Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

[pensive music]

[pants]

[coughs]

[pants, groans]

[grunts]

[both grunting]

[pants]

[clanking]

[groans]

[gasping]

[dramatic music]

[Tigers] Ha!

[young Danny] One! Two! Three!

[Tigers] Ha!

[young Danny] One! Two! Three!

[Tigers] Ha!

[young Danny] One! Two! Three!

[Tigers] Ha!

[young Danny] One! Two!

- Three! - [Tigers] Ha!

- [scrapes] - One!

Two!

Three!

- [young Hing] One! - One!

[young Danny] Two! Three!

[Tigers] Ha!

Hold.

[indistinct TV chatter]

Point the toe.

[sighs]

Eagle.

[inhales]

[exhales]

Lower.

- But Sifu... - Lower.

[farts]

[groans]

[metal clanking]

I'm sorry, Sifu.

I'm sorry.

[young Danny groans]

Who did this?

[young Danny] Carter.

He said his gung fu was better so I challenged him to abeimo.

But I won, Sifu. I won for our honor.

Bite.

[Cheung sighs]

- [grunts] - [bones crack]

[Cheung] Honor...

Gung fu without honor...

is just fighting.

No more beimo.

No more challenges.

[all] Yes, Sifu.

[upbeat music]

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Sport that look Full looking like champ ♪

♪ Got a 80 from the truck ♪

[all yelling and grunting]

[indistinct lyrics]

- Whoa. - Whoa.

[indistinct lyrics]

[teen Hing] We have master of karate and his disciples.

[growling]

- [teen Hing] Hey, Jim, hey! - Hmm.

Woo.

- [grunts] - [teen Hing] Oh!

- [grunts] - [teen Hing] Oh! Ooh!

[indistinct lyrics]

- [grunts] - [teen Hing] Ooh!

Ooh, that is it.

♪ Go get wild To a hard-core beat ♪

[teen Jim] Let's go, Hing!

[teen Jim] You got the fat one.

♪ That you gonna Leave the room... ♪

[grunts]

[grunting]

[teen Hing] Go Dai Si-Hing. Let's go, Danny!

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Bust a rhyme In another style ♪

♪ So get that whistle... ♪

[teen Hing whistles] [teen Hing] Finish him!

We're getting pizza!

[teen Hing] Oh-hohoho! [laughs]

[teen Hing] Hey, Danny.

Getting ready for the fight?

Yeah, man.

Who are your friends here?

[indistinct chatter]

- [Jim] No way! - [Hing] What are you wearing?

You look like you're out of a kung fu movie.

Whoa, no, no, bro, straight out of a fortune cookie.

Look at the duds.

Whoa, ey, ey!

All right, All right.

You ready, Danny?

All right.

Beimo!

[teen Hing] Let's go, Dai Si-Hing!

Versus Carter.

- Good, man. - Danny's just toying with him.

[teen Hing laughs]

- [teen Hing] Ooh, Carter. - [grunts]

Oh-hohoho!

[crowd] Oh!

[teen Hing] Here, Danny.

[teen Jim] Here we go, Hing! Three Tigers, baby!

[indistinct lyrics]

Oh, ow!

Yes, yes, Hing!

You nearly killed the guy!

[teen Hing] Go, go, go, Jim!

Show him some gung fu!

Oh, shit, the cops. Look, the cops.

Let's go, Jim!

- [all laughing] - [indistinct lyrics]

Carter always loses.

I'm not gonna take my jacket off this time.

Watch.

[teen Hing] Okay, Dai Si-Hing?

[grunting]

[teen Hing] Oh! Oh!

Undefeated!

- Danny Eight Hands. - [laughs]

The Three Tigers, baby.

- What do we say? - Forever.

- [teen Hing] Come on, open it. - [Danny exhales]

[teen Jim] God, God, God.

[teen Hing] What does it say?

- I'm in. - [Jim gasps]

- You're going to Japan? - We're going to Japan!

[all laugh]

[overlapping chatter]

We're gonna be rich!

[laughing]

[all] Japan, Japan, Japan!

[pensive music]

Shi-Gong, welcome the new disciples to our clan.

[pensive music]

I swear I will always honor my sifu.

I will be loyal to my brothers and I will defend the weak.

This I promise as a disciple to the very day I die.

[pensive music]

[pensive music continues]

[beeping]

[camera shutters click]

[Danny] Right.

Come on, man, someone please leave.

Anybody, anybody?

Are you leaving?

[Danny] There.

Here we go, here we go.

[horn honks]

Yo! Okay, yeah, just go through.

All right.

Don't... don't put... Don't put it...

Oh, come on.

Just put it in!

Come on!

[murmurs]

[car door closes]

- I'll be back in a minute, lady. - What, you can't!

- Just one minute, just one. - Ah, uh... your car.

[Danny] Hey.

- Hi. - Which one's the fastest?

[operator] Your call has been forwarded

to an automated voice messaging system.

I'm sorry, baby, he's not answering.

Could you call again?

Honey, I don't think we can keep on waiting.

Hey, we can go to the comic store.

You know, another weekend reading with mom?

No, yeah.

I'm sick of that, too.

[sighs]

[Danny] Boom!

Hey, buddy.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

But I had to go I clear across town to get you this, like it?

- [Ed] Yeah! - Yeah? It's cool, right?

Just look at that little antenna too so check it out.

You got a supercharger here

and it's really cool, it's really amazing.

Hey, Caryn!

You're looking great, I love the hair.

It's very now.

Ever the charmer.

Mm-hm, yeah. So we really should get going.

I got a big day ahead of us.

Hey, a big day.

What you got planned?

Well, we got the whole weekend ahead of us to, you know,

two full days of all kinds of stuff.

- Stuff? - Mm-hm.

Well, day and a half now, so...

Nah, it's plenty of time.

To?

To go to...

Magic Land.

Ma... Magic Land?

- [Danny] You got it, buddy. - Magic Land?

It was supposed to be a surprise,

but, hey, did you bring swim trunks?

Don't worry about it. We could pick some up on the way.

Hey, isn't that a bit much?

By the time you get through the gates, it'll be dark.

We're gonna make it, I promise.

- I promise. - Let's go, let's go, let's go!

[mouths]

[kids laughing in distance]

Okay.

Yes!

- [Caryn] Hey. - Hmm?

You said you wanted 50/50, right?

When you say you're gonna do something, do it.

My word is bond.

Cross my heart, hope to die.

[Danny] I got it.

There's fireworks, we gotta stay for that.

- Yes! - 10:00 p.m., I think, uh...

that should be pretty fun. Okay, all right.

There he is. That's him!

All right, all right, calm down. I'll take care of it.

- Hey, bud, is this you? - Yep, it is.

I told her I'd be back in a minute.

- [man] A minute? - Don't worry about it.

[woman] I had an appointment!

I've been here for 10, she's been here for 20.

- [woman] I'm late! - Hey!

- I'm talking to you, dork! - Mm, hi.

You think you own this place?

Don't you people know how to park?

No, can't park, can't drive, can't help it.

- [horn honks] - [engine starts]

- [Ed] Dad? - [Danny] Yeah, buddy?

Do you know any kung fu?

First of all, it's called gung fu.

That's how we say it in Chinese.

But, no, I don't, why?

I saw pictures.

- Where? - [Ed] In the garage.

There's a bunch of pictures.

All right, all right, you got me.

That was a very, very, very long time ago.

Who's the old guy?

[Danny] The old guy?

That was our teacher.

We called him "Sifu".

- You know what that means? - Mm-mm.

Si means master.

Fu means father.

Can you show me gung fu?

[Danny] What for?

