All language subtitles for Call.Your.Mother.S01E13.WEBRip.x264-ION10 ingles

Reheating instructions?

"Please do not microwave
our food."

I paid. I tipped.
I'll nuke it if I want to.

You're not the boss of me,
Sage L.A. Café.

Mm.

Ah, that's such a fun way
to say "shut up."Mm.

Jean, I want to make sure
I'm reading tonight correctly.

Are we --I washed my sheets
and shaved my legs.

Oh.
Above the knee.

I'm doing something
to someone tonight.

[ Both chuckle ][ Sighs ]

So...
So...

Oh, my God,
I forgot to buy condoms.

I'm such an idiot.

I know you're too old
to get pregnant.

Well,
you say words funny.

No, I didn't mean it
as an insult.

It's just that you're not
only sleeping with me.

You'd be sleeping with all the
men my wife cheated on me with.Oh.

And I'd be sleeping with all
the men that you've slept with.

Oh, you don't have to worry
about them.

[ Chuckles ]
Either of them.

[ Sighs ] Danny,
you don't have to be nervous.

I think I do.
I-I met Cheryl when I was 19.

One or two girls before her,
and that's it.

I mean, two-and-a-half
if I'm being generous.

And lying.
It was just two.

Mm.

It's just that
I've been picturing this

for such a long while,
you know?

I just don't want to
disappoint you.

Not possible.

[ Sighs ]
Mm.

So, what exactly
have you been picturing?

Well, I can show you the doodles
in my patient notes,

but I'd have to black out
their names.

I mean, would you describe
yourself as "flexible"?

Uh, look, Danny,

this is gonna be different
for both of us.
Yeah.

We can't expect it
to be like when we were kids.Mm.

I'm vetoing shower sex
right now.

Also, no kitchen counters
or cars or upside-down stuff.

I get lightheaded.

Those are some of my best
doodles, but that's okay.

Um, I've just got
one thing.

You can't call me
by another name.

Cheryl used to
call me Pete,

and I didn't hate it
until I met Pete.

Deal. Okay.
Let's do this.
Oh.

I think that counted
as foreplay.You're the perfect woman.

[ Chuckles ]
Mm.

Freddie.

I just said don't call me
by another...name.

What up?

What are you
doing here?

Weird energy.

Celia's in Arizona
taking a picture

in front of some magic rock
or something, so I need food.

I had to leave my place
because Lane has Victor over.

My noise-canceling
headphones died

and Lane's door broke --
as did his headboard.

Go Victor.

You guys want to watch
the new season of
"Murderous Lovers"?

I'd love to --
tomorrow.

No, no, I'll see spoilers
if we wait.

Can you give me
a scooch here, man?

There's a lot of couch.

Wait, if we're watching this,
I call middle.

I get scared.

[ Grunts ]
I hear this is the episode

where the gardener
kills his wife

and then mulches his garden
with her bones.

[ Gasps ]I frickin' love this show.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Morning.
Jean: Hey.

[ Door closes ]Sorry about yesterday.

Oh, it's okay.

Maybe we were ruining it

with all our talking about it,
anyway.

Yeah, that's true.

Those things are best
when they're spontaneous.

Hm.

[ Moaning ][ Ripper barks ]

Oh, Ripper, down.

Down, down.

He, uh --
He gets a little jealous.

Oh, that's so cute.
[ Chuckles ]

Uh...hey.

[ Ripper barks ]Oh.

-[ Chuckles ]
-Yes.

[ Both moaning ][ Door opens ]

Jeannie, I need you.

We have got to start
locking that door.

I just got a call
from Ted Jr.

I've got to go back
to Iowa.

What? Why?
Is he okay?

He's fine.

That horrible wife of his
said he can't cat-sit

for Tuna Fey anymore.

[ Sighs ]Says she's allergic
to cats.

I hate her, Jean.

I hate her so much.

Oh, I hate her, too.

I booked a flight first thing
in the morning.

I got to go pack.

Oh, and you're out
of conditioner, Danny.

