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BOW: My Aunt Denise was the coolest.
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She had killer dance moves,
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awesome style, and she was so funny.
4
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Which is why my dad always
wanted to be friends with her.
5
00:00:12,792 --> 00:00:15,057
A new puzzle. Want to jigsaw with me?
6
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Do I look infirm?
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But it never really worked out.
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Hey, Denise. Want a beer?
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[Beer thuds, fizzes]
10
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No.
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♪ Looks into my eyes ♪
12
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- Uh-uh-uh.
- Uh-uh-uh.
13
00:00:26,263 --> 00:00:27,998
- Hey!
- Hey!
14
00:00:28,065 --> 00:00:30,924
My siblings and I were all
super-close with Aunt Denise.
15
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- Ooh!
- ♪ Oh, I lose control ♪
16
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And Paul!
17
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♪ Can't seem to get enough ♪
18
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But when it came to my dad...
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Look at what you did.
You ruined handshakes. Go.
20
00:00:41,285 --> 00:00:43,403
...she wouldn't give him
the time of day.
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00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:45,281
You are boring that poor boy to death.
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Which I know isn't easy
because he's used to Paul.
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I'm sorry, but he does not have
24
00:00:49,452 --> 00:00:52,120
the right "pigmentation situation."
25
00:00:52,195 --> 00:00:54,223
- Paul's taking them.
- But I don't like Paul.
26
00:00:54,290 --> 00:00:56,793
Even still, my dad was always
27
00:00:56,858 --> 00:00:59,528
looking for opportunities
to bond with her.
28
00:00:59,595 --> 00:01:02,065
Okay, so you know that shawl
I bought for myself
29
00:01:02,132 --> 00:01:04,767
for not getting any
parking tickets last month?
30
00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:06,669
Well, it turns out
it looks more like a cape.
31
00:01:06,737 --> 00:01:09,172
I can't be out here looking
like Wonder Woman's auntie.
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Why don't you return it?
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I would, except for I can't
find the receipt anywhere.
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I even taped together
everything from the shredder,
35
00:01:16,246 --> 00:01:19,627
but it was all just pictures of
my ex and a jury duty summons.
36
00:01:19,682 --> 00:01:20,549
Hmm.
37
00:01:20,615 --> 00:01:22,117
I could do it for you.
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[Scoffs] Yeah, they never
give him a hard time.
39
00:01:24,353 --> 00:01:28,324
In fact, a couple of weeks ago,
he returned opened underwear,
40
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and they gave him a full refund.
41
00:01:30,359 --> 00:01:31,760
- In cash.
- Without a receipt?
42
00:01:31,827 --> 00:01:33,630
- Yup.
- Open underpants?
43
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"Slightly used" open underpants.
44
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See?
45
00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:38,601
Paul wouldn't mind
helping you out with this.
46
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Oh, I couldn't put you out.
47
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No, no, I'll do it. I-I'll do it.
48
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C'mon, let me do it.
49
00:01:43,606 --> 00:01:45,207
- Okay.
- Ahh.
50
00:01:45,275 --> 00:01:47,809
Looks like Master Alabaster and
I are finally gonna hang out.
51
00:01:47,877 --> 00:01:49,345
Maybe don't call him that.
52
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,781
No, no, no, that's fine.
She just gave me a nickname.
53
00:01:51,847 --> 00:01:54,316
I'm free anytime, D-Cup.
54
00:01:54,383 --> 00:01:56,452
♪♪
55
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,488
Oh, God, no. No.
56
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It's just because you're holding a cup.
57
00:02:00,123 --> 00:02:01,892
The D...
58
00:02:01,958 --> 00:02:03,458
Sorry.
59
00:02:03,526 --> 00:02:04,660
Mnh-mnh.
60
00:02:04,726 --> 00:02:05,780
♪ In the mix ♪
61
00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:07,997
♪ Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ♪
62
00:02:08,063 --> 00:02:10,465
♪ But they can't stop us ♪
63
00:02:10,533 --> 00:02:12,735
♪ 'Cause we got a love ♪
64
00:02:12,801 --> 00:02:15,337
♪ That keeps rising up ♪
65
00:02:15,404 --> 00:02:16,539
♪ In the mix ♪
66
00:02:16,606 --> 00:02:18,307
♪ Life turns around ♪
67
00:02:18,374 --> 00:02:20,076
♪ 'Round and 'round it goes ♪
68
00:02:20,142 --> 00:02:22,245
♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ♪
♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up ♪
69
00:02:22,312 --> 00:02:24,047
♪ And that's for sure ♪
♪ Mixed-up ♪
70
00:02:24,112 --> 00:02:25,848
♪ In the mix ♪
♪ Baby ♪
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00:02:25,914 --> 00:02:27,421
♪ We're gonna get by ♪
72
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♪ We're gonna ♪
♪ On our own, side by side ♪
73
00:02:29,684 --> 00:02:32,622
♪ Love's all we need to be free ♪
♪ Lo-o-o-ve is all ♪
74
00:02:32,688 --> 00:02:34,757
♪ I got you, you got me ♪
75
00:02:34,824 --> 00:02:37,293
♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪
76
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,229
♪ I-I-In the mix ♪
77
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♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪
78
00:02:41,831 --> 00:02:44,300
♪ I-I-In the mix-ish ♪
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My dad was more than happy
to return my aunt's shawl
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00:02:48,271 --> 00:02:50,240
if it meant getting
to hang out with her,
81
00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:53,376
and my aunt was just happy
to never see that shawl again.
82
00:02:53,443 --> 00:02:54,678
Here you go. Full refund.
83
00:02:54,743 --> 00:02:56,779
[Laughs] Wow, Paul!
