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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,240
Let's go, Sando...
2
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,920
Two matching rocker recliners,
only 99 bucks!
3
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,320
Do 'em a deal, Mum!
Ha-ha!
4
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,520
Plus this big screen TV, only $299.
5
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:19,200
Oh, do 'em a deal, love.
6
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,440
Two seater sofa, coffee table,
matching armchairs,
7
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,640
big screen TV, big boy,
little boy, lamps,
8
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,880
for not $699, not $599.
9
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,320
Come on, do 'em a deal...
10
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,840
All this is yours for only $499.
11
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:35,320
She's the package deal queen...
12
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,480
Sando's Warehouse.
13
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,880
New stores in Boggabilla,
Shuntsville, Mangwart and Fadgetown.
14
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,880
Let's go, Sando!
15
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:49,080
Marriage is not to be entered into
unadvisedly,
16
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,400
or lightly.
17
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:55,760
But honestly, faithfully,
in fear of the big guy upstairs.
18
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,880
Oh, do 'em a deal, Father.
19
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,280
(GUESTS LAUGH)
Shh!
20
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,920
Sorry.
21
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,840
Anyway, I'm just so stoked
we're all gathered here today...
22
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,800
BOY: (SOFTLY) Oh! Oh-ho.
23
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,640
Just look at her.
24
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,760
One day, that Susie of ours,
she'll be running the company, Mum.
25
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,040
Think, three generations
of Sandringham women.
26
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,120
It makes you proud.
27
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,200
Well, you've turned my
beautiful boutique store
28
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,840
into a bargain basement furniture
whorehouse for bogans.
29
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,360
Thanks, Mum.
Hm.
30
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,040
Want to swap seats?
31
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,960
If anyone can show just cause
why Kevin and Susie
32
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:38,320
may not lawfully be joined together,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
33
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:40,000
(RINGTONE PLAYS)
34
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,600
Then let us now bear witness to...
Shit.
35
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,440
What are you doing? Put that away.
36
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,440
Let us now bear witness...
Shit.
37
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,080
Dad!
Guys, language.
38
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,320
Shit, you're pregnant?!
39
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,280
Way to use your inside voice, Eric.
40
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,960
On my wedding day?
Sorry, darl.
41
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,360
Just, you know, I thought it was
early-onset menopause,
42
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,520
but looks like everything's
shipshape downstairs.
43
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,520
Phew.
Sando, Congratulations.
44
00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,400
Um, but we're in the middle
of something here.
45
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,880
Hang on. My birthday
was nearly a year ago.
46
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:14,800
Oh.
47
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:17,960
Oh, yeah. No...
48
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,920
I see what's happened.
49
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,120
What's happened?
50
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,160
If you don't tell him, I will.
51
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:33,080
Way to kill the vibe, Kevin.
52
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:35,920
Mum?
53
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,960
That's not...not usually
54
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:42,000
the kind of anecdote that
I would tell at a wedding,
55
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:46,080
but...do you remember the pool party
56
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,720
that we all had up at
the holiday house in Terrigal?
57
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,520
Who could forget? It was awesome.
58
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,000
You know what Kevin's like.
59
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,200
You know, he's all over me
like a fat kid on a biscuit.
60
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,960
I just thought, you know, give him
one, it would get him off my back.
61
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,120
(GUESTS GASP)
62
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,160
Susie, darling, it meant
nothing to me.
63
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,920
Or to him, did it, Kevin?
64
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,560
I'm in love with you, Sando.
65
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,800
Holy shit!
66
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,160
(SUSIE ROARS)
67
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,920
(MENDELSSOHN'S WEDDING MARCH PLAYS)
68
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,600
Susie, please, I can explain.
69
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,200
Susie. Susie... Ooh!
70
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,240
Back inside. Nothing to see here.
Please, it was... Ooh!
71
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,600
Susie... Susie!
72
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,400
Don't cause a scene, please.
73
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,160
I have got some very important
clients in here today.
74
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,480
Susie, no. No, you calm...
75
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,760
Listen, I'm the one who's paying
for the wedding.
76
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,800
Susie, remember I'm pregnant.
77
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,640
Hey, hey! Stop that.
78
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,320
Piece of shit.
