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1
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When I'm outside of the purview
of stand-up,
2
00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:21,802
when I'm in a different world,
like, if somebody is like,
3
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,594
"We're gonna go
to dinner party,"
4
00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,499
and there's gonna be
a bunch of people there
5
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:27,854
that aren't associated
with entertainment or comedy,
6
00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:29,864
I'm afraid I'll say
something off-color
7
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:31,856
and then the whole night's
over, you know,
8
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:34,248
'cause you've been hanging out
with these loons
9
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,472
that say fucking
nutty shit all the time.
10
00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:38,171
What's up, dude.
11
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,868
Growing up, I was singing
and playing the drums.
12
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,909
And I was also in the band
on the drum line,
13
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,915
and I often hear myself
being rhythmic in my comedy.
14
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,529
And I was, like,
I just never knew
15
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,699
that the two would connect.
16
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:55,925
I dealt with some
gender identity issues
17
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,056
in a--in a--
at a very young age,
18
00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:00,578
and I used to dress
completely like a boy,
19
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:02,712
and, um, the eighth grade,
20
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,455
you know,
that's when I really started
21
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:05,846
having feelings for women.
22
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:07,588
And that's when I realized,
23
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,769
"Okay,
I'm a full-blown tomboy
24
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:12,455
and I'm not like
these other girls."
25
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,774
And that was a struggle for me.
26
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,860
And I guess I just like it
when people laugh.
27
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:20,520
You know, when people are
laughing, they're not angry.
28
00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:22,685
But, like, family gatherings,
there's always gonna be, like,
29
00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:24,391
tension in the air
and, you know,
30
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:28,259
I just like that moment
when people laugh.
31
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,092
[laughs]
32
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,350
I guess I don't like it
when people are angry.
33
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:34,403
Right?
34
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:36,659
Maybe I should've thought
about this more
35
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,232
before I came here.
36
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:39,529
[interviewer laughs]
37
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:52,496
[chattering]
38
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,159
[ANNOUNCER] Coming to the stage
is the man next to me,
39
00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:58,771
I need a lot of energy
from y'all, please, right now.
40
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,031
Give him some love.
Give him some love.
41
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:02,773
Please give it up
for Dave Waite.
42
00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:05,205
[cheers and applause]
43
00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:12,922
♪
44
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:13,915
Yeah.
45
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,566
All right.
46
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,270
Shit, huh?
47
00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:19,658
Oh, man.
48
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,791
I'm out--
I don't have a mask on.
49
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:24,714
I'm just a raw-dogging the air,
like, you guys. Look at us.
50
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,500
It's just whoo, fuck.
51
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:28,625
Ah.
52
00:02:28,757 --> 00:02:30,147
How about this backdrop?
53
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,410
Am I on "The Bachelorette"
or something?
54
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:34,463
[laughter]
55
00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:37,509
Am I getting a rose?
56
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,455
You would root for the bald guy
on "The Bachelorette," right?
57
00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:41,985
[laughter]
58
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,548
They've never had a bald guy.
59
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,765
You'd be like, "That's my guy.
60
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:49,474
Baldy, get in there, buddy."
61
00:02:49,604 --> 00:02:51,564
I was in a 7-Eleven
the other day.
62
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:54,003
Somebody sneezed. I almost
burned that whole place down.
63
00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:56,440
- [laughter]
- This place is canceled, bro.
64
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,307
You can't have people
sneezing in here.
65
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,309
It's over.
66
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:01,881
Oh, man.
67
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:04,137
I got--I got a dad bod.
68
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:06,581
I don't know if that's
from the quarantine or life.
69
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,488
I don't know what that's about.
70
00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:11,764
I've been saying
a lot of dad stuff lately.
71
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:13,107
I'm turning into a dad.
72
00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:15,106
I'm telling people
to knock it off.
73
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:17,498
I'm telling people
to cut it out.
74
00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:20,112
I'm asking "What's that noise
in there?" a lot.
75
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,203
And it's just me.
I don't have any kids.
76
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:24,862
- [laughter]
- I'm just like, "Knock it off."
77
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,820
Stop it.
78
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,519
I sit on my porch now. I yell
at cars when they drive by.
79
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:35,037
[laughter]
80
00:03:35,171 --> 00:03:37,961
I'm out there smoking
cigarettes, yelling at cars,
81
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,567
drinking beers
like a white trash dad.
82
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,398
I'm just like, "Slow it down."
83
00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:45,786
[laughter]
84
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:48,661
Timing belt. You know that guy?
85
00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:52,013
He just diagnoses a car
when it drives by.
86
00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:52,974
Muffler.
87
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,405
Wouldn't want to be that guy
in six weeks.
88
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:59,670
[laughter]
89
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:02,114
All right.
Let me check my notes.
90
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,112
Be funny.
Mission accomplished.
91
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,554
- All right.
- [laughter]
92
00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:07,771
[applause]
93
00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:13,685
I was an only child
for, like, 10 years.
94
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:17,168
So I think that kind of plays
into why I became a comedian.
95
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:21,130
So if I did anything goofy,
I had everybody's attention,
96
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,651
you know, and then would make
people laugh.
97
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:27,615
I remember it very vividly.
It was Thanksgiving morning
98
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:28,875
and, you know, I was pumped
'cause there's food
99
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:30,707
and there's a lot of activity
100
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,485
and, like, I always kind of,
like, you know,
101
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,580
performed, you know.
102
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,969
I've always been performing,
even probably as a kid.
103
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:40,542
And my parents were like,
"We got a surprise for you."
104
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:42,111
And I was like, "Oh, shit.
105
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,808
Am I getting a gift
on Thanksgiving?
106
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,585
I'm crushing it."
107
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,290
And they were like,
108
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,587
"You're gonna have
a little brother or sister."
109
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,994
And, oh, buddy.
I wasn't feeling that at all.
110
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,857
The show's over, you know.
111
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,820
I had to share the spotlight.
112
00:04:57,949 --> 00:05:01,909
After my sister was born,
my mom made me go to, like, a--
113
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,650
what's it like
to be a big brother
114
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,521
or a big sister class,
115
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:08,003
and every other kid
is the toddler there
116
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:10,093
and I'm like a giant freak.
117
00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:12,182
I mean, maybe I did need
to be there more than them,
118
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,322
maybe 'cause I was probably
the one who's gonna have more,
119
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:18,965
you know, struggle with it,
but I didn't need to be there.
120
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,581
I do smile a lot,
if you haven't noticed.
121
00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:23,981
I smile a lot
for a depressed person.
122
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,456
Don't clap for that, please.
That'd be fucked up.
123
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:27,977
You're like, "Yeah.
124
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,550
- Hide it from the world."
- [laughter]
125
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:33,638
I do smile a lot
for a depressed person.
126
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,808
Well, nobody wants to hang out
with a sad bitch, right?
127
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,824
So if you smile,
you can still have friends.
128
00:05:37,946 --> 00:05:39,686
It works, all right?
129
00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,907
And Los Angeles is a place
that people don't like--
130
00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:43,557
they don't like depression,
all right?
131
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,081
If you want to be depressed
in America,
132
00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:48,094
you better live in Seattle
or New York City.
133
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:49,957
But in L.A., you got to pretend
134
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:51,698
like it's working out
all the time.
135
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,349
[MAN] Yeah.
- Be like,
136
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:55,403
hey, I'm just waiting
to hear back on that thing
137
00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:58,049
and then it's gonna happen,
it's all gonna turn around.
138
00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,583
I'm just waiting on the call.
139
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,667
- [laughter]
- I don't know.
140
00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:03,746
I guess you could be sad
and have friends, right?
141
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:05,795
I got--It's a possibility.
142
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:08,500
One sad person clapped.
There you go.
143
00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:10,809
Yes.
144
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:12,325
I mean, right?
145
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:13,939
Charlie Brown,
he had a lot of friends.
146
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,989
He was a sad--sad bitch.
Yeah, I know.
147
00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:19,065
I just called the cartoon
character Charlie Brown
148
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:21,164
a sad bitch,
but he was, all right?
149
00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,213
And he had every right
to be sad.
150
00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:25,209
He was bald in third grade,
all right?
151
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:27,561
That's a hard way to go,
152
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:29,651
being a bald-ass third grader.
153
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:33,830
[laughter]
154
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,918
And what did Charlie Brown want
more than anything in life?
155
00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:38,047
He wanted to kick a field goal.
156
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:41,140
The thing he wanted
wasn't even cool, y'all.
157
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,620
[laughter]
158
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,140
He tried to kick
that field goal.
159
00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:45,673
That girl always took
the ball away.
160
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:47,446
The thing he wanted
wasn't even cool.
161
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:49,711
And I know this 'cause,
when I was in high school,
162
00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:51,284
I kicked
the game-winning field goal
163
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,631
for my high school
football team.
164
00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:54,981
[MAN] Whoo!
- Okay.
165
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,900
[cheers and applause]
166
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:01,196
We did go 2 and 8 that season,
so let's not go crazy.
167
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,383
And after I kicked
the game-winning field goal,
168
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:06,120
a cheerleader gave me
a side hug.
169
00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:06,991
That's it, just...
170
00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:10,432
[laughter]
171
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,340
And the quarterback
got a full-on beej,
172
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,735
full blow job
all the way in there.
173
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,479
[laughter]
174
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:21,311
I missed the, like,
three kicks up to that point.
175
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,921
- [INTERVIEWER] In that game
or-- - Yeah. It was a terrible
game.
176
00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:25,182
And then, at the halftime,
177
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:26,974
I kind of had a meltdown
and shit.
178
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,318
And then, in the second half,
179
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,228
the other team
was, like, winning.
180
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:33,372
I could see we were driving,
and then I started, like,
181
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:36,186
freaking out again
and having a panic attack.
182
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:38,015
And my football coach was like,
183
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:40,113
"It's not the goddamn
Super Bowl, Davey."
184
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:42,722
[interviewer laughs]
185
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:44,863
And I was, like,
that's a good point.
186
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:47,986
Anyways, I get out there,
and the guy is the quarterback.
187
00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:51,169
He's a senior. He's cool.
188
00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:54,076
And I'm a sophomore--not cool.
189
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:57,222
And he looks at me, like,
before the ball comes at,
190
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:58,956
he goes, he say,
"I just want you to know
191
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:00,697
We're gonna kick your ass
if you don't make this."
192
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:02,218
[interviewer laughs]
193
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:03,351
You've already missed
three of them.
194
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,313
- Yeah.
- And I was like,
195
00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:07,921
"Oh, this isn't really
instilling a lot of confidence."
196
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:09,362
And I made it.
197
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,139
And then,
everybody went apeshit,
198
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,363
and they tackled me,
199
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,283
like, you know, the team,
and then we got a penalty
200
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:18,238
'cause there was still
time left.
201
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,107
There's, like, 10 seconds left.
202
00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:23,589
Charlie Brown, though,
he had a deep crew, right?
203
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,680
He had a deep crew of friends,
and he was pretty woke, okay?
204
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:27,900
Think about it.
205
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,119
Black friend, lesbian friend,
206
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:32,728
that dirty kid, okay?
207
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:36,170
He had a dirty kid
in his crew, okay?
208
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:39,298
That's some progressive shit,
hanging out with a dirty kid.
209
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:41,171
[laughter]
210
00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:42,433
And the whole time,
they were worried
211
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,305
about a fucked-up
Christmas tree.
212
00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:47,346
There was a fucked-up kid
next to that tree, okay?
213
00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:48,883
They should have been saying
to that kid,
214
00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:50,136
"It's Christmas, okay?
215
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:51,968
That tree is already dead."
216
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:54,526
[laughter]
217
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,231
Water break. Uh--
Do I need to tell you that?
218
00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:01,933
You guys got eyes.
You can see that.
219
00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:03,853
Whoo. Shit.
220
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,148
[WOMAN] Ha ha!
221
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,813
- [laughter]
- All right.
222
00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:10,548
That lady hasn't been
outside once.
223
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,860
She's like,
"Somebody's drinking water!
224
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,377
Oh, my goodness!
225
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,380
It's another human!
226
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:17,692
Look at him!"
227
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:22,948
I'm from Kentucky.
Uh, yeah.
228
00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:25,574
And, uh...
229
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,605
that's a place, you know,
you got to--I don't know.
230
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:31,012
Would you show up, like,
I show up at places out here
231
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:32,745
in L.A., I'm like,
"Hey, I'm from Kentucky."
232
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,306
And people like
cousin fingering.
233
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:36,403
I'm like, "Whoa, shit, man.
234
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,362
I just got in here.
Let me get a beer."
235
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:39,930
[laughter]
236
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,577
Come on. Let's relax.
237
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,412
And I don't know anything
about Kentucky.
238
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,410
I know George Clooney's
from there. That's it.
239
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,372
And that's what I'll say
and then I hope
240
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,150
there's no more
follow-up questions
241
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:53,065
'cause I don't--
and I want to defend.
242
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:54,771
You know, everybody wants
to defend where they're from,
243
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,378
but, man, it's tough.
244
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,468
It's tough. Like,
the last time I went home,
245
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:02,168
I found out everybody loves
Trump and heroin, okay?
246
00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:03,387
That's...
- [laughter]
247
00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:05,425
Yeah. Yeah.
248
00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:07,301
And I don't--
I'm not saying doing heroin
249
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:10,132
makes you like the president,
but, you know,
250
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:11,921
it's hard to keep up
with the news
251
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,396
when you're turning blue
in a Burger King bathroom.
