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1
00:00:11,210 --> 00:00:13,240
Larry:
Yikes.
2
00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:26,250
(door opens)
3
00:00:26,269 --> 00:00:28,099
Ooh, fore!
4
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,260
That...
5
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,060
You're supposed
to put it in the hole.
6
00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:32,089
Yeah, I know.
That's something
7
00:00:32,109 --> 00:00:36,189
my ex-wife used to tell me.
Excuse me.
8
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,030
Do you wanna play through?
9
00:00:38,049 --> 00:00:39,119
Uh, no, I'm fine.
10
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,130
Uh, listen, Clint Black
is here
11
00:00:41,149 --> 00:00:43,049
ready for a sound check,
and he needs to know
Uh-huh.
12
00:00:43,070 --> 00:00:44,180
how many songs
you want him to do tonight.
13
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,120
I don't know,
that would be Artie's call.
14
00:00:46,140 --> 00:00:47,290
Well, Artie's not back
from lunch.
15
00:00:48,009 --> 00:00:49,029
That's why I'm asking you.
16
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,199
Artie went out to lunch?
That's right.
17
00:00:50,219 --> 00:00:51,229
Well, he never
goes out to lunch.
18
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:53,020
I am aware of that.
19
00:00:53,039 --> 00:00:55,169
Well, why would
he go out to lunch?
20
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,059
To Arthur...
21
00:00:58,079 --> 00:01:02,999
the sweetest and sexiest
man in the world.
22
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:04,070
(chuckles)
23
00:01:04,090 --> 00:01:06,010
To Donna, one of
the most beautiful women
24
00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:08,110
I've ever had the pleasure
to know.
25
00:01:13,150 --> 00:01:14,260
Oh, I almost forgot.
26
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,060
I spoke with
Harry Albertson today.
27
00:01:16,079 --> 00:01:19,009
Oh, Harry. Harry's a good boy.
He's over at CBS now?
28
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:21,140
Mm-hmm, he's producing
our 12:30 show after Letterman.
29
00:01:21,159 --> 00:01:23,189
He said to be sure
to tell you hello.
30
00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,280
Oh, Harry's a good guy.
Give him my best.
31
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,230
And will you please
give my congratulations
32
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:29,260
and a friendly fuck you
to Tom Snyder?
33
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,180
I can't believe
he jumped ship like that.
34
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,260
Clint Black?
How many songs?
35
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,160
Beverly, please, I-- I just
want to enjoy my little snack
36
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:40,030
without this kind of pressure.
37
00:01:40,049 --> 00:01:43,159
Look, Larry, the man
is waiting for an answer
38
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:46,060
and I'm getting stressed out,
and when I get stressed out,
39
00:01:46,079 --> 00:01:48,059
I-- I retain water.
I know, I know, I hear you.
40
00:01:48,079 --> 00:01:50,259
I hear you, so I-- I--
every year before the Emmys,
41
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,080
I puff up like
a fucking blowfish.
42
00:01:52,099 --> 00:01:54,019
Beverly?
He's here!
43
00:01:54,039 --> 00:01:55,219
You have to come down
to the stage with me.
44
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,210
How do I look?
Is my hair okay?
45
00:01:57,229 --> 00:02:00,099
Why didn't you tell me
he was here? Do you hate me?
46
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,080
Oh, Larry, I'm sorry.
47
00:02:02,099 --> 00:02:04,149
It's just that Clint Black
is my whole life.
48
00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:06,220
Beverly?!
Are you coming?
Oh--
49
00:02:06,239 --> 00:02:08,999
If you come with me, I will
be your best friend forever.
50
00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:10,290
Please!
Oh, god, I can't breathe.
51
00:02:11,009 --> 00:02:13,009
Are you coming?
Yes.
52
00:02:14,219 --> 00:02:18,059
Oh, I'm still thinking
about last night, Arthur.
53
00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:22,099
It was really...
really... incredible.
54
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,240
Mmm.
55
00:02:23,259 --> 00:02:26,029
I was inspired,
my dear.
56
00:02:26,050 --> 00:02:27,120
I have to give you a check
57
00:02:27,139 --> 00:02:29,279
for the coffee table
and the lamp.
58
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,200
No, sir.
59
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:34,249
I intend to make you work
for what you owe.
60
00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:36,230
Mmm.
