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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,238 - ALEX, WAKE UP. - [sighs] 2 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:09,644 - ARE YOU SURE YOU STILL WANNA BE WITH ME FOREVER AND EVER... 3 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,707 AND EVER? 4 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,151 - I DO. - WHOO! 5 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,253 ME, TOO! 6 00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,594 - [sighs] YOU KNOW, MINE ITCHES. THOSE TATTOO NEEDLES 7 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:19,689 DID NOT LOOK GOOD. 8 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,260 THERE'S A VERY STRONG POSSIBILITY 9 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:23,259 THAT I HAVE HEPATITIS. 10 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:26,461 - THAT MEANS WE HAVE HEPATITIS. 11 00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,404 - AW. 12 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,159 THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE. YOU KNOW, THE DAY WE 13 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:32,398 BECOME OFFICIALLY MONOGAMOUS, WE CATCH AN STD. 14 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,503 - [laughs] 15 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,235 ARE YOU SURE THE TATTOOS ARE ENOUGH? 16 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,240 'CAUSE WE CAN TOTALLY TRY TO GET MARRIED AGAIN ON MONDAY. 17 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,642 - NAH, NO. THIS IS MORE US, YOU KNOW? 18 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:43,144 I MEAN, YESTERDAY, WE WENT TO CITY HALL, THE DMV, 19 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,107 AND THE EMERGENCY ROOM, SO REALLY, IT WAS JUST 20 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,646 AS EXHAUSTING AS AN ACTUAL WEDDING. 21 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,220 - [laughs] 22 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,449 I MEAN, WE DON'T NEED A MARRIAGE LICENSE. 23 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,194 YOU KNOW, I MEAN, TATTOOS ARE SO MUCH MORE PERMANENT. 24 00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,521 - WE'RE DOIN' OUR OWN THING. 25 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,855 - LET'S JUST SAY WE'RE MARRIED. 26 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,529 - JUST LIKE YOU SAY YOU GRADUATED COLLEGE. 27 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,788 - [laughs] EXACTLY. 28 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,197 - WELL, THEN, UH, WE'RE MARRIED NOW. 29 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:05,330 COOL. I FEEL GOOD AND OLD. 30 00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,766 - [laughs] 31 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,471 - BUT I PROMISE YOU: JUST 'CAUSE WE'RE MARRIED 32 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,603 DOES NOT MEAN I'M GONNA THROW IN THE TOWEL. 33 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,308 YOU KNOW, I KNOW A LOT OF WOMEN, WHEN THEY GET MARRIED, 34 00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:14,180 THEY, YOU KNOW, CUT THEIR HAIR SHORT. 35 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:15,638 I AM NOT GONNA DO THAT, OKAY? 36 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,646 IN FACT, I'M GONNA GROW MY HAIR OUT. 37 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,808 - [chuckles] OKAY, COOL. 38 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,447 - ALL OF IT. 39 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:27,293 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, I FOR SURE AM GONNA LET MYSELF GO. 40 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:31,131 - [laughs] GO WHERE? 41 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:35,629 HOW MUCH FURTHER CAN YOU GO? 42 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,203 - YOU'LL SEE. - [laughs] 43 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,502 - YOU KNOW, LET'S HAVE MY MOM OVER. 44 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,803 I WANNA TELL HER THAT I'M MARRIED, YOU KNOW, 45 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,244 SO SHE'LL STOP TRYING TO SET ME UP 46 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:45,210 WITH DISTANT RELATIVES. 47 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,239 - YOU SURE? - YEAH! 48 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,344 I MEAN, I'M A WIFE NOW. 49 00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,736 I NEED TO GET IN THE HABIT OF DOING THINGS 50 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,777 THAT MAKE ME MISERABLE. 51 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,812 - YEAH, AND I'M A HUSBAND. 52 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,817 I NEED TO GET IN THE HABIT OF MAKING YOU MISERABLE. 53 00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,419 - [laughs] 54 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,752 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, THEN, WE'LL INVITE YOUR MOM OVER. 55 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,418 LOOK, I DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT WE DO, 56 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,456 AS LONG AS WE GET TO CONSUMMATE OUR MARRIAGE. 57 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:07,602 - MM! [laughs] - MM. 58 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:11,528 - OH, NO. MY LEFT FINGER'S BROKEN. 59 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:14,295 - [exhales] MINE'S NOT. 60 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,565 - [laughs] 61 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,903 [upbeat music] 62 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:20,567 WHITNEY IS TAPED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 63 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,508 - * GIRL, LOOK AT THAT BODY * 64 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,313 * GIRL, LOOK AT THAT BODY * 65 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:25,845 * GIRL, LOOK AT THAT BODY * 66 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,219 * I--I WORK OUT 67 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,479 * GIRL, LOOK AT THAT BODY * 68 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,747 [music stops] - OKAY. 69 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:34,194 THAT WAS YOUR BACHELORETTE PARTY. 