84
00:02:56,847 --> 00:02:59,716
I thought today was gonna be
awkward and a waste of time,
85
00:02:59,783 --> 00:03:02,032
but now that I have $30 in my hand,
86
00:03:02,118 --> 00:03:03,385
I feel differently.
87
00:03:03,452 --> 00:03:05,821
Believe it or not,
that was the first compliment
88
00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,624
my aunt had ever given my father.
89
00:03:07,690 --> 00:03:08,957
Goodbye.
90
00:03:09,025 --> 00:03:10,126
W-Wait.
91
00:03:10,193 --> 00:03:12,094
I-Is there anything else
I can help you with?
92
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,231
Well, I was thinking about
returning my ThighMaster,
93
00:03:15,297 --> 00:03:17,332
but then I realized
it's at the perfect angle
94
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,269
to prop open my window
when I need to scream
95
00:03:19,336 --> 00:03:21,138
at the neighbor's kids to keep it down.
96
00:03:21,204 --> 00:03:22,504
They do not like me.
97
00:03:22,571 --> 00:03:24,073
Well, you know, I... I can do more
98
00:03:24,140 --> 00:03:26,276
than just return things
without receipts.
99
00:03:26,343 --> 00:03:28,378
♪♪
100
00:03:28,444 --> 00:03:29,980
Like what?
101
00:03:30,046 --> 00:03:32,414
Have you ever used a bathroom
at a restaurant
102
00:03:32,481 --> 00:03:33,716
that you were not eating at?
103
00:03:33,783 --> 00:03:34,952
Of course not.
104
00:03:36,086 --> 00:03:38,588
Look, society reinforces my entitlement,
105
00:03:38,654 --> 00:03:40,622
and I use it all the time
to help Alicia.
106
00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:42,157
So let me help you out.
107
00:03:42,224 --> 00:03:44,093
I am conditioned to believe
that the world is my oyster,
108
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,362
so why not take the pearl?
109
00:03:46,428 --> 00:03:47,931
That's not a saying,
110
00:03:47,997 --> 00:03:49,833
but I'm scooping up
what you're slapping down.
111
00:03:49,898 --> 00:03:51,676
Also not a saying.
112
00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:53,450
Can you help me use
some expired coupons?
113
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- Easy.
- What about going to a hotel pool
114
00:03:55,606 --> 00:03:56,596
without being a guest?
115
00:03:56,621 --> 00:03:58,199
Well, if the pool is empty,
who's it hurting?
116
00:03:58,241 --> 00:03:59,876
What if I wanted to mouth off to a cop,
117
00:03:59,943 --> 00:04:01,511
then punch his police horse?
118
00:04:01,576 --> 00:04:02,746
Absolutely not.
119
00:04:02,812 --> 00:04:04,880
Okay, that was a test. You passed.
120
00:04:04,948 --> 00:04:08,451
I would never hurt a horse.
They're nature's statues.
121
00:04:08,517 --> 00:04:12,421
♪♪
122
00:04:12,487 --> 00:04:13,455
- [Sighs]
- Careful. Careful.
123
00:04:13,522 --> 00:04:14,924
Uh, y'all better not
124
00:04:14,991 --> 00:04:17,427
be trying to sneak another pet
into this house.
125
00:04:17,494 --> 00:04:21,122
- These are chocolate bars.
- Hmm.
126
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:23,232
We have to sell these
for a school fundraiser.
127
00:04:23,298 --> 00:04:25,668
The top-selling family
wins a mystery grand prize.
128
00:04:25,735 --> 00:04:27,470
And the three of us have come up with
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00:04:27,536 --> 00:04:29,605
a foolproof plan to get it.
130
00:04:29,672 --> 00:04:30,805
Great. What is it?
131
00:04:30,872 --> 00:04:32,675
You're gonna buy them all.
132
00:04:32,742 --> 00:04:34,511
No, I'm not.
133
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,646
Fine. Where's Dad? He's a sucker.
134
00:04:36,713 --> 00:04:38,081
No, he's not.
135
00:04:39,915 --> 00:04:42,485
Okay, but you're not
gonna learn anything
136
00:04:42,552 --> 00:04:44,254
if we do all the work for you.
137
00:04:44,321 --> 00:04:46,155
But all my friends use their parents.
138
00:04:46,221 --> 00:04:49,091
Tommy's dad buys all of
his chocolates every year.
139
00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:52,194
Plus, the only adults we know
are you and our teachers,
140
00:04:52,261 --> 00:04:55,098
and Ms. Collins asked
to borrow money from me.
141
00:04:55,165 --> 00:04:57,833
She has a Diet Coke addiction.
142
00:04:57,901 --> 00:04:59,535
Here's what we're gonna do.
143
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,636
You guys are gonna come to my office
144
00:05:01,704 --> 00:05:03,372
and sell to my co-workers.
145
00:05:03,439 --> 00:05:04,908
Well...
146
00:05:04,975 --> 00:05:06,975
if we knew that we were actually
gonna have to sell them,
147
00:05:07,043 --> 00:05:10,245
we probably wouldn't have
signed up for so much product,
148
00:05:10,312 --> 00:05:11,714
- but okay.
- Great.
149
00:05:11,781 --> 00:05:13,315
And you'll see that
there's nothing better
150
00:05:13,382 --> 00:05:15,517
than the feeling of putting in
a hard day's work,
151
00:05:15,584 --> 00:05:17,786
especially at your first job.
152
00:05:17,853 --> 00:05:19,088
Oh, no, no, no.
153
00:05:19,155 --> 00:05:21,424
This is not gonna be my first job.
154
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:23,259
Modeling will.
155
00:05:23,326 --> 00:05:24,861
Don't act surprised.
156
00:05:24,927 --> 00:05:27,497
My first job
is going to be a fire truck.
