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What?
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00:00:36,671 --> 00:00:39,206
♪ Today is your birthday ♪
4
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- ♪ It's my birthday too ♪
- It's not my birthday,
5
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you piece of shit.
6
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,145
Every day is your birthday,
7
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and today is the gift
of conversation.
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00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,550
I don't want your conversation.
9
00:00:48,583 --> 00:00:51,786
Your voice is making me
wanna pour Drano down my ears.
10
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,656
Aww, that's the sweetest thing
you've ever said to me!
11
00:00:54,689 --> 00:00:57,190
I love you so much,
I'll take that to my...
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00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:13,875
- Mm.
- Mm.
13
00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:14,876
Can I help you?
14
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,209
I didn't mean
to blow you off last night,
15
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,344
okay?
16
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:18,412
Okay.
17
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:19,246
Wait!
18
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:20,715
I took two Nyquil
and passed out.
19
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:23,518
I didn't wake up until
after midnight, I swear.
20
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,520
I put on normal clothes for you.
21
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:26,821
I'm sorry.
22
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:30,792
But I got you Pedialyte
and a burrito.
23
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:32,560
I think it's cheese.
24
00:01:32,594 --> 00:01:34,529
I assumed you might need it
after the very aggressive
25
00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:36,764
and slurred hate message
you left me.
26
00:01:36,798 --> 00:01:40,300
- Don't make any jokes.
- Right. Sorry.
27
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,202
Can I come in?
28
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:43,805
Please?
29
00:01:43,838 --> 00:01:47,508
You're, uh, glowing today,
by the way.
30
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:49,242
You are! You're...
you're beautiful,
31
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,878
you're a queen, I'm serious, please.
32
00:01:50,912 --> 00:01:52,379
If you do that again,
33
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,882
you better ingest
every Nyquil pill you own.
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00:01:54,916 --> 00:01:56,416
Done.
35
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,419
- I'm serious.
- I... fuckin' promise.
36
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,822
Okay, then,
wipe that smile off your face!
37
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:03,591
I'm... I'm trying, but it's...
38
00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:05,893
- I'm serious.
- Can I fuckin' enter, or...
39
00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:16,303
Uh-uh-uh!
40
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:17,805
What?
41
00:02:17,839 --> 00:02:19,439
Burrito.
42
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,608
Mm.
43
00:02:25,947 --> 00:02:27,280
Thank you.
44
00:02:29,651 --> 00:02:32,352
Uh! Scratch my back.
45
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,456
All right.
46
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,396
- Like this?
- Harder.
47
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,398
Down.
48
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:45,499
- Mm.
- Mm-hm.
49
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,467
To the left a little.
50
00:02:47,502 --> 00:02:48,936
Yeah.
51
00:02:48,970 --> 00:02:51,438
Do that one thing that I like.
52
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,240
Mm-hm.
53
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:54,809
- That's not what I like!
- This one thing.
54
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,209
- No.
- I'm outta here.
55
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,310
No!
56
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,914
Nathan, stop.
57
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,649
Ouch!
58
00:03:01,683 --> 00:03:02,750
Ow.
59
00:03:04,719 --> 00:03:05,887
- No.
- What?
60
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,755
- Stop.
- Keep going?
61
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,925
- Oh, I make you so wet!
- You a good boy?
62
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,827
You gonna do everything
I tell you to do?
63
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:13,795
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
64
00:03:13,828 --> 00:03:14,662
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah?
65
00:03:14,696 --> 00:03:16,430
- Yes.
- Okay, keep fucking me, then.
66
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,766
Harder, you little bitch!
67
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,835
Always such a fucking pussy!
68
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,369
Fucking me.
69
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:23,638
Don't come yet.
70
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,472
- Hold it in!
- Oh, I'm so close!
71
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:28,643
Oh, I'm sorry!
72
00:03:45,727 --> 00:03:48,261
All right.
73
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,534
Oh, man.
74
00:04:00,875 --> 00:04:06,581
Um... yeah, can I get
a white chocolate mocha...
75
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,482
decaf?
76
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:12,887
Oh, and with skim milk,
not regular milk.
77
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,488
Size?
78
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:16,289
Um...
79
00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:21,863
Medium.
80
00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:24,331
Oh wait, no, no... large.
81
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:25,833
Actually...
82
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:30,037
Can I get a medium in a large cup
83
00:04:30,071 --> 00:04:33,440
with extra whipped cream?
84
00:04:35,877 --> 00:04:38,679
Yeah, sure.
Anything else?
85
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:41,916
Oh yeah. Can I get one
of those low-cal bagels?
86
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:47,588
Oh, um, the freshest one?
87
00:04:47,622 --> 00:04:51,993
No... not that one.
The one in the back.
88
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,897
Hey, man, you wanna
do your job?
89
00:04:55,930 --> 00:04:57,832
I'm trying to get an education,
90
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,801
make a better life for myself.
91
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:01,936
- You're reading manga.
- Yeah.
92
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,005
- Hm.
- Does that turn you on?
93
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:06,908
A cultured man reading
Japanese literature?
94
00:05:06,941 --> 00:05:09,644
My vagina has literally
never been so dry.
95
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:10,611
I'm into that.
96
00:05:10,645 --> 00:05:12,613
- Just like...
- Fine.
97
00:05:12,647 --> 00:05:14,381
Sage?
98
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:15,750
A word.
99
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:16,918
Kyle.
100
00:05:20,555 --> 00:05:22,990
Sage, it's all about keeping
the order side of the cup
101
00:05:23,024 --> 00:05:24,792
facing out.
102
00:05:24,826 --> 00:05:27,762
Expedited service,
keeping it smooth, slick.
103
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:32,432
After all, we are
a well-oiled machine.
104
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:33,801
- Yes.
- Got it.
105
00:05:33,835 --> 00:05:37,638
Good, good, good.
Also... ahem...
106
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:40,373
We need to discuss
your upsell tactics?
107
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:41,108
Mm-hm.
108
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:46,848
You know, this was brewed
by Somalian street orphans.
109
00:05:46,881 --> 00:05:50,518
Lot of children had to die
for this coffee.
110
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,154
Here.
111
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,756
Take it.
It's yours.
112
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:57,592
Take it.
113
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:58,759
Goodbye.
114
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,493
Enjoy!
115
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,930
Think about it like carpe diem.
116
00:06:02,964 --> 00:06:04,866
Seize the opportunity.
117
00:06:04,899 --> 00:06:08,435
Make them want what they don't have.
118
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:09,537
We're a model store.
119
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,806
Other locations
look up to us.
120
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,574
I mean, it's like
we are delivering
121
00:06:13,608 --> 00:06:15,643
the opiate of the masses.
122
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,411
It's... it's a domino effect,
123
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really.
124
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:23,951
Okay.
125
00:06:23,985 --> 00:06:25,019
- Was that it?
- Yeah, that's all,
126
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,487
back to the register.
127
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,191
All right, people,
let's keep it moving.
128
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,168
Hey, Sage!
129
00:06:41,202 --> 00:06:43,604
C'mere, come on.
130
00:06:43,638 --> 00:06:45,873
I just... I don't want
you to forget
131
00:06:45,907 --> 00:06:49,577
to wipe down the tables, so...
132
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,545
this is for you!
133
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:54,615
I hope you choke on your vomit
and die in your sleep.
134
00:06:54,649 --> 00:06:56,784
Stop flirting with me
in the workplace.
135
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,686
This is a sacred environment!
136
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,721
Fine! I'll go out with you!
137
00:07:00,755 --> 00:07:01,923
Come back.
Please come back.
138
00:07:01,956 --> 00:07:03,090
No.
139
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:08,930
I really can't tell if I'm turned on
140
00:07:08,963 --> 00:07:10,898
or if I wanna, like,
gouge out his eyes
141
00:07:10,932 --> 00:07:12,900
and force-feed him
his own testicles, you know?
142
00:07:12,934 --> 00:07:14,902
Ooh! That, I can get on board with.
143
00:07:14,936 --> 00:07:16,469
How many times is he gonna upset you
144
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,940
before you realize
you just gotta move on?
145
00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:20,241
I suck at this game.
146
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:22,009
You gotta give more hand jobs.
147
00:07:22,043 --> 00:07:24,512
Exercise that wrist.
148
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,647
- Nobody likes hand jobs.
- Whoa.
149
00:07:26,681 --> 00:07:28,215
Seventh-graders like hand jobs.
150
00:07:28,249 --> 00:07:29,517
That's true.
151
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,152
- Ew.
- You could masturbate.
152
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:32,853
I hate masturbating.
153
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,623
What did you say?
154
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:36,891
My arm gets tired.
155
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,059
Better start
flickin' that clit.
156
00:07:38,092 --> 00:07:39,593
Ew, stop!
157
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:40,661
You really need
to get more comfortable
158
00:07:40,695 --> 00:07:42,029
with your sexuality.
159
00:07:42,063 --> 00:07:43,664
It has nothing to do
with my sexuality.
160
00:07:43,698 --> 00:07:45,166
I just don't like that word.
161
00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:47,001
- "Clit"?
- Yes.
162
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,636
Or it really might be your sexuality.
163
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:51,005
- Thank you.
- I love sex!
164
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:54,108
Cum! Penis! Vagina! Areola!
165
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,142
Tip of the dick!
166
00:07:55,176 --> 00:07:56,911
I don't fuckin' know,
I just don't like
167
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,646
that specific word.
168
00:08:01,082 --> 00:08:02,550
Oh, shit!
169
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,751
Eight!
170
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,786
Sorry, Casey, you lose.
171
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,824
So you can swallow jizz
but you can't take down
172
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,159
two ounces of tequila?
173
00:08:12,193 --> 00:08:14,562
I don't swallow.
174
00:08:17,031 --> 00:08:18,833
What do you do in bed?
175
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,169
You swallow?
176
00:08:22,203 --> 00:08:23,637
Duh.
177
00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:28,175
Do you swallow?
178
00:08:28,209 --> 00:08:31,312
It depends on the guy, but...
yeah.
179
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:35,649
I mean, the consistency!
It's like...
180
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,585
melted rubber.
181
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:40,054
That's why you gotta...
deep-throat
182
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,622
and just let it shoot back.
183
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,224
It also sounds like
he might be eating something
184
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:44,425
that he should not be eating.
185
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,227
I don't know, I think
I'm just not a texture person
186
00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,495
or something.
187
00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:50,331
You can't complain about cum
until you've had Jason Michaels
188
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,199
blow his wad all over you.
189
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,136
I forgot about Jason.
190
00:08:55,169 --> 00:08:57,638
- Who was Jason?
- Junk jizz.
191
00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,241
A piece of jizz literally
flew out of his dick
192
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:02,610
onto my hand.
193
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,613
Like the peelable glue
that you get
194
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,215
in magazine perfume samples.
195
00:09:11,185 --> 00:09:12,620
That's repulsive.
196
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:13,788
Not as bad as Colgate jizz.
197
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,189
- Debatable.
- No!
198
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,791
- Yes!
- It's so much worse!
199
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:17,758
- Go.
- Okay.
200
00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:19,193
This guy, when he came,
it was literally like
201
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,428
squeezing a tube of toothpaste.
202
00:09:20,461 --> 00:09:25,132
The jizz just, like, spiraled
out of the tip of his dick.
203
00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:26,700
Does that sound right to you?
204
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,135
Does that sound right
to you?
205
00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:31,272
- That is rich.
- Gross adjectives.
206
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:32,973
Why do you guys
do this to me?
207
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:34,775
And now you have rubber jizz,
so, you know,
208
00:09:34,809 --> 00:09:36,677
it's like we're a team.
209
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,379
Worst league ever.
210
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,848
Whatever, man.
211
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,316
- Oh, fuck!
- What?
212
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,285
I need to start handling
my own prints,
213
00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:47,054
because I'm making, like,
$2 through a third party.
214
00:09:47,088 --> 00:09:48,322
It's a total scam.
215
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:49,423
- Hm.
- Well, better start wearing
216
00:09:49,457 --> 00:09:52,393
low-cut shirts to work
and rack up that tip money.
217
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,129
Okay, yeah, first of all,
I don't have boobs,
218
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,831
if you didn't notice;
secondly,
219
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,265
please do not bring up work.
220
00:09:58,299 --> 00:09:59,333
I'll drink to that.
221
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,936
What? I thought the
publishing house was going well.
222
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,106
An unpaid internship's
not really helping with rent.
223
00:10:05,139 --> 00:10:06,307
You're still interning?
224
00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:07,441
I guess they're hesitant
to move someone up
225
00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:11,112
with no college credentials
and a late-in-life GED.
226
00:10:11,145 --> 00:10:13,013
I have a degree
and I serve coffee for a living,
227
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,815
if that makes you feel better.
228
00:10:14,849 --> 00:10:16,750
It does! Thank you.
229
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:18,285
Yeah, but that's an art degree.
230
00:10:18,319 --> 00:10:20,154
Wow.
231
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:22,389
Thank you for putting my failure
into perspective.
232
00:10:22,423 --> 00:10:25,126
Okay, I didn't mean it
like that.
233
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:27,228
I just...
234
00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:28,896
There's no, like,
set career path.
235
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,664
Oh, believe me, I would much
rather have a career
236
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:33,367
with a path as clear-cut
as selling insurance.
237
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,102
Okay.
238
00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,204
It's a transitional job.
239
00:10:37,238 --> 00:10:39,240
And it pays well.
240
00:10:39,273 --> 00:10:41,175
Not that that money's
actually enjoyed.
241
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,776
I love your dad,
242
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,211
but he's draining you dry,
honey.
243
00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:46,714
And how, exactly,
are you paying for things?
244
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,649
- Savings.
- Hm.
245
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,752
I don't have a lot of time.
246
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,954
My conference is in 20 minutes.
247
00:10:53,988 --> 00:10:56,223
That's plenty.
248
00:10:56,257 --> 00:10:57,391
Sit down.
249
00:11:09,203 --> 00:11:10,871
Take off my pants.
250
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,825
- Oh no, I'm good, thank you.
- Drink it.
251
00:11:38,032 --> 00:11:40,301
Look at me.
252
00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:41,735
Yeah.
253
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:45,039
Just like that.
254
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,173
Keep drinking.
255
00:11:50,411 --> 00:11:53,080
Tastes good, doesn't it?
256
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:56,518
- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.
257
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:14,401
Stop! Don't swallow!
258
00:12:14,435 --> 00:12:16,136
Oh, God!
259
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:19,907
Slap me.
260
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:24,445
Harder.
261
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,515
Hit me again.
262
00:12:27,549 --> 00:12:30,050
Hit me again!
263
00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:31,252
Now, the water!
264
00:12:31,285 --> 00:12:32,987
Spit it in my face!
265
00:12:50,505 --> 00:12:52,273
You can go now.
266
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:21,603
There you go.
267
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:30,978
I think it's best to keep
a positive perspective.
268
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,479
I know this feels like
a low point,
269
00:13:32,514 --> 00:13:36,518
but perhaps this could be
a renewed beginning.
270
00:13:36,551 --> 00:13:37,951
If you'd like to come in
twice a week,
271
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,054
I do have an opening
on Thursdays.
272
00:15:57,124 --> 00:16:00,227
Medium latte,
triple shot, iced.
273
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,529
Ahem!
274
00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:09,737
Are you sure
you wouldn't like a large
275
00:16:09,771 --> 00:16:12,105
for just 25 cents more?
276
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,711
I'm sure that
I'd like a medium.
277
00:16:16,744 --> 00:16:18,312
Because if I wanted a large,
278
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:20,047
I would have ordered a large.
279
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,415
And I'm also sure
that I can't be late
280
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,350
to a very important meeting,
so,
281
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:25,687
if you could do your job
quickly
282
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,722
and get me the medium iced latte
I ordered,
283
00:16:27,755 --> 00:16:30,324
I can give you this as a tip
284
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,259
and we can say our goodbyes.
285
00:16:34,762 --> 00:16:37,130
Okay.
286
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,766
Anything else?
287
00:16:48,810 --> 00:16:51,178
Thanks.
288
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:57,719
- Hello.
- Hi.
289
00:16:57,752 --> 00:16:59,253
Are you gonna help us close?
290
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:00,755
Uh, no thanks.
291
00:17:00,788 --> 00:17:01,723
Okay, cool!
292
00:17:01,756 --> 00:17:05,392
Just remember,
drive fast and take chances!
293
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,463
Here.
294
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,300
That is a solid amount of cash
to be flaunting.
295
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,571
Don't get overzealous
and spend it all in one place.
296
00:17:16,604 --> 00:17:18,640
- Seventeen dollars?
- America.
297
00:17:18,673 --> 00:17:20,140
Land of opportunity.
298
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:21,643
No, I'm excited.
299
00:17:21,676 --> 00:17:23,310
It's the exact down payment
I needed for my ad, actually,
300
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,746
so...
301
00:17:24,779 --> 00:17:25,813
Ha-ha! Hard work
really does pay off.
302
00:17:25,847 --> 00:17:28,115
It does!
303
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,449
So.
304
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:30,484
How's the art stuff?
305
00:17:30,518 --> 00:17:33,521
It's good, it's a nice,
consistent reminder
306
00:17:33,555 --> 00:17:35,757
of my unfulfilled potential.
307
00:17:35,790 --> 00:17:37,424
So I should expect
to see your work at the Getty
308
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:38,693
in the near future.
309
00:17:38,726 --> 00:17:40,460
Oh yeah, any day now.
310
00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:42,262
You know, I really hope
they display the one
311
00:17:42,296 --> 00:17:44,866
with the, uh, Grim Reaper
and the coffee cup,
312
00:17:44,899 --> 00:17:47,267
I think that's my favorite.
313
00:17:47,301 --> 00:17:48,168
You asshole.
314
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,505
I couldn't help myself.
315
00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:51,673
I'm sorry!
316
00:17:51,706 --> 00:17:54,341
I saw an opportunity while
you were cleaning the bathroom!
317
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:55,743
You're triggering
some very sensitive issues
318
00:17:55,777 --> 00:17:57,444
from my childhood right now,
please stop.
319
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:58,345
Please stop.
320
00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:59,346
Ew! Get that out of my face
right now.
321
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,414
I'm serious.
322
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:01,749
No, you made
a very serious mistake.
323
00:18:01,783 --> 00:18:03,751
Okay. I have acne-prone skin.
324
00:18:03,785 --> 00:18:04,852
Why is it red?
325
00:18:04,886 --> 00:18:06,320
Because I used it to clean up
the menstrual blood
326
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:07,555
in the women's stall.
327
00:18:07,589 --> 00:18:09,791
What the fuck? No! Ew! No!
328
00:18:09,824 --> 00:18:12,159
No, and my guess is
I'll really have you...
329
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,795
Okay, please, I will do anything
to make it up to you.
330
00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:15,897
- Please stop!
- It's too late for that.
331
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:18,165
Okay, I have a bowl
in the back!
332
00:18:26,741 --> 00:18:28,509
Can I hit that yet?
333
00:18:29,877 --> 00:18:32,412
Nope.
334
00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:34,414
Can't believe you were gonna
wipe period on my face.
335
00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:36,416
It was strawberry syrup,
relax.
336
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,519
You think I'd touch that rag?
337
00:18:41,623 --> 00:18:44,224
Your work really is great.
338
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:47,762
Yeah, well, you and Edna
seem to be the only two people
339
00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:49,664
that think that, so...
340
00:18:49,697 --> 00:18:51,164
- Edna?
- Oh yeah.
341
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,266
She's a repeat Etsy customer
I have.
342
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,838
She's, like, 60, has a parrot,
and is a devout Wiccan,
343
00:18:56,871 --> 00:18:58,438
according to her profile.
344
00:18:58,472 --> 00:19:00,908
Whoa.
345
00:19:00,942 --> 00:19:03,811
Hey, at least you know
you have a wide target audience.
346
00:19:03,845 --> 00:19:05,880
I really think you should make,
like,
347
00:19:05,913 --> 00:19:09,550
a coffee table book
or something, you know?
348
00:19:09,584 --> 00:19:11,485
Yeah, and then sell it
to Urban Outfitters
349
00:19:11,519 --> 00:19:13,453
so edgy teens can purchase it?
