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1
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,560
- It's a conspiracy, that's what it is.
2
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:19,620
Well I ask you, how can
you keep your mind off it
3
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,120
if it's being flung at you
every moment of the day?
4
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,020
Well I wouldn't find it so
bad if I could ignore it.
5
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,380
But I just can't convince myself,
6
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,960
that what's under there isn't worth
all the fuss that's made of it.
7
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,560
Oh I know, I know, it's all
part of the scheme of things.
8
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,620
But I get sometimes like
if I get up to one of them
9
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,740
and there they are, falling
out all over the place.
10
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,640
And isn't that the point of it?
To get a fella feeling that way?
11
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,540
Of course I didn't really do it,
12
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,260
but otherwise I wouldn't be here would I?
13
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,360
I'd be in the can.
14
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,740
You know, I reckon I might
be a bit of a nutcase.
15
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,260
Nothing serious, just every now and then
16
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,360
some sort of fleeting mental aberration.
17
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,380
I say that's a very nice
see-through I'm getting.
18
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,100
- Oh I didn't think anyone would notice.
19
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,940
I've been wearing it for days,
and nobody's said a thing.
20
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,660
- And that's a very nice pair
of breasts you're wearing too.
21
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,380
- Oh do you like them?
22
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,740
- I should say I do, very well moulded.
23
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:23,900
- Thank you.
24
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,160
- I find them very disturbing,
25
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,660
very provoking.
26
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:30,620
- Provoking?
27
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,660
What way?
28
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:32,980
- But it wasn't like that at all was it?
29
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,080
Nah.
30
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,900
Gee they're nice tits.
31
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,240
(smacking)
32
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,060
(popping and hissing)
33
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,300
I'm gonna give it all away.
34
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,600
Here's to my resolution
for the sexless 70s.
35
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,480
(knocking)
36
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,300
Er, sorry about that.
37
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,460
- I was wondering if I
could borrow some sugar?
38
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,820
I just moved in next door
and I'm a bit disorganised.
39
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:23,260
- [Alvin] If you borrow someone's sugar,
naturally you have to return it.
40
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,780
That's honesty for you.
41
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,900
- Your sugar.
- Thanks.
42
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,120
- All that fuss and I
had some all the time.
43
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,360
Hey you know, your flat and
mine are absolutely identical.
44
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:37,780
Isn't that spooky?
45
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:39,380
Except for the colour of the walls.
46
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,480
Mind if I look around?
47
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:49,440
- Must be lonely your first
time in a place by yourself.
48
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,540
- I don't think any of us
were designed to live alone.
49
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,260
- It's such a hassle sharing
a place with other people.
50
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,360
- Depends on the person.
51
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,340
Some people can get away with anything.
52
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,420
Other people can annoy you like mad,
53
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,680
just by leaving the
top off the toothpaste.
54
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,500
- Do you leave the top off the toothpaste?
55
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:09,540
- Never.
56
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:10,940
- I'm glad to hear that.
57
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,940
- I lead a very well-ordered life.
58
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,780
- Good for you.
59
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,100
- You putting me on?
60
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:16,940
- No I'm not.
61
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,380
I'm always being accused
of that, but I'm not.
62
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,460
- I wouldn't put it past you.
63
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,120
I'm the easiest person
in the world to send up.
64
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,740
You know, I haven't told anybody this,
65
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:32,580
sounds crazy, but I'm
still afraid of the dark.
66
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,340
- Big girl like you?
67
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,440
- I'm only big on some things.
68
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,660
- Being what you very well might ask?
69
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,760
Which I didn't very well ask.
70
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,220
But look at the position of the skirt
71
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,320
and the position of the hand.
72
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,460
That's right, those
things are very important.
73
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,180
Now what happened was very logical.
74
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,740
If anything that happens
on a couch can be said
75
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,840
to be logical.
76
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,040
Would you like a cup of tea or something?
77
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,900
- If you like.
78
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,000
I'm really very comfortable.
79
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,080
You've got lovely teeth.
80
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,220
- They're not bad are they?
81
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,320
I get them cleaned every six months,
82
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,960
that nasty scaly stuff,
83
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,720
tartar they call it.
84
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,500
- On the back or the front ones?
85
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,180
- Yeah that's right only,
86
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,020
it's not a very nice subject
for conversation is it?
87
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,120
Bit hard to take.
88
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,540
- I'm not finding
anything too hard to take.
89
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,460
- [Alvin] And on those memorable lines
90
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,160
we kissed goodbye to the sexless 70s.
91
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,520
(tense music)
92
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:56,020
(upbeat music)
93
00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:01,100
♪ Alvin, make him leave bye-bye ♪
94
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:06,220
♪ Alvin make him sing
ding-a-ling why oh why ♪
95
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:10,980
♪ Alvin make him cry ♪
96
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:15,980
♪ Alvin, make him laugh hello ♪
97
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:20,900
♪ Alvin, make him high
give him a sign you'll go ♪
98
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:26,000
♪ Alvin don't let go ♪
99
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:33,760
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
100
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:40,280
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
101
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,500
♪ Try to avoid it just
resisting now and then ♪
102
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:50,020
♪ If you'd only try to understand
no there you go again ♪
103
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,880
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
104
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:18,000
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
105
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:24,680
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
106
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:29,780
- Who said?
107
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,060
(girl mumbling)
108
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,160
- [Girl] Alvin!
109
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,180
- Oh g'day.
110
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,380
- What are you doing?
111
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,860
Any chance of coming home and
helping me with my fridge?
112
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,420
- Go away Peggy.
113
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,140
- I wasn't talking to you.
114
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,580
Will you Alvin?
115
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,500
- I've gotta help Shirley here first.
116
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,020
- Oh that's all right, I mean afterwards.
117
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:50,620
- I told you to go.
118
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,780
- Let go.
119
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,900
- Leave us alone.
120
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,460
- You'll get pregnant you know?
121
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,820
- And won't you be jealous?
122
00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,920
- Let go!
123
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:14,900
- [Alvin] Well I've done,
124
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,580
I've been helping them
with their homework.
125
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:18,580
- [Man] Really?
126
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:19,420
- [Alvin] Yes, sir.
127
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,080
- Well in view of your
own scholastic attainments
128
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,740
you think it's a good
idea for you to help them?
129
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,820
- Well it's only since
I've been helping them sir
130
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,920
that my works gone off.
131
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,880
- Well it's none of my business I suppose
132
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,480
but something else you're
doing to help these girls.
133
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:44,620
Just remember, you can't
make a career of it.
134
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,640
- Yes sir, thanks very much
for the advice Mr. Horwood sir.
135
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,980
- Would it help in any way if I
136
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,540
were to let you out early each day?
137
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,160
Say, five minutes?
138
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,240
That way you could give them the slip.
139
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,840
(bell dinging)
140
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,080
(upbeat kooky music)
141
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:46,720
(girls shouting over each other)
142
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,840
- Darling, tell me more about this Alvin.
143
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,180
(clears throat)
144
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,220
- What?
145
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,060
- Alvin Purple isn't it?
146
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,240
You say that half the girls at school are,
147
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,600
well you can't just leave it at that.
148
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,460
- Why not?
149
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,560
- Well I mean, if it's true, it's
150
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,880
fantastic.
151
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,760
Would you like a lift?
152
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,660
- Oh that's very kind of you Mrs. Horwood
153
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,340
but isn't it a bit out of your way?
154
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,140
- Oh that's all right, I'm not in a hurry.
155
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,240
- Oh right.
156
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,360
Yeah thanks very much.
157
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,540
(engine revving)
158
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,500
Maple Avenue isn't it?
159
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,600
- [Alvin] Yeah that's right.
160
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,180
- Mr. Horwood's told me
quite a lot about you, Alvin.
161
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,760
How he has to let you out of school early.
162
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,000
You should get yourself a bike.
163
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,860
- I'm saving up for one.
164
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,300
- Good.
165
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,780
- I'm only 10 quid off.
166
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,060
- Well that shouldn't take
you long then, should it?
167
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,120
- Oh I don't know, I'll need
to get some jobs after school.
168
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,420
They've taken the short cut.
169
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,520
- Quick, duck down.
170
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,580
Mr. Horwood lectures in town on Thursday.
171
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,680
He lectures two nights a week too.
172
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,140
Go on, help yourself.
173
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,780
I always tell him he works too hard,
174
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,740
but he must always be on the go,
175
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,840
never seems to be able to relax.
176
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,260
How old are you Alvin?
177
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,700
- 16.
178
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,800
- I'm 28.
179
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,060
- 12 years older.
180
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,620
- 12 years isn't very much.
181
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,720
You find it goes by in no time at all.
182
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:01,700
Go on, have another slice.
183
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,800
- Thanks.
184
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,820
- What do the other boys think about them?
185
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,920
The girls chasing you I mean.
186
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,420
Don't you discuss it with them?
187
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,820
- Nah.
188
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,920
- You don't talk very much do you?
189
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,180
- Nah.
190
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,060
- I don't suppose you'd
even bother to mention
191
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,160
that you'd been here.
192
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,660
- Why should I?
193
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:28,940
- Well some boys talk a lot.
194
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,260
They boast.
195
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,360
They even make up things to boast about.
196
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:34,900
I should think you'd be pretty good
197
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,420
at keeping secrets though.
198
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,520
Would I be right?
199
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:41,560
- Depends.
200
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,200
- Well I think you'd better go now Alvin.
201
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,120
Those girls would have gone by now surely.
202
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,580
It's been very nice meeting you Alvin.
203
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,680
- Yeah.
204
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,660
- Pop in again.
205
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:08,500
- I'd like to.
206
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,420
- Anytime after school.
207
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,260
- Okay.
208
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,820
- Oh and about that extra
money you need for the bike.
209
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:12,900
If I hear of any jobs going,
210
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:13,780
I'll let you know all right?
211
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,260
- Oh I'd like that, thanks Mrs.Horwood.
212
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,500
- Goodbye Alvin.
213
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,600
- Goodbye.
214
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:24,740
Goodbye.
215
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,840
- Bye.
216
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,580
- Bye, thanks for the lift.
217
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,680
- That's all right.
218
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,300
- And thanks for the cake too.
219
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,220
- That's all right too.
