All language subtitles for Elladiceno.Dvbrip.gorgin.exploradoresp2p

The lady says no.

The lady says...

No.

She's not the romantic kind.

She always says no.

She changes and signals so.

The lady says no.

You mean to say that people
actually read this sort of rubbish?

Not even maybe?

Definitely no.

Going to town, mister?

Hop in.

OK, Posty, I got a live one!

Who's he?

Him?

He's my husband.

I bet when you saw me you
didn't know I had a husband.

Always an optimist.

Last spring I married this
love, meaning you pie face.

He was just an ordinary
old garbage-detail private.

And now look!

Great big stripes all
the way from his elbows

to his big, fat, gorgeous...
Oh, boy, what a life!

It's wonderful.

Say, could I go for a guy
who had a car like this.

How about it, Potsy?

He'll do, baby, and I'll
little platform.

Well, honey, would you care?

Oh, what's that you do to me?

You married, mister?

Thank you, no.

What is dragging around
in that little house?

Oh, camera, film, dark room,
I'm a photographer for "Life" Magazine.

- Say, I once had a...
- Shut up, Potsy!

How would you like to
focus on a little blond?

Well, I wouldn't mind.

Well, there she is!

Stop!

Hey!

Look at the!

Baby!

Come on guys!

I got you a fella!

No kidding?

Honestly, Goldie, I'm
ever so much obliged!

I'm Midge, who are you?

I'm... I'm your fella.

I'm awfully glad to know you.

Mutual.

Well, come on!

Let's go!

Stop!

You're going the wrong way!

Hey, this way to Monterrey!

Yeah, but I'm going to Carmel.

Who ever goes there?

It's for tree surgeons.

And woodpeckers.

The cherry phosphate crowd.

You want to go to
Monterrey with me.

Yeah, I guess I do.

But first I'm supposed
to meet Dorinda Hatch.

Who?

Dorinda Hatch, the
woman who wrote the book.

What book?

You mean you never heard of
"The Lady Says No, ' the number

one bestseller.

I never.

Me either.

Well this book has
just about slowed up

kissing and that sort of
thing to a standstill.

What for?

She's against it.

Against it!

- Good evening, my name is...
- Mr. Shelby, I presume.

Do come in.

We've been expecting you.

Such a pleasure to meet a man who's
taking pictures all over the world.

Oh, my niece.

How do you do?

I was just going to ask you that.

Oh, I do fine, thank you.

Yes, I can imagine.

Young man, what pictures
did you want to take?

Oh, the pictures, well, a
couple of you at your desk.

And maybe one knitting
and feeding the cat.

The cat?

We must get you in on these.

- Well, I certainly hope so.
- Yes, I hope so, too.

Well, we'll have to
arrange the interview.

The interview?

Well, just a few simple questions,

how you came to write "The Lady
Says No," and that sort of thing.

Oh, the idea originated
entirely with my niece.

Oh, clever girl, helping
you aunt Dorinda, huh?

She's my aunt Alice.

You see, I am Dorinda Hatch.

You are?

You mean you wrote that
book about the... you did?

Yes, I did.

Yes, she did.

Her own thoughts entirely.

I contributed nothing.

- Now, aunt...
- Excuse me!

I got to use the telephone.

She's with me.

Glad to meet you, honey.

I didn't catch the name.

Hello, goose?

This is Midge.

Her name is Midge.

Hey, by any chance did I have
a date with you for tonight?

I was afraid of that.

Yeah, well it's all off.

I busted my ankle or something.

Yeah, it's all swelled
up twice as normal.

I think I fell down some stairs.

Should she be walking?

Plucky little kid.

Standing you up?

When I can't even stand
up on my own two feet?

Oh, really?

Well, that's the luck.

Some people.

People are disappointing.

You can give that
one both bells, baby.

I beg your pardon?

She endorses what you say.

Look, special favor, will
you take me home right away?

What's eating you?

I'm not going anywhere with him.

I must have had a temporary
screw loose when I married that viper.

He did it again?

What's he do to her?

Talks about the girls
he used to go with.

Oh, why, that's vicious.

She ought to read my book.

She ought to bounce
it off his head.

Ah, gee, dry up honey.

You're not at home.

Who are these people?

You got me.

OK, OK, as usual, I'm the
heel and you're the angel.

I apologize.

Well, you should!

Upsetting her like this.

She's so sensitive,
but I'm supposed

to ignore this little matter of
her and that supply Sergeant.

I was only trying to get
you a couple of new shirts.

Ah, you sweet thing, and
she was doing it for you.

Doing it for me?

Look at this poor girl,
the state she's in.

What a price to pay for the
little pleasure she gets out of you.

It don't cost her a
cent, does it Goldie?

I pay for it.

And is it worth it?

No.

OK, OK, if it cost
you so much, forget it!

Ah, gee, you sure fixed things.

He doesn't love me!

Of course he does!

I hate him!

Well don't let him
get away with it!

Tell him so!

I certainly will!

You wouldn't be putting this
in your article, would you?

Is there anything better?

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

Hey!

Well, come on!

Let's go!

Um, I have a little business
to attend to in Monterrey.

So should we say, 10 o'clock
tomorrow morning, Cyprus Point.

And you'd better wear your shorts.

My shorts, but why?

Oh, human interest.

I still say you wrote the book.

Well, goodnight.

Typical male, conceded,
cock-sure, they all do it the same.

I can't imagine whatever
they'll find to do in Monterrey.

They'll think of something.

Morning!

Good morning.

Lovely day for the pictures.

You're not exactly in your shorts.

I wasn't sure it was dignified.

On a beach?

