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1
00:00:02,545 --> 00:00:04,319
Can we get a snatch of a song,
2
00:00:04,321 --> 00:00:05,943
just to see if you can hold a note?
3
00:00:05,945 --> 00:00:08,863
I know it seems daft to ask you,
but, you know...
4
00:00:08,865 --> 00:00:10,543
No, it's... it's fine.
5
00:00:10,545 --> 00:00:13,103
It was all autotuned back then,
6
00:00:13,105 --> 00:00:17,023
so just really, really
lower your expectations.
7
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,185
Okay.
8
00:00:23,025 --> 00:00:25,943
♪ A long, long time ago ♪
9
00:00:25,945 --> 00:00:28,622
♪ I can still remember ♪
10
00:00:28,624 --> 00:00:31,343
♪ How that music used to make me... ♪
11
00:00:31,345 --> 00:00:33,345
Shall I get up?
12
00:00:34,185 --> 00:00:38,944
Um...
13
00:00:38,946 --> 00:00:41,744
Sorry. Um...
14
00:00:47,306 --> 00:00:50,464
♪ February made me shiver ♪
15
00:00:50,466 --> 00:00:53,984
♪ With every paper I'd deliver ♪
16
00:00:53,986 --> 00:00:57,384
♪ Bad news on the doorstep ♪
17
00:00:57,386 --> 00:01:00,504
♪ I couldn't take one more step... ♪
18
00:01:00,506 --> 00:01:02,024
That's fine.
19
00:01:02,026 --> 00:01:03,504
- ♪ I can't rem... ♪
- Okay!
20
00:01:03,506 --> 00:01:04,603
- Oh.
- Thanks.
21
00:01:04,605 --> 00:01:05,683
- Really?
- Yes.
22
00:01:05,685 --> 00:01:08,704
- Lovely.
- Okay. Thank you.
23
00:01:08,706 --> 00:01:10,624
Suzie, thank you so much
for coming today.
24
00:01:10,626 --> 00:01:12,104
- God, are we done? Okay.
- Thank you.
25
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,504
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you!
26
00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:14,905
Oh, it's so lovely to see you.
27
00:01:14,907 --> 00:01:16,745
Nice to see you. Thank you.
28
00:01:16,747 --> 00:01:18,505
- Say goodbye.
- Bye-bye, Frank.
29
00:01:18,507 --> 00:01:21,265
- How do you say goodbye?
- Um, just as you would normally.
30
00:01:21,267 --> 00:01:23,585
- Oh. 'Bye, Frank. Bye-bye.
- 'Bye.
31
00:01:23,587 --> 00:01:25,545
'Bye, Frank. Bye-bye.
32
00:01:25,547 --> 00:01:26,585
- Thank you.
- 'Bye.
33
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,825
- Okay, 'bye.
- 'Bye!
34
00:01:35,141 --> 00:01:36,745
Really?
35
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:39,305
Really? No, you were very good.
36
00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,839
You were very good. You're
Mummy's secret weapon,
37
00:01:41,841 --> 00:01:43,265
do you know that?
38
00:01:43,267 --> 00:01:47,787
You bring Mummy luck.
You bring Mummy such luck.
39
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:05,568
- Look. Swimming pool.
- _
40
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:11,066
Yeah.
41
00:02:11,068 --> 00:02:13,946
Yeah, but where you are now at school,
42
00:02:13,948 --> 00:02:16,226
you have lots of friends, don't you?
43
00:02:16,228 --> 00:02:18,346
You're special there,
44
00:02:18,348 --> 00:02:23,588
so would you rather
be special or fit in?
45
00:02:25,868 --> 00:02:28,269
Yeah. I hear you.
46
00:02:32,629 --> 00:02:34,629
Oh, look, it's Dad.
47
00:02:37,709 --> 00:02:39,587
- Hey.
- Hey!
48
00:02:39,589 --> 00:02:42,147
- How's the study trip?
- I thought you were asleep.
49
00:02:42,149 --> 00:02:45,867
- Are you still awake?
- Are you still in Paris?
50
00:02:45,869 --> 00:02:47,667
I thought you'd be on the train by now.
51
00:02:47,669 --> 00:02:49,809
Yeah, we actually...
We actually missed the last train.
52
00:02:49,811 --> 00:02:50,848
We missed the Eurostar,
53
00:02:50,850 --> 00:02:52,627
so the students are looking at
somewhere to stay.
54
00:02:52,629 --> 00:02:54,287
- Valerie's on it.
- I'm on it!
55
00:02:54,289 --> 00:02:56,227
- She's on it.
- Right.
56
00:02:56,229 --> 00:02:58,067
This one here. Four stars...
57
00:02:58,069 --> 00:02:59,907
So, what about tomorrow?
58
00:02:59,909 --> 00:03:03,747
I mean, don't... You... you don't
have to come if you... It's fine.
59
00:03:03,749 --> 00:03:05,748
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I'll come straight there.
60
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,428
I'll get the first train and I'll,
um... I'll come straight there.
61
00:03:08,430 --> 00:03:10,348
Fuck! Shit!
62
00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:13,148
My God, I nearly just walked into
one of those French piss things.
63
00:03:13,150 --> 00:03:14,748
- What are these called?
- I don't know.
64
00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:17,588
- Pisseur. Viva la pisseur!
- Viva la pisseur!
65
00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:19,590
Oh.
66
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,750
Crazy.
67
00:03:33,150 --> 00:03:37,308
Uh, these hierarchies are all fucked up,
68
00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:38,948
Mr. Sitting in the Front.
69
00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:42,149
Oh, I can feel the hair on my back
stand up as we cross the border.
70
00:03:42,151 --> 00:03:44,009
- Your back?
- Yeah, I'm covered in hair.
71
00:03:44,011 --> 00:03:48,349
You know that. Why are you
so relaxed? Is Cob not coming?
72
00:03:48,351 --> 00:03:50,549
- Oh, my God, is that why I'm here?
- No, he was.
73
00:03:50,551 --> 00:03:52,349
He's stuck in Paris with his students.
74
00:03:52,351 --> 00:03:54,789
I sort of hope he doesn't, for his sake.
75
00:03:54,791 --> 00:03:56,749
Have your family seen the photos?
76
00:03:56,751 --> 00:03:58,807
- Poor Cob.
- Poor Cob.
77
00:03:58,809 --> 00:04:00,208
My family don't mind a slag,
78
00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:02,549
but you don't wanna be married
to one, do you know what I mean?
79
00:04:02,551 --> 00:04:04,789
- God, I hate going home.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
80
00:04:04,791 --> 00:04:06,589
- Embrace yourself.
- Nah.
81
00:04:06,591 --> 00:04:09,389
That is why I'm, like, totally sold
on having a kid on my own.
82
00:04:09,391 --> 00:04:11,389
Like, burn this trad shit down.
83
00:04:11,391 --> 00:04:13,469
Well, there'll be lots
of free spunk at this.
84
00:04:13,471 --> 00:04:15,589
My dad's side are irresponsibly fertile.
85
00:04:15,591 --> 00:04:17,549
Oh.
86
00:04:17,551 --> 00:04:20,030
God, how's your mum going to cope
with your dad being there?
87
00:04:22,832 --> 00:04:24,830
Oh, did you hear back from the musical?
88
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,630
- No.
- No.
89
00:04:26,632 --> 00:04:28,712
Mm-mm.
90
00:04:30,432 --> 00:04:31,910
Oh.
91
00:04:31,912 --> 00:04:34,672
- Oh, Jesus.
- Alright, here we are.
92
00:04:39,672 --> 00:04:41,672
Come on, then, darling. Let's go.
93
00:04:46,872 --> 00:04:49,870
Oh, God. Bloody all these bloody people.
94
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,910
- Yeah, it's a wedding, Mum.
- Hey, Mrs. P.
95
00:04:51,912 --> 00:04:53,590
Oh, hello, love.
96
00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:55,951
Hey. I've been praying for you.
97
00:04:55,953 --> 00:04:59,191
Come here. Come here. Ooh, little fella!