Listen, a lot of boneheads think

they can solve everything with their fists,

like that guy back there, right?

You know what to do?

[Danny] You do what dad did, you just be a bigger man

and walk away.

Hey, so what's the first thing you wanna do in Magic Land, huh?

Mount Splash!

Mount Splash, that's right.

Now we're gonna do that first and then we're gonna do...

- [Danny] Vanilla Chunky Pie! - Vanilla Chunky Pie!

That's right.

[cell phone rings]

Please don't answer.

Please, please, don't.

Hello?

[Danny] Wait, what do you mean it didn't go through?

We, we had everything signed for.

I understand, I'm on it right now.

[Danny] I give you my word that it's gonna be fixed

before you get to the office, yes.

[door opens]

[Danny] Getting really heavy, you know that?

[keys jingling]

[suspenseful music]

- [grunts] - Ah!

[Hing] Tiger pounces on cave!

[both grunt]

Come on, show me what you got!

- No. - Seriously, nothing?

- Oh! - [Hing] What about now?

- What about now? - Jesus.

[groans, pants]

- Ah Hing? - Yeah!

What are you, crazy?

What the hell's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you? I... Whoa.

[Hing] Hey, kid. He yours?

Hey. [panting]

[Hing] He's a good-looking kid. Doesn't look like you at all.

[Hing] How can you forget?

I mean, "Tiger pounces from cave!"

You just sink, twist under, elbow strike!

Wanna go again?

I'm retired.

Look at that.

A gung fu man's always ready, Dai Si-Hing.

[Danny shushing]

[sighs]

You doing all right?

What, this?

Fell off a scaffold at work about ten years ago.

Shit, man.

Yeah, it was their busted equipment anyways.

Now I get a fat check every month

for the rest of my life.

Hmm. Pretty sweet.

Sifu taught you Chinese medicine.

Don't you have like some way to heal it?

[laughs]

[Hing] You didn't hear?

Sifu's dead.

What?

Heart attack.

[Hing] Out behind the restaurant.

The other cooks found him in the morning.

He must have been there the whole night.

How, how was he doing?

Was he sick at all?

I haven't seen the old man in 15 years.

I'm lucky I still found you here.

Funeral's tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

I'll drop Ed off with his mom.

Should we tell Jim?

I'm not going if he's going.

[Danny] Hey, buddy.

We're gonna go and do Magic Land next weekend, okay?

I swear.

Buddy.

I need you to do me one last thing.

If your mom asks about yesterday,

tell her that we went to Magic Land like we said we did.

Isn't that lying?

[Danny] Yes.

Yes, it is, but it would hurt her even more

if she found out that we didn't go.

She might not let us spend time together anymore.

Don't you wanna see me again?

Promise to say we went?

[sighs]

Promise.

[doorbell rings]

[horn honks]

[tires screech]

[cell phone rings]

You begged me to do 50/50.

You wanted to be a part of this.

[Caryn] And now you drop off your son

like he's some sort of pet?

Danny, stop making me out to be the bad guy.

Call me back.

[sighs]

Ed?

Ed.

Did he even take you to Magic Land?

We had Vanilla Chunky Pie.

[light music]

[indistinct chatter]

Shit, it's Carter.

Where?

- [Hing] Ah, yeah, that's him. - [Danny] Yeah.

[Hing] He's a lot bigger.

All right, here they come.

- Sifu Wong. - Sifu Wong.

Eh, just the two of you?

What about, Ah...

Oh, uh, Ah Jim? Uh...

- He's, uh, really busy. - Yeah.

Do you have the funeral cloth?

Uh...

Wait here.

There's a lot more people

- than I thought. - Yeah.

A great gung fu master deserves nothing less.

It's a disgrace his disciples

don't show their faces until today.

How you doing, Carter?

Sifu Carter.

I run the school now.

Well, Carter...

Not that I have to explain anything to you

but I just heard about everything last night.

Well, my Sifu took care of all this here, doing your job.

Showing up late to the funeral

dressed in thrift-store suits, totally shameful.

You look skinny, what are you, sick?

You don't look skinny, what are you, sick?

I'm not fat, I'm bloated.

We just had pasta.

Pasta for breakfast?

That's right, breakfast pasta. You never heard of it?

[Carter] Sounds really healthy.

You look like a fat Asian Mr. Rogers.

You know, you should really watch the testosterone

because it makes your...

[Wong] Here.

[groans]

I've been doing a lot of push-ups, core workouts.

Chest got a lot bigger.

Yeah.

- I got you. - Just...

- Watch, watch the hair. - Okay, no, don't worry.

[somber music]

[indistinct whisperings]

Hey, hey, hey, yo, let's take a picture with the master, yeah?

Little selfie style, cuz, yes, sir.

Let's see, this... that's one's a good one.

[overlapping chatter]

[in Cantonese Chinese]

- [Boi] Mm-hm, that's... - [Fu] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do something.

They're making it look like he was their sifu.

Let's take these K-pop rejects.

Hang on.

I don't think Sifu would want a brawl at his funeral.

[sighs]

[background chatter]

[scoffs]

You guys are useless!

[both] What'd he say?

[Wong] You know, before any of you were even born,

I was a cook just like your Sifu.

He lent me the money to open this school.

I always told him that he could open a school, too,

and have more students,

and have a bigger family.

I think Sifu was just happy being a cook

and... teaching us.

Yeah, "The Three Tigers of Sifu Cheung."

[chuckles]

Do you know if he was sick at all?

Shouldn't you know?

I read the autopsy.

Cardiac arrhythmia.

That means his heart beat irregularly

to the point of failure.

Common causes are congenital heart disease,

inordinate stress, pre-existing conditions.

[scoffs] You sound so sure.

I work in insurance.

And Sifu smoked a pack a day

so I guess we can't be too surprised.

[scoffs] Doctors.

Westerners cannot see what gung fu sees.

Yeah, those pesky Westerners.

Let me tell you what, Carter...

Sifu Carter!

- Listen, if you ask me... - Uh, which I'm not.

If you ask me...

there was no heart attack.

- And if I were you... - Which you're not.

If I were you...

I'd start with those punks.

Those kids have no respect for any of the old ways.

Speaking of old ways, Sifu Wong,

[Danny] Ah Hing and I were talking.

And we think it's probably best

that Sifu's ashes stayed with you.

But we're two different clans.

Yeah.

But I think Sifu would be happy

in a place where gung fu is at least practiced.

Why not open your own school?

Yeah.

We Chinese have a saying.

[speaks Cantonese Chinese]

"A teacher for even one day

becomes a father for a lifetime."

A fortune cookie made with white flour.

Relax.

Sifu Wong, thank you again for everything.

What else do you know about those kids?

Gung fu orphans.

[Carter] They never had a Sifu to teach them anything proper

so they just go out in the street

and practice on their own.

Listen, those kids will lie and cheat

just to build up a name for themselves.

They could take those photos from the funeral

and claim your Sifu was their master.

You care at all about your Sifu,

I'd find out exactly what they were doing that night.

[background chatter]

[Hing] What if he was on to something?

[Danny] The gung fu meathead?

Yeah, I think I'll side with a certified coroner on this one.

Sifu was so strict with his morals.

[Hing] He could have set anyone off.

What if he rubbed the kids the wrong way, too?

Okay, look, this is where they found him.

[groans]

But why would Sifu come all the way down here

and not out to the street?

Well, I don't think you have a say

when you're having a heart attack.

Are you done, Magnum?

Just let the man rest in peace.

[Danny] Then we could all move on.

Something's not right.

[tense music]

[grunts] What?

Go!

- [bones crack] - Ah!

[panting]

Oh, come on!

Okay, that's not happening.

