All language subtitles for Xena Warrior Princess - 03x10 - The Quill Is Mightier....DVDRip.English.or

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,969 Come on! Xena rocks! 2 00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,719 Aphrodite blows! 3 00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:38,791 Delinquent losers! 4 00:00:39,308 --> 00:00:42,754 I've got half a mind to hit you with -- A love bolt? 5 00:00:45,850 --> 00:00:49,132 Hardly seems a threat. My, my, 6 00:00:49,365 --> 00:00:51,319 they certainly made a mess here. 7 00:00:52,049 --> 00:00:54,380 "Back off, Ar, I'm bummed out enough." 8 00:00:55,566 --> 00:00:58,165 You know what your problem is? Duh. 9 00:00:58,165 --> 00:00:59,366 Your little Xena. 10 00:01:02,164 --> 00:01:03,881 "Gabrielle, her friend. 11 00:01:04,317 --> 00:01:07,725 See, I only made the warrior. She made the legend. 12 00:01:08,695 --> 00:01:11,129 Have you read any of her so-called stories? Huh. 13 00:01:12,054 --> 00:01:14,402 "A warrior who loves the common person." 14 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,566 You'd think she was a goddess. 15 00:01:17,496 --> 00:01:20,147 Pretty soon, when people think of "love," 16 00:01:20,491 --> 00:01:23,007 they're gonna think Xena, not Aphrodite. 17 00:01:23,278 --> 00:01:25,620 Xena? Don't blame her. 18 00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,969 It's Gabrielle and her busy quill. 19 00:01:28,965 --> 00:01:30,008 That's your problem. 20 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,783 I love starting a new scroll. 21 00:01:40,783 --> 00:01:43,166 The feel of it in your hands, the look. 22 00:01:43,166 --> 00:01:47,788 So clean. So perfectly empty. 23 00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:52,586 Listen. The way it crinkles the first time you open it. 24 00:01:53,545 --> 00:01:57,384 And that smell. 25 00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:01,222 It's just a special, untouched scent. 26 00:02:01,701 --> 00:02:05,060 Try it. It smells like musty old leather to me. 27 00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,763 Well, to the non-creative person perhaps. 28 00:02:07,763 --> 00:02:10,802 Let's see. Your last adventure began with-- 29 00:02:11,282 --> 00:02:14,161 Don't you ever get tired of just writing down what I do? 30 00:02:14,161 --> 00:02:17,519 Why don't you create new characters, new images? 31 00:02:17,519 --> 00:02:20,414 You mean fiction? 32 00:02:21,773 --> 00:02:23,517 Well, I thought about trying that... 33 00:02:23,517 --> 00:02:25,611 someday. 34 00:02:25,611 --> 00:02:28,986 - Do you really think I could? - Give it a shot... quietly. 35 00:02:30,425 --> 00:02:34,887 - Good night. - Xena-- 36 00:02:34,887 --> 00:02:37,766 And make someone else the hero for a change. 37 00:02:45,202 --> 00:02:47,777 "Xena had gone fishing. 38 00:02:48,737 --> 00:02:53,055 "The lone warrior, Gabrielle, 39 00:02:53,535 --> 00:02:56,894 "awoke with a jerk... 40 00:02:56,894 --> 00:03:00,252 "as five barbarians rode out of the woods. 41 00:03:01,692 --> 00:03:04,570 "Twirling her trusty staff, 42 00:03:05,050 --> 00:03:09,368 she delivered her kicks with such fury." 43 00:03:11,287 --> 00:03:14,645 This fiction stuff can be really fun. 44 00:03:24,049 --> 00:03:26,928 Oh, yeah. A lot of fun. 45 00:03:33,997 --> 00:03:35,388 Xena! 46 00:03:35,388 --> 00:03:38,267 We've got company! 47 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:46,663 Xena! Wake up! Wake up! 48 00:04:03,184 --> 00:04:04,434 Xena! 49 00:04:05,903 --> 00:04:09,677 - Okay, you asked for it! 50 00:04:10,141 --> 00:04:13,723 Round and up and down she goes. Where she stops, nobody knows! 51 00:04:57,928 --> 00:04:59,463 Huh? 52 00:05:05,332 --> 00:05:06,582 - Ow. 53 00:05:17,679 --> 00:05:20,558 And don't come back! Did you see that? 54 00:05:20,558 --> 00:05:22,477 Back flips! 55 00:05:22,477 --> 00:05:24,396 I don't do back flips. 56 00:05:24,396 --> 00:05:27,275 You have armor on under there? Where's Xena? 57 00:05:27,275 --> 00:05:30,634 Who were those-- What are you-- 58 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,553 Wait a minute. 59 00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,997 "Xena had gone-- The lone warrior, Gabrielle-- 60 00:05:40,997 --> 00:05:43,875 "As five barbarians-- 61 00:05:43,875 --> 00:05:48,194 "She started twirling her trusty staff, delivering kicks of such fury. 62 00:05:48,194 --> 00:05:51,552 Deflected the thrust of a sword with her mighty abs." 63 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,471 I wrote this. 64 00:05:55,390 --> 00:05:57,790 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. 65 00:05:57,790 --> 00:05:59,709 Are you saying anything you write in there comes true? 66 00:05:59,709 --> 00:06:02,107 Excuse me while I laugh. 67 00:06:04,507 --> 00:06:06,905 Yeow! Catch. Ow. Ow. 68 00:06:06,905 --> 00:06:09,448 Something's wrong with this stick. 