61
00:02:38,009 --> 00:02:40,129
(knock on door)
62
00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:42,050
Artie?
63
00:02:58,199 --> 00:02:59,259
Did you find anything?
(gasps)
64
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,070
Oh, Jesus! Is he coming?
65
00:03:02,090 --> 00:03:04,120
He's got a hand grenade
in here.
No, it's clear.
66
00:03:04,139 --> 00:03:06,199
Just go back
and look out.
67
00:03:09,229 --> 00:03:11,039
What are you doing?
68
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,140
Now, we don't have
a lookout.
69
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:15,119
Now if he comes in,
he's gonna see us in here.
70
00:03:15,139 --> 00:03:16,279
Do you--
His calendar.
71
00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:26,060
Lunch today,
Don Lasner.
72
00:03:26,079 --> 00:03:28,169
Don... why does that name
sound familiar?
73
00:03:28,189 --> 00:03:29,999
Phil:
Hey, what are you guys doing?
74
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:32,000
Sorry.
Larry:
Just-- just come in.
75
00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:34,080
Just come in.
76
00:03:34,099 --> 00:03:37,189
Why don't we just put
a welcome mat out there?
77
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,260
Um, Phil?
78
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,240
Yeah?
Do-- do you know anyone
named Don Lasner?
79
00:03:41,259 --> 00:03:44,119
Yeah.
Yeah, Don Lasner.
80
00:03:44,139 --> 00:03:46,049
Guy I went
to high school with.
81
00:03:46,069 --> 00:03:47,129
He used to hold
my head in the urinal
82
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:49,070
and pour Absorbine Junior
down my neck.
83
00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:53,000
Right, that's him.
Mystery solved.
84
00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:54,250
Thanks, Phil.
85
00:03:56,030 --> 00:03:57,060
Hank:
Where's Artie?
86
00:03:57,079 --> 00:03:58,219
All right,
let's get out of here.
87
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,130
Please?
Can we go now?
88
00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:03,270
What's going on?
Would you keep it down?
89
00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:08,090
Where is Artie?!
90
00:04:08,110 --> 00:04:10,250
Would you keep it down?
91
00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:14,000
You're gonna have to speak up,
Larry, I can't hear you!
92
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,010
What is wrong with you?
93
00:04:16,029 --> 00:04:18,189
I didn't catch that,
so I'm just gonna go on!
94
00:04:18,209 --> 00:04:21,039
Last night, coming back
from Vegas,
95
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:24,260
we hit an air pocket!
My ears popped!
96
00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:26,269
I'm near deaf!
97
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,270
Well, that sounds,
uh, very strange.
98
00:04:29,290 --> 00:04:31,150
I don't know,
let me check!
99
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,260
For what, a 20?
100
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,169
Have you seen a doctor?
101
00:04:35,189 --> 00:04:37,139
(laughs)
A little bit!
102
00:04:37,159 --> 00:04:40,199
Well, you should see a...
doct-- Never mind.
103
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:41,280
Last night!
104
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,020
Do you know
who Don Lasner is?
105
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,100
Donna who?
Don.
106
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,090
Don Lasner.
Don.
107
00:04:48,110 --> 00:04:50,140
Donna Lasner!
No, Don.
108
00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:53,139
Donna Lasner
is the vice president,
109
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,149
late night programming,
CBS!
110
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:58,050
No, this is Don Lasner.
111
00:04:58,069 --> 00:04:59,249
Very foxy lady!
112
00:04:59,269 --> 00:05:03,169
I believe, uh, that Artie
is having lunch with her!
113
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:09,099
That's it.
114
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,180
That's it! He's having
lunch with...
115
00:05:10,199 --> 00:05:13,149
He's having lunch
with Donna Lasner!
116
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:15,290
She's trying to get him
to produce the "Late Night Show"
117
00:05:16,009 --> 00:05:17,219
after Letterman at 12:30!
118
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,160
Well, not today!
119
00:05:19,180 --> 00:05:21,080
Today!
120
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:23,250
He had lunch with her today,
and he talked about--
121
00:05:23,269 --> 00:05:25,099
First, she steals Snyder,
122
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,070
now, she's trying
to steal Artie.
123
00:05:27,089 --> 00:05:28,139
Fuckers!
124
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,180
God!
Don't say anything about this.
125
00:05:31,199 --> 00:05:32,239
What?!