70 00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,892 - [sighs] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MARRIED. 71 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:40,793 YOU! I MEAN, YOU. 72 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:44,198 - AW, I REMEMBER MY FIRST DAY OF MARRIAGE. 73 00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:46,702 WHO AM I KIDDING? NO, I DON'T. 74 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,444 - SO I'M ALL READY TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR MOM. 75 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:49,969 WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAKE SOME BLOODY MARYS 76 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,513 AND PUT SOME PLASTIC DOWN? - [laughs] 77 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,610 NO, I DO NOT NEED ANY HELP. I GOT IT. 78 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:55,942 - AW, COME ON, LET ME HELP YOU OUT WITH SOMETHING. 79 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,976 YOU BROKE YOUR FINGER. - NO, DON'T BOTHER, ALEX. 80 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:58,911 WHIT WON'T EVER LET ANYONE HELP HER. 81 00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,246 - YEAH, I SAW HER PAINT A WHOLE ROOM ONCE 82 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:01,952 WITHOUT A LADDER. 83 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:05,222 BITCH CAN JUMP. 84 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,593 - NO, BUT I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, SOME OF THAT WOULD CHANGE 85 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,520 ONCE WE GOT MARRIED. I MEAN, COME ON, WHIT. 86 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,486 LET ME DO SOME HUSBAND STUFF. 87 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,764 - OKAY, YOU WANNA DO SOME HUSBAND STUFF? 88 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:17,374 LEAVE. - OKAY. 89 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,468 - OKAY, SO DON'T FORGET: EVERYTHING MY MOM SAYS 90 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,370 IS EITHER A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT 91 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,842 OR A FRONT-HANDED INSULT. 92 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,940 - GOT IT, RIGHT? - SO IF SHE SAYS, 93 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,012 "WOW, THIS APARTMENT'S REALLY EASY TO KEEP CLEAN," 94 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,440 SHE MEANS... - THAT IT'S SMALL. 95 00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:31,846 - AND THAT YOU'RE NOT A MAN, BUT YOU GOT IT. 96 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,379 - CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT? - NO, I GOT IT. 97 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:37,245 [grunting] 98 00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:40,315 - DAMN, BITCH CAN JUMP. 99 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,924 - WOW, WHIT IS TAKING THIS MARRIAGE STUFF PRETTY SERIOUSLY. 100 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,016 MAYBE WE SHOULD SPLIT A WEDDING GIFT. 101 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,657 HOW ABOUT, LIKE, A SPA TREATMENT? 102 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,563 - OH, NO. WHIT WOULD HATE THAT. 103 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,495 SHE CAN'T BE IN SMALL SPACES. 104 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,800 KEEP IN MIND THAT WHITNEY IS CLAUSTROPHOBIC, 105 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,442 AGORAPHOBIC, BUT ALSO HAS ABANDONMENT ISSUES 106 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,968 WHICH IS WHY SHE CAN'T STAND IT IF PEOPLE ARE MORE OR LESS 107 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:01,005 THAN 20 FEET AWAY FROM HER. 108 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,241 - I DID NOT KNOW THAT. 109 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,446 OH, THE OTHER DAY, I SAW THESE BEAUTIFUL MARTINI SHAKERS-- 110 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,048 - OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. 111 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,519 WHITNEY DOES NOT HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH MARTINIS. 112 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,719 ONE TIME, WE WERE AT SANDALS IN KEY WEST. 113 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,751 WHITNEY HAD FOUR MARTINIS AND GOT INTO A FISTFIGHT 114 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,656 WITH AN OLIVE. 115 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,289 THE OLIVE WON. 116 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,755 [knock at door] - OH, HEY, THAT'S MY MOM. 117 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:22,302 CAN YOU GRAB IT? - UH, YEAH. 118 00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,330 - CANDI. 119 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,595 - YOU! 120 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,644 - ME. 121 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,969 - LILY! 122 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,044 WHEN'S THE BIG DAY? 123 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,942 - OH, UH, WE ACTUALLY CALLED OFF THE ENGAGEMENT. 124 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,505 - OH, NO! WHY? 125 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,005 - WE JUST WEREN'T COMPATIBLE. 126 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,646 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: MEN ARE FROM MARS, 127 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:44,451 AND NEAL'S HAVING SEX WITH MEN. 128 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,645 - OH, HONEY, HE'LL BE BACK. 129 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,517 HE'LL SOON REALIZE THAT MEN ARE DISGUSTING. 