252
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,175
[laughter]
253
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,310
I know. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
254
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:19,102
I'm sorry
all my friends are dead.
255
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:22,317
[laughter]
256
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,187
The last time I was home,
257
00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,189
I saw a dude wearing
a Confederate flag shirt
258
00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:28,061
which is a huge bummer,
259
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,242
and his shirt said,
"It's Our Heritage" on it.
260
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:32,198
And I was like,
"Man, this guy
261
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,627
didn't even pay attention
in school."
262
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:37,033
Kentucky--
not in the Confederacy. Yeah.
263
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,858
[laughter]
264
00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:41,416
- [applause]
- Yeah.
265
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,123
We were neutral
at the beginning,
266
00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:44,951
trying to see
how it was gonna play out,
267
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,429
and then we got
with the winners, all right?
268
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:49,208
[laughter]
269
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:52,044
And that guy was white,
obviously. Uh...
270
00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:54,614
I'm a white.
271
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:57,481
I've been thinking a lot
about, you know,
272
00:10:57,613 --> 00:11:00,533
whites and what we're up to,
and what we're--
273
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,660
So not all whites, but a lot
of white--a lot of whites,
274
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,973
their favorite thing
is peace and quiet.
275
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,280
That's their jam.
276
00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:09,225
Silence. Don't believe me?
277
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:11,194
Think of some white shit
real quick.
278
00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:13,112
Mountains. Oh, man.
279
00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:15,067
White people,
we love mountains.
280
00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:16,546
You ever been to Colorado?
281
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,286
Pretty white, all mountains.
282
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,247
Fishing,
that's some white shit.
283
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:22,986
Hey, you want to go on a lake
284
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:25,507
and not talk to each other
for three hours?
285
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:27,641
Sounds fantastic.
286
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,954
Wish we weren't talking
right now.
287
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,730
[laughter]
288
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:34,035
Golf?
289
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:36,261
We made up a quiet clap.
290
00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:39,961
That's some crazy shit.
291
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:41,480
Space.
292
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,273
We love space,
don't we, whiteys?
293
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:46,488
Oh, shit.
294
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:49,268
Every rich white billionaire's
building their own rocket
295
00:11:49,404 --> 00:11:51,894
to the moon, as we speak.
296
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:53,275
You know why?
297
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:56,498
'Cause space is a vacuum.
298
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,328
You can't have noise
in a vacuum.
299
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:01,016
You're just floating around
in silence.
300
00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:04,026
Yeah. That's whites.
301
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:07,248
[laughter]
302
00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,208
Sometimes that joke doesn't
work here in California
303
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:11,077
'cause the California whites
think they're the good ones,
304
00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:12,038
and they're not.
305
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:15,336
[laughter]
306
00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:18,433
[applause]
307
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,303
I'm trying to get woke,
though.
308
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:22,735
That's what I--
that's what I've been up to.
309
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:28,750
I don't know how to do that,
but I'm trying.
310
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,578
I watched that movie
the "BlacKkKlansman."
311
00:12:30,706 --> 00:12:32,096
That was powerful.
312
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,539
It was the--Yeah.
313
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,575
I mean, I--
It overwhelmed me.
314
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:37,321
I know that much 'cause I--
the next day,
315
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:38,582
I saw my landlord
who's Black,
316
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:40,414
and my brain was like,
317
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,202
"You should tell him
you saw that movie."
318
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:45,366
And that's not
how shit works, okay?
319
00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:46,723
That's like if a Black guy
saw me and was like,
320
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,723
"Hey, I saw 'Mamma Mia'
last week."
321
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,545
I'd be like,
"I guess. All right."
322
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:53,772
[laughter]
323
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,563
I definitely think
white privilege is a thing.
324
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,117
There's been numerous times
in my life
325
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,734
I'd benefited from it
326
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,385
where the police
should've arrested me
327
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:02,088
and they're like,
"Get home safe."
328
00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:04,866
And I'm like,
"Whatever. Fuck you. USA."
329
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:08,271
[laughs] Me.
330
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,006
I would say the one place
331
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,097
white people
don't have privilege or credit
332
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:13,176
is the dance floor.
333
00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:15,104
People are pretty adamant
334
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:18,059
that we can't do that
and we should not do that.
335
00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:20,358
They're like, "Knock it off."
336
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,625
But dancing's fun,
and I wanted to do it.
337
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:25,668
That's why I found myself
getting into, like, jam bands,
338
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,585
like, hippie, like,
the Grateful Dead and Fish
339
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,290
because those hippie concerts
are a safe space
340
00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:34,199
for white dancing. Okay?
341
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:37,375
And nobody's dancing good
at those concerts, all right?
342
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,082
Everybody is dancing
like a windsock
343
00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:40,599
in front of a car dealership.
344
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:43,472
[laughter]
345
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,955
[applause]
346
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:52,612
What's the biggest complain
about jam bands?
347
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:56,364
They're like, "Why is the song
20 minutes long?"
348
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,397
The song's that long
for white people
349
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,623
to get on the beat, okay?
350
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:04,842
[laughter]
351
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,724
The Grateful Dead,
they have two drummers.
352
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,626
They're giving you a lot
of chances to get on the beat.
353
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:12,031
Here's the thing.
The band's not even on the beat.
354
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:14,715
All right. Hot dog.
355
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,204
I didn't really figure out
what I was gonna do in college.
356
00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:18,864
They put all this emphasis like,
357
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,298
"You got to figure all out,
like, right away."
358
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,685
I'm like,
I mean, I don't know, I just--
359
00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:26,559
It didn't--I didn't
figure it out right away.
360
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,781
I was just doing, like,
the entry level stuff, you know?
361
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,741
And then I was, like,
a couple of years out of college
362
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,740
and I was already in, like,
the machine, you know.
363
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,743
And I started seeing people
that I went to college with,
364
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:39,355
like, getting married
at, like, 24 or 25,
365
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:40,357
buying a house at 26.
366
00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,658
Already?
367
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:45,104
And I'm like,
"Whoa, it's already--
368
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:47,712
"You already...okay.
369
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:51,153
I don't know.
370
00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:52,671
Uh, I haven't
figured it out yet."
371
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,374
Like, I was like,
"Man, this is--
372
00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:56,682
what am I doing here?"
373
00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:59,808
And, uh, before times,
I went to, uh, last year,
374
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,382
I went to a concert,
a rock concert,
375
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:03,900
and before the show,
376
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:05,513
my buddy had some,
uh, mushroom capsules,
377
00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,173
you know, like magic mushrooms
378
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,257
but they're, like,
in a pill form.
379
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:09,645
You know, the future.
380
00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,908
And, uh, my bud--my buddy,
he goes,
381
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:15,831
"You can take one of these
if you're a pussy,
382
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:17,698
or two if you want
to blast off."
383
00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:20,569
And I was like, "Let's go
to the moon, spaceman.
384
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:22,752
Let's do this."
Gobble, gobble.
385
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:26,358
I took both those,
and about 15 minutes later,
386
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:29,190
I realized I was a pussy.
Yeah.
387
00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:30,709
[laughter]
388
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:33,632
Oh, man, I did too much.
389
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:36,458
I was like, "Oh, shit."
390
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,237
I should have let--I've done,
391
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:39,982
uh, I've done magic mushrooms
so many times,
392
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:42,813
you'd think I would--
I would learn, but I haven't.
393
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,422
One of the earliest times
I did magic mushrooms
394
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:46,903
was back in Kentucky
395
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,473
and, uh, it was right
around that time
396
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:50,249
the movie "Scream" came out.
397
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:51,524
It was pretty, you know,
it was a while, you know,
398
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:53,466
20 years ago, whatever.
399
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:54,914
I don't know if you ever seen
the movie "Scream."
400
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,611
It's a classic.
- [scattered applause]
401
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:58,518
Seven people.
402
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:02,833
Eight? More? Okay.
403
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,532
You're gonna enjoy this joke.
404
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:08,359
Everybody else, we'll see.
We'll see.
405
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:09,969
When that movie came out,
406
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:11,539
Drew Barrymore
was in the previews a lot.
407
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:13,316
She was a big star,
408
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:14,710
and me and my buddy
took some magic mushrooms
409
00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,543
and went and saw that movie
410
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,151
'cause it always--
we took it and went--
411
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:19,801
Uh, in Kentucky,
412
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,805
magic mushrooms
are like the McRib.
413
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:24,327
They're only around
for a limited time only,
414
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,331
and then they're gone.
415
00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:28,603
So we had to take those,
and we had to see "Scream."
416
00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,206
It was the, you know, the jam.
417
00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:31,817
And we went and saw the movie,
418
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,857
and if you remember
that movie at all,
419
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,303
Drew Barrymore dies
in the first 10 minutes.
420
00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:39,651
And me and my buddy
were tripping so hard,
421
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,961
we both stood up
to leave after she died
422
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:45,309
'cause we thought
the movie was over.
423
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:47,009
[laughter]
424
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:49,916
They were like,
"Man, they fucked her up.
425
00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:53,272
That was--That was crazy.
That was wild.
426
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:56,023
They just killed
the star of the movie."
427
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,665
And then our friends were like,
"Sit down."
428
00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,579
And, uh, they were right.
429
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,634
There was a lot
more movie left.
430
00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:06,849
I've been single
for the whole pandemic. Yeah.
431
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:08,332
[cheers and applause]
432
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,162
I'm lonely.
433
00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:13,380
[laughter]
434
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:14,640
I don't know.
435
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:15,992
Man, I'm trying, you know.
436
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,652
Before this,
I was getting out there,
437
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:20,555
you know,
trying to be better at dating.
438
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:24,911
I'm trying not to, uh,
ghost people, as the kids say.
439
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,484
You know, you gotta
let people know that--
440
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,960
"Hey, I don't like
being around you."
441
00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:31,311
You just gotta tell them that.
You can't just disappear.
442
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:32,881
[laughter]
443
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:35,528
That's fucked up.
You gotta man up.
444
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:39,543
It'd be like, "I don't like
your presence, okay?"
445
00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,628
But that's tough.
I'll be honest, that's tough.
446
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,668
So I came up
with a middle ground.
447
00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,813
It's called sunsetting, okay?
448
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:49,366
And you just kind of drift off.
449
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,723
You return a text
every once in a while.
450
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:53,203
You just drift off
over the horizon...
451
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:56,861
[laughter]
452
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:59,468
That's the extent
of my mind work, everybody.
453
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,340
[laughter]
454
00:18:01,471 --> 00:18:02,861
I went and got, like,
on Lexapro,
455
00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,874
which is like
an anti-anxiety medication
456
00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:06,646
before I start doing comedy
457
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,871
because I needed
to do something
458
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,090
to, uh, you know,
relieve the anxiety.
459
00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:15,882
I was depressed
because I was working a job
460
00:18:16,007 --> 00:18:18,747
that I didn't want to be at,
and I didn't--I was like,
461
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,580
"This can't be my future."
462
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,838
So, you know, Lexapro.
I started taking that
463
00:18:22,971 --> 00:18:24,581
right before
I started doing comedy,
464
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,932
and then, you know,
I think it probably--
465
00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:29,462
even if it just gave me
the placebo effect
466
00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:32,936
of I felt, you know,
more comfortable around people.
467
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:37,028
And, uh, you know,
now I realize that everybody,
468
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,729
uh, everybody--
if people do something new,
469
00:18:39,857 --> 00:18:41,417
they feel nervous.
470
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,375
I'm not alone,
471
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,823
but it takes a long time
to realize that.
472
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,560
I do need a wife, though.
473
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:48,951
I've been out in the wild
too long.
474
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:51,264
Look at my hair.
Look at it. Jesus Christ.
475
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,311
[laughter]
476
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,606
I'm just, uh...
477
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:01,837
I do need a wife, though. I just
been out in the wild too long.
478
00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:05,406
You know, I can't eat another
frozen dinner to save my life.
479
00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:07,405
And I don't expect
the lady to cook.
480
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:09,097
That's fucked up.
But if she can,
481
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:11,105
if she's bringing
that to the table,
482
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,757
I'm, uh, I got--
I'm bringing some stuff
483
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:15,890
to the table, okay? Right?
484
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,814
I can check on noises, boom.
485
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,899
[laughter]
486
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,808
I can take the garbage out.
487
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:24,900
I'm good at rubbing backs.
488
00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:29,986
I will rub a foot.
I don't care. I'll get in there.
489
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:32,555
I'll get a knife out,
saw a bunion off if I have to.
490
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:34,833
[laughter]
491
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,176
Let's get it out of there.
Let's--Come on.
492
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,529
And I'm real good at fingering.
493
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,487
[laughs]
494
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:45,046
Were you guys not ready
for a fingering joke?
495
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,674
Was the bunions thing
too much?
496
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,966
You're like, "I didn't leave
my house in the pandemic
497
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:54,452
to hear no fingering joke,
bro.
498
00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:57,204
Bring some better shit
than that, dawg."
499
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,163
I'm so good at fingering,
500
00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:04,327
my Tinder profile is just
a picture of my finger.
501
00:20:04,464 --> 00:20:07,994
[laughter]
502
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,769
Come on.
503
00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:12,945
That's the best Tinder joke
in comedy,
504
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,341
slash fingering joke, okay?
505
00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:17,255
[laughter]
506
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:22,787
Years ago, I was dating a lady,
and--It happens.
507
00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:26,617
And, uh...
I was dating this lady,
508
00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:28,837
and I was telling her
about my time in New York City.
