Original subtitles

upbeat music

Ooh

It's Showtime tonight

Previously on Black Monday...

They're Skants by Pfaffashions.

[Larry] My brother Lenny survived Black Monday

only to tragically succumb to injuries.

We're in this together now, brother.

Newly elected congressman

in scandalous behavior.

[Newell] I urge Governor Putnam to fill the vacant seat

by appointing Blair Pfaff the next congressman.

Black Monday was my fucking idea.

[person] Someone confessed to Black Monday.

I'm gonna get you out of this fucking place.

Momo, you still don't get it.

I don't need you at all.

One, two, three.

I don't know, Brucie.

I think that 67's a little too bright

for the tenor.

Tell you what, let's switch back to the 47.

I'm kind of missing that nice mid-forward growl.

Okay.

Don't touch the board, Mo.

Yep.

upbeat music

Motherfucker, fill my order or your ass is grass,

and I am the fucking nigga-saurus!

Inmate! -What?

I got the supplies you asked for.

Drop it.

Trish, where the fuck are my earnings?

What the fuck are you doing?

Sue, the job is called runner, not walker.

Why are you always fucking walking?

Um, well, I got you.

Think it might be time to sell that Nintendo stock

you put me in. It already doubled.

No, no, no, the shit is gonna triple, all right?

They're coming out with a new portable video gaming system

called the Game Boy. It's gonna be huge.

If it's portable, shouldn't it be small?

What? Huge as in popular.

Just trust me, okay?

The day I started handling your money

is the day you started handling a lot more

top-shelf ass, am I right?

-That's true. -Am I right?

-That's true. -All right.

Now, who does a bitch have to shiv

to get a hot pastrami on rye

from Carnegie's up in here, okay?

-On it. -Get on it.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't worry about it.

I actually enjoy sitting here holding my breath

with my dick in my hand like Mike Hutchence!

Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible"

How can it be permissible?

She compromised my principle

Yeah, yeah

She's a craze you'd endorse

She's a powerful force

You're obliged to conform

When there's no other course

She used to look good to me

But now I find her...

Tiff, do you know where my Hermès pocket square is?

How the fuck should I know? Ask Rosa.

Simply irresistible

Forget it.

I cannot be late for the train. I have a very big day today.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Get right back here. Now.

Is that a new suit?

-Yes, why? -That's weird.

I don't recall signing off on any new purchases.

Well, I'm sorry.

It's just everyone on the hill

is wearing Donna Karan this session.

I don't care what they're wearing.

I care what you're making, which, last I checked,

is an embarrassing 45k a year.

I'm not sure it's appropriate

for you to be just buying designer duds willy-nilly.

Come on.

Pfaffashions is on pace to make 11 mil this year.

-The fuck do you care? -Fine, keep the suit.

I'll just take it out of next month's allowance.

What?

You bought Giancarlo six bespoke tracksuits.

And a Kawasaki Ninja.

-Vroom, vroom. -Mm, mm, mm.

Okay, you know what? Stay out of it, Giancarlo.

Little late for that, am I right?

-Yeah.

Whoo! Oh!

Blair, as long as I make the money,

I wear the pants--

present circumstance excluded, 'kay?

-Have fun playing politics. Vroom.

You know what? For the last time,

it's very noble stuff that I'm up to, okay?

There's no greater honor than public service, Giancarlo.

Found your pocket square, bub.

-I'm going.

Ooh, what a coincidence.

I'm coming!

All right, guys, "What Are You Doing

the Rest of Your Life" take 37.

Guess I'll be doing this shit the rest of my life.

-Excuse me?

Nah.

Yeah, it's better. It's better, right, Yaya?

I don't know. Uh, maybe 86 the 75-309.

What? There's no mic 7530--

Oh.

867-5309. Jenny.

You should have gone with 777 93-11,

but I keep forgetting you're half white, so...

I am Black and Palestinian, and I've told you that

every single week since we've met.