My readers wouldn't expect me too.

I'm one of your readers.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Oh, you have read my book.

Sure, last last,
simply fascinating.

Thank you, men don't
usually like it.

Don't get me wrong.

I hated it.

Reminded me of the work of
some wild-eyed old buzzard that

hadn't been kissed since
Calvin Coolidge was president.

It may fascinate you to
know I wrote the book.

Would you care to see the original
manuscript in my own handwriting?

Oh, sure you wrote it.

But your aunt Alice thought of it.

And from what I read, you're
a very mixed up young lady.

My book gave me that impression?

Well, I did get in kind of late.

Maybe I skimmed it too
fast and missed the point.

Maybe you did.

It seemed to me you were suggesting

that boys and girls should walk
on opposite sides of the street.

Is this, uh... this thing necessary?

It's part of my outfit.

Oh, don't you t don't you think it takes
away from the dignity of the thing?

Lets' give the impression
in this picture

that you kind float through life
without touching the ground.

Do you mind?

I might as well take your gloves.

I suppose you know your business.

That's good, now,
against those rocks.

The idea of this
picture is those rocks

will look hard, and
cold, and sort of dead.

And you'll try to look warm,
and soft, and full of life.

Can you handle it?

I think so.

Now what about that hat?

It's a nice hat.

Women do wear hats, especially
if they write books like mine.

Well, the way I see it, you
wrote the book with your brain.

And your brain is
normally in your head.

So let's take a look
at your head, huh?

That's logical.

Chin up, shoulder, oo, nice neck.

Get it over with!

Oh, now we must take our time.

This picture's for "Life"
magazine, five million readers,

four readers for every
topic, 20 million people

are going to see this picture.

Are you sure you're giving
them the right idea of me?

You know, I wish you'd
take off that jacket.

Got what you want?

Not yet, too bad you
didn't wear your shorts.

You couldn't have read my
book from what you're asking.

The more I get into this, the more

I feel sure you ought to go
home and put on those shorts.

All right, all right.

Aha!

Further proof!

Proof of what?

Proof you never wrote that book.

I did, with my own little head.

What a waste of
your own little head.

What a convincer
you'd be for our side.

Your side?

Us people, who believe in
marriage and that sort of thing.

Oh, I advocate marriage,
but under my own system.

In your system people would be
better off pitching horseshoes.

All you're after is a slinky pose.

Who, me?

Then I'll give you
what you came for.

OK, shoot!

You may relax.

Was it what you wanted?

All my life.

Well, you asked for glamor.

You know I can't use that.

Oh, that's too bad
then because that's

all the posing I'm
going to do for you.

What do you mean?

I mean good day.

Dorinda?

Come here.

Well, how did it go?

He made fun of me and my book.

Oh natural male insolence
is to be expected.

Well, I just won't see him anymore.

Oh, no, and why won't we, dear?

He intends to make a
public jackass out of me.

I'd like to see the
man that could do that.

Good morning!

Well, well, well, look who's here?

Dear old Uncle Matt.

Me darling niece, me warm
and ever-loving wife.

Did you hear the
bell ring, Aunt Alice?

I thought I locked that door.

Welcome home, uncle
Matt, welcome home.

Outside Matthew Hatch!

Mrs. Matthew Hatch, have you
forgotten our tender marriage vows?

I wish I could.

Wheresoever thou dwellest,
there dwell I. Wherever though

goest, there go I,
which is my bedroom.

Oh, Dorinda, don't let him!

Wheresoever though dwellest,
uncle Matt, it's going to be elsewhere.

Now, please leave!

One thing I cannot
stand is insincerity.

Insincerity!

Listen to this.

Dear Unkee Matt, I love you.

Come home.

Signed, Dodee.

I wrote that when I
was five years old!

Yes, extraordinary talent, too bad

you had to waste it on that
malicious twaddle of a book.

And you're so sincere!

You go gallivanting off
any time you please,

for months, for years at a time!

And each time you come
back, you upset us!

And this time it took to Dorinda's
book to dredge you up from nowhere.

Stay out of this you
mealy-mouthed herring.

You...!

You cassowary.

Dorinda!

Vegetable.

Why right have you
to call her names?

She's my wife, isn't she?

Pig!

Now, Alice, that's
not like you at all.

Well, I'm sorry.

And now you're on our necks again.

Serves you right for insulting
my intelligence with that book.

Oh, I notice you're here
to sponge the profits.

Tell me, where did you get the
idea that all men were no good?

From you.

Well, there's your book.

I suppose I'm entitled
to eat on that, aren't I?

Oh, Dorinda, tell your uncle
we'll give him $100 to leave town.

Dorinda, kindly notify you're aunt
Alice that I wouldn't leave for $1000.

$1000!

Oh, both of you, please.

Remember all the
happy times we had.

Remember Rover, our little dog?

Oh, stop it.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind.

Oh, please don't.

Oh, Dorinda, he
doesn't care for us.

He only turned up this
time because he's broke!

Dorinda, tell your
aunt Alice that's a lie.

It's no use, Uncle Matt.

This time you can't bother us.

All right, I'll go.

You're cordially
invited to attend a tea,

am open forum, honoring
Miss Dorinda Hatch.

I accept!

Oh no!

There will be a discussion
of Miss Hatch's book.

Good, I should be a
sensation on that subject.

Uncle Matt, you can't.

Open to the public.

But you'll heckle me.

Why not?

A little public Debate
on your crazy book.

Oh, he'll cause trouble.

Give him anything he wants.

Room and board, and
my lips are sealed.

Oh, uncle Matt,
you're a terrible man.

What do you want here?

The love and affection
of my family, madam.

