
00:36:49,627 --> 00:36:51,596
So that way,
the breast stays functional
505
00:36:51,629 --> 00:36:54,632
and if you ever decide
you want to have a child.
506
00:36:58,803 --> 00:37:02,105
Okay. Eighty-three.
All right?
507
00:37:02,139 --> 00:37:03,875
If you don't mind,
can you just stand up here?
508
00:37:03,908 --> 00:37:05,510
- I'm just gonna...
- Uh, yeah.
509
00:37:05,543 --> 00:37:06,578
Unfortunately,
I'm gonna have to draw on you
510
00:37:06,611 --> 00:37:07,946
- a little bit.
- That's okay.
511
00:37:14,084 --> 00:37:15,219
- Hey, come in, come in.
- Hi.
512
00:37:19,657 --> 00:37:22,527
Um, hi, sweetie, is it...
513
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:23,628
is this all right?
514
00:37:23,661 --> 00:37:24,729
It's fine, Mom.
515
00:37:26,029 --> 00:37:27,665
It's okay,
Come, and I'll show you.
516
00:37:31,269 --> 00:37:32,937
I'll be right back, baby.
517
00:37:32,971 --> 00:37:34,204
Okay, sweetheart.
518
00:38:43,942 --> 00:38:46,176
I mean,
you're like such a stud!
519
00:38:46,209 --> 00:38:48,713
Total stud.
520
00:38:48,746 --> 00:38:49,948
- No.
- Yes.
521
00:38:52,082 --> 00:38:54,819
Look,
it's been with us a year,
522
00:38:54,852 --> 00:38:56,888
as long as we've been married.
523
00:38:59,023 --> 00:39:04,295
The program's straightforward:
diet... megavitamins...
524
00:39:04,329 --> 00:39:06,196
well, of course,...
525
00:39:06,229 --> 00:39:09,033
sexercise!
526
00:39:09,067 --> 00:39:10,768
More sexercise.
527
00:39:13,236 --> 00:39:15,807
I think I was more upset
about your boob than you were.
528
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,943
Yeah, well,
it was worth it.
529
00:39:18,977 --> 00:39:19,911
Yeah.
530
00:39:21,178 --> 00:39:24,048
The doctors seem unanimous.
531
00:39:24,082 --> 00:39:25,016
Biggest stud I know.
532
00:39:26,618 --> 00:39:27,785
I love you, Kati.
533
00:39:27,819 --> 00:39:29,087
I love you.
534
00:39:46,638 --> 00:39:48,973
Hello?
535
00:39:49,007 --> 00:39:50,074
Yes.
536
00:39:55,046 --> 00:39:56,146
Mm-hm.
537
00:39:59,117 --> 00:40:00,084
I see.
538
00:40:05,123 --> 00:40:06,324
Okay, thank you.
539
00:40:21,204 --> 00:40:22,239
What?
540
00:40:26,277 --> 00:40:32,417
Look, I'm barely stage two,
estrogen positive, clean nodes.
541
00:40:35,353 --> 00:40:37,255
The opinions were divided.
542
00:40:40,925 --> 00:40:43,193
Just fucking
tell me straight, Ken!
543
00:40:46,731 --> 00:40:48,966
Recurrence within a year.
544
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:53,705
Recurrence in a radiated area.
Estrogen negative.
545
00:40:53,738 --> 00:40:55,173
Grade four, stage four.
546
00:41:11,389 --> 00:41:15,727
No.
547
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,161
I don't want it.
548
00:41:17,195 --> 00:41:19,797
Please. No.
549
00:41:23,935 --> 00:41:26,738
Listen, listen.
550
00:41:26,771 --> 00:41:28,439
What does this decision
all hinge on?
551
00:41:30,041 --> 00:41:33,778
Intellect isn't going to
save the day now, Ken.
552
00:41:45,022 --> 00:41:46,858
Okay. What?
553
00:41:49,093 --> 00:41:52,396
The pathology report.
Dr. Lagios.
554
00:41:52,430 --> 00:41:54,232
He's the one that's been
staring down the microscope
555
00:41:54,265 --> 00:41:56,367
at your cells,
and it's his report
556
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,336
that these doctors
are trying to interpret.
557
00:42:04,208 --> 00:42:05,910
You want me to call or you?
558
00:42:11,215 --> 00:42:13,551
Doctors listen to men.
You call.
559
00:42:24,996 --> 00:42:26,531
Dr. Lagios, please.
560
00:42:26,564 --> 00:42:28,466
It's Ken Wilber. It's urgent.
561
00:42:33,471 --> 00:42:37,441
Dr. Lagios,
I know this is unusual,
562
00:42:37,475 --> 00:42:40,878
but Terry and I have some
difficult decisions to make,
563
00:42:40,912 --> 00:42:43,181
and I was wondering if I can
just talk to you for a minute.
564
00:42:46,450 --> 00:42:48,486
Dr. Lagios,
our doctors are divided
565
00:42:48,519 --> 00:42:52,089
as to whether Terry's recurrence
was local or metastatic.
566
00:42:52,123 --> 00:42:53,224
I just want to know
567
00:42:53,258 --> 00:42:55,260
how aggressive
the cells look to you.
568
00:42:56,494 --> 00:42:57,495
Please.
569
00:43:08,439 --> 00:43:10,808
Tell me, Dr. Lagios.
570
00:43:10,842 --> 00:43:13,177
If this was your wife,
would you recommend chemo?
571
00:43:17,148 --> 00:43:18,149
And the odds?
572
00:43:51,316 --> 00:43:52,516
Whfff.
573
00:43:55,519 --> 00:43:58,890
Suicide sounds nice
right about now.
574
00:44:02,126 --> 00:44:04,095
The Reglan's hitting you hard.
575
00:44:04,128 --> 00:44:05,997
You're having
a bad histamine reaction.
576
00:44:06,030 --> 00:44:07,632
Just hold on
for the Benadryl, okay?
577
00:44:07,665 --> 00:44:09,066
Could you start the Benadryl?
578
00:44:12,436 --> 00:44:13,504
Hang in there.
579
00:44:13,537 --> 00:44:14,906
We'll be back at the hotel
in no time, okay?
580
00:44:23,648 --> 00:44:26,117
You got this.
You got this.
581
00:44:46,271 --> 00:44:47,306
Are you okay?
582
00:44:47,339 --> 00:44:49,006
Yeah. Keep reading to me.
583
00:44:55,347 --> 00:44:57,615
The witness exercise from
No Boundary, would you?
584
00:45:04,622 --> 00:45:08,926
"I have a body,
but I am not my body.
585
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,195
"My body may be
tired or excited,
586
00:45:11,228 --> 00:45:14,433
"sick or healthy,
anxious or calm,
587
00:45:14,465 --> 00:45:18,437
"but that has nothing to do
with my inward I.
588
00:45:18,469 --> 00:45:22,173
"I have emotions,
but I am not my emotions.
589
00:45:22,206 --> 00:45:24,309
Emotions pass through me."
590
00:45:27,011 --> 00:45:33,184
It really helps,
it just doesn't last.
591
00:45:33,217 --> 00:45:36,388
I feel like I'm crawling
out of my skin.
592
00:45:36,421 --> 00:45:40,124
Suicide sounds sensible.
593
00:45:40,157 --> 00:45:41,426
Oh, god. Hm.
594
00:45:41,460 --> 00:45:42,526
Nietzche used to say
595
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,095
that the only way
he got to sleep at night
596
00:45:44,128 --> 00:45:46,697
was by promising to kill himself
in the morning.
597
00:45:52,169 --> 00:45:54,306
Okay. Read me more.
598
00:45:57,608 --> 00:46:01,313
The part about the...
the witness being immortal.
599
00:46:03,748 --> 00:46:06,150
Sure.
600
00:46:06,183 --> 00:46:08,052
"Perhaps you,
like most people,
601
00:46:08,085 --> 00:46:09,421
"feel that you are
602
00:46:09,454 --> 00:46:12,223
"basically the same person
you were yesterday.
603
00:46:12,257 --> 00:46:14,125
"You probably also feel
that you are fundamentally
604
00:46:14,158 --> 00:46:17,462
"the same person
you were a year ago.
605
00:46:17,496 --> 00:46:20,564
"Put another way: you never
remember a time
606
00:46:20,598 --> 00:46:23,034
"when you weren't you.
607
00:46:23,067 --> 00:46:24,602
"In other words,
something in you
608
00:46:24,635 --> 00:46:28,572
"seems to remain untouched
by the passage of time.
609
00:46:28,606 --> 00:46:31,742
"Your mind, your body,
your feelings,
610
00:46:31,776 --> 00:46:34,712
"all have changed with time.
611
00:46:34,745 --> 00:46:39,150
"But you know that
something has not changed.
612
00:46:39,183 --> 00:46:41,218
Something feels the same."
613
00:46:48,793 --> 00:46:51,530
Chemo
is based on a single principle:
614
00:46:51,562 --> 00:46:55,500
cancer cells divide and grow
twice as fast as healthy cells.