130 00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:53,687 - HI, MOM. - HI, HONEY. [chuckles] 131 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:54,927 - HEY, CANDI, DO YOU WANT A DRINK? 132 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,532 - YEAH, SURE. IT'S 10:00 A.M. SOMEWHERE. 133 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,596 - WHIT, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT US TO STAY? 134 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,004 - WE CAN TOTALLY STAY AND HELP OUT. 135 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,035 - AW, YOU GUYS CAN GO. - OH, YOU SURE? 136 00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:10,044 - MOM, WHAT IS THIS? - THAT'S FROM ME. 137 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,577 CONGRATULATIONS. - COME ON! 138 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:12,752 YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GET US A GIFT-- 139 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,720 - NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S FINE. 140 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:18,088 YOUR COUSIN NANCY DOESN'T COME OVER HERE, DOES SHE? 141 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:21,048 - I HAVE COUSINS? - PERFECT. 142 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,588 I WOULD'VE BROUGHT IT TO THE CEREMONY, 143 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:23,993 BUT I WASN'T INVITED. 144 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,634 - OH, NO, WE DIDN'T HAVE A CEREMONY. 145 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,129 DIDN'T WHIT TELL YOU? - YEAH, MOM, REMEMBER? 146 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,800 WE TALKED ON THE PHONE LAST NIGHT? 147 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,829 I WAS SCREAMING OVER YOUR BLENDER? 148 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,104 YOU WERE MAKING A PROTEIN SHAKE... 149 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,973 COLADA? - AH. 150 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,042 MUST NOT HAVE REGISTERED. 151 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,410 YOU KNOW I TAKE MY PILL AT 9:00. 152 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,669 - OH, NO, SHE CALLED YOU AT 5:00. 153 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:44,137 - I TAKE MY FIRST PILL AT 4:00. 154 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,507 SO LET ME SEE THE RING. 155 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,476 - OH, UM, WELL, ALEX GOT ME A RING, 156 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,645 BUT THEN MY FINGER BROKE, 157 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,482 SO WE HAD TO GO TO THE E.R., AND THEN THEY HAD TO CUT-- 158 00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:51,488 - IS THAT WHAT HE TOLD YOU TO SAY? 159 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,989 BECAUSE I CAN FIND A SHELTER. 160 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,061 - CANDI, WE DIDN'T REALLY DO THE MARRIAGE LICENSE THING, 161 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,529 YOU KNOW, BUT WE GOT TATTOOS. 162 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,758 - MM-HMM. 163 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,032 - [laughs] I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 164 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,031 WHA--THERE'S NO RING? - MM-MM. 165 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,833 - THERE'S NO LICENSE? THERE'S NO CEREMONY? 166 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,095 - YES, BUT AS FAR AS WE'RE CONCERNED, 167 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:06,873 WE ARE TOTALLY MARRIED. 168 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,100 - [exhales] WELL, THAT'S FUN. 169 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,567 WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL MY FRIENDS? 170 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,636 - OKAY, MOM, JUST TELL THEM THAT WE'RE M-- 171 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,605 UM, GUESS WHAT? I MADE YOUR FAVORITE. 172 00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,005 CHICKEN AND SPLENDA. - [chuckles] LOOK AT YOU. 173 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,077 LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR KITCHEN. 174 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,554 REMINDS ME OF WHEN YOU 175 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,693 USED TO STICK YOUR HEAD IN YOUR EASY-BAKE OVEN. 176 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,848 - OKAY, MOM, IT WASN'T AN EASY-BAKE OVEN. 177 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:31,057 IT WAS AN EMPTY JACK DANIELS BOX WITH A FLASHLIGHT TAPED INSIDE. 178 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,291 WHY WOULD YOU BRING THAT UP? 179 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:36,125 - WELL, OKAY, SO, UH, WHAT ABOUT THE SPLENDA SITUATION HERE? 180 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,833 DO I PUT THE SPLENDA ON THE CHICKEN? 181 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:38,895 DO I PUT THE CHICKEN ON THE SPLENDA? 182 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,502 OR DO I SPRINKLE IT... [whistles] LIKE, DIRECTLY 183 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,165 IN THE BIRD? 184 00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,473 - UH, THAT'S GROSS. - THAT'S DISGUSTING. 185 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,266 - YOU JUST-- both: YOU USE IT 186 00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:49,806 TO MAKE THE SAUCE. - OH, UH, UH-- 187 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,143 - [exhales] 188 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,648 UH, YOU KNOW, HONEY, WOULD YOU MIND 189 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,580 IF I DIDN'T STAY FOR DINNER? - WHY? 190 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,075 - WELL, I TOLD DONNA I COULDN'T COME TO HER HOUSEWARMING 191 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,587 'CAUSE I THOUGHT YOU GOT MARRIED, 192 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:02,459 AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A LIAR. 193 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:07,600 AND YOU KNOW, DONNA, SHE'S LIKE FAMILY TO ME. 194 00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,098 - NO WORRIES AT ALL, MOM. - OKAY. 195 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,229 YOU KNOW WHAT? 196 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,673 WHY DON'T YOU PUT MY CHICKEN ON ICE? 197 00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,669 MAYBE I'LL SWING BY ON THE WAY BACK, 198 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,801 BUT I THINK IT'S GONNA BE AN ALL-NIGHTER. 