220
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,140
- Bye.
221
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,460
(crashing and rattling)
222
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,560
- Oh, Alvin.
223
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,440
(dogs barking)
224
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,020
- Bye.
- Bye.
225
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:55,860
Mind the ladder!
226
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:59,280
(crashing and scraping)
227
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,340
- Bye.
- Bye.
228
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,180
(crashing and scraping)
229
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,060
- God!
230
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,700
- Oh you poor thing.
231
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,800
You hurt yourself?
232
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,600
You all right?
233
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,900
Do you think I should have a look?
234
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,520
(kooky music)
235
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,840
(humming)
236
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,900
♪ Yesterday all my troubles
seemed so far away ♪
237
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,620
(girls yelling)
238
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,000
(playful upbeat music)
239
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,600
- [Girl] No, stop, Alvin!
240
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,560
(bell ringing)
241
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:29,260
- [Mrs. Horwood] Oh, Alvin.
242
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,940
- [Alvin] Oh, Mrs. Horwood.
243
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,040
- [Mrs. Horwood] You're
a big boy for your age.
244
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,680
You'll soon have to start
shaving everyday, wouldn't you?
245
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,720
(kooky music)
246
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,840
(ringing)
247
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,000
(ringing)
248
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,240
(ringing)
249
00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,920
(crashing)
250
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,920
(knocking)
251
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,920
(creaking)
252
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,740
♪ 21 today, 21 today ♪
253
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,660
♪ He's got the key of the door ♪
254
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,980
♪ Never been 21 before ♪
255
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,140
♪ Kings will say you
can do what he likes ♪
256
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,900
♪ So shout hip hip hooray ♪
257
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,100
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
258
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,020
♪ He's 21 today ♪
259
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,820
(cheering and clapping)
260
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,580
- I've always impressed on young Alvin
261
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,380
the value of a variety of experiences.
262
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:28,020
And as he's had 11 jobs
in the past two years
263
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:32,620
you can't say that he's exactly
ignored his father's advice.
264
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,720
I think he's beginning to learn
265
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:40,020
that in today's world you
must specialise in something
266
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,120
or you won't get very far.
267
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,120
It's your life, Alvin.
268
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,200
And this is my last
piece of advice to you.
269
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,940
There are openings
everywhere for the right man.
270
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,060
Find out what you want to do
271
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,000
and then extend yourself.
272
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:03,160
In this world, there's no one
who can afford to be slack.
273
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,440
(crowd laughing)
274
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,320
- Extend yourself, Alvin!
275
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,200
(crowd chattering)
276
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,220
- Ed, I'd like you to meet Alvin.
277
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,740
Ed's in mining in the west.
278
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,300
Got a very healthy little
business going in Kalgoorlie.
279
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,300
- Hello, Alvin.
280
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,140
- G'day.
281
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,020
- What are you working at now?
282
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,500
From what your father tells me
283
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,700
you seem to have a pretty
big turnover, meaning jobs.
284
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,260
- Well actually at the moment, I'm,
285
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:54,420
- Unemployed.
286
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,060
- [Dad] Keeping his options open.
287
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,380
(laughing)
288
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:58,620
- Well I know how you feel.
289
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,180
I couldn't settle down at your age.
290
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,700
- Well I'd be quite willing to settle down
291
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,060
as soon as I find something
that really suits my,
292
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,980
- Special talents.
293
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,260
- What are your talents, Alvin?
294
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,100
- Well that's just it,
295
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,260
I'm not really sure.
296
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:10,620
- [Man] Hey, Joan.
297
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,720
- Excuse me one minute.
298
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,620
- That's no way to handle
a man like Ed, Alvin.
299
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,720
He could open doors for you.
300
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,320
(chill dance music)
301
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,620
- Alvin, this is Tina.
302
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,720
He's our host, in a manner of speaking.
303
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:37,660
- G'day.
304
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,760
- How are you?
305
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,180
I've heard a lot about you.
306
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,180
- Well that sounds a bit threatening.
307
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,280
- It's not meant to.
308
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:54,460
- Would you like to dance?
309
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,560
- Okay.
310
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,560
(dance music)
311
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,380
- No, I think she's terrific.
312
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,260
- Well you can have her, mate.
313
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,000
Except she's insurmountable.
314
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,780
- So was Everest before
I mounted a full scale
315
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:35,820
attack on her.
316
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,740
- I thought you had a
proposition for us, Roger.
317
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:38,940
- I have.
318
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:39,900
Water beds.
319
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,980
- Water beds?
- Water beds?
320
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,340
- You could earn 300 a week in commission.
321
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:46,540
- I don't see myself as a salesman.
322
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,100
- Oh it's a pushover.
323
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,300
One of you does a spiel
324
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,400
and the other handles the installations.
325
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:53,980
- Come on, Alvin.
326
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,080
What do you reckon?
327
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:04,140
You'd be smiling too if you
had a Magic Mountain Water Bed.
328
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,060
Now this water bed here, the basic style
329
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,300
was first developed by the
hippies of Southern California.
330
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,260
Now look at it.
331
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,420
You can see and it's obvious that there's,
332
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,720
there'd be nothing as restful.
333
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,160
Surely nothing as relaxing
334
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,220
as sleeping on a tonne
and a half of water.
335
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,260
- How much long you gonna be
336
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,780
filling up that damn thing?
337
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,620
- It's the water pressure, Mrs. Jackson.
338
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,580
- I don't know, you come
in here to demonstrate,
339
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,860
and it takes you two hours to set up
340
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:31,740
for the demonstration.
341
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,840
- This just goes five more minutes.
342
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,180
It's ready, Mrs. Jackson, all done.
343
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,280
- [Mrs. Jackson] Coming.
344
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,560
- You've changed.
345
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,940
- That's right.
346
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,380
- Do you usually go to bed at four o'clock
347
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,300
in the afternoon?
348
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,380
- No, but, there's something
about a sexy waterbed salesman
349
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,480
suggest that it might be a good idea.
350
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,180
What's the matter?
351
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,620
- What about your husband?
352
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,720
- He's away for three days.
353
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,340
I always wait till he's away
354
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,740
to buy things.
355
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:39,700
- Look, I don't really think,
356
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,820
- Let's put it this way, sonny.
357
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,700
I might suddenly decide
that I want that bloody
358
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,500
big bag of water.
359
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,000
And what'll that do to your
commission for the month?
360
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,220
- It goes without saying
that the marital relation
361
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,980
is considerably enhanced.
362
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,500
- In what way?
363
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,180
(crowd laughing)
364
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,380
- Well it's very difficult to explain
365
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,220
without a demonstration.
366
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,300
But the principle of the water bed
367
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,580
is unlike that of a normal mattress.
368
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:13,860
- Look, I really don't get the idea.
369
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,660
- Action painting, dumb bum.
370
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,500
In America they do it on roller skates.
371
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,540
And in Japan it's a squeegee.
372
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,080
Well nobody's ever thought
of using the water bed.
373
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:27,640
(chill music)
374
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:13,320
- Lull yourself on a
cushion of sensuality.
375
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,200
You go right off, I tell you.
376
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:22,000
It's ideal for insomniacs,
spinal sufferers,
377
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,540
invalids, and a few other conditions
378
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,780
of the human body I couldn't mention.
379
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,300
(laughing)
380
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,400
Any questions, ladies?
381
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,100
- Would you like something different?
382
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,380
- What have you got in mind?
383
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:35,740
- Leather.
384
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,840
- That's not really my scene.
385
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,540
- You don't like discipline?
386
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,640
- No, not really.
387
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,920
- Have you tried plastic?
388
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,940
Even the ordinary raincoat's
very erotic, you know.
389
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,660
- What do you do with it?
390
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,860
- I know, I've got it, I've got it.
391
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,100
- What?
392
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,200
- Top hat and spurs.
393
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,380
(military bugle music)
394
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:07,180
- I feel ridiculous.
395
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,720
What am I supposed to do now?
396
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,400
(kooky music)
397
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,220
- The water moves when you move
398
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,300
and it displaces itself
into whatever position
399
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,060
you, were, well whatever position.
400
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,160
- Sounds very novel.
401
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,560
- Cheers.
402
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,780
- Oh, nice whiskey.
403
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,380
- You mean brandy.
404
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:29,220
- Oh I'm sorry.
405
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:30,580
I beg your pardon.
406
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,860
I can hardly stay awake.
407
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,960
I've been working too hard.
408
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,780
- At installing water beds?
409
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,940
- Well it's not so much
the installation, as the,
410
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,420
- As the what?
411
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,500
- The customer contact.
412
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,140
Hey why are you persisting with me?
413
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,980
I'm so tired out, I'll be useless.
414
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,520
- I have faith in your
recuperative powers.
415
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:56,220
- [Alvin] Have you?
416
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:57,060
- Yes.
417
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,840
And for some strange reason, I like you.
418
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,160
- You know that's the nicest thing
that's been said to me all this week.
419
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:10,820
Among all the things
that have been said to me
420
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,740
and some of them are scarcely repeatable,
421
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,040
that is the nicest thing.
422
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,420
Jeez, look at all the candles.
423
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:22,940
Is it your birthday or something?
424
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,040
- I'm not that old, darling.
425
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,080
- Yeah well don't ask me to blow them out
426
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,360
'cause I'm afraid I'll
probably just drop right off.
427
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,740
- I think we might have
the lights off, don't you?
428
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,300
- Sure, whatever you say, Mrs. Warren.
429
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,600
- I like a little mystery to start with.
430
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,860
- Oh, this feels good.
431
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,000
Don't worry Mrs. Warren, I'll revive.
432
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,840
- [Mrs. Warren] Of
course you will, darling.
433
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,500
- [Alvin] The spirit's willing.
434
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,500
- [Mrs. Warren] You shouldn't
knock yourself around so much.
435
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,140
I can see I'll have to take you in hand.
436
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,880
(Alvin moaning)
437
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,680
(both giggling and moaning)
438
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:17,020
- [Alvin] Is that you?
439
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:19,580
- [Mrs. Warren] Who else would it be?
440
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,680
- Christ!
441
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,300
Mrs. Warren was a man.
442
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,400
God, what a shock.
443
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:42,580
That's it, that puts me right off.