157
00:05:27,562 --> 00:05:29,464
Don't act surprised.
158
00:05:30,365 --> 00:05:33,802
While we were about to learn
the value of honest work,
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my dad and Aunt Denise
160
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,740
were doing almost the exact opposite.
161
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♪♪
162
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Excuse me.
163
00:05:40,175 --> 00:05:42,045
I'd like to try these on.
164
00:05:43,245 --> 00:05:44,781
Paul, you up.
165
00:05:44,848 --> 00:05:46,314
No problem.
166
00:05:46,382 --> 00:05:47,783
Excuse me...
167
00:05:47,850 --> 00:05:49,317
my good friend here would like
to try these shoes on.
168
00:05:49,384 --> 00:05:51,653
Of course. Sorry about that.
Uh, what size?
169
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,488
- 7.
- Uh, let's also get a 6 1/2,
170
00:05:53,555 --> 00:05:55,824
- a 7, and a 7 1/2, just in case.
- No problem.
171
00:05:55,891 --> 00:05:57,959
And I'd like those
complimentary try-on socks
172
00:05:58,026 --> 00:05:59,795
in each of those sizes, too.
173
00:05:59,862 --> 00:06:01,430
You got it.
174
00:06:01,497 --> 00:06:03,266
I got it. [Chuckles]
175
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:04,434
You got it.
176
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:05,701
Hello, Mastercard?
177
00:06:05,769 --> 00:06:07,136
I'm going to need you to remove
178
00:06:07,204 --> 00:06:09,138
this international fee
from Denise's bill.
179
00:06:09,204 --> 00:06:10,906
♪ Yeah, baby, she's got it ♪
180
00:06:10,973 --> 00:06:12,374
He's saying you were in Mexico.
181
00:06:12,442 --> 00:06:15,343
I was in Cancún.
I wasn't in real Mexico.
182
00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:16,680
♪ I'm your Venus, I'm your fire ♪
183
00:06:16,745 --> 00:06:19,115
This is simply unacceptable.
184
00:06:19,182 --> 00:06:20,583
♪♪
185
00:06:20,649 --> 00:06:21,951
Thank you very much.
186
00:06:21,976 --> 00:06:22,851
Hey!
187
00:06:22,876 --> 00:06:23,818
[Both laugh]
188
00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:27,204
All right, now... do these.
189
00:06:27,257 --> 00:06:28,790
[Chuckles]
190
00:06:28,857 --> 00:06:30,425
♪ She's got it ♪
191
00:06:30,492 --> 00:06:32,995
See, walk in with me,
and they think you're a member.
192
00:06:33,062 --> 00:06:35,131
Does that mean
you can get us piña coladas?
193
00:06:35,197 --> 00:06:37,032
Oh, sure thing, Double D's.
194
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:38,401
Nope. I just... [Sighs]
195
00:06:38,468 --> 00:06:40,003
I'm really struggling
with a nickname for you.
196
00:06:40,069 --> 00:06:41,604
It's because your name is Dee-Dee.
197
00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:42,872
Unh-unh.
198
00:06:42,939 --> 00:06:45,107
This is fun, right?
199
00:06:45,173 --> 00:06:47,142
- We're having fun.
- Yeah.
200
00:06:47,843 --> 00:06:50,180
But you're gonna get me some nachos.
201
00:06:50,245 --> 00:06:52,180
- Right after I do this cannonball.
- [Both laugh]
202
00:06:52,247 --> 00:06:54,384
Despite this being the most fun day
203
00:06:54,451 --> 00:06:56,619
my dad had ever spent with my aunt...
204
00:06:56,685 --> 00:06:57,886
Get me some extra jalapeños!
205
00:06:57,954 --> 00:06:59,721
[Water splashes]
206
00:06:59,788 --> 00:07:04,026
...he couldn't help the nagging
feeling that he was being used.
207
00:07:04,093 --> 00:07:07,531
- Paul, get in line. Go get those drinks.
- [Sighs]
208
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,491
After helping my aunt with her errands,
209
00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:13,903
my dad took a different tactic
210
00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:15,604
to allow them to hang out.
211
00:07:15,670 --> 00:07:17,574
What are we doing here?
212
00:07:17,641 --> 00:07:18,874
Lunch.
213
00:07:18,942 --> 00:07:20,143
Lunch?
214
00:07:20,209 --> 00:07:21,977
Like, "Eating 90% of your salad,
215
00:07:22,045 --> 00:07:24,180
- then finding a sock in it" lunch?
- [Chuckles]
216
00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:26,682
Or just you and me sitting down
in front of food?
217
00:07:26,749 --> 00:07:28,184
Yeah, just you and me hanging out
218
00:07:28,249 --> 00:07:30,319
over our bowls of minestrone soup,
219
00:07:30,386 --> 00:07:32,656
assuming that's the special,
which I know it is.
220
00:07:32,721 --> 00:07:34,523
It always is.
221
00:07:34,591 --> 00:07:36,391
So you want to hang out?
222
00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:39,429
Okay. Then I just have
one question... why?
223
00:07:39,495 --> 00:07:41,965
Because we've known each other
nearly two decades,
224
00:07:42,031 --> 00:07:45,267
and we never chill, just you and me.
225
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:47,403
And you don't think
that has anything to do
226
00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:50,206
with how you just used the word "chill"?
227
00:07:50,271 --> 00:07:53,041
Denise, come on. Just give it a shot.
228
00:07:53,108 --> 00:07:56,044
I mean, the rest of the day
went pretty well, huh?
229
00:07:56,112 --> 00:07:58,347
Let's really get to know each other.
230
00:07:58,413 --> 00:07:59,949
Okay. Why not?
231
00:08:00,016 --> 00:08:02,418
[Chuckling] Okay. That's the spirit.
