All language subtitles for Mike & Molly - 01x19 - Peggy Shaves Her Legs.fm.Eglish.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

That was a wonderful
dinner, Mrs. Biggs.

Really delicious.

I don't cook much anymore

because of my Sciatica.

But if giving you kids
a nice, hot meal

means I got to endure
a sharp stabbing pain

up and down my spine,

then that's the price
of admission.

Macaroon?

Are those from
the old town bakery?

Oh... those are my favorite.

That's why I got them.

They're a little
on the pricey side,

but I guess I can dye
my own roots this month,

and Jim can choke down
bargain chow.

That was very considerate.

Sorry.

Let me make you a cup of tea
to go with that cookie.

Oh, don't go to any trouble.

No trouble. I bought a whole box

of that English breakfast
you enjoy,

and I'm not a tea drinker.

I figure if I want brown teeth,
I'll chew tobacco.

Well, I-I'd love a cup of tea.

My pleasure.

You got yourself
a real keeper there, boy.

I know, mom.

Don't lose interest in her,

like you did the piano lessons,

karate, and that turtle
you got tired of feeding.

Okay, what the hell is going on?

What do you mean?

We spent the entire evening
with your mother,

and you're not thinking
about killing yourself,

and I'm not thinking about
killing her.

You know,
now that you mention it,

she does seem
unusually chipper tonight.

"Chipper"?! Being sweet,

thoughtful and complimentary...

something's
very, very wrong here.

I mean, she just told you
I was a keeper.

Well, you are a keeper.

I know that.
She doesn't know that.

Even if she did, she certainly
wouldn't say it in front of me.

I'm telling you,
something smells rotten here,

and it's not just
Jim's bargain chow butt bombs.

Never saw the attraction to tea.

I always considered it

the beverage of
orientals and hippies.

Thank you, Mrs. Biggs.

Call me Peggy.

Why?

That's my name.

Okay...

Peggy.
Hey,

what would you think about

you and me getting
together tomorrow

and having a bite to eat?

Oh-ho-ho...

That sounds great,
but I only get a half hour,

and I usually just eat
at my desk.

Well, that's plenty time for us
to eat and gab.

Can I bring Jim?

Actually, they don't allow dogs

in the school, so...

Just guns and drugs, huh?

Well, I guess
he can stay in the car.

I'll leave a chew toy,
and the radio on,

like I used to do with Mikey.

It's a date, then...

Peggy.

Let me get you some lemon
for your tea. Hmm?

Thank you.

I'm pretty sure
I'm getting whacked.

♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

♪ I see love. ♪

Sync by alex1969, corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com

you're not concerned
at all about your mom

and your girlfriend getting
together without you?

Why would I be?

No reason.

Just making conversation...

With the stupidest man
on the planet.

Why am I stupid?

I don't know. That's for
medical science to figure out.

But I do know you don't want
your mother telling Molly

about all the twisted
things you did as a kid.

I was a pretty normal kid.

I didn't do anything
twisted.
Uh-huh.

So you never cut the mouth
out of a Playboy centerfold,

and had your dog stick
its tongue through it,

so it looked like the girl
was talking to you?

No. Who would do
something like that?

Doesn't matter.

But trust me,
women get pretty freaked-out

when they hear your grandma
tell that story.

That's not sitting too well
with me, either.

So you never did anything
embarrassing as a kid,

you don't want Molly
to know about?

Well...

I prefer she didn't know
I visited the school nurse

once a week, claiming
to have a missing testicle.

No, you didn't.

Uh, I was 12, and that nurse
was smoking hot.

Had kind of a Phoebe Cates
thing going on.

Oh, I love me
some Phoebe Cates.

So, did the missing testicle
story actually work?

First couple of times
she bought into it.

My big mistake
was showing up with flowers.

You're a romantic.

And that ain't nothing
to be embarrassed about.

You don't think so?
Not at all.

But Molly may not find it
as charming as you and I do.

Might be a good idea to
have a nice dinner ready

for her tonight, just in case

"You got
some 'splaining to do."

Good idea.