615
00:46:58,069 --> 00:47:00,137
The idea is to kill
some healthy cells,
616
00:47:00,171 --> 00:47:03,040
but many more bad cells.
617
00:47:03,074 --> 00:47:04,675
At the end of
a successful round,
618
00:47:04,708 --> 00:47:07,645
the tumor is dead
and the patient only half-dead.
619
00:47:09,780 --> 00:47:12,583
Ken and I stood in front of
the mirror together,
620
00:47:12,616 --> 00:47:15,520
staring at the odd sight
of the both of us,
621
00:47:15,554 --> 00:47:18,055
just laughing.
622
00:47:18,089 --> 00:47:20,224
Ken's been
unbelievably supportive,
623
00:47:20,258 --> 00:47:23,694
and that he keeps me laughing
has saved my life.
624
00:47:23,727 --> 00:47:26,130
When I first shaved my head,
625
00:47:26,163 --> 00:47:30,469
he told me I'm the sexiest woman
he's ever been with.
626
00:47:30,502 --> 00:47:32,636
And then he told me he likes
my head so much this way
627
00:47:32,670 --> 00:47:33,771
that after it grows back,
628
00:47:33,804 --> 00:47:36,674
he wants me to shave it again.
629
00:47:36,707 --> 00:47:38,310
Linda Conger
came up to Tahoe
630
00:47:38,343 --> 00:47:40,244
to photograph us together.
631
00:47:40,278 --> 00:47:43,214
During the shoot,
Ken put on my breast prosthesis
632
00:47:43,247 --> 00:47:45,182
and suggested
Linda shoot us nude
633
00:47:45,216 --> 00:47:47,385
from the waist up.
634
00:47:47,419 --> 00:47:52,524
My god, the three of us
laughed so hard we cried.
635
00:47:52,557 --> 00:47:55,527
That's kinda how it is
with cancer, I guess,
636
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:59,598
cry till you laugh
and laugh till you cry.
637
00:47:59,630 --> 00:48:02,334
"The rough
parts were losing my period,
638
00:48:02,367 --> 00:48:07,638
"mouth sores, painful bowel,
blood sometimes.
639
00:48:07,671 --> 00:48:10,774
"But it's amazing what
human beings can endure.
640
00:48:10,808 --> 00:48:12,176
"And Kristen and I
hosting the group
641
00:48:12,209 --> 00:48:13,612
"from the Wellness Center...
642
00:48:13,644 --> 00:48:16,281
I was so inspired
by the stories."
643
00:48:16,314 --> 00:48:19,183
After that,
it started to get tough.
644
00:48:19,216 --> 00:48:21,685
Ken hasn't written in forever.
645
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:24,221
He's given up his life
to care for me,
646
00:48:24,256 --> 00:48:27,691
all day, all night,
every day and night.
647
00:48:27,725 --> 00:48:30,495
Since right when
we got married.
648
00:48:30,529 --> 00:48:31,695
" One night,a good friend of mine
649
00:48:31,729 --> 00:48:34,865
"called to ask for
some insight about cancer.
650
00:48:34,899 --> 00:48:37,502
"She called for Ken
and didn't even ask me.
651
00:48:37,536 --> 00:48:39,437
"I defended,
and then it spiraled.
652
00:48:42,907 --> 00:48:44,342
"We've been getting
counseling support
653
00:48:44,376 --> 00:48:46,677
"visiting Frances and Roger,
654
00:48:46,710 --> 00:48:49,914
though many days it just seems
like it can't work."
655
00:48:54,419 --> 00:48:56,588
God,
it'll be almost two years.
656
00:48:58,222 --> 00:49:01,293
With Ken's love, I've managed
treatments pretty well.
657
00:49:02,594 --> 00:49:04,161
What caught us from behind
658
00:49:04,195 --> 00:49:08,400
is the emotional and
psychological devastation.
659
00:49:08,433 --> 00:49:11,369
And I don't think Ken can
endure living only for me
660
00:49:11,403 --> 00:49:13,572
without living for himself.
661
00:49:15,674 --> 00:49:18,209
On top of it all,
since moving to Tahoe,
662
00:49:18,242 --> 00:49:21,212
Ken seems to have caught
some sort of strange bug
663
00:49:21,245 --> 00:49:22,614
no one can identify.
664
00:49:24,815 --> 00:49:26,418
And on top of that,
665
00:49:26,451 --> 00:49:29,853
I can't seem to help
being defensive, even grating,
666
00:49:31,722 --> 00:49:33,857
and Ken's dropped
into depression.
667
00:49:35,393 --> 00:49:40,332
Better news soon,
but always with love, Treya.
668
00:49:46,271 --> 00:49:47,738
Hi.
669
00:49:47,771 --> 00:49:48,839
Hi.
670
00:49:48,872 --> 00:49:50,007
Thank you for coming.
671
00:49:51,343 --> 00:49:52,611
Such a pleasure to be here.
672
00:49:52,644 --> 00:49:55,212
I-I-I am a huge fan
of your work.
673
00:49:55,246 --> 00:49:58,350
I can't tell you how much
your books have affected me.
674
00:49:58,383 --> 00:50:00,017
Great, thanks.
Come on in.
675
00:50:01,586 --> 00:50:04,623
So Ken,
what are you working on now?
676
00:50:04,656 --> 00:50:05,789
I haven't really
677
00:50:05,823 --> 00:50:07,359
done any extended
writing for some time.
678
00:50:10,695 --> 00:50:12,664
Just not coming anymore.
679
00:50:12,697 --> 00:50:13,698
That period is over.
680
00:50:17,001 --> 00:50:17,935
Wow.
681
00:50:20,272 --> 00:50:22,274
What it must be like
to be called
682
00:50:22,307 --> 00:50:25,577
the greatest philosopher
of consciousness since Freud,
683
00:50:25,610 --> 00:50:26,777
and feel it evaporating.
684
00:50:30,749 --> 00:50:32,816
More fun than a human
should be allowed to have.
685
00:52:06,678 --> 00:52:08,713
The greater the love,
the greater the pain.
686
00:52:08,747 --> 00:52:10,849
The greater the love,
the greater the pain.
687
00:52:10,881 --> 00:52:13,385
The greater the love,
the greater the pain.
688
00:52:15,453 --> 00:52:16,821
"He has no enemies.
689
00:52:16,855 --> 00:52:19,156
He's just intensely disliked
by all his friends."
690
00:52:56,594 --> 00:52:57,629
Flatline
691
00:53:00,532 --> 00:53:01,633
It's check out time.
692
00:53:35,999 --> 00:53:37,869
Can you do that in
the other room, please?
693
00:53:44,007 --> 00:53:46,711
I like to read
the paper here.
694
00:53:46,744 --> 00:53:50,882
It's my favorite place for that.
I look forward to it.
695
00:53:57,822 --> 00:54:00,057
Look, this is my office.
696
00:54:00,090 --> 00:54:03,461
All three other rooms
are dedicated to your needs.
697
00:54:03,495 --> 00:54:06,865
Including an office.
So, find one.
698
00:54:06,898 --> 00:54:07,932
No.
699
00:54:19,544 --> 00:54:23,948
This is the only thing
I have left for myself.
700
00:54:25,984 --> 00:54:27,685
It's not a lot to ask.
701
00:54:29,052 --> 00:54:31,256
You know, it's really
aggravating when you're snide.
702
00:54:32,857 --> 00:54:33,992
I'm reading here.
703
00:54:40,565 --> 00:54:41,299
Get out.
704
00:54:43,768 --> 00:54:44,702
No!
705
00:54:46,905 --> 00:54:48,105
What the fuck else can I do!
706
00:54:48,138 --> 00:54:49,641
Get out!
707
00:54:49,674 --> 00:54:51,108
Get out yourself!
708
00:54:51,141 --> 00:54:53,143
You goddamn obnoxious bitch!
709
00:54:53,176 --> 00:54:55,145
Fuck you, Ken. Fuck you!
710
00:54:55,178 --> 00:54:59,082
Get, get off me!
711
00:55:00,885 --> 00:55:01,786
I don't know what you want!
712
00:55:01,819 --> 00:55:02,854
Fuck you!
713
00:55:15,633 --> 00:55:17,200
I'm leaving.
714
00:55:17,234 --> 00:55:19,604
I'm going to San Francisco.
715
00:55:19,637 --> 00:55:22,574
I hate what we're doing.
You can come or you can...
716
00:55:22,607 --> 00:55:23,741
Leave.
717
00:55:25,743 --> 00:55:27,177
Ah, just leave.
718
00:55:56,074 --> 00:55:58,576
Hi, honey, it's Mom.
719
00:55:58,610 --> 00:56:02,780
You know what we think of Ken.
I don't mean that.
720
00:56:02,814 --> 00:56:04,782
We just don't agree
with what he writes.
721
00:56:04,816 --> 00:56:06,851
That's all.
722
00:56:06,884 --> 00:56:10,855
Any man would be
so lucky to have you.