126
00:05:32,259 --> 00:05:34,289
Don't-- Keep this
to yourself!
127
00:05:35,009 --> 00:05:39,009
Oh!
August, I think!
128
00:05:41,189 --> 00:05:47,059
♪ I've been bound
to leave you ♪
129
00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:53,049
♪ We've known that
for a while ♪
130
00:05:53,069 --> 00:05:59,009
♪ I'm sure it's
something I can't do ♪
131
00:05:59,029 --> 00:06:05,139
♪ If I can't leave you
with a smile ♪
132
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:12,020
♪ I don't know how far
I'll have to go ♪
133
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:18,080
♪ Till I'm sure
those eyes won't cry ♪
134
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:24,010
♪ And in my mind I've left
enough to know ♪
135
00:06:24,029 --> 00:06:29,189
♪ That I can't leave you ♪
136
00:06:30,230 --> 00:06:34,130
♪ With a bad goodbye ♪
137
00:06:34,149 --> 00:06:40,159
♪ Goodbye, easier
said than done ♪
138
00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:42,090
♪ Goodbye... ♪
139
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,020
What is going on?
140
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,080
Oh, they needed someone
for the sound check
141
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,180
I see.
and Darlene volunteered.
142
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:49,119
Oh, she did?
143
00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:51,229
Ohh!
What's wrong with you?
144
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:54,050
It's the music.
It's always so sad.
145
00:06:54,069 --> 00:06:56,069
Yeah.
I gotta get a camera.
146
00:06:56,090 --> 00:07:01,060
♪ In my goodbye
you're finding none ♪
147
00:07:01,079 --> 00:07:06,259
♪ I'm still bound
to leave you ♪
148
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,129
Larry.
149
00:07:08,149 --> 00:07:10,069
I didn't-- Hey. Hey.
Larry, how you doing?
150
00:07:10,089 --> 00:07:12,089
Clint asked if I would sing
with him, is that okay?
151
00:07:12,110 --> 00:07:13,080
Sure.
152
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,010
Clint, good to see you.
Good to see you, thanks.
153
00:07:15,029 --> 00:07:17,109
Hey, listen, uh,
oh, there's a runner here
154
00:07:17,129 --> 00:07:19,279
that, uh, works for us who's
really a big fan of yours.
155
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,160
He's over there,
and if it's okay with you,
156
00:07:21,180 --> 00:07:22,220
I'd like to introduce him
157
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,200
and maybe give him
your autograph.
Oh, no, I know that guy.
158
00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:26,060
Listen, could you help
me out and kinda keep--
159
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,209
What, is-- is there
a problem of some sort?
160
00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:31,240
Well, he, uh, he sent me
a picture of himself,
161
00:07:31,259 --> 00:07:33,109
and he wasn't
wearing anything
162
00:07:33,129 --> 00:07:35,289
but, uh, like, a small
bathing suit.
163
00:07:36,009 --> 00:07:37,209
I don't know--
I don't know what to do.
No.
164
00:07:37,230 --> 00:07:39,120
Like a thong?
165
00:07:39,139 --> 00:07:41,239
I don't know.
It was just real tiny.
166
00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:43,069
He didn't have
anything on but this--
167
00:07:43,090 --> 00:07:44,150
Well, that sounds
like a thong.
168
00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:47,270
Was it-- was it running up
the crack of his ass?
169
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,240
I didn't check.
Well, then,
you don't know.
170
00:07:49,259 --> 00:07:52,039
Listen, can I talk to you
for a second? Would you mind?
171
00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:54,010
Sure.
Thanks. Let me talk to
you for just a second.
172
00:07:54,029 --> 00:07:56,199
Sure. I'll be-- I'm--
Let's go over here.
Yeah, okay.
173
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:58,030
How you been?
Great.
174
00:07:58,050 --> 00:08:00,020
How you doing?
Yeah? Oh, you know.
175
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,120
Doing all right?
176
00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:05,109
I got this, uh, show business
thing on my mind today.
177
00:08:05,129 --> 00:08:06,209
You know, it's tough.
178
00:08:06,230 --> 00:08:08,000
Got a lot of people
around me
179
00:08:08,019 --> 00:08:11,129
who aren't loyal,
they're not honest.
180
00:08:11,149 --> 00:08:13,119
You know,
it's all me, me, me.
