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1
00:00:02,438 --> 00:00:04,576
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,643 --> 00:00:07,916
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,983 --> 00:00:11,524
♪ But where are those
good old‐fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:14,530
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,596 --> 00:00:18,203
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,270 --> 00:00:21,376
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,146
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,213 --> 00:00:24,081
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:30,327
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:30,929 --> 00:00:33,768
♪
11
00:00:35,672 --> 00:00:37,241
New shirt, Cleveland?
12
00:00:37,308 --> 00:00:39,813
Donna saw an unflattering
picture of me on Facebook
13
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,251
and only lets me wear black now.
14
00:00:42,318 --> 00:00:43,721
Is the picture that bad?
15
00:00:43,788 --> 00:00:45,457
It was the worst thing
16
00:00:45,525 --> 00:00:47,662
I would ever want
to see myself be.
17
00:00:47,729 --> 00:00:50,802
Problem with these dark shirts
is the dandruff shows.
18
00:00:50,868 --> 00:00:52,471
But when I wear light colors...
19
00:00:52,539 --> 00:00:54,719
The dandruff doesn't show, but
you look bigger in the shirt.
20
00:00:54,743 --> 00:00:57,247
- Yeah, it's called
"Guillermo's Paradox." - What's that now?
21
00:00:57,314 --> 00:00:59,720
Guillermo del Toro theorized
that a fat man's shirt
22
00:00:59,786 --> 00:01:02,458
cannot simultaneously appear
slimming and clean.
23
00:01:02,525 --> 00:01:05,765
Mm. That boy does look
like he be gettin' dry.
24
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,267
All right, Peter,
what's going on?
25
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:08,537
Well, truth be told,
26
00:01:08,604 --> 00:01:10,307
Meg wants me to give her
a bunch of money
27
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,478
so she can go to college,
and I guess...
28
00:01:12,545 --> 00:01:15,150
I guess I'd rather spend
that money on alcohol.
29
00:01:15,217 --> 00:01:17,421
Listen, I helped
my daughter through college
30
00:01:17,488 --> 00:01:19,492
and it was the best thing
I ever did.
31
00:01:19,559 --> 00:01:21,730
Well, it was just
kind of us talking, but how so?
32
00:01:21,797 --> 00:01:24,903
Right after she graduated,
she got a real good job
33
00:01:24,970 --> 00:01:26,674
and bought me a new car.
34
00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:28,944
Says she's gonna buy me
a house one day,
35
00:01:29,011 --> 00:01:31,784
so I can sell this place
and retire.
36
00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:34,990
Man, imagine how great
it would feel to be retired?
37
00:01:35,057 --> 00:01:36,994
I knew a retired kid
in high school.
38
00:01:37,061 --> 00:01:38,597
All he ate was Tater Tots.
39
00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:41,369
He smooshed a turtle
like a ice cream sandwich.
40
00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:43,708
- He was severely retired.
- Okay, Peter.
41
00:01:43,774 --> 00:01:46,446
Guys, I've got to help Meg get
into a good college.
42
00:01:46,513 --> 00:01:49,385
Then I can have the golden years
I've always dreamed of.
43
00:01:49,452 --> 00:01:51,690
I sure am gonna miss you, baby.
44
00:01:51,757 --> 00:01:54,996
New wife that's just
one giant freckle?
45
00:01:57,969 --> 00:02:00,875
Come on, Florida, cancer,
let's go!
46
00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:04,683
(Brian barking)
47
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,452
What's going on? You okay?
48
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,924
This‐this squirrel, man...
49
00:02:08,991 --> 00:02:11,195
(squirrel chittering)
50
00:02:11,262 --> 00:02:12,766
Yeah, come down here
and do it, huh?
51
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:13,934
Come down here!
52
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,505
Well, you're getting old, Bri.
53
00:02:15,571 --> 00:02:16,774
Might be time to pack it up
54
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,440
and get out
of the squirrel gettin' game.
55
00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:20,681
No way, man. That little
bastard comes down here...
56
00:02:20,748 --> 00:02:21,984
Hey.
57
00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:24,255
(chittering)
58
00:02:24,321 --> 00:02:26,225
Get him, boy.
59
00:02:26,292 --> 00:02:28,731
- ♪
- (Brian barking)
60
00:02:31,035 --> 00:02:33,006
(panting)
61
00:02:33,072 --> 00:02:35,511
(retches)
62
00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:41,389
You've got to get in shape, man.
63
00:02:41,455 --> 00:02:42,992
You know,
you should meet my trainer.
