All language subtitles for The.Breakfast.Club.1985.REMASTERED.1080p.BluRay.x264-FLAME

Saturday, March 24, 1984.

Shermer High School,
Shermer, Illinois, 60062.

Dear Mr. Vernon.

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice
a whole Saturday in detention

for whatever it was we did wrong.

What we did was wrong but we think
you're crazy to make us write an essay

telling you who we think we are.

What do you care?

You see us as you want to see us,

in the simplest terms,
with the most convenient definitions.

You see us as a brain,

an athlete, a basket case,

a princess,

and a criminal.

Correct?

That's the way we saw each other
at 7:00 this morning.

We were brainwashed.

I can't believe
you can't get me out of this.

It's so absurd I have to be here
on a Saturday.

It's not like I'm a defective
or anything.

I'll make it up to you.

Honey, ditching class to go shopping
doesn't make you a defective.

Have a good day.

Is this the first time
or last time we do this?

Last.

Well, get in there and use the time
to your advantage.

Mom, we're not supposed to study.
We have to sit there and do nothing.

Well, mister, you figure out
a way to study.

Yeah.

Well, go.

Hey, I screwed around.

Guys screw around.
There's nothing wrong with that,

except you got caught, sport.

Yeah, Mom already reamed me, all right?

You want to miss a match?
You want to blow your ride?

Now, no school is gonna give
a scholarship to a discipline case.

Well, well. Here we are.

I wanna congratulate you
for being on time.

Excuse me, sir?
I think there's been a mistake.

I know it's detention,
but I don't think I belong in here.

It is now 7:06.

You have exactly eight hours and 54 minutes
to think about why you're here.

Ponder the error of your ways.

You may not talk.

You will not move from these seats.

And you will not sleep.

All right, people, we're going to try
something a little different today.

We are going to write an essay
of no less than 1000 words

describing to me who you think you are.

Is this a test?

And when I say essay, I mean essay.

I do not mean a single word
repeated 1000 times.

Is that clear, Mr. Bender?

Crystal.

Good. Maybe you'll learn
something about yourself.

Maybe you'll even decide
whether or not you care to return.

I can answer that right now, sir.
That'd be "no" for me, 'cause...

Sit down, Johnson.

Thank you, sir.

My office is right across that hall.
Any monkey business is ill-advised.

Any questions?

Yeah. I got a question.

Does Barry Manilow know
that you raid his wardrobe?

I'll give you the answer to that question,
Mr. Bender, next Saturday.

Don't mess with the bull, young man,
you'll get the horns.

That man is a brownie hound.

You keep eating your hand,
you're not going to be hungry for lunch.

I've seen you before, you know.

Who I think I am.

Who are you?

I am a walrus.

It's the shits, huh?

I can't believe this is really
happening to me.

Oh, shit!

What are we supposed to do
if we have to piss?

Please.

If you got to go, you got to go.

Oh, my God.

You're not urinating in here, man.

Don't talk. Don't talk.
It makes it crawl back up.

You whip it out, you're dead
before the first drop hits the floor.

You're pretty sexy when you get angry.

Hey, homeboy,
why don't you go close that door?

We'll get the prom queen impregnated.

Hey. Hey!

What?

If I lose my temper,
you're totaled, man.

Totally?

Totally.

Why don't you shut up?
Nobody here's interested.

Really. Buttface.

Hey, sporto, what'd you do to get in here?
Forget to wash your jock?

Excuse me, fellows, I think
we should just write our papers.

Just because you live in here doesn't
give you the right to be a pain in the ass.

So knock it off!

It's a free country.

He's just doing it to get a rise
out of you. Just ignore him.

Sweets.

You couldn't ignore me if you tried.

So...

So,

are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend?

Steady dates?

Lovers?

Come on, sporto. Level with me.

Do you slip her the hot-beef injection?

- Go to hell!
- Enough!

Hey! What's going on in there?

Spoiled little pricks.

Scumbag.

What do you say we close that door?

Can't have any kind of party with Vernon
checking us out every few seconds.

You know the door's
supposed to stay open.

- So what?
- So why don't you just shut up?

There's four other people
in here, you know?

God, you can count. See, I knew
you had to be smart to be a wrestler.

Who the hell are you to judge
anybody anyway?

Really.

You know, Bender, you don't even count.

If you disappear forever,
it wouldn't make any difference.

You may as well not even exist
at this school.

Well, I'll run right out
and join the wrestling team.

Maybe the prep club, too.
Student council.

No. They wouldn't take you.

I'm hurt.

You know why guys like you
knock everything?

This should be stunning.

Because you're afraid.

Oh, God. You richies are so smart.

That's exactly why
I'm not heavy in activities.

You're a big coward.

I'm in a Math Club.

You're afraid that they won't take you,
you don't belong, so you dump all over it.

Well, it wouldn't have anything to do

with you activities people
being assholes, would it?

Well, you wouldn't know.
You don't even know any of us.

Well, I don't know any lepers either,

but I'm not going to run and join
one of their fucking clubs.

Hey, let's watch the mouth, huh?

I'm in Physics Club, too.

Excuse me a sec.
What are you babbling about?

What I said was
that I'm in the Math Club,

the Latin Club and the Physics Club.
Physics Club.

