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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,417 --> 00:00:09,417 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 2 00:00:38,568 --> 00:00:40,370 When I was 10, 3 00:00:40,404 --> 00:00:43,340 after my mum ran off with the paediatrician, 4 00:00:43,373 --> 00:00:44,409 I killed a squirrel. 5 00:00:45,811 --> 00:00:47,813 I wanted it to feel pain. 6 00:00:49,648 --> 00:00:52,184 My father decided I was going to be a murderer. 7 00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,521 He sat me down with a cup of tea and asked me. 8 00:00:55,554 --> 00:00:57,657 I said, "No, of course not. 9 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,291 "I'm going to be a healer." 10 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,607 - Hi. - Oh, holy shit! 11 00:01:42,641 --> 00:01:43,475 You mind me jump? 12 00:01:43,508 --> 00:01:44,542 Who are you? 13 00:01:47,981 --> 00:01:48,915 Frankie James. 14 00:01:50,382 --> 00:01:51,685 From Burberry. 15 00:01:51,718 --> 00:01:52,518 Well. 16 00:01:53,687 --> 00:01:54,888 I model. 17 00:01:54,921 --> 00:01:57,457 I get that you're not exactly the demographic. 18 00:01:57,491 --> 00:01:58,358 Oh, no, sorry. 19 00:01:58,391 --> 00:01:59,761 I'm just going to film. 20 00:01:59,794 --> 00:02:00,560 Session. 21 00:02:02,029 --> 00:02:04,465 Uh, nice plaster. 22 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,466 Oh, thank you. 23 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,501 They sell them in packs of 10. 24 00:02:08,536 --> 00:02:09,437 Great. 25 00:02:09,470 --> 00:02:10,438 Should we go in? 26 00:02:10,471 --> 00:02:11,339 Uh, well it doesn't look open. 27 00:02:11,372 --> 00:02:12,574 I was worried we had the wrong address. 28 00:02:12,608 --> 00:02:13,877 Oh, no look. 29 00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:17,914 The Woman's Head, Fleshmuch Lane, Barkshire. 30 00:02:17,947 --> 00:02:18,982 Oh, okay. 31 00:02:19,015 --> 00:02:19,950 Nice hair. 32 00:02:19,984 --> 00:02:21,986 Loved the Simpsons growing up. 33 00:02:22,019 --> 00:02:23,888 Yeah, it's not natural. 34 00:02:23,921 --> 00:02:25,588 Nor is why we're here. 35 00:02:32,596 --> 00:02:34,099 Geez, look at this one's drother. 36 00:02:34,132 --> 00:02:35,599 He's got some style. 37 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,602 What a way to greet your patrons. 38 00:02:39,806 --> 00:02:40,840 Bartholomew III. 39 00:02:41,908 --> 00:02:43,508 Imagine being called Bart. 40 00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:51,084 You made it. 41 00:02:51,118 --> 00:02:52,586 I hope you're both hungry. 42 00:02:52,619 --> 00:02:54,055 Oh, starved as always. 43 00:02:54,088 --> 00:02:55,556 I'm on a diet. 44 00:02:55,589 --> 00:02:57,692 I'm not eating any gluten, wheat, dairy, sugar, 45 00:02:57,725 --> 00:02:59,929 broccoli, anything fattening. 46 00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:03,065 Okay, well, shouldn't be fattening at all. 47 00:03:03,098 --> 00:03:04,934 Hey, you got stuff, Lisa? 48 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,434 Yeah, it's in the car, 49 00:03:06,467 --> 00:03:08,872 but I'm not too sure about all this. 50 00:03:08,905 --> 00:03:11,041 Lisa, darling, trust me. 51 00:03:11,074 --> 00:03:13,576 This dinner's gonna change your life. 52 00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:15,111 Sorry, who are you? 53 00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:16,681 Ian, Ian Bartholomew IV. 54 00:03:18,515 --> 00:03:19,482 Hi Bart. 55 00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:21,551 So what happens now? 56 00:03:21,585 --> 00:03:22,419 Get the curtains. 57 00:04:06,469 --> 00:04:07,738 Loner. 58 00:04:07,771 --> 00:04:12,043 No wife, no son, my lineage ruined. 59 00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:15,579 You inconsiderate little shit. 60 00:04:15,612 --> 00:04:16,848 Well good evening, father. 61 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:18,482 I made it just the way you like it. 62 00:04:31,898 --> 00:04:33,465 And action. 63 00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:45,180 Look up. 64 00:04:47,249 --> 00:04:49,650 Five minutes to the shoe, Frankie. 65 00:04:49,685 --> 00:04:51,053 Also there's a meet and greet later 66 00:04:51,086 --> 00:04:53,488 with some new faces to the agency. 67 00:04:53,522 --> 00:04:55,158 Do you want me to tell them to shove off? 68 00:04:55,191 --> 00:04:56,025 No, no. 69 00:04:57,526 --> 00:04:58,627 No, I'll help them out. 70 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:26,994 Oh God. 71 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,034 Hm, this isn't the bathroom. 72 00:05:37,305 --> 00:05:40,075 Yeah well, what gave it away? 73 00:05:49,786 --> 00:05:51,587 You're useless. 74 00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:52,922 Pathetic, not even a man. 75 00:05:52,956 --> 00:05:55,893 I am ashamed to call you my son. 76 00:06:09,174 --> 00:06:11,711 Do you feel that yet, do you? 77 00:06:11,744 --> 00:06:13,713 Do you, you little shit? 78 00:06:13,746 --> 00:06:16,816 You useless, stupid boy. 79 00:06:18,751 --> 00:06:19,887 Are you open? 80 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:20,888 Oh, yes. 81 00:06:30,698 --> 00:06:31,332 Frankie James? 82 00:06:47,017 --> 00:06:50,687 You're a bit of a mess, aren't you? 83 00:06:56,394 --> 00:06:59,397 Looks a bit empty to me. 84 00:06:59,430 --> 00:07:01,133 My father always wanted a meat only pub. 85 00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:02,701 You know, I don't want to have 86 00:07:02,734 --> 00:07:05,804 your bloody fruitarian, vegetarian, vegan, 87 00:07:05,838 --> 00:07:08,607 gluten-free riffraff in my God damned pub. 88 00:07:09,776 --> 00:07:11,144 He said they ruined everything, 89 00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:14,114 including his marriage. 90 00:07:15,916 --> 00:07:16,750 Hm. 91 00:08:08,942 --> 00:08:11,011 What are you screaming about? 92 00:08:11,044 --> 00:08:13,281 I can't remember. 93 00:08:16,918 --> 00:08:18,685 What was I screaming about? 94 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,787 Oh, this might be why I was screaming. 95 00:08:50,222 --> 00:08:51,256 Oh God. 96 00:08:54,327 --> 00:08:56,495 I feel like death. 97 00:08:57,797 --> 00:08:59,498 Yeah, well she looks like death. 98 00:09:01,969 --> 00:09:02,803 Hello. 99 00:09:05,005 --> 00:09:06,406 I'm Ian. 100 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,009 Yeah, we know, Ian. 101 00:09:08,042 --> 00:09:09,811 Wait, who are you again? 102 00:09:09,844 --> 00:09:11,145 I'm Lisa, and you? 103 00:09:11,179 --> 00:09:14,315 I'm Frankie, Frankie James, for Burberry. 104 00:09:14,349 --> 00:09:15,250 Soon for Ralph Lauren, though. 105 00:09:15,283 --> 00:09:18,787 Oh, my son loves those Ralph Lauren polos. 106 00:09:18,821 --> 00:09:20,289 Oh, I've got those mints somewhere. 107 00:09:20,322 --> 00:09:21,557 If you'd just like to hang on. 108 00:09:21,590 --> 00:09:22,424 Polo shirts. 109 00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:23,526 What's that boy? 110 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:24,894 It's Frankie. 111 00:09:24,928 --> 00:09:26,162 Hello, I'm Ian. 112 00:09:26,196 --> 00:09:27,897 Okay, fantastic. 113 00:09:27,931 --> 00:09:29,566 Is anyone gonna mention the elephant in the room? 114 00:09:29,599 --> 00:09:31,802 Oh, I'm so sorry, yes. 115 00:09:31,836 --> 00:09:33,271 No, I'll take it down to if it offends you. 116 00:09:33,304 --> 00:09:35,573 My, my father murdered it in Cambodia. 117 00:09:35,606 --> 00:09:36,974 No, I think Mr Frankie James 118 00:09:37,008 --> 00:09:39,143 meant the dead woman over here. 119 00:09:39,176 --> 00:09:40,012 Oh. 120 00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:42,447 Oh no, that's not good. 121 00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:44,116 I've got a health inspector due here. 122 00:09:44,149 --> 00:09:47,019 I think we have more pressing concerns right now, Bart. 123 00:09:47,052 --> 00:09:48,354 Don't call me Bart, please. 124 00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,555 I'm sorry, it's a slip of the tongue. 125 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,590 It's Ian. 126 00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:52,091 Okay, sorry, old man. 127 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,127 Not so much of the old please. 128 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,529 I am never gonna get that old. 129 00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:57,197 Yeah well, it happens to the best of us. 130 00:09:57,231 --> 00:09:58,899 And to the worst of us. 131 00:09:58,932 --> 00:09:59,933 Who is she? 132 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,135 I don't know. 133 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,070 I remember drinking lots of beer. 134 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,306 Yeah, me too. 135 00:10:09,044 --> 00:10:11,514 She's bleeding into the mahogany. 136 00:10:11,547 --> 00:10:14,550 Yeah, well I doubt the health inspector has a CSI kit. 137 00:10:14,583 --> 00:10:16,452 My father made that table. 138 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:17,520 I've seen bad tables. 139 00:10:17,553 --> 00:10:19,055 You can't say that. 140 00:10:19,088 --> 00:10:19,956 Well, you've clearly never been 141 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,159 to the Museum of Furniture. 142 00:10:22,192 --> 00:10:23,460 Who has? 143 00:10:23,493 --> 00:10:24,928 You can't say that about my father's furniture. 144 00:10:24,961 --> 00:10:26,163 Did we do coke? 145 00:10:26,196 --> 00:10:27,164 Is that what's happened to my mind? 146 00:10:27,197 --> 00:10:27,999 I wouldn't touch that stuff. 147 00:10:28,032 --> 00:10:30,001 I mean, I can't. 148 00:10:30,034 --> 00:10:31,502 Why is she bleeding? 149 00:10:31,536 --> 00:10:33,571 Because she's got holes in her. 150 00:10:33,604 --> 00:10:35,039 - Mm. - Oh God. 151 00:10:35,073 --> 00:10:37,876 Perhaps somebody should have a look. 152 00:10:37,910 --> 00:10:39,478 I can't, not me. 153 00:10:39,511 --> 00:10:41,113 I'm a haemophiliac, means I've got a fear of blood. 154 00:10:41,146 --> 00:10:42,548 No that's. 155 00:10:42,581 --> 00:10:45,485 Old man Ian, you're up bud. 156 00:10:45,518 --> 00:10:46,886 You're a hemophobic. 157 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,188 No I'm not. 158 00:10:48,221 --> 00:10:49,889 I don't care about a person's sexuality. 159 00:10:49,923 --> 00:10:51,024 Wow. 160 00:10:51,057 --> 00:10:52,259 She's been attacked. 161 00:10:52,293 --> 00:10:53,494 By what? 162 00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,229 Uh, listen, I know I'm an industry, 163 00:10:55,262 --> 00:10:56,564 but I'm never touching this, just saying. 164 00:10:56,597 --> 00:10:58,332 No, no, no. 165 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,102 These are bite marks. 166 00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:09,178 And in other coincidental news, 167 00:11:09,212 --> 00:11:12,248 a big black rabid dog has been heard 168 00:11:12,281 --> 00:11:15,284 around the outskirts of Barkshire. 169 00:11:15,318 --> 00:11:17,654 And we ask anyone who may know of its whereabouts 170 00:11:17,688 --> 00:11:20,991 to call our station on 0784... 171 00:11:21,024 --> 00:11:22,526 Whoa! 172 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:23,528 What's that phone number? 173 00:11:23,561 --> 00:11:25,196 That hobbledy-hoy cut if off. 174 00:11:25,230 --> 00:11:26,197 Hobbledy? 175 00:11:26,231 --> 00:11:27,966 Listen, it was hurting my ears. 176 00:11:27,999 --> 00:11:30,068 My senses are very sensitive right now. 177 00:11:33,072 --> 00:11:34,707 Are either of you Bear Grylls by any chance? 178 00:11:34,741 --> 00:11:36,542 No, but I did drink my own urine one. 179 00:11:36,575 --> 00:11:37,376 They told me it might work. 180 00:11:37,410 --> 00:11:38,611 Oh God, no, no. 181 00:11:38,644 --> 00:11:40,080 You don't want to drink urine. 182 00:11:40,113 --> 00:11:41,047 I've got some lovely beer on tap here. 183 00:11:41,081 --> 00:11:42,416 Probably tastes the same. 184 00:11:42,449 --> 00:11:43,683 Look, does anybody remember anything? 