I'm glad to see you, uncle Matt.

Ladies, I'm sure we all
enjoyed the piano interlude.

But now we must hurry on to our
period of questions and answers.

Does anyone have a question?

Yes?

I should like to ask Miss
Hatch, in your last chapter you

say that a girl shouldn't let a
man get away with whistling at her.

Ha!

Did you say
something, Mr. Shelby?

I said, ha!

Did you have any further
thoughts on the subject?

No, I think a simple ha
just about covers everything.

Women love to be
whistled at, don't you?

Well, I... well, what if I didn't?

What could I do about it?

Yeah, what could she do about it?

Well, if you'd be kind
enough to volunteer services,

I'd be glad to demonstrate.

Would you?

Don't go up there, my boy.

Oh, what could happen.

This is awfully kind of you.

No charge.

Well, when do I whistle?

If you'll just lean against
that corner drugstore.

Corner drugstore here?

Over there, now just
assume that cocky attitude.

Cocky attitude.

He is now ready to whistle
at the girl to make her angry.

Her problem is to keep calm
and make him angry instead.

You think you can make me angry?

I I come.

Did you whistle, sir?

Yes.

Oh, I'm so flattered that
you notice poor little me.

All right.

I can hardly believe I'm
worthy to be whistled at.

Oh, sure you are.

Lucky, lucky me, whistled at
with my lipstick all smeared.

Don't use your
handkerchief for that.

What should I?

Why, this!

Angry yet?

Not a bit.

Oh, you're crowding me.

Well, we make a cozy little
crowd though, don't you think?

Oh my goodness, yes.

Yes.

Pity I didn't bring my other suits.

Aren't you a teensy bit angry?

How could you make me angry?

I can't imagine.

Oh, very funny, yes indeed,
never a dull moment at the old Pine Inn.

Aren't you sorry that
you whistled at me?

And miss all this?

Never.

You have the sweetest temper
of any man I have ever met.

Oh, I can take a joke.

Mad now?

Not yet.

Soon?

Maybe.

That's all.

Feel fine.

Aren't you sorry that
you whistled at me?

No regrets.

Bet you wouldn't feel so
chipper if I hit you in the ace

with a piece of pie.

Oh, now wait a minute.

This is really ridiculous.

Could I trouble one of you
ladies for a piece of pie?

Oh, what kind?

Banana cream.

Thank you.

Look, this went out
with silent pictures.

You don't want to waste
that piece of pie.

Oh, it wouldn't be waste at all,
just a way to prove my point.

Whistle at me once more.

Angry yet?

Yes!

Are you all right, my boy?

Pie!

Of all the booby-headed crackpots!

Blame it on aunt Alice.

You oblige me one thing, you take share
of the wrap for the little monster.

I've been trying to hammer some sense
into her ever since that fateful day.

You should never
have come home drunk

on her 12th birthday when you
promised to take her to the zoo.

You know, you said that.

Why, the poor little thing was...

the poor little thing
was disappointed in you.

She was crushed.

I wish you'd stop all
this poor little thing.

Well, she was... crushed.

Well, why don't you un-crush her?

Yes.

I'll step aside.
I'll hand it to you on a plate.

I crushed her on her 12th birthday.
Now you un-crush her.

Matthew, I'll do that.

I'll... I'll straighten her out.

- This is noble of you.
- Noble!

Great heavens, boy!
That's you!

Definitely it's me.
I took it myself of me.

My boy, you're an author.
I'm proud of you.

Permit me to present
you with this pencil,

personally sharpened by
Matthew Huntington Hatch,

uncle and childhood
tutor of Dorinda Hatch.

Oh, Matthew, I'm touched.

Now allow me to present
you with a copy of my book.

You like it, but hasty.

I hasty.

Mr. Shelby, you
are hereby notified

that I'm complaining to
"Life" though my lawyers

about your conduct toward me.

You're antagonistic, and hostile,
and snippy about my book.

The picture story is off.

You're supercilious and
insufferable, also too fresh.

I hope I have seen the last of you.

Sincerely, yours.

Could I end it with regards?

After what you've said?

Well, I don't want
to hurt his feelings.

Oh, Dorinda.

Special delivery.

Thank you.

I usually get a dime.

Well, you just save
your money, little boy.

Ah!

What's this?

Oh my gosh!

If he ever sends this in... well,
I won't let him get away with it.

Mr. Shelby?

MR. SHELBY
Who is it?

Dorinda Hatch.

Who?

Dorin... oh, Mr. Shelby.

Why, Dorinda Hatch.

I've got to talk to you.

Well, come on in.

You come out.

You come in.

So this is the way you operate?

Yep, yeah this is what I do.

You're pretty
successful, aren't you?

Oh, I do all right.

I suppose you know why I'm here.

Am I going to get it?

How bad you want it?

Bad enough to ask you.

Oh, that's bad.

There's something I...

This kind of shapes up into an
old-fashioned situation, doesn't it?

What do you want?

A little token of
love and affection.

No!

Just one?

You know it's
against my principles.

Not mine.

No, I couldn't.

No.

All right, you keep
yours, and I'll keep mine.

Just one?

Just one.

Naturally, you have the whole
place rigged up to photograph this.

No, no pics.

Nobody watching?

All right, make it fast.

Take it easy.

This has got to be good.

I'll take care of my half.

You take care of yours.

With your lack of experience?

But I have instincts, don't I?

Don't I?

We'll see.

What's the matter?

I don't understand what
you're trying to do.

I'm going to kiss you, remember?

Hold still!

Look, let's take this
thing slowly, shall we?

All right, what comes first?