Hey. Cherry.

Do you belong to the Physics Club?

That's an academic club.

So?

Academic clubs aren't the same
as other kinds of clubs.

But to dorks like him, they are.

What do you guys do in your club?

In physics, well, we talk about physics.
Properties of physics.

So it's sort of social.
Demented and sad, but social, right?

I guess you could consider it
a social situation.

I mean, there are other children
in my club.

And at the end of the year, we have...
We have a big banquet at the Hilton.

You load up. You party.

No. We get dressed up,
but we don't get high.

Only burners like you get high.

And I didn't have any shoes,
so I had to borrow my dad's.

It's weird 'cause my mom doesn't
like me to wear other people's shoes.

My cousin Kent... My cousin Kendall
from Indiana, he got high once.

And, you know, he started eating,
like, really weird foods.

Then he felt like he didn't belong anywhere,
kind of like Twilight Zone, kind of.

Sounds like you.

You guys keep up your talking
and Vernon's gonna come in.

I got a meet this Saturday,

and I'm not gonna miss it
on account of you boneheads.

Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite?
Missing a whole wrestling meet?

You wouldn't know anything
about it, faggot.

You never competed in your whole life.

Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside
because of it.

I have such a deep admiration for guys who
roll around on the floor with other guys.

You'd never miss it.
You don't have any goals.

Oh, but I do.
I want to be just like you.

I figure all I need's
a lobotomy and some tights.

You wear tights?

No, I don't wear tights.
I wear the required uniform.

- Tights.
- Shut up.

There's not supposed to be
any monkey business.

Young man, have you finished your paper?

Come on Bender. Don't screw around.

What are you going to do?

Drop dead, I hope.

All right!

Bender, that's school property there,
and it doesn't belong to us.

It's something not to be toyed with.

That's very funny. Come on, Fix it.

- You should really fix that.
- Am I a genius?

- No, you're an asshole.
- What a funny guy.

Fix the door, Bender.

Everyone, just...

I've been here before.
I know what I'm doing.

- No. Fix the door!
- Shut up!

God damn it!

Why is that door closed?

How are we supposed to know?
We're not supposed to move.

Why?

We're just sitting here
like we're supposed to.

Who closed that door?

I think a screw fell out of it.

It just closed, sir.

Who?

She doesn't talk, sir.

- Give me that screw.
- I don't have it.

You want me to yank you out
of that seat and shake it out of you?

I don't have it.
Screws fall out all the time.

The world's an imperfect place.

Give it to me, Bender.

Excuse me, sir. Why would anybody
want to steal a screw?

Watch it, young lady.

The door's way too heavy, sir.

Damn it!

Andrew Clark, get up here. Come on.
Front and center. Let's go.

Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?

That's right.

If he gets up, we'll all get up.
It'll be anarchy!

Watch the magazines.

It's out of my hands.

That's very clever, sir,
but what if there's a fire?

I think violating fire codes
and endangering the lives of children

would be unwise at this juncture
in your career, sir.

All right. What are you doing with this?
Get this out of here, for God's sake.

What's the matter with you? Come on!

You know, the school comes equipped
with fire exits at either end of the library.

- Show Dick some respect.
- Let's go.

Go. Get back in your seat.

I expected a little more
from a varsity Letterman.

You're not fooling anybody, Bender.

The next screw that falls out
is gonna be you.

- Eat my shorts.
- What was that?

Eat my shorts.

You just bought yourself
another Saturday, mister.

Oh, I'm crushed.

You just bought one more right there.

Well, I'm free the Saturday after that.
Beyond that, I'll have to check my calendar.

Good! Because it's gonna be filled.
We'll keep going.

You want another one?
Say the word. Just say the word.

Instead of going to prison,
you'll come here.

- Are you through?
- No.

- I'm doing society a favor.
- So?

That's another right now.

I've got you for the rest of your life
if you don't watch your step.

You want another one?

Yes.

You got it! You got another one
right there. That's another one, pal.

Cut it out! Stop.

You through?

Not even close, bud.

You got one more right there.

You really think I give a shit?

Another.

You through?

How many is that?

That's seven, including the one
when you asked Mr. Vernon here

whether Barry Manilow knew
he raided his closet.

Now it's eight. You stay out of it.

Excuse me, sir. It's seven.

Shut up, peewee.

You're mine, Bender.
For two months, I got you.

I got you.

What can I say? I'm thrilled.

Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what
you want these people to believe.

You know something?

You ought to spend a little more time
trying to do something with yourself

and a little less time
trying to impress people.

You might be better off.
All right. That's it!

I'm gonna be right outside those doors.

The next time I have to come in here,
I'm cracking skulls.

Fuck you!

Fuck.

Wake up!

Who has to go to the lavatory?

That's real intelligent.

You're right.

It's wrong to destroy literature.

It's such fun to read.

And,

Molay really pumps my nads.

Molière.

I love his work.

Big deal. Nothing to do
when you're locked in a vacancy.

Speak for yourself.

Do you think I'd speak for you?
I don't even know your language.

Hey, you grounded tonight?

I don't know. My mom said I was.
My dad told me just to blow her off.

There's a big party at Stubby's.
His parents are in Europe.

It should be pretty wild.

Yeah?

Are you going to go?

I doubt it.