199 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:20,106 DONNA'S HUSBAND WORKS FOR SEAGRAM'S. 200 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,910 TELL YOU WHAT? KEEP THE GIFT. 201 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,113 - THANK YOU. - SEE YA, ALEX. 202 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,176 LISTEN: GETTING A MARRIAGE LICENSE 203 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,475 TAKES TWO MINUTES. 204 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,347 MAKE IT OFFICIAL. 205 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:31,893 IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR THEM TO LEAVE, 206 00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,249 AND DON'T HAVE CHILDREN RIGHT AWAY. 207 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,586 THAT'S WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I DID, 208 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,962 AND IT WAS A DISASTER. 209 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,859 - LOVE YOU. 210 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,031 - LOVE YOU. 211 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,700 - SO I TOOK A SWING 212 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,199 AT THIS SPLENDA SAUCE. I THINK I'M COMING CLOSE. 213 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:46,070 IS IT SUPPOSED TO GLOW? - MM-HMM. 214 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,029 - YOU KNOW, YOUR MOM, IT WAS REALLY NICE OF HER 215 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,037 GETTIN' A GIFT. 216 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,038 SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT. 217 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:53,809 I THINK THAT, UH-- - [sobbing] 218 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,941 - WHIT, ARE YOU HOT? 219 00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,605 YOU OKAY? 220 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,277 - I'M FINE. [sobbing] 221 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,715 - WAIT, I KNOW THIS GAME. 222 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:06,791 "I'M FINE" MEANS YOU'RE NOT FINE. 223 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,520 - [crying] IT'S NOTHING. 224 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,917 - COME HERE. COME HERE. 225 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:11,858 OKAY, COME HERE. COME HERE, COME HERE. 226 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,992 - OH, IT'S NOTHING. I'M FINE. I'M FINE. 227 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,857 - IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. COME HERE. COME HERE. 228 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,267 - [cries] 229 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,069 I MEAN, IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF MY LIFE. 230 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,072 SHE JUST LEFT. 231 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,744 - IT'S OKAY, ALL RIGHT? EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE. 232 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,713 YOU HAVE ME NOW. IT'S OKAY. 233 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,741 - [exhales] 234 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:36,050 WHAT'S THAT? 235 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,223 - WHAT? 236 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,251 - THAT. 237 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,999 - THAT'S NOTHING. 238 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,072 - I DEFINITELY FELT SOMETHING. 239 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:57,911 - NO, UH, THAT'S MY BELT BUCKLE. 240 00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:01,908 - OKAY, DOES YOUR BELT BUCKLE HAVE A PULSE? 241 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,582 - YEAH. 242 00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,682 - WHY ARE YOU TURNED ON? 243 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,154 IS THIS BECAUSE I'M CRYING? 244 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,022 - WHAT? NO--YOU'RE CRYING? 245 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,251 UH, WH--I DON'T-- POOR YOU. 246 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:18,786 COME HERE--OH. COME HERE. 247 00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:21,186 - [scoffs] DO YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF SICK FETISH 248 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,158 FOR, LIKE, WEAK GIRLS? 249 00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,326 - WHAT? NO. I DON'T THINK SO. 250 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,174 HA--DO YOU? 251 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,039 - [scoffs] OKAY, GREAT. 252 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,698 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I ACTUALLY FEEL SAFE, 253 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,708 AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO. THANK YOU. 254 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:38,310 - EXCUSE ME. I DID NOT AUTHORIZE THIS, OKAY? 255 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:42,645 IT JUST, LIKE-- IT JUST HAPPENED. 256 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:45,023 - OKAY, I'M REALLY FREAKED OUT BY YOU RIGHT NOW. 257 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,252 I'M JUST--I'M GONNA GO FOR A WALK. 258 00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,257 - WELL, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. 