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1
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,238
- ALEX, WAKE UP.
- [sighs]
2
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:09,644
- ARE YOU SURE YOU STILL WANNA
BE WITH ME FOREVER AND EVER...
3
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,707
AND EVER?
4
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,151
- I DO.
- WHOO!
5
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,253
ME, TOO!
6
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,594
- [sighs] YOU KNOW, MINE ITCHES.
THOSE TATTOO NEEDLES
7
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:19,689
DID NOT LOOK GOOD.
8
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,260
THERE'S A VERY STRONG
POSSIBILITY
9
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:23,259
THAT I HAVE HEPATITIS.
10
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:26,461
- THAT MEANS
WE HAVE HEPATITIS.
11
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,404
- AW.
12
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,159
THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE.
YOU KNOW, THE DAY WE
13
00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:32,398
BECOME OFFICIALLY MONOGAMOUS,
WE CATCH AN STD.
14
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,503
- [laughs]
15
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,235
ARE YOU SURE THE TATTOOS
ARE ENOUGH?
16
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,240
'CAUSE WE CAN TOTALLY TRY
TO GET MARRIED AGAIN ON MONDAY.
17
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,642
- NAH, NO.
THIS IS MORE US, YOU KNOW?
18
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:43,144
I MEAN, YESTERDAY,
WE WENT TO CITY HALL, THE DMV,
19
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,107
AND THE EMERGENCY ROOM,
SO REALLY, IT WAS JUST
20
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,646
AS EXHAUSTING
AS AN ACTUAL WEDDING.
21
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,220
- [laughs]
22
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,449
I MEAN, WE DON'T NEED
A MARRIAGE LICENSE.
23
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,194
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, TATTOOS
ARE SO MUCH MORE PERMANENT.
24
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,521
- WE'RE DOIN' OUR OWN THING.
25
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,855
- LET'S JUST SAY
WE'RE MARRIED.
26
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,529
- JUST LIKE YOU SAY
YOU GRADUATED COLLEGE.
27
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,788
- [laughs]
EXACTLY.
28
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,197
- WELL, THEN,
UH, WE'RE MARRIED NOW.
29
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:05,330
COOL.
I FEEL GOOD AND OLD.
30
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,766
- [laughs]
31
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,471
- BUT I PROMISE YOU:
JUST 'CAUSE WE'RE MARRIED
32
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,603
DOES NOT MEAN I'M GONNA
THROW IN THE TOWEL.
33
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,308
YOU KNOW, I KNOW A LOT OF WOMEN,
WHEN THEY GET MARRIED,
34
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:14,180
THEY, YOU KNOW,
CUT THEIR HAIR SHORT.
35
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:15,638
I AM NOT GONNA
DO THAT, OKAY?
36
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,646
IN FACT, I'M GONNA
GROW MY HAIR OUT.
37
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,808
- [chuckles]
OKAY, COOL.
38
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,447
- ALL OF IT.
39
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:27,293
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, I FOR SURE
AM GONNA LET MYSELF GO.
40
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:31,131
- [laughs]
GO WHERE?
41
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:35,629
HOW MUCH FURTHER
CAN YOU GO?
42
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,203
- YOU'LL SEE.
- [laughs]
43
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,502
- YOU KNOW,
LET'S HAVE MY MOM OVER.
44
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,803
I WANNA TELL HER
THAT I'M MARRIED, YOU KNOW,
45
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,244
SO SHE'LL STOP TRYING
TO SET ME UP
46
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:45,210
WITH DISTANT RELATIVES.
47
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,239
- YOU SURE?
- YEAH!
48
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,344
I MEAN, I'M A WIFE NOW.
49
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,736
I NEED TO GET IN THE HABIT
OF DOING THINGS
50
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,777
THAT MAKE ME MISERABLE.
51
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,812
- YEAH, AND I'M A HUSBAND.
52
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,817
I NEED TO GET IN THE HABIT
OF MAKING YOU MISERABLE.
53
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,419
- [laughs]
54
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,752
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, THEN,
WE'LL INVITE YOUR MOM OVER.
55
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,418
LOOK, I DON'T REALLY CARE
WHAT WE DO,
56
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,456
AS LONG AS WE GET
TO CONSUMMATE OUR MARRIAGE.
57
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:07,602
- MM! [laughs]
- MM.
58
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:11,528
- OH, NO.
MY LEFT FINGER'S BROKEN.
59
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:14,295
- [exhales]
MINE'S NOT.
60
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,565
- [laughs]
61
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,903
[upbeat music]
62
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:20,567
WHITNEY IS TAPED IN FRONT
OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
63
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,508
- * GIRL, LOOK
AT THAT BODY *
64
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,313
* GIRL, LOOK
AT THAT BODY *
65
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:25,845
* GIRL, LOOK
AT THAT BODY *
66
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,219
* I--I WORK OUT
67
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,479
* GIRL, LOOK
AT THAT BODY *
68
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,747
[music stops]
- OKAY.
