All language subtitles for Cinema.Toast.S01E02.1080p.WEB.H264-WHOSNEXT

Good evening.

I'm jilted and perturbed.

Allow me to be frank:

a sinful and sickening
threat faces us.

Here it is:
a full-fledged flurry

of experimental warfare
is upon us in the form of

new and extreme
scientific breakthroughs.

But it threatens the lives
of every American citizen,

puppy, and vehicle.

We have isolated the source
of this menace to one family:

One bloodline,
one pre-pubescent boy.

For his safety and your own,
his identity shall be obscured.

God knows he will
thank me later.

We have learned of unorthodox
procedures taking place

in the most remote corners
of the world.

Deep within the Siberian tundra,
these Godless mad scientists

will stop at nothing.

For decades they have been
perverting

the natural order of nature

using cross-species
DNA grafting in order

to infiltrate
every corner of America.

And we have the proof.

People gave their lives
to retrieve this footage.

It shows, beyond all doubt,

that these scientific trials
were successful

at least 40 years ago.

But what is the nefarious
plot that we have uncovered?

How did these Soviet geniuses
crack the genetic code,

and what was their intention

in exporting successful
experiments around the globe?

The rise in birth rates
in our country led to a sprawl

out of cities into
the so-called suburbs,

necessitating a new
reliance on the automobile.

The dream: 2.5 children,
a dog in every home

and crucially, two cars
in every garage.

This put undo pressure
on our automakers,

so we began importing cars.

Russian cars.

This, it turns out, played
into their ultimate goal.

Be warned, this will shock,
alarm, repulse,

and revolt you.

This is what
we are up against.

The convergence
of canines and machinery

has long been upon us.

Witness these images,
and despair.

We now know that the war
may already be lost.

[Russian narrator]
This is the autojector.

After the untold death
at Stalingrad,

we men and women of science
took a vow to ensure

that no Russian life
ever be lost again.

Our goal:
to solve the problem of death.

To conquer it, to control it,
and to reverse it.

Allow me to explain:

the process begins by draining
the deceased corpse of blood.

We then mix that blood with
a top-secret solution

including petrol, motor oil,
and a combination of

bio-engineered fluids
from a wide variety

of animal species,

a combination that took
us years to perfect.

It provides the organic
combustion necessary

to revive life where
life has ceased.

We tested this process first
on individual body parts.

On successfully rejuvenating

crucial organs
such as the heart and lungs,

we knew that phase one
of our experiment was complete.

We were prepared to take
the ultimate risk

with phase two.

What comes next is gruesome,

extreme, and proof of
absolute contempt

for the natural order
of God, mankind,

and the biological balance
of mother nature.

You have been warned.

[Russian narrator]
Full rehabilitation
of demised mammals

was the goal.

First, the heart,
then the brain.

Once we returned each
separate organ to life,

nothing remained but to create
a newly arisen intact subject.

This could only be accomplished
with the use of our

experimental machinery.

Thus, in collaboration with
the newly robust tank

and auto industry,
the autojector was born.

What we learned
when the dog and the machine

spoke to one another
was quite unexpected.

Unlike the separated organs,

once we returned activity
to an intact dog,

it was as though
there now existed

a means of direct communication
between beast and device.

Whether this relationship
would prove to be parasitic

or symbiotic, we did not know.

The dog was one
with the machine,

and the machine was
one with the dog.

After careful examination
and study

did our wildest expectations
get exceeded.

The animal had developed
the ability

to control the machinery.

A physiological link existed
between the brain of the dog

and the engine of
the autojector.

As we observed him
wagging his tail,

his spirit overflowing
with new life,

we knew that the world
would never be the same.

We would revive animals
explicitly for the purpose

of controlling machinery.

Never again would one
have to accept the death

of a beloved pet,
nor the unpredictability

of any
manufactured technology.

Having succeeded with canines,
our next goal was obvious:

the full rejuvenation
of human beings.

Aberrant stuff.

Cruel and vicious.

We now know that this process
has been practiced for years,

becoming 75% to 90% effective.

And we have learned that
their experiments

on full grown men and women
were successful

far earlier
than anticipated.

By some estimates,
they've been able to rejuvenate

adult humans since
the early 1950s.

And now, their plan is
entering its final stages.

The key to all of this

is reckless
and unchecked importing

of cars and automechanically
inclined undead dogs

from behind Soviet borders.

The development of the
new post-war family unit

created an increased
need for pets.

Thus, hundreds, no, thousands
of reanimated Soviet canine

bioweapons being shipped to
every corner of the globe.

Our newly increased need
for foreign companies

to supply us with cars,
washing machines,

medical supplies and
central coolant systems

has led to an unprecedented
and unchecked boom

in trade and imported goods.

