Original subtitles

♪ Some people seem so obsessed with the morning

♪ Get up early just to watch the sun rise

♪ Some people like it more when there's fire in the sky

♪ Worship the sun when it's high

♪ Some people go for those sultry evenings

♪ Sipping cocktails in the blue, red and grey

♪ But I like every minute of the day

♪ I like every second, so long as you are on my mind

♪ Every moment has its special charm

♪ It's all right when you're around, rain or shine

♪ The people on the hill, they say I'm lazy

♪ But when they sleep, I sing and dance

♪ Some people have to have the sultry evenings

♪ Cocktails in the blue, red and grey

♪ But I like every minute of the day... ♪

What did I tell you about air raids not killing people?

My bed simply went through the floor,

and Plon-Plon and I went on it.

Perfectly comfortable!

Linda Radlett was not only my favourite cousin...

...but then, and for many years, my favourite human being.

Don't pity me, Fanny.

I've had five months of perfect and unalloyed happiness.

Very few people can say that in the course of long lives, I imagine.

Very few.

As we turned down the drive at Alconleigh,

I asked myself if Linda's five months of perfect happiness

were quite worth all the chaos and confusion of the other 29 years.

But I often thought about things like that with Linda.

It always feels like Christmas, coming home.

I know.

Ever since I was a small child,

I was sent to spend the Christmas holidays with Linda

in a large, ugly, north-facing house high on a hill in Oxfordshire.

Most of these Christmases were marked with violence.

There was the time Linda's pony lay on her in the brook

and nearly drowned her.

The time she tried to kill herself in an attempt to rejoin

a smelly old Border terrier which Uncle Matthew had put down.

The time she decided to tell

the daughters of some neighbours the facts of life...

...resulting in dreadful beatings from Uncle Matthew...

...and luncheon alone for two whole weeks.

Linda hated to be alone.

She was a wild and nervous creature,

full of passion and longing.

But of all the Christmases,

the Christmas I remember the most was when we were 17,

and Linda decided that her life had to begin.

No, you can't give the dog a cake before you give me a piece!

That's not fair!

I stumbled into the hall and found Linda's mother,

my Aunt Sadie, and the children having tea as they always did,

in front of the fireplace, over which hung, as it always had,

the entrenching tool Uncle Matthew had used

to whack to death eight Germans as they crawled out of a dugout in 1915.

Linda's father, my Uncle Matthew,

knew no middle course.

He either loved or he hated,

and, generally, it must be said, he hated.

I hate Huns, Frogs, Americans, Catholics

and all other foreigners, but above all, I hate children!

He had four beautiful bloodhounds,

with which, every Christmas,

he would hunt his children, and a pair of stock whips

he cracked on the lawn every morning at dawn.

Had the Radletts been poor,

he no doubt would have been sent to prison for beating

and refusing to educate them.

Uncle Matthew loathed educated females...

...particularly me.

Fanny!

- Fanny! - You're here!

Fanny, welcome. You must be exhausted.

Come and have a cup of tea. How was your journey?

Come and sit in Jassy's chair.

As always, Linda was the most pleased to see me,

but determined not to show it.

Linda?

Fanny's here.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Yes, please.

Hello.

Where's your mouse?

Oh, she got a sore back and died.

Had you been riding it?

Nobody cried so much or so often as Linda.

That's how they always die. It's some sort of urinary disease.

Anything, but especially anything about animals, would set her off.

Her emotions were on no ordinary plane.

She loved or she loathed.

She laughed or she cried.

She lived in a world of superlatives.

Linda was the chairman of a secret club called the Hons Society.

Its headquarters was a linen cupboard at the top of the house.

- Six. - OK.

That's great.

Three-quarters. Well done.

The dead mouse was quickly forgotten.

Even smaller than last year.

- Your hair's got long. - Neck, tummy.

One...

Seven and a third.

