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1
00:00:03,399 --> 00:00:04,316
Excuse me, sir.
2
00:00:04,399 --> 00:00:05,761
Do you have a moment
to save the children?
3
00:00:05,844 --> 00:00:07,365
I'm sorry, man.
I'm-- I'm running late,
4
00:00:07,448 --> 00:00:09,033
and I just don't have time
to chat right now, so...
5
00:00:09,116 --> 00:00:10,190
I understand that.
I understand that.
6
00:00:10,273 --> 00:00:11,793
It's just that, every minute,
another child
7
00:00:11,876 --> 00:00:13,762
dies unnecessarily,
a child who could live
8
00:00:13,845 --> 00:00:16,007
a fruitful life with the help
of just one small donation.
9
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:17,610
Yeah, I'm--
I don't have the time.
10
00:00:17,693 --> 00:00:18,856
- I'm sorry.
- I understand that.
11
00:00:18,939 --> 00:00:22,539
It's just, all it takes
is $1 to save a child.
12
00:00:24,007 --> 00:00:25,784
All right.
You know what?
13
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:27,213
Fine, you're right.
Yup.
14
00:00:27,296 --> 00:00:28,851
Who doesn't want
to help a child?
15
00:00:29,074 --> 00:00:30,166
Let's save five children.
16
00:00:30,343 --> 00:00:31,578
Tommy!
17
00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:44,087
All right,
come on, come on, come on.
18
00:00:44,171 --> 00:00:46,806
One, two, three, four, five.
19
00:00:46,890 --> 00:00:48,835
Not so fast.
Just five.
20
00:00:51,199 --> 00:00:52,116
- Thanks a lot, sir.
- Help!
21
00:00:52,199 --> 00:00:55,116
Help!
Help!
22
00:00:58,951 --> 00:01:00,382
Oh, my God.
I have another dollar.
23
00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:02,666
I have another dollar.
Sir, I have another dollar.
24
00:01:05,749 --> 00:01:09,031
♪
25
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:24,643
Sync & corrections by dwigt
addic7ed.com
26
00:01:24,727 --> 00:01:26,428
Resync WEB-DL by LeRalouf
27
00:01:29,449 --> 00:01:30,833
Like one time,
I was in church,
28
00:01:30,935 --> 00:01:34,178
and I was talking
to an elderly friend
29
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,192
of my mother's at the time,
30
00:01:35,276 --> 00:01:38,536
very classy lady,
very decorous.
31
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:39,888
- And--
- "Decorous"?
32
00:01:39,972 --> 00:01:41,915
Decorous.
It means proper,
33
00:01:41,999 --> 00:01:43,271
a person
who does everything proper.
34
00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:44,171
Mm-hmm.
I know.
35
00:01:44,255 --> 00:01:45,504
And, um...
36
00:01:46,470 --> 00:01:47,837
I was talking,
37
00:01:48,605 --> 00:01:52,028
and in the middle of a sentence,
unbeknownst to me,
38
00:01:52,457 --> 00:01:53,888
I dropped an f-bomb.
39
00:01:54,726 --> 00:01:56,401
In church.
In church,
40
00:01:56,487 --> 00:01:58,204
after church,
before social period,
41
00:01:58,287 --> 00:02:00,916
we about to go get some coffee
and donuts up in this boinks.
42
00:02:00,999 --> 00:02:01,916
I'm talking to my girl.
43
00:02:01,999 --> 00:02:03,382
- What'd you say?
- She shall remain name--
44
00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:04,674
I don't remember.
I don't remember.
45
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:06,155
- I just remember talking about--
- You're just like,
46
00:02:06,238 --> 00:02:08,237
"I'm gonna get some fucking--
fucking communion."
47
00:02:08,323 --> 00:02:10,185
And that's--
48
00:02:23,604 --> 00:02:25,158
Happy Sunday, Esther.
49
00:02:25,241 --> 00:02:27,659
Happy Sunday, Georgina.
50
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,075
How was your week?
51
00:02:29,158 --> 00:02:31,627
- Oh, the Lord is with me.
- Mm-hmm.
52
00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:32,821
But the Devil,
53
00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:35,923
he got his hands
on my grandniece Grace.
54
00:02:36,006 --> 00:02:37,565
- Oh, no.
- Mm-hmm.
55
00:02:37,676 --> 00:02:41,160
Out there smoking the reefer,
doing the hanky-panky with boys.
56
00:02:41,243 --> 00:02:42,436
No, Georgina.
57
00:02:42,519 --> 00:02:44,005
Oh, Esther, you know
58
00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:47,923
that I love all things
that are good and holy.
59
00:02:48,006 --> 00:02:50,923
- Mm-hmm.
- But if he doesn't let go
60
00:02:51,006 --> 00:02:53,923
of my grandniece Grace,
61
00:02:54,006 --> 00:02:56,358
I'm gonna cut
the Devil's dick off
62
00:02:56,441 --> 00:02:57,923
and shove it in his ass.