69 00:06:09,896 --> 00:06:12,295 Ooh. Eee. Uh, uh, uh, uh! 70 00:06:17,508 --> 00:06:19,908 - Why'd I do that? - Because I wrote you did. 71 00:06:20,387 --> 00:06:22,786 I can write anything, and-- 72 00:06:22,786 --> 00:06:24,706 and it comes true. 73 00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:38,205 In a time of ancient gods, 74 00:06:40,186 --> 00:06:42,907 warlords and kings, 75 00:06:43,455 --> 00:06:46,815 a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. 76 00:06:56,029 --> 00:06:57,753 She was Xena, 77 00:06:58,515 --> 00:07:02,191 a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle. 78 00:07:06,781 --> 00:07:07,922 The power. 79 00:07:09,835 --> 00:07:11,343 The passion. 80 00:07:14,316 --> 00:07:16,096 The danger. 81 00:07:21,048 --> 00:07:24,126 Her courage will change the world. 82 00:07:28,102 --> 00:07:32,051 In my hands, this scroll could be a gift to mankind. 83 00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:34,930 Xena will be very proud when she comes back from fishing. 84 00:07:34,930 --> 00:07:37,809 Fishing? I wrote her fishing. 85 00:07:38,289 --> 00:07:39,728 What did you write to bring me here? 86 00:07:40,208 --> 00:07:42,127 Like, uh, you know, Gabrielle... 87 00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:44,526 appeared with a guy with the heart of a lion, 88 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,925 soul of a warrior, that kind of thing. 89 00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:50,283 Let's see. Uh-- 90 00:07:50,283 --> 00:07:53,642 "Xena has gone fi-" Fishing. 91 00:07:53,642 --> 00:07:58,440 "Fishing. Gabrielle awoke with a jerk. 92 00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:02,278 Gabrielle awoke with a jerk." 93 00:08:02,278 --> 00:08:04,198 That's a funny phrase. 94 00:08:04,198 --> 00:08:07,076 I can't find anything. 95 00:08:07,076 --> 00:08:09,475 Must've come here on my own. 96 00:08:09,475 --> 00:08:12,834 What do we do now? What do we do? 97 00:08:12,834 --> 00:08:14,753 What won't we do? 98 00:08:15,232 --> 00:08:17,151 Stories can be anything we want them to be. 99 00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:20,990 Happy endings can truly happen, Joxer. 100 00:08:22,621 --> 00:08:25,711 Excuse me. Aren't you the Sisters of Gaea? 101 00:08:25,711 --> 00:08:26,903 Yes 102 00:08:28,697 --> 00:08:31,321 "Is there-something that we can do to, um, help you? 103 00:08:31,773 --> 00:08:33,767 We're collecting goods for our orphans, 104 00:08:34,487 --> 00:08:36,527 things we can sell in our shop in town. 105 00:08:36,838 --> 00:08:40,120 If you have anything -- Now, that would fetch a pretty dinar. 106 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:48,026 I'm sure it would, but I wouldn't give this up just for anybody. 107 00:08:48,664 --> 00:08:50,485 Still, for the, uh, Sisters of Gaea-- 108 00:08:52,237 --> 00:08:53,718 "She means your scabbard. 109 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,050 Oh. Right. Uh, no, no. I couldn't. 110 00:08:56,305 --> 00:08:58,369 My father gave me this. It was the only thing he gave me. 111 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,522 Had to get the sword myself. 112 00:09:00,522 --> 00:09:03,868 -I wouldn't part with this for anything. - Oh, too bad. 113 00:09:03,868 --> 00:09:07,647 Ceremonial weapons and the like are a hot commodity in Kargas. 114 00:09:07,891 --> 00:09:10,463 Oh. Well, you know, Sister. 115 00:09:11,233 --> 00:09:13,508 I think you're going to get a surprise gift. 116 00:09:13,890 --> 00:09:15,952 Right about now. 117 00:09:16,839 --> 00:09:18,586 Here. Oh! 118 00:09:22,259 --> 00:09:24,681 This will provide for our orphans for years. 119 00:09:24,681 --> 00:09:27,213 Yes. It's a miracle. Ha. 120 00:09:27,213 --> 00:09:28,936 You're welcome. 121 00:09:35,580 --> 00:09:38,011 Give me back my kinsman's sword. 122 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,431 I just gave it away. Why did I do that? 123 00:09:40,431 --> 00:09:43,994 Well, it doesn't really matter now, does it? 124 00:10:05,207 --> 00:10:08,923 Did the little blonde girlie scare the big hairy men? 125 00:10:08,923 --> 00:10:13,027 We are barbarians. We fear nothing. 126 00:10:13,885 --> 00:10:16,635 Yeah! We fight with the heart of a lion. 127 00:10:16,635 --> 00:10:19,813 And you run with the feet of a chicken. 128 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:24,091 Now, get back on your horsies, and go back after her. 129 00:10:24,715 --> 00:10:25,949 Yes, ma'am. 130 00:10:34,181 --> 00:10:36,359 Barbarians. 131 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:45,598 We don't need your money, Joxer. I've got it covered. 132 00:10:45,598 --> 00:10:47,517 How much will that be? 133 00:10:47,517 --> 00:10:50,396 Tha-- That will be... free. 134 00:10:50,396 --> 00:10:53,755 All the food is free! And the drinks are on the house! 