Nice try. There was half
a bottle there this morning.

This isn't like a hotel.I'll put it back.

I'm not out of bourbon,
either.

I'll put it back.

Oh, God.
So unfair.

We don't get to celebrate
Sharon's birthday,

and now the mood is ruined again
for our...celebration.

Mm.

Hey.

Should we go to Iowa?

What would we do
in Iowa?

Each other.

Then maybe a birthday party
for Sharon.

Then maybe
the tractor museum.

And then maybe
each other again.

Jean, I can't just pack up
and fly to Iowa.

I'm -- I-I'm running a
seminar on abandonment
issues on Monday.

I don't think they'll find
the irony funny.

Well, we could just go
for the weekend.

I know it's impulsive, but think
about how great it would be.

You said yourself our first time
should be special.Mm.

I've got an empty house
where nobody will bother us.

Well, now
if I say yes,

it'll seem like
I'm just in it for the sex.

I'm okay with that.

♪♪♪

Jackie, sit down.

Good.

Mom called.

She and Danny are going on
a romantic getaway to Iowa.

I know. Danny asked me
to check on the house.

And you're fine
with it?

[ Scoffs ]
I'm just glad

they're going anywhere
to do anything,

because that whole

will-they, won't-they
was exhausting.

Well -- Well,
I think it's way too fast.

It's weird.
Don't you think it's weird?

It's weird.

I'm gonna call Mom
and tell her it's weird.

Something's
definitely weird.

I don't even hear it
anymore.

♪♪♪

Oh, it smells like home.

Oh, I didn't realize
how good it would feel

to be in my own house
again.

Good God, Jean,
were you burglarized?

What? No.

L.A. was
an impulsive trip.

Half a glass of wine,
couple of bras,

unfinished jigsaw puzzle.

This must be what it felt like
to discover Pompeii.

"Sex For One: Discovering
the 'I' in Widow."

Oh,
that was a gag gift.

There's a bookmark
in it.[ Both moan ]

That isa fun way
to say "shut up."

You know, there's other fun
we could have.

The kind we haven't had
for months

that we finally
get to have.

Mm.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ] Oh, that
would have been so sexy

if one of those things
hadn't been yogurt.

[ Chuckles ] Now, take me to bed
or lose me forever!

I love a sexy threat.

[ Giggles ]

[ Both moaning ]

What's wrong?

Is there a wet spot
from the yogurt?

Is this Mike?

Oh, God, Danny.
I'm so sorry.

Obviously,
I wasn't [sighs]

planning on bringing a man back
when I left.

Please, Jean.
I-I know you were married.

I just, uh -- It just caught me
off guard, that's all.

I'm good. I'm good.

You want me
to turn it around?

Please.Okay, yeah.

Yep.
[ Clears throat ]

Oh, you have a dog?

Had.

Lucy.
Hmm.

You okay now?One more question.

Is that anyone?

Oh, no.
That's just a vase.

Then I'm good.
Okay.

[ Both moan ]

H-He already shot her.

Why does he need to
run her over with his car?

Mm, he has to break her
bones so she's easier
to stuff in a shed.

It's always a shed.Always a shed.

What the hell
are we watching?

"Murderous Lovers."

[ Scoffs ]
But why are we watching it?

This show is horrible.

This is not the way
the world should be.

Why would he kill
that poor girl?

They were engaged.

I think
that's why he did it.

Running someone over
four times is easier
than just breaking up.

Chips?How can you eat?

You people are broken.

You guys, you really
don't think it's weird

that Mom skipped town
with Danny like that?

I mean, I haven't even been
to the Valley with Celia,

and we're getting married.

Do you think
they're gonna get married?

Would -- Would Danny
a-adopt us?

What? I'd be --

I'd be Freddie,
uh...

What -- Wait,
what's Danny's last name?

[ Scoffs ] How can you
not know Danny's last name?

It's...

Lane, you listen when Mom talks.
What's Danny's last name?

Okay, first of all,
I listen when everybody talks

because
I'm a people-person.