How come?

'Cause if I do what my mother
tells me not to do,

it's because my father says it's okay.

It's like this whole, big monster deal.
It's endless. It's a total drag.

It's like, any minute, divorce.

Who do you like better?

What?

You like your old man
better than your mom?

They're both screwed.

No, I mean, if you had to choose
between them.

I don't know. Probably go live
with my brother.

I mean, I don't think either one of them
gives a shit about me.

It's like they use me
to get back at each other.

Ha!

Shut up!

You're just feeling sorry for yourself.

Yeah, if I didn't, nobody else would.

Oh, you're breaking my heart.

- Sporto?
- What?

You get along with your parents?

Well, if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?

You're an idiot anyway.

But if you say you get along with
your parents, well, you're a liar, too.

You know something, man?
If we weren't in school, I'd waste you.

Can you hear this?

You want me to turn it up?

Hey, fellows, I mean...

I don't like my parents, either.
I mean, I don't...

I don't get along with them.
Their idea of parental compassion

is just, you know, wacko, you know.

- Dork.
- Yeah?

You are a parent's wet dream, okay?

That's the problem.

Look, I can see you getting
all bunged up for them

making you wear these kind of clothes,

but, face it,
you're a Neo-maxi-zoon-dweebie.

What would you be doing

if you weren't out making yourself
a better citizen?

Why do you have to insult everybody?

I'm being honest, asshole.

I would expect you to know
the difference.

Well, he's got a name.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- What's your name?
- Brian.

See?

My condolences.

What's your name?

What's yours?

- Claire.
- Claire?

Claire. It's a family name.

- It's a fat girl's name.
- Oh, thank you.

- You're welcome.
- I'm not fat.

Not at present, but I can see you
really pushing maximum density.

You see, I'm not sure if you know this,
but there are two kinds of fat people.

There's fat people
that were born to be fat

and there's fat people that were
once thin, but they became fat.

So when you look at them, you can
sort of see that thin person inside.

You see, you're gonna get married.

You're gonna squeeze out
a few puppies, and then...

Oh. Obscene finger gestures
from such a pristine girl.

I'm not that pristine.

Are you a virgin?

I'll bet you a million dollars
that you are.

Let's end the suspense.

Is it going to be a white wedding?

Why don't you just shut up?

Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth?

Have you ever been felt up

over the bra, under the blouse,

your shoes off,

hoping to God
your parents don't walk in?

Do you want me to puke?

Over the panties,

no bra,

blouse unbuttoned,

Calvins in a ball on the front seat
past 11:00 on a school night?

Leave her alone.

I said leave her alone.

You gonna make me?

Yeah.

You and how many of your friends?

Just me.

Just you and me. Two hits.

Me hitting you. You hitting the floor.
Anytime you're ready, pal.

I don't want to get into this, man.

Why not?

Because I'd kill you.

It's real simple.

I'd kill you and your fucking parents
would sue me, and it'd be a big mess.

I don't care enough about you to bother.

Chickenshit.

Let's end this right now.

You don't talk to her.
You don't look at her.

And you don't even think about her!
You understand me?

I'm trying to help her.

Brian, how you doing?

Your dad work here?

- Carl?
- What?

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

How does one become a janitor?

You want to be a janitor?

No. I just want to know
how one becomes a janitor,

because Andrew here

is very interested in pursuing
a career in the custodial arts.

Oh, really?

You guys think I'm some untouchable
peasant, serf, peon, you know?

Maybe so. But following a broom around
after shitheads like you

for the last eight years,
I've learned a couple of things.

I look through your letters.
I look through your lockers.

I listen to your conversations.
You don't know that, but I do.

I am the eyes and ears
of this institution, my friends.

By the way, that clock's
20 minutes fast.

Shit.

All right, girls.
That's 30 minutes for lunch.

- Here?
- Here.

I think the cafeteria would be a more
suitable place for us to eat lunch in.

I don't care what you think, Andrew.

Dick?

Excuse me, Rich.
Will milk be made available to us?

We're extremely thirsty, sir.

I have a really low tolerance
for dehydration.

I've seen her dehydrated, sir.
It's pretty gross.

Relax. I'll get it.

Grab some wood there, bub.

What, do you think I was born yesterday?

You think I'm going to have you
roaming these halls?

You.

And you. Hey!

What's her name? Wake her up.

Hey, come on. On your feet, Missy.
Let's go! This is no rest home.

There's a soft drink machine
in the teachers' lounge. Let's go.

So what's your poison?

What do you drink?

Okay. Forget I asked.

Vodka.

Vodka? When do you drink vodka?

Whenever.

A lot?

Tons.

Is that why you're here today?

- Why are you here?
- Why are you here?

I'm here today because...

Because my coach and my father
don't want me to blow my ride.

I get treated differently
because coach thinks I'm a winner.

So does my old man.

I'm not a winner
because I want to be one.

I'm a winner because I got strength
and speed, kind of like a racehorse.

That's about how involved
I am in what's happening to me.

Yeah?

That's very interesting.

Now why don't you tell me
why you're really in here.

Forget it.

Claire? Want to see a picture of a guy
with elephantiasis of the nuts?

- It's pretty tasty.
- No, thank you.

How do you think he rides a bike?