[breathes deeply]

That guy's so fast!

Good form, too.

[Danny panting]

[Hing] We need Jim.

[Jim] Down, down!

Got him where you want him, now reel him on in.

What are you dancing for?

You gotta get in there and take him down, bruh.

[grunts]

Get in there and take him down!

- [onlooker] Yeah! - Oooh woo!

[onlookers cheering]

[Stingray] Yeah!

What'd I told you, huh?

Stingray, baby!

Stingray.

That's not gonna work with Doc Howard.

He's tougher than this man.

No, 'cause his hands can't hit what he can't reach.

'Cause I always stay one step away.

[upbeat music]

You gotta go to the ground!

Dammit.

[doorbell rings]

[upbeat music]

Ah, yeah.

Doesn't this get you all juiced up?

No.

[grunts]

Nice.

♪ Nothing like Fighting like... ♪

Now what?

[Booker] No, now whip your leg.

Start with your feet and do it right.

More, get up faster!

- You hear that? - What?

He ain't really kicking that bag, man.

[Hing] He's gotta turn over his hip.

Faster, faster.

See, speed kills.

Hey!

You got anal blindness?

- Who, me? - Yeah, you.

Do you have anal blindness?

Um, no.

Then why can't your ass see I'm working over here?

Oh, we're... I'm sorry, sir, we were just...

At least this ass can see that that's a shitty kick.

The hell you talking about?

Kick's got no power.

Even my big brother can tell you that.

[Booker] No power, huh?

And what the hell would you know about power?

I don't hear it.

When he hits the bag, the sound isn't good.

It's... it's too fat.

Too fat?

Yeah, you gotta have a sharp sound.

Just using his leg isn't good enough.

You gotta control all that power

through your body from the ground up.

That's Chinese gung fu.

See if you do it right, you can hear the power.

All right, Kung Fu Panda.

Why don't you show us something, huh?

Let me hear how kung fu's supposed to sound.

Might help if you turn up your hearing aid, but...

I'll show you.

You sure about this?

Yeah, man, a little dojo busting like the old days.

Let's do this.

I'll show you how it's done.

I just gotta warm up first, you know.

[groans]

Now see, if it's too close, it's no good.

If it's one step away further, lose a lot of power.

It's gotta be... just right.

All I hear is your mouth, fathopper.

[crowd laughing]

[yells] Argh!

[yelps] [Hing] Oh, God!

That sounds fat all right.

That's how kung fu supposed to sound?

Ooh!

- Goddamn socks! - [laughs]

I'll show you some realgung fu,

- Fred Sanford! - Step up!

- [crowd] Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Come on!

- [overlapping chatter] - Let's go, Sanford, let's go!

[indistinct yelling]

[sighs]

Ah Hing?

[Booker] These fools with you?

Yeah, they with me.

[ominous music]

[light music plays]

Three Tigers back again!

So...

♪ And I got nothing ♪

♪ No, I got nothing Without you, baby ♪

You know the last time I saw Dai Si-Hing,

he was drinking me under the table in Japan.

Yeah.

When was that, '93?

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Let's keep drinking.

All you gotta be is 20 to drink in Japan, right?

So we flew in that night, that first night in Tokyo.

[Jim] We went to town, man.

And we tried to come back to the hotel, but I'm out.

Nothing's waking me up.

No alarm, no earthquake, no Godzilla.

- You know what I'm saying? - [laughs]

So I get up the next evening and go to find Dai Si-Hing,

and he's checked out of his room.

He disappears before his fight.

Who cares? This was 25 years ago, come on.

- We forfeited. - Forfeited.

I was your second, man.

[Jim] My name was on the line, too.

Own it, bruh.

Danny Eight Hands, you punked out.

Hey, come on, come on.

Come on, guys.

We're brothers.

I mean I love you, guys, man, come on.

You know what's funny?

You guys arguing like this,

but in 25 years neither of you ever reached out for me.

[Hing] But it's not about that, right?

It's about Sifu.

Sifu.

- [Danny] Sifu. - Sifu.

[light music plays]

Sifu was a beast, man.

You sure those kids could have done something to him?

Let's just get it done.

[upbeat Vietnamese music]

[Fu grunting]

Damn it!

I've told you so many times. You have to kick higher.

Kick higher, where's your energy at?

-I've already told you.

[Hing] Hey, punk-ass, you dropped that.

[chuckling]

The Three Tigers of Sifu Cheung.

[upbeat Vietnamese music]

Sorry, we didn't recognize you from before, I mean,

you look like you ate half of that guy.

- [chuckle] - And homie,

man, you been fasting for 20 years or what?

You used to be the man.

So you knew Sifu Cheung?

The cooks told us you all work together.

What were you gonna do with those photos at the funeral?

A great master deserves true disciples.

He already has them.

What do you punk-asses know about being a true disciple?

- Show him. - What?

Oh, jeez. You should have been ready for this.

I wasn't expecting you to do that.

[Hing] See this?

Nice rash, bitch.

[Hing] This makes him the official clan inheritor,

our Dai Si-Hing!

You guys have that?

Nope, posers.

But that don't mean shit unless you live up to it.

People paid big money to fly him to Japan

to be a professional fighter. You know why?

Because he's Danny Eight Hands, the Destroyer!

We're wasting our time here.

Better make that shit count, homie.

Anytime you want, nigga.

Boy, what you say to me?

- Oh, hell no. - Oh.

I said knuckle up, nigga! You heard me.

Catch this fade, homie! Square up, let's go!

Shh. Okay, okay, wait, hold, hey, hey!

Boy, you don't want any of this, bruh.

- [Boi] Let's go. - I'm telling you right now!

- Walk away, man. - Dai Si-Hing!

We can't let these bitch asses

- talk to us like that. - Exactly!

They offended Sifu, one.

Two, they offended family, okay? That's Ah Jim right here.

If we don't do anything, that makes him look weak.

- Exactly. - And that makes him oppressed.

We defend the oppressed because we're like the

Martin Luther Kings of martial arts.

That's three strikes right there.

That's actually just two.

It doesn't matter, we're good to go!

I was... I was actually with you up until that last part

about Dr. King, this is not true.

[breathes deepy]

These sushi-eating fuckers have offended us.

I like sushi.

We gotta let 'em know.

Dai Si-Hing.

You got my back or what?

- Okay. - Yeah?

- You feel that? - Okay. Yeah.

- Let's do it. - Yeah, let's do it.

- Let's go get their asses. - We got these guys.

[Danny] All right.

- You want beimo? - Hell, yeah.

First to knock out, best of three.

If we win, you tell us everything we need to know.

And when we win?

Yeah, mm-hm, win? Pfft!

If you beat us,

I guess that means we're not undefeated anymore.

[Danny] You guys can be the new Three Tigers.

- You'll give us the name? - Mm-hm.

How do we believe you?

Because that's what we do.

[Danny] Sifu would always say,

Gung fu without honor is just fighting.

You're on, old pops.

Get ready for an ass whooping of a lifetime, just, uh...

I got vertigo, I can't go down this way.

- Let's go this way. - [Jim] You son of a bitch.

Which way?

- Uh, what are you doing? - [indistinct chatter]

[Hing] Hang on, hang on, Ah Jim!

Wait, where you guys going?

Beimo.

Whoa. [chuckles]

Okay, hang on a second.

You see, uh...

seniors usually go last in beimo.

You know, the whole seniority...

thing.

Okay.

[exhales]

Okay, let's go.

Let's go, pops.

[both grunting]

[punk boys cheering, laughing]

- [grunts] - [yelps]

[Boi] Ooh! That's whassup!

- Come on, Danny. - [Boi] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How's that feel, old man?