That's what
people-people do.

Second of all,
it's, um...

Jackman?

Kidman?

Hemsworth?

So you don't know,
either?

So none of us know anything
about this guy.

I think it's because

he always turns
the conversation back on me.

I really like that
about him.

But why does he do that?

I always thought
that was the therapist in him.

Yeah.

Maybe it's the killer
in him.

So you think
Danny's a killer

because you're
too self-absorbed

to ask about
his personal life?

I'm just saying, a dude
whose name we don't know

got our mom to skip town
with him

after dating her
for like an hour.

Okay, you're starting
to sound like the
people on this show.

The show where people
get murdered

because they skip town
with guys

they've only dated
for like an hour?

[ Music plays
on television ]

[ Gasps ][ Screams ]

Yeah.
Phew.

Hey,
did you miss me?

Hey,
did you miss me?

Hey!
Oh.

Sorry, my -- my ears haven't
popped since the plane.

Oh, wow.

You look beautiful.

[ Breathes deeply ]

Do you want another glass
of champagne?

Do you want to go
upstairs

and see what's under
this nightgown?

More than anything
in the world.

[ Giggles ]

Ooh.

[ Sighs ]
That was the perfect night.

Uh, can I get you
some breakfast?

Ooh, no time. [ Chuckles ]
It's Sharon's birthday.

I've got a thousand errands
to run.

Oh, you're dressed.

Okay, um, I'll get dressed
and come with you.

Hey, maybe we can swing by
the tractor museum.

Danny, you can't just swing by
the tractor museum.

I mean, the evolution
from horse-drawn

to horse-powered
doesn't happen overnight.

[ Chuckles ]
It's better if I go by myself.

Jean, is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, fine.
Finish the puzzle.

Make yourself at home.
I'll see you later.

♪♪♪

I-I did all this.
What is her problem?

Hey-hey!

The birthday girl is here,
and she is ready to part-ay!

[ Laughs ]
You guys had sex.

How did you...

I can always tell.

It's my superpower.

So how was it?

Uh, Sharon, a gentleman never,
uh -- never tells.

Oh, come on.
You can tell me.

I'm your best friend.

No, you're not.

It's my birthday.Okay, fine.

You're my best friend,
but that's your gift.

So, it's just...
Jean and I finally --

You plowed her
like a corn field.

That's one way
I-I would never say it.

So we did that.

And then, she couldn't get
out of here fast enough.

Oh.

Well, maybe it was bad.

I don't think it was bad.

The guy never does.

But she would say something
if she thought it was bad.

The girl never does.

Oh, God.

You're right.
It was bad.

Oh, it was such a build-up,
and now she's disappointed.

I mean, that's why she took off
out of here so fast.

She couldn't bear
to look at me.

Wh-- Why would I try
new moves?

I barely have old moves.

Just tell me
what you did,

and I'll tell you
if you did it right or wrong.

M-Maybe show me.

Here.

This pillow is her head.

And if you don't know
what this pillow is,

then you definitely
did it wrong.

[ Door opens ]

Sharon.

What are you doing here
early?

I don't have
anything ready.

You're not born for another
2 hours and 27 minutes.

Okay, well,
I'll come back when I'm born

and leave you two alone.

Give it another go.

And remember --

the top pillow
is just as important

as the bottom pillow.

You got it.

Sorry that took me
so long.

[ Door closes ]I hit the bakery

and got cornered by
Andrea Decker.

Apparently,
they lost committee members

for the
Annual Spring Fling.

She completely roped me into
hosting the planning meeting.

What do you mean?
When's that happening?

Uh, Thursday.
It's just a coffee/donut social,

but still,
it's like 40 people.

But we're flying back
to L.A. tomorrow.

Oh, well, actually,

I was thinking maybe
I would stay a little longer.

Oh, but, Jean, uh, remember,
I have that seminar Monday.

Oh, I know,
but I don't have anything,

and like I said, it's so nice
to be home, seeing old friends.

