All language subtitles for United States of Al s01e09 Birthday Kaleeza.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:06,789 Uncle Al, do you know how many days until my birthday? Eight. 2 00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,225 You didn't even let me answer. 3 00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:11,620 Do you know how many hours until my birthday? 195. 4 00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,144 Why are you asking if you answer so fast?I was born 5 00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:16,364 at 3:00 a.m., so that's when I wake up and celebrate. 6 00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:18,453 You know the hour you were born?Of course. 7 00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:21,369 I also know I was 19 inches and had an enormous head. 8 00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:24,807 Hmm.You looked like a watermelon with feet. 9 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,244 It's genetic. Check out this cannonball. 10 00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:28,550 [chuckles] 11 00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:30,160 Did you want a piñata this year? 12 00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:31,596 Yeah, I want a piñata. 13 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,251 What's a piñata?Uh, it's like a papier-mâché thing 14 00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:35,905 you hang in a tree, hit with a bat. 15 00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:39,169 Yes, yes. And then you set it on fire. 16 00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,562 No, that's an effigy. 17 00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,216 Huh.A piñata breaks open, and candy comes out. 18 00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:44,914 Ooh, after the candy comes out, can we set it on fire? 19 00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,002 No. 20 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,091 Mm, you don't have to decide now. 21 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:49,875 I was thinking 22 00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:51,225 it'd be cool if we had a magician. 23 00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:53,401 Sure. You got one in mind? 24 00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:55,664 Freddy does tricks. 25 00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:58,536 Your mother's boyfriend? 26 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:01,235 Yes, he is a trickster who stole her affection. 27 00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:02,627 [laughs] 28 00:01:04,803 --> 00:01:06,979 I meant magic tricks.RILEY: Hazel, 29 00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:08,459 are you sure you want him at your party? 30 00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:11,593 Mm. Never mind. It was a bad idea. 31 00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:14,335 No. Hey, it's not a bad idea, baby. Hey. 32 00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,727 I'll be your magician. 33 00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:16,946 Really?RILEY: Mm. 34 00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,078 I'm doubtful. 35 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,950 He can make a six-pack disappear. 36 00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,430 One time, he vanished from school, 37 00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:23,996 then reappeared in a police station. 38 00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:27,043 I'm looking forward to attending. 39 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,176 I've never been to a birthday party. 40 00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,308 Oh, you were thatkid. 41 00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:33,441 What do you mean, "that kid"? 42 00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:35,617 He was that kid. 43 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,967 In Afghanistan, we didn't celebrate birthdays. 44 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:40,622 In fact, I don't even know when my birthday is. 45 00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:42,798 What?What?! 46 00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:46,062 My mother said I was born at the beginning of the Civil War. 47 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,283 Well, if that were true, you'd be, like, 150 years old. 48 00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,632 Not our Civil War. 49 00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:52,024 Oh. Well, then, 50 00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:54,288 they should call it something else. 51 00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:56,246 So, how old are you? 52 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,378 I am 28. 53 00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:58,683 Or 29. 54 00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,642 Definitely under 30. 55 00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:03,514 No way. You don't know how old you are? 56 00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:05,908 Yeah. Most Afghans don't know their exact age. 57 00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,518 How do you know when you can buy booze? 58 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:09,999 Oh. Right, sorry. 59 00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:10,956 So, 60 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,175 it's a whole nation of people 61 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,264 who can't consult their horoscope? 62 00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,572 Yeah, that's definitely their biggest problem. 63 00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:19,617 ♪ 64 00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,141 ♪ Oh! 65 00:02:31,063 --> 00:02:33,022 Okay, we can figure this out. 66 00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,242 Can we call the hospital you were born in? 67 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:36,504 I was not born in a hospital. 68 00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,201 I was born in my grandmother's house. 69 00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,508 Home birth. Very trendy. 70 00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:42,205 How about this? 71 00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:45,165 I am two years younger than my brother Wahid. 72 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,296 Oh. Well, how old is he? 73 00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,776 I don't know. 74 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,909 You have to know your birthday. 75 00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:51,867 Why? 76 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,651 'Cause it's important.Why? 77 00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,044 Stop doing that "why" thing. 78 00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:57,873 You're too old to be doing that "why" thing. 79 00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,223 Hazel Jaan, I don't understand what the big deal is. 80 00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,269 The big deal is birthdays are great. 81 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:03,879 They make you feel great. 82 00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:05,533 Then every day's my birthday. 83 00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:08,318 You're impossible. 84 00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:09,667 How about this? 85 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,016 You can share my birthday. 86 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,540 We'll have a party together. 87 00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,019 Thank you. 88 00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:16,326 But I am too old to have a birthday party. 