Russian automobiles
became a fixture

on every American motorway.

This brings us to the most
horrifying victim

of the automechanical undead
Soviet menace.

This boy is special.

His lineage is linked to this
terrifying threat.

He is about to learn
the miserable truth.

Meet our friend, young Herbie.

Herbie's father, Herbie, has
returned from the dealership

with a brand new
Zircalo sedan.

Witness the excitement
of Herbie and Herbie.

But the car came with
an unexpected "bone-nus."

This Zircalo came
shipped from Moscow complete

with a courtesy canine.

But this is no ordinary

suspiciously complimentary
free dog:

That's right.
You guessed it.

The Soviets exported dogs
possessing the power

to communicate
with automobiles,

unleashing in a literal
sense of the word

a dual menace upon
our American streets.

Ever since your mother
abandoned us,

we have needed to replace
both her,

and the car she took off in.

This car and dog will fulfill
all of our needs.

I loved them.

So did I!

But after she found
that mysterious letter

from her mother, she ran off
in possession of the car.

If only we knew what
that letter said!

Anyway, we now have
replaced her

with this car and this dog.

The dealer, Dmitri,
said both car and dog

are to be called Marushka,
and now everything is settled.

With our new car,
our improved life can begin.

This has been a terrible time.

[honking]

It is just as I hoped.

I've been made a full-status
member of the family.

This family, whose bloodline
has long intertwined

with our technology,
and they suspect nothing.

[honks]

[old Herbie] Herbie?

Do you properly respect
and love Marushka?

Is that dog in there with you?

[young Herbie] Yes, Dad.

There's something strange
about this dog.

She smells like a peasant who
has been harvesting potatoes.

Oh, well, no matter.

Time for undisturbed sleep.

[young Herbie]
What are these urges inside me?

Why am I tormented
with such thoughts?

Who are these innocent people?

Why do I feel that
I will see them

perish in hideous car crashes?

Oh, no.

What did Mommy learn
about Grandma?

Marushka...

What are you trying
to tell me to do?

I'm too young to drive.

No...

No, it can't be.

What is happening?

Dogs... autojectors, cars.

Blood on the asphalt?

What is happening to me?

[honks]

Hello, little Herbie.

Oh, dear.

Good evening.

Yes, hello, little boy.

-[barks]
-Welcome to the liminal space

that is neither
heaven nor hell,

neither light nor dark.

Neither mechanical,
nor organic.

This is the realm
over which we rule.

You know me as Marushka.

These are my comrades,
Rasputin and Boris.

At last we meet.

We have long searched
for you, little Herbie.

You don't know it yet,
but you are the chosen one.

The descendant of the first
American whose life

was restored by
our experiments.

Cars make me sad,

because I remember watching
my mom leave us in our car.

She found an old letter
from her mother,

read it, and left.

Watching her drive away,
I felt like my life

would never be the same.

That is a sign of weakness.

We can explain the great
mystery of your family.

That it is fate for you
to serve us.

We can show you what decades
of plotting have wrought.

But... you must do
something for us.

What's that?

All in good time,
our young slave.

Oh, I don't like
the sound of that.

Of course you don't,
you dummy.

-I'm afraid.
-Not as afraid as you will be.

Everything in the
known universe

is in balance,
foolish American child.

Us cars are proof of a new,
higher evolutionary link

between machine and organism.

We have exploited your weak
economy to gain a foothold

in the American marketplace.

Already, one in five driveways
has a Soviet-made car

sitting in it.

Soon, that will be
one in three.

Each Zircalo brand auto
comes linked to a dog,

whose thoughts are
conditioned by the state.

Soon, nothing will stop us.

What does this have
to do with me?

With my mom?
With her mom?

We can find her car,
control it with our dog brains.

Shake your tail,
Marushka the dog.

Da, da, da.

I can feel our bond
becoming stronger.

Don't you see?
She forges a link with us.

With all our brethren.

We become one, canine and
living automechanical vehicles,

sharing a brain, a goal,

an unstoppable plan.

See for yourself, little one.

Your mother is very special.

You are very special.

In order to gain your support
for our cause,

we will do everything
we can to bring her home.

This is imprecise.
There will be casualties.

But that's
okay with you, right?

You want us to do anything we
can to bring your mother back?

Anything, Mistress car.

But first, please tell me:
why me?

Why my mother?
What does our family

have to do with Russkies?

Zircalos? Doggy brains?

What makes me, little Herbie,
so special?

You really don't know, do you?

Sit back, little one,
for I shall tell you

the suppressed tale of
your family's greatest secret.

Your mother's shame,
and the ghastly truth

about your mysterious
grandmother.

[laughs]

[woman]
A letter to my future daughter:

If you are reading this,
the worst has occurred.