69
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:34,194
THAT WAS
YOUR BACHELORETTE PARTY.
70
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,892
- [sighs] I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE MARRIED.
71
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:40,793
YOU!
I MEAN, YOU.
72
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:44,198
- AW, I REMEMBER MY FIRST DAY
OF MARRIAGE.
73
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:46,702
WHO AM I KIDDING?
NO, I DON'T.
74
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,444
- SO I'M ALL READY
TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR MOM.
75
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:49,969
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO,
MAKE SOME BLOODY MARYS
76
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,513
AND PUT SOME PLASTIC DOWN?
- [laughs]
77
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,610
NO, I DO NOT NEED ANY HELP.
I GOT IT.
78
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:55,942
- AW, COME ON, LET ME
HELP YOU OUT WITH SOMETHING.
79
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,976
YOU BROKE YOUR FINGER.
- NO, DON'T BOTHER, ALEX.
80
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:58,911
WHIT WON'T EVER
LET ANYONE HELP HER.
81
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,246
- YEAH, I SAW HER
PAINT A WHOLE ROOM ONCE
82
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:01,952
WITHOUT A LADDER.
83
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:05,222
BITCH CAN JUMP.
84
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,593
- NO, BUT I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,
SOME OF THAT WOULD CHANGE
85
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,520
ONCE WE GOT MARRIED.
I MEAN, COME ON, WHIT.
86
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,486
LET ME
DO SOME HUSBAND STUFF.
87
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,764
- OKAY, YOU WANNA
DO SOME HUSBAND STUFF?
88
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:17,374
LEAVE.
- OKAY.
89
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,468
- OKAY, SO DON'T FORGET:
EVERYTHING MY MOM SAYS
90
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,370
IS EITHER
A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT
91
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,842
OR A FRONT-HANDED INSULT.
92
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,940
- GOT IT, RIGHT?
- SO IF SHE SAYS,
93
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,012
"WOW, THIS APARTMENT'S
REALLY EASY TO KEEP CLEAN,"
94
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,440
SHE MEANS...
- THAT IT'S SMALL.
95
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:31,846
- AND THAT YOU'RE NOT A MAN,
BUT YOU GOT IT.
96
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,379
- CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT?
- NO, I GOT IT.
97
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:37,245
[grunting]
98
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:40,315
- DAMN, BITCH CAN JUMP.
99
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,924
- WOW, WHIT IS TAKING THIS
MARRIAGE STUFF PRETTY SERIOUSLY.
100
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,016
MAYBE WE SHOULD
SPLIT A WEDDING GIFT.
101
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,657
HOW ABOUT,
LIKE, A SPA TREATMENT?
102
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,563
- OH, NO.
WHIT WOULD HATE THAT.
103
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,495
SHE CAN'T BE
IN SMALL SPACES.
104
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,800
KEEP IN MIND THAT WHITNEY
IS CLAUSTROPHOBIC,
105
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,442
AGORAPHOBIC,
BUT ALSO HAS ABANDONMENT ISSUES
106
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,968
WHICH IS WHY SHE CAN'T STAND IT
IF PEOPLE ARE MORE OR LESS
107
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:01,005
THAN 20 FEET AWAY
FROM HER.
108
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,241
- I DID
NOT KNOW THAT.
109
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,446
OH, THE OTHER DAY, I SAW THESE
BEAUTIFUL MARTINI SHAKERS--
110
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,048
- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
111
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,519
WHITNEY DOES NOT HAVE A HEALTHY
RELATIONSHIP WITH MARTINIS.
112
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,719
ONE TIME, WE WERE
AT SANDALS IN KEY WEST.
113
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,751
WHITNEY HAD FOUR MARTINIS
AND GOT INTO A FISTFIGHT
114
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,656
WITH AN OLIVE.
115
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,289
THE OLIVE WON.
116
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,755
[knock at door]
- OH, HEY, THAT'S MY MOM.
117
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:22,302
CAN YOU GRAB IT?
- UH, YEAH.
118
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,330
- CANDI.
119
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,595
- YOU!
120
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,644
- ME.
121
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,969
- LILY!
122
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,044
WHEN'S THE BIG DAY?
123
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,942
- OH, UH, WE ACTUALLY
CALLED OFF THE ENGAGEMENT.
124
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,505
- OH, NO! WHY?
125
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,005
- WE JUST
WEREN'T COMPATIBLE.
126
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,646
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
MEN ARE FROM MARS,
127
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:44,451
AND NEAL'S
HAVING SEX WITH MEN.