350
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:14,856
- Totally.
- Fuck you, I'm being serious.
351
00:19:14,889 --> 00:19:17,558
You can put, like, little
witty one-liners underneath.
352
00:19:17,592 --> 00:19:18,893
It'd be cool.
353
00:19:18,926 --> 00:19:21,261
No more input from you.
354
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:24,666
Look. I'm just trying to keep
the artistic spirit alive.
355
00:19:24,699 --> 00:19:27,267
And I, for one, appreciate
your dark sense of humor.
356
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,671
It reminds me of this director
I've been getting into.
357
00:19:29,704 --> 00:19:31,506
He just did a movie
about a widowed mortician
358
00:19:31,539 --> 00:19:33,541
that falls in love
with one of his corpses,
359
00:19:33,574 --> 00:19:36,476
and, um, well, they're actually
screening it this week,
360
00:19:36,511 --> 00:19:38,311
- I wanted to...
- No.
361
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,681
Yeah, I mean, I get it,
you don't want to spend
362
00:19:39,714 --> 00:19:41,749
your hard-earned money
on movie tickets.
363
00:19:41,783 --> 00:19:43,951
Which, uh, happens
to work out perfectly,
364
00:19:43,985 --> 00:19:45,620
considering I have two tickets.
365
00:19:45,653 --> 00:19:46,788
Kyle!
366
00:19:46,821 --> 00:19:49,691
- I know what you're gonna say.
- I don't date.
367
00:19:49,724 --> 00:19:50,792
Right.
368
00:19:50,825 --> 00:19:52,527
That's what I was getting to.
369
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:53,695
And I also don't like
saying no,
370
00:19:53,728 --> 00:19:56,597
so the less you ask,
the less I'll have to do that.
371
00:19:56,631 --> 00:19:58,298
For sure, for sure.
372
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,802
Look. I respect
your life choices.
373
00:20:00,835 --> 00:20:02,904
I, um, I just think
you're missing
374
00:20:02,937 --> 00:20:04,739
a profound opportunity.
375
00:20:04,772 --> 00:20:07,508
Opportunity leads
to disappointment.
376
00:20:07,542 --> 00:20:09,510
See, and then you say
stuff like that
377
00:20:09,544 --> 00:20:12,580
and you lead me on
and it's cruel.
378
00:20:14,749 --> 00:20:16,349
It's not you.
379
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,453
You know that.
380
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:20,722
What?
381
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,426
Okay.
382
00:20:26,460 --> 00:20:27,929
We flirt, right?
383
00:20:27,962 --> 00:20:28,863
We hook up.
384
00:20:28,896 --> 00:20:29,797
We date for two years.
385
00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:30,965
Shit hits the fan,
386
00:20:30,998 --> 00:20:33,000
we take another two years
to call it off, and by then,
387
00:20:33,034 --> 00:20:35,703
we're, like, 30
with nothing but wasted time,
388
00:20:35,737 --> 00:20:37,270
wasted youth,
wasted emotions,
389
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:41,609
and we've totally
fucked each other up.
390
00:20:41,642 --> 00:20:47,048
I was thinking maybe we start
with bowling or something?
391
00:20:47,081 --> 00:20:48,716
Hey, I'll let you
think about it.
392
00:20:50,084 --> 00:20:51,152
You can finish that, I'm good.
393
00:20:51,185 --> 00:20:55,623
I'm gonna go mop up
back of house or something.
394
00:21:42,003 --> 00:21:44,437
Hello, excuse me, excuse me!
395
00:21:45,940 --> 00:21:48,475
- Did she notice?
- Nah, girl. You're good.
396
00:21:48,509 --> 00:21:50,011
Trish, you are
a fucking angel.
397
00:21:50,044 --> 00:21:52,747
I know.
398
00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:53,714
Hi!
399
00:21:53,748 --> 00:21:55,415
Hi.
400
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:57,819
Sorry, I get really sucked in
when I'm reading.
401
00:21:57,852 --> 00:21:59,486
You must be Margaret.
402
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,454
- Morgan.
- Morgan, yes... no, sorry.
403
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:03,858
I know I knew that.
404
00:22:03,891 --> 00:22:07,360
- Fuck!
- That's okay. Close enough.
405
00:22:09,931 --> 00:22:11,065
And you are?
406
00:22:11,098 --> 00:22:13,466
Oh, Myles.
407
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,904
I'm gonna be interning
with you guys... girls, girls.
408
00:22:16,938 --> 00:22:19,941
- Female girls.
- Cool!
409
00:22:19,974 --> 00:22:21,408
What happened to Amy?
410
00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:22,777
They moved her
to the assistant position
411
00:22:22,810 --> 00:22:24,946
in Young Adult,
lucky bitch.
412
00:22:24,979 --> 00:22:26,747
Good for her, though!
413
00:22:26,781 --> 00:22:28,983
I-I-I meant, like, uh,
414
00:22:29,016 --> 00:22:32,153
women advancing
and the glass ceiling, and...
415
00:22:32,186 --> 00:22:33,821
Myles.
416
00:22:33,855 --> 00:22:35,056
Shut the fuck up.
417
00:22:35,089 --> 00:22:37,525
Okay.
418
00:22:44,599 --> 00:22:46,167
Olivia?
419
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,669
Alan?
420
00:22:48,703 --> 00:22:50,705
Come on in.
421
00:22:55,109 --> 00:22:58,012
Make yourself comfortable.
422
00:23:21,769 --> 00:23:26,040
So, Alan.
423
00:23:26,073 --> 00:23:28,643
What do you want?
424
00:23:28,676 --> 00:23:31,212
Oh boy, um...
425
00:23:31,245 --> 00:23:34,782
I'm not entirely sure, uh...
426
00:23:34,815 --> 00:23:42,023
I do have some ideas,
but I've...
427
00:23:42,056 --> 00:23:44,859
I've never done this before.
428
00:23:44,892 --> 00:23:46,661
Shy, huh?
429
00:23:46,694 --> 00:23:48,529
I like that.
430
00:23:48,562 --> 00:23:50,965
Don't be nervous.
431
00:23:50,998 --> 00:23:54,035
We'll work through it
together.
432
00:23:54,068 --> 00:23:55,970
Let's start at the beginning.
433
00:23:56,003 --> 00:23:58,906
How do you like it?
434
00:23:58,940 --> 00:24:01,542
Hard or soft?
435
00:24:01,575 --> 00:24:02,910
Hard.
436
00:24:02,944 --> 00:24:04,679
Hard and fast or hard and slow?
437
00:24:04,712 --> 00:24:06,781
Oh, hard and slow.
438
00:24:06,814 --> 00:24:11,752
- I like hard and slow, too.
- That's... that's great.
439
00:24:11,786 --> 00:24:13,988
Close your eyes for me.
440
00:24:19,226 --> 00:24:23,164
I want you to tell me exactly
what you want to do to me.
441
00:24:23,197 --> 00:24:26,901
Okay?
442
00:24:26,934 --> 00:24:28,836
Okay.
443
00:24:31,939 --> 00:24:35,676
We're on the bed,
444
00:24:35,710 --> 00:24:42,116
and you're stroking my knee.
445
00:24:46,854 --> 00:24:48,622
It tickles.
446
00:24:48,656 --> 00:24:50,157
Do you like it
when I stroke your knee?
447
00:24:50,191 --> 00:24:52,994
I like it
when you stroke my knee.
448
00:24:53,027 --> 00:24:55,663
What else am I doing
that you like?
449
00:24:55,696 --> 00:24:58,866
You unbutton my shirt,
450
00:24:58,899 --> 00:25:04,105
and then you...
you take it off,
451
00:25:04,138 --> 00:25:10,845
and then my pants,
you take those off too.
452
00:25:10,878 --> 00:25:15,883
And then... and then,
you take your clothes off.
453
00:25:15,916 --> 00:25:21,555
So now,
no one's wearing clothes.
454
00:25:21,589 --> 00:25:24,258
And...
455
00:25:24,291 --> 00:25:28,763
and then,
you kiss me,
456
00:25:28,796 --> 00:25:37,571
and you kiss the...
the tip of my penis,
457
00:25:37,605 --> 00:25:44,178
and you lick it,
you lick it with your tongue.
458
00:25:44,211 --> 00:25:48,215
And you're sucking on it,
459
00:25:48,249 --> 00:25:50,751
and you're gagging.
460
00:25:50,785 --> 00:25:52,319
You're gagging so loud,
461
00:25:52,353 --> 00:25:56,624
and I slap you in the face
with it.
462
00:25:56,657 --> 00:25:58,759
I dick-slap you
right in the face,
463
00:25:58,793 --> 00:26:01,362
and you say,
"Oh, slap me again, Daddy,
464
00:26:01,395 --> 00:26:04,131
with your big, fat cock!"
465
00:26:04,165 --> 00:26:06,934
And so I do.
466
00:26:06,967 --> 00:26:09,637
And then I grab you
by the back of the hair
467
00:26:09,670 --> 00:26:11,739
and I pull you up
468
00:26:11,772 --> 00:26:16,043
and I press your face
against the wall
469
00:26:16,077 --> 00:26:19,780
and I tell you
what a bad girl you've been.
470
00:26:19,814 --> 00:26:22,850
And you beg memnot to punish you,
471
00:26:22,883 --> 00:26:26,320
but bad girls need to get punished.
472
00:26:26,353 --> 00:26:28,289
So I spank you,
473
00:26:28,322 --> 00:26:30,925
I spank you so hard,
474
00:26:30,958 --> 00:26:33,327
and you say,
"I'll be a good girl, Daddy,
475
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,262
I promise!"
476
00:26:35,296 --> 00:26:38,399
And I say, "That's what
you said last time.
477
00:26:38,432 --> 00:26:41,102
You need to learn your lesson,
478
00:26:41,135 --> 00:26:43,971
and I'm gonna fuck it into you."
479
00:26:44,004 --> 00:26:46,273
So that's what I do.
480
00:26:46,307 --> 00:26:47,942
I bend you over
481
00:26:47,975 --> 00:26:50,111
and I'm fucking you with my big cock,
482
00:26:50,144 --> 00:26:54,281
and your cum is dripping down my balls,
483
00:26:54,315 --> 00:26:58,252
and you're moaning
and I'm spanking you
484
00:26:58,285 --> 00:27:00,387
and I'm choking you,
485
00:27:00,421 --> 00:27:03,657
hitting your head against the wall,
486
00:27:03,691 --> 00:27:05,693
and then I cum.
487
00:27:05,726 --> 00:27:09,430
I cum so hard,
it shoots all over your face.
488
00:27:09,463 --> 00:27:12,099
And it's in your eyes,
489
00:27:12,133 --> 00:27:14,668
and it's dripping down your nose,
490
00:27:14,702 --> 00:27:18,239
and it's all over
the filthy bathroom.
491
00:27:18,272 --> 00:27:20,808
And I look at you and I say,
492
00:27:20,841 --> 00:27:24,145
"Look at the mess you made,
you dirty little bitch.
493
00:27:24,178 --> 00:27:26,981
Clean it up."
494
00:27:31,218 --> 00:27:34,788
So was it as good
as the last time?
495
00:27:34,822 --> 00:27:36,924
Excuse me?
496
00:27:36,957 --> 00:27:38,425
Uh, the food.
497
00:27:38,459 --> 00:27:39,894
Full disclosure:
498
00:27:39,927 --> 00:27:40,961
I'm not trying to be creepy.
499
00:27:40,995 --> 00:27:42,062
I saw you here the other day
500
00:27:42,096 --> 00:27:43,130
and I was gonna say something,
501
00:27:43,164 --> 00:27:44,899
but then I didn't,
502
00:27:44,932 --> 00:27:47,768
because I kinda find you
incredibly intimidating.
503
00:27:47,801 --> 00:27:49,737
You think I'm intimidating.
504
00:27:49,770 --> 00:27:52,439
- Very much so.
- Wow.
505
00:27:52,473 --> 00:27:54,341
That's some poor judgment.
506
00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:57,111
No, I think you need
to give yourself more credit.
507
00:27:57,144 --> 00:27:58,879
Well, I can't be that intimidating
508
00:27:58,913 --> 00:28:00,848
with the quick turnaround.
509
00:28:00,881 --> 00:28:02,082
Oh... no, I had a beer.
510
00:28:02,116 --> 00:28:06,020
- Ah. The truth comes out.
- So it does.
511
00:28:11,926 --> 00:28:13,727
I'm Lowick.
512
00:28:13,761 --> 00:28:14,962
Morgan.
513
00:28:14,995 --> 00:28:16,363
Just so you know,
514
00:28:16,397 --> 00:28:19,333
I kinda consider myself
a pho connoisseur.
515
00:28:19,366 --> 00:28:22,870
That is...
that is painfully dorky.
516
00:28:22,903 --> 00:28:23,938
Speaking of,
517
00:28:23,971 --> 00:28:26,740
you are more than welcome
to come sit over here,
518
00:28:26,774 --> 00:28:28,175
if you want.
519
00:28:28,209 --> 00:28:29,476
Because you're eating alone
520
00:28:29,511 --> 00:28:32,279
and you look like a total loser.
521
00:28:32,313 --> 00:28:34,516
You're eating alone.
522
00:28:34,549 --> 00:28:35,916
Well, yeah, but I already have
the whole dork thing
523
00:28:35,950 --> 00:28:37,117
going on pretty strong,
524
00:28:37,151 --> 00:28:38,919
so loser suits me.
525
00:28:38,953 --> 00:28:40,788
I do like sports, though.
526
00:28:40,821 --> 00:28:42,957
- I don't think that helps.
- Shit.
527
00:28:48,429 --> 00:28:50,164
You know what?
528
00:28:50,197 --> 00:28:52,032
Just forget I said anything.
529
00:28:52,066 --> 00:28:56,036
Or I... you look like
you've had a hard week.
530
00:28:56,070 --> 00:28:58,105
So I'm... I'm gonna come
over there with this.
531
00:29:04,211 --> 00:29:05,246
Hi!
532
00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:08,415
Hi.
533
00:29:08,449 --> 00:29:10,784
- You know what's crazy?
- What?
534
00:29:10,818 --> 00:29:12,453
Sitting at a table
with another human being
535
00:29:12,486 --> 00:29:14,822
can make you feel so much better
about your life.
536
00:29:16,857 --> 00:29:18,192
So what happened?
537
00:29:18,225 --> 00:29:20,060
With what?
538
00:29:20,094 --> 00:29:21,395
You know. Your day.
539
00:29:21,428 --> 00:29:22,463
You look like you had a hard day,
540
00:29:22,496 --> 00:29:24,164
and we've established
it can't possibly be
541
00:29:24,198 --> 00:29:25,933
about the food.
542
00:29:25,966 --> 00:29:27,268
Just work stuff.
543
00:29:27,301 --> 00:29:29,169
Mm. I get that.
544
00:29:29,203 --> 00:29:31,839
Work can be a pain in the ass.
545
00:29:31,872 --> 00:29:34,041
You have no idea.
546
00:29:34,074 --> 00:29:35,242
Why? What do you do?
547
00:29:35,276 --> 00:29:36,210
It's lame.
548
00:29:36,243 --> 00:29:37,878
Oh my God.
549
00:29:37,911 --> 00:29:39,581
- You just lied to me.
- No I didn't.
550
00:29:39,614 --> 00:29:41,248
We just shared
our first lie,
551
00:29:41,282 --> 00:29:42,883
and it came
from your mouth.
552
00:29:42,916 --> 00:29:44,151
- No!
- Here's the thing about lying.
553
00:29:44,184 --> 00:29:45,986
Lying is something
that I do not mess around with,
554
00:29:46,020 --> 00:29:47,021
me personally.
555
00:29:47,054 --> 00:29:48,355
If this is something
we're gonna continue...
556
00:29:48,389 --> 00:29:49,490
"This"?
557
00:29:49,524 --> 00:29:51,091
Yeah, eating
at the same restaurant.
558
00:29:51,125 --> 00:29:52,326
Got it.
559
00:29:52,359 --> 00:29:56,063
Then I'm gonna need you to be
completely honest with me.
560
00:29:56,096 --> 00:29:58,832
I think I can manage that.
561
00:29:58,866 --> 00:30:00,602
So, Morgan.
562
00:30:00,635 --> 00:30:03,337
- Yes.
- What do you do?
563
00:30:03,370 --> 00:30:05,406
I'm an almost-publisher.
564
00:30:05,439 --> 00:30:07,174
- Mm.
- Mm.
565
00:30:07,207 --> 00:30:08,409
So you just loiter
outside of the building
566
00:30:08,442 --> 00:30:09,611
demanding pay?
567
00:30:09,644 --> 00:30:11,546
- Yes.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
568
00:30:11,579 --> 00:30:15,182
I didn't mean to, uh,
underestimate your position.
569
00:30:15,215 --> 00:30:19,486
Okay. What kind of books
do you pretend-publish?
570
00:30:19,521 --> 00:30:21,121
Fantasy.
571
00:30:24,425 --> 00:30:25,359
Say that again.
572
00:30:25,392 --> 00:30:26,460
Fantasy.
573
00:30:26,493 --> 00:30:27,995
- No, I heard you the first time.
- Okay.
574
00:30:28,028 --> 00:30:30,164
You were making fun of me
and calling me a loser.
575
00:30:30,197 --> 00:30:31,932
Fantasy can be really cool.
576
00:30:31,965 --> 00:30:33,901
Yeah, if you're
my nine-year-old nephew
577
00:30:33,934 --> 00:30:35,369
and you're in love
with Twilight.
578
00:30:35,402 --> 00:30:36,538
Your nephew likes Twilight?
579
00:30:36,571 --> 00:30:38,005
He loves Twilight.
580
00:30:38,038 --> 00:30:40,007
He's not very popular
with the ladies.
581
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,442
Oh. I've got cash.
582
00:30:41,475 --> 00:30:42,510
No, it's fine, I got it.
583
00:30:42,544 --> 00:30:44,345
Put it on the card. Thanks.
584
00:30:44,378 --> 00:30:46,614
You're good, he's gone.
585
00:30:46,648 --> 00:30:48,215
Okay, hm.
586
00:30:48,248 --> 00:30:52,252
What is the best almost-book
you've ever read?
587
00:30:52,286 --> 00:30:55,389
- Really?
- Yeah.
588
00:30:55,422 --> 00:30:57,991
Okay, um...
589
00:30:58,025 --> 00:31:00,427
it's about these two worlds
that exist.
590
00:31:00,461 --> 00:31:02,664
One is well-manicured,
it's for the elite,
591
00:31:02,697 --> 00:31:04,498
and the other one is rural,
592
00:31:04,532 --> 00:31:08,402
- it's incredibly impoverished.
- It's like Elysium.
593
00:31:08,435 --> 00:31:09,504
The Matt Damon movie.
594
00:31:09,537 --> 00:31:11,171
If this is dumb, we really
don't have to do this.
595
00:31:11,205 --> 00:31:13,040
No, keep talking
I'm listening, I'm sorry.
596
00:31:13,073 --> 00:31:14,441
- I'll shut up.
- Yeah? Okay.
597
00:31:14,475 --> 00:31:16,611
So, this child is born
in the second world,
598
00:31:16,644 --> 00:31:19,913
but this mom, she doesn't
want her child to live, like,
599
00:31:19,947 --> 00:31:21,115
through a life of struggles.
600
00:31:21,148 --> 00:31:23,083
So she smuggles the baby
to the first world.
601
00:31:23,117 --> 00:31:24,619
Naturally.
602
00:31:26,554 --> 00:31:27,689
That's it.
603
00:31:27,722 --> 00:31:28,956
That's all you're gonna tell me.
604
00:31:28,989 --> 00:31:30,057
Yes.
605
00:31:30,090 --> 00:31:31,559
You're just gonna leave me
on a cliff like that.
606
00:31:31,593 --> 00:31:33,293
Well, you're engaged, right?
607
00:31:33,327 --> 00:31:35,129
This is like
the end of The Sopranos.
608
00:31:35,162 --> 00:31:36,930
- Well, you're not gonna...
- You just cut to bl...
609
00:31:40,968 --> 00:31:43,237
Seem a little tense, kiddo.
610
00:31:43,270 --> 00:31:45,707
I'm fine.