185 00:11:43,718 --> 00:11:45,652 Did we meet her? 186 00:11:45,685 --> 00:11:47,522 Can you remember how she got here? 187 00:11:47,555 --> 00:11:50,491 Dead, on my father's table, in my pub? 188 00:11:50,525 --> 00:11:51,526 Yes, haha. 189 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,060 Hey man, it's your pub. 190 00:11:53,094 --> 00:11:53,961 You're liable for this. 191 00:11:53,995 --> 00:11:55,631 So, all right, I'm getting out of here. 192 00:11:55,664 --> 00:11:57,499 Yeah but what about the dog? 193 00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,268 Barkshire's a big county. 194 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:01,336 Actually, it's the 10th safest and smallest county. 195 00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:02,237 It's safe? 196 00:12:02,271 --> 00:12:03,038 - Yes. - Well that's, 197 00:12:03,071 --> 00:12:04,274 okay, well fine. 198 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,108 I'm gonna go to the... 199 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,075 You can't leave. 200 00:12:06,109 --> 00:12:07,043 We have a dead woman here. 201 00:12:07,076 --> 00:12:08,311 We need to sort this out. 202 00:12:08,344 --> 00:12:09,546 Ah, probably just been roofied! 203 00:12:09,579 --> 00:12:11,014 Don't worry about it. 204 00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:12,216 That's something to worry about. 205 00:12:12,249 --> 00:12:14,719 No no no, it happens all the time. 206 00:12:14,753 --> 00:12:16,587 Honestly, one time I woke up 207 00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:18,622 next to three naked men, a loaded gun, 208 00:12:18,656 --> 00:12:21,026 purple crayon, and a sore throat. 209 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,029 But you know, once I got a conscience 210 00:12:24,062 --> 00:12:25,297 and started saying no to drugs 211 00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,332 all the endorsements started saying no to me. 212 00:12:27,366 --> 00:12:30,269 Do you know you've got some red dots on your face? 213 00:12:30,303 --> 00:12:31,270 No! 214 00:12:31,304 --> 00:12:32,371 - Oh my God! - No, listen. 215 00:12:32,405 --> 00:12:34,507 Don't worry, it's only ketchup or, a little blood. 216 00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,210 Don't worry, it'll wipe off. 217 00:12:36,243 --> 00:12:37,511 Oh my God. 218 00:12:37,544 --> 00:12:39,413 These millennials are so sensitive. 219 00:12:39,446 --> 00:12:44,018 - Yeah, tell me about it. - Oh oh oh, no. 220 00:12:44,052 --> 00:12:46,221 Oh no, I'm a monster. 221 00:12:46,254 --> 00:12:50,726 I'm a, I'm a brutish, ugly, normal person. 222 00:12:50,759 --> 00:12:51,694 That's what I am. 223 00:12:51,728 --> 00:12:53,662 Now, um, Frankie, isn't it? 224 00:12:53,696 --> 00:12:55,531 If it's any consolation, 225 00:12:55,564 --> 00:12:59,201 we're all of us a little bit ugly in some way or another. 226 00:12:59,235 --> 00:13:01,571 Look, I think the monster might be out there. 227 00:13:03,507 --> 00:13:05,208 Come eat me now, rabid dog. 228 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:06,076 Come eat me now. 229 00:13:08,212 --> 00:13:10,114 Oh, just, would you just calm down, Frankie? 230 00:13:10,147 --> 00:13:11,516 It's not going to happen to us. 231 00:13:11,549 --> 00:13:13,718 We just need to do something. 232 00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,052 Oh, police. 233 00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:15,822 We'll call the police. 234 00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:17,222 Oh no, no. 235 00:13:17,256 --> 00:13:19,424 I don't think that's a good idea. 236 00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:21,627 I, I suggest we Google it. 237 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,095 Google what? 238 00:13:23,128 --> 00:13:24,798 How to dispose of a dead body. 239 00:13:24,832 --> 00:13:25,632 Oh God. 240 00:13:25,665 --> 00:13:26,499 How to dispose of her? 241 00:13:26,533 --> 00:13:28,368 She's barely even cold. 242 00:13:32,874 --> 00:13:35,376 Oh God, she's actually freezing. 243 00:13:35,409 --> 00:13:37,311 Wait, she just moved. 244 00:13:37,344 --> 00:13:38,279 Yeah, don't be an idiot. 245 00:13:38,312 --> 00:13:39,314 No no no no no, seriously, 246 00:13:39,347 --> 00:13:40,415 her chest just moved. 247 00:13:40,448 --> 00:13:42,818 Yeah, I think that's because Ian was touching her. 248 00:13:46,588 --> 00:13:49,125 No, that's my father's curtain. 249 00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,129 Oh great. 250 00:13:53,162 --> 00:13:55,465 Oh yeah yeah, now we're tucking her in for bedtime. 251 00:13:55,499 --> 00:13:56,633 What is going on? 252 00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:57,869 Someone's been murdered. 253 00:13:57,902 --> 00:13:59,169 We need you to call the police. 254 00:13:59,202 --> 00:14:01,204 That's not a good idea. 255 00:14:01,238 --> 00:14:02,306 Holy shit. 256 00:14:02,339 --> 00:14:04,108 You're the murderer, aren't you? 257 00:14:04,142 --> 00:14:05,276 And you're gonna kill us now, too. 258 00:14:05,310 --> 00:14:06,678 I am not the murderer. 259 00:14:06,711 --> 00:14:09,748 Wait, oh, well I mean, actually, 260 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:12,184 any of us can be the murderer. 261 00:14:13,485 --> 00:14:17,189 You, old man Ian, you could be the murderer. 262 00:14:17,222 --> 00:14:20,460 You, lady, uh, who's name I can't remember right now. 263 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:21,762 You could be the murderer. 264 00:14:21,796 --> 00:14:23,563 Even I could be the murderer. 265 00:14:23,597 --> 00:14:25,465 But, no, I can't be the murderer 266 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,269 because the prison, I can't. 267 00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:31,472 I will never get a Ralph Lauren contract with prison skin. 268 00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:33,875 Do they even have moisturiser in the commissary? 269 00:14:33,909 --> 00:14:35,277 I don't even know. 270 00:14:36,779 --> 00:14:37,847 It's Lisa, by the way. 271 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,782 Okay, it's nice to meet you, Lisa. 272 00:14:43,653 --> 00:14:46,289 Lisa, I couldn't help wondering, 273 00:14:46,322 --> 00:14:48,625 um, you're not wearing a wedding ring. 274 00:14:50,794 --> 00:14:52,931 That's what you noticed throughout all of this? 275 00:14:52,964 --> 00:14:54,298 So you don't have one? 276 00:14:54,331 --> 00:14:55,432 - Have what? - Husband. 277 00:14:55,466 --> 00:14:56,433 Uh, I'm recently divorced. 278 00:14:56,467 --> 00:14:57,802 I do have a son. 279 00:14:57,836 --> 00:14:59,738 Ah yes, no I've got to carry on my lineage, too. 280 00:14:59,772 --> 00:15:02,875 Yes, that's not really why I have a. 281 00:15:02,908 --> 00:15:04,509 Perhaps you'd like to come for a drink 282 00:15:04,542 --> 00:15:06,879 after all this blows over. 283 00:15:06,912 --> 00:15:09,916 What, you mean after all the dead woman stuff blows over? 284 00:15:11,283 --> 00:15:12,284 Yeah. 285 00:15:12,318 --> 00:15:12,953 This is too painful. 286 00:15:12,986 --> 00:15:14,286 I'm calling the police. 287 00:15:15,455 --> 00:15:16,858 Uh, it won't work. 288 00:15:18,258 --> 00:15:19,726 What's the point in it then? 289 00:15:19,761 --> 00:15:20,594 Ambience. 290 00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:24,666 What are we gonna do about the woman? 291 00:15:24,699 --> 00:15:25,733 Ah. 292 00:15:28,937 --> 00:15:30,304 What about her? 293 00:15:30,338 --> 00:15:33,275 How do we explain it to them? 294 00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:34,744 The dog got her. 295 00:15:34,778 --> 00:15:36,980 But does anyone remember us seeing the dog? 296 00:15:37,013 --> 00:15:38,414 No no, I. 297 00:15:38,447 --> 00:15:39,616 Does anybody remember anything? 298 00:15:41,284 --> 00:15:44,487 I don't remember seeing anything at all. 299 00:15:44,521 --> 00:15:46,389 Exactly, we'll just make something up. 300 00:15:47,725 --> 00:15:50,829 The police will know if we're lying. 301 00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:53,364 We can't knock the intelligence of the police. 302 00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:03,609 Hello, hello, hello. 303 00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:05,611 Sergeant Bobby speaking. 304 00:16:05,645 --> 00:16:08,414 You're friendly neighbourhood policeman. 305 00:16:08,448 --> 00:16:11,385 Unfortunately we can't come to the phone right now, 306 00:16:11,418 --> 00:16:12,553 but we would appreciate it 307 00:16:12,586 --> 00:16:15,622 if you could leave a brief explanation of your emergency 308 00:16:15,656 --> 00:16:20,662 and we will aim to get back to you just as soon as we can. 309 00:16:20,695 --> 00:16:21,997 I got their voicemail. 310 00:16:22,031 --> 00:16:25,768 Hi, it's Frankie James of Burberry, for Burberry. 311 00:16:25,801 --> 00:16:27,436 Soon to be Ralph Lauren though. 312 00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:30,774 We're actually at, what's the name of the pub? 313 00:16:30,807 --> 00:16:32,742 Oh, Ian's Pub is fine. 314 00:16:32,776 --> 00:16:33,542 What's the name of the pub? 315 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:34,410 The Woman's Head. 316 00:16:34,443 --> 00:16:35,278 What's the name? 317 00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:36,747 The Woman's Head. 318 00:16:36,781 --> 00:16:37,614 What do you mean? 319 00:16:37,647 --> 00:16:38,548 What's going on with the woman's head? 320 00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:39,483 What? 321 00:16:39,516 --> 00:16:40,818 No, The Woman's Head. 322 00:16:40,852 --> 00:16:44,489 The name of the pub is The Woman's Head! 323 00:16:47,993 --> 00:16:48,994 At The Woman's Head. 324 00:16:49,027 --> 00:16:51,497 And someone's been murdered. 325 00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:52,431 Killed by a rabid dog, 326 00:16:52,464 --> 00:16:53,867 you must send backup immediately, please. 327 00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,802 Please send backup as soon as possible. 328 00:16:56,770 --> 00:16:58,437 And The Woman's Head is fine. 329 00:17:00,841 --> 00:17:02,275 So, the police aren't in. 330 00:17:03,443 --> 00:17:05,745 The dog knows we're here. 331 00:17:06,947 --> 00:17:09,416 It can smell us. 332 00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:11,285 And it will come back for us. 333 00:17:13,889 --> 00:17:14,990 I vote Ian. 334 00:17:15,023 --> 00:17:15,958 You got to go. 335 00:17:15,992 --> 00:17:16,926 We need to build a barricade. 336 00:17:16,959 --> 00:17:18,593 There, I agree with Lisa. 337 00:17:20,729 --> 00:17:22,765 Well I vote we get as far away from here as possible, 338 00:17:22,799 --> 00:17:25,568 but sure, let's lock ourselves in like sitting ducks. 339 00:17:25,601 --> 00:17:27,637 Well actually, ducks are far more agile 340 00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:29,739 than most people seem to imagine. 341 00:17:31,074 --> 00:17:32,709 Are you sure you're not the murderer, Ian? 342 00:17:32,743 --> 00:17:35,079 I am most definitely not the murderer. 343 00:17:45,557 --> 00:17:47,761 Come on then, furniture museum, come and help. 344 00:17:50,629 --> 00:17:52,665 My my, my father um, built that table. 345 00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,968 Please be careful with my father's furniture. 346 00:17:56,103 --> 00:17:57,104 - Frankie. - I was just trying 347 00:17:57,138 --> 00:17:58,605 to help with this terrible plan. 348 00:17:58,638 --> 00:17:59,439 Oh my God. 349 00:18:04,813 --> 00:18:06,380 So, lucky you. 350 00:18:06,414 --> 00:18:08,382 Looks like you've got drinks after this. 351 00:18:08,416 --> 00:18:10,451 Yeah, what do you think of him? 352 00:18:10,484 --> 00:18:11,788 You're not seriously considering. 353 00:18:11,821 --> 00:18:13,022 Have you seen that? 354 00:18:13,056 --> 00:18:14,791 No, nothing like that. 355 00:18:14,824 --> 00:18:18,460 Just I, I think there's something shifty going on. 356 00:18:18,493 --> 00:18:21,531 Yeah, he's a wacko loner who lives in an abandoned pub. 357 00:18:21,564 --> 00:18:24,768 Raised by a father who apparently built this floorboard. 358 00:18:26,203 --> 00:18:27,973 My, my grandfather built this chair. 