509
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:30,656
I lived there
for a couple of years,
510
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,584
and I was like, "Boy,
there's a lot of rats
511
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,489
in New York City."
512
00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:37,544
And she's like, "Oh,
how'd the rats get there?"
513
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:40,061
And I'm like, "All right,
that's a good question.
514
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:45,235
"Okay? I think rats came over
on ships from Europe."
515
00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:48,034
And she's like,
"Rats had their own ships?"
516
00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:49,989
[laughter]
517
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,430
And I was like,
"You got some big titties."
518
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:56,908
You know what I mean?
519
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,868
You know what I'm saying?
520
00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:02,086
You're just gonna drive past
a couple of red flags
521
00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:05,567
on the way to Titty Town,
all right?
522
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:08,569
You're just gonna blow
through some stuff.
523
00:21:08,702 --> 00:21:10,832
And she already lives
in a better world, right?
524
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:12,525
She lives in a world
where she thinks
525
00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:15,972
rats are sailing
the seven seas, okay?
526
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:19,670
I'm not gonna ruin that
for her with facts.
527
00:21:22,629 --> 00:21:24,889
I worked in Fanelli
Investments' warehouse.,
528
00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:27,112
and that's where--
529
00:21:27,242 --> 00:21:29,242
they wanted to train me
on a forklift.
530
00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:31,025
And then they told me
all the ways
531
00:21:31,159 --> 00:21:33,069
the forklift could kill you
532
00:21:33,204 --> 00:21:35,124
and I was like,
"Oh, I gotta not pass
533
00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:37,170
this forklift test."
- [interviewer laughs]
534
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,816
'Cause I don't want to die
535
00:21:38,949 --> 00:21:40,779
with a college degree
536
00:21:40,908 --> 00:21:43,078
in a forklift death. Okay?
537
00:21:43,214 --> 00:21:47,314
That isn't the final chapter
in my life,
538
00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:50,306
and I ended up signing up
for a comedy class.
539
00:21:50,439 --> 00:21:51,789
In Cincinnati, I didn't know
there was a way
540
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,789
to even, like, start comedy.
541
00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:55,921
At that time period,
there was, like, "Seinfeld,"
542
00:21:56,053 --> 00:21:59,493
but "Seinfeld" made stand-up
seem almost unrealistic.
543
00:21:59,622 --> 00:22:00,842
It shows you--
544
00:22:00,971 --> 00:22:02,581
You don't know
how he got in it.
545
00:22:02,712 --> 00:22:05,062
He has an apartment.
He's on TV.
546
00:22:05,193 --> 00:22:07,063
But how do you get
to that point?
547
00:22:07,195 --> 00:22:08,805
Uh, so I signed up for a class
548
00:22:08,936 --> 00:22:11,806
'cause I just wanted
to kind of dip my toe in
549
00:22:11,939 --> 00:22:13,719
and find out that way.
550
00:22:13,854 --> 00:22:16,734
But I was nervous about, like,
551
00:22:16,857 --> 00:22:18,817
you know, making new friends.
552
00:22:18,946 --> 00:22:22,116
I was just afraid people
were gonna make fun of me.
553
00:22:22,253 --> 00:22:25,083
I don't know.
I just always felt weird.
554
00:22:25,213 --> 00:22:27,693
Uh, like, I remember
in high school,
555
00:22:27,824 --> 00:22:29,574
uh, I mean, you know,
556
00:22:29,696 --> 00:22:30,996
people sign your yearbook
in high school.
557
00:22:31,132 --> 00:22:33,002
I remember this girl
signed my yearbook.
558
00:22:33,134 --> 00:22:34,704
She's like "You're such
a nice guy,
559
00:22:34,831 --> 00:22:36,141
but you're so weird,"
560
00:22:36,267 --> 00:22:37,787
and then she underlined it
three times,
561
00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:39,921
like, when you wrote "weird,"
I got it.
562
00:22:40,054 --> 00:22:41,234
[interviewer laughs]
563
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,620
My grandma told me a story
564
00:22:43,753 --> 00:22:46,103
about waiting in line
at a bakery.
565
00:22:46,234 --> 00:22:49,544
That was it, the whole story,
566
00:22:49,672 --> 00:22:50,722
and she crushed it
567
00:22:50,847 --> 00:22:52,587
'cause I was bored, okay?
568
00:22:52,719 --> 00:22:54,419
And when you're telling a story,
569
00:22:54,547 --> 00:22:55,977
you're supposed to convey
what an experience is like.
570
00:22:56,113 --> 00:22:57,773
Have you ever waited
in line in a bakery?
571
00:22:57,898 --> 00:22:59,548
It's boring. So she nailed it.
572
00:22:59,682 --> 00:23:01,382
I got what it was like
to be there.
573
00:23:03,164 --> 00:23:05,254
And I got up to leave,
574
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,124
and I was going to the door,
and she's like,
575
00:23:07,255 --> 00:23:10,035
"Make sure you close
my door all the way.
576
00:23:10,171 --> 00:23:12,781
A bat got in my house
last week."
577
00:23:15,089 --> 00:23:16,919
And that's when I got upset
578
00:23:17,047 --> 00:23:18,047
'cause that means
she was sitting
579
00:23:18,179 --> 00:23:19,919
on a bat in her house story
580
00:23:20,050 --> 00:23:21,270
the whole time
she was telling me
581
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,400
that horseshit
bakery story, okay?
582
00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:27,965
Bat in the house
is front page news
583
00:23:28,102 --> 00:23:29,232
in the "Granny Gazette."
584
00:23:29,364 --> 00:23:31,714
That's the lead story,
Grandma.
585
00:23:31,845 --> 00:23:33,845
Open with that shit.
586
00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:36,887
Don't bury that.
That's your opener.
587
00:23:38,547 --> 00:23:40,237
So I had some questions.
I go, "What happened?"
588
00:23:40,375 --> 00:23:42,155
She was like,
"Oh, there was a bat
589
00:23:42,290 --> 00:23:43,990
flapping around in my shower."
590
00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:46,208
I'm like, "All right.
591
00:23:46,337 --> 00:23:49,247
Shit, okay?
That's fucked up."
592
00:23:49,384 --> 00:23:51,784
She's like, "Yeah.
I got a--I got a towel."
593
00:23:51,908 --> 00:23:53,428
I was like, "All right."
594
00:23:53,562 --> 00:23:55,612
And she's like, "I chased it
out of the house."
595
00:23:55,738 --> 00:23:57,348
I'm like, "Damn."
596
00:23:57,479 --> 00:24:00,609
I wish there was a video
of that. Right?
597
00:24:00,743 --> 00:24:03,183
That shit
would've went viral, okay?
598
00:24:03,311 --> 00:24:04,791
You tell me
you wouldn't have shared
599
00:24:04,921 --> 00:24:06,051
a video of an 80-year-old lady
600
00:24:06,183 --> 00:24:07,843
fighting a bat with a towel?
601
00:24:07,968 --> 00:24:10,708
[laughter]
602
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,930
Shit.
603
00:24:13,060 --> 00:24:14,630
She probably would had been
on "Good Morning America."
604
00:24:14,757 --> 00:24:16,457
Let's be honest.
605
00:24:16,585 --> 00:24:17,665
They'd be like, "Hey,
coming up after the break,
606
00:24:17,804 --> 00:24:20,894
we got Bat Granny in studio.
607
00:24:21,024 --> 00:24:23,244
She brought her towel
with her.
608
00:24:23,374 --> 00:24:25,594
But first
we got Fleetwood Mac."
609
00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:28,415
[laughter]
610
00:24:28,554 --> 00:24:29,954
I do like living
out here in Los Angeles.
611
00:24:30,077 --> 00:24:32,377
I do enjoy it.
612
00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:34,304
There is some stuff
I can't get behind,
613
00:24:34,429 --> 00:24:37,079
like, uh, one time,
I went to this place.
614
00:24:37,214 --> 00:24:38,694
It was a grilled cheese
restaurant.
615
00:24:38,825 --> 00:24:39,995
That's all they make, right?
616
00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:41,870
I went to
the grilled cheese place,
617
00:24:42,002 --> 00:24:42,962
ordered grilled cheese,
618
00:24:43,090 --> 00:24:45,440
and the guy said $13.
619
00:24:45,571 --> 00:24:46,831
And I was like,
"Man, what happened?
620
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,403
Did I black out?
621
00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:51,881
Did I order
13 grilled cheeses?"
622
00:24:54,144 --> 00:24:56,844
For $13, that guy better come
out from behind the counter
623
00:24:56,973 --> 00:24:59,763
and give me a hug and tell me
it's gonna be okay.
624
00:25:01,151 --> 00:25:02,461
'Cause that's what my mom
would do
625
00:25:02,588 --> 00:25:05,288
when she made
a grilled cheese, okay?
626
00:25:05,416 --> 00:25:07,846
And if it's full service,
I'll pay the $13, all right?
627
00:25:07,984 --> 00:25:09,554
I get a little homesick.
628
00:25:11,814 --> 00:25:12,824
Oh, was that too sad?
629
00:25:12,946 --> 00:25:14,816
[laughter]
630
00:25:17,385 --> 00:25:19,385
Sometimes in life,
I, uh, I fuck up.
631
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:20,948
I don't know about you guys.
You just, you know,
632
00:25:21,084 --> 00:25:22,304
sometimes you just make
some errors.
633
00:25:22,433 --> 00:25:24,223
You goof.
634
00:25:24,348 --> 00:25:25,998
Here's a time I fucked up.
635
00:25:26,133 --> 00:25:27,923
I was at a gas station.
636
00:25:28,048 --> 00:25:29,958
I was at the gas station.
You know how you can pump it
637
00:25:30,093 --> 00:25:31,973
and then you could--you can--
the thing that locks in there,
638
00:25:32,095 --> 00:25:33,305
and then it's kind of
pumping for you,
639
00:25:33,444 --> 00:25:35,844
and you're like,
"You got it, machine.
640
00:25:35,969 --> 00:25:37,539
You're nailing it."
641
00:25:37,666 --> 00:25:39,276
So I have--
The machine's got me covered.
642
00:25:39,407 --> 00:25:41,277
So I go in the store
and buy some shit,
643
00:25:41,409 --> 00:25:43,149
and then I come out
of the gas station,
644
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:44,930
and I start smoking
in front of the gas station
645
00:25:45,065 --> 00:25:46,545
'cause I'm kind of a hillbilly.
646
00:25:46,675 --> 00:25:47,715
I don't care.
I'm just out there, like...
647
00:25:47,850 --> 00:25:50,070
[laughs] And then
648
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,850
I look over at my car,
649
00:25:51,985 --> 00:25:54,065
and I see gas
that's spraying everywhere
650
00:25:54,204 --> 00:25:55,214
on the side of my car,
651
00:25:55,336 --> 00:25:56,986
and at that point I realized
652
00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:58,950
I have fucked up,
you know what I mean?
653
00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:00,559
That's a pretty good
indicator.
654
00:26:02,386 --> 00:26:04,296
So I put the cigarette out,
and I run over there,
655
00:26:04,432 --> 00:26:06,482
and I unpump it,
656
00:26:06,608 --> 00:26:10,218
and then now there's
a big puddle of gasoline.
657
00:26:10,351 --> 00:26:12,401
And probably at this point
probably should go in the store
658
00:26:12,527 --> 00:26:17,007
and let them know,
"Hey, some asshole spilled gas."
659
00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:21,097
I don't want to take full
credit, you know what I mean?
660
00:26:22,363 --> 00:26:23,973
[laughs]
661
00:26:24,104 --> 00:26:25,584
But also, you know,
when you're a kid
662
00:26:25,714 --> 00:26:28,374
and you spill something,
you get in trouble, right?
663
00:26:28,499 --> 00:26:30,019
But as an adult,
if you spill something,
664
00:26:30,153 --> 00:26:31,423
you have this option
on the table.
665
00:26:31,546 --> 00:26:33,936
You can run away,
666
00:26:34,070 --> 00:26:35,550
so that's what I did.
667
00:26:35,681 --> 00:26:37,731
I just got in my car
and was like,
668
00:26:37,857 --> 00:26:40,417
"Later, suckers." Ha ha!
669
00:26:40,555 --> 00:26:42,905
And I drove off.
670
00:26:43,036 --> 00:26:47,126
And I drove that car
immediately to the airport
671
00:26:47,257 --> 00:26:49,167
'cause that car
was a rental car,
672
00:26:49,303 --> 00:26:50,913
and I got
to the rental car place,
673
00:26:51,044 --> 00:26:55,184
and the guy goes,
"This car smells like gasoline."
674
00:26:55,309 --> 00:26:57,009
And I was like,
"Yeah. That's weird, right?"
675
00:26:58,399 --> 00:27:00,229
That's some weird shit.
676
00:27:00,357 --> 00:27:04,187
I gotta get on a plane,
though, so peace, bro."
677
00:27:04,318 --> 00:27:06,058
I'm running away
from my problems
678
00:27:06,189 --> 00:27:08,279
left and right.
I'm crushing it, dude.
679
00:27:09,715 --> 00:27:12,015
Then I get in the airport,
and I forget about it
680
00:27:12,152 --> 00:27:13,202
'cause I see
an Auntie Anne's Pretzels
681
00:27:13,327 --> 00:27:15,067
and I love that shit.
682
00:27:15,198 --> 00:27:16,638
I was like, "I'm gonna get
myself a pretzel."
683
00:27:16,765 --> 00:27:18,505
I know they're marking it up
at the airport,
684
00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:20,597
but I want a pretzel.