611
00:31:45,740 --> 00:31:47,441
Work stuff.
612
00:31:47,474 --> 00:31:48,643
I'm telling you,
613
00:31:48,676 --> 00:31:51,044
you have to check out this forum
that I've been attending.
614
00:31:52,279 --> 00:31:54,047
Don't laugh.
615
00:31:54,081 --> 00:31:57,719
Okay? It's about
choosing your happiness, okay?
616
00:31:57,752 --> 00:31:59,353
Being proactive.
617
00:31:59,386 --> 00:32:01,955
None of this manifesting
or meditation bullshit.
618
00:32:01,989 --> 00:32:03,591
I mean, it's real stuff
that you can use
619
00:32:03,625 --> 00:32:05,727
and make an immediate impact
in your life.
620
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:07,695
- Immediate?
- Yeah. Well...
621
00:32:07,729 --> 00:32:10,532
it still takes time
and work, you know,
622
00:32:10,565 --> 00:32:12,099
but it's...
it's really incredible.
623
00:32:12,132 --> 00:32:15,235
No, it sounds like
a pyramid scheme.
624
00:32:15,269 --> 00:32:16,704
It's not...
625
00:32:16,738 --> 00:32:18,472
- Forget it.
- No, I'm sorry, Dad, I'm sorry,
626
00:32:18,506 --> 00:32:22,176
keep telling me
about your cult.
627
00:32:22,209 --> 00:32:24,311
It's not a cult.
628
00:32:24,344 --> 00:32:25,680
Look, all I'm saying is,
629
00:32:25,713 --> 00:32:27,481
it pushes you to get out there
630
00:32:27,515 --> 00:32:29,717
and make the most
of our time here.
631
00:32:29,751 --> 00:32:31,084
Hm.
632
00:32:31,118 --> 00:32:32,319
Did you know
633
00:32:32,352 --> 00:32:34,689
that the chances of us being
who we are,
634
00:32:34,722 --> 00:32:37,291
alive,
right now at this time,
635
00:32:37,324 --> 00:32:39,426
is one in three trillion?
636
00:32:39,460 --> 00:32:41,328
- Oh wow.
- Yeah. Isn't that amazing?
637
00:32:41,361 --> 00:32:43,497
- Can I get you anything else?
- Yeah, another mimosa, please.
638
00:32:43,531 --> 00:32:45,265
Definitely.
639
00:32:45,299 --> 00:32:47,434
- And for you, sir?
- Uh, yeah, um...
640
00:32:47,468 --> 00:32:49,571
I'll just take
some more coffee and, uh...
641
00:32:49,604 --> 00:32:51,539
and the check, please.
642
00:32:51,573 --> 00:32:55,042
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
643
00:32:57,144 --> 00:32:59,246
You can talk to me.
644
00:32:59,279 --> 00:33:01,583
I know. I know!
645
00:33:01,616 --> 00:33:03,183
I know I can.
646
00:33:06,654 --> 00:33:09,022
I love you.
647
00:33:09,056 --> 00:33:11,024
I love you too.
648
00:33:11,058 --> 00:33:12,760
Promise me you'll
check into the forum?
649
00:33:14,361 --> 00:33:17,097
Hey! Thank you,
I got that.
650
00:33:17,130 --> 00:33:20,467
Oof. Um, yeah,
got my, uh, cards right here,
651
00:33:20,501 --> 00:33:24,037
packed them, yeah...
652
00:33:24,071 --> 00:33:25,205
Wait a second.
653
00:33:25,239 --> 00:33:26,774
Coulda sworn
I put them right here.
654
00:33:26,808 --> 00:33:29,209
I woke up this morning,
I put it in my... yes, I know,
655
00:33:29,243 --> 00:33:32,446
they've gotta be here,
I know they're here.
656
00:33:32,479 --> 00:33:34,682
Dammit.
657
00:33:34,716 --> 00:33:36,483
I put it here,
I know I put it here today,
658
00:33:36,518 --> 00:33:37,619
- I put it right here.
- You know, Dad, totally fine.
659
00:33:37,652 --> 00:33:38,786
- I got it.
- No, no, no, no, no.
660
00:33:38,820 --> 00:33:39,621
- Don't even worry about it.
- A father should be able
661
00:33:39,654 --> 00:33:41,488
to take his daughter
out for lunch.
662
00:33:41,523 --> 00:33:42,489
Just give me one second, please.
663
00:33:42,524 --> 00:33:44,091
- Put it on there...
- I'll take that, please,
664
00:33:44,124 --> 00:33:45,492
just do that.
665
00:33:45,527 --> 00:33:47,795
Dad, totally fine,
not a big deal.
666
00:33:47,829 --> 00:33:50,097
Put that right there,
hold on a second, I think...
667
00:33:50,130 --> 00:33:51,699
ahh!
668
00:33:51,733 --> 00:33:52,767
Forgot I put 'em
in my pants.
669
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,501
- Could you do me a favor?
- Oh, he has two cards.
670
00:33:54,536 --> 00:33:55,637
- Thirty on this one.
- Thirty on that.
671
00:33:55,670 --> 00:33:57,337
And then the rest on...
672
00:33:57,371 --> 00:33:58,372
- Is that the same card?
- You know what?
673
00:33:58,405 --> 00:33:59,339
He'll pay me back.
674
00:33:59,373 --> 00:34:00,608
- Thank you so much.
- Dad, I was a waiter,
675
00:34:00,642 --> 00:34:01,743
that's really difficult,
please.
676
00:34:01,776 --> 00:34:03,110
- No, it's not!
- Okay, fine.
677
00:34:03,143 --> 00:34:05,445
Oh my God, Dad, please!
678
00:34:05,479 --> 00:34:07,114
Here, it's totally fine,
thank you.
679
00:34:07,147 --> 00:34:08,550
You know what? Hey, hey...
680
00:34:10,518 --> 00:34:12,720
It's totally fine.
681
00:34:20,828 --> 00:34:22,129
You didn't have to do that.
682
00:34:22,162 --> 00:34:25,600
Dad, it's fine.
683
00:34:25,633 --> 00:34:27,401
You think I like my daughter
paying for herself
684
00:34:27,434 --> 00:34:29,737
- around me?
- I'm an adult!
685
00:34:29,771 --> 00:34:32,105
It's okay.
686
00:34:32,139 --> 00:34:33,541
Maybe.
687
00:34:33,575 --> 00:34:35,275
But you're still my child.
688
00:34:35,309 --> 00:34:37,210
Okay.
689
00:34:40,380 --> 00:34:41,315
Bottoms up.
690
00:34:51,659 --> 00:34:53,795
Oh my God!
691
00:34:53,828 --> 00:34:55,128
No, that's not true.
692
00:34:55,162 --> 00:34:56,798
No, it's fine, I'm...
693
00:34:59,399 --> 00:35:00,668
No! Somebody's gonna see.
694
00:35:00,702 --> 00:35:02,235
Nobody's gonna see.
695
00:35:02,269 --> 00:35:03,905
- It's gonna be fine.
- Yes, they are!
696
00:35:03,938 --> 00:35:06,206
I'm into it, I'm into it.
697
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:07,542
My God, no, just come in.
698
00:35:07,575 --> 00:35:08,876
It's a quiet hallway.
699
00:35:08,910 --> 00:35:10,545
Do you wanna...
do you wanna come in?
700
00:35:10,578 --> 00:35:14,214
Yeah, let's...
let's go inside.
701
00:35:15,382 --> 00:35:17,351
Give me a break.
702
00:35:17,384 --> 00:35:18,586
Come on. Go ahead.
703
00:35:59,359 --> 00:36:00,895
Casey.
704
00:36:00,928 --> 00:36:02,195
It's good to see you.
705
00:36:02,229 --> 00:36:03,363
I thought you were
out of town, Max.
706
00:36:03,397 --> 00:36:04,732
I was.
707
00:36:04,766 --> 00:36:07,367
But I'm back now.
708
00:36:07,401 --> 00:36:08,736
But don't worry,
these walls are...
709
00:36:09,804 --> 00:36:11,673
...pretty thick.
710
00:36:11,706 --> 00:36:13,641
Is Nathan home?
711
00:36:13,675 --> 00:36:15,375
Maybe.
712
00:36:15,409 --> 00:36:17,912
I think he was, uh,
texting some girl.
713
00:36:22,282 --> 00:36:23,483
Hey, sexy.
714
00:36:23,518 --> 00:36:25,452
Hey.
715
00:36:25,485 --> 00:36:27,387
Hey, sexy.
716
00:36:27,421 --> 00:36:29,489
Um, right back at you.
717
00:36:29,524 --> 00:36:30,658
Thank you.
718
00:36:30,692 --> 00:36:32,292
This is a very,
719
00:36:32,325 --> 00:36:34,394
very, very, very,
very pleasant surprise.
720
00:36:34,428 --> 00:36:35,930
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
721
00:36:35,963 --> 00:36:38,900
Well, lucky for you
I have another surprise for you.
722
00:36:38,933 --> 00:36:40,233
Gimme your hand.
723
00:36:44,038 --> 00:36:46,406
- No underwear.
- Mm-hm.
724
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,341
- Smooth.
- Yeah.
725
00:36:53,948 --> 00:36:56,316
Oh, you're smooth too.
726
00:36:56,349 --> 00:36:58,586
We really gotta work
on our sex talk.
727
00:36:58,619 --> 00:37:01,589
Yeah, we do.
728
00:37:04,892 --> 00:37:07,028
Ow, ow, ow, my ear.
729
00:37:09,496 --> 00:37:10,497
Sorry, sorry.
730
00:37:11,599 --> 00:37:12,834
Good try, yeah.
731
00:37:24,579 --> 00:37:26,848
And one more thing,
just to conclude.
732
00:37:26,881 --> 00:37:29,316
The employee
with the most upsells...
733
00:37:29,349 --> 00:37:31,018
remember, upsells...
734
00:37:31,052 --> 00:37:32,854
at the end of each month
will get a prize.
735
00:37:32,887 --> 00:37:35,288
This month,
the prize will be...
736
00:37:35,322 --> 00:37:37,558
drumroll, please.
737
00:37:45,032 --> 00:37:47,400
Yeah, thanks, Jeff.
738
00:37:47,434 --> 00:37:50,972
The winner will get
20 Dave and Buster's dollars!
739
00:37:51,005 --> 00:37:54,374
What? Yes!
740
00:37:54,407 --> 00:37:56,043
- I have a question.
- What?
741
00:37:56,077 --> 00:37:58,311
Is that exchangeable?
742
00:37:58,345 --> 00:37:59,446
Exchangeable for what?
743
00:37:59,479 --> 00:38:00,948
- Well, real money.
- For cash.
744
00:38:00,982 --> 00:38:02,482
I don't go to Dave and Buster's.
745
00:38:02,517 --> 00:38:05,586
No, shut up.
Anyone else?
746
00:38:05,620 --> 00:38:07,622
- When's this meeting over?
- Pardon?
747
00:38:07,655 --> 00:38:09,023
Never mind.
748
00:38:09,056 --> 00:38:11,726
Do you even work here?
749
00:38:11,759 --> 00:38:13,795
Ma'am, I'm sorry,
we open at 5 a.m.
750
00:38:13,828 --> 00:38:15,696
You have to stop doing this.
751
00:38:15,730 --> 00:38:17,098
It's not funny, Sage.
752
00:38:17,131 --> 00:38:18,465
Sorry.
753
00:38:18,498 --> 00:38:19,834
It's not funny.
754
00:38:19,867 --> 00:38:21,434
Can we lock the doors next time?
755
00:38:21,468 --> 00:38:23,971
- All right.
- Yeah, thanks.
756
00:38:39,419 --> 00:38:41,656
Oh, loser!
757
00:38:41,689 --> 00:38:43,925
Okay, I was going easy on you,
758
00:38:43,958 --> 00:38:45,492
but I'm done doing it.
759
00:38:50,698 --> 00:38:52,066
You scored on yourself!
760
00:38:52,099 --> 00:38:53,366
All right,
you see this?
761
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:54,769
- Yeah.
- So let's talk about...
762
00:38:54,802 --> 00:38:57,004
- Talk about what?
- ...the next...
763
00:38:58,639 --> 00:39:00,107
Ooh. This is a fast game.
764
00:39:07,181 --> 00:39:08,149
Come on, then.
765
00:39:10,685 --> 00:39:14,454
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
766
00:39:14,487 --> 00:39:15,857
Man, I can't wait
to see the face you make
767
00:39:15,890 --> 00:39:17,124
when you lose.
768
00:39:17,158 --> 00:39:18,793
Yeah, that's...
yeah, that's rich.
769
00:39:18,826 --> 00:39:20,995
You're a goddamned
fucking comedian.
770
00:39:21,028 --> 00:39:22,597
Thank you.
771
00:39:22,630 --> 00:39:24,065
No, no... wait, wait!
772
00:39:24,098 --> 00:39:25,600
Stakes.
773
00:39:25,633 --> 00:39:28,468
Ooh. Forgot about stakes.
774
00:39:28,501 --> 00:39:29,737
Name your price.
775
00:39:29,770 --> 00:39:33,074
I win,
you get a Sailor Moon tattoo
776
00:39:33,107 --> 00:39:34,275
on your ass.
777
00:39:34,308 --> 00:39:38,779
Mm. Yeah, no, I was thinking
more in the realm of, like,
778
00:39:38,813 --> 00:39:39,981
mm, I buy you dinner.
779
00:39:40,014 --> 00:39:41,481
You already bought me dinner.
780
00:39:41,515 --> 00:39:43,918
Okay. Use it as
a frame of reference.
781
00:39:43,951 --> 00:39:46,754
Um...
782
00:39:46,787 --> 00:39:48,789
Oh, oh, oh, ha!
783
00:39:48,823 --> 00:39:50,124
I win,
784
00:39:50,157 --> 00:39:53,194
you shave off
both your eyebrows.
785
00:39:53,227 --> 00:39:54,996
No. But closer.
786
00:39:55,029 --> 00:39:56,130
Pussy?
787
00:39:56,163 --> 00:39:58,566
Sure. Yeah, you win,
I get your pussy.
788
00:40:03,070 --> 00:40:07,174
It was a joke, I don't want
any of your pussy.
789
00:40:07,208 --> 00:40:09,777
I am so sorry,
that was such a bad joke.
790
00:40:09,810 --> 00:40:12,079
Ooh! I win,
791
00:40:12,113 --> 00:40:14,115
you paint your nails hot pink.
792
00:40:14,148 --> 00:40:16,083
I'm not really sure
how you made that leap,
793
00:40:16,117 --> 00:40:17,118
but done!
794
00:40:17,151 --> 00:40:18,586
- Toenails included.
- Fine.
795
00:40:18,619 --> 00:40:20,621
But, if I win...
796
00:40:20,655 --> 00:40:22,523
Unlikely.
797
00:40:22,556 --> 00:40:23,758
...you have to tell me
something about yourself
798
00:40:23,791 --> 00:40:26,459
that most people don't know.
799
00:40:26,493 --> 00:40:27,662
You're a closed book.
800
00:40:27,695 --> 00:40:29,630
Gotta get the story out
somehow.
801
00:40:29,664 --> 00:40:31,132
Although I don't know
why you'd be worried
802
00:40:31,165 --> 00:40:32,633
unless you think maybe
there's some chance
803
00:40:32,667 --> 00:40:35,002
you might lose?
804
00:40:35,036 --> 00:40:36,904
Funny,
you fucking bastard.
805
00:40:36,938 --> 00:40:37,872
You ready?
806
00:40:37,905 --> 00:40:38,773
Oh, I'm ready.
807
00:40:38,806 --> 00:40:41,709
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
808
00:40:43,644 --> 00:40:45,513
Almost.
809
00:40:45,546 --> 00:40:46,514
- Oh!
- Oh my God,
810
00:40:46,547 --> 00:40:47,648
you're so angry.
811
00:40:50,084 --> 00:40:51,052
Oh, God.
812
00:40:53,587 --> 00:40:56,757
- Yes!
- Nooo! No, no, no, no!
813
00:40:56,791 --> 00:41:00,194
- I told you I'd win.
- No! Oh, I can't breathe.
814
00:41:00,227 --> 00:41:01,095
Oh, that is rich.
815
00:41:01,128 --> 00:41:02,563
- Hold still.
- No, no.
816
00:41:02,596 --> 00:41:04,098
Okay, good. Hold still,
hold still, hold still.
817
00:41:04,131 --> 00:41:05,933
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
818
00:41:05,967 --> 00:41:07,735
- No, no!
- That's good, that's perfect.
819
00:41:07,768 --> 00:41:09,570
Oh, look, look!
820
00:41:09,603 --> 00:41:11,939
- Oh, the face of defeat...
- Help me!
821
00:41:11,973 --> 00:41:13,040
...is rich!
822
00:41:16,644 --> 00:41:19,513
It is like that homeless man
bent over and released
823
00:41:19,547 --> 00:41:22,283
an inhuman amount
of explosive diarrhea,
824
00:41:22,316 --> 00:41:24,719
and then decided to just do,
like,
825
00:41:24,752 --> 00:41:27,221
a 360 while he was at it.
826
00:41:27,254 --> 00:41:29,757
Wow. Is that what you say
to all the ladies?
827
00:41:29,790 --> 00:41:30,992
Just you.
828
00:41:31,025 --> 00:41:32,026
Touched.
829
00:41:32,059 --> 00:41:34,195
Hey, do you think
the ceiling fan in the back
830
00:41:34,228 --> 00:41:35,997
is high enough for me
to hang a noose from?
831
00:41:36,030 --> 00:41:38,065
Come on,
don't sound so bleak.
832
00:41:38,099 --> 00:41:40,768
You've got those Dave and Buster's
bucks to look forward to,
833
00:41:40,801 --> 00:41:41,969
you can't forget that,
834
00:41:42,003 --> 00:41:43,571
it's important information.
835
00:41:43,604 --> 00:41:44,605
All right, I'm just
gonna come out and say it,
836
00:41:44,638 --> 00:41:46,140
'cause I know everyone else
is thinking it.
837
00:41:46,173 --> 00:41:47,908
You're gay?
838
00:41:47,942 --> 00:41:48,976
I wish.
839
00:41:49,010 --> 00:41:50,611
My romantic life would be
a lot less depressing
840
00:41:50,644 --> 00:41:51,779
if that was the case.
841
00:41:51,812 --> 00:41:53,848
Well, word on the street is
you've given a blow job,
842
00:41:53,881 --> 00:41:55,816
so I'm sure if you enjoyed that,
843
00:41:55,850 --> 00:41:58,219
you will be
pleasantly surprised by it.
844
00:41:58,252 --> 00:41:59,687
Okay, first of all,
845
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:01,655
I was on the receiving end
of that blow job,
846
00:42:01,689 --> 00:42:03,290
and that was
a onetime experiment,
847
00:42:03,324 --> 00:42:04,892
it doesn't make me gay.
848
00:42:04,925 --> 00:42:06,327
It's not...
849
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:07,828
It definitely brings
your level of straight
850
00:42:07,862 --> 00:42:08,729
into question.
851
00:42:08,763 --> 00:42:09,663
Like you're so pure,
852
00:42:09,697 --> 00:42:12,833
Miss "It's easier
to go down on a girl
853
00:42:12,867 --> 00:42:15,036
than it is to suck a dick."
854
00:42:16,237 --> 00:42:18,806
Yeah. It is.
It absolutely is.
855
00:42:18,839 --> 00:42:20,574
And that was
a threesome situation,
856
00:42:20,608 --> 00:42:23,110
not one-on-one,
so totally different scenario.
857
00:42:23,144 --> 00:42:24,211
You know what?
858
00:42:24,245 --> 00:42:26,247
Those certificates are going
straight to Grace Kim,
859
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:27,214
by the way.
860
00:42:27,248 --> 00:42:29,316
Who, by pure chance
being of Asian descent
861
00:42:29,350 --> 00:42:33,187
has the natural ability
to just beat all of us,
862
00:42:33,220 --> 00:42:34,088
because she's Asian.
863
00:42:34,121 --> 00:42:35,890
Yeah, I don't think
the ceiling fan
864
00:42:35,923 --> 00:42:38,059
will sustain your weight,
but...
