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1
00:00:13,199 --> 00:00:15,279
Oh, these are beautiful.
2
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,140
Listen, uh, we have that
Women in Media meeting tonight.
3
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,050
Just wanted to make sure
you're still driving.
4
00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:23,079
What's wrong?
5
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,000
Oh, no.
Mr. Jon Lovitz.
6
00:00:31,019 --> 00:00:33,079
Again.
No.
7
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,240
He's still after you?
8
00:00:34,259 --> 00:00:36,029
I did not know that.
9
00:00:36,049 --> 00:00:37,159
It's getting worse.
What?
10
00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:40,010
(gasps)
11
00:00:40,030 --> 00:00:43,000
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.
12
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:45,000
Oh, this is beautiful.
13
00:00:45,020 --> 00:00:47,230
Oh, honey,
we lookin' at 2,000 easy.
14
00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:49,180
What am I gonna do?
15
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,260
I mean,
I wish he would stop.
16
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,160
He does this every time
he comes on the show.
17
00:00:52,179 --> 00:00:53,269
Wait, wait, wait.
18
00:00:53,289 --> 00:00:56,129
You get jewelry every time
he comes on the show?
19
00:00:56,149 --> 00:00:57,229
No, flowers.
20
00:00:57,250 --> 00:00:59,050
First, it was just flowers.
21
00:00:59,070 --> 00:01:02,110
Then it was flowers
and, um, a Dottie West CD.
(gasps)
22
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:04,200
Then it was flowers
and a humble figurine.
Aww.
23
00:01:04,219 --> 00:01:06,249
Then it was flowers
and a pasta machine.
24
00:01:06,269 --> 00:01:08,139
Oh, gosh.
25
00:01:08,159 --> 00:01:10,039
Darlene,
call Artie's office.
26
00:01:10,060 --> 00:01:12,070
See if he's still on
for the game tonight.
Okay.
27
00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:15,000
Oh, my.
28
00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:17,280
Who sent the flowers?
29
00:01:20,150 --> 00:01:22,210
"Looking forward
to seeing you again.
30
00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:25,070
As always, Jon."
31
00:01:25,090 --> 00:01:27,230
You see, I think
it's courageous
32
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:30,130
for one man to send flowers
to another man.
33
00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:33,280
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna put these
right on the air conditioner.
34
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,090
(laughing)
35
00:01:37,109 --> 00:01:38,179
What am I gonna do?
36
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,090
Oh, about Jon?
Yeah.
37
00:01:40,109 --> 00:01:43,019
Well, you just ask Paula
and book him two more times.
38
00:01:43,039 --> 00:01:44,139
What would that do?
39
00:01:44,159 --> 00:01:48,049
Well, nothing, but by then,
you'd have flowers and a Miata.
40
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,139
What are we waitin' for?
41
00:01:52,159 --> 00:01:54,079
Uh, they're sending
somebody down
42
00:01:54,099 --> 00:01:55,149
to take you upstairs.
43
00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:57,000
Oh, all right.
44
00:01:57,020 --> 00:01:59,090
How many times
you done the "Sanders" show?
45
00:01:59,109 --> 00:02:04,029
Um, I think, like, 13.
46
00:02:04,049 --> 00:02:09,009
Well, 14 if you count the time
we got bumped by Desert Storm.
47
00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:12,010
Ah, that fuckin'
Saddam Hussein.
48
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:13,200
You must like Larry a lot. Is...
49
00:02:13,219 --> 00:02:16,059
is that why
you do it so often?
50
00:02:16,079 --> 00:02:17,999
Yeah.
51
00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:20,160
I mean, I like Larry a lot,
but, you know...
52
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:22,280
they've got
this beautiful, uh...
53
00:02:26,039 --> 00:02:27,069
Uh...
54
00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:30,070
Can I use this phone?
55
00:02:30,090 --> 00:02:33,160
You're the boss. You want me
to put up the partition?
56
00:02:35,009 --> 00:02:37,059
Well, let me
ask you a question.
57
00:02:37,079 --> 00:02:39,169
Have you seen
"City Slickers 2"?
58
00:02:39,189 --> 00:02:40,189
No.
59
00:02:41,199 --> 00:02:43,179
Well, then put it up.
60
00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:49,100
(phone dialing)
61
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,240
I think
she should have it.
62
00:02:50,259 --> 00:02:52,039
It's not like
she asked for it.
63
00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:53,160
It was his decision
to give it to her.
64
00:02:53,180 --> 00:02:54,250
Who cares?
It's just a bracelet.
65
00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:57,000
Oh, Paula, please,
you're just mad because
66
00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:59,130
the only bracelets you have
are made out of shoelaces.