232
00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:04,287
Okay.
233
00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:05,420
Yeah.
234
00:08:05,487 --> 00:08:06,788
Cool.
235
00:08:06,855 --> 00:08:09,158
This is... This is more like it.
236
00:08:09,225 --> 00:08:09,958
Yeah.
237
00:08:10,026 --> 00:08:10,960
[Both chuckle]
238
00:08:11,026 --> 00:08:12,194
- Yeah.
- [Sighs]
239
00:08:12,261 --> 00:08:15,765
Yep. We're... [chuckles] hanging out.
240
00:08:15,831 --> 00:08:17,700
Mm. Here we are.
241
00:08:17,766 --> 00:08:18,833
Hanging out.
242
00:08:18,901 --> 00:08:20,737
[Chuckles]
243
00:08:20,802 --> 00:08:22,338
Yep.
244
00:08:23,639 --> 00:08:25,641
Yep.
245
00:08:25,708 --> 00:08:27,877
♪♪
246
00:08:27,944 --> 00:08:29,645
So...
247
00:08:29,711 --> 00:08:31,247
♪♪
248
00:08:32,447 --> 00:08:34,516
So...
249
00:08:34,584 --> 00:08:39,355
♪♪
250
00:08:39,422 --> 00:08:41,824
- Wonder what the soup is.
- Minestrone.
251
00:08:41,890 --> 00:08:43,293
Oh, yeah. Minestrone.
252
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,262
[Both chuckle]
253
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:48,097
ALICIA: Come on. Let's go.
254
00:08:48,163 --> 00:08:49,231
Ooh.
255
00:08:49,298 --> 00:08:50,865
You know how all these people got here?
256
00:08:50,932 --> 00:08:52,668
The bus?
257
00:08:52,735 --> 00:08:56,139
No, I'm not asking how
they literally got to work.
258
00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:58,408
I'm wondering if you know what trait
259
00:08:58,474 --> 00:09:01,244
all these successful people
have in common.
260
00:09:02,477 --> 00:09:04,346
A strong work ethic.
261
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,982
There's no walking these halls
without one of those.
262
00:09:07,048 --> 00:09:08,784
Doesn't Aunt Dee-Dee work here?
263
00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:11,453
Yes. But not today.
264
00:09:11,519 --> 00:09:13,655
Her Tuesdays are her double Saturdays.
265
00:09:13,722 --> 00:09:16,892
Mm-hmm. Anyway, let's start
with your grandfather.
266
00:09:16,959 --> 00:09:19,395
Show him what you got, kids.
267
00:09:19,461 --> 00:09:21,297
- How can that be jury tampering?
- [Knock on door]
268
00:09:21,364 --> 00:09:23,833
- It was one snake, and mostly a joke.
- [Door opens]
269
00:09:23,899 --> 00:09:26,502
You... [Sighs, scoffs]
270
00:09:26,568 --> 00:09:27,769
But he did...
271
00:09:27,836 --> 00:09:29,773
Oh. Judges.
272
00:09:29,839 --> 00:09:31,841
Hey, Harrison. You have a sec?
273
00:09:31,907 --> 00:09:33,442
Yeah. Hi, guys.
274
00:09:33,509 --> 00:09:35,979
The kids are here, and they have
an opportunity for you.
275
00:09:36,044 --> 00:09:37,712
Go ahead.
276
00:09:37,779 --> 00:09:40,216
[Mumbling] Hey, Granddad,
you want to buy some chocolate?
277
00:09:40,283 --> 00:09:41,783
What? What is he saying?
278
00:09:41,850 --> 00:09:44,187
[Sighs] Guys, you have to try
harder than that.
279
00:09:44,253 --> 00:09:46,391
Hey... Y... Stand up!
280
00:09:46,416 --> 00:09:48,123
We're selling chocolate for school.
281
00:09:48,191 --> 00:09:51,226
So can we count on your support?
282
00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:52,562
Please say yes so I can go home.
283
00:09:52,629 --> 00:09:54,430
Kids, come on. That was terrible.
284
00:09:54,495 --> 00:09:56,231
Seriously, that did nothing for me,
285
00:09:56,298 --> 00:10:00,068
and I am extraordinarily
susceptible to marketing.
286
00:10:00,135 --> 00:10:02,571
Who has stock in the Clapper?
287
00:10:03,984 --> 00:10:05,285
This guy.
288
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:07,776
Okay, so let's try this again.
289
00:10:07,836 --> 00:10:08,883
Do we have to?
290
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:11,146
Yes. There are no shortcuts in life.
291
00:10:11,214 --> 00:10:13,215
Now, make your sales pitch again,
292
00:10:13,282 --> 00:10:16,453
but this time, add some razzle-dazzle.
293
00:10:16,519 --> 00:10:19,955
Okay. Granddad, do you want to
buy some chocolate?
294
00:10:20,022 --> 00:10:21,490
Razzle-dazzle.
295
00:10:21,557 --> 00:10:24,493
How can I say no [Chuckling] to that?
296
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,695
No.
297
00:10:25,762 --> 00:10:27,530
Wow, that was a lot easier
than I thought.
298
00:10:27,595 --> 00:10:29,764
Okay, so he said no.
299
00:10:29,831 --> 00:10:32,101
You got to keep on pressing.
I mean, it's chocolate.
300
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:33,970
How hard could it be to sell?
301
00:10:34,036 --> 00:10:35,671
And after lunch,
302
00:10:35,738 --> 00:10:39,242
half of the people in this
office will be a little tipsy,
303
00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:41,610
which should make it easier.
304
00:10:41,677 --> 00:10:42,879
Goodbye.
305
00:10:42,945 --> 00:10:43,946
Thank you.