128
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,645
- OH, HONEY,
HE'LL BE BACK.
129
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,517
HE'LL SOON REALIZE
THAT MEN ARE DISGUSTING.
130
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:53,687
- HI, MOM.
- HI, HONEY. [chuckles]
131
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:54,927
- HEY, CANDI,
DO YOU WANT A DRINK?
132
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,532
- YEAH, SURE.
IT'S 10:00 A.M. SOMEWHERE.
133
00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,596
- WHIT, ARE YOU SURE
YOU DON'T WANT US TO STAY?
134
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,004
- WE CAN TOTALLY STAY
AND HELP OUT.
135
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,035
- AW, YOU GUYS CAN GO.
- OH, YOU SURE?
136
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:10,044
- MOM, WHAT IS THIS?
- THAT'S FROM ME.
137
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,577
CONGRATULATIONS.
- COME ON!
138
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:12,752
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO GET US A GIFT--
139
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,720
- NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S FINE.
140
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:18,088
YOUR COUSIN NANCY DOESN'T
COME OVER HERE, DOES SHE?
141
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:21,048
- I HAVE COUSINS?
- PERFECT.
142
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,588
I WOULD'VE BROUGHT IT
TO THE CEREMONY,
143
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:23,993
BUT I WASN'T INVITED.
144
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,634
- OH, NO, WE DIDN'T
HAVE A CEREMONY.
145
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,129
DIDN'T WHIT TELL YOU?
- YEAH, MOM, REMEMBER?
146
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,800
WE TALKED
ON THE PHONE LAST NIGHT?
147
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,829
I WAS SCREAMING
OVER YOUR BLENDER?
148
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,104
YOU WERE MAKING
A PROTEIN SHAKE...
149
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,973
COLADA?
- AH.
150
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,042
MUST NOT
HAVE REGISTERED.
151
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,410
YOU KNOW
I TAKE MY PILL AT 9:00.
152
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,669
- OH, NO,
SHE CALLED YOU AT 5:00.
153
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:44,137
- I TAKE MY FIRST PILL
AT 4:00.
154
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,507
SO LET ME
SEE THE RING.
155
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,476
- OH, UM, WELL,
ALEX GOT ME A RING,
156
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,645
BUT THEN MY FINGER BROKE,
157
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,482
SO WE HAD TO GO TO THE E.R.,
AND THEN THEY HAD TO CUT--
158
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:51,488
- IS THAT WHAT
HE TOLD YOU TO SAY?
159
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,989
BECAUSE I CAN FIND A SHELTER.
160
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,061
- CANDI, WE DIDN'T REALLY
DO THE MARRIAGE LICENSE THING,
161
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,529
YOU KNOW,
BUT WE GOT TATTOOS.
162
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,758
- MM-HMM.
163
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,032
- [laughs]
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
164
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,031
WHA--THERE'S NO RING?
- MM-MM.
165
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,833
- THERE'S NO LICENSE?
THERE'S NO CEREMONY?
166
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,095
- YES, BUT AS FAR
AS WE'RE CONCERNED,
167
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:06,873
WE ARE TOTALLY MARRIED.
168
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,100
- [exhales]
WELL, THAT'S FUN.
169
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,567
WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO TELL MY FRIENDS?
170
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,636
- OKAY, MOM, JUST TELL THEM
THAT WE'RE M--
171
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,605
UM, GUESS WHAT?
I MADE YOUR FAVORITE.
172
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,005
CHICKEN AND SPLENDA.
- [chuckles] LOOK AT YOU.
173
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,077
LOOK AT YOU
AND YOUR KITCHEN.
174
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,554
REMINDS ME OF WHEN YOU
175
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,693
USED TO STICK YOUR HEAD
IN YOUR EASY-BAKE OVEN.
176
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,848
- OKAY, MOM,
IT WASN'T AN EASY-BAKE OVEN.
177
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:31,057
IT WAS AN EMPTY JACK DANIELS BOX
WITH A FLASHLIGHT TAPED INSIDE.
178
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,291
WHY WOULD YOU BRING THAT UP?
179
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:36,125
- WELL, OKAY, SO, UH, WHAT ABOUT
THE SPLENDA SITUATION HERE?
180
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,833
DO I PUT THE SPLENDA
ON THE CHICKEN?
181
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:38,895
DO I PUT THE CHICKEN
ON THE SPLENDA?
182
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,502
OR DO I SPRINKLE IT...
[whistles] LIKE, DIRECTLY
183
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,165
IN THE BIRD?
184
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,473
- UH, THAT'S GROSS.
- THAT'S DISGUSTING.
185
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,266
- YOU JUST--
both: YOU USE IT
186
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:49,806
TO MAKE THE SAUCE.