Look, did you get the thing or not?

Yep.

Great.

So you're really going all in, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Bought the ring, closed down the house.

Yeah.

Oh, speaking of which, do you think that she

would like pile carpets or Berber carpets better?

I can't decide. -You know, hos like Berber.

Bruce, do you fucking mind? I'm gonna marry this ho.

Just turn some knobs or something.

Homey, the house on its own is already a giant swing,

and now you're gonna decorate that motherfucker

-without her input? -Goddamn right.

Every other guy your age, they're getting sports cars,

and they're, like, plowing hookers,

and you're moving to the suburbs?

It's--sounds like a cry for help.

Well, listen, I've already had every toy, okay?

And every hooker from high-class

-to John Lee. -What?

Quitting Wall Street was a blessing.

Well, technically you were kicked off

for decades of transgressions.

The point is, I don't want to be

about transgressions anymore.

I want to be about progressions,

both of the life and the chord variety.

It's time for me to start making more than just money.

Damn, that was stupid and beautiful.

You're right. I should pick the drapes first.

'Cause they say they're supposed

to match the carpet, am I right?

-You doing a pube joke? Doing a pube joke.

-Pubes. -Pubes!

-My man.

Frankly, I would kill

to have my company taken public

by the Leighman Brothers.

I don't think that's the end of the sentence.

-Oh. -But...

No, he's not finished.

I am much less confident in the Leighman Brother

and whatever you are.

Okay, well, this one again.

Look, I know there's a lot of nasty theories out there

that Lenny was the brains of the operation,

but that couldn't be further from the truth.

The fact is that he was a little bit of an imbecile.

He was fucking worthless.

Okay, he had some redeeming qualities.

Not many.

And then he got crushed by a car,

and he died right then and not a moment after.

Yeah, it's not like he lived for a year

and then was taken out

to the woods and eaten by wolves.

Don't--nobody said that.

Okay, I was just saying--

You're just putting that into his head.

That's a hypothetical.

Next thing, he's gonna say, there's a Frankenstein room

right behind that wall where we kept him for some time.

-Which there's not. -But that's not true.

Okay, sure, but look.

Since you took the helm,

you guys have been repeatedly embarrassed.

-Ah. -Hm, uh-oh.

-Okay, Jerry.

-May I call you Jerry? -My name's Harold.

-Yes, but may I call you Jerry? -It's a term of endearment.

He calls me Jerry.

That's why we got Jerry here.

-He's a fucking genius, okay? -I am.

Jerry's even more Lenny-er than Lenny ever was.

My job is to bring

the Leighman Brothers into the '90s.

I want you to come with us.

Because if it looks like a Leighman,

and it sounds like a Leighman...

And it smells like a Leighman.

All right, I hate that cologne.

Chances are...

Except you don't look or sound like one.

You are not a Leighman.

You are a--

I'm trying to think of a less offensive word than...

-Don't say it. -Jew.

-Oh. -Said it.

Okay.

I'm sorry, gentlemen. Thank you for your time.

Wow. I've heard worse.

-I've said worse.

We'll get 'em next time.

soaring orchestral music

Hey.

Blair Pfaff.

Hey, Congressman, guess where I am.

I don't know, hell? Fingers crossed.

No, no, but close.

I'm in your old Honda.

You know, when I took this thing off you,

I had no intention of actually driving it.

I was just trying to big time you.

Life's kind of funny, huh?

Yeah, I remember you said you didn't want a shitty Honda.

You wanted my shitty Honda to use as a toilet.

And I meant it.

Say what you want about the Japanese,

and Lord knows I have-- I mean, I grew up

on the Warner Brothers cartoons--

but I gotta tell you.

They make one hell of a reliable automobile.

Okay, is this why you called? Because I'm very busy.

No, listen.

-Did you get what I asked for? -That depends.

Did you get what I asked for?

Yeah. Now come on.

Get this thing done, all right? You said you got the juice.