181
00:08:13,139 --> 00:08:15,209
Listen, how many songs
do you think I should do?
182
00:08:18,269 --> 00:08:20,249
I don't know, how many did
Artie say you should do?
183
00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:22,179
Well, I-- I couldn't
find Artie. Is he around?
184
00:08:22,199 --> 00:08:24,159
No, he's not around.
He's not around.
185
00:08:24,180 --> 00:08:26,060
That's because
he's one of those people
186
00:08:26,079 --> 00:08:28,159
that I was talking about.
Not honest, not loyal,
187
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,030
all he thinks about
is himself.
188
00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:32,200
How about, uh,
if I do three?
189
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,060
Three?
Songs.
190
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,120
Songs.
Is that all right?
191
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,059
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
Great.
192
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,090
All I'm saying, I think,
is that you gotta watch
193
00:08:39,110 --> 00:08:41,200
the kind of people you surround
yourself with, you know,
194
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:44,030
because you gotta make
sure they're not there
195
00:08:44,049 --> 00:08:47,109
just to use
another person.
196
00:08:47,129 --> 00:08:50,059
Listen, Darlene, uh,
asked me if she could sing
197
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,170
this number we were
just rehearsing,
198
00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:53,270
and it sounds pretty good.
Sings the song-- do you think
199
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,240
it'll be all right if she
sang that with me?
Yeah, sure.
200
00:08:55,259 --> 00:08:57,089
Well, I don't think
Artie would approve,
201
00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:59,240
but he's not here
now, is he?
202
00:08:59,259 --> 00:09:01,109
Well, no.
It's my show.
203
00:09:01,129 --> 00:09:04,269
It's my ball game,
so help yourself. Have fun.
204
00:09:04,289 --> 00:09:07,089
Okay, okay.
All right.
205
00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:11,030
So I'll, uh, go and, uh,
work on that, then. I'll--
206
00:09:11,049 --> 00:09:13,019
Okay, I'll wait here
and maybe when you come back,
207
00:09:13,039 --> 00:09:14,159
we'll talk a little more
about Artie.
208
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,179
Okay.
Okay. Felt good.
209
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,000
I'm gonna be, uh...
I think
210
00:09:18,019 --> 00:09:19,179
I'll be working
on this a while.
211
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,070
I'll be here.
Okay.
212
00:09:22,090 --> 00:09:24,250
Hey, Jonathan,
come here.
213
00:09:24,269 --> 00:09:26,179
Would you-- Jonathan?
214
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:30,150
Do me a favor, Jonathan,
and go and ask, uh, Clint Black,
215
00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:32,249
if you don't mind, uh,
if he's gonna be long
216
00:09:32,269 --> 00:09:34,289
and if, uh,
I should wait for him.
217
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,999
You bet!
Okay.
218
00:09:40,149 --> 00:09:42,209
How was lunch?
Very nice.
219
00:09:42,230 --> 00:09:44,100
Oh, yeah?
Where'd you go?
220
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,180
Dan Tana's.
221
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,000
Oh, I hadn't been there
in 20 years.
222
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,049
It's great to find
some places never change.
223
00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:51,260
Except for John, the chef.
He's dead.
224
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,110
How's Donna Lasner?
225
00:09:55,129 --> 00:09:57,099
She's fine.
Oh.
226
00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,200
Miss Lasner is a dear friend
of mine, Larry.
227
00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:03,080
Anything else
you want to know?
228
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,240
Nothing.
229
00:10:04,259 --> 00:10:06,089
You sure?
230
00:10:06,110 --> 00:10:09,140
Oh, hey.
None of my business.
231
00:10:09,159 --> 00:10:11,049
Okay.
232
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:19,090
Ivan, this is where
Larry will hold the cards.
233
00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:22,260
First gag,
Lassie's DNA.
234
00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:28,119
Schwarzenegger's.
235
00:10:28,139 --> 00:10:31,269
Jesus, I'm glad I don't
have to do that bit.
236
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,150
So, it was just lunch?
Nothing else?
237
00:10:41,169 --> 00:10:43,109
Yeah. Kelly!
238
00:10:45,110 --> 00:10:46,260
This-- this chair
and-- and the couch,
239
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,189
they're off the marks.
Let's get with it.
240
00:10:48,210 --> 00:10:50,090
Chair's on its marks.