306
00:10:44,013 --> 00:10:45,114
Get up.
307
00:10:45,181 --> 00:10:46,482
Mm-hmm.
308
00:10:46,548 --> 00:10:47,749
Go.
309
00:10:47,817 --> 00:10:49,552
Meanwhile,
310
00:10:49,618 --> 00:10:51,921
my dad was still working on
bonding with Aunt Dee-Dee.
311
00:10:51,988 --> 00:10:53,556
Pretty good, right?
312
00:10:53,623 --> 00:10:56,925
In hindsight, I probably
shouldn't have ordered the soup.
313
00:10:56,991 --> 00:11:00,028
I can tell this is just
pizza toppings that went south.
314
00:11:00,095 --> 00:11:01,931
Mnh, ohh.
315
00:11:01,996 --> 00:11:03,532
Look, we tried.
316
00:11:03,599 --> 00:11:05,701
But just like my romantic relationship
317
00:11:05,769 --> 00:11:07,970
with Black Ghostbuster Ernie Hudson,
318
00:11:08,037 --> 00:11:09,271
this is going nowhere.
319
00:11:09,337 --> 00:11:10,735
You dated Ernie Hudson?
320
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,741
No, but that's only because
he never answered my letters.
321
00:11:13,808 --> 00:11:15,055
Oh.
322
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,245
Paul, I don't think this is gonna work.
323
00:11:17,312 --> 00:11:20,316
No, D-Denise, Dee, okay,
so lunch isn't that great,
324
00:11:20,381 --> 00:11:23,184
but I-I really do think
we can make this work.
325
00:11:23,251 --> 00:11:24,753
Look, I know this isn't what you want,
326
00:11:24,821 --> 00:11:29,057
but if it makes you feel better,
it's not you, it's me...
327
00:11:29,124 --> 00:11:30,560
when I'm around you.
328
00:11:30,626 --> 00:11:32,794
So let's just be adults
about this, okay?
329
00:11:32,861 --> 00:11:35,564
I'm gonna get the check,
order two more to-go pizzas
330
00:11:35,630 --> 00:11:37,399
because my stove isn't working,
331
00:11:37,466 --> 00:11:38,900
and you're gonna have to pay for it.
332
00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:40,269
Sound good?
333
00:11:40,336 --> 00:11:42,105
W-Wait, why isn't your stove working?
334
00:11:42,171 --> 00:11:43,873
Oh, it's my apartment.
335
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:46,042
They haven't updated
my plumbing or electrical
336
00:11:46,109 --> 00:11:47,677
since I moved in there,
337
00:11:47,744 --> 00:11:49,077
but they've been doing it
for every other unit.
338
00:11:49,144 --> 00:11:51,747
I can help you out with that.
339
00:11:51,815 --> 00:11:53,582
- You can?
- Absolutely.
340
00:11:53,648 --> 00:11:57,318
Look, Denise, there is nothing
a confident White man can't do.
341
00:11:57,385 --> 00:12:00,122
- Hmm.
- Let's use racism to our advantage
342
00:12:00,188 --> 00:12:02,924
and bring Master Alabaster
out of retirement
343
00:12:02,991 --> 00:12:05,060
for one last score.
344
00:12:05,128 --> 00:12:07,330
Okay. Let's do it.
345
00:12:07,397 --> 00:12:08,730
Okay.
346
00:12:08,797 --> 00:12:10,799
Oh, let's add three more
to-go pizzas to this.
347
00:12:10,866 --> 00:12:12,134
But you said two.
348
00:12:12,201 --> 00:12:13,336
Do you want to be friends or not?
349
00:12:13,403 --> 00:12:15,470
- Three.
- WAITER: Okay.
350
00:12:15,538 --> 00:12:17,893
Hey, I got chocolates.
Don't you want some chocolates?
351
00:12:17,918 --> 00:12:18,987
- MAN: No, thank you, young lady.
- They're so...
352
00:12:19,012 --> 00:12:20,308
We spent the next couple of hours
353
00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:22,530
- trying to sell our chocolate...
- Want some chocolates?
354
00:12:22,599 --> 00:12:24,226
- So good I even ate them.
- No. No, no, no. No, no.
355
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,733
- ...but ended up with nothing much
- [Sighs]
356
00:12:25,757 --> 00:12:26,947
to show for it.
357
00:12:26,948 --> 00:12:28,083
Well, that was a bust.
358
00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:30,185
I only sold two bars to a janitor.
359
00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:31,372
I sold five.
360
00:12:31,397 --> 00:12:34,222
And by "sold," I mean I left
them in the petty cash drawer
361
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:35,649
- and took what I was owed.
- Mm.
362
00:12:35,725 --> 00:12:37,293
I sold negative 12.
363
00:12:37,359 --> 00:12:38,694
What does that mean?
364
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,361
I ate 12.
365
00:12:40,428 --> 00:12:43,198
They're terrible, but I can't stop.
366
00:12:43,264 --> 00:12:44,667
Oh, my God, this is hopeless.
367
00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:46,435
I mean, Mom and all her dumb hard work!
368
00:12:46,501 --> 00:12:48,169
Yeah, I mean, when I grow up,
369
00:12:48,236 --> 00:12:50,238
I'm only gonna take shortcuts in life.
370
00:12:50,304 --> 00:12:52,474
There has to be an easier way.
371
00:12:52,542 --> 00:12:54,410
Well, the good news is,
372
00:12:54,476 --> 00:12:56,312
it looks like you're healing
from your accident.
373
00:12:56,378 --> 00:12:58,514
Yeah, the doctor says I should
be out of the neck brace
374
00:12:58,581 --> 00:13:00,515
- in no time.
- Oh, no need to rush on that.