98
00:04:59,193 --> 00:05:01,911
Jeez, haven't you got him
one of them cochlear things yet?
99
00:05:01,913 --> 00:05:04,071
- He doesn't want one.
- Well, he's seven.
100
00:05:04,073 --> 00:05:05,551
How does he fucking know?
101
00:05:05,553 --> 00:05:07,271
Have you not seen the videos?
They're heartbreaking.
102
00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:10,037
It doesn't work like that for
everyone. He's not a good candidate.
103
00:05:10,039 --> 00:05:12,318
No, no, no. No, they
even do it with dogs now.
104
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,959
And there's one hearing his owner
105
00:05:13,961 --> 00:05:16,071
for the first time and his little tail.
106
00:05:16,073 --> 00:05:18,591
Oh, it's marvellous, yeah.
Come in, sweetheart.
107
00:05:18,593 --> 00:05:20,991
- Oh, you're looking lovely, Naomi.
- So do you!
108
00:05:20,993 --> 00:05:23,351
- Ah!
- Here she comes! First born.
109
00:05:23,353 --> 00:05:24,951
Hello, Jon.
110
00:05:24,953 --> 00:05:28,271
I didn't recognise you
without a penis nearby.
111
00:05:28,273 --> 00:05:29,751
- Whey-hey!
- Jon, don't start.
112
00:05:29,753 --> 00:05:32,712
- There is a penis nearby.
- It's you, Jon!
113
00:05:32,714 --> 00:05:34,632
Ow. Has he gone outside?
114
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,472
Give me the, um... Pass me the thing.
115
00:05:36,474 --> 00:05:39,272
- What are you after now?
- Is this what we're using?
116
00:05:39,274 --> 00:05:42,072
Excuse me. I'll get
you a drink in a minute.
117
00:05:42,074 --> 00:05:45,234
Mm, look at this spread.
Well done, Karen.
118
00:05:46,074 --> 00:05:47,552
Nah-nah!
119
00:05:47,554 --> 00:05:49,933
- What are you doing?!
- Now I recognise you.
120
00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:50,978
Yeah, yeah.
121
00:05:50,980 --> 00:05:52,512
Bit light for you, though, Suzie girl.
122
00:05:52,514 --> 00:05:54,312
Was that worth it? Was it worth it?
123
00:05:54,314 --> 00:05:56,312
Bloody hell.
124
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,992
Dad, can I have a fag whilst he's out?
125
00:05:58,994 --> 00:06:00,472
Give us a light.
126
00:06:00,474 --> 00:06:03,232
Has he left you, then,
out of embarrassment?
127
00:06:03,234 --> 00:06:04,992
- Oh, Jesus...
- Don't worry. It's alright.
128
00:06:04,994 --> 00:06:06,432
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
129
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:09,193
Made my eyes water and
I only saw the blurry ones.
130
00:06:09,195 --> 00:06:11,553
Alright, Shane?
131
00:06:11,555 --> 00:06:13,793
- Yeah, you alright, Suz?
- Mum, where should we get changed?
132
00:06:13,795 --> 00:06:16,193
- Shall we just go upstairs?
- What's that? I can't hear.
133
00:06:16,195 --> 00:06:18,955
- What did you say?
- I said, "Where are we changing?"
134
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:22,472
Nah, Suz, you sound like you've
got something in your mouth.
135
00:06:24,155 --> 00:06:27,153
Phil, don't do that when Cob's here.
136
00:06:27,155 --> 00:06:29,273
Don't 'Phil' me in my own house.
137
00:06:29,275 --> 00:06:31,833
Literally not your house.
138
00:06:31,835 --> 00:06:34,393
Yeah, but you can't go upstairs,
can you, sweetheart,
139
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,673
'cause, um, your sister's
up there, isn't she?
140
00:06:36,675 --> 00:06:38,753
No, not her. It's him.
He can't go upstairs.
141
00:06:38,755 --> 00:06:39,953
Starting early.
142
00:06:39,955 --> 00:06:41,033
- Alright, Suz?
- Oh, hi.
143
00:06:41,035 --> 00:06:42,193
- Alright, Danielle?
- Alright.
144
00:06:42,195 --> 00:06:44,993
I can't think straight. Um, what are
you all doing sat in the kitchen?
145
00:06:44,995 --> 00:06:47,674
Go on, sod off, all of you.
146
00:06:47,676 --> 00:06:49,154
Harpy!
147
00:06:51,356 --> 00:06:53,114
'Ere, you know what I wanna know?
148
00:06:53,116 --> 00:06:55,514
- I'm trying to cook!
- How many famous people you met?
149
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:59,474
Well, I work with famous people
every day, so literally all the time.
150
00:06:59,476 --> 00:07:02,474
No, not you. Suz. How many
famous people you met?
151
00:07:02,476 --> 00:07:03,755
- Name them.
- Oh, I've met loads.
152
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,154
I've met Louis Theroux, I've met...
153
00:07:06,156 --> 00:07:08,954
- Louis who? Who? Who?
- Louis Theroux. You know who that is?
154
00:07:08,956 --> 00:07:10,194
- No.
- Oh, my God.
155
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:12,594
- Next. Who else?
- What? Well, I've met loads.
156
00:07:12,596 --> 00:07:14,794
Like, what, do you want me
to just list famous people?
157
00:07:14,796 --> 00:07:15,954
Yes.
158
00:07:15,956 --> 00:07:17,714
What's going on with
all this naked stuff?
159
00:07:17,716 --> 00:07:19,514
- I mean, I'd feel terrible.
- Straight in.
160
00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:21,639
I'd feel awful. I would feel so awful.
161
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:22,695
Did you sell it or something?
162
00:07:22,697 --> 00:07:23,915
What?! No!
163
00:07:23,917 --> 00:07:25,715
Nah, it's an awful angle for anyone.
164
00:07:25,717 --> 00:07:28,275
- I'd have deleted it.
- I did delete it.
165
00:07:28,277 --> 00:07:30,635
They store recently
deleted stuff too now.
166
00:07:30,637 --> 00:07:32,795
Oh, I'm gonna be really rude.
Gonna be really rude right now.
167
00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:34,079
Do you know when you go on top?
168
00:07:34,081 --> 00:07:35,635
You know when you go on top, right?
169
00:07:35,637 --> 00:07:38,635
You know what I'm talking about.
Right, when you lean...
170
00:07:38,637 --> 00:07:40,115
When you lean over,
171
00:07:40,117 --> 00:07:42,635
you wanna get a mirror and
check what they are seeing.
172
00:07:42,637 --> 00:07:44,155
I've got udders.
173
00:07:44,157 --> 00:07:46,955
And I go to BODYPUMP twice a week,
do you know what I mean?
174
00:07:46,957 --> 00:07:49,755
- Where's your boyfriend, Naomi?
- Oh, no, no, no.
175
00:07:49,757 --> 00:07:51,835
- Where's my boyfriend?
- Do you remember? She's not, um...
176
00:07:51,837 --> 00:07:54,195
- She's...
- No, no. Well, I'm actually 50-50.
177
00:07:54,197 --> 00:07:55,275
She's into women.
178
00:07:55,277 --> 00:07:58,635
- Oh, mate, I would...
- ... at a fanny.
179
00:07:58,637 --> 00:08:00,396
Don't you wax them every day at work?
180
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:03,118
Yes. I get paid to do that.
I'm not nose-deep in it.
181
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,276
60-40. 60-40 men now, talking to you.
182
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,516
One time, during a massage,
I was so hungover,
183
00:08:08,518 --> 00:08:11,196
I vommed all over her lower back.
184
00:08:11,198 --> 00:08:12,516
70-30.
185
00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:15,396
That's my limit. That
area, it's a no-go, mate.
186
00:08:15,398 --> 00:08:17,116
Strictly dickly, me.
187
00:08:17,118 --> 00:08:19,796
Alright, Danielle, I wouldn't
do you either, so chill out.
188
00:08:19,798 --> 00:08:22,316
- Oh, charming!
- Shane!
189
00:08:22,318 --> 00:08:23,956
Shane's... Shane's
cousin's here, isn't she?