(KEVIN MOANS)
79
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,880
(GRANDMA GROANS)
80
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:57,200
Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!
81
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,360
She's the package deal queen
82
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,720
Do 'em a deal
Let's go, Sando.
83
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,720
This company's about family.
84
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,240
Always has been, always will be.
85
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:17,520
It started with mine, and, yeah,
sure, there's been a few hiccups.
86
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,920
Daughter doesn't speak to me,
been the odd restraining order.
87
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,400
But at the end of the day,
88
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,720
the family that I'm really
talking about is you lot.
89
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,280
We used to be just one store,
90
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:31,080
and now we're like fake tan
on a bra - we are everywhere.
91
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:36,080
137 stores nationwide!
92
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,080
(ALL CHEER)
93
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,640
And this store,
Macquarie effing Fields,
94
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:44,040
is the top earner
this financial year.
95
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,240
Yes, it is!
96
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:52,680
Oh, if it isn't our illustrious
CFO Tony, come to babysit.
97
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,800
Oh, quite the opposite.
98
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,440
It's been a tough year.
It's been a tough decade.
99
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,440
Now, go easy.
100
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,640
You remember we've got a board
meeting first thing in the morning.
101
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,160
Don't you worry about me.
I'll be tucked up in bed by eight.
102
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,000
Happy EOFY!
103
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,520
(ALL CHEER)
104
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,000
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
105
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,760
Whoo!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
106
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,120
(PLATES SMASH)
107
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,040
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
108
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:37,120
(SNORES)
109
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,640
Oh! Tony?
110
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,320
What are you doing in my bedroom?
111
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,240
Did you and I... Oh, I've got to
get to a chemist.
112
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,880
It's not your bedroom.
(INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT)
113
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,480
What?
114
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:52,960
Oh, shit.
115
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,480
The board meeting.
It's going very well.
116
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,960
They say hi.
117
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,520
Oh, morning.
118
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,000
They can't hear you.
119
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,280
Oh, you set me up.
120
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,560
No, I stopped protecting you.
The board wants you to stand down.
121
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:11,680
Stand down? I've been the face
of this company for 20 years.
122
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,320
Well, maybe it needs a new face.
123
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,360
I am the reason that people
run through those doors
124
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,960
and blow their baby bonus
on a flat screen.
125
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,360
Yeah, maybe once,
126
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,520
when the Sandringham name
was still respected.
127
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,960
Before you had a kid with
your daughter's fiance.
128
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,800
Accidentally.
It's a new world out there, Vicki.
129
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,560
We are competing against
discount online people.
130
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,160
It's something you know
nothing about.
131
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:39,040
Tony, I think I'm having a stroke.
132
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,400
I can't feel my arm.
133
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,320
That's because it's stuck
under some idiot's arse.
134
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,880
Ooh!
(GASPS)
135
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,800
Oh, my God.
Just unbelievable.
136
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,480
Am I late for work?
137
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,040
OUT of work.
138
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,200
I'm fired?
No.
139
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,520
She said I was gonna get promoted.
You will. Listen.
140
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:59,560
Let me just get home, have a shower,
141
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:02,280
and then I will get back here
and we will sort this all out.
142
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:05,880
Yeah, about that serviced apartment
that you live in, that we pay for -
143
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,920
that stops today too.
144
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,400
Oh, well, that's a good look,
isn't it?
145
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,440
The CEO of the company
living rough on the street.
146
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,640
You can stay with me if you want.
147
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,600
Tony, please, I've got
nowhere else to go.
148
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,840
You know that all my money is tied
up in stock options and racehorses.
149
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,640
Yeah, it's not my fault you have
burnt every bridge you ever had
150
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,360
with anyone that ever loved you.
151
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,640
Tony, please. Please.
152
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,000
Alright, slither off, then,
you snake!
153
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,400
Hey, Gary, can you give me
some feedback on my jokes?
154
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,040
I'm probably not the best person
to talk to about comedy, Eric.
155
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,080
Come on, you're tall. That's funny.
156
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,320
How about this one?
157
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,560
The other day, I went to the sperm
bank and they asked me,
158
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,880
"Do you want to make a deposit?"
159
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:56,200
Nah. Withdrawal!