First, you put your left
hand on my right shoulder.

What's next?

Now try not to be
alarmed if I am slowly,

but gently, sliding my
left arm around your waist.

What do I do with my other hand?

Put it behind my neck.

I didn't know it
was so complicated.

Now we just tighten
up for the big moment.

Oh, easy!

You trying to kill a guy?

OK, this is it.

Should I hold my breath?

Optional.

Should I close my eyes.

If it helps.

Now just try to relax.

Concentrate.

What are you thinking about now?

I'm sorry I hit you
with that piece of pie.

Was it all right?

Mm.

Was it?

Odd.

What's odd?

Odd effect.

Wasn't it like other girls?

Not in the slightest.

Not like any other girl?

Well, there was a
girl in Sioux Falls.

But that was a very cold day.

And it wasn't...

All this humor at my expense
is not in our little deal.

I came across.
Now how about you?

All right, there you are.

And there's he negative.

And here's one for you.

You mean you don't want me
to do the story about you?

I forbid it.

Well, it wasn't any good anyway.

- But you came all the way down...
- It was just an excuse to go fishing.

I don't see if that's the case why
you went to all the trouble to kiss me.

Yeah, hardly worth the bother.

You're right.

You did feel some way
about it, didn't you?

To be brutally, Frank, I'd
rather kiss a stone wall

than go through that again?

Then you didn't.

Well, don't worry about it.

I'm sure you're talented
at other things.

You wouldn't like to
try it again would you?

Not again, thank you.

I could try harder.

There's no use.

I know I could do better.

You've either got
it, or you haven't.

You just don't put
your heart into it.

I promise to.

Well, you'll have to put
your shoulder into it too.

I promise.

Oh, all right, but just one.

Just one.

Come on.

Snap it up.

I haven't got all night.

I've got a date in Monterrey.

Maybe it would help me
if you closed your eyes.

Oh, OK.

Try and put something
into it this time.

Oh, I promise.

I'll give it everything I've got.

You scorpion!

You snake in the grass!

Uncle Matt!

Let me in!

Suffering guts Dorinda,
where's your key?

In Bill Shelby's trailer.

What were you doing in his trailer?

Kissing him!

Open that door!

Coming!

Will wonders never cease.

Hold your horses, little girl.

You kissed him.

That's amazing.

I also slugged him.

Is that amazing?

You love him.

You hate him.

You want to go back to his trailer.

If I did, I would.

You cannot obey the savage beats
of the primitive drums of instinct.

What in the world
have you been reading?

William Shelby.

How could that hyena write a book?

With a native girl
Marimba as a guide,

I took me gun and pushed
into the interior.

I'm not interested in Mr. Shelby's
tropical frolics.

Maybe you have him on
your mind unconsciously?

Don't be ridiculous.

And I'm quite conscious, thank you.

Get dressed!

We're going to Monterrey!

There he is.

Come on.

He's with his pals.

He's happy and contented.

Why don't we go home
and leave him alone?

You started this.

You had to show me that book.

You had to start beating that drum!

I started it?

Now, listen, I wash my
hands of the entire affair.

After all, I'm your uncle.

I will not betray my friend.

Goodnight!

Uncle Matt, you can't...

What'll you order?

Oh, whatever.

Whatever?

I have no license to make one.

Well then, the Wharf Rat Special.

It's a special.

If I make you one, it's on
your conscience, not mine.

It's about time I had something
on my conscience, don't you think.

OK, lady, you'll get it.

Say something, lady!

Please, are you all right lady?

Perfectly.

Good evening, Miss Hatch.

Oh, Mr. Shelby, out
doing the night spots?

Why don't you come
and join our part?

I'm waiting for my escort, you know.

Your uncle Matt he left.
I saw him.

He did?
Oh, that man.

He can't leave.

You owe the house $1, lady.

What?

Oh dear, I came out without my...
Now I have a mortgage on you.

This is awfully nice of you.

I don't deserve to have you
rescue me after the way I kissed you.

Think nothing of it.

I'm surprised to see you
in a joint like this.

I only came to study the
grizzlier side of life.

Oh, well you know Midge.

Hello.

Potsy, Goldie, and
is goose, your date.

Hi.

Nice to know you.

Won't you sit down, please?

Waiter?

Bring over some drinks
for my friends, huh?

Hey, it cost me $1 to pick her up.

Oh, any time, any time.

I will repay the $1 first thing.

You owe him now.

Oh, no hurry, no hurry.

You and me, huh kitten?

If you say so, Goose.

I get a warm feeling out of you?

You do?

Mhm.

Well I can feel it getting warmer.

Oh!

I'm so sorry!

My big elbow.

Just hold that mood
until I get back, baby.

Hey, dance with me.

Say!

Haven't you got a
boyfriend of your own?

Bother him!

I did.

And now if you don't mind,
I'd like to bother yours.

You've got a crust like
a honeymoon biscuit.

Yeah, I'm surprised.

You hone in here and take over.

May I take over now?

Do you mind?

Certainly, I mind.

Oh, the nerve... say,
why don't you get lost?

Pardon me?

Will you do me favor?

What?

Oh, I hate to ask this of you,
but will you shut your big face?

- Now, that's about...
- Sit down, Midge.

I'll be right back.

I'm not... why she... why
that dirty, sneaky female!

Now why did you have to do that?

To be alone with you.

Yeah, well that's very interesting.

Last time we were alone together,
you neither knocked my block off.

I'm glad I didn't.

Thank you.

You see, when I kissed you...

Don't you mean when you slugged me?

No, when I kissed you earlier.

Oh, that time.

Wasn't it I who kissed you?

When we kissed each other.