359 00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:31,176 Oh, my father built this handle. 360 00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:32,944 My father built this candlestick. 361 00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:39,085 Actually, uh, he did build that candlestick holder. 362 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,620 Yes, thank you. 363 00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,656 In fact, my father built this whole pub. 364 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,392 It is a good pub. 365 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,061 Sturdy. 366 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:50,696 Yes, very sturdy. 367 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,033 What wood is it? 368 00:18:52,066 --> 00:18:53,533 Uh, oak? 369 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,636 My father would never make a pub out of oak. 370 00:18:59,674 --> 00:19:01,409 No, that's enough. 371 00:19:03,078 --> 00:19:04,880 Right. 372 00:19:04,914 --> 00:19:05,781 Now what? 373 00:19:05,814 --> 00:19:06,748 Well that's it. 374 00:19:06,782 --> 00:19:07,583 We've barricaded the pub. 375 00:19:07,616 --> 00:19:08,517 Nothing can get in. 376 00:19:11,888 --> 00:19:12,721 Or out. 377 00:19:14,958 --> 00:19:16,559 There's always the windows. 378 00:19:17,727 --> 00:19:18,662 Oh my God! 379 00:19:18,695 --> 00:19:19,529 Just, I just saw something. 380 00:19:19,562 --> 00:19:21,531 It was big and black and moving fast. 381 00:19:21,564 --> 00:19:24,836 - Where? - Just through the window. 382 00:19:24,870 --> 00:19:25,904 It was growling. 383 00:19:25,938 --> 00:19:27,638 As if it wanted to eat us. 384 00:19:27,672 --> 00:19:28,506 Right. 385 00:19:31,543 --> 00:19:33,146 Uh, I agree with Lisa. 386 00:19:33,179 --> 00:19:34,147 It was a dog. 387 00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:35,181 Oh this is ridiculous. 388 00:19:37,616 --> 00:19:38,550 See, nothing. 389 00:19:40,586 --> 00:19:41,621 Oh God! 390 00:19:41,654 --> 00:19:43,723 Okay, yeah. 391 00:19:43,756 --> 00:19:45,960 Well, at least this is a better way to die. 392 00:19:45,993 --> 00:19:47,929 A better way? 393 00:19:47,963 --> 00:19:48,997 Better way than what? 394 00:19:49,030 --> 00:19:51,032 It's just better. 395 00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:52,233 Than what? 396 00:19:52,267 --> 00:19:56,604 Well, I never thought that I'd be hunted by a wild animal. 397 00:19:56,638 --> 00:19:58,140 That's why I never left Barkshire. 398 00:19:58,174 --> 00:20:00,242 Oh my god, you've never left the county? 399 00:20:00,276 --> 00:20:02,144 My father said it was the most terrifying thing 400 00:20:02,178 --> 00:20:03,713 being hunted by a wild animal. 401 00:20:03,746 --> 00:20:05,681 I find Barkshire just the right side of wild for me. 402 00:20:05,715 --> 00:20:07,918 You've never been to the city. 403 00:20:07,951 --> 00:20:09,685 It makes sense, to be honest. 404 00:20:09,719 --> 00:20:11,688 Do you think, 405 00:20:11,722 --> 00:20:13,958 the dead body smell is attracting it? 406 00:20:13,992 --> 00:20:15,159 I agree with Lisa. 407 00:20:15,193 --> 00:20:17,661 You have to stop agreeing with me. 408 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,530 Maybe we should move her. 409 00:20:19,564 --> 00:20:20,199 To where? 410 00:20:23,035 --> 00:20:24,769 I have an ice cream freezer. 411 00:20:29,809 --> 00:20:30,676 Will she fit? 412 00:20:30,709 --> 00:20:31,744 She's quite long. 413 00:20:31,777 --> 00:20:32,879 You mean tall. 414 00:20:32,912 --> 00:20:35,116 No, I've only seen her horizontally, so I mean long. 415 00:20:35,149 --> 00:20:36,917 I've haven't had long is such a while. 416 00:20:38,819 --> 00:20:40,221 I've got ice cream in there. 417 00:20:40,254 --> 00:20:41,288 One, 418 00:20:41,322 --> 00:20:42,655 two, 419 00:20:42,689 --> 00:20:43,524 three. 420 00:20:48,263 --> 00:20:49,097 She's heavy. 421 00:20:49,131 --> 00:20:51,100 Yeah, well rigour mortis has set in. 422 00:20:51,134 --> 00:20:52,667 She won't fit in if she can't bend. 423 00:20:52,701 --> 00:20:54,237 And that is if we could lift her. 424 00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:56,638 Which we can't because you're weak as fuck, Ian. 425 00:20:56,671 --> 00:20:57,840 Yeah, just forget it. 426 00:20:57,874 --> 00:21:00,110 You're weak, little boy. 427 00:21:00,144 --> 00:21:02,846 You useless swine. 428 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:03,947 You fucking... 429 00:21:03,981 --> 00:21:05,015 I'm trying! 430 00:21:07,118 --> 00:21:07,952 What? 431 00:21:22,835 --> 00:21:23,937 It's your birthday. 432 00:21:23,970 --> 00:21:25,005 Nope. 433 00:21:25,038 --> 00:21:26,973 Miracle cure says it is. 434 00:21:27,007 --> 00:21:29,009 Well, so it's my birthday. 435 00:21:29,042 --> 00:21:30,010 What's it matter? 436 00:21:30,043 --> 00:21:30,912 It does matter, actually. 437 00:21:30,945 --> 00:21:32,246 It means that your cells are ever decaying. 438 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:33,881 Ever producing harmful toxins. 439 00:21:33,915 --> 00:21:34,714 You're body is growing too much. 440 00:21:34,748 --> 00:21:36,050 Shut up. 441 00:21:36,084 --> 00:21:37,617 Yeah don't believe a word he says, Lisa. 442 00:21:37,651 --> 00:21:39,288 I think you're as beautiful as the day you were born. 443 00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:46,295 That's a weird thing to say. 444 00:21:46,328 --> 00:21:47,663 Why? 445 00:21:47,696 --> 00:21:48,998 It's a compliment. 446 00:21:49,032 --> 00:21:50,300 It implies you were there on the day she was born, 447 00:21:50,333 --> 00:21:52,268 and if that's true than this is really... 448 00:21:52,302 --> 00:21:53,369 Oh come on, how could we be? 449 00:21:53,403 --> 00:21:54,972 Lisa and I are the same age. 450 00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,308 That's not a compliment. 451 00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:03,647 I can't believe I'm spending my birthday 452 00:22:03,681 --> 00:22:08,752 with two random, potentially murdering morons. 453 00:22:09,821 --> 00:22:11,057 I'm not a murderer. 454 00:22:11,090 --> 00:22:13,826 And, and Crispin hasn't even called. 455 00:22:15,361 --> 00:22:16,295 Who's Crispin? 456 00:22:16,329 --> 00:22:17,964 Keep it in your pants, Ian. 457 00:22:17,997 --> 00:22:19,266 Crispin's my son. 458 00:22:19,299 --> 00:22:20,134 Shoot. 459 00:22:25,005 --> 00:22:26,406 I've got just the fix for you. 460 00:22:27,809 --> 00:22:29,144 Come on, Fluffy! 461 00:22:29,177 --> 00:22:30,278 My name's Frankie. 462 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,248 I thought you said you had a cake. 463 00:23:03,282 --> 00:23:04,416 It's a flan. 464 00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:06,051 I can see it's a flan. 465 00:23:06,084 --> 00:23:06,953 - Flan. - Flan. 466 00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:07,887 - Flan. - Flan. 467 00:23:07,921 --> 00:23:09,155 Flan. 468 00:23:09,189 --> 00:23:10,456 Who serves flan for a birthday? 469 00:23:10,490 --> 00:23:11,391 Well, I didn't have much pre-warning on this. 470 00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:12,258 - Yo. - Oh! 471 00:23:15,829 --> 00:23:19,833 You're in a mess, aren't you? 472 00:23:26,908 --> 00:23:27,842 - Hey. - Oh! 473 00:23:27,876 --> 00:23:29,377 Holy shit, you made me jump. 474 00:23:29,411 --> 00:23:30,412 Who are you? 475 00:23:38,956 --> 00:23:41,791 I'm not too sure about all this. 476 00:23:43,927 --> 00:23:44,995 ♪ 'Cause she's a jolly good fellow ♪ 477 00:23:45,028 --> 00:23:46,763 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪ 478 00:23:46,797 --> 00:23:48,099 Wait, where is she? 479 00:23:48,132 --> 00:23:49,300 Oh great, we're singing "Happy Birthday" 480 00:23:49,334 --> 00:23:50,301 to a dead woman. 481 00:23:50,335 --> 00:23:51,302 That's not ironic at all. 482 00:23:51,336 --> 00:23:53,371 Why is that, not ironic? 483 00:23:53,404 --> 00:23:54,907 It is ironic. 484 00:23:54,940 --> 00:23:56,208 Well yes, I know it's ironic. 485 00:23:56,242 --> 00:23:57,276 I was being sarcastic. 486 00:23:57,309 --> 00:23:58,344 You just said it was ironic. 487 00:23:58,377 --> 00:23:59,345 Oh for. 488 00:23:59,378 --> 00:24:00,212 Lisa, where the hell are you? 489 00:24:00,246 --> 00:24:02,214 Uh, I'm in here. 490 00:24:02,248 --> 00:24:03,416 Oh. 491 00:24:03,450 --> 00:24:04,818 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪ 492 00:24:04,851 --> 00:24:06,453 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪ 493 00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:09,823 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪ 494 00:24:09,856 --> 00:24:11,959 ♪ And so say all of us ♪ 495 00:24:11,993 --> 00:24:14,328 Congratulations, you're two years old. 496 00:24:14,362 --> 00:24:15,396 Actually, a health inspector wouldn't want us 497 00:24:15,429 --> 00:24:16,998 to have it in the bar. 498 00:24:17,031 --> 00:24:18,232 We'd better have this in the restaurant. 499 00:24:20,869 --> 00:24:22,404 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪ 500 00:24:22,437 --> 00:24:24,439 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪ 501 00:24:24,473 --> 00:24:27,510 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪ 502 00:24:27,543 --> 00:24:31,848 ♪ And so say all of us ♪ 503 00:24:31,881 --> 00:24:34,017 That was mental. 504 00:24:36,253 --> 00:24:37,855 Right, I'll cut the flan. 505 00:24:37,888 --> 00:24:39,556 No, I think Lisa should cut the flan 506 00:24:39,590 --> 00:24:40,924 as it is her birthday. 507 00:24:40,958 --> 00:24:42,092 No, it's a very sharp knife. 508 00:24:42,126 --> 00:24:43,561 You just don't want to give us the sharp knife, do you? 509 00:24:43,595 --> 00:24:44,996 My knife isn't it? 510 00:24:45,030 --> 00:24:46,464 My father, no, he didn't actually make this. 511 00:24:46,498 --> 00:24:48,900 - But he... - You sound more and more 512 00:24:48,933 --> 00:24:50,335 like a murderer every day, Ian. 513 00:24:50,368 --> 00:24:51,270 It's okay. 514 00:24:51,304 --> 00:24:52,238 Ian can cut the flan. 515 00:24:52,271 --> 00:24:53,506 I'm not, I'm not a murderer. 516 00:24:53,539 --> 00:24:55,041 Yeah, well I'm not a murderer either. 517 00:24:59,613 --> 00:25:00,414 Oh shit. 518 00:25:01,548 --> 00:25:02,516 Way to flan, Ian. 519 00:25:02,549 --> 00:25:04,418 We need to clean that up. 520 00:25:04,451 --> 00:25:05,619 Why? 521 00:25:05,652 --> 00:25:06,854 She's already dead. 522 00:25:06,888 --> 00:25:09,557 Because if they do a coroner report and find flan on her, 523 00:25:09,590 --> 00:25:11,626 they're going to wonder how it got there. 524 00:25:11,659 --> 00:25:14,562 It's not exactly like flan was the murder weapon, is it? 525 00:25:24,974 --> 00:25:26,142 Oh, great. 526 00:25:26,176 --> 00:25:27,377 Shall we just add tampering with the body 527 00:25:27,410 --> 00:25:29,212 to the list then now then, shall we? 528 00:25:32,416 --> 00:25:35,152 And three more reports of vicious animals 529 00:25:35,186 --> 00:25:38,522 in the last three hours have been reported. 530 00:25:38,556 --> 00:25:42,127 We advise all locals to lock their doors, 531 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,396 to cover up any smells or meat 532 00:25:44,429 --> 00:25:46,598 which might attract the animal, 533 00:25:46,631 --> 00:25:49,902 and to, most importantly, stay in... 534 00:25:49,936 --> 00:25:50,636 Frankie! 535 00:25:52,538 --> 00:25:54,240 We're going about this all wrong. 536 00:25:54,273 --> 00:25:55,509 Well thank goodness you said it, 537 00:25:55,542 --> 00:25:58,011 because who serves flan at a birthday? 538 00:25:58,045 --> 00:26:00,147 We shouldn't be defending for the beast. 539 00:26:01,949 --> 00:26:03,651 We should be attacking it. 540 00:26:03,685 --> 00:26:05,987 Ian, where's your father's rifle? 541 00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:07,956 Whoa, what rifle? 542 00:26:07,989 --> 00:26:09,991 The one of the portrait of Bartholomew III. 543 00:26:10,024 --> 00:26:11,127 Which makes you the fourth. 544 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,995 Geez, looks at this one's drother. 545 00:26:13,028 --> 00:26:14,230 Yeah, dude's got some style. 546 00:26:16,365 --> 00:26:17,633 I remember that. 547 00:26:17,666 --> 00:26:19,636 It's hanging on a wall in the guest bedroom. 