135 00:10:53,755 --> 00:10:57,113 You see there? All the food is free, and the drinks are on the-- 136 00:10:57,113 --> 00:10:59,512 Free mead! A gift from the gods! 137 00:10:59,512 --> 00:11:01,911 I think I have to be a bit more careful with the wording. 138 00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:09,108 Good ale. Ahhh. 139 00:11:10,122 --> 00:11:13,152 No way, Ares. Not until I know for sure that Xena has left the valley. 140 00:11:13,402 --> 00:11:16,817 I'm giving you my word. I've taken care of it. She's gone. 141 00:11:18,224 --> 00:11:19,691 My men might believe that 142 00:11:19,961 --> 00:11:21,412 I can barely hold them back 143 00:11:21,758 --> 00:11:24,525 They want to loot that valley now. Xena or no Xena. 144 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,505 But I'm not that stupid. 145 00:11:26,788 --> 00:11:29,539 And how stupid are you? 146 00:11:29,974 --> 00:11:32,475 Stupid enough to call the God of War a liar? 147 00:11:32,475 --> 00:11:37,711 May- may- maybe-- but I'm definitely not stupid enough to go up against Xena." 148 00:11:46,311 --> 00:11:47,310 Keep your men here. 149 00:11:49,152 --> 00:11:52,186 I'll give you a signal. You'll know Xena's gone then . 150 00:11:54,026 --> 00:11:55,215 But wh-what's the signal? 151 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,277 You'll know when you see it. 152 00:12:04,674 --> 00:12:05,440 Fill her up! 153 00:12:07,739 --> 00:12:09,939 Well, time's a-wastin'. 154 00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:12,241 We've got a lot of good to do today, Joxer. 155 00:12:13,025 --> 00:12:14,147 - Lot of good! -I love you, man." 156 00:12:14,147 --> 00:12:15,690 Ah, you're drunk. 157 00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:16,907 Who you callin' drunk? 158 00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:22,410 -Come on, Vilius. You've had enough. - Who are you to tell me I've had enough? 159 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,315 You know, there's always one drunk who spoils it for everyone. 160 00:12:27,148 --> 00:12:29,148 One drunk? Hey, that's my mead! 161 00:12:35,127 --> 00:12:38,065 -Couldn't get any worse. - Well, this wasn't supposed to happen. 162 00:12:40,845 --> 00:12:43,301 -Where are they?! -It got worse 163 00:12:45,536 --> 00:12:46,800 You-- 164 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,941 You think you can make fools of us? Yeah. 165 00:12:52,846 --> 00:12:56,003 We are barbarians. 166 00:12:58,693 --> 00:13:02,958 We will-- go west 167 00:13:07,024 --> 00:13:11,822 Yes. We will go west. Yeah-ah-ah. 168 00:13:21,353 --> 00:13:26,119 The barbarians are headed for the Sisters of Gaea orphanage! 169 00:13:30,653 --> 00:13:33,486 Minor setback. "They turned east." 170 00:13:34,217 --> 00:13:36,185 No! We go east! 171 00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:41,559 Now they're heading for Akanacia! 172 00:13:43,901 --> 00:13:47,594 Um. "The barbarians disappeared from the land." 173 00:13:52,395 --> 00:13:54,436 This way... to the boats! 174 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:59,437 We'll become pirates, and kill all who sail the seas. 175 00:14:04,528 --> 00:14:08,549 Um. "The barbarians went to the caves and fell into a deep sleep." 176 00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:10,999 Wait! To the caves. 177 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,436 I'm exhausted. 178 00:14:20,529 --> 00:14:22,437 So this is all the good you wanted to do, huh? 179 00:14:24,093 --> 00:14:26,029 Forget it. I am not writing another word. 180 00:14:26,249 --> 00:14:27,486 Yes! 181 00:14:29,562 --> 00:14:30,786 No. I don't get it. 182 00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:33,548 I mean, my writing has always been really vivid. 183 00:14:34,522 --> 00:14:35,959 I just am missing something. 184 00:14:36,968 --> 00:14:38,748 Well, maybe it's too vivid. 185 00:14:39,686 --> 00:14:42,375 Maybe it needs a little work -- editing or something, you know? 186 00:14:42,375 --> 00:14:44,373 I've got it! I'm not editing my work. 187 00:14:44,873 --> 00:14:48,429 Joxer, that's it, that's all I have to do. I just have to be more careful. 188 00:14:50,082 --> 00:14:52,898 Do you realize that now that I know the power of the scroll, 189 00:14:52,898 --> 00:14:55,052 I can end hunger, I can end disease. 190 00:14:55,052 --> 00:14:58,312 I can end-- I can end war. 191 00:15:03,081 --> 00:15:06,802 "The will of mortals won out--" Edit. 192 00:15:07,748 --> 00:15:10,330 "and war lost all its power." 193 00:15:12,566 --> 00:15:15,141 My powers! What's happened to my powers? 194 00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:17,749 You! What've you done to me? 195 00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:19,814 Um, it's-it's not my fault. I-- 196 00:15:20,718 --> 00:15:22,118 I-I can fix this. Um-- 197 00:15:24,473 --> 00:15:25,865 Um. The-The force... 