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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:04,421 upbeat music 2 00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:07,632 It's Showtime tonight 3 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,843 [Blair] Previously on "Black Monday"... 4 00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:10,760 Roger! 5 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:13,805 dramatic music 6 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,183 So you're really going all in, huh? 7 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:18,810 Bought the ring, closed on the house. 8 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,104 So I hear you're having a little cash flow problem. 9 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,480 What would you say if you could fix it 10 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:25,025 by working with Blair's most hated rivals in the process? 11 00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:26,735 You gotta sell your soul. 12 00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:29,112 If Pfaffashions goes public without a hitch, 13 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,573 KokoMo Co Records stays yours. 14 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:32,782 To you gettin' out of the clink. 15 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:36,828 Mo! You came! 16 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,121 There's something I've been dying to ask you. 17 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,748 Can it wait? -Hmm? What? 18 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:40,874 We've done enough talking. 19 00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:42,709 Get your ass in here. 20 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:47,005 Janet Jackson's "Control" 21 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,550 This is a story about control. 22 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,802 My control. 23 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:54,763 Control of what I say. 24 00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:57,849 Control of what I do. 25 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,643 And this time, I'm gonna do it my way. 26 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:03,688 ethereal synth music 27 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:09,861 I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. 28 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,155 Are we ready? 29 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:13,698 I am. 30 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,951 'Cause it's all about control. 31 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:20,538 And I've got lots of it. 32 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,333 upbeat synth music 33 00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:25,293 What the fuck? 34 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,586 Guys, gather 'round. 35 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:27,670 Quick! Quick! Quick! 36 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,631 The only thing I ever wanna see you eating 37 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:30,507 is me out. 38 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,383 Did you hear that, Jonathan? 39 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:33,927 Is this a joke? 40 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,970 A moment on the lips, 41 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,806 a lifetime on the hips. 42 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,015 You look like shit. 43 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,642 Ladies, perfect. 44 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:43,394 Gentlemen, you could take a cue. 45 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,188 Eyes down here. 46 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:48,066 We have Topless Tuesdays coming up... 47 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,610 ...and you're not ready. 48 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,029 Mmm--ugh. 49 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,572 This caviar tastes like dick. 50 00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:55,657 -Speaking of-- -Hey, Tiff. 51 00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:56,825 I don't know how to say this, but-- 52 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,743 Sound it out, dummy. 53 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,790 Sound...it... 54 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:07,377 ...out! 55 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,844 What the hell are you doing here, Keith? 56 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:18,138 Oh, me? 57 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:22,100 What am I...doing here? 58 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,228 What am I doing here? 59 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:29,816 What am I doing... 60 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,067 here? 61 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,152 -That's what we-- -That's what we asked. 62 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,528 What are you doing here? 63 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,905 It's simple. I'm here... 64 00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:38,741 to clean this fucking place up! 65 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,246 Which I realize is confusing 66 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,956 -based on the mess I just made. 67 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:49,627 Point is, old Keithy is finally in charge now, 68 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:53,173 and it's about goddamn time. 69 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,549 Seriously, Tiff, I really need-- 70 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,885 Shut the fuck up, pretty boy. 71 00:02:56,926 --> 00:03:01,014 Pfaffashions goes public in 12 weeks! 72 00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:03,558 It's my job to make this 73 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,562 the hottest piece of ass... 74 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,646 I have ever seen, 75 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,024 that Wall street has ever seen, 76 00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,108 financially speaking, 77 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,819 so I'm here to trim the fat. 78 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,279 You're a little late for that 79 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,156 'cause we just had that conversation. 80 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,490 Thanks, but no thanks. 81 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,659 We keep it pretty tight around here--most of us. 82 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:22,952 Oh, you're keeping it tight? 83 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,914 With your Dom and your caviar. 84 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:28,082 You don't know what tight is. 85 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:31,836 I am gonna show you... 86 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,130 the tightest thing you have ever... 87 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,216 -What's happening? -...experienced in your life. 88 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,343 Okay, all that to say 89 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:43,598 we are not gonna waste another single cent 90 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,975 on fuckin' big... 91 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,895 buffets... 92 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:53,066 and that smoking-hot... 93 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,693 chafing dishes, okay? 94 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,904 The fuck are you talking about? 