190
00:08:23,958 --> 00:08:26,196
- Oh, yes!
- She plays netball for Kent.
191
00:08:26,198 --> 00:08:27,213
She's gay!
192
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:30,091
Actually, Naomi's in the
market for a bit of spunk,
193
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:31,436
if there's any going.
194
00:08:31,438 --> 00:08:35,076
Didn't Cob want to have
more kids and then you didn't?
195
00:08:35,078 --> 00:08:37,677
Oh, my God. That's not true, is it?
196
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:38,957
- Oh, Mum...
- It is true.
197
00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:41,037
Well, there's a solution.
You can have her old fella.
198
00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:43,837
- Yeah, yeah, knock yourself out.
- I think even I might have a line.
199
00:08:43,839 --> 00:08:45,117
Fill your boots.
200
00:08:45,119 --> 00:08:47,997
- Mum's strictly dickly, right, Mum?
- Oh, yeah!
201
00:08:47,999 --> 00:08:49,797
Cheers to that.
To the strictly dickly crew.
202
00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:51,477
Alright?
203
00:08:51,479 --> 00:08:53,317
- Alright?
- Alright?
204
00:08:53,319 --> 00:08:55,319
Oh, babe!
205
00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:59,797
Alright, Grinny? This is mad, isn't it?
206
00:08:59,799 --> 00:09:00,997
Look at you. Look at you.
207
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,157
So crazy, 'cause you're
eight still, aren't you?
208
00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:05,717
- How are you? What the fuck?
- Don't. How am I?
209
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:08,437
How are you? You've
got a lot of make-up on.
210
00:09:08,439 --> 00:09:10,157
No, this is normal.
211
00:09:10,159 --> 00:09:13,118
Right. I've brought
the magic showbiz box.
212
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,158
So, have you got any words
of wisdom for your sister?
213
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:17,824
You've done it enough times.
214
00:09:17,826 --> 00:09:19,758
Well, it's a sign I'm
not very good at it, Grin.
215
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,278
Can't say that.
216
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,916
I'll bet this dress makes
you want to be sick.
217
00:09:23,918 --> 00:09:26,398
- No.
- Your father's doing me bloody head in.
218
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,598
It's good. It's looking
quite creased on there.
219
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,038
Oh, you look like a model.
220
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,678
Look at you. She's gorgeous, isn't she?
221
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,158
This is actually really good.
222
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,678
- Give us a fag.
- Oh, blimey, what are you doing?
223
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,678
Mum, what are you doing?
You're sat on the dress.
224
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,278
- Bloody hell. Keep your hair on.
- You're just going to crease it all!
225
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,118
You're just smoking
next to it. It'll go up.
226
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,478
- It's creased anyway. Jesus.
- What are you like?
227
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,078
- Hey, Ferd.
- Alright.
228
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,359
Alright, Shane? Budge up.
229
00:09:53,161 --> 00:09:57,121
Thing is, that centre forward,
I've seen milk turn faster.
230
00:09:58,241 --> 00:10:01,039
- Size of his arse.
- Size of your arse.
231
00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:05,119
He ain't fit. Look. Look.
232
00:10:05,121 --> 00:10:07,479
Karen says you've done a porno.
233
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,919
No, I didn't. I-I didn't.
234
00:10:09,921 --> 00:10:12,079
Who's the bloke in it?
I bet you shat yourself.
235
00:10:12,081 --> 00:10:14,599
- No, it doesn't matter.
- It's all them Kardashians.
236
00:10:14,601 --> 00:10:16,159
Just worried about you.
237
00:10:16,161 --> 00:10:19,479
A married woman doesn't
need to do all that stuff.
238
00:10:19,481 --> 00:10:22,361
Look, honestly, when I think
about what's on my phone...
239
00:10:23,521 --> 00:10:26,642
Suz! Your husband's here!
240
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,240
Okay, off.
241
00:10:31,242 --> 00:10:35,000
Bonjour! I hear a television.
It must be a wedding day.
242
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,000
I wonder what Marco
Silva would do about this
243
00:10:37,002 --> 00:10:38,479
with Liverpool pegging his team back...
244
00:10:38,481 --> 00:10:40,560
Oh, here he is. Sound of the devil.
245
00:10:40,562 --> 00:10:43,560
Okay. Shane, congrats.
246
00:10:43,562 --> 00:10:47,280
I see you're enjoying your last
free moments there. Quite right.
247
00:10:47,282 --> 00:10:49,040
Take a pew. Liverpool scored.
248
00:10:49,042 --> 00:10:51,040
Utterly convinced, aren't you,
if you keep telling me things,
249
00:10:51,042 --> 00:10:52,520
eventually I'm gonna care.
250
00:10:52,522 --> 00:10:55,120
Hello, Phil.
251
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,720
Not even a joke about
my wife in those photos?
252
00:10:57,722 --> 00:10:59,520
No? I thought that'd be
right up your street.
253
00:10:59,522 --> 00:11:02,240
- Feel free to shout, "Cuckold".
- That's my daughter.
254
00:11:02,242 --> 00:11:04,499
Well, indeed. Yes, it is. Yeah.
255
00:11:04,501 --> 00:11:07,220
Not gonna allude to me
being unable to satisfy her?
256
00:11:07,222 --> 00:11:08,641
I expected a bit more badinage, mate.
257
00:11:08,643 --> 00:11:11,281
- What's a cuckold again?
- You'll find out.
258
00:11:11,283 --> 00:11:13,081
Porn thing.
259
00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:15,521
- When a black guy does it.
- Okay.
260
00:11:15,523 --> 00:11:17,561
Fucking... Shane, will you move?!
261
00:11:17,563 --> 00:11:20,001
Well, I'm gonna let Naomi
deal with that... that bombshell.
262
00:11:20,003 --> 00:11:24,001
I can see it's sending her into
an intersectional feminist frenzy.
263
00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:26,121
Good stuff.
264
00:11:26,123 --> 00:11:28,721
... in no-man's land. It's Firmino!
265
00:11:30,243 --> 00:11:32,881
Excuse me, ladies.
Excuse me. Don't mind me.
266
00:11:32,883 --> 00:11:34,481
Oh!
267
00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:36,121
- Hiya.
- Hiya, Cob.
268
00:11:36,123 --> 00:11:39,561
Hey, love. Sorry about the Eurostar.
Sounds like a nightmare.
269
00:11:39,563 --> 00:11:42,922
Naughty, aren't you, coming
into the secret chamber?
270
00:11:42,924 --> 00:11:45,303
- I know.
- Hello, B-law.
271
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,403
Vision.
272
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:48,402
Do you know, I always
forget how tall you are.
273
00:11:48,404 --> 00:11:50,882
- How tall is he?
- He must be 6'2" if he's a day.
274
00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:52,802
- He's 6'.
- 6'2" in my heels.
275
00:11:52,804 --> 00:11:56,282
I wouldn't let him out of
your sight if I were you, Suzie.
276
00:11:56,284 --> 00:11:58,283
Sorry, they said this was
the best place to get changed.
277
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:01,242
I think Shane's using the loo. Ooh!
278
00:12:01,244 --> 00:12:03,399
It's good luck! They say,
279
00:12:03,401 --> 00:12:06,242
"The looser the bowels,
the truer the vows".
280
00:12:06,244 --> 00:12:08,722
Do you want us to... Should
we leave while you get changed?
281
00:12:08,724 --> 00:12:11,042
No, no, no, Mum. This is
the bride's getting-ready space.
282
00:12:11,044 --> 00:12:12,522
It's fine. It's just a...
283
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,322
It's a late hen party
for you all, isn't it?
284
00:12:16,685 --> 00:12:19,963
- Suz, you went up for a musical?
- Yeah.
285
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:21,283
Yeah, I just thought, you know,
286
00:12:21,285 --> 00:12:23,359
maybe less getting murdered and raped
287
00:12:23,361 --> 00:12:24,843
and zombied all the time, you know.
288
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,403
Maybe just a bit more tap dancing.
289
00:12:26,405 --> 00:12:28,439
Oh, are you gonna do a musical?