198 00:15:25,865 --> 00:15:28,567 that enchanted the scroll lost its powers. 199 00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:36,002 Whoa! Wipeout. 200 00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:43,486 Are you out of your mind? You gave this blonde harpy... 201 00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:47,245 - powers of destiny? - No. I enchanted a scroll. 202 00:15:47,245 --> 00:15:49,616 And don't act so surprised. You wanted me to do it. 203 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,336 No, no. See, what I wanted... 204 00:15:51,336 --> 00:15:54,347 was for you to go after her so we could get Xena out of the way. 205 00:15:54,347 --> 00:15:56,924 "Exsqueeze" me. It worked, kinda. 206 00:15:56,924 --> 00:16:00,816 Wait a minute. You wanted Xena out of the way so you enchanted my scroll? 207 00:16:02,034 --> 00:16:04,848 Ares was being his usual manipulative self. 208 00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:08,901 He's got some army somewhere ready to pounce on the valley. 209 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,630 He wanted Xena out of the way, so he wanted to get me mad at you. 210 00:16:12,024 --> 00:16:14,128 You figured that all out by yourself, did you? 211 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,901 Hey, don't believe everything you hear about blondes. 212 00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:19,161 Look, sweet pea, just give me back my powers. 213 00:16:19,371 --> 00:16:21,214 -Then I'll un-zap the scroll. - No, no. 214 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,248 Write mine back in first. That army's waiting for me... 215 00:16:24,248 --> 00:16:27,075 to give them a signal that Xena's gone. 216 00:16:27,075 --> 00:16:28,054 Not helping your cause any, slick. 217 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:31,381 Oh. I promise, if you give me my powers back, 218 00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:33,604 I'll call off the attack. 219 00:16:33,604 --> 00:16:36,003 -Pigs can fly? -You can. 220 00:16:36,003 --> 00:16:38,866 Wait. If you undo the scroll, Xena's gonna come back, 221 00:16:38,866 --> 00:16:42,704 -and then the army won't attack. - That makes sense. 222 00:16:42,704 --> 00:16:43,704 Uh-- 223 00:16:45,103 --> 00:16:48,461 Aphrodite is as she was before. 224 00:16:53,835 --> 00:16:57,674 She is as she was before. It's all in the wording. 225 00:16:58,153 --> 00:17:00,552 Okay, what if we fill up the scroll completely? Will that end the curse? 226 00:17:01,016 --> 00:17:04,838 Oh. So now it's a curse. Before, it was a gift. 227 00:17:06,630 --> 00:17:09,268 And, no, once you run out of room, that's it. 228 00:17:09,268 --> 00:17:11,187 Everything just stays the way it was when you wrote it. 229 00:17:11,187 --> 00:17:14,514 Look, just write, "Everything is as it was before." 230 00:17:14,994 --> 00:17:19,312 Then we'll all go back to our baby cribs, and you'll go back under your rock. 231 00:17:20,316 --> 00:17:21,846 Did you write him here? 232 00:17:21,846 --> 00:17:23,022 Not exactly, I-- 233 00:17:25,194 --> 00:17:27,911 Ah, "Gabrielle awoke with a jerk." 234 00:17:32,535 --> 00:17:34,908 I don't get it. What's so funny about waking up? 235 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:44,030 -Nonk -Thallonius, is that the signal to attack? 236 00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:52,971 No. Not the signal. 237 00:17:53,354 --> 00:17:55,935 I have to deconstruct the story, starting from the beginning, 238 00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,473 which means I have to bring Xena back first. 239 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:02,828 Oh. "Xena rides in at the head of an army." 240 00:18:03,726 --> 00:18:06,721 -That's good. - We could end up with an army of ants, 241 00:18:07,081 --> 00:18:10,338 or-- children--or, or-- Harpies, or-- 242 00:18:10,645 --> 00:18:13,910 Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa. Why don't we describe her? 243 00:18:17,135 --> 00:18:18,978 "Suddenly, there was the arrival of the woman--" 244 00:18:18,978 --> 00:18:20,802 Leather. 245 00:18:21,085 --> 00:18:23,459 Mention the leather. "Wearing leather"... 246 00:18:24,023 --> 00:18:24,976 "and--" um-- 247 00:18:25,259 --> 00:18:27,959 "black hair, carrying her chakram." 248 00:18:28,259 --> 00:18:31,466 Wait. Does anybody really know what a chakram is? 249 00:18:31,466 --> 00:18:33,150 And does the scroll know it? 250 00:18:33,839 --> 00:18:35,240 "Carrying the whip of Xena." 251 00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:47,170 I'm here. 252 00:18:47,646 --> 00:18:48,989 I don't know why? 253 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,179 But I know I'm here to do something. 254 00:18:51,523 --> 00:18:53,013 - Minya? - Who's this? 255 00:18:54,521 --> 00:18:56,022 Uh, this is Minya. She's our friend. 