95 00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:58,947 I don't know, okay? 96 00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,114 Look, I practiced this at home 97 00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,324 last night in front of the mirror. 98 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,492 I did not expect to be surrounded 99 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,577 by a bunch of fucking Playgirl Buddies. 100 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:05,578 Guys, you gotta listen-- 101 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,955 -Shh! -Zip. 102 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,540 Tiff, you said the IPO was gonna be a great thing for us. 103 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,583 I know, and it is. 104 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,795 -Let me handle this, Corkie. -Okay. I'm getting worried. 105 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:16,256 -Listen here, Queef. 106 00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:19,342 This is our business, and you're not the boss. 107 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,761 -Au contraire. I am the boss. 108 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,263 Why don't you peruse that contract 109 00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:24,347 you signed with Leighman Brothers 110 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,890 when you decided to go public? 111 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,518 'Cause it's gonna tell you, you answer to me. 112 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,728 -What? -Look, Tiff, you gotta listen-- 113 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,146 What is it, Giancarlo? 114 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,232 Blair's been shot, and he's in a coma! 115 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,443 -I--oh, God. 116 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:42,407 Huh. Was not expecting that. 117 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,704 I have to go to the hospital right now. 118 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,539 And as much as I wanna continue 119 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,958 this really important conversation, 120 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,876 I have to get by Blair's bedside. 121 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,712 Of course. Go. 122 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,506 It's times like these... 123 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:02,218 ...that make you realize, like, how unimportant 124 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:05,930 things like money or saving money really are. 125 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,015 Mmm. 126 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,891 Fuck you, God! 127 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,852 I don't know when I'm coming back! 128 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,271 Blair! 129 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:18,109 warm sentimental music 130 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,504 Dawny. 131 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,799 Dawn, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. 132 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:43,551 Dawn-Dawn. 133 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,553 -Dawn-Dawn Dawn-Dawn-Dawn-Dawn. 134 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:46,804 God damn. 135 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:51,100 Talk about crust issues. 136 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:56,522 That side. What is that? 137 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,235 All right, let's get that. 138 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:05,365 You looking nice for the moment coming. 139 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,243 -Yo, what's up?! -Okay--shit! 140 00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:10,828 Calm down! What the fuck? 141 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,164 -It's Mo. It's Mo. -Oh... 142 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,375 -Don't run up on me like that. -All right. 143 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,418 My cellmate used to Jill off to me at night. 144 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,212 "Jill off"? 145 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:20,463 That's a weird term. 146 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,840 So that's like jacking off for a girl? 147 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,342 -Yeah. -Mm-hmm. 148 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,514 Portable X-ray, ER bay one. 149 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,272 Blair. 150 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,817 Blair? 151 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,777 It's Roger. Can you hear me? 152 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:48,699 Hi, you. 153 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,618 Blair, oh, my God. 154 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:52,954 How are you? 155 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,747 Not so hot. 156 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,875 Unlike you. 157 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,545 -You're hot. 158 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,839 Yeah, it's good to see you too. 159 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,758 I got shot. 160 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,760 Can you believe that? 161 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,932 Roger... 162 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:16,060 I'm sorry, I didn't mean for things 163 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:19,063 to end the way they did. 164 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,566 Where did it go so wrong? 165 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,694 That's what I'm here to help you figure out. 166 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,904 Oh, I--I need that. Ow! 167 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:30,950 Um, I don't know if you are actually qualified to make-- 168 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,077 there goes the catheter! 169 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,246 Come on, Big B. 170 00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:40,168 Wait, wait, wait. Am I dead? 171 00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,210 Not yet. 172 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,587 dramatic music 173 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:45,631 Oh... 174 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,595 Oh... 175 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,269 Man, I've been dreaming of all the shit 176 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,979 I was gonna get up to my first day out. 177 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,147 -Right? -Yeah. 178 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,356 -Like a horse-drawn carriage... 179 00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:04,484 ...or maybe a nice picnic in Central Park, 180 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:05,693 or hey, let's shoot up to the top 181 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,111 of the Empire State Building, huh? 182 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,988 Look out over everything you've been missing. 183 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,156 Uh, no. No? 184 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,282 I just got out of prison, 185 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,325 not a plane from Arizona. 186 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:13,993 I wanna fuckin' party! 187 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,495 What happened to you, Mo? 188 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,038 Nothing happened to me, okay? 189 00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,206 Mo can party with the best of them. 190 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:19,290 I got the arrests to prove it, 191 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,666 -both cardiac and otherwise. 