- [indistinct chatter] - [pants]

- [Jim] Let's go... - Come on, Danny, let's go!

[Hing] Let's go, Dai Si-Hing.

- Get up, come on. - Danny.

What now, Tigers?

Where's your Danny Eight Hands at?

More like Danny No Hands!

- [Boi] Whoa! - [Fu] Yo-ho!

- [groans] - Oops. Spoke too soon.

[Jim] Let's go, Danny.

- Come on. - Let's go, Danny!

Okay.

Let's go, Danny.

- Let's go, Danny. - [Jim speaking indistinctly]

[indistinct chatter]

That ain't nothing!

Go to work!

You ain't got nothing, baby. You ain't got nothing!

[grunts]

[bones crack]

Oh, oh.

Ow!

Hey, wait. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait!

- [loud thud] - Oh.

[both laughing]

[Boi] That old man broken, yo!

- [punk boys laughing] - [groans]

[Fu] Yeah, go!

- [gasps, laughs] - Oh, shit, oh shit!

Look at that, oh, my goodness, yeah, yeah.

Let's go, that's right, that's right.

[Boi] How'd that taste, old man?

Yeah, yeah. Come on, let's... let's go.

- [Fu] Good night, bitch. - Come on, let's go get him.

[indistinct chattter]

- Okay, hold, hold him. - I got him.

[Hing grunting]

[mumbles]

Okay, okay, okay.

- Relax, relax, relax. - What... what happened?

Okay, come on, come on. [murmuring]

Wait, why are they laughing at us?

[breathes deeply]

[Boi] Okay, what are they gonna do? Ouch.

[groans]

Okay, come on, Hing.

[breathes deeply]

[grunting]

Get him.

[grunting]

- [bones crack] - [groans]

[both grunting]

Oh, yeah, yeah, knocked your teeth out.

[upbeat music]

- [grunts] - [pained groan]

- Oh, shit! - Oh, shit!

Oh. [pants]

- [punk boys laughing] - Keep laughing, keep laughing.

Ah!

[groans]

Get up! Fu, get up!

- [grunts] - [Fu] Oh, shit!

[Fu yelling]

Whoa. Okay, Hing, Hing!

This is what happens when you play with grown men!

Hing, you got him already.

- [grunts] - [loud thud]

Whoa!

[panting]

- No, wait a minute. - Hing, Hing, Hing.

- Hey, hey, Hing... - Take out the trash!

You can't do that, that's not kung fu!

Honor, Hing! Ho...

[grunts]

- [loud thud] - [groans]

[pants]

- C'mon, Fu! - Tie game! Yeah!

[laughs]

C'mon, Fu!

That's what you get!

- That's my man. - No, I'm good, I'm good.

- I'm good. - All right.

- Shit's foul, man. - [Danny] We got this.

- Mm-hm. - Mm-hm.

What's wrong, you scared?

Um, I forgot the salute.

- What? - What do you mean you forgot?

I don't quite remember exactly what to do.

- But, uh... - Forget it.

[grunting]

[light music]

Okay.

[grunts]

Oh-hohoho, it's close one, eh?

- [groans] - [Boi] Come on.

Oh, okay.

[grunting]

[upbeat music]

[yells]

[groans]

Ooh!

[cheers]

- Yes, sir! - That's what's up!

[spits]

- Come on, Ah Jim. - Get up, get up!

- [Fu] Boi, come on. - Can't even get up.

[Boi] Meow. Let's go.

Come on, has-been.

[Fu] Yeah, what's up?

[Boi] Come on, old man.

- I dare you! - Paper Tiger, what's up?

- Let's go! - [yells]

[grunting]

Get up, yo, get up!

- Get up! - Come on, get up!

I got you!

- [Fu] Come on, get up! - All day, baby!

- All day! - [Fu] Out, he's out, get off!

Out, he's out already, he's out!

[both pant]

Yeah, that's my nigga.

[groans] [Jim] What?

Three Tigers, still undefeated, baby.

Yes, sir!

[Hing] Man, that was fun.

- Hold him up. - [grunts]

Really?

[Hing grunting]

[gasps]

- [coughs, pants] - [Fu shushing]

[gasping]

Now, honor your word.

What was your relationship with Sifu Cheung?

I asked him once if he'd teach us.

What'd he say?

He wasn't having it.

He swore he'd never teach anyone anything anymore.

[Chief] He was always screaming about ungrateful disciples.

He slammed a butcher knife onto the block and broke it.

Sifu was always good to me.

We'd never do anything to hurt him.

Delete all the photos you took at the funeral.

[Danny] All of it.

I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea.

We might be a disgrace,

but Sifu had only three disciples.

Hey, yo, man, sorry, I called you nig...

the N-word.

[Hing] I found it.

Right behind your gonorrhea pills.

Oh.

[Danny] Is it still good?

- [Hing] Yeah, it's good. - Oh, man.

The longer the Jow ferments, the better.

Rub me down then, nurse.

My god, you still believe in that stuff?

Mm.

I'll be good to go.

Aah, in the morning.

Yeah, well, I'm good to go now.

Somebody had to carry the team.

You mean we had to

- carry the team. - Okay.

[chuckles] I'll drink to that.

I bet you Carter knew

the whole time those kids were a bust.

We should get to Sifu Wong's early tomorrow,

see if he's heard anything new.

We would have killed those kids in our prime.

It's weird.

It's like I could feel what I needed to do.

Where to move, but like...

my body wouldn't listen.

Getting old, my man.

[Jim] Body's slowing down.

Sifu never slowed down.

Sifu's not everybody.

None of us could touch him, ever.

Well, that's 'cause Sifu was fast.

I wasn't fast, I was first.

- Same thing. - Same thing, right?

No.

You remember doing meditations?

When I had it just right,

I was the most relaxed I'd ever been.

I could feel the color in the grass.

[Danny] It was intense.

So anytime we went to beimo

when I had my breathing down just right,

I could get the world to slow down.

I, I mean, I could feel the other guy's muscles

tensing up long before he even would try to punch.

[Danny] That's how I would always hit first.

I knew what the other guy was going to do

before he even thought of it.

What?

No, no, there's... there's something to that.

It's like when I fell off the scaffold.

I mean it was only ten feet high, but...

it seemed like

it was the longest time before I actually hit the ground.

It was a trip.

Think you could have pulled that on Sifu?

Oh, jeez.

[Jim and Hing laughing]

You know, if you would have came with us to Japan,

maybe you could have talked some sense into Dai Si-Hing.

I couldn't leave Sifu alone like that.

Teacher's pet, huh?

We were all equally his sons.

No, no, you were definitely his favorites.

Dai Si-Hing, he inherits the clan.

You? You learned how to heal.

What do I get?

You get to eat the chicken.

I'mma forget that.

I'mma forget that you said that.

[laughs]

[groans]

What?

Did he teach you poison fingers?

[chuckles] Come on, man.

"You want to learn poison finger, you work hard...

- for 20 more years!" - "For 20 more years!"

[both laugh]

Yeah.

[clears throat]

No.

After you two left,

old man lost his heart for fighting.

So all we did was medicine.

Do you think the poison fingers is real?

Every good gung fu man keeps a secret.

[exhales]

[breathes deeply]

[Jim] Imagine if we all stayed...

cooped up in that garage...

[laughs]

With the old man sitting over in the corner and smoking,

watching horse racing.

When we gather up all the kids in the neighborhood and teach...

for free.

Is that so bad?

Well, you gotta eat.

You gotta pay rent.

Yeah.

When the old folks in Chinatown couldn't afford treatment,

Sifu would offer to do

free clinics for them on the weekends.