So I thought maybe I would,
you know, stay a little longer.

Was the sex bad?

What?

Because I told you I haven't
done the sex since Cheryl.

Did I not do
the sex well?

Okay, first of all,
the sex wasn't bad.

And second of all,
please don't call it "the sex,"

or I don't know if I can have
"the sex" with you again.

Well, if it wasn't bad,
I'm confused.

You ran out of here,
you left me alone all day,

and now you're making plans
to stay longer?

Well, so what?

Like I said,
it's nice to be home.

I thought L.A.
was your home.

Well,
I can have two homes.

Rich people do it
all the time.

Ellen DeGeneres has a house
just for her dogs.

What, do you mean
like a doghouse,

or like a big, people house
that dogs live in --

No, I'm not getting
sucked in.

I thought sleeping together
meant that we were ready

to commit to something
with each other.

And I didn't think
that sleeping together

meant I had to give up
everything.

My whole life was just decided
in seven minutes?

Oh, well, thank you
for including the time

it took me
to take off your bra.

I-I don't see what's wrong
with wanting my life here.

This place
is a part of me.The oldpart.

I'm not just gonna
give up my old life

to start something new
with you.

Okay, and what am I
supposed to do

while you're in Iowa
planning the Spring Fling?

I don't know, Danny.

I guess you should just do
whatever you want.

Stay, go --
it's your call.

I guess I'll go.

Tell Sharon
happy birthday.

[ Door handle rattles ]

You have to lift up
and pull.

You know what?

I didn't need your help
with the bra,

and I don't need it
with the door.

[ Door closes ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ] I can't believe
you broke that.

I was just trying to see
if it was a real diploma

or something he ordered
off the Internet.

At least we know
his last name now.

And for the record,
I was right.

Hemsworth.

Must be like Smith
over there.

You guys, we have to get rid
of the broken glass

and put it back up
on the wall.

Jackie, relax.

I'm just gonna put it in
the bottom of a garbage can.

He'll never know
it was us.

[ Gasps ][ Gasps ]

It's always a shed.

[ Eerie music plays ]

So, the birthday bonanza
starts

at Otis and Henry's
for some apps.

Then Hickory House
for dinner.
Mm-hmm.

And then,
when we're good and drunk,

we're gonna sneak into
Andrea Decker's garden

and steal
heirloom tomatoes.

[ Laughs ]

Jean, are you sure
you're up for this?

Danny just left.

You must be --

What? [ Chuckles ]
I'm what?

Happy to be spending
your birthday with you?

Glad to be back
in Waterloo?

[ Sighs ]Okay, you're right.

And I only have so
much time with you
before you go back.

Well, actually,
I-I was thinking

maybe I'd stay around
for a bit.

Really? How long?

I don't know,
maybe open-ended.

You saw what it was like in
L.A. -- all fancy and weird.

With their valet parking
and vegan dog food.

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, but the kids
are back there.

Yeah, I know.

But is it really healthy
for me to live so close?

I'm worried
about stifling them.

They're grown.

Kids need room
to blossom.

"Stifling."
"Blossom."

Jean, you'd wear those kids
as a backpack if you could.

Meh. [ Chuckles ]

Jackie's on the mend,

and Freddie's found a wonderful
girl to spend his life with.

I think it's time I step aside
and let Celia be

the most important woman
in Freddie's life.

Okay, enough.

[ Sighs ]
Jean,
what are you doing?

You've been waiting for months
to get together with Danny.

And I did.
Now, let's call a stripper.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay, stop.

Whatever went wrong,
I'm sure you can get past it.

I don't know if I can.

Honey, you got everything
you want in L.A.

Why are you running away?

I'm not running away.

I just decided
to stay with you.

[ Voice breaking ]
I want you.

Why are you ruining
your birthday for me?

Aww.

[ Crying ]

[ Eerie music playing ]

[ Gasps ]

Oh, thank God!

Danny's a drag queen.

Oh, Lane.
To be that naive.

If only Danny
was a drag queen.