723
00:56:12,690 --> 00:56:14,058
Hi, Terry. It's Vicky.
724
00:56:14,092 --> 00:56:15,326
Pick up if you're there.
725
00:56:17,227 --> 00:56:18,096
So you call me
726
00:56:18,128 --> 00:56:21,332
if you need anything.
727
00:56:21,366 --> 00:56:22,800
I love you.
728
00:56:31,309 --> 00:56:32,644
Hi, Terry. It's Vicki.
729
00:56:32,677 --> 00:56:33,745
Pick up if you're there.
730
00:56:33,778 --> 00:56:34,679
You call me
731
00:56:34,712 --> 00:56:37,348
if you need anything.
732
00:56:37,382 --> 00:56:39,083
I love you.
733
00:56:40,752 --> 00:56:41,719
Hi, Terry. It's Vicki.
734
00:56:41,753 --> 00:56:43,153
Pick up if you're there.
735
00:56:43,186 --> 00:56:46,124
Ken called.
He's in San Francisco.
736
00:56:46,156 --> 00:56:48,225
He's getting help.
737
00:56:48,259 --> 00:56:50,995
I thought you should know.
738
00:56:51,029 --> 00:56:54,098
I want to be supportive.
739
00:56:54,132 --> 00:56:56,734
You deserve each other, Terry.
740
00:56:58,436 --> 00:57:00,772
I know you're listening.
741
00:57:00,805 --> 00:57:01,706
I love you.
742
00:57:08,112 --> 00:57:09,447
I have to let go...
743
00:57:13,051 --> 00:57:14,886
I have to let go, to hold on.
744
00:57:18,723 --> 00:57:19,424
My husband.
745
00:57:30,702 --> 00:57:31,436
My wife.
746
00:58:25,456 --> 00:58:27,825
"Treya..."
747
00:58:27,859 --> 00:58:28,793
My dearest.
748
00:58:28,826 --> 00:58:32,130
"My dearest, I am sorry."
749
00:58:32,163 --> 00:58:33,064
I'm sorry.
750
00:58:34,999 --> 00:58:37,168
"I've searched
a thousand lifetimes
751
00:58:37,201 --> 00:58:44,175
"to find you,
and I can't let you go, I won't.
752
00:58:44,208 --> 00:58:46,043
"Not now, not ever.
753
00:58:47,812 --> 00:58:51,215
"Not in this lifetime,
or any other.
754
00:58:51,249 --> 00:58:54,018
"I love you with all of my soul.
755
00:58:54,051 --> 00:58:55,787
Please come back to me,
my love..."
756
00:58:55,820 --> 00:58:57,889
Please, come back to me.
757
00:58:57,922 --> 00:58:58,956
My soul.
758
00:58:58,990 --> 00:59:00,024
My soul.
759
00:59:02,860 --> 00:59:04,762
"I'm coming to
get you tomorrow."
760
00:59:04,796 --> 00:59:09,801
"You and me. Forever.
761
00:59:11,502 --> 00:59:12,870
It's all I know."
762
00:59:16,140 --> 00:59:17,575
It's all I'm gonna do.
763
01:00:10,194 --> 01:00:11,263
Hello.
764
01:00:11,296 --> 01:00:12,964
Hello, Mr. Wilber.
765
01:00:12,997 --> 01:00:14,065
Yeah.
766
01:00:14,098 --> 01:00:15,300
My name is Edith Zundel,
767
01:00:15,334 --> 01:00:17,134
from West Germany.
768
01:00:17,168 --> 01:00:19,837
I'm doing a book of interviews
with avant-garde psychologists
769
01:00:19,871 --> 01:00:22,073
and I'd really
like to interview you.
770
01:00:22,106 --> 01:00:24,976
I appreciate that, Edith,
but I-I don't do interviews.
771
01:00:25,009 --> 01:00:26,410
I'm staying
with Frances Vaughan
772
01:00:26,444 --> 01:00:29,281
and Roger Walsh.
I've come a long way
773
01:00:29,314 --> 01:00:30,882
and would really like to
talk with you.
774
01:00:30,915 --> 01:00:32,884
Please.
775
01:00:32,917 --> 01:00:34,619
Here's the thing, Edith.
776
01:00:34,652 --> 01:00:37,289
Most authors end up
appearing as teachers
777
01:00:37,322 --> 01:00:39,991
when they do interviews,
and it's just not me.
778
01:00:40,024 --> 01:00:42,193
I can appreciate that,
Mr. Wilber.
779
01:00:42,226 --> 01:00:45,630
I know you've only given
four interviews in 15 years.
780
01:00:45,663 --> 01:00:48,099
Your synthesis of Eastern
and Western psychologies
781
01:00:48,132 --> 01:00:50,434
has had a major impact.
782
01:00:50,468 --> 01:00:54,373
It would just be a few
questions, as a scholar.
783
01:00:54,405 --> 01:00:57,276
All ten of your books have been
hugely popular in Germany.
784
01:00:57,309 --> 01:00:59,410
I even have copies in Japanese.
785
01:00:59,443 --> 01:01:02,880
Oh, the two peaceful countries.
786
01:01:02,914 --> 01:01:03,981
Frances and Roger
787
01:01:04,015 --> 01:01:07,685
told me about Terry.
I'm very sorry.
788
01:01:10,521 --> 01:01:12,623
Okay, Edith, come on over
this afternoon.
789
01:01:15,426 --> 01:01:18,195
Babe!
790
01:01:18,229 --> 01:01:20,898
My period returned.
791
01:01:27,939 --> 01:01:30,241
Maybe I can have your child
after all.
792
01:01:30,275 --> 01:01:31,208
Yes, baby.
793
01:01:32,710 --> 01:01:36,447
I think Frances and Roger
were right.
794
01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:41,585
It doesn't matter what we say
as... much as how we say it.
795
01:01:41,619 --> 01:01:48,327
Hm. Yeah.
Please... clean the car.
796
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:52,029
Clean the house, and...
see me in the bedroom.
797
01:01:52,063 --> 01:01:53,332
You can see more of me
798
01:01:53,365 --> 01:01:55,400
walking away to go garden,
mister.
799
01:02:11,515 --> 01:02:12,717
Chris is the only one here
800
01:02:12,750 --> 01:02:15,553
who works like this.
But she's vastly popular.
801
01:02:18,622 --> 01:02:21,125
Bill has an inoperable
brain tumor.
802
01:02:21,158 --> 01:02:23,594
I'm working on containing
and shrinking it.
803
01:02:25,563 --> 01:02:27,366
Bill came here on a gurney
804
01:02:27,399 --> 01:02:30,134
from the hospital last week
with two tumors
805
01:02:30,167 --> 01:02:31,403
which Chris shrank.
806
01:02:31,436 --> 01:02:32,636
But one grew back.
807
01:02:36,741 --> 01:02:39,143
I would love to meet Ken later.
808
01:02:39,176 --> 01:02:42,747
Up From Eden was incredible.
I'm a fan.
809
01:02:44,483 --> 01:02:47,319
Okay, Bill. Off you go.
810
01:02:47,352 --> 01:02:50,721
I feel the cold spot's gone.
You're good for today.
811
01:02:50,755 --> 01:02:52,223
Thanks.
812
01:02:52,257 --> 01:02:53,190
Treya?
813
01:03:02,434 --> 01:03:06,604
Oh. Hm. Cool here.
814
01:03:08,606 --> 01:03:12,009
Make sure you tell me if you
feel any really cold spots.
815
01:03:12,043 --> 01:03:14,111
Cool there.
816
01:03:14,145 --> 01:03:15,713
There's something going on
in the pancreas.
817
01:03:15,746 --> 01:03:19,116
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I have diabetes.
818
01:03:19,150 --> 01:03:21,520
Cancer is caused by a virus...
819
01:03:21,552 --> 01:03:25,122
and that virus
may still be here, hiding,
820
01:03:25,156 --> 01:03:28,659
even though medical doctors
say it's gone.
821
01:03:28,692 --> 01:03:33,631
What I'm doing now
is keeping it from moving.
822
01:03:33,664 --> 01:03:36,167
I had cancer when I was 23.
823
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:39,438
It led me to all kinds
of doctors and healers.
824
01:03:39,471 --> 01:03:42,407
I was arrested once for healing
a child with leukemia.
825
01:03:42,441 --> 01:03:45,544
Can you imagine that?
Like that's a crime.
826
01:03:45,576 --> 01:03:48,112
It is about raising vibrations.
827
01:03:48,145 --> 01:03:52,517
But it's also mathematical
and totally teachable.
828
01:03:52,551 --> 01:03:55,586
My dream is to go
into a Third World country
829
01:03:55,619 --> 01:03:58,189
and teach others how to heal.
830
01:03:58,222 --> 01:03:59,757
But that's not allowed
in the US.
831
01:04:02,159 --> 01:04:03,562
Hi, there.
832
01:04:05,096 --> 01:04:08,500
Ken Wilber.
It's a pleasure.
833
01:04:08,533 --> 01:04:10,535
Pleasure.