Because it was "honorable and righteous".

Yeah, "righteous".

Guess who he expected

to come out to work for free, too?

[laughs]

Of course.

Man, I'll be honest.

I mean I was doing hotel security back then,

I mean I was getting paid, it's good money.

So taking a day off from work for a bunch of senior citizens

that can only repay you with flowers and vegetables,

I mean that's nice, but you know.

That day that Sifu needed me,

I didn't say anything to him.

I'd just go to my hotel job.

Funny thing is, he doesn't call me.

He doesn't come looking for me.

A week rolls by, I still don't hear from him.

So now I don't know what to expect.

I mean, is he mad? Depressed?

He already lost you two, right?

But...

I never got up the courage...

to show my face

and just man up and say I'm sorry.

Now, Sifu dies all alone in a goddam alley.

Can't put that all on yourself, man.

Gung fu means nothing without your word.

I mean if we promise to do something...

we better do it, right?

[exhales]

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

Shit.

Shit.

[upbeat music]

Shit!

[exhales]

Yeah, let's go.

[background chatter]

[Carter] Ah, shit. Oh, shit.

Ah!

The Three Tigers of Sifu Cheung finally back together.

Is Sifu Wong in?

Oh, he just stepped out for a walk.

Should be back soon though.

You're more than welcome to come in.

Have some tea while you wait?

Tea?

You won't wanna fight or nothing, huh?

No.

Danny Four Feet.

Anybody smell Rogaine?

[man] I remember picking these leaves

from the Tian Shan mountain range.

Plucked 'em from the top.

[indistinct chatter]

Heard about yesterday.

Tough times for Danny Eight Hands.

How did you hear about that?

Nobody gossips like the Chinese.

Oh, no, no, it's online.

Yeah, the kids put up a play-by-play and everything.

[Carter] You're internet famous.

Son of a bitch.

Oh, forgot to like it.

Yeah, but what do you expect these days?

Nobody cares about the code of beimo anymore.

Used to be about respect.

You'd fight, and no matter who won...

nobody talked about it afterward.

Carter, those kids had no idea how Sifu died.

Well, it was worth a shot, right?

[Carter chuckles]

Actually, for you, more like five straight shots to the head.

[Carter] Definitely worth it.

So you knew it was a dead end, huh? You set us up.

No, I didn't know what they knew.

Just thought it'd be a better bet for them

to face off against you, the great Three Tigers.

[sighs]

[Carter] Well, the old you.

Then again the now you is the old you.

Or is it the lesser you?

Anything else you figured out?

- I got a couple of ideas. - And?

[chuckles] So sad.

A toast!

To the once great Danny Eight Hands.

- I... - What are you doing?

- I didn't know he'll say that. - Put it down.

Time sure catches up to some people.

And it doesn't change a thing for others.

I think I might have changed just a little bit.

[hisses, groans]

Not like you.

[imitates chomping]

[groaning]

At least it's natural.

We'll look for Sifu Wong when he gets back.

You want a theory?

- Okay, here we go. - No, no, not really.

How about your Sifu took on another disciple?

- [chuckles] - We're his only sworn disciples.

I was with him last.

Yeah, 15 years ago?

Plenty of time to raise somebody new.

Who is it then?

[sighs deeply]

- Beimo? - There it is.

[Jim] There it is.

[speaks Cantonese Chinese]

What?

When the hands cross, all will be revealed.

Best of three.

Hell, make it easy.

Three matches, but only one of you has to beat me.

[laughter]

[feigned laugh]

[loud feigned laugh]

When'd you get so cocky, man?

- [groans] - I like it.

[Hing] What do you say, Dai Si-Hing?

What if we lose?

[speaks Cantonese Chinese]

Can you just say it in English?

I mean, just say it in English, man.

[Hing] Because we can't understand.

The fiercest tigers...

can never share the same mountain.

You pick yourself up off the floor

and you get the hell out of my school.

[tense music]

[breathes deeply] All right.

Come on, Ah Jim, you're first. Make Sifu proud.

Yeah, yeah.

Man, I hope you brought your ground game.

Otherwise, I'm putting you to sleep.

Oh, are you gonna use Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu on me?

Forgot your gung fu already?

[scoffs]

[grunting]

Dragon!

[grunting] Snake!

Oh, my god.

Tiger!

[Carter crows]

[Carter] Cock!

[grunts]

Crane.

[yawning]

[tense music]

[laughs]

This is like what?

[Jim] You serious?

Okay.

[tense music]

[grunts]

Oh, come on, Jim.

You think you're smart, huh?

You wanna dance with me?

[breathes deeply]

Did he hit me?

No, it's just a glance, man.

- It's fine... - You got this...

- [Danny] It's fine. - [chuckles]

Oh.

[mocked groan]

[grunts]

All right.

[grunting]

Uh-huh. Come on!

[Jim] Uh-huh.

[Jim groaning]

[both grunting]

Ooh!

- Get up, come on, get up! - Come on, Jim, get up.

- Let's do it. - [Hing] That ain't nothing.

[Jim yells]

[grunting]

- [bones crack] - Panther!

Oh!

[panting]

Woo!

Oh!

- [laughs] - [Danny] Come on.

Come on. Okay, yeah.

Oh, Grandmaster Chan?

We did it.

We did it!

Ooh!

[sighs]

[gasps]

One down.

Two to go.

It's not fair, Carter.

You're cheating with all that baby oil.

He just beat our best guy.

Oh, no offense.

All right.

What about a...

handicap for your handicap?

[Carter] Use any weapon you want.

First blood?

Even a pin prick.

Fine. But you're the prick.

- No, you're the prick. - I'm the pin, you're the prick.

No, you're the prick.

And I'm pinning you

with my prick... with your prick.

Ew.

Just pick a weapon!

[tense music]

[grunting]

[sighs]

[yells]

[groans]

- [grunts] - Oh.

[angry groan]

[tense music]

[farting]

[sniffs]

[yells, grunts]

[clanks]

[clatters]

[gasps]

[sucks teeth]

Wha...

[yells]

[both grunting]

Not the hair, not the hair!

No, no, no, no!

[Hing groans]

[panting]

- [grunts] - [groans]

[both groan]

[yells]

[groans] No, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no!

[both sighing]

Bald eagle.

[pants]

[grunts]

- [breathes deeply] - That's it.

- He's doing his breathing. - [Jim] Yeah.

That's it, Dai Si-Hing, nice and easy.

[slow-motion grunting]

Yes, oh, yeah!

- [Hing] Yes! - [Jim laughs]

- Yes, Danny! - [grunts]

Okay, okay, careful!

[both grunt]

Oh, no, no, no.

- [grunts] - [Hing] Come on.

[yells]

- [both grunting] - [bones crack]

Aah!

[groans]

Come on, come on.

- [groaning] - [Carter grunts]

Wait, Carter!

Did I win?

[chuckles]

Carter.

What, Sifu? We're just playing around.

I was only going half power.

You are not that strong.

I am that strong.

Sifu Wong?

Did our Sifu take in a new disciple?

No, never.

[Danny groans]

Then why is Carter going on about another disciple?

Carter!

[sighs]

Last winter, I received a challenge letter.

[Carter] Wanted to fight me here at the school.

He'd already been around to the other masters and...

he'd beaten them all bad.

Did you win?

[laughs]

You got your butt kicked, didn't you?

I didn't lose!

I didn't win either.

When he was on his way here,

I locked up the school, turned out the lights.

Stayed up here until he left.

Your Sifu came over to personally apologize.

Said his disciple was totally out of control.

He actually said that, "his disciple"?

Where can we find this guy?

Try the Dungeon.