259 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,018 HEY, LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST KEEP TALKING. 260 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,057 IT'LL GO AWAY. 261 00:09:54,427 --> 00:10:00,127 [exhales] OH, REALLY? NOW YOU GO AWAY? 262 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,967 WAIT. 263 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,772 WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? 264 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,335 both: WHAT? - THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. 265 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,736 - STOP IT. - THERE IS NO WAY. 266 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:15,248 - IT'S CRAZY, RIGHT? both: YOU CRIED? 267 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,992 - I FEEL LIKE THAT'S LESS THE THING THAN THE OTHER THING. 268 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,788 - YOU DIDN'T EVEN CRY WHEN YOU WALKED 269 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:23,760 THROUGH THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR AT CHILI'S. 270 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,791 - NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE SEEN WHITNEY CRY BEFORE. 271 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,997 - YOU HAVE? - YEAH. IT WAS IN COLLEGE. 272 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,299 SHE WAS CRYING IN THE SHOWER, 273 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,731 AND SO WAS I. 274 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,737 WE ALL WERE. 275 00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:40,814 - WHITNEY CRIED? 276 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:41,711 - YUP. 277 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:46,112 - WHITNEY STILL HAS TEARS IN HER HEAD? 278 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,776 - APPARENTLY. I FEEL TERRIBLE. 279 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:50,145 SHE STARTED CRYING. - AND THAT'S WHEN YOU-- 280 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,823 - YEAH. 281 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,393 - DUDE, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 282 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,721 SOMETIMES, THAT JUST HAPPENS AT THE WORST TIME. 283 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,187 YOU'RE NOT EVEN THINKIN' ABOUT SEX 284 00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,955 AND YOU GET A VISIT FROM THE GOON SQUAD. 285 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,334 ONE TIME THAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS GOING 286 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,462 THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY. 287 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,726 THINGS GET WEIRD WHEN I'M BAREFOOT. 288 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,836 - YEAH, ONE TIME IT HAPPENED TO ME AT THE ROCK CLIMBING WALL 289 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,268 AT THE ESPN ZONE. 290 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:13,312 OH, AND ONCE AT STAPLES. - EVERY TIME! 291 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,340 THE WORST IS WHEN IT HAPPENS AT A FAMILY REUNION. 292 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,779 - AND YOU LOST ME. 293 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,045 - USUALLY, WHEN THAT HAPPENS, THERE'S SOMETHING PRIMAL 294 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,915 GOING ON, LIKE... 295 00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,094 YOU NEEDED TO PROTECT HER AND PROCREATE. 296 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,392 I MEAN, THIS IS NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC 101. 297 00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,094 - YEAH, WHITNEY IS SO INDEPENDENT. 298 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,197 MAYBE I JUST GOT TURNED ON 'CAUSE SHE WAS BEING VULNERABLE, 299 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,429 YOU KNOW? 300 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:42,465 - YOU SICKO. 301 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,202 - I AM SO CONFUSED ABOUT THIS. 302 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,507 IT'S LIKE, I FEEL REALLY ANGRY AND UNSAFE, 303 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:50,839 BUT I ALSO FEEL REALLY PRETTY. 304 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,378 - IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. GUYS ARE ALWAYS EXCITED. 305 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,053 THAT'S WHY THEIR PANTS ARE MADE TO POKE OUT 306 00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:58,092 LIKE THAT WHEN THEY SIT. 307 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,148 - I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 308 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:01,487 - JUST APOLOGIZE. 309 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:02,491 - I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. 310 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,092 - IT DOESN'T MATTER. 311 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,934 LOOK, MY BIGGEST REGRET IN MY MARRIAGE 312 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,399 WAS ALWAYS BEING TOO PROUD TO APOLOGIZE. 313 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:12,828 MY SECOND REGRET WAS GIVING HIM MY iTUNES PASSWORD. 314 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:16,196 YOU GUYS, IS TAYLOR SWIFT GONNA BE OKAY? 315 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,766 - MY BIGGEST REGRET IN MY RELATIONSHIP 316 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:22,136 WAS BEING A WOMAN, SO... 317 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,849 [ambient sports sounds] 318 00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:31,482 - HEY. - HEY, LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY. 319 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,388 THAT WASN'T COOL. - NO, I'M SORRY. 