865
00:42:38,092 --> 00:42:40,194
you could try the exposed pipe
in the walk-in freezer.
866
00:42:40,227 --> 00:42:41,796
Just a thought.
867
00:42:42,930 --> 00:42:44,365
I love my life.
868
00:42:44,398 --> 00:42:46,634
Well, it could be worse.
869
00:42:46,667 --> 00:42:48,302
You could be Laurel.
870
00:42:48,335 --> 00:42:50,004
I never thought about that.
871
00:42:50,037 --> 00:42:52,006
- That's really dark.
- That's super dark.
872
00:42:52,039 --> 00:42:53,741
That's also funny!
873
00:42:53,774 --> 00:42:56,177
I'm telling you, you got
this dark humor thing down.
874
00:42:56,210 --> 00:42:57,645
You should really
capitalize on it,
875
00:42:57,678 --> 00:42:58,913
do some stand-up.
876
00:42:58,946 --> 00:43:01,082
In fact, there's this
really cool open mic
877
00:43:01,115 --> 00:43:02,950
- Thursday...
- No!
878
00:43:02,983 --> 00:43:03,784
What can I do?
879
00:43:03,818 --> 00:43:05,252
What can I do
to change your mind?
880
00:43:06,854 --> 00:43:09,023
Not suck dick, yeah.
881
00:43:09,056 --> 00:43:11,225
I told you,
I was on the receiving end.
882
00:43:11,258 --> 00:43:14,061
Oh my God, I forgot, yeah, and
also not get your dick sucked
883
00:43:14,095 --> 00:43:15,162
by other dudes.
884
00:43:15,196 --> 00:43:17,398
See? Now you're just
setting me up for failure.
885
00:43:17,431 --> 00:43:18,567
Why do you do that?
886
00:43:18,599 --> 00:43:20,835
Oh no, you are doing that
all on your own, I promise.
887
00:43:20,868 --> 00:43:23,804
So if I hadn't let Martin
have his way with me,
888
00:43:23,838 --> 00:43:25,072
then you'd let me date you?
889
00:43:25,106 --> 00:43:26,640
Honestly?
890
00:43:26,674 --> 00:43:28,275
I don't even care
that you like dudes, whatever.
891
00:43:28,309 --> 00:43:32,279
It's your... general existence
that repels me,
892
00:43:32,313 --> 00:43:33,948
it's just like, ugh.
893
00:43:33,981 --> 00:43:36,183
Wow. Okay, you know what?
894
00:43:36,217 --> 00:43:37,418
I don't even like you anymore.
895
00:43:37,451 --> 00:43:38,986
All right? There. I said it.
896
00:43:39,019 --> 00:43:40,187
I've been over you for a while.
897
00:43:40,221 --> 00:43:41,288
And you know what?
898
00:43:41,322 --> 00:43:44,225
Martin loves me
for who I am,
899
00:43:44,258 --> 00:43:47,728
so fuck you.
900
00:43:47,761 --> 00:43:49,063
Where are you going?
901
00:43:49,096 --> 00:43:52,867
I'm going to hang myself
from the freezer.
902
00:43:52,900 --> 00:43:53,968
Unless you'd miss me.
903
00:43:54,001 --> 00:43:56,170
Oh no, you go ahead,
you have fun.
904
00:43:56,203 --> 00:43:58,105
Bye!
905
00:43:58,939 --> 00:44:01,342
Okay.
906
00:44:01,375 --> 00:44:05,012
Have I got something
special for you.
907
00:44:07,248 --> 00:44:09,016
So what is it?
908
00:44:09,049 --> 00:44:11,752
Some red wine.
909
00:44:11,785 --> 00:44:13,420
- Tell me. Tell me.
- It's a good cab,
910
00:44:13,454 --> 00:44:16,056
cab sauvignon, somethin'.
911
00:44:16,090 --> 00:44:18,025
It's Trader Joe's house wine.
912
00:44:18,058 --> 00:44:19,693
That's, like, six bucks.
913
00:44:19,727 --> 00:44:21,996
Four. Got it on clearance.
914
00:44:22,029 --> 00:44:23,097
Well, then,
I hope it has mold
915
00:44:23,130 --> 00:44:25,399
and you go into
anaphylactic shock.
916
00:44:25,432 --> 00:44:28,836
That could very potentially lead
to both of our deaths.
917
00:44:28,869 --> 00:44:30,771
I welcome death.
918
00:44:30,804 --> 00:44:33,307
Hm. Cheers.
919
00:44:34,408 --> 00:44:35,309
To our mass suicide.
920
00:44:35,342 --> 00:44:36,911
Okay.
921
00:44:40,515 --> 00:44:42,483
Oh, it's terrible!
922
00:44:42,517 --> 00:44:45,119
I am so sorry.
923
00:44:45,152 --> 00:44:46,253
That's all right.
924
00:44:46,287 --> 00:44:47,755
I don't think so,
I think it's the worst thing
925
00:44:47,788 --> 00:44:50,090
that's ever been
inside my mouth.
926
00:44:50,124 --> 00:44:52,826
There's been some weird shit
in my mouth.
927
00:44:52,860 --> 00:44:54,261
But that is bad.
928
00:44:54,295 --> 00:44:56,797
Uggh!
929
00:44:56,830 --> 00:44:58,399
Okay.
930
00:44:58,432 --> 00:44:59,833
You ready?
931
00:44:59,867 --> 00:45:01,735
For what?
932
00:45:04,972 --> 00:45:05,906
What?
933
00:45:05,940 --> 00:45:06,974
- Talk.
- No.
934
00:45:07,007 --> 00:45:08,042
- Yeah.
- No, we really don't
935
00:45:08,075 --> 00:45:08,976
have to do this.
936
00:45:09,009 --> 00:45:09,877
Oh, we really do,
because if I had lost,
937
00:45:09,910 --> 00:45:11,779
you'da made me
paint my fingernails,
938
00:45:11,812 --> 00:45:13,814
so you're...
you're gonna talk.
939
00:45:13,847 --> 00:45:14,715
But whatever
I'm gonna come up with
940
00:45:14,748 --> 00:45:17,351
is gonna be lame
and depressing so, no.
941
00:45:17,384 --> 00:45:18,485
I love lame and depressing,
942
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:19,954
that's why I asked you out.
943
00:45:19,987 --> 00:45:21,355
Fuck you.
944
00:45:21,388 --> 00:45:23,757
Fine. Okay.
945
00:45:23,791 --> 00:45:28,762
I haven't talked
with my parents in 10 years.
946
00:45:31,265 --> 00:45:33,901
- Okay.
- That's it.
947
00:45:33,934 --> 00:45:36,337
You have any cheese
that can go with this?
948
00:45:36,370 --> 00:45:37,539
You're not gonna
get away with that.
949
00:45:37,572 --> 00:45:39,340
If I drink
on an empty stomach,
950
00:45:39,373 --> 00:45:41,475
things tend to get
a little slutty.
951
00:45:41,509 --> 00:45:42,376
And I like you,
952
00:45:42,409 --> 00:45:46,347
so I wanna just
stay a little classy.
953
00:45:48,449 --> 00:45:50,851
You said you like me!
954
00:45:50,884 --> 00:45:52,486
Oh.
955
00:45:54,221 --> 00:45:55,923
- Did you like that?
- Don't ever do that ever again.
956
00:45:55,956 --> 00:45:57,391
- No?
- Could you maybe, like,
957
00:45:57,424 --> 00:45:58,993
talk a little low, maybe that?
958
00:45:59,026 --> 00:46:01,095
- Like Vin Diesel?
- Yes.
959
00:46:01,128 --> 00:46:02,429
Family.
960
00:46:03,464 --> 00:46:06,200
I can't really
lower my voice that much, but...
961
00:46:06,233 --> 00:46:08,869
- family.
- Oh!
962
00:46:08,902 --> 00:46:10,471
- Fantastic.
- Fine!
963
00:46:10,505 --> 00:46:11,905
- What?
- If I get you cheese,
964
00:46:11,939 --> 00:46:13,340
will you please finish?
965
00:46:13,374 --> 00:46:15,442
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
get the cheese!
966
00:46:15,476 --> 00:46:16,977
Yes!
967
00:46:23,284 --> 00:46:25,853
Uggh!
968
00:46:29,890 --> 00:46:32,059
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
969
00:46:32,092 --> 00:46:35,429
Okay. Cheese, knife, crackers.
970
00:46:35,462 --> 00:46:38,065
- Are you serious?
- I'm very serious.
971
00:46:38,098 --> 00:46:39,800
Blue cheese?
972
00:46:41,368 --> 00:46:43,270
What else do you want from me?
973
00:46:43,304 --> 00:46:48,008
Who hurt you as a child
that you put out blue cheese?
974
00:46:54,081 --> 00:46:56,584
- I like you.
- Aww!
975
00:46:56,618 --> 00:46:57,985
A little bit.
976
00:47:00,655 --> 00:47:02,557
No matter what you tell me,
977
00:47:02,590 --> 00:47:05,359
that's not gonna change.
978
00:47:05,392 --> 00:47:07,194
I promise.
979
00:47:20,140 --> 00:47:21,975
Okay.
980
00:47:25,112 --> 00:47:28,248
Um...
981
00:47:28,282 --> 00:47:30,652
My dad,
982
00:47:30,685 --> 00:47:32,152
he used to drink.
983
00:47:32,186 --> 00:47:33,555
And one night,
984
00:47:33,588 --> 00:47:35,623
we were watching TV
in the living room,
985
00:47:35,657 --> 00:47:41,028
my mom had fallen asleep putting
my little brother to bed.
986
00:47:41,061 --> 00:47:43,130
My head was in my dad's lap.
987
00:47:43,163 --> 00:47:45,499
He was stroking my hair.
988
00:47:45,533 --> 00:47:50,605
And, um, then I felt
this hand go up my shirt.
989
00:47:52,439 --> 00:47:56,243
First, I didn't know
what to do,
990
00:47:56,276 --> 00:47:59,012
but eventually,
I snapped up,
991
00:47:59,046 --> 00:48:00,682
walked back to my room,
992
00:48:00,715 --> 00:48:06,120
and I slept with the desk chair
pushed against the doorknob.
993
00:48:08,222 --> 00:48:09,189
And the next day,
994
00:48:09,223 --> 00:48:13,127
he pretended like
nothing had ever happened.
995
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,429
So at first I thought
maybe he didn't remember
996
00:48:15,462 --> 00:48:20,702
or maybe I was
remembering it wrong, but...
997
00:48:20,735 --> 00:48:24,471
every time we would be alone
in a room together,
998
00:48:24,506 --> 00:48:27,374
he would look at me
like he remembered.
999
00:48:27,408 --> 00:48:31,111
Sure enough, another night,
I woke up, and...
1000
00:48:37,652 --> 00:48:40,487
Well, anyways,
1001
00:48:40,522 --> 00:48:44,458
I ended up telling my mom
couple months later.
1002
00:48:44,491 --> 00:48:47,428
She freaked out,
1003
00:48:47,461 --> 00:48:48,696
and my dad said
that he was hurt
1004
00:48:48,730 --> 00:48:49,930
that I would say
something like that,
1005
00:48:49,963 --> 00:48:53,267
that he would never hurt me
in a million years, that I...
1006
00:48:53,300 --> 00:48:56,604
that I was his little girl.
1007
00:49:00,107 --> 00:49:03,143
But my mom threw me
out of the house,
1008
00:49:03,177 --> 00:49:08,282
and I haven't seen either them
or my little brother since.
1009
00:49:14,221 --> 00:49:17,424
I'm so sorry.
1010
00:49:17,458 --> 00:49:20,562
It happens.
1011
00:49:20,595 --> 00:49:24,666
And now, end Chapter One,
right?
1012
00:49:24,699 --> 00:49:26,768
I really hope that I didn't
make you talk about something
1013
00:49:26,801 --> 00:49:28,736
that you didn't want
to talk about, I...
1014
00:49:28,770 --> 00:49:32,172
I kinda feel like
a total asshole right now.
1015
00:49:32,206 --> 00:49:34,642
That's because
you are an asshole.
1016
00:49:38,145 --> 00:49:42,382
I hope I didn't
scare you off too much.
1017
00:49:42,416 --> 00:49:43,618
No, no...
1018
00:49:43,651 --> 00:49:45,118
No, I'm just kidding.
1019
00:49:46,721 --> 00:49:49,423
Not at all.
1020
00:49:52,292 --> 00:49:54,696
What? No. Ugh!
1021
00:49:54,729 --> 00:49:56,363
Okay, fine.
1022
00:50:22,790 --> 00:50:23,858
I can make you something.
1023
00:50:23,892 --> 00:50:25,660
- You want eggs?
- No, I don't have time for that,
1024
00:50:25,693 --> 00:50:26,694
I'm already late.
1025
00:50:26,728 --> 00:50:27,629
I can make it real quick!
1026
00:50:27,662 --> 00:50:28,596
No!
1027
00:50:28,630 --> 00:50:30,798
- They're eggs!
- No!
1028
00:50:30,832 --> 00:50:32,099
All right, well, just
grab something from the kitchen
1029
00:50:32,132 --> 00:50:33,100
before you go.
1030
00:50:33,133 --> 00:50:34,501
- I already did.
- Oh! Sneaky little shithead.
1031
00:50:34,536 --> 00:50:36,704
- I know.
- Mm.
1032
00:50:38,740 --> 00:50:39,641
Gonna miss you.
1033
00:50:39,674 --> 00:50:41,308
Gonna miss you too.
1034
00:50:41,341 --> 00:50:43,176
- Bye.
- Bye.
1035
00:50:43,210 --> 00:50:44,378
Mm, so minty fresh!
1036
00:50:44,411 --> 00:50:46,280
You're minty fresh.
1037
00:50:46,313 --> 00:50:48,148
Where you going?
1038
00:50:48,181 --> 00:50:49,651
Dude.
1039
00:50:49,684 --> 00:50:52,820
Are you even reading
or just staring?
1040
00:50:52,854 --> 00:50:55,122
- I'm staring.
- I know.
1041
00:50:57,190 --> 00:50:58,292
Did she notice?
1042
00:50:58,325 --> 00:50:59,226
- Yeah.
- Yep.
1043
00:50:59,259 --> 00:51:00,528
Shit.
1044
00:51:00,562 --> 00:51:03,430
Okay, um...
was she pissed?
1045
00:51:03,463 --> 00:51:04,599
I mean, it's hard to tell.
1046
00:51:04,632 --> 00:51:05,833
She asked where you were.
1047
00:51:05,867 --> 00:51:09,236
Fuck!
1048
00:51:09,269 --> 00:51:10,605
Leeds?
1049
00:51:11,606 --> 00:51:14,274
My office.
1050
00:51:16,744 --> 00:51:18,780
She's... she's in a good mood.
1051
00:51:18,813 --> 00:51:20,648
- Hmph.
- No she's not.
1052
00:51:20,682 --> 00:51:22,249
Shut up!
1053
00:51:28,188 --> 00:51:30,592
Do you enjoy
working for this company?
1054
00:51:30,625 --> 00:51:32,292
Absolutely, ma'am.
1055
00:51:32,326 --> 00:51:35,462
We want a team of people
who take a serious interest
1056
00:51:35,495 --> 00:51:38,566
in building a future
at this company.
1057
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:39,734
Okay.
1058
00:51:39,767 --> 00:51:41,134
We have an opening
in Adult Fiction.
1059
00:51:41,168 --> 00:51:42,402
It's not a huge
starting salary,
1060
00:51:42,436 --> 00:51:44,539
but a definite pay jump
from zero,
1061
00:51:44,572 --> 00:51:48,475
plus benefits
and room to advance.
1062
00:51:48,509 --> 00:51:51,713
We can draft up a contract
starting Monday.
1063
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:55,650
I can take that as a yes?
1064
00:51:55,683 --> 00:51:57,484
I'm so proud of you,
1065
00:51:57,518 --> 00:52:00,788
you beautiful,
beautiful creature!
1066
00:52:00,822 --> 00:52:02,757
Oh, here we go, okay.
1067
00:52:02,790 --> 00:52:04,157
Hey, you ready,
or should I give you a moment?
1068
00:52:04,191 --> 00:52:05,325
Another round of Bellinis,
please,
1069
00:52:05,359 --> 00:52:06,828
and make them real strong.
1070
00:52:06,861 --> 00:52:08,495
Or something
less embarrassing.
1071
00:52:08,529 --> 00:52:09,530
We're celebrating,
1072
00:52:09,564 --> 00:52:11,331
so we need it to be fancy!
1073
00:52:11,365 --> 00:52:14,636
And add in some mortification
to balance out the good news.
1074
00:52:14,669 --> 00:52:16,537
With Bellinis.
1075
00:52:16,571 --> 00:52:19,439
- Apparently.
- She just got a promotion.
1076
00:52:19,473 --> 00:52:22,442
- Congratulations!
- Thank you...
1077
00:52:22,476 --> 00:52:23,678
Adrian.
1078
00:52:23,711 --> 00:52:24,712
...Adrian.
1079
00:52:24,746 --> 00:52:26,346
Can I also get
a shot of tequila,
1080
00:52:26,380 --> 00:52:27,414
something redemptive?
1081
00:52:27,447 --> 00:52:29,717
Can you make that
two shots of tequila, please?
1082
00:52:29,751 --> 00:52:30,885
Sure.
1083
00:52:32,285 --> 00:52:33,253
Really?
1084
00:52:33,286 --> 00:52:34,689
I'm out just having fun.
1085
00:52:34,722 --> 00:52:35,823
Really?
1086
00:52:35,857 --> 00:52:38,225
You know what, I'll get in
on that shot, please.
1087
00:52:38,258 --> 00:52:39,661
Yes!
1088
00:52:39,694 --> 00:52:42,496
I'm warding off depression,
it's a serious thing.
1089
00:52:42,530 --> 00:52:44,766
All right, tequila preference?
1090
00:52:44,799 --> 00:52:45,700
Well.
1091
00:52:45,733 --> 00:52:48,703
Wow, must've been
some kind of promotion.
1092
00:52:48,736 --> 00:52:52,239
Unpaid to paid,
so in some respects, yes.
1093
00:52:52,272 --> 00:52:56,944
I haven't quite made the jump
from well brand.
1094
00:52:56,978 --> 00:53:00,748
Casamigos, on me.
1095
00:53:00,782 --> 00:53:01,749
Thank you.
1096
00:53:03,918 --> 00:53:06,688
- Casamigos is the best.
- Yes.
1097
00:53:06,721 --> 00:53:07,922
Enjoy.
1098
00:53:09,791 --> 00:53:10,925
Oh, very nice.
1099
00:53:10,958 --> 00:53:12,860
Is your vagina
always this magnetic?
1100
00:53:12,894 --> 00:53:16,229
Dude, he is really hot,
just saying.
1101
00:53:22,603 --> 00:53:26,507
Oh, God, I admire someone
who can chug a Bellini.
1102
00:53:26,541 --> 00:53:27,775
Seriously, I'm just having...
1103
00:53:27,809 --> 00:53:28,910
Having fun, we heard.
1104
00:53:28,943 --> 00:53:31,012
I personally am a fan
of drunk Casey.
1105
00:53:31,045 --> 00:53:32,013
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1106
00:53:32,046 --> 00:53:34,414
Oh, good, then you can be
the one she gropes
1107
00:53:34,448 --> 00:53:35,516
when she passes her limit.
1108
00:53:35,550 --> 00:53:37,719
Okay, that was one time.
1109
00:53:37,752 --> 00:53:40,855
- It was more than once.
- It was more than once.
1110
00:53:40,888 --> 00:53:43,024
I'm just having fun tonight.
1111
00:53:43,057 --> 00:53:45,560
Oh, you said that.
1112
00:53:45,593 --> 00:53:47,829
Let's go have some fun!
1113
00:53:54,367 --> 00:53:55,737
Hyperbole.
1114
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:01,408
Why is that so funny?
1115
00:54:01,441 --> 00:54:02,744
I have no idea.
1116
00:54:02,777 --> 00:54:04,277
I'm getting dropped off.
1117
00:54:04,311 --> 00:54:05,479
No!