160
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,680
Come on, that's gold.
161
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,760
You can't say that
at a kids' party, Eric.
162
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,320
You don't know how many of them
are IVF.
163
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,960
All good. I've got a killer set
lined up for the kids.
164
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,000
Like, fairy bread.
165
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,360
Like, what's up with that? It's like,
is it for fairies or for people?
166
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,360
Gary. Why are you dressed for work?
167
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,280
I'm on standby at the mosque.
On your daughter's birthday?
168
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:16,760
I knew this job would be
problematic.
169
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,240
It's good, honest work.
170
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,960
You lied about being a Muslim
to get the job.
171
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,480
Brother-in-law, fake Muslim,
works at a mosque.
172
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,160
Stop using my life as a routine.
173
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:28,440
Guys, don't freak out,
but we are out of celery sticks
174
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,000
for the lolly bags.
175
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,360
Can everyone just keep in mind
that I'm trying to create
176
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,480
golden memories for my child?
177
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,080
I don't want anyone
screwing that up.
178
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,440
Alright, well, then just breathe.
Visualise peak joy.
179
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:40,960
And exhale.
180
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,280
Mmm. Peak joy, peak joy, peak joy.
181
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,440
Ah, doing security for the party?
182
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,000
No.
183
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,960
Hey, Dad, is this funny?
So, fairy bread, is it...
184
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,040
No.
185
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,000
(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
186
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,840
Hi. Just a little bit of
housekeeping.
187
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,720
No shoes or food inside.
188
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,160
Snack table all very, very healthy.
189
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:08,080
A very warm welcome to my anti-vax
friends. Keep your kids in the pen.
190
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,320
Alright, welcome, everyone,
to Rian's party.
191
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:15,360
Oh, I just want to thank
my whole team - Gary, my husband.
192
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:19,640
Dad, thanks for letting us move
back in while we save some money.
193
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:24,080
Eric, my little brother, for giving
up your Lego room for Rian.
194
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,360
And last but not least, my bestie,
my yoga wife, my live-in life coach,
195
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,200
my sometimes nanny Nicky.
196
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,080
Don't forget about me!
197
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,080
Special delivery
for the birthday girl.
198
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,600
Horse-some!
199
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,160
(HORSE NEIGHS)
200
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:43,480
(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
201
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,400
Ah, Vicki, what have I told you
about showing up here
202
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,920
on one of your redemption benders?
203
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,640
Relax, Don. I'm just here
for Rylan's birthday.
204
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,280
It's Rian.
That's what I said.
205
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:58,400
Hello, darling.
I'm Sando, I'm your grandma.
206
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,640
And this is for you.
Mum! Did you get me one?
207
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,120
Eric, hold your horses.
No, you hold yours.
208
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,720
I thought my grandma was dead.
209
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,440
Dead to us, sweetie.
210
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,200
You thank her for the gift,
but we can't accept it.
211
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,080
Her and the horse have to go.
212
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,720
Oh.
213
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,280
Well, it was worth a try.
214
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,120
Alright, kids, I'm very sorry,
215
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:22,000
but it looks like Doctor Zhivago
here has to go off to horsey heaven.
216
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,920
CHILDREN: No!
217
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:28,680
(SCREAMS)
218
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,040
I'm here because I thought...
219
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,320
..Maybe we could start again.
220
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:40,320
(LAUGHS)
(SANDO LAUGHS)
221
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,760
Oh, for a second there I thought
you were going to tell me to...
222
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,040
Get out.
223
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,200
Right, fair enough.
We're still back at...
224
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,720
Susie, you married a good man.
225
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,760
A big man. Look at him, he's huge.
226
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,360
He looks like the Rock.
227
00:10:56,360 --> 00:11:00,720
Sure, he works in security, but...
228
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,200
He carries a taser.
229
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,240
And you, you didn't have to end up
with that dickhead Kevin.
230
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,960
Some would say...
231
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,000
Well, I wouldn't call myself a hero,
232
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:13,440
but some would argue that
I took a bullet for you.
233
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,160
How would you like to
take another one?
234
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,880
Oh, come on.
235
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,240
We did have some good times, Suse.
236
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,000
Like that time when we, uh...