192 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:23,336 Okay, good, so look, let's call your coke guy, tell him 193 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,296 to meet us at the club with two eight balls, 194 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,048 a bib, and a diaper, 'cause tonight, 195 00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:29,050 I am gonna make you puke and duke. 196 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,343 -Classic. 197 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:32,678 -Oh, speaking of classics... -Hmm. 198 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,140 ...why don't we start off by going by Cedar Tavern? 199 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,850 For old times' sake, you know what I mean? 200 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,811 We can get a nice base going, talk about whatever, whatever, 201 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:43,231 and then we'll hit the club to celebrate 202 00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:45,358 you getting out of prison. 203 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,400 -Okay. -Okay. 204 00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:49,237 -Yeah. I don't wanna be Bias'd. -Biased? 205 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,072 You mean biased against my plan? 206 00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,490 No, uh, Len Bias'd. 207 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,283 You know, I don't wanna come out the gate too hard, 208 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,035 -and then I might... -Oh...my God. 209 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,704 You did get hard in prison, didn't you? 210 00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:01,082 Sure enough. Our open mic night was violent. 211 00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,167 -Christ. 212 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,211 Actually, yeah. 213 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,712 Let's grab a bite first. 214 00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,297 But they got olives and cherries and shit 215 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,382 at Cedar Tavern. 216 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:11,759 No, I want real food. I'm fucking starving. 217 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,095 Okay, no, this'll still work. Tell you what. 218 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,304 We'll go by the Russian Tea Room, 219 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,431 grab some to go, then head up to the park, 220 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,642 -spread a nice blanket, and-- Nigga. 221 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:20,851 What are we, fucking teddy bears? 222 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,687 Why do you keep trying to have a picnic so bad? 223 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,189 I-I just want your first meal on the outside 224 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,649 to be nice, memorable, you know? 225 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:27,858 Whatever. Fuck a nice meal. 226 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,403 All I ate was five-star shit in the joint. 227 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,238 Jesus. But you know what? 228 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,199 You know what I was craving really bad? 229 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,493 A hot dog from that cart outside the Jammer Group. 230 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,078 Come on, it's right around the corner. 231 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,246 Great. This'll still work. 232 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,664 We'll grab a bottle, a couple of dogs, 233 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,499 uh, find a nice bench somewhere. 234 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:44,875 Like a picnic? 235 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,627 Yeah, sure, like a picnic. Let's do that. 236 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,753 What the fuck don't you get? 237 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:49,547 I'm not eating on the goddamn ground with you. 238 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,424 I said a bench! 239 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,467 Since when is a bench the fu-- fuck it. 240 00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:54,635 -Jesus! -It's gonna be a great day. 241 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,346 Yeah, it is, if you'd fucking let a picnic go! 242 00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,393 What the fuck? It's my parents. 243 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,979 You don't have to whisper, Blair, they can't hear you. 244 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,022 What is this? 245 00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:07,607 Well, it's like I said, I'm here to help you 246 00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:10,359 figure out where it all went wrong. 247 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,403 Oh, I get it. 248 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,488 It's like Scrooge McDuck. 249 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,282 Or that movie Scrooged. 250 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,326 Or my favorite episode of Family Ties. 251 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,494 Or the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol, 252 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:21,621 that those are based on. 253 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,331 Ugh, we get it, you read. 254 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,082 soft sentimental music 255 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,460 God, it's so real. 256 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,171 I can even smell my mom's old lasagna. 257 00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:31,505 I used to love that stuff. 258 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:32,548 Have a bite. 259 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,966 I can do that? 260 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:39,597 Do you know what date this is from, exactly? 261 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,641 Because at a certain point, my dad's dinners 262 00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,518 started having an added ingredient 263 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,020 that I'm sort of allergic to. 264 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,939 The glass you shaved into his food until he died? 265 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,900 Yeah, that's it. 266 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,235 For what it's worth, he fucking deserved it. 267 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,488 It doesn't matter. You can't get hurt here. 268 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,157 Well, I mean, if he's not gonna finish it. 269 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:02,453 Hey, Dad, I won my a cappella competition! 270 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,789 How about a sport? 271 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,545 Fuck this. I'm outta here. 272 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:12,755 Wait, Blair, it's important 273 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,423 you try to remember how you felt. 274 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:17,468 Yeah, I remember. Trust me. 275 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,928 Too well. 276 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:21,847 Quick question, Roger. 