444
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,680
Right off it, mate.
445
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:46,340
- [Tina] You must enjoy it.
446
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,140
- [Alvin] Well I don't know that I do it.
447
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,460
It just seems to happen all the time.
That's all it is.
448
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,420
Saves time in the long run.
449
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,740
- [Tina] Saves time, what for?
450
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,220
- [Alvin] I don't know.
451
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,740
- Alvin, why don't you stand firm?
452
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:01,580
- What?
453
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:02,420
- Why don't you resist women?
454
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,460
- Well then if I have to resist them
455
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:05,300
or they have to resist me,
456
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:06,780
I don't know where's no starting.
457
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,220
- Well you could always stop.
458
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,320
- It's not that easy.
459
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,700
- And don't you enjoy it at all?
460
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,800
- No.
461
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,780
Well, I suppose if the girl enjoys it
462
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:28,020
I sort of feel it hasn't been
a complete waste of time.
463
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:31,160
But the problem is I
can't seem to avoid sex.
464
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,260
- You can't avoid sex.
465
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,540
Have you ever tried, honestly?
466
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,260
- Yes I have.
467
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,140
Sort of.
468
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,260
- You're a case, Alvin.
469
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:42,980
You should see a psychiatrist.
470
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:43,780
- You serious?
471
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,860
- No I'm just making conversation.
472
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:46,700
- If I was a kink,
473
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,060
wouldn't I know I was a kink?
474
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,220
- I didn't say you were a kink.
475
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,120
- You think there's
something wrong with me
476
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,700
and I should see a bloody headshrink.
- Well don't if you don't want to.
477
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,880
I'm not going to force you to do anything.
478
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:05,180
- [Liz] Now just say the first thing
479
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,100
that comes into your mind.
480
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,020
Now let's see, we'll take
an animal to begin with.
481
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,140
Camel?
482
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,240
- Hump.
483
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,900
- [Liz] Now, say part of the body.
484
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,940
Finger.
485
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:22,960
- Joint, knee, trembler.
486
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:29,360
- Now, something with
a bit more imagination.
487
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:31,860
Angel.
488
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,800
- Choir, congregation,
489
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:39,080
crowd, gang, bang.
490
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:41,580
I'm sorry doctor, I don't seem to be doing
491
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:42,700
very well at this.
492
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:43,700
What's the point anyway?
493
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:46,180
To see how sex-obsessed
my subconscious is?
494
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,160
- I'm conducting this
inquiry, Mr. Purple, not you.
495
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,000
- Sorry, Doctor.
496
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,340
- [Liz] I don't know
whether he's fantasising
497
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,220
or boasting or just trying to shock me.
498
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,100
- He seems a pretty straightforward
sort of fellow to me
499
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,380
but then again appearances
can be deceptive.
500
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:05,820
- Could it be schizoid?
501
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,660
- I doubt it.
502
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,220
Has he shown any latent
homosexual tendencies?
503
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,900
- Oh he did mention
one homosexual advance.
504
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,100
- He did, did he?
505
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,460
- His account was that
he ran for his life.
506
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,820
- Ah, could be a subconscious attraction.
507
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,100
It often is when people
overreact like that.
508
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:24,860
- But I really can't say.
509
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:26,180
You're a man.
510
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:27,500
I think you're far better qualified
511
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:28,580
to handle the case.
512
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,500
- Liz.
513
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:32,260
We all of us have to deal with patients
514
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,260
of the opposite sex.
515
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,540
And really, when you boil it all down
516
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:37,780
the differences between the sexes
517
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:41,040
are really far less
than most of us imagine.
518
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:43,940
I mean I may have a
little fuzz on my face,
519
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:45,500
you might possess a pair of rather
520
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,500
better-developed mammary glands.
521
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,260
Our hormonal balance and muscle tone
522
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,020
may be marginally different,
523
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,460
but beyond that there's very
little to choose between us.
524
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,700
- I hope you don't mind my
saying this Doctor McBurney
525
00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:59,960
but I do wish you wouldn't
touch me like that.
526
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:02,340
- Good heavens, Liz.
527
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,380
You don't imagine I'm making
advances to you, do you?
528
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:06,540
- No.
529
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:08,780
No, it's just that it,
530
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,880
it makes me feel uncomfortable.
531
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,180
- Liz, 90 percent of the patients
who walk through that door
532
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,100
are suffering repressions of just the sort
533
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,420
that you have described.
534
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:18,860
In the world today where all of us
535
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,500
alienated from our bodies,
536
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,620
we're afraid of physical contact.
537
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,900
Sensory deprivation is a disease, Liz,
538
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:27,740
a disease which you as a psychiatrist
539
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,840
must learn to overcome.
540
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:35,720
- Thank you, Doctor.
541
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,520
I'm sorry to have bothered you.
542
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,900
On the surface, one would say that
543
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:56,120
quite simply, you need someone,
544
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,300
one particular person
upon whom you can leverage
545
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,860
the full extent of your
emotional reservoir.
546
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:06,100
- Oh, that sounds nice.
547
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:07,540
I like the way you put it.
548
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,860
- Someone who can give you enough exercise
549
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:12,580
while at the same time
550
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,700
having enough strength to
monopolise your affections,
551
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,400
to stop you being an
emotional irresponsible.
552
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:20,420
- That's all very well, Doc,
553
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:21,820
but where do I find someone like that?
554
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:23,540
- Don't be so impatient, that comes later.
555
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,140
First you must get some
control over yourself.
556
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,500
Now, this is what you must do.
557
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,000
(light rock piano music)
558
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,160
♪ All right ♪
559
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,480
(knocking)
560
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,660
♪ Talk to me my sweet power ♪
561
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,820
♪ Be my friend ♪
562
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:54,900
♪ Gonna get back to Georgia ♪
563
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,060
- Hello.
564
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,160
- You after a cup of sugar?
565
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,900
- That's right.
566
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:01,860
How did you know?
567
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:03,960
- I'll be right back.
568
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,880
(kooky electronic music)
569
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:28,340
- I didn't mean you to go out and get it.
570
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:29,260
- I didn't go out.
571
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,360
Could you leave the door open, thanks.
572
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:37,620
Here you are.
573
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,340
You could leave it just
outside the door tomorrow.
574
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,440
- Okay.
575
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,660
- Well, goodnight, so,
576
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:44,940
been nice meeting you.
577
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,240
If you might wanna drop in again anytime.
578
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:51,380
- Oh, is that a Picasso print?
579
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:52,860
- [Alvin] Oh, yup, I don't know.
580
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,540
- Oh no it isn't.
581
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,140
I thought it was but it isn't.
582
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:57,060
But that's Brian Ken.
583
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,500
That record playing is
definitely Brian Ken.
584
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,040
- I suppose it could be yeah.
585
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:06,620
Yeah that's Brian Ken.
586
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,420
- He's my favourite songwriter.
587
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:09,700
- Is he?
588
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,380
- Yeah I think he's great, don't you?
589
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:12,240
- Well yeah yeah, he's great all right.
590
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:13,940
- You don't mind if I
sit down and listen to it
591
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:14,780
for a while.
592
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,880
- Yeah sure, that's fine.
593
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,640
(kooky electronic music)
594
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,540
- You didn't have to do that for me.
595
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:34,540
Sit down, you little fool,
596
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,640
it's just a song.
597
00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:42,340
My name's Trudy.
598
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,980
- I'm Alvin, Alvin Purple.
599
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,080
- Purple, what a ridiculous name.
600
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:49,500
It's colourful.
601
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,220
- Yeah I suppose it is.
602
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,900
- Better than being called Alvin Pink
603
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,000
or Alvin Puce.
604
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:05,520
(kooky electronic music)
605
00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:42,480
(coughing)
606
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,860
(knocking)
607
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,960
- Come in.
608
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,420
Aren't you well?
609
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,500
- Well it's all these cold
showers I've been taking.
610
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:58,920
And I'd get a heart attack
running around the block
611
00:35:59,000 --> 00:35:59,980
in the middle of the night.
612
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:01,060
- But it works, doesn't it?
613
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:02,380
- Oh yeah.
614
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,500
(coughing)
- [Liz] Bless you.
615
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,300
- But am I better off?
616
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:08,280
I mean I was in better neck before
617
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,980
when I was out of control,
if you get what I mean.
618
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,020
- You still haven't found the right woman?
619
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,540
- Well what chance have I got?
620
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:15,540
Every time I get an inclination
621
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:16,620
I'm off around the block.
622
00:36:16,720 --> 00:36:18,700
- Mentally, I mean.
623
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,800
- [Alvin] Mentally?
624
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,220
- It's perfectly obvious to me
625
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,740
that women don't have
any real meaning for you
626
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,100
other than as,
627
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:29,180
- [Alvin] What, sex objects?
628
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,600
- There are other things
you can do with women.
629
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,500
- Such as?
630
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,120
(light music)
631
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,440
(airy classical music)
632
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:04,700
And the barman said
633
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:06,460
we don't often serve gorillas in this bar.
634
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,340
And the gorilla said,
635
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,420
the gorilla said, "At five
dollars a gin and tonic,
636
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:12,980
"I can understand that."
637
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,540
(laughing)
638
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,160
Well this is it, my little sin pit.
639
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,740
Do you like?
640
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:23,860
- It's very nice.
641
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:25,740
- Now come on, really.
642
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,340
- It could use a woman's touch.
643
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:28,500
- You reckon?
644
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:29,380
(knocking)
645
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:30,220
Oh excuse me.
646
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,680
Here, you take this, you won it.
647
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,540
Oh thanks very much.
648
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,340
No, that's all right.
649
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,440
I'll see you later.
650
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,400
If I turn retail, I'd make a fortune.
651
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,140
I have the feeling that our relationship
652
00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:50,340
is teetering on the edge
653
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,820
and that any minute it
could slip sideways,
654
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,380
go over the edge.
655
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:55,860
- Into what?
656
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,640
- Into something else.
657
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:03,660
- All relationships are in
a constant state of flux.
658
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,100
- What's that you said?
659
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,300
- I said flux.
660
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,400
- Oh, flux.
661
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:12,460
Do you think it's advisable
662
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:17,440
for a doctor-patient
relationship to be this intimate?