320 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,820 I--I COMPLETELY OVERREACTED, 321 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,156 AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S-- 322 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:42,131 IT'S MY FAULT FOR LOOKIN' SO CUTE TODAY. 323 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,902 - WELL, I ACTUALLY THINK I JUST GOT EXCITED 324 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:46,931 'CAUSE YOUR MOM LEFT. - [laughs] 325 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,312 - [groans] I'M SORRY. I JUST--I GET SO SENSITIVE 326 00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,839 WHEN MY MOM'S AROUND. 327 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,284 IT'S LIKE SHE JUST PUSHES ALL OF MY BUTTONS. 328 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,509 - SHE CERTAINLY KNOWS WHERE THEY ARE, 329 00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:00,514 BECAUSE SHE PUT THEM THERE. - [laughs] 330 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:04,477 - I THINK SHE JUST WAS CONFUSED ABOUT HOW UNCONVENTIONAL 331 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,017 OUR THING IS. 332 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,223 - OH. 333 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,864 SO YOU'RE SAYING MY MOM'S RIGHT? 334 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,289 - WELL, NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 335 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,433 - OH. THAT'S HOW IT FELT. 336 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:16,829 - WELL, FEELINGS AREN'T FACTS. 337 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:20,904 I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY UNDER YOUR BREATH SOMETIMES. 338 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,974 - OKAY, DO NOT USE MY AFFIRMATIONS AGAINST ME. 339 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,944 - NO. [laughs] I JUST THINK 340 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,143 THAT WE NEED TO GET USED TO PEOPLE 341 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:32,145 BEING CONFUSED ABOUT THIS. 342 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,079 - OKAY. 343 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,554 I'M SORRY. 344 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,352 - IT'S OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. 345 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,924 - OKAY, I'M NOT REALLY SORRY. 346 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:42,292 I JUST DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE ROXANNE. 347 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,562 WHERE'S THE CHICKEN? 348 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,860 - OH, I THREW IT AWAY. 349 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,063 - YOU THREW AWAY THE CHICKEN? 350 00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,995 - YEAH, I JUST--I DIDN'T KNOW YOU STILL WANTED IT. 351 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,230 - WHO ARE YOU? 352 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,036 - YOU STILL WANTED IT? 353 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,538 - CHICKEN'S MY WHOLE LIFE. 354 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:03,111 - I THOUGHT THAT HONEY BOO BOO WAS YOUR WHOLE LIFE. 355 00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:05,653 - OKAY. 356 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,178 THAT WAS THE FIRST CHICKEN I MADE AS A WIFE. 357 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,945 - ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? 358 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,993 BRONZE IT? 359 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,919 OKAY, LOOK, WE BOTH KNOW YOUR MOM'S NOT COMING BACK. 360 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,515 DONNA'S HUSBAND WORKS FOR SEAGRAM'S. 361 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,427 - OKAY, ARE YOU, LIKE, TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY AGAIN? 362 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,900 - WHOA, WHOA, NO, NO, NO. HOLD ON. WHOA. 363 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:24,629 JUST EVERYBODY RELAX. LET'S JUST STOP TALKING 364 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,674 MAYBE FOR LIKE A MINUTE, OKAY? - OKAY, OKAY. 365 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,499 IN THAT CASE, WHY DON'T WE JUST GET A DIVORCE? 366 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:33,236 - GET--WE CAN'T GET A DIVORCE. WE'RE NOT EVEN MARRIED. 367 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,283 OH, NO. 368 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,282 - [exhales] I CAN'T BELIEVE MY FIRST DAY OF MARRIAGE 369 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,175 IS ENDING UP ON ROXANNE'S COUCH. 370 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:48,287 - TECHNICALLY, IT'S MY BED, BUT WHATEVER. 371 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,991 [knocks at door] - J.CREW? 372 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,263 - TOPSHOP? - SHOPBOP? 373 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,302 - IT'S ALEX. both: OH. 374 00:14:58,331 --> 00:14:59,931 - HEY. - HI. 375 00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,527 - MM, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST WAIT IN MY BEDROOM. 376 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,598 - OH, COULD I MAKE A DRINK FIRST? 377 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,635 - OH, I KEEP DRINKS IN THERE. 378 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,180 - YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS HAVE A RULE. 379 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,179 THEY NEVER SLEEP APART NO MATTER HOW MAD THEY ARE 380 00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,711 AT EACH OTHER, AND THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 40 YEARS. 381 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:18,946 - YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER 40 YEARS. 