237
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,600
Don?
238
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,040
We never had to queue
at Centrepoint Tower.
239
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:29,760
Remember that time we met Agro?
240
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,080
We had our own booth
at any Sizzler in the country.
241
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,560
You will never get it.
242
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,240
Take your racehorse and go
243
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,800
and I will tell Rian that
you had a Boxing Day sale on,
244
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,840
like you used to tell me
on my birthdays.
245
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,480
It's the biggest retail day
of the year.
246
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,520
My birthday's in March, Mum.
247
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:44,560
(SIGHS)
248
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,240
Security.
249
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,600
Oh, Susie, I just want to make
things right before it's too late.
250
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,920
Before it's too late?
251
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,880
What do you mean? Mum, you're not...
252
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,040
Oh, my God, you're dying?
She's not.
253
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,160
Mum?
Well, um...
254
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,760
I did have a stroke last night.
255
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,640
Are you serious?
Yes.
256
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,160
Get away from my dying mother,
you brute!
257
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:12,240
It was just terrible.
I can't begin to tell you.
258
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:16,000
I had spit on my face,
I couldn't speak properly
259
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,640
and the whole side of my body,
it was just numb.
260
00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:20,720
And you were taken to hospital?
261
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,440
Mm.
Which one?
262
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,160
St Peterson's.
It's a small hospital.
263
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,760
They only do strokes.
264
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,560
Fine.
265
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,320
You can stay for the party.
Only because you might drop dead.
266
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,080
But once the party's over,
you're gone.
267
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,720
And it is Rian's birthday,
268
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,160
it's not about you,
269
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,680
like my first wedding
or my Year 10 formal
270
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,200
or every other moment in my life.
271
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,040
Keep her under surveillance, hon.
272
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,760
It's nice to meet you,
Mrs Sandringham.
273
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,240
Very nice to meet you, Gary.
274
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,920
(LAUGHTER)
275
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,920
Yeah, g'day.
How are we doing?
276
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,000
My name's Eric Sandringham.
277
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,200
I'm Rian's uncle.
Who here hates booster seats?
278
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,240
Nobody?
279
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,160
Good, 'cause when it's gone,
you actually sit lower in the car,
280
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,280
so it's harder to see out.
281
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,720
And then you'd be like, "What gives?
I thought I was meant to be taller."
282
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,680
Hmm.
283
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,720
So, what's the deal with Pokemon?
284
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,720
It's, like, is it a TV show, a card
game or a video game, you know?
285
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,440
It's all of them.
286
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,000
OK, let's leave the comedy
to the professionals.
287
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,240
Is there one coming?
(LAUGHTER)
288
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,600
Hey, do I come to your school and
tell you how to do your homework?
289
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:35,480
We do HOMEWORK at home,
not at school.
290
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,520
Alright, thank you very much.
291
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,360
Kids can be cruel, can't they?
292
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,200
Do 'em a deal, Sando!
293
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,480
10 points for trying, Eric,
294
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,600
and minus 10 for no punchlines.
295
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,560
I think you're funny, Eric.
296
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,440
Oh, can you not do that, please?
Can you not lie to the kid?
297
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,880
Um, Positive reinforcement is
a proven form of encouragement.
298
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,320
And it is also a proven form
of delusion.
299
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,680
(LAUGHTER)
300
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,280
Eric... Oh, come on.
301
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,960
Mate, I was only trying to help.
I was just joking.
302
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,320
Eric!
All yours.
303
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,000
OK. Thank you, Eric.
304
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,360
Alright, Rian's birthday today, so
I thought I'd do a little something.
305
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,040
Oh, come on, play us a jingle, Dom.
306
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,680
(LAUGHS)
307
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,080
I do songs now, Vicki.
308
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,400
I seem to remember you wrote me
a jingle once.
309
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,000
(LAUGHTER)
310
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,800
Rian
311
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,680
Oh, Rian
312
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,960
You're seven today
313
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,720
You're my little
granddaughter...
314
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,920
Do the jingle!
Just do the jingle, Don!
315
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:41,520
Uh, no, actually...I've actually
got an album I've been working on.
316
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,520
Play Sando's Warehouse!
(ADULTS CHEER)
317
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,800
Uh, you know...