290
00:12:28,441 --> 00:12:29,742
Yeah, I mean, it's just an audition.
291
00:12:29,744 --> 00:12:31,083
But it's actually... It's a new musical.
292
00:12:31,085 --> 00:12:34,683
It's pretty vibe-y. It's called
'A Party for Monica Lewinsky'.
293
00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:38,163
Right. And who would you be playing?
294
00:12:38,165 --> 00:12:40,565
I've always wanted to
be in a chorus line. It's,
295
00:12:40,567 --> 00:12:41,843
like, my absolute dream.
296
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:44,523
Why, even in, like,
your wildest fantasies,
297
00:12:44,525 --> 00:12:46,683
are you just a faceless chorus member?
298
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:49,843
I mean, it's... it's your dream, Mum.
You could literally star.
299
00:12:49,845 --> 00:12:52,603
Sorry, you're gonna get away from
everything that happened recently
300
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,606
by playing Monica Lewinsky?
301
00:12:55,766 --> 00:12:58,404
Can you even sing?
302
00:12:58,406 --> 00:13:01,124
Yeah, I was a professional pop star.
303
00:13:01,126 --> 00:13:03,166
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
304
00:13:04,446 --> 00:13:06,606
Okay. Um...
305
00:13:07,966 --> 00:13:11,444
Have you got a bag for these?
Don't want to ruin the line.
306
00:13:11,446 --> 00:13:14,044
Yeah, I'll put it my bag.
307
00:13:14,046 --> 00:13:15,724
Merci beaucoup.
308
00:13:15,726 --> 00:13:19,366
I'm just gonna check
if Shane's out of the toilet.
309
00:13:21,126 --> 00:13:22,351
Have you been training?
310
00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:24,164
You're goddamn right, I have been.
311
00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:26,084
- Have some of this.
- Nice hairy chest.
312
00:13:28,086 --> 00:13:30,485
I don't mind my hairy chest.
I trimmed it, actually.
313
00:13:30,487 --> 00:13:33,485
- That's a trim.
- _
314
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:49,408
Uh, news... the musical wanna
take you up to a dance audition.
315
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:50,889
It's pretty much what you've done before
316
00:13:50,891 --> 00:13:52,104
but the choreographer's only in today.
317
00:13:52,106 --> 00:13:53,965
- Can you do it over Skype?
- What, today, like, now?
318
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,725
Yeah. I said the only
time you're free is now.
319
00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:57,205
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's... let's do it.
320
00:13:57,207 --> 00:13:59,005
But don't tell Arch.
I don't wanna pull focus.
321
00:13:59,007 --> 00:14:01,085
No. Let's go.
322
00:14:01,087 --> 00:14:02,405
Can I just put it over here?
323
00:14:02,407 --> 00:14:04,205
- Can you see me?
- That's good. I can see you.
324
00:14:04,207 --> 00:14:06,799
I just need you to copy
what I'm doing, okay?
325
00:14:06,801 --> 00:14:07,886
Keeping it really basic.
326
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,006
Um, I mean, alright.
327
00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:12,366
As long as you can
hear me talk to the beat.
328
00:14:12,368 --> 00:14:13,886
Just going to be like this, okay?
329
00:14:13,888 --> 00:14:17,486
Okay, I've been sent to
do the face. Lucky you.
330
00:14:17,488 --> 00:14:19,566
- That's nice of you, Naomi.
- Yeah.
331
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,886
Sit down, Arch. Let's have a look.
332
00:14:21,888 --> 00:14:24,206
Uh, should we start
with the eyes or...?
333
00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:28,260
Yeah. We were thinking
about Cleopatra eyeliner.
334
00:14:28,262 --> 00:14:30,021
- Just straight and neat.
- Yeah? Like a flick?
335
00:14:30,023 --> 00:14:31,286
- Yeah.
- Sure. Okay.
336
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:33,606
- Neat.
- Yeah, neat. Sure.
337
00:14:33,608 --> 00:14:35,526
Um...
338
00:14:35,528 --> 00:14:39,046
Uh, well, 'cause I'm
used to doing my own,
339
00:14:39,048 --> 00:14:42,446
if I just start here in the
corner and work across...
340
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:44,767
Nah. Nah, no offence.
341
00:14:44,769 --> 00:14:47,287
- What?
- You're not equipped.
342
00:14:47,289 --> 00:14:49,487
- Mum, look at that.
- Oh, fuck.
343
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,007
Oh, you need to smudge it.
344
00:14:52,009 --> 00:14:53,767
- Smudge it.
- Smudge it.
345
00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:55,889
On her wedding day. Fuckin' hell.
346
00:14:57,569 --> 00:14:59,287
Well, now I've lost confidence.
347
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:03,767
... five, six and
seven, eight. And one...
348
00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:05,967
- ... three and four.
- One, two, three, four...
349
00:15:05,969 --> 00:15:07,970
No, no, no, no.
350
00:15:07,972 --> 00:15:09,609
- You've got to go in.
- _
351
00:15:09,611 --> 00:15:11,167
With me, Suzie.
352
00:15:11,169 --> 00:15:13,687
- Okay, take it from the top.
- Sorry. Start again. Okay.
353
00:15:13,689 --> 00:15:15,167
And a one...
354
00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:18,447
- One, two, three, four, five, six.
- Change.
355
00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:21,168
Seven and a one, two, three...
356
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,048
Phil, come on. Come on! Come on!
357
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:28,328
♪ If she don't come,
I'll tickle her bum ♪
358
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:31,208
♪ With a lump of celery Celery! ♪
359
00:15:31,210 --> 00:15:33,728
- Wahey!
- No, go away!
360
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:36,048
- I'm doing my tape!
- What's going on out there, then?
361
00:15:36,050 --> 00:15:38,605
- Don't film me! What are you doing?
- Why not? They're gonna love it!
362
00:15:38,607 --> 00:15:41,967
I'm so sorry.
363
00:15:42,850 --> 00:15:44,599
Mum, he looked right at me!
364
00:15:44,601 --> 00:15:46,208
Sorry, I'm at my sister's wedding.
365
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:48,008
You stupid bastard, Shane.
You're not supposed to look!
366
00:15:48,010 --> 00:15:49,688
I didn't see anything.
Arch, I didn't see ya!
367
00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:53,688
Oh, it doesn't matter! Okay,
I'm gonna have to call you back.
368
00:15:53,690 --> 00:15:55,408
You've probably fucked it
with your eyes now!
369
00:15:55,410 --> 00:15:57,158
Fuck off. I didn't see anything! Arch!
370
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,889
- Smash a mirror and cancel it out.
- It doesn't work like that, Mum.
371
00:15:59,891 --> 00:16:02,489
... get that job.
372
00:16:02,491 --> 00:16:04,009
Five, six, seven...
373
00:16:04,011 --> 00:16:05,889
She can't control who
comes into the garden.
374
00:16:05,891 --> 00:16:08,409
Whatever. It's fine. Just don't bring
this energy into the minivan.
375
00:16:08,411 --> 00:16:09,889
I just don't want you remembering this
376
00:16:09,891 --> 00:16:11,489
as Suzie making it all about her.
377
00:16:11,491 --> 00:16:13,489
We'll finish the make-up en route.
378
00:16:42,932 --> 00:16:45,930
Why is it only married people
that cry at weddings?
379
00:16:45,932 --> 00:16:48,330
Oh, God.
380
00:16:48,332 --> 00:16:50,410
Apparently, I haven't
got anywhere to sit
381
00:16:50,412 --> 00:16:52,051
because I'm not supposed to be here.
382
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,010
- Result.
- Oh, you are supposed to be here.
383
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:56,370
You can't just say that
and it's true. It's fine.
384
00:17:06,812 --> 00:17:08,330
Ooh.
385
00:17:10,892 --> 00:17:15,811
By the way, your dad's in
a bit of state about everything.
386
00:17:15,813 --> 00:17:17,971
And he wants me to ask you something.
387
00:17:17,973 --> 00:17:19,291
What?
388
00:17:19,293 --> 00:17:21,851
Alright, you're not allowed
to get angry with me, alright?