So that nurse would
just root around

trying to locate
the missing marble.

Yep. And if I held a cold
Mountain dew down my pants,

take her almost three minutes.

Ah... that is genius.

I thought so.

No, seriously, hats off.

I noticed you didn't finish
your meat loaf last night,

so I trimmed off
the bite marks,

and slapped it
between two pieces

of wonder bread. Enjoy.

Oh-ho...

You added the mashed potatoes
and corn, too.

I love corn in a sandwich.

So that's where Mike gets that.

Well, you're probably wondering

why I requested
this little powwow.

Really hadn't given it
much thought.

Other than, "what a great idea,"

and, "why didn't we do it
sooner."

Save the syrup.

I just need a little
womanly advice.

Womanly advice? For you?

Don't worry.
It's not about my plumbing.

There's a man at my church
who expressed interest

in spending time with me,
socially.

You mean
he asked you out on a date?

Don't act so surprised.

No! I'm-I'm not.

Like I'm some kind
of bug-eyed troll.
No.

I'm surprised you don't get
asked out all the time,

is where my surprise comes in.

Uh-huh. Anyway...

He wants to take me to
red lobster tomorrow night.

It's all-you-can-eat shrimp
Tuesday.

That sounds nice.
Do you... like this man?

Eh, he's all right, I guess.

He's a widower,

which means he hangs in there
until they tag and bag you.

You got to admire that.

I think this is great.

It's flattering when someone
is attracted to you.

Don't drag it through
the gutter.

In fact, I told him we're
taking separate cars,

in case he imagines throwing
a few shrimp at me

entitles him to a free mount.

A girl can't be too careful.
Yep.

That's why I sleep with a gun
under my pillow.

Throw that in the conversation
and you should be just fine.

Anyway,

do you think Mike
could be okay with this?

I think he'd be thrilled.

Why?

Well, he's never seen me

with another man
besides his father,

and I don't want to confuse
the boy.

He's pretty grown up, and...

I know he just wants you
to be happy.

Let's just keep it on the sly
until we see how it goes.

I mean, I don't want him
getting attached to this man,

going to ball games
and whatnot,

and then I'm the bad guy

if I have to kick
him to the curb.

I won't say anything to Mike,

and you tell him
when you're comfortable.

He's going to wonder why I asked
to have lunch with you.

Mm, I'll just tell him
that you...

Wanted to get to know me,

because you thought
it was important

that his two best gals
become friends.

Nah, he'd never believe that.

Tell him I came to you
to learn to read.

It's my secret shame.

Well, hopefully he won't ask.

Hey.

Hey, sweetie!

Let me help you.

Aw, thanks.
What smells so good?

That would be my world-famous
five-alarm chili.

You cooked?

Well, you cook for
me all the time.

It seems only right that
I should cook for you.

And I haven't always done
the right thing in my life,

but people change.

Yes, they do.

I'm not the same guy I was
when I met you,

and I'm certainly not
the same guy I was

between the ages of 12 and 14.

Uh-huh.

So, chili, you say.

Yep. My special recipe.

And the secret ingredient
is corn.

Can I get you a
nice light beer,

or perhaps a chilled
glass of chardonnay?

Oh... I'd love
a glass of wine.

Coming up.

So... how was your day?

Pretty good.

I forgot all about it.

So, what did she chew
your ear off about?

Uh, nothing much.

She just needed a sounding board
about something.

It's really no big deal.

Oh good. So, no health issues
or anything, right?

She didn't find a lump
on something, did she?

No... no.

Nothing other than you
on her couch.

That's funny.

So, I didn't come up
in the conversation at all.

Her only son.
That seems weird to me.

Okay, she might have
mentioned you once or twice.

Look, I don't know
what my mom told you,

but I am not the reason
the school nurse transferred

to another district...
the janitor knocked her up.

What are you rambling on about?

I don't know.
Maybe I should stop talking.

Your mom just wanted
my advice on something.

It's not a big deal.

Well, if it's not a big deal,
why can't you tell me?

Because she asked me not to.

So it had nothing to do

with a young boy's
innocent infatuation

with hernia exams?