The juice?

Please, Mo, I am a kingmaker, okay?

As well as a king myself.

You know, that's kingmaker 101 stuff

is you make yourself a king first.

It's like, you know, wishing

for more wishes and that kind of thing.

The fuck are you talking about, Blair?

Did you get it done or not?

Okay, I got a hell of a lot riding on this.

Oh, oh, I can't hear you.

The walls are so thick in here.

-[Mo] Pfaff, Pfaff, Pfaff. -Beep.

Jesus Christ.

Yes.

-Good morning, Werner. -Mm-hmm.

-Any messages? -Nope.

Governor Putnam didn't return?

Oh, sorry, I thought you were joking

when you asked me to call him again.

I told you we're tight. He's just been very busy.

They tapped him to be the head of the RNC.

Cool.

-Um, Pastor Swaford did call. -Nah, nah, nah.

That man is dead to me.

So what is on the schedule for today?

Um, okay, well, there's a big House Oversight meeting...

Oh.

That you weren't asked to join.

And then there's the Ways and Means Committee...

Super fun.

That you also weren't asked to join.

Okay, why don't we stick to things that I was asked to join?

Of course, sorry. Let's see here.

Ooh, ooh. Columbia House CD Club?

What is it, ten CDs for ten cents?

You know what? Do it.

Senator, what can I do you for?

That was odd.

Why do you think he just...

oh, my God.

Oh, God, what is that smell?

I believe he came in here to fart, sir,

just like everyone does.

Yeah, I gathered that, Werner.

I can't wait until my new office is finished

and we can get out of here and get to work.

The governor said, "Any day now."

Any day now, sir.

Double D.

Mm, Mo! Hey!

-Hey, hey, girl. Hey.

Mmm.

Brought your favorite sandwiches.

Oh, my goodness, yes.

-For later, I guess. Thank you.

Shit, didn't know you already ate.

-Lobster, not bad. -Yeah, yeah.

Well, we can give this shit to the guards and gangs,

keep 'em from fucking with you.

I've been missing Carnegie's since I got in here.

Looks like you're doing pretty good, huh?

It's funny, I get way more respect in here

than I ever did on the outside.

-Hm.

But come on, fill me in.

-What's happening in the world? -Oh.

I heard DeBarge is trying to cross over

to more white folks by changing their name to "The Barge"?

-This is true. -Oh, no!

You know what's really hot on the street right now?

Interior design.

-For real? -Everybody's talking about it.

For instance, what's your opinion

on Berber versus pile carpet?

Uh, isn't the carpet supposed to match the drapes?

That's what I said!

I've been in here so long,

the carpet is a pile. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I do, and if I didn't, the gestures really helped.

No, you don't have to keep--yeah.

Oh, something else-- countertops.

Yeah, it's like a gang war out there, you know?

It's like Prince versus Michael.

-Mm. -Granite versus marble.

-Pick a side. -Yeah, yeah.

No, babe, pick a side.

Oh, um, uh,

granite feels way more contemporary.

-Are you okay, Mo? -Yes, yeah.

I'm actually better than okay.

I've never been better in my life,

and it's all because of you.

These little visits over the last couple months

have really helped me to focus my shit.

Really, Mo?

Because that's been the best part of this

for me too, you know?

I mean, I think it's the first time

that we've ever really just talked.

Yeah, and without the pressure of us working with each other.

Or against each other.

I mean, if the fucking wasn't fucking up our job,

then our job was fucking up the fucking.

Exactly.

My only regret is that I didn't figure it out a lot sooner.

Mm.

Well, I mean, I got a couple other regrets.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm riddled with regrets.

But, you know, I've got regrets too.

But it's never too late, you know, I guess.

I hope.

-Yeah.

Visiting hours are now over.

Visitors, please exit immediately.

Prisoners, return to your cell blocks.

Okay, well...

Okay.