548 00:26:19,669 --> 00:26:21,405 For ambience. 549 00:26:21,438 --> 00:26:25,308 But Ian Bartholomew IV, that's a savage name, bro. 550 00:26:25,342 --> 00:26:26,644 Do you get bullied. 551 00:26:26,677 --> 00:26:28,579 It was my father's name. 552 00:26:28,613 --> 00:26:30,114 What's your name. 553 00:26:30,148 --> 00:26:31,649 Ian, just Ian. 554 00:26:32,517 --> 00:26:35,087 Are there bullets for the rifle, Ian? 555 00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:36,588 Yes. 556 00:26:36,622 --> 00:26:37,556 Perfect! 557 00:26:37,589 --> 00:26:39,057 Let's shoot this dog in the face 558 00:26:39,091 --> 00:26:40,159 and get the hell back to the city. 559 00:26:40,192 --> 00:26:41,994 How do we get to the bedroom, Ian? 560 00:26:58,045 --> 00:26:58,713 Out there. 561 00:26:59,849 --> 00:27:02,217 Well, we better look for some weapons in here then. 562 00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:24,242 Yes! 563 00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:26,144 So uh, Lisa. 564 00:27:26,177 --> 00:27:27,178 - Oh hello. - Hi. 565 00:27:30,281 --> 00:27:31,617 Are you from around here? 566 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:33,085 Uh, no, not really. 567 00:27:33,118 --> 00:27:34,487 I'm South London based. 568 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,121 Oh, in a clinic. 569 00:27:36,155 --> 00:27:37,456 How do you know that? 570 00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:39,593 I think you said you were a doctor. 571 00:27:39,626 --> 00:27:41,228 Don't remember telling you that. 572 00:27:44,798 --> 00:27:47,335 Your son, how old is he? 573 00:27:47,368 --> 00:27:50,037 Oh, too old to bother about me anymore. 574 00:27:50,071 --> 00:27:51,138 I need a son. 575 00:27:51,172 --> 00:27:52,106 You need a son? 576 00:27:52,139 --> 00:27:53,140 Can you still have children? 577 00:27:53,174 --> 00:27:54,275 Whoa! 578 00:27:54,308 --> 00:27:55,644 Just that, you know, your age, 579 00:27:55,677 --> 00:27:57,346 and everything really. 580 00:27:57,379 --> 00:28:00,249 I know how old I am, Ian. 581 00:28:00,282 --> 00:28:03,152 And thank you for reducing my worth to a uterus. 582 00:28:03,186 --> 00:28:04,521 No, that's not what I meant. 583 00:28:04,554 --> 00:28:07,123 But you, my father, he's most insistent. 584 00:28:07,156 --> 00:28:08,825 The line must go on. 585 00:28:08,859 --> 00:28:09,792 My father was... 586 00:28:09,826 --> 00:28:11,128 Frankie, what about this? 587 00:28:11,161 --> 00:28:12,563 We could strangle the beast. 588 00:28:12,596 --> 00:28:15,232 Oh yeah, check out this bad boy. 589 00:28:15,266 --> 00:28:17,101 Think of the damage I could do with this. 590 00:28:17,134 --> 00:28:18,235 Yeah. 591 00:28:18,269 --> 00:28:19,371 We're gonna need that gun. 592 00:28:19,404 --> 00:28:20,205 Oh no. 593 00:28:20,238 --> 00:28:21,473 You see, look. 594 00:28:21,506 --> 00:28:23,508 It hasn't been fired for 20 years 595 00:28:23,542 --> 00:28:25,777 and even then it was a bad shot. 596 00:28:25,810 --> 00:28:27,246 How do we get to the bedrooms? 597 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:28,281 Well, doesn't the kitchen connect? 598 00:28:28,314 --> 00:28:29,649 Oh yes, to the yard. 599 00:28:29,682 --> 00:28:33,719 But that, that door hasn't been opened for 22 years. 600 00:28:33,753 --> 00:28:34,588 Why not? 601 00:28:34,621 --> 00:28:35,556 Oh, my father, 602 00:28:35,589 --> 00:28:38,225 shot it with a rifle and, 603 00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:41,228 it hasn't budged since. 604 00:28:41,261 --> 00:28:42,362 Why don't we just break down the door then? 605 00:28:42,396 --> 00:28:43,831 My father built that door! 606 00:29:10,561 --> 00:29:12,330 I think Ian should go. 607 00:29:12,363 --> 00:29:14,165 He's the only one who knows the floor plan. 608 00:29:23,776 --> 00:29:26,112 There we go, anyway, look. 609 00:29:27,313 --> 00:29:29,248 Now we all know the floor plan. 610 00:29:29,282 --> 00:29:32,653 Well, I'm not architect but it looks simple enough. 611 00:29:32,686 --> 00:29:34,788 I think you'd make an amazing architect. 612 00:29:36,190 --> 00:29:37,625 Oh. 613 00:29:37,658 --> 00:29:38,493 Right, I'll go. 614 00:29:38,526 --> 00:29:39,694 Okay. 615 00:29:39,728 --> 00:29:40,528 No! 616 00:29:40,562 --> 00:29:41,630 No, no let him go. 617 00:29:41,663 --> 00:29:43,398 He's the youngest, he's the fittest. 618 00:29:43,431 --> 00:29:46,401 I would go but I'm afraid my knees would cave in. 619 00:29:46,434 --> 00:29:48,437 Uh, it's three metres across. 620 00:29:48,471 --> 00:29:49,906 Yes, I know, but I'm not allowed to run. 621 00:29:49,940 --> 00:29:51,374 Look, we'll both go. 622 00:29:51,407 --> 00:29:54,377 Ian, you stay and look after the body. 623 00:29:54,410 --> 00:29:56,480 Yeah, stay and make sure the dead body 624 00:29:56,513 --> 00:29:58,382 doesn't wander off while we risk our lives for you. 625 00:29:58,415 --> 00:30:00,217 I know, but I'm not allowed. 626 00:30:00,250 --> 00:30:01,652 You don't have to do everything a doctor says, you know? 627 00:30:01,685 --> 00:30:02,955 Yes you do. 628 00:30:02,988 --> 00:30:04,656 WebMD knows just as much as a real doctor. 629 00:30:04,689 --> 00:30:06,324 Oh God, I hate your generation. 630 00:30:06,357 --> 00:30:07,692 Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. 631 00:30:10,228 --> 00:30:13,232 Stay here, let the boy look after himself. 632 00:30:13,265 --> 00:30:13,967 I, I better go with him. 633 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,534 He might accidentally 634 00:30:15,567 --> 00:30:16,402 shoot himself in the foot or something. 635 00:30:16,435 --> 00:30:17,436 - Just. - Oh. 636 00:30:22,475 --> 00:30:23,343 Be careful. 637 00:30:31,953 --> 00:30:33,521 Weird. 638 00:30:33,554 --> 00:30:36,591 There's barricade has been useful so far. 639 00:30:39,896 --> 00:30:40,696 Limber? 640 00:30:40,729 --> 00:30:42,364 Loose as a lemon. 641 00:30:42,398 --> 00:30:43,766 I like your hair. 642 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,501 Where did that come from? 643 00:30:45,535 --> 00:30:46,904 Looks good. 644 00:30:46,937 --> 00:30:48,838 Much better than it did before. 645 00:30:48,872 --> 00:30:49,839 It's weird. 646 00:30:49,873 --> 00:30:50,808 It's like you're glowing. 647 00:30:52,376 --> 00:30:53,210 Thank you. 648 00:30:54,812 --> 00:30:55,779 I think it's all clear. 649 00:30:55,813 --> 00:30:57,781 Yes, it looks good to me. 650 00:30:57,815 --> 00:30:58,683 Oh, hang on. 651 00:31:07,460 --> 00:31:08,895 Could have used that. 652 00:31:08,929 --> 00:31:10,997 I was just checking to see if it's still out there. 653 00:31:11,031 --> 00:31:12,531 Right. 654 00:31:14,902 --> 00:31:16,670 It looks like it's all clear. 655 00:31:18,371 --> 00:31:19,306 Ready? 656 00:31:19,339 --> 00:31:20,407 To be mauled by a rabid dog? 657 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:21,274 No. 658 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:26,547 Shit, oh God. 659 00:31:26,581 --> 00:31:30,318 Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! 660 00:31:33,355 --> 00:31:34,389 Shit, oh. 661 00:31:34,423 --> 00:31:35,058 Did you hear that? 662 00:31:35,091 --> 00:31:36,658 I did, open the door! 663 00:31:36,692 --> 00:31:37,760 Turn it clockwise! 664 00:31:45,535 --> 00:31:46,972 Shut up, shut up, shut up! 665 00:31:47,005 --> 00:31:48,472 You could jiggle it. 666 00:31:48,506 --> 00:31:51,375 Just jiggle it a little, could ya. 667 00:31:51,408 --> 00:31:52,043 Open it! 668 00:32:05,858 --> 00:32:08,427 Damn blood gets in everywhere. 669 00:32:37,794 --> 00:32:41,765 Lisa. 670 00:32:41,798 --> 00:32:46,104 Lisa. 671 00:32:46,138 --> 00:32:46,972 Lis, 672 00:32:48,006 --> 00:32:53,012 Lisa. 673 00:32:55,547 --> 00:33:00,553 Lisa, would you like to go out on a date with me? 674 00:33:01,155 --> 00:33:02,156 Lisa, would... 675 00:33:02,189 --> 00:33:03,090 You get off me. 676 00:33:03,123 --> 00:33:05,059 'Cause you opened the door just in time. 677 00:33:06,827 --> 00:33:08,796 I didn't even want to try the anti-clockwise move. 678 00:33:08,829 --> 00:33:10,098 Bloody call that a move. 679 00:33:11,599 --> 00:33:13,400 Oh God, I've been so close to death. 680 00:33:13,434 --> 00:33:15,737 I never really knew what it actually felt like. 681 00:33:17,639 --> 00:33:21,710 It's strange, but I've never felt more alive. 682 00:33:21,743 --> 00:33:22,980 I have. 683 00:33:23,013 --> 00:33:24,915 In Paris for fashion week. 684 00:33:24,948 --> 00:33:25,883 The catwalk. 685 00:33:25,916 --> 00:33:27,617 I was majestic. 686 00:33:27,650 --> 00:33:29,152 Perfect and cat like. 687 00:33:31,588 --> 00:33:32,190 I'm not scared anymore. 688 00:33:32,223 --> 00:33:33,457 I am. 689 00:33:37,728 --> 00:33:39,497 Tis been a long time since I've been out 690 00:33:39,530 --> 00:33:42,067 on a first date, Lisa. 691 00:33:48,141 --> 00:33:49,209 No, it's true. 692 00:33:49,242 --> 00:33:51,177 I'm not scared of death. 693 00:33:52,611 --> 00:33:54,080 I just want to live. 694 00:34:00,553 --> 00:34:01,721 Oh God. 695 00:34:01,755 --> 00:34:03,491 Oh, your skin. 696 00:34:03,524 --> 00:34:05,894 It's just, it's glowing. 697 00:34:05,928 --> 00:34:08,030 Oh! 698 00:34:13,069 --> 00:34:14,736 I've always wanted a family. 699 00:34:16,805 --> 00:34:19,009 Wife, children. 700 00:34:20,244 --> 00:34:22,046 Frankie wasn't quite what I expected, 701 00:34:22,079 --> 00:34:25,748 but I'm sure I dare say we could whip him into shape. 702 00:34:27,518 --> 00:34:28,887 Good evening, sir. 703 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,889 Would you like anything to drink? 704 00:34:30,922 --> 00:34:31,789 Oh hello, yes. 705 00:34:31,822 --> 00:34:34,793 Well, well we'll have the red, thank you. 706 00:34:36,128 --> 00:34:37,829 That's a very wise choice. 707 00:34:39,165 --> 00:34:41,033 Could I say, what a lovely pair. 708 00:34:41,067 --> 00:34:42,970 Couple, what a lovely couple you make. 709 00:34:46,806 --> 00:34:49,809 Oi, check out the couple over there. 710 00:34:51,212 --> 00:34:53,513 That dude doesn't know what he's doing. 711 00:34:58,052 --> 00:34:59,154 Voices. 712 00:34:59,188 --> 00:35:00,022 So. 713 00:35:01,023 --> 00:35:02,724 What a loser. 714 00:35:02,757 --> 00:35:04,159 Oi, oi, oi, 715 00:35:04,193 --> 00:35:07,529 he's an absolute spunk bubbling... 716 00:35:07,563 --> 00:35:08,898 Little red for you, sir. 717 00:35:12,601 --> 00:35:14,137 Oh uh, no, thank you very much. 718 00:35:14,171 --> 00:35:16,840 We've decided to stay with the white. 719 00:35:20,577 --> 00:35:21,878 - Now quick, hurry. - Oh. 720 00:35:27,352 --> 00:35:29,587 Oh yeah, oh yeah! 721 00:35:29,620 --> 00:35:30,256 Oh, oh! 722 00:35:33,625 --> 00:35:35,161 Oh my, shitting, God! 723 00:35:36,095 --> 00:35:37,863 You, oh, no, oh, woo! 724 00:35:40,733 --> 00:35:42,936 It's, like, a ride! 725 00:35:45,039 --> 00:35:46,073 That's it! 726 00:35:50,278 --> 00:35:52,981 Lisa, yes! 727 00:36:08,398 --> 00:36:09,232 Lisa. 728 00:36:16,207 --> 00:36:16,941 Yeah, I didn't feel it. 729 00:36:16,974 --> 00:36:18,377 I did. 730 00:36:18,410 --> 00:36:19,311 Oh God, for the first time in years. 731 00:36:19,344 --> 00:36:20,812 Oh, look, I found it! 732 00:36:20,845 --> 00:36:22,713 I beg to differ, I found it first. 733 00:36:22,747 --> 00:36:23,382 Oh, the gun. 734 00:36:23,415 --> 00:36:24,749 I think it's loaded. 735 00:36:26,718 --> 00:36:27,554 What? 736 00:36:27,586 --> 00:36:31,157 Oh, don't worry darling, it's probably, 737 00:36:31,191 --> 00:36:32,225 just somebody with a gun. 738 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:40,267 It shot me. 739 00:36:40,301 --> 00:36:41,335 No, you shot you. 740 00:36:41,368 --> 00:36:42,404 Oh God. 741 00:36:42,437 --> 00:36:44,206 I want to go home. 742 00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:46,807 I want to do some modelling for Ralph Lauren or Burberry. 743 00:36:46,841 --> 00:36:48,276 I don't really mind which one. 744 00:36:48,310 --> 00:36:49,244 Why are we here? 745 00:36:49,277 --> 00:36:50,146 Yeah, why are you here? 746 00:36:50,179 --> 00:36:51,914 Why are any of us here? 747 00:36:51,948 --> 00:36:53,950 Because the woman said she'd help clear my skin. 748 00:36:53,983 --> 00:36:55,952 What is the matter with your skin? 749 00:36:57,053 --> 00:36:57,886 I can't see anything. 750 00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,156 There's nothing there. 