So I win on arms, eyes, waist, ankles,

- and you win on bust. - Hmm. I hate bust.

Farmers love busts!

Linda and I were both in love with people we had never met,

I with a fat, red-faced

middle-aged farmer I sometimes saw

riding through the village,

and Linda with the Prince of Wales.

Why can't your prince and my farmer

be invited to Louisa's ball?

Because Matthew won't let anyone fanciable

within 50 miles of the house.

A coming-out ball was planned that Christmas

for Linda's older sister, Louisa.

We're trapped!

Our only hope is the Prince breaking down in his motor car.

"Pray, who is that beautiful young lady?

"I wish to marry her."

"Well, you can't! She's here under lock and key!

"I killed 15 Germans with an entrenching tool!

"I can certainly kill you!"

"He must have your daughter, sir.

"His happiness depends on it, and subsequently,

"so does the happiness of England."

Even then, Linda's fantasies were altogether more ambitious

and dangerous than mine.

I want to sit next to Fanny!

Oh, you took your time!

- This better be good, Linda. - It is.

It's so hot in here. Talk about back to the womb!

It's more welcoming than my mother's womb, I imagine.

Fanny, it is unfair that you have wicked parents and not me.

So you aspire to being wicked and adulterous, do you, Linda?

No. I aspire to true love.

The kind of which only comes once in a lifetime and lasts for ever.

The news I have for the Hons today, while of considerable Hon interest,

generally particularly concerns...

- ...Fanny! - Oh!

Aunt Emily is engaged.

No, Linda, you're making it up.

I found proof. "My dear sister Sadie...

"..not to tell the children we're engaged.

"The captain and I will arrive late on Christmas Eve

"and stay in time for Louisa's party, of course.

"All love from Emily."

Why would she want to get married, anyway?

She can't love him.

- He's 40. - He must be ancient.

Maybe he'll fall in love with Fanny.

Aunt Emily had brought me up ever since I was a baby.

It had always been just her and me.

Aunt Sadie had two sisters -

my mother and Aunt Emily.

At the age of 19, my mother,

feeling herself too beautiful and gay to be

burdened with a baby, left my father for another man,

and gave me to Aunt Emily to bring up.

Goodbye, darling!

My impetuous mother subsequently ran away so often

and with so many different men

that she became known to her family and friends as "The Bolter".

There you are, darling...

Occasionally she would reappear like a meteor,

showering me with her extravagance,

and I would long to be caught up in her fiery trails

and be carried away...

...but she would always vanish off again to a new man.

And in my heart, I knew how lucky I was

to have safe, reliable, kind Aunt Emily.

Come on, Fanny!

Get dressed, lazybones!

The Radletts loved animals,

but more than anything in the world,

they loved to hunt foxes.

All away!

Oh!

Where is her Ladyship, your mother, hunting this Christmas?

She's in Paris, Josh.

No human being like her Ladyship I ever saw on a horse.

And look at you.

Jostling about in that saddle.

Miss Linda takes after her Ladyship, your mother, something wonderful.

Why is that good?

Isn't my mother supposed to be wicked, Josh?

Here's Fanny!

Darling, may I introduce you to Captain Warbeck?

Please only ever call me Davey.

He looked different with his clothes on.

You must find it a terrible joke, old people like us getting married.

No, of course not.

Captain David Warbeck.

He doesn't look much like a military man.

Or a marrying one, for that matter.

Can't see him killing any Germans with an entrenching tool.

Hm.

Ah...

Ooh.

Matthew is frightening, and I disapprove of him so,

but in a way I feel he sets the bar for English manhood.

Don't be sad.

Yeah, but it's always been just me and Emily.

You'll always have boring old me!

Did you know that ducks can only copulate in running water?

No.

Good luck to them.

Aunt Emily copulated last night.

They were all twisted around each other

when I went in there this morning.

Really?!

Oh, God! How? Show me! Show me how!

- You're sex obsessed. - I know, it's true.