64
00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:44,295
I think you'd really like him.
65
00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:45,598
- You have a trainer?
- Yes.
66
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,802
You think it's easy
looking zero for 20 years?
67
00:02:47,869 --> 00:02:49,706
All right, fine,
I'll give it a shot.
68
00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:51,910
Right now I feel more useless
than a chiropractor
69
00:02:51,977 --> 00:02:53,514
in an emergency.
70
00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:55,718
Excuse me,
is anyone here a doctor?
71
00:02:55,785 --> 00:02:57,421
I have a heating pad
in my office.
72
00:02:57,487 --> 00:02:59,091
What seems to be the problem?
73
00:02:59,158 --> 00:03:01,462
(cheering)
74
00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,534
♪
75
00:03:04,335 --> 00:03:06,472
All right, Meg,
now if we're gonna get you
76
00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,009
into a good school,
we're gonna have
77
00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:09,411
to fudge your application a bit.
78
00:03:09,478 --> 00:03:10,982
Okay, how do we do that?
79
00:03:11,048 --> 00:03:12,384
I don't know, I ate the fudge.
80
00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:13,687
But the good news is
81
00:03:13,754 --> 00:03:15,558
I got a letter of recommendation
for you.
82
00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:17,662
It's from Big Bird
and I wrote it.
83
00:03:17,729 --> 00:03:19,742
- "When I first met..."
- Read it as Big Bird, please.
84
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,703
(nasally):
"When I first met Peter,
85
00:03:21,770 --> 00:03:24,609
I was impressed at how tall
and handsome he is."
86
00:03:24,676 --> 00:03:27,047
That's coming from Big Bird?
87
00:03:27,114 --> 00:03:28,817
Think of all the celebrities
he's met.
88
00:03:28,884 --> 00:03:31,455
Ryan Reynolds was
on Sesame Street Sesame Street.
89
00:03:31,523 --> 00:03:34,295
- Wow.
- "Also, have you ever noticed
90
00:03:34,361 --> 00:03:36,733
"that Grover
and Super Grover are never
91
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,071
in the same room
at the same time?"
92
00:03:39,138 --> 00:03:42,512
As I said, Lois,
not two days ago.
93
00:03:42,578 --> 00:03:44,582
♪
94
00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:47,354
Principal Shepherd,
what's it gonna take
95
00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:48,958
to get Meg into a college?
96
00:03:49,024 --> 00:03:50,628
If Meg has any chance at all,
97
00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:52,732
she's going to need
a little "extra help."
98
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,569
We'll do anything.
Whatever it takes.
99
00:03:54,636 --> 00:03:58,911
Good. Now you do
understand how this works?
100
00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:01,349
We understand.
101
00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:04,321
I guess I'll, uh,
I'll meet you in the car.
102
00:04:04,388 --> 00:04:06,359
He didn't mean you have
to sleep with him.
103
00:04:06,425 --> 00:04:08,931
There are a few options.
104
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,002
♪
105
00:04:13,006 --> 00:04:14,542
(lights buzzing)
106
00:04:16,178 --> 00:04:18,784
Now, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin,
every college
107
00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:21,489
has spots set aside
for athletic recruits.
108
00:04:21,556 --> 00:04:23,527
We can make Meg look
like a star athlete.
109
00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:24,674
With the click of a button,
110
00:04:24,729 --> 00:04:27,568
we can make Meg look like
she played varsity lacrosse,
111
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,773
won the Quahog Marathon,
or had her head
112
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,110
roll down a temple
in Apocalypto.
113
00:04:32,177 --> 00:04:33,580
♪
114
00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:35,518
Lois, this is amazing!
115
00:04:35,584 --> 00:04:37,120
Meg's gonna look more successful
116
00:04:37,187 --> 00:04:39,191
than a businessman
in a hard hat.
117
00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:42,364
Hey! I came down here from the
office to point at the plans,
118
00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:45,003
then at the building!
Plans! Building!
119
00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,873
Building! Plans!
120
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:48,844
Yes, sir. Right away, sir!
121
00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:50,981
MAN (singing):
122
00:04:51,048 --> 00:04:54,054
I come down to the site
once in a while.
123
00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:56,927
♪
124
00:04:57,762 --> 00:05:00,100
Hi, uh, you must be
Stewie's trainer.
125
00:05:01,770 --> 00:05:04,576
Wh... How did you...? I thought
I was gonna meet your trainer?
126
00:05:04,642 --> 00:05:06,646
You're looking at him, Bri.
Look at my body.
127
00:05:06,713 --> 00:05:08,617
I'm jacked.