89 00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:18,459 Well, how do you know when you don't know how old you are? 90 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,287 I don't know when I was born, 91 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,811 but I know it wasn't yesterday. 92 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,554 Hi. 93 00:03:26,597 --> 00:03:28,599 Hey, amigo. 94 00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,124 [imitates explosion] 95 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:34,997 Hi, Mom.Hi, baby. 96 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,608 Sorry to bother you. She forgot her math book.Ah. 97 00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,394 Oh, good. Now I can do my homework. 98 00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:43,701 I tagged along because I wanted to meet the Afghan guy.Ah. 99 00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,355 Al, come meet Freddy. 100 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:46,878 Freddy, Al. 101 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:48,706 Hello, Fred. 102 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,839 Please, Fred is my father. 103 00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:52,144 Call me Freddy. 104 00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:54,582 I prefer to keep it formal. 105 00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:59,326 Can I talk to you outside for a minute? 106 00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,197 Sure.Okay. 107 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,330 So, 108 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:06,376 I understand you're something of a trickster. 109 00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,249 What's up? 110 00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:12,121 I don't appreciate you trying to jam your boyfriend 111 00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:13,296 into my daughter's birthday party. 112 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,993 What are you talking about? 113 00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,125 The magic thing. 114 00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:18,475 That was Hazel's idea. She asked him. 115 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:19,781 Yeah, right. 116 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,348 She hates that guy. 117 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,045 No, she doesn't. 118 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,308 She only acts that way when you're around. 119 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,658 Excuse me, but I think I know my own kid. 120 00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,312 Excuse me, but I don't think 121 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:31,140 you know your ass from your elbow. 122 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,664 Is this your card? 123 00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,666 No.It's mine. 124 00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:39,148 Now it's mine. Amazing! 125 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,584 What's going on? 126 00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:42,369 Ah, Freddy is just showing us 127 00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:43,848 his wonderful magic. 128 00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,676 Mm.Ah. I know a trick I'd like him to do. 129 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,156 Come on, Freddy. We got to go. 130 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:48,679 That's the one. 131 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,377 It was really great meeting you. 132 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,769 It was great meeting you, too. 133 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,423 Riley, did you know 134 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:54,772 that Freddy is an immigrant, also? 135 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,079 Guilty. Canada. 136 00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:00,691 Bye, sweetie.Bye, Mom. 137 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,434 Hazel, could you give Uncle Al and me a minute? 138 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,088 Sure. 139 00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,093 Pick a side, dude. 140 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:13,922 Riley, of course I'm on your side. 141 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:16,228 I'm just getting to know the enemy. 142 00:05:16,272 --> 00:05:18,840 Mm. What is this? 143 00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,712 "Nice to meet you, Al. 144 00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,366 Your amigo, Freddy." 145 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,716 Oh, my God. Hazel, 146 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,849 check your pockets! 147 00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:34,159 Oh! How about a mermaid theme? 148 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:36,553 Don't you think 11's too old for mermaids? 149 00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,208 Well, mybirthday's coming up. 150 00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,297 Uncle Al?Hmm? 151 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,604 It's your birthday, too. What theme do you want? 152 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,257 Uh... Ah. 153 00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:47,782 These are on sale. What about these? 154 00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,000 "It's a girl"? 155 00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,046 It's a plate. 156 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,743 You don't understand. 157 00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:55,877 The theme has to tell the people at your party what you're into. 158 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,183 I'm frugal. That's what I'm into. 159 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,751 Frugal? Really? 160 00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,319 It's better than mermaids.Well, 161 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,191 you just got uninvited to my party. 162 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,325 What is this?Oh. 163 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,328 That's a noisemaker. You spin it.Hmm. 164 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,421 Hmm. Imagine living in a country so peaceful, 165 00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,728 you purchase a toy to make noise. 166 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,295 You're what's called a party pooper. 167 00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:26,560 Sorry, Hazel! I can't hear you! 168 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:27,952 I'm at a party! 169 00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:30,346 I'm at a party, too! 170 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,348 Well, I'm having more fun!HAZEL: No, 171 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,438 I'mhaving more fun!Okay, you two, put those down. 172 00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,876 Ah, ah! I mean it. 173 00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,226 Can we please go? 174 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:43,315 Not yet. We have to reserve a bounce house. 175 00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:44,447 What is that? 176 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,275 You know what? Instead of explaining, 177 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,495 I'm gonna ask you to wait in the car. 178 00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,889 Behold, 179 00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:54,979 a perfectly normal handkerchief. 180 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,807 It seems very small. 