663
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,200
- The doctor-patient
relationship has to be close
664
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,460
if it's to get the best result.
665
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,560
- Oh yeah, I agree.
666
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:30,160
- Science can only go so far.
667
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,800
After that, we all have
to depend on trust.
668
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:41,120
(light percussive music)
669
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,720
- Hey Doc, I think I'm cured.
670
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,580
- What are you saying?
671
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:08,860
- Well it's nearly dawn.
672
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,580
We've been sitting here all that time
673
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:11,800
and I haven't had to go
and have a cold shower
674
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,780
or run around the block or anything.
675
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:15,880
Doc, you're a marvel!
676
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,680
- Yes, Alvin.
677
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,000
Congratulations.
678
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,300
I'm glad to have been of use to you.
679
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,400
Good night.
680
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:47,700
- I'm cured!
681
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:50,700
(laughing)
682
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,380
(crashing)
683
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,480
Dr. McBurney?
684
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,120
- Come in.
685
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:04,060
Dr. Sort has asked me
to take over your case.
686
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:05,020
- Is anything the matter?
687
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,120
- Not really, sit down.
688
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:10,620
- No thanks.
689
00:40:10,720 --> 00:40:13,140
- Dr. Sort describes herself
as having been placed
690
00:40:13,240 --> 00:40:16,860
in a professionally
embarrassing situation.
691
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,700
- Well I hadn't done anything.
692
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,300
- I am very well aware
of exactly what you did
693
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,400
and did not do.
694
00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:26,820
From the very first time that Dr. Sort
695
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,260
confided in me that you are causing her
696
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,100
some rather serious problems,
697
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:34,260
I predicted something
like this would happen.
698
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:38,220
Psychiatry is a curious
profession, Mr. Purple.
699
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:40,620
A psychiatrist is something
between a medicine man,
700
00:40:40,720 --> 00:40:44,920
a scientist, a father-confessor,
even a con man.
701
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,580
A psychiatrist is also human.
702
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,940
Dr. Sort will never be a good psychiatrist
703
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,960
until she learns a lot more about herself.
704
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,780
The same applies to you, Mr. Purple.
705
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,140
- But I'm cured.
706
00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:06,520
(laughing)
707
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,780
- There was never anything wrong with you.
708
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:11,940
Would you like a drink?
709
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,820
Gin, martini, scotch.
710
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:16,580
- Scotch, thanks.
711
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,660
- In fact you're normal, excessively so.
712
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:20,860
Water?
713
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:21,660
- No thanks.
714
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,300
- It's not psychiatry you need,
715
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,860
it's vocational guidance, Mr. Purple.
716
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:28,500
Look, I don't know how
you're placed at the moment
717
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:30,680
but I'd like to put a proposition to you.
718
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:36,560
I believe we could be of
considerable use to each other.
719
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,320
(rock music)
720
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:30,140
- Mr. Purple?
721
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:32,300
Dr. McBurney gave me this address.
722
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,400
- Come in, come in.
723
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,220
Miss Thorne, is it?
724
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:39,300
- That's right.
725
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,540
You understand, I'm rather
nervous about coming
726
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:43,540
but Dr. McBurney assured me
you were the right person
727
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:45,700
for my problem.
728
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:47,060
- Well I hope I am, Miss Thorne.
729
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,380
To be quite honest, I'm a
little bit nervous myself.
730
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,900
- Oh well you're nervous?
731
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,000
- Well I don't know if I
should tell you this but,
732
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,480
well you're my first patient.
733
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:01,120
- Oh, am I?
734
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:03,460
That's nice.
735
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:05,340
That means that we're both beginners then.
736
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:06,780
- That's right.
737
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,300
Anyway, sit yourself down
738
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:10,600
and make yourself comfortable.
739
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:15,700
Do you like champagne?
740
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,060
- Thank you.
741
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,360
(popping)
742
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,800
- I'll be back in a moment.
743
00:43:31,720 --> 00:43:33,880
(ripping)
744
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,020
- [Dr. McBurney] You'll like Patience.
745
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:45,540
Her condition is simply one
of arrested sexual expression.
746
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,740
Broken engagement caused in her mind
747
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,440
by her apparent inability
to satisfy her fiancee.
748
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,260
(popping)
749
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:54,860
Sorry about this one.
750
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:56,860
If she's really too much, back out.
751
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,500
Plead a migraine or something.
752
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:02,180
But at 36 she could badly
do with the Purple method.
753
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:03,860
(popping)
754
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,740
This one needs a touch of brutality.
755
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:08,740
Jump off a wardrobe if necessary
756
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:09,980
but don't injure yourself.
757
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:11,900
You have a busy week coming up.
758
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:13,500
(popping)
759
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:16,300
May I introduce Miss Guernsey.
760
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,300
I thought a change in
performance might interest you.
761
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,300
She's an ex missionary,
naturally a virgin.
762
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,620
Had fantastic dreams about being raped
763
00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:27,300
by her African Sunday school pupils.
764
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,500
Now I don't want you to do
a Tarzan all over the place
765
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,500
but I do want you to frighten her.
766
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:35,060
(chuckling) Just enough to convince her
767
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,760
she's saved it for Jesus
by the skin of her whatnot.
768
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,940
(screaming)
769
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,560
Oh my heartiest
congratulations, Miss Thorne.
770
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:04,380
What's that?
771
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,620
No, no, we psychiatrists
are only too pleased
772
00:45:07,720 --> 00:45:09,260
to do ourselves out of a job,
773
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:12,660
if it all turns out as
successfully as that.
774
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,420
(laughing)
775
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:15,420
Yes.
776
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,520
Yes, bye now.
777
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:20,700
That was Patience.
778
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,380
She's getting engaged next month.
779
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:23,580
- Oh, that's great.
780
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,700
I'd really like to go to
the wedding, you know that?
781
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:26,780
No, I mean it.
782
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:27,620
Cigar?
783
00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:29,720
- Yes, I don't mind if I do.
784
00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,740
- You know I can honestly
say I'm enjoying my work.
785
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:43,660
They're really very nice ladies.
786
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,540
- Even the missionary?
787
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:48,580
(laughing)
788
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:49,380
- Now I've got to admit
789
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,920
she very nearly did me a
serious injury, that one.
790
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:55,100
He had a bloody spearhead
stuck down her garter.
791
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,180
No, as true as I sit here.
792
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:58,460
I stepped on a leopard skin in front
793
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,100
just in the nick of time.
794
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,760
- Well you know, I did paint
rather a black picture of you.
795
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,660
She was supposedly there to convert you!
796
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,760
- Ha, convert.
797
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,440
(laughing)
798
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:21,820
Do you make up stories for all of them?
799
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:23,100
- Not always.
800
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,420
But the majority of
people would misunderstand
801
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:26,900
what we're doing.
802
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:28,660
But so far so good.
803
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,760
No slip ups.
804
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:43,080
(bell ringing)
805
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,360
(bell ringing)
806
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:02,820
- [Liz] Mr. Purple?
807
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:04,920
- God, Liz.
808
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:11,780
- Hmm, very nice.
809
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:12,940
Oh, there you are.
810
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,280
Not that you really need it.
811
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:25,360
Can I have some champagne please?
812
00:47:34,720 --> 00:47:35,460
- I don't get it.
813
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:37,220
Did Dr. McBurney send you?
814
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:38,340
- Don't you think he would?
815
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:39,180
- [Alvin] No I don't.
816
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:41,060
- I see, and what's so special about me?
817
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:43,140
- It's just, well he never
usually springs people
818
00:47:43,240 --> 00:47:44,300
on me like this.
819
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,400
- Well there's always a first time.
820
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,120
- This is highly irregular, you know.
821
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:54,340
- [Liz] A patient of yours came to see
822
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,340
Dr. McBurney yesterday.
823
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,640
Unfortunately he was out
so she saw me instead.
824
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:02,620
What she didn't know is
that I hadn't been informed
825
00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:04,580
of this little setup.
826
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:05,980
You are resourceful, you two,
827
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,080
I must congratulate you.
828
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,180
Are you still listening?
829
00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:11,620
- Yeah, yeah, I'm listening.
830
00:48:11,720 --> 00:48:13,260
- [Liz] It's quite simple.
831
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,380
I want from you what you're so eager
832
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,020
to give to other women.
833
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:20,940
I want it when I want it
and as often as I want it.
834
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,220
And if you think this is unreasonable,
835
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:26,180
just think how unreasonable
your activities would seem
836
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,460
if ever they hit the newspapers.
837
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:30,960
To say nothing of what
would happen to McBurney.
838
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,220
- I have an appointment this afternoon.
839
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:49,580
I don't want to disappoint my patient.
840
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:50,940
- Did you listen to the tape?
841
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:52,220
- That's blackmail.
842
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,320
- That's right.
843
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:19,980
- I wish you didn't have
to make it so early, Liz.
844
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,600
- I'm sorry Alvin but I have
to be at the office by 10.
845
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:28,540
- I understand this is for you?
846
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,020
- You're not wrong, you know.
847
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,120
You're right.
848
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:38,540
- You don't look well, Mr. Purple.
849
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:40,220
- I'm sorry.
850
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:42,320
- You ought to see a doctor.
851
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:45,240
- My trouble is that I can't avoid it.
852
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:49,460
- And guess what, darling.
853
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:51,680
I don't have any patients this morning.
854
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:55,160
So I don't have to be in till after lunch.
855
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,280
Alvin.
856
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:00,740
Alvin!
857
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:03,540
Alvin, did you hear what I said?
858
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:05,020
- That's great.
859
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,220
Absolutely fabulous.
860
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:09,320
Bloody marvellous news.
861
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:12,660
- [Woman] What is it?
862
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,060
- It's a pin.
863
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:15,020
If I happen to doze off,
864
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:17,120
just give us a short sharp jab.
865
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,660
It's nothing personal if I do it,
866
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,860
it's just that I have this
tendency to commit rivery.
867
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:23,700
- Commit rivery?
868
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:27,140
- Yeah you know, get
right off, drift away,
869
00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:29,580
up with the nimbuses and cumuluses
870
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:32,180
and all the other little puffs of God.
871
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,140
- Oh that's really beautiful.