I don't want to be in the plane
685
00:27:20,726 --> 00:27:22,286
and it starts crashing
and be like,
686
00:27:22,423 --> 00:27:24,253
"Oh, shit,
I should bought that pretzel."
687
00:27:24,381 --> 00:27:25,381
I don't want that.
I don't want to have
688
00:27:25,513 --> 00:27:27,473
that sort of regret on my mind.
689
00:27:27,602 --> 00:27:30,132
So I get my pretzel.
I eat it like a dumbass,
690
00:27:30,257 --> 00:27:33,647
and then finally
they start boarding the plane.
691
00:27:33,782 --> 00:27:36,612
And I get on the plane,
and I sit down,
692
00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:39,182
and a lady sits down
in front of me,
693
00:27:39,309 --> 00:27:40,529
and immediately
that lady's like,
694
00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:43,789
"This plane
smells like gasoline."
695
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,319
And I was like,
"Oh, I bet you that's me."
696
00:27:48,449 --> 00:27:50,319
It was me.
It was my shoes. They--
697
00:27:50,451 --> 00:27:51,841
Since I had stepped
in the gas,
698
00:27:51,974 --> 00:27:54,154
they--now they smell
like gasoline.
699
00:27:54,281 --> 00:27:56,071
And the flight attendant
comes over. He's like,
700
00:27:56,196 --> 00:27:57,676
"What's going on?"
I'm like, "Man,
701
00:27:57,806 --> 00:28:00,456
some asshole spilled gas
at the gas station..."
702
00:28:00,591 --> 00:28:03,071
[laughter]
703
00:28:03,203 --> 00:28:05,423
"and I ended up stepping it.
Now my shoes smell like gas."
704
00:28:05,553 --> 00:28:07,163
He's like, "Yeah.
I can smell it."
705
00:28:07,294 --> 00:28:10,384
And then we just kind of stare
at each other
706
00:28:10,514 --> 00:28:12,304
'cause nobody knows what to do
at this point, all right?
707
00:28:12,429 --> 00:28:15,259
This doesn't come up
on every flight.
708
00:28:15,389 --> 00:28:17,479
He's like, "I guess
I gotta take your shoes
709
00:28:17,608 --> 00:28:21,218
to the captain."
Not me, just my shoes.
710
00:28:21,351 --> 00:28:23,181
So I take my shoes off,
711
00:28:23,310 --> 00:28:25,360
and I'm standing there
in my socks like a dickhead.
712
00:28:25,486 --> 00:28:28,266
And he takes my shoes
to the captain.
713
00:28:30,099 --> 00:28:31,409
I bet you when he woke up
that morning
714
00:28:31,535 --> 00:28:33,315
and flew to Fort Myers,
Florida,
715
00:28:33,450 --> 00:28:35,580
he probably didn't think
as part of his job
716
00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:38,894
he was gonna have to smell
another man's shoe.
717
00:28:39,021 --> 00:28:41,111
But he is the captain,
718
00:28:41,241 --> 00:28:42,941
and the buck stops with him.
719
00:28:43,069 --> 00:28:45,029
So I saw this grown man
720
00:28:45,158 --> 00:28:47,728
hold up my gym shoe
and give it a sniff.
721
00:28:49,031 --> 00:28:51,031
It's fucked up.
722
00:28:51,164 --> 00:28:53,044
And they sat there
and bullshitted for a while,
723
00:28:53,166 --> 00:28:55,076
and then the flight attendant
came back with my shoes,
724
00:28:55,211 --> 00:28:58,211
and he goes, "Hey, man,
the pilot said it's cool."
725
00:28:58,345 --> 00:29:00,475
Oh, all right.
726
00:29:00,608 --> 00:29:02,388
Did he also say it's groovy?
727
00:29:02,523 --> 00:29:05,003
'Cause he just huffed
gasoline, okay?
728
00:29:05,134 --> 00:29:06,484
He got a good huff in there.
729
00:29:06,614 --> 00:29:09,534
Maybe it was, like, far out.
730
00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:11,400
He goes,
"Here's what we're gonna do.
731
00:29:11,532 --> 00:29:13,662
We're gonna put the shoes
in a plastic bag,
732
00:29:13,795 --> 00:29:15,745
and we're gonna throw them
in the overhead."
733
00:29:15,884 --> 00:29:17,324
I'm like, "All right."
And he goes, "You got--
734
00:29:17,451 --> 00:29:19,931
then you got to sit
the very last row
735
00:29:20,062 --> 00:29:22,282
by the bathroom...
736
00:29:22,412 --> 00:29:24,022
in your socks."
737
00:29:24,153 --> 00:29:26,813
- [laughter]
- And that's what happens.
738
00:29:26,939 --> 00:29:31,029
As an adult, if you run away
from your problems enough,
739
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,820
you get an adult timeout,
you know what I mean?
740
00:29:33,946 --> 00:29:36,116
They're like, "Go back there
and think about what you did."
741
00:29:36,252 --> 00:29:38,302
[cheers and applause]
742
00:29:38,428 --> 00:29:39,778
Yeah. I'm done. That's it.
743
00:29:43,912 --> 00:29:45,312
[ANNOUNCER] Let him hear,
let him hear. Give it up
744
00:29:45,435 --> 00:29:46,955
for Dave Waite one more time.
745
00:29:47,089 --> 00:29:48,789
[cheers and applause]
746
00:29:51,659 --> 00:29:53,619
I started comedy,
and I had the day job.
747
00:29:53,748 --> 00:29:55,528
I remember going,
like, on smoke breaks
748
00:29:55,663 --> 00:29:57,193
and, like, talking to people,
749
00:29:57,317 --> 00:29:59,227
and, like, uh,
nobody really had, like,
750
00:29:59,362 --> 00:30:00,712
a dream or--
751
00:30:00,842 --> 00:30:03,372
and they were like
this was it.
752
00:30:03,497 --> 00:30:06,107
But once I got
to be around comedians
753
00:30:06,239 --> 00:30:08,849
and there was all sorts
of kind of rebellious
754
00:30:08,981 --> 00:30:12,421
sort of people or people
that just thought differently,
755
00:30:12,549 --> 00:30:15,419
it felt more at home, yes.
756
00:30:15,552 --> 00:30:16,732
People want you
to get in line
757
00:30:16,858 --> 00:30:19,298
and behave a certain way,
you know?
758
00:30:19,426 --> 00:30:21,076
Fuck those people.
759
00:30:21,210 --> 00:30:23,340
[RITA BRENT]
The drums, it's a--
760
00:30:23,473 --> 00:30:24,343
it's a male-dominated
instrument.
761
00:30:24,474 --> 00:30:26,224
I've been in a minority,
762
00:30:26,346 --> 00:30:27,516
been the only girl in the band.
763
00:30:27,651 --> 00:30:30,131
And so their response
764
00:30:30,263 --> 00:30:32,093
is insults.
765
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,490
Typical misogyny and sexism.
766
00:30:35,616 --> 00:30:37,136
It starts at a young age.
767
00:30:37,270 --> 00:30:39,270
[applause]
768
00:30:39,402 --> 00:30:42,192
But it made me
want to be excellent.
769
00:30:42,318 --> 00:30:44,708
[ANNOUNCER] She's all the way
from Jackson, Mississippi.
770
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:46,543
Y'all please give it up
and show your love
771
00:30:46,670 --> 00:30:48,410
for my friend Ms. Rita Brent.
772
00:30:48,542 --> 00:30:50,332
[cheers and applause]
773
00:30:58,465 --> 00:30:59,545
All right, all right.
774
00:30:59,683 --> 00:31:01,033
How we feeling?
775
00:31:01,163 --> 00:31:02,643
[cheers and applause]
776
00:31:02,773 --> 00:31:04,043
Yeah. This is the sexy part
of the show.
777
00:31:04,166 --> 00:31:05,386
Okay?
778
00:31:05,515 --> 00:31:06,595
Yeah, yeah. All right.
779
00:31:06,734 --> 00:31:08,084
Yeah. My name is Rita Brent.
780
00:31:08,214 --> 00:31:09,484
Now let's get this out the way.
781
00:31:09,606 --> 00:31:11,476
Uh, I feel it in my spirit,
782
00:31:11,608 --> 00:31:13,308
somebody gonna cough tonight,
783
00:31:13,436 --> 00:31:15,606
and it's gonna scare
the shit out of everybody.
784
00:31:15,743 --> 00:31:17,403
So let's just--
let's just figure out
785
00:31:17,527 --> 00:31:18,657
a little tip, you know?
786
00:31:18,789 --> 00:31:20,359
If you do have to cough,
you know,
787
00:31:20,487 --> 00:31:22,177
you feel a little tickle,
don't fight it.
788
00:31:22,315 --> 00:31:23,615
Don't fight it.
789
00:31:23,751 --> 00:31:25,321
See, what you do
is you explain the cough
790
00:31:25,448 --> 00:31:27,148
why you coughing,
you know, so you [coughs]
791
00:31:27,276 --> 00:31:30,146
allergies, like,
as long as you say it.
792
00:31:30,279 --> 00:31:31,889
You know, [coughs],
water in my pipe.
793
00:31:32,020 --> 00:31:34,500
You know, wrong pipe.
As long as you say it.
794
00:31:34,631 --> 00:31:36,161
My upbringing started
795
00:31:36,285 --> 00:31:37,935
in Crystal Springs,
Mississippi,
796
00:31:38,070 --> 00:31:39,810
which is a very small town,
so I grew up in a house
797
00:31:39,941 --> 00:31:41,991
with my mother,
my grandmother,
798
00:31:42,117 --> 00:31:43,287
and my big mama.
799
00:31:43,423 --> 00:31:45,213
I got to see that firsthand
800
00:31:45,338 --> 00:31:46,728
like, you know,
just because you're a woman,
801
00:31:46,861 --> 00:31:48,121
you don't have
to be confined to the house.
802
00:31:48,254 --> 00:31:49,564
You can do both.
You can cook.
803
00:31:49,690 --> 00:31:51,650
You can get out and work
and do everything.
804
00:31:51,779 --> 00:31:53,609
My mom is a Baptist singer
805
00:31:53,737 --> 00:31:55,567
and a Baptist minister.
806
00:31:55,696 --> 00:31:58,386
And I just remember
being in church
807
00:31:58,525 --> 00:32:00,045
every freakin' day.
808
00:32:00,179 --> 00:32:02,179
And one day she just decided
809
00:32:02,311 --> 00:32:04,311
to put me on the drums,
you know?
810
00:32:04,444 --> 00:32:07,274
She just said, "Hey, I feel
like I have the musical genes,
811
00:32:07,403 --> 00:32:09,283
so you must have it too."
812
00:32:09,405 --> 00:32:11,185
And I was 8 years old
when she put me on the drum set.
813
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:12,970
And little did she know,
you know,
814
00:32:13,105 --> 00:32:15,585
me being a drummer
would really open up some doors
815
00:32:15,716 --> 00:32:16,796
for me as an entertainer.
816
00:32:16,935 --> 00:32:19,195
So we have been a musical duo
817
00:32:19,328 --> 00:32:22,198
for over 20-something
years now.
818
00:32:22,331 --> 00:32:23,771
You know,
America is--we're on edge.
819
00:32:23,898 --> 00:32:25,548
We're gonna be on edge
for a minute.
820
00:32:25,682 --> 00:32:27,472
We're always on edge
about something, right?
821
00:32:27,597 --> 00:32:29,467
Vaccinate.
Don't vaccinate, huh?
822
00:32:29,599 --> 00:32:30,909
Send the kids back to school.
823
00:32:31,036 --> 00:32:32,516
Listen,
I was a substitute teacher,
824
00:32:32,646 --> 00:32:34,996
so, like, I'm speaking
from experience.
825
00:32:35,127 --> 00:32:37,687
I don't know if you know,
but kids, they already nasty,
826
00:32:37,825 --> 00:32:40,475
- like they're just nasty.
- [laughter]
827
00:32:40,610 --> 00:32:42,870
They've been nasty. They're
gonna be nasty, you know?
828
00:32:43,004 --> 00:32:44,534
They are built for times
like this,
829
00:32:44,658 --> 00:32:47,268
you know what I'm saying?
830
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,230
They be eating boogers
off the floor and shit
831
00:32:49,358 --> 00:32:50,578
and eating food off the floor
832
00:32:50,707 --> 00:32:53,707
and playing with snot,
you know?
833
00:32:53,841 --> 00:32:57,631
And kids have like a nasty bond
with each other, you know?
834
00:32:57,758 --> 00:32:59,408
When I was
a substitute teacher,
835
00:32:59,542 --> 00:33:00,762
I was on the playground,
and I saw a little boy
836
00:33:00,891 --> 00:33:04,461
give his friend
a sneeze as a gift.
837
00:33:04,591 --> 00:33:06,991
He was like, ah-choo,
be my friend forever.
838
00:33:07,115 --> 00:33:09,115
I was like,
this is some nasty shit, bro.
839
00:33:10,771 --> 00:33:12,511
Take your ass
to the principal's office.
840
00:33:12,642 --> 00:33:15,652
Kids ain't the only ones
with bad hygiene, you know.
841
00:33:15,776 --> 00:33:18,166
Adults have bad hygiene,
too, you know.
842
00:33:18,300 --> 00:33:19,610
I have my quirks
843
00:33:19,736 --> 00:33:21,736
when it comes to hygiene,
you know.
844
00:33:21,869 --> 00:33:23,389
I'm not.