- OH, UH, UH--
187
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,143
- [exhales]
188
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,648
UH, YOU KNOW, HONEY,
WOULD YOU MIND
189
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,580
IF I DIDN'T STAY FOR DINNER?
- WHY?
190
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,075
- WELL, I TOLD DONNA I COULDN'T
COME TO HER HOUSEWARMING
191
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,587
'CAUSE I THOUGHT
YOU GOT MARRIED,
192
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:02,459
AND NOW
I FEEL LIKE A LIAR.
193
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:07,600
AND YOU KNOW, DONNA,
SHE'S LIKE FAMILY TO ME.
194
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,098
- NO WORRIES AT ALL, MOM.
- OKAY.
195
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,229
YOU KNOW WHAT?
196
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,673
WHY DON'T YOU
PUT MY CHICKEN ON ICE?
197
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,669
MAYBE I'LL SWING BY
ON THE WAY BACK,
198
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,801
BUT I THINK IT'S GONNA
BE AN ALL-NIGHTER.
199
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:20,106
DONNA'S HUSBAND
WORKS FOR SEAGRAM'S.
200
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,910
TELL YOU WHAT?
KEEP THE GIFT.
201
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,113
- THANK YOU.
- SEE YA, ALEX.
202
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,176
LISTEN: GETTING
A MARRIAGE LICENSE
203
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,475
TAKES TWO MINUTES.
204
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,347
MAKE IT OFFICIAL.
205
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:31,893
IT MAKES IT HARDER
FOR THEM TO LEAVE,
206
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,249
AND DON'T HAVE CHILDREN
RIGHT AWAY.
207
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,586
THAT'S WHAT YOUR FATHER
AND I DID,
208
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,962
AND IT WAS A DISASTER.
209
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,859
- LOVE YOU.
210
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,031
- LOVE YOU.
211
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,700
- SO I TOOK A SWING
212
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,199
AT THIS SPLENDA SAUCE.
I THINK I'M COMING CLOSE.
213
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:46,070
IS IT SUPPOSED TO GLOW?
- MM-HMM.
214
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,029
- YOU KNOW, YOUR MOM,
IT WAS REALLY NICE OF HER
215
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,037
GETTIN' A GIFT.
216
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,038
SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
217
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:53,809
I THINK THAT, UH--
- [sobbing]
218
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,941
- WHIT, ARE YOU HOT?
219
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,605
YOU OKAY?
220
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,277
- I'M FINE.
[sobbing]
221
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,715
- WAIT,
I KNOW THIS GAME.
222
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:06,791
"I'M FINE"
MEANS YOU'RE NOT FINE.
223
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,520
- [crying]
IT'S NOTHING.
224
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,917
- COME HERE.
COME HERE.
225
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:11,858
OKAY, COME HERE.
COME HERE, COME HERE.
226
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,992
- OH, IT'S NOTHING.
I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
227
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,857
- IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
COME HERE. COME HERE.
228
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,267
- [cries]
229
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,069
I MEAN, IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT
DAY OF MY LIFE.
230
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,072
SHE JUST LEFT.
231
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,744
- IT'S OKAY, ALL RIGHT?
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
232
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,713
YOU HAVE ME NOW.
IT'S OKAY.
233
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,741
- [exhales]
234
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:36,050
WHAT'S THAT?
235
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,223
- WHAT?
236
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,251
- THAT.
237
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,999
- THAT'S NOTHING.
238
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,072
- I DEFINITELY
FELT SOMETHING.
239
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:57,911
- NO, UH,
THAT'S MY BELT BUCKLE.
240
00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:01,908
- OKAY, DOES YOUR BELT BUCKLE
HAVE A PULSE?
241
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,582
- YEAH.
242
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,682
- WHY ARE YOU TURNED ON?
243
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,154
IS THIS
BECAUSE I'M CRYING?
244
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,022
- WHAT?
NO--YOU'RE CRYING?
245
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,251
UH, WH--I DON'T--
POOR YOU.
246
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:18,786
COME HERE--OH.
COME HERE.
247
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:21,186
- [scoffs] DO YOU HAVE
SOME KIND OF SICK FETISH
248
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,158
FOR, LIKE, WEAK GIRLS?
249
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,326
- WHAT? NO.
I DON'T THINK SO.
250
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,174
HA--DO YOU?
251
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,039
- [scoffs]
OKAY, GREAT.
252
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,698
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,
I ACTUALLY FEEL SAFE,
253
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,708
AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO.
THANK YOU.
254
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:38,310
- EXCUSE ME.
I DID NOT AUTHORIZE THIS, OKAY?
255
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:42,645
IT JUST, LIKE--
IT JUST HAPPENED.