No.

What?!

Look, look,

I will tell you, but
you have to promise

that you're not going to say
anything to your mom.
I promise.

Seriously, 'cause she has put
her trust in me,

and I don't want to do anything
to compromise it.

I'll keep my mouth shut.

Just tell me.

She's going out on a date.

Ah, come on!

If you needed to lie to me,

at least pick something
that's plausible:

I'm adopted; She's really a man.

Something I could buy.

There is a gentleman at
church that asked her out,

and she said yes.

And she wanted my advice,

and to help her get ready
tomorrow night.

Wait.
Hm?

My mom's going out on a date?

She is.

But you can't let on
that you know.

Okay.

And I appreciate you
telling me.

Sure.

What is the deal
with the school nurse?

Oh... oh, nothing.

I tricked her
into touching my genitals.

Is this too spicy?

I got yelled at at work today.

Who yelled at ya?

You put makeup on corpses.

I was working on
a 80-year-old cadaver.

And her grandson
got his panties in a bunch

because I put body glitter
in her cleavage.

I'm, like, "dude, chill.
Just because your grandma's dead

doesn't mean
she can't look hot."

Great philosophy.

It's why she put it
on her business card.

Listen, when I die,
mm-hmm?

You just pull out the stops.

I want to look peaceful,
but do-able.

Please tell me you're not taking
Jim on your date with you.

He's a hell of an icebreaker.

He can stay here with us.

Come on in.

I brought a couple outfits.

I wanted something
that looks feminine,

but doesn't make him think
I'm lifting my skirt

and ringin' the dinner bell.

Um, well, it's
probably a good idea

to stick with the stretch pants.

Sweet lord,
this is nerve-racking.

Why do women put themselves
through this?

I don't have
an answer for that,

but let's not make
too big a deal out of this.

Remember, it's just dinner.

Well, bear in mind

I haven't been on a date with
a man in almost 40 years.

So, there's been nobody
since Mike's dad?

Nobody before or after.

This keg was only tapped
for one party.

Unlike you gals today,
we didn't just give it away

to any smooth talker
with a fast car

and a cigarillo dangling
between his lips.

Look, why don't we just focus on
the task at hand

and help you pick out
a nice outfit?

Now, what are our options?

Uh, this and what I got on.

We can work with this.

Might wanna spruce it up
a little with some accessories.

But why don't you

come upstairs,
I'll show you what I have.

All right, but no dangly
earrings or feather boas.

I go too feminine, I start
to look like a transsexual.

Jim!

So did your mom tell
Molly the story about

your old "hidden ball" trick?

No, they didn't talk
about me at all.

Turns out my mom
just wanted some advice

about going out on a date.

Wait a second... Peggy Biggs
is going on a date?

Let me wrap my head
around that.

Nope, can't do it.

Hey, I think it's great.

It'd be nice for her to have
someone to spend some time with.

You know, a companion.

Take some pressure
off of you, huh?

Yeah, and the dog.

Poor bastard really bears
the brunt of most of it.

Well, I hope she knows
what she's getting into,

because the sexual landscape
has changed for the
over-60 crowd.

What are you talking about?

Viagra. It put peaks where
there used to be valleys.

He's right.
Those old dudes ain't going

gently into that
good night no more.

They pop a couple
of those little blue pills,

and they're not taking
"what?!" For an answer.

This is just some
lonely widower from her church

that wants to take her out
for dinner.

The lonely widowers are
the worst.

They're making up for lost time,
so church groups and vfw halls

are like trout farms
for those wrinkly romeos.

It's true. The natural cycle of
a man's life has been upset

by erection enhancers.

There are no more wise elders
sitting in the town square

carving wooden flutes and
offering sage advice.

Now they're all getting
hair plugs

and trying to bone your sister.

You should see some of these
Lazarus-looking horn dogs

my grandma brings down
for breakfast...

eating cream of wheat and
smiling at me.

"Mornin', son. What's your name?
How old are you?"

Old enough to know
what you been doing

to my precious Nana last night!

You know, I'm starting
to feel a little uneasy

about this whole thing.