375
00:13:00,582 --> 00:13:02,483
- Are you sure?
- Oh, yeah.
376
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:04,153
We want a sympathetic jury,
377
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:06,389
so if you happen to have your neck brace
378
00:13:06,455 --> 00:13:08,758
for when the trial happens, you know...
379
00:13:08,825 --> 00:13:10,994
And while you're at it,
don't forget those crutches.
380
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:13,329
Have a good day.
381
00:13:14,563 --> 00:13:17,432
Did Mom just say
sympathy helps you sell?
382
00:13:17,499 --> 00:13:19,868
Oh, you guys are gonna have to
take the lead on that one.
383
00:13:19,935 --> 00:13:22,137
I don't know how to make people
feel bad for me.
384
00:13:22,203 --> 00:13:23,905
I just know how to make them jealous.
385
00:13:23,972 --> 00:13:26,408
♪♪
386
00:13:26,475 --> 00:13:29,278
So, Mr. Nelson,
it has come to our attention
387
00:13:29,345 --> 00:13:31,346
that you've been upgrading
electrical and plumbing
388
00:13:31,413 --> 00:13:34,383
in other units, but you have yet
to do that for Denise.
389
00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:37,119
My doorbell turns on
my garbage disposal.
390
00:13:37,186 --> 00:13:39,555
I'm sorry. There's nothing
I can do about that right now.
391
00:13:39,621 --> 00:13:44,326
- Oh.
- Well, that is simply unacceptable.
392
00:13:44,393 --> 00:13:46,195
She needs a complete upgrade.
393
00:13:46,262 --> 00:13:48,964
Well, we upgrade the apartments
when the unit turns over.
394
00:13:49,030 --> 00:13:51,232
Look, if... if there's not
a change in the situation,
395
00:13:51,306 --> 00:13:54,310
I don't see how she can pay
this month in good conscience.
396
00:13:54,361 --> 00:13:56,706
No, Denise is prepared to
rip up her rent check
397
00:13:56,772 --> 00:13:58,574
unless you agree to those improvements.
398
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,408
- Yep. I'll tear it up.
- She'll tear it up.
399
00:14:00,475 --> 00:14:02,110
- I'll tear it right up.
- Right now.
400
00:14:02,177 --> 00:14:03,497
[Chuckles] Here I go.
401
00:14:03,521 --> 00:14:04,824
- Here she goes.
- Unless you stop me.
402
00:14:04,849 --> 00:14:06,338
And the only way to stop her
is with those upgrades.
403
00:14:06,381 --> 00:14:09,251
- Upgrade.
- Say it, or else she tears it.
404
00:14:09,317 --> 00:14:10,452
I'm gonna do it.
405
00:14:10,519 --> 00:14:11,620
She's gonna do it.
406
00:14:11,687 --> 00:14:13,556
- Okay, here I go.
- She's doing it.
407
00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:14,756
Look.
408
00:14:14,822 --> 00:14:15,790
Mm.
409
00:14:15,858 --> 00:14:17,192
[Chuckles]
410
00:14:17,259 --> 00:14:20,262
♪♪
411
00:14:20,328 --> 00:14:22,063
- Wow!
- Ha!
412
00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:23,932
Bet he's listening now.
413
00:14:23,999 --> 00:14:25,334
Oh, yeah. [Chuckles]
414
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,870
♪♪
415
00:14:30,538 --> 00:14:33,442
Well, I certainly
did not see this coming.
416
00:14:33,509 --> 00:14:35,476
If you need me, I'll be in my room.
417
00:14:35,543 --> 00:14:37,413
Which is your room.
418
00:14:37,479 --> 00:14:40,449
Johan, come help your daddy
move my waterbed!
419
00:14:40,515 --> 00:14:42,851
And don't forget the pump!
420
00:14:42,918 --> 00:14:44,254
[Suitcase thuds]
421
00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:49,299
- Hey.
- Hello. How happy would your kids be
422
00:14:49,359 --> 00:14:51,994
if you came home from work
with tons of chocolate?
423
00:14:52,068 --> 00:14:56,271
Well, my dogs are my kids,
and dogs can't eat chocolate.
424
00:14:56,331 --> 00:14:57,899
Do you have any nieces or nephews?
425
00:14:57,966 --> 00:15:00,469
Because you definitely
have weird aunt energy.
426
00:15:00,536 --> 00:15:02,671
We have, um, a crisp...
427
00:15:02,738 --> 00:15:03,973
Oh.
428
00:15:04,038 --> 00:15:06,241
You know the hardest part
about raising kids?
429
00:15:06,308 --> 00:15:08,677
I don't talk about kids with women.
430
00:15:08,744 --> 00:15:10,345
It's all the uncertainties.
431
00:15:10,412 --> 00:15:12,382
You instill all these values
and beliefs in them,
432
00:15:12,447 --> 00:15:15,418
hoping that they'll work,
but you don't know,
433
00:15:15,485 --> 00:15:17,153
until you see things like this,
434
00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:21,124
when you see them putting what
you taught them into practice...
435
00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:22,591
Those are the moments you know
436
00:15:22,658 --> 00:15:24,760
that you're doing this
parenting thing right.
437
00:15:24,826 --> 00:15:27,230
Look, I really should get back to work.
438
00:15:27,296 --> 00:15:29,532
But it's for a good cause.
439
00:15:29,599 --> 00:15:33,168
See, my brother... he's unwell.
440
00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:34,103
[Door opens]
441
00:15:34,169 --> 00:15:36,504
♪♪
442
00:15:36,571 --> 00:15:40,775
[Gasps] Oh, bless his little heart.
443
00:15:40,842 --> 00:15:42,077
Oh!
444
00:15:42,144 --> 00:15:46,014
You're definitely getting
this parenting thing right.