I masturbate every time I think about Lady Jane Grey.

And I think about her all the time!

Fanny!

Davey! You are a clever cove!

He says these Charles II salt-shakers

we thought we'd had in the family for 300 years

are really Georgian imitations, not valuable at all!

Children, you are so lucky

to be related to this extraordinary fellow.

Yes, he's a terrific Hon.

Oh, um, well, we have a Hons Society.

If you're a member, you're honourable,

and our enemies are Counter Hons.

I'm honoured to be a Hon!

Davey, maybe you can influence Emily on the subject of female education.

It's done Fanny absolutely no good whatsoever, as far as I can tell.

She's picked up some dreadful expressions

from that school of hers.

Very likely she did.

Awful words like "mantelpiece" and "notepaper"

keep coming out of her mouth, and her poor husband,

if she ever gets one...

A lot of men would find it more irritating

to have a wife who'd never heard of George III,

or been allowed off their family premises to pursue

any sort of normal life.

They have absolutely everything they will ever need here!

Church, stables, tennis court.

Why would they ever want to leave?

You don't have to go to some awful middle-class establishment

to learn who George III was.

- Anyway, who was he, Fanny? - Hmm?

He was King.

And he went mad and...

Most illuminating.

Well worth losing every ounce of feminine charm

to learn that, I must say, Fanny.

Thighs like gateposts from playing hockey,

and the worst seat on a horse of any woman I've ever seen.

Linda, you're uneducated, thank God.

What do you have to say about George III?

Well, he was the son of poor Fred and...

...oh, he was the father of Beau Brummell's fat friend.

Oh, and he was one of those vacillators, you know?

I am his Highness's dog at Kew

Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?

Ooh! How sweet!

Oh... No, and Fanny doesn't have thighs like gateposts.

Her thighs are perfect.

I'd like to go to school.

Oh, do shut up!

Matthew's trapped his daughters here.

They manage to bridge gulfs of ignorance

with charm and high spirits

and odds and ends of knowledge they've picked up.

You're better off not being like Linda.

She lacks all discipline.

Could easily come to nothing.

She does remind me of The Bolter.

I don't want her to come to nothing.

No.

Please don't bolt. Don't ever leave me.

Why would I bolt when I'm going to marry the Prince of Wales?

And have a train 40 feet long.

12 bridesmaids.

And you'll be the chief one.

What happens then?

You'll be happily ever after, and what about me?

You'll be with me.

Chatting and having baths, like always,

and being wise and clever and funny and kind

and the best thing there is,

because you know I'm lost without you.

What if you die?

I won't die!

I'm not that sort of person.

Darling Linda,

I'm going to drag you out of this place for ever

and copulate with you in running water like a divine duck,

and my goodness, how you'll live!

We don't want strangers here, anyway, stinking the place up.

Well, you'll have to do something,

or there'll be no men at all at your oldest daughter's coming-out ball.

Oh, shut up! There's Josh the groom!

And I've plenty of friends in the House of Lords

who'll be happy to come if I promise them a shoot.

Despite his suspicion of strangers,

Uncle Matthew couldn't do anything to stop

the day of Louisa's ball arriving.

As promised, Louisa's dance partners

were Uncle Matthew's friends from the House of Lords...

...and Josh the groom.

Ow!

- Oh, so sorry. - Oh, no, no, it's fine.

You're very patient.

Thank you.

All so small and ugly.

Old and ugly!

The evening was saved from utter disillusionment by a late arrival...

...Alconleigh's nearest neighbour.

♪ Pawn of none

♪ Born with steel reins on the heart

♪ Of the sun... ♪

Lord Merlin was an artist, a musician

and a patron of all the young.

♪ Exalted companion of cocaine nights

♪ Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld

♪ Dandy in the Underworld... ♪

What a set!

It was rumoured he had two black whippets

who wore diamond necklaces, and a playhouse in the garden

where he put on such extravagances as Dada plays from Paris

and jazz poetry from Harlem.