1118
00:54:05,513 --> 00:54:07,782
No, you cannot leave.
1119
00:54:07,815 --> 00:54:08,850
We are a tribe.
1120
00:54:08,883 --> 00:54:10,450
Yeah, Sage, we're a tribe.
1121
00:54:10,484 --> 00:54:12,419
Uh-huh, lesbian tribe.
1122
00:54:12,452 --> 00:54:13,320
Okay.
1123
00:54:13,353 --> 00:54:16,389
You can't leave,
that is child abuse.
1124
00:54:16,423 --> 00:54:20,528
Sir, tell her she cannot leave
because that is child abuse.
1125
00:54:24,431 --> 00:54:27,034
Okay, I think only dolphins
could hear that.
1126
00:54:29,871 --> 00:54:31,639
Look at these breasts!
1127
00:54:31,672 --> 00:54:35,375
They're so perfect and shiny
1128
00:54:35,408 --> 00:54:38,045
and soft.
1129
00:54:38,079 --> 00:54:40,548
You could have one to two
nipples in your mouth
1130
00:54:40,581 --> 00:54:44,351
at any given moment,
and, oh, it would just be...
1131
00:54:44,384 --> 00:54:45,653
heaven, wouldn't it?
1132
00:54:45,686 --> 00:54:47,522
Okay, you don't need
to answer that.
1133
00:54:47,555 --> 00:54:48,956
- Thank you.
- He's gonna answer.
1134
00:54:48,990 --> 00:54:50,057
Let the man be heard.
1135
00:54:50,091 --> 00:54:52,026
Would it be heaven or would...
1136
00:54:52,059 --> 00:54:54,562
Sir, I have a question for you.
1137
00:54:54,595 --> 00:54:57,098
Yeah?
1138
00:54:57,131 --> 00:55:00,001
What kind of jizz do you have?
Does it taste like rubber?
1139
00:55:00,034 --> 00:55:02,069
- Okay!
- What?
1140
00:55:02,103 --> 00:55:05,540
It's human nature.
Stop being embarrassing.
1141
00:55:05,573 --> 00:55:06,406
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1142
00:55:06,439 --> 00:55:08,609
You know what else is natural?
Yeah?
1143
00:55:08,643 --> 00:55:11,112
Melatonin and hot tea, okay?
1144
00:55:11,145 --> 00:55:13,047
Let's get you some of that.
1145
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,949
- Yeah?
- I think I'm gonna puke.
1146
00:55:14,982 --> 00:55:17,852
No, no, there's no puking
in the car, okay?
1147
00:55:17,885 --> 00:55:19,086
Can you hear that, Casey?
1148
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:22,123
If you puke,
you have to swallow it.
1149
00:55:22,156 --> 00:55:23,791
You gotta swallow it, okay?
1150
00:55:23,825 --> 00:55:26,828
- Okay.
- It's okay, baby, it's okay.
1151
00:55:26,861 --> 00:55:28,663
We'll get you home.
1152
00:55:28,696 --> 00:55:30,463
We'll catch it right in here.
1153
00:55:31,833 --> 00:55:33,000
Let's go somewhere else.
1154
00:55:33,034 --> 00:55:34,635
No, go back to sleep.
1155
00:55:34,669 --> 00:55:36,137
Go back to sleep, please.
1156
00:55:36,170 --> 00:55:38,105
Please put her back to sleep.
1157
00:55:38,139 --> 00:55:41,108
My nipple 'bout to pop out.
1158
00:55:58,860 --> 00:56:01,128
Hello?
1159
00:56:01,162 --> 00:56:02,930
What are you wearing?
1160
00:56:02,964 --> 00:56:04,397
You just get home?
1161
00:56:04,431 --> 00:56:05,733
Mm-hmm.
1162
00:56:05,766 --> 00:56:07,500
- You have fun?
- Mm-hmm.
1163
00:56:07,535 --> 00:56:08,603
Did you have fun?
1164
00:56:08,636 --> 00:56:12,106
Mmm, went to bed at 10 p.m.,
so, yeah, had a blast.
1165
00:56:12,139 --> 00:56:13,774
Well, you should come over
to my bed
1166
00:56:13,808 --> 00:56:16,010
and blast something in my face.
1167
00:56:16,043 --> 00:56:17,745
Look, as much fun
as that sounds,
1168
00:56:17,778 --> 00:56:18,913
I can't tonight.
1169
00:56:18,946 --> 00:56:20,615
What, why?
1170
00:56:20,648 --> 00:56:21,849
Because it's 3 a.m.
1171
00:56:23,150 --> 00:56:24,652
So?
1172
00:56:24,685 --> 00:56:27,420
So, I have to wake up early.
1173
00:56:28,656 --> 00:56:30,057
Please?
1174
00:56:30,091 --> 00:56:32,994
I really can't.
1175
00:56:33,027 --> 00:56:35,428
I'll swallow!
1176
00:56:35,462 --> 00:56:37,497
Call you tomorrow, okay?
1177
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:28,015
It's just a mock-up,
it's not the final thing.
1178
00:57:28,049 --> 00:57:31,018
Oh, okay, cool.
1179
00:57:31,052 --> 00:57:32,753
Yeah, I was looking
for a nice way
1180
00:57:32,787 --> 00:57:35,856
to tell you how shitty it is.
1181
00:57:35,890 --> 00:57:37,858
I'm kidding!
1182
00:57:37,892 --> 00:57:40,027
Okay, well, what do you think?
1183
00:57:40,061 --> 00:57:42,897
I think I should've
trademarked that.
1184
00:57:42,930 --> 00:57:45,566
Does this mean that
I actually inspired you?
1185
00:57:45,599 --> 00:57:46,667
Don't get cocky.
1186
00:57:46,701 --> 00:57:48,669
Ooh, don't say "cock" around me,
that turns me on.
1187
00:57:48,703 --> 00:57:50,271
Okay, bye-bye, you're done.
1188
00:57:50,304 --> 00:57:52,540
- That was a compliment.
- Don't touch that.
1189
00:57:52,573 --> 00:57:54,608
Okay, I won't.
1190
00:58:03,217 --> 00:58:04,819
Whoa.
1191
00:58:04,852 --> 00:58:06,620
I'm not asking you
if it's boring.
1192
00:58:06,654 --> 00:58:08,923
I'm telling you that you said
that looked fair,
1193
00:58:08,956 --> 00:58:10,157
but it was very foul.
1194
00:58:10,191 --> 00:58:12,760
Oh my God, you are so creepy!
1195
00:58:12,793 --> 00:58:13,894
- Hi.
- Hi.
1196
00:58:13,928 --> 00:58:16,731
Um, Skylar, this is Morgan;
Morgan, this is Skylar.
1197
00:58:16,764 --> 00:58:18,566
- Oh my God, Morgan.
- Hi.
1198
00:58:18,599 --> 00:58:20,534
- Stoked to finally meet you!
- Really?
1199
00:58:20,568 --> 00:58:22,069
Oh my gosh! Yes!
1200
00:58:22,103 --> 00:58:24,305
Oh, uh, I'm gonna get a drink.
1201
00:58:24,338 --> 00:58:25,806
Okay. You can stay.
1202
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,274
I'm just gonna get a drink,
like real...
1203
00:58:27,308 --> 00:58:29,210
- You can go get a drink.
- I'm gonna be like right back.
1204
00:58:29,243 --> 00:58:30,311
- You can stay.
- I promise.
1205
00:58:30,344 --> 00:58:32,580
- You can get a drink.
- It's so good to meet you.
1206
00:58:35,716 --> 00:58:37,985
Are you fucking kidding me?
1207
00:58:38,019 --> 00:58:38,986
I hate...
1208
00:58:40,955 --> 00:58:42,757
- Don't flick me.
- Don't flick me!
1209
00:58:42,790 --> 00:58:44,859
Hey, be nice, be nice,
or no more fries!
1210
00:58:44,892 --> 00:58:46,560
I'll be nice.
1211
00:58:46,594 --> 00:58:48,162
- Okay.
- Yeah.
1212
00:58:48,195 --> 00:58:49,430
- Have some more fries.
- Thank you.
1213
00:58:49,463 --> 00:58:52,133
We'll head out of here
as soon as this inning's over.
1214
00:58:52,166 --> 00:58:54,835
Oh, I love it
when you talk frat to me.
1215
00:58:54,869 --> 00:58:57,071
Come here, come here.
1216
00:58:57,938 --> 00:59:00,074
By God, you're still
minty fresh!
1217
00:59:00,107 --> 00:59:02,076
My gum's still minty fresh!
1218
00:59:02,109 --> 00:59:04,145
You have a little Buffalo sauce
on your face.
1219
00:59:04,178 --> 00:59:06,313
- I was saving it for you.
- Yeah?
1220
00:59:06,347 --> 00:59:07,782
You're the sweetest.
1221
00:59:07,815 --> 00:59:09,283
- You have no idea.
- No?
1222
00:59:09,316 --> 00:59:11,886
Reach into my pocket.
1223
00:59:11,919 --> 00:59:13,220
Okay.
1224
00:59:13,254 --> 00:59:14,355
- There you go.
- Yeah?
1225
00:59:14,388 --> 00:59:15,623
- Lower.
- Okay.
1226
00:59:15,656 --> 00:59:16,924
- Grab it.
- Okay.
1227
00:59:16,957 --> 00:59:17,992
Get it!
1228
00:59:18,025 --> 00:59:19,293
That's it!
1229
00:59:19,326 --> 00:59:20,728
- You didn't.
- I did.
1230
00:59:20,761 --> 00:59:22,596
No!
1231
00:59:22,630 --> 00:59:23,864
Tums!
1232
00:59:23,898 --> 00:59:26,700
For later,
'cause you burp so much.
1233
00:59:26,734 --> 00:59:28,369
Fuck you, but thank you!
1234
00:59:28,402 --> 00:59:31,639
Hey, Jared, Morgan;
Morgan, Jared.
1235
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:36,010
Hi... Morgan.
1236
00:59:36,043 --> 00:59:37,611
Good to finally meet you.
1237
00:59:37,645 --> 00:59:38,712
Same.
1238
00:59:43,651 --> 00:59:47,922
So, remind me, how long
have you two been together?
1239
00:59:49,023 --> 00:59:51,258
Since February.
1240
00:59:51,292 --> 00:59:53,260
Wow, that...
1241
00:59:53,294 --> 00:59:55,663
that's a long time.
1242
00:59:55,696 --> 00:59:58,199
Jared and I go way back.
1243
00:59:58,232 --> 01:00:00,267
All the way to middle school.
1244
01:00:00,301 --> 01:00:02,036
- No way.
- Way.
1245
01:00:02,069 --> 01:00:03,904
Yeah, surprising we still talk,
actually,
1246
01:00:03,938 --> 01:00:05,773
considering how much
we hated each other.
1247
01:00:07,074 --> 01:00:08,876
That's very funny.
1248
01:00:08,909 --> 01:00:11,812
- Hilarious.
- Yeah, he, uh...
1249
01:00:11,846 --> 01:00:13,214
Well, I'll say this
to your face
1250
01:00:13,247 --> 01:00:14,849
'cause you're sitting
right in front of me.
1251
01:00:14,882 --> 01:00:16,317
You were a total dickhole.
1252
01:00:16,350 --> 01:00:17,618
Oh, not in front of the lady.
1253
01:00:17,651 --> 01:00:20,221
He was, he knows that though,
I've told him a million times.
1254
01:00:20,254 --> 01:00:22,690
- Different now.
- He's a changed man.
1255
01:00:23,757 --> 01:00:25,926
Just depends on the day.
1256
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:28,729
And yet, here we are,
1257
01:00:28,762 --> 01:00:30,998
all these years later.
1258
01:00:31,031 --> 01:00:31,866
Go!
1259
01:00:31,899 --> 01:00:33,300
- Oh!
- Jesus.
1260
01:00:33,334 --> 01:00:36,003
It's out! It's out!
1261
01:00:36,036 --> 01:00:37,104
This is fun.
1262
01:00:42,343 --> 01:00:43,310
What?
1263
01:00:43,344 --> 01:00:46,080
Are you mad at me?
1264
01:00:46,113 --> 01:00:48,382
Look, I'm sorry
I didn't come over, okay?
1265
01:00:48,415 --> 01:00:50,417
I was half asleep
when you called.
1266
01:00:50,451 --> 01:00:52,186
Okay.
1267
01:00:52,219 --> 01:00:54,054
Let me take you out
to dinner tonight.
1268
01:00:54,088 --> 01:00:56,457
Stop bribing me with food.
1269
01:00:56,490 --> 01:00:58,058
Please.
1270
01:00:58,092 --> 01:00:59,260
Even if I wanted to,
1271
01:00:59,293 --> 01:01:01,762
my head feels like
it's peeling in half.
1272
01:01:01,795 --> 01:01:04,999
So, there's not much movement
going on right now.
1273
01:01:05,032 --> 01:01:07,801
I'll take it.
I'll call you around 6.
1274
01:01:07,835 --> 01:01:11,805
I'll bring you whatever
you want, just text me.
1275
01:01:11,839 --> 01:01:13,774
I love you.
1276
01:01:16,277 --> 01:01:17,478
Shit.
1277
01:01:55,950 --> 01:01:57,017
Hello?
1278
01:01:57,051 --> 01:01:59,253
Sage, hey, it's Aubrey!
1279
01:01:59,286 --> 01:02:01,755
Um, can you work tonight?
1280
01:02:01,789 --> 01:02:02,856
Uh...
1281
01:02:02,890 --> 01:02:04,358
I can't tonight.
1282
01:02:04,391 --> 01:02:05,527
Please, Sage.
1283
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:08,429
If I get one more write-up,
Laurel is gonna fire me,
1284
01:02:08,462 --> 01:02:09,997
and I can't lose this job.
1285
01:02:10,030 --> 01:02:11,899
I just enrolled in acting class,
1286
01:02:11,932 --> 01:02:13,834
and my agent says
I need to do a self-tape,
1287
01:02:13,867 --> 01:02:14,835
and then
my acting teacher's like,
1288
01:02:14,868 --> 01:02:16,437
"Hey, you should probably take
a yoga class,"
1289
01:02:16,470 --> 01:02:18,239
you know, just like,
to loosen up and stuff
1290
01:02:18,272 --> 01:02:20,441
because I'm just really tense
all the fucking time.
1291
01:02:20,474 --> 01:02:21,942
So, how am I gonna afford
a yoga class...
1292
01:02:21,976 --> 01:02:23,244
Did you ask Grace Kim already?
1293
01:02:23,277 --> 01:02:25,012
She quit.
1294
01:02:25,045 --> 01:02:26,046
What, when?
1295
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:26,880
Like a month ago.
1296
01:02:26,914 --> 01:02:28,816
She got into med school
or something,
1297
01:02:28,849 --> 01:02:30,918
which is great,
you know, whatever,
1298
01:02:30,951 --> 01:02:33,087
but I have this huge audition,
1299
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:35,289
and now I'm totally fucked.
1300
01:02:35,322 --> 01:02:37,391
I'm supposed to be playing
this meth addict
1301
01:02:37,424 --> 01:02:39,561
who finds herself
through violin.
1302
01:02:39,594 --> 01:02:42,363
It's really hard to explain,
but it's a comedy pilot,
1303
01:02:42,396 --> 01:02:44,566
and I just, like,
really need time
1304
01:02:44,599 --> 01:02:50,037
to, like, focus on my craft,
you know?
1305
01:02:50,070 --> 01:02:51,506
Please, Sage.
1306
01:02:51,539 --> 01:02:53,140
Please, please, please,
please, please, please.
1307
01:02:53,173 --> 01:02:55,843
Yeah, okay, all right,
fine, yes, I will do it.
1308
01:02:55,876 --> 01:02:58,112
Oh my God, thank you so much!
1309
01:02:58,145 --> 01:02:59,813
You're the fucking best,
I owe you.
1310
01:02:59,847 --> 01:03:01,882
Okay, gotta go, bye.
1311
01:03:01,915 --> 01:03:03,017
We're good, let's do it.
1312
01:03:04,619 --> 01:03:07,154
I done had a long-ass morning.
1313
01:03:07,187 --> 01:03:09,990
The fuck you mean
you can't take my coupon?
1314
01:03:10,024 --> 01:03:12,960
- It's expired.
- By one day.
1315
01:03:12,993 --> 01:03:15,162
Yeah, which makes it expired.
1316
01:03:15,195 --> 01:03:16,997
See, this is some bullshit.
1317
01:03:17,031 --> 01:03:19,366
Okay, I physically can't take
your coupon
1318
01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:22,102
because the button for it
doesn't exist anymore.
1319
01:03:27,041 --> 01:03:29,143
It's 'cause I'm Black, ain't it?
1320
01:03:30,645 --> 01:03:32,479
Man, fuck this whole
racist-ass shit,
1321
01:03:32,514 --> 01:03:34,381
that little fake-ass smile
you do.
1322
01:03:36,984 --> 01:03:39,253
Fucking white mints.
Fuck your white mints.
1323
01:03:39,286 --> 01:03:41,288
What the hell you lookin' at?
What you holdin'?
1324
01:03:41,322 --> 01:03:42,624
Man, you got shit in your hand.
1325
01:03:42,657 --> 01:03:44,158
Turn around, motherfucker!
1326
01:03:44,191 --> 01:03:45,560
Go back there
and make some coffee.
1327
01:03:45,593 --> 01:03:48,128
Look at me!
Now go make some fucking coffee!
1328
01:03:48,162 --> 01:03:51,065
Y'all motherfuckers just lost
yourselves a valuable customer.
1329
01:03:54,168 --> 01:03:55,369
Great, thanks!
1330
01:03:55,402 --> 01:03:57,371
Thank you so much!
1331
01:04:01,909 --> 01:04:03,377
Sage.
1332
01:04:08,650 --> 01:04:10,050
Now.
1333
01:04:11,285 --> 01:04:13,454
I have my phone
and my wallet,
1334
01:04:13,487 --> 01:04:16,990
but I cannot find my jacket.
1335
01:04:17,024 --> 01:04:19,627
I don't know, I don't know
where your jacket is.
1336
01:04:25,099 --> 01:04:26,300
Duty calls.
1337
01:04:26,333 --> 01:04:28,168
Come here.
1338
01:04:32,172 --> 01:04:33,907
Thank you.
1339
01:04:33,941 --> 01:04:35,409
For what?
1340
01:04:35,442 --> 01:04:37,111
For everything.
1341
01:04:37,144 --> 01:04:41,583
For making me feel wanted
and important.
1342
01:04:41,616 --> 01:04:43,083
Just being nice.
1343
01:04:43,117 --> 01:04:44,485
What's going on?
1344
01:04:44,519 --> 01:04:46,019
Okay.
1345
01:04:46,053 --> 01:04:47,254
I'm just...
1346
01:04:47,287 --> 01:04:51,659
very much in like with you.
1347
01:04:51,693 --> 01:04:53,327
Like love.
1348
01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:57,197
I'm in like-love with you.
1349
01:04:57,231 --> 01:05:00,267
I've never told anyone that
before,
1350
01:05:00,300 --> 01:05:03,103
and I just thought
you should know that.
1351
01:05:09,443 --> 01:05:12,279
I really like-love you too.
1352
01:05:12,312 --> 01:05:14,481
You don't have to say that.
1353
01:05:14,516 --> 01:05:16,150
I don't care if you do or don't.
1354
01:05:16,183 --> 01:05:18,452
Yet despite your indifference
to my feelings,
1355
01:05:18,485 --> 01:05:20,622
um, I really do.
1356
01:05:22,122 --> 01:05:25,159
Even if you are
a ginormous nerd.
1357
01:05:26,193 --> 01:05:27,394
How dare you?
1358
01:05:27,428 --> 01:05:28,663
You know that I don't
just, like, watch
1359
01:05:28,696 --> 01:05:30,397
that much Harry Potter
for anyone, right?
1360
01:05:30,431 --> 01:05:31,599
You like those movies.
1361
01:05:31,633 --> 01:05:35,002
No, I like those movies because
I have to like those movies.
1362
01:05:35,035 --> 01:05:38,172
Whatever, I watched
The Bachelor for you.