You want to get jacked?
128
00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,654
- Uh...
- Yeah, you want to get jacked.
129
00:05:10,721 --> 00:05:12,457
That's what having a trainer is.
130
00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:13,965
Just a couple of guys
getting jacked.
131
00:05:13,994 --> 00:05:15,954
- Sometimes twice a day.
- Okay, you know what...?
132
00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:18,670
All right, before we start in,
a little business to go over.
133
00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:20,951
I was just messing around about
the jacked stuff, by the way.
134
00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:23,479
Uh, did you want to sign up
for the full three years?
135
00:05:23,547 --> 00:05:25,718
Three years? Don't you just
do it by the session?
136
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,055
Yeah, no, we can do,
uh, sesh to sesh.
137
00:05:28,122 --> 00:05:30,160
Not committed.
138
00:05:30,226 --> 00:05:32,130
Did you want to do
the supplement plan?
139
00:05:32,197 --> 00:05:33,499
Uh. uh, no. No, thanks.
140
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,538
Going through the motions.
141
00:05:35,604 --> 00:05:38,176
All right, so what do you
got going on for New Years?
142
00:05:38,242 --> 00:05:40,446
- What?
- 80% of being a trainer is
143
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,026
asking clients what
they're doing for New Years.
144
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,522
And then not seeming interested
when you tell me.
145
00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:46,469
I don't know, I might go
over to a buddy's house
146
00:05:46,526 --> 00:05:47,962
and watch the ball drop.
147
00:05:48,029 --> 00:05:49,566
Oh, right on.
148
00:05:49,632 --> 00:05:51,670
- So, uh, what do you do
for work? - I'm a writer.
149
00:05:51,736 --> 00:05:53,674
- Okay, so lot of sittin'?
- Yeah.
150
00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:55,611
Hang on, I got to make a call.
151
00:05:55,678 --> 00:05:58,884
Hey, Death? I got a guy here
just about ready for you.
152
00:05:58,951 --> 00:06:01,155
No, not really,
I'm just trying to make a point.
153
00:06:01,222 --> 00:06:03,459
All right,
and that is it for today.
154
00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:05,163
First sesh in the books.
155
00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:07,835
Let's Ven' to the 'mo.
156
00:06:07,902 --> 00:06:09,906
♪
157
00:06:12,010 --> 00:06:16,051
CLEVELAND:
♪ Mail time, mail time, mail time, mail time ♪
158
00:06:16,118 --> 00:06:18,422
♪ Mail time. ♪
159
00:06:18,489 --> 00:06:20,426
The mail's here!
160
00:06:20,493 --> 00:06:22,632
♪ Here's the mail
that never fails ♪
161
00:06:22,698 --> 00:06:24,736
♪ It makes me want
to wag my tail ♪
162
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:29,545
♪ When it comes
I want to wail mail... ♪
163
00:06:29,612 --> 00:06:31,248
"To Meg Griffin."
164
00:06:31,315 --> 00:06:33,152
(gasps)
It's from Brown!
165
00:06:35,824 --> 00:06:38,195
(gasps)
I've been accepted!
166
00:06:38,262 --> 00:06:39,866
Hey, that's great news.
167
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,037
Let's clap it up
my high school girlfriend
168
00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:45,043
and I still say
I love you in e‐mails.
169
00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:49,217
I was hoping the good news
and the clapping
170
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,088
would offset this secret.
171
00:06:51,155 --> 00:06:52,725
But yay, Meg!
172
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,137
♪
173
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,606
Wow, I remember when my parents
clapped their hands
174
00:07:16,673 --> 00:07:18,543
after moving something one time.
175
00:07:18,610 --> 00:07:20,079
You never forget those moments.
176
00:07:20,146 --> 00:07:22,885
Now remember, Meg, I want you
to call us every week,
177
00:07:22,952 --> 00:07:25,524
and then every few weeks,
and then never.
178
00:07:25,591 --> 00:07:26,926
I promise, Mom.
179
00:07:26,993 --> 00:07:28,833
Got to admit, I'm kind of
jealous you get to go
180
00:07:28,864 --> 00:07:30,801
to college
and live in such a cool dorm.
181
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,972
Look, they even have the
pay phone Denise Huxtable
182
00:07:33,038 --> 00:07:35,009
would call from
on A Different World.
183
00:07:35,076 --> 00:07:36,946
Hi, Dad. College is great.
184
00:07:37,013 --> 00:07:39,084
I'm doing what I want
to actresses
185
00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:42,090
and will get support
from my wife Camille.