256 00:18:57,365 --> 00:19:00,665 She wants to be Xena, and she has Xena's whip. 257 00:19:01,084 --> 00:19:02,554 It never leaves my side. 258 00:19:03,117 --> 00:19:06,803 So, who's the stud, the dork and that bottled-blonde? 259 00:19:07,196 --> 00:19:10,928 This is Ares, Aphrodite... and Joxer. 260 00:19:10,928 --> 00:19:13,089 What? Ares-- 261 00:19:13,992 --> 00:19:16,213 God of War! 262 00:19:18,275 --> 00:19:21,966 - And Aphrodite, you're the Goddess of Love! 263 00:19:22,868 --> 00:19:25,838 And Joxer -- Sorry, bub, never heard of ya. 264 00:19:31,994 --> 00:19:33,733 Is that-- No, Munk. 265 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:38,057 That's lunch. Pluck it. 266 00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:47,275 You know one thing I like about being mortal. 267 00:19:51,838 --> 00:19:55,232 -What a trip. - You know, my boyfriend, Hower, 268 00:19:56,660 --> 00:20:00,807 he thinks that the Goddess of Love is just sooo beautiful and perfect. 269 00:20:01,998 --> 00:20:05,872 Wait till he hears you're just as plain dirt on a wagon wheel just like me! 270 00:20:10,207 --> 00:20:13,433 I'm supposed to be the great bard with the wonderful stories. 271 00:20:13,998 --> 00:20:16,997 I can't even write a happy ending without screwing it up. 272 00:20:18,372 --> 00:20:21,281 Yes, you can. I think your stories are-- 273 00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:24,436 are beautiful and, uh, 274 00:20:24,676 --> 00:20:27,559 you know, not everything you write turns into disaster. 275 00:20:27,987 --> 00:20:29,468 What about the Sisters of Gaea? 276 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,893 You know that sword that man gave us? 277 00:20:32,541 --> 00:20:37,018 -We sold it for a king's ransom to Philiadus. -See? You did some good 278 00:20:37,646 --> 00:20:39,054 -- the orphans of Gaea. 279 00:20:43,385 --> 00:20:44,855 You! 280 00:20:45,334 --> 00:20:47,790 That is my kinsman's sword! 281 00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:51,021 And you are a dead man. 282 00:20:51,246 --> 00:20:52,601 Wait! 283 00:20:52,824 --> 00:20:55,648 - What's your name? - I am Scaberus. 284 00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:57,354 Why? 285 00:21:01,434 --> 00:21:02,746 The caves! 286 00:21:03,623 --> 00:21:06,146 I must go to the caves. 287 00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:10,751 Those caves are gonna start gettin' pretty full. 288 00:21:13,174 --> 00:21:15,865 My throat is dry as dust. Where's my drink? 289 00:21:16,740 --> 00:21:18,004 Coming, sir 290 00:21:22,488 --> 00:21:25,394 No. That's not the sign. 291 00:21:26,733 --> 00:21:28,539 You know, I've been trying to bring Xena here. 292 00:21:28,984 --> 00:21:31,850 Why don't we just go find her? I mean, there aren't that many... 293 00:21:31,850 --> 00:21:33,195 fishing places around here. 294 00:21:33,951 --> 00:21:36,549 We've got to find a trout stream or a fishing hole or... 295 00:21:36,549 --> 00:21:37,858 wherever I sent her. 296 00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,595 Why won't it stay up? 297 00:21:45,292 --> 00:21:47,696 Basic hair care was not such a drag as a goddess. 298 00:21:48,719 --> 00:21:49,572 I think it looks good on ya. 299 00:21:51,267 --> 00:21:52,918 Flattery works.Keep going. 300 00:21:54,456 --> 00:21:56,145 Um, you know what? 301 00:21:56,490 --> 00:21:58,489 I-I have this question for you. 302 00:21:58,770 --> 00:22:01,730 Um, I lo-- 303 00:22:02,865 --> 00:22:05,957 There's-There's this guy, and he really... 304 00:22:05,957 --> 00:22:08,459 loves this girl,but this girl... 305 00:22:08,459 --> 00:22:10,686 -doesn't even know-- -Hello? 306 00:22:10,983 --> 00:22:14,184 The love goddess is off the clock. I got my own problems. 307 00:22:18,273 --> 00:22:22,079 Poetry. And if that doesn't work-- presents. 308 00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:24,538 -Yeah? -Yeah. Lots and lots of presents. 309 00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:26,686 Huh! Okay? 310 00:22:26,686 --> 00:22:29,558 - Yeah. - Standard answer. Now, give me my space. 311 00:22:30,374 --> 00:22:32,774 Yeah. Poetry. 312 00:22:33,733 --> 00:22:34,573 Poetry. 313 00:22:37,843 --> 00:22:39,554 Hmm, right here. 314 00:22:40,994 --> 00:22:43,696 Let's see, um-- 315 00:22:51,757 --> 00:22:53,964 Oh, by the gods! Look! 316 00:23:07,494 --> 00:23:08,744 What? 317 00:23:32,667 --> 00:23:35,546 - You wrote on the scroll? - Oh, I-I-- Well, I was just... 318 00:23:35,546 --> 00:23:37,929 trying to write a limerick to cheer you up a little. 319 00:23:38,889 --> 00:23:41,287 "A warrior, Joxer the Mighty, 320 00:23:41,287 --> 00:23:43,686 "Asked a boon from the god, Aphrodite. 321 00:23:43,686 --> 00:23:47,525 And what a surprise he saw with love's eyes, three times--" 322 00:23:47,525 --> 00:23:50,227 Had a little trouble there. Anyone know a word that ends in "ighty"? 