1363
01:05:38,205 --> 01:05:40,742
You promise me that is not
something we will speak of.
1364
01:05:42,342 --> 01:05:44,679
- Promise.
- You won't tell.
1365
01:05:44,712 --> 01:05:46,548
All right, bye.
1366
01:05:46,581 --> 01:05:48,048
Bye.
1367
01:06:10,270 --> 01:06:11,773
Okay, bye for real.
1368
01:06:31,593 --> 01:06:33,728
Hey, um,
1369
01:06:33,761 --> 01:06:36,497
it's almost 9 p.m.
1370
01:06:36,531 --> 01:06:39,734
I'm guessing you're not coming
over with dinner anymore.
1371
01:06:42,102 --> 01:06:44,639
Look, I'm not even mad, I just
want to make sure you're okay,
1372
01:06:44,672 --> 01:06:47,140
so... call me back.
1373
01:06:49,544 --> 01:06:51,044
Bye.
1374
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:08,362
Hey, congratulations
on your first write-up.
1375
01:07:08,395 --> 01:07:10,632
- It's my second.
- Oh.
1376
01:07:10,665 --> 01:07:12,466
Well, if you want to vent
about it, there's...
1377
01:07:12,499 --> 01:07:15,302
Why, why do you ask when
you know the answer already?
1378
01:07:15,335 --> 01:07:17,304
I thought maybe I caught you
on an off day.
1379
01:07:17,337 --> 01:07:18,673
Nope.
1380
01:07:18,706 --> 01:07:20,040
My bad.
1381
01:07:22,544 --> 01:07:25,680
Shit, there's another
homeless guy.
1382
01:07:27,682 --> 01:07:28,683
Shit.
1383
01:07:30,484 --> 01:07:31,786
Am I overreacting?
1384
01:07:31,819 --> 01:07:34,522
Not at all.
He could've texted or called.
1385
01:07:34,556 --> 01:07:38,258
It's not even that he treats me
bad, per se, it's just like,
1386
01:07:38,292 --> 01:07:41,261
it feels... I don't know,
1387
01:07:41,295 --> 01:07:43,598
like he doesn't even care
if I'm there or if I'm not.
1388
01:07:43,631 --> 01:07:45,600
It's just convenient.
I'm a human Fleshlight.
1389
01:07:45,633 --> 01:07:47,467
He cares about you,
obviously, I mean,
1390
01:07:47,501 --> 01:07:50,470
you guys have been together
since you were, what, 14?
1391
01:07:50,505 --> 01:07:52,439
Sixteen.
1392
01:07:52,472 --> 01:07:54,642
- On and off.
- My point is,
1393
01:07:54,676 --> 01:07:56,644
you cannot take someone
like that seriously.
1394
01:07:56,678 --> 01:07:59,179
It's like... it's like
he's a carnival ride.
1395
01:07:59,212 --> 01:08:00,882
Fun but totally unreliable.
1396
01:08:00,915 --> 01:08:02,149
Great analogy.
1397
01:08:02,182 --> 01:08:03,585
I got stuck on Zipper once.
1398
01:08:03,618 --> 01:08:06,320
It was incredibly traumatic.
1399
01:08:07,589 --> 01:08:08,823
I'm sorry.
1400
01:08:08,856 --> 01:08:11,526
I hate being that person
that's always...
1401
01:08:11,559 --> 01:08:13,528
crying about a boyfriend,
it's embarrassing.
1402
01:08:13,561 --> 01:08:14,762
If it makes you feel any better,
1403
01:08:14,796 --> 01:08:16,864
you're definitely the best
customer we've had all day.
1404
01:08:16,898 --> 01:08:20,400
It's true, yeah.
1405
01:08:20,434 --> 01:08:22,402
Casey, I know you don't want
to hear this,
1406
01:08:22,436 --> 01:08:24,772
but the dude is
a self-indulgent twig
1407
01:08:24,806 --> 01:08:25,907
with a faux hawk.
1408
01:08:25,940 --> 01:08:27,842
- Oh...
- I don't know the guy,
1409
01:08:27,875 --> 01:08:29,744
but that sends
a lot of red flags.
1410
01:08:29,777 --> 01:08:31,278
Kyle!
1411
01:08:31,311 --> 01:08:33,447
I was talking to myself.
1412
01:08:33,480 --> 01:08:36,283
Okay, the faux hawk was a phase.
1413
01:08:36,316 --> 01:08:38,485
I can't believe
we're having this conversation.
1414
01:08:38,519 --> 01:08:41,421
Well, maybe this is the push
you need to move on.
1415
01:08:41,455 --> 01:08:43,490
Stop prolonging
your own suffering.
1416
01:08:45,827 --> 01:08:47,194
You want some more tea?
1417
01:08:47,227 --> 01:08:48,863
Oh, I have a whiskey flask
in the back.
1418
01:08:48,896 --> 01:08:50,765
I can make you a hot toddy
or something.
1419
01:08:50,798 --> 01:08:51,833
Absolutely.
1420
01:08:51,866 --> 01:08:54,201
Are you sure you want
to be drinking right now?
1421
01:08:54,234 --> 01:08:56,571
Please let me mourn
without judgment.
1422
01:08:56,604 --> 01:08:59,473
You know, the best way
to get over someone
1423
01:08:59,507 --> 01:09:01,441
is to get under someone.
1424
01:09:01,475 --> 01:09:03,845
Consider this:
1425
01:09:03,878 --> 01:09:04,812
orgy.
1426
01:09:04,846 --> 01:09:06,614
Okay, do you want to go drink
at my house?
1427
01:09:06,648 --> 01:09:07,615
- Yes!
- Okay.
1428
01:09:07,649 --> 01:09:08,883
- We're leaving.
- Can I come?
1429
01:09:08,916 --> 01:09:09,851
Nope.
1430
01:09:09,884 --> 01:09:10,785
- Why not?
- Not invited.
1431
01:09:10,818 --> 01:09:12,520
Because you have to stay here
and clean.
1432
01:09:12,553 --> 01:09:14,522
- Okay.
- Later days.
1433
01:09:14,555 --> 01:09:16,858
- I love you.
- Bye.
1434
01:09:19,627 --> 01:09:21,328
Fuck.
1435
01:09:32,006 --> 01:09:33,608
Hello?
1436
01:09:38,579 --> 01:09:41,348
Thank you for letting me eat
Lowick's pizza.
1437
01:09:41,381 --> 01:09:42,550
And his wine.
1438
01:09:42,583 --> 01:09:45,920
It was a surprise anyway,
so he won't know the difference.
1439
01:09:45,953 --> 01:09:47,689
You know, you can put
the shoe down.
1440
01:09:47,722 --> 01:09:49,824
It's not gonna make the glue
dry any faster.
1441
01:09:49,857 --> 01:09:52,292
- It's my favorite pair.
- Dude, you're fine.
1442
01:09:52,325 --> 01:09:55,395
That stuff can glue a baby
to the back of a bus.
1443
01:09:57,330 --> 01:09:59,600
Okay, that would never happen,
never.
1444
01:09:59,634 --> 01:10:01,669
Yeah, 'cause
the Lifetime Movie Network
1445
01:10:01,703 --> 01:10:03,470
is known for its realism.
1446
01:10:03,503 --> 01:10:05,707
Suspension of disbelief.
1447
01:10:05,740 --> 01:10:07,508
Dude, now I'm in
on a Friday night.
1448
01:10:07,542 --> 01:10:08,810
Just when I was
starting to feel
1449
01:10:08,843 --> 01:10:10,343
a little bit better
about myself.
1450
01:10:10,377 --> 01:10:11,813
Hey, you're not watching alone.
1451
01:10:11,846 --> 01:10:13,581
That's true, feel you.
1452
01:10:13,614 --> 01:10:15,550
You know what?
1453
01:10:15,583 --> 01:10:19,453
So what we're not getting
shit-faced on a Friday night.
1454
01:10:19,486 --> 01:10:21,321
We're bonding!
1455
01:10:21,354 --> 01:10:23,323
Big deal!
1456
01:10:23,356 --> 01:10:26,627
I mean, there is nothing
to be ashamed of.
1457
01:10:26,661 --> 01:10:31,498
Whatever happened to real,
intellectual conversation?
1458
01:10:33,534 --> 01:10:35,302
We are watching a TV movie
1459
01:10:35,335 --> 01:10:37,404
about a teenager
trying to steal a fetus.
1460
01:10:37,437 --> 01:10:41,274
I don't think that qualifies
as intellectual conversation.
1461
01:10:41,308 --> 01:10:43,578
So then... let's talk.
1462
01:10:43,611 --> 01:10:45,747
- About what?
- Anything.
1463
01:10:45,780 --> 01:10:48,983
- Except boys.
- Or work.
1464
01:10:51,652 --> 01:10:52,887
Thanks.
1465
01:10:55,089 --> 01:10:57,390
- I have a question.
- Splash zone.
1466
01:10:59,392 --> 01:11:01,495
What, what's your question?
1467
01:11:01,529 --> 01:11:03,564
Are you guys' vaginas
symmetrical?
1468
01:11:03,598 --> 01:11:06,333
Morgan!
1469
01:11:06,366 --> 01:11:08,035
Elaborate.
1470
01:11:08,069 --> 01:11:10,571
I just feel like
the right side of mine
1471
01:11:10,605 --> 01:11:12,039
is just a little bit longer.
1472
01:11:12,073 --> 01:11:13,908
- The inside or the outside?
- Inside.
1473
01:11:13,941 --> 01:11:16,577
It's not hugely noticeable,
it's just...
1474
01:11:16,611 --> 01:11:19,046
It just feels like
it's just a little bit longer.
1475
01:11:19,080 --> 01:11:20,581
Mine is like that on the left.
1476
01:11:20,615 --> 01:11:23,718
- Like you have to tuck it in?
- Ew, you guys!
1477
01:11:24,819 --> 01:11:25,853
Well, thank you.
1478
01:11:25,887 --> 01:11:27,588
That's all I needed to hear.
1479
01:11:27,622 --> 01:11:28,923
Oh my God.
1480
01:11:31,025 --> 01:11:32,960
- What?
- It's Nathan, what do I do?
1481
01:11:32,994 --> 01:11:34,796
- You ignore it.
- Mm-hmm.
1482
01:11:34,829 --> 01:11:35,863
That's what you do.
1483
01:11:35,897 --> 01:11:37,632
No, but I just want to know
what his excuse is.
1484
01:11:37,665 --> 01:11:39,366
- No, no!
- Who cares?
1485
01:11:39,399 --> 01:11:40,234
I do!
1486
01:11:40,268 --> 01:11:42,603
Casey, don't answer that,
come on.
1487
01:11:42,637 --> 01:11:44,071
Just, okay,
just talk really loud
1488
01:11:44,105 --> 01:11:45,907
like we're out and we're having
a really fun time
1489
01:11:45,940 --> 01:11:46,874
and we're at a party
or something.
1490
01:11:46,908 --> 01:11:51,478
- Just do it!
- Um, I am having so much fun!
1491
01:11:53,446 --> 01:11:56,717
Oh my God, you guys, stop,
you're hilarious!
1492
01:11:56,751 --> 01:11:57,718
Hello?
1493
01:11:57,752 --> 01:12:00,021
Hey, babe, it's me... shut up.
1494
01:12:00,054 --> 01:12:01,823
Who?
1495
01:12:01,856 --> 01:12:02,890
Nathan.
1496
01:12:02,924 --> 01:12:04,091
Oh, hey, what's up?
1497
01:12:04,125 --> 01:12:07,762
Sorry, it's just so loud
at this party that I'm at.
1498
01:12:07,795 --> 01:12:09,964
Is... is that Morgan?
1499
01:12:09,997 --> 01:12:11,732
Uh, yeah, it is.
1500
01:12:11,766 --> 01:12:12,867
She's... she's with me.
1501
01:12:12,900 --> 01:12:14,602
You know what, one second.
1502
01:12:16,003 --> 01:12:17,505
I'm in the bathroom now.
1503
01:12:17,538 --> 01:12:18,840
Sorry, crazy in there.
1504
01:12:18,873 --> 01:12:21,474
But enough about my night.
Where are you?
1505
01:12:21,509 --> 01:12:22,810
I thought we had plans.
1506
01:12:22,844 --> 01:12:24,712
Yeah, I know, look, I'm sorry,
1507
01:12:24,745 --> 01:12:27,782
but Max had tickets to go see
Chance the Rapper last minute,
1508
01:12:27,815 --> 01:12:31,484
and then my phone died,
so, um...
1509
01:12:31,519 --> 01:12:33,554
Anyway, we're at
this after-party now,
1510
01:12:33,588 --> 01:12:36,891
and I finally found a charger
so I can call you.
1511
01:12:36,924 --> 01:12:38,960
You're at... you're at
an after-party right now?
1512
01:12:39,994 --> 01:12:41,394
Yeah, yeah.
1513
01:12:41,428 --> 01:12:43,564
Look, I... I owe you
1514
01:12:43,598 --> 01:12:46,433
and I will make this up to you,
I promise.
1515
01:12:46,466 --> 01:12:50,470
But it sounds like you're having
a really good time anyway.
1516
01:12:50,503 --> 01:12:51,672
Yeah, I am.
1517
01:12:51,706 --> 01:12:55,910
You know, I am
at an after-party too, actually.
1518
01:12:55,943 --> 01:12:57,511
For Ludacris.
1519
01:12:57,545 --> 01:12:59,180
Wait, what, you're at an...
1520
01:12:59,213 --> 01:13:01,182
you're at an after-party
for Ludacris?
1521
01:13:01,215 --> 01:13:04,652
We are having a banging time,
and I mean that literally.
1522
01:13:04,685 --> 01:13:07,521
I let him and his rapper friends
gang-bang me
1523
01:13:07,555 --> 01:13:09,924
with their big, huge cocks!
1524
01:13:09,957 --> 01:13:12,093
Oh, oh, oh, here they come.
1525
01:13:12,126 --> 01:13:14,829
- Okay.
- Banging on the bathroom door.
1526
01:13:14,862 --> 01:13:15,730
Ooh!
1527
01:13:15,763 --> 01:13:19,634
Uh... this bathroom,
it's so shiny.
1528
01:13:19,667 --> 01:13:21,168
- So nice!
- I'm sorry,
1529
01:13:21,202 --> 01:13:22,870
what were you saying?
1530
01:13:22,904 --> 01:13:24,205
Casey, look, I'm sorry.
1531
01:13:24,238 --> 01:13:26,107
I guess I messed up, didn't I?
1532
01:13:26,140 --> 01:13:27,541
- So, um...
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
1533
01:13:27,575 --> 01:13:29,442
it's just so hard
to hear you because
1534
01:13:29,476 --> 01:13:30,912
Pharrell jizzed
in my ears earlier,
1535
01:13:30,945 --> 01:13:34,081
and the semen is making it
really hard to hear.
1536
01:13:34,115 --> 01:13:39,220
Just a big, fat wad
of non-rubber rapper jizz
1537
01:13:39,253 --> 01:13:40,888
all in my mouth!
1538
01:13:40,922 --> 01:13:42,957
Woo! Oh, oh my God!
1539
01:13:42,990 --> 01:13:47,862
Kid Cudi, your balls
are so fucking soft!
1540
01:13:47,895 --> 01:13:52,733
Okay, you know what, um,
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
1541
01:13:55,502 --> 01:13:57,104
He hung up.
1542
01:13:57,138 --> 01:13:59,240
You're fine.
1543
01:13:59,273 --> 01:14:02,043
Yeah, it was really articulate.
1544
01:14:09,216 --> 01:14:10,985
Hi.
1545
01:14:12,787 --> 01:14:14,855
Hi.
1546
01:14:14,889 --> 01:14:16,023
Long night?
1547
01:14:17,925 --> 01:14:19,961
Very.
1548
01:14:19,994 --> 01:14:22,530
Thought you'd be in bed by now.
1549
01:14:23,698 --> 01:14:26,033
Uh, yeah, I, uh...
1550
01:14:26,067 --> 01:14:28,035
couldn't sleep.
1551
01:14:28,069 --> 01:14:29,904
Casey wasn't feeling well,
1552
01:14:29,937 --> 01:14:33,274
so I was with her and Sage.
1553
01:14:33,307 --> 01:14:35,943
Were you?
1554
01:14:35,977 --> 01:14:41,582
Yeah, hence... leftover pizza.
1555
01:14:41,615 --> 01:14:45,152
There was more,
but the other pieces got mugged.
1556
01:14:45,186 --> 01:14:46,787
Yeah, I'm not really hungry.
1557
01:14:46,821 --> 01:14:48,022
I, um...
1558
01:14:51,692 --> 01:14:53,627
I got dinner with Jared.
1559
01:14:58,833 --> 01:15:00,134
Oh.
1560
01:15:04,105 --> 01:15:06,574
Yeah.
1561
01:15:06,607 --> 01:15:08,309
Why didn't you tell me?
1562
01:15:08,342 --> 01:15:10,644
I didn't know how.
1563
01:15:10,678 --> 01:15:14,648
Were you planning
on telling me?
1564
01:15:14,682 --> 01:15:17,551
I don't know.
1565
01:15:17,585 --> 01:15:22,023
I was embarrassed, okay?
1566
01:15:22,056 --> 01:15:24,058
You were embarrassed?
1567
01:15:25,026 --> 01:15:26,994
Imagine how I felt
1568
01:15:27,028 --> 01:15:28,562
when my best friend told me
1569
01:15:28,596 --> 01:15:30,564
that my girlfriend
fucks for money.
1570
01:15:30,598 --> 01:15:31,766
Fucked.
1571
01:15:31,799 --> 01:15:34,068
Past tense.
1572
01:15:34,101 --> 01:15:38,072
Just out of curiosity,
when was the last guy?
1573
01:15:38,105 --> 01:15:40,841
Was it the week we met?
1574
01:15:40,875 --> 01:15:44,045
Was it the day we met?
1575
01:15:48,182 --> 01:15:50,184
Okay, um...
1576
01:15:53,988 --> 01:15:56,190
Right, I guess next topic,
1577
01:15:56,223 --> 01:15:59,593
are there... are there any kids
1578
01:15:59,627 --> 01:16:01,896
that I should know about?
1579
01:16:01,929 --> 01:16:04,265
No?
1580
01:16:04,298 --> 01:16:06,600
Okay, well, that's good,
no kids.
1581
01:16:06,634 --> 01:16:08,135
Um...
1582
01:16:08,169 --> 01:16:09,637
Do you run a drug cartel?
1583
01:16:09,670 --> 01:16:10,905
I wanted to tell you.
1584
01:16:10,938 --> 01:16:12,239
God, Morgan, you...
1585
01:16:12,273 --> 01:16:14,108
you lied to me.
1586
01:16:14,141 --> 01:16:16,944
I didn't lie.
1587
01:16:16,977 --> 01:16:19,814
Come on.
1588
01:16:29,957 --> 01:16:34,662
You know, I really think that...
I need to be alone tonight.
1589
01:16:34,695 --> 01:16:36,063
Lowick, it's three
in the morning.
1590
01:16:36,097 --> 01:16:37,364
I know it's three
in the morning,
1591
01:16:37,398 --> 01:16:39,100
but I don't think
it's a good idea
1592
01:16:39,133 --> 01:16:41,402
that we be in the same room
right now.
1593
01:16:41,435 --> 01:16:43,704
- Please, let's just go to bed.
- Morgan, um,
1594
01:16:43,737 --> 01:16:45,639
I need you to leave.
1595
01:16:47,808 --> 01:16:50,644
Please.
1596
01:16:50,678 --> 01:16:54,115
I'm... please,
I'm asking you to leave.
1597
01:17:02,723 --> 01:17:04,291
I'll, um...
1598
01:17:08,963 --> 01:17:11,832
I'll, um, put the pizza
in the fridge.
1599
01:17:11,866 --> 01:17:14,068
It's your favorite, by the way.
1600
01:17:14,101 --> 01:17:17,738
Um, pepperoni and olive
on gluten-free crust,
1601
01:17:17,771 --> 01:17:20,407
even though gluten-free doesn't
really constitute as pizza,
1602
01:17:20,441 --> 01:17:22,443
but, you know, I got it anyways
because you like it,
1603
01:17:22,476 --> 01:17:25,412
- and I thought you'd want some...