186
00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:45,163
That stuff was more out
in the open than I remember.
187
00:07:45,229 --> 00:07:47,167
(indistinct chatter)
188
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:48,970
Well, I guess that's it.
189
00:07:49,037 --> 00:07:51,643
Our baby is all grown up
and living at college.
190
00:07:51,709 --> 00:07:53,179
I know! She's so lucky!
191
00:07:53,245 --> 00:07:54,782
This place is awesome!
192
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,986
You think I'll go
to college one day?
193
00:07:57,053 --> 00:07:58,723
Oh... yeah.
194
00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:00,059
Sky's the limit, champ.
195
00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:01,563
Lois, I'll meet you down
at the car.
196
00:08:01,629 --> 00:08:03,132
I got to take a dump
that will live on
197
00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:05,904
in story and song.
198
00:08:07,173 --> 00:08:08,643
No, I don't have a roommate.
199
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,547
I guess he, like,
died or something.
200
00:08:10,614 --> 00:08:12,685
So I've got a double
all to myself.
201
00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:14,689
A double? Hey, roomie.
202
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,759
Want to listen to The Doors
for the next six months
203
00:08:16,826 --> 00:08:18,666
and then never again
for the rest of your life?
204
00:08:18,697 --> 00:08:20,567
Wait, you're my roommate?
205
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,538
You're Ashok Chandrasekhar?
206
00:08:22,605 --> 00:08:24,575
- God bless you.
- (laughs)
207
00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:26,980
Classic Ashok.
208
00:08:27,046 --> 00:08:29,050
♪
209
00:08:30,086 --> 00:08:32,323
Hey, why'd you tell me
to meet you at Meg's room?
210
00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:33,927
Well, now that Meg is
in college,
211
00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:36,098
I turned her room into a gym.
212
00:08:36,164 --> 00:08:38,168
Oh, my God.
213
00:08:40,239 --> 00:08:42,745
- How'd you do this?
- Took a Limitless pill
214
00:08:42,811 --> 00:08:45,016
and played "Old Town Road"
on loop.
215
00:08:45,082 --> 00:08:47,120
All right, why don't we
start off with a plank?
216
00:08:47,186 --> 00:08:49,357
One minute, and I'm gonna
go call my girlfriend
217
00:08:49,424 --> 00:08:51,729
and the forget about you.
And... go.
218
00:08:51,796 --> 00:08:54,034
‐(phone beeps) ‐Hey.
219
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,971
- I'm at the gym, why?
- Stewie?
220
00:08:56,038 --> 00:08:58,242
Babe, you know I can't deal
with your sister.
221
00:08:58,309 --> 00:09:01,014
Hey, babe... babe? Baby girl?
222
00:09:01,081 --> 00:09:03,620
- Stewie!
- Babe! Babe, I'm not‐‐ baby babe,
223
00:09:03,687 --> 00:09:05,423
ba‐babe, baby, baby, come on.
224
00:09:05,489 --> 00:09:07,928
- (sharp snap)
- (shouts, moaning) - Babe, I'll call you back.
225
00:09:07,995 --> 00:09:09,632
(moaning)
226
00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:11,936
Okay, right on, so you
remember I was telling you
227
00:09:12,003 --> 00:09:14,140
about the magnesium supplement
with the bone boost?
228
00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:16,746
So this is why you want
to try and take that.
229
00:09:16,813 --> 00:09:18,617
- Right on?
- No, not "right on"!
230
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,952
My arm feels like it's broken!
231
00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:21,889
Oh, it's gonna need some P. T.
232
00:09:21,956 --> 00:09:24,094
Let me give you the card
of my physical therapist.
233
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,162
He's the best.
234
00:09:25,229 --> 00:09:27,668
This is gonna be you
in another shirt, isn't it?
235
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,639
Hey, what's the problemo?
236
00:09:29,705 --> 00:09:31,408
Give me the rundown, go ahead.
237
00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:33,847
♪
238
00:09:35,182 --> 00:09:37,120
H‐Hey, Meg?
239
00:09:37,186 --> 00:09:38,657
Hi, I'm Xander.
240
00:09:38,723 --> 00:09:40,661
I'm‐I'm in your bio class.
I'm not a stalker.
241
00:09:40,727 --> 00:09:41,929
(laughs)
Either way.
242
00:09:41,996 --> 00:09:44,802
Listen, me and my roommates
are having people over tonight,
243
00:09:44,869 --> 00:09:47,140
and I was wondering
if you'd want to come by.
244
00:09:47,206 --> 00:09:48,877
Yeah. I'd love to.