181 00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,330 It isn't. 182 00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:02,465 I put it into my hand, 183 00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,467 and... 184 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,338 Ta-da! 185 00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,123 It's gone. 186 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,690 It's in that fake thumb, right? 187 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,648 Yeah. 188 00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:13,433 The guy at the store 189 00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:17,132 was so convincing. I was like, "What?!" 190 00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,742 Don't worry, Riley Jaan. 191 00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:22,050 You have skills Freddy could only dream of.Yeah, like what? 192 00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:24,661 You are brave. You are a leader of men.[refrigerator opens] 193 00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,533 You look good with and without hair.[bottle clinks] 194 00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:27,969 [refrigerator closes] 195 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:30,493 Vanessa said that Hazel invited him to the party. 196 00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,408 I don't believe it. 197 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,238 What? 198 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,675 Mm. It is not my place. 199 00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,242 Just tell me. 200 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:42,287 I think she wants him at the party. 201 00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:44,594 No, she doesn't. She told me. 202 00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,030 Riley Jaan, 203 00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:49,033 sometimes we only hear what we want to hear. 204 00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:50,295 Why would she lie to me? 205 00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,036 She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. 206 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,864 But I've been so nice to the jerk. 207 00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:55,344 I gave him a fist bump. 208 00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:57,564 I didn't have to, but I did. 209 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,089 And while that was very charitable of you, 210 00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,873 I don't think you quite sold it. 211 00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,179 What am I supposed to do? 212 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,876 I hate the guy. 213 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,270 And now Hazel's a fan, and you're a fan. 214 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:12,013 In my defense, his magic is just enchanting. 215 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:14,798 He's not coming to the party. 216 00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,365 All right. 217 00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:18,759 You know best.I do. 218 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,891 You don't. 219 00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,414 I'm sorry? 220 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,634 You don't. I should not have said it quietly. 221 00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:26,331 You need to get it through your head. 222 00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,691 Hazel. 223 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,301 would you like to play Twelve Goats? 224 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,651 I'm gonna need a little more information. 225 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,087 It's what you call checkers. 226 00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,350 Oh. Then no. 227 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,092 Hey, since you're here, let's figure out 228 00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:49,703 what kind of cake you guys want for your birthday. 229 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,487 Uh, you choose. 230 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,576 I don't come from a pastry culture. 231 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,709 Then how do you deal with all your feelings? 232 00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:58,886 Well, it's your first birthday. 233 00:08:58,929 --> 00:09:00,540 You should have a cake you want. 234 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:01,845 Hmm. Um... 235 00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,412 How about one with raisins? 236 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:06,458 That's not a cake. That's a muffin. 237 00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:08,504 Oh, it's the most wonderful cake. 238 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,855 Sometimes they add pine nuts and cardamom and rosewater. 239 00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:14,597 I'm not hearing the word "chocolate." 240 00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:17,252 I don't like chocolate. It is too sweet. 241 00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,123 Well, I don't like raisins. They're too gross. 242 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,385 I thought you wanted me to pick. 243 00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:21,996 I want you to pick something I like, too. 244 00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:24,607 That sounds like you picking. 245 00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,087 Do you like vanilla? 246 00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,393 I like it more than this conversation. 247 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,221 Fine. 248 00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,310 Vanilla cake.Deal. 249 00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:36,532 But we add cardamom, pine nuts, rosewater and raisins. 250 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,142 You thinking what I'm thinking? 251 00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:40,188 Yeah, we're gonna need two cakes. 252 00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,585 Hey, don't lift like that. You'll hurt your back. 253 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:48,413 Joke's on you. My back always hurts. 254 00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,677 Hey, can I ask you a question? 255 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,156 Shoot. 256 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,159 You think Hazel likes Freddy? 257 00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,988 Let me ask you a question. 258 00:09:58,032 --> 00:09:59,773 Do you think Freddy's going anywhere? 259 00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,339 I don't know. 260 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,645 'Cause if he's not, 261 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,300 you better hope she likes Freddy. 262 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:08,608 Well, I don't like him. 263 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:13,438 All right, well, I know you're not gonna want to hear this, but 264 00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,266 maybe you should try. 265 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,181 [scoffs] Yeah, give me one reason. 266 00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:19,183 'Cause it'll make everyone's life a lot easier, 267 00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:20,707 including yours. 268 00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:24,667 Raising a kid can be like a war. 269 00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:27,365 You need all the allies you can get. 270 00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:30,412 When the U.S. was ready to get into World War II, 271 00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:33,850 Great Britain didn't say "We got this." 272 00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:36,461 United States wasn't sleeping with Great Britain's wife. 273 00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:39,682 Well, maybe if Great Britain had a hot sister... 