- Morgan.
1604
01:17:25,446 --> 01:17:27,248
Yeah.
1605
01:17:30,751 --> 01:17:33,320
You can leave my key
on the counter.
1606
01:17:37,324 --> 01:17:40,294
Yeah, um...
1607
01:17:41,862 --> 01:17:44,865
I'll, um...
1608
01:17:44,899 --> 01:17:47,701
I'll leave it right here
next to the pizza.
1609
01:18:55,202 --> 01:18:58,005
Late night with Pharrell?
1610
01:18:58,038 --> 01:18:59,940
- Can we talk?
- No.
1611
01:18:59,974 --> 01:19:01,475
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
1612
01:19:01,509 --> 01:19:03,210
We both fucked up,
let's just reset and...
1613
01:19:03,244 --> 01:19:05,479
No, I didn't fuck up.
1614
01:19:05,513 --> 01:19:06,981
You fucked up.
1615
01:19:07,014 --> 01:19:09,149
Can we handle this
like adults, please?
1616
01:19:09,183 --> 01:19:11,485
You know what, no,
we can't handle this like adults
1617
01:19:11,519 --> 01:19:13,854
because you are not an adult.
1618
01:19:13,887 --> 01:19:15,523
- You are a child.
- Casey...
1619
01:19:15,557 --> 01:19:17,424
- And I cant do this anymore.
- Come on.
1620
01:19:17,458 --> 01:19:19,126
- I'm done.
- Doing what?
1621
01:19:19,159 --> 01:19:21,862
You lie every time you say
you're coming over...
1622
01:19:21,895 --> 01:19:24,832
I will come over, it's just...
sometimes shit comes up.
1623
01:19:24,865 --> 01:19:26,066
- Shit comes up!
- Shit comes up
1624
01:19:26,100 --> 01:19:27,968
like a Chance the Rapper
fucking after-party?
1625
01:19:28,002 --> 01:19:29,336
Are you out
of your goddamn mind?
1626
01:19:29,370 --> 01:19:30,938
You know he's
my favorite fucking artist!
1627
01:19:30,971 --> 01:19:34,108
Oh my God!
1628
01:19:34,141 --> 01:19:35,577
What the fuck?
1629
01:19:35,610 --> 01:19:36,977
Take your bag of shit,
1630
01:19:37,011 --> 01:19:38,580
lose my number,
and get the hell out!
1631
01:19:38,613 --> 01:19:40,414
Chill the fuck out,
you're being dramatic, okay?
1632
01:19:42,082 --> 01:19:43,951
What did you just say to me?
1633
01:19:43,984 --> 01:19:45,319
You honestly think
you're not making this
1634
01:19:45,352 --> 01:19:48,222
a much bigger deal
than it is, really?
1635
01:19:50,491 --> 01:19:51,392
Fuck, what the fuck!
1636
01:19:51,425 --> 01:19:53,427
Now you're liable
to call me dramatic!
1637
01:19:53,460 --> 01:19:55,530
Oh, you fucking punched me!
1638
01:19:55,563 --> 01:19:57,931
You fucking punched me!
1639
01:19:57,965 --> 01:19:59,967
Ah, fuck!
1640
01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:03,971
I come all the way out here
to check on you...
1641
01:20:04,004 --> 01:20:05,205
and make sure you're okay.
1642
01:20:05,239 --> 01:20:08,342
The least you can do is come
outside and talk to me, babe.
1643
01:20:11,513 --> 01:20:14,214
Come on, just...
1644
01:20:14,248 --> 01:20:17,184
Just come outside
and talk to me.
1645
01:20:18,419 --> 01:20:19,621
Please.
1646
01:20:23,257 --> 01:20:25,459
Ah, fuck.
1647
01:20:27,394 --> 01:20:29,396
Thank you...
Woah, dude, what the fuck!
1648
01:20:29,430 --> 01:20:31,432
Number one,
don't fucking call me dramatic.
1649
01:20:31,465 --> 01:20:33,334
I didn't mean it like that,
I didn't mean it like that!
1650
01:20:33,367 --> 01:20:35,202
Two, don't call me dude!
1651
01:20:35,235 --> 01:20:36,870
Will you put
the fucking knife down?
1652
01:20:36,904 --> 01:20:38,339
And three,
I have a fucking hangover,
1653
01:20:38,372 --> 01:20:40,140
so stop pounding on my door!
1654
01:20:40,174 --> 01:20:42,209
Casey, what the fuck!
1655
01:20:45,112 --> 01:20:47,915
Get the fuck outta here,
I swear to God,
1656
01:20:47,948 --> 01:20:49,517
I'll fucking cut you!
1657
01:20:51,352 --> 01:20:53,087
Will you just stop and listen?
1658
01:20:53,120 --> 01:20:55,189
I don't know how to tell you
to calm down
1659
01:20:55,222 --> 01:20:56,056
without offending you.
1660
01:20:56,090 --> 01:20:58,425
Just chill out
so we can talk, okay?
1661
01:20:58,459 --> 01:21:01,095
And if you stab me,
it won't count as self-defense,
1662
01:21:01,128 --> 01:21:02,429
so please.
1663
01:21:02,463 --> 01:21:04,198
Just talk to me.
1664
01:21:05,466 --> 01:21:07,569
I think we should break up.
1665
01:21:08,936 --> 01:21:10,904
What?
1666
01:21:46,741 --> 01:21:48,175
You're back.
1667
01:21:48,208 --> 01:21:51,178
Let me guess,
they bumped you up to CEO.
1668
01:21:52,079 --> 01:21:54,281
Still assistant,
but I feel very strongly
1669
01:21:54,314 --> 01:21:55,717
an offer's about to be made.
1670
01:21:58,385 --> 01:22:00,454
Celebratory drink.
1671
01:22:00,487 --> 01:22:01,689
That's fast service.
1672
01:22:01,723 --> 01:22:03,290
Yeah, I'll be right back.
1673
01:22:04,358 --> 01:22:05,727
Don't go anywhere.
1674
01:22:06,661 --> 01:22:09,496
I could also stay,
if you want company.
1675
01:22:09,531 --> 01:22:12,132
- It's not a big deal.
- No, you should go.
1676
01:22:12,166 --> 01:22:13,434
Yeah, no, I've already left.
1677
01:22:13,467 --> 01:22:15,502
- I'm not even here.
- Okay.
1678
01:22:15,537 --> 01:22:17,971
- Huh, who are you?
- Go, leave me alone.
1679
01:22:18,005 --> 01:22:18,972
Okay.
1680
01:23:57,772 --> 01:24:00,808
Oh, fuck.
1681
01:24:10,818 --> 01:24:13,320
Uh-uh, don't, no.
1682
01:24:13,353 --> 01:24:15,823
No, we offered him
two extensions.
1683
01:24:15,857 --> 01:24:17,424
This book needs
to be ready to print
1684
01:24:17,457 --> 01:24:18,593
before the end of the year.
1685
01:24:18,626 --> 01:24:21,663
If the proposal's not on my desk
by the end of this week,
1686
01:24:21,696 --> 01:24:23,397
he can take the material
somewhere else
1687
01:24:23,430 --> 01:24:26,133
and stop wasting my time.
1688
01:24:29,604 --> 01:24:31,104
- Morgan.
- Yes.
1689
01:24:31,138 --> 01:24:32,674
I don't have a lot of time,
don't sit.
1690
01:24:32,707 --> 01:24:33,608
Okay.
1691
01:24:33,641 --> 01:24:35,442
Finally got word back
about that sample
1692
01:24:35,475 --> 01:24:37,477
you had me forward
to Illustration.
1693
01:24:37,512 --> 01:24:39,212
Turns out the department's
very interested.
1694
01:24:39,246 --> 01:24:41,248
- Really?
- But that's all they expressed.
1695
01:24:41,281 --> 01:24:43,818
Interest, okay?
Nothing set in stone.
1696
01:24:43,851 --> 01:24:45,520
- Okay.
- They have a few ideas they want
1697
01:24:45,553 --> 01:24:48,221
to go over, so can you set up
a meeting for next week?
1698
01:24:48,255 --> 01:24:50,424
Also, push my 5 p.m.
to next Wednesday.
1699
01:24:50,457 --> 01:24:51,793
I need to leave
the office early.
1700
01:24:51,826 --> 01:24:53,528
Yeah, absolutely.
1701
01:24:53,561 --> 01:24:57,765
Oh, why does my cappuccino
taste like a mocha?
1702
01:24:57,799 --> 01:24:59,801
Um, the barista was new,
1703
01:24:59,834 --> 01:25:02,202
so maybe she made it wrong.
1704
01:25:02,235 --> 01:25:03,705
I don't get it.
One job, make coffee,
1705
01:25:03,738 --> 01:25:05,807
and somehow it's
an impossible feat?
1706
01:25:05,840 --> 01:25:07,775
Truly amazes me.
1707
01:25:07,809 --> 01:25:09,777
What are you doing here?
1708
01:25:09,811 --> 01:25:11,779
Oh, just living out
the no-condom mistake
1709
01:25:11,813 --> 01:25:12,847
my parents made.
1710
01:25:12,880 --> 01:25:14,849
I meant here at work.
1711
01:25:14,882 --> 01:25:17,885
Is the answer to that
not self-explanatory?
1712
01:25:19,821 --> 01:25:21,188
- Rough morning?
- Yeah.
1713
01:25:21,221 --> 01:25:23,357
I was up until five
working on some pieces.
1714
01:25:23,390 --> 01:25:25,192
I thought Aubrey
was on the schedule.
1715
01:25:25,225 --> 01:25:26,193
Yeah, she was.
1716
01:25:26,226 --> 01:25:28,328
I got the honor
of covering her.
1717
01:25:28,362 --> 01:25:31,365
Why does she work here
if she's never going to show up?
1718
01:25:31,398 --> 01:25:33,166
Well, she doesn't work here
anymore.
1719
01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:34,535
She finally got herself fired?
1720
01:25:34,569 --> 01:25:37,170
No, she booked a series regular
or something
1721
01:25:37,204 --> 01:25:41,308
on, uh, some shitty sitcom.
1722
01:25:41,341 --> 01:25:42,577
Yeah, I don't get it either.
1723
01:25:42,610 --> 01:25:43,811
I never thought
she was that funny,
1724
01:25:43,845 --> 01:25:47,882
but, hey, that just goes to show
the quality of American humor.
1725
01:25:49,282 --> 01:25:50,384
You okay?
1726
01:25:50,417 --> 01:25:51,919
Yup, fine.
1727
01:25:51,953 --> 01:25:54,454
- That's clearly a lie.
- You kidding?
1728
01:25:54,488 --> 01:25:57,257
I love when untalented people
achieve success.
1729
01:25:57,290 --> 01:26:01,361
It really... reaffirms
my life choices.
1730
01:26:15,576 --> 01:26:16,544
Check this out.
1731
01:26:16,577 --> 01:26:19,814
Ew, stop, that was on the floor!
1732
01:26:19,847 --> 01:26:22,684
Come on, let's go.
1733
01:26:22,717 --> 01:26:24,519
Hey, hey!
1734
01:26:24,552 --> 01:26:26,353
Hi, yeah, I'm talking to you.
1735
01:26:26,386 --> 01:26:28,455
First of all, you shouldn't
even be using straws
1736
01:26:28,488 --> 01:26:29,590
because our planet is dying.
1737
01:26:29,624 --> 01:26:31,358
Secondly, pick up
your used shit,
1738
01:26:31,391 --> 01:26:32,727
you fucking privileged ingrate.
1739
01:26:32,760 --> 01:26:34,662
What the hell are you doing?
1740
01:26:34,696 --> 01:26:37,431
Pick up your shit.
1741
01:26:45,305 --> 01:26:46,974
Sage!
1742
01:26:52,914 --> 01:26:55,883
The beans were actually
handpicked by Korean amputees.
1743
01:26:55,917 --> 01:26:58,953
Well, those who had hands,
anyways.
1744
01:27:01,055 --> 01:27:02,657
Uh, excuse me...
1745
01:27:07,427 --> 01:27:09,931
Sage, hey, wait up.
1746
01:27:09,964 --> 01:27:10,998
Green tea latte.
1747
01:27:11,032 --> 01:27:12,767
I wanted to... I don't know,
1748
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:14,902
give you something
to remember me by.
1749
01:27:15,837 --> 01:27:18,806
Huh, thank you.
1750
01:27:19,640 --> 01:27:21,042
It's, uh,
1751
01:27:21,075 --> 01:27:24,277
it's really gonna suck
not working with you.
1752
01:27:24,311 --> 01:27:25,813
Yeah, well, I guess
you're gonna have to find
1753
01:27:25,847 --> 01:27:27,782
someone else
to sexually harass now, huh?
1754
01:27:27,815 --> 01:27:30,952
Oh, I've had my eye on Jeff
for a while, we're good.
1755
01:27:30,985 --> 01:27:32,285
Well, it's a good pick.
1756
01:27:32,319 --> 01:27:36,657
He's scrawny, so you'll be able
to pin him easy when he resists.
1757
01:27:36,691 --> 01:27:38,258
Yeah, yeah.
1758
01:27:42,864 --> 01:27:44,031
Yeah.
1759
01:27:44,065 --> 01:27:45,398
Well, uh...
1760
01:27:47,034 --> 01:27:49,336
Bye, Sage.
1761
01:27:50,571 --> 01:27:51,672
Bye.
1762
01:27:53,373 --> 01:27:54,709
Yeah.
1763
01:28:08,956 --> 01:28:10,625
I don't get grinding.
1764
01:28:10,658 --> 01:28:12,593
It's for people who have
nothing to talk about
1765
01:28:12,627 --> 01:28:14,529
but want to fuck.
1766
01:28:14,562 --> 01:28:16,697
So why don't they just have sex?
1767
01:28:16,731 --> 01:28:19,734
Because we live in a society
where people can't just be like,
1768
01:28:19,767 --> 01:28:22,737
"Hey, you wanna fuck?"
"Yeah, okay, cool!"
1769
01:28:22,770 --> 01:28:24,639
And they have to, like,
play hard-to-get
1770
01:28:24,672 --> 01:28:27,508
and keep their dignity and shit,
so they come here
1771
01:28:27,542 --> 01:28:28,976
and bang their genitals
against each other
1772
01:28:29,010 --> 01:28:31,913
so they feel like
they applied some effort.
1773
01:28:31,946 --> 01:28:35,049
It's low-culture socioecology.
1774
01:28:36,449 --> 01:28:38,820
- Oh, hello.
- Ah, perfect timing.
1775
01:28:38,853 --> 01:28:40,087
If you enjoy critical thinking,
1776
01:28:40,121 --> 01:28:41,622
you're gonna want
to check this out.
1777
01:28:41,656 --> 01:28:42,857
Move, scooch.
1778
01:28:42,890 --> 01:28:43,991
Oh, you need to sit here?
1779
01:28:46,928 --> 01:28:47,862
Sorry.
1780
01:28:51,866 --> 01:28:53,568
I want to make a toast.
1781
01:28:53,601 --> 01:28:56,503
To my early retirement
and inevitable suicide?
1782
01:28:56,537 --> 01:28:58,573
You guys,
I can't toast with water.
1783
01:28:58,606 --> 01:29:00,575
It's bad sex for seven years.
1784
01:29:00,608 --> 01:29:03,544
Oh, yeah, because we've had
such good sex up until now.
1785
01:29:03,578 --> 01:29:05,680
- Speak for yourself.
- Okay, Sage,
1786
01:29:05,713 --> 01:29:09,083
you can stop being upset about
the life-sucking coffeehouse
1787
01:29:09,116 --> 01:29:11,819
because
the Illustration department
1788
01:29:11,853 --> 01:29:13,688
loved your book sample.
1789
01:29:13,721 --> 01:29:14,789
- What?
- Yup.
1790
01:29:14,822 --> 01:29:16,456
They want to meet with you
next week.
1791
01:29:16,489 --> 01:29:18,458
- Congratulations.
- Are you messing with me?
1792
01:29:18,491 --> 01:29:20,528
I'm not that cruel, okay?
1793
01:29:20,561 --> 01:29:23,130
Sagey, what,
I'm so proud of you!
1794
01:29:23,164 --> 01:29:26,466
You're too talented to be stuck
behind a register anyways.
1795
01:29:26,499 --> 01:29:27,568
Yeah.
1796
01:29:27,602 --> 01:29:30,605
And I know this is only one
of many amazing things
1797
01:29:30,638 --> 01:29:33,541
that you're gonna accomplish
in your lifetime.
1798
01:29:33,574 --> 01:29:35,442
So I'm really glad
that you cussed out
1799
01:29:35,475 --> 01:29:38,145
a group of minors
and got yourself fired!
1800
01:29:38,179 --> 01:29:40,648
- Thank you.
- I love you guys.
1801
01:29:40,681 --> 01:29:42,149
Oh, we love you too.
1802
01:29:42,183 --> 01:29:43,416
What the fuck!
1803
01:29:43,450 --> 01:29:44,952
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1804
01:29:44,986 --> 01:29:46,120
Wrong with me?
1805
01:29:52,059 --> 01:29:54,929
Can I have another napkin,
please?
1806
01:29:54,962 --> 01:29:56,631
Excuse me.
1807
01:29:57,932 --> 01:29:59,000
Sorry.
1808
01:30:00,601 --> 01:30:01,769
Hi.
1809
01:30:01,802 --> 01:30:03,137
Hey.
1810
01:30:05,072 --> 01:30:08,441
Some bitch spilled my drink
on Sage, so...
1811
01:30:08,475 --> 01:30:09,442
Hi.
1812
01:30:09,476 --> 01:30:10,945
Good to see you guys.
1813
01:30:11,846 --> 01:30:13,514
Hi, I'm Morgan.
1814
01:30:13,547 --> 01:30:14,849
Sarah.
1815
01:30:14,882 --> 01:30:17,151
Love your dress, very fancy.
1816
01:30:17,184 --> 01:30:19,452
- Thank you.
- We're out celebrating
1817
01:30:19,486 --> 01:30:20,988
because Sage may get
a book deal.
1818
01:30:21,022 --> 01:30:22,823
That's amazing, congratulations.
1819
01:30:22,857 --> 01:30:24,825
Thanks!
1820
01:30:24,859 --> 01:30:26,093
What's your book about?
1821
01:30:26,127 --> 01:30:27,762
It's an art book.
1822
01:30:27,795 --> 01:30:29,764
All drawings
of morbid life moments
1823
01:30:29,797 --> 01:30:32,033
that involve coffee,
which I incidentally named
1824
01:30:32,066 --> 01:30:33,634
"The Coffee Table Book."
1825
01:30:35,937 --> 01:30:38,205
I'm not very good
at pitching it, clearly.
1826
01:30:38,239 --> 01:30:40,074
No, it sounds cute!
1827
01:30:41,742 --> 01:30:42,977
Thanks.
1828
01:30:45,146 --> 01:30:47,214
So, you're on a date then?
1829
01:30:48,182 --> 01:30:49,216
Uh, yeah.
1830
01:30:49,250 --> 01:30:51,786
This would... be a date.
1831
01:30:51,819 --> 01:30:54,155
All right, well...
1832
01:30:54,188 --> 01:30:55,056
there you go.
1833
01:30:55,089 --> 01:30:58,926
Okay, um, Sarah,
pleasure to meet you,
1834
01:30:58,960 --> 01:31:01,562
and again, lovely dress.
1835
01:31:01,595 --> 01:31:03,564
Glad you're doing well.
1836
01:31:04,732 --> 01:31:06,033
Fantastic.
1837
01:31:10,204 --> 01:31:11,639
Bye.
1838
01:31:17,244 --> 01:31:19,880
- You okay?
- Hmm.
1839
01:31:19,914 --> 01:31:21,615
If it makes you feel
any better,
1840
01:31:21,649 --> 01:31:24,251
he looked more happy to see you
than terrified.
1841
01:31:24,285 --> 01:31:26,187
I have to tell him
that I have it?
1842
01:31:26,220 --> 01:31:27,888
No, you're good.