834
01:04:10,569 --> 01:04:13,338
Do you want to give it a go?
It's perfect timing,
835
01:04:13,371 --> 01:04:16,341
and you'll both know
the method for later.
836
01:04:16,374 --> 01:04:17,375
Sounds great.
837
01:04:20,579 --> 01:04:22,113
We've been looking forward
to meeting you, Chris.
838
01:04:27,885 --> 01:04:32,223
Okay. Okay.
839
01:04:32,257 --> 01:04:33,458
Okay.
840
01:04:36,595 --> 01:04:38,396
I feel no coldness anywhere.
841
01:04:39,830 --> 01:04:41,232
You?
842
01:04:41,266 --> 01:04:42,300
Nope.
843
01:04:46,237 --> 01:04:48,607
Very interesting.
844
01:04:48,639 --> 01:04:52,444
So, there are ten channels
on each side of the brain.
845
01:04:52,477 --> 01:04:54,745
For most people, two or three
sides are opened up.
846
01:04:54,778 --> 01:04:56,747
Four at the most.
847
01:04:56,780 --> 01:05:01,486
In my brain, all ten channels
on both sides are open to ten.
848
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,421
I mean, this kind of thing
doesn't happen
849
01:05:03,455 --> 01:05:06,223
but every 2,000 years.
850
01:05:06,258 --> 01:05:09,294
The last person before me
was the Buddha.
851
01:05:09,327 --> 01:05:12,897
But, Ken, you are open
on one side of your brain to ten
852
01:05:12,930 --> 01:05:17,269
and the other side is seven.
853
01:05:19,271 --> 01:05:22,307
Oh, my goodness.
Holy crap.
854
01:05:22,340 --> 01:05:24,276
I really think
that I can open the seven side
855
01:05:24,309 --> 01:05:27,646
all the way up. All the way.
856
01:05:27,678 --> 01:05:32,216
Okay, tell me if you smell
anything strange.
857
01:05:32,249 --> 01:05:34,185
Uh, I smell smoke.
858
01:05:34,218 --> 01:05:36,321
Good. Good.
859
01:05:36,354 --> 01:05:38,356
Now I smell mildew.
860
01:05:40,392 --> 01:05:43,461
Oh, man.
861
01:05:44,596 --> 01:05:46,197
Both sides are open up to ten.
862
01:05:48,266 --> 01:05:51,936
I'm blown away. Wow.
I mean, so much for the theory
863
01:05:51,969 --> 01:05:55,407
that this only happens to
one person every 2,000 years.
864
01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:58,577
I can't believe it.
It's amazing.
865
01:05:58,610 --> 01:06:00,378
Now there are
two people
866
01:06:00,412 --> 01:06:01,879
right here in this room.
867
01:06:01,912 --> 01:06:03,180
Oh, my god.
868
01:06:03,214 --> 01:06:06,784
Right?
It's so crazy.
869
01:06:08,786 --> 01:06:11,789
Cheers to that.
870
01:06:15,327 --> 01:06:16,760
To Terry's
clean bill of health.
871
01:06:18,663 --> 01:06:20,898
Since a removed
port-a-cath means
872
01:06:20,931 --> 01:06:25,769
they think the possibility
of another occurrence is slim.
873
01:06:25,803 --> 01:06:29,873
Another tequila for everyone.
874
01:06:29,907 --> 01:06:31,509
Trey.
875
01:06:31,543 --> 01:06:33,210
Thank you.
876
01:06:33,244 --> 01:06:34,211
Thank you.
877
01:06:34,245 --> 01:06:35,779
Cheers!
878
01:06:54,031 --> 01:06:56,534
Happy birthday.
879
01:07:00,372 --> 01:07:01,573
Oh, we love you.
880
01:07:03,475 --> 01:07:04,743
Thank you.
881
01:07:07,778 --> 01:07:09,681
Make a wish.
You make a wish.
882
01:07:12,384 --> 01:07:14,552
Yeah.
883
01:07:22,460 --> 01:07:23,794
"Important voice,"
I think it said.
884
01:07:23,827 --> 01:07:25,497
- I know, it does.
- Mm-hm.
885
01:07:43,981 --> 01:07:47,352
Vicky! Uh-huh.
886
01:07:48,819 --> 01:07:49,754
For CSC?
887
01:07:51,389 --> 01:07:53,758
A 25,000-dollar grant!
888
01:07:53,792 --> 01:07:58,463
Oh, Vicky. Oh, Vicky.
Yes. Yes!
889
01:07:58,496 --> 01:08:00,632
Okay, okay.
890
01:08:02,334 --> 01:08:03,368
All right.
I'll call you back.
891
01:08:03,401 --> 01:08:06,103
Bye. Oh.
892
01:08:22,554 --> 01:08:25,523
Eight hundred pages
in a month and a half.
893
01:08:25,557 --> 01:08:26,691
Ken Wilber.
894
01:08:32,731 --> 01:08:34,499
Must be the new house.
895
01:08:34,532 --> 01:08:36,133
Yeah, mister... must be.
896
01:08:38,370 --> 01:08:40,904
She had a bone scan
three months ago?
897
01:08:40,938 --> 01:08:44,709
Yeah, it was clear.
So just a high-density CAT scan
898
01:08:44,743 --> 01:08:47,945
to see what might be causing
the slight waviness in her eye.
899
01:08:47,978 --> 01:08:49,113
Great.
900
01:08:50,948 --> 01:08:52,617
- You can wait down the hall.
- All right.
901
01:08:52,650 --> 01:08:55,620
The doctor should be
with you shortly.
902
01:09:06,964 --> 01:09:07,866
Mr. Wilber?
903
01:09:13,904 --> 01:09:16,875
It looks like there are two
or three tumors in her brain.
904
01:09:24,181 --> 01:09:25,650
One is very large...
905
01:09:32,022 --> 01:09:33,558
perhaps three centimeters.
906
01:09:37,194 --> 01:09:39,631
So we just scanned
her lungs as well.
907
01:09:43,802 --> 01:09:44,769
Um.
908
01:09:52,811 --> 01:09:56,448
She has multiple tumors
throughout both lungs...
909
01:10:06,023 --> 01:10:07,459
possibly a dozen altogether.
910
01:10:12,162 --> 01:10:14,833
I'm as shocked by this
as you are.
911
01:10:14,866 --> 01:10:16,468
I think the best thing to do
912
01:10:16,501 --> 01:10:21,873
would be to tell her in my
office tomorrow morning. Please.
913
01:10:21,906 --> 01:10:23,475
I think
the best thing to do
914
01:10:23,508 --> 01:10:28,145
would be to tell her in my
office tomorrow morning. Please.
915
01:10:28,178 --> 01:10:29,547
I want to have
all the information
916
01:10:29,581 --> 01:10:31,516
ready for her beforehand.
917
01:10:36,721 --> 01:10:37,856
Yeah. Right. Of course.
918
01:10:51,769 --> 01:10:54,606
♪ We rattle a gateless gate ♪
919
01:10:59,944 --> 01:11:02,981
♪ And push against
A weightless weight ♪
920
01:11:09,052 --> 01:11:11,756
♪ Looking for
A stateless state ♪
921
01:11:11,789 --> 01:11:14,024
I don't think it's anything.
922
01:11:14,057 --> 01:11:15,593
I feel clear.
923
01:11:15,627 --> 01:11:16,928
♪ Nicola ♪
924
01:11:16,961 --> 01:11:18,863
It's probably
related to blood sugar.
925
01:11:18,897 --> 01:11:22,199
♪ Whatever love creates ♪
926
01:11:22,232 --> 01:11:24,067
We're gonna have
a great life together, babe.
927
01:11:24,101 --> 01:11:25,837
You don't have to look
so worried.
928
01:11:25,870 --> 01:11:29,206
Right. No. Of course.
Definitely.
929
01:11:29,239 --> 01:11:32,977
♪ And all these twins ♪
930
01:11:33,011 --> 01:11:35,078
- ♪ With different faces ♪
- ♪ With different faces ♪
931
01:11:37,247 --> 01:11:40,217
- ♪ Fallen from the womb ♪
- ♪ Fallen from the womb ♪
932
01:11:41,886 --> 01:11:45,957
- ♪ Risen from the tomb ♪
- ♪ Risen from the tomb ♪
933
01:11:45,990 --> 01:11:48,893
- ♪ Carried in perfume ♪
- ♪ Carried in perfume ♪
934
01:11:51,296 --> 01:11:53,230
- ♪ Nicola ♪
- ♪ Nicola ♪
935
01:12:10,982 --> 01:12:14,084
♪ All the ones alive today ♪
936
01:12:14,117 --> 01:12:18,590
No. No!
No, no, no.
937
01:12:18,623 --> 01:12:21,191
I don't give a fuck!
Damn it, damn it!
938
01:12:21,224 --> 01:12:24,729
♪ Are the ones
That passed away ♪
939
01:12:24,762 --> 01:12:28,700
No! It's not fair!
It's not fucking fair!