Uncle Matthew loathed him.

There's a man carrying a comb!

Davey!

♪ To destruction he fell

♪ Now he forever stalks the ancient mansions of hell

♪ Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld

♪ Dandy in the Underworld

♪ When will he come up for air? ♪

I can introduce you, if you like.

No, Davey.

Our dresses are too bad.

♪ Sha-la shoo-be-doo

♪ Sha-la shoo-be-doo

♪ Sha-la shoo-be-doo, ahh! ♪

I'm going to the cupboard.

Yes, me too.

♪ Sha-la shoo-be-doo

♪ Sha-la shoo-be-doo

♪ Sha-la shoo-be-doo, ahh!

♪ Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld

♪ Dandy in the Underworld

♪ When will he come up for air?

♪ Oh, will anybody ever care?

♪ Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld

♪ Dandy in the Underworld... ♪

I'm officially renouncing His Royal Highness.

From now on I will devote myself

to being one of those bright young things of Merlin's.

Merlin's friends are more in my mother's... orbit.

Oh, they're so beautiful and sophisticated.

Don't you just...

...ache for life to be exciting, like this?

Hm. I think I'd like to observe exciting things.

If only there were exciting things!

You!

You're an exciting thing!

You are!

We are.

We do everything together.

I'd be lost without you.

But the brief appearance of Lord Merlin's house party

only made the walls of Linda's fortress appear higher than ever.

She became paralysed in her longing for life and love,

and all she could do was lie about waiting for it.

- What's the time, darling? - Guess.

- Quarter to six. - Better than that.

- Six. - Not quite so good.

- Five to. - Yes!

It's forever until we come out!

I can't live that long!

"As long as she thinks of a man,

"nobody objects to a woman thinking."

That's what Virginia Woolf has to say.

Well, then, no-one will object, cos I only think about men.

Maybe that's because you haven't been educated properly.

Or maybe it's because everything else is boring!

What is it you actually want?

I want to escape!

And have fun and wear high heels and go to the cinema

and have sex and be adored by a man and be in love!

What do you want?

Is life only about love?

- Oh. - Yes!

Louisa's dance had an unexpected sequel.

I don't know why you'd want to marry someone so old.

Louisa, half his hair has slipped off his head,

like an eiderdown off the bed!

- He's only 45. - And you're 18!

If he was a dog, you'd have to put him down.

I'm happy for the first time in my life!

I'm getting out... for ever.

And you're going to be stuck here, Linda,

hunting and walking the dogs with Fa.

That's what comes of being the favourite.

Shut up!

Don't you think you're a bit too old to be sitting in a cupboard?

No, not really.

I'm not having any bridesmaids, by the way,

so don't worry about your dresses.

What?

I'm not going to be upstaged on my wedding day, thank you very much!

Ohh! You're not having any bridesmaids?

No.

You can't think how stupid you're going to look from behind!

Oh.

Linda was really very jealous.

- Shall we go, then, Papa? - Yes, let's go.

She looks like the eldest and ugliest of the Bronte sisters.

At that moment,

I think Linda would have gladly changed places with Louisa,

even at the very heavy cost

of living happily ever after with John Fort-William.

I want to die!

Unless life begins absolutely right now, I want to die!

Push me, will you?

Can you please...? Can you get down, Linda, it's really high.

If only it weren't such a difficult thing to do.

It's hard enough to kill a rabbit, let alone oneself.

It's that hog Merlin!

I won't have my home filled with Merlin's dago friends!

I hear he has Frogs there too!

I won't have Frogs or dagos under any circumstances!

Hello, Merlin.

Oh, lunch would be lovely.

What sort of birds are they?

Just ordinary pigeons.

Where do you get them that colour?

I dye them. Every year.

Dry them in the linen cupboard.

- Isn't that frightfully cruel? - Oh, no, they love it.