445
00:15:46,081 --> 00:15:48,850
Oh, hell, no. [Scoffs]
446
00:15:48,918 --> 00:15:51,519
You know what?
I will buy some chocolate.
447
00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:53,489
I'll buy all of it.
448
00:15:53,556 --> 00:15:55,224
You know, we also accept tips.
449
00:15:55,291 --> 00:15:56,892
Uh, what's going on?
450
00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:58,827
What's going on is we're
about to close a deal.
451
00:15:58,894 --> 00:16:00,962
Yeah, don't mess this up for us.
452
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:02,697
Dolores, I'm so sorry.
453
00:16:02,764 --> 00:16:04,466
Nothing is wrong with my son.
454
00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:07,068
I can't believe
you're taking a shortcut.
455
00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:09,036
What happened to hard work?
456
00:16:09,104 --> 00:16:11,807
Were you guys not listening
to anything I taught you?
457
00:16:11,874 --> 00:16:14,710
Of course. Who do you think
we learned this from?
458
00:16:14,777 --> 00:16:17,580
Yeah, we saw you talking to your client
459
00:16:17,647 --> 00:16:19,782
about using his neck brace
to get sympathy
460
00:16:19,849 --> 00:16:21,850
so the jury would buy
whatever you were selling.
461
00:16:21,917 --> 00:16:25,086
[Scoffs] Yeah, but I was
doing something different.
462
00:16:25,153 --> 00:16:26,489
How?
463
00:16:26,554 --> 00:16:29,023
Because...
464
00:16:29,091 --> 00:16:31,726
I am a l...
465
00:16:31,793 --> 00:16:33,327
I was...
466
00:16:33,394 --> 00:16:35,463
[Sighs] Why don't you go home?
467
00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:37,632
Kids, ignore everything
your mother just said.
468
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:39,068
I'll buy the whole lot.
469
00:16:39,134 --> 00:16:40,235
[All gasp]
470
00:16:40,302 --> 00:16:42,205
Well, what about hard work?
471
00:16:42,270 --> 00:16:43,704
- They're not gonna learn anything.
- What do they need to learn?
472
00:16:43,772 --> 00:16:45,141
What they just pulled was brilliant.
473
00:16:45,207 --> 00:16:47,608
Besides, sometimes it's
all about working smarter,
474
00:16:47,676 --> 00:16:49,745
- not harder.
- Hmm.
475
00:16:49,812 --> 00:16:52,114
And they certainly outsmarted Dolores.
476
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,381
I'm still here.
477
00:16:53,448 --> 00:16:55,082
I know.
478
00:16:55,149 --> 00:16:57,885
Okay, so, uh, who do I
make the checks payable to?
479
00:16:57,952 --> 00:16:59,355
Cash.
480
00:16:59,421 --> 00:17:01,990
Try again.
481
00:17:02,057 --> 00:17:06,895
♪♪
482
00:17:06,962 --> 00:17:09,799
I wonder how many other homeless
people ended up on the street
483
00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:12,433
because of an overconfident
brother-in-law.
484
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,904
I'm sorry. I know I overreached.
485
00:17:14,969 --> 00:17:16,972
It's not entirely your fault.
486
00:17:17,039 --> 00:17:19,275
We flew too close to the sun.
487
00:17:19,341 --> 00:17:20,943
- Like Icarus.
- Yeah.
488
00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:22,243
Icarus Jones,
489
00:17:22,311 --> 00:17:25,147
my friend who lost his pilot
license for hot-doggin'.
490
00:17:25,214 --> 00:17:26,881
Although, none of this
would have happened
491
00:17:26,948 --> 00:17:29,450
if you hadn't wanted to
be friends so bad.
492
00:17:29,517 --> 00:17:31,886
Denise, is that such a bad idea?
493
00:17:31,953 --> 00:17:33,289
Yes.
494
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,191
We have a good thing, Paul.
495
00:17:35,256 --> 00:17:37,558
I make fun of you
and pawn your garden tools
496
00:17:37,626 --> 00:17:39,128
when I need a little
walking-around money,
497
00:17:39,195 --> 00:17:41,362
and you don't ask a lot of questions.
498
00:17:41,429 --> 00:17:43,364
Why mess that up trying for more?
499
00:17:43,431 --> 00:17:46,534
Well, because you're one of
the most important people
500
00:17:46,601 --> 00:17:48,970
to all the people I love.
501
00:17:50,438 --> 00:17:54,176
I-I-I just had hoped that
the family I married into
502
00:17:54,243 --> 00:17:56,812
would... would become
my family, you know?
503
00:17:56,879 --> 00:17:58,546
But it just feels like
there's been more barriers
504
00:17:58,612 --> 00:18:00,315
because of who we are.
505
00:18:00,382 --> 00:18:01,716
Well, it's true...
506
00:18:01,783 --> 00:18:03,252
as a matter of taste,
507
00:18:03,318 --> 00:18:05,821
I don't associate with White men
who wear sandals,
508
00:18:05,888 --> 00:18:08,756
but I'm scooping up
what you're slapping down.
509
00:18:08,823 --> 00:18:11,426
And just to be clear, I'm not
desperate to be your friend.
510
00:18:11,493 --> 00:18:13,928
I'm desperate to be your family.
511
00:18:15,030 --> 00:18:16,999
So if you want to start
calling me Brother...
512
00:18:17,065 --> 00:18:20,068
Brother Paul... I won't object.
513
00:18:21,504 --> 00:18:24,005
We're not doing that.
514
00:18:24,072 --> 00:18:27,043
- But we did have fun today.
- [Door opens]
515
00:18:27,109 --> 00:18:28,610
- [Glasses clink]
- [Door closes]
516
00:18:28,677 --> 00:18:30,379
[Clears throat]
517
00:18:30,446 --> 00:18:32,880
My day was a disaster.