Well, later, after that, it
just happens I felt something.

Yeah?

Go on.

I felt fond of you.

Is that so?

When did you begin
to feel this feeling?

When I slugged you.

And ever since it's
been more so, but worse.

You know, this is no good.

You're the author of a book
against this sort of feeling.

You begin to look
quite wonderful to me.

Isn't that horrible?

Awful.

Isn't there anything
we could do about it?

There must be something.

Hey!

Midge says tell you some fine date

you are, leaving her
with a bowl of chowder.

You've got another thing coming,
she said,

if you think she's going to put
with this kind of short order

hash from you.

Also, she's going home, sore.

Golly!

Where is she?

What makes her so important?

She don't take no stuff from
nobody unless she wants to.

Then she takes anything
you'd nail down.

Well, I think it's disgusting.

Why, any woman could get a man
like that if she wanted to.

I know I could.

Couldn't I?

You don't have the stuff it takes
to take the stuff you don't have.

Oh, I don't, don't I?

OK, Potsy, you're going to dance?

Why?

No back talk or I'll
kick you in the shins.

You dance divinely.

Sure, me and Goldie's won contests.

You could do with a
couple lessons yourself.

Oh, I could?

No offense, you understand.

I'm just speaking frankly.

Well, I haven't danced much.

It figures.

How come it figures?

Anybody could see you
don't know the score.

Oh, I don't know the score, huh?

A girl would come to a joint
like this in a dress like that,

she don't add up.

Well, for you
information, I do add up.

To what?

How would you like a
big breath of fresh air?

Why?

This way!

I love the smell of the sea.

Don't you?

I don't go for them fish canners.

But let's go in.

No, no, wait, oh, isn't
the water beautiful?

It's filled with diesel
oil from the tuna boats.

They pump it out of their bilches.

I mean the way it looks.

Well, it looks all
right to me, why?

It's beautiful.

It's very dirty.

Oh, look at that moon up there.

What about it?

Kind of a special moon
tonight, don't you feel?

Now, no.

Doesn't it make you
think of something?

Gosh, I forgot to turn off to
gas under the double boiler!

Goldie's gonna kill me!

Damn!

Come back here.

What's up?

Don't play so innocent.

You know what's moonlight for.

Yeah, but I'm a married man.

You're so right.

Gee, Goldie!

Oh, hello.

We were just saying it's
brighter out here than it is inside.

Well, if it gets
too bright out here,

somebody's going to find
a couple of dark rings

around a couple of their eyes.

Of all the man moochers I ever saw!

Hey Goldie!

I forgot to turn off the
gas under the double boiler?

Oh, then you're going to have to eat
those chicken livers all by yourself.

But they'll be all
burned up to a crisp.

Well, so am I right now.

And if you don't want to get
singed, you better get in there

and order me some beer!

OK, Goldie.

Now then, miss love
pirate, how would you

care to step into the
powder room for a brief row?

Not especially.

March, you homewrecker!

All right, but quit your shoving!

Goldie and me.

What's happened?

She caught me making passionate advances
to that flimsy you shoved off on me.

You mean Dorinda?

You wouldn't believe it.

That dame got me out
there in the dark.

And she wouldn't leave me aloe.

This is amazing.

I'm not used to dames like her.

And I'm surprised at you,
associating tramps like her

in a party with my wife!

You know, Bill,
Goldie's a nice girl.

She's sweet.

Two beers.

Yeah, sweet.

That is for up to now.

Anything from now on goes double.

And if you want a permanent
twist to your little pink ear,

just repeat that disgusting performance
I saw out there on the porch.

You husband snatcher!

Let me handle her please, Midge.

Of all the nervy
girls, you certainly

take the cake for gall, grabbing
Potsy right under my nose!

You can have him.

Oh, thank you, well, for
your information, I got him.

And I'm going to keep him, see.

He's all yours.

Well, will you kindly
explain what I saw between you

and him out there in the dark.

I didn't know it was him.

Oh, honestly.

Is that all you have to
say about this matter?

One thing more.

This only proves that
struggles over men

produce emotional storms that lead

to unhappiness for
the unfortunate woman.

Let me tell you a few things.

First, is Potsy worth the anguish
and misery you feel right now?

No.

Sure he is!

Secondly, at this
moment, wouldn't you

be happier if you'd
never known Potsy?

Yes.

No, of course not!

Say, why are you sticking
up for my husband?

Because he's a nice guy.

Let us not blind ourselves
to facts, my dear Midge.

He is a jerk.

Well, that may be, but he's the
nicest jerk you'll ever know.

Well, just because I know him,
do I have to feel... wretched?

Who does he think he's torturing?

You know what it is about Goldie?

Something that doesn't show?

Goldie's got, and I
mean this, character.

Well, that can't hurt her.

As a matter of fact,
I'm glad for your sake.

And I don't mean that
you haven't got it to.

Character.

Another beer for my wife.

Here she comes.

What do you mean making me suffer?

Now, Goldie.

You too!

You're all alike.

Is this my beer?

Yeah.

Honestly, I don't know why a
woman lets a man torment her so.

You know, it's none of my business

if you were raised in
a barn like you act.

But in my social set, we
do not throw the harpoon

into another woman's husband,
with or without she is present.

I agree.

Potsy was a big mistake.

I was only trying an experiment.

Actually, I was aiming
at another party.

Which would be my date?

Am I right?

Well, you lay off!

And fair warning.

Good men are hard to find,
especially on Saturday night.

Goose likes you!

Shall we trade?

Not so fast little miss grabby.

I am an old-fashioned girl
with old-fashioned ideas.