63
00:02:58,006 --> 00:02:59,902
Mm-hmm.
64
00:03:00,006 --> 00:03:03,241
- With my prayers.
- I know you will, Georgina.
65
00:03:03,325 --> 00:03:05,171
I know you will.
66
00:03:05,742 --> 00:03:06,910
How was your week, girl?
67
00:03:06,993 --> 00:03:08,701
Oh, you know me.
68
00:03:08,784 --> 00:03:10,923
I'm blessed and thankful
for everything.
69
00:03:11,006 --> 00:03:12,699
Mm-hmm.
All right.
70
00:03:12,782 --> 00:03:16,462
But you know my grandson Jason
got hisself wrapped up
71
00:03:16,545 --> 00:03:18,823
in the leathery claws of Satan.
72
00:03:19,006 --> 00:03:21,712
- Not Jason.
- He got hisself arrested
73
00:03:21,795 --> 00:03:23,839
for the spray-painting
and the vandalism.
74
00:03:23,923 --> 00:03:24,922
Oh, Lord.
75
00:03:25,006 --> 00:03:27,492
And I tell you, I never
76
00:03:28,006 --> 00:03:30,416
raise my hand in anger,
77
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:33,664
but if he don't let Jason go,
78
00:03:33,748 --> 00:03:37,554
I'm gonna punch that nigga Satan
in the nuts so hard,
79
00:03:37,638 --> 00:03:41,210
it wipe the dick-licking smirk
off his horned-ass face.
80
00:03:41,294 --> 00:03:42,293
Mm-hmm.
81
00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:44,344
- With my prayers.
- Amen.
82
00:03:44,427 --> 00:03:46,923
I know you will, Esther,
I know you will,
83
00:03:47,006 --> 00:03:49,320
but Esther, I gotta tell you
something else, now.
84
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:50,517
Mmm, let it out.
85
00:03:50,610 --> 00:03:51,609
You know, Esther,
86
00:03:51,847 --> 00:03:55,502
that I have found serenity
in the glory of Heaven.
87
00:03:55,586 --> 00:03:56,380
Yes.
88
00:03:56,492 --> 00:03:58,918
But my daughter's husband
Bernard
89
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:00,752
has got himself wedged
90
00:04:00,835 --> 00:04:03,607
between the cleft hooves
of Lucifer hisself.
91
00:04:03,690 --> 00:04:04,923
- Mmm.
- She opened up
92
00:04:05,006 --> 00:04:06,923
his laptop computer
93
00:04:07,006 --> 00:04:08,700
and found
the pornography of women.
94
00:04:08,783 --> 00:04:09,923
Not the pornography of women.
95
00:04:10,006 --> 00:04:11,702
Absolutely
the pornography of women.
96
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:12,923
Not on the laptop computer.
97
00:04:13,006 --> 00:04:14,923
On the laptop computer found
the pornography of women.
98
00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:15,923
Mmm.
99
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:18,923
I am a pacifist
under God's request,
100
00:04:19,006 --> 00:04:20,923
but if he don't let go
of Bernard,
101
00:04:21,006 --> 00:04:24,923
I'm gonna sneak up
on that bitch-ass Lucifer
102
00:04:25,006 --> 00:04:27,377
right in the midst
of his sleep time.
103
00:04:27,461 --> 00:04:28,922
- Oh.
- And then I'm gonna sit
104
00:04:29,006 --> 00:04:30,422
on that motherfucker's head,
105
00:04:30,506 --> 00:04:33,923
and I'm gonna spread my booty
cheeks on that pig's face,
106
00:04:34,006 --> 00:04:35,923
and I'm gonna just
pucker up my stank hole...
107
00:04:36,006 --> 00:04:36,923
Whoo.
108
00:04:37,006 --> 00:04:38,923
And just toops, toops, toops,
109
00:04:39,006 --> 00:04:41,033
scoops,
bedoop-scoop-scoop-skedoops
110
00:04:41,117 --> 00:04:43,923
until that nigga
got a brown dot on his nose
111
00:04:44,006 --> 00:04:45,923
that I can use
for target practice.
112
00:04:46,006 --> 00:04:46,923
Sha-plow!
113
00:04:47,006 --> 00:04:47,923
- Shoot that.
- Sha-plow!
114
00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:48,923
- Shoot that!
- Sha-plow!
115
00:04:49,006 --> 00:04:52,088
- Whoo, shoot that nigga
in the shit-nack.
116
00:04:52,172 --> 00:04:53,392
With my prayers.
117
00:04:53,476 --> 00:04:55,252
With your prayers,
of course, of course.
118
00:04:55,335 --> 00:04:57,923
Oh, Georgina, Georgina,
Georgina.
119
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,033
Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup?
120
00:04:59,117 --> 00:05:02,922
Oh, I got nothing but faith
in God and Heaven above,
121
00:05:03,006 --> 00:05:05,672
but I tell you,
my son's wife Crystal,
122
00:05:05,756 --> 00:05:08,642
she got herself wrapped up
in the fiery wings
123
00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:10,181
of Mephistopheles hisself.