Claire? Would you consider
dating a guy like this?

Can't you just leave me alone?
I mean, if he had a great personality,

was a good dancer and had a cool car?

You'd probably have to ride in the backseat
because his nuts would ride shotgun.

You know what I wish I was doing?

Watch what you say.
Brian here is a cherry.

A cherry?

I wish I was in a plane to France.

I'm not a cherry.

When have you ever gotten laid?

I've laid lots of times.

Name one.

She lives in Canada.

I met her at Niagara Falls.
You wouldn't know her.

Ever laid anyone around here?

Oh. You and Claire did it?

- What are you talking about?
- Nothing. Nothing.

Let's just drop it, okay?
We'll talk about it later.

What are you talking about?

Brian's trying to tell me

that in addition to the number of girls
in the Niagara Falls area,

that presently you and he
are riding the hobby horse.

- Little pig.
- No, I'm not.

John said I was a cherry, and I said
I wasn't. That's all that was said.

Then what were you motioning
to Claire for?

I don't appreciate this
very much, Brian.

He is lying.

You weren't motioning to Claire?

You know he's lying, right?

Were you or were you not
motioning to Claire?

Yeah, but it was only...

it was only because I didn't want her
to know I was a virgin.

Excuse me for being a virgin. I'm sorry.

Why didn't you want me to know
you were a virgin?

Because it's personal business.
It's my personal, private business.

Well, Brian, it doesn't sound
like you're doing any business.

I think it's okay for a guy
to be a virgin.

You do?

What's in there?

Guess. Where's your lunch?

You're wearing it.

You're nauseating.

What's that?

Sushi.

Sushi?

Rice, raw fish and seaweed.

You won't accept a guy's tongue
in your mouth, and you're gonna eat that?

Can I eat?

I don't know. Give it a try.

What's your problem?

What are we having?

It's your standard,
regular lunch, I guess.

- Milk?
- Soup.

- That's apple juice.
- I can read.

PB&J with the crusts cut off.

Well, Brian, this is a very
nutritious lunch.

All the food groups are represented.

Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?

No, Mr. Johnson.

Here's my impression of life
at big Bri's house.

"Son?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"How's your day, pal?"

"Great, Dad."

"How's yours?"

"Super."

"Say, son, how'd you like
to go fishing this weekend?"

"Great, Dad. But I've got homework to do."

"That's all right, son.
You can do it on the boat."

"Gee!"

"Dear, isn't our son swell?"

"Yes, dear."

"isn't life swell?"

"Oh..."

All right. What about your family?

- Who, mine?
- Yeah.

It's real easy.

"Stupid, worthless, no-good,"

"goddamn freeloading son of a bitch."

"Retarded, big mouth,
know-it-all, asshole, jerk."

"You forgot ugly,
lazy and disrespectful."

"Shut up, bitch!
Go fix me a turkey potpie."

"What about you, Dad?"

"Fuck you."

"No, Dad. What about you?" "Fuck you!"

Bam!

Is that for real?

You want to come over sometime?

That's bullshit.
It's all part of your image.

I don't believe a word of it.

You don't believe me?

- No.
- No?

Did I stutter?

Do you believe this? Huh?

It's about the size of a cigar.
Do I stutter?

See, this is what you get in my house
when you spill paint in the garage.

I don't think that I need to sit
with you fucking dildos anymore.

Fuck!

You shouldn't have said that.

How did I know?

I mean, he lies about everything anyway.

Oh, shit.

Coffee. Looks like it's been scraped
off the bottom of the Mississippi River.

Everything's polluted.
Everything's polluted.

The coffee's polluted.
The kids are polluted.

How do you know where Vernon went?

I don't.

Then how do you know when he'll be back?

I don't.

Being bad feels pretty good. Huh?

What's the point of going
to Bender's locker?

Beats me.

This is so stupid.
Why are we risking getting caught?

I don't know.

So then what are we doing?

You ask me one more question,
and I'm beating the shit out of you.

Sorry.

You're such a slob.

My maid's on vacation.

It's drugs.

Screw that, Bender. Put it back.

Drugs. The boy has marijuana.

- That was marijuana.
- Shut up, dick.

Do you approve of this?

We'll cross through the lab,
and then we'll double back.

You better be right.

If Vernon cuts us off,
it's your fault, asshole.

What did he say? Where are we going?

Wait. Wait. Hold it. Hold it.

- We have to go through the cafeteria.
- No, the activities hall.

Hey, you don't know
what you're talking about.

You don't know.

We're through listening to you.
We're going this way.

You go where you want,
mother hen. Come on!

Shit!

- Great idea, jag-off.
- Fuck you.

Fuck you. Why didn't you listen to John?

We're dead.

No. Just me.

What do you mean?

Get back to the library.
Keep your unit out of it.

I wanna be an airborne ranger.

I wanna be an airborne ranger.

That son of a bitch.

Before the day I die.

There's five things I want to ride.

Bicycle, tricycle, automobile.

Virgin's mother and a Ferris wheel.

I wanna be an airborne ranger.

Three, two, one!

Bender! Bender! What is this?

What are you doing here? What is this?

Hi.

Out! That's it, Bender. Out! It's over.

Don't you want to hear my excuse?

Out.

I'm thinking of trying out
for a scholarship.