67
00:02:59,150 --> 00:03:01,110
I gave you one.
68
00:03:01,129 --> 00:03:02,239
I know,
and I liked it.
69
00:03:02,259 --> 00:03:04,099
I'm sorry.
No, I did.
70
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,020
It was different!
71
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,250
This is gorgeous.
72
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:10,190
Darlene, can...
73
00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:12,070
can I wear this just
for a couple of hours?
74
00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:14,110
Keep it.
No, I'm not
gonna keep it.
75
00:03:14,129 --> 00:03:15,289
I'll give it back to you
at the end of the day.
76
00:03:16,009 --> 00:03:19,189
I don't want it.
No, Darlene, look...
77
00:03:19,210 --> 00:03:21,070
why don't you just
put an end to this
78
00:03:21,090 --> 00:03:23,130
once and for all
and go out with the man?
79
00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:25,110
He's funny, he's nice...
80
00:03:25,129 --> 00:03:27,109
I'm not going out with anybody
in the business anymore.
81
00:03:27,129 --> 00:03:29,169
Ahh--
No more comics,
actors, or magicians.
82
00:03:29,189 --> 00:03:31,009
Magicians?
83
00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:32,120
(laughing)
84
00:03:32,139 --> 00:03:35,169
Darlene?
Artie, ballgame?
85
00:03:35,189 --> 00:03:37,029
Just a minute.
86
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,110
Hank Kingsley's office.
87
00:03:39,129 --> 00:03:41,219
Can you hold on
a minute, please?
88
00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:50,230
Hello?
Who's this?
89
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,090
Jon.
90
00:03:52,110 --> 00:03:53,230
Hi.
91
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:56,160
Listen, uh, I-- I, uh,
I wanted to thank you,
92
00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:59,000
now that I have you,
for the, uh, the flowers.
93
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:00,110
They're beautiful.
94
00:04:00,129 --> 00:04:03,229
I'm-- I'm-- I'm just--
I'm nutty about irises.
95
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,100
Is Jon Lovitz here yet?
96
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,260
No.
97
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:11,110
(humming)
98
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:14,290
What are those?
99
00:04:15,009 --> 00:04:17,199
These are tickets
to the Dodger game tonight.
100
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:21,030
Hank and I have an evening out
together once a year.
101
00:04:21,050 --> 00:04:22,220
Just the two of us.
Uh-huh.
102
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,200
Tonight is that night.
103
00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:27,010
Great, that'll be nice.
Yeah.
104
00:04:27,029 --> 00:04:30,039
These tickets are
right behind home plate.
Oh.
105
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:33,080
Nine innings of me
listening to Hank whine
106
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,180
about his marriage bullshit.
107
00:04:34,199 --> 00:04:36,999
Oh, so you stay
for the whole game, huh?
108
00:04:37,019 --> 00:04:38,099
Don't you wanna go?
109
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,030
Huh?
Oh, I don't even
have tickets.
110
00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:42,200
I'm not going.
Oh, I hate
to part with them.
111
00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:44,050
Hank will be
so disappointed.
112
00:04:44,069 --> 00:04:45,999
Why don't you take
Jon Lovitz?
113
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,249
Took you a long time
to figure out
114
00:04:47,269 --> 00:04:48,289
what I was getting at,
didn't it?
115
00:04:49,009 --> 00:04:50,069
You had
a big lunch today?
116
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,160
Yeah.
117
00:04:55,079 --> 00:04:57,189
Oh, he doesn't want
to go with Hank.
118
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,040
I've tried to be nice about it.
he just won't stop.
119
00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:05,010
Mmm, I have--
I have to admit,
120
00:05:05,029 --> 00:05:08,109
I-- I found the gifts
and the flowers cute at first.
121
00:05:08,129 --> 00:05:10,219
I'm still getting a lot of use
out of that pasta machine,
122
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,060
because there's nothing
better than fresh pasta.
123
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,199
But you're right. You're--
No, no, you're right.
124
00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:17,290
It's-- it's obviously--
it's gone too far.
125
00:05:18,009 --> 00:05:19,259
It's very upsetting.
126
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,059
Well, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.
127
00:05:21,079 --> 00:05:23,139
I am gonna take
Mr. Lovitz aside,
128
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,000
and I-- and I am--
going to talk to him.
129
00:05:26,019 --> 00:05:27,099
Oh, you're so sweet, Hank.
130
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,040
Yes, I am.
I am sweet.
131
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,240
Ah, Jarina.
(chuckles)
132
00:05:34,259 --> 00:05:38,189
Well, here's Scooter,
Pepper, where's Poncho?