I'm kind of in between
845
00:33:23,523 --> 00:33:24,793
on the washing the hands thing.
846
00:33:24,915 --> 00:33:26,865
I'll be honest with you,
you know.
847
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:29,485
Now, I mean, when I'm in public
and I use a bathroom,
848
00:33:29,616 --> 00:33:31,746
I wash my hands, okay?
It's a no-brainer.
849
00:33:31,879 --> 00:33:33,709
I'm gonna wash them every time.
850
00:33:33,837 --> 00:33:36,357
But when I'm at home, you know,
851
00:33:36,492 --> 00:33:37,802
I'm a little more relaxed.
852
00:33:37,928 --> 00:33:39,888
I don't know
if it's just me, but--
853
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:41,578
And by a little more relaxed,
854
00:33:41,715 --> 00:33:43,235
I mean I'm a little more
nasty at home,
855
00:33:43,369 --> 00:33:45,499
you know what I'm saying?
856
00:33:45,632 --> 00:33:49,332
I'm just a little more nasty
'cause if I get up
857
00:33:49,462 --> 00:33:50,682
in the middle of the night
to use the bathroom
858
00:33:50,811 --> 00:33:52,771
at home, you know--
859
00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:54,550
you know, let's say
I wipe myself
860
00:33:54,684 --> 00:33:58,084
and I get a little pee
on my hand,
861
00:33:58,210 --> 00:34:00,820
I'm gonna rub it on my shirt
and go back to bed. I mean--
862
00:34:00,951 --> 00:34:04,691
[laughter]
863
00:34:04,825 --> 00:34:07,915
You know what I mean?
864
00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:11,046
It's just pee. It'll dry up,
right, you know?
865
00:34:11,179 --> 00:34:13,049
It'll dry up, you know?
Men do it all the time.
866
00:34:13,181 --> 00:34:16,271
They just shake it all down
and wash nothing.
867
00:34:16,402 --> 00:34:17,882
You know what I'm saying?
868
00:34:18,012 --> 00:34:20,062
Like, I'm not thinking
about being clean.
869
00:34:20,188 --> 00:34:21,578
I'm trying to go back
to sleep, you know?
870
00:34:22,973 --> 00:34:24,543
I ain't thinking
about washing my hands
871
00:34:24,671 --> 00:34:26,281
to no damn birthday song
872
00:34:26,412 --> 00:34:27,942
'cause that's what
you supposed to do.
873
00:34:28,066 --> 00:34:29,886
You supposed to wash
your hands to the birthday song.
874
00:34:30,024 --> 00:34:32,294
But they never specify
which one--
875
00:34:32,418 --> 00:34:33,198
the white one or the Black one.
876
00:34:33,332 --> 00:34:35,462
[laughter]
877
00:34:35,595 --> 00:34:37,505
Well, the white birthday song,
that shit quick, in and out,
878
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,380
just like white church,
you know?
879
00:34:40,513 --> 00:34:42,913
But the Black birthday song,
that shit is long.
880
00:34:43,037 --> 00:34:45,687
It's about four or five verses,
a bridge, two scriptures.
881
00:34:45,822 --> 00:34:47,692
Somebody got to come in
and rap.
882
00:34:49,696 --> 00:34:51,826
[cheers and applause]
883
00:34:51,959 --> 00:34:53,869
I really did try
to make myself
884
00:34:54,004 --> 00:34:55,964
the man of the house,
you know?
885
00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:58,314
I remember one time
I was in the fourth grade,
886
00:34:58,444 --> 00:34:59,924
and I was about to buy a gun.
887
00:35:00,054 --> 00:35:01,844
There was, like,
888
00:35:01,969 --> 00:35:03,579
a little gangster dude
on the playground.
889
00:35:03,710 --> 00:35:05,540
He brought the little gun
out on the playground.
890
00:35:05,668 --> 00:35:06,888
It was a little pistol.
And I wanted to buy it
891
00:35:07,017 --> 00:35:08,927
because I wanted
to protect the house,
892
00:35:09,063 --> 00:35:10,633
but when I held it,
I got scared,
893
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:12,110
and I was like,
"No. I'm good."
894
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:13,890
You know, and of course
I can't be a man.
895
00:35:14,024 --> 00:35:16,854
But I still feel
that responsibility, too,
896
00:35:16,984 --> 00:35:18,814
in a--in a sense, you know,
897
00:35:18,942 --> 00:35:20,732
that I want to protect my mom
and my little sister
898
00:35:20,857 --> 00:35:23,897
and my grandmother, you know,
and I'm cool with that.
899
00:35:24,034 --> 00:35:25,824
I served in the Army.
I'm a--I'm a veteran
900
00:35:25,949 --> 00:35:27,649
of the United States Army.
- [cheers and applause]
901
00:35:30,519 --> 00:35:32,869
Yeah.
902
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,440
Yeah. I'm just letting
y'all know up top,
903
00:35:35,568 --> 00:35:36,828
you know, so if you don't
laugh at my shit,
904
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,830
you aren't patriotic.
- [laughter]
905
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:44,009
You gotta laugh at my stuff.
906
00:35:44,142 --> 00:35:46,452
But, I mean, as a veteran,
I got--I get all the respect.
907
00:35:46,579 --> 00:35:49,579
You know, I served nine years,
and I get the respect.
908
00:35:49,712 --> 00:35:52,112
People say, "Thank you
for sacrificing your life
909
00:35:52,237 --> 00:35:54,457
for the country." That's what
everybody say, you know?
910
00:35:54,587 --> 00:35:56,067
Now, I hate
to be the bearer of bad news,
911
00:35:56,197 --> 00:35:58,027
but just 'cause
you're in the Army,
912
00:35:58,156 --> 00:36:00,846
that don't mean you sacrifice
your life for the country.
913
00:36:00,984 --> 00:36:02,684
'cause I'll be honest.
I was in the Army band,
914
00:36:02,812 --> 00:36:03,942
and I didn't sacrifice shit,
okay?
915
00:36:04,074 --> 00:36:06,344
[laughter]
916
00:36:08,253 --> 00:36:11,433
I barely sacrificed my time,
you know?
917
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,870
I was what they call
a weekend warrior,
918
00:36:13,997 --> 00:36:15,827
so I went to drill
once a month,
919
00:36:15,956 --> 00:36:17,736
played a few
sad military songs,
920
00:36:17,871 --> 00:36:19,441
and took my ass home,
you know?
921
00:36:21,701 --> 00:36:23,961
Now, uh, I did wear my uniform,
like, during the week
922
00:36:24,094 --> 00:36:25,364
just to eat for free,
you know what I'm saying?
923
00:36:25,487 --> 00:36:26,487
But...
924
00:36:30,057 --> 00:36:32,927
But I'm a veteran on paper,
but I was not a real soldier.
925
00:36:33,060 --> 00:36:34,670
Like, I'm not gonna lie
to y'all, you know?
926
00:36:34,801 --> 00:36:38,461
Real soldiers went to war.
I went to band practice.
927
00:36:38,587 --> 00:36:39,677
Shit.
928
00:36:39,806 --> 00:36:41,196
Real soldiers had guns.
929
00:36:41,329 --> 00:36:44,029
I had drum sticks,
you know what I'm saying?
930
00:36:44,158 --> 00:36:45,768
[cheers and applause]
931
00:36:45,899 --> 00:36:47,939
A couple folks
that I knew from church
932
00:36:48,075 --> 00:36:50,815
said, "Hey, you know,
they have an Army band."
933
00:36:50,947 --> 00:36:52,727
You know,
you just have to audition,
934
00:36:52,862 --> 00:36:55,692
play some prepare pieces
and some rudiments to get in.
935
00:36:55,822 --> 00:36:59,522
And so I did. At 18,
I did well enough to get chosen.
936
00:36:59,652 --> 00:37:00,832
But yeah, I didn't know--
I didn't know anything
937
00:37:00,957 --> 00:37:02,997
about the Army
before I got in.
938
00:37:03,133 --> 00:37:05,223
I went to basic training
for three months
939
00:37:05,353 --> 00:37:08,573
in Fort Jackson, South Carolina,
and it was crazy.
940
00:37:08,704 --> 00:37:11,534
I really wanted to come home.
Like, it was scary.
941
00:37:11,664 --> 00:37:12,934
The drill sergeant
is gonna call you names
942
00:37:13,056 --> 00:37:14,666
and get all in your face.
943
00:37:14,797 --> 00:37:16,927
It's literally like it is
on TV, you know?
944
00:37:17,060 --> 00:37:19,800
And so at first I was like,
I've made a big mistake.
945
00:37:19,933 --> 00:37:21,893
And by the last month,
946
00:37:22,022 --> 00:37:23,682
we're shooting guns.
It was cool.
947
00:37:23,806 --> 00:37:25,676
You know, using the bathroom
in the woods.
948
00:37:25,808 --> 00:37:27,028
It was like,
you know, it's kind of lit.
949
00:37:27,157 --> 00:37:29,247
I was acting so straight
at basic training
950
00:37:29,377 --> 00:37:32,207
because it was "Don't Ask,
Don't Tell" back then.
951
00:37:32,337 --> 00:37:34,727
If you had even said--
just said the word "gay,"
952
00:37:34,861 --> 00:37:36,561
they will kick you out.
953
00:37:36,689 --> 00:37:38,729
And so it was tough
because several women
954
00:37:38,865 --> 00:37:41,035
were trying to come on
to me and I was like,
955
00:37:41,171 --> 00:37:41,961
Mm-mmm.
I don't sweeten that way.
956
00:37:42,085 --> 00:37:43,695
I was lying my ass off.
957
00:37:43,826 --> 00:37:45,476
But I'm not finna
get kicked out
958
00:37:45,611 --> 00:37:47,091
of basic training, you know?
959
00:37:47,221 --> 00:37:48,881
Now, you can holla me
after basic training,
960
00:37:49,005 --> 00:37:50,485
but no, the "Don't Ask,
Don't Tell" was real.
961
00:37:50,616 --> 00:37:52,916
So I didn't say anything
about my sexuality
962
00:37:53,053 --> 00:37:54,013
the entire time
I was in the military.
963
00:37:54,141 --> 00:37:55,881
I just had to act straight.
964
00:37:56,012 --> 00:37:57,752
I grew up
in Jackson, Mississippi.
965
00:37:57,884 --> 00:37:59,234
That's my hometown.
966
00:37:59,364 --> 00:38:00,504
That's where I was born
and raised.
967
00:38:00,626 --> 00:38:02,106
But I live in New York now.
968
00:38:02,236 --> 00:38:05,886
I moved away from home
for the first time.
969
00:38:06,022 --> 00:38:08,592
Basically what the experience
has taught me is that
970
00:38:08,721 --> 00:38:11,551
I should have stayed
my broke ass in Mississippi
971
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:15,290
because the cost of living
in New York, it just--
972
00:38:15,423 --> 00:38:17,033
it don't sit right
with my spirit, you know?
973
00:38:17,164 --> 00:38:19,864
It's a--It's a very pissy
city, you know.
974
00:38:19,993 --> 00:38:21,603
For as much as we pay,
975
00:38:21,734 --> 00:38:23,134
I shouldn't have to smell piss,
you know,
976
00:38:23,257 --> 00:38:26,827
but that's the fragrance
of the city, you know?
977
00:38:26,956 --> 00:38:28,776
You know, in New York--
Listen.
978
00:38:28,915 --> 00:38:30,695
Now, I don't know how common
this is in California,
979
00:38:30,830 --> 00:38:33,270
but in New York
I pay $2,100
980
00:38:33,398 --> 00:38:36,838
for a 700-square-foot
apartment, okay?
981
00:38:36,966 --> 00:38:39,746
That's some bullshit. I mean, it
didn't come with no furniture.
982
00:38:39,882 --> 00:38:43,362
Wasn't no Bibles in the drawers
or none of that shit, right?
983
00:38:43,495 --> 00:38:45,575
And I was just--I'm still
in shock about it, you know,
984
00:38:45,714 --> 00:38:48,894
'cause in Mississippi
for $2,100,
985
00:38:49,022 --> 00:38:51,502
yo, I can get five acres,
a mule,
986
00:38:51,633 --> 00:38:53,033
and two slaves
if I wanted to,
987
00:38:53,156 --> 00:38:54,106
you know what I'm saying?
988
00:38:54,244 --> 00:38:57,384
[laughter]
989
00:38:57,509 --> 00:38:58,989
Y'all laughing at slave jokes?
That's what y'all doing?
990
00:38:59,119 --> 00:39:00,379
That's what y'all doing?
991
00:39:03,210 --> 00:39:05,340
You know,
I bring up the word "slave,"
992
00:39:05,473 --> 00:39:07,173
but I'm really trying
to change that narrative
993
00:39:07,301 --> 00:39:09,171
that people have about us
in Mississippi
994
00:39:09,303 --> 00:39:11,003
'cause every time
I say I'm from Mississippi
995
00:39:11,131 --> 00:39:12,701
people hit me
with the same thing--
996
00:39:12,828 --> 00:39:14,788
Y'all dumb. Y'all slow.
997
00:39:14,917 --> 00:39:16,347
Y'all have slaves
in the cellar.
998
00:39:16,484 --> 00:39:17,834
And, you know,
it just hurts my feelings,
999
00:39:17,964 --> 00:39:19,974
and it's not true, you know,
1000
00:39:20,096 --> 00:39:22,576
because honestly,
we're talking about being dumb.