256
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:45,023
- OKAY, I'M REALLY FREAKED OUT
BY YOU RIGHT NOW.
257
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,252
I'M JUST--I'M GONNA
GO FOR A WALK.
258
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,257
- WELL, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO.
259
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,018
HEY, LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST KEEP TALKING.
260
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,057
IT'LL GO AWAY.
261
00:09:54,427 --> 00:10:00,127
[exhales] OH, REALLY?
NOW YOU GO AWAY?
262
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,967
WAIT.
263
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,772
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
264
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,335
both: WHAT?
- THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.
265
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,736
- STOP IT.
- THERE IS NO WAY.
266
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:15,248
- IT'S CRAZY, RIGHT?
both: YOU CRIED?
267
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,992
- I FEEL LIKE THAT'S LESS
THE THING THAN THE OTHER THING.
268
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,788
- YOU DIDN'T EVEN CRY
WHEN YOU WALKED
269
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:23,760
THROUGH THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR
AT CHILI'S.
270
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,791
- NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE SEEN WHITNEY CRY BEFORE.
271
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,997
- YOU HAVE?
- YEAH. IT WAS IN COLLEGE.
272
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,299
SHE WAS CRYING
IN THE SHOWER,
273
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,731
AND SO WAS I.
274
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,737
WE ALL WERE.
275
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:40,814
- WHITNEY CRIED?
276
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:41,711
- YUP.
277
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:46,112
- WHITNEY STILL HAS TEARS
IN HER HEAD?
278
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,776
- APPARENTLY.
I FEEL TERRIBLE.
279
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:50,145
SHE STARTED CRYING.
- AND THAT'S WHEN YOU--
280
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,823
- YEAH.
281
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,393
- DUDE,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
282
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,721
SOMETIMES, THAT JUST HAPPENS
AT THE WORST TIME.
283
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,187
YOU'RE NOT EVEN THINKIN'
ABOUT SEX
284
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,955
AND YOU GET A VISIT
FROM THE GOON SQUAD.
285
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,334
ONE TIME THAT HAPPENED
TO ME WHEN I WAS GOING
286
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,462
THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY.
287
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,726
THINGS GET WEIRD
WHEN I'M BAREFOOT.
288
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,836
- YEAH, ONE TIME IT HAPPENED
TO ME AT THE ROCK CLIMBING WALL
289
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,268
AT THE ESPN ZONE.
290
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:13,312
OH, AND ONCE AT STAPLES.
- EVERY TIME!
291
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,340
THE WORST IS WHEN IT HAPPENS
AT A FAMILY REUNION.
292
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,779
- AND YOU LOST ME.
293
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,045
- USUALLY, WHEN THAT HAPPENS,
THERE'S SOMETHING PRIMAL
294
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,915
GOING ON, LIKE...
295
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,094
YOU NEEDED TO PROTECT HER
AND PROCREATE.
296
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,392
I MEAN, THIS IS
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC 101.
297
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,094
- YEAH, WHITNEY
IS SO INDEPENDENT.
298
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,197
MAYBE I JUST GOT TURNED ON
'CAUSE SHE WAS BEING VULNERABLE,
299
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,429
YOU KNOW?
300
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:42,465
- YOU SICKO.
301
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,202
- I AM SO CONFUSED
ABOUT THIS.
302
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,507
IT'S LIKE,
I FEEL REALLY ANGRY AND UNSAFE,
303
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:50,839
BUT I ALSO
FEEL REALLY PRETTY.
304
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,378
- IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
GUYS ARE ALWAYS EXCITED.
305
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,053
THAT'S WHY THEIR PANTS
ARE MADE TO POKE OUT
306
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:58,092
LIKE THAT
WHEN THEY SIT.
307
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,148
- I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
308
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:01,487
- JUST APOLOGIZE.
309
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:02,491
- I DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING WRONG.
310
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,092
- IT DOESN'T MATTER.
311
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,934
LOOK, MY BIGGEST REGRET
IN MY MARRIAGE
312
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,399
WAS ALWAYS BEING TOO PROUD
TO APOLOGIZE.
313
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:12,828
MY SECOND REGRET WAS GIVING HIM
MY iTUNES PASSWORD.
314
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:16,196
YOU GUYS, IS TAYLOR SWIFT
GONNA BE OKAY?
315
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,766
- MY BIGGEST REGRET
IN MY RELATIONSHIP
316
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:22,136
WAS BEING A WOMAN, SO...
317
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,849
[ambient sports sounds]
318
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:31,482
- HEY.
- HEY, LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY.
319
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,388
THAT WASN'T COOL.
- NO, I'M SORRY.