124
00:05:10,265 --> 00:05:11,492
Here we go.
125
00:05:11,576 --> 00:05:15,406
You know, she got caught using
profanity with her own children.
126
00:05:15,651 --> 00:05:17,265
- What?
- At the dinner table.
127
00:05:17,348 --> 00:05:19,923
Oh, Lord, child, child.
128
00:05:20,006 --> 00:05:22,923
Georgina Darlene Martin!
129
00:05:23,006 --> 00:05:28,922
Oh, I have nothing but love for
every creature on this planet,
130
00:05:29,006 --> 00:05:31,923
but if he don't let
my darling Crystal go,
131
00:05:32,006 --> 00:05:34,489
- I'm gonna flirt with the devil.
- Oh. Oh.
132
00:05:34,630 --> 00:05:36,336
Show him a little bit
of shoulder.
133
00:05:36,485 --> 00:05:37,607
"How you doin'?"
134
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:39,810
He gonna start looking away,
I'm gonna start twerking.
135
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,923
Start twerking,
he gonna be like, "Whoo."
136
00:05:42,006 --> 00:05:43,158
He gonna be,
he gonna be drawn in.
137
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:43,923
Mm-hmm.
138
00:05:44,006 --> 00:05:45,923
Seduce that little
motherfucker.
139
00:05:46,006 --> 00:05:47,212
Give him one of these.
"Hi."
140
00:05:47,295 --> 00:05:48,923
Batting my eyelashes at him.
141
00:05:49,006 --> 00:05:50,695
Then when he least expects it,
142
00:05:50,779 --> 00:05:54,367
and I got his trust, that's when
I'm gonna ride that nigga.
143
00:05:54,451 --> 00:05:56,562
I'm gonna give him
the night of his life,
144
00:05:56,646 --> 00:05:58,482
a night
he ain't never gonna forget.
145
00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,923
- Go get him.
- I'm gonna give him this way.
146
00:06:00,006 --> 00:06:01,370
I'm gonna give him that way.
147
00:06:01,453 --> 00:06:03,923
And then,
right when he about to climax,
148
00:06:04,006 --> 00:06:07,127
that's when I'm gonna clench
up my pussy
149
00:06:07,211 --> 00:06:09,181
on that motherfucker's
red dick,
150
00:06:09,265 --> 00:06:11,976
and I'm gonna snap
that nigga cock off
151
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,239
with a divine kegel.
152
00:06:14,323 --> 00:06:16,460
Well, you gonna snap
that nigga dick off.
153
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,780
- Whoo!
- Snap it off! Whoo!
154
00:06:18,864 --> 00:06:19,923
- With my prayers.
- With your prayers.
155
00:06:20,006 --> 00:06:20,923
- With your prayers.
- With my prayers.
156
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,233
Of course.
With the prayers, yeah.
157
00:06:22,317 --> 00:06:23,767
- But that's right, girl.
- Yes.
158
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:24,923
- You go get him, Esther!
- Yes!
159
00:06:25,006 --> 00:06:26,473
- Fuck Satan!
- Fuck him!
160
00:06:26,556 --> 00:06:28,551
- Fuck him in the--
161
00:06:33,778 --> 00:06:37,344
Wha-- What's happening,
Georgina?
162
00:06:37,427 --> 00:06:39,076
Georgina isn't here anymore.
163
00:06:42,006 --> 00:06:44,923
It is I, Satan.
164
00:06:45,006 --> 00:06:45,778
Ah!
165
00:06:49,006 --> 00:06:50,564
Ah! No, Esther!
166
00:06:50,647 --> 00:06:51,833
- I'm in here, though!
- Oh!
167
00:06:51,916 --> 00:06:52,923
I'm kicking
this nigga's ass.
168
00:06:53,006 --> 00:06:54,923
Yeah!
169
00:06:55,006 --> 00:06:56,923
Oh, help me.
Somebody help me.
170
00:06:57,006 --> 00:06:58,423
I ca-- can't get out
of this bitch.
171
00:06:58,506 --> 00:07:00,733
Oh, get him, Georgina!
Get him!
172
00:07:00,816 --> 00:07:01,923
I stuck a safety pin
173
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:02,923
in this nigga's urethra.
174
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,923
- Ooh!
- Oww!
175
00:07:05,006 --> 00:07:06,923
Fuck!
That hurts!
176
00:07:07,006 --> 00:07:08,218
Right now I got his dick
177
00:07:08,301 --> 00:07:09,923
in my hands like a old rag.
178
00:07:10,006 --> 00:07:12,923
I'm wringing out!
I'm wringing it out!
179
00:07:13,006 --> 00:07:14,778
Oh, give me some of that.
180
00:07:14,862 --> 00:07:16,922
I want a piece of him, yes.