277 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:24,600 I can fly anywhere in the world right now, right? 278 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:28,104 Like, throughout all of history and into the future, 279 00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:29,980 and no one can see or hear me? 280 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,942 And I can eat whatever I want, and do whatever I want, 281 00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,819 and there's no consequences whatsoever? 282 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,737 Well, yes, technically, but that doesn't solve-- 283 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,281 Okay, so let's say I wanted to get some steak frites 284 00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,283 at L'Arpège in Paris and eat it in, 285 00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:43,285 I don't know, John-John's shower. 286 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:44,412 I could do that, right? 287 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,996 Sure, but that defeats the purpose of-- 288 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:48,332 Then why in the fuck would I wanna stay here 289 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,000 in my dad's house of horrors? 290 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,044 I think, ideally, the point is you learn a lesson before-- 291 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,629 -Bye-bye! -Okay. 292 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:54,755 Whoo! 293 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:57,174 He's always such a little bitch. 294 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:03,013 Welcome to KokoMo Co Records. 295 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,348 So what do you think, Dawn? 296 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,350 Oh, wow. And it's only jazz? 297 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,685 Yeah. Yeah. All jazz. 298 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,521 Hmm, sorry, but to me, jazz always sounds 299 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,357 like someone just shoved a bunch of instruments 300 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,567 -down the stairs. Hmm. 301 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,360 That's 'cause you have shitty taste in music. 302 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,778 Yeah. And in men. 303 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,239 Oh, fuckin' Spencer, right? 304 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,240 No, I'm telling you, 305 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,658 jazz is gonna make a big comeback, 306 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,786 and I am the guy to find the artists to do it. 307 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,913 Well, the artists better be hot and young, 308 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:30,416 'cause if it's not on MTV, it's not doing shit, 309 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,960 which sounds a little bit like my life right now. 310 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,671 Oh. Look at my office. 311 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:39,216 Hey, so Dawn, what-- what is your plan? 312 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,218 I don't know. I don't have a clue. 313 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,597 I mean, I spent my entire life busting my ass to get here, 314 00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:46,515 and now, literally, 315 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:49,268 it's illegal for me to ever trade again. 316 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,145 And I'm a felon. 317 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,271 -And I'm-- 318 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,440 A disgrace to my entire family. 319 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,317 Oof. That's the trifecta. 320 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:59,528 Yeah, so I guess I'm kind of playing it by ear. 321 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,074 But come on, Mo. 322 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,451 You don't miss it at all? 323 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,660 Nope. 324 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,120 I'm telling you, us getting kicked off the street 325 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,539 was the best thing that ever happened in our lives, Dawn. 326 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,042 -Trust. -Yeah, well. 327 00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,002 We did have some good times, though. 328 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:18,214 We had some great times. Dawn, we make great partners. 329 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:20,424 -Uh, yeah, well. 330 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,884 Except we weren't partners. 331 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,385 -That shit again? 332 00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:26,222 Listen, I wish I could go back, okay? 333 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,516 I would make you my partner. 334 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,685 You were right; I was wrong. I'm sorry. 335 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,356 You know, that's all I ever wanted to hear. 336 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,108 -You really mean it? -Yeah, I mean it. 337 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,528 Dawn, I would do anything to make it up to you. 338 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,655 I would go back and change a bunch of shit if I could 339 00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:44,490 with work and with us. 340 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:45,825 Trying to do both at the same time 341 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:47,451 -just fucked 'em both up. -I know. 342 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,204 We need to pick a lane, huh? 343 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,872 We need to pick a lane. 344 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,043 I mean, so if you were to, 345 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,796 you know, pick a lane, 346 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,589 what lane would you pick? 347 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,716 I'm so glad you asked, Momo. 348 00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,051 Me too. 349 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,721 -I need a job, you know, bad... -Yeah. Mm-hmm. 350 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,098 ...if I'm gonna be able to stay out. 351 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,767 Well, you need a job, you got a job. 352 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,060 Of course, Dawn, I told you, 353 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,646 I'll-I'll do anything-- anything to make it right. 354 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,022 You got it. 355 00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:22,111 Oh, Mo, God, you are the best. 356 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,405 Mm. Mm. Mm. 357 00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:27,366 -Oh, thank you. Yeah. 358 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,618 All right, now, come on, let's go to Cedar Tavern 359 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,620 and get you shit-faced and shit-butt. 360 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,748 -You're gonna shit on yourself! 361 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:36,500 Oh, you're really stuck on the shit thing, huh? 362 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,669 Oh, yeah. Let's go. -Can't wait. 363 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,421 Keith, Keith, please. 364 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,672 Look into your heart. 