940
01:12:28,733 --> 01:12:31,836
♪ Are the ones on the way ♪
941
01:12:31,869 --> 01:12:36,139
And I could see it
written on your face.
942
01:12:36,173 --> 01:12:39,777
- ♪ Nicola ♪
- No! Please!
943
01:12:39,811 --> 01:12:42,714
No! No!
944
01:12:51,121 --> 01:12:53,891
I don't understand.
945
01:12:53,925 --> 01:12:56,226
I don't understand.
946
01:12:58,396 --> 01:13:01,699
Please. Please. Please.
947
01:13:01,733 --> 01:13:04,802
Please, No, No, No, No
948
01:13:10,108 --> 01:13:13,077
But I want to have your baby.
949
01:13:13,111 --> 01:13:16,814
Your... that's all.
950
01:13:16,848 --> 01:13:19,651
Please, please, please.
951
01:13:23,688 --> 01:13:24,656
No.
952
01:13:32,830 --> 01:13:37,301
However you wanna do it...
whatever you want.
953
01:13:51,181 --> 01:13:52,684
Janker Klinik.
954
01:13:54,919 --> 01:13:56,654
Is that your choice?
955
01:13:56,688 --> 01:14:00,258
Short-term, high-dose.
Germany.
956
01:14:00,291 --> 01:14:02,026
So aggressive people
957
01:14:02,060 --> 01:14:05,997
sometimes have to be put
on life support.
958
01:14:06,030 --> 01:14:11,836
But Bob Marley, Yul Brynner,
70 percent remission rate.
959
01:14:18,076 --> 01:14:22,113
I want to go.
I want to try this.
960
01:14:46,104 --> 01:14:47,872
Would you recommend
this particular treatment
961
01:14:47,905 --> 01:14:50,041
for your wife?
962
01:14:50,074 --> 01:14:52,343
Never ask a doctor
963
01:14:52,376 --> 01:14:55,379
if he recommends
the treatment for his wife.
964
01:14:55,413 --> 01:14:58,316
You don't know
how they get along!
965
01:14:58,349 --> 01:15:00,952
No, you best ask,
966
01:15:00,985 --> 01:15:04,288
would he recommend this
for his daughter.
967
01:15:06,390 --> 01:15:08,459
Well, for your daughter?
968
01:15:08,493 --> 01:15:13,297
We do not do
long-term treatments,
969
01:15:13,331 --> 01:15:16,067
as is common in America.
970
01:15:16,100 --> 01:15:22,340
Now we-we find that it lowers
the quality of life.
971
01:15:22,373 --> 01:15:24,475
We must always remember that...
972
01:15:24,509 --> 01:15:31,182
that surrounding this tumor
is a human being.
973
01:15:31,215 --> 01:15:34,952
And also... it also
damages the soul.
974
01:15:34,986 --> 01:15:38,890
This is high-dose, short-term.
We knock it out.
975
01:15:38,923 --> 01:15:41,526
Your white blood cell count
will drop.
976
01:15:41,559 --> 01:15:43,995
And then they will rise again
to 1,500.
977
01:15:44,028 --> 01:15:46,063
And then you can
leave the hospital at
978
01:15:46,097 --> 01:15:49,300
at 1,800.
You can take a trip.
979
01:15:49,333 --> 01:15:54,105
And when it's back up to 2,500,
we can begin the next treatment.
980
01:16:03,014 --> 01:16:05,349
It's two Kolsch for five marks.
981
01:16:10,188 --> 01:16:11,589
Dr. Scheef installed it.
982
01:16:13,591 --> 01:16:16,828
He drinks 10 or 15 a day.
983
01:16:16,861 --> 01:16:19,063
Really. Hmm.
984
01:16:20,598 --> 01:16:22,967
He says it's the only alcohol
that puts more into your system
985
01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:25,970
than it takes out.
986
01:16:26,003 --> 01:16:27,839
- Really?
- Hm.
987
01:16:27,872 --> 01:16:29,407
Dr. Scheef told me
about your books.
988
01:16:29,440 --> 01:16:31,342
He says you're famous.
989
01:16:31,375 --> 01:16:34,111
Really?
990
01:16:34,145 --> 01:16:36,981
You know, he's amazing.
991
01:16:37,014 --> 01:16:41,219
There was a German woman,
severe ovarian cancer.
992
01:16:41,252 --> 01:16:44,055
She wanted to
go visit her son in LA,
993
01:16:44,088 --> 01:16:45,957
but she didn't have
money nor a visa.
994
01:16:45,990 --> 01:16:48,159
And I heard Scheef,
he surprised her with both
995
01:16:48,192 --> 01:16:50,928
for a gift
for finishing treatment.
996
01:16:50,962 --> 01:16:53,064
Really?
997
01:16:53,097 --> 01:16:54,131
Really.
998
01:17:13,150 --> 01:17:14,452
Treya was running the risk
999
01:17:14,485 --> 01:17:17,889
of catching pneumonia,
though she went from 103.6
1000
01:17:17,922 --> 01:17:20,491
to just under a hundred
this morning.
1001
01:17:20,524 --> 01:17:22,560
And Dr. Scheef thinks
the radiation and sulfamide
1002
01:17:22,593 --> 01:17:25,029
are helping. So...
1003
01:17:25,062 --> 01:17:27,266
looks like we're starting
a specialized chemo treatment
1004
01:17:27,299 --> 01:17:30,034
on Monday.
1005
01:17:30,067 --> 01:17:33,404
Treya, still amazing
at every turn.
1006
01:17:41,313 --> 01:17:45,116
Okay. I think
I'm ready for lunch.
1007
01:17:45,149 --> 01:17:47,251
Dear loved ones,
1008
01:17:47,286 --> 01:17:50,187
I can't thank you enough
for your letters and calls.
1009
01:17:52,523 --> 01:17:57,194
It feels wonderful, like
floating in a caressing ocean.
1010
01:17:57,228 --> 01:17:58,263
And Ken has been the best
1011
01:17:58,297 --> 01:18:01,032
support person.
It's unappreciated,
1012
01:18:01,065 --> 01:18:03,634
and yet he's vibrant,
with dedication and humor.
1013
01:18:03,668 --> 01:18:05,337
He's half of my soul.
1014
01:18:05,370 --> 01:18:06,637
God, I love this man.
1015
01:18:08,940 --> 01:18:11,609
He holds my hand,
makes me laugh,
1016
01:18:11,642 --> 01:18:15,546
runs errands,
picks out fresh vegetables.
1017
01:18:18,549 --> 01:18:21,118
Kati was just here for ten days.
1018
01:18:21,152 --> 01:18:22,620
Wow, she's an amazing listener.
1019
01:18:22,653 --> 01:18:26,057
Mom and Dad
have been so supportive.
1020
01:18:26,090 --> 01:18:28,960
And Ken's parents
who are so loving,
1021
01:18:28,993 --> 01:18:32,196
my friends in Colorado,
at the CSC,
1022
01:18:32,229 --> 01:18:36,467
my Findhorn friends...
and my sweet Vicky.
1023
01:18:36,500 --> 01:18:40,504
And I have complete faith
in Herr Dr. Professor Scheef
1024
01:18:40,538 --> 01:18:43,641
who runs the Janker Klinik.
1025
01:18:43,674 --> 01:18:45,310
The drug he's using,
which he developed,
1026
01:18:45,344 --> 01:18:46,711
only just got approved
in the US
1027
01:18:46,744 --> 01:18:49,146
because it's so potent.
1028
01:18:49,180 --> 01:18:52,384
I can't say how much easier
it is though.
1029
01:18:52,417 --> 01:18:53,718
I've moved through a lot.
1030
01:18:53,751 --> 01:18:55,454
From intense anger and crying,
1031
01:18:55,486 --> 01:18:59,458
to thoughts of death and fears
of what pain may come.
1032
01:18:59,490 --> 01:19:02,327
Then to thoughts of all those
suffering on this planet,
1033
01:19:02,361 --> 01:19:04,562
and then I feel
a wave of calmness.
1034
01:19:04,595 --> 01:19:06,998
A feeling
of not being alone in it,
1035
01:19:07,031 --> 01:19:09,434
and some sort of
greater connection.
1036
01:19:11,035 --> 01:19:13,571
I read an article
in the New York Times yesterday
1037
01:19:13,604 --> 01:19:16,207
on a study by Dr. Sandra Levy.
1038
01:19:16,240 --> 01:19:19,210
She found that
for the survival rate of women
1039
01:19:19,243 --> 01:19:21,579
who had had advanced
breast cancer,
1040
01:19:21,612 --> 01:19:25,417
the only psychological factor
that seemed to matter
1041
01:19:25,450 --> 01:19:28,252
was sense of joy in life.
1042
01:19:31,188 --> 01:19:36,027
That first noble truth:
there is suffering in the world.
1043
01:19:36,060 --> 01:19:37,528
To take part in it
1044
01:19:37,561 --> 01:19:40,265
feels like I'm engaged on
a special journey,
1045
01:19:40,298 --> 01:19:43,534
only taken up by those
who can handle it.