181
00:07:17,006 --> 00:07:18,942
Tag me in.
182
00:07:25,006 --> 00:07:26,923
Who is this crazy bitch, now?
183
00:07:27,006 --> 00:07:28,592
Ah, it's me, motherfucker!
184
00:07:28,675 --> 00:07:30,923
Your worst nightmare, bitch!
185
00:07:31,006 --> 00:07:31,923
- Shoot that motherfucker!
- That's right.
186
00:07:32,006 --> 00:07:33,923
I'm on top of you.
I'm on top of him.
187
00:07:34,006 --> 00:07:35,089
What's going on?
188
00:07:35,172 --> 00:07:37,178
This feels good.
Why would you do this to me?
189
00:07:37,261 --> 00:07:38,534
Oh, you'll see in a second,
190
00:07:38,617 --> 00:07:39,923
- motherfucker.
- Just wait, motherfucker.
191
00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:41,923
Oh, I'm waiting,
but oh, here I cum.
192
00:07:42,006 --> 00:07:42,923
Here I cum.
193
00:07:43,006 --> 00:07:43,754
Here you go, ha!
194
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,922
Grabbed it!
Snap!
195
00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:48,692
- Ooh!
- Ooh, I got him good.
196
00:07:48,776 --> 00:07:49,923
I'll do anything you say.
197
00:07:50,006 --> 00:07:50,923
I'll do anything you say.
198
00:07:51,006 --> 00:07:52,723
Too late now.
Too late now, Satan.
199
00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:53,922
Oh, shh.
We should probably go.
200
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,923
Oh, yeah, let's go, let's go.
201
00:07:56,006 --> 00:07:56,923
We don't want to
disturb the service.
202
00:07:57,006 --> 00:07:57,923
Ooh, I got a hold of him.
203
00:07:58,006 --> 00:07:59,923
I'm gonna-- We gonna go
medieval on his ass.
204
00:08:00,006 --> 00:08:02,923
No, no!
Oh, lordy! I can't take it.
205
00:08:03,006 --> 00:08:03,923
I can't take it.
206
00:08:04,006 --> 00:08:05,166
Get over here, mister.
207
00:08:05,249 --> 00:08:06,633
Please, please!
208
00:08:06,716 --> 00:08:09,481
Get these crazy bitches
off of me.
209
00:08:10,006 --> 00:08:12,883
Jesus Christ is my personal Lord
and savior, I swear.
210
00:08:12,966 --> 00:08:14,176
You're too late for that now.
211
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:26,299
"Been trying to reach out
to you all day.
212
00:08:27,572 --> 00:08:29,192
Are we on for tonight?"
213
00:08:30,954 --> 00:08:32,683
Jeez.
214
00:08:32,767 --> 00:08:34,301
What?
You can't catch me.
215
00:08:34,385 --> 00:08:35,384
You can't catch me.
216
00:08:35,594 --> 00:08:37,048
I'm Lance Moore.
Touchdown, bitch.
217
00:08:37,132 --> 00:08:38,301
What?
Pause.
218
00:08:46,189 --> 00:08:47,742
Oh, shoot.
219
00:08:48,243 --> 00:08:50,151
Keegan's been texting me.
220
00:08:52,088 --> 00:08:54,683
"Sorry, dude,
missed your texts.
221
00:08:55,047 --> 00:08:57,248
"I assumed we'd meet at the bar.
222
00:08:58,032 --> 00:08:59,541
"Whatever.
I don't care."
223
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,339
"Sorry, dude,
missed your texts.
224
00:09:09,422 --> 00:09:11,668
"I assumed we'd meet at the bar.
225
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,687
"Whatever.
I don't care."
226
00:09:14,817 --> 00:09:16,665
"Whatever. I don't care"?
227
00:09:18,222 --> 00:09:20,095
What the fuck is his problem?
228
00:09:21,383 --> 00:09:24,339
"Do you even want to hang out?"
229
00:09:24,422 --> 00:09:25,892
"Do you even want
to hang out?"
230
00:09:25,976 --> 00:09:27,791
Oh, that's considerate.
231
00:09:30,056 --> 00:09:31,812
"Like I said, whatever."
232
00:09:31,895 --> 00:09:33,881
"Like I said, whatever"?
233
00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:35,326
Fuck this guy.
234
00:09:36,168 --> 00:09:37,250
Jesus, "You..."
235
00:09:37,334 --> 00:09:39,283
"...are fucking priceless."
236
00:09:39,455 --> 00:09:42,851
Aww.
"You're the..."
237
00:09:42,934 --> 00:09:45,127
"...one who's fucking priceless"?
238
00:09:45,915 --> 00:09:46,816
This m--
239
00:09:47,845 --> 00:09:49,595
This motherfucker right here.
240
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,335
Oh, he wants to--
okay, mm-hmm.
241
00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:54,361
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
242
00:09:55,422 --> 00:09:56,339
"You want to go..."
243
00:09:56,422 --> 00:09:57,339
"right now?"