751 00:36:59,189 --> 00:37:01,225 No, I've tried everything and it won't go away. 752 00:37:01,258 --> 00:37:02,159 I swear it's the reason 753 00:37:02,192 --> 00:37:03,193 why I'm not getting more modelling jobs. 754 00:37:03,227 --> 00:37:04,660 I'm scarred! 755 00:37:04,694 --> 00:37:06,297 I can't see anything. 756 00:37:07,465 --> 00:37:08,765 I'm gonna die. 757 00:37:08,799 --> 00:37:09,700 No, you'll be fine. 758 00:37:09,733 --> 00:37:11,035 It's just a foot wound. 759 00:37:11,069 --> 00:37:12,669 The bullet's lodged in one of the metatarsals 760 00:37:12,703 --> 00:37:13,737 so it's stopping the bleeding. 761 00:37:13,770 --> 00:37:14,706 You just need to keep your shoe on 762 00:37:14,739 --> 00:37:15,807 and keep the weight off of it. 763 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:16,875 How do you know that? 764 00:37:16,909 --> 00:37:17,842 'Cause I'm a doctor. 765 00:37:17,876 --> 00:37:18,810 Are you a dermatologist? 766 00:37:18,843 --> 00:37:19,811 Nope. 767 00:37:19,844 --> 00:37:20,678 Oh! 768 00:37:21,947 --> 00:37:24,117 So what'd this cure for you? 769 00:37:24,151 --> 00:37:27,287 Um, well you know, just a birthday in a pub. 770 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:28,355 Come on. 771 00:37:29,456 --> 00:37:32,293 Let's check to see if Ian hasn't murdered anyone else. 772 00:37:33,727 --> 00:37:34,694 I'm not gonna go out there. 773 00:37:34,728 --> 00:37:35,463 I'll just be bait! 774 00:37:35,496 --> 00:37:36,931 Neither of us have to be bait. 775 00:37:36,964 --> 00:37:37,999 We'll just cut the journey in half 776 00:37:38,033 --> 00:37:39,168 and go through the kitchen. 777 00:37:39,201 --> 00:37:40,902 Oh what? 778 00:37:40,936 --> 00:37:41,869 Through the door that hasn't been opened in 22 years? 779 00:37:46,008 --> 00:37:47,243 So that's, that's when my father turned around 780 00:37:47,277 --> 00:37:49,179 and shot the turtle in the head! 781 00:37:52,916 --> 00:37:54,285 Oh, uh yeah. 782 00:37:54,318 --> 00:37:55,953 No, that poor little devil. 783 00:37:55,986 --> 00:37:58,855 I had to bury him out in the back, actually. 784 00:37:58,888 --> 00:38:00,090 Not my father, the turtle. 785 00:38:00,124 --> 00:38:01,824 You know, he's buried in the... 786 00:38:06,897 --> 00:38:08,033 Ian! 787 00:38:08,066 --> 00:38:10,436 So tell me, do you like jokes? 788 00:38:10,469 --> 00:38:12,271 No, I do, I do too. 789 00:38:12,305 --> 00:38:13,239 I love them, I love them. 790 00:38:13,272 --> 00:38:14,407 - Ian! - Anyway. 791 00:38:16,142 --> 00:38:17,343 - You tell one. - Ian! 792 00:38:17,376 --> 00:38:18,512 - Ian! - Ian! 793 00:38:18,545 --> 00:38:20,080 - Ian! - Ian! 794 00:38:20,113 --> 00:38:21,781 - Ian, Ian! - Ian, Ian! 795 00:38:25,818 --> 00:38:27,754 Uh, hello? 796 00:38:27,788 --> 00:38:28,990 - Ian! - Ian! 797 00:38:29,023 --> 00:38:30,757 Stand back! 798 00:38:30,791 --> 00:38:31,426 From where? 799 00:38:31,459 --> 00:38:32,360 The door! 800 00:38:34,230 --> 00:38:35,064 Oh! 801 00:38:44,341 --> 00:38:45,175 Oh my God. 802 00:38:47,510 --> 00:38:49,246 You ruined my father's door. 803 00:38:49,279 --> 00:38:50,114 Do you have any bullets? 804 00:38:50,147 --> 00:38:51,015 Uh, two I think. 805 00:38:51,048 --> 00:38:52,383 Great, where are they? 806 00:38:52,416 --> 00:38:53,284 No, one now. 807 00:38:53,317 --> 00:38:54,218 You've shot that up. 808 00:38:54,252 --> 00:38:55,453 Ugh, you mean zero. 809 00:38:55,486 --> 00:38:57,154 Did you shoot Frankie in the foot? 810 00:38:57,188 --> 00:38:59,091 You've got a loaded rifle in the guest bedroom. 811 00:38:59,124 --> 00:39:01,226 Well father never saw the point of an unloaded gun. 812 00:39:01,260 --> 00:39:03,061 How about safety? 813 00:39:03,095 --> 00:39:04,363 Not only loaded, 814 00:39:04,396 --> 00:39:07,300 but with the last two bullets you have for it! 815 00:39:07,333 --> 00:39:08,234 No! 816 00:39:08,268 --> 00:39:09,068 What are you doing? 817 00:39:09,102 --> 00:39:10,136 I don't like guns. 818 00:39:10,169 --> 00:39:11,204 You're the one who owns a gun. 819 00:39:11,237 --> 00:39:12,171 It was my father's! 820 00:39:12,205 --> 00:39:14,174 I'm not allowed to touch it! 821 00:39:14,208 --> 00:39:15,875 Oh, for God's sake. 822 00:39:15,908 --> 00:39:17,111 Oh Lisa. 823 00:39:18,112 --> 00:39:20,180 Lisa, Lisa, where are you going? 824 00:39:24,519 --> 00:39:25,987 Ah. 825 00:39:27,322 --> 00:39:28,423 What the hell is going on in here? 826 00:39:28,456 --> 00:39:30,059 I can explain, Lisa. 827 00:39:30,092 --> 00:39:31,961 This is some Bates Motel kind of shit. 828 00:39:31,994 --> 00:39:33,262 Where's Bates Motel? 829 00:39:33,296 --> 00:39:35,864 I thought I knew all the competition around here. 830 00:39:35,897 --> 00:39:37,899 Lisa, this was just for practise. 831 00:39:37,934 --> 00:39:39,436 No, I think this is actually called necrophilia. 832 00:39:39,469 --> 00:39:42,406 No, I would not do anything without anyone's consent. 833 00:39:42,439 --> 00:39:45,275 Wait, wait do you need consent from a dead woman? 834 00:39:45,309 --> 00:39:47,378 That seems like a grey area with me, too. 835 00:40:00,125 --> 00:40:01,961 I didn't do anything. 836 00:40:06,199 --> 00:40:07,200 It was you. 837 00:40:09,169 --> 00:40:10,004 He did? 838 00:40:10,037 --> 00:40:11,005 He. 839 00:40:11,038 --> 00:40:12,239 He did what? 840 00:40:12,273 --> 00:40:13,574 He. 841 00:40:13,607 --> 00:40:14,942 Did what? 842 00:40:14,975 --> 00:40:16,077 He. 843 00:40:16,110 --> 00:40:17,211 He did what? 844 00:40:17,244 --> 00:40:18,246 He did what? 845 00:40:19,481 --> 00:40:21,083 I think I ate her. 846 00:40:24,086 --> 00:40:25,287 Oh, you did what? 847 00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:26,622 Don't worry, I didn't hurt anyone. 848 00:40:26,656 --> 00:40:29,058 How do you work that one out? 849 00:40:29,092 --> 00:40:29,992 You don't, you eat someone, 850 00:40:30,026 --> 00:40:30,926 you killed them, you hurt them. 851 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:32,161 But I didn't kill anyone. 852 00:40:32,195 --> 00:40:33,196 I don't remember doing that. 853 00:40:33,229 --> 00:40:34,164 Ha! 854 00:40:34,198 --> 00:40:35,666 You do remember something! 855 00:40:35,699 --> 00:40:37,101 Not really, just flashes, that's all. 856 00:40:37,134 --> 00:40:38,135 You were the one who roofied us. 857 00:40:38,168 --> 00:40:39,403 I knew it! 858 00:40:39,436 --> 00:40:41,038 No, Lisa, Lisa, I didn't kill this woman. 859 00:40:41,071 --> 00:40:42,173 You have to believe me. 860 00:40:42,207 --> 00:40:43,475 Please. 861 00:40:43,508 --> 00:40:44,442 Who are you? 862 00:40:45,577 --> 00:40:46,644 I, I'm, you know. 863 00:40:46,678 --> 00:40:48,613 I'm Ian, I'm Ian! 864 00:40:48,646 --> 00:40:50,116 I run a pub in Barkshire, you know. 865 00:40:50,149 --> 00:40:51,916 I didn't roofie anyone. 866 00:40:51,951 --> 00:40:53,619 I certainly didn't kill anybody. 867 00:40:53,652 --> 00:40:54,954 I wouldn't, I would never. 868 00:40:54,987 --> 00:40:57,189 Especially you two, why would you? 869 00:40:57,223 --> 00:40:58,058 Lisa, please believe me. 870 00:40:58,091 --> 00:40:59,126 I didn't kill anyone. 871 00:40:59,159 --> 00:41:00,260 Tell the truth! 872 00:41:00,293 --> 00:41:02,195 Or I will shoot you. 873 00:41:02,229 --> 00:41:03,163 In the foot. 874 00:41:03,196 --> 00:41:04,364 Yeah, that really hurts. 875 00:41:05,432 --> 00:41:06,634 You're out of bullets. 876 00:41:10,605 --> 00:41:11,606 All right. 877 00:41:11,639 --> 00:41:14,042 Lisa, Lisa, please believe me. 878 00:41:14,076 --> 00:41:15,644 I did not kill this woman. 879 00:41:17,012 --> 00:41:19,948 Frankie, tie him up. 880 00:41:19,982 --> 00:41:21,383 With what? 881 00:41:21,417 --> 00:41:22,585 I don't know. 882 00:41:22,619 --> 00:41:24,687 Oh, that chord from the telephone! 883 00:41:31,629 --> 00:41:33,063 Couldn't you tie me up, Lisa? 884 00:41:33,097 --> 00:41:34,265 - No. - I'll let you. 885 00:41:37,168 --> 00:41:38,003 There. 886 00:41:39,271 --> 00:41:40,739 Why did you kill her? 887 00:41:40,772 --> 00:41:42,140 I didn't! 888 00:41:42,174 --> 00:41:44,709 All right, why did you eat her? 889 00:41:44,743 --> 00:41:46,612 I, I don't know. 890 00:41:46,646 --> 00:41:48,281 But, oh. 891 00:41:48,314 --> 00:41:49,348 But what? 892 00:41:49,382 --> 00:41:50,216 But, 893 00:41:51,784 --> 00:41:53,119 tasted amazing. 894 00:41:55,456 --> 00:41:56,457 I have heard that, actually. 895 00:41:56,490 --> 00:41:57,424 From what? 896 00:41:57,458 --> 00:41:59,326 Well you know, like blogs and stuff. 897 00:41:59,359 --> 00:42:00,160 Oh, you need to change your blogging habits. 898 00:42:00,194 --> 00:42:01,462 No it's true. 899 00:42:01,495 --> 00:42:02,730 It tastes like nothing you've ever imagined. 900 00:42:02,764 --> 00:42:03,431 Oh, just shoot him, please. 901 00:42:03,465 --> 00:42:04,399 Just shoot him. 902 00:42:04,432 --> 00:42:05,700 But I'm not a murderer. 903 00:42:05,733 --> 00:42:07,235 Well, you're out of bullets, too. 904 00:42:07,268 --> 00:42:08,136 Oh what, is that a threat then, is it? 905 00:42:08,169 --> 00:42:09,103 You sick fuck. 906 00:42:09,137 --> 00:42:11,006 Well, it was ridged. 907 00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,408 Little laces of fat. 908 00:42:12,441 --> 00:42:13,709 This is ridiculous. 909 00:42:13,742 --> 00:42:15,044 What? 910 00:42:15,744 --> 00:42:17,346 Look, just shoot him. 911 00:42:17,379 --> 00:42:18,415 We can scarp her. 912 00:42:18,448 --> 00:42:19,382 Go back to the city. 913 00:42:19,416 --> 00:42:20,383 Get the hell out of here, okay? 914 00:42:20,417 --> 00:42:21,551 I'm done being here. 915 00:42:21,585 --> 00:42:22,586 I want to go home. 916 00:42:22,619 --> 00:42:23,720 Lisa, just, just shoot him. 917 00:42:23,753 --> 00:42:25,422 No, Frankie. 918 00:42:25,455 --> 00:42:26,724 I'm not a murderer. 919 00:42:26,757 --> 00:42:28,059 If anything, we should wait for the police 920 00:42:28,092 --> 00:42:29,126 to come around and arrest him. 921 00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:31,229 We can't just run away, Frankie. 922 00:42:31,262 --> 00:42:32,363 Why not? 923 00:42:32,396 --> 00:42:33,698 I've been shot. 924 00:42:33,731 --> 00:42:35,267 He's clearly not right in the head. 925 00:42:35,300 --> 00:42:36,635 And we have a dead body lying down in front of us. 926 00:42:36,668 --> 00:42:37,736 Let's just get the hell out of here! 927 00:42:37,769 --> 00:42:39,238 I said no, Frankie. 928 00:42:39,271 --> 00:42:40,172 We've got to wait for the police. 929 00:42:40,205 --> 00:42:42,308 We can't just leave a dead body lying here! 930 00:42:42,342 --> 00:42:43,476 Hi there. 931 00:42:45,778 --> 00:42:48,314 Wow, what a reception. 932 00:42:48,348 --> 00:42:49,649 Thanks very much. 933 00:42:49,682 --> 00:42:52,753 So, did it work? 934 00:42:52,786 --> 00:42:54,388 Did what work? 935 00:42:54,421 --> 00:42:56,790 Oh come on Lisa, you most of all. 936 00:42:56,824 --> 00:42:58,193 Are you cured? 937 00:42:59,694 --> 00:43:01,396 How do you know about? 938 00:43:01,429 --> 00:43:02,230 Oh it worked. 939 00:43:02,264 --> 00:43:03,665 I knew it would work, it had to work. 940 00:43:03,698 --> 00:43:05,433 I just, you know, had to be sure. 941 00:43:05,467 --> 00:43:06,636 You're alive. 942 00:43:06,669 --> 00:43:07,770 Of course I am, Ian. 943 00:43:09,539 --> 00:43:12,174 Actually, you kind of grazed me. 944 00:43:12,208 --> 00:43:14,211 I thought you'd take more, to be honest. 945 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:17,814 Hey, what about Frankie? 946 00:43:17,848 --> 00:43:20,517 He looked ready for a feast when I went out. 947 00:43:20,551 --> 00:43:22,654 Oh, thanks for the anaesthetic, by the way. 948 00:43:24,589 --> 00:43:26,090 Frankie! 949 00:43:26,124 --> 00:43:27,258 Shit. 950 00:43:27,292 --> 00:43:30,496 Frankie come out, show that unblemished face of yours. 951 00:43:30,529 --> 00:43:31,530 Shit. 952 00:43:32,531 --> 00:43:33,632 We can hear you, darling. 953 00:43:35,534 --> 00:43:36,602 Hi, Frankie. 954 00:43:37,837 --> 00:43:39,806 Uh, hi. 955 00:43:39,839 --> 00:43:42,409 I'm sorry, what's your name, again? 956 00:43:43,710 --> 00:43:45,312 Oh, oh yeah. 957 00:43:45,345 --> 00:43:46,714 We did think there'd be some memory loss, didn't we Lisa? 958 00:43:46,747 --> 00:43:49,650 Um, I'm Eve, remember? 