318
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:49,080
ALL: (CHANT) Sando's!
Sando's! Sando's!
319
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:53,800
(ALL CONTINUE CHANTING)
320
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,760
Let's go, Sando!
321
00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,000
Come on down to Sando's
322
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,440
And build yourself a dream
323
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,280
The price is low
and away we go...
324
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,560
Yeah, there IS a professional
coming, a professional idiot.
325
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,800
You, kid.
326
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,280
Drops mike.
327
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,200
Eric.
328
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,360
I, uh...
329
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,480
I was a bit harsh out there.
330
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,720
It's just a dumb kids' party.
Nicky thinks I'm funny.
331
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,040
Probably just because
she's got the hots for me.
332
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,880
Yeah, OK.
333
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,040
I just want to be good at something,
you know?
334
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,040
Follow my dreams,
like you and Susie.
335
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,320
Susie?
My voiceover demos got me nowhere.
336
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,520
They're very picky
about kids' TV hosts.
337
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,160
I forgot my YouTube channel login.
338
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:49,000
Hang on, what's Susie doing?
Her online business thingy.
339
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,200
She gets stuff shipped from places
to some other places or something.
340
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,520
What kind of stuff?
341
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,640
I don't know. Clothes, equipment.
342
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,400
Furniture?
I guess.
343
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,320
She says it's gonna change
internet shopping forever,
344
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,040
yet here I am just trying to change
the world through laughter.
345
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,800
Oh, Eric, if you're hell-bent on
telling jokes for a living, fine.
346
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,440
Just find some that don't suck
a bag of dicks and tell them.
347
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:10,680
That's all.
348
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,080
You mean tell other people's jokes?
Sure.
349
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,440
I mean, singers sing other people's
songs all the time,
350
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,360
and they make good money out of it.
351
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:23,920
Yes, alright.
352
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:28,480
You big duffer. Come on, chin up.
353
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,560
Can you tell me
a little bit more about
354
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,560
Susie's internet business thingy?
355
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,960
Well, it's with the internet.
Yep, I got that.
356
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,880
And then she goes to
the post office and then...
357
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,000
Babe, you haven't smoked
since high school.
358
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,760
Come on, it's not good for stress.
That's a myth.
359
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,400
Just as long as the early death
part is true.
360
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:50,080
This is what my mother does.
She finds a way in.
361
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,880
By having a stroke?
Exactly.
362
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,040
She is a gifted saleswoman.
363
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,240
I mean, she would use anything
to get her foot in the door.
364
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,560
It's classic Sando. She built
an entire empire like that.
365
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,200
Yeah.
Maybe we SHOULD let her back in.
366
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,720
She runs an empire. She's loaded.
367
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,880
Hey, we are NEVER taking her money.
368
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,280
How many times do I have to
tell you that?
369
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,600
Suse, I'm working four jobs just
to keep your business idea afloat.
370
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,160
I work just as much as you do!
371
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,000
But you don't get paid.
Yet!
372
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,800
Once my website is fully up and
running we'll be rolling in it.
373
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,360
DON: No! No more jingles!
374
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,680
And when's that gonna be?
It's a money pit.
375
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,680
If your mum invested in it,
we'd be up and running tomorrow.
376
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,640
Guys, take it easy, OK?
We've got guests.
377
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,360
I'm gonna go check on everything.
378
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,360
DON: No, no, you've ruined it now.
379
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:30,640
Forget it.
380
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:31,960
Don't you think it's
a little bit weird
381
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,440
that she's recovered so quickly?
382
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,480
GUESTS: (CHANT) Sando! Sando! Sando!
383
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:46,680
VOICEOVER: And the winner is, the
husband of Sando - Dan Sandringham!
384
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,840
I mean Don! Don Sandringham.
385
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,440
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Go away.
386
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:55,840
Oh, Nicky.
387
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,720
You write one iconic jingle
388
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,680
and suddenly it defines
your whole career.
389
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,240
It is very catchy.
I want to be taken seriously.
390
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,840
I take you seriously.
391
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,000
Just don't let it get to you.
392
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,840
I'm not just some
slogan-singing ex-husband
393
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,880
of a colourful furniture magnate,
you know?