241
00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:52,290
It's not.
Yes, it is.
242
00:10:53,009 --> 00:10:54,189
Well, the couch
definitely is not.
243
00:10:54,210 --> 00:10:56,250
Maybe.
244
00:10:56,269 --> 00:10:59,269
Lunch, yes,
I had lunch and dessert.
245
00:10:59,289 --> 00:11:02,289
If memory serves,
crème brulee.
246
00:11:03,009 --> 00:11:04,179
Mmm.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
247
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,110
We split it.
Yeah.
248
00:11:06,129 --> 00:11:08,099
Well, good, fascinating.
Whatever you say--
249
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,240
So we're screwing
each other silly.
250
00:11:10,259 --> 00:11:12,059
Is that what you
want to know about?
251
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,000
Whew, well,
I gotta tell ya,
252
00:11:15,019 --> 00:11:17,109
I am relieved.
I thought you were leaving.
253
00:11:17,129 --> 00:11:19,289
I gotta-- To take
that CBS job.
254
00:11:20,009 --> 00:11:21,189
(laughs)
And you just had an affair!
255
00:11:21,210 --> 00:11:23,290
Oh, sweetheart,
you'd be the first to know.
256
00:11:24,009 --> 00:11:25,209
I mean, anyway,
it's not in the cards
257
00:11:25,230 --> 00:11:28,070
for me to have a job
at CBS.
258
00:11:28,090 --> 00:11:32,040
Nah, ever since I pissed in
Larry Tisch's pool on Labor Day,
259
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,289
I've been persona non grata
at Black Rock.
260
00:11:35,009 --> 00:11:37,039
Larry, Larry, thank you!
Thank you!
261
00:11:37,059 --> 00:11:38,169
Thank you so much.
You're wonderful.
262
00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:39,240
I won't let you down,
I promise.
263
00:11:39,259 --> 00:11:41,049
Thank you!
264
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:42,120
You okay, Darlene?
265
00:11:42,139 --> 00:11:44,159
I'm wonderful, Artie.
Good, you don't--
266
00:11:44,179 --> 00:11:45,269
I just have to go
throw up now.
267
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:47,029
Thank you.
268
00:11:49,279 --> 00:11:52,089
Hey, listen, did you see
the opening bit for tonight?
269
00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:56,260
This is Lassie's, uh, DNA
and Schwarzenegger's DNA.
270
00:11:56,279 --> 00:11:58,239
(both laugh)
271
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:02,089
Um, Arthur, there's
a visitor for you.
272
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:05,050
Hello, Arthur!
Donna! Hey, baby.
273
00:12:05,070 --> 00:12:07,080
Hey, Donna Lasner,
Larry Sanders.
274
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,230
Oh, hello, Larry.
It's nice to meet you.
275
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:09,290
Nice to meet you.
276
00:12:10,009 --> 00:12:11,109
I'm sorry for
dropping in like this,
277
00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:13,209
but I was hoping to steal
Arthur away for just a minute.
278
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,020
Let's go
to me office, m'lady.
279
00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:17,019
Larry, is this too much?
Hi.
280
00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:19,169
Is it?
I won't be offended.
281
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:21,190
I better go back to wardrobe.
282
00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:24,250
First, I have
to throw up again.
283
00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:26,209
Hey.
284
00:12:26,230 --> 00:12:28,280
Sometimes the staff
likes to, uh, consult me
285
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,100
about their wardrobe
each day,
286
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,290
something I enjoy
taking part in.
287
00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:35,290
Well, I promise I'll
only keep him a minute.
288
00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:38,999
Keep him as long as you like.
It's really not a problem.
289
00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:41,119
You CBS whore.
290
00:12:43,059 --> 00:12:45,079
So it's, you know,
it's-- it's out of my hands.
291
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:48,160
I mean, uh, Larry said
I was doing three songs,
292
00:12:48,179 --> 00:12:50,219
and Artie said only one.
293
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,290
And if I can, you know,
if I can only do one,
294
00:12:53,009 --> 00:12:55,159
then I'd better do,
uh, the single.
295
00:12:55,179 --> 00:12:57,069
You know, I mean, the label
would be pretty upset
296
00:12:57,090 --> 00:12:58,160
if I didn't do
the single, right?
297
00:12:58,179 --> 00:13:00,069
And you understand.