320
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,820
I--I COMPLETELY
OVERREACTED,
321
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,156
AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S--
322
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:42,131
IT'S MY FAULT
FOR LOOKIN' SO CUTE TODAY.
323
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,902
- WELL, I ACTUALLY
THINK I JUST GOT EXCITED
324
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:46,931
'CAUSE YOUR MOM LEFT.
- [laughs]
325
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,312
- [groans] I'M SORRY.
I JUST--I GET SO SENSITIVE
326
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,839
WHEN MY MOM'S AROUND.
327
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,284
IT'S LIKE SHE JUST
PUSHES ALL OF MY BUTTONS.
328
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,509
- SHE CERTAINLY
KNOWS WHERE THEY ARE,
329
00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:00,514
BECAUSE SHE PUT THEM THERE.
- [laughs]
330
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:04,477
- I THINK SHE JUST WAS CONFUSED
ABOUT HOW UNCONVENTIONAL
331
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,017
OUR THING IS.
332
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,223
- OH.
333
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,864
SO YOU'RE SAYING
MY MOM'S RIGHT?
334
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,289
- WELL, NO,
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
335
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,433
- OH.
THAT'S HOW IT FELT.
336
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:16,829
- WELL, FEELINGS
AREN'T FACTS.
337
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:20,904
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY
UNDER YOUR BREATH SOMETIMES.
338
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,974
- OKAY, DO NOT USE
MY AFFIRMATIONS AGAINST ME.
339
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,944
- NO. [laughs]
I JUST THINK
340
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,143
THAT WE NEED TO GET USED
TO PEOPLE
341
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:32,145
BEING CONFUSED
ABOUT THIS.
342
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,079
- OKAY.
343
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,554
I'M SORRY.
344
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,352
- IT'S OKAY,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
345
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,924
- OKAY,
I'M NOT REALLY SORRY.
346
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:42,292
I JUST DON'T WANT
TO END UP LIKE ROXANNE.
347
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,562
WHERE'S THE CHICKEN?
348
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,860
- OH, I THREW IT AWAY.
349
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,063
- YOU THREW AWAY
THE CHICKEN?
350
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,995
- YEAH, I JUST--I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU STILL WANTED IT.
351
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,230
- WHO ARE YOU?
352
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,036
- YOU STILL WANTED IT?
353
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,538
- CHICKEN'S MY WHOLE LIFE.
354
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:03,111
- I THOUGHT THAT HONEY BOO BOO
WAS YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
355
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:05,653
- OKAY.
356
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,178
THAT WAS THE FIRST CHICKEN
I MADE AS A WIFE.
357
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,945
- ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT
DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
358
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,993
BRONZE IT?
359
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,919
OKAY, LOOK, WE BOTH KNOW
YOUR MOM'S NOT COMING BACK.
360
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,515
DONNA'S HUSBAND
WORKS FOR SEAGRAM'S.
361
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,427
- OKAY, ARE YOU, LIKE,
TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY AGAIN?
362
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,900
- WHOA, WHOA, NO, NO, NO.
HOLD ON. WHOA.
363
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:24,629
JUST EVERYBODY RELAX.
LET'S JUST STOP TALKING
364
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,674
MAYBE FOR LIKE A MINUTE, OKAY?
- OKAY, OKAY.
365
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,499
IN THAT CASE,
WHY DON'T WE JUST GET A DIVORCE?
366
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:33,236
- GET--WE CAN'T GET A DIVORCE.
WE'RE NOT EVEN MARRIED.
367
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,283
OH, NO.
368
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,282
- [exhales] I CAN'T BELIEVE
MY FIRST DAY OF MARRIAGE
369
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,175
IS ENDING UP
ON ROXANNE'S COUCH.
370
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:48,287
- TECHNICALLY,
IT'S MY BED, BUT WHATEVER.
371
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,991
[knocks at door]
- J.CREW?
372
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,263
- TOPSHOP?
- SHOPBOP?
373
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,302
- IT'S ALEX.
both: OH.
374
00:14:58,331 --> 00:14:59,931
- HEY.
- HI.
375
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,527
- MM, MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST WAIT IN MY BEDROOM.
376
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,598
- OH, COULD
I MAKE A DRINK FIRST?
377
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,635
- OH, I KEEP DRINKS
IN THERE.
378
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,180
- YOU KNOW,
MY PARENTS HAVE A RULE.
379
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,179
THEY NEVER SLEEP APART
NO MATTER HOW MAD THEY ARE
380
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,711
AT EACH OTHER, AND THEY'VE
BEEN TOGETHER FOR 40 YEARS.
381
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:18,946
- YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER
40 YEARS.
382
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,046
- GOOD ONE.
383
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,522
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT,
384
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,027
ALL RIGHT?
