Original subtitles

Captioning made possible by Acorn Media

A very long time ago, when I was 20,

I was working for a large company out in East Africa,

in Dar Es Salaam,

and one morning,

while I was shaving in the bathroom,

I happened to glance out of the window at the gardener,

who was raking the gravel on the driveway down below.

Behind him, right at that moment,

I saw a black mamba, 6 feet long,

moving over the gravel toward him.

"Look out, Indishu," I yelled.

"Behind you, a snake!"

He swung around. Too late.

The mamba bit him on the ankle.

I got him to the hospital in 10 minutes,

but he died that day.

The krait, k-r-a-i-t, is another of the killer snakes,

and this one is almost more frightening than the mamba.

Because he is so tiny,

he looks like a twig on the ground.

This story is about a krait.

[Speaking foreign language]

Better than the whole world is our India.

ROALD DAHL: Harry Pope was on the wagon...

and doing very well.

He hadn't touched a drop for 3 weeks.

He'd just been asked by cable from his boss in London

a very serious question.

In accordance with a revised policy,

which jobs in his English teaching department

could now be Indianized?

That is, handed over to trained Bengali teachers.

Harry had cabled back immediately

with just one word: "mine."

He hated India.

Cutting out the drink was all part of the plan

for a new, rejuvenated Harry Pope--

vital, dynamic, and posted home at last.

[Speaking foreign language]

"We are its nightingales, and our garden is India."

[Indistinct chatter]

Out of the way!

[All cheering]

H-hey!

All right, Sandra!

Why not?

Tell Bobby Timber Woods is taking me home.

SANDRA: Tell me, why do they call you Timber?

'Cause my name is Woods!

Ha ha!

I'm so glad you won.

How's Harry?

Don't worry. He'll be fast asleep.

Ha ha! I thought you were taking me home,

darling.

I am, by way of the bungalow, darling.

Ha ha!

You bachelor! So wild!

Not a care in the world.

[Whispering] Oh, no.

[Whispering] God...

So, Harry's going home to England, then?

Mm-hmm. Changed man.

Hasn't touched a drink for 3 weeks.

Resisting temptation.

Hmm.

Unlike some, I'm glad to say.

Oh, he's still up!

You said he'd be asleep!

Shh! He reads at all hours.

He's a bookworm.

Don't worry.

[Door rattles]

Timber!

What about a nice drink?

Lovely.

Good.

Timber!

HARRY: Timber!

Shh! Did you hear something?

No, darling, no.

Listen!

HARRY: Timber!

Sounds ill.

I'd say he's gone back to the bottle.

Oh, darling, take no notice.

Wait a minute!

Oh!

Timber, come here!

Quiet!

Timber, for God's sake!

Sounds bad.

[Door opens]

Shh!

You haven't been drinking, have you?

Sss!

What's up? You look terrible.

Don't move!

Take your shoes off.

Oh, I get it.

Take your shoes off!

If you must move...

SANDRA: Timber?

...move slowly.

How long are you gonna be?

Who's that?

Sandra. Oh, great.

Tell him who I am.

Please.

I suppose he's drunk again.

Not so loud.

Just look at him.

I am. Awful.

Like Bobby after squash.

TIMBER: Right, eh.

Now, what is the problem?

It's a krait!

A krait?

A what?

A krait. A snake.

I know that.

Where, Harry? Where did it bite you?

How long ago?

Come on, Harry. We've got to be quick!

D-don't move!

It's on my stomach.

Haven't been bitten.

Not yet.

It's on your stomach?

Taking the warmth.

I've been waiting for you.

How long?

Hours. Bloody hours.

I can't keep still much longer.

I want it took off!

TIMBER: All right, Harry.

Just hold on.

We'll cope.

Take your shoes off!

Get some ice out of there.

A real boy scout.

What is the matter with you?

Can't you guess?

For heaven's sake!

Hmm, you're stupid thinking you can do something

for a krait bite.

Make a little cut, suck out the poison.

It's make-believe. They're fatal.

Well, what do you suggest?

You need a doctor, of course.

Sandra, you're brilliant.

I'll ring Dr. Kunzru.

No! Why not?

Because he knows me.

He'll see me, and he'll tell my husband.

Well, you'd better go, then, hadn't you,

before he comes?

How? I can't walk.

Oh, hell.

Take that through

and put it on his forehead.

Got the doctor coming, Harry.

Dr. Kunzru.

Ooh!

Lord!

For God's sake, can't you even--

I'm doing my best!

Bloody stinks.

Dr. Kunzru?

Timber Woods.

It's an emergency.

Yes, Harry. Harry Pope.

A krait.

No, he hasn't been bitten yet.

Timber says I'm to put this on your forehead.

No!

Nothing! Please.

TIMBER: Yes, yes. It's on his stomach.

Yes, good.

Fine. Right.

[Telephone hangs up]

He's on his way.