389
00:17:21,853 --> 00:17:23,051
Oh, no, here we go.
390
00:17:23,053 --> 00:17:24,651
No, listen, I don't know
anything about this,
391
00:17:24,653 --> 00:17:28,131
but your dad's gonna do a chat
with one of the men from the 'Sun',
392
00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:30,051
just so you know.
393
00:17:30,053 --> 00:17:32,691
What?
394
00:17:32,693 --> 00:17:34,331
It's 30 grand, love.
395
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:35,931
What... what... what
are you talking about?
396
00:17:35,933 --> 00:17:39,091
They just want to talk to him about
stuff and your life, you know.
397
00:17:39,093 --> 00:17:41,051
I mean, it's about all of us, all this.
398
00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:45,731
And Archie is gonna get 30
grand as a gift for a deposit.
399
00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:48,131
I mean, have you got her a gift?
400
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:50,452
Yeah, I've got her a gift.
I've got her a...
401
00:17:50,454 --> 00:17:53,292
- What?
- An air purifier that also cools.
402
00:17:53,294 --> 00:17:56,972
Nice, but this is better. It's a house.
403
00:17:56,974 --> 00:17:59,852
Hang on. Dad's gonna talk to a paper?
404
00:17:59,854 --> 00:18:03,052
Yeah, but he's stressed that you
are gonna get stressed about it.
405
00:18:03,054 --> 00:18:04,932
Okay, alright. Alright, Mum.
406
00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:07,252
- Just another day...
- It's 30 grand!
407
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,052
By the way, what the fuck are you doing
408
00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:10,732
relaying messages for your ex-husband?
409
00:18:10,734 --> 00:18:12,612
I don't know. Just...
That's all, anyway.
410
00:18:12,614 --> 00:18:13,972
- Yeah.
- Right, just don't ask!
411
00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:15,932
Alright, Mum. Fucking hell.
412
00:18:18,934 --> 00:18:21,732
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
413
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,734
♪ Mm ♪
414
00:18:24,534 --> 00:18:27,053
♪ Sexy ♪
415
00:18:27,055 --> 00:18:28,493
♪ Everything about you... ♪
416
00:18:28,495 --> 00:18:31,493
Oh. I don't want any more.
I just want a bit of cheese.
417
00:18:31,495 --> 00:18:33,213
- That's what you wanted, Dad.
- Here, you have it.
418
00:18:33,215 --> 00:18:37,255
Shane, come and meet my cousin.
Come on, Shane. Come on.
419
00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:48,215
- Alright?
- Alright?
420
00:18:52,535 --> 00:18:55,053
Mum said you're gonna talk to the 'Sun'.
421
00:18:55,055 --> 00:18:57,853
Why is she making a thing about it?
422
00:18:57,855 --> 00:19:00,373
What do you even know about it?
423
00:19:00,375 --> 00:19:02,374
I know my daughter's
all over the papers.
424
00:19:02,376 --> 00:19:04,894
No, I'm not all over the papers.
Naomi's seen to that.
425
00:19:04,896 --> 00:19:07,495
They're not allowed
to print it. It's illegal.
426
00:19:07,497 --> 00:19:10,016
They're doing a piece on
the men in your life...
427
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:11,090
What?
428
00:19:11,092 --> 00:19:14,094
... which I do have some feelings
about, actually, historically.
429
00:19:14,096 --> 00:19:15,734
Wow.
430
00:19:15,736 --> 00:19:19,014
Wow. I mean, I-I cannot...
431
00:19:19,016 --> 00:19:22,454
I cannot believe you're gonna
try and make money out of this.
432
00:19:22,456 --> 00:19:24,174
I'm not making money out of it.
433
00:19:24,176 --> 00:19:27,574
I'm giving 20 of it to your
sister as a wedding present...
434
00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:29,854
- Right.
- ... as a deposit for a house.
435
00:19:29,856 --> 00:19:31,654
Okay, what about the other 10?
436
00:19:31,656 --> 00:19:33,854
- Okay, Phil?
- Having a good time?
437
00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:35,976
- Yeah, great.
- Lovely. Nice to see the family.
438
00:19:37,456 --> 00:19:39,999
It's just words, Suzie. It's mental.
439
00:19:40,001 --> 00:19:41,575
They give it to you for words.
440
00:19:41,577 --> 00:19:44,495
I know, Dad. I know.
Don't you think they came to me?
441
00:19:44,497 --> 00:19:46,855
Didn't you think to come to me?
442
00:19:46,857 --> 00:19:48,655
So, I have to come to you for permission
443
00:19:48,657 --> 00:19:49,935
to talk about my own family?
444
00:19:49,937 --> 00:19:51,655
- Is that the rule now?
- Have you already done it?
445
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:53,295
You're in charge of
the family now, are you?
446
00:19:53,297 --> 00:19:55,015
Apparently, Dad, yeah, I am.
447
00:19:55,017 --> 00:19:58,535
All I know is your sister is never
gonna be able to buy a house,
448
00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:00,175
and I can't help because...
449
00:20:00,177 --> 00:20:02,095
You pissed away all of your money...
450
00:20:02,097 --> 00:20:06,815
Because of the collapse of
the industry I worked in.
451
00:20:06,817 --> 00:20:11,455
What, the fuckin' managing
local bands? That industry?
452
00:20:11,457 --> 00:20:14,175
Yeah, do you think the internet
doesn't affect live music?
453
00:20:14,177 --> 00:20:16,416
I literally paid off your mortgage.
454
00:20:16,418 --> 00:20:19,056
Yeah, and moved it into your mum's name.
455
00:20:19,058 --> 00:20:21,056
Yeah, because you left the house.
456
00:20:21,058 --> 00:20:23,696
Then I didn't get
nothing paid off, did I?
457
00:20:23,698 --> 00:20:26,776
I didn't get nothing. Story of my life.
458
00:20:26,778 --> 00:20:30,296
And now you say I can't say
a few words to a bloke on the phone
459
00:20:30,298 --> 00:20:32,776
for a rag that no-one reads?
460
00:20:32,778 --> 00:20:35,296
Controlling. You wanna control me,
wanna control my voice.
461
00:20:35,298 --> 00:20:37,856
Well, I'm not gonna
be controlled anymore.
462
00:20:37,858 --> 00:20:39,858
Hmm.
463
00:20:42,578 --> 00:20:44,578
Got it?
464
00:20:53,379 --> 00:20:56,899
Dad's gonna sell a story on me.
And you, I suppose.
465
00:21:06,459 --> 00:21:08,377
They're jackals, Phil.
You'd understand that.
466
00:21:08,379 --> 00:21:10,377
- Come sit here.
- And it fucked that marriage up.
467
00:21:10,379 --> 00:21:11,478
Stay sensible.
468
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,577
Jude, Naomi. Naomi, Jude.
469
00:21:13,579 --> 00:21:15,657
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hi, Jude.
470
00:21:15,659 --> 00:21:18,057
- Jude plays netball.
- Yes, I remember. Thank you.
471
00:21:25,139 --> 00:21:27,217
- Want some wine, Jude?
- Yes, please.
472
00:22:07,461 --> 00:22:10,261
- Do you want this, Ferd?
- No, you have it, darlin'.
473
00:22:12,381 --> 00:22:14,661
- Eugh.
- Alright, you two.
474
00:22:27,021 --> 00:22:29,459
I'd like to introduce
the father of the bride.
475
00:22:32,981 --> 00:22:34,981
Thank you.
476
00:22:39,981 --> 00:22:41,619
♪ Regrets... ♪
477
00:22:43,662 --> 00:22:46,060
When you have kids, you think,
478
00:22:46,062 --> 00:22:49,900
"Oh, God, I've got to keep them alive.
479
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:53,140
"I've got to keep
these little girls alive".
480
00:22:53,142 --> 00:22:55,758
But then you don't just keep 'em alive.
481
00:22:55,760 --> 00:23:00,140
You've got to keep them happy
and safe and warm and fed
482
00:23:00,142 --> 00:23:02,820
and even that's not enough, you know?