Give me the ball, Bender.
Give me that ball.

Get your stuff. Let's go.

Mr. Wise Guy here's taken upon himself
to go to the gymnasium.

I'm sorry to inform you,

you're going to be without his services
for the rest of the day.

B-O-O-H-O-O.

Everything's a big joke, huh, Bender?
The false alarm you pulled Friday...

False alarms are really funny,
aren't they?

What if your home...
What if your family...

What if your dope was on fire?

Impossible, sir.
It's in Johnson's underwear.

You think he's funny?

You think this is cute?
You think he's bitching? Is that it?

Let me tell you something. Look at him.

He's a bum.

You want to see something funny?
You go visit John Bender in five years.

You'll see how goddamn funny he is.

What's the matter, John?
You going to cry?

- Let's go.
- Keep your fucking hands off me!

I expect better manners from you, Dick.

For better hallway vision.

That's the last time, Bender.

That's the last time you ever make me
look bad in front of those kids.

Do you hear me?

I make $31,000 a year,
and I've got a home.

And I'm not about to throw it away
on some punk like you.

But someday, man,
someday when you're out of here,

and you've forgotten all about this place,
and they've forgotten about you,

and you're wrapped up
in your own pathetic life

I'm gonna be there.

That's right. And I'm gonna kick
the living shit out of you, man.

I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.

You threatening me?

What are you going to do about it?

You think anybody's gonna believe you?

You think anybody is gonna
take your word over mine?

I'm a man of respect around here.
They love me around here.

I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack
of shit, and everybody knows it.

You're a real tough guy.
Hey, hey. Come on.

Get on your feet, pal!
Let's find out how tough you are.

I wanna know, right now,
how tough you are. Come on.

I'll give you the first punch.
Let's go. Come on. Right here.

Just take the first shot. Please.
I'm begging you. Take a shot. Right here.

Just take one shot. That's all I need.
Just one swing.

That's what I thought.

You're a gutless turd.

A naked blond walks into a bar
with a poodle under one arm

and a two-foot salami under the other.

She lays the poodle on the table.

Bartender says, "I suppose
you won't be needing a drink."

Naked lady says... Oh, shit!

Jesus Christ Almighty!

Forgot my pencil.

God damn it!

What in God's name is going on in here?

What was that ruckus?

What ruckus?

I was in my office,
and I heard a ruckus.

Could you describe the ruckus, sir.

Watch your tongue, young man. Watch it.

What is this?

What is that? What... What...
What is that noise?

What noise?

Really, sir, there wasn't any noise.

That noise? Was that the noise
you were talking about?

No, it wasn't. That was not
the noise I was talking about.

Now, I may not have caught you in
the act this time, but you can bet I will.

You make book on that, Missy.

And you! I will not be made a fool of.

It was an accident.

You're an asshole.

Sue me.

So, Ahab, can I have all my doobage?

Yo, wastoid.
You're not gonna blaze up in here.

Shit.

Chicks cannot hold their smoke.
That's what it is.

Do you know how popular I am?

I am so popular. Everybody
loves me so much at this school.

Poor baby.

Five.

Mr... Oh, Mr. Tierney.

A history of slight mental illness.

No wonder he's so fucked up.

Afternoon, Dick.

- Hey, Carl. How you doing?
- Good.

- Good. What's up?
- Not much.

What's happening?
What are you doing in the basement files?

Oh, nothing. Nothing here.
Just doing a little homework.

- Homework, huh?
- Yeah.

Confidential files, huh?

Look, Carl. This is a highly sensitive area,
and I tell you something.

Certain people would be very,
very embarrassed.

I would really appreciate it
if this would be something

that you and I could keep between us.

What are you gonna do for me, man?

What would you like?

Got 50 bucks?

What?

Fifty bucks.

No, no, no, man.
No, you got a middle name?

Yeah, guess.

Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke.

Your birthday, it's March 12.
You're 5'91 /2".

You weigh 130 pounds.

And your social security number is

049380913.

Wow.

- Are you a psychic?
- No.

Would you mind telling me
how you know all this about me?

I stole your wallet.

Give it to me.

- No.
- Give it!

- This is great. You're a thief, too, huh?
- I'm not a thief.

Multitalented.

What's there to steal?

Two bucks and a beaver shot.

A what?

He's got a nudie picture in there.
I saw it. It's perverted.

All right. Let's see it.

Are all these your girlfriends?

Some of them.

What about the others?

Well, some I consider my girlfriends,
and some I just consider.

Consider what?

Whether or not I
wanna hang out with them.

You don't believe
in just one guy, one girl?

- Do you?
- Yeah.

It's the way it should be.

Well, not for me.

Why not?

How come you got
so much shit in your purse?

How come you have so many girlfriends?

I asked you first.

I don't know. I guess
I never threw anything away.

Neither do I.

Oh.

This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen.

Do you realize you made yourself 68?

I know. I know. I goofed it.

What do you need a fake I.D. for?

So I can vote.

You wanna see what's in my bag?

No.

Holy shit!

What is all that stuff?

Do you always carry
this much shit in your bag?

Yeah.

I always carry this much shit in my bag.

You never know when you may have to jam.

Are you gonna be, like,
a shopping bag lady?