872
00:50:34,240 --> 00:50:36,980
- I'm not being too good at
keeping the mind in my work.
873
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:38,500
- Am I work?
874
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:40,340
I suppose if you are my therapist, then,
875
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,900
- Don't get me wrong,
it's just a matter of
876
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,920
me helping myself by helping you
877
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,320
if you get what I mean.
878
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:55,080
- I just don't understand it.
879
00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:56,860
Are you ill or something?
880
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:58,780
- Just a bit tired, that's all.
881
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,420
- I did think five a week was all right.
882
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:03,940
Yesterday's patient was in a real state.
883
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:04,900
- Yesterday?
884
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,100
What happened yesterday?
885
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:09,460
- She says you fell asleep on top of her.
886
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:11,560
- Oh, that one.
887
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,820
- I send her to you for
confidence and this happens.
888
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,000
- Would you like some pumpkin seeds, Doc?
889
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:24,820
- Frankly Alvin, you have me worried.
890
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:28,480
I mean the success of our whole
operation is in your hands.
891
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:32,440
I can supply you the patients
but you must satisfy them.
892
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:35,820
You must keep up your end of the business.
893
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:37,920
- Oh, well put.
894
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:58,580
- What's the matter, Alvin?
895
00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:00,900
- Well I suppose it's
like everything else.
896
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:03,000
You lose form if you overdo it.
897
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,440
- Hmm.
898
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:10,480
Maybe you need a holiday.
899
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:13,440
(splashing)
900
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,880
- Oh, watch where you're going!
901
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:26,860
- You have no idea how glad I
am to see you, Miss Donovan.
902
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:29,260
- I'm glad to see you too, Alvin.
903
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:31,360
- Not as glad as I am, that's for sure.
904
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:48,780
- Hey, listen to this.
905
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:52,180
Pam the bearded dragon, 31
906
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:55,660
seeks musical, literary
or linguistic dragonette.
907
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:57,620
Beardless but sexy.
908
00:52:57,720 --> 00:52:59,020
How does that appeal to you, Tina?
909
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:01,120
I like the linguistic bit.
910
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:05,180
What about this one?
911
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:07,220
I am packed off of one night stands.
912
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:08,980
Sounds like you, Alvin.
913
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:10,460
Shat off with shallowness,
914
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:12,900
quiet, calm guy 25
915
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,220
would like to meet couple under 30
916
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,940
willing to dally
discretely during daytime.
917
00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:20,540
Status, looks, unimportant.
918
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:22,260
Any takers?
919
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:23,980
- What on earth would they do?
920
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,060
- Only cost you a dollar to find out.
921
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:28,600
- Can't you bastards talk
about anything but sex?
922
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,460
(splashing)
923
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:33,560
- Doesn't sound like our Alvin.
924
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,300
- You know I think the
whole thing's overrated.
925
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:42,580
- What whole thing?
926
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:43,780
- Sex.
927
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,020
Wasn't the only reason
we hit it off so well
928
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:48,120
because there's no sex in it?
929
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:50,880
- How do you know there's no sex in it?
930
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:53,660
- Well if I thought there was,
931
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:55,220
I'd run a mile.
932
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,480
(gasping)
933
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:01,820
- Alvin, you're wanted on the phone.
934
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:03,920
- [Alvin] Coming!
935
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:09,340
Hello?
936
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:10,360
- [Dr. McBurney] Alvin,
I've got to see you.
937
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,020
- Look, I don't know how to put this
938
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:14,580
but I can't go on.
939
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:15,400
- [Dr. McBurney] Yes, but Alvin.
940
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,460
- No, as far as I'm
concerned, it's all over.
941
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:18,940
- [Dr. McBurney] It's not, you know.
942
00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:20,660
It's just about to begin.
943
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:23,280
(tense music)
944
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:29,980
- When your wife visits a psychiatrist,
945
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:32,660
are you certain what transpires?
946
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:36,500
Some 220 concerned husbands
are suddenly far from sure
947
00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:38,740
after yesterday's shock disclosure
948
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,700
that a prominent and
distinguished psychiatrist
949
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:43,460
has been running what
amounts to a male brothel
950
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:45,420
for neglected wives.
951
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:47,780
A spokesman for the 220 husbands
952
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:49,500
said the psychiatrist and his associate
953
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:51,500
will be sued for a million dollars
954
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:53,860
for incitement to commit adultery.
955
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:56,700
However a prominent legal
advisor commented today
956
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,820
that it will be difficult
to establish the grounds
957
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:00,900
on which such a suit could be filed
958
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:05,460
unless one instance of proven
adultery could be established.
959
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,780
And as yet, the group has not nominated
960
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,920
which wife will be
mounted as the test case.
961
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:16,800
- I see what you mean.
962
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:18,820
- This is where I get off the bus
963
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:21,860
and my advice to you
is to do just the same.
964
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:23,940
Take the first plane out.
965
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:25,420
- Well I would, except--
966
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:26,940
- Except what?
967
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:29,420
- Except there's someone I
feel a certain attachment to.
968
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:30,780
- Are you mad?
969
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:33,500
It was Liz Sort who
dubbed this whole thing.
970
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:34,340
- Liz?
971
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:37,440
- I don't know what you did to her
but she's really got it in for us now.
972
00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:44,720
(bell tolling)
973
00:55:54,240 --> 00:55:56,240
- [Man] Be seated.
974
00:56:00,720 --> 00:56:02,660
- [Judge] Proceed.
975
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:04,500
- I would like to call Dr. Elizabeth Sort
976
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:05,420
to the witness stand.
977
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:07,520
- Dr. Elizabeth Sort.
978
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:18,740
Take the bible in your right
hand and repeat after me.
979
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:20,420
I swear by almighty God.
980
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:21,700
- I swear by almighty God.
981
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:23,260
- That the evidence I
shall give in this case.
982
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:24,980
- That the evidence I
shall give in this case.
983
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:26,380
- Will be the truth.
- Will be the truth.
984
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:28,020
- The whole truth.
- The whole truth.
985
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,120
- And nothing but the truth.
- And nothing but the truth.
986
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:37,860
- The question I'd like
to put to you, Dr. Sort is
987
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:41,180
what was your relationship
with the accused, Alvin Purple?
988
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,180
- Well he began as a patient of mine
989
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,020
but he is what's clinically known
990
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:46,420
as a satyromaniac.
991
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:48,900
That's the male equivalent
of a nymphomaniac.
992
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:50,620
His treatment of women is of a completely
993
00:56:50,720 --> 00:56:52,620
animal reflex nature.
994
00:56:52,720 --> 00:56:54,660
He can't keep his hands off anyone.
995
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:58,660
- Did he make advances to you, Dr. Sort?
996
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:00,860
- I'd prefer not to go into the matter.
997
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:01,980
- Well I would!
998
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:03,180
- Order in the court.
999
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:05,360
I must ask you to remain seated.
1000
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,540
- When did you first
learn that Dr. McBurney
1001
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:12,340
and the accused were conducting a brothel
1002
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:14,460
under the guise of a therapeutic clinic?
1003
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:16,620
- Two days ago when I
first informed the police.
1004
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:17,980
- That's a lie, she knew of all--
1005
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:19,260
- I'm warning you.
1006
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:21,760
If you interrupt again
I'll have you removed.
1007
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:27,000
- Hey, hey here!
1008
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:34,500
That's all I need.
1009
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:35,860
- Yeah, not surprising, is it?
1010
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:37,960
You ought to be locked up.
1011
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:41,340
Bloody disgusting, that's what it is.
1012
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,440
Preying on poor, screwed up Sheilas.
1013
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:47,500
What's a nice girl like
you doing up around
1014
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:48,900
with a pervert like him?
1015
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:50,220
- Alvin's not a pervert.
1016
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:52,320
- That's how it is?
1017
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:53,540
I'd kick the two of you out
1018
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:55,380
but it's against the law to refuse a fare.
1019
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,960
- Well let us out then if
that's the way you feel.
1020
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:03,040
- My pleasure, lady.
1021
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:10,260
- Why don't you wait for the facts
1022
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:12,360
before you make up your mind, eh?
1023
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,780
- [Lawyer] How much did
McBurney pay for your services?
1024
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:23,260
- It depended on how many
clients I handled a week.
1025
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:25,180
- And how many would
that normally have been?
1026
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:26,820
- It varied, there's some weeks five,
1027
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:30,340
some weeks as high as 14
but that was pushing it.
1028
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,680
(laughing)
1029
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:37,260
- Did you work on a commission basis
1030
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:39,940
or a flat rate?
1031
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:41,340
- I object, my Lord.
1032
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:44,060
My learned friend is taking
my client with contempt.
1033
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,340
- Quite the contrary.
1034
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:48,220
By his own testimony,
1035
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:52,160
your client deserves our utmost respect?
1036
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,540
- These are the premises
of 121 Emerald street
1037
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:58,180
where the events occurred which led
1038
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:00,500
to the instant legend of Alvin Purple,
1039
00:59:00,600 --> 00:59:02,140
the great lover.
1040
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:04,260
Already, a strange aura has built up
1041
00:59:04,360 --> 00:59:06,300
around this seemingly incredible character
1042
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:08,340
who made love to several hundred women
1043
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:10,860
with apparently untiring energy.
1044
00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:13,260
But who is Alvin Purple?
1045
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:15,860
There are those who knew
him outside the bedroom.
1046
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:19,060
And in an effort to piece
together some portrait of the man,
1047
00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:21,280
we have recorded the following interviews.
1048
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:25,420
What do you recall of Alvin Purple?
1049
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,660
- Well Alvin was a mature boy for his age.
1050
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:32,120
He was always very attentive in class.
1051
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:34,780
But though I would say that in the end
1052
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:37,660
the workload proved too great for him.
1053
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:39,380
- [Interviewer] Excuse
me, are you Mr. Dooley?
1054
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:40,220
- Yeah, why?
1055
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:42,100
- [Interviewer] Now I'm wonder,
see if you can give us a quick interview
1056
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:42,940
for the news.
1057
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:43,900
You do know Alvin?
1058
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:46,380
- I am familiar with him, Mr. Purple, yes.
1059
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:47,660
- Can you tell us something about him?
1060
00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:48,660
What sort of a person is he?