244
00:09:57,524 --> 00:09:58,459
Hmm.
245
00:09:59,556 --> 00:10:00,875
Guess I could do that.
246
00:10:02,422 --> 00:10:03,402
"Okay..."
247
00:10:03,486 --> 00:10:04,714
"Okay, let's go"?
248
00:10:04,797 --> 00:10:07,668
He said oka--
"Okay, let's go"?
249
00:10:07,752 --> 00:10:09,008
All right, you know what?
250
00:10:09,092 --> 00:10:10,715
You know what?
"You want to really..."
251
00:10:10,799 --> 00:10:14,002
"...do this now?"
Keegan, you nut.
252
00:10:14,422 --> 00:10:16,041
You're not putting me out.
253
00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,339
"Fuck yeah, let's do it"?
254
00:10:18,422 --> 00:10:19,880
Oh, you fucking asshole!
255
00:10:19,963 --> 00:10:21,402
"First round's mine."
256
00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:22,339
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
257
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,339
There ain't gonna be
no rounds, asshole!
258
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:26,410
It's gonna be
a fucking street fight!
259
00:10:26,494 --> 00:10:27,390
This son of a--
260
00:10:27,474 --> 00:10:30,339
♪ 'cause tonight we gonna
party and the party don't stop ♪
261
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,339
You!
262
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:32,699
Buddy!
263
00:10:32,783 --> 00:10:34,647
Like I said, first round's mine.
264
00:10:34,730 --> 00:10:37,727
A beer and a gimlet
for my partner right--
265
00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:40,111
What's that?
266
00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:44,728
Uh, I-I got you
a baseball bat with nails in it.
267
00:10:47,038 --> 00:10:49,339
For my post-apocalyptic
Jackie Robinson costume.
268
00:10:49,422 --> 00:10:50,572
How did you know?
269
00:10:53,397 --> 00:10:54,880
I'm gonna try to freestyle
for a second.
270
00:10:54,963 --> 00:10:55,596
Yup, yup.
271
00:10:55,766 --> 00:10:56,765
Off the top of the dome.
272
00:10:56,958 --> 00:10:58,395
Off the top of the dome.
Break it down.
273
00:10:59,688 --> 00:11:01,938
♪ Witness violence every day
274
00:11:02,022 --> 00:11:03,603
♪ Wake up in the morning
275
00:11:04,627 --> 00:11:06,939
♪ Bullets flying by my head
276
00:11:07,022 --> 00:11:08,978
♪ Without any warning
277
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:13,556
♪ I live in the pressure cooker
the most urbanest of jungles ♪
278
00:11:16,486 --> 00:11:17,931
♪ Mr. Bungle
279
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,480
I can't really get Mr. Bungle.
280
00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:22,773
- Let's just stop.
- You want to stop?
281
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,892
I shouldn't be
saying Mr. Bungle in that.
282
00:11:32,022 --> 00:11:40,022
♪
283
00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:45,939
It's Friday night.
Make some noise!
284
00:11:47,022 --> 00:11:48,939
Aw, yeah!
285
00:11:49,022 --> 00:11:51,939
Put your motherfucking hands
in the air.
286
00:11:52,022 --> 00:11:54,939
Aw, yeah!
Put 'em up.
287
00:11:55,022 --> 00:11:57,939
If you cool like a pimp,
put your hands up.
288
00:11:58,022 --> 00:12:01,292
If you cool like a pimp,
put your hands up.
289
00:12:01,376 --> 00:12:04,702
'Cause you're an actual pimp,
put your hands up.
290
00:12:04,786 --> 00:12:07,938
If you own a bunch of women,
put your hands up.
291
00:12:08,022 --> 00:12:13,939
♪
292
00:12:14,022 --> 00:12:17,577
If you gonna hit it all night,
put your hands up.
293
00:12:17,665 --> 00:12:20,152
If you gonna hit it all night,
put your hands up.
294
00:12:20,235 --> 00:12:21,233
Yeah, all right.
295
00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:24,344
If you maintain an erection
for 12 hours,
296
00:12:24,428 --> 00:12:25,939
put your hands up.
297
00:12:26,022 --> 00:12:27,962
Whoo!
298
00:12:28,045 --> 00:12:30,660
Without the benefit of Viagra,
299
00:12:30,744 --> 00:12:32,776
put your hands up.
300
00:12:32,860 --> 00:12:37,332
♪
301
00:12:37,416 --> 00:12:39,939
If you a real-life player,
put your hands up.
302
00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:40,939
What? Yeah.
303
00:12:41,022 --> 00:12:44,216
If you abuse women's trust,
put your hands up.
304
00:12:44,299 --> 00:12:47,938
If you treat them
like objects, put your hands up.
305
00:12:48,022 --> 00:12:53,939
♪
306
00:12:54,022 --> 00:12:56,939
If you a real-life gangster,
put your hands up.
307
00:12:57,236 --> 00:13:00,678
If you a real-life gangster,
put your hands up.