133
00:05:38,209 --> 00:05:40,239
I'm afraid Poncho is
no longer with us.
134
00:05:40,259 --> 00:05:42,249
Oh, Jarina.
135
00:05:42,269 --> 00:05:45,049
Oh, what happened?
Did he...
136
00:05:45,069 --> 00:05:47,059
(speaking Italian)
137
00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:49,129
No, he was eaten by
my neighbor's Rottweiler.
138
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,229
Oh, well, life goes on.
Come, come, come...
139
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:53,170
come, come, come...
We'll see you out there.
140
00:05:53,189 --> 00:05:55,099
Oh, good.
Good, good.
Ahh, here we go.
141
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,200
Thank you, darling.
Thank you so much.
142
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,060
Oh, what a good boy.
143
00:05:58,079 --> 00:05:59,239
Yes.
Yes.
144
00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:03,080
There's the big man.
145
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:04,280
Gonna have a great
show tonight, Hank.
146
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,130
Bruno, dust the dome.
147
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,289
Someone should have told me
the bird lady was gonna be on.
148
00:06:10,009 --> 00:06:11,169
Didn't you take
your allergy pills?
149
00:06:11,189 --> 00:06:13,279
Listen, I warned Darlene
this morning that-- that
150
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,020
there would be birds.
151
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,210
Oh, well, well,
forget about that.
152
00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:19,080
I-- I don't care if my face
swells up like a pumpkin.
153
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,210
There's no way we're gonna
miss that game tonight.
154
00:06:23,209 --> 00:06:26,129
Oh, goddamn it.
Hank, bad news, buddy.
155
00:06:26,149 --> 00:06:28,159
You know, Larry,
he wanted to go to the game,
156
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,200
he heard I had tickets.
157
00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:30,220
And you gave him our tickets?
158
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,280
Gave him?
He took 'em.
159
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,200
He's the fuckin' boss.
My hands were tied.
160
00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:35,140
He's a fuckin' baby.
161
00:06:35,159 --> 00:06:37,159
(coughing)
Well, all I'm gonna say is
162
00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:38,290
he's very complicated.
163
00:06:39,009 --> 00:06:41,229
Yeah, one night out,
and Mr. Big Man thinks
164
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:42,250
he can take
anything he wants.
165
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,039
I hear you,
but, you know,
166
00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:46,080
next year's right around
the corner, buddy.
167
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,210
Oh, it's not
about the game.
168
00:06:47,230 --> 00:06:49,240
I just wanted to have some
special time with you
169
00:06:49,259 --> 00:06:51,279
so we could talk.
Oh, what's a matter,
sugar, huh?
170
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,060
Is the marriage that bad?
171
00:06:54,079 --> 00:06:55,239
It's the fucking birds.
172
00:06:55,259 --> 00:06:57,279
Oh, you tell me.
I've been married five times.
173
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,240
They were all
the fucking birds.
174
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,070
No, that--
175
00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:06,059
You knew what I meant,
didn't you?
176
00:07:06,079 --> 00:07:08,029
Jon: I was in
"A League of Their Own,"
"City Slickers 2,"
177
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:11,120
and then "North,"
"Trapped in Paradise"...
178
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,049
Hey, Jon.
"The Critic" cartoon...
179
00:07:13,069 --> 00:07:15,179
Forget it.
Oh, didn't mean
to interrupt.
180
00:07:15,199 --> 00:07:18,099
Well, well, well.
Look who it is.
181
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,180
(both laugh)
182
00:07:20,199 --> 00:07:21,249
Thanks for being here.
Yeah.
183
00:07:21,269 --> 00:07:23,229
Well, you know,
your show must be really high.
184
00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:26,060
Why is that?
'Cause you got me.
185
00:07:27,189 --> 00:07:29,059
We have a lot
of great guests.
186
00:07:29,079 --> 00:07:31,089
How you been?
Great.
187
00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:34,000
Good, you know, uh,
I was have the, uh,
188
00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:35,159
ask if you wanna go
to the Dodger game
189
00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:36,190
after the show tonight.
190
00:07:36,209 --> 00:07:37,289
I have a couple of tickets.
Oh, yeah.
191
00:07:38,009 --> 00:07:39,249
You wanna go? Really?
Yeah, I'd love to, yeah.
192
00:07:39,269 --> 00:07:41,099
Wow, great, well,
we'll go right from here.
193
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,190
It'll be fun.
Okay.
194
00:07:42,209 --> 00:07:45,019
Uh, I'll walk you
to your dressing room.
195
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,260
All right. I'm just gonna
say hi to somebody.
196
00:07:46,279 --> 00:07:49,029
I--I'll catch up
to you in a second.
Okay.