323 00:23:50,227 --> 00:23:54,850 Ooh! What does "love's eyes" have to do with me? 324 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:57,728 W-Well-Well-- W-Well the-the-- 325 00:23:58,208 --> 00:24:01,086 I get it. I get it. Of course, 326 00:24:01,086 --> 00:24:03,965 "love's eyes," Aphrodite's eyes. 327 00:24:03,965 --> 00:24:06,172 She was looking at me when you wrote the poem, right? 328 00:24:06,172 --> 00:24:10,618 That's it, exactly. Now, let's send those three to the caves! 329 00:24:10,618 --> 00:24:11,818 Ooh. The-- 330 00:24:13,896 --> 00:24:17,607 The, uh -- Uh, we can do it in a minute, or now is good. 331 00:24:17,607 --> 00:24:19,974 To the caves! 332 00:24:19,974 --> 00:24:21,054 The cave. 333 00:24:56,737 --> 00:24:58,284 Aphrodite! 334 00:25:00,084 --> 00:25:01,668 Aphrodite said get her a present. 335 00:25:04,666 --> 00:25:07,388 How am I gonna get you a present with no-- 336 00:25:18,513 --> 00:25:26,941 This is a family heirloom...passed from father to son 337 00:25:29,163 --> 00:25:32,139 - Will ya trade for it? - Yeah, I'll trade. 338 00:25:32,376 --> 00:25:34,952 But you'll have to be quick. It's late. I'm tired and-- 339 00:25:37,472 --> 00:25:39,801 I'm always open for business. 340 00:25:54,393 --> 00:25:55,191 What is-- 341 00:25:56,177 --> 00:25:57,301 You like it? 342 00:26:00,898 --> 00:26:03,397 Uh, it's-- it's beautiful. 343 00:26:04,011 --> 00:26:06,737 -But Wh-Why? - 'Cause I wanted to get you something. 344 00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:09,871 You know, just to, uh, 345 00:26:10,995 --> 00:26:13,726 say sorry for the three naked yous and everything. 346 00:26:18,131 --> 00:26:24,444 I had to trade my father's scabbard for it. 347 00:26:24,444 --> 00:26:27,570 -What? - I had to trade my father's scabbard for it. 348 00:26:29,437 --> 00:26:33,193 Joxer, you said that you would never, ever part with that scabbard. 349 00:26:33,441 --> 00:26:36,097 Well, you know, Gabrielle, some things in life are worth more than what they seem. 350 00:26:36,097 --> 00:26:38,535 -The scroll, Joxer. -Yeah? 351 00:26:38,752 --> 00:26:41,651 -I hid the scroll in the scabbard. - You did? 352 00:26:42,285 --> 00:26:44,062 - Where is it, now! 353 00:26:45,374 --> 00:26:47,560 Ow! I traded a peddler for it! We can get it back! 354 00:26:48,449 --> 00:26:50,253 What's the odds he's gonna figure it out?! 355 00:26:50,253 --> 00:26:53,506 You'd better hurry. It's raining dinars in town! 356 00:26:53,819 --> 00:26:54,671 Oh, that's funny. 357 00:26:57,194 --> 00:26:59,886 Ha. I've got it. Mm-hmm, I've got it. 358 00:26:59,886 --> 00:27:03,618 I know exactly what to write, but, first, we have to get the scroll. 359 00:27:03,885 --> 00:27:05,740 And just what will you write? 360 00:27:06,396 --> 00:27:08,310 Well, Ares, that's my business. 361 00:27:08,788 --> 00:27:10,770 Now, Aphrodite, Minya. I want you to go to town. 362 00:27:11,098 --> 00:27:12,739 I want you to find out where the peddler went. 363 00:27:13,130 --> 00:27:16,559 Ares and I are going to go where it's raining dinars and look for him there. 364 00:27:17,537 --> 00:27:18,882 What about me? 365 00:27:20,225 --> 00:27:21,726 Well, Joxer-- Oh. 366 00:27:22,101 --> 00:27:24,197 You get to go to the caves -- Say, Gab-- 367 00:27:24,197 --> 00:27:25,851 And you get to wait. 368 00:27:26,210 --> 00:27:27,068 Come on! 369 00:27:29,382 --> 00:27:31,335 Do wh-- 370 00:27:32,289 --> 00:27:33,524 Ooh, the caves. 371 00:27:53,973 --> 00:27:55,880 Hi there, big boy. 372 00:27:59,130 --> 00:28:01,767 Call me when you've had a bath, toots 373 00:28:03,831 --> 00:28:07,009 Okay. The tavern keeper said the peddler headed out of town. 374 00:28:08,470 --> 00:28:09,549 What wrong? 375 00:28:09,977 --> 00:28:10,756 Oh. 376 00:28:10,756 --> 00:28:12,672 "I'm gonna end up like you!" 377 00:28:21,896 --> 00:28:24,408 These ruts are deep as if he's carrying a load of dinars. 378 00:28:26,306 --> 00:28:27,875 Where'd you learn to read trails like that? 379 00:28:29,077 --> 00:28:30,297 Xena, of course. 380 00:28:31,281 --> 00:28:33,672 You know, you hang around her long enough, you're bound to pick up something. 381 00:28:34,282 --> 00:28:35,724 -You just have to focus. - Oh, yeah. 382 00:28:36,355 --> 00:28:38,331 I taught her that. When she came to me, 383 00:28:38,331 --> 00:28:40,457 she was just another lost warlord, hungry to kill. 384 00:28:41,479 --> 00:28:44,176 -I gave her a purpose. - Well, she has a different purpose now. 385 00:28:45,025 --> 00:28:47,694 I know. She's so darned good at it. 386 00:28:48,553 --> 00:28:51,525 You know, what she did when I had her on trial for her life, 387 00:28:52,383 --> 00:28:55,454 -it-- it was amazing. -How about what she pulled off with the Furies? 388 00:28:55,659 --> 00:28:59,674 Oh, it was brilliant. Yeah. And she does it all with that -- that steely gaze, you know? 389 00:28:59,674 --> 00:29:01,193 Oh, yeah. I've seen that one a few times. 