394
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,440
Yeah, you're an artist.
395
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,920
Tonight, OK? Let's do it.
396
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,400
Has your Viagra shipment come in?
397
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,520
No, I mean let's tell everyone.
About us.
398
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,360
We'll sit Susie down. I've actually
written a song about it.
399
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,720
I thought we could sing it to her,
it might soften the blow a bit.
400
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,160
I don't know.
401
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,240
No, it's just like a duet. Like, you
know, you do the harmonies, I'll...
402
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,600
Yeah, I'm just not sure
about the timing.
403
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,080
Nonsense. You've got great rhythm.
No, about us.
404
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,160
Plus, you know, this whole, like,
405
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,360
sneaking around thing
has been kind of sexy.
406
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,080
We can't sneak around forever.
407
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,880
Come on, you want us to be happy,
right?
408
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,080
Mm-hm.
409
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,720
(DOOR OPENS)
410
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:06,440
Rian! Your grandad was just about to
show me his jingle.
411
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:07,920
Play...play me his jingle.
412
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,320
This is Don-Don's man cave, sweetie.
It's out of bounds, remember?
413
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,240
Where's Mummy?
I'm looking for her.
414
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,600
I want to do the cake now.
415
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,280
The cake. OK, great,
yeah, let's do the cake.
416
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,320
OK. Yay.
Come on.
417
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,920
Oh, they were wild days -
the retail rat pack.
418
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:30,400
There was me, Joycie Main,
Gerri Harvey, Captain Snooze.
419
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,000
Where's Mummy? I want cake.
420
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,120
Oh, sweetheart, I'll get you
a piece of cake.
421
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:35,760
Yay! Yummy cake!
422
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,480
Mum, what was the name of
the hospital you went to again?
423
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,560
Was it St Peterson's?
Uh...yeah. Why?
424
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:47,240
Oh, it's just that St Peterson's
Hospital doesn't exist.
425
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,760
Oh, not St Peterson's,
St Patterson's.
426
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,080
Oh. No such place. I've checked.
427
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,800
St Patterstein's.
428
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,720
It's Jewish-ish.
429
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,680
There was no stroke, was there?
430
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,800
I'm not a doctor, Susie,
431
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,560
but I just had this terrible
pain and I just...
432
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,480
Why are you here?
Drop the knife, Susie.
433
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,240
Oh, my!
Eric!
434
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,560
Eric!
What the hell?
435
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,840
Stay back. Susie, the knife.
436
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,240
Piss off, Eric.
437
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,760
I know you all think
I'm just a comedian,
438
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,480
but I won't let anybody hurt my mum.
439
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,720
How can you be on her side?
440
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,000
She is the reason you're screwed up.
441
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,720
Me? How am I screwed up?
442
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,040
You're not.
443
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:32,080
You are a funny, intelligent,
reasonable guy.
444
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,520
So let's just put this away.
445
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,760
I'll take that.
Oh.
446
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,760
Listen, I am here
447
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,400
at my granddaughter's birthday party,
Susie.
448
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,560
Suse, give me the taser. If the imam
finds out, I'm in real...
449
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,120
Shut up, Gary.
450
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,280
OK, I may have stretched the truth
a bit.
451
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,240
But one thing that
I was not lying about
452
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,800
was wanting to come here to
make things right with you.
453
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,480
It's true, Susie.
Mum cares about all of us.
454
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,360
You are so gullible, Eric.
455
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,320
She's really interested in
my stand-up career,
456
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,480
and your online business too.
457
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:05,800
She was asking all about it.
458
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,680
Wants to use the whatever it is
that your business is.
459
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,040
It's an online logistic company.
460
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,320
That one. Probably wants to
take it over, I'm guessing.
461
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,360
Make it part of her company.
That's it!
462
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,960
No.
That's why you're here. Yes!
463
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,000
I had no idea about your business
until Big Mouth here told me today.
464
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:26,640
My whole life, we've come second
to your business and your ego.
465
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,440
Susie, I am not lying.
466
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,720
You look me in the eye and tell me
that you haven't thought about
467
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,400
using my business to help yours.
468
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,840
Well, OK, I have now.
Come on, Susie.
469
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,920
Mummy!