245
00:09:48,943 --> 00:09:49,712
Awesome.
246
00:09:49,779 --> 00:09:51,816
Keeney, 325.
247
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,252
PETER:
Heads up!
248
00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:55,022
(Meg exclaims)
249
00:09:55,089 --> 00:09:57,460
Dad? What the hell
are you doing?
250
00:09:57,528 --> 00:09:59,264
I'm going to college now.
251
00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:00,934
Wait, what? What about Mom?
252
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,838
Well, I had to have
a tough conversation
253
00:10:02,905 --> 00:10:04,942
with her by the lake.
254
00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:07,013
♪
255
00:10:10,921 --> 00:10:13,693
I'm just not a fan
of long‐distance relationships.
256
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,362
Peter, I need to know
if you're gonna
257
00:10:15,429 --> 00:10:16,899
pick Stewie up from school.
258
00:10:16,966 --> 00:10:18,368
I'll be home for Thanksgiving.
259
00:10:18,435 --> 00:10:20,272
We'll see where we're at then.
260
00:10:20,339 --> 00:10:22,343
(indistinct chatter)
261
00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:25,216
Hi, I'm Serena.
262
00:10:25,282 --> 00:10:26,753
This is Lily and Grace.
263
00:10:26,819 --> 00:10:27,855
- Weet up.
- Hyai.
264
00:10:27,921 --> 00:10:30,326
Are you interested in pledging
for Alpha Delta Pi?
265
00:10:30,392 --> 00:10:33,098
Yeah! I hear you guys throw
all the best parties.
266
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,804
ALL:
Well, we've been waiting for you all summer,
267
00:10:35,871 --> 00:10:38,877
and we're so glad
you're finally here.
268
00:10:38,943 --> 00:10:42,049
(all screaming happily)
269
00:10:43,385 --> 00:10:45,791
GIRLS (chanting):
Boom, boom, I wanna go A D Pi...
270
00:10:45,857 --> 00:10:47,236
PETER:
Meg, you gotta get me out of here.
271
00:10:47,260 --> 00:10:48,863
These people are
out of their minds.
272
00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:52,003
Do not go A D Pi, Meg.
Do not join this thing.
273
00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,307
They don't let us out
of the pile.
274
00:10:54,374 --> 00:10:56,946
They're so mean, Meg.
They're so mean.
275
00:10:57,013 --> 00:10:58,813
SORORITY SISTERS:
I wanna go A D Pi, don't you?
276
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:09,538
Hey, Meg, I'm a hippie now,
and I'm feeling the burn.
277
00:11:09,605 --> 00:11:12,476
- Bernie Sanders?
- No, none of my hippie girlfriends shower,
278
00:11:12,544 --> 00:11:13,913
and my crotch itches.
279
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,951
You know, despite what
we're doing here,
280
00:11:16,017 --> 00:11:17,754
- I'm still your daughter.
- Right, right.
281
00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:19,099
Hey, uh, would you sign
this petition
282
00:11:19,123 --> 00:11:20,827
to help save the spotted owl?
283
00:11:20,894 --> 00:11:22,531
- Yeah, sure.
- Awesome.
284
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,400
You're our 50th signature.
285
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:26,137
So what happens now?
286
00:11:26,204 --> 00:11:27,473
Buck, wait!
287
00:11:27,541 --> 00:11:29,344
‐(chain saw revs) ‐Buck!
288
00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:31,949
They got 50 signatures.
289
00:11:32,016 --> 00:11:33,185
That's 50 all right.
290
00:11:33,252 --> 00:11:36,559
Well, let's get back
in the truck.
291
00:11:36,626 --> 00:11:38,997
♪
292
00:11:39,063 --> 00:11:42,303
You don't have to
be afraid anymore.
293
00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:43,907
I'm still itchy.
294
00:11:43,973 --> 00:11:46,579
MEG:
Dad, I'm holding the ladder!
295
00:11:46,646 --> 00:11:49,818
♪
296
00:11:51,321 --> 00:11:54,394
There he is, the big dog.
You ready to sweat?
297
00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,933
Today we got legs, and I'm
gonna tell you everything
298
00:11:56,999 --> 00:11:58,402
I've ever watched on Netflix.
299
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,007
Stewie, listen, I don't want you
to take this the wrong way,
300
00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:03,211
but I got a new trainer.
301
00:12:03,278 --> 00:12:05,115
New trainer? Who?
302
00:12:07,486 --> 00:12:09,123
Doug? Ugh.