1001
00:39:22,708 --> 00:39:24,138
I don't care where you live.
1002
00:39:24,274 --> 00:39:28,194
Everybody has dumb friends,
right? You know.
1003
00:39:28,322 --> 00:39:31,152
Hopefully, y'all not here
with that person tonight,
1004
00:39:31,281 --> 00:39:33,981
or it's gonna get awkward
in a minute.
1005
00:39:34,110 --> 00:39:36,680
[laughter]
1006
00:39:36,809 --> 00:39:38,159
Because a few years ago--
This is a true story.
1007
00:39:38,288 --> 00:39:40,288
One of my dumb friends
called me
1008
00:39:40,421 --> 00:39:43,251
in the middle of the night,
and I knew something was wrong.
1009
00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:45,211
And I said, "Girl, what's up?"
You know, "What's going on?"
1010
00:39:45,339 --> 00:39:47,169
And she said,
"Look, I gotta tell you
1011
00:39:47,297 --> 00:39:50,127
our friend was
in a bad car accident."
1012
00:39:50,257 --> 00:39:52,827
I was like, "Oh, my God.
What happened?" And she said,
1013
00:39:52,955 --> 00:39:56,125
"Well, all I know is that he
was ejaculated from the car."
1014
00:39:56,263 --> 00:39:58,403
[laughter]
1015
00:40:03,444 --> 00:40:05,194
Now, being the good friend I am,
I didn't correct her, you know?
1016
00:40:05,315 --> 00:40:08,965
So I was like,
"Well, tell me this, sis,
1017
00:40:09,102 --> 00:40:11,502
how fast was he cumming,
you know, how fast?"
1018
00:40:11,626 --> 00:40:13,716
[laughter]
1019
00:40:17,023 --> 00:40:19,243
And she was like, "I don't know.
He had to be cumming fast,
1020
00:40:19,373 --> 00:40:21,033
you know, to get ejaculated
from the car."
1021
00:40:21,157 --> 00:40:24,767
I said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
1022
00:40:24,900 --> 00:40:26,820
I said, "Well, did he at least
have a seatbelt on?"
1023
00:40:26,946 --> 00:40:28,556
She was like, "No. He weren't
wearing protection, either."
1024
00:40:28,687 --> 00:40:30,947
[laughter]
1025
00:40:33,431 --> 00:40:35,261
You know, Mississippi took down
the Confederate flag,
1026
00:40:35,389 --> 00:40:36,999
and I was--
I was proud about that.
1027
00:40:37,130 --> 00:40:39,090
[cheers and applause]
1028
00:40:41,874 --> 00:40:43,884
Yeah. And so now
it's a lot of companies now,
1029
00:40:44,006 --> 00:40:45,826
like, trying to do
the right thing, you know.
1030
00:40:45,965 --> 00:40:49,095
NASCAR, Walmart, they took down
the Confederate flag.
1031
00:40:49,229 --> 00:40:51,059
And the NFL,
you know, they didn't--
1032
00:40:51,187 --> 00:40:53,487
they were just like,
"Well, we're just gonna play
1033
00:40:53,625 --> 00:40:57,055
"Lift Every Voice and Sing"
before a few games," you know.
1034
00:40:57,193 --> 00:40:59,283
And I don't know
if you all know,
1035
00:40:59,413 --> 00:41:00,983
but that's like
the Black National Anthem,
1036
00:41:01,110 --> 00:41:03,110
and, like,
part of me was like,
1037
00:41:03,243 --> 00:41:05,033
I want them
to leave that song alone
1038
00:41:05,158 --> 00:41:06,808
'cause that's our sacred song.
1039
00:41:06,942 --> 00:41:08,902
It's right up there
with "Before I Let Go,"
1040
00:41:09,031 --> 00:41:11,601
uh, "The Wobble."
For y'all, it would be like...
1041
00:41:11,730 --> 00:41:13,910
[laughter]
1042
00:41:14,036 --> 00:41:15,206
For some of you all, it would
be like "Don't Stop Believing"
1043
00:41:15,342 --> 00:41:18,002
by Journey.
Like, that's where...
1044
00:41:18,127 --> 00:41:20,167
that's where it is, you know?
1045
00:41:20,303 --> 00:41:22,183
I felt the way about the NFL
saying they were gonna play it,
1046
00:41:22,305 --> 00:41:24,175
but at the same time,
I was like,
1047
00:41:24,307 --> 00:41:26,347
this song really did
change the game, you know?
1048
00:41:26,484 --> 00:41:28,364
Like, what if the NFL
is right?
1049
00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:31,616
Like, what if
"Lift Every Voice and Sing"
1050
00:41:31,750 --> 00:41:33,010
is racism's kryptonite
1051
00:41:33,142 --> 00:41:35,282
and we just don't know it,
you know?
1052
00:41:35,405 --> 00:41:39,145
I mean, I say we weaponize
the song, okay?
1053
00:41:39,279 --> 00:41:40,929
To kill racism on sight,
1054
00:41:41,063 --> 00:41:42,893
we just use
a little civil rights gun.
1055
00:41:43,022 --> 00:41:44,112
You know,
I'm gonna try that shit.
1056
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:45,680
Like, next time
I'm at a protest
1057
00:41:45,807 --> 00:41:47,367
and I'll say,
"Black Lives Matter"
1058
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:49,585
and somebody say "But what
about Black on Black--"
1059
00:41:49,724 --> 00:41:50,904
Hey. Tch-tch.
1060
00:41:51,030 --> 00:41:53,900
♪ Lift every voice and sing
1061
00:41:54,033 --> 00:41:56,863
♪ Till earth and heaven ring
1062
00:41:56,992 --> 00:41:57,992
"But all lives--"
Tch-tch.
1063
00:41:58,124 --> 00:42:01,044
♪ Ring with the harmony
1064
00:42:01,170 --> 00:42:04,090
♪ Of liberty
1065
00:42:04,217 --> 00:42:06,997
When a Karen see us having fun
and call 911,
1066
00:42:07,133 --> 00:42:08,223
"Hey, bitch." Tch-tch.
1067
00:42:08,351 --> 00:42:11,221
♪ Let our rejoicing rise
1068
00:42:11,354 --> 00:42:13,844
♪ High as the listening sky
Y'all know it?
1069
00:42:13,966 --> 00:42:15,526
♪ Let it resound
1070
00:42:15,663 --> 00:42:17,143
Hell, no. Y'all need
some practice. Y'all--
1071
00:42:17,273 --> 00:42:19,323
[laughter]
1072
00:42:19,449 --> 00:42:21,279
But yeah,
I'm gonna use the song.
1073
00:42:21,408 --> 00:42:23,538
You know, it could be
racism's kryptonite, you know.
1074
00:42:23,671 --> 00:42:26,501
But this is what I really
wish the NFL would do.
1075
00:42:26,631 --> 00:42:29,111
I really wish they would just
apologize to Kaepernick,
1076
00:42:29,242 --> 00:42:31,682
you know?
That's what I really wish.
1077
00:42:31,810 --> 00:42:35,380
[applause]
1078
00:42:35,509 --> 00:42:38,159
That would be the right thing
to do, you know?
1079
00:42:38,294 --> 00:42:40,304
And I don't care what people
say about Kaepernick.
1080
00:42:40,427 --> 00:42:43,907
I do not care. He is my hero.
I appreciate what he did.
1081
00:42:44,039 --> 00:42:46,909
You know, I remember
when I saw him boycotting on TV
1082
00:42:47,042 --> 00:42:50,312
and taking the knee,
it really inspired me, you know?
1083
00:42:50,437 --> 00:42:52,217
'cause he was just like,
"Look, I'm gonna do what's right
1084
00:42:52,352 --> 00:42:56,052
for me." And seriously,
life is too short, you know,
1085
00:42:56,182 --> 00:42:57,882
to live life in fear.
1086
00:42:58,010 --> 00:43:00,750
And I decided
1087
00:43:00,882 --> 00:43:03,582
on September 28, 2019,
1088
00:43:03,711 --> 00:43:05,371
that I would no longer
live in fear either.
1089
00:43:05,495 --> 00:43:07,925
And I came out the closet
in my home state
1090
00:43:08,063 --> 00:43:09,413
in Jackson, Mississippi.
1091
00:43:09,543 --> 00:43:12,073
- [cheers and applause]
- Yeah.
1092
00:43:12,198 --> 00:43:13,288
Yeah.
1093
00:43:15,854 --> 00:43:17,254
I came out of the closet.
1094
00:43:17,377 --> 00:43:19,207
Now I don't know
what to wear, but I'm out.
1095
00:43:19,335 --> 00:43:21,415
[laughter]
1096
00:43:21,555 --> 00:43:24,505
It's corny, isn't it?
Okay, y'all like it.
1097
00:43:24,645 --> 00:43:27,865
Yeah, I came out the closet,
and--I mean, it was a big deal.
1098
00:43:27,996 --> 00:43:29,646
Like, everything
happened so fast.
1099
00:43:29,781 --> 00:43:31,431
You know, I was doing the show,
and, you know, I'm--
1100
00:43:31,565 --> 00:43:32,995
I was like,
"Oh, by the way, I'm gay."
1101
00:43:33,132 --> 00:43:35,052
And then I was so scared
of the backlash,
1102
00:43:35,177 --> 00:43:37,397
like, I moved real fast,
you know.
1103
00:43:37,527 --> 00:43:39,307
I immediately moved
to New York.
1104
00:43:39,442 --> 00:43:42,102
You know, so I migrated north
like a slave.
1105
00:43:42,228 --> 00:43:44,058
[laughter]
1106
00:43:44,186 --> 00:43:46,276
And I now I feel like
a runaway gay, you know,
1107
00:43:46,406 --> 00:43:48,406
'cause I done left.
1108
00:43:48,538 --> 00:43:50,188
I'm looking over my shoulder
and shit,
1109
00:43:50,323 --> 00:43:53,023
like the straight community
gonna get me.
1110
00:43:53,152 --> 00:43:54,812
Take me back
to the penis plantation.
1111
00:43:54,936 --> 00:43:56,976
You know, I'm scared.
1112
00:43:57,112 --> 00:43:58,772
I'm scared. Shit.
1113
00:44:00,725 --> 00:44:03,155
I came out to my mom
in the 10th grade.
1114
00:44:03,292 --> 00:44:05,032
I couldn't hide because I was
dressing like a boy.
1115
00:44:05,164 --> 00:44:07,654
I mean, so it was
pretty understood.
1116
00:44:07,775 --> 00:44:09,335
You know, back then
they called it a stud.
1117
00:44:09,472 --> 00:44:11,262
You know, Rita's a stud.
1118
00:44:11,387 --> 00:44:13,167
So yeah, it was understood.
1119
00:44:13,302 --> 00:44:16,002
And one day, I held hands
with a girl in the hallway,
1120
00:44:16,131 --> 00:44:18,131
and it was like--everybody
was just looking like,
1121
00:44:18,264 --> 00:44:19,534
"Oh, shit, I can't believe
they're doing it."
1122
00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:21,437
But I lost a couple friends.
1123
00:44:21,571 --> 00:44:23,531
Couple friends didn't want
to be associated with me
1124
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:25,011
because they didn't want to be,
1125
00:44:25,140 --> 00:44:26,930
uh, labeled as gay, you know?
1126
00:44:27,055 --> 00:44:28,225
But it helped me
weed out some people.
1127
00:44:28,361 --> 00:44:30,021
And I'm like, "Okay."
1128
00:44:30,145 --> 00:44:32,185
I think when I went around
friends' parents,
1129
00:44:32,321 --> 00:44:34,371
I tried to dress girly,
you know,
1130
00:44:34,497 --> 00:44:37,067
because I didn't--I didn't
want to deal with the stuff
1131
00:44:37,196 --> 00:44:38,676
that comes along with parents
1132
00:44:38,806 --> 00:44:40,546
where they--they don't treat
you like a child.
1133
00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:42,588
They judge you and--and say,
1134
00:44:42,723 --> 00:44:45,163
"Hey, you're a bad influence
on my child," you know?
1135
00:44:45,291 --> 00:44:49,121
So I-I-I just tried to respect
my elders and dress girly.
1136
00:44:49,251 --> 00:44:52,431
But yeah. Uh, I wasn't
sleeping over to study.
1137
00:44:52,559 --> 00:44:55,389
So...
- [interviewer laughs]
1138
00:44:55,518 --> 00:44:58,218
That's for sure. [laughs]
1139
00:44:58,347 --> 00:45:00,217
But yeah, it was a big deal
when I came out in Mississippi.
1140
00:45:00,349 --> 00:45:01,219
Like--I was like,
"She's the one.
1141
00:45:01,350 --> 00:45:03,350
She did it." You know?
1142
00:45:03,483 --> 00:45:06,883
And then I get to New York,
still thinking I'm special.
1143
00:45:07,008 --> 00:45:09,268
And I get there,
and everybody's gay.
1144
00:45:09,402 --> 00:45:13,102
I was like, "Yeah. Damn.
1145
00:45:13,232 --> 00:45:15,062
What kind of shit is this?
This is like a prerequisite
1146
00:45:15,190 --> 00:45:17,110
to live in the city?
Like, everybody gotta be gay?"
1147
00:45:17,236 --> 00:45:18,666
[laughter]
1148
00:45:18,803 --> 00:45:20,543
But I-I feel like I'm behind,
you know,
1149
00:45:20,674 --> 00:45:22,554
'cause there are advocates
in New York,
1150
00:45:22,676 --> 00:45:24,416
and they had their
coming-out stories together,
1151
00:45:24,547 --> 00:45:26,547
and I'm still getting mine
together, you know?