Yeah.
298
00:13:00,090 --> 00:13:02,100
Uh, I'm really...
299
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,220
It's the outfit, isn't it?
300
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,210
Well, no, not if
you're riding fence.
301
00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:09,040
I mean, it's so--
no, it's a beautiful outfit.
302
00:13:09,059 --> 00:13:11,139
I-- It's just out of
my hands, you know.
303
00:13:11,159 --> 00:13:13,039
Maybe next time, huh?
Mm-hmm.
304
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:15,099
You understand, it's--
it's, I mean-- Are you okay?
305
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,180
Yeah.
I really feel bad.
306
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,250
It's okay.
We'll-- we'll do it sometime.
307
00:13:18,269 --> 00:13:19,289
Okay.
308
00:13:20,009 --> 00:13:21,129
I better go.
See ya.
309
00:13:21,149 --> 00:13:22,169
Bye.
310
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:29,250
(sighs, clears throat)
311
00:13:32,059 --> 00:13:33,139
Excuse me.
312
00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:35,209
Oh, Mr. Kristofferson, hi!
I'm a really big fan of yours.
313
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:37,120
I'm looking for Phil,
one of your writers?
314
00:13:37,139 --> 00:13:39,039
Oh!
Oh, yeah, right.
315
00:13:39,059 --> 00:13:40,199
You're doing the show
tomorrow night, right?
316
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,210
This way.
Yeah, I'm doing a sketch
with Hank and Larry.
317
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:45,080
I thought I'd come by
and pick up the pages.
318
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,160
Oh, you're--
Are you gonna sing?
319
00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:50,019
Yeah, I think Larry said
I'm doing three songs.
320
00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:53,219
Wow! That's great!
Um, wow, that's great!
321
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,190
why don't you wait right here,
and I'll go and get Phil,
322
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,020
and then I'll be
right back with him?
323
00:13:57,039 --> 00:13:59,049
I hear you got
Clint Black on tonight.
Yeah.
324
00:13:59,070 --> 00:14:00,230
He's great.
Yeah, he's okay.
325
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:03,030
I'll be right back.
I'll see ya.
326
00:14:05,169 --> 00:14:07,139
Kris. Hey.
Hey, man!
327
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:09,269
I was hearing what you were
saying about the three songs.
328
00:14:09,289 --> 00:14:11,189
Listen, no matter
what they tell you,
329
00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:12,280
no matter what
Larry tells you,
330
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,210
they'll cut you like
a ripe tomato, okay?
331
00:14:14,230 --> 00:14:18,090
Come on, let me tell you--
let me tell you about Artie.
332
00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:20,230
I thought I was
persona non grat a at CBS.
Is that right, is that right?
333
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,190
She offered you
the Tom Snyder job.
Yeah.
334
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:23,240
Uh-huh. Wow.
335
00:14:23,259 --> 00:14:25,179
You must be
one hell of a lay.
336
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,190
I'm also a good cook,
337
00:14:27,210 --> 00:14:30,070
and I mix a stiff drink.
Mm-hmm.
338
00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:31,190
You know, every last one
of my wives
339
00:14:31,210 --> 00:14:33,060
said they would have
divorced me years before,
340
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,150
but they just couldn't
face life
341
00:14:34,169 --> 00:14:36,099
without my herbs and spices.
342
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,040
What did she say when
you turned her down?
343
00:14:38,059 --> 00:14:40,099
I didn't.
344
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,170
What do you mean?
Larry, this is CBS.
345
00:14:42,190 --> 00:14:44,230
She mentioned me to
the big boys in New York.
346
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,060
You know, I can't
turn her down flat.
347
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,250
She'll-- she'll look bad.
348
00:14:47,269 --> 00:14:50,109
So, I'm just considering.
349
00:14:50,129 --> 00:14:52,119
No problema, hombre!
You don't understand, Artie.
350
00:14:52,139 --> 00:14:54,059
This is gonna end up
in the trades, all right?
351
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:55,180
And it's gonna say that
you're considering
352
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,280
another offer, okay?
353
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,120
How is that gonna
make us look?
Okay.
354
00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,259
You and I know
I'm not considering it,
355
00:15:00,279 --> 00:15:02,099
You're not considering it.
so, calm down.
356
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,260
Well, then what are you doing?
Are you lying?