His type might hang out there.

The Dungeon?

- You know this? - [Jim] Oh, yeah.

They say it's a mob front.

Bunch of journeymen who do enforcer work on the side.

This guy turned his back on your Sifu,

got mixed up with the Triads.

Sifu Cheung swore he would take back his gung fu.

You're saying they fought?

How'd Sifu lose?

Oh, come on.

Oh!

My head's killing me.

[Hing] Could be.

You did get knocked out twice in one day.

All that blood pressure squeezing your brain

against your skull.

It's what killed Bruce Lee.

[laughs]

Oh, there you go.

Oh.

- Mm-mm. - Trust me, it works.

[all slurping]

[grunts]

[exhales]

Is that what I think it is?

[grunts]

Oh.

[Hing] Really?

The holy grail.

[Hing] Yes!

Why are we here?

Oh, Carter always loses.

This is when you put it on him.

You dismantled him this time, I remember this.

[teen Jim] I'm not gonna take my jacket off this time. Watch.

[teen Hing] Okay, Dai Si-Hing?

[grunts]

Oh, he's mad, oh!

I still can't believe he just waxed all our asses.

[both grunting]

- Oh! - [all laughing]

[teen Hing] Come on, open it.

- [Danny exhales] - [teen Jim] God, God, God.

[teen Hing] What does it say?

- I'm in. - [Jim gasps]

[teen Hing] You're going to Japan?

[teen Jim] We're going to Japan!

[laughter]

- [overlapping chatter] - [teen Jim] We're gonna be rich!

[teen Tigers laughing]

[all] Japan, Japan, Japan!

[teen Hing] Danny?

How are you gonna tell Sifu?

[somber music]

[teen Jim] Oh, what is that?

Oh, yum.

[indistinct TV chatter]

- Chicken! - [Jim] Oh, damn.

- [teen Jim] Oh, yeah! - We were always mealing, man.

Sifu's cooking?

What are you guys eating?

- [laughing] - Careful, Hing.

You're gonna get fat.

He's gonna get so fat.

[laughs]

- [indistinct TV chatter] - [burps]

[Jim] That's nasty.

[teen Jim] Oh.

[teen Hing] Hey, guys, wait for Sifu!

- Sifu! - [Hing] See, man, I told you.

You always got the best piece of chicken.

[chuckles]

It's true! [laughs]

Oh, thank you, Sifu.

I'm going to slow down, calm down...

[teen Hing] Oh! Oh.

Okay, go ahead, go ahead I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What? Ah, too slow!

Master your chopsticks, yes.

- [teen Tigers laughing] - Okay, now, before we start.

Happy birthday, Jim.

Thank you, Sifu.

[teen Hing] Happy birthday, Jim.

Thank you, guys. Thank you so much.

[teen Jim] But this is all for me, right, Sifu?

[teen Danny] You can't eat all that.

[Cheung] You're not sharing?

[overlapping chatter]

[indistinct TV chatter]

- [Cheung] Not "I", it's "We". - [teen Tigers] We. We!

- [teen Jim] It's for us! - [teen Hing] We.

[indistinct TV chatter]

[panting]

Really, stairs?

This ain't exactly handicap-friendly.

Not that I'm handicapped.

You sure this is the spot?

[Jim] Yeah, so keep your head on a swivel, understand?

So, uh, how do we find this guy, huh?

Easy. Find the one that hits the hardest.

Find the one that hits the hardest?

How?

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

[background chatter]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music continues]

Any luck?

Man, everybody here looks like they can put the hurt on.

I mean, what are we looking for?

Not looking, listen.

What?

[hard thudding]

[Jim] Ah Hing, talk to me.

[sharp thwacking noises]

That's... the sound.

Whoa.

[both] Damn.

[ominous music]

[upbeat music]

Let's go. Go, go!

[Jim] That's too close, man.

- [Hing] What are we doing? - [Jim] What are you doing?

[background chatter]

Get ready to do that U-turn, man.

Get ready to do the U-turn.

Okay, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go!

[Danny] I know, I know, I know! I know, hold on, hold on!

[Hing] You're driving like a soccer mom!

[Jim] Danny!

I know, hold on, hold on.

What are you doing, a 3-point turn?

[Hing] U it, just U it!

Slow down, just slow down.

Why are you all up on him like that?

- [Hing] You are on his ass. - [Danny] Just don't look at him.

- [Jim] Don't look at him? - [Danny] Just don't look.

[Jim] Are you serious right now?

[Hing] Oh.

Now speed up, speed up, speed up.

[Danny] You guys are exhausting.

[engine revving]

[background chatter]

[ominous music]

- So what do we do? - I don't know.

[Del] Oh, hey, I'm sorry.

I'll be right back, I promise, okay?

[sighs]

- Take your hood off. - What, why?

- Take your hood off! - What?

[Del] Today's special, three courses,

$8.95, you want it?

- No, we don't want any food. - Hey, table's not free.

Okay, then we'll have some tea.

If you don't eat, tea's not free.

He's gonna pay.

[indistinct chatter]

[Del] Sorry about that...

Nice suit.

Oh, here he comes. Don't look, don't look, just pretend.

Use your peripheral.

I got this.

[groans]

[door creaks open]

[in Cantonese Chinese]

[thwacks]

[door opens, closes]

[zipper zips open]

[urinating]

[loud thwack]

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, where's the wine?

[panting]

He... he did it, I saw him, he did it.

I heard it. I...

- Where'd... where'd he go? - Don't worry.

We got him right where we want him.

- What do you mean? - He kicked his bike over.

- You what? - It weighs over 400 pounds!

He can't go anywhere, now we can get him right now.

No, no, he's a hitman.

- He's a gung fu hitman. - [both] What?

Yeah, he didn't even wash his hands. He...

- [yells] - [clatters]

- Somebody get help! - Go call 911!

- [guest 1] Please, help! - [guest 2] Somebody help!

Oh, I don't know.

Are you okay?

No way.

- [woman crying] - [gasps]

[distant clamoring]

- Poison fingers. - [guest 1] Help!

Well, that was a bright idea.

But he's right there.

- We just grab him! - Yeah.

And do what?

There's no murder weapon.

The cops will say it was a heart attack

just like with Sifu.

We can't just let him go.

[tense music]

Need a lift?

- Was this you? - It depends.

Who taught you poison fingers?

The Three Tigers.

Took you guys long enough.

Dai Si-Hing... just say the word.

You're Dai Si-Hing.

Holy shit.

That's impossible.

Only one can inherit the clan.

If all your sons died, wouldn't you want another one?

Hey, Sifu told me you hit him before you left.

Is that true?

What's he talking about?

Did that happen?

[Zhen Fan] We all broke the old man.

Some more than others.

The fiercest tigers can never share the same mountain.

Beimo.

[tense music]

[music intensifies]

[cell phone ringing]

Dammit!

You're gonna answer the phone?

Just one second, I gotta get this.

It might be an emergency.

He just called beimo, man, come on.

- Caryn? - [Caryn] Danny,

did you get my texts?

Just tell her you'll call her back.

[Caryn] I need you to do me a big, big favor.

I'm stuck at work and it... it's not ending anytime soon.

Can you pick Ed up from school today?

Ah...

[Caryn] I could just pick him up at your place later, say 8:00?

You know what, I'm sorry, I can't right now.

Now is not a good time.

- [Caryn] Let's not do this. - Hey!

I need you to step...

He killed Sifu, what the hell we waiting for?

If we go at it here,

we're gonna have to fight off the cops, too.

Holy shit!

[grunting]

Ugh.

Chinatown pier, 10:00.

This is such bullshit.

What are we doing?

So what, we just don't show up?