1152
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:28,070
But you ask
some of the New Yorkers
1153
00:45:28,203 --> 00:45:29,733
about their coming-out story,
1154
00:45:29,857 --> 00:45:32,247
it's like Martin Luther King
deep, you know?
1155
00:45:32,381 --> 00:45:34,341
People like, "Hey, how you--
how you find out you was gay?"
1156
00:45:34,470 --> 00:45:36,910
[as King] "I knew in my mother's
womb I was gonna be gay."
1157
00:45:37,038 --> 00:45:39,128
[laughter]
1158
00:45:39,258 --> 00:45:42,298
"I knew someday I would be
hunching and carpet munching
1159
00:45:42,435 --> 00:45:44,695
in the name of the rainbow."
- [laughter]
1160
00:45:44,829 --> 00:45:47,089
"Now I'm gay at last,
gay at least.
1161
00:45:47,222 --> 00:45:50,052
Thank God Almighty, I'm gay."
1162
00:45:50,182 --> 00:45:52,752
[applause]
1163
00:45:57,276 --> 00:45:59,276
It wasn't that deep for me.
Like, that ain't my story.
1164
00:45:59,408 --> 00:46:01,578
Like, it's real weak, you know?
1165
00:46:01,715 --> 00:46:04,275
Like, all I know is that
I start playing basketball
1166
00:46:04,413 --> 00:46:07,163
in the eighth grade
on a Monday.
1167
00:46:07,286 --> 00:46:10,376
And by Friday, I was gay.
Like, I don't know what it is.
1168
00:46:11,899 --> 00:46:13,809
I don't know.
But lesbians and basketball,
1169
00:46:13,945 --> 00:46:15,725
you know, it kinda go
hand in hand, like, you know,
1170
00:46:15,860 --> 00:46:17,120
Trump and Putin,
you know what I'm saying?
1171
00:46:17,252 --> 00:46:19,212
Like, I don't know what it is.
1172
00:46:19,341 --> 00:46:20,601
One day you dribbling
a little bit,
1173
00:46:20,734 --> 00:46:22,134
the next day
you nibbling on a tit.
1174
00:46:22,257 --> 00:46:24,867
It happened real fast.
1175
00:46:26,131 --> 00:46:28,091
Like, I'm not even thinking
that hard, like, I'm just--
1176
00:46:28,220 --> 00:46:30,480
I'm just grateful that,
you know, I came out
1177
00:46:30,613 --> 00:46:32,793
and my family supports me.
You know, so if you know
1178
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,840
somebody who is coming out
or they have come out,
1179
00:46:35,967 --> 00:46:38,577
like, just be nice and show them
unconditional love.
1180
00:46:38,708 --> 00:46:40,538
Like, that's all that matters,
you know?
1181
00:46:40,667 --> 00:46:43,497
[applause]
1182
00:46:45,846 --> 00:46:47,626
You know,
'cause I-I told my mom,
1183
00:46:47,761 --> 00:46:49,631
you know, like,
in the 10th grade.
1184
00:46:49,763 --> 00:46:52,373
I told her, and, uh,
you know, she's a minister.
1185
00:46:52,505 --> 00:46:54,375
She's a minister
and a Baptist musician,
1186
00:46:54,507 --> 00:46:57,247
so of course she had
her convictions.
1187
00:46:57,379 --> 00:46:59,209
But she's like, "You're my baby.
I'm gonna love you regardless."
1188
00:46:59,338 --> 00:47:02,118
And I still remember. I was
in 10th grade when I told her.
1189
00:47:02,254 --> 00:47:03,564
We had just pulled up
at church, and I was like,
1190
00:47:03,690 --> 00:47:05,520
"Hey, before we go in here,
1191
00:47:05,648 --> 00:47:07,828
I just want to let you know,
you know, that I'm gay."
1192
00:47:07,955 --> 00:47:10,175
And her thing is,
she don't like labels, you know?
1193
00:47:10,305 --> 00:47:11,865
Because when I said I gay,
she like, "Gay?
1194
00:47:12,003 --> 00:47:13,833
Why you gotta be gay?
Why you just can't prefer women,
1195
00:47:13,961 --> 00:47:15,831
you know?" And she's like,
"Well, what are you?
1196
00:47:15,963 --> 00:47:18,363
Are you butch gay?
Are you Wanda Sykes gay?
1197
00:47:18,487 --> 00:47:19,447
Like, what kind of gay
are you?"
1198
00:47:19,575 --> 00:47:22,315
[laughter]
1199
00:47:22,448 --> 00:47:24,058
And she like, "You could be gay
but don't be gay-gay."
1200
00:47:24,189 --> 00:47:25,709
I'm like, "All right. All right.
1201
00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:27,803
We can't have this conversation
right now."
1202
00:47:27,932 --> 00:47:30,022
You know, but my mother's
biggest thing,
1203
00:47:30,151 --> 00:47:31,721
like, her biggest thing,
1204
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:34,069
is she does not want me
to tell my grandma.
1205
00:47:34,199 --> 00:47:36,199
You know, she's afraid.
1206
00:47:36,331 --> 00:47:38,291
She sat me down. She's like,
"Rita, whatever you do,
1207
00:47:38,420 --> 00:47:40,510
don't tell your grandma
because, you know,
1208
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,900
your grandmother has high
blood pressure, you know?"
1209
00:47:44,035 --> 00:47:46,245
And, you know, Black people
use blood pressure as a excuse
1210
00:47:46,385 --> 00:47:48,205
for every damn thing,
you know?
1211
00:47:48,343 --> 00:47:49,693
"I ain't gonna be able
to pay the light bill today.
1212
00:47:49,823 --> 00:47:51,133
My blood pressure..."
That ain't got shit to do
1213
00:47:51,259 --> 00:47:53,169
with shit.
- [laughter]
1214
00:47:53,305 --> 00:47:55,435
But I disagree with her
on this, you know?
1215
00:47:55,568 --> 00:47:57,658
Because my grandma
is like a gangster,
1216
00:47:57,787 --> 00:48:00,137
you know what I'm saying?
She is. She a gangster lady.
1217
00:48:00,268 --> 00:48:02,228
She picked cotton as a child.
1218
00:48:02,357 --> 00:48:03,837
She survived segregation.
1219
00:48:03,968 --> 00:48:06,268
She eat pork, beef,
and chitlins.
1220
00:48:06,405 --> 00:48:09,185
If she can handle all that,
I know she can handle the fact
1221
00:48:09,321 --> 00:48:11,021
that I eat a little cat,
you know what I'm saying?
1222
00:48:11,149 --> 00:48:14,019
[applause]
1223
00:48:15,588 --> 00:48:17,458
Shit, give my granny
some credit.
1224
00:48:17,590 --> 00:48:19,550
But I feel
like my grandma knows
1225
00:48:19,679 --> 00:48:21,329
because when she asks
about my lady,
1226
00:48:21,463 --> 00:48:22,903
she calls her
"my little friend."
1227
00:48:23,030 --> 00:48:24,250
You know, "Rita,
how your little friend doing?"
1228
00:48:24,379 --> 00:48:26,159
That's code language.
1229
00:48:26,294 --> 00:48:28,474
That's old people
code language.
1230
00:48:28,601 --> 00:48:30,601
If your granny gonna see
her little friend,
1231
00:48:30,733 --> 00:48:31,653
she ain't going
to read the Bible.
1232
00:48:31,778 --> 00:48:32,778
She going to get some pipe.
1233
00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:34,040
I'm just gonna let you know.
1234
00:48:34,172 --> 00:48:35,742
[laughter]
1235
00:48:35,869 --> 00:48:37,739
I know what the hell
"little friend" mean.
1236
00:48:37,871 --> 00:48:39,741
But I feel like she knows.
Like, grandmothers,
1237
00:48:39,873 --> 00:48:42,793
they have instincts, you know?
So I feel like the day
1238
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:44,880
I finally come around and say
"You know, Granny, I'm gay,"
1239
00:48:45,009 --> 00:48:46,489
she'll be like,
"Oh, I already knew
1240
00:48:46,619 --> 00:48:48,319
my grandbaby was a bull-dagger,"
you know?
1241
00:48:48,447 --> 00:48:50,577
[laughter]
1242
00:48:50,710 --> 00:48:53,060
"I could tell the way
you used to breastfeed."
1243
00:48:53,191 --> 00:48:56,851
[laughter]
1244
00:48:56,977 --> 00:48:59,327
I had always felt
this internal pressure
1245
00:48:59,458 --> 00:49:02,238
that I needed to find a man
1246
00:49:02,374 --> 00:49:04,814
so I could be saved
and not go to hell.
1247
00:49:04,942 --> 00:49:06,812
Yeah. That's it. Salvation.
I don't want to go to hell.
1248
00:49:06,944 --> 00:49:10,384
Even though being with women
is natural for me,
1249
00:49:10,512 --> 00:49:13,652
you know, uh,
but Christian faith says,
1250
00:49:13,776 --> 00:49:16,646
"Hey, it's an abomination
and you gonna go to hell."
1251
00:49:16,779 --> 00:49:20,869
And so I dealt with some gender
identity issues for a long time.
1252
00:49:21,001 --> 00:49:23,961
And then I realized, you know,
it's not what's on the outside,
1253
00:49:24,091 --> 00:49:25,751
it's what's on the inside,
you know, once I started
1254
00:49:25,875 --> 00:49:27,565
looking from the outside in,
1255
00:49:27,703 --> 00:49:29,273
and that really,
really helped me.
1256
00:49:29,401 --> 00:49:32,451
It was an emotional
breakthrough for me.
1257
00:49:32,578 --> 00:49:34,798
But I-I'm really enjoying
being with a woman.
1258
00:49:34,928 --> 00:49:37,978
Like, I love this shit.
It's lit. It's lit, man.
1259
00:49:38,105 --> 00:49:39,845
'Cause a good woman
will teach you stuff
1260
00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,887
you don't even know
you needed to know, you know?
1261
00:49:43,023 --> 00:49:44,463
Like, we were
in the apartment chilling,
1262
00:49:44,590 --> 00:49:46,460
and my lady took a shower,
1263
00:49:46,592 --> 00:49:49,602
and she got out the shower
and dry herself off
1264
00:49:49,725 --> 00:49:51,375
and cocked her leg up on the bed
1265
00:49:51,510 --> 00:49:53,470
and proceeded
to lotion her ass.
1266
00:49:53,599 --> 00:49:55,819
And I just didn't know
you could do that.
1267
00:49:55,949 --> 00:49:59,909
I didn't know you could
put lotion on your ass.
1268
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,480
Because usually the bottle say
you put it on the--on the face,
1269
00:50:02,608 --> 00:50:04,308
the foot, you know?
1270
00:50:04,436 --> 00:50:05,476
I ain't never see no cream
for ass cheeks,
1271
00:50:05,611 --> 00:50:07,271
you know what I'm saying?
1272
00:50:07,395 --> 00:50:08,735
I'm like,
This shit is amazing.
1273
00:50:08,875 --> 00:50:11,265
I'm following her lead,
you know?
1274
00:50:11,399 --> 00:50:13,619
So I put lotion
on my ass now, guys,
1275
00:50:13,749 --> 00:50:16,619
and it feels great.
Like, it feels better.
1276
00:50:16,752 --> 00:50:19,022
My pants is smooth, you know?
1277
00:50:19,146 --> 00:50:20,706
They don't make
a lot of noise no more.
1278
00:50:20,843 --> 00:50:23,593
Like, it's lit.
I will do whatever she do.
1279
00:50:23,716 --> 00:50:25,236
She lotion her ass,
I'm gonna lotion my ass.
1280
00:50:25,370 --> 00:50:27,890
She lotion her tits,
I will lotion my sternum,
1281
00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:29,765
my collarbone, because my--
1282
00:50:31,071 --> 00:50:32,461
my titty game
ain't that strong.
1283
00:50:32,594 --> 00:50:34,554
Don't judge me.
1284
00:50:34,683 --> 00:50:37,603
Yeah, I do--Let me say this.
I do worry a little bit.
1285
00:50:37,730 --> 00:50:39,990
I'll just be a little
vulnerable with y'all
1286
00:50:40,124 --> 00:50:43,654
because I'm a small woman,
you know, so I am afraid
1287
00:50:43,779 --> 00:50:46,649
that I won't be able
to protect my lady, you know?
1288
00:50:46,782 --> 00:50:48,482
'Cause I just be thinking,
1289
00:50:48,610 --> 00:50:49,960
like, What if something
bad happened one day?
1290
00:50:50,090 --> 00:50:52,050
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna say?
1291
00:50:52,179 --> 00:50:54,529
Like, at this point,
the only thing I can do
1292
00:50:54,660 --> 00:50:56,310
is just lower my voice,
you know what I'm saying?
1293
00:50:56,444 --> 00:50:58,104
[lower voice]
You know what I'm saying?
1294
00:50:58,229 --> 00:51:00,579
That's all I can do. Lower my
voice, try to get serious.
1295
00:51:00,709 --> 00:51:03,669
You know? 'cause we had
a situation in New Orleans once.
1296
00:51:03,799 --> 00:51:05,369
We had a situation.
1297
00:51:05,497 --> 00:51:07,057
Uh, we were sitting
at a table,
1298
00:51:07,194 --> 00:51:08,724
and this guy didn't realize
we were a couple,
1299
00:51:08,848 --> 00:51:10,888
so he came up to her,
and he was like,
1300
00:51:11,024 --> 00:51:12,294
"Hey, baby, what's your name?"
