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? It seems today that all you see ?
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? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ?
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,761
? But where are those
good old-fashioned values ?
4
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,847
? On which we used to rely? ?
5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,434
? Lucky there's a family guy ?
6
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? Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ?
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? All the things that make us ?
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? Laugh and cry ?
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? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ?
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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New shirt, Cleveland?
12
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,789
Donna saw an unflattering
picture of me on Facebook
13
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,250
and only lets me wear black now.
14
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,793
Is the picture that bad?
15
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,461
It was the worst thing
16
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,172
I would ever want to see myself be.
17
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:51,092
Problem with these dark shirts
is the dandruff shows.
18
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,760
But when I wear light colors...
19
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,012
The dandruff doesn't show, but
you look bigger in the shirt. Yeah,
20
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,598
- it's called "Guillermo's Paradox."
- What's that now?
21
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,059
Guillermo del Toro theorized
that a fat man's shirt
22
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,812
cannot simultaneously appear
slimming and clean.
23
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:05,940
Mm. That boy does look
like he be gettin' dry.
24
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,859
- All right, Peter, what's going on?
- Well, truth be told,
25
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,653
Meg wants me to give her
a bunch of money
26
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,822
so she can go to college, and I guess...
27
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,241
I guess I'd rather spend
that money on alcohol.
28
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,743
Listen, I helped
my daughter through college
29
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,829
and it was the best thing I ever did.
30
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,164
Well, it was just
kind of us talking, but how so?
31
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:25,251
Right after she graduated,
she got a real good job
32
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,003
and bought me a new car.
33
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,297
Says she's gonna buy me a house one day,
34
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:32,091
so I can sell this place and retire.
35
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,344
Man, imagine how great
it would feel to be retired?
36
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,346
I knew a retired kid in high school.
37
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,931
All he ate was Tater Tots.
38
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,684
He smooshed a turtle
like a ice cream sandwich.
39
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,061
- He was severely retired.
- Okay, Peter.
40
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,772
Guys, I've got to help Meg get
into a good college.
41
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,609
Then I can have the golden years
I've always dreamed of.
42
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,028
I sure am gonna miss you, baby.
43
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:55,157
New wife that's just one giant freckle?
44
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,038
Come on, Florida, cancer, let's go!
45
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,542
What's going on? You okay?
46
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,086
This-this squirrel, man...
47
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:12,840
Yeah, come down here and do it, huh?
48
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,091
Come down here!
49
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,593
Well, you're getting old, Bri.
50
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:16,844
Might be time to pack it up
51
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,471
and get out
of the squirrel gettin' game.
52
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,765
No way, man. That little
bastard comes down here...
53
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,141
Hey.
54
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,270
Get him, boy.
55
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,452
You've got to get in shape, man.
56
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,079
You know, you should meet my trainer.
57
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,413
I think you'd really like him.
58
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,665
- You have a trainer?
- Yes.
59
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,875
You think it's easy
looking zero for 20 years?
60
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,794
All right, fine, I'll give it a shot.
61
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,004
Right now I feel more useless
than a chiropractor
62
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,714
in an emergency.
63
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,133
Excuse me, is anyone here a doctor?
64
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,510
I have a heating pad in my office.
65
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,178
What seems to be the problem?
66
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,560
All right, Meg,
now if we're gonna get you
67
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,104
into a good school, we're gonna have
68
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,480
to fudge your application a bit.
69
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,065
Okay, how do we do that?
70
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,566
I don't know, I ate the fudge.
71
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,776
But the good news is
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00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,653
I got a letter of recommendation
for you.
73
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,738
It's from Big Bird and I wrote it.
74
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,782
- "When I first met..."
- Read it as Big Bird, please.
75
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,784
"When I first met Peter,
76
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:24,704
I was impressed at how tall
and handsome he is."
77
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,123
That's coming from Big Bird?
78
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,874
Think of all the celebrities he's met.
79
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,544
Ryan Reynolds was on
Sesame Street Sesame Street.
80
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,380
- Wow.
- "Also, have you ever noticed
81
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,799
"that Grover and Super Grover are never
82
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,260
in the same room at the same time?"
83
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:42,346
As I said, Lois, not two days ago.
84
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,435
Principal Shepherd, what's it gonna take
85
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,019
to get Meg into a college?
86
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,688
If Meg has any chance at all,
87
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,815
she's going to need
a little "extra help."