483
00:23:02,822 --> 00:23:05,740
Apparently.
484
00:23:05,742 --> 00:23:08,900
"No, Daddy, you mustn't shout".
485
00:23:08,902 --> 00:23:11,540
You have to say "excuse me"
when you burp.
486
00:23:11,542 --> 00:23:14,300
Yeah, as if you ever did!
487
00:23:14,302 --> 00:23:17,102
"You shouldn't eat eggs
from those battery ones".
488
00:23:18,502 --> 00:23:20,461
I remember Archie saying to me,
489
00:23:20,463 --> 00:23:23,581
"You can't sit on that deckchair,
Dad", on the beach,
490
00:23:23,583 --> 00:23:25,941
"'Cause you gotta pay for it".
491
00:23:25,943 --> 00:23:28,901
And I said, "It's alright.
They'll come round".
492
00:23:28,903 --> 00:23:31,421
But she was very cross that whole time.
493
00:23:31,423 --> 00:23:33,021
Do you remember, Squidge?
494
00:23:33,023 --> 00:23:35,181
"No, you gotta pay for it, Daddy!"
495
00:23:35,183 --> 00:23:38,701
And I'm from the '60s.
"Fuck the deckchair man".
496
00:23:44,183 --> 00:23:47,661
So I walk all the way down
the beach to find the bloke.
497
00:23:47,663 --> 00:23:49,221
Course, when we get back there,
498
00:23:49,223 --> 00:23:51,261
there's these other bastards sat there.
499
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:56,023
Now, I'm about to lose my absolute...
500
00:23:57,424 --> 00:24:00,302
And there's Archie, beaming.
501
00:24:00,304 --> 00:24:04,222
She said, "They don't even know
they're a present, Dad".
502
00:24:04,224 --> 00:24:06,224
Aww!
503
00:24:07,544 --> 00:24:09,342
'Cause that made her day.
504
00:24:11,624 --> 00:24:13,102
That wasn't...
505
00:24:13,104 --> 00:24:16,742
- What?
- That wasn't... That never happened.
506
00:24:16,744 --> 00:24:19,622
- That was me.
- Sure.
507
00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:22,123
... makes you a better man,
which is what my kids did for me.
508
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:24,324
So I don't need to think of
anything else to say
509
00:24:24,326 --> 00:24:26,702
'cause I'm so happy for you.
510
00:24:26,704 --> 00:24:30,742
And, um, it's good to, and
nice to, feel something pure
511
00:24:30,744 --> 00:24:33,423
because there's not a lot that is.
512
00:24:33,425 --> 00:24:38,303
And you gotta remember when
something's pure, haven't you? Okay.
513
00:24:50,265 --> 00:24:54,183
Everyone, I'd just like to do
a toast to Shane and Archie.
514
00:24:54,185 --> 00:24:57,383
Shane and Archie.
515
00:24:57,385 --> 00:24:59,503
- Cheers.
- Love you.
516
00:24:59,505 --> 00:25:01,505
Cheers, Mum.
517
00:25:03,825 --> 00:25:06,825
♪ Down the Casbah way ♪
518
00:25:08,025 --> 00:25:11,664
♪ As soon as the Shareef
was chauffeured outta there ♪
519
00:25:11,666 --> 00:25:15,384
♪ The jet pilots tuned to
the cockpit radio blare ♪
520
00:25:15,386 --> 00:25:18,984
♪ As soon as the Shareef
was outta their hair ♪
521
00:25:18,986 --> 00:25:21,306
♪ The jet pilots wailed ♪
522
00:25:22,826 --> 00:25:25,026
♪ The Shareef don't like it ♪
523
00:25:26,546 --> 00:25:30,144
♪ Rock the Casbah, rock the Casbah ♪
524
00:25:30,146 --> 00:25:32,146
♪ The Shareef don't like it ♪
525
00:25:33,986 --> 00:25:37,624
♪ Rock the Casbah, rock the Casbah ♪
526
00:25:37,626 --> 00:25:41,384
♪ The Shareef don't like it,
he thinks it's not kosher ♪
527
00:25:41,386 --> 00:25:44,944
♪ Rock the Casbah, rock the Casbah ♪
528
00:25:44,946 --> 00:25:48,825
♪ The Shareef don't like it,
fundamentally can't take it ♪
529
00:25:48,827 --> 00:25:52,265
♪ Rock the Casbah, rock the Casbah ♪
530
00:25:52,267 --> 00:25:54,505
♪ The Shareef don't like it... ♪
531
00:26:03,107 --> 00:26:06,345
You guys will probably
sleep together tonight.
532
00:26:06,347 --> 00:26:07,825
Your husband's an arsehole.
533
00:26:07,827 --> 00:26:09,606
Why is it okay for
you to say that to me?
534
00:26:09,608 --> 00:26:11,504
If I said that to you,
you'd all explode.
535
00:26:11,506 --> 00:26:13,025
'Cause it's factually accurate.
536
00:26:13,027 --> 00:26:14,625
I was just saying
I find weddings depressing.
537
00:26:14,627 --> 00:26:16,025
No, you were saying
they were depressing.
538
00:26:16,027 --> 00:26:18,705
- You were claiming it as a fact.
- Because it's a fact to me.
539
00:26:18,707 --> 00:26:20,585
No, it's about the amount of hope.
540
00:26:20,587 --> 00:26:22,985
That's the exact opposite
of depressing, surely.
541
00:26:22,987 --> 00:26:26,426
You have this woman handed from
one man to another man...
542
00:26:26,428 --> 00:26:28,706
Oh, my... You don't mean that.
You don't even think that.
543
00:26:28,708 --> 00:26:31,306
You're just quoting from some idea
which is just as received and false
544
00:26:31,308 --> 00:26:32,906
as you say marriage is,
just to impress...
545
00:26:32,908 --> 00:26:34,146
- Okay, that's fine.
- No, no, no.
546
00:26:34,148 --> 00:26:35,826
No, 'cause I could easily
play devil's advocate
547
00:26:35,828 --> 00:26:37,306
with the whole who owns what thing.
548
00:26:37,308 --> 00:26:38,986
Ooh, devil's is my
favourite kind of advocacy.
549
00:26:38,988 --> 00:26:40,466
- Oh, guys, come on.
- Oh, good, okay.
550
00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:43,186
Well, no, man-bash. Sure.
That's genius. But just...
551
00:26:43,188 --> 00:26:46,346
Okay, say, for example, say men
wanna be with a woman, right?
552
00:26:46,348 --> 00:26:47,467
Wanna be in a relationship with a woman.
553
00:26:47,469 --> 00:26:50,666
So women say, "Why should I be?
What are you offering me?"
554
00:26:50,668 --> 00:26:52,306
Well, what are you offering her?
555
00:26:52,308 --> 00:26:55,866
So men go out and they kill
animals and they build huts
556
00:26:55,868 --> 00:26:58,586
and they build civilisations,
they make an empire.
557
00:26:58,588 --> 00:27:01,267
"What about protecting me?
What if you're not around?"
558
00:27:01,269 --> 00:27:02,667
"Okay, yeah, good point".
559
00:27:02,669 --> 00:27:05,107
So he goes out and he makes
the police force and the army
560
00:27:05,109 --> 00:27:07,427
and he persuades men
to die and go to war.
561
00:27:07,429 --> 00:27:10,867
She says, "But what about
nice things? I want nice things".
562
00:27:10,869 --> 00:27:12,507
"Alright, yeah. Okay, fair enough".
563
00:27:12,509 --> 00:27:14,307
So he makes the economy
and he builds skyscrapers...
564
00:27:14,309 --> 00:27:16,267
Yeah, big fucking dicks in the sky, man.
565
00:27:16,269 --> 00:27:18,528
She says, "Why have you got all that
stuff? I want some of that stuff.
566
00:27:18,530 --> 00:27:21,049
"Why do I have to sit in this
massive house you built me all day?"
567
00:27:21,051 --> 00:27:23,560
So, men go, "Okay, yeah. No, fair
enough. I can appreciate that.