They love it. It makes them so pretty for each other.

- What about their poor little eyes? - Oh, they soon learn to shut them.

I see you're taken with my silly old Romantic Antoine Watteaus.

Love isn't silly.

- Linda! - It's my religion.

Is it really?

That's all she can think about. It's really rather alarming.

Oh!

Gertie, leave her alone. I'm so sorry.

No, um... I try to tell the girls

that they've got to consider practicalities.

They've got to write down how they'd run a household on £200 a year.

Linda always just puts "£199 - flowers".

What lessons are you doing?

None at all.

Pa thinks that girls get fat thighs from playing hockey

if they go to school, but not that Fanny has fat thighs.

Hers are perfect.

No, no, no, no, no. Linda...

...you need...

...educating.

Yeah, that's what I said,

but she doesn't listen to me.

You have an intensely romantic character.

Hm.

I see trouble ahead.

I urge upon you the necessity

for an intellectual background, Linda.

Hm!

Although I fear...

...it may already be too late.

Come on, then.

For a while, Linda followed his advice, finding comfort in books

and things other than the desperate pursuit of love,

But finally, inevitably,

the minutes turned to hours, the hours to weeks,

the weeks to months,

and the impossible happened.

We'd attained the great golden goal of every childhood.

We'd grown up.

Would you like to dance?

Yes, I would.

Tony Kroesig - in his last year at Oxford, a member of the Bullingdon.

A splendid young man with plenty of beautiful horses

and exquisite clothes,

he had already a strong air of pomposity,

a thing which Linda had never come across before...

It's awfully muddy where you live.

Hm!

I hope your chauffeur knows how to park a Rolls-Royce!

Yes.

...and which she found not unattractive.

Who's that sewer with Linda?

Kroesig. Governor of the Bank of England - his son.

Kroesig?!

Good God!

Never expected to be harbouring a full-blooded Hun in the house!

Matthew, dear, don't get excited. The Kroesigs aren't Huns.

They're a highly respected family of bankers.

They've been over here for generations.

Once a Hun, always a Hun.

Good God!

Does he know I still have an entrenching tool

I used to whack eight of his countrymen to death?

I don't suppose he does.

I always said Merlin would bring foreigners here eventually.

I never thought he'd land us with an actual German!

Oh, no, look! The poor rabbit!

Oh!

This was the one romantic gesture of Tony's life.

Tony went back to Oxford,

and Linda sat about waiting for the telephone bell.

If this comes out...

...he'll ring tomorrow.

If this comes out...

...he'll be at the meet.

If this comes out...

...he's thinking of me at this very minute.

Hello.

Hello. Is that Linda?

It's Tony Kroesig here.

Hello, Tony.

Listen, will you come to lunch?

Christchurch, next Thursday, one o'clock?

Oh, but... Fa doesn't let us alone with young men unchaperoned.

He doesn't really let us out, full stop.

Really?

You seem too old for that sort of restriction.

Um... Bring your cousin if you like.

All right!

That'd be lovely.

- Bye. - Goodbye.

You can't go, because Matthew will throttle you.

I will actually die if I don't go,

so, you see, I'd be dead either way.

We have to escape the fortress, Fanny.

There was only one way we could devise to escape,

and it was full of risk.

A very dull girl of exactly our age

called Lavender Davis

lived with her very dull parents about five miles away.

Once in a blue moon, Linda, complaining vociferously,

was sent over to luncheon with them,

driving herself in Sadie's little car.

Why are you two dressed up for breakfast?

Lavender Davis wants us to go over to lunch there.

Oh, duck, you can't have the car, I'm afraid.

Perkins is going to wash it.

But, Mummy, you don't... you don't understand.

The whole point is that a man's coming who brought up a baby badger.

And I do so want to meet him.

When we go to London for the season,

you'll barely have time for a badger.

Badgers are nocturnal anyway, so you wouldn't even see it.

Good point...