274 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,119 I'm losing the thread here, but... 275 00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:44,905 ...the point is, 276 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,863 none of this is Freddy's fault, 277 00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:49,344 and it's definitely not Hazel's fault. 278 00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,955 Well, it totally blows. 279 00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,391 Listen to you. 280 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:56,481 Sound just like Winston Churchill. 281 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,619 How many of these do we need? 282 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,491 [in high-pitched voice]: The tank says it can do 200. 283 00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:08,711 Don't do that. It's not good for you. 284 00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:11,627 Okay, Mom. Geez. 285 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,455 200 balloons? This birthday will be 286 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,370 like the last scene in a Bollywood movie. 287 00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,024 Uh, it's pronounced "Hollywood." 288 00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:20,462 I know about a billion people who would disagree with you. 289 00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:23,595 So, have you decided who to invite to our party? 290 00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:26,468 Hazel, I am a 28 or 29-year-old man. 291 00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:28,165 I would be embarrassed to invite people 292 00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:29,863 to a party in honor of myself. 293 00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:32,169 He doesn't have any friends. 294 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,563 Hazel Jaan, 295 00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:37,435 I am touched that you want to do something special for me. 296 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,177 And I am looking forward to taking part in your big day. 297 00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:42,005 Why can't that be enough? 298 00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:43,441 You know what? 299 00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:46,575 I have some extra friends. You could borrow a few. 300 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,187 [high-pitched]: You want to talk about it? 301 00:11:57,064 --> 00:12:01,546 Hey, uh, could we go talk somewhere? 302 00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:03,070 I'm working. 303 00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:05,681 If you need to say something, say it in front of Donna. 304 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:09,380 I'm gonna hear about it when you leave anyway. 305 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,687 [sighs]Fine. 306 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,082 It's okay with me if Freddy comes to the party. 307 00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:16,648 I'm sorry. What? 308 00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:19,651 He said Freddy can come to the party. 309 00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,044 Are you sure? 310 00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:23,046 Yeah. I mean, he's not going anywhere. 311 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,831 Right? 312 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,963 He's not. 313 00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:30,358 So what I'm hearing is, nobody knows the future. 314 00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:32,577 Thanks for stopping by. 315 00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:33,927 Sure. 316 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,406 Hey, wait. One more thing. 317 00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:37,408 I would like him to not call me "amigo." 318 00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,236 I will tell him.Yeah. 319 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,499 And no military jargon, no fist bumping, 320 00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:43,240 definitely no exploding it. 321 00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:45,547 Okay, what else? 322 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:48,942 He can ease up on that whole happy-go-lucky guy routine. 323 00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:50,944 That's who he is, Riley. 324 00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,598 He is a happy-go-lucky guy. 325 00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:55,252 Really? 326 00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,820 Okay, well, tell him to... dial it down. 327 00:12:57,864 --> 00:13:00,388 Goodbye, Riley. 328 00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:03,826 Divorce is tough. 329 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,785 [scoffs] Yeah. 330 00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:08,483 But so worth it. 331 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,748 Wow. 332 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:13,880 What do you think? 333 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,490 Not all the letters are colored in, 334 00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:16,970 but it looks very nice. 335 00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:19,102 No, it's an "A" and an "L". 336 00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:21,496 Two signs for the price of one. 337 00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:23,846 Well, that's frugal. I like that. 338 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,153 [doorbell rings] 339 00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,810 BOTH: Happy birthday! 340 00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,159 Mrs. Foster, Shawn! 341 00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:33,813 Welcome to the party. Come on in. 342 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:37,294 Oh, uh, hey, don't tag me in any pictures. 343 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:40,384 My boss thinks I'm at the orthodontist. 344 00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,778 I got you a present. 345 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,954 It's socks. 346 00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:46,738 Thank you, Mrs. Foster. 347 00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:50,307 Okay, where's the punch for people who aren't driving? 348 00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,570 Kitchen.Come on, Skippy. 349 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:56,444 Did you invite them? 350 00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:59,360 If you're happy, I invited them to your party. 351 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:02,319 If you're mad, I invited them to my party. 352 00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,321 Very clever. 353 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,323 Have you ever thought about becoming a lawyer? 354 00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,717 No.Think about it. 355 00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,983 ALL: Wow! 356 00:14:14,027 --> 00:14:16,072 [applause] 357 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:19,902 For my next trick, I will need a volunteer. 358 00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,512 Ooh, ooh, ooh! 359 00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:24,167 I see a young man from Afghanistan! 