IT WASN'T COOL.
385
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,299
OH, ALL RIGHT,
REALLY.
386
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,298
WELL, YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS
HAVE ANOTHER RULE.
387
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:31,630
IF MY DAD WANTS
TO SIT ON THE COUCH
388
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,674
AND MY MOM DOESN'T LET HIM,
THEN HE SITS ON HER.
389
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,374
- MY DAD SAT
ON OTHER WOMEN, TOO,
390
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:42,476
AND THAT'S WHY MY PARENTS
GOT DIVORCED.
391
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,079
- HE SHOWED UP
WITH PILLOWS TO SLEEP HERE?
392
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,222
WHO IS HE? ME?
393
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:49,218
- WHAT ABOUT
FOR HER WEDDING GIFT,
394
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,049
WE GET THEM SOME NICE
MONOGRAMMED PILLOWCASES?
395
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,315
- OH, THAT'S SWEET,
396
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:56,223
BUT WHITNEY DOESN'T LIKE
MONOGRAMMED THINGS.
397
00:15:56,256 --> 00:16:01,256
SHE'S NOT ENTIRELY SURE
WHAT HER INITIALS ARE.
398
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,304
YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT?
399
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,730
- NO, I DIDN'T.
400
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,165
YOU KNOW WHAT?
401
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,170
WHY DON'T YOU JUST PICK OUT
HER PRESENTS,
402
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,741
SINCE YOU KNOW HER
SO MUCH BETTER THAN I DO?
403
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,110
- WHA--WHOA,
I NEVER SAID THAT.
404
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,510
- YEAH, BUT YOU'VE BEEN
IMPLYING IT ALL DAY.
405
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,082
- ROXANNE--
- WHAT? I MEAN, I GET IT.
406
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,581
YOU TWO HAVE BEEN FRIENDS
LONGER, YOU KNOW?
407
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:24,023
I WILL NEVER BE AS CLOSE
AS YOU TWO ARE.
408
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:26,321
- I CAN'T AFFORD A GIFT.
- WHAT?
409
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,523
- THE REASON I'VE BEEN
SHOOTING DOWN ALL YOUR IDEAS
410
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:31,455
IS BECAUSE I CAN'T
AFFORD ANY OF THEM.
411
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,361
I'M JUST REALLY BROKE RIGHT NOW,
AND I ALREADY FEEL BAD ENOUGH
412
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,055
THAT I'VE BEEN
MOOCHING OFF YOU.
413
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,197
- NO, LILY!
414
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:42,042
- I STAY HERE FOR FREE.
I EAT ALL YOUR FOOD.
415
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,769
I'VE SOLD SOME
OF YOUR CLOTHES.
416
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,143
- YOU HAVE?
417
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,812
- YOU HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES
IN YOUR CLOSET
418
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,379
WITH THE TAGS STILL ON.
- I KNOW.
419
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,750
I DON'T EVEN LIKE THEM.
420
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:56,779
I JUST BUY THEM
SO OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE THEM.
421
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,393
- I FEEL LIKE THAT
TOOK A WEIRD TURN.
422
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,393
- LOOK...
423
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:09,226
LILY,
I LIKE COVERING YOU,
424
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,432
AND I REALLY LIKE
HAVING SOMEONE HERE
425
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,395
WHEN I COME HOME,
YOU KNOW?
426
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:17,574
YOU'RE LIKE A CAT
WHO TALKS.
427
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:22,814
- YOU'RE LIKE A DOG.
- OOH--YEAH, MM.
428
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,712
- LOOK, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID
THAT WE WEREN'T MARRIED,
429
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,114
ALL RIGHT?
THAT WAS STUPID,
430
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,576
BUT MOVING FORWARD,
WE'RE BOTH GONNA DO
431
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,175
STUPID THINGS
EVERY NOW AND THEN,
432
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,617
AND EVERY TIME
WE GET INTO A FIGHT,
433
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,821
YOU CAN'T JUST BOLT.
- [groans]
434
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:37,263
I ONLY DID IT
TWICE TODAY.
435
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,290
- WHIT, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO RUN AWAY, ALL RIGHT?
436
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,086
YOU'RE SAFE.
- [exhales]
437
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:44,398
YOU'RE CRUSHING ME.
438
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:46,371
- I KNOW THAT EVERYONE
WHO WAS SUPPOSED
439
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,339
TO TAKE CARE OF YOU
IN YOUR LIFE LET YOU DOWN,
440
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,468
BUT NOW, I'M GONNA
TAKE CARE OF YOU
441
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,543
AND YOU'RE GONNA LET ME.
442
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,241
- OH, AM I?
- YEAH.
443
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,284
AND YOU'RE GONNA LET ME
DO THINGS, ALL RIGHT?