382 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,046 - GOOD ONE. 383 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,522 LOOK, I'M SORRY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT, 384 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,027 ALL RIGHT? IT WASN'T COOL. 385 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,299 OH, ALL RIGHT, REALLY. 386 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,298 WELL, YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS HAVE ANOTHER RULE. 387 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:31,630 IF MY DAD WANTS TO SIT ON THE COUCH 388 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,674 AND MY MOM DOESN'T LET HIM, THEN HE SITS ON HER. 389 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,374 - MY DAD SAT ON OTHER WOMEN, TOO, 390 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:42,476 AND THAT'S WHY MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED. 391 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,079 - HE SHOWED UP WITH PILLOWS TO SLEEP HERE? 392 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,222 WHO IS HE? ME? 393 00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:49,218 - WHAT ABOUT FOR HER WEDDING GIFT, 394 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,049 WE GET THEM SOME NICE MONOGRAMMED PILLOWCASES? 395 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,315 - OH, THAT'S SWEET, 396 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:56,223 BUT WHITNEY DOESN'T LIKE MONOGRAMMED THINGS. 397 00:15:56,256 --> 00:16:01,256 SHE'S NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHAT HER INITIALS ARE. 398 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,304 YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT? 399 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,730 - NO, I DIDN'T. 400 00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,165 YOU KNOW WHAT? 401 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,170 WHY DON'T YOU JUST PICK OUT HER PRESENTS, 402 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,741 SINCE YOU KNOW HER SO MUCH BETTER THAN I DO? 403 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,110 - WHA--WHOA, I NEVER SAID THAT. 404 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,510 - YEAH, BUT YOU'VE BEEN IMPLYING IT ALL DAY. 405 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,082 - ROXANNE-- - WHAT? I MEAN, I GET IT. 406 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,581 YOU TWO HAVE BEEN FRIENDS LONGER, YOU KNOW? 407 00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:24,023 I WILL NEVER BE AS CLOSE AS YOU TWO ARE. 408 00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:26,321 - I CAN'T AFFORD A GIFT. - WHAT? 409 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,523 - THE REASON I'VE BEEN SHOOTING DOWN ALL YOUR IDEAS 410 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:31,455 IS BECAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD ANY OF THEM. 411 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,361 I'M JUST REALLY BROKE RIGHT NOW, AND I ALREADY FEEL BAD ENOUGH 412 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,055 THAT I'VE BEEN MOOCHING OFF YOU. 413 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,197 - NO, LILY! 414 00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:42,042 - I STAY HERE FOR FREE. I EAT ALL YOUR FOOD. 415 00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,769 I'VE SOLD SOME OF YOUR CLOTHES. 416 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,143 - YOU HAVE? 417 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,812 - YOU HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES IN YOUR CLOSET 418 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,379 WITH THE TAGS STILL ON. - I KNOW. 419 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,750 I DON'T EVEN LIKE THEM. 420 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:56,779 I JUST BUY THEM SO OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE THEM. 421 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,393 - I FEEL LIKE THAT TOOK A WEIRD TURN. 422 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,393 - LOOK... 423 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:09,226 LILY, I LIKE COVERING YOU, 424 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,432 AND I REALLY LIKE HAVING SOMEONE HERE 425 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,395 WHEN I COME HOME, YOU KNOW? 426 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:17,574 YOU'RE LIKE A CAT WHO TALKS. 427 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:22,814 - YOU'RE LIKE A DOG. - OOH--YEAH, MM. 428 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,712 - LOOK, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT WE WEREN'T MARRIED, 429 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,114 ALL RIGHT? THAT WAS STUPID, 430 00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,576 BUT MOVING FORWARD, WE'RE BOTH GONNA DO 431 00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,175 STUPID THINGS EVERY NOW AND THEN, 432 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,617 AND EVERY TIME WE GET INTO A FIGHT, 433 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,821 YOU CAN'T JUST BOLT. - [groans] 434 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:37,263 I ONLY DID IT TWICE TODAY. 435 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,290 - WHIT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUN AWAY, ALL RIGHT? 436 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,086 YOU'RE SAFE. - [exhales] 437 00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:44,398 YOU'RE CRUSHING ME. 438 00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:46,371 - I KNOW THAT EVERYONE WHO WAS SUPPOSED 439 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,339 TO TAKE CARE OF YOU IN YOUR LIFE LET YOU DOWN, 440 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,468 BUT NOW, I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU 441 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,543 AND YOU'RE GONNA LET ME. 442 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,241 - OH, AM I? - YEAH. 443 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,284 AND YOU'RE GONNA LET ME DO THINGS, ALL RIGHT? 