88
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,817
We'll do anything. Whatever it takes.
89
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:58,947
Good. Now you do
understand how this works?
90
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,407
We understand.
91
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,410
I guess I'll, uh,
I'll meet you in the car.
92
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,495
He didn't mean you have
to sleep with him.
93
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,081
There are a few options.
94
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,883
Now, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin, every college
95
00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:21,635
has spots set aside
for athletic recruits.
96
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,721
We can make Meg look
like a star athlete.
97
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,139
With the click of a button,
98
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,808
we can make Meg look like
she played varsity lacrosse,
99
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,852
won the Quahog Marathon, or had her head
100
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:32,188
roll down a temple in Apocalypto.
101
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,608
Lois, this is amazing!
102
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,193
Meg's gonna look more successful
103
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,528
than a businessman in a hard hat.
104
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,448
Hey! I came down here from the
office to point at the plans,
105
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,367
then at the building! Plans! Building!
106
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,952
Building! Plans!
107
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,704
Yes, sir. Right away, sir!
108
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:54,210
I come down to the site once in a while.
109
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,175
Hi, uh, you must be Stewie's trainer.
110
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,887
Wh... How did you...? I thought
I was gonna meet your trainer?
111
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,931
You're looking at him, Bri.
Look at my body.
112
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,933
I'm jacked. You want to get jacked?
113
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,935
- Uh...
- Yeah, you want to get jacked.
114
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:12,770
That's what having a trainer is.
115
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,230
Just a couple of guys getting jacked.
116
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,232
- Sometimes twice a day.
- Okay, you know what...?
117
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,984
All right, before we start in,
a little business to go over.
118
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,195
I was just messing around about
the jacked stuff, by the way.
119
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,781
Uh, did you want to sign up
for the full three years?
120
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,033
Three years? Don't you just
do it by the session?
121
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,369
Yeah, no, we can do, uh, sesh to sesh.
122
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,454
Not committed.
123
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,414
Did you want to do the supplement plan?
124
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,791
Uh. uh, no. No, thanks.
125
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,668
Going through the motions.
126
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,379
All right, so what do you
got going on for New Years?
127
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,756
- What?
- 80% of being a trainer is
128
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,299
asking clients what
they're doing for New Years.
129
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,635
And then not seeming interested
when you tell me.
130
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,762
I don't know, I might go
over to a buddy's house
131
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,055
and watch the ball drop.
132
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,849
Oh, right on.
133
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,976
- So, uh, what do you do for work?
- I'm a writer.
134
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,978
- Okay, so lot of sittin'?
- Yeah.
135
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,896
Hang on, I got to make a call.
136
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:59,191
Hey, Death? I got a guy here
just about ready for you.
137
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,443
No, not really,
I'm just trying to make a point.
138
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,779
All right, and that is it for today.
139
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,447
First sesh in the books.
140
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,867
Let's Ven' to the 'mo.
141
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:16,166
? Mail time,
mail time, mail time, mail time ?
142
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,711
? Mail time. ?
143
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,462
The mail's here!
144
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,923
? Here's the mail that never fails ?
145
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,134
? It makes me want to wag my tail ?
146
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:29,680
? When it comes I want to wail mail... ?
147
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,557
"To Meg Griffin."
148
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,268
It's from Brown!
149
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,480
I've been accepted!
150
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,149
Hey, that's great news.
151
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:42,318
Let's clap it up
my high school girlfriend
152
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:45,280
and I still say I love you in e-mails.
153
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,533
I was hoping the good news
and the clapping
154
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,368
would offset this secret.
155
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,538
But yay, Meg!
156
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,894
Wow, I remember when my parents
clapped their hands
157
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,854
after moving something one time.
158
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,522
You never forget those moments.
159
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:23,192
Now remember, Meg, I want you
to call us every week,
160
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,819
and then every few weeks,
and then never.
161
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,279
I promise, Mom.
162
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,114
Got to admit, I'm kind of
jealous you get to go
163
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,075
to college and live in such a cool dorm.
164
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,285
Look, they even have the
pay phone Denise Huxtable
165
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,079
would call from on A Different World.
166
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,289
Hi, Dad. College is great.
167
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,375
I'm doing what I want to actresses
168
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,544
and will get support
from my wife Camille.
169
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,255
That stuff was more out
in the open than I remember.
170
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,259
Well, I guess that's it.