Darling Jassy, lend me your running-away money.

What? No.

I've saved and scraped ever since I was seven

for when I plan to run away myself.

I've no education or training, so I'll need every penny.

Just enough for a couple of train tickets to Oxford.

Darling, I'll give it all back.

Tony will.

I know men.

Who has a badger?

Last time, you said you didn't mind

if you never saw the Davises again in your whole life!

Oh, dear.

You said you wanted to bash Lavender Davis's face in

with a mallet.

Yes, she did say that.

Come on, Fanny. Let's go!

It's barely nine o'clock in the morning! Girls!

Deceptacon by Le Tigre

♪ Every day and night

♪ Every day and night

♪ I can see your disco disco dick

♪ Is sucking my heart out of my mind

♪ I'm outta time, I'm outta fucking time

♪ I'm a gasoline gut with a vaseline mind

♪ Wanna disco? Wanna see me disco...? ♪

♪ One, two, three, four

♪ You got what you been asking for

♪ You're so policy free and

♪ Your fantasy wheels and everything you think

♪ And everything you feel

♪ Is all right, all right, all right, all... ♪

They're so serious. It's like church.

Do you think that we would be as clever?

If you evened it all out, I mean.

Bath time!

Last one in's a sissy!

We must keep our ends up, Fanny.

I think I'm happy with my end down.

Come on, let's do it. We'd look so chic.

Davey says it's deadly to talk about hunting.

Of course I won't! They're intellectuals.

Hello.

Been hunting at all?

Yes, actually. We were out yesterday.

- Good day? - Great.

Actually very.

We found at once and we had a five-mile point and then we...

- That's marvellous. - Yes!

Yeah. Well, we had a good day yesterday too.

Then my first horse went lame.

- Terrible shame. - Ah, no.

He'd been looking awfully good all year.

- Come on! - Mm!

Here they are!

About time! I said one o'clock, not five past.

Go and have some of that cheese. Mummy sent this up.

Talk to that man.

Say something clever.

Oh...

- Hello! - Hello.

I'm a big fan of Virginia Woolf.

Have you read Orlando? You look rather like The Bolter.

A sort of Home Counties version.

That's my mother.

I shouldn't think so.

You're much too old to be a child of The Bolter.

Is she still with her white hunter?

What's all that hair on your nose?

- Oh, my goodness. - Fanny, is there a hair...?

Yes!

You got away lightly.

To the King.

Drink it all!

Oh... Two! Whoo!

This isn't really enjoyable.

A ghastly feeling of guilt is beginning to give me

a pain rather like indigestion.

Yes, me too. Every time the door opens,

I'm sure Uncle Matthew's going to be there cracking his whip.

OK...

I think we'd better go.

Yes.

- Shall... shall we? - Yes, I know.

Come on, baby.

- Going to go? - Yes.

FANNY: Oh, shush now.

You poor darling.

But you know that you have to kiss a lot of frogs

before you find your prince...

...of Wales!

Oh, Fanny...

Fanny, help.

Love has increased threefold in one short day.

But why?

I love him!

Oh, Linda, why?

Linda! Linda!

Linda!

Linda!

I have received a phone call...

...telling me...

...that someone has left a scarf

in Tony Kroesig's rooms at Oxford.

Now we know - you're not to be trusted.

So we'll have to take certain steps.

Fanny, you will go straight home.

Emily can... try to control you in the future, if she can.

But you'll go the same way as your mother The Bolter,

as sure as eggs is eggs.

Fa, you can't keep us locked up forever -

we're practically middle-aged women!

- Don't interrupt your father. - Fanny is a scarlet woman -

that's what we'd have called her in the old days.

- I didn't even want to go. - And as for you, miss!

You're worse, worse than The Bolter, imagine that!

Please stop it about The Bolter.

- No-one here is like her. - It's all unfair

because I always feel like I'm the terrible person,

and then Linda always seems so innocent.