365 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,425 You and I share at least one testament, don't we? 366 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,676 You. 367 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,386 -You're fired. Hey! 368 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:48,679 You can't do this, Keith. 369 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,681 Thank G-G you're here. 370 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,850 I think I made it abundantly clear 371 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:56,562 I can do whatever the fuck I want. 372 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:57,980 And if that means firing 373 00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,941 every useless face jock in this joint-- 374 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:03,986 I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about me. 375 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:07,239 My company credit card was just... 376 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,200 -...was just... -Oh. 377 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,329 -Tiff. Ugh. 378 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:14,121 ...was declined. 379 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,832 -At Victoria's Secret, yeah. 380 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,000 Do you know how embarrassing it is 381 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,753 to take a thong off that you just said 382 00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:22,004 you were gonna wear out? 383 00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:24,173 It was the worst moment of my life. 384 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,884 Well, your husband was just shot today. 385 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,761 And I thought you were gonna go visit him, 386 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,387 but you went shopping. 387 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:34,141 The point is, we brought you on to take our company public, 388 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,559 not ruin our lives. 389 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,811 I mean, Chris here has been with Pfaffashions 390 00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:38,896 from the beginning. 391 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:42,024 Yeah, you can't just throw him out like trash! 392 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,692 Then who's gonna throw out the trash? 393 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,695 Actually, Tiff, let me give you a choice. 394 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,447 Would you rather keep Chris 395 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,574 or keep your company credit card? 396 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,660 Get the fuck outta here, Chris. You heard the boss. 397 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,620 Yeah, that was a test. You failed. 398 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,704 You don't get either. 399 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,123 This is not your personal ATM machine. 400 00:15:58,165 --> 00:15:59,458 His name is Chris. 401 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,585 I meant the company. Ew. 402 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,544 What does that mean? 403 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,171 Ass to mouth. 404 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,047 Oh, Tiff. 405 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:06,632 I made the accountants aware that, 406 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,759 from now on, you are not authorized 407 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,053 to spend a single cent 408 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:14,682 unless it's a legitimate business expense. 409 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,058 Case closed. Good night. 410 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,601 Please don't do this to me, Keith. 411 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,728 You can have sex with Chris. He goes hard. 412 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:23,315 Or Giancarlo! He's my bottom bitch! 413 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,608 Oh, Tiff! 414 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,777 I need a couple of shots of tequila! 415 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,404 You guys celebrating something? 416 00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,781 My new freedom and my new job. 417 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,616 -Right, Mo Mo? -Oh, yeah. 418 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,743 Can't wait to start working together again. 419 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,246 I mean, not really working together. 420 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,872 What do you mean? 421 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:43,085 I mean, I don't plan on actually working at your label. 422 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,963 I just need a company name to satisfy my parole officer. 423 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,841 Being employed is a condition of me staying out, so-- 424 00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:49,842 was that not clear? 425 00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:51,510 No, it wasn't clear! 426 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:52,886 You said, "Pick a lane." 427 00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:54,972 I think we'd both rather walk into a lane of traffic 428 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,724 than ever work together again, am I right? 429 00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:59,393 Yes, you're right. Agreed. I mean, fuck that lane. 430 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:01,729 So, uh, if my PO calls, 431 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,272 you'll lie and say I work there? 432 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:04,398 Dawn, of course. 433 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,274 -Come on. 434 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,692 Even though you don't work there, 435 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,986 because we both agreed that work is not the lane 436 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,154 that either of us would pick 437 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:13,115 between the two lanes as discussed. 438 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,200 Oh, God, I missed your crazy ass. 439 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:18,245 Oh, I missed you, too, Dawn. You have no idea. 440 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:21,081 Ah, come on, come on. Let's toast. 441 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,962 -To us. -To us. 442 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,885 -Mmm. -Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm! 443 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,053 Can we have two more? 444 00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,512 Recently-appointed Congressman 445 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,723 -Dawny. -Oh, my God! 446 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:38,766 Fuck. 447 00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,310 Blair just got shot! -The fuck? 448 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:42,686 Remains in a coma... 449 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:43,979 Oh! Oh, shit! 450 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,689 [newscaster] After the assassination attempt. 451 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,775 Sources say he might not make it. 452 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,360 What are you doing down there? 453 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:51,820 Praying. 454 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,740 Oh, yeah. Blair. 