171
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,929
Our baby is all grown up
and living at college.
172
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,472
I know! She's so lucky!
173
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,099
This place is awesome!
174
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,267
You think I'll go to college one day?
175
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,019
Oh... yeah.
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00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,354
Sky's the limit, champ.
177
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,855
Lois, I'll meet you down at the car.
178
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,440
I got to take a dump that will live on
179
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,860
in story and song.
180
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,779
No, I don't have a roommate.
181
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,739
I guess he, like, died or something.
182
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,866
So I've got a double all to myself.
183
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,827
A double? Hey, roomie.
184
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,912
Want to listen to The Doors
for the next six months
185
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,789
and then never again
for the rest of your life?
186
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,708
Wait, you're my roommate?
187
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,668
You're Ashok Chandrasekhar?
188
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,712
God bless you.
189
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,964
Classic Ashok.
190
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,469
Hey, why'd you tell me
to meet you at Meg's room?
191
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,054
Well, now that Meg is in college,
192
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,181
I turned her room into a gym.
193
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,268
Oh, my God.
194
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,105
- How'd you do this?
- Took a Limitless pill
195
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,315
and played "Old Town Road" on loop.
196
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,484
All right, why don't we
start off with a plank?
197
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,737
One minute, and I'm gonna
go call my girlfriend
198
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,114
and the forget about you. And... go.
199
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,408
Hey.
200
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,368
- I'm at the gym, why?
- Stewie?
201
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,621
Babe, you know I can't deal
with your sister.
202
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,373
Hey, babe... babe? Baby girl?
203
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,001
- Stewie!
- Babe! Babe, I'm not... baby babe,
204
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,794
ba-babe, baby, baby, come on.
205
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,921
Babe, I'll call you back.
206
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,301
Okay, right on, so you
remember I was telling you
207
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,511
about the magnesium supplement
with the bone boost?
208
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,139
So this is why you want
to try and take that.
209
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,974
- Right on?
- No, not "right on"!
210
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,350
My arm feels like it's broken!
211
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,269
Oh, it's gonna need some P. T.
212
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,480
Let me give you the card
of my physical therapist.
213
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,522
He's the best.
214
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,941
This is gonna be you
in another shirt, isn't it?
215
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,027
Hey, what's the problemo?
216
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,653
Give me the rundown, go ahead.
217
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,201
H-Hey, Meg?
218
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,702
Hi, I'm Xander.
219
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,704
I'm-I'm in your bio class.
I'm not a stalker.
220
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,498
Either way.
221
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,875
Listen, me and my roommates
are having people over tonight,
222
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,211
and I was wondering
if you'd want to come by.
223
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,755
- Yeah. I'd love to.
- Awesome.
224
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,965
Keeney, 325.
225
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,342
Heads up!
226
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,513
Dad? What the hell are you doing?
227
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,306
I'm going to college now.
228
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,974
Wait, what? What about Mom?
229
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,893
Well, I had to have a tough conversation
230
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,853
with her by the lake.
231
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:13,737
I'm just not a fan
of long-distance relationships.
232
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,405
Peter, I need to know if you're gonna
233
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,949
pick Stewie up from school.
234
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,408
I'll be home for Thanksgiving.
235
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,369
We'll see where we're at then.
236
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,290
Hi, I'm Serena.
237
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,792
This is Lily and Grace.
238
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,127
- Weet up.
- Hyai.
239
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,587
Are you interested in pledging
for Alpha Delta Pi?
240
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:33,382
Yeah! I hear you guys throw
all the best parties.
241
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,093
Well,
we've been waiting for you all summer,
242
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:39,138
and we're so glad you're finally here.
243
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,061
Boom, boom, I wanna go A D Pi...
244
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,479
Meg, you gotta get me out of here.
245
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,022
These people are out of their minds.
246
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:52,192
Do not go A D Pi, Meg.
Do not join this thing.
247
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,528
They don't let us out of the pile.
248
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,281
They're so mean, Meg. They're so mean.
249
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,700
I wanna go A D Pi, don't you?
250
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,543
Hey, Meg, I'm a hippie now,
and I'm feeling the burn.
251
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:10,627
Bernie Sanders?
252
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,504
No,
none of my hippie girlfriends shower,
253
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,922
and my crotch itches.
254
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,966
You know, despite what we're doing here,
255
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,801
- I'm still your daughter.