He'll think we chickened out, but he'll move on.

Like Carter.

Guys like this just want their ego stroked.

This prick is murdering people using our gung fu.

When'd you hit the old man?

It was stupid. I...

- I just got lucky. - There's no lucky with Sifu.

When I told him about going to Japan.

[Danny] He wasn't having it.

He said a gung fu man should never trade

in his honor for money.

And I got mad.

I said something smart, he called me a disgrace.

It got heated and I just...

I fired on him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

You... you told me he gave us his blessing!

I would have never gone with you if it was like that.

Never.

You never looked back either.

- What? - You can make it up now.

We gotta take ourgung fu back.

Dude knows the death touch, man.

Not even Sifu could even stop him.

But at least Sifu tried.

Look, I got a kid that needs me, alive.

Huh! Give me a break, man.

You ain't winning no father of the year awards.

[sighs] Ah Jim?

First rule.

Never get in a ring unless there's a chance you can win.

No one here can, so...

I don't believe this.

Sifu taught us gung fu...

so that we can become good righteous men.

Out there is a very, very bad man.

Now we all swore together that we would defend the weak.

Yourgung fu don't mean nothing without your word.

[Hing] Right?

Dai Si-Hing, my ass.

Ah Hing, let me take you home.

[Jim] Ah Hing.

[indistinct yelling]

- [boy 1] Come on! - [boy 2] Come on, grind...

[boy 3] Fight, yeah!

[overlapping yelling]

- [boy 2] Get him, get him! - [Danny] Hey!

Hey, stop! Hey, just get outta here!

Get... get outta here!

You all right?

Get outta here!

Whoa, okay, okay, you're okay, you're okay, you're okay.

Stand up, stand up.

Let me see. Let me see your face.

Oh, it's okay. Let me get your backpack.

You all right?

And who were those kids?

[background chatter]

Next time, don't get in a fight with a future linebacker, okay?

That guy was 12?

Jeez.

You're lucky it's not broken.

What happened to your face?

Oh, what, this?

I ran into a door.

You know how I tell you not to run around the house?

Well, there's a good reason for that.

So...

how do you think we should tell your mother?

Hmm?

- Do we have to? - Mm-hm.

Honor your mother.

But we told mom we went to Magic Land.

Well, this is not the same as Magic Land.

And we didn't tell her 'cause it would hurt her.

- That's what you said, right? - No, that's not it.

So I wouldn't get in trouble and I could see you again?

That... that...

This is completely different.

Besides, that's not what I was trying to...

[sighs]

Okay.

Buddy, we have to tell your mother about this,

all right?

- Is it ever okay to fight? - No.

And if it happens to you...

you gotta go find a teacher.

What if there is no teacher?

Then you walk away.

What if he hits your friend?

Then you both have to walk away.

But he...

Doesn't stop, calls your friend a faggot,

and punches him every day.

Well, that sounds like something they need to settle

between themselves as grown children.

You said I couldn't learn any gung fu.

[Ed] I asked you and you wouldn't teach me.

I can't just let them hurt my friend like that, right, Dad?

[tense music]

I'm Hing, second disciple of Sifu Cheung.

[Hing] Beimo.

[wind howls]

[groans]

- [speaks Cantonese Chinese] - [all] Hiya!

- [speaks Cantonese Chinese] - [all] Hiya!

- [speaks Cantonese Chinese] - [all] Hiya, hiya!

Up on this, up on the fist, good.

Deeper stance.

Good, roll the thumb over, tighter fist, good.

[knock on door]

Oh, my god, what happened to you?

Uh, door, wall, something.

Oh, hang on, hang on, buddy.

[sighs]

Don't we have something to tell your mother?

[Caryn] Always walk away, Ed.

I don't care who or what started it.

Ellsworth is one of the best schools in the state.

Your dad and I worked very hard to get you there.

We cannot let this ruin your future.

[Danny] No, wait.

I don't think we should be that hard on him.

I mean, he could have lied to you about it, but he didn't.

The most important thing is that he told you the truth.

Is that so?

Yeah, I mean, he's learning self-respect.

You're nothing without your word.

You're nothing without your word?

So, um, what did you and Ed do last weekend?

[Caryn] Well, he said that you took him to Magic Land.

You know, like you said and... and promised to do.

Yeah, yeah. We, we...

We headed out there

as soon as I picked him up and, you know,

we went to grab a few burgers for the road

and we just, uh...

[tuts] [Danny] We, uh...

[sighs]

I had to take care of something at work.

It was a big deadline and, uh...

we didn't make it to Magic Land.

Then why would Ed say that you did?

Because I made him promise to tell you.

Ed, I'm...

That was very selfish of me.

It's wrong to lie to your mother and I...

I shouldn't have made you do it for me.

Okay, Ed, get yourself to bed.

We'll talk about your punishment tomorrow.

For defending his friend?

No, he doesn't deserve to be punished.

It's late.

Yeah, she's right, it's late.

Come on, give me a hug.

Stop wasting time, go.

Boy, when you have the upper hand,

you really swing, don't you?

Does everything have to be a fight with you?

It's certainly feeling that way.

[cell phone rings]

Ah Hing?

Carter, what are you doing?

What?

[groans]

That motherfucker.

That guy knew what he was doing.

[somber music]

"Number one before number two."

See, you're number one and number...

Yeah, I got that.

Please take care of Ah Hing.

Danny, I, uh...

Carter, unless you have the antidote for poison fingers,

I don't wanna hear any more fortune cookies.

When a man's virtue exceeds his talent...

he becomes the superior man.

I swear to always honor my Sifu...

- [Danny] Loyal to my brothers - [Jim] Loyal to my brothers

- and to defend the weak. - and to defend the weak.

- This I promise as a disciple - This I promise as a disciple

- to the very day I die. - to the very day I die.

[Caryn] Danny, do you know what time it is?

Where's Ed?

I wanna talk to him.

[Caryn] He's sleeping. What do you think he's doing?

You never let him say goodnight to me,

so I wanna say goodnight to him.

[Caryn] Are you drunk?

[Danny] I screwed up, Caryn.

I was fooling myself.

I thought maybe if we did any less than 50/50 with Ed that...

that it meant that I wasn't being a good dad.

Like I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain.

Look, I just...

I wanted to keep up with you.

But the truth is,

you're much better at being a mom...

and a father.

Whatever custody you think is best,

if it's 20/80 or...

Or full custody.

I'll sign it.

All I ask is that I get to say goodnight to my son tonight.

[Carter] Two minutes tonight, tomorrow we talk.

Ed? Hey, buddy!

How you doing?

Good.

I just wanted to call to let you know...

first...

[sighs]

...goodnight.

[Danny] And if I could give you a hug right now,

I would give you the biggest hug.

And, uh, what I wanted to say was that

I'm really proud of you, Ed.

I'm so glad that you stood up for your friend.

That takes real guts.

And that it's okay.

If there's no other way out.

[Danny] If you have to fight, that's the right thing to do,

but don't go looking for it, okay?

You understand?

Because if you go looking for a fight,

that makes you the bully.

[Danny] I want you to hold up your hand.

Okay?

Now I want you to curl the very tips of your fingers

and squeeze down

so that your fingertips are digging into your palm.

[Danny] Squeeze really hard.

Now put your thumb down over your fingers.

[Danny] No sticking out, okay?

You can't have your thumb sticking out or you'll break it.

Now point it to the light and look through your hand

like it's a telescope.

[Danny] Can you see through it?

Any light coming through your fingers?

- Yeah. - [Danny] All right.

That means you're not squeezing hard enough, son.

You gotta squeeze really hard

so that there's no more light coming through the holes.