360 00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,169 That's me! 361 00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:27,997 What's your name, fella? 362 00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:29,520 Awalmir, but my friends call me "Al." 363 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,522 All right, Al, I'm gonna draw you something, 364 00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:33,350 and you have to guess what it is. 365 00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:34,612 Does that sound like fun? 366 00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:37,485 It could be fun.Great. 367 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,663 Okay, what does this look like? 368 00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,621 A circle.Excellent! 369 00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:44,927 But what kind of circle? 370 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,582 One drawn on a large piece of paper. 371 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,976 Let me give you a little hint. 372 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,196 Now do you know? 373 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,546 A circle with three smaller circles. 374 00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,374 Hazel, why don't you tell him what it is? 375 00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,072 It's a bowling ball! 376 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,856 I think she's right! 377 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,250 [gasping] 378 00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,775 How the hell did that just happen? 379 00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:11,519 You are a national treasure. 380 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,086 [laughs] 381 00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:14,826 The bowling ball is yours to keep. Happy birthday, amigo. 382 00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:17,307 Let me see it.Hmm? 383 00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,309 FREDDY: For my next trick, 384 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,921 I will need a beautiful princess. 385 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:22,834 There's one. 386 00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,836 Freddy, we talked about this. 387 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,405 For my next trick, I will need a badass birthday girl. 388 00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:29,929 [laughs] 389 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,669 You doing okay? 390 00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:33,802 It's taking every ounce of self-control I have 391 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:36,326 not to stuff him in that hat. 392 00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:41,027 GUESTS: Wow.[applause] 393 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,289 Everybody gather 'round. 394 00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:43,594 I would like to read a poem 395 00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,292 I wrote for my Uncle Al.Oh. Wait. 396 00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:46,989 Oh. 397 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,512 Okay. 398 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:51,472 "A man without a birthday is like a man with no name. 399 00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:53,039 "No friends to come over and play, 400 00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:55,867 "every day of the year just the same. 401 00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:59,306 "Never a party, a toy, not even a cake. 402 00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:02,222 Just a very sad boy who might be 28." 403 00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:03,179 [laughter] 404 00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:04,398 "But you no longer have to mourn 405 00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:06,269 "Because today you have come to be. 406 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,967 "It's your birthday, you've been born! 407 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,099 And your name is Awalmir Karimi." 408 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:12,536 [applause]Thank you, Hazel. 409 00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,538 Happy birthday, Uncle Al. 410 00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:17,846 ♪ Happy birthday to you 411 00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:21,850 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 412 00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:25,680 ♪ Happy birthday Dear 413 00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:29,945 ♪ Hazel and Al 414 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:35,603 ♪ Happy birthday to you. 415 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:36,734 Thank you for doing this. 416 00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,736 You're welcome. Make a wish. 417 00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:41,739 No, I don't have to. It is already...No, no, no, no, no. 418 00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:45,221 Don't say it's already come true because you didn't want a party. 419 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,399 Okay. 420 00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:53,186 Hurry up! The candles are melting! 421 00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:54,883 I'm thinking! I'm thinking! 422 00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:57,320 Okay, got it. 423 00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:59,931 One, two, three. 424 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,239 [applause and cheering] 425 00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:04,719 [whooping] 426 00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:07,417 Did you have that when you got here? 427 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:11,508 Hazel, my mother says when you cut a cake, 428 00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:16,122 you should feed the first bite to the person you love most. 429 00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:19,081 Oh, it's full of raisins. 430 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,518 Thanks to you. 431 00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:23,912 Come on, let's eat.Who wants cake? 432 00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,131 I would.I do. 433 00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,306 [overlapping chatter] 434 00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:34,314 [both whooping] 435 00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:36,142 [laughing]This is so much fun! 436 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:38,013 I know. [whoops, laughs] 437 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,493 Hazel?Yeah. 438 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:41,712 Shawn told me there are bounce houses with slides. 439 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,497 Can we get one of those next year? 440 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:46,326 I'll be 12. That's a little old for a bounce house. 441 00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,110 Oh, come on. I'll be 29 or 30. 442 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,503 One of those is a milestone. 443 00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:51,809 I'll think about it. 444 00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,421 Hey. Oh. 445 00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:55,683 You should have told me to bounce 446 00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,119 before the pizza and birthday cake. 447 00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,208 [groaning] 448 00:18:02,342 --> 00:18:03,517 [Al thuds out, Hazel laughs] 449 00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:08,117 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 30982

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