197
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:51,030
(bird squawks)
198
00:07:56,139 --> 00:07:58,069
Darlene.
199
00:07:58,090 --> 00:07:59,220
Hi.
200
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,100
Hi.
201
00:08:03,189 --> 00:08:06,009
You look beautiful today.
202
00:08:06,029 --> 00:08:08,009
As usual.
203
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,099
Thank you.
204
00:08:12,139 --> 00:08:14,119
Did you get
those flowers I sent you?
205
00:08:14,139 --> 00:08:16,029
Yes, I did,
thank you.
206
00:08:17,089 --> 00:08:19,009
Did you get
that little gift?
207
00:08:20,069 --> 00:08:22,049
Yes.
208
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,109
Can I see it?
209
00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:25,019
Huh?
210
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,140
Uh, Darlene, could you,
uh, call makeup
211
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,180
and tell them to,
uh, come remove my tissues?
212
00:08:31,259 --> 00:08:33,019
I can do it.
213
00:08:33,039 --> 00:08:34,259
Uh, no, no,
uh, Bruno.
214
00:08:34,279 --> 00:08:36,089
It's a--
it's a union thing.
Okay.
215
00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:40,280
Jonny.
216
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,150
Hey Now!
217
00:08:42,169 --> 00:08:44,019
Yeah, I just wanna say
welcome back, you know.
218
00:08:44,039 --> 00:08:46,269
Mr. Funny.
219
00:08:46,289 --> 00:08:48,149
Mr. Movie Star.
220
00:08:48,169 --> 00:08:50,279
Oh, you forgot
Mr. Hunk.
221
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,140
No, I was going
to get to that.
222
00:08:52,159 --> 00:08:55,009
But, to me, that comes
after Movie Star.
Oh, yeah?
223
00:08:55,029 --> 00:08:57,029
Can I talk to you?
224
00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,290
Yeah.
Now, word has it
that, uh,
225
00:09:00,009 --> 00:09:02,009
you-- you got a thing
for Darlene.
226
00:09:02,029 --> 00:09:03,039
Is that true?
227
00:09:04,149 --> 00:09:06,999
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah?
228
00:09:07,019 --> 00:09:08,169
I just think
she's a terrific girl, you know?
229
00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:10,060
Oh, that's fabulous.
230
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,250
I think she's really
starting to warm up to me.
231
00:09:11,269 --> 00:09:13,229
Piece of advice.
Yeah?
232
00:09:15,039 --> 00:09:16,239
Don't go there.
233
00:09:16,259 --> 00:09:18,019
What?
234
00:09:18,039 --> 00:09:21,039
Well, I, uh, just-- you know,
don't waste your time because
235
00:09:21,059 --> 00:09:23,159
frankly,
she's not available.
236
00:09:23,179 --> 00:09:26,019
Oh, she's not dating
anybody now. I checked.
237
00:09:26,039 --> 00:09:27,159
(chuckling)
238
00:09:27,179 --> 00:09:28,219
Oh.
239
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:29,290
Yeah.
240
00:09:30,009 --> 00:09:32,239
Can I... can I just have
a second with you?
241
00:09:32,259 --> 00:09:34,089
Just one second,
please?
242
00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:36,050
Yeah.
243
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:38,280
You see, oh,
I-- I-- I don't even know
244
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,220
if this is, uh,
my place to-- to say,
245
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,210
but, um, see the way
you wanna go, this lady,
246
00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,200
she doesn't go that way.
247
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,200
What are you saying?
248
00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:56,000
Well, um...
249
00:09:56,019 --> 00:09:58,269
she, um,
she prefers women.
250
00:09:58,289 --> 00:10:01,019
Oh, that's bullshit.
251
00:10:01,039 --> 00:10:03,159
No, she's, uh, she's, uh,
252
00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:05,029
she's a lesbian, Jon.
253
00:10:05,049 --> 00:10:07,059
Well, I don't believe you.
Well, I'm sorry, that's the--
254
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,140
Well, after all this time,
why didn't she say anything
to me?
255
00:10:09,159 --> 00:10:12,069
Well, I don't know, but I--
you-- it's a very private thing,
256
00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:13,260
a person's
sexual preference,
257
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,079
and I-- I gotta tell you,
I respect her decision.
258
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,190
Well, I don't believe you.
259
00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:18,280
I would just...
260
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:22,190
I have to go.
261
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,100
Hank, Hank.
Yeah?
262
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,290
Is she seeing
a woman now?
263
00:10:28,009 --> 00:10:29,069
Sorry?
264
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:31,020
Is-- is she seeing
a woman now?
265
00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:32,199
Is she seeing
a woman now?