Don't you get too comfortable in here, inmate,

'cause something tells me that you are gonna be able

to fix any regrets that you have very soon.

Wait, what?

No, no. What are you up to?

-Huh? -I told you.

I don't need your ass to get me out of here.

-Okay, okay. -No, I don't need your help.

-Dawn. -I can take care of myself.

-I'm serious, Mo. -Dawn!

upbeat music

Go away. No one's home.

No speak no English, por favor.

Chinga tu madre.

Mo, what are you doing here? Wait, is that the thing?

Is this the thing? Is this your fucking office?

Why isn't your office where the offices are?

This is just temporary until my new, phat, rad office

is done being renovated.

It just takes a second for them to pull sauna permits in D.C.

Yeah, cool, whatever, I don't care.

Stop blowing me off. I got what you wanted.

Now give Dawn her pardon.

Did those two ladies just come in here to fart?

No.

Look, I have decided, unfortunately,

not to do the pardon for Dawn.

Wait a minute, why?

Mo, do you know how fishy it would look

if I pardoned my crooked ex-business partner

right after I took office?

I mean, I'm a very important congressman.

And if you'll look to my right, you'll see

one of the most famous congressional closets

in history dating back to the early 1900s.

Legend has it that this very closet was where JFK

and Marilyn Monroe would sneak off to to fart.

-Boy.

If these walls could smell.

What the Pfaff, fuck?

Listen, we had a deal.

I got the thing. You give me Dawn's pardon.

I can't.

Blair, you don't understand. I have huge plans that hinge--

You had plans? I had plans,

and they all went up in coke that you planted on me,

so don't talk to me about plans.

Can I get you an Evian or a cup of water or any--

Blair, this isn't about us, all right?

Our relationship is fucking totaled,

but that doesn't mean that Dawn deserves

to stay in prison for--

Deserves?

You of all people should know that's not how the world works.

Christ, you're dumber than I thought--

-Give me that fucking pardon! -I can't.

Why not?

Because my office is a fucking fart closet!

I literally can't, okay?

I have no power here whatsoever.

Everyone on the Hill hates me as do all of my constituents

for the same reason-- I was appointed to,

not elected to a seat that was vacated by a man

I essentially fucked to death!

This whole job blows, and not in a good way.

Well, at least you didn't fuck over everybody you know

-in order to get here. -My whole life is dog shit.

Tiff has me on an allowance, not because we're on a budget,

just because she loves humiliating me.

She has this whole cuckold fetish.

Huh, maybe we should slide through, huh?

I've worked my ass off my whole life,

and yet here I am working for 45k a year,

and she's running

the fastest growing fashion company on Earth.

Literally, their only problem

is coming up with enough capital

to keep up with their demand.

People in the industry are calling her "Jeansus."

Well, look on the bright side, kid.

This place may not be a sauna,

but at least you're getting hotboxed.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to burn these clothes

and puke and then go beg for help

from the last fucking people

I ever wanted to beg for help from

because it turns out

you're a cuckold in congress too.

-Peace, bitch. -No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

I need this. I need this, Mo.

-Please, I need this. -Blair, let go.

-Please give it to me. -Let go!

Please, everyone on the Hill

has one of these Halliburton briefcases...

-Get off! -And Tiff won't buy me one!

Move.

Jesus Christ, son of a--

-You have to step-- -I know what I'm doing.

You don't have to tell me how to get out of a fucking office.

Ah, I don't know, Lar.

Come on, you could be a goddamn knockout.

This doctor's a genius. He did Cher.

Not that it matters who he fucked,

but Cher would never date a mediocre plastic surgeon.

-I mean, is "the full Face/ -Off" really necessary?

Keithy, if it's the Leighman Brothers

the world wants, it's the Leighman Brothers

they'll get, and besides,

this is just a minor technicality

so you and I can focus on our company

getting back on top.

I mean, I guess I always hated my chin.

Who didn't? That's the spirit.

Come on, now. All right.