568
00:27:23,562 --> 00:27:26,161
"Why don't you come in?
Why don't you be part of this thing?"
569
00:27:26,163 --> 00:27:28,266
"I want half of it". "Yeah, okay, fine.
570
00:27:28,268 --> 00:27:29,806
No, I understand that. Here you go.
571
00:27:29,808 --> 00:27:32,247
Why don't you come in and be half of
this thing? I think you're great".
572
00:27:32,249 --> 00:27:33,907
Ugh! Stop harassing me!
Get the fuck out.
573
00:27:33,909 --> 00:27:36,806
This is all mine now. Get out".
"That's not really on, is it?
574
00:27:36,808 --> 00:27:38,272
I built all this just to impress you".
575
00:27:38,274 --> 00:27:39,988
"I don't care. Get out.
This is all mine now".
576
00:27:39,990 --> 00:27:41,468
Why the fuck should women be with men
577
00:27:41,470 --> 00:27:42,471
if they can't offer them anything?
578
00:27:42,473 --> 00:27:44,592
- What is the point?
- That's exactly what I'm saying to you!
579
00:27:44,594 --> 00:27:47,148
You're agreeing. You're agreeing.
580
00:27:47,150 --> 00:27:49,228
Basically, men built the world
so women would fuck them
581
00:27:49,230 --> 00:27:51,169
and then women are like,
"Give me this world you've built.
582
00:27:51,171 --> 00:27:53,068
Oh, and also, we don't
wanna fuck you anymore".
583
00:27:53,070 --> 00:27:54,788
Would be the argument.
584
00:27:54,790 --> 00:27:56,268
Okay.
585
00:27:56,270 --> 00:27:58,988
- Are you married?
- That's my wife.
586
00:27:58,990 --> 00:28:02,668
- Yeah, we are. Yeah.
- I'm just trying to liven things up.
587
00:28:02,670 --> 00:28:04,388
It is actually quite depressing.
588
00:28:04,390 --> 00:28:05,769
Let's dance.
589
00:28:05,771 --> 00:28:07,771
Let's do it.
590
00:28:09,070 --> 00:28:11,628
You're welcome. I'm going for a piss.
591
00:28:11,630 --> 00:28:14,350
Look after my phone, will you?
All your family are thieves.
592
00:28:37,551 --> 00:28:39,871
She's made me do this.
593
00:28:41,591 --> 00:28:45,549
♪ A long, long time ago ♪
594
00:28:45,551 --> 00:28:48,389
♪ I can still remember ♪
595
00:28:48,391 --> 00:28:51,312
♪ How that music used to make me smile ♪
596
00:28:53,392 --> 00:28:56,870
♪ And I knew if I had my chance ♪
597
00:28:56,872 --> 00:28:59,710
♪ That I could make those people dance ♪
598
00:28:59,712 --> 00:29:03,912
♪ And maybe they'd be
happy for a while ♪
599
00:29:07,272 --> 00:29:10,230
♪ But February made me shiver ♪
600
00:29:10,232 --> 00:29:13,510
♪ With every paper I'd deliver ♪
601
00:29:13,512 --> 00:29:16,550
♪ Bad news on the doorstep ♪
602
00:29:16,552 --> 00:29:20,470
♪ I couldn't take one more step... ♪
603
00:29:44,153 --> 00:29:47,511
♪ So, bye-bye, Miss American Pie ♪
604
00:29:47,513 --> 00:29:53,031
♪ Drove my Chevy to the levee
but the levee was dry ♪
605
00:29:53,033 --> 00:29:57,511
♪ Them good ole boys were
drinking whiskey and rye ♪
606
00:29:57,513 --> 00:30:02,871
♪ Singin', "this'll be
the day that I die, ♪
607
00:30:02,873 --> 00:30:06,192
♪ This'll be the day that I die". ♪
608
00:30:06,194 --> 00:30:08,672
Come on!
609
00:30:08,674 --> 00:30:11,352
♪ Did you write the book of love ♪
610
00:30:11,354 --> 00:30:15,672
♪ And you have faith in God above? ♪
611
00:30:15,674 --> 00:30:19,072
Forget it, by the way.
I'm not doing it anymore.
612
00:30:19,074 --> 00:30:21,672
No papers, no present for Archie.
613
00:30:21,674 --> 00:30:25,752
I'm tired of being the arsehole.
You be the arsehole.
614
00:30:25,754 --> 00:30:29,712
♪ Well, I know that
you're in love with him ♪
615
00:30:29,714 --> 00:30:33,152
♪ 'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym ♪
616
00:30:33,154 --> 00:30:36,512
♪ You both kicked off your shoes ♪
617
00:30:36,514 --> 00:30:39,514
♪ Man, I dig those rhythm and blues ♪
618
00:30:41,154 --> 00:30:43,673
♪ Lonely teenage broncin' buck ♪
619
00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:47,513
♪ With a pink carnation
and a pick-up truck ♪
620
00:30:47,515 --> 00:30:50,633
♪ But I knew I was out of luck ♪
621
00:30:50,635 --> 00:30:55,593
♪ The day the music died... ♪
622
00:30:55,595 --> 00:30:57,595
Big-time.
623
00:30:58,355 --> 00:31:00,753
We were gonna stay at the hotel
but it's, like, 300 quid
624
00:31:00,755 --> 00:31:03,633
and we'd rather just put that
on a deposit for a holiday.
625
00:31:03,635 --> 00:31:06,715
Oh, it's better here anyway
so he can be sick.
626
00:31:09,435 --> 00:31:12,753
What the fuck does
she keep in this room?
627
00:31:12,755 --> 00:31:15,515
- Have you ever looked in here?
- No.
628
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:19,914
At least she doesn't
keep this out anymore.
629
00:31:19,916 --> 00:31:23,234
Oh, my God.
630
00:31:23,236 --> 00:31:25,674
She's so mental.
631
00:31:25,676 --> 00:31:27,554
When this was my room,
632
00:31:27,556 --> 00:31:30,834
she used to, like, come in and
ask me if she should leave Dad.
633
00:31:30,836 --> 00:31:33,274
- Did she ever do that to you?
- No.
634
00:31:33,276 --> 00:31:38,916
Um... Thanks. She'd come in
and she'd be hammered.
635
00:31:40,716 --> 00:31:43,794
She'd be like, "Do you think
I should leave your father?
636
00:31:43,796 --> 00:31:45,314
You do, don't you?"
637
00:31:45,316 --> 00:31:47,354
Fucking hell. What did you say?
638
00:31:47,356 --> 00:31:49,714
I don't know. I was 10.
639
00:31:49,716 --> 00:31:53,434
- Did you say yeah?
- No, it wasn't me, Arch.
640
00:31:53,436 --> 00:31:56,595
Dad left Mum. The walls are pretty thin.
641
00:31:56,597 --> 00:31:58,136
He's actually...
642
00:31:58,138 --> 00:31:59,719
He's told me not to tell you
643
00:31:59,721 --> 00:32:01,435
'cause he doesn't want
you to do favourites,
644
00:32:01,437 --> 00:32:03,279
but he's giving me and Shane, like,
645
00:32:03,281 --> 00:32:05,075
15 grand for a deposit on a house.
646
00:32:05,077 --> 00:32:06,955
You know, he's actually
sorted a lot out.
647
00:32:06,957 --> 00:32:09,555
15! Okay, but do you actually know...
648
00:32:09,557 --> 00:32:12,235
- Why have you gotta shit on everything?
- I'm not. It's just...
649
00:32:12,237 --> 00:32:14,435
It might not be a lot
of money to you, but...
650
00:32:14,437 --> 00:32:16,955
- Okay, but it's Dad.
- It's a wedding present.
651
00:32:16,957 --> 00:32:20,635
'Cause don't say anything,
652
00:32:20,637 --> 00:32:23,595
but I reckon I'm up the wotsit.
653
00:32:23,597 --> 00:32:27,395
Are you fucking joking?
You've been wankered all day.
654
00:32:27,397 --> 00:32:29,195
Well, yeah, that's why
I haven't done a test.