266
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:34,040
Yeah, is she seeing
a woman now?
267
00:10:34,059 --> 00:10:38,249
Um... yes.
268
00:10:38,269 --> 00:10:40,149
Yes, she is.
269
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,000
Hi.
270
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,179
Hey.
271
00:10:55,149 --> 00:10:58,179
So, uh,
you're a lesbian.
272
00:11:00,009 --> 00:11:02,099
Excuse me?
273
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,190
It kinda makes sense,
you know?
274
00:11:04,210 --> 00:11:06,190
Lot of stuff that
we went through
275
00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:09,070
makes sense now.
276
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,210
I only wish you could
have told me yourself
277
00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:12,210
instead of me having
to hear it from Paula.
278
00:11:15,159 --> 00:11:17,029
Paula told you
I was a lesbian?
279
00:11:17,049 --> 00:11:19,179
Oh, and by the way,
I think Larry's gonna be
280
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,280
really pissed if he finds out
you've been seeing Beverly.
281
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,199
Beverly?
282
00:11:30,039 --> 00:11:31,119
Excuse me.
283
00:11:31,139 --> 00:11:33,019
What? Easy.
284
00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:34,279
Spilling.
Spilling.
285
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,250
That's how you get
Jon Lovitz to leave me alone?
286
00:11:36,269 --> 00:11:38,099
By telling everyone
I'm a lesbian?
287
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:39,220
I didn't tell everyone.
288
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,020
Jon asked Paula to confirm
what I told him.
289
00:11:42,039 --> 00:11:43,169
You know how she is
with gossip.
290
00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:45,270
She's like a--
a-- terrier after a rat.
291
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:46,279
Hank,
how could you do this?
292
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,020
You know, Darlene,
I-- I didn't know
293
00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:50,239
that you had a-- a thing
against gay people.
294
00:11:50,259 --> 00:11:54,029
Frankly, I'm-- I'm a--
I'm a little offended
295
00:11:54,049 --> 00:11:55,059
to find this out.
296
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,180
Hank, you lied.
I didn't--
297
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,270
Now, come on.
298
00:11:58,289 --> 00:12:00,259
Like you've never
been with a woman?
299
00:12:00,279 --> 00:12:03,049
Like you've never
been with a man?
300
00:12:05,039 --> 00:12:06,189
Fucking tabloids.
301
00:12:06,210 --> 00:12:09,110
Well, I said, I said,
"Potato," and she goes,
"No, just fuck off."
302
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,999
(laughing)
303
00:12:11,019 --> 00:12:12,149
You're hilarious.
304
00:12:12,169 --> 00:12:14,179
I know.
305
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,250
Listen, uh, Larry,
306
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,069
I gotta ask you
something.
307
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:21,150
Seriously. There's
this girl in your office
308
00:12:21,169 --> 00:12:22,289
I got a crush on.
309
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,219
Darlene.
Y-- yeah.
310
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,060
Yeah.
Well, how did you--
Did she tell you?
311
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,050
It's always Darlene.
She was in "Playboy," you know.
312
00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:30,250
I-- Did you see it?
313
00:12:30,269 --> 00:12:32,019
No.
314
00:12:32,039 --> 00:12:33,159
Oh, man.
315
00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:36,140
Is she a lesbian?
316
00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:39,159
What?
317
00:12:39,179 --> 00:12:41,189
'Cause Hank said
that she's a lesbian.
318
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:44,210
Now, I think
he's full of shit.
319
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,220
(clears throat)
320
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,100
Look, if she's not, can you--
can you do me a favor?
321
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,110
Can you just, like,
force her to go out with me?
322
00:12:51,129 --> 00:12:53,249
Force her to go out with you.
You want me to force her
to go out with you?
323
00:12:53,269 --> 00:12:55,999
Yeah, it's your show,
isn't it? She has to do
what you say, right?
324
00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:57,249
That would be called
sexual harassment.
325
00:12:57,269 --> 00:12:59,049
Oh, come on.
Yeah.
326
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,070
"Blow me."
That's sexual harassment.
327
00:13:01,090 --> 00:13:03,190
Mm-hmm.
Be a pal, Larry.
Do me this one favor.
328
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:04,200
Just make her
go out with me.
329
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:06,070
I can't, Jon.
Well, why not?
330
00:13:06,090 --> 00:13:08,020
I gotta-- I gotta go
talk to the bird lady.
331
00:13:08,039 --> 00:13:09,139
Well, why not?
332
00:13:09,159 --> 00:13:10,999
I can't.
333
00:13:11,019 --> 00:13:12,249
What people do with their
own time is their business.
334
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,089
I don't meddle.