Now, let's talk foreskin restoration surgery.

Wait, what? I'm sorry?

Oh, off-color remark!

What the fuck just happened?

Shit, I don't know.

Jesus Christ, I've done that a million times before.

-I must have-- -Gotten old?

Oh, fuck you.

Yeah, why don't you elevate and ice, gramps?

How convenient. That's a good idea.

Not in the oysters, stop.

No, no, no, no, don't take off your--oh.

God damn it.

These Malpeques just landed from PEI.

What the fuck do you want, Maurice?

Well, for starters, to know what the brother fuck

is going on between you two guys,

but we can get into that later.

I need to get Dawn out of jail ASAP.

I know you own the joint where she's locked up,

so how much for one of those, you know,

overcrowding, work release,

you know, sex slave things that you got for Keith?

Mo, the only pardoning I'll be doing

is my French when I tell you to fuck all the way off, okay?

Because I will never do anything for,

or with you ever again for the rest of my life.

Yeah, well, I guess I expected that from you, dirtbag.

Keith, Keith, Earth to Keith. Are you in there?

-Come on, help a brother out. -Keith is dead.

I--well, I'm not--hold on.

Not really. I mean, I'm--

No, no, you're dead. Keith is dead.

The Keith you know is dead, but you're a friend,

and I want to help a friend out, so why don't you

take your lame leg out of our fucking lunch and limp...

Straight to hell.

Sorry, Dawn, lights out.

Hey, uh, you mind if I just

watch A Different World to wind down?

You know, calm my mind?

Helps clear my head before the morning trades.

-Yeah. -Ah, thanks, Richie.

Hey, Lydia, it's time.

Yeah.

Half skirt, half pants,

total discretion.

The Skants by Pfaffashions.

[Kadeem] If he does, then he won't graduate.

I needs the help.

I know, but do you think I can really do the work?

Really?

[Kadeem] It's the only reason I came to ask you.

You know any good waxers?

I haven't been able to find anyone

since Stoya got paroled.

Still not much for conversation, huh?

Not that good.

I mean, look, we've been stuck in this cell for six months.

The least you could do is shoot the shit.

I told you my whole life story.

I made you $106,000.

Come on. I let you go down on me.

You could've shaved.

I'm sorry. I wasn't showered either.

I didn't expect it, you know?

Look, speaking of sex, I mean, you gotta be excited.

I'm sure you didn't think you'd get out so quick

after a sextuple homicide.

Social security fraud.

I'm in here for social security fraud.

The murders are a rumor.

tense music

I mean, no, totally.

Between us,

you really did kill all those bums, right?

You sure ask a lot of questions, Darcy.

No, no, no, no. I was just making small talk.

I know how we can get Dawn out.

Yes?

-For Christ's sake.

Ever since Lenny died again,

Larry has been desperate to make a name for himself.

Best way to do that is to take a company public

in a big way.

Thing is, no one's gonna touch us,

not after Black Monday-- Amerisavings,

the TBD Ponzi scheme, and The List Goes On and On,

which is a real estate listing company

that we acquired that went belly-up.

Hm.

Which is why if you can deliver us

a company that's primed for an IPO,

and have the Leighman Brothers underwrite it,

I guarantee you Larry will make that call for Dawn.

-Olé. -Oh, hi.

-Tiff. -Mo.

So I hear you're having a little cash flow problem.

What would you say if you could fix it forever

while making more money than you ever dreamed of

and cuckold Blair by the balls

by working with his most hated rivals in the process?

I'd say...

Okay.

This could work.

Thank you for doing this for me, Keith.

Dumb fuck, this is not about you, okay?

This is about Dawn, and it's about Larry.

I don't give a shit what you've realized

or how sorry you are because I've moved on.

I have a real friend now-- nay, a brother--

Neigh, a horse he gave me for my birthday

to show me that he cares.

Is that why you're letting him use you

to play weekend at Lenny's?

Yeah, well, you know what?