455 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,202 Blair? 456 00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,286 Blair? 457 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,040 Roger, you go here? 458 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,708 I've been looking all over creation for you. 459 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,709 Where have you been? 460 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,795 Uh, everywhere. 461 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,047 I watched Bob Fosse choreograph All That Jazz. 462 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,715 That way he fucked around, it should've been called 463 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,925 All That Jizz. 464 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:15,010 And then I fucked around and got a triple double 465 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,845 at the '91 finals! 466 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:18,806 And then I fucked most of my high school, 467 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,682 which led to a teensy killing spree. 468 00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:21,767 This was not supposed to be 469 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,936 Blair and Ted's Excellent Adventure. 470 00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,479 It was supposed to be a deeply personal journey 471 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,481 through your life so you can learn from your mistakes 472 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,732 in time to save your soul. 473 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,567 Okay, well, it was actually 474 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,152 more like that movie Westworld 475 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,737 than it was like Bill and Ted's, 476 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,656 on account of all the killing and fucking. 477 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,659 But I hear you, and I will learn 478 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,452 all the lessons, Roger. 479 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,121 I promise. 480 00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:43,622 It's just... 481 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,291 I just figured, since I got shot, 482 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,627 it would be okay if I, you know, 483 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,212 had a little fun first. 484 00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,798 We have a little fun first. 485 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,883 Dinosaur blood? 486 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,177 The actual cake Marie Antoinette said 487 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,720 "let them eat cake" about? 488 00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:01,306 I mean, it's pretty dry, but it's history! 489 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,934 This has to be against the rules. 490 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,727 Fuck the rules. 491 00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:07,229 I missed you. 492 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,815 This might be our only chance to be together again. 493 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,483 You've been in the shower forever! 494 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:12,442 Oh, look, look, look! 495 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,444 We're gonna be late, John-John. 496 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,782 That's big, right? 497 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,826 Talk about vote for Kennedy. 498 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,163 I do like history. 499 00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:25,622 Well, then, get over here. 500 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,585 Try this. 501 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,170 A peasant made it. 502 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,296 Hmm. 503 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,673 Hmm. Mm-hmm. 504 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:38,010 I missed this. 505 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:39,136 Us. 506 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,888 soft piano music 507 00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,181 Me too. 508 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:45,642 And I meant what I said before. I-- 509 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,479 I didn't mean for it to end like that. 510 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,315 I didn't wanna hurt you. 511 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,444 I'm sorry, Roger. 512 00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:56,653 I still love you. 513 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,578 Fuck. 514 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,207 Yeah. 515 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:11,835 Oh, God. 516 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,685 Mm. 517 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,564 Okay. All right, come on. That was nice, though. 518 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:33,857 No, you--no, you--no! 519 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,275 You've gotta--you can't. What if this is it? 520 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:36,276 What if you mean if this it? 521 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,277 What if this is... 522 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:38,362 How's he gonna fucking know 523 00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:39,571 if I went and said goodbye to him or not? 524 00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,907 -He'll know! I'll know! -Get out of there. Fuck! 525 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:46,620 Hey. Hey, Blair. Buddy. 526 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:47,746 Aw. 527 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,667 -All right, put her there. 528 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:54,795 Get--you-you hang in there, buddy. 529 00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:57,089 You're gonna be fine. 530 00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,131 Bye, Blair! 531 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,476 No, we gotta stop. I can't do this. 532 00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,395 Wait, didn't you just do it? 533 00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:13,230 Yes, but that was just to teach you a lesson 534 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,148 -about selfishness. -Hmm. 535 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:18,026 At some point in your life, you stopped caring 536 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,236 about anybody but yourself. 537 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,321 That's what today was supposed to be about, 538 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,490 you learning that and vowing to change 539 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,284 in a real enough way to earn a chance 540 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,910 to make things right. 541 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,496 Instead, you just yanked it to John-John. 542 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,248 Look! It doesn't fit. 543 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,667 Ugh. Talk about getting off. 544 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,085 I told you, Rog. Pay up. 545 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,629 I still can't believe Nordberg from Naked Gun 546 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:38,505 killed two people. 547 00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:39,881 No, no, no, it didn't fit. 548 00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:41,800 -They must acquit. 