470
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,240
GARY: Suse!
471
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,680
Susie!
472
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,000
MAN: Is this part of
the entertainment?
473
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,920
She's killing Sando!
Suse!
474
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,880
(GUESTS SCREAM)
The trigger.
475
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,240
(GROANS)
476
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,720
Let go.
477
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,240
Vicki!
478
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,480
Somebody call an ambulance!
479
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,240
Vicki. Vicki!
480
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:17,400
Mum's dead and it's all my fault.
Hey, hey, she's not dead.
481
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,240
Guess whose services are no longer
required at the mosque?
482
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,720
You should be fine, Mrs Sandringham,
483
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,440
but you need lots of rest.
484
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,120
No doing deals for 48 hours.
485
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:26,720
24.
486
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,760
36.
Deal. Thanks, fellas.
487
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,240
Oh, surely THAT counts as a stroke.
488
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,640
You could have died.
489
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,520
Were you a bit worried about me,
Donny?
490
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,360
I'm not afraid of dying,
491
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,200
I just don't want to be there
when it happens.
492
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,640
(ALL LAUGH)
493
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,760
That's quite good, actually.
494
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:46,800
DON: Good one, Eric.
495
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:47,840
Mum...
496
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,400
..I'm sorry I tasered you.
497
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,920
That's alright, sweetheart.
498
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:54,680
I'm sorry that you being
a terrible person
499
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,920
made me act like a terrible person
who wanted you dead for a bit.
500
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,240
Wow. Nasty apology.
501
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,520
They're tough to pull off.
Mad respect.
502
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,360
Well, I guess I should probably
get going.
503
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,840
Oh, shit.
504
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,280
Can't you stay here?
Eric!
505
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,080
She's my mum too, Susie.
Who's going to take care of her?
506
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,320
Mummy, don't send Grandma away.
507
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,440
Oh, sweetheart.
508
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,520
It's probably best if Grandma goes.
509
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,640
No, it isn't. Dad?
510
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,080
Mummy, please?
Come on, sweetie.
511
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,680
Well, I don't know where
you're going to sleep.
512
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:37,960
I mean, every room's taken.
513
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,880
I seem to remember the master
bedroom being pretty cosy.
514
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,080
The old chopping board, chop-chop.
515
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,400
(LAUGHS)
516
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,960
I know where she can sleep.
517
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,520
The pool house?
518
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,160
It's more of a storeroom these days.
519
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,720
We put old stuff that's not
important to us anymore.
520
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,920
It's just a couple of days.
Till you recover.
521
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,760
Yeah, a couple of days, tops.
Yeah.
522
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,000
I wish it was for longer.
If Susie didn't hate you so much...
523
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,280
Yeah, yeah, she'll come round.
524
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,680
She said she never wants to speak to
you or work with you ever again.
525
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,640
You leave that to me. I'm the
package deal queen, remember?
526
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,520
Hey, I've been...I've been thinking.
527
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,040
Maybe you're right, you know?
Maybe we should tell Susie.
528
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,720
Oh, yeah, I don't know
about the timing.
529
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,600
You know, with the tasering
and Sando and...
530
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,200
But I did find a Viagra
down the back of the couch.
531
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,200
So, are you sure
it's just about the timing?
532
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,120
Like, there's nothing
I need to worry about?
533
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,160
You were married to her, Don.
534
00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:00,560
Oh, God, no.
No, that is not the reason, no.
535
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,400
I've been burnt too many times
to ever go back to Sando.
536
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,280
Oh.
Yeah. No, I mean literally burnt.
537
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,080
I mean, she used to smoke in bed.
538
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,240
Cigars. And not after, during.
539
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:15,360
Trust me, you've got nothing
to worry about, OK?
540
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:16,840
Yeah.
541
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,560
JINGLE: (ON VIDEO) Watch your
neighbours turning green
542
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,520
When they see your smile
and your new-found style
543
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,760
She's the package deal queen...
544
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,200
(LAUGHS)
545
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,720
Do 'em a deal
546
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,760
Let's go, Sando!
547
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,000
Oh, bloody classic.
548
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,200
Captions by Red Bee Media
549
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,200
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation
550
00:25:50,250 --> 00:25:54,800
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41044
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