308
00:13:00,762 --> 00:13:03,939
If you kill other people,
put your hands up.
309
00:13:04,022 --> 00:13:06,939
♪
310
00:13:07,248 --> 00:13:10,901
If you the biggest boss here,
put your hands up.
311
00:13:11,022 --> 00:13:13,021
♪
312
00:13:13,524 --> 00:13:17,268
If you run an actual drug ring,
put your hands up.
313
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:23,333
If you just realized
that you're full of shit,
314
00:13:23,422 --> 00:13:24,939
put your hands up.
315
00:13:31,956 --> 00:13:32,873
All right.
316
00:13:33,339 --> 00:13:34,466
Third time's the charm.
317
00:13:37,956 --> 00:13:42,011
♪ All of my life, I've crushed
dreams and crushed bitches ♪
318
00:13:43,112 --> 00:13:47,620
♪ No one ever has come to me
without leaving in stitches ♪
319
00:13:48,066 --> 00:13:50,276
♪ I'm a monster
320
00:13:50,811 --> 00:13:52,566
♪ I grant wishes
321
00:13:53,456 --> 00:13:56,170
♪ Like a genie,
I dream of Jeannie ♪
322
00:13:56,651 --> 00:13:58,229
♪ I'm a meanie
323
00:13:58,500 --> 00:13:59,568
Why does it always just go--
324
00:13:59,651 --> 00:14:00,873
I don't know.
You keep getting--
325
00:14:00,956 --> 00:14:02,101
You-- you're doing really well,
326
00:14:02,184 --> 00:14:03,580
and then you get in
this TV reference.
327
00:14:03,663 --> 00:14:04,873
Yeah, that's what's doing me.
328
00:14:04,956 --> 00:14:06,261
And it's-- it's the tough part.
329
00:14:12,839 --> 00:14:14,401
Welcome to
Papard Mattress Liquidators.
330
00:14:14,484 --> 00:14:15,972
How can I help you today?
331
00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:18,123
I need to buy a new bed.
332
00:14:18,206 --> 00:14:19,135
Okay.
Yeah, good, good.
333
00:14:19,218 --> 00:14:20,906
You came to the right place.
I'll be more than happy
334
00:14:20,989 --> 00:14:21,957
to help you with that.
Uh...
335
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,419
What size you need?
A full, queen, king?
336
00:14:24,502 --> 00:14:25,995
- Queen.
- Queen, oh.
337
00:14:26,079 --> 00:14:28,175
- We got a big sel--
- And just so you know,
338
00:14:28,928 --> 00:14:30,122
it needs to be sturdy.
339
00:14:30,206 --> 00:14:31,123
All right.
340
00:14:31,354 --> 00:14:34,198
Shit gets kind of crazy
in my room.
341
00:14:34,677 --> 00:14:36,792
Oh, okay.
342
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,827
I got you, brother.
343
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:39,910
I got you.
344
00:14:43,439 --> 00:14:46,606
Well, this posturepedic mattress
we got right here,
345
00:14:46,689 --> 00:14:48,205
this is extremely comfortable
346
00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,310
and, uh... durable.
347
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:52,472
Do you mind if I try it?
348
00:14:52,556 --> 00:14:53,784
No, not at all.
Go ahead.
349
00:14:58,487 --> 00:15:02,123
I should also mention, there's
100% money-back guarantee on--
350
00:15:02,206 --> 00:15:03,427
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
351
00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:04,870
Who got that good "D"?
352
00:15:04,954 --> 00:15:05,925
I got that good "D"!
353
00:15:06,009 --> 00:15:07,214
Yeah!
Yeah!
354
00:15:09,761 --> 00:15:11,050
No, it's too hard.
355
00:15:11,927 --> 00:15:14,003
Do you have anything softer?
356
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:15,925
Um...
357
00:15:16,534 --> 00:15:17,816
Of course.
358
00:15:21,409 --> 00:15:25,593
This-- This is one of our, um,
natural latex mattresses.
359
00:15:26,323 --> 00:15:30,575
It's on sale, too,
today, at $1,200.
360
00:15:30,807 --> 00:15:31,987
Can I try it?
361
00:15:33,706 --> 00:15:34,534
Sure.
362
00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:39,625
Who got that good "D"?
363
00:15:39,715 --> 00:15:41,123
I got that good "D"!
364
00:15:42,206 --> 00:15:44,526
Who got that good "D"?
I got that good "D"!
365
00:15:46,072 --> 00:15:47,746
It seems a little pricey.
366
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:49,401
Okay.
No, it's a little pricey.
367
00:15:49,485 --> 00:15:50,558
I ain't gonna lie to you.
368
00:15:50,642 --> 00:15:53,092
But, uh, no problem.
We got other choices.
369
00:15:54,666 --> 00:15:55,665
Um...
370
00:15:56,058 --> 00:15:59,153
This a great memory
foam mattress, right here.