1301
00:51:12,417 --> 00:51:14,717
And I said, "She good, bro."
1302
00:51:14,854 --> 00:51:16,334
And he said,
"I wasn't talking to you."
1303
00:51:16,464 --> 00:51:17,734
I said,
"But I was talking to you."
1304
00:51:17,857 --> 00:51:19,597
And he's like,
"What you want to do?"
1305
00:51:19,728 --> 00:51:21,028
And I was like, "What you
want? What you want to do?"
1306
00:51:21,165 --> 00:51:24,595
Tch-tch.
♪ Lift every voice and sing
1307
00:51:24,733 --> 00:51:28,613
♪ Till earth and heaven ring
1308
00:51:28,737 --> 00:51:30,737
And he just back off, whoa,
like this damn song work.
1309
00:51:30,870 --> 00:51:33,480
I knew it. I knew it.
1310
00:51:33,612 --> 00:51:35,002
And my lady was all excited.
1311
00:51:35,135 --> 00:51:36,525
She like,
"Oh, my baby arm is strong."
1312
00:51:36,658 --> 00:51:37,918
I said, "Hold on now.
I was in a band.
1313
00:51:38,051 --> 00:51:39,531
I didn't stand for shit."
- [laughter]
1314
00:51:40,706 --> 00:51:41,966
Don't never forget.
1315
00:51:42,099 --> 00:51:43,709
And never forget
I was in the band.
1316
00:51:43,839 --> 00:51:44,879
I didn't--I didn't go to war.
1317
00:51:45,014 --> 00:51:47,764
I went to band practice, okay?
1318
00:51:47,887 --> 00:51:49,717
But a lot happens
in band practice.
1319
00:51:49,845 --> 00:51:53,015
A lot happened when I went
to band practice. You know?
1320
00:51:53,153 --> 00:51:55,113
Uh, this is kinda twisting
the story,
1321
00:51:55,242 --> 00:51:57,902
but I met my ex-husband
at band practice.
1322
00:51:58,027 --> 00:51:59,727
When I was in the Army, yeah.
1323
00:51:59,855 --> 00:52:02,765
I had a whole husband
just seven years ago.
1324
00:52:02,902 --> 00:52:05,732
And you're like, how? Okay,
well, see what had happen was...
1325
00:52:05,861 --> 00:52:08,861
[laughter]
1326
00:52:08,995 --> 00:52:11,345
So like, before we got married,
1327
00:52:11,476 --> 00:52:13,426
you know, I had just
kinda forgot to tell him
1328
00:52:13,565 --> 00:52:14,905
that I like women.
1329
00:52:15,044 --> 00:52:17,134
It just kinda slipped my mind,
you know?
1330
00:52:17,264 --> 00:52:18,964
You know, how you go
in a room, it's like,
1331
00:52:19,092 --> 00:52:20,882
"I was supposed to do
something,"
1332
00:52:21,007 --> 00:52:23,917
and you forget what you went
in there to do, you know?
1333
00:52:24,053 --> 00:52:25,583
And so I just forgot
to tell him,
1334
00:52:25,707 --> 00:52:27,927
and, um, we had
one little conversation.
1335
00:52:28,057 --> 00:52:30,317
And I told him, I said,
"Look, you know,
1336
00:52:30,451 --> 00:52:32,631
I had experiences with women."
1337
00:52:32,758 --> 00:52:34,848
But I'd--I just didn't tell him
the experiences have been
1338
00:52:34,977 --> 00:52:36,407
for my whole life, you know?
1339
00:52:36,544 --> 00:52:38,504
[laughter]
1340
00:52:38,633 --> 00:52:40,593
Actually, he was the experiment,
and he didn't know it,
1341
00:52:40,722 --> 00:52:41,812
and, um...
1342
00:52:43,247 --> 00:52:46,507
I did go through
a period of depression
1343
00:52:46,641 --> 00:52:48,081
after I got divorced.
1344
00:52:48,208 --> 00:52:50,378
Even though I felt free,
I didn't feel free
1345
00:52:50,515 --> 00:52:52,205
because I still wasn't
out of the closet.
1346
00:52:52,343 --> 00:52:55,003
You know, I was still
posing as a straight woman.
1347
00:52:55,128 --> 00:52:56,958
And so it got to the point
where I got so down
1348
00:52:57,086 --> 00:52:58,906
and I got in the darkness,
1349
00:52:59,045 --> 00:53:00,785
I actually
contemplated suicide,
1350
00:53:00,916 --> 00:53:02,956
like, because I-I felt like
I couldn't come out.
1351
00:53:03,092 --> 00:53:04,572
I was doing comedy
at the time,
1352
00:53:04,703 --> 00:53:05,973
and I said,
"Well, if I come out,
1353
00:53:06,095 --> 00:53:07,785
it's gonna take
all my gigs away.
1354
00:53:07,923 --> 00:53:09,883
I'm not gonna be doing
church gigs.
1355
00:53:10,012 --> 00:53:12,012
You know, everybody's gonna
turn their backs against me."
1356
00:53:12,145 --> 00:53:14,095
And I just start questioning
my existence,
1357
00:53:14,234 --> 00:53:16,674
like, "Do I really want to be
here under these circumstances
1358
00:53:16,802 --> 00:53:18,672
if I can't be myself?"
1359
00:53:18,804 --> 00:53:21,374
And I remember, I had a pistol
on the side of the bed.
1360
00:53:21,502 --> 00:53:22,942
And I was like,
"Man," you know,
1361
00:53:23,069 --> 00:53:24,459
"I don't know
if I want to do this."
1362
00:53:24,592 --> 00:53:26,252
And I just never got around
to it.
1363
00:53:26,377 --> 00:53:29,157
And finally, I told somebody.
I said, "I'm gonna die."
1364
00:53:29,293 --> 00:53:30,903
And when I said it, I was like,
"Wait, no, I don't."
1365
00:53:31,033 --> 00:53:33,783
You know, so it took me
verbalizing it to realize
1366
00:53:33,906 --> 00:53:35,426
it's not what I wanted to do.
1367
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:37,520
But it was a very dark time
for me.
1368
00:53:37,649 --> 00:53:39,739
And at that time,
that's when my comedy shifted
1369
00:53:39,868 --> 00:53:41,518
because I started talking
1370
00:53:41,653 --> 00:53:43,573
about my divorce and
vulnerabilities on stage.
1371
00:53:43,698 --> 00:53:47,308
And it was--it was--
it was life-changing for me.
1372
00:53:47,441 --> 00:53:50,141
Sometimes you have to do stuff
to realize you don't like it.
1373
00:53:50,270 --> 00:53:52,930
And that's how it was
with me and the husband,
1374
00:53:53,055 --> 00:53:55,485
uh, because I realize,
you know,
1375
00:53:55,623 --> 00:53:56,893
that I don't like
wee-wee in my mouth.
1376
00:53:57,016 --> 00:53:59,016
It's just not my--
1377
00:53:59,148 --> 00:54:01,538
it's not my--my ministry,
you know?
1378
00:54:01,673 --> 00:54:04,113
That's just--uh,
1379
00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:06,901
I--It was hard
to manage wee-wee.
1380
00:54:07,026 --> 00:54:10,506
Uh...I would say wee-wee
1381
00:54:10,638 --> 00:54:11,898
just in case
my grandma watching.
1382
00:54:12,031 --> 00:54:13,511
I don't want her blood pressure
to go up,
1383
00:54:13,641 --> 00:54:15,991
you know what I'm saying?
But it was hard,
1384
00:54:16,122 --> 00:54:17,692
literally and figuratively.
1385
00:54:17,819 --> 00:54:19,259
You know,
trying to manage a wee-wee.
1386
00:54:19,386 --> 00:54:22,036
Uh, it--it changed
my whole life, you know?
1387
00:54:22,171 --> 00:54:24,041
Like, I stopped hanging out
with my friends.
1388
00:54:24,173 --> 00:54:25,833
My homegirl calling me one day
say,
1389
00:54:25,958 --> 00:54:26,918
"You want to go to the movie?"
I said, "No,
1390
00:54:27,046 --> 00:54:28,656
I gotta get some rest
1391
00:54:28,787 --> 00:54:30,047
so I could suck
this wee-wee later."
1392
00:54:30,179 --> 00:54:31,439
Like, "I ain't gonna
be able to go."
1393
00:54:31,572 --> 00:54:33,572
I gotta meditate.
- [laughter]
1394
00:54:33,705 --> 00:54:38,405
I don't know. I hated sucking
the little thing so much.
1395
00:54:38,536 --> 00:54:39,886
Like, if I had to choose
1396
00:54:40,015 --> 00:54:41,665
between Trump winning
a second term
1397
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:43,500
and sucking wee-wee again,
1398
00:54:43,628 --> 00:54:44,798
I'm like, "Let's make America
Great Again."
1399
00:54:44,933 --> 00:54:47,853
You know what I'm saying?
Like...
1400
00:54:47,980 --> 00:54:49,850
that's how bad it was.
1401
00:54:49,982 --> 00:54:51,242
And then it's the texture.
1402
00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:55,025
If you ever have
the--the--the pleasure
1403
00:54:55,161 --> 00:54:57,511
of analyzing the composition
of a wee-wee,
1404
00:54:57,642 --> 00:55:01,602
it is very intriguing
yet disturbing. Okay?
1405
00:55:01,733 --> 00:55:03,213
'Cause it's some little skin
down there.
1406
00:55:03,343 --> 00:55:05,213
I don't know what
this little skin is,
1407
00:55:05,345 --> 00:55:08,125
but it's back here somewhere,
some little skin back there.
1408
00:55:08,261 --> 00:55:10,131
It's real soft--Sir, you know
what I'm talking about?
1409
00:55:10,263 --> 00:55:12,873
It's real soft.
1410
00:55:13,005 --> 00:55:14,615
And flimsy,
that little flimsy is--
1411
00:55:14,746 --> 00:55:15,916
I call it
the baked chicken skin.
1412
00:55:16,051 --> 00:55:16,971
You know what I'm
talking about?
1413
00:55:17,096 --> 00:55:19,136
The baked chicken skin.
1414
00:55:19,272 --> 00:55:20,972
It's stretchy. You spread it out
a little like a bat wing?
1415
00:55:21,100 --> 00:55:23,760
[MAN] The scrotum?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1416
00:55:23,885 --> 00:55:25,575
That skin,
I couldn't do that shit.
1417
00:55:25,713 --> 00:55:27,113
I was--I don't want to be
around that skin again,
1418
00:55:27,236 --> 00:55:28,666
you know?
1419
00:55:28,803 --> 00:55:30,683
And--And then, you know,
1420
00:55:30,805 --> 00:55:32,675
I was expected to perform--
On special occasions,
1421
00:55:32,807 --> 00:55:34,637
you're supposed to do
all this extra shit, you know?
1422
00:55:34,766 --> 00:55:37,156
Like, if it's his birthday,
you got to give head-head,
1423
00:55:37,290 --> 00:55:39,640
you know? And I was like,
"Bro, I can't do this."
1424
00:55:39,771 --> 00:55:42,161
I didn't want to give head.
I was dreading it.
1425
00:55:42,295 --> 00:55:44,075
But I knew that I had to
1426
00:55:44,210 --> 00:55:46,170
because it was his birthday,
you know?
1427
00:55:46,299 --> 00:55:48,129
And so I just went on
down there. I sucked it up--
1428
00:55:48,257 --> 00:55:50,087
Not then,
but I sucked it up.
1429
00:55:51,957 --> 00:55:54,867
I went on down there.
I just took a deep breath.
1430
00:55:55,003 --> 00:55:57,273
And I say, "Okay, here we go."
1431
00:55:57,397 --> 00:56:00,657
Tch-tch.
♪ Lift every voice and sing
1432
00:56:01,836 --> 00:56:03,136
♪ Till earth and heaven
1433
00:56:03,272 --> 00:56:04,752
I looked up,
and he was looking down
1434
00:56:04,883 --> 00:56:06,973
like "Uh-uh, bitch.
Not tonight."
1435
00:56:07,102 --> 00:56:08,542
That's my time.
I'm Rita Brent.
1436
00:56:08,669 --> 00:56:09,669
[cheers and applause]
1437
00:56:09,801 --> 00:56:11,891
Thank you.
1438
00:56:12,020 --> 00:56:14,760
In 2013,
I went to a comedy show,
1439
00:56:14,893 --> 00:56:16,763
and there are these men
performing.
1440
00:56:16,895 --> 00:56:17,975
And while they're performing,
1441
00:56:18,113 --> 00:56:19,723
I started getting butterflies.
1442
00:56:19,854 --> 00:56:21,424
There's like a little light
shining down.
1443
00:56:21,552 --> 00:56:24,122
And I heard a voice
that said, "You can do this."
1444
00:56:24,250 --> 00:56:26,250
And I listened.
I yielded to the voice.
1445
00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:27,913
And, like, a week
and a half later,
1446
00:56:28,036 --> 00:56:29,996
I was on stage
at the same show.
1447
00:56:30,125 --> 00:56:31,775
And I'm--I'm so glad
I did it.
1448
00:56:31,910 --> 00:56:33,350
Comedy really,
really helped me
1449
00:56:33,477 --> 00:56:35,827
figure out who it is
that I need to be.
1450
00:56:36,958 --> 00:56:39,918
♪
110661
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