He says he doesn't want the ice.

Come on, Harry. It'll do you good.

No!

It'll cool you down.

It might move! Don't!

I need a drink.

I'm not a bloody night nurse.

Never was and never will be.

Sorry about that. She's not much help.

I could carefully lift the net,

pull back the sheet and--

No!

I wouldn't disturb it. I promise you.

Don't be a damned fool.

The light would frighten it.

It's dark under there now.

SANDRA: Timber!

I'll get rid of her.

Just hold on.

Doctor's coming soon.

Darling, you need a drink.

I don't...

...and nor do you.

That's what you think. I need something.

And I.

Oh! Oh, look what I've done!

Oh, God, I'm such a mess!

TIMBER: Thank God, the doctor's here.

No! Don't forget! He mustn't see me!

For God's sake, Sandra!

I am not here! Drive me home!

Bloody well stay here!

[Footsteps]

Doctor.

Has he been bitten yet?

No. Good.

Then there's hope!

Don't worry, Mr. Pope. There's plenty that can be done.

It is quite a simple matter, but don't reply to me.

Or look at me.

With patience we win, yes?

We must! Fate, hmm?

KUNZRU: Good. Very good.

You're an excellent, fellow.

Now, with the serum, Mr. Pope,

you're all right,

even if you are bitten.

But don't move.

Give it time to work.

No movement yet.

I'll be back...

in just two ticks.

We talk here, yes?

No, no. The kitchen.

[Footsteps]

But the serum must give some protection, surely.

Shh! Yes, it might. It might not.

You mean your serum's no bloody good?

Mr. Woods!

The krait is possibly

the most poisonous snake in the world.

And there it lies on his stomach.

If it bites him there,

it goes straight to his bloodstream.

We must try and think of something else.

Well, we pull the sheet back fast, and--

No, no, no, no!

It is not a matter to be gone into bold-headed.

Well, we must do something.

I mean, he's been lying there for hours.

Paper. A piece of paper.

Hmm? Yes.

To make a funnel, you know?

Fine.

We introduce an anesthetic

to the creature where it lies.

Splendid! An excellent idea.

Oh, no, but not such a splendid idea,

because as you know,

a snake is a cold-blooded animal,

and it won't work quickly enough.

Chloroform will. Chloroform.

And you have chloroform?

Yes, in my bag. So, you get the paper, ok?

And the paper clips.

Good, fine.

Paper, paper...

Oh, look, Bobby will be going crazy.

Soon, soon!

Please bring me home!

Don't you give a damn?

Of course I do.

Oh, please, Timber, please!

Later, for God's sake!

KUNZRU: Mr. Woods is making a funnel,

and then, very carefully,

we will pour chloroform.

Blast.

Now, you're going to feel very cold, of course, at first,

because I'm intending to soak the sheet.

Keep it quick!

More speed, less haste, Mr. Pope.

All right.

Mr. Woods, you will have to pour,

because I need both hands.

And the bag, the bottle with the red label.

Here, pour slowly at first.

Now, breathe very lightly, Mr. Pope.

We wish to asphyxiate the snake,

but not yourself.

More.

Feels very cold, yes?

Good.

Good. Soon.

We set this creature absolutely to sleep.

That's it?

Well done. Well done.

Now, we just...

wait.

3 minutes so far.

Ok.

Don't move, Mr. Pope.

Huh? Where?

All right, we must be careful,

it could be anywhere!

It could have gone inside his pajamas!

Stay still!

It's not there!

Blast!

[Engine sputters]

It's gone! It's bloody gone!

Are you certain you saw it, Mr. Pope?

Yes, under the sheet! I felt it!

It's gone!

It's a miracle!

You didn't dream it, Mr. Pope?

You calling me a liar?

Harry, for God's sake.

You dirty little sewer cabager.

TIMBER: Take it easy, Harry.

You bloody failed M.D. Calcutta!

That's quite enough!

[Car starts]

You're telling me in your native bloody wisdom

that I imagined it?

Or dreamt it?

Or drank too much?

Ah!

[Kunzru speaking indistinctly]

I'm afraid there's been a bit of a mix-up.

Well, good night to you both.

Excuse me.

Doctor, there's something I must explain.

KUNZRU: Please don't!

Mr. Pope has made himself quite clear.

I thought I left my keys here.

Well, perhaps in the car.

Yes, I came so quickly.

I--I--my car! It's gone!

Exactly, that's what I was going to--

I can't practice without my car!

I need it, it's my life's blood!

You know cars are dearer than gold here!

Don't worry! Don't worry.

I know where it is.

But, Mr. Woods--

I'll drive you.

[Car starts]

Doctor...

I must apologize for Harry.

You did an excellent job.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And I'm not a failed M.D.

Ha ha.

[Pope, thinking] Just one.

You deserve it.

Just the one.

For the shock.

Just one.

Aah!

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Captioned by the National Captioning Institute

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