You know, like, sit in alleyways

and talk to buildings and wear men's shoes
and that kind of thing?

I'll do what I have to do.

Why do you have to do anything?

My home life is unsatisfying.

So you're saying you'd subject yourself
to the violent dangers

of these Chicago streets
because your home life is unsatisfying?

I don't have to run away
and live in the street.

I can run away
and I can go to the ocean.

I can go to the country.
I can go to the mountains.

I could go to Israel,
Africa, Afghanistan.

Andy, wanna get in on this?

Allison here says she wants to run away
because her home life is unsatisfying.

Well, everyone's home life
is unsatisfying.

And if it wasn't, people would live
with their parents forever.

Yeah, yeah, I understand,
but I think hers goes beyond

what, you know, guys like you
and me consider normal unsatisfying.

Never mind. Forget it.
Everything's cool.

- What's the deal?
- No.

There's no deal, sporto.

Forget it. Leave me alone.

Wait a minute.

You're carrying all that crap
around in your purse.

Either you really wanna run away,

or you want people
to think you wanna run away.

Eat shit.

The girl is an island
unto herself, okay?

Hi.

- You wanna talk?
- No.

Why not?

Go away.

Where do you want me to go?

Go away!

You have problems.

Oh, I have problems.

You do everything everybody
ever tells you to do. That is a problem.

Okay, fine. But I didn't dump
my purse out on the couch

and invite people
into my problems, did I?

So what's wrong?

What is it?

Is it bad?

Real bad?

Parents?

Yeah.

What do they do to you?

They ignore me.

Yeah.

What did you wanna be
when you were young?

When I was a kid,
I wanted to be John Lennon.

Carl, don't be a goof.

I'm trying to make a serious point here.

Carl, I've been teaching for 22 years.

And each year, these kids
get more and more arrogant.

Oh, bullshit, man. Come on, Vern.

The kids haven't changed, you have.

You took a teaching position
'cause you thought it'd be fun, right?

Thought you could have
summer vacations off.

And then you found out
it was actually work.

That really bummed you out.

These kids turned on me.

They think I'm a big fucking joke.

Come on.

Listen, Vern. If you were 16,
what would you think of you?

Hey, Carl, you think I give one rat's ass
what these kids think of me?

Yes, I do.

You think about this.
When you get old, these kids...

When I get old, they're gonna
be running the country.

Yeah.

Now this is the thought that wakes me
up in the middle of the night.

When I get older, these kids
are gonna take care of me.

I wouldn't count on it.

What would I do for a million bucks?

I guess I'd do as little as I had to.

That's boring.

Well, how am I supposed to answer?

The idea is to, like, search
your mind for the absolute limit.

Like, would you drive to school naked?

Would I have to get out of the car?

Of course.

In the spring or winter?

Doesn't matter. Spring.

In front of the school
or in back of the school?

Either one.

Yes.

I'd do that.

I'll do anything sexual. I don't need
a million dollars to do it, either.

You're lying.

I already have.

I've done just about everything there is,
except a few things that are illegal.

I'm a nymphomaniac.

Lie.

Are your parents aware of this?

The only person I told was my shrink.

What did he do when you told him?

He nailed me.

Very nice.

I don't think that
from a legal standpoint

what he did can be construed
as rape since I paid him.

He's an adult.

Yeah. He's married, too.

Do you have any idea
how completely gross that is?

- Well, the first few times...
- The first few times?

- You mean, he did it more than once?
- Sure.

Are you crazy?

Obviously she's crazy
if she's screwing her shrink.

Have you ever done it?

I don't even have a psychiatrist.

Have you ever done it
with a normal person?

Didn't we already cover this?

You never answered the question.

Look. I'm not going to discuss
my private life with total strangers.

It's kind of a double-edged sword,
isn't it?

A what?

If you say you haven't, you're a prude.

If you say you have, you're a slut.
It's a trap.

You want to, but you can't.

And when you do,
you wish you didn't, right?

Wrong.

Or are you a tease?

She's a tease.

I'm sure. Why don't you forget it?

You're a tease and you know it.
All girls are teases.

She's only a tease
if what she does gets you hot.

I don't do anything!

That's why you're a tease.

Okay, let me ask you a few questions.

- I already told you everything.
- No.

Doesn't it bother you to sleep around
without being in love?

Don't you want respect?

I don't screw to get respect.

That's the difference
between you and me.

It's not the only difference I hope.

Face it, you're a tease.

I'm not a tease.

Sure you are. Sex is your weapon.

You said it yourself.
You use it to get respect.

No, I never said that.
She twisted my words around.

What do you use it for, then?

I don't use it, period!

Are you medically frigid
or is it psychological?

I didn't mean it that way. You guys
are putting words into my mouth.

Well, if you'd just answer the question.

Why don't you just answer the question?

Be honest. No big deal. Yeah, answer it.

- Just answer the question, Claire.
- Talk to us.

- Answer the question!
- Answer the question!

- Don't be a jerk!
- It's easy. It's only one question.

No, I never did it!

I never did it, either.

I'm not a nymphomaniac.
I'm a compulsive liar.

You are such a bitch!

You did that on purpose
just to fuck me over!

I would do it, though.
If you love someone, it's okay.

I can't believe you. You're so weird.