1046
01:19:43,567 --> 01:19:47,372
I call it passionate equanimity.
1047
01:19:47,406 --> 01:19:52,344
I do all I can, but without
attachment to the results.
1048
01:19:52,377 --> 01:19:54,178
Just for the love of it.
1049
01:19:54,211 --> 01:19:55,179
Just for the love of it.
1050
01:19:55,212 --> 01:19:56,547
The love of life.
1051
01:19:56,580 --> 01:19:57,681
The love of life.
1052
01:20:03,154 --> 01:20:06,791
Hey, Norbert.
Yeah, I'm up in the room.
1053
01:20:06,824 --> 01:20:09,494
Am I missing any action
at the front desk?
1054
01:20:09,528 --> 01:20:13,164
No, no, um, maybe
just some towels.
1055
01:20:13,197 --> 01:20:15,333
Yeah, she's recovering
from the second.
1056
01:20:15,367 --> 01:20:16,468
It's a lung infection,
1057
01:20:16,501 --> 01:20:19,170
so I've had to stay away
while her counts are low.
1058
01:20:19,203 --> 01:20:20,405
Mm-hm.
1059
01:20:20,439 --> 01:20:21,806
Yeah, I'm journaling,
you know her.
1060
01:20:23,774 --> 01:20:27,512
Yeah, I can't believe it.
It's almost four months.
1061
01:20:27,546 --> 01:20:29,414
Listen, uh, I'm going to
go out for a while,
1062
01:20:29,448 --> 01:20:34,085
in case she calls. I just,
I just need to get some air.
1063
01:20:34,118 --> 01:20:35,420
Yeah, thanks.
1064
01:20:48,533 --> 01:20:49,468
Ken!
1065
01:20:55,373 --> 01:20:59,511
No more drinking for you.
You have to be strong.
1066
01:20:59,544 --> 01:21:00,644
I don't want
to be strong, Norbert.
1067
01:21:02,813 --> 01:21:05,216
I want to be weak and spineless
for a while.
1068
01:21:06,585 --> 01:21:08,353
Ken.
1069
01:21:08,386 --> 01:21:09,287
Suits me better.
1070
01:21:10,589 --> 01:21:11,556
Ken.
1071
01:21:21,399 --> 01:21:23,834
Men and women
were once whole,
1072
01:21:23,868 --> 01:21:25,470
but were torn in two.
1073
01:21:25,504 --> 01:21:28,139
Men and women were once whole
but were torn in two,
1074
01:21:28,172 --> 01:21:31,175
and the pursuit and desire
of that whole.
1075
01:21:31,208 --> 01:21:33,612
And the pursuit and desire
of that whole is called love.
1076
01:21:33,677 --> 01:21:35,413
Is called love.
1077
01:24:43,000 --> 01:24:47,372
I think I had a dream.
I was looking for you.
1078
01:24:47,405 --> 01:24:50,742
There was a mountain.
1079
01:24:50,775 --> 01:24:54,512
And an ocean.
1080
01:24:54,546 --> 01:24:57,047
And millions of stars.
1081
01:25:01,619 --> 01:25:02,754
Where were you?
1082
01:25:06,758 --> 01:25:09,461
Here.
1083
01:25:09,494 --> 01:25:11,629
And am I ever glad
you're here too.
1084
01:25:14,064 --> 01:25:16,967
You always promised
you'd find me, you know.
1085
01:25:21,740 --> 01:25:24,975
Maybe we're
in each other's dream.
1086
01:25:25,008 --> 01:25:26,143
Is that possible?
1087
01:25:31,014 --> 01:25:32,049
Give me your hand.
1088
01:25:44,863 --> 01:25:47,432
"Sam, I'm only
updating you because you said
1089
01:25:47,465 --> 01:25:50,000
"otherwise you wouldn't
publish my next book
1090
01:25:50,033 --> 01:25:52,637
in the event I ever write one."
1091
01:25:52,670 --> 01:25:53,705
We've
tried all the treatments
1092
01:25:53,738 --> 01:25:55,807
sane men have come up with.
1093
01:25:55,840 --> 01:25:58,610
None of them have worked,
so we've settled on
1094
01:25:58,643 --> 01:26:01,078
the Kelly/Gonzales
enzyme program.
1095
01:26:01,111 --> 01:26:03,782
Gonzales runs it now.
He says Kelly went bonkers,
1096
01:26:03,815 --> 01:26:07,685
that he's out there talking to
little men from other planets.
1097
01:26:07,719 --> 01:26:10,954
Somehow Treya and I found that
strangely reassuring.
1098
01:26:10,988 --> 01:26:12,857
The studies
are actually amazing.
1099
01:26:12,891 --> 01:26:14,459
The five-year survival rate
1100
01:26:14,492 --> 01:26:16,694
for Treya's general type of
metastatic breast cancer
1101
01:26:16,728 --> 01:26:18,730
is exactly zero percent.
1102
01:26:18,763 --> 01:26:20,732
But in Gonzales' study,
there are already three
1103
01:26:20,765 --> 01:26:24,502
five-year plus survivors,
even one over 17 years.
1104
01:26:24,536 --> 01:26:27,539
So, it's no fly-by-night clinic,
1105
01:26:27,572 --> 01:26:31,409
though we would try those too
if we thought it would help.
1106
01:26:31,443 --> 01:26:32,976
Gonzales uses blood analysis
1107
01:26:33,010 --> 01:26:36,013
to indicate the extent
of tumor activity,
1108
01:26:36,046 --> 01:26:39,016
and before we told him,
he nailed all the same facts
1109
01:26:39,049 --> 01:26:41,853
informed of through
conventional medicine.
1110
01:26:41,886 --> 01:26:44,422
His test measures
tumor activity in the body
1111
01:26:44,456 --> 01:26:47,859
from zero to 50,
with 45 being incurable.
1112
01:26:47,892 --> 01:26:51,028
Treya scored a 38.
1113
01:26:51,061 --> 01:26:53,997
The disconcerting thing
is that when it's working,
1114
01:26:54,031 --> 01:26:57,201
when tumors are being dissolved,
they flare up.
1115
01:26:57,234 --> 01:27:00,672
So, Gonzales' tests showing
that Treya is getting better
1116
01:27:00,705 --> 01:27:02,540
is interpreted by
the conventional doctors
1117
01:27:02,574 --> 01:27:05,777
that Treya is dying.
1118
01:27:05,810 --> 01:27:09,481
And Treya, of course,
handles this like a champion.
1119
01:27:11,950 --> 01:27:14,017
And Hazel'll be happy to know,
if I don't write another book,
1120
01:27:14,051 --> 01:27:16,654
I'll be able to make it
as a care person,
1121
01:27:16,688 --> 01:27:18,155
or at least a maid.
1122
01:27:20,090 --> 01:27:24,094
Like a couple of kids, somehow,
we're having a ball with it.
1123
01:27:27,532 --> 01:27:28,967
An average CEA,
1124
01:27:28,999 --> 01:27:31,703
which indicates the amount
of active cancer in your body,
1125
01:27:31,736 --> 01:27:33,605
measures zero to five.
1126
01:27:33,638 --> 01:27:36,574
Yours was 7.7 in January.
1127
01:27:36,608 --> 01:27:39,109
After your first treatment
in Germany, it was 13,
1128
01:27:39,142 --> 01:27:42,079
then 16.7 when you got home.
1129
01:27:42,112 --> 01:27:44,782
This read is at 21.
1130
01:27:44,816 --> 01:27:48,920
Now, Treya, I'm telling you that
what we're seeing here is real.
1131
01:27:48,953 --> 01:27:51,656
I strongly recommend starting
an immediate high-dose chemo
1132
01:27:51,689 --> 01:27:53,558
followed by
a bone marrow transplant.
1133
01:27:53,591 --> 01:27:54,893
Thank you.
1134
01:27:54,926 --> 01:27:57,227
We're gonna talk it over
and we'll let you know.
1135
01:27:57,262 --> 01:27:58,161
Okay.
1136
01:28:15,013 --> 01:28:16,648
Dr. Gonzales' office.
1137
01:28:16,681 --> 01:28:19,249
Hi Lisa.
It's Treya for Dr. Gonzales.
1138
01:28:19,284 --> 01:28:21,586
Oh hi, Treya, one moment.
1139
01:28:21,619 --> 01:28:22,620
Thank you.
1140
01:28:24,589 --> 01:28:27,224
Hey guys, great news.
1141
01:28:27,258 --> 01:28:30,528
Your score dropped
from 38 to 33,
1142
01:28:30,562 --> 01:28:32,229
the biggest drop I've ever seen
1143
01:28:32,263 --> 01:28:34,532
in only one month
on the program.
1144
01:28:34,566 --> 01:28:36,634
Now, some of that drop
may be due to
1145
01:28:36,668 --> 01:28:38,736
the anti-estrogens
you're taking,
1146
01:28:38,770 --> 01:28:42,105
but I think this is
definitely gonna work.