- Right, right.
256
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,052
Hey, uh, would you sign this petition
257
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,846
to help save the spotted owl?
258
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,556
- Yeah, sure.
- Awesome.
259
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,433
You're our 50th signature.
260
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,101
So what happens now?
261
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,603
Buck, wait!
262
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,438
Buck!
263
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,982
They got 50 signatures.
264
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,650
That's 50 all right.
265
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,987
Well, let's get back in the truck.
266
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,326
You don't have to be afraid anymore.
267
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,911
I'm still itchy.
268
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,580
Dad, I'm holding the ladder!
269
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,796
There he is, the big dog.
You ready to sweat?
270
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:57,341
Today we got legs, and I'm
gonna tell you everything
271
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,800
I've ever watched on Netflix.
272
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,428
Stewie, listen, I don't want you
to take this the wrong way,
273
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,222
but I got a new trainer.
274
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,016
New trainer? Who?
275
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:09,561
Doug? Ugh.
276
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,814
That's right, Stewie,
it's an ugh-Doug moment.
277
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,233
No hard feelings.
278
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,443
I think Brian here just wants to rev up
279
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:18,737
- to a higher octane.
- See you around, Stewie.
280
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,491
So it might take me a little
longer to train you, Brian.
281
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,535
You're going to have to unlearn
everything Stewie taught you.
282
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,704
Fortunately, that was almost nothing.
283
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,792
Oh, man.
284
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,297
Heads up.
285
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:41,051
Ow! Dad, what the hell?
286
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,386
Did you join a frat?
287
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,429
I tried to, but I got
the letters mixed up
288
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,932
and joined a fart.
289
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:54,064
Hey, everyone, I'm in college,
but here's a test for you.
290
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,149
We just gave you the easiest joke setup
291
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,695
in Family Guy history:
Peter joins a fart house.
292
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,656
Is the correct punchline A?
293
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:04,701
B?
294
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,288
Or C?
295
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,253
Good luck to you.
And now back to our story.
296
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:20,173
Hey, ladies, toga farty tonight
at I Delta PU.
297
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,134
- Tell your friends.
- Ew, no.
298
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,011
Heh, they all say that.
299
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,221
- Hey, what are you reading?
- Boning up for an exam.
300
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:29,016
I boned up yesterday when
I walked into the girls' shower.
301
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,518
Dad, please!
302
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,645
Sorry, Meg, I've been smoking
doobies all morning.
303
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,689
Talk about higher education.
304
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,609
That's it. I can't take this anymore.
305
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,320
Dad, get out of here.
306
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,363
What? This is what college is.
307
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,866
How do you know?
You're not even a student here.
308
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,492
You're a total fraud.
309
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,078
Me? You wouldn't even be here
if your mother and I didn't
310
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,539
- pay someone to get you in.
- What?!
311
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,750
Yeah, your whole application was fake.
312
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,335
Meg, is this true?
313
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,546
What? No, of course not, Dean Nearby.
314
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:03,216
Well, if it is,
you're going to be suspended.
315
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,676
Oh, no.
316
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,219
Well, that weekend on the Cape
317
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,556
with Principal Shepherd was a waste.
318
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,311
I know I said I wouldn't get clingy,
319
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:17,148
but when can I see you again?
320
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,571
I can't believe they suspended Meg.
321
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:28,241
Suspended Meg? Peter, you and I
could be going to jail.
322
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,619
I can't go to jail.
Me and my fart brothers
323
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,829
are supposed to streak the quad later.
324
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,834
Now stop that. You're not in
whatever you think college is anymore.
325
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,753
I can't believe you two did this to me.
326
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,421
Maybe if you believed in me,
327
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,173
none of this would have happened.
328
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,634
Meg, honey, nobody wanted you
out of this house
329
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:46,676
more than we did.
330
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,220
You know, maybe there's a way
331
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,429
none of you gets in trouble.
332
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,847
What are you talking about?
333
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,349
Well, you said you can do
334
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,683
all those things on your application.
335
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:56,311
If you show you actually can
do those things,
336
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,646
you're all in the clear.
337
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,772
And then I can get back to
338
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,232
hustling drunk women upstairs
339
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,525
with Tobin and Squee.
340
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,360
Well, I better get to work, then.
341
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,321
But I seriously doubt that
I'll be able to pull this off.
342
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,407
Hey, come on. Anything's possible.