303
00:12:09,190 --> 00:12:12,564
That's right, Stewie,
it's an ugh‐Doug moment.
304
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:14,033
No hard feelings.
305
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,004
I think Brian here
just wants to rev up
306
00:12:16,071 --> 00:12:18,308
- to a higher octane.
- See you around, Stewie.
307
00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:22,216
So it might take me a little
longer to train you, Brian.
308
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:25,122
You're going to have to unlearn
everything Stewie taught you.
309
00:12:25,189 --> 00:12:27,594
Fortunately, that was
almost nothing.
310
00:12:27,661 --> 00:12:29,097
(Brian laughs)
311
00:12:29,163 --> 00:12:31,602
Oh, man.
312
00:12:31,669 --> 00:12:33,873
♪
313
00:12:36,044 --> 00:12:37,079
PETER:
Heads up.
314
00:12:37,146 --> 00:12:40,920
Ow! Dad, what the hell?
315
00:12:40,987 --> 00:12:42,223
Did you join a frat?
316
00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:44,293
I tried to, but I got
the letters mixed up
317
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,097
and joined a fart.
318
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:48,503
(flatulence)
319
00:12:48,569 --> 00:12:50,172
(laughs)
320
00:12:50,239 --> 00:12:53,913
Hey, everyone, I'm in college,
but here's a test for you.
321
00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:56,017
We just gave you
the easiest joke setup
322
00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:59,525
in Family Guy history:
Peter joins a fart house.
323
00:12:59,591 --> 00:13:01,562
Is the correct punchline A?
324
00:13:03,566 --> 00:13:05,570
B?
325
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:10,212
Or C?
326
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:16,057
Good luck to you.
And now back to our story.
327
00:13:16,124 --> 00:13:20,032
Hey, ladies, toga farty tonight
at I Delta PU.
328
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,002
- Tell your friends.
- Ew, no.
329
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,906
Heh, they all say that.
330
00:13:23,973 --> 00:13:26,077
- Hey, what are you reading?
- Boning up for an exam.
331
00:13:26,144 --> 00:13:28,883
I boned up yesterday when
I walked into the girls' shower.
332
00:13:28,950 --> 00:13:30,252
(classic slide whistle riff)
333
00:13:30,319 --> 00:13:31,354
Dad, please!
334
00:13:31,421 --> 00:13:33,492
Sorry, Meg, I've been smoking
doobies all morning.
335
00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:35,530
Talk about higher education.
336
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,099
(classic up‐down slide)
337
00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:39,437
That's it.
I can't take this anymore.
338
00:13:39,505 --> 00:13:41,174
Dad, get out of here.
339
00:13:41,241 --> 00:13:43,211
What? This is what college is.
340
00:13:43,278 --> 00:13:45,717
How do you know?
You're not even a student here.
341
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,219
You're a total fraud.
342
00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:49,056
Me? You wouldn't even be here
343
00:13:49,123 --> 00:13:49,925
if your mother and I didn't
344
00:13:49,992 --> 00:13:52,263
- pay someone to get you in.
- What?!
345
00:13:52,329 --> 00:13:54,568
Yeah, your whole application
was fake.
346
00:13:54,635 --> 00:13:56,171
Meg, is this true?
347
00:13:56,237 --> 00:13:59,377
What? No, of course not,
Dean Nearby.
348
00:13:59,443 --> 00:14:03,251
Well, if it is,
you're going to be suspended.
349
00:14:03,318 --> 00:14:04,521
Oh, no.
350
00:14:04,588 --> 00:14:06,057
Well, that weekend on the Cape
351
00:14:06,124 --> 00:14:08,495
with Principal Shepherd
was a waste.
352
00:14:12,369 --> 00:14:14,140
I know I said
I wouldn't get clingy,
353
00:14:14,207 --> 00:14:16,311
but when can I see you again?
354
00:14:22,089 --> 00:14:24,427
I can't believe
they suspended Meg.
355
00:14:24,493 --> 00:14:28,101
Suspended Meg? Peter, you and I
could be going to jail.
356
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,472
I can't go to jail.
Me and my fart brothers
357
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,677
are supposed to streak
the quad later.
358
00:14:32,744 --> 00:14:34,080
(plays "Charge" riff)
359
00:14:34,146 --> 00:14:36,017
Now stop that.
You're not in
360
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,954
whatever you think
college is anymore.
361
00:14:38,021 --> 00:14:39,591
I can't believe you two
did this to me.
362
00:14:39,658 --> 00:14:41,261
Maybe if you believed in me,
363
00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:43,064
none of this would have
happened.