444 00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:57,139 I'M GONNA REACH FOR THE BOWLS 445 00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,107 AND I'M GONNA MOVE THE HEAVY THINGS, 446 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:03,416 AND YOU'RE GONNA LET ME TALK TO THE COPS. 447 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,291 AND, YOU KNOW, EVERY NOW AND THEN, WHEN SOMETHING 448 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,320 GOES WRONG, I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU, ALL RIGHT? 449 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,787 BECAUSE YOU NEED ME. - [groans] 450 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,595 THAT MAKES ME SICK. 451 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,228 - WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE 452 00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:20,374 WITH A PHYSICAL REACTION TO YOU NEEDING ME. 453 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,200 - OKAY, I DO NOT NEED YOU. 454 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,165 - YEAH, YOU DO, ALL RIGHT? YOU LEFT YOUR WALLET AT HOME, 455 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,874 AND I HAVE IT, SO TECHNICALLY, YOU DO NEED ME. 456 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,775 - FINE, KEEP IT. IT'S FULL OF YOUR MONEY. 457 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:32,248 - HEY, WHIT. I GOT YOU. 458 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,324 - I HATE YOU. 459 00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:39,549 - NO, YOU LOVE ME. 460 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,286 - [groans] I DO. 461 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,821 - AND WHENEVER YOU FORGET THAT YOU DO, 462 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,855 JUST LOOK AT YOUR TATTOO. 463 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,728 - I KNOW THAT I'M A MESS SOMETIMES, 464 00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,902 BUT I GOT YOU, TOO. 465 00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:54,872 - WELL, THAT MEANS THAT WE GOT THIS. 466 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,701 - [laughs] YEAH. 467 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,737 WE GOT THIS. 468 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,412 [groans] 469 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:07,314 CAN WE SAY TOMORROW'S OUR FIRST DAY OF MARRIAGE? 470 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,717 I FEEL LIKE WE KINDA BOMBED THIS. 471 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:12,448 - [laughs] 472 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,815 I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT WAS SO ROUGH 473 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:18,493 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T, LIKE, SAY VOWS. 474 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:21,685 YOU DIDN'T PROMISE ME ANYTHING. 475 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,365 - OKAY. LET'S DO SOME VOWS. 476 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,270 LET'S VOW IT UP. - YEAH? 477 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,244 - BRING IT IN. - ALL RIGHT. 478 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,783 - I, WHITNEY, 479 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,248 PROMISE TO HAVE 480 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:42,448 AND TO HUG. 481 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:45,292 - AND YOU PROMISE TO LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU 482 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,518 AND JUST GENERALLY CALM DOWN. 483 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,855 - [laughs] 484 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:55,359 AND YOU PROMISE TO LET ME THROW OUT YOUR CROCS. 485 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:59,695 - IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. 486 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:05,412 FOR RICHER OR FOR POORER. 487 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:10,408 - UNTIL YOUR "ACCIDENTAL" DEATH... 488 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,754 DO US PART. 489 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,580 - PLAY BALL! 490 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,352 - GETTING YOU GUYS A WEDDING GIFT WASN'T EASY 491 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:22,718 BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A REGISTRY 492 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,355 AND YOU'RE SO WEIRD, 493 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,932 BUT HERE YOU GO. 494 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,259 THESE SHOULD HELP YOU LIVE A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER. 495 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:32,426 - AW, HIS AND HERS NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES. 496 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:33,395 - THANK YOU, MARK. 497 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,743 - YEAH, I WAS GONNA GET YOU A SOUND MACHINE, 498 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,268 BUT YOU ARE ONE. 499 00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:39,374 - AND THIS IS FROM ME AND ROXANNE. 500 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:42,776 - AWW! 501 00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:46,749 OH, MY GOD! US IN COLLEGE... 502 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:51,979 WITH ROXANNE PHOTOSHOPPED IN FLOATING ABOVE US. 503 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,388 YOU GUYS! 504 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:55,521 - I KNOW WE'VE ONLY BEEN FRIENDS 505 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,055 WITH ROXANNE FOR A COUPLE YEARS, BUT IT REALLY DOES FEEL 506 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,760 LIKE WE'VE ALL BEEN FRIENDS FOREVER. 507 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,832 - IT DOES. 508 00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,761 - OH, OH, SHE'S CRYING. 509 00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,696 I SAW IT. 510 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:09,943 - DUDE, I GET IT NOW. 36931

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