These obviously belong
to the women that he killed.

[ Sighs ]I like this for you,
Jackie.

You're contaminating
the scene.

Yeah, Lane. We have to
bag-and-tag for the cops.

But since
you already touched it,

you may as well touch
those matching shoes.

[ Chuckles ]Stop victim-shopping.

[ Gasps ]

What the hell's
going on?

Yeah, that's right, bud.
We found it.

We found all of it.

Where's my mom, Danny?

Ourmom.Where's their mom,
Danny?

She's back in Iowa.

What are you doing
with Cheryl's clothes?

Cheryl's clothes?
As in, Cheryl, your ex-wife?

Ohhhhhh.Ohhhhhh.

Yeah.
That makes sense.

Yeah,
after the divorce,

I wanted her clothes
out of the house.

But, uh, she didn't
have room for everything
in her new place,

so I let her store them
here in the shed

while she got
her closets redone.

See? I told you
he was normal, you idiot.

You're the one
who said we had to

"bag-and-tag" these
for the cops.The cops?

-They thought you murdered Jean.
-Lane.

-Okay.
-And multiple other women.

There's this whole theory
about how you lure them

into your guest house
with your low rates.

I thought
you were a drag queen.

He doesn't need to know
all this.

We're sorry.

We were watching
our murder show,

and we started talking about
you and Mom.

We realized we didn't know
anything about you,

so we started digging,
and it got out of hand.

If you want to know
something about me, just ask.

I'll tell you anything.

I was born in Canberra,
I came to America for school,

and I manage a "Lord of
the Rings" fan-fiction website.

See?

He's not a killer.

He's just boring.

None of these are yours?

I'm sorry.

Hey, listen, uh,
I've been on a plane all day.

I'm really tired.

Um, let's just go inside,
have a beer.

We can talk about
whatever you want.

Actually,
I amcurious.

I found a box in
your hall closet that
had two locks on it.

What's in there?

That's none
of your damn business.

♪♪♪

It wasthe sex.

You flew back
to tell me

the sex was so bad
you had to move?

That is a text, Jean.

No.

The sex was incredible.

Go on.

I-I just assumed
that our first time

would be,
you know, so-so.

Just like
every other first time.

We'd both be uncomfortable,
out of sync.

I'd accidentally
call you Pete.

Because once you asked me
not to,

it was all
I could think about.

But it wasn't like that.

It was just
instantly right.

Like everything else
about us.

We traveled well together.

You gave me your little
bready-stick things

from the snack mix
on the plane.

You love
those bready-stick things.I know.

And a-as soon as we had sex
in Iowa

and I was surrounded
by the memories

of everything I lost before,

I realized
I could lose you, too.

And it was too much.

So, to be clear,
you sent me away

because what we have
is too great.

[ Sighs ]

And, just for me,
the topper is,

I was toogood in bed.

[ Breathes deeply ]
It's scary for me, too.

Mom!
You're alive!

What?[ Chuckles ]

Oh, well, it's a long story,
but we missed you.

Aww, you missed me?

Aww, that's such a sweet thing
to come home to.

So, you arehome?

Yeah.

I've got everything
I want here.

My kids are here.
My boyfriend's here.

What else do I need?

Uh, I'll see you guys
tomorrow.

Oh, no -- But -- No!
What -- What about --

Real quick --
I -- Ah!

[ Door handle rattles ]Hey, since when
does this door lock?

Jean: I love you guys,
but if I can hear you,

you'll be able to hear me!

[ Chuckles ]
And Danny!

Ugh, God. Ugh.Okay, we're going.

[ Sighs ] Why did I talk you
into moving back to L.A.?

Because you're a good friend
who wants me to be happy.

You left a couple things.

Oh, I did it
so I'd have to come back.

And I'm bringing Tuna Fey
next time.

I promised I'd show her
the ocean before she dies.

Just go and enjoy L.A.

I love you, Jeannie.

I love you, too.

[ Smooches ][ Tablet bloops ]

[ Sighs ]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Mm.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