You don't say anything all day,
and then when you open your mouth

you unload all these
tremendous lies all over me.

You're just pissed off
because she got you

to admit something
you didn't want to admit to.

Okay, fine. But that doesn't make it
any less bizarre.

What's bizarre? I mean,
we're all pretty bizarre.

Some of us are just better
at hiding it, that's all.

How are you bizarre?

He can't think for himself.

She's right.

Do you guys know
what I did to get in here?

I taped Larry Lester's buns together.

That was you?

Yeah. You know him?

Yeah, I know him.

Then you know how hairy he is, right?

When they pulled the tape off, most
of his hair came off and some skin, too.

Oh, my God.

The bizarre thing is,
is that I did it for my old man.

I tortured this poor kid

because I wanted him
to think that I was cool.

He's always going off about,
you know, when he was in school.

All the wild things he used to do.

And I got the feeling
that he was disappointed

that I never cut loose on anyone, right.

So, I'm sitting in the locker room
and I'm taping up my knee.

And Larry's undressing
a couple lockers down from me.

And he's kind of... He's kind of skinny.
He's weak.

And I started thinking about my father
and his attitude about weakness.

And the next thing I knew

I jumped on top of him
and started wailing on him.

And my friends, they just laughed
and cheered me on.

And afterwards,

when I was sitting in Vernon's office,

all I could think about

was Larry's father

and Larry having to go home

and explain what happened to him.

And the humiliation.

Fucking humiliation he must have felt.

It must have been unreal.

I mean, how do you apologize
for something like that?

There's no way.

It's all because of me and my old man.

God, I fucking hate him.

He's like this...

He's like this mindless machine
that I can't even relate to anymore.

"Andrew! You've got to be number one!"

"I won't tolerate any losers
in this family."

"Your intensity is for shit!
Win! Win! Win!"

You son of a bitch.

You know, sometimes I wish
my knee would give,

then I wouldn't be able
to wrestle anymore.

Then he could forget all about me.

I think your old man and my old man
should get together and go bowling.

It's like me, you know, with my grades.

Like when I...
When I step outside myself

and like when I look in
at myself, you know.

And I... And I see me.

I don't like what I see.

I really don't.

What's wrong with you?
Why don't you like yourself?

Sounds stupid, but,

because I'm failing shop.

We had this assignment, you know,
to make this, like, ceramic elephant

and we had eight weeks to do it.

And then, you know, we're supposed to...
it was, like, a lamp.

And when, you know, when you pull it,
the trunk, the light was supposed to go on.

But my light didn't go on.

I got an F on it.

I've never got an F in my life.

When I signed up, you know,
for the course, I mean,

I thought I was playing it
real smart, you know,

'cause I thought,
you know, I'll take shop.

It'll be such an easy way to maintain
my grade point average.

Why'd you think it'd be easy?

Have you seen some of the dopes
that take shop?

I take shop.
You must be a fucking idiot.

I'm a fucking idiot
because I can't make a lamp?

No, you're a genius
because you can't make a lamp.

What do you know about trigonometry?

I could care less about trigonometry.

Bender, did you know without trigonometry,
there'd be no engineering?

Without lamps, there'd be no light.

Okay, so neither one of you
is any better than the other one.

I can write with my toes.

I can also eat, brush my teeth.

With your feet?

Play Heart And Soul on the piano.

I can make spaghetti.

What can you do?

I can tape all of your buns together.

I wanna see what Claire can do.

I can't do anything.

Everybody can do something.

There's one thing I can do.

No, forget it.
It's way too embarrassing.

You ever seen Wild Kingdom?

That guy's been doing
that show for 30 years.

Okay.

But you have to swear to God
you won't laugh.

Okay.

I can't believe I'm actually doing this.

All right. That's great!
Where'd you learn to do that?

Camp. Seventh grade.

That was great, Claire.

My image of you is totally blown.

You're a shit. Don't do that to her.
You swore to God you wouldn't laugh.

Am I laughing?

You fucking prick!

What do you care what I think anyway?

I don't even count, right?

I could disappear forever
and it wouldn't make any difference.

I may as well not even exist
at this school, remember?

And you don't like me anyway.

You know, I have just
as many feelings as you do

and it hurts just as much
when somebody steps all over them.

God, you're so pathetic.

Don't you ever,
ever compare yourself to me, okay?

You got everything, and I got shit.

Fucking Rapunzel, right?

School would probably shut down
if you didn't show up.

Queenie isn't here.

I like those earrings, Claire.

Shut up.

Are those real diamonds, Claire?

Shut up!

I bet they are.
Did you work for the money...

- Shut your mouth!
- ...for those earrings?

- Or did your daddy buy those for you?
- Shut up!

I bet he bought those for you.

I bet those were
a Christmas gift, right?

You know what I got
for Christmas this year?

It was a banner fucking year
at the old Bender family.

I got a carton of cigarettes.

The old man grabbed me and said,
"Hey, smoke up, Johnny."

Okay, so go home and cry to your daddy.
Don't cry here, okay?

My God, are we gonna be
like our parents?

Not me.

Ever.

It's unavoidable.

It just happens.

What happens?

When you grow up, your heart dies.

Who cares?

I care.

I was just thinking, I mean,

I know it's kind of a weird time,
but I was just wondering,

what is going to happen to us on Monday,
when we're all together again?