959 00:43:52,186 --> 00:43:52,820 No. 960 00:43:54,356 --> 00:43:55,524 Hm. 961 00:43:55,557 --> 00:43:57,259 So, Lisa, tell me. 962 00:43:58,327 --> 00:43:59,161 How do you feel? 963 00:44:01,163 --> 00:44:02,498 What happened? 964 00:44:02,532 --> 00:44:03,800 I mean, how did we get here? 965 00:44:04,934 --> 00:44:07,170 And what did Ian do to you? 966 00:44:09,305 --> 00:44:10,808 Yeah Ian, what did you do to me? 967 00:44:12,910 --> 00:44:14,745 I ate you. 968 00:44:14,778 --> 00:44:15,779 Exactly. 969 00:44:15,813 --> 00:44:17,481 How do I taste? 970 00:44:17,514 --> 00:44:19,651 I'm so sorry. 971 00:44:19,684 --> 00:44:21,219 I hope I didn't hurt you. 972 00:44:21,953 --> 00:44:23,254 No, I've never felt better. 973 00:44:23,288 --> 00:44:24,422 You, you were dead. 974 00:44:24,456 --> 00:44:26,258 You know, we went on a date. 975 00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:28,794 Hm. 976 00:44:29,963 --> 00:44:31,364 Are most of your dates dead? 977 00:44:32,598 --> 00:44:33,767 Well. 978 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,268 Well, I guess the memory loss 979 00:44:35,302 --> 00:44:37,337 was a bit more sever than we expected. 980 00:44:37,371 --> 00:44:39,339 How are you alive? 981 00:44:39,373 --> 00:44:42,410 We, we thought you'd been ravaged by a wild dog 982 00:44:42,443 --> 00:44:44,646 or murdered by the loony. 983 00:44:44,679 --> 00:44:46,681 No no, Lisa. 984 00:44:46,714 --> 00:44:48,216 I'm not the murderer. 985 00:44:48,249 --> 00:44:51,186 No objection to being called a loony, though. 986 00:44:51,220 --> 00:44:52,488 Well I guess you could say 987 00:44:52,521 --> 00:44:53,656 I've been ravaged by three wild dogs. 988 00:44:53,689 --> 00:44:54,890 There's three of them. 989 00:44:59,229 --> 00:44:59,829 So, 990 00:45:01,431 --> 00:45:02,866 are you really gonna make me ask? 991 00:45:04,567 --> 00:45:07,538 Are you gonna tell me how I tasted, or not? 992 00:45:07,571 --> 00:45:08,806 I, uh what tasted? 993 00:45:08,839 --> 00:45:09,840 Her flesh. 994 00:45:09,874 --> 00:45:10,708 Uh. 995 00:45:20,919 --> 00:45:22,488 Pork. 996 00:45:22,522 --> 00:45:23,623 No. 997 00:45:23,656 --> 00:45:24,490 Not you. 998 00:45:24,524 --> 00:45:25,692 Tasted like pork. 999 00:45:25,725 --> 00:45:27,360 Lisa, not you. 1000 00:45:27,393 --> 00:45:28,561 Oh come on, Frankie. 1001 00:45:28,594 --> 00:45:30,464 It's not like she stabbed me in the back. 1002 00:45:34,435 --> 00:45:35,402 Just the leg. 1003 00:45:47,017 --> 00:45:48,617 The fuck is this? 1004 00:46:01,699 --> 00:46:03,968 So um, I wonder would you stay 1005 00:46:04,002 --> 00:46:05,603 and help clean up the blood? 1006 00:46:05,636 --> 00:46:07,772 I do have a health inspection coming up soon. 1007 00:46:08,906 --> 00:46:09,742 Holy shit. 1008 00:46:10,709 --> 00:46:11,777 It's gone! 1009 00:46:11,810 --> 00:46:12,911 Is this flan? 1010 00:46:14,913 --> 00:46:17,316 Uh, so you see, Lisa. 1011 00:46:17,349 --> 00:46:19,652 She's not dead, very much alive. 1012 00:46:19,686 --> 00:46:20,787 So there's no harm done. 1013 00:46:21,721 --> 00:46:25,760 No, none at all. 1014 00:46:25,793 --> 00:46:27,795 Didn't it hurt? 1015 00:46:27,828 --> 00:46:30,397 Oh, no I've got hyperalgesia. 1016 00:46:31,932 --> 00:46:34,736 Oh that's why. 1017 00:46:34,770 --> 00:46:35,604 Wait wait wait, why what? 1018 00:46:35,637 --> 00:46:37,405 What's hypoalgie? 1019 00:46:37,439 --> 00:46:39,808 Hypoalgesia. 1020 00:46:39,841 --> 00:46:41,409 She has an immunity to pain. 1021 00:46:41,443 --> 00:46:43,546 Or at least a decreased sensitivity to it. 1022 00:46:43,579 --> 00:46:44,847 Oh, so cool. 1023 00:46:44,881 --> 00:46:47,350 Actually no, it's really quite dangerous. 1024 00:46:47,383 --> 00:46:49,019 You know you're not impervious to injury or death. 1025 00:46:49,052 --> 00:46:51,588 I'm really glad I fixed you up. 1026 00:46:51,622 --> 00:46:52,456 Yeah. 1027 00:46:54,625 --> 00:46:56,560 So, Frankie. 1028 00:46:56,593 --> 00:46:58,030 How you doing? 1029 00:46:58,063 --> 00:47:00,832 I'm utterly disgusted with myself. 1030 00:47:00,865 --> 00:47:04,836 But also, skin's clear, eczema's gone, all cured. 1031 00:47:08,041 --> 00:47:09,542 That means you are too. 1032 00:47:12,845 --> 00:47:15,049 But, how are you okay with us just eating you? 1033 00:47:16,017 --> 00:47:17,350 Well, I asked you to. 1034 00:47:18,552 --> 00:47:19,786 Oh, right. 1035 00:47:19,820 --> 00:47:21,088 I know, but why? 1036 00:47:21,122 --> 00:47:24,026 You all just seemed so hopeless. 1037 00:47:24,059 --> 00:47:25,560 - Oh, come on. - I'm famous. 1038 00:47:25,593 --> 00:47:26,894 Yes, it's true. 1039 00:47:26,928 --> 00:47:28,729 Look, I help people, okay. 1040 00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:30,133 It's what I do. 1041 00:47:30,166 --> 00:47:31,400 I learned about it on my travels 1042 00:47:31,433 --> 00:47:34,570 to Mount Kiniwawatindunivankula. 1043 00:47:34,603 --> 00:47:35,537 Whoa. 1044 00:47:35,571 --> 00:47:36,972 It's near Fiji. 1045 00:47:37,006 --> 00:47:38,708 Oh, you see, I don't believe in Chinese medicine. 1046 00:47:38,741 --> 00:47:40,777 I'm a doctor, a real doctor. 1047 00:47:42,179 --> 00:47:44,148 I mean it's held as like and ancient miracle cure, 1048 00:47:44,181 --> 00:47:45,916 but it's rarely practised anymore. 1049 00:47:45,950 --> 00:47:47,651 But it's exactly what you all needed. 1050 00:47:47,685 --> 00:47:49,020 Well, you two anyway. 1051 00:47:51,455 --> 00:47:53,058 Hey Lisa, do you think after this 1052 00:47:53,091 --> 00:47:54,093 you could bandage up my foot 1053 00:47:54,126 --> 00:47:56,661 seeing as I don't have hypoasia? 1054 00:47:56,695 --> 00:47:57,729 It's hypo, 1055 00:47:58,563 --> 00:48:00,032 you know what, it doesn't matter. 1056 00:48:00,066 --> 00:48:01,968 So, seeing as the miracle cure worked 1057 00:48:02,002 --> 00:48:05,972 so well for all of you, I think it's my turn. 1058 00:48:10,544 --> 00:48:13,047 Your turn for what? 1059 00:48:13,081 --> 00:48:15,449 Well, you didn't think I wouldn't want to try it myself? 1060 00:48:15,482 --> 00:48:16,783 - Uh. - Sorry, I don't know what... 1061 00:48:16,817 --> 00:48:18,686 Okay listen, eating someone else is one thing, 1062 00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:21,823 but eating yourself, that's, ugh. 1063 00:48:21,856 --> 00:48:23,625 No Frankie, 1064 00:48:24,893 --> 00:48:26,795 I don't think that's what she's talking about. 1065 00:48:31,567 --> 00:48:32,202 Whoa! 1066 00:48:32,235 --> 00:48:33,069 Shit. 1067 00:48:34,771 --> 00:48:36,640 Well I mean, I would have preferred a more tender meat, 1068 00:48:36,673 --> 00:48:40,443 but as always, survival of the fittest. 1069 00:48:45,883 --> 00:48:47,451 No bullets. 1070 00:48:55,161 --> 00:48:56,728 Did she get Ian? 1071 00:48:56,762 --> 00:48:57,597 Oh God, I hope so. 1072 00:48:57,630 --> 00:48:59,099 Frankie. 1073 00:48:59,133 --> 00:49:00,067 Just because then she wouldn't eat us, would she? 1074 00:49:00,100 --> 00:49:01,035 It's not like you like the guy. 1075 00:49:01,068 --> 00:49:02,635 But he's no worse than us. 1076 00:49:02,669 --> 00:49:04,604 Oh, don't feel good for blaming him. 1077 00:49:04,637 --> 00:49:05,539 Anyone would. 1078 00:49:05,572 --> 00:49:07,142 He's just the perfect murderer stereotype. 1079 00:49:07,175 --> 00:49:08,976 Well, what's the perfect cannibal stereotype? 1080 00:49:10,878 --> 00:49:12,013 I don't know. 1081 00:49:12,047 --> 00:49:13,214 Is there a perfect cannibal stereotype? 1082 00:49:13,248 --> 00:49:15,951 Uh, a psychotic, highly civilised doctor. 1083 00:49:16,851 --> 00:49:18,087 Ow! 1084 00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:18,920 Oh, thank God I don't have a PhD. 1085 00:49:18,954 --> 00:49:19,587 I'll beg to differ. 1086 00:49:21,257 --> 00:49:22,591 Excuse me. 1087 00:49:22,625 --> 00:49:23,859 Would you mind letting me in, please? 1088 00:49:23,893 --> 00:49:25,761 Oh yes we would, thank you very much. 1089 00:49:27,297 --> 00:49:28,231 No, I don't like urinals. 1090 00:49:28,265 --> 00:49:29,800 I prefer the privacy of a stall. 1091 00:49:29,833 --> 00:49:31,735 This leads outside. 1092 00:49:31,768 --> 00:49:33,804 That's where a rabid dog is waiting for us. 1093 00:49:33,837 --> 00:49:34,671 Well. 1094 00:49:36,707 --> 00:49:38,476 Screw it! 1095 00:50:08,709 --> 00:50:09,945 I'm so sorry, father. 1096 00:50:09,978 --> 00:50:11,247 I'm so sorry, father. 1097 00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:12,647 I'm so sorry, father. 1098 00:50:12,681 --> 00:50:14,317 I'm so sorry, father. 1099 00:50:14,350 --> 00:50:15,284 I will not run. 1100 00:50:16,852 --> 00:50:18,022 I will not touch your gun. 1101 00:50:18,055 --> 00:50:19,589 I will not touch your gun. 1102 00:50:19,622 --> 00:50:21,258 I will not run. 1103 00:50:21,291 --> 00:50:22,825 I will not touch your gun. 1104 00:50:22,859 --> 00:50:24,161 I will not touch your gun. 1105 00:50:24,194 --> 00:50:25,629 I will not run! 1106 00:50:26,897 --> 00:50:28,233 Oh God. 1107 00:50:28,266 --> 00:50:29,833 Oh God. 1108 00:50:29,867 --> 00:50:31,036 Oh God. 1109 00:50:31,069 --> 00:50:32,170 Oh, I'm sorry, Frankie. 1110 00:50:32,203 --> 00:50:33,605 I'm sorry, Lisa. 1111 00:50:33,638 --> 00:50:34,806 I'm sorry, Frankie. 1112 00:50:34,839 --> 00:50:35,907 I'm sorry, Lisa. 1113 00:50:38,077 --> 00:50:39,577 Wait wait wait, where are your car keys? 1114 00:50:39,611 --> 00:50:40,678 Oh, I left them in the restaurant. 1115 00:50:40,712 --> 00:50:41,747 Brilliant. 1116 00:50:41,781 --> 00:50:42,815 Oh! 1117 00:50:42,848 --> 00:50:43,783 If we go around we can go through 1118 00:50:43,816 --> 00:50:45,052 the back door and get them. 1119 00:50:45,085 --> 00:50:46,086 She's still in the bathroom, probably. 1120 00:50:46,119 --> 00:50:46,952 Probably? 1121 00:50:46,986 --> 00:50:48,188 I like those odds. 1122 00:50:49,689 --> 00:50:50,857 Wait! 1123 00:50:50,891 --> 00:50:51,892 Wait up, I'm shot in the foot. 1124 00:50:51,925 --> 00:50:52,759 I know. 1125 00:51:03,205 --> 00:51:05,074 Why is he waving? 1126 00:51:11,281 --> 00:51:12,115 Come on. 1127 00:51:26,997 --> 00:51:27,832 Ian! 1128 00:51:30,303 --> 00:51:31,137 Ian. 1129 00:51:33,905 --> 00:51:34,940 Ian. 1130 00:51:40,813 --> 00:51:41,647 No. 1131 00:51:53,128 --> 00:51:53,962 Hm. 1132 00:52:04,141 --> 00:52:05,908 So do you want to um? 1133 00:52:05,941 --> 00:52:06,775 What? 1134 00:52:06,809 --> 00:52:07,910 We're about to die. 1135 00:52:07,943 --> 00:52:09,713 My point exactly. 1136 00:52:09,746 --> 00:52:11,215 At least your eczema's cleared up. 1137 00:52:11,249 --> 00:52:12,749 Wait wait, you don't have blue hair anymore. 1138 00:52:12,782 --> 00:52:13,683 No. 1139 00:52:13,717 --> 00:52:14,452 You're bald. 1140 00:52:14,485 --> 00:52:15,952 Well I, I've got cancer. 1141 00:52:17,256 --> 00:52:19,824 Oh, that's why you're doing this. 1142 00:52:19,857 --> 00:52:21,059 Yeah, I don't have much time left, 1143 00:52:21,093 --> 00:52:22,693 so I though what have I got to lose. 1144 00:52:22,727 --> 00:52:23,828 Yeah, no, I get it. 1145 00:52:23,861 --> 00:52:26,432 I'm going through exactly the same thing. 1146 00:52:26,466 --> 00:52:27,966 You had eczema. 1147 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,470 Oh, okay, and that's not important to you? 1148 00:52:30,503 --> 00:52:32,272 The end of my livelihood? 1149 00:52:32,305 --> 00:52:33,873 My career, my friendships, my access to free clothes? 1150 00:52:33,907 --> 00:52:35,176 Just because you didn't get eczema, 1151 00:52:35,209 --> 00:52:36,410 doesn't mean it's not life of death for me. 1152 00:52:36,443 --> 00:52:37,944 You've got great skin, Frankie. 1153 00:52:37,977 --> 00:52:39,346 It's a shame everyone hasn't got skin like you. 1154 00:53:13,419 --> 00:53:14,986 Loner, no wife, 1155 00:53:15,019 --> 00:53:16,055 no son, my image ruined. 1156 00:53:16,088 --> 00:53:17,323 I'm sorry father. 1157 00:53:19,023 --> 00:53:21,894 You inconsiderate little shit. 1158 00:53:21,927 --> 00:53:23,330 Stupid boy! 1159 00:53:23,363 --> 00:53:26,199 You're weak, get out of here, at once. 1160 00:53:26,233 --> 00:53:28,401 Do you feel that yet, do you? 1161 00:53:28,435 --> 00:53:30,937 You fucking shit, stupid shit! 1162 00:53:32,473 --> 00:53:33,307 No! 1163 00:53:35,509 --> 00:53:37,212 I'm not sorry, father! 1164 00:53:39,081 --> 00:53:41,015 I need to help my friends. 1165 00:53:55,566 --> 00:53:56,400 Ian! 1166 00:53:57,900 --> 00:53:59,069 Lisa! 1167 00:53:59,103 --> 00:54:01,004 Frankie! 