549 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,093 Oh, I know, let's go to Brentwood 550 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,594 the night of the murder-- double or nothing. 551 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:45,512 This has to stop. 552 00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:47,055 If you don't wanna learn your lesson, 553 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,598 that's up to you, but I can't be part of it. 554 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,183 -Goodbye, Blair. -Wait, you're right. 555 00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:51,727 I'm ready to learn whatever lesson 556 00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:53,312 I'm supposed to! 557 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,442 I deserve to go to hell. 558 00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:02,487 Been here the whole time. 559 00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:04,823 -Tiff, I want a divorce. -Okay, fine. 560 00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:06,241 I was gone for ten minutes 561 00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:09,911 to get my paws and claws done for your big awakening. 562 00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:10,954 Or your funeral. 563 00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,873 But either way, it was for you. 564 00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:15,917 Well, this is for you too. 565 00:22:15,959 --> 00:22:17,252 I'm tired of living a lie. 566 00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:19,421 I'm tired of hurting people. 567 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:22,007 I-I wanna find someone I can make happy, 568 00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,050 and you deserve that too. 569 00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:25,427 -Ooh, they're still wet. -Sorry. 570 00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:27,137 I'm gonna quit my job. 571 00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,056 I'm gonna do something I actually like 572 00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:31,183 that makes the world a better place. 573 00:22:31,224 --> 00:22:33,352 So, sorry, this has nothing to do 574 00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:34,770 with me spending your first day in a coma 575 00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:37,731 shopping and at the spa and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? 576 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:40,859 'Cause as I say it out loud, it does sound really bad. 577 00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,069 -How was that movie? Oh. 578 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:44,154 If you live, you have to see it. 579 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,614 I've always liked Rick Moranis. 580 00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:46,239 I love him. 581 00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:47,240 He has leading man energy. 582 00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:49,868 -Big dick energy. 583 00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:51,745 -I love you. -Aw 584 00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:52,746 And I want you to be happy. 585 00:22:52,788 --> 00:22:55,957 And from now on, I'm gonna be good and true 586 00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:58,335 and never do anything selfish again. 587 00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,920 There he is. The golden boy. 588 00:22:59,961 --> 00:23:01,463 I was worried for a second, champ. 589 00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:03,090 Who are all these white men? 590 00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:05,133 Oh, only a who's who of the RNC. 591 00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:06,343 I thought the RNC hated me. 592 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,553 They did, until your assassination attempt. 593 00:23:08,595 --> 00:23:11,348 And now you are polling through the roof, sir. 594 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,557 Buckle up, Pfaff. 595 00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:15,435 You're in for a rocket ride to the moon. 596 00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:18,021 Well, unfortunately, you're too late. 597 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,565 I'm quitting politics for good. 598 00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:23,068 And there is nothing you can offer us 599 00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:24,361 that will change that. 600 00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:28,824 How about unlimited power, sex, and money? 601 00:23:28,865 --> 00:23:32,077 dramatic music 602 00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:33,954 -I mean, we can kick it around. -It's worth a conversation. 603 00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:35,914 It's--maybe just a chat. 604 00:23:35,956 --> 00:23:38,083 We're gonna come around to yes. 605 00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:39,918 Oh, jeez. 606 00:23:41,211 --> 00:23:43,713 Hey, be honest with me, Dawn. Did I do that to him? 607 00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:45,632 What? No. 608 00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:47,926 No! He made his choices. 609 00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:49,261 -Yeah. And shit happens. 610 00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:52,597 Life is about doing what and who you want at all times 611 00:23:52,639 --> 00:23:55,851 because you never know when your time is up. 612 00:23:55,892 --> 00:23:57,602 Hmm. 613 00:23:57,644 --> 00:23:59,229 Ah, shit. 614 00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:01,481 Look, this place is just gonna have to fuckin' do. 615 00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:02,983 Yeah, it has a charm to it. 616 00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:04,443 Besides, all I really need to do 617 00:24:04,484 --> 00:24:06,236 is just get fucked up. 618 00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,488 Dawn, Dawn, just listen to me for a second. 619 00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:09,948 I am tired of wasting time. 620 00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,283 Right? 621 00:24:11,324 --> 00:24:13,452 Y-you are the closest person in my entire life. 622 00:24:13,493 --> 00:24:15,120 You're like family to me. 623 00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:17,998 Oh, God, Mo, you are my family. 624 00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:19,124 God, I love you. 625 00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:20,208 I love you too. 626 00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,501 Which is why I don't wanna keep fucking 627 00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:23,086 wasting all this time trying to be 628 00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:24,421 all these different things for each other 629 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,173 when we should just be focused on being 630 00:24:26,214 --> 00:24:28,633 the one thing that we know we were both meant to be. 631 00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:29,217 Yes. 632 00:24:29,259 --> 00:24:30,343 A couple... -Friends. 633 00:24:30,385 --> 00:24:31,761 -...of friends. Oh, my God. 634 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:32,637 A couple of friends. 635 00:24:32,679 --> 00:24:34,389 Took the words right out of my mouth. 636 00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:35,557 -Yes! I mean... 637 00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:37,184 ...it's been staring us in the face 638 00:24:37,225 --> 00:24:39,060 -this whole time. -Mm-hmm. 639 00:24:39,102 --> 00:24:41,062 Uh, point of clarity, though. 