This, this is the price of doing business--

big business.

I'm a partner now at the biggest bank on the block.

The Leighman Brothers makes the Jammer Group

look like...the Hammer group.

"Jan Hammer," the composer of the Miami Vice theme song?

Oh, Jan Hammer.

You're mispronouncing both of his names,

and I still don't know what you're saying.

He was a one-hit wonder just like you.

Oh.

And frankly, your jealousy's embarrassing.

Keith, Keith, Keith, wait a minute.

Listen, let's say that I can find this killer deal.

Larry's gonna think I'm just trying to fuck him over again.

He's never gonna trust me.

Bring me a legitimately good deal,

and I'll make him trust you.

How?

Collateral.

Colla--you're barking up the wrong fucking tree.

I don't own anything.

You don't own anything?

Well, Keithy told me

you had a little passion project going on,

something that's very rewarding,

something that brings you joy, no?

Yeah, I think you said you'd do anything

to get Dawny out, and if you want to make a deal

with the devil, you gotta sell your soul,

music, and all that jazz.

If Pfaffashions goes public

without a hitch, KokoMo Co Records stays yours.

But if it doesn't, well, then the Leighman Brothers

become owners of your shitty jazz label.

What do you want with a shitty jazz label?

No, we don't want a shitty jazz label.

We want...

Your shitty jazz label.

We're getting good at that.

I mean, it's all right.

What do you say?

Sign, sign, sign.

Eddie Murphy's "Party All the Time"

Dickhead.

Ah, Jerome, on time for once in your life.

All right, go ahead.

After all of the things I've done for you

What the fuck?

Keep playing, keep playing.

And still you hang out all night

My man.

Darcy, yeah, she got out yesterday.

Yesterday?

My girl wants to party all the time

How?

All I know is my portfolio is fucked.

Good. Dick.

Jerome, it's over. We're done.

What happened?

I just did the fake escape thing

until my scary-ass cellmate got comfortable enough with me.

She confessed to 11 hobo murders.

We flirt until he applies for benefits to a PO box,

and then we disappear his ass.

The checks keep coming,

and nobody even knows he's dead

'cause he's homeless.

It's a victimless crime.

[Dawn] The cops had me record the whole thing.

Turns out, she was the Great Neck Strangler.

Oh, best serial killer name ever.

Ooh, ooh, ooh

To freedom, motherfuckers.

Ooh, to freedom, motherfuckers!

Hard Rs there.

-Ooh. -Ooh.

Sad.

Who invited all these losers?

Okay, Congressman,

I got your speech about our great state's

new small business zoning initiative.

They're calling it, "Get in the Zone," cute.

No, Werner, belly buttons are cute.

Punny names for small business zoning initiatives

fucking stink just like this sewage plant

or my office.

Everything about this job either literally

or figuratively stinks.

You know what? Fuck this.

It's time I make some major changes in my life.

I'm sick of it,

and I'm gonna start with this speech.

I'm gonna speak from the heart.

-I don't follow. -I'm gonna quit, Werner.

And I'm taking 'em all down with me.

Fuck Governor Putnam.

Fuck the RNC. Fuck 'em all!

It's time I give this sewage plant

some real shit to process.

soft dramatic music

Mo, you came!

Oh, God, you're here? You're out, you're here.

Yeah, I told you I didn't need your help.

I really should've listened to you too.

Wait, you didn't actually try to help--

No, no, no, no, no, I did not because you said don't,

and I wouldn't, I respect you.

Oh, my God, it is so great to see you.

It's so good to see you.

Dawn, there's something I've been dying to--

Can it wait? Mm, mm.

-Can it? -What?

We've done enough talking. Get your ass in here.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Congressman Blair Pfaff.

Congressman, how do you feel about this?

[reporter] Where we join Congressman Blair Pfaff

at the Briar Ridge Sewage--

Whoa, shit! Did you see that?

He's been shot!

somber music