371
00:15:59,237 --> 00:16:00,613
It's a little cheaper, and--
372
00:16:00,701 --> 00:16:02,700
Can I try it out?
373
00:16:03,206 --> 00:16:05,123
Right.
Right, yeah.
374
00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:07,081
I mean, of course,
of course you want to try.
375
00:16:07,206 --> 00:16:08,878
You know how it goes.
376
00:16:09,003 --> 00:16:10,122
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
377
00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:11,362
Coming up on them late nights.
378
00:16:11,446 --> 00:16:13,761
Aye! Aye!
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
379
00:16:13,886 --> 00:16:16,698
"Yes!
Si, papi! Si, papi! Si, papi!"
380
00:16:17,206 --> 00:16:19,667
Yeah, man, right.
381
00:16:20,206 --> 00:16:21,933
Yeah, man.
Um...
382
00:16:22,487 --> 00:16:23,416
Sex happens.
383
00:16:23,499 --> 00:16:25,151
Yip!
384
00:16:26,827 --> 00:16:28,123
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
385
00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:30,123
Who got that good "D"?
I got that good "D"!
386
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,123
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
387
00:16:31,206 --> 00:16:32,123
Who got that good "D"?
388
00:16:32,206 --> 00:16:33,123
I got that good "D"!
389
00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:34,917
Oh!
Oh, here it comes!
390
00:16:35,065 --> 00:16:38,909
Here it comes!
Here it comes!
391
00:16:38,993 --> 00:16:41,808
Hoo-ah!
392
00:16:41,971 --> 00:16:43,302
Yup, that's the one.
393
00:16:43,631 --> 00:16:45,503
- I'll take it.
- Okay, let me ring you up.
394
00:16:47,534 --> 00:16:50,123
Aye! Aye! Aye!
395
00:16:50,206 --> 00:16:52,123
Who got that good "D"?
I got that good "D"!
396
00:16:52,206 --> 00:16:53,123
Aye, papi!
397
00:16:53,206 --> 00:16:55,122
Who got that good "D"?
I got that good "D"!
398
00:16:55,206 --> 00:16:56,123
- Si, papi!
399
00:16:56,206 --> 00:16:58,123
Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye!
400
00:16:58,206 --> 00:17:01,534
Who got that good "D"?
I got that good "D"!
401
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:06,823
Thank you.
402
00:17:12,922 --> 00:17:13,839
- Mike.
- Brody.
403
00:17:13,922 --> 00:17:15,344
Yeah.
Hey, how are you, man?
404
00:17:15,427 --> 00:17:16,569
- What's up, man?
- Good to see you.
405
00:17:16,652 --> 00:17:18,003
Hey, I'm glad I ran into you.
406
00:17:18,097 --> 00:17:20,639
What is that joke that you
told recently at the office?
407
00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:22,839
Everybody is just, like,
giggling about it all the time,
408
00:17:22,922 --> 00:17:23,839
and I haven't heard it yet.
409
00:17:23,922 --> 00:17:24,839
Oh, gosh.
410
00:17:24,922 --> 00:17:26,308
Okay.
Um...
411
00:17:26,392 --> 00:17:27,808
- All right, it goes like this.
- Yeah.
412
00:17:27,892 --> 00:17:29,099
So, there's this woman, and--
413
00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:35,838
- Okay.
- I'm sorry!
414
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:36,839
Good audience.
415
00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:38,839
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I love it already.
416
00:17:38,922 --> 00:17:41,194
I love it already.
417
00:17:41,278 --> 00:17:42,460
Awesome.
Okay.
418
00:17:42,543 --> 00:17:44,921
Well, this should go well.
Um...
419
00:17:45,248 --> 00:17:49,521
So there's-- there's a woman,
and she goes to her doctor.
420
00:17:49,605 --> 00:17:52,839
She goes to her doctor!
It's already funny.
421
00:17:52,922 --> 00:17:54,566
It's already funny.
422
00:17:54,649 --> 00:17:56,839
No, I haven't even gotten
to the setup yet.
423
00:17:59,698 --> 00:18:02,581
So, she goes to her doctor,
and she, um...
424
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:04,839
She says to her doctor,
"Kiss me."
425
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:07,698
No, that's not it.
426
00:18:07,922 --> 00:18:10,839
That's not it.
That-- That's not the punch line.
427
00:18:12,922 --> 00:18:14,839
You got to stop already.
428
00:18:14,922 --> 00:18:16,129
You're killing me over here.
429
00:18:16,212 --> 00:18:17,214
Oh, you--
430
00:18:17,453 --> 00:18:19,839
I don't know if you think
the joke is over, but it's not.
431
00:18:19,922 --> 00:18:21,149
It's actually just starting.
432
00:18:24,922 --> 00:18:26,187
Okay.
So I'm gonna--
433
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:27,534
I'm just gonna speed up.
434
00:18:27,617 --> 00:18:29,550
So she says to her doctor,
"Kiss me,"
435
00:18:29,633 --> 00:18:31,839
and he says, "I can't.