390 00:29:05,575 --> 00:29:07,916 -Uh, looks like he's headind for the caves. -Yeah. 391 00:29:11,357 --> 00:29:14,542 We were starting to warm up to each other there, weren't we? 392 00:29:15,450 --> 00:29:17,390 Yeah. We were. 393 00:29:18,545 --> 00:29:20,403 -I didn't like it. -Right back at ya. 394 00:29:20,403 --> 00:29:21,004 Okay. 395 00:29:44,103 --> 00:29:44,736 -Joxer 396 00:29:45,038 --> 00:29:49,455 - I'm tryin' to disarm 'em. - I don't know how, but you're going to screw it up. 397 00:29:49,769 --> 00:29:52,769 -Now, just back away! -I'm not gonna screw it up... 398 00:29:52,769 --> 00:29:55,611 as long as they don't wake up before I find the ped-- 399 00:29:58,103 --> 00:29:59,499 That's the guy! 400 00:30:02,259 --> 00:30:03,584 Who's got it?! 401 00:30:07,570 --> 00:30:08,040 Oh, the scroll! 402 00:30:09,382 --> 00:30:10,986 Can't -- Can't find it. Can't find it. 403 00:30:10,986 --> 00:30:12,682 Gab! 404 00:30:12,682 --> 00:30:14,794 - Kill them! - Get him. 405 00:30:17,017 --> 00:30:18,759 Kill them! Get him! 406 00:30:25,924 --> 00:30:27,331 Kill them! Come on! 407 00:30:30,035 --> 00:30:32,258 Let's go! 408 00:30:47,570 --> 00:30:48,673 Not the scroll! 409 00:30:53,712 --> 00:30:55,366 Oh, my kinsman's sword! 410 00:31:27,737 --> 00:31:30,567 Nice lookin', huh? Yeah! 411 00:31:33,734 --> 00:31:34,734 Oof! 412 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,807 Time to end this once and for all! 413 00:31:59,659 --> 00:32:02,058 You there! 414 00:32:02,521 --> 00:32:04,569 Stay back! 415 00:32:06,808 --> 00:32:09,367 Gabrielle. Over here. 416 00:32:12,917 --> 00:32:15,140 - That's the way out of the caves! 417 00:32:15,140 --> 00:32:17,059 Move! 418 00:32:36,459 --> 00:32:38,857 -Come on! They're getting away! - Me? 419 00:32:40,411 --> 00:32:42,110 I'm mortal. I might be killed 420 00:32:42,485 --> 00:32:43,295 Gods. 421 00:32:43,655 --> 00:32:46,055 Aieee-ya! 422 00:32:46,055 --> 00:32:48,757 You hair-ball get back here! 423 00:32:53,379 --> 00:32:55,602 What did you write in that scroll? 424 00:32:55,602 --> 00:32:58,961 Instead of bringing Xena to the scroll, I sent the scroll to Xena. 425 00:32:58,961 --> 00:33:01,359 I just hope I phrased it right. 426 00:33:15,053 --> 00:33:20,185 Ha-ha. If that's not a sign from Ares, I don't know what is. Attack!" 427 00:33:27,344 --> 00:33:31,365 Ares, we have got to catch up with your warrior friends, so we can call off this attack. 428 00:33:31,365 --> 00:33:35,283 Well, I can't stop them as a mortal, but when I get my powers back, I promise, 429 00:33:35,679 --> 00:33:40,079 I'm gonna punish Thelonius and his army in some painful and horrible way. 430 00:33:40,079 --> 00:33:41,938 You know, innocent people are going to die. 431 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,181 Oh, yes. Innocent people. 432 00:33:44,675 --> 00:33:47,065 Look, with or without you, we're going to fight Thelonius! 433 00:33:47,065 --> 00:33:50,315 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Who exactly is "we"? 434 00:33:50,557 --> 00:33:51,367 Wait. 435 00:33:53,210 --> 00:33:56,923 - You guys smell somethin'? - Lay off of me, turkey! 436 00:33:56,923 --> 00:33:57,908 No. 437 00:33:59,033 --> 00:34:00,831 - Oh, it's fish! 438 00:34:01,191 --> 00:34:04,723 I'm new to this mortal hygiene thing! 439 00:34:07,957 --> 00:34:09,332 Xena? 440 00:34:10,879 --> 00:34:12,865 Uh, you looking for this? Huh? 441 00:34:13,167 --> 00:34:16,458 I, uh -- I took it off a peddler, who was being chased by barbarians, 442 00:34:16,458 --> 00:34:21,322 who was being chased by... three naked Gabrielles and Minya. 443 00:34:21,322 --> 00:34:24,459 She's still chasing them by the way. Oh, yeah. I read the scroll. 444 00:34:25,319 --> 00:34:26,896 "Kind of messed it up, didn't I? 445 00:34:26,896 --> 00:34:29,206 Pretty much. Did you write that limerick? 446 00:34:29,495 --> 00:34:32,211 -"I did. -"Figures 447 00:34:32,650 --> 00:34:36,014 I tried to get you back. I tried, "Xena goes to her number one friend--" 448 00:34:36,275 --> 00:34:39,589 You sent me to visit a girl I hadn't seen since I was five-- my firstfriend. 449 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,839 What about "Xena rejoins the woman who brought her to a new life"? 450 00:34:44,393 --> 00:34:46,260 Mom says thanks for the fish. 451 00:34:46,651 --> 00:34:48,465 I did start back once,but then I was overtaken... 452 00:34:48,776 --> 00:34:50,936 by this irresistible urge to return to fishing. 453 00:34:51,150 --> 00:34:53,338 I figured that's where you wrote, "Xena returns from her journey." 454 00:34:53,872 --> 00:34:56,369 And then I knew that something was up. 455 00:34:56,588 --> 00:35:00,004 I had visited just about everyone who ever meant anything to me. 456 00:35:00,583 --> 00:35:01,815 well, except you. 457 00:35:03,788 --> 00:35:05,790 - That's when I headed back. 458 00:35:06,686 --> 00:35:11,469 Look. I hate to be the one to break up, like, a major love-fest, but look at me! 459 00:35:11,469 --> 00:35:13,281 I'm not built to be mortal! 