343
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,410
Like when that Starbucks cup
made it onto Game of Thrones.
344
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,495
This is it.
Here it comes, here it comes.
345
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,248
- Hey! - Oh, my gosh.
- That's so cool.
346
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,167
I can't believe this.
What's the Internet saying?
347
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:22,338
They-they thought you were great.
348
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,717
Okay, Brian, this many.
349
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,512
This many.
350
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,597
Come on, Brian, you can do it.
351
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:38,645
And that's as many as I know.
Good job, Brian.
352
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,231
Hey, Stewie, congratulate your friend.
353
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,483
He just did this many sit-ups.
354
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,485
What? There's nothing after that.
355
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,238
- That's as high as it goes.
- Yep.
356
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,449
Are you crazy, pushing him that hard?
357
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,159
You're playing a dangerous game.
358
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,202
Yeah, it's dangerous.
359
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,289
And that's the way I like it.
360
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:06,173
Listen, Doug, I've been
meaning to talk to you.
361
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:09,801
I just got this new job,
and the commute is... ugh.
362
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,386
I can work around your schedule.
363
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,513
Well, that's the thing.
I don't have one.
364
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,183
That's the way the suits
figured it anyway.
365
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,351
What exactly is this job?
366
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,228
I know, right?
Anyway, you've been terrific,
367
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,480
and I'm gonna keep at this.
368
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,398
But I'm afraid this is goodbye.
369
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,233
What if I went down to $300 a week?
370
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,612
- You're paying him?!
- I'm sorry.
371
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,284
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's no need for that.
372
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,830
- Thank you for that, Brian.
- You're welcome, Stewie.
373
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,917
You know, this whole thing has
taught me an important lesson.
374
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,835
I hate exercise.
375
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,295
Gay-men.
376
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:48,215
Somebody has to help me
walk down the stairs.
377
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,432
Everyone,
if I could have your attention.
378
00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,685
I'm Dean Distant Faraway,
and we're here today
379
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:03,980
to determine whether or not
Meg Griffin can justify
380
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:06,691
her admission to our university.
381
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,777
- And we're Mom and Dad. Hi.
- Go blue.
382
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:12,030
What did they say? I-I'm very far away.
383
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,954
Strike.
384
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:37,806
Ah... Dr. Nassar?
385
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,519
Oh, my stars.
386
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:47,691
Okay, I'm gonna try to kill
two birds with one stone here.
387
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,568
I'll be singing "Love is a Battlefield"
388
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,320
by Pat Benatar.
389
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,989
In Russian.
390
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,952
Hit it.
391
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:02,914
? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ?
392
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,209
? My sil'nyy ?
393
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:09,045
? Nikito Nam Ne Skazhet chto ?
394
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:12,048
? My ne pravy ?
395
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,883
? Dolgo ishchen vy ?
396
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:17,095
? Nashix serdtsa ?
397
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,516
? My oba znaem chto ?
398
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:26,479
? Lyubov eto battlefield. ?
399
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:32,319
Well, it appears you can do
pretty much everything
400
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,404
you claimed on your application.
401
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,948
So that's it? I'm back in school?
402
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,575
I think all you have to do now
403
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:41,662
is prove you can
windsurf over Providence Falls.
404
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,957
Oh, right.
405
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,168
You prove that, you're back.
406
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,962
Wait, did we check that she can
get dunked on by her dad?
407
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,005
Dunked on by my d...?
408
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,050
Oh!
409
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,219
You gotta get big, Meg.
410
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,687
Guys, no matter what happens,
I just want you to know
411
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,065
that I forgive you for what you did.
412
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,567
I know deep down you were
just looking out for me.
413
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,694
Whatever you think the lesson is here
414
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:15,862
is fine by us.
415
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,867
Good luck, Meg. We love you.
416
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,512
Aah...
417
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,931
Aw, so close.
418
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,977
Peter, call an ambulance.
419
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:51,023
Can you do it?
My number's blocked by 911.
420
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,345
Come on, you can do this.
Stewie does it every day.
421
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,763
- He does?
- Yep.
422
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,266
Just put one hand on the rail.
423
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,146
Damn it, I can't.
424
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,982
Uppies.
425
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,485
Adios, Doug.
426
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:41,489
From hell's heart I stab at thee.
427
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:46,786
With my last breath, I spit upon...
428
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,501
Ha! What a baby.
31674
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