444
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:57,139
I'M GONNA REACH
FOR THE BOWLS
445
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,107
AND I'M GONNA MOVE
THE HEAVY THINGS,
446
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:03,416
AND YOU'RE GONNA LET ME
TALK TO THE COPS.
447
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,291
AND, YOU KNOW, EVERY NOW
AND THEN, WHEN SOMETHING
448
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,320
GOES WRONG, I'M GONNA
TAKE CARE OF YOU, ALL RIGHT?
449
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,787
BECAUSE YOU NEED ME.
- [groans]
450
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,595
THAT MAKES ME SICK.
451
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,228
- WELL, AT LEAST
I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
452
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:20,374
WITH A PHYSICAL REACTION
TO YOU NEEDING ME.
453
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,200
- OKAY,
I DO NOT NEED YOU.
454
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,165
- YEAH, YOU DO, ALL RIGHT?
YOU LEFT YOUR WALLET AT HOME,
455
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,874
AND I HAVE IT, SO TECHNICALLY,
YOU DO NEED ME.
456
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,775
- FINE, KEEP IT.
IT'S FULL OF YOUR MONEY.
457
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:32,248
- HEY, WHIT.
I GOT YOU.
458
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,324
- I HATE YOU.
459
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:39,549
- NO, YOU LOVE ME.
460
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,286
- [groans]
I DO.
461
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,821
- AND WHENEVER
YOU FORGET THAT YOU DO,
462
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,855
JUST LOOK
AT YOUR TATTOO.
463
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,728
- I KNOW
THAT I'M A MESS SOMETIMES,
464
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,902
BUT I GOT YOU, TOO.
465
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:54,872
- WELL, THAT MEANS
THAT WE GOT THIS.
466
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,701
- [laughs]
YEAH.
467
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,737
WE GOT THIS.
468
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,412
[groans]
469
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:07,314
CAN WE SAY TOMORROW'S
OUR FIRST DAY OF MARRIAGE?
470
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,717
I FEEL LIKE
WE KINDA BOMBED THIS.
471
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:12,448
- [laughs]
472
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,815
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE IT WAS SO ROUGH
473
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:18,493
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
WE DIDN'T, LIKE, SAY VOWS.
474
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:21,685
YOU DIDN'T
PROMISE ME ANYTHING.
475
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,365
- OKAY.
LET'S DO SOME VOWS.
476
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,270
LET'S VOW IT UP.
- YEAH?
477
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,244
- BRING IT IN.
- ALL RIGHT.
478
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,783
- I, WHITNEY,
479
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,248
PROMISE TO HAVE
480
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:42,448
AND TO HUG.
481
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:45,292
- AND YOU PROMISE TO LET ME
TAKE CARE OF YOU
482
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,518
AND JUST GENERALLY
CALM DOWN.
483
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,855
- [laughs]
484
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:55,359
AND YOU PROMISE TO LET ME
THROW OUT YOUR CROCS.
485
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:59,695
- IN SICKNESS
AND IN HEALTH.
486
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:05,412
FOR RICHER
OR FOR POORER.
487
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:10,408
- UNTIL YOUR
"ACCIDENTAL" DEATH...
488
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,754
DO US PART.
489
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,580
- PLAY BALL!
490
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,352
- GETTING YOU GUYS
A WEDDING GIFT WASN'T EASY
491
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:22,718
BECAUSE YOU
DIDN'T HAVE A REGISTRY
492
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,355
AND YOU'RE SO WEIRD,
493
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,932
BUT HERE YOU GO.
494
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,259
THESE SHOULD HELP YOU LIVE
A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER.
495
00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:32,426
- AW, HIS AND HERS
NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES.
496
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:33,395
- THANK YOU, MARK.
497
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,743
- YEAH, I WAS GONNA
GET YOU A SOUND MACHINE,
498
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,268
BUT YOU ARE ONE.
499
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:39,374
- AND THIS IS FROM ME
AND ROXANNE.
500
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:42,776
- AWW!
501
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:46,749
OH, MY GOD!
US IN COLLEGE...
502
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:51,979
WITH ROXANNE PHOTOSHOPPED IN
FLOATING ABOVE US.
503
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,388
YOU GUYS!
504
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:55,521
- I KNOW
WE'VE ONLY BEEN FRIENDS
505
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,055
WITH ROXANNE FOR A COUPLE YEARS,
BUT IT REALLY DOES FEEL
506
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,760
LIKE WE'VE ALL
BEEN FRIENDS FOREVER.
507
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,832
- IT DOES.
508
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,761
- OH, OH, SHE'S CRYING.
509
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,696
I SAW IT.
510
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:09,943
- DUDE, I GET IT NOW.
36931
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