- You got it? - Yeah.

[Danny] Okay, that's how you make a fist.

From now on, if anyone ever lays a hand on you,

touches your mother or anyone you love,

son, I want you to squeeze as hard as you can.

[Danny] And you smash that fist right in their face.

[intense music]

[Danny sighs]

I'm the senior disciple of Sifu Cheung.

Beimo.

Best of three rounds.

Three minutes each.

First round, you attack.

Second round, I attack.

[Zhen Fan] Knockout wins it all.

Suppose you make it to the third round?

If you make it to the third round?

Free fight.

Winner throws the loser off the roof.

If I win... you both go.

- Fine. - What?

Um, wait a minute.

I'm not gonna let him throw us off, that's crazy!

Let me land first and I'll cushion your fall.

[chuckles] Okay, Danny Eight Hands.

[Jim] Listen, round one's gotta be all you.

Because if we're being honest,

it's the only chance you got to hurt him,

so you gotta hit him with bad intentions.

Right.

[Jim] Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right,

Ba-ba! Start in on him!

Yeah, you... you gotta kill him before he kills you.

Before he kills us.

Us.

- [exhales] - [Jim] You got this.

You keep time.

You trust me?

All family here.

Y'all ready?

- [beeps] - [Jim] Go!

[light music]

[breathes deeply]

[grunts]

[both grunting]

I... I can't breathe, I can't breathe.

- [Danny] Uh, it's burning! - Dude, what ya doing?

What's the time?

Uh, man, you're killing it, bro!

Doing great!

Just go! Go!

- [pants] - Danny.

[Jim] Go, hurry!

Shit.

[panting]

- [yells] - [Jim] Oh!

[grunts]

[Jim laughs]

- [grunts] - [thwacks]

Oh-hohoho!

[groans]

- [panting] - [Jim] What are you doing again?

You still got two minutes.

[spits] [Jim] Danny!

- [Jim] Danny! - Okay.

[Jim] Keep fighting, dammit.

This is your only chance.

- [inhales] - Okay?

[exhales]

- Okay. - Let's go, get up!

- [Zhen Fan] Get up! - Take... take your time, man.

[light music]

[alarm beeps]

Time, time, time!

[sighs]

One minute break.

Whose round was that?

He hit me, right?

- You can have it. - Uh!

[pants]

- You all right? - Yeah, I'm good, I'm good.

[breathes deeply]

I felt something crack.

Even if I get to the third round,

I can't do anything to him.

I want you to stop worrying about that. I need you to focus.

Focus on this second round

'cause he's gonna bring it to you now.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

We're here now, right?

I can't beat him.

- I can't beat him. - Hey!

If you believe you're gonna lose,

then you've already lost.

I need you to believe in yourself, okay?

I need you to believe you can beat him.

Now say it.

- I believe I can beat him. - No,

say it like you mean it, Danny.

- I believe I can beat him. - Come on.

I believe I can beat him.

- Say it! Come on, Danny! Yes. - I believe! I could beat him.

- I believe I could beat him. - Come on now!

- I believe... - Let's go!

[grunts]

- I believe he's gonna kill me. - Look at me.

I believe he's gonna stab me with poison fingers!

- [grunts] - Look at me.

I have something else.

I was gonna give it to you later,

but I'm gonna give it to you now.

They're performance enhancers, it's gonna boost your power.

Boost your speed, you're gonna be throwing bombs, son!

No, no! There's no honor in that.

Do you wanna live to see your son?

Not as a coward.

Fine.

It's placebo, I was just playing.

I was just trying to get you to believe.

What are they then?

Aspirin.

Oh, hell!

[Danny] Give 'em to me.

- Come on! - Mm-hm.

- Mm-hm. - Let's go get him.

- [breathes deeply] - You got it.

Y'all ready?

[Jim] Go!

[grunts]

- [clanks] - [hisses]

[Jim] Okay, nice, nice, nice. Nice!

[both grunting]

Stay outside, stay outside!

[grunts]

[Zhen Fan] Fight like a man, come here, come on!

What are you doing? Coward!

- [Danny groans] - Run!

Run, you coward, run!

[suspenseful music]

[grunts]

[groaning]

- [alarm beeps] - Time, time, time!

[grunts]

[breathes deeply]

That was my round.

[grunts]

All right, man. Whoo.

I could see him.

[Danny] I could see him move.

I just need to breathe.

Oh.

I think he busted my ribs.

[inhales]

[groans]

When's the aspirin gonna kick in, man?

- You don't feel anything? - No.

Nothing?

[pants]

[chuckles]

Everything I gave you?

All that was just sugar tablets.

[scoffs]

[Jim] Yeah, yeah, we use it to trick fighters

into cutting weight.

But it worked for a little while, right?

- Power of belief. - Exactly.

Okay, focus.

What you did was good.

[Jim] Look, you're wearing him down.

You just gotta keep moving this round, huh?

[sighs]

My legs are shot.

If you don't float, he's gonna sting.

Don't punk out on me now, Danny Eight Hands.

No more time limit!

[breathes deeply]

Even Sifu didn't make it this far.

Shut up and fight.

[action music]

[action music continues]

[intense music]

[slow-motion grunting]

- [thuds] - [Zhen Fan groans]

Oh, shit.

[both grunting]

[traditional music]

[thwacks]

[grunts]

[Jim] Did he get you?

You okay?

[grunts]

- [yells] - [thuds]

- [grunts] - [bones crack]

[gasps, pants]

[coughs]

[Danny] Oh. [pants]

[groans]

[pants]

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah, Danny Eight Hands!

[Jim] The legend continues!

- [pants] - Easy.

Easy, Dai Si-Hing, you okay?

Did he get you?

[groans]

[panting]

[panting continues]

So what do we do now?

[panting]

What's that again?

The fiercest tigers can never share the same mountain.

[beeps]

Keep your damn mountain.

[cell phone ringing]

[operator] 911, what's your emergency?

[Zhen Fan grunts]

[911 operator] Caller, I repeat, what is your emergency?

Caller, if you're in danger and can't speak

just stay on the line, okay?

We're attempting to trace your call and send assistance.

Stay with me as long as you can.

[wings flapping]

[gentle music]

So, if your guy's good at stand-up,

you want to slip, catch.

Just like that.

Hmm.

It's bad.

Your circulation is bad.

[Danny] What was your favorite ride?

- [Ed] Mount Splash. - [Danny] Still Mount Splash?

[Ed] Mm-hm.

[Danny] Big smile. Ah! [laughs]

Drive that thing.

- You Asian drivers... - Yo, I got this, I got this.

- [laughs] - You're late.

- Sorry about that. - Sit down, man.

Hi, Uncle Hing, hi, Uncle Jim.

What's up, let me see the set.

Oh, let me feel the power. Bao!

Ooh! You're working out, I see.

[Jim] That's nice, yeah, Ah Hing?

I'll get a shaomai and a chashao.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

Huh? Just go, go, go get out.

Don't you know who they are? They're the Three Tigers!

If you guys are looking for, uh, you know, a fourth Tiger,

I take karate.

Let me know, all right?

Uh, enjoy the food, it's on the house.

- Oh. - Oh!

- [Jim] Yeah. - Yeah, enjoy.

- Okay. Okay. I'll be out front. - [speaks Mandarin]

Three Tigers and the Karate Kid?

Four?

How does that feel to know your daddy is famous?

- Ready? - Yep.

Hands up, hands up. Punch, hoo!

That way, hoo, huh, hoo, two.

One, two.

Foot up.

Whoa.

Yeah, all right.

[Danny] Ah, mmm!

[Ed] Let's do it again!

[upbeat music]

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