1147
01:28:42,139 --> 01:28:43,575
♪ Nicola ♪
1148
01:28:45,075 --> 01:28:47,979
♪ Whatever love will make ♪
1149
01:28:49,914 --> 01:28:54,719
♪ Love erases ♪
1150
01:28:54,752 --> 01:28:58,756
♪ And all these twins ♪
1151
01:28:58,790 --> 01:29:02,860
♪ With different faces ♪
1152
01:29:02,894 --> 01:29:07,298
♪ Fallen from the womb ♪
1153
01:29:07,332 --> 01:29:11,769
♪ Risen from the tomb ♪
1154
01:29:11,803 --> 01:29:14,772
♪ Carried in perfume ♪
1155
01:29:16,774 --> 01:29:19,010
♪ Nicola ♪
1156
01:29:29,320 --> 01:29:30,989
Thank you.
1157
01:29:31,022 --> 01:29:34,124
I have one more for you called
"I Want To Live,"
1158
01:29:34,157 --> 01:29:37,127
but first I'd like to introduce
a dear friend of mine
1159
01:29:37,160 --> 01:29:39,063
who's going to share
a few words.
1160
01:29:39,097 --> 01:29:40,865
Treya Wilber.
1161
01:29:47,271 --> 01:29:48,373
Thank you.
1162
01:29:48,406 --> 01:29:49,307
Yeah.
1163
01:30:02,185 --> 01:30:06,791
Hello. My name
is Treya Killam Wilber.
1164
01:30:06,824 --> 01:30:10,128
Many of you here
have known me as Terry.
1165
01:30:10,160 --> 01:30:12,830
I've been involved with
Windstar from the early days.
1166
01:30:14,966 --> 01:30:18,836
Five years ago,
in August of '83,
1167
01:30:18,870 --> 01:30:22,774
I met and totally fell in love
with Ken Wilber.
1168
01:30:22,807 --> 01:30:26,209
I always used to call it
love at first touch.
1169
01:30:26,243 --> 01:30:28,046
We were married.
1170
01:30:28,079 --> 01:30:30,348
And then, ten days
after our wedding,
1171
01:30:30,381 --> 01:30:33,384
I was diagnosed with
stage two breast cancer.
1172
01:30:35,386 --> 01:30:37,455
We spent our honeymoon
in the hospital.
1173
01:30:39,357 --> 01:30:42,827
Since then,
I've had two recurrences,
1174
01:30:42,860 --> 01:30:44,896
and many types of treatment,
1175
01:30:44,929 --> 01:30:47,197
both conventional
and alternative.
1176
01:30:48,933 --> 01:30:51,436
But in January of this year,
1177
01:30:51,469 --> 01:30:55,205
we discovered the cancer
had metastasized,
1178
01:30:55,238 --> 01:30:58,276
that it had spread
to my brain and to my lungs.
1179
01:31:00,778 --> 01:31:03,448
So, when Tommy asked me to speak
at this event,
1180
01:31:03,481 --> 01:31:08,119
I thought, well,
perhaps I can look at
1181
01:31:08,152 --> 01:31:12,256
what I've done with my life
since the diagnosis.
1182
01:31:12,290 --> 01:31:14,158
I co-founded
the Cancer Support Community
1183
01:31:14,192 --> 01:31:16,761
in San Francisco.
1184
01:31:16,794 --> 01:31:18,262
I've written
as honestly as I can
1185
01:31:18,296 --> 01:31:20,131
about my inner explorations
1186
01:31:20,164 --> 01:31:24,035
in a way that many tell me
they've found helpful.
1187
01:31:24,068 --> 01:31:26,170
And I plan to publish a book.
1188
01:31:26,204 --> 01:31:28,506
Maybe my letters
to many of you will be in it.
1189
01:31:30,775 --> 01:31:35,346
But then I realized, oh,
I'd fallen into a familiar trap.
1190
01:31:35,379 --> 01:31:39,784
I'm equating success
with achievement.
1191
01:31:39,817 --> 01:31:44,756
Learning to make friends
with perhaps painful death
1192
01:31:44,789 --> 01:31:46,023
has taught me a great deal
1193
01:31:46,057 --> 01:31:50,495
about making friends
with myself as I am,
1194
01:31:50,528 --> 01:31:54,465
and a great deal about making
friends with life as it is.
1195
01:31:57,135 --> 01:31:59,070
There's an old saying,
1196
01:31:59,103 --> 01:32:03,207
it's popular among people
with cancer that goes...
1197
01:32:03,241 --> 01:32:05,343
"Life is terminal."
1198
01:32:05,376 --> 01:32:08,780
I'm lucky because I've been
given advanced warning
1199
01:32:08,813 --> 01:32:11,849
and the time to act
on that warning.
1200
01:32:11,883 --> 01:32:15,353
Because
I can no longer ignore death,
1201
01:32:15,386 --> 01:32:18,257
I pay more attention to life.
1202
01:33:06,938 --> 01:33:09,073
Yes, it's true
that if the enzymes
1203
01:33:09,106 --> 01:33:11,342
Gonzales has you on
were breaking the tumors down,
1204
01:33:11,375 --> 01:33:12,476
they would swell,
1205
01:33:12,510 --> 01:33:15,379
and a CAT scan wouldn't
differentiate that.
1206
01:33:15,413 --> 01:33:18,115
But you have an average
tumor growth rate
1207
01:33:18,149 --> 01:33:21,118
of over 30 percent
in a short period of time.
1208
01:33:21,152 --> 01:33:23,454
And because of the growth
of the large brain tumor
1209
01:33:23,487 --> 01:33:25,089
and the swelling
of the right brain,
1210
01:33:25,122 --> 01:33:26,557
it's pushed
the left side of your brain
1211
01:33:26,591 --> 01:33:28,492
just a bit out of place.
1212
01:33:28,526 --> 01:33:30,895
So this is what accounts
for some of your symptoms,
1213
01:33:30,928 --> 01:33:35,433
the headaches, the fullness,
disorientation.
1214
01:33:35,466 --> 01:33:37,869
That's why the pain
in the back of my eyes
1215
01:33:37,902 --> 01:33:41,038
goes away when I sleep
with my head raised.
1216
01:33:41,072 --> 01:33:46,077
Yes. Now, look.
1217
01:33:46,110 --> 01:33:48,913
I am familiar with
Gonzalez's program
1218
01:33:48,946 --> 01:33:50,248
and I don't mean to alarm you,
1219
01:33:50,282 --> 01:33:52,351
but I do want you
to hear it straight.
1220
01:33:52,383 --> 01:33:53,951
Despite what
his radiologist says,
1221
01:33:53,985 --> 01:33:55,920
this is not
an inflammatory reaction
1222
01:33:55,953 --> 01:33:57,555
brought on by tumor necrosis.
1223
01:33:57,588 --> 01:34:00,325
If your understanding
of this is accurate, though,
1224
01:34:00,359 --> 01:34:03,295
chemo doesn't offer
a solution either, correct?
1225
01:34:06,898 --> 01:34:08,165
Likely not.
1226
01:34:08,199 --> 01:34:11,068
Though there are other drugs
you can try with it.
1227
01:34:11,102 --> 01:34:14,672
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of pain.
1228
01:34:18,075 --> 01:34:19,644
Let me assure you,
we can handle that.
1229
01:34:21,380 --> 01:34:22,980
I promise you that won't happen.
1230
01:34:29,987 --> 01:34:32,523
Otherwise, you okay?
1231
01:34:34,558 --> 01:34:35,593
Yes.
1232
01:34:39,298 --> 01:34:41,966
When I die,
I'll just dissolve back.
1233
01:34:43,302 --> 01:34:45,002
That's not frightening.
1234
01:34:48,005 --> 01:34:50,141
You know, I have never
had a patient like you.
1235
01:34:52,243 --> 01:34:53,412
May I tell you that?
1236
01:34:59,650 --> 01:35:00,952
Thank you.
1237
01:35:45,297 --> 01:35:46,298
Hi, babe.
1238
01:35:49,667 --> 01:35:51,002
Hey, lover.
1239
01:35:53,004 --> 01:35:55,106
I was looking for you
in my dream.
1240
01:36:01,545 --> 01:36:03,448
I was looking for you
in this house.
1241
01:36:06,117 --> 01:36:07,452
I was dreaming about you too.
1242
01:36:14,625 --> 01:36:17,329
I can barely feel it,
1243
01:36:17,362 --> 01:36:18,796
but it's cold, huh?
1244
01:36:20,365 --> 01:36:22,533
Does this answer that?
1245
01:36:25,536 --> 01:36:27,472
Let's get back to bed.
1246
01:36:35,347 --> 01:36:37,214
Can you carry me?
1247
01:36:40,217 --> 01:36:41,218
Of course.
1248
01:36:57,402 --> 01:37:01,406
"Moreover,
much as you may wander,
1249
01:37:01,440 --> 01:37:04,309
"you must return
ultimately to the Self,
1250
01:37:11,782 --> 01:37:15,086
"so why not abide
in the Self here and now.