460 00:35:13,917 --> 00:35:16,467 We have to-- put things back the way they were!" 461 00:35:16,467 --> 00:35:19,821 Yeah. And stop Thelonius from destroying the valley. 462 00:35:19,821 --> 00:35:23,469 - Whatever. - Aphrodite, what was the charm that you used for the scroll? 463 00:35:23,469 --> 00:35:24,542 Exact word 464 00:35:26,330 --> 00:35:30,746 "Lies will make the world go 'round till true words are written down." 465 00:35:31,076 --> 00:35:34,339 So, if you make something up, the scroll has the power to make it happen. 466 00:35:34,339 --> 00:35:38,714 And when truer words are written, the power ends. Well, that's it! 467 00:35:40,060 --> 00:35:41,592 All we have to do is write the truth." 468 00:35:41,592 --> 00:35:44,637 Okay. But how will we get rid of this warlord Thelonius? 469 00:35:44,637 --> 00:35:47,458 I'll take care of him, but you have to write down everything that I do-- 470 00:35:47,458 --> 00:35:51,765 no embellishing, no poetic license, just exactly what you see, all right? 471 00:35:51,765 --> 00:35:53,625 But how are we gonna know if it worked? 472 00:35:53,625 --> 00:35:55,468 When you get your powers back, we'll know. 473 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:05,768 What's wrong? 474 00:36:06,655 --> 00:36:10,237 I, uh -- I'm not really good at... writing action. 475 00:36:10,929 --> 00:36:11,624 What? 476 00:36:12,639 --> 00:36:13,828 You follow Xena around-- 477 00:36:17,406 --> 00:36:20,253 You -- You follow Xena around all day. Uh-- 478 00:36:20,253 --> 00:36:23,407 You write stories about her. How do you do this without writing action? 479 00:36:24,491 --> 00:36:25,858 You see, I use metaphors. 480 00:36:26,242 --> 00:36:29,596 I write, "Xena burst on the scene in a blaze of glory." 481 00:36:30,843 --> 00:36:33,274 You do that and we'll be pickin' her up in a million pieces. 482 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,658 Move it! Kill, kill, kill, kill! Follow me! 483 00:36:42,907 --> 00:36:45,033 -Attack! Attack! Attack! 484 00:36:45,313 --> 00:36:46,532 Get up! Get up! Get up! 485 00:36:59,968 --> 00:37:05,394 Xena leads with a pike,then a trout. Bam, bam-- two quick bass." 486 00:37:13,811 --> 00:37:15,421 Oh, he's taken it on the chin! 487 00:37:27,417 --> 00:37:28,751 That octopus came out of nowhere. 488 00:37:29,354 --> 00:37:31,564 She must have thrown that just for the halibut 489 00:37:32,949 --> 00:37:35,171 "Write, 'Xena hit the warrior with a squid 490 00:37:35,828 --> 00:37:38,814 It was an octopus. I think I know a squid when I see one. 491 00:38:17,451 --> 00:38:20,133 -"Xena whacked the warrior with her sword." - "Whacked"? 492 00:38:20,133 --> 00:38:21,754 - Is that a word? - "Hit." Say "hit." 493 00:38:21,754 --> 00:38:24,465 I don't think it's very literary. Okay. "Hit." 494 00:38:27,919 --> 00:38:30,446 - "Xena fought with the warrior leader." 495 00:38:30,446 --> 00:38:33,805 "Fought with the--" Hey, what do you mean "awoke with a jerk"? 496 00:38:33,805 --> 00:38:36,523 - Just keep to the script. - I'm ready for action. 497 00:38:37,003 --> 00:38:39,402 Where's Xena? 498 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,247 Minya, where are the barbarians? They stopped fighting... 499 00:38:46,247 --> 00:38:48,646 and ran back to Barbaria. 500 00:38:48,646 --> 00:38:52,005 My hormones are peaking. I'm ready for action. 501 00:38:52,005 --> 00:38:54,884 I'm gonna crack some heads! Yeah. 502 00:39:21,511 --> 00:39:23,430 I'm back! 503 00:39:23,430 --> 00:39:25,349 Later. 504 00:39:27,733 --> 00:39:30,611 Ugh. Oh -- Sorry. Ugh. Ughhh! 505 00:39:40,735 --> 00:39:41,999 Wa-- 506 00:39:51,674 --> 00:39:54,073 Run, maggot! 507 00:39:55,512 --> 00:39:57,912 Ooh, I still got it. 508 00:40:05,396 --> 00:40:07,011 What's that? Huh? 509 00:40:10,322 --> 00:40:12,241 "What's that?" 510 00:40:15,599 --> 00:40:19,262 You know, I expected more from the God of War. 511 00:40:19,262 --> 00:40:22,141 I mean, without his powers, he's just another man. 512 00:40:22,141 --> 00:40:25,979 Just another big old, leather-clad, 513 00:40:25,979 --> 00:40:28,378 well-muscled, gorgeous, 514 00:40:28,378 --> 00:40:32,792 hunk-a bad boy... man. 515 00:40:32,792 --> 00:40:35,415 How are those hormones, Minya? Raging. 516 00:40:35,415 --> 00:40:38,293 I, uh -- I might go see... Hower. 517 00:40:39,732 --> 00:40:41,651 Weird. Mmm. 518 00:40:42,132 --> 00:40:45,010 I guess everything's fine now. I guess so. 519 00:40:45,010 --> 00:40:48,369 Hey, look. You still got some extra space at the bottom of the scroll. 520 00:40:48,849 --> 00:40:50,768 Guess that means there's something else to write. 521 00:40:51,247 --> 00:40:53,647 Try, "The End." 522 00:40:53,647 --> 00:40:57,005 Okay. I just -- I personally think that sounds a bit-- 523 00:40:59,496 --> 00:41:00,456 Captioned by Grantman Brown 40072

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