1168 00:54:03,041 --> 00:54:04,075 Come out to play! 1169 00:54:11,417 --> 00:54:12,285 Hey, do you reckon a dog got her? 1170 00:54:12,318 --> 00:54:14,353 I don't know, I haven't heard anything. 1171 00:54:14,387 --> 00:54:16,555 It's got to be morning now though, right? 1172 00:54:16,589 --> 00:54:17,591 Maybe she's gone after Ian. 1173 00:54:17,624 --> 00:54:18,858 Ooh. 1174 00:54:24,531 --> 00:54:25,366 Hm. 1175 00:54:41,116 --> 00:54:41,950 Guys! 1176 00:54:43,620 --> 00:54:44,587 Where are you? 1177 00:54:46,323 --> 00:54:47,524 I'm hungry! 1178 00:54:55,499 --> 00:54:56,400 Let's go. 1179 00:54:59,237 --> 00:55:00,305 Hello, food. 1180 00:55:02,973 --> 00:55:04,242 Oh God. 1181 00:55:04,276 --> 00:55:07,012 Oh, that's not even sharp, it's for flan. 1182 00:55:08,514 --> 00:55:11,016 Oh, nice shot, Ian. 1183 00:55:11,050 --> 00:55:12,418 Shoot her! 1184 00:55:12,452 --> 00:55:13,320 Ian! 1185 00:55:13,354 --> 00:55:14,221 Shoot her. 1186 00:55:14,254 --> 00:55:15,222 Yeah Ian, shoot me. 1187 00:55:15,255 --> 00:55:16,190 What, what do you want? 1188 00:55:17,458 --> 00:55:20,160 I want to eat you, I already told you that. 1189 00:55:20,194 --> 00:55:22,963 I'm gonna kill you, dice you up into tiny pieces, 1190 00:55:22,996 --> 00:55:24,332 put you in the freezer, and eat you every day for breakfast. 1191 00:55:24,366 --> 00:55:26,334 God, what is wrong with you. 1192 00:55:26,368 --> 00:55:28,001 Yeah, sure, there must be something wrong. 1193 00:55:29,036 --> 00:55:30,339 What did you want to cure? 1194 00:55:30,373 --> 00:55:31,440 I don't... 1195 00:55:31,474 --> 00:55:32,341 Pain! 1196 00:55:32,375 --> 00:55:33,676 I want to feel pain. 1197 00:55:33,709 --> 00:55:35,277 Why, why do you want to feel that? 1198 00:55:35,311 --> 00:55:38,048 You've hit the jackpot by not feeling it. 1199 00:55:38,081 --> 00:55:39,683 You don't know what it's like. 1200 00:55:39,716 --> 00:55:41,218 What, you think I'm lucky 1201 00:55:41,251 --> 00:55:43,120 'cause I have to set an alarm every day 1202 00:55:43,153 --> 00:55:45,223 to remind myself to go to the toilet? 1203 00:55:45,256 --> 00:55:47,425 You think I'm lucky that my father made a game 1204 00:55:47,458 --> 00:55:49,427 of seeing how many bones he could break 1205 00:55:49,460 --> 00:55:51,329 before I couldn't walk anymore? 1206 00:55:51,362 --> 00:55:52,697 You think I'm lucky that my friends 1207 00:55:52,730 --> 00:55:55,534 threw me off a bridge just to see what would happen? 1208 00:55:55,567 --> 00:55:56,468 Wow. 1209 00:55:56,502 --> 00:55:57,969 But you think I'm lucky that I get to be 1210 00:55:58,002 --> 00:56:00,072 a guinea pig to human curiosity? 1211 00:56:00,105 --> 00:56:02,308 I may not be able to feel pain 1212 00:56:02,342 --> 00:56:04,277 but it doesn't mean I can't be broken. 1213 00:56:05,578 --> 00:56:07,213 No, I've never been the lucky one. 1214 00:56:07,247 --> 00:56:08,715 You're lucky! 1215 00:56:08,748 --> 00:56:09,683 To feel! 1216 00:56:11,385 --> 00:56:12,319 I want to feel! 1217 00:56:12,353 --> 00:56:14,622 I just want to feel something! 1218 00:56:16,090 --> 00:56:17,692 No, you don't have to feel pain, Eve. 1219 00:56:17,726 --> 00:56:19,728 I mean you weren't treated right, 1220 00:56:19,761 --> 00:56:22,930 but that doesn't mean that you have to feel pain as well. 1221 00:56:25,032 --> 00:56:26,034 You just don't get it. 1222 00:56:27,136 --> 00:56:29,037 Pain is a blessing. 1223 00:56:30,406 --> 00:56:34,077 I thought my father cared for me as he broke my bones. 1224 00:56:35,312 --> 00:56:38,182 I thought my friends liked me as they threw me off a bridge. 1225 00:56:39,416 --> 00:56:40,517 I thought the world loved me 1226 00:56:40,551 --> 00:56:42,554 as it cut me open to look inside. 1227 00:56:44,556 --> 00:56:46,090 I just want to feel their pain. 1228 00:56:47,325 --> 00:56:49,094 Eve, Eve, 1229 00:56:51,163 --> 00:56:52,731 you don't need pain to know 1230 00:56:52,765 --> 00:56:55,601 that your father didn't treat you right. 1231 00:56:55,634 --> 00:56:59,272 And what my father did to me wasn't right as well. 1232 00:57:02,642 --> 00:57:04,678 We don't need pain to tell us 1233 00:57:04,711 --> 00:57:07,415 that we were raised by evil men. 1234 00:57:08,516 --> 00:57:12,687 But that also doesn't mean that we have to be evil either. 1235 00:57:18,093 --> 00:57:19,261 If I'm evil, 1236 00:57:20,295 --> 00:57:21,297 then so are you, Ian. 1237 00:57:23,099 --> 00:57:25,635 So are all of you. 1238 00:57:32,076 --> 00:57:34,178 Oh, fuck. 1239 00:57:34,211 --> 00:57:35,379 You shot me. 1240 00:57:35,412 --> 00:57:37,782 Oh oh, it was an accident. 1241 00:57:37,816 --> 00:57:38,750 Ian! 1242 00:57:38,783 --> 00:57:40,252 I'm sorry, the gun is old. 1243 00:57:40,285 --> 00:57:42,320 It just, it just went off. 1244 00:57:42,354 --> 00:57:44,089 I mean, he's not wrong. 1245 00:57:45,391 --> 00:57:46,726 Still can't feel anything. 1246 00:57:46,759 --> 00:57:49,795 No, but you're gonna bleed out, so. 1247 00:57:49,829 --> 00:57:50,663 Oh yeah. 1248 00:57:52,698 --> 00:57:53,734 That sucks. 1249 00:57:53,767 --> 00:57:56,203 Ian, water, bandages, now. 1250 00:58:09,184 --> 00:58:12,187 It's a shame that I still can't feel any pain. 1251 00:58:13,422 --> 00:58:14,557 Even though I've been shot. 1252 00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:17,794 I wish I could. 1253 00:58:20,196 --> 00:58:23,133 You know, the guys at Mount Kiniwawatindunivankula 1254 00:58:23,166 --> 00:58:25,303 would love to hear this story. 1255 00:58:26,704 --> 00:58:29,106 But, I guess, 1256 00:58:31,576 --> 00:58:35,380 well, at least my life wasn't a complete waste. 1257 00:58:36,882 --> 00:58:38,450 I got to cure all of you. 1258 00:58:44,791 --> 00:58:47,260 Just remember, there's nothing wrong 1259 00:58:47,293 --> 00:58:48,795 with being a little bit weird. 1260 00:58:50,197 --> 00:58:51,398 Like a rabbi in a pub. 1261 00:58:54,201 --> 00:58:57,339 Uh, not quite what I meant, but okay. 1262 00:59:01,543 --> 00:59:02,410 What, what you doing? 1263 00:59:13,957 --> 00:59:14,758 Ow! 1264 00:59:24,802 --> 00:59:26,270 I feel, pain. 1265 00:59:40,253 --> 00:59:41,454 Is she okay. 1266 00:59:41,488 --> 00:59:43,256 No, she's dead. 1267 00:59:46,827 --> 00:59:48,229 Yeah, she's dead. 1268 00:59:49,530 --> 00:59:51,532 I didn't kill her. 1269 00:59:51,565 --> 00:59:52,868 It was an accident. 1270 00:59:52,901 --> 00:59:55,737 You know what, Lisa, I agree with him on this one. 1271 00:59:55,771 --> 00:59:57,272 What, how do we know? 1272 00:59:57,305 --> 00:59:58,740 He was the only one that didn't need any curing. 1273 00:59:58,774 --> 01:00:01,244 Wanted to know what it tasted like. 1274 01:00:01,277 --> 01:00:02,679 So you accepted 1275 01:00:02,712 --> 01:00:03,513 a strange woman's request to eat her flesh? 1276 01:00:03,546 --> 01:00:04,847 Well I was curious. 1277 01:00:06,416 --> 01:00:08,184 I like meat, sue me. 1278 01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:10,954 Look, I'm not condoning the behaviour, 1279 01:00:10,988 --> 01:00:12,589 but he hasn't done anything that we haven't done. 1280 01:00:12,623 --> 01:00:13,924 Well he shot Eve. 1281 01:00:13,957 --> 01:00:16,260 That gun is incredibly unpredictable. 1282 01:00:16,293 --> 01:00:16,928 We need to call the police. 1283 01:00:16,961 --> 01:00:17,896 They're not in. 1284 01:00:17,929 --> 01:00:19,297 Well, a woman's been murdered. 1285 01:00:19,330 --> 01:00:20,865 Accidentally killed. 1286 01:00:20,899 --> 01:00:22,500 In self defence, you know. 1287 01:00:22,534 --> 01:00:23,868 She had surrendered, technically, 1288 01:00:23,902 --> 01:00:25,538 but she also shot at us, 1289 01:00:25,571 --> 01:00:27,273 attacked you with a flan knife, 1290 01:00:27,306 --> 01:00:28,941 strangled you, do you know what I mean? 1291 01:00:28,974 --> 01:00:29,842 She wasn't innocent. 1292 01:00:29,875 --> 01:00:31,777 Yeah, either way, we should report it. 1293 01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:34,347 But we ate her. 1294 01:00:35,515 --> 01:00:37,284 Yeah, I suppose. 1295 01:00:37,317 --> 01:00:38,585 Those two are two separate events, so. 1296 01:00:38,618 --> 01:00:40,922 I, I don't think the police are gonna care. 1297 01:00:40,955 --> 01:00:44,425 We have a dead woman and pieces of her flesh inside of us. 1298 01:00:44,459 --> 01:00:46,594 I think this will pass as guilty. 1299 01:00:46,627 --> 01:00:49,698 Actually, I don't think cannibalism itself 1300 01:00:49,732 --> 01:00:52,367 is technically illegal in Barkshire. 1301 01:00:52,401 --> 01:00:53,635 Why do you know that? 1302 01:00:53,669 --> 01:00:55,404 You see, it's the murdering of the person 1303 01:00:55,437 --> 01:00:58,308 before you eat them, that's the technically illegal part. 1304 01:00:58,341 --> 01:00:59,509 Yeah, I don't think that's gonna hold up in court. 1305 01:00:59,542 --> 01:01:00,810 I don't think there's anything wrong 1306 01:01:00,844 --> 01:01:02,512 with cannibalism per se. 1307 01:01:02,545 --> 01:01:04,481 Yeah, the jury aren't gonna like you very much, Ian. 1308 01:01:04,514 --> 01:01:06,650 Look, what are we gonna do with Eve? 1309 01:01:06,684 --> 01:01:08,753 She's getting blood all over my table. 1310 01:01:08,786 --> 01:01:10,521 Priorities, Ian. 1311 01:01:10,554 --> 01:01:12,924 Unless it is your father's table. 1312 01:01:12,958 --> 01:01:13,925 Not anymore. 1313 01:01:16,095 --> 01:01:17,329 It's my table now. 1314 01:01:23,603 --> 01:01:24,670 Don't apologise, Ian. 1315 01:01:24,704 --> 01:01:26,606 You know, you're not so bad. 1316 01:01:28,674 --> 01:01:30,377 I vote we bury her. 1317 01:01:30,410 --> 01:01:32,613 God, my life was so much simpler 24 hours ago. 1318 01:01:32,646 --> 01:01:34,715 It was just a divorce, a custody battle and some cancer. 1319 01:01:34,748 --> 01:01:36,750 Now it's just this giant mess. 1320 01:01:36,785 --> 01:01:38,319 Yes, but now you're cured. 1321 01:01:38,353 --> 01:01:39,420 You have a long, healthy life 1322 01:01:39,454 --> 01:01:41,356 of which to deal with this giant mess. 1323 01:01:44,025 --> 01:01:46,495 So, have you got a spade? 1324 01:01:46,529 --> 01:01:47,563 Somewhere. 1325 01:01:47,596 --> 01:01:48,564 We better hurry up. 1326 01:01:48,597 --> 01:01:50,633 Yeah, I'm not keen on the return of that dog. 1327 01:01:50,666 --> 01:01:52,568 Hair of the dog. 1328 01:01:52,601 --> 01:01:53,770 I've never gone for that. 1329 01:01:53,804 --> 01:01:55,405 Hair for a drink, disgusting. 1330 01:01:55,438 --> 01:01:57,407 Human flesh is more acceptable? 1331 01:01:59,843 --> 01:02:00,912 You should really go inside 1332 01:02:00,945 --> 01:02:02,413 if you're frightened of the dog. 1333 01:02:02,446 --> 01:02:04,048 No I. 1334 01:02:04,081 --> 01:02:06,617 Lisa, I'm sorry. 1335 01:02:06,651 --> 01:02:07,919 What for? 1336 01:02:07,952 --> 01:02:10,522 I, for making you feel uncomfortable. 1337 01:02:10,556 --> 01:02:13,425 I don't have very much experience around women. 1338 01:02:13,458 --> 01:02:15,494 Look, Ian, you're a good guy. 1339 01:02:15,527 --> 01:02:17,764 You know, cannibalism and accidental murder aside, 1340 01:02:17,797 --> 01:02:20,600 but I don't think this is really gonna work out, I'm sorry. 1341 01:02:20,633 --> 01:02:22,035 I can introduce you to my friend, Mary, though. 1342 01:02:22,068 --> 01:02:23,069 She's quite desperate as well. 1343 01:02:23,103 --> 01:02:24,470 Well thank you. 1344 01:02:24,504 --> 01:02:25,639 - No. - Do you know what? 1345 01:02:25,673 --> 01:02:26,974 I think I'm going to be okay. 1346 01:02:27,007 --> 01:02:28,075 It was my father that wanted me to carry on 1347 01:02:28,109 --> 01:02:29,577 the line of the Bartholomew's. 1348 01:02:29,610 --> 01:02:32,513 I've never really been a kid person to be honest. 1349 01:02:32,546 --> 01:02:33,715 Yeah, not everyone 1350 01:02:33,748 --> 01:02:35,817 should carry on a lineage Ian, believe me. 1351 01:02:35,851 --> 01:02:37,485 Okay. 1352 01:02:37,519 --> 01:02:40,122 What do you think of this, will this work? 1353 01:02:40,156 --> 01:02:41,624 God, you better help him. 1354 01:02:41,657 --> 01:02:42,692 He's not gonna be able to do this on his own. 1355 01:02:42,725 --> 01:02:44,060 Lisa, thank you. 1356 01:02:46,028 --> 01:02:49,032 I think I might finally be cured of my father's voice. 