357
00:15:03,279 --> 00:15:05,129
I'm lying for love.
358
00:15:05,149 --> 00:15:07,069
Oh, you're lying for love.
359
00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:10,080
Ohh, I think that's one of
the Clint Black songs
he's doing tonight.
360
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,150
Well, if it is, it's the only
one he'll be singing.
361
00:15:12,169 --> 00:15:14,149
I cleaned up that mess.
What's the matter with you?
362
00:15:14,169 --> 00:15:16,069
Three songs?
Yeah.
363
00:15:16,090 --> 00:15:19,070
Well, you weren't here,
as I recall.
364
00:15:20,289 --> 00:15:22,269
Why don't you just say no?
365
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:25,009
Be done with it
for the good of the show.
366
00:15:25,029 --> 00:15:27,059
Hey, buddy,
this is my personal area,
367
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,280
and you're pushing me.
368
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,220
Now, listen,
I just received an offer.
369
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,200
Like you do,
I'm considering it,
370
00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:34,170
and if you can't live
with that, sonny boy,
371
00:15:34,190 --> 00:15:37,100
tough titty.
372
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,020
You didn't just say
"tough titty," did you?
373
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,009
Tough titty!
You know what I think?
374
00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:42,269
I think you're having
a little problem.
375
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:44,119
I think you're afraid
that if you say no,
376
00:15:44,139 --> 00:15:45,239
she'll dump you.
That's what I think.
377
00:15:45,259 --> 00:15:47,229
Oh, that's a crock
of horseshit.
Oh, you think so?
378
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,050
I don't think so.
I think you're afraid.
379
00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:50,160
Yeah, I'm afraid.
380
00:15:50,179 --> 00:15:53,099
I'm afraid that I'm gonna turn
into a lonely old geezer
381
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,080
wondering whether
your melon got chopped up
382
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:57,160
or whether I told you
that your ass isn't fat.
383
00:15:57,179 --> 00:15:59,169
Too late.
Not for me, buddy.
384
00:15:59,190 --> 00:16:01,040
My ass is fine.
My ass is great.
385
00:16:01,059 --> 00:16:02,169
I never felt better
about my ass.
386
00:16:02,190 --> 00:16:03,220
Then maybe
you don't need me.
387
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,150
Maybe we don't.
388
00:16:05,169 --> 00:16:07,109
Then maybe you
and your fat ass
389
00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:08,159
can go fuck yourselves.
390
00:16:08,179 --> 00:16:10,249
Thank you, I was just
waiting for a go-ahead.
391
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,139
You can go right ahead.
Thank you.
392
00:16:12,159 --> 00:16:15,019
Don't wait for me.
I will not wait for you.
393
00:16:18,169 --> 00:16:20,149
Hello.
394
00:16:20,169 --> 00:16:24,179
If it means anything
to you, Donna...
395
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,100
I'm honestly
very, very fond of you.
396
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,260
Oh!
397
00:16:30,169 --> 00:16:33,139
I'm not going to,
uh, stand in the hallway
398
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,079
while you try to steal
my producer
399
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,020
two minutes before a show.
400
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,119
And, uh, I don't
think it's right
401
00:16:38,139 --> 00:16:40,129
that you come in here
and, uh, play
402
00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:42,139
with someone's emotions
when you don't even work here.
403
00:16:42,159 --> 00:16:43,219
Oh, cut the crap, Larry!
404
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,160
So, I--
I'm not taking the job!
405
00:16:46,179 --> 00:16:48,239
And I was just leaving.
406
00:16:51,139 --> 00:16:53,069
(clears throat)
407
00:17:02,049 --> 00:17:03,229
Here's your fucking suit.
408
00:17:06,069 --> 00:17:07,229
Thank you.
409
00:17:11,289 --> 00:17:13,069
Where are the pants?
410
00:17:13,089 --> 00:17:14,239
They're letting 'em out
in the butt.
411
00:17:14,259 --> 00:17:16,219
You mean the crotch?
412
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,100
If you made this decision
because you think
413
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:19,199
I can't sing,
then you're wrong,
414
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:21,220
because I can sing.
I can.
415
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:26,180
♪ Easier said than done
goodbye ♪
416
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,070
♪ There's no good ♪
417
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,119
♪ When you're the one ♪
418
00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:35,130
♪ Whose goodbye you swore
would never come ♪
419
00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:41,280
♪ And in my goodbye
you're finding none ♪
420
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,200
That is... great.