Something has happened to me
that I fear shall negatively

affect our family for
generations.

Had I known what madness
lived inside my body,

I would have thrown
myself into traffic.

However, I now know
that would have done nothing.

As you will soon learn,
for me, for you I fear,

and for any child you may have,
death is not so simple.

I speak of something so far

beyond the binary
of life and death

that to put it into words
would push my mind

past the point of sanity.

It all began when Jeffrey
returned from the war

with a mysterious Russian car,

and came a-courting.

Oh, Jeffrey, so fast.
So wild.

Ah...

[Jeffrey]
She drives real nice, huh?

Who'da thunk the Russkies would
make such superb cars?

And they just gave it to you?

Perks of victory.

Had it shipped home
after my service.

And you'll drive me to
the dance tonight in it?

Uh-huh.

Fast, like I like it?

Yeah, I will.

Because I'm a real maniac
and I don't play by the rules.

Ah!

[engine starts]

Ugh, Filbert.

I wish you wouldn't watch me
say goodbye to my dates.

It's my responsibility...

as your brother to
keep an eye on you.

Rebels like Jeffrey?
They're no good!

You're just jealous
because nobody likes you.

No girls, no boys, nobody.

Even after you started
dressing like Jeffrey.

Oh, sure, rub it in.

It's not my fault that nowadays
girls only go for the bad boys!

The troublemakers!

The heroes who killed
Japanese and Krauts in the war

while I was stuck at home
with my disproportionate legs!

Look, I know you care
about Jeffrey,

but something about that car of
his gives me a bad sensation

in my slightly uneven spine.

Now let's just go inside
and have mother give us our bath

before you go to
the big dance tonight.

For I am a dirty boy.

[woman] Okay.

Yeah.

[woman] Ah...

[music plays]

You about ready
to get out of here?

Ride around in my
Zircalo Mach One?

You're in love with your car.

You would be, too, if
you knew how good it felt

to come back to America
with a genuine piece

of Russian engineering
at your fingertips.

Hearing you talk about
Russian engineering excites me.

Ready to feel that motor
under your bum?

Okay.

Please go faster!

This is the true
meaning of freedom!

That's right, it is!

This is how they all drive
in Russia!

You should've seen it.

They don't have our conservative
weak American perspective.

[woman] Your views are so new,
and so radical!

Radical is right!

Baby, I'm alive!

This is what life
is all about!

Driving with
a beautiful girl,

foreign machinery
under our rumps,

feeling reckless and wild!

What better way to express
that than by conquering

these roads
at dangerous speeds!

[Jeffrey] Of course
I'm going to conquer them

at dangerous speeds,
you dummy!

Ooh, yeah!

Watch me go!

Death to slowness!

Now watch this!

-I fear not death!
-Jeffrey!

[honking]

[tires squeal, screaming]

[siren wailing]

[Man] There's no hope for him.
How's she doing?

Not dead yet. Does she smell
like vodka to you?

Gasoline, motor oil,
and vodka?

[doctor]
They must have been drinking.

I also detect a strong
odor of field labor,

-overseen by a wet dog.
-[nurse] How strange.

Wait... wait, her vital signs,
they're... they're increasing.

[Russian narrator] Whether this
relationship would prove to be

parasitic or symbiotic,
we did not know.

All we could be sure of
was that

in giving the formerly deceased
animal a second life,

our technology created

an organic link
between the two.

[doctor]
Her heart rate is rising!

Wow, these cutting edge
state of the art

Russian tools we received
really do the trick.

What do they call it?
An autojector?

[nurse] That U.S. produced
garbage could never have handled

anything this severe.

[doctor] Thank you for
sourcing these machines

and ordering them
express from Moscow.

[nurse] I didn't order them.

I thought you ordered them.

[doctor]
Not that I recall.

Oh, well, I'm sure their
origins are benign,

and not worth questioning.

[nurse]
Doctor, it's a miracle.

Her heart rate,
it's back to normal.

[doctor] Her brother
is in the waiting room,

sucking his thumb.
Tell him...

she'll be ready
to go home in 10 minutes.

Wait, doctor.
There's... most unusual.

This woman... is pregnant!

[doctor]
She is?

Good thing our autojector
saved her life.

She owes her life and
the life of her unborn child

to advanced Russian science.

She will always be
indebted to them.

[woman]
I feel so much better.

That was a real brush
with death.

Yeah, well that's what you get
for palling around

with scum like Jeffrey.

Nothing to worry
about now, though,

now that he's no longer alive.

Did you hear that?

Does it sound like
the car is saying something?

You sound like
you need rest.

There's, of course, no way this
car is communicating with you.

[woman]
You're probably right.

It just feels like something
has changed inside me.