How'd you guys fare?
518
00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:35,350
Whew! A bit of a roller coaster.
519
00:18:35,417 --> 00:18:38,720
I drank a piña colada in a pool,
and now I'm homeless.
520
00:18:38,786 --> 00:18:40,956
Yeah. We had a little chat
with her landlord,
521
00:18:41,022 --> 00:18:43,225
uh, that didn't go as planned,
522
00:18:43,292 --> 00:18:45,461
and, um, she got evicted.
523
00:18:45,527 --> 00:18:47,062
Hold up, you got evicted?
524
00:18:47,129 --> 00:18:48,798
Mm-hmm.
525
00:18:48,864 --> 00:18:51,566
[Hall & Oates' "I Can't Go
for That (No Can Do)" plays]
526
00:18:51,633 --> 00:18:54,402
You know what? Let's go.
527
00:18:54,469 --> 00:18:56,470
I could use a win.
528
00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:58,273
♪ I can't go for that ♪
529
00:18:58,340 --> 00:19:00,207
- ♪ No ♪
- ♪ No ♪
530
00:19:00,274 --> 00:19:01,409
♪ No can do ♪
531
00:19:01,476 --> 00:19:02,945
- [Knock on door]
- Come in.
532
00:19:03,012 --> 00:19:04,413
Who are you?
533
00:19:04,479 --> 00:19:05,780
I'm Denise Johnson's attorney.
534
00:19:05,848 --> 00:19:07,850
And I'm Denise Johnson's brother.
535
00:19:07,917 --> 00:19:09,685
It has come to my understanding
536
00:19:09,752 --> 00:19:11,887
that you illegally threatened
my client with eviction.
537
00:19:11,954 --> 00:19:14,889
Are you aware of
the city ordinance 7B 4.2?
538
00:19:14,956 --> 00:19:16,390
No.
539
00:19:16,457 --> 00:19:18,493
It protects people like Denise
from slumlords like you.
540
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,162
- I'm not a slumlord!
- Oh, I love it when she hits them
541
00:19:20,228 --> 00:19:22,264
- with that super lawyer talk.
- Me too.
542
00:19:22,331 --> 00:19:24,300
She did that same type of talk
to our parents
543
00:19:24,366 --> 00:19:26,935
so we could go see a Jackson 5
concert in Detroit.
544
00:19:27,002 --> 00:19:28,837
- She called them slumlords and everything.
- [Chuckles]
545
00:19:28,904 --> 00:19:31,206
If you do this, we'll have
no choice but to file suit,
546
00:19:31,273 --> 00:19:34,577
and I promise you, the law
is on my side with this one.
547
00:19:36,945 --> 00:19:39,781
Okay. Okay, fine. She can stay.
548
00:19:39,848 --> 00:19:41,551
Can everybody clear out of here?
549
00:19:41,617 --> 00:19:43,341
I'll go take down the "For Lease" sign.
550
00:19:43,366 --> 00:19:44,552
- ♪ Ahh ♪
- ♪ Ahh ♪
551
00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:46,821
- ♪ Ahh-ahh ♪
- Unh!
552
00:19:46,889 --> 00:19:49,199
- That was amazing. Thank God for Alicia.
- [Chuckles]
553
00:19:49,224 --> 00:19:51,107
And for ordinance 7B 4.2.
554
00:19:51,159 --> 00:19:53,062
Yeah, I made that up,
but today I learned
555
00:19:53,128 --> 00:19:55,831
that sometimes it's better
to work smart than hard.
556
00:19:55,898 --> 00:19:57,366
♪ I can't go for that ♪
557
00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:58,901
I think I've finally found
what we have in common...
558
00:19:58,966 --> 00:20:00,835
- Alicia bailing us out.
- That's true.
559
00:20:00,902 --> 00:20:02,436
Now, who wants to celebrate
560
00:20:02,437 --> 00:20:04,668
with piña coladas
and cannonballs at the hotel?
561
00:20:04,693 --> 00:20:06,853
- [Chuckles]
- ♪ I can't go for that, can't go for that ♪
562
00:20:07,535 --> 00:20:10,438
Looks like your fundraiser prize
arrived!
563
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:13,948
Get ready to feel the sweet reward
564
00:20:14,015 --> 00:20:16,952
for all of the hard-slash-smart
work you put in.
565
00:20:18,620 --> 00:20:20,289
- Check it out!
- Come on.
566
00:20:20,356 --> 00:20:21,590
[Chuckles]
567
00:20:21,657 --> 00:20:24,092
♪♪
568
00:20:25,761 --> 00:20:27,696
What is it?
569
00:20:27,763 --> 00:20:29,331
It was supposed to be a Frisbee,
570
00:20:29,398 --> 00:20:32,067
but it looks more like a sour cream lid.
571
00:20:32,133 --> 00:20:34,035
All that work.
572
00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:36,437
All that effort.
573
00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:38,139
For this?
574
00:20:38,206 --> 00:20:44,713
Well, maybe the true prize
of fulfillment is in here.
575
00:20:44,780 --> 00:20:46,982
I got nothing.
576
00:20:47,049 --> 00:20:48,951
- We've been had!
- You've been had?
577
00:20:49,017 --> 00:20:51,754
I bought $7,000 worth of candy.
578
00:20:53,188 --> 00:20:54,523
Where's Dad?
579
00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:56,191
We need a White guy to sort this out.
580
00:20:56,257 --> 00:20:58,259
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
581
00:20:58,327 --> 00:20:59,361
♪♪
582
00:20:59,427 --> 00:21:01,397
- Subs by kinglouisxx -
for www.addic7ed.com
42193
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