421
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:46,270
♪ Goodbye ♪
422
00:17:46,289 --> 00:17:49,249
♪ Goodbye ♪
423
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,269
(continues singing softly)
424
00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:57,080
Thanks, sweetie.
425
00:17:57,099 --> 00:18:01,149
♪ There's no good
when you're the one ♪
426
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:07,050
♪ Whose goodbye you swore
would never come ♪
427
00:18:07,069 --> 00:18:10,059
My next guest is one
of my favorite singers,
428
00:18:10,079 --> 00:18:13,129
and, uh, tonight,
he's going to, uh, sing, uh,
429
00:18:13,150 --> 00:18:15,050
the single off his new release
430
00:18:15,069 --> 00:18:17,269
which is called
"One Emotion".
431
00:18:17,289 --> 00:18:20,009
I thought I handled
that CD very well.
432
00:18:20,029 --> 00:18:21,099
Hank:
Beautiful.
433
00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,159
He wrote the, uh, song
with Merle Haggard.
434
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:25,290
Please welcome Clint Black.
Clint.
435
00:18:26,009 --> 00:18:27,269
(cheers and applause)
436
00:18:27,289 --> 00:18:31,009
♪ ♪
437
00:18:35,059 --> 00:18:41,089
♪ Well, I guess you're glad
to see I'm finally leaving ♪
438
00:18:41,109 --> 00:18:48,019
♪ I know things for you
will change now for the good ♪
439
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:53,019
♪ But it's all that I can do
to pack my suitcase ♪
440
00:18:55,000 --> 00:19:01,100
♪ And walk away from you
the way I should ♪
441
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:07,229
♪ And I can't seem to find
the voice of reason ♪
442
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:13,090
♪ Everything seems upside-down
and right-side wrong ♪
443
00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:21,140
♪ While part of me is here
and won't like leaving ♪
444
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:27,180
♪ The rest of me,
the best of me is gone ♪
445
00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:30,219
Hey.
Hey, buddy, come in!
446
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:31,290
I just wanted
to say goodnight
447
00:19:32,009 --> 00:19:33,089
and, uh, thank you.
There you are.
448
00:19:33,109 --> 00:19:34,999
Oh, yeah, you, uh...
449
00:19:35,019 --> 00:19:36,999
you're watching me
even after the show.
450
00:19:37,019 --> 00:19:40,079
I don't know if that's
a compliment or just, uh, sad.
451
00:19:40,099 --> 00:19:42,089
Ha, probably both.
452
00:19:42,109 --> 00:19:45,229
Whatever it is, Clint-arino,
you're the best.
453
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,000
Thanks.
454
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,289
And I'll tell you this,
you're the happiest
455
00:19:49,009 --> 00:19:50,269
we've ever had on the show.
(slurring)
On the show.
456
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:53,089
Yeah, I'm happy.
Yeah, well, I'll, uh...
457
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,149
Okay.
Listen, uh--
458
00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:55,280
Come on, have a drink
with us here.
459
00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,120
No, uh, thanks, really,
I gotta go catch the bus.
460
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:01,220
Come on, have a drink
with us, hell.
461
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,140
Tell us why you're happy.
Sit down.
462
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,220
Why is that?
463
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,130
Well, uh, you know,
I got married,
464
00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:11,140
and, uh... my wife, you know,
brought balance to my life,
465
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,060
and, uh, smoothed out
all the bumps, you know.
466
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:15,259
You just need
to find your Lisa.
467
00:20:15,279 --> 00:20:17,219
Ohh.
468
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,180
Fucking beautiful.
Have a drink.
469
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,240
No, I gotta go
catch the bus.
470
00:20:21,259 --> 00:20:24,049
Um, okay.
See ya.
471
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:27,110
I'll tell ya something.
472
00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:28,240
I just started
to realize something
473
00:20:28,259 --> 00:20:30,029
that's a little scary.
474
00:20:30,049 --> 00:20:32,069
Yeah?
Try me.
475
00:20:33,109 --> 00:20:35,289
I think you're my Lisa,
and I think I'm yours.
476
00:20:36,009 --> 00:20:38,199
Oh, gee!
What the fuck!
Mm-hmm.
477
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:42,220
(theme music plays)
35040
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