Well, so am I. If you won't
trade, can I buy him from you?

For cash?

And I'll throw in
Goose for nothing.

It's not ethical, the very idea.

I've never heard of such a thing!

Swiping up a boyfriend
for cash money?

Honestly, Dorinda, I don't approve
of your technique or methods either.

Will you do it?

Certainly not.

Maybe I don't where a beautiful,
expensive gown like yours.

But I wouldn't do a
shoddy thing like that.

Do you like this dress?

Oh, certainly, it's gorgeous.

But that's beside the point.

I will trade you this
dress for Bill Shelby.

That dress for... no, I couldn't.

What size?

Back zipper.

Is it any better to
do it for a dress?

Oh, no money changes hands.

But is it ethical?

Oh, are men ethical?

- Ah, I got a conscience.
- You've got a new dress!

But I'm making progress on that dame.

She likes me!

Be reasonable, Goose,
why should she like you?

I suppose you think I'm too
dumb for her or something else.

Why should I think something else?

You are too dumb for her.

But I'm affectionate.

I'll take care of her
affections from here on.

Well, don't I get
something out of this?

Here it comes.

You and me are through.

Any questions?

Why argue?

Come on, Goose.

You're it.

Should I struggle?

Bartender, I'll have a beer.

Yes, sir.

Hi!

Well, look at us.

Whatever happened to Dorinda?

That cook?

I gave her car fare.

And what's this act for?

I modernized.

Don't you think this little
number has a lot of appeal?

Appeal for what?

For men!

Oh, you're such an obvious...

But that's what they
like, the obvious!

Oh, cut it out!

I only did it to please you.

That dress.

You seemed to like it on Midge.

On Midge it fits.

Me too!

This kind of thing is
just not your style!

No?

No!

Oh, hello George.

My name's Al.

And mine's Dodee.

Shall we dance, Al?

Yeah!

Pardon me?

Wait a minute, partner,
what's the idea?

This is my girl.

I'm cutting in.

A perfect stranger, Al.

Oh!

Hey, what's up?

This fellow grabbed me.

Oh yeah?

Yeah!

Excuse me.

Oh yeah?

Yeah!

Oh yeah!

Oh Goose, I'm so sorry.

Don't worry little gal.

I'll protect you.

Oh, hello Bill!

Meet Maury.

Keep away, you big lutz!

And all you fellas
are being nice to me.

Dorinda!

Oh, here he is now.

You now Maurice, and this is
Stanley, and this is Ralph.

And what was your name honey?

Horace.

You were sure rocking
back there in the joint.

And now not a peep out of you.

I'm thinking.

What's to think?

Oh, nothing, what did you think?

Oh, nothing, naturally.

Is this what you
call a romantic night?

Yes.

The night air, the smell of the
honeysuckle, and that moon up there.

And you here.

And you, a romantic night always
has a moon and a you, doesn't it?

They say.

Who was the you last
night, and the night before?

And who's going to be
the you tomorrow night?

I'd like you to be the you.

You really feel it all?

Yes.

I don't.

- Oh, but earlier...
- I know.

I was crazy.
Something got into me.

But now that we've had our romantic
night, I can see it's all mechanical.

If you don't press the
buttons, the wheels don't turn.

You don't have to
feel these things.

Only you do.

No.

I don't believe you.

Turn off the
honeysuckle, Mr. Shelby.

Thank you for a lovely evening.

Thank you too, goodnight.

Oh, I suppose now
you're angry with me?

That's right.

You see, it's even automatic
that you're angry with me?

Yeah, sure.

You would have made love
to me, said things to me.

Yes, I would.

But first I'd take your hand
so you couldn't get away.

Then I'd plant the kiss
on that little vein

at the side of your neck where
the blood comes up from your heart.

Then I'd kiss the other side so
you wouldn't feel off balance.

Then your hair, from the shimmer
of it, right down to the roots,

down to every nerve.

Then I'd put my arm around
you and take you over

to that swing at the
dark end of the porch.

We'd sit.

Listen to the crickets.

Just kind of breath in the night,
the honeysuckle, like you said.

Maybe we'd watch the
moon go into the clouds.

And I'd be holding you very gently,

your head on my shoulder,
telling you what having you

and holding you always could mean to me,
how much it mattered.

I'd wait for you to whisper
that you wanted me, too.

And then, then I'd
turn your face to mine.

And then I'd kiss you.

Only, you wouldn't feel a thing
because machinery doesn't feel.

It just moves when
you press the buttons.

Dorinda, what are you
doing in that outfit?

Where have you been?
What's happened?

I'm not sure.

Dorinda, you tell your aunt Alice
what was going on out there.

Nothing, I'm afraid.

As if anything could happen to her.

Oh, you'd like it!

You planned this!

I had nothing
whatever to do with it.

It was entirely her own idea.

Her own idea, fiddlesticks!

Yes, I thought of it all by myself.

Dorinda!

Darling!

The spring's coming.

The ice is breaking up.

I never thought I'd live
to see the great thaw.

Hello, Midge.

Hatch!

How you been since Saturday night?

Fine.

What are you doing at Fort Ord?

Oh, I just thought
I'd stop buy and see

how the national defense
is getting along.

Say, I been reading this.

I wouldn't believe
you wrote a book.

Do you like it?

Honestly now, Hatch, you must have

written this with your foot
in your cheek or something.

It's thoroughly squirrely,
not like you at all.

That's the real me.

Ha!

I've seen you in action.

You're a terror, dynamite.

It was you that caused all that
trouble between Goldie and Potsy.

What trouble?

Hey, you only wrote this
for the money didn't you?

Might've at that.

OK then.