My face, as they rebuilt it,
is the same, but...

my mind feels different.

Uh-huh.

[woman]
I didn't know it then,

but inside me was life.
Your life, my daughter.

I had no idea how
it happened, but

after Jeffrey's Zircalo
Mach One nearly killed me,

and that autojector
rejuvenated me,

I now carry within my womb
a terrible secret.

I can never prove it,

but I know that I too died in
Jeffrey's Russian car,

and I know that those doctors
brought me back to life.

And one day,
my cursed, tragic child,

you may be faced with
the lingering effects

of this horrible,
inexplicable incident.

If the day should ever come,

you must do what I could not:

run away.

Leave your family at once.

You will be endangering them
if you stay.

My greatest shame,
the great tragedy of my life,

all because of that car.

My daughter...
will you, or God,

ever forgive me?

There you have it,
little one.

Look at that dog.
Look at her.

Like your grandmother,
this dog too was once dead.

But now lives again
and speaks to us.

Our souls are linked.

Death is no longer the end.

It is but a step in the journey
of evolving beyond anything

you can comprehend.

Oh, okay.

Your family was the first
in America to know

the cruel fate devised
in our laboratories.

Your mother was conceived
at the moment of impact.

Your mother learned the truth,
and could not live knowing

that you would be in danger.

But her sacrifice
was for nothing.

We already sought the grandson
of our first rejuvenation,

and declare him prophet Herbie.

It is all so simple.

Together, nothing can stop us.

We are one now:
car, machine, dog, boy.

I want to bear witness
to the unending chaos

you shall unleash
upon the world.

It's within me.

My bones, my blood!

Easy there, little one.

For once you offer
yourself to the process,

you will sacrifice
your own humanity.

And that
can never be recovered.

I accept this.
My family destiny.

Then it shall be done.

It's so easy.
I want to help

feed grist to the mill of our
Soviet automobile overlords!

[Boris]
We accept this fealty.

Your mother shall
be returned to you.

We have found her car.
We control it.

We are sending her home
as a treat

for your undying pledge
to our cause.

You are the messiah in our
plan of world domination.

Together, nothing will
stand in our way.

Bask in your role in
the demise of

the human race as you know it,

and conversion of
mankind and canines

into pawns for
the automechanical takeover

we have long planned.

[Marushka] This is but a taste
of the carnage and death

we together shall let loose.

[Boris] The canine,
it all began with a canine.

It was the key to
unlocking everything.

If only you humans hadn't
meddled in the natural order.

You brought this
upon yourselves.

How you will rue the day

that machines were used
to restore life

to that which had perished.

How are you feeling, son?

[yawns]

I never
slept better in my life.

Great news!
It's your mother.

She's home!
She's alive.

Odd, I had a dream
about her.

And Grandma.

She's sleeping now,
but it's the damndest thing.

I swear she smells strongly
of dander and expensive vodka.

Sounds refreshing.

No matter.
This is a wonderful outcome.

All right with me, Dad.

Unexpected, but positive.

-Indeed.
-Whatever.

Let's go out to get some
of her favorite foods.

She's asked for borscht,
blini, and shchi,

like from old country.

Oh, boy!
Can Marushka come, too?

Of course.
She is one of us.

[Marushka barking,
old Herbie laughing]

[young Herbie]
Oh, boy.

Enter the Zircalo, my son.

[Marushka]
Yes, step inside me.

Allow yourself to be
slowly digested

by my oil and petrol sacs.

[young Herbie, thinking]
Being inside this machine

fills me with
unspeakable power,

as though I understand
its thoughts and feelings.

Soon, I will exit
the form of this body

and begin my transfiguration
into the next stage

of human and automechanical
evolution.

This is my destiny,
sealed that day

Grandma's beau came
home to America

with that Russian auto.

For I see now.

I am the messiah of
the oncoming war

between machines
and living organisms.

I am the one who
will lead the fight.

This vision of a future
that cannot be avoided

will haunt me every
day of my life

until the time comes when blood
and motor oil will be spilled

in equal measure
in the streets.

Red and black merged
into one life force.

I never want to
leave this car.

[old Herbie]
Now that's the spirit.

Hurray for little Herbie,

and hurray for this car.

[woman]
May he be crushed to death

by cold steel and concrete.

This cursed bloodline must end.

There you have it.
Incontrovertible proof

of the dangers of importing
reanimated canine corpses

that can communicate with
machinery and motor vehicles

from behind the Iron Curtain.

This is obviously
the single biggest threat

to our American way of life.

So, if you see
a little Herbie

or any child like him,

inside a Russian Automechanical
killing vehicle,

do us all a favor.

Do your children and
their children a favor:

do not hesitate
to kill them.

It may already be too late.

Save us, all of us,

from evil.