364
00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:45,469
Meg, honey, nobody wanted you
out of this house
365
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:46,605
more than we did.
366
00:14:46,672 --> 00:14:48,074
You know, maybe there's a way
367
00:14:48,141 --> 00:14:49,277
none of you gets in trouble.
368
00:14:49,343 --> 00:14:50,713
What are you talking about?
369
00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,182
Well, you said you can do
370
00:14:52,249 --> 00:14:53,595
all those things
on your application.
371
00:14:53,619 --> 00:14:56,157
If you show you actually can
do those things,
372
00:14:56,224 --> 00:14:57,527
you're all in the clear.
373
00:14:57,594 --> 00:14:58,634
And then I can get back to
374
00:14:58,696 --> 00:15:00,098
hustling drunk women upstairs
375
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:01,367
with Tobin and Squee.
376
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,204
Well, I better get to work,
then.
377
00:15:03,271 --> 00:15:06,177
But I seriously doubt that
I'll be able to pull this off.
378
00:15:06,244 --> 00:15:08,248
Hey, come on.
Anything's possible.
379
00:15:08,315 --> 00:15:11,187
Like when that Starbucks cup
made it onto Game of Thrones.
380
00:15:11,254 --> 00:15:13,358
This is it.
Here it comes, here it comes.
381
00:15:13,425 --> 00:15:16,097
- Hey!
- Oh, my gosh. - That's so cool.
382
00:15:16,164 --> 00:15:19,003
I can't believe this.
What's the Internet saying?
383
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:22,409
They‐they thought
you were great.
384
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,554
Okay, Brian, this many.
385
00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:30,359
‐(straining) ‐This many.
386
00:15:30,425 --> 00:15:32,429
Come on, Brian, you can do it.
387
00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:34,568
(straining)
388
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:38,509
And that's as many as I know.
Good job, Brian.
389
00:15:38,576 --> 00:15:41,080
Hey, Stewie,
congratulate your friend.
390
00:15:41,147 --> 00:15:43,351
He just did this many sit‐ups.
391
00:15:43,418 --> 00:15:45,322
What? There's nothing
after that.
392
00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:48,094
- That's as high as it goes.
- (chuckles) Yep.
393
00:15:48,161 --> 00:15:50,298
Are you crazy,
pushing him that hard?
394
00:15:50,365 --> 00:15:52,069
You're playing a dangerous game.
395
00:15:52,136 --> 00:15:54,073
Yeah, it's dangerous.
396
00:15:54,140 --> 00:15:56,377
And that's the way I like it.
397
00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:06,030
Listen, Doug, I've been
meaning to talk to you.
398
00:16:06,097 --> 00:16:09,671
I just got this new job,
and the commute is... ugh.
399
00:16:09,738 --> 00:16:11,240
I can work around your schedule.
400
00:16:11,307 --> 00:16:13,344
Well, that's the thing.
I don't have one.
401
00:16:13,411 --> 00:16:16,050
That's the way the suits
figured it anyway.
402
00:16:16,117 --> 00:16:18,188
What exactly is this job?
403
00:16:18,254 --> 00:16:20,091
I know, right?
Anyway, you've been terrific,
404
00:16:20,158 --> 00:16:21,327
and I'm gonna keep at this.
405
00:16:21,394 --> 00:16:23,264
But I'm afraid this is goodbye.
406
00:16:23,331 --> 00:16:25,068
What if I went down
to $300 a week?
407
00:16:25,135 --> 00:16:27,507
- STEWIE: You're paying him?!
- I'm sorry.
408
00:16:30,278 --> 00:16:31,481
(blows raspberries)
409
00:16:31,548 --> 00:16:34,153
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's no need for that.
410
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,224
(blows raspberries)
411
00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:38,662
- Thank you for that, Brian.
- You're welcome, Stewie.
412
00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:41,768
You know, this whole thing has
taught me an important lesson.
413
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,706
I hate exercise.
414
00:16:43,772 --> 00:16:45,108
Gay‐men.
415
00:16:45,175 --> 00:16:48,314
Somebody has to help me
walk down the stairs.
416
00:16:48,381 --> 00:16:50,385
♪
417
00:16:54,293 --> 00:16:57,266
MAN (through bullhorn):Everyone, if I could have your attention.
418
00:16:57,332 --> 00:17:00,540
I'm Dean Distant Faraway,
and we're here today
419
00:17:00,606 --> 00:17:03,846
to determine whether or not
Meg Griffin can justify
420
00:17:03,913 --> 00:17:06,384
her admission to our university.