655
00:32:29,197 --> 00:32:31,195
I'm not not gonna drink
at my wedding, am I?
656
00:32:31,197 --> 00:32:33,396
But you know you shouldn't drink
whilst you're pregnant, Arch.
657
00:32:33,398 --> 00:32:35,196
Well, I figured a lot
don't stick, do they?
658
00:32:35,198 --> 00:32:38,396
And I reckon if this one can survive
all the shit that I throw at it,
659
00:32:38,398 --> 00:32:42,116
then it really wants to survive
and have a go at life, you know?
660
00:32:42,118 --> 00:32:44,398
Anyway, we're all happy at the minute.
661
00:33:05,838 --> 00:33:07,756
I could drive him back to the hotel.
662
00:33:07,758 --> 00:33:10,317
- I haven't drunk anything.
- No, he knows where he is here.
663
00:33:10,319 --> 00:33:14,559
Yeah. Okay, good.
664
00:33:22,919 --> 00:33:25,479
- Frank...
- No, it's alright. It's alright.
665
00:33:28,359 --> 00:33:31,279
I want you to fuck this
bloodline out of me.
666
00:33:38,199 --> 00:33:40,959
Let's get these bad boys off.
667
00:33:42,479 --> 00:33:44,517
This is fucking sexy when I take it off.
668
00:33:44,519 --> 00:33:46,518
- I'll bet it is.
- It's fucking sexy.
669
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,238
Come on, then.
670
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,038
It takes quite a long time.
671
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,798
- Well, hurry up.
- There it is. Oh!
672
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,438
- Wow.
- Merry Christmas.
673
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,598
- Pretty fucking hot, right?
- Mm-hmm.
674
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:02,240
Mm-hmm. You just wait.
You just wait. Oh, yeah.
675
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:06,878
I love your hair.
676
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,878
Oh, well, you're in luck, baby,
677
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,200
'cause there's plenty more
where that came from.
678
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,918
Ah. I thought you loved my hair.
679
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,638
I do love your hair.
I just... I wanna see your face.
680
00:34:26,641 --> 00:34:29,439
Oh, hello. Were you bitten by a shark?
681
00:34:29,441 --> 00:34:33,081
- It's a caesarean scar.
- Oh.
682
00:34:35,001 --> 00:34:37,641
What? It was a long time ago.
683
00:34:38,761 --> 00:34:40,599
Oh, God, it's not dead, is it?
684
00:34:40,601 --> 00:34:43,359
What? No.
685
00:34:43,361 --> 00:34:47,839
She's on holiday in Greece. She's 17.
686
00:34:47,841 --> 00:34:49,759
Oh, wow.
687
00:34:49,761 --> 00:34:54,481
This is, uh, like, my first
night out since I was 20.
688
00:34:57,001 --> 00:34:59,081
Welcome back.
689
00:35:03,362 --> 00:35:05,362
Stop.
690
00:35:11,002 --> 00:35:13,002
Oh, fuck.
691
00:35:17,682 --> 00:35:22,040
Shh! You dirty sod.
692
00:35:22,042 --> 00:35:24,720
- Just... I think it's...
- Get off!
693
00:35:24,722 --> 00:35:26,520
- Phil...
- Did you hear that?
694
00:35:26,522 --> 00:35:28,440
- Get up those stairs...
- Did you hear that?
695
00:35:28,442 --> 00:35:30,600
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
- Oh, my God!
696
00:35:34,362 --> 00:35:36,362
Just...
697
00:35:39,803 --> 00:35:42,041
No, no, no, no. Oh, my God.
698
00:35:42,043 --> 00:35:45,561
It's Mum and Dad.
It's fucking Mum and Dad.
699
00:35:45,563 --> 00:35:47,563
It's not ideal.
700
00:35:54,323 --> 00:35:58,283
I think we broke your mum's sink.
701
00:36:00,083 --> 00:36:02,561
Yeah, you set off, then, you, alright?
702
00:36:02,563 --> 00:36:05,081
Mum, I'm gonna transfer 15 grand to Dad,
703
00:36:05,083 --> 00:36:07,641
so just make sure Archie
gets that full 15, yeah?
704
00:36:07,643 --> 00:36:10,041
- Yeah, I heard you.
- Yeah, but how are you gonna do that?
705
00:36:10,043 --> 00:36:11,662
I don't know. I'll look
at the bank, won't I?
706
00:36:11,664 --> 00:36:13,762
But you don't have access
to Archie's bank account.
707
00:36:13,764 --> 00:36:15,362
Just ask her how much Dad gives her
708
00:36:15,364 --> 00:36:17,322
and make sure it's the full 15, yeah?
709
00:36:17,324 --> 00:36:19,482
- Yes?
- Yeah. Alright, alright.
710
00:36:19,484 --> 00:36:22,482
It's a bit early. Go on. Go on.
Off you go before it gets busy.
711
00:36:22,484 --> 00:36:25,282
Karen, make us a tea, love.
712
00:36:25,284 --> 00:36:28,084
Everyone had to stop over
last night. Bloody madhouse.
713
00:36:30,164 --> 00:36:32,522
Alright, I'll see you later.
See you. 'Bye.
714
00:36:32,524 --> 00:36:34,724
Ta-ra, love. Off you go.
715
00:36:40,324 --> 00:36:42,562
♪ Sonny got a job and Jean left home ♪
716
00:36:42,564 --> 00:36:43,962
♪ Jackie took a chance... ♪
717
00:36:43,964 --> 00:36:45,122
Hello, Pickles.
718
00:36:45,124 --> 00:36:47,922
Can I bum a ciggie before we go
get fingered in the railway arches?
719
00:36:47,924 --> 00:36:50,224
I think we should stop talking
like that in front of him, okay?
720
00:36:50,226 --> 00:36:52,124
I'm worried that he's
absorbing stuff all the time
721
00:36:52,126 --> 00:36:54,126
like a big sanitary towel
full of my gross...
722
00:36:55,224 --> 00:36:56,324
Bleugh.
723
00:36:56,326 --> 00:36:58,523
You mean stuff like that?
724
00:36:58,525 --> 00:37:01,245
I need you to get me
something from the chemist.
725
00:37:02,485 --> 00:37:05,203
The morning after pill.
726
00:37:05,205 --> 00:37:07,205
Slag.
727
00:37:08,885 --> 00:37:10,885
Come on.
728
00:37:13,445 --> 00:37:18,523
♪ I'll say this I miss
you more every day ♪
729
00:37:18,525 --> 00:37:23,483
♪ Daylight, it leads me back your way ♪
730
00:37:23,485 --> 00:37:28,044
♪ Falling into my mind again ♪
731
00:37:28,046 --> 00:37:33,286
♪ I'll say this I miss
you more, my friend ♪
732
00:37:37,406 --> 00:37:39,884
♪ Sonny got a job and Jean left home ♪
733
00:37:39,886 --> 00:37:42,284
♪ Jackie took a chance
and went in alone ♪
734
00:37:42,286 --> 00:37:45,366
♪ And I can feel the
road under my feet ♪
735
00:37:47,166 --> 00:37:49,524
♪ Years flew by in the pouring rain ♪
736
00:37:49,526 --> 00:37:51,884
♪ And I can hear you calling my name ♪
737
00:37:51,886 --> 00:37:54,966
♪ And I can feel the
road under my feet ♪
738
00:37:56,206 --> 00:38:00,724
♪ Wake me up when the morning comes ♪
739
00:38:00,726 --> 00:38:06,607
♪ Wake me up and watch me run... ♪
740
00:38:10,167 --> 00:38:12,245
I really want to be in a musical.
741
00:38:12,247 --> 00:38:14,645
I think they'll offer, you know.
742
00:38:14,647 --> 00:38:17,085
No, I mean all the time.
743
00:38:17,087 --> 00:38:20,485
♪ It leads me back your way... ♪
744
00:38:20,487 --> 00:38:22,647
I know. S-S-Sorry.
745
00:38:24,687 --> 00:38:26,445
Alright.
746
00:38:26,447 --> 00:38:30,927
♪ I miss you, my old friend ♪
58133
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