I was worried perhaps you wanted
I should give up my way of life.

What did I do to Goldie and Potsy?

Plenty.

Well, it may look that way
from your point of view, butt...

You know what you need?

I... what?

A banana split.

Is that all I need?

Hey, how come you knew
I was working in the PX?

I called the commanding general.

Do you mean to say that General
Schofield knows that I'm working here?

A major general.

By the way, have you seen Bill?

It's too bad that
redhead had to land him.

Who?

That fire wagon
they say he married.

Bill got married?

No, honey, I'm talking
about the general.

You did come here to discuss
military tactics, didn't you?

As a matter of fact, I wondered
if you knew where Bill is.

I can find him when
I'm looking for him.

Where is he?

I'm not looking for him.

Do you like this blouse?

Now, keep your shirt on, Hatch.

You and me are making no more
deals where I get shut out in the cold.

I gave you one crack at him.

And how'd you behave?

Like a hog in a manger.

How is Bill, having a lot of fun?

He's kind of crowded with
two living in his trailer.

Two?

He must be pressed for room.

Yeah, he's pretty pressed.

It's kinda crowded,
two in one trailer.

You want nuts on this?

Huh?

Oh.

Still, they're built for two.

Yeah, but not for
all them beer bottles.

Why has he been drinking?

Oh, not him so much.

You?

Potsy.

Potsy!

Well, yeah, what did you think?

Ever since Goldie read your book,

poor Potsy had to pack his pajamas,
and his GI shoes, and move to Bill's.

My book did it?

All on account of you.

Is that what happens?

Hey!

Where you going?

You're banana split!

Do you want a banana split?

No, thank you.

You're kind of new
around here, aren't you?

Three days.

Well, son, in the
army, when somebody

asks us do we want a banana
split, what do we say?

Yes, ma'am.

That'll be $0.30.

When I wrote the book, I wasn't
thinking of you and Potsy.

On page 99, you say a woman
that pulls with all her heart

in the tug of war of marriage
may end up with a big jerk, Potsy.

I didn't mean that kind of jerk.

Only talk to him, will you?

How?

In pig Latin?

Be nice.

To that self-centered male bigot?

How can you say that?

Because you did on, page 104.

He loves you, Goldie.

There it is.

No wonder it took me
so long to find it.

Come on.

I'll wait.

You promised!

Come on!

It's against my better principles!

Bill?

Not at home.

Potsy?

At the dentist.

Oh, the heck with both of them.

Let's go.

Look, I got you into this.

And I'm getting you out.

You certainly contradict your book.

Open that door!

Nobody here but us chickens!

Cocka-doodle-doo!

I am plain disgusted!

Let's go!

Hush up while I think.

If Potsy won't move,
we'll move him.

Come on!

Honestly, the way you
pull people around!

What I say is, is women and women.

A woman will always
stick by another woman.

Once a woman, always a woman.

Oh, you said it.

We're being kidnapped!

But Dorinda, Potsy's in there!

I hope he's got plenty of bumps.

Honest, I don't know if this
is so good for a...

Nothing better.

What was that?

I don't know.

OK, Potsy you're home!

Home sweet home!

It takes a woman to make a home.

And another woman to wreck it.

What's this all about?

Potsy won't come out.

Why not?

Well, Goldie here believes
in one sort of thing.

And, naturally, Potsy wouldn't.

I don't understand.

So Potsy moved out.

And now he's in with Bill.

And Bil only makes things worse because
I can't get Potsy out to explain!

Who's the driver of this car?

Who's in charge here?

Just a minute, officer.

You're on a US
military reservation.

The MPs will handle this.

We've got eight violations
of the Monterrey traffic cold

and 13 violations of
the state highway code.

OK, we'll call the
Provost Marshall.

Get the guard house.

Will you write to me in prison?

I'll send you cookies.

Potsy, you've got to come out now!

Do I have to, Bill?

No, you sit there.

You're not in shape yet.

Who started all this?

We gotta find this fellow Potsy.

What's all this Potsy talk?

That's the trouble.

Potsy won't talk.

Where is he?

Where am I?

You ever find out, you'll
have a nervous breakdown.

Potsy, come help.

Talk to Goldie.

I'm sick.

The United States Army is
going to make you sicker

if you're late for
reveille one more time.

Captain Silby told me.

So I sleep late.

So I'm late for reveille.

So they bust me to private.

Who cares!

I care, you big dumb boob!

So join the wax yourself!

Go to reveille yourself!

Tell them you read that book and
they'll put you in the armored forces!

I hate him!

Oh thank heavens, Dorinda,
you opened my eyes

to that flying saucer I married.

Now, Potsy!

What's this all about?

Something about a
flying saucer, sir.

Great Scott!

Have they notified the Pentagon?

Let me through!

Pentagon?

Who saw this flying saucer?

She did, Colonel.

Oh, Goldie, don't cry.

No need to be hysterical.

You Sargent, inform
the Commanding General.

Yes, sir!

Love is but the bait that traps
women in emotional slavery.

Oh, shut up.

Shut up!

Will you forget my stupid book?

Stupid?

Yes, I said stupid!

It's full of lies
and silly nonsense!

And you're a silly,
stupid girl to believe it!

Hear that music?

Well, what do you know?

It's a trick to get me out of here.

My book is
breaking your heart because you

really want that man in
there, even if he is an idiot.

You've got to realize I was wrong.

I never should have
written that book.

Well, after I laid out $2
and practically memorized...

Goldie, forget every word of it.

It's rubbish.

All that matters is
that you love Potsy.

Oh, well, now I'm all mixed up.

So am I.

General Schofield!