335
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:15,250
(bird squawking)
336
00:13:15,269 --> 00:13:18,049
So, she is a lesbian?
(door closes)
337
00:13:18,070 --> 00:13:20,070
Well, okay, we're on the set
of "City Slickers"...
338
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,030
Mm-hmm.
and, uh,
we're out, you know,
339
00:13:22,049 --> 00:13:23,119
in the desert,
Moab, Utah.
340
00:13:23,139 --> 00:13:24,209
It's, like, 110 degrees,
341
00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:26,230
and this grip finds
this dead snake.
342
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:28,230
So then he goes to eat,
and he pulls the metal tray off,
343
00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:31,020
and there's a snake on top
of the mixed vegetables.
344
00:13:31,039 --> 00:13:34,279
No, no, tell him just to do
the tux rental story, okay?
345
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,200
Okay, what is that?
He'll-- he'll remember.
346
00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:38,210
He tells it every goddamn
time we go shopping.
347
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:41,010
It's hilarious.
All right.
348
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,039
So, we get home,
and the vest is
349
00:13:43,059 --> 00:13:44,279
three sizes too small.
350
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,230
Eh, that's the story.
351
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:48,250
I mean, it's just--
it's not-- it's not funny.
352
00:13:48,269 --> 00:13:50,239
Well, you know, it's cute--
Do you think it's funny?
353
00:13:50,259 --> 00:13:52,039
Well, it's not funny, no,
No.
354
00:13:52,059 --> 00:13:54,169
but it's cute that you and Larry
shop together, I guess.
355
00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:56,070
Yeah, it's adorable.
356
00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:57,260
I just love
spending hours with him,
357
00:13:57,279 --> 00:13:59,289
watching him try on
100 pairs of pants, you know?
358
00:14:00,009 --> 00:14:03,249
"Does my ass look fat
in these pants?"
359
00:14:03,269 --> 00:14:05,029
(chuckling)
All right.
360
00:14:05,049 --> 00:14:06,999
He's a nice guy,
but sometimes he's wrong.
361
00:14:07,019 --> 00:14:09,129
Anyway, can you go back
and tell him I just wanna
do the snake story?
362
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,049
Yes, I-- I promise you.
Please?
363
00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:12,220
Paula, I owe you.
All righty.
364
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,000
Take your time.
365
00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:17,269
Hi.
366
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:19,219
Hey, Darlene.
367
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,020
Hi.
368
00:14:21,039 --> 00:14:22,029
Hi.
369
00:14:22,049 --> 00:14:23,229
Um, Jon, listen,
370
00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:26,230
there was a rumor
going around earlier.
371
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:28,160
That you were a lesbian.
372
00:14:28,179 --> 00:14:30,199
It's not true.
373
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:33,109
I know.
374
00:14:33,129 --> 00:14:37,029
Uh, which leads me
to my next question.
375
00:14:37,049 --> 00:14:40,259
(laughing)
376
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:45,189
Wh-- where are we going
after the show tonight?
377
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:48,050
I have to tell you
something. Can we sit down?
Yeah.
378
00:14:49,259 --> 00:14:52,219
Can I go first?
Okay.
379
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,160
Um...
380
00:14:56,139 --> 00:14:59,069
this is-- this is really hard
for me to say, all right?
381
00:15:01,179 --> 00:15:03,279
A lot of women
find me dreamy.
382
00:15:05,139 --> 00:15:06,219
You are dreamy.
383
00:15:09,289 --> 00:15:11,109
But the reason
I can't go out with you
384
00:15:11,129 --> 00:15:12,239
is because you're
in show business,
385
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,109
and I have been hurt
too many times.
386
00:15:18,070 --> 00:15:19,170
You know, fine.
387
00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:21,180
I am so tired of this.
You know, yeah--
388
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,060
why would you want to go out
with somebody that's famous
389
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,140
and rich and handsome and...
390
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,039
can give you the life
you've always dreamed of
391
00:15:28,059 --> 00:15:30,169
and can make you
laugh all the time?
392
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:32,110
Yeah, pass.
393
00:15:32,129 --> 00:15:34,099
I'm sorry.
394
00:15:37,059 --> 00:15:38,159
Have a good show, Jon.
Here's your cocoa.
395
00:15:38,179 --> 00:15:40,049
It's hot.
396
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,060
Where'd you get that?
397
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,130
Oh, that. Oh, don't worry,
Darlene said I could have it.
398
00:15:46,149 --> 00:15:48,139
I-- Wear it.
Oh?
399
00:15:48,159 --> 00:15:50,119
Well, I'm just gonna
give it back to her tonight,
400
00:15:50,139 --> 00:15:51,289
'cause we're going out.