1251
01:37:17,788 --> 01:37:20,525
Grace is there all along."
1252
01:37:27,399 --> 01:37:28,533
I'm going.
1253
01:37:36,674 --> 01:37:37,842
Okay.
1254
01:37:49,387 --> 01:37:54,426
Wait. Wait. Sweetheart...
1255
01:37:58,296 --> 01:38:00,398
I want to write something
in my journal.
1256
01:38:46,411 --> 01:38:47,546
Do you understand?
1257
01:38:50,649 --> 01:38:51,715
I think so.
1258
01:38:58,523 --> 01:38:59,723
Come on, gorgeous.
1259
01:39:02,260 --> 01:39:03,928
Let me take my girl to our room.
1260
01:39:41,899 --> 01:39:46,538
I'm going.
I can't believe it.
1261
01:39:47,805 --> 01:39:49,441
I'm going.
1262
01:39:52,611 --> 01:39:59,551
I'm so happy. I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
1263
01:39:59,584 --> 01:40:02,420
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
1264
01:40:09,793 --> 01:40:11,762
But I don't want to leave you.
1265
01:40:15,300 --> 01:40:16,635
I love you so much.
1266
01:40:18,002 --> 01:40:21,439
I can't leave you.
1267
01:40:21,473 --> 01:40:23,341
I love you so much.
1268
01:40:25,843 --> 01:40:27,545
Honey.
1269
01:40:31,316 --> 01:40:32,850
I love you so much.
1270
01:40:34,386 --> 01:40:40,258
Honey, if it's time to go,
then it's time to go.
1271
01:40:40,292 --> 01:40:44,396
Don't worry, I'll find you.
1272
01:40:45,597 --> 01:40:47,465
I found you before.
1273
01:40:48,799 --> 01:40:51,935
I promise I'll find you again.
1274
01:40:54,539 --> 01:40:56,308
You promise you'll find me?
1275
01:40:58,343 --> 01:40:59,843
I promise.
1276
01:41:11,889 --> 01:41:13,792
I promise.
1277
01:41:24,935 --> 01:41:27,037
Forever and forever?
1278
01:41:27,071 --> 01:41:29,441
Forever and forever.
1279
01:41:37,981 --> 01:41:39,651
Then I can go.
1280
01:41:42,052 --> 01:41:43,921
I can't believe it.
1281
01:41:45,022 --> 01:41:46,458
I'm so happy.
1282
01:41:54,131 --> 01:41:58,403
This has been so much harder
than I thought.
1283
01:42:02,973 --> 01:42:06,611
It's been so hard.
1284
01:42:06,644 --> 01:42:08,847
Oh honey, it's been so hard.
1285
01:42:12,015 --> 01:42:16,721
I know, sweetheart. I know.
1286
01:42:23,927 --> 01:42:25,597
You promise you'll be there?
1287
01:42:28,132 --> 01:42:32,737
I promise you I'll be there.
1288
01:42:53,525 --> 01:42:55,860
You're the greatest man
I've ever known.
1289
01:42:58,596 --> 01:42:59,864
My champion.
1290
01:43:02,467 --> 01:43:04,034
My champion.
1291
01:43:20,552 --> 01:43:21,952
I'll find you.
1292
01:43:39,002 --> 01:43:41,606
You're the only...
1293
01:43:48,847 --> 01:43:51,982
I'll find you, honey.
1294
01:43:54,752 --> 01:43:56,621
I will...
1295
01:45:41,626 --> 01:45:42,694
You promise?
1296
01:45:46,598 --> 01:45:47,799
I promise.
1297
01:46:10,788 --> 01:46:12,957
My name is
Treya Killam Wilber.
1298
01:46:12,991 --> 01:46:15,093
A lot of you've known me
in the past as Terry.
1299
01:46:15,125 --> 01:46:16,894
I've been involved with
Windstar from the early days.
1300
01:46:19,330 --> 01:46:22,700
Five years ago this same month,
in August of '83,
1301
01:46:22,734 --> 01:46:25,870
I met and totally fell in love
with Ken Wilber.
1302
01:46:25,903 --> 01:46:28,973
I always called it
love at first touch.
1303
01:46:29,007 --> 01:46:31,709
We were married less than
four months later.
1304
01:46:31,743 --> 01:46:33,311
But ten days after our wedding,
1305
01:46:33,344 --> 01:46:36,981
I was diagnosed with
stage two breast cancer.
1306
01:46:37,015 --> 01:46:38,650
We spent our honeymoon
in the hospital.
1307
01:46:41,052 --> 01:46:42,987
I've... I've had
two local recurrences
1308
01:46:43,021 --> 01:46:44,254
and a number of treatments,
1309
01:46:44,288 --> 01:46:46,057
both conventional
and alternative,
1310
01:46:46,090 --> 01:46:48,726
in the intervening years.
1311
01:46:48,760 --> 01:46:50,028
But just this January,
1312
01:46:50,061 --> 01:46:52,764
we discovered that the cancer
had metastasized,
1313
01:46:52,797 --> 01:46:55,066
that it had spread
to my brain and to my lungs.
1314
01:46:56,300 --> 01:46:57,769
The doctors we've consulted
have said
1315
01:46:57,802 --> 01:47:01,339
I have two to four years
to live.
1316
01:47:01,372 --> 01:47:03,975
Because I could
no longer ignore death,
1317
01:47:04,008 --> 01:47:05,777
I pay more attention to life.
1318
01:47:08,112 --> 01:47:10,247
In the years
after Treya passed,
1319
01:47:10,281 --> 01:47:14,752
I began slowly working my way
back into the world.
1320
01:47:14,786 --> 01:47:18,356
I began writing again,starting with Grace and Grit ,
1321
01:47:18,389 --> 01:47:22,093
which I had promised her
I would write.
1322
01:47:22,126 --> 01:47:24,996
Usually, my books
are dedicated to a person
1323
01:47:25,029 --> 01:47:27,365
important in my life.
1324
01:47:27,398 --> 01:47:31,769
But the next ten books I wrote
over the next ten years
1325
01:47:31,803 --> 01:47:34,204
had no dedications at all
1326
01:47:34,237 --> 01:47:37,442
because each of them
were dedicated to her
1327
01:47:37,475 --> 01:47:42,346
in simple, ongoing
gratefulness.
1328
01:47:42,380 --> 01:47:46,017
Those years with Treya
are etched into my soul
1329
01:47:46,050 --> 01:47:49,353
and somehow,
our love lives on.
1330
01:47:54,167 --> 01:47:59,167
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
1331
01:48:09,807 --> 01:48:13,044
♪ We rattle a gateless gate ♪
1332
01:48:18,216 --> 01:48:21,919
♪ And push against
A weightless weight ♪
1333
01:48:27,024 --> 01:48:30,261
♪ Looking for
A stateless state ♪
1334
01:48:33,931 --> 01:48:36,000
♪ Nicola ♪
1335
01:48:37,368 --> 01:48:40,271
♪ Whatever love will make ♪
1336
01:48:41,873 --> 01:48:45,209
♪ Love erases ♪
1337
01:48:47,044 --> 01:48:50,782
♪ And all these twins ♪
1338
01:48:50,815 --> 01:48:53,851
♪ With different faces ♪
1339
01:48:55,253 --> 01:48:59,258
♪ Fallen from the womb ♪
1340
01:48:59,290 --> 01:49:03,928
♪ Risen from the tomb ♪
1341
01:49:03,961 --> 01:49:06,998
♪ Carried in perfume ♪
1342
01:49:09,133 --> 01:49:11,135
♪ Nicola ♪
1343
01:49:13,838 --> 01:49:20,178
♪ Ooohh ♪
1344
01:49:22,213 --> 01:49:27,418
♪ Ooohh ♪
1345
01:49:28,953 --> 01:49:32,523
♪ All the ones alive today ♪
1346
01:49:37,595 --> 01:49:41,300
♪ Are the ones
That passed away ♪
1347
01:49:46,437 --> 01:49:50,141
♪ Are the ones
Who're on their way ♪
1348
01:49:53,278 --> 01:49:55,280
♪ Nicola ♪
1349
01:49:56,848 --> 01:49:59,884
♪ Whatever love will take ♪
1350
01:50:01,185 --> 01:50:05,056
♪ Love replaces ♪
1351
01:50:06,325 --> 01:50:10,027
♪ And all these twins ♪
1352
01:50:10,061 --> 01:50:13,332
♪ With different faces ♪
1353
01:50:14,532 --> 01:50:18,836
♪ Fallen from the womb ♪
1354
01:50:18,870 --> 01:50:23,107
♪ Risen from the tomb ♪
1355
01:50:23,140 --> 01:50:26,644
♪ Carried in perfume ♪
1356
01:50:28,613 --> 01:50:30,648
♪ Nicola ♪
1357
01:50:33,217 --> 01:50:40,292
♪ Ooohh ♪
1358
01:50:41,926 --> 01:50:46,564
♪ Ooohh ♪
100022
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