It would be unprofessional."
436
00:18:31,922 --> 00:18:33,839
No. No, not even close.
437
00:18:33,922 --> 00:18:37,659
She says-- he says,
"That would be unprofessional,"
438
00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:40,155
and then she says,
she keeps asking him,
439
00:18:40,238 --> 00:18:41,698
and he says, "No, no, no."
440
00:18:41,782 --> 00:18:43,378
Happens three times like that.
441
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,463
Finally, at the end, she says,
442
00:18:46,922 --> 00:18:48,839
"Kiss me," and he says,
443
00:18:48,922 --> 00:18:52,066
"I shouldn't even be having sex
with you right now."
444
00:18:55,922 --> 00:18:56,995
Then what happens?
445
00:19:00,391 --> 00:19:02,133
I don't--I don't know.
446
00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:04,839
Then, I guess she--
she probably sued him
447
00:19:04,922 --> 00:19:05,839
for malpractice?
448
00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:11,969
Sued him for malpractice.
449
00:19:15,201 --> 00:19:17,516
So you know that wasn't--
that wasn't the punch line?
450
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,500
That wasn't the punch line?
451
00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:20,839
- No. The punch--
- There's more?
452
00:19:20,922 --> 00:19:22,839
No, there's not.
453
00:19:22,922 --> 00:19:23,839
There's not more.
454
00:19:23,922 --> 00:19:26,033
There's more to the joke?
455
00:19:26,117 --> 00:19:28,155
No, there--
there's actually less.
456
00:19:28,696 --> 00:19:31,360
Well, that's it!
You turned it around!
457
00:19:32,784 --> 00:19:34,839
- No, there's--
- You turned it around!
458
00:19:34,922 --> 00:19:36,446
- The joke--
- He said less!
459
00:19:37,055 --> 00:19:38,839
- The joke was--
- There can't be less.
460
00:19:38,922 --> 00:19:41,799
The punch line was the only
part that you didn't laugh at.
461
00:19:47,511 --> 00:19:50,670
What the fuck?
462
00:19:51,009 --> 00:19:52,094
- You got me!
- You got me.
463
00:19:52,178 --> 00:19:54,839
You were doing a joke
the whole time!
464
00:19:54,922 --> 00:19:57,442
You were doing a weird character
the whole time.
465
00:19:57,525 --> 00:19:59,459
Oh, my God, yes.
Yes.
466
00:19:59,542 --> 00:20:02,092
I love the malpractice stuff.
467
00:20:02,264 --> 00:20:05,117
The malpractice punch line
is hilarious.
468
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,839
So you weren't doing
a character?
469
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,236
- What charact-- What character?
- Okay.
470
00:20:09,319 --> 00:20:11,133
This is some crazy shit.
471
00:20:13,733 --> 00:20:15,190
Hey, yo, did you ever hear
my theory
472
00:20:15,273 --> 00:20:16,666
about flying, though?
473
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:17,693
Mm-mm.
474
00:20:17,922 --> 00:20:21,624
The reason you have
to jerk off before you fly--
475
00:20:21,708 --> 00:20:22,943
Who does?
What?
476
00:20:24,528 --> 00:20:26,475
Everybody jerks off
before they fly.
477
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:29,839
I think you need to look
up the word "everybody."
478
00:20:29,922 --> 00:20:31,076
Well, look.
Okay.
479
00:20:31,567 --> 00:20:33,921
Maybe...
480
00:20:34,321 --> 00:20:35,722
you're an exception to the rule,
481
00:20:35,805 --> 00:20:38,450
but I'm fairly certain
that everybody else
482
00:20:39,183 --> 00:20:42,120
gets massive boners or whatever
and jerks off--
483
00:20:42,203 --> 00:20:43,839
I'm sorry.
Gets massive boners
484
00:20:43,922 --> 00:20:44,978
- before they get on the plane?
- Yeah.
485
00:20:45,061 --> 00:20:46,482
I think
there's a physiological reason.
486
00:20:46,565 --> 00:20:48,190
You're about to fly.
You might die.
487
00:20:48,273 --> 00:20:49,839
Your body knows you might die.
488
00:20:49,922 --> 00:20:51,428
It's like going off to war.
489
00:20:51,672 --> 00:20:53,483
You need to get that sperm out.
490
00:20:54,397 --> 00:20:55,613
Propagate the species.
491
00:20:55,696 --> 00:20:57,152
Just like
right before this trip.
492
00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:02,437
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
493
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,922
Oh, yeah.
494
00:21:07,981 --> 00:21:10,898
Comfort
of the fiery wingses...
495
00:21:10,981 --> 00:21:13,898
Sss-Mephistopheles.
496
00:21:17,226 --> 00:21:19,226
Sync & corrections by dwigt
addic7ed.com
497
00:21:19,310 --> 00:21:21,011
Resync WEB-DL by LeRalouf
34782
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