1061
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:50,300
- Well he was always a big boy.
1062
00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:52,620
I mean he always had a
big future in front of him
1063
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:53,980
and other places.
1064
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:55,260
- But what is his future?
1065
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:57,100
Do you expect him to be able
to get out of this trouble?
1066
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,220
- He always got out of
everything he's ever got into.
1067
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:02,300
Always got out at some stage
after he got into it, always.
1068
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:03,320
- [Interviewer] Thanks
very much, Mr. Dooley.
1069
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:04,860
Thank you.
- Thank you.
1070
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:07,020
- [Interviewer] Mrs. Warren, how did
Alvin Purple strike you?
1071
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:09,220
- Well people are never what they seem.
1072
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:11,060
I only met Alvin once.
1073
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:13,780
And in my opinion, he was quite terrified
1074
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:15,540
of the thought of sex.
1075
01:00:15,640 --> 01:00:18,860
- And that gives you some idea
of this modern-day Casanova
1076
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:23,460
who for a reputed 80
dollars a consultation
1077
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:25,380
can be said to have laid the problems
1078
01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:27,480
of a legion of women.
1079
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:35,140
- Well I'm no prude, Alvin
1080
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:36,460
but you can imagine this has been a pretty
1081
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:37,940
traumatic experience for us all
1082
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:40,300
particularly your mother.
1083
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:42,820
- Oh Alvin, how could you do those things?
1084
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:44,740
- Some of them were
pretty attractive things.
1085
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:45,540
- [Mom] What's that?
1086
01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:46,380
- Oh nothing, Mrs. Purple.
1087
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:48,260
The case is still sub-judicy.
1088
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:50,180
They haven't proved anything yet.
1089
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:51,220
- You're right.
1090
01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:53,140
Just because they say
Alvin's done those things
1091
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:55,240
doesn't mean to say he really has,
1092
01:00:57,680 --> 01:00:59,680
does it Alvin?
1093
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:06,620
- Dr. Sort, are you aware
1094
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:08,780
of the whereabouts of Dr. McBurney?
1095
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:10,880
- I understand he's left the country.
1096
01:01:12,160 --> 01:01:14,660
- Do you think his unorthodox therapy
1097
01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:17,300
will lead to his being struck
off the medical register?
1098
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:18,380
- Of course.
1099
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:19,780
- Does it surprise you then to learn
1100
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:21,880
that this will not take place?
1101
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:23,660
- You must be misinformed.
1102
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:26,220
- No you are the one who's
misinformed, Dr. Sort.
1103
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:29,660
Dr. McBurney's career has come
under the closest scrutiny.
1104
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:32,500
And it appears that the man has never been
1105
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:34,420
a qualified medical practitioner.
1106
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:36,600
He's a charlatan, a quack.
1107
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:40,140
- You're not talking to me?
1108
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:41,660
- No.
1109
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:43,020
- Do you think I'm a monster?
1110
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:43,860
- Yes.
1111
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:44,700
- Look, Tina, if I ever get out,
1112
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:46,780
just would you con, nah
of course you wouldn't.
1113
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:48,500
- No I wouldn't.
1114
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:50,600
What do you want?
1115
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:53,220
- How can I ever say it, you scare me.
1116
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:55,320
- Shut up, Alvin.
1117
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,720
(light guitar music)
1118
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:17,000
♪ I haven't the time and I
haven't the rhyme to tell you ♪
1119
01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:21,620
♪ To see what's really you ♪
1120
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:26,460
♪ To know of what I went through ♪
1121
01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:31,220
♪ That's where you are ♪
1122
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:36,320
♪ What a lonely lonely
some type of man you are ♪
1123
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:42,260
♪ Breaking your heart ♪
1124
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:47,360
♪ Only wanna be free ♪
1125
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:50,580
♪ Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong ♪
1126
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:55,680
♪ Maybe we're all the same ♪
1127
01:02:56,880 --> 01:03:00,820
♪ Maybe you need to know ♪
1128
01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:05,920
♪ Maybe you need to grow a little older ♪
1129
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:13,600
♪ What a lonely lonely
some type of man you are ♪
1130
01:03:17,680 --> 01:03:19,420
♪ But you're only halfway ♪
1131
01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:22,920
♪ Some type of man to me ♪
1132
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:29,660
- You do scare me, you know.
1133
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:31,380
- You've never been scared
of anything in your life,
1134
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:33,480
that's what's wrong with you.
1135
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:37,120
- Tina, would you,
1136
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:40,960
I feel like a complete idiot.
- You are a complete idiot.
1137
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,040
- Will you marry me?
1138
01:03:46,600 --> 01:03:48,700
Tina?
1139
01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:51,220
- How many other women have
you asked to marry you?
1140
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:52,620
- [Alvin] None.
1141
01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:53,460
- You're a liar.
1142
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:55,380
- I'm not.
1143
01:03:55,480 --> 01:03:57,480
I love you, Tina.
1144
01:03:59,960 --> 01:04:01,860
- Mr. Purple, were you aware
1145
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,100
that the so-called Dr.
McBurney was running
1146
01:04:04,200 --> 01:04:06,980
any other business apart
from his sex clinic?
1147
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:08,380
- No.
1148
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:10,420
- The police have made
a thorough investigation
1149
01:04:10,520 --> 01:04:11,860
of the premises at Emerald street
1150
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:13,960
and made some startling discoveries.
1151
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:19,740
If your honour pleases, I
would like to show the court
1152
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:20,900
the following exhibits.
1153
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:22,620
- What is the nature of these exhibits?
1154
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:24,740
- Films, your honour, reCovered
1155
01:04:24,840 --> 01:04:26,500
from McBurney's offices.
1156
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:27,780
- [Judge] And what relevance do they have
1157
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:28,980
to these proceedings?
1158
01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:30,300
- The evidence points your honour
1159
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:32,900
to the fact that they were
shot in Mr. Purple's premises
1160
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:33,780
at Emerald street.
1161
01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:34,940
- But that's impossible!
1162
01:04:35,040 --> 01:04:36,740
- Correction, they were most likely shot
1163
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:39,100
from a number of remotely
controlled cameras
1164
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:41,860
concealed in the next flat.
1165
01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:44,800
(jury chattering)
1166
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:51,680
- Clear the public gallery.
1167
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:55,320
- Clear the public gallery.
1168
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:05,780
- Ready to roll, your honour.
1169
01:05:05,880 --> 01:05:07,880
- [Judge] Proceed.
1170
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:16,820
- Now it's up to you to say when.
1171
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:18,380
- When what?
1172
01:05:18,480 --> 01:05:20,660
- When do I take your clothes off?
1173
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:21,780
- [Woman] I'll scream.
1174
01:05:21,880 --> 01:05:23,460
- There's no one to hear you.
1175
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:26,680
- You come near me or,
no it wouldn't happen.
1176
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:30,280
- Oh I haven't trained what I want.
1177
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:34,680
- But Dr. McBurney said,
1178
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:37,560
- [Alvin] What, what did he say?
1179
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:41,900
- You coward!
1180
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:43,780
You rotten little turd!
1181
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:46,740
How dare you treat me like this!
1182
01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:48,500
You arrogant little pipsqueak,
1183
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:49,860
watch it, you bloody nit.
1184
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:51,960
Ooh, I'm gonna kill you!
1185
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:00,660
I've had enough of this.
1186
01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:02,100
Get it over with!
1187
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:04,200
Rape me!
1188
01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:09,460
- [Alvin] Oh, not so fast.
1189
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:11,560
Careful, no careful.
1190
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:42,580
(moaning)
1191
01:06:42,680 --> 01:06:44,420
- Oh Alvin.
1192
01:06:44,520 --> 01:06:46,920
Why did you hold out so long?
1193
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:51,360
- [Alvin] Doctor's orders.
1194
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:57,620
- Yes, hmm.
1195
01:06:57,720 --> 01:06:59,980
- Pornographic movies, your honour.
1196
01:07:00,080 --> 01:07:02,060
- Hmm.
1197
01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:05,460
Are there any more of them, hmm?
1198
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:07,560
- There are indeed.
1199
01:07:09,920 --> 01:07:12,660
- It's going to set me scurzy, arr!
1200
01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:14,540
- I beg your pardon!
1201
01:07:14,640 --> 01:07:16,800
(roaring)
1202
01:07:21,600 --> 01:07:23,620
Don't you dare touch me
1203
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:26,420
you black hearted heathen!
1204
01:07:26,520 --> 01:07:28,720
(roaring)
1205
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:33,100
Take that, you filthy lecher!
1206
01:07:33,200 --> 01:07:35,200
Oh!
1207
01:07:44,920 --> 01:07:47,080
(roaring)
1208
01:07:56,040 --> 01:07:58,320
(crashing)
1209
01:07:59,360 --> 01:08:01,560
(roaring)
1210
01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:06,520
You brute.
1211
01:08:07,120 --> 01:08:11,280
There's only one way to
deal with people like you!
1212
01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:15,140
- As you can see, Dr. McBurney
ran a very lucrative business
1213
01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:16,820
in blue movies.
1214
01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:21,740
- Hmm, and how does one hire such things?
1215
01:08:21,840 --> 01:08:23,840
I mean (clearing throat),
1216
01:08:24,880 --> 01:08:29,880
their circulation must
present certain difficulties.
1217
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:33,140
- They're sold I understand
for 1000 dollars a print
1218
01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:36,500
and screened at stag parties
all over the country.
1219
01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:38,600
- Yeah, indeed, hmm.
1220
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:45,060
- If you lay as much as one finger on me
1221
01:08:45,160 --> 01:08:47,160
I'm telling you.
1222
01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:50,240
I'll call for the police.
1223
01:08:55,440 --> 01:08:57,440
What are you doing, Alvin?
1224
01:08:59,800 --> 01:09:01,800
Unbuttoning my blouse, Alvin?
1225
01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:11,520
I'll have to call them, I'm quite serious.
1226
01:09:15,200 --> 01:09:20,200
If this goes on for one minute
more, I will call the police.
1227
01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:26,200
Alvin, you are undoing my skirt.
1228
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:33,120
You realise you could be charged for that.
1229
01:09:40,080 --> 01:09:42,080
Take your hands off my bra, Alvin.