If you have, like, herpes,
1843
01:31:27,922 --> 01:31:29,824
then you have to tell him,
but not HPV
1844
01:31:29,857 --> 01:31:31,158
because they can't get it.
1845
01:31:31,192 --> 01:31:32,860
Can we please talk
1846
01:31:32,893 --> 01:31:35,129
about that girl
all over Brett, though?
1847
01:31:35,162 --> 01:31:36,831
- Super extra.
- Right.
1848
01:31:36,864 --> 01:31:39,266
- But she's a hooker, so...
- Shut up.
1849
01:31:39,300 --> 01:31:41,669
She's been with, like,
a ton of old dudes.
1850
01:31:41,702 --> 01:31:42,636
Stop, I can't even.
1851
01:31:42,670 --> 01:31:44,305
I don't care how much money
you pay me,
1852
01:31:44,338 --> 01:31:45,873
I'd fucking kill myself.
1853
01:31:54,315 --> 01:31:56,017
It's fine, no, it's fine.
1854
01:31:56,050 --> 01:31:58,853
- You don't need to say bye.
- I'll say bye, it's fine.
1855
01:31:58,886 --> 01:32:00,154
- Don't.
- It's fine, it's fine.
1856
01:32:02,189 --> 01:32:04,692
We're leaving,
so I thought I'd say bye.
1857
01:32:04,725 --> 01:32:08,329
Cool. Wine.
1858
01:32:08,362 --> 01:32:09,764
Wow, that's good.
1859
01:32:09,797 --> 01:32:11,165
What is this?
1860
01:32:11,198 --> 01:32:13,601
Uh... Merlot.
1861
01:32:13,634 --> 01:32:15,336
That's much better
than the clearance bullshit
1862
01:32:15,369 --> 01:32:17,004
that we had on our first date.
1863
01:32:17,038 --> 01:32:18,906
You remember that, right?
1864
01:32:18,939 --> 01:32:20,674
Mmm.
1865
01:32:20,708 --> 01:32:22,643
Fucking delicious.
1866
01:32:22,676 --> 01:32:25,046
- Morgan...
- Oh, I'm sorry.
1867
01:32:25,079 --> 01:32:27,648
Did you not tell her
that we used to date?
1868
01:32:27,681 --> 01:32:29,250
- We used to date.
- Yeah, I gathered.
1869
01:32:29,283 --> 01:32:31,685
Perceptive, I love it.
1870
01:32:31,719 --> 01:32:35,022
Lowick, man, he is
such the sweet guy.
1871
01:32:35,056 --> 01:32:36,891
Morgan, we should really go.
1872
01:32:36,924 --> 01:32:38,626
Yeah, definitely, definitely,
yeah, yeah.
1873
01:32:38,659 --> 01:32:40,995
I was just telling, um...
1874
01:32:41,028 --> 01:32:42,963
- Sarah.
- ...Sarah here
1875
01:32:42,997 --> 01:32:47,034
how lucky she is to be
with such a gosh-darn sweet guy.
1876
01:32:47,068 --> 01:32:49,003
You know what I like most
about him?
1877
01:32:49,036 --> 01:32:52,039
How much he values
total honesty.
1878
01:32:52,073 --> 01:32:54,341
- I told him I loved him...
- Um, Morgan, why don't we...
1879
01:32:54,375 --> 01:32:56,977
No, don't touch me!
1880
01:32:57,011 --> 01:32:58,279
This is a really great story.
1881
01:32:58,312 --> 01:33:00,081
After we said, "I love you,"
1882
01:33:00,114 --> 01:33:01,982
he found out
that I fucked for money,
1883
01:33:02,016 --> 01:33:03,751
and he kicked me
out of his house
1884
01:33:03,784 --> 01:33:05,820
in the middle of the night
and never returned
1885
01:33:05,853 --> 01:33:08,856
a single one
of my calls or texts.
1886
01:33:08,889 --> 01:33:11,325
Man, that is rich.
1887
01:33:13,260 --> 01:33:16,297
Still as funny
as the first time it happened.
1888
01:33:16,330 --> 01:33:17,865
Ooh.
1889
01:33:17,898 --> 01:33:19,400
I know that look.
1890
01:33:19,433 --> 01:33:21,702
That is a look of a person
finding out
1891
01:33:21,735 --> 01:33:23,304
for the very first time.
1892
01:33:23,337 --> 01:33:26,273
Did you not tell her that
you used to fuck a prostitute?
1893
01:33:26,307 --> 01:33:28,809
- Did he not tell you that?
- Hadn't gotten to that yet, no.
1894
01:33:28,843 --> 01:33:29,944
You're welcome.
1895
01:33:29,977 --> 01:33:34,248
I saved you one very awkward
conversation, my friend.
1896
01:33:34,281 --> 01:33:35,850
So please, Stacy...
1897
01:33:35,883 --> 01:33:39,253
- Sarah.
- Sarah, so close.
1898
01:33:39,286 --> 01:33:41,655
Don't worry,
I'm very much into health.
1899
01:33:41,689 --> 01:33:43,858
I got checked constantly,
1900
01:33:43,891 --> 01:33:46,127
especially after
we stopped using condoms.
1901
01:33:46,160 --> 01:33:47,328
Okay, Morgan.
1902
01:33:47,361 --> 01:33:48,462
I really think we should go.
1903
01:33:48,496 --> 01:33:51,065
Oh, I completely forgot
you guys were standing here.
1904
01:33:51,098 --> 01:33:53,968
Sarah, lovely to meet you.
1905
01:33:54,001 --> 01:33:56,103
Lowick...
1906
01:33:57,338 --> 01:33:59,874
I'm sorry.
1907
01:34:09,750 --> 01:34:11,085
Morgan, can you just wait
a second?
1908
01:34:11,118 --> 01:34:12,686
I don't want to hear
about what I should
1909
01:34:12,720 --> 01:34:13,854
or should not have done.
1910
01:34:13,888 --> 01:34:15,055
I just needed to say that.
1911
01:34:15,089 --> 01:34:16,790
Why did you say all of that?
1912
01:34:16,824 --> 01:34:18,759
Can we not do this right now?
1913
01:34:18,792 --> 01:34:21,162
Sorry if I don't feel
like brushing all of that
1914
01:34:21,195 --> 01:34:25,065
under the rug
like it was nothing.
1915
01:34:25,099 --> 01:34:26,767
Did you know about this?
1916
01:34:31,739 --> 01:34:32,840
You're my best fucking friend.
1917
01:34:32,873 --> 01:34:34,341
- What were you thinking?
- Well, you're not exactly
1918
01:34:34,375 --> 01:34:36,310
the most open-minded person
that I know.
1919
01:34:36,343 --> 01:34:38,946
This is why I don't cheers
with water!
1920
01:34:38,979 --> 01:34:40,447
Casey!
1921
01:34:40,481 --> 01:34:43,350
Casey, Casey!
1922
01:34:43,384 --> 01:34:46,220
Dude, where are you going?
1923
01:34:46,253 --> 01:34:49,156
Far, far away!
1924
01:34:57,532 --> 01:34:58,799
Sage.
1925
01:34:58,832 --> 01:35:00,234
- What?
- Get up.
1926
01:35:00,267 --> 01:35:01,468
No.
1927
01:35:01,502 --> 01:35:03,370
The ground is disgusting.
Come on.
1928
01:35:03,404 --> 01:35:05,272
Whatever, we probably
already have hep C
1929
01:35:05,306 --> 01:35:07,308
from walking barefoot anyway,
so it doesn't matter.
1930
01:35:07,341 --> 01:35:11,445
I am way too tired for
this bullshit right now, okay?
1931
01:35:11,478 --> 01:35:13,814
I don't care, I'm protesting.
1932
01:35:13,847 --> 01:35:16,083
So, what, you're just gonna lay
on the ground all night?
1933
01:35:16,116 --> 01:35:18,385
If it means not walking
in awkward silence anymore,
1934
01:35:18,419 --> 01:35:20,154
yeah, absolutely.
1935
01:35:20,187 --> 01:35:22,256
You're probably laying
in dry pee.
1936
01:35:22,289 --> 01:35:24,258
At least it's not wet pee.
1937
01:35:26,293 --> 01:35:28,796
Casey!
1938
01:35:29,997 --> 01:35:32,299
If she's trying to kill herself
by running into traffic,
1939
01:35:32,333 --> 01:35:34,168
tell her none of that
sideswipe bullshit.
1940
01:35:34,201 --> 01:35:36,203
It has to be head-on.
1941
01:35:38,573 --> 01:35:40,874
Guys?
1942
01:35:40,908 --> 01:35:41,775
Oh, what the...
1943
01:35:41,809 --> 01:35:43,511
You're not supposed
to just leave me
1944
01:35:43,545 --> 01:35:46,447
in the middle of the street!
1945
01:35:46,480 --> 01:35:49,183
Casey!
1946
01:35:49,216 --> 01:35:50,818
Casey, stop!
1947
01:35:50,851 --> 01:35:53,320
Someone's gonna call
the cops on us.
1948
01:35:58,259 --> 01:36:00,027
Oh, Jesus.
1949
01:36:03,097 --> 01:36:07,101
Casey, we got kicked out
last time we did this.
1950
01:36:07,134 --> 01:36:08,936
How long you gonna
ignore me for?
1951
01:36:12,973 --> 01:36:15,376
You assholes know
this unlocks, right?
1952
01:36:15,409 --> 01:36:17,111
Why are you so far behind?
1953
01:36:17,144 --> 01:36:18,879
Oh, I don't know,
maybe because you left me
1954
01:36:18,912 --> 01:36:20,180
in the middle
of the freaking street.
1955
01:36:20,214 --> 01:36:21,215
I'm sorry.
1956
01:36:23,551 --> 01:36:25,219
No.
1957
01:36:25,252 --> 01:36:26,920
- Yes.
- No.
1958
01:36:39,133 --> 01:36:40,602
God, is it cold?
1959
01:36:40,635 --> 01:36:42,069
Come on, it's not bad.
1960
01:36:42,102 --> 01:36:43,237
I think I don't believe you.
1961
01:36:43,270 --> 01:36:44,438
Oh, now it's cold.
1962
01:36:47,207 --> 01:36:48,842
Oh!
1963
01:36:48,876 --> 01:36:50,911
Eeh!
1964
01:36:50,944 --> 01:36:53,981
Why are you staring
at me like that?
1965
01:36:54,014 --> 01:36:57,217
I didn't do anything,
you should be mad at her!
1966
01:37:04,358 --> 01:37:06,093
Are you gonna get in?
1967
01:37:06,126 --> 01:37:08,530
- No.
- We're gonna peer-pressure you.
1968
01:37:08,563 --> 01:37:09,564
No.
1969
01:37:09,597 --> 01:37:11,365
Please.
1970
01:37:11,398 --> 01:37:13,233
- You have to.
- I don't want to.
1971
01:37:13,267 --> 01:37:15,035
But... but you have to.
1972
01:37:15,069 --> 01:37:17,504
- I really don't.
- Lovely in here.
1973
01:37:17,539 --> 01:37:19,039
I really fucking don't.
1974
01:37:19,073 --> 01:37:21,408
Do you wanna play colors?
1975
01:37:21,442 --> 01:37:23,377
I don't.
1976
01:37:23,410 --> 01:37:26,380
- You don't?
- No, I'm lazy.
1977
01:37:26,413 --> 01:37:27,948
Marco Polo?
1978
01:37:30,451 --> 01:37:32,319
Just get in the freaking pool!
1979
01:37:32,353 --> 01:37:33,954
Sharks?
1980
01:37:33,987 --> 01:37:35,122
What... what is that?
1981
01:37:35,155 --> 01:37:36,524
That's not even a game.
1982
01:37:36,558 --> 01:37:39,561
She's just naming
aquatic life now.
1983
01:37:39,594 --> 01:37:42,062
- Get in!
- Mermaids?
1984
01:37:42,096 --> 01:37:43,497
No, no, no!
1985
01:37:43,531 --> 01:37:45,933
Don't fucking touch me.
1986
01:37:45,966 --> 01:37:48,168
- Get in the pool.
- Fine.
1987
01:37:51,004 --> 01:37:54,441
She listens to me
if I just, like...
1988
01:37:54,475 --> 01:37:56,477
- Oh, do I?
- ...dagger her.
1989
01:37:56,511 --> 01:37:59,980
- It's nice, right?
- You are a liar.
1990
01:38:00,013 --> 01:38:02,116
I hate you.
1991
01:38:06,521 --> 01:38:08,523
You're being a baby.
1992
01:38:13,293 --> 01:38:15,963
Having so much fun tonight.
1993
01:38:15,996 --> 01:38:17,431
So...
1994
01:38:18,966 --> 01:38:21,435
So, guys, I found out
1995
01:38:21,468 --> 01:38:24,271
that I'm manic depressive,
by the way.
1996
01:38:28,543 --> 01:38:31,713
- Wait, what?
- Excuse me?
1997
01:38:31,746 --> 01:38:34,047
Yeah.
1998
01:38:34,081 --> 01:38:39,521
I got the official word,
like, six months ago.
1999
01:38:39,554 --> 01:38:43,257
So, I know why
you didn't tell me.
2000
01:38:43,290 --> 01:38:44,626
I get it.
2001
01:38:44,659 --> 01:38:47,695
Wait, so you have
a legal mental illness?
2002
01:38:49,129 --> 01:38:50,998
Apparently.
2003
01:38:51,031 --> 01:38:52,667
Does that come
with a handicap placard?
2004
01:38:52,700 --> 01:38:54,569
'Cause that could really benefit
all of us.
2005
01:38:56,003 --> 01:38:58,405
Just thinking
about the parking situation.
2006
01:38:58,439 --> 01:39:00,642
- Too soon.
- I'm thinking ahead!
2007
01:39:00,675 --> 01:39:03,010
- A bit funny.
- Planning for the future.
2008
01:39:03,043 --> 01:39:05,279
- I'm kidding!
- Help me.
2009
01:39:05,312 --> 01:39:06,714
Come here.
2010
01:39:13,688 --> 01:39:15,255
Help me, I'm bored.
2011
01:39:17,357 --> 01:39:19,193
Just roll it!
2012
01:39:19,226 --> 01:39:21,061
Okay.
2013
01:39:24,298 --> 01:39:26,734
Un-fucking-believable.
2014
01:39:26,768 --> 01:39:28,570
Can we not learn
to play another game?
2015
01:39:28,603 --> 01:39:30,370
- No.
- No.
2016
01:39:30,404 --> 01:39:32,039
Here you go, congratulations.
2017
01:39:32,072 --> 01:39:33,541
No!
2018
01:39:33,575 --> 01:39:35,042
It's olive juice, okay?
2019
01:39:35,075 --> 01:39:36,611
Your sobriety is safe, I promise.
2020
01:39:36,644 --> 01:39:37,779
Okay, fine.
2021
01:39:41,181 --> 01:39:42,382
You disgrace me.
2022
01:39:44,786 --> 01:39:47,622
I have something to show you,
I totally forgot.
2023
01:39:50,290 --> 01:39:52,760
What is this?
2024
01:39:54,562 --> 01:39:55,395
Hmm.
2025
01:39:55,429 --> 01:39:58,265
"In the event I never see you again,
2026
01:39:58,298 --> 01:40:01,669
it was a real displeasure
working with you.
2027
01:40:01,703 --> 01:40:04,672
When your book sells out
at Urban Outfitters,
2028
01:40:04,706 --> 01:40:06,808
I'm gonna gloat about knowing you
2029
01:40:06,841 --> 01:40:11,245
back when you were
a super bitchy barista.
2030
01:40:11,278 --> 01:40:15,517
And I definitely won't think
of you when I jack off anymore."
2031
01:40:15,550 --> 01:40:17,519
- That's so cute!
- That's disgusting.
2032
01:40:17,552 --> 01:40:18,520
I think it's funny.
2033
01:40:18,553 --> 01:40:19,386
- It is.
- Thank you.
2034
01:40:19,419 --> 01:40:23,090
"Best of luck
in this shitty world.
2035
01:40:23,123 --> 01:40:25,058
Kyle."
2036
01:40:26,661 --> 01:40:29,831
"In case you ever... lover..."
2037
01:40:29,864 --> 01:40:31,298
- Lower.
- "Lower."
2038
01:40:31,331 --> 01:40:33,467
- Lower.
- His handwriting is very shitty.
2039
01:40:33,500 --> 01:40:36,436
"...your standards,
you know where to find me.
2040
01:40:36,470 --> 01:40:38,171
Let's fuck each other up."
2041
01:40:38,205 --> 01:40:39,807
Oh my God, I love him.
2042
01:40:39,841 --> 01:40:41,408
- Really?
- Yeah.
2043
01:40:41,441 --> 01:40:42,744
He's a weirdo.
2044
01:40:42,777 --> 01:40:44,612
Wait, you're not actually
gonna call him.
2045
01:40:44,646 --> 01:40:46,848
He is so greasy, Sage.
2046
01:40:46,881 --> 01:40:48,716
Of course she's gonna call him.
2047
01:40:48,750 --> 01:40:50,685
Weirdos do all
the fun, kinky shit.
2048
01:40:51,719 --> 01:40:53,320
Do you think his cum is greasy?
2049
01:40:53,353 --> 01:40:55,523
Okay, I am not...
not at that level yet.
2050
01:40:55,557 --> 01:40:57,257
Grease jizz!
2051
01:40:57,291 --> 01:40:58,726
Yes!
2052
01:40:58,760 --> 01:41:00,327
New addition to the team.
2053
01:41:00,360 --> 01:41:01,461
He's not greasy!
2054
01:41:01,495 --> 01:41:04,866
Why do you guys always have
to circle back to jizz?
2055
01:41:04,899 --> 01:41:07,434
- Why not? Why should we not?
- Anything else.
2056
01:41:07,467 --> 01:41:09,202
- Why is she shushing us?
- I don't know.
2057
01:41:09,236 --> 01:41:10,838
- You're judging me.
- Is Kyle, like, outside?
2058
01:41:10,872 --> 01:41:14,308
- Of course I'm judging you.
- Shut up, shut up, shut up.
2059
01:41:15,610 --> 01:41:21,348
I don't want your jizz
grease breath on me!
2060
01:41:21,381 --> 01:41:23,685
Ew, why am I talking
about jizz now?
2061
01:41:23,718 --> 01:41:26,721
- You guys have changed me.
- You're corrupted!
2062
01:41:26,754 --> 01:41:28,255
I'm sorry, honey.
2063
01:41:32,459 --> 01:41:34,494
You scared the shit out...
2064
01:41:34,529 --> 01:41:36,229
You bitch!
2065
01:41:37,899 --> 01:41:39,499
Got 'em.
2066
01:41:39,534 --> 01:41:41,569
Yeah, you did.
2067
01:41:41,603 --> 01:41:44,171
When was the last time
you shaved your legs?
2068
01:41:44,204 --> 01:41:45,472
Give me your hand.
2069
01:41:48,208 --> 01:41:52,312
I like Kyle now, he loves
our girl for who she is.
2070
01:41:52,346 --> 01:41:54,281
Even with hairy legs.
2071
01:41:55,917 --> 01:41:58,620
I'm leaving you, I'm going pee.
I'm done with you guys.
2072
01:41:58,653 --> 01:42:00,454
- Go pee.
- Okay, bye.
2073
01:42:00,487 --> 01:42:03,357
- Yeah, I'm leaving.
- Love you, mean it.
2074
01:42:03,390 --> 01:42:05,492
I hope you enjoy your life without me,
2075
01:42:05,526 --> 01:42:07,394
'cause it's gonna be a long one.
2076
01:42:07,427 --> 01:42:09,429
- Sagey.
- A very long life.
2077
01:42:09,463 --> 01:42:10,898
Okay, wait, don't leave us.
2078
01:42:10,932 --> 01:42:12,767
We're a lesbian tribe!
2079
01:42:14,669 --> 01:42:17,772
- It's too late, I'm gone.
- Okay, bye then.
2080
01:42:17,805 --> 01:42:19,339
I'm dead and I'm dying.
2081
01:42:19,373 --> 01:42:21,274
We'll survive without you.
2082
01:42:21,308 --> 01:42:23,711
- No, we won't, actually.
- No?142490
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