401
00:15:52,009 --> 00:15:53,019
Oh?
402
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,289
To a-- a woman's meeting.
403
00:15:55,009 --> 00:15:56,059
Um--
Oh!
404
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,050
I'm gonna give it--
I'm gonna give it back to her.
Oh!
405
00:15:58,070 --> 00:16:00,190
Oh--
Mr. Lovitz--
406
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,030
Oh!
407
00:16:03,289 --> 00:16:05,139
Oh.
408
00:16:05,159 --> 00:16:07,209
Oh, it's true!
409
00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:08,290
Paula...
410
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,199
Paula!
411
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,290
(door opens)
412
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,010
Hey, knock,
why don't you?
413
00:16:15,029 --> 00:16:16,089
Why are you putting
your shoes on
414
00:16:16,110 --> 00:16:17,170
before you pull
your pants up?
415
00:16:17,190 --> 00:16:19,240
I always do.
Why?
416
00:16:19,259 --> 00:16:21,109
Superstitious.
417
00:16:21,129 --> 00:16:22,279
Thank god you weren't
in here a few minutes ago
418
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,050
when I was
painting my balls.
419
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,080
Lovitz walked.
420
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,130
What?
421
00:16:26,149 --> 00:16:27,229
He's gone.
He left the show.
422
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:30,090
Well, what happened?
What did you say to him?
423
00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,100
I didn't say
anything to him.
424
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,250
I told him you wanted
to do the tux story,
425
00:16:32,269 --> 00:16:34,209
and he didn't want to do it,
and apparently he left.
426
00:16:34,230 --> 00:16:36,170
Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
427
00:16:36,190 --> 00:16:39,030
What a child.
He's a fucking child.
428
00:16:41,279 --> 00:16:44,199
God, my ass looks fat
in these pants.
429
00:16:47,149 --> 00:16:48,219
Hey, cut the horse shit, Adam.
430
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,050
Your client
walked off our show.
431
00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:51,140
What are you gonna
do about it?
432
00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:53,049
Huh? Well, if you can't
control your people,
433
00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:54,270
you should be
out of the business.
434
00:16:54,289 --> 00:16:57,269
Yes. Give my regards
to the darling Jamie.
435
00:16:57,289 --> 00:16:59,209
Bye-bye.
What did he say?
436
00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:01,170
He says that
Lovitz will not be back
437
00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:03,100
and he's very upset.
Mm-hmm.
438
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,190
Mm-hmm.
Upset about what?
439
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:05,260
Upset about that
I wouldn't let him
440
00:17:05,279 --> 00:17:06,289
tell a little
snake story?
441
00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:08,019
What--
He's out of his mind.
442
00:17:08,039 --> 00:17:09,169
All right, listen,
we do three segments
443
00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:11,190
with the birds, and then
we bring out Carl Sagan.
444
00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:13,010
Well, unless
Mr. Sagan comes out
445
00:17:13,029 --> 00:17:15,239
and shits a string of pearls,
we have no show.
446
00:17:15,259 --> 00:17:17,259
He's not gonna do that.
447
00:17:17,279 --> 00:17:19,069
(phone rings)
448
00:17:19,089 --> 00:17:20,139
Hello?
449
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,030
Yes, hold on for a moment.
It's Jon.
450
00:17:23,049 --> 00:17:24,999
Get his ass back here,
will ya?
451
00:17:26,269 --> 00:17:29,249
Uh, Jon.
It's, uh, Larry.
452
00:17:29,269 --> 00:17:32,079
Uh, listen, uh, I know
you're a little upset,
453
00:17:32,099 --> 00:17:34,069
and I just want you
to know that, uh,
454
00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:37,109
I apologize
for Paula's misunderstanding
455
00:17:37,130 --> 00:17:39,040
about the snake story.
456
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:43,109
You know, she's a little,
uh, pig-headed, you know?
457
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:46,110
And, between us, she's got
a, uh, eating disorder.
458
00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:47,270
Yeah, seriously.
459
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,020
He-- he was gonna
find out eventually.
460
00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:53,109
Jesus.
And what I'd like
to know, Jon,
461
00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:55,250
is if you'll just
come back and do the show,
462
00:17:55,269 --> 00:17:58,189
and then we will, uh,
work this out,
463
00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:00,110
uh, without any problem.
464
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:03,250
Jon?
465
00:18:05,289 --> 00:18:07,269
I-- I-- I--
I must be on hold.
466
00:18:07,289 --> 00:18:09,999
I don't even hear
any breathing.
467
00:18:10,019 --> 00:18:11,209
Let me talk to him.
468
00:18:13,150 --> 00:18:15,270
Let me talk to him.