I blame that depraved sewer Merlin.

Merlin's not depraved!

He travels abroad and reads books and is sophisticated.

- Travels abroad? - Yes, and his house

is beautiful and comfortable and warm,

a place to live in, and not some freezing medieval fortress

to rush out from and kill things all day.

I can't sit in a cupboard with Fanny for the rest of my life!

Well, you won't have to, cos Fanny's never coming back here again!

And there can be no question of a London season now.

- Fa, please! - No!

We shall have to watch you every minute of the day in future.

You're damn lucky not to get a thrashing.

Now go to your rooms, both of you.

And you're not to speak to each other before Fanny leaves!

Luckily, no-one will give them a second glance now

with that dreadful hair.

Goodbye, Fanny! Goodbye!

Goodbye, Linda.

Oh, we are unlucky to be us!

Bye, darling!

Of course, we were allowed a London season.

♪ Give my love to London

♪ Say I'll be there soon

♪ Meet me in Piccadilly

♪ And we'll dance by the light of the moon... ♪

The English upper-class version of the puberty ritual

finally happened.

Isn't it lovely to be lovely us?

We came out into the world -

18 years old and ready for a husband.

Do you get up to Scotland much?

Care for nightclubs?

I say, have you come far?

We met last night at William Stonor's.

Don't you remember?

No.

Uh...

But Linda was still in her dream of love for Tony.

And Tony was nowhere to be seen.

Oh, what's the point?

I missed my only chance for happiness.

I'm going to be a sour,

wizened up, toothless old maid

and die in a hole.

Me too.

We'll have each other to dribble on at least.

Hello, Linda.

I've been looking everywhere for you.

Really?

Shall I show you the balcony?

Yes.

Hello, darling!

You've got so tall!

Hello, Bolter.

Mummy.

I'm your mummy!

Was that Linda I just saw you with?

Yes.

Oh, no, it's such a mistake to be friends with girls

who are more beautiful than one is, darling.

It's too dispiriting. Who was she with?

Tony Kroesig.

Tony?! Oh.

That won't last.

I want you to meet my friend, Colin.

He's so nice!

He's here somewhere.

What happened to your white hunter?

Dead. Shot in the head during a safari - too sad.

Oh, well, at least you didn't have to bolt.

Yeah, no. Yes, for once!

First one I lost respectably - to death.

Oh, Fanny, dear, you're very funny.

I'm going to go and fetch lovely Colin for you to meet.

♪ D'ye ken John Peel with his coat so gay?

♪ D'ye ken John Peel at the break o' the day

♪ D'ye ken John Peel when he's far, far away... ♪

Oh, darling Colin, everything about you is heaven.

I just want to spend the whole night with you!

Goodness, let's!

♪ For the sound of his horn... ♪

Come, let's get out of here.

♪ And the cry of his hounds which he oft times led

♪ Peel's "View, Halloo!" could awaken the dead

♪ Or the fox from his lair in the morning

♪ Yes, I ken John Peel and Ruby too

♪ Ranter and Royal and Bellman so true

♪ From the drag to the chase

♪ From the chase to the view

♪ From a view to the death in the morning. ♪

"Darling, I'm your mummy."

"Darling, I'm your mummy."

That bloody Hun Kroesig has just telephoned.

He wanted to speak to you, Linda.

I told him to get the hell out of here -

I don't want you mixed up with any Germans,

do you understand?

Well, I am "mixed up".

As it happens, I'm engaged to him.

What did you...? Come here!

What did you...? Come here, you!

Come here!

What did you say?

How dare you! What did you say?

What are you doing? She just said she's engaged!

It wasn't just Uncle Matthew who opposed the engagement.

Tony is Bottom to Linda's Titania, isn't he?

He's ghastly.

A frightful Counter Hon.

Nothing will wake her up.

No. Not before it's too late.

Poor Linda.

She has an intensely romantic character,

which is fatal for a woman.