The trick is to not
think about it.

Once you start
imagining your mom

doing the nasty with
the crypt-keeper,

then you're in for
some sleepless nights.

Perfectly natural
for you to be nervous.

After Molly's dad died,
I waited almost three years

before I went out
with another man.

Didn't you ever get lonely?

Lonely, no.

Horny, yes.

There's a reason you girls ate

nothing but banana bread
for three years.

I liked working with bananas.

For the record,
I'm not one of those people

you have to open up to.

Less is more, in my book.

I'm sure your gentleman friend
will be glad to hear that.

What about... this?

Well, I wasn't planning on doing

the dance of the seven veils
tonight.

No, no, I just
thought you might
want a little color.

Sure, while we're at it,

why don't we put some
lipstick on my nipples?

Seems a little extreme, but
since we're on the topic,

a little makeup wouldn't hurt.

Makeup?! I don't wear makeup.

Ever?

Well, I might put some
beet juice on my lips

for Christmas mass,

but my motto's always been
"a little powder, a little paint

makes you something
that you ain't."

Really?

Well, my motto's always been,
"dinner's on you

and the rest
of the night's on me."

Could you please hold still?

I'm not used to doing this

with somebody breathing all over
my fingers.

Or breathing period.

Just do your best, baby.

Remember, it's only for one
night, not for all eternity.

And just make me look
presentable,

not like I got Tyrone the pimp
waiting for me in the car.

See, when you talk,

it totally freaks me out.

I was just thinking
the same thing.

I found a really cute pair
of earrings

that I think might go
with that outfit.

Hang on...
Let me just put

a little more concealer
on your mustache.

And...
Oh!

Voila.

Peggy, you look great! Nice job!

Thanks.
It was fun

getting to do
the back of her neck.

I usually don't get to do
the back of a neck.

Try these on.

My dad gave them to me

for my first communion.

I wouldn't feel right
wearing these.

I want you to.

Plus they're
the only pair left in the house

that you haven't written off
as "hooker hoops."

Okay?

They, and you,

look beautiful.

You clean up pretty good, huh?

This isn't me.

No, it's a reflection of you.

I can't do this.

Peggy...

Peggy!

I appreciate your help, but this
whole Saturday night fever,

shake-your-bootie lifestyle
ain't for me.

Come on, Peggy, calm down.

No, no, I've gone down
this road before

and I'll tell you
Heartache.

Hey, everyone has had
their heart broken.

I certainly have.

But if I'd just given up,
I never would have met Mike.

Right there, there's
another reason not to go.

I don't want my
little boy thinking

that his mother is some kind

of tavern-hopping
hotsie-totsie.

Oh, he would never think that.

In fact, if he could see how
beautiful you looked right now,

I know he would want you
to go out and enjoy yourself.

You told him, didn't you?

I most certainly did not, Peggy.

You told me that in confidence.

Now, I understand
that you are nervous, Peggy,

but it took the work
of three women

to get you looking
presentable... ly beautiful.

And I'm not gonna let you waste
this, sitting on the couch

eating day-old meat loaf.

Now give me the dog
and go have a good time.

Thanks for... you know.

You're welcome, Peggy.

Call me Mrs. Biggs.

The poor bastard at
the red lobster has no idea

what he's gotten himself into.

Ugh! Boy, we have got to get you
off the bargain chow!

Where the hell is she?

The red lobster closed
an hour ago.

How do you know that?

Look at him.
You don't think
he's closed a few

all-you-can-eat places
in his day?

I'm just saying...
allowing for drive time,

going by Molly's to pick up Jim,

she should've been home by now.

Well, they might still
be in the parking lot.

Your mom's got
that big-ass impala,

the backseat's like a daybed.

Cut it out! That's not funny!

Headlights, car, car, car!

Is that her?
Yep.

Garage door up.

Car inside.

Garage door down.

Safe and sound.

Ah! Great.

Your mom's still a virgin.
Can we go now?

Absolutely.

Hang on, there's another car
pulling in the drive.

What the hell?

I told you,
it's an old man's game.

Sync by alex1969, corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com