1230
01:09:43,920 --> 01:09:45,220
I'm warning you.
1231
01:09:45,320 --> 01:09:47,340
I'm quite serious.
1232
01:09:47,440 --> 01:09:49,440
I will call the police.
1233
01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:59,280
This is an offence.
1234
01:10:00,120 --> 01:10:02,120
You'll be charged with assault.
1235
01:10:06,560 --> 01:10:08,560
Alvin.
1236
01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:18,200
(moaning)
1237
01:10:20,400 --> 01:10:22,400
Now you've done it.
1238
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:25,000
You've called my bluff.
1239
01:10:25,520 --> 01:10:28,080
I will call the police.
1240
01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:46,680
Police!
1241
01:10:47,440 --> 01:10:49,540
Please!
1242
01:10:49,640 --> 01:10:51,820
Police!
1243
01:10:51,920 --> 01:10:53,920
Police!
1244
01:10:54,440 --> 01:10:56,440
Please.
1245
01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:59,040
Oh please.
1246
01:10:59,520 --> 01:11:01,520
Please, please.
1247
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:04,460
- I'm sorry, Tina.
1248
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:05,940
- [Woman] Police!
1249
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:07,860
- Please understand!
1250
01:11:07,960 --> 01:11:09,960
I never wanted it, Tina!
1251
01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:13,720
- [Woman] Police!
1252
01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:19,860
- In summing up, ladies
and gentlemen of the jury,
1253
01:11:19,960 --> 01:11:21,860
I would like to point out that this trial
1254
01:11:21,960 --> 01:11:25,100
has been one of the most
enjoyable experiences
1255
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:27,780
in all of my 30 years on the bench.
1256
01:11:27,880 --> 01:11:30,980
The accused and all of those involved
1257
01:11:31,080 --> 01:11:35,460
have unashamedly and in a
commendably honest manner
1258
01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:37,900
exposed to the public gaze
1259
01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:42,740
all of those interesting, not
to mention fascinating ways
1260
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:45,500
they put in their time.
1261
01:11:45,600 --> 01:11:48,700
Speaking as a judge, I
found it a welcome relief
1262
01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:52,180
to the usual parade of
wife beaters, drunks,
1263
01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:54,020
tax evaders, et cetera,
1264
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:58,400
whose antics I find of no
entertainment value whatsoever.
1265
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:02,060
(laughing)
1266
01:12:02,160 --> 01:12:04,500
However there are charges to be answered,
1267
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:07,220
and serious charges at that.
1268
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:11,740
Was Purple acting in his
capacity as hired stud,
1269
01:12:11,840 --> 01:12:14,540
a therapist somewhat ahead of his time,
1270
01:12:14,640 --> 01:12:18,140
or was he merely pursuing
the age old trade
1271
01:12:18,240 --> 01:12:21,580
of male prostitute or gigolo?
1272
01:12:21,680 --> 01:12:23,220
What's he to be charged with,
1273
01:12:23,320 --> 01:12:26,820
incitement to commit
adultery, false pretences,
1274
01:12:26,920 --> 01:12:29,260
running a common boarding house?
1275
01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:31,360
And who is to be charged?
1276
01:12:32,040 --> 01:12:33,980
On Dr. Sort's evidence,
1277
01:12:34,080 --> 01:12:37,460
Purple was merely acting
as an agent for McBurney
1278
01:12:37,560 --> 01:12:40,860
who as we all know is not here today
1279
01:12:40,960 --> 01:12:42,020
to face the court.
1280
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:44,180
- You are failing in your
duty if you do not instruct
1281
01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:46,340
the jury to bring down
a verdict with guilty.
1282
01:12:46,440 --> 01:12:48,920
- Indeed, Madam, kindly be seated.
1283
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:56,700
Now then, we come to the
matter of the manufacture
1284
01:12:56,800 --> 01:12:58,620
of these blue films.
1285
01:12:58,720 --> 01:13:01,020
If as I believe to be the case,
1286
01:13:01,120 --> 01:13:03,580
Mr. Purple was starring
in these productions
1287
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:06,460
without his own knowledge,
1288
01:13:06,560 --> 01:13:09,640
then how can he be properly
be charged as an accessory?
1289
01:13:11,360 --> 01:13:14,900
Once again, it's unfortunate
that McBurney is not here
1290
01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:16,140
in court today.
1291
01:13:16,240 --> 01:13:18,740
- You can't turn this
man loose on society.
1292
01:13:18,840 --> 01:13:21,540
He has preyed upon and
exploited the affections
1293
01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:23,640
of women all his life!
1294
01:13:24,280 --> 01:13:26,020
- Do calm yourself, madam.
1295
01:13:26,120 --> 01:13:27,540
Be seated.
1296
01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:29,780
- He's a menace!
1297
01:13:29,880 --> 01:13:31,880
Can't you see he must be put away?
1298
01:13:32,520 --> 01:13:34,680
(sobbing)
1299
01:13:41,160 --> 01:13:43,160
I can't.
1300
01:13:45,440 --> 01:13:48,060
- These then, ladies and
gentlemen of the jury
1301
01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:49,740
are the facts you must remember
1302
01:13:49,840 --> 01:13:52,420
when you go to consider your verdict.
1303
01:13:52,520 --> 01:13:55,460
Is the accused guilty of the crimes
1304
01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:57,500
with which he has been charged?
1305
01:13:57,600 --> 01:14:01,220
Or is he guilty of merely being used
1306
01:14:01,320 --> 01:14:05,160
by the man who committed the crimes?
1307
01:14:16,960 --> 01:14:18,960
- Be seated.
1308
01:14:21,960 --> 01:14:24,140
Has the jury reached a verdict?
1309
01:14:24,240 --> 01:14:26,240
- We have, your honour.
1310
01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:29,620
- [Man] And what is your verdict?
1311
01:14:29,720 --> 01:14:31,220
- Not guilty, your honour.
1312
01:14:31,320 --> 01:14:34,260
♪ Yeah get 'em Alvin ♪
1313
01:14:34,360 --> 01:14:36,600
(clapping)
1314
01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:47,640
(cheering)
1315
01:14:52,840 --> 01:14:57,900
♪ Why oh why does it have to be you ♪
1316
01:14:58,000 --> 01:15:02,320
♪ Why oh why does it have to be you ♪
1317
01:15:08,360 --> 01:15:10,980
- I don't know what to attribute
your success to, Alvin.
1318
01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:16,020
Immorality, ignorance,
cunning, or sheer bloody luck.
1319
01:15:16,120 --> 01:15:17,540
(shattering)
1320
01:15:17,640 --> 01:15:19,640
What the hell?
1321
01:15:25,360 --> 01:15:28,120
(men chattering)
1322
01:15:30,120 --> 01:15:30,860
Who are they?
1323
01:15:30,960 --> 01:15:32,740
- I got no idea.
1324
01:15:32,840 --> 01:15:34,420
Hey, wait a minute.
1325
01:15:34,520 --> 01:15:37,100
They look like the husbands
of some of my patients.
1326
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:38,220
- You better get going, boy.
1327
01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:40,320
I'll go down and head them off.
1328
01:15:45,600 --> 01:15:47,220
- We wanna see Alvin Purple.
1329
01:15:47,320 --> 01:15:48,500
(men chattering)
1330
01:15:48,600 --> 01:15:50,380
- I don't care if you've
been given us the face.
1331
01:15:50,480 --> 01:15:51,820
Now I don't care if you're blood,
1332
01:15:51,920 --> 01:15:52,980
you can't come in mate, he's not here.
1333
01:15:53,080 --> 01:15:55,220
That's not good, guv, he's not here.
1334
01:15:55,320 --> 01:15:58,000
Wait, look, but I'm telling you.
1335
01:16:02,600 --> 01:16:04,420
Don't push, you don't need to push, mate.
1336
01:16:04,520 --> 01:16:08,120
(shouting over each other)
1337
01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:11,540
No, just get back will you, just come on.
1338
01:16:11,640 --> 01:16:13,640
Easy there, ladies.
1339
01:16:19,800 --> 01:16:20,940
(car starting)
1340
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,820
- Hey, he's getting away!
1341
01:16:22,920 --> 01:16:23,660
(tyres screeching)
1342
01:16:23,760 --> 01:16:26,680
- [Man] He's getting away, come on!
1343
01:16:30,320 --> 01:16:33,080
(men chattering)
1344
01:16:36,280 --> 01:16:38,440
(revving)
1345
01:16:39,320 --> 01:16:42,240
(tyres screeching)
1346
01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:53,320
(tyres screeching)
1347
01:17:03,720 --> 01:17:06,640
(tyres screeching)
1348
01:17:16,120 --> 01:17:18,960
(energetic music)
1349
01:18:21,840 --> 01:18:24,000
(revving)
1350
01:18:46,680 --> 01:18:49,300
(honking)
1351
01:18:49,400 --> 01:18:51,560
(revving)
1352
01:19:05,440 --> 01:19:07,760
(splashing)
1353
01:19:08,960 --> 01:19:11,160
(revving)
1354
01:19:18,600 --> 01:19:20,880
(crashing)
1355
01:19:22,160 --> 01:19:24,320
(revving)
1356
01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:35,320
(tyres screeching)
1357
01:19:37,720 --> 01:19:39,880
(revving)
1358
01:20:40,960 --> 01:20:43,160
(revving)
1359
01:20:58,560 --> 01:21:00,720
(honking)
1360
01:21:09,680 --> 01:21:11,840
(honking)
1361
01:21:22,280 --> 01:21:24,440
(zooming)
1362
01:21:36,280 --> 01:21:37,340
(motor humming)
1363
01:21:37,440 --> 01:21:39,540
- VHF18 to tower.
1364
01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:41,700
- This'll be good to run.
1365
01:21:41,800 --> 01:21:42,500
- Through down to first,
1366
01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:44,260
then up the fourth now to finish up.
1367
01:21:44,360 --> 01:21:45,100
- Yeah.
1368
01:21:45,200 --> 01:21:47,200
How are you mate?
1369
01:21:49,400 --> 01:21:51,400
- Pair up, lighten up.
1370
01:21:52,200 --> 01:21:55,260
High fall, okay let's
bust over the garden.