And also what makes her so completely irresistible.

Fortunately, most women are madly matter-of-fact.

Otherwise, the world could hardly carry on.

What am I, Davey?

You're you, Fanny.

You'll be all right.

Hm.

Lord Merlin was braver than the rest of us.

Are you pleased about my engagement?

No, of course not. Why are you doing it?

We're in love.

And what makes you think so?

One doesn't think, one knows.

Oh, fiddlesticks!

Well!

You evidently don't understand a thing about love.

So what's the use in talking to you?

Love is for grown-ups, as you'll discover one day.

You'll also discover

that it's got nothing to do with marriage.

I'm all in favour of you marrying, if you so wish,

but for God's sake, not to a bore like Tony Kroesig!

He's your friend.

If he's such a bore, why would you bring him to my party?

I can't guess that you'll go and marry every stopgap

that comes to stay at my house!

Can't think why Merlin says he's such a bore.

Tony knows everything.

Well, yes, that's exactly it, he does.

At least he thinks he does.

Oh, bother Merlin.

You know, I'm starting to think

that Fa was right about him all along.

He is a little depraved.

Don't you think?

I'm afraid I have to make Lavender Davis chief bridesmaid.

But you'll be second.

She's Tony's cousin.

And she is responsible for us getting together, after all.

Well, only most unwittingly.

Unwittingly or wittingly, what does it matter?

Um...

Would you take my flowers for me?

Take my flowers for me, would you? Oh!

- Oh, hello, Fanny, darling. - Come and have a champagne!

Oh, I'm so sorry!

- Excuse me. Sorry. - No, I'm sorry. Excuse me.

- This... - There you are.

- Yes, thank you. - That's all right.I...

Are you one of those bright young things?

Oh, I don't know. Would you like me to be?

Not particularly.

- So, uh... - Fanny!

- Yes? - Let's talk about...

It's time, everyone's sitting down.

Yes, can we just, um, chat, Fanny?

Well, we will later - you have to say hello to everyone.

Come on!

Get in!

Well... What do you think?

It's better than Louisa's, isn't it?

There's that at least.

I say, has anyone seen Linda?

- Shh, shh, shh! - I need to start my speech.

Darling, you'd better get out and be the bride.

I know, I know.

Can we just stay for a second longer

and just... chat and catch up?

Your train's poking out -

it's going to be quite obvious you're in here.

Darling,

in my bitter determination to grow up...

...I'd forgotten we'd have to stop being children.

Yes, there is that.

Can we still be toothless old maids together?

Not really - you just got married!

Oh, dear. I'm feeling a bit lost.

Oh.

Are there really to be no more Christmases

at Alconleigh?

Linda!

Get out of there at once!

Tony's about to make his speech.

Ah, there she is. Speak of the devil.

Come on, girl, get over here.

♪ My baby loves me

♪ I'm so happy

♪ Happy makes me a modern girl

♪ Took my money

♪ And bought a TV... ♪ Go on.

I love you.

Er, when I first met Linda,

she told me she was an Honourable,

the daughter of a baron,

spoke fluent French...

...and rode to hounds with the Bicester.

And I knew, right off the bat,

she was hellbent on marrying me.

Despite all that, I still managed to fall for her!

Erm, you see, I think what...

...what sealed the deal, as we say in banking...

♪ I'm so happy

♪ Happy makes me

♪ A modern girl

♪ Took my money

♪ And bought a doughnut

♪ The hole's the size of this entire world

♪ My whole life

♪ Was like a picture of a sunny day

♪ My whole life

♪ Looked like the picture of a sunny day

♪ My baby loves me

♪ I'm so angry

♪ Anger makes me a modern girl

♪ Took my money

♪ I couldn't buy nothin'

♪ I'm sick of this brave new world

♪ My whole life

♪ Was like the picture of a sunny day

♪ My whole life

♪ Looked like the picture of a sunny day. ♪