1357 01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:52,436 Maybe it was a miracle cure after all. 1358 01:02:55,439 --> 01:02:56,941 It's, it's! 1359 01:03:06,886 --> 01:03:08,121 It's a cat. 1360 01:03:08,154 --> 01:03:09,088 I can't believe we were scared of a cat. 1361 01:03:09,122 --> 01:03:10,890 It's like there's no dog. 1362 01:03:10,923 --> 01:03:11,891 No, there must be. 1363 01:03:11,924 --> 01:03:13,059 Radio people know what they're talking about. 1364 01:03:13,093 --> 01:03:13,927 Well I feel stupid. 1365 01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:15,662 I don't, I hate cats. 1366 01:03:15,695 --> 01:03:18,165 So what we gonna do about the body then? 1367 01:03:18,199 --> 01:03:21,502 I mean, it's a kind of a waste, isn't it? 1368 01:03:21,535 --> 01:03:22,737 Well she's dead already. 1369 01:03:22,770 --> 01:03:24,071 Cancer can come back. 1370 01:03:24,106 --> 01:03:25,240 But you're cured. 1371 01:03:25,274 --> 01:03:26,774 Yeah, but it might not have got rid of all the cancer. 1372 01:03:26,807 --> 01:03:27,775 What about your eczema? 1373 01:03:27,808 --> 01:03:28,977 What about your voices, Ian? 1374 01:03:30,113 --> 01:03:34,549 - Okay, feast. - I'll get her. 1375 01:03:34,583 --> 01:03:37,086 And in other local news, 1376 01:03:37,121 --> 01:03:41,758 it turns out there isn't a wild dog at all. 1377 01:03:41,791 --> 01:03:46,030 Just some kid doing howl noises around the village. 1378 01:03:46,063 --> 01:03:47,898 His parents have cautioned him 1379 01:03:47,932 --> 01:03:50,701 and sent him to bed without dinner. 1380 01:03:55,241 --> 01:03:56,841 There we are, that'll keep. 1381 01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:58,877 I'll cook her any way you want her. 1382 01:04:00,813 --> 01:04:03,616 Hello, health inspector. 1383 01:04:03,649 --> 01:04:04,517 What? 1384 01:04:04,550 --> 01:04:05,484 No. 1385 01:04:05,518 --> 01:04:06,719 It'll be fine, I'll be fine. 1386 01:04:06,752 --> 01:04:08,020 There's a dead body in the freezer. 1387 01:04:08,054 --> 01:04:09,022 There's a rifle out there somewhere! 1388 01:04:09,056 --> 01:04:10,490 There's blood everywhere. 1389 01:04:10,524 --> 01:04:11,725 It could be animal blood. 1390 01:04:11,758 --> 01:04:12,759 No, no. 1391 01:04:12,793 --> 01:04:14,561 That's a health violation. 1392 01:04:14,594 --> 01:04:15,495 They will close down my pub. 1393 01:04:15,529 --> 01:04:17,832 Oh perspective Ian, we could go to jail. 1394 01:04:17,865 --> 01:04:19,600 What do you suggest then? 1395 01:04:22,304 --> 01:04:25,141 We're cannibals, Ian, not murderers. 1396 01:04:25,175 --> 01:04:27,210 No, I'm pretty sure that cannibalism isn't legal 1397 01:04:27,243 --> 01:04:31,281 in the county of Barkshire, and it is a health violation. 1398 01:04:31,314 --> 01:04:32,481 I knew it. 1399 01:04:46,564 --> 01:04:47,999 Oh perfect. 1400 01:04:48,032 --> 01:04:49,801 Another growl for us. 1401 01:04:59,746 --> 01:05:00,580 Again. 1402 01:05:14,330 --> 01:05:16,631 Am I looking past the camera or at the camera. 1403 01:05:16,664 --> 01:05:19,268 You're looking past the camera. 1404 01:05:22,872 --> 01:05:23,706 Meow. 1405 01:05:34,885 --> 01:05:35,685 Two seconds. 1406 01:05:44,263 --> 01:05:47,032 Oh, uh, sorry I have to go. 1407 01:05:47,066 --> 01:05:49,001 But I'll be, I've got a family emergency. 1408 01:05:49,034 --> 01:05:50,602 But I'll be back. 1409 01:05:50,636 --> 01:05:51,737 Okay. 1410 01:07:36,087 --> 01:07:37,391 Ha! 1411 01:07:37,424 --> 01:07:38,858 I feel grateful for the old Bart. 1412 01:07:38,891 --> 01:07:40,092 I like your hair. 1413 01:07:40,126 --> 01:07:41,361 Oh thanks, I grew it myself. 1414 01:07:41,395 --> 01:07:42,728 Your skin looks flawless. 1415 01:07:42,762 --> 01:07:44,063 Thank you. 1416 01:07:44,096 --> 01:07:45,032 Made it into a cream. 1417 01:07:45,065 --> 01:07:46,733 it's to die for, literally. 1418 01:07:46,767 --> 01:07:47,402 Look. 1419 01:07:49,370 --> 01:07:50,871 Starting shipping next week. 1420 01:07:50,904 --> 01:07:52,340 Hey, I heard you turned Ralph down. 1421 01:07:52,373 --> 01:07:54,976 I had to, the skin industry needed me, you know. 1422 01:07:55,009 --> 01:07:55,910 But they're still courting me. 1423 01:07:55,944 --> 01:07:58,180 Sending me Polo shirts all day, every day. 1424 01:07:58,214 --> 01:08:00,048 Wow, Polo shirts and beauty cream, 1425 01:08:00,081 --> 01:08:01,518 you're living the dream. 1426 01:08:01,551 --> 01:08:04,187 I saw that you cured cancer. 1427 01:08:04,221 --> 01:08:05,222 Well. 1428 01:08:05,255 --> 01:08:06,523 Yeah, you were on this morning. 1429 01:08:06,556 --> 01:08:07,524 Phil was totally flirting with you, by the way. 1430 01:08:07,557 --> 01:08:08,492 Oh, he's lovely. 1431 01:08:08,526 --> 01:08:09,460 He's a little too old for you. 1432 01:08:09,493 --> 01:08:10,528 Well, we're the same age. 1433 01:08:10,561 --> 01:08:11,495 Exactly. 1434 01:08:11,529 --> 01:08:12,463 Ian! 1435 01:08:12,496 --> 01:08:13,797 - Ah! - Oh. 1436 01:08:13,830 --> 01:08:14,831 What? 1437 01:08:16,468 --> 01:08:17,502 Hello! 1438 01:08:17,536 --> 01:08:18,470 - Hello. - Hi. 1439 01:08:18,503 --> 01:08:20,104 Ian, love the painting, man. 1440 01:08:20,137 --> 01:08:21,072 Thank you. 1441 01:08:21,105 --> 01:08:22,807 See, I hope your urgency 1442 01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:24,075 wasn't just to get us down here for a pint, Ian. 1443 01:08:24,108 --> 01:08:25,345 Oh no, I need to show you something. 1444 01:08:25,378 --> 01:08:27,012 Oh. 1445 01:08:27,045 --> 01:08:27,980 Is it a small protrudance beneath your bedding, 1446 01:08:28,013 --> 01:08:29,349 because Lisa's busy with Phil. 1447 01:08:29,382 --> 01:08:32,084 Oh, Frankie, come on now, this is serious. 1448 01:08:32,117 --> 01:08:33,086 Who's Phil? 1449 01:08:33,119 --> 01:08:34,854 Well he's just the, 1450 01:08:34,887 --> 01:08:35,522 you know what, it doesn't matter. 1451 01:08:35,556 --> 01:08:37,090 What's going on? 1452 01:08:37,123 --> 01:08:38,192 Mm, let me show you. 1453 01:08:38,225 --> 01:08:40,059 Come on, come with me, come on. 1454 01:08:55,344 --> 01:08:56,946 Well what are we gonna do now? 1455 01:08:58,548 --> 01:09:00,250 Hello, hello, hello. 1456 01:09:00,284 --> 01:09:03,886 This is Sergeant Bobby responding to 1457 01:09:03,919 --> 01:09:06,923 your distress voicemail from a few months ago. 1458 01:09:06,957 --> 01:09:10,027 I apologise, I came as quick as I could. 1459 01:09:33,254 --> 01:09:34,288 Is that right? 1460 01:09:34,322 --> 01:09:35,423 No, what do I say? 1461 01:09:35,456 --> 01:09:37,958 - What about the movie? - See the dog. 1462 01:09:37,992 --> 01:09:39,026 Did anyone actually see the dog? 1463 01:09:39,060 --> 01:09:40,127 - Oh sorry. - No no no no. 1464 01:09:40,162 --> 01:09:42,129 You say, what about the woman. 1465 01:09:42,164 --> 01:09:43,432 What about her? 1466 01:09:43,465 --> 01:09:44,400 What about the woman? 1467 01:09:44,434 --> 01:09:45,368 What about her? 1468 01:09:45,401 --> 01:09:46,935 Well we can't just leave her here. 1469 01:09:46,968 --> 01:09:48,538 No, we can't tell them about her. 1470 01:09:49,639 --> 01:09:50,473 We can't hurt her. 1471 01:09:50,506 --> 01:09:51,940 We'll do it again. 1472 01:09:51,973 --> 01:09:53,042 And we get as far away from here as possible. 1473 01:09:53,076 --> 01:09:54,511 But no, sure, let's barricade ourselves 1474 01:09:54,545 --> 01:09:56,347 and sit here like sitting, sitting sit sits. 1475 01:09:56,380 --> 01:09:59,216 No, actually it's the tenth smallest cunt. 1476 01:09:59,249 --> 01:10:00,552 County, whoopsy, whoopsy. 1477 01:10:02,620 --> 01:10:05,223 Let's do that bit again 'cause it was very good. 1478 01:10:06,524 --> 01:10:07,359 Ready. 1479 01:10:13,965 --> 01:10:15,201 Do you think that's a good idea? 1480 01:10:15,234 --> 01:10:16,168 Oh no, I don't think it'll work. 1481 01:10:16,202 --> 01:10:17,437 Ready, go ahead, go ahead. 1482 01:10:17,471 --> 01:10:19,038 You don't have one? 1483 01:10:19,071 --> 01:10:20,106 Have what? 1484 01:10:20,139 --> 01:10:21,208 Husband? 1485 01:10:21,241 --> 01:10:23,410 Uh, I'm recently divorced, I have. 1486 01:10:23,443 --> 01:10:26,214 Well after all the dead woman stuff, boil, brought. 1487 01:10:27,482 --> 01:10:28,449 What if we don't. 1488 01:10:28,483 --> 01:10:30,218 What is it? 1489 01:10:30,251 --> 01:10:31,219 The police will know we're lying. 1490 01:10:31,252 --> 01:10:32,554 We can't knock the intelligence of the police. 1491 01:10:32,588 --> 01:10:33,622 That's it. 1492 01:10:33,655 --> 01:10:35,557 The police will know we're lying. 1493 01:10:35,591 --> 01:10:37,526 You can't knock the intelligence of the police. 1494 01:10:37,559 --> 01:10:38,394 No no! 1495 01:10:38,427 --> 01:10:39,528 You said it too early. 1496 01:10:40,597 --> 01:10:42,931 Something about a dog. 1497 01:10:42,965 --> 01:10:45,934 No, I come in and I go. 1498 01:10:45,968 --> 01:10:48,003 Pick it up, and you go, what about her? 1499 01:10:48,036 --> 01:10:48,706 What about? 1500 01:10:48,739 --> 01:10:50,039 Hang on, what about her? 1501 01:10:50,073 --> 01:10:51,409 And then. 1502 01:10:51,442 --> 01:10:52,243 How do we explain it to her? 1503 01:10:52,276 --> 01:10:53,577 The dog bit her. 1504 01:10:53,611 --> 01:10:55,713 And then you say, has anyone seen the dog? 1505 01:10:55,746 --> 01:10:57,482 The dog. 1506 01:10:57,516 --> 01:10:58,583 I said, does anyone really remember anything, yeah. 1507 01:10:58,617 --> 01:10:59,551 And you have to write a flashback. 1508 01:10:59,584 --> 01:11:00,652 I don't remember everything. 1509 01:11:00,685 --> 01:11:02,153 - Let's do it again. - Yeah. 1510 01:11:02,187 --> 01:11:05,090 Can't let, the police will believe that lie. 1511 01:11:07,393 --> 01:11:08,394 Sorry. 1512 01:11:08,428 --> 01:11:10,196 You can't, what is it? 1513 01:11:10,229 --> 01:11:11,531 The police will know if we're lying. 1514 01:11:11,564 --> 01:11:13,467 They're intelligent. 1515 01:11:13,500 --> 01:11:15,436 We'll just make something up, exactly. 1516 01:11:17,337 --> 01:11:19,071 We can't lie to the police. 1517 01:11:19,105 --> 01:11:20,275 The po... 1518 01:11:21,176 --> 01:11:22,510 Fuck off with this line! 1519 01:11:22,544 --> 01:11:24,044 I've dialled seven nines. 1520 01:11:24,077 --> 01:11:26,381 Sorry. 1521 01:11:26,414 --> 01:11:28,081 Okay look, we'll just make it up. 1522 01:11:28,115 --> 01:11:29,718 Exactly, we'll just make it up. 1523 01:11:30,653 --> 01:11:31,986 We can't lie to the police. 1524 01:11:32,020 --> 01:11:33,154 No. 1525 01:11:33,189 --> 01:11:34,423 The police will know. 1526 01:11:34,457 --> 01:11:35,658 The police will know if we're lying. 1527 01:11:35,691 --> 01:11:36,460 I can't wait for the bloopers of this. 1528 01:11:36,493 --> 01:11:38,127 Go on, sorry. 1529 01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:39,429 The punch is that the police is supposed to be smart. 1530 01:11:39,463 --> 01:11:40,464 Sure you're not the murderer, Ian? 1531 01:11:41,798 --> 01:11:44,302 I am absolutely not the murderer. 1532 01:11:46,204 --> 01:11:48,038 Her phone's ringing. 1533 01:11:51,275 --> 01:11:53,278 And action. 1534 01:11:56,215 --> 01:11:58,015 And. 1535 01:11:58,049 --> 01:11:59,284 Oh well, he didn't like this. 1536 01:11:59,318 --> 01:12:01,153 You sound more and more 1537 01:12:01,187 --> 01:12:02,522 like a murderer each day, Ian. 1538 01:12:06,493 --> 01:12:07,460 Stop looking at me. 1539 01:12:07,494 --> 01:12:09,128 I say go, now ready? 1540 01:12:09,162 --> 01:12:09,996 Yes. 1541 01:12:12,333 --> 01:12:14,635 And cut. 1542 01:12:17,405 --> 01:12:19,741 He just came from a walk. 1543 01:12:19,774 --> 01:12:21,243 I just came from my walk. 1544 01:12:21,276 --> 01:12:23,043 Should I give you other? 1545 01:12:23,077 --> 01:12:23,778 Yeah, please do. 1546 01:12:33,824 --> 01:12:34,758 There, that should work, shouldn't it? 1547 01:12:34,791 --> 01:12:36,092 My father built that door! 1548 01:12:37,661 --> 01:12:39,596 And cut. 1549 01:12:40,465 --> 01:12:41,299 I'm sorry. 1550 01:12:41,332 --> 01:12:42,567 Thanks. 1551 01:12:46,804 --> 01:12:47,639 Oh shit. 1552 01:12:48,874 --> 01:12:49,708 Oh God, hang on. 1553 01:12:53,612 --> 01:12:55,281 Hang it up, hang it up. 1554 01:12:55,314 --> 01:12:56,850 I'm going from. 1555 01:12:56,883 --> 01:13:00,387 Just pick it up and put it down. 1556 01:13:00,420 --> 01:13:02,422 Okay, roll. 1557 01:13:03,273 --> 01:13:05,593 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 103128

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