640 00:24:41,104 --> 00:24:42,606 Last night, that was... 641 00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:44,524 -Great. Fuckin' amazing. -Yes. 642 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:46,276 Fuckin' outstanding. -Yes. 643 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:47,486 But that's the kind of shit a-- 644 00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:49,988 a real couple of friends can do. 645 00:24:50,030 --> 00:24:52,866 You know, that's the benefit of-of friends. 646 00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:53,783 Yeah. 647 00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:55,952 They should come up with a term for that. 648 00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:56,953 Friends with... 649 00:24:56,995 --> 00:24:58,497 -Uh, fucking. Yes! 650 00:24:58,538 --> 00:24:59,956 Friends with fucking! 651 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:01,500 Sure. -God, that's good. 652 00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:03,293 Mm-hmm. -That's good. 653 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:05,337 Plus, I just got out of the joint, you know? 654 00:25:05,378 --> 00:25:06,630 -It was kinda urgent. 655 00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:09,299 I mean, there was no time to teach some new guy 656 00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:12,010 all the codes when, hey, you already know 'em. 657 00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:13,303 -I know the codes. 658 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:15,180 Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right. 659 00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:17,224 -P, A, P, A. -Pussy, ass, pussy, ass, start. 660 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:18,558 -Finish. 661 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,435 We probably shouldn't do that anymore. 662 00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:21,478 What? I didn't-- 663 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:22,312 Besides, I don't want you 664 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:23,855 falling in love with me again. 665 00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:28,693 Who-who needs that? 666 00:25:28,735 --> 00:25:31,404 -Oh, God, this feels great! -Uh-huh. 667 00:25:31,446 --> 00:25:34,157 I mean, I feel so great. I mean, not physically. 668 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:35,450 No. -I feel a little queasy. 669 00:25:35,492 --> 00:25:38,662 -Yeah. -But emotionally, I feel great. 670 00:25:38,703 --> 00:25:40,539 Right there, yeah, I'm right there with you. 671 00:25:40,580 --> 00:25:42,457 Oh, God, Mo. 672 00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:43,875 I gotta piss. 673 00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:45,877 Oh, okay. That's cute. 674 00:25:45,919 --> 00:25:47,170 Yeah. 675 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,048 Okay. 676 00:25:55,011 --> 00:25:56,388 Your lips were like 677 00:25:56,429 --> 00:26:00,308 A red and ruby chalice 678 00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:06,022 Warmer than a summer night 679 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:08,483 Fuck. 680 00:26:08,525 --> 00:26:10,318 The clouds were like 681 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:14,739 An alabaster palace 682 00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:20,036 Rising to a snowy height 683 00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:23,999 Each star its own 684 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:28,211 Aurora borealis 685 00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:32,382 Suddenly, you held me tight 686 00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:36,344 And we saw 687 00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:41,182 The midnight sun 688 00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:46,146 Thank you all for being here. 689 00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:50,900 Getting shot has made me realize so many things. 690 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:54,029 -I wanna try to stand for this. -No, honey. 691 00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:55,196 No. I have to. 692 00:26:55,238 --> 00:26:56,448 -Okay. -Be my legs. 693 00:26:56,489 --> 00:26:57,574 He wants to stand. 694 00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:59,868 I wanna show my would-be assassin that... 695 00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:02,287 ...you did not win. 696 00:27:02,329 --> 00:27:03,788 Oh, my. 697 00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:06,791 You did not intimidate me. 698 00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:11,129 Getting shot has made me realize... 699 00:27:11,171 --> 00:27:12,297 so much. 700 00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:14,633 For one... 701 00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:16,426 ...it's not that bad. 702 00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:21,389 I mean, ho! 703 00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:23,350 -Gah-gah-gah, gah-gah-gah. 704 00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:27,479 Look at me! I'm fine. 705 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,648 Guns are nothing to be afraid of. 706 00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:33,401 And two, this whole thing could have been avoided 707 00:27:33,443 --> 00:27:36,404 if every American had a gun, 708 00:27:36,446 --> 00:27:39,783 which is why I am dedicating the rest of my career 709 00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:42,160 to gun control, specifically... 710 00:27:42,202 --> 00:27:43,953 the abolishment of it! 711 00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:46,081 Hey, what in the literal fuck is going on? 712 00:27:46,122 --> 00:27:48,833 $1 million went missing from the company last night. 713 00:27:48,875 --> 00:27:50,126 I know it was you. 714 00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:51,211 I just don't know how you did it. 715 00:27:51,252 --> 00:27:52,796 Did you know political donations 716 00:27:52,837 --> 00:27:54,547 are a legitimate business expense? 717 00:27:54,589 --> 00:27:57,384 And while politicians' salaries are quite low, 718 00:27:57,425 --> 00:27:59,427 they can basically use campaign funds 719 00:27:59,469 --> 00:28:01,638 as their own personal ATMs, 720 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,391 and I don't mean ass to mouth. 721 00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:05,558 Oh, Jesus. 722 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:06,810 Who the fuck is thinking that? 723 00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:08,228 -Some people. -Okay, look. 724 00:28:08,269 --> 00:28:09,521 Did you know 725 00:28:09,562 --> 00:28:11,856 that this little finance fund fraud 726 00:28:11,898 --> 00:28:14,067 -is gonna be a f-failure? -Weak. 727 00:28:14,109 --> 00:28:16,653 And I'd like to thank my wife Tiff and her company 728 00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:19,531 Pfaffashions for kicking off my very first 729 00:28:19,572 --> 00:28:21,032 campaign finance fund 730 00:28:21,074 --> 00:28:22,117 for my reelection. 731 00:28:22,158 --> 00:28:23,118 Thank you. 732 00:28:23,159 --> 00:28:24,035 I love you, babe. 733 00:28:24,077 --> 00:28:24,994 I love you, babe. 734 00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,204 -Babe. Babe, I love you more. 735 00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:27,205 Babe. 736 00:28:28,331 --> 00:28:30,333 -Whoo! -Ooh, ooh! 737 00:28:30,375 --> 00:28:31,793 Oh! Oh! She got me! 738 00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:33,336 -She got me! 739 00:28:35,338 --> 00:28:37,424 If Jesus had a gun, he'd be alive today. 740 00:28:37,465 --> 00:28:39,926 rock music 741 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:41,428 Yeah! 742 00:28:41,469 --> 00:28:46,224 And you'll still be there 743 00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:48,977 With me 744 00:28:49,018 --> 00:28:51,312 Oh 745 00:29:04,492 --> 00:29:09,038 Oh, till I found you I never had 746 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,585 Someone to love me in good times and bad 747 00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:18,590 Oh, till I found you I never had 748 00:29:18,631 --> 00:29:21,801 Someone to love me... 56703

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