I believe she means it, Potsy.

It's too late.

No power on Earth is going
to make me move them pajamas.

Potsy,
please, you just gotta come out!

Who's says I gotta?

Major General
Horatio W. Schofield!

Yes, sir.

And bring those pajamas!

At ease, Sergeant.

Didn't you hear me say at ease?

Yes, sir.

I mean it's not easy
to be at ease, sir.

Relax, come here.

Carry on Miss Hatch.

Here's your man.

Potsy, I'm sorry.

I caused all the trouble
between you and Goldie.

I apologize.

OK.

Potsy, you know that
underneath and in spite

of my terrible book,
Goldie really loves you.

I don't know if I do.

Of course you do.

If he does?

Of course he does!

Who said?

I do!

Yes, sir.

Isn't it worth it?

Don't you really want each other?

Well, if he does.

Don't you, Potsy, after Goldie
came and met you over halfway?

Don't you want her?

Well, what if I do?

Hey kids, that's it.

But how do I know you want me?

If I say so.

Yeah, only you say so if and
when I got to say so first.

Would that kill you?

Well, why should I
stick my neck out, sir?

It's your neck.

Go ahead.

Stick it out.

What can you lose?

I gotta love her, before I
know if she... I mean, do I, sir?

Golly, Potsy, you're the man.

Yeah!

She can't take away from you.

Well, now we got that straightened
out, give me that book.

Here, all yours.

There, all yours.

Goldie, honey, I'm going
way out on a limb with this.

But if you don't know I
love you, you're nuts.

Say it again.

You're nuts.

About you, you devil.

In case I never told you, I would go
through fire and also water for you.

Would you, Potsy?

Fire and water.

Dorinda!

Just a minute, fella?

Is that your trailer over there?

Yes...

Let's see your driver's license.
Yes...

Yes, Dorinda?
Yes...

You driver's license.
Yes...

But officer, I wasn't driving.
Yes...

I was just sitting in the back.
Yes...

Hey, fella, the driver's license.
Yes...

I was sitting with a friend.
Yes...

And I don't want to
come to this camp.
Yes...

Dorinda what are you doing?
Yes...

Packing.
Yes...

Well, tell us, darling,
is there anything wrong?
Yes...

Me.
Yes...

Can I help, dear?
Yes...

Yes...

I'm sorry, aunt
Alice, but you can't.
Yes...

And neither can you.
Yes...

Both of you quarrelled and scrapped
Yes...

until I lost track of which
is love and which is hate.
Yes...

But I'm through being your
punching bag, and your referee,
Yes...

and your battleground.
Yes...

I'm going to help myself.
Yes...

Oh, darling.
Yes...

If I hadn't come back, she
wouldn't be walking out on you.
Yes...

No, Matt, it's just that
she doesn't love me anymore.
Yes...

Of course she does.
Yes...

Dorinda?
Yes...

Yes?
Yes...

How can you do this?
Yes...

How can you leave your aunt Alice.
Yes...

It's not easy, uncle Matt.
Yes...

But it's high time.
Yes...

I'm a big girl now with a little
unfinished business that's all my own.
Yes...

Yes...

But she depends on you.
Yes...

Naturally, who else
can she depend on?
Yes...

It's all my fault.
Yes...

No, Matt, please,
don't worry about me.
Yes...

I have the house and
your pension money.
Yes...

I'll get a long somehow.
Yes...

Living here along,
this empty house?
Yes...

Who will you talk to?
Yes...

The post man, the milk man.
Yes...

The milk man, don't you
realize when that girl walks out
Yes...

of here you face loneliness?
Yes...

That's all I've earned
I deserve no better.
Yes...

Well, great heavens,
maybe we deserve no better.
Yes...

But Dorinda's right, it's high
time we earned something better.
Yes...

Sit down a minute.
Yes...

There's something I've got to tell
you that may be a bit of a shock.
Yes...

What is it, Matt?
Yes...

Well, maybe I should
have told you years ago.
Yes...

But, well, I couldn't.
Yes...

Yes...

Go on.
Say it if you have to, Matt.
Yes...

Yes...

Alice, I love you.
Yes...

Yes...

Oh, Matt.
Yes...

Yes...

Obviously I'm only in
the way around here.
Yes...

Oh, Dorinda!
Yes...

Kiss me goodbye.
Yes...

Yes...

Don't you love me anymore?
Yes...

I love you both.
Yes...

I hope you'll both be happy.
Yes...

Yes...

Where do you think you're going?
Yes...

Away.
Yes...

Why?
Yes...

To find myself.
Yes...

Are you lost?
Yes...

Can I help?
Yes...

Yes...

If you please.
Yes...

Step this way.
Yes...

Yes...

Now if you're really
trying to find yourself,
Yes...

I have some secret information
about where you are.
Yes...

Where?
Yes...

You are a poor,
misguided little girl
Yes...

who got herself all
tangled up about sex,
Yes...

who wrote a poor, misguided,
tangled up book about sex that
Yes...

was read by hundreds of thousands
Yes...

or poor, misguided people who
were all tangled up about sex.
Yes...

Do you follow me?
Yes...

So why don't you call that
a bad job and do better?
Yes...

Wait a minute!
Yes...

Yes...

There, not I'm all
set to do better.
Yes...

But how do I begin?
Yes...

Can I be of any help?
Yes...

Start me off, page
one, chapter one.
Yes...

Everything that's printed in
the book is not necessarily so.
Yes...

But it could be?
Yes...

A new book, a new book, 27 ways
to say yes, by Dorinda Hatch.
Yes...

And something tells me... it's
gonna be a big, long book.
Yes...

Yes...