421
00:17:06,450 --> 00:17:08,622
- And we're Mom and Dad. Hi.
- Go blue.
422
00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:11,828
DISTANT FARAWAY:What did they say? I‐I'm very far away.
423
00:17:11,895 --> 00:17:14,433
♪
424
00:17:16,838 --> 00:17:18,809
Strike.
425
00:17:18,876 --> 00:17:20,378
(all cheering)
426
00:17:26,525 --> 00:17:28,394
(all cheering)
427
00:17:33,906 --> 00:17:35,108
(all cheering)
428
00:17:35,175 --> 00:17:37,647
Ah... Dr. Nassar?
429
00:17:37,714 --> 00:17:41,588
- (whispers indistinctly)
- (gasps) Oh, my stars.
430
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,533
Okay, I'm gonna try to kill
two birds with one stone here.
431
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,436
I'll be singing
"Love is a Battlefield"
432
00:17:49,504 --> 00:17:52,209
- by Pat Benatar.
- (murmuring)
433
00:17:52,275 --> 00:17:53,812
In Russian.
434
00:17:53,879 --> 00:17:55,348
(excited chatter)
435
00:17:55,415 --> 00:17:57,854
- Hit it.
- (music starts)
436
00:17:58,722 --> 00:18:02,764
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
437
00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:05,135
♪ My sil'nyy ♪
438
00:18:06,203 --> 00:18:08,876
♪ Nikito Nam Ne Skazhet chto ♪
439
00:18:08,942 --> 00:18:11,882
♪ My ne pravy ♪
440
00:18:11,948 --> 00:18:13,752
♪ Dolgo ishchen vy ♪
441
00:18:13,819 --> 00:18:16,925
♪ Nashix serdtsa ♪
442
00:18:16,992 --> 00:18:20,432
♪ My oba znaem chto ♪
443
00:18:22,503 --> 00:18:26,511
♪ Lyubov eto battlefield. ♪
444
00:18:26,578 --> 00:18:29,316
(cheering)
445
00:18:29,383 --> 00:18:32,189
Well, it appears you can do
pretty much everything
446
00:18:32,255 --> 00:18:34,259
you claimed on your application.
447
00:18:34,326 --> 00:18:36,798
So that's it?
I'm back in school?
448
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,434
I think all you have to do now
449
00:18:38,502 --> 00:18:41,608
is prove you can
windsurf over Providence Falls.
450
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,816
Oh, right.
451
00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:47,987
You prove that, you're back.
452
00:18:48,054 --> 00:18:50,826
Wait, did we check that she can
get dunked on by her dad?
453
00:18:50,893 --> 00:18:51,893
Dunked on by my d...?
454
00:18:51,928 --> 00:18:53,932
Oh!
455
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:57,405
You gotta get big, Meg.
456
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,521
(cheering)
457
00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:07,527
Guys, no matter what happens,
I just want you to know
458
00:19:07,593 --> 00:19:09,664
that I forgive you
for what you did.
459
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,402
I know deep down you were
just looking out for me.
460
00:19:12,469 --> 00:19:14,541
Whatever you think
the lesson is here
461
00:19:14,607 --> 00:19:15,709
is fine by us.
462
00:19:15,776 --> 00:19:17,880
(fanfare plays)
463
00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:20,653
Good luck, Meg.
We love you.
464
00:19:20,719 --> 00:19:22,590
(crowd cheering)
465
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:28,569
♪
466
00:19:31,273 --> 00:19:33,512
(breathes deeply)
467
00:19:38,487 --> 00:19:40,559
Aah...
468
00:19:40,626 --> 00:19:42,864
Aw, so close.
469
00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:44,266
(crowd screaming)
470
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:46,270
(Meg yelling)
471
00:19:46,337 --> 00:19:47,807
Peter, call an ambulance.
472
00:19:47,874 --> 00:19:50,946
Can you do it?
My number's blocked by 911.
473
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:22,309
Come on, you can do this.
Stewie does it every day.
474
00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:23,612
- He does?
- Yep.
475
00:20:23,679 --> 00:20:25,315
Just put one hand on the rail.
476
00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:30,993
Damn it, I can't.
477
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:32,897
Uppies.
478
00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,372
Adios, Doug.
479
00:20:37,439 --> 00:20:41,347
From hell's heart
I stab at thee.
480
00:20:41,413 --> 00:20:46,624
With my last breath,
I spit upon...
481
00:20:46,691 --> 00:20:48,662
(snoring)
482
00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:52,636
Ha! What a baby.
483
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:57,236
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