1371
01:21:55,360 --> 01:21:57,360
This'll be jump run.
1372
01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:05,720
Let's go!
1373
01:22:08,520 --> 01:22:10,300
- I'm not really a skydiver!
1374
01:22:10,400 --> 01:22:11,900
I'm Alvin Purple!
1375
01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:14,660
- Yeah, and I'm the king of Siam, come on!
1376
01:22:14,760 --> 01:22:16,760
- No, no!
1377
01:22:20,080 --> 01:22:22,400
(screaming)
1378
01:22:28,080 --> 01:22:30,320
What bloody cord do I pull?
1379
01:22:31,520 --> 01:22:33,300
- [Man] That one!
1380
01:22:33,400 --> 01:22:35,400
That one!
1381
01:22:36,720 --> 01:22:39,040
(screaming)
1382
01:22:51,440 --> 01:22:54,000
(wind howling)
1383
01:22:55,720 --> 01:22:58,040
(splashing)
1384
01:22:59,640 --> 01:23:02,120
(light music)
1385
01:23:37,240 --> 01:23:39,280
- Friends, brethren.
1386
01:23:41,000 --> 01:23:44,500
It is all too easy,
looking at the spectacle
1387
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:47,100
of the modern world today
1388
01:23:47,200 --> 01:23:49,660
to throw up one's hands in horror
1389
01:23:49,760 --> 01:23:51,760
and become a profit of doom.
1390
01:23:52,720 --> 01:23:56,100
Probably never in the
history of civilization,
1391
01:23:56,200 --> 01:23:58,720
not since the fall of the Roman Empire
1392
01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:01,860
has the moral fibre of mankind
1393
01:24:01,960 --> 01:24:03,960
been in such grave peril.
1394
01:24:05,120 --> 01:24:08,700
The mass media speaks of
the permissive society,
1395
01:24:08,800 --> 01:24:11,420
but have you ever paused to consider
1396
01:24:11,520 --> 01:24:13,520
exactly what that might mean?
1397
01:24:14,800 --> 01:24:16,540
Let me tell you.
1398
01:24:16,640 --> 01:24:20,720
Nothing, I repeat, nothing is forbidden!
1399
01:24:22,040 --> 01:24:24,580
You can commit adultery,
you may fornicate.
1400
01:24:24,680 --> 01:24:29,660
Homosexual acts are permissible
between consenting adults.
1401
01:24:29,760 --> 01:24:32,780
No matter what your sexual predilections,
1402
01:24:32,880 --> 01:24:37,220
you may indulge them without
any sense of guilt whatsoever.
1403
01:24:37,320 --> 01:24:42,320
Sin it would appear is as
outdated as the chastity belt!
1404
01:24:43,960 --> 01:24:46,860
Whatever you may be to
use the current phrase
1405
01:24:46,960 --> 01:24:50,380
straight or gay, sadistic, masochistic,
1406
01:24:50,480 --> 01:24:52,480
auto-erotic, whatever.
1407
01:24:53,320 --> 01:24:57,380
The permissive society allows
you to indulge yourself
1408
01:24:57,480 --> 01:24:58,780
up to the hilt!
1409
01:24:58,880 --> 01:25:00,880
- McBurney!
1410
01:25:01,240 --> 01:25:02,500
- Alvin?
1411
01:25:02,600 --> 01:25:05,820
Friends, friends we have here before us
1412
01:25:05,920 --> 01:25:09,100
one of the most terrible examples, no,
1413
01:25:09,200 --> 01:25:11,940
in all charity I must say victims
1414
01:25:12,040 --> 01:25:14,120
of the permissive society.
1415
01:25:15,120 --> 01:25:17,300
Alvin Purple.
1416
01:25:17,400 --> 01:25:19,540
- Alvin.
1417
01:25:19,640 --> 01:25:20,820
- [Woman] Alvin.
1418
01:25:20,920 --> 01:25:22,500
Alvin!
1419
01:25:22,600 --> 01:25:25,580
(women screeching)
1420
01:25:25,680 --> 01:25:27,300
- Repent, Alvin!
1421
01:25:27,400 --> 01:25:29,180
Repent, Alvin!
1422
01:25:29,280 --> 01:25:31,280
Alvin, repent!
1423
01:25:32,360 --> 01:25:34,260
Come here, my boy!
1424
01:25:34,360 --> 01:25:36,360
Alvin!
1425
01:25:39,440 --> 01:25:41,920
(kooky music)
1426
01:26:29,520 --> 01:26:31,520
- Disgusting abyss.
1427
01:26:59,280 --> 01:27:00,500
- Where's Tina?
1428
01:27:00,600 --> 01:27:01,620
- Tina Donovan?
1429
01:27:01,720 --> 01:27:03,900
Well she resigned from
the job three days ago.
1430
01:27:04,000 --> 01:27:05,100
- Did she say where she was going?
1431
01:27:05,200 --> 01:27:06,060
- [Attendant] No.
1432
01:27:06,160 --> 01:27:07,020
- Vanished into smoke.
1433
01:27:07,120 --> 01:27:08,620
- She's off her rocker.
1434
01:27:08,720 --> 01:27:10,860
Carmella says she's thinking
of joining a convent.
1435
01:27:10,960 --> 01:27:12,860
- Tina, you're joking.
1436
01:27:12,960 --> 01:27:14,960
- I'm not, mate.
1437
01:27:15,400 --> 01:27:16,220
- I've gotta see her.
1438
01:27:16,320 --> 01:27:17,740
- I wouldn't advise it, boy.
1439
01:27:17,840 --> 01:27:19,620
Not after what I heard her say about you.
1440
01:27:19,720 --> 01:27:21,720
- What did she say?
1441
01:27:22,240 --> 01:27:24,600
- She said you were evil.
1442
01:27:25,600 --> 01:27:27,660
- Evil!
1443
01:27:27,760 --> 01:27:28,940
- Another round, thanks.
1444
01:27:29,040 --> 01:27:30,820
- [Spike] Make mine a pop, thanks.
1445
01:27:30,920 --> 01:27:32,920
- What else did she say?
1446
01:27:34,080 --> 01:27:36,060
- Well she said,
1447
01:27:36,160 --> 01:27:38,740
are you sure you wanna hear this?
- Yeah, come on.
1448
01:27:38,840 --> 01:27:40,220
- Well she said she didn't
know how she'd behave
1449
01:27:40,320 --> 01:27:43,320
if ever she had the
misfortune to see you again.
1450
01:27:47,240 --> 01:27:51,480
- Well there's only one way
to find that out, isn't it?
1451
01:28:05,360 --> 01:28:07,920
(bell dinging)
1452
01:28:23,600 --> 01:28:25,660
- I love you, Alvin.
1453
01:28:25,760 --> 01:28:28,180
But I could never marry you.
1454
01:28:28,280 --> 01:28:29,620
You must admit your
history doesn't make you
1455
01:28:29,720 --> 01:28:31,720
a very attractive marriage prospect.
1456
01:28:33,080 --> 01:28:35,080
- That's all in the past, Tina.
1457
01:28:35,880 --> 01:28:37,880
Give us a chance.
1458
01:28:38,880 --> 01:28:40,880
- Do people really change, Alvin?
1459
01:28:42,480 --> 01:28:44,480
It would take a lot to convince me.
1460
01:28:53,160 --> 01:28:55,780
(bell dinging)
1461
01:28:55,880 --> 01:28:58,480
(gentle music)
1462
01:29:01,480 --> 01:29:06,480
- Are you the new gardener?
1463
01:29:13,520 --> 01:29:15,520
- Would you like a cup of tea?
1464
01:29:18,520 --> 01:29:20,520
- Thank you, sister.
1465
01:29:38,760 --> 01:29:40,980
- That's a quiet job for a young man.
1466
01:29:41,080 --> 01:29:43,280
Most of our gardeners
are quite middle-aged.
1467
01:29:44,200 --> 01:29:47,740
- Well mother, it's the
sort of job that suits me.
1468
01:29:47,840 --> 01:29:51,940
And besides, it has its compensations.
1469
01:29:52,040 --> 01:29:54,640
(bell dinging)
1470
01:29:59,680 --> 01:30:03,160
(light sentimental music)
1471
01:30:47,680 --> 01:30:48,580
(upbeat music)
1472
01:30:48,680 --> 01:30:53,780
♪ Alvin make 'em wave bye bye ♪
1473
01:30:53,880 --> 01:30:58,540
♪ Alvin make 'em sing
ding-a-ling, why why ♪
1474
01:30:58,640 --> 01:31:03,540
♪ Alvin make 'em cry ♪
1475
01:31:03,640 --> 01:31:08,740
♪ Alvin make 'em laugh hello ♪
1476
01:31:08,840 --> 01:31:10,020
♪ Alvin make 'em high ♪
1477
01:31:10,120 --> 01:31:13,500
♪ Give them a sigh no no ♪
1478
01:31:13,600 --> 01:31:18,660
♪ Alvin don't let go ♪
1479
01:31:18,760 --> 01:31:23,760
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
1480
01:31:26,160 --> 01:31:31,160
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
1481
01:31:34,560 --> 01:31:36,100
♪ Try to avoid it ♪
1482
01:31:36,200 --> 01:31:37,980
♪ Just resisting now and then ♪
1483
01:31:38,080 --> 01:31:39,980
♪ If you'd only try to understand ♪
1484
01:31:40,080 --> 01:31:42,660
♪ Now there you go again ♪
1485
01:31:42,760 --> 01:31:47,760
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
1486
01:31:50,040 --> 01:31:52,120
♪ Get it ♪
1487
01:32:05,160 --> 01:32:10,160
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
1488
01:32:13,080 --> 01:32:18,080
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
1489
01:32:21,400 --> 01:32:26,400
♪ Alvin make 'em wave bye bye ♪
1490
01:32:26,760 --> 01:32:31,340
♪ Alvin make 'em sing
ding-a-ling, my oh my ♪
1491
01:32:31,440 --> 01:32:36,180
♪ Alvin make 'em cry ♪
1492
01:32:36,280 --> 01:32:41,280
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
1493
01:32:44,040 --> 01:32:47,800
♪ Why does it have to be you ♪
98611
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