I think I hurt his feelings.
469
00:18:15,289 --> 00:18:18,089
Uh, Darlene,
this-- this has...
470
00:18:18,109 --> 00:18:21,039
to do with an argument
that Jon and I had.
471
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,289
No, Larry. He's upset because
I won't go out with him.
472
00:18:24,009 --> 00:18:25,239
No, Darlene, he's mad
because I was wearing
473
00:18:25,259 --> 00:18:27,069
the bracelet
he gave you.
474
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:29,189
What?
He's upset because
we had an argument
475
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:30,280
about the snake story.
476
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,120
I was wearing
that bracelet--
You tell me
477
00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:33,250
that you've
never been upset
478
00:18:33,269 --> 00:18:35,239
when you were
romantically spurned?
479
00:18:35,259 --> 00:18:38,029
Not like this.
Emma Samms.
480
00:18:38,049 --> 00:18:39,219
We agreed we weren't
gonna discuss that.
481
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,140
You turned on
her alarm system.
482
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,040
Now, you did not read
the police report.
483
00:18:43,059 --> 00:18:44,149
I'm quoting
quite liberally.
484
00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:46,140
You did not read
the whole thing.
485
00:18:47,289 --> 00:18:50,229
Hello, Jon? Darlene would
like to talk to you.
486
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,189
Really?
487
00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:55,190
She'll be right down.
488
00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:58,270
He's in his limousine,
sitting in the parking lot.
489
00:18:58,289 --> 00:19:02,049
I can't believe you were willing
to walk off the show for me.
490
00:19:02,069 --> 00:19:03,999
I mean, that proves
that you're nothing like
491
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:06,089
the other guys
in the business I dated.
492
00:19:06,109 --> 00:19:08,059
No, I'm not.
493
00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:10,109
A lot like my character
in "City Slickers 2."
494
00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:12,250
I'm very open
and I'm very honest.
495
00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:14,169
Very honest.
496
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,130
That's why it was
so easy for me to play.
497
00:19:18,150 --> 00:19:20,040
And I was very good in it.
Have you seen it?
498
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,049
Yes. You were great.
499
00:19:22,069 --> 00:19:24,059
Why don't we go out then?
500
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,099
Look, I think, Jon,
uh, let's get to it.
501
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,029
Uh, what Darlene is
trying to say is that
502
00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:29,129
she'd like to go out
with you sometime,
503
00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:30,230
so why don't you come
and do the show,
504
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:32,160
take her to the Dodger
game afterwards
505
00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:33,170
because I can't go.
506
00:19:33,190 --> 00:19:36,080
I've got another,
uh, problem.
507
00:19:36,099 --> 00:19:38,279
Yeah, but you-- but...
508
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,240
Excuse me.
509
00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:42,209
I thought you said
that she was a lesbian.
510
00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:45,050
Oh, no, I can guarantee you
she is not a lesbian.
511
00:19:45,069 --> 00:19:46,229
You can guarantee it?
Yeah, I can guarantee it.
512
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:49,000
Jon, forgive me.
513
00:19:49,019 --> 00:19:52,049
Guys, guys,
and nothing but guys.
514
00:19:52,069 --> 00:19:54,039
That's our Darlene
in a nutshell.
515
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,259
Yeah, I-- I can
vouch for her, too.
516
00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:59,139
Uh, we went out briefly,
517
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,200
um, but she, you know,
she's a little needy,
518
00:20:01,220 --> 00:20:03,000
but other than that--
519
00:20:03,019 --> 00:20:04,139
I think
she's just swell,
520
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,060
but we've got a fucking show
to do, so let's move it.
521
00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:09,220
Okay, see you out there.
522
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,010
See ya.
Uh, Jon,
523
00:20:11,029 --> 00:20:12,249
this whole
mis- -misunderstanding
524
00:20:12,269 --> 00:20:14,179
had something to do with
the snake story, doesn't it?
525
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,140
What? What snake story?
526
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,060
Darlene!
527
00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:20,149
Oh, look at 'em,
528
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:22,090
look at 'em,
look at 'em.
529
00:20:22,109 --> 00:20:25,069
They are so in love.
530
00:20:25,089 --> 00:20:28,199
You know, I remember
once with Margaret--
531
00:20:28,220 --> 00:20:30,250
Hank, please, later.
I'll take you to dinner,
532
00:20:30,269 --> 00:20:32,159
you can tell me
all about it.
533
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:35,060
This whole thing
doesn't make sense.
534
00:20:35,079 --> 00:20:38,029
Can you imagine Darlene
with another woman?
535
00:20:47,019 --> 00:20:50,159
♪ ♪
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