I mean, I consider you guys my friends.

I'm not wrong, am I?

No.

So... So on Monday, what happens?

Are we still friends, you mean?

If we're friends now, that is.

Yeah.

Do you want the truth?

Yeah, I want the truth.

I don't think so.

With all of us or just John?

With all of you.

That's a real nice attitude, Claire.

Oh, be honest, Andy.

If Brian came walking up to you in the hall
on Monday, what would you do?

I mean, picture this.
You're there with all the sports.

I know exactly what you'd do.
You'd say hi to him, and when he left

you'd cut him all up so your friends
wouldn't think you really liked him.

No way.

Okay.

What if I came up to you?

Same exact thing.

You are a bitch!

Why, 'cause I'm telling the truth?
That makes me a bitch?

No, 'cause you know how shitty
that is to do to someone.

And you don't got the balls
to stand up to your friends

and tell them you're gonna like
who you wanna like.

Okay, what about you, you hypocrite?

Why don't you take Allison to one
of your heavy metal vomit parties?

Or take Brian out to the parking lot
at lunch to get high?

Or what about Andy, for that matter?
What about me?

What would your friends say if we
were walking down the hall together?

They'd laugh their asses off,

and you'd probably tell them
you were doing it with me

so they'd forgive you
for being seen with me.

Don't you ever talk about my friends!

You don't know any of my friends,
you don't look at any of my friends,

and you certainly wouldn't condescend
to speak to any of my friends!

So you just stick
to the things you know,

shopping, nail polish,
your father's BMW, and your poor, rich,

- drunk mother in the Caribbean.
- Shut up!

As far as being concerned
about what's gonna happen

when you and I walk down
the hallways of school,

you can forget it,
'cause it's never gonna happen.

Just bury your head in the sand
and wait for your fucking prom!

I hate you!

Yeah? Good!

Okay, then I assume Allison and I
are better people than you guys, huh?

Us weirdoes.

Would you... Would you do that to me?

I don't have any friends.

Well, if you did.

No.

I don't think the kind of friends
I'd have would mind.

Well, I just wanna tell each of you
that I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't and I will not.

'Cause I think that's real shitty.

Your friends wouldn't mind
because they look up to us.

You're so conceited, Claire.

You're so conceited.

You're so, like, full of yourself.
Why are you like that?

I'm not saying that to be conceited.

I hate it. I hate having to go along
with everything my friends say.

Well, then why do you do it?

I don't know. I don't...

You don't understand. You don't...

You're not friends with the same kind
of people that Andy and I are friends with.

You know, you just don't understand
the pressure that they can put on you.

I don't understand what?

You think I don't
understand pressure, Claire?

Well, fuck you! Fuck you!

You know why I'm here today?

Do you?

I'm here

because Mr. Ryan found a gun
in my locker.

Why'd you have a gun in your locker?

I tried.

When you pull the fucking trunk on it,
the light's supposed to go on.

It didn't go on.

What's the gun for, Brian?

Just forget it.

You brought it up, man.

I can't have an F.

I can't have it, and I know
my parents can't have it.

Even if I ace the rest of the semester,
I'm still only a B.

Everything's ruined for me.

Brian.

What?

Considering my options, you know.

No, killing yourself is not an option.

Well, I didn't do it, did I?
No, I don't think so.

It was a handgun?

No, it was a flare gun.
It went off in my locker.

Really?

It's not funny.

Yes, it is.

Fucking elephant was destroyed.

You wanna know
what I did to get in here?

Nothing.

I didn't have anything better to do.

You're laughing at me.

- No!
- Yeah, you are.

Brian?

Mmm?

Are you gonna write your paper?

Yeah. Why?

Well, it's kind of a waste for all of us
to write our paper, don't you think?

Well, that's what Vernon wants us to do.

True. But I think we'd all
kind of say the same thing.

You just don't wanna
write your paper, right?

True, but you're the smartest, right?

Well...

We trust you.

Yeah.

All right. I'll do it.

Great.

Come on.

Where we going?

Come on.

Don't be afraid.

Don't stick that in my eye.
I'm not sticking...

Just close it. No, wait, wait.
Just go like... Go like that.

Good.

You know, you really do look better
without all that black shit on your eyes.

Hey, I like that black shit.

This looks a lot better.

Look up.

Please. Why are you being so nice to me?

'Cause you're letting me.

You lost?

Thank you.

Why'd you do that?

'Cause I knew you wouldn't.

You know how you said before how your
parents use you to get back at each other?

Wouldn't I be outstanding
in that capacity?

Were you really disgusted
about what I did with my lipstick?

Truth?

Truth.

No.

What happened to you?

Why? Claire did it.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

It's just... You're just so different,
you know.

I can see your face.

Is that good or bad?

That's good.

- See you, Brian.
- Hey, Carl.

See you next Saturday.

You bet.

Dear Mr. Vernon.

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice
a whole Saturday in detention

for whatever it was we did wrong

but we think you're crazy
to make us write an essay

telling you who we think we are.

You see us as you want to see us,

in the simplest terms,
with the most convenient definitions.

But what we found out is that
each one of us is a brain.

And an athlete.

And a basket case.

A princess.

And a criminal.

Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.