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My mother was
trying to kill us...
4
00:00:38,968 --> 00:00:39,800
With fat.
5
00:00:39,869 --> 00:00:40,968
With fat?
6
00:00:41,037 --> 00:00:42,469
Oh, sure, I mean,
with that food.
7
00:00:42,538 --> 00:00:44,205
I mean, this is way
before cholesterol
8
00:00:44,274 --> 00:00:45,839
and that whole bit.
You know, I mean,
9
00:00:45,909 --> 00:00:47,541
7-year-olds were
having heart attacks.
10
00:00:48,945 --> 00:00:50,077
See, but you ate it
because she said
11
00:00:50,146 --> 00:00:51,712
the same thing to
you every meal...
12
00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:52,880
"Clean your plate.
13
00:00:52,949 --> 00:00:54,348
"Children in Europe
are starving.
14
00:00:54,417 --> 00:00:55,783
"Eat everything.
15
00:00:55,851 --> 00:00:57,285
"Children in Europe
are starving," right?
16
00:00:57,353 --> 00:00:59,120
So, I go to Europe
for the first time.
17
00:00:59,188 --> 00:01:01,588
You know what I see?
Fat schlubs.
18
00:01:01,657 --> 00:01:03,891
Everybody...
Big beasts waddling,
19
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,759
eating everything,
with an accent.
20
00:01:05,828 --> 00:01:07,828
I mean, I forget...
I never believed my mother
21
00:01:07,897 --> 00:01:09,430
from that day on,
I'll tell you.
22
00:01:09,498 --> 00:01:11,432
But the food was
sensational, right? I mean...
23
00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:13,667
But you didn't even call it
by it's name, the food.
24
00:01:13,736 --> 00:01:15,436
You called it by what
it did to your body.
25
00:01:15,504 --> 00:01:17,271
I don't get you.
Well, you say, "hey, ma,
26
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,006
"pass me some of that
burning sensation
27
00:01:19,075 --> 00:01:20,641
"I'm having in my colon."
28
00:01:20,709 --> 00:01:22,009
You know, it's funny
29
00:01:22,078 --> 00:01:24,278
because a lot of
the comedians that
I've interviewed,
30
00:01:24,347 --> 00:01:26,347
their humor
centers around food,
31
00:01:26,416 --> 00:01:28,082
around the family
dining room table.
32
00:01:28,151 --> 00:01:29,516
Well, yeah, sure.
That's because
33
00:01:29,585 --> 00:01:31,352
most of their families
came from Russia,
34
00:01:31,421 --> 00:01:33,087
see? And in Russia,
they had no food.
35
00:01:33,156 --> 00:01:35,156
I mean, sand
was a beverage.
36
00:01:35,224 --> 00:01:36,490
I mean, like,
in my family,
37
00:01:36,559 --> 00:01:39,226
my uncle schmuclich,
when he came here
38
00:01:39,295 --> 00:01:41,128
and saw a supermarket
for the first time,
39
00:01:41,197 --> 00:01:42,837
he proposed to a brisket.
40
00:01:42,898 --> 00:01:44,698
Well, there was
talk he had to.
41
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:46,934
See, but for me, my
family was like, uh,
42
00:01:47,003 --> 00:01:48,336
dances with Jews.
43
00:01:48,404 --> 00:01:49,437
Oh, sure,
44
00:01:49,505 --> 00:01:50,705
we had names
for our relatives,
45
00:01:50,773 --> 00:01:52,073
like they had
in that movie.
46
00:01:52,141 --> 00:01:53,374
What do you mean?
47
00:01:53,443 --> 00:01:54,608
Well, we had "eats
with his hands,"
48
00:01:54,677 --> 00:01:55,809
"spits
when he talks,"
49
00:01:55,878 --> 00:01:57,311
"makes noise
when he bends,"
50
00:01:57,380 --> 00:01:58,812
"sweats like a pig,"
51
00:01:58,881 --> 00:02:00,348
"whines
in the can..."
52
00:02:00,416 --> 00:02:01,349
Ok.
53
00:02:01,417 --> 00:02:02,583
"Never buys retail,"
54
00:02:02,651 --> 00:02:03,917
"shaves his back."
55
00:02:03,987 --> 00:02:05,152
Now, were you
always funny?
56
00:02:05,221 --> 00:02:06,720
Compared
to you, yes.
57
00:02:06,789 --> 00:02:08,055
Let me give you
a fashion tip.
58
00:02:08,124 --> 00:02:09,590
The pants go
on the bottom.
59
00:02:09,658 --> 00:02:11,325
Where's my drummer?
Ba dum-da.
60
00:02:11,394 --> 00:02:14,095
Now, so... so you got your
humor from the family?
61
00:02:14,163 --> 00:02:16,497
Oh, yeah. My father had
a great sense of humor.
62
00:02:16,565 --> 00:02:17,931
He died when
we were kids.
63
00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:20,034
He was always
doin' stuff like that.
64
00:02:20,103 --> 00:02:21,469
What a kidder.
65
00:02:21,537 --> 00:02:23,404
No, no, no. Who was
your biggest influence?
66
00:02:23,473 --> 00:02:25,039
All of them.
The entire herd.
67
00:02:25,108 --> 00:02:26,374
They were
a joyous people.
68
00:02:26,442 --> 00:02:27,641
See, they
spoke yiddish,
69
00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:29,477
which is a language of
coughing and spitting.
70
00:02:29,545 --> 00:02:32,046
So until I was 15,
i lived in a raincoat.
71
00:02:32,115 --> 00:02:33,714
When did you
start performing?
72
00:02:33,782 --> 00:02:34,782
After dinner.
73
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,250
Oh, sure,
after all the food
74
00:02:36,319 --> 00:02:38,052
in the entire world
had been eaten,
75
00:02:38,121 --> 00:02:40,154
the tow trucks would come
and take the relatives
76
00:02:40,223 --> 00:02:41,223
into the living room,
77
00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:43,190
and that meant
it was showtime.
78
00:02:43,259 --> 00:02:44,492
My brother Stan and I
79
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,893
would perform
for the relatives.
80
00:02:45,961 --> 00:02:47,495
We loved to
make them laugh,
81
00:02:47,563 --> 00:02:49,397
and that's where
it started for me.
82
00:02:49,465 --> 00:02:50,964
And who would think,
83
00:02:51,034 --> 00:02:52,966
that from that living room
in Brooklyn in the '30s,
84
00:02:53,036 --> 00:02:54,801
to CBS in 1956,
85
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,703
and I would have
my own television show?
86
00:02:56,772 --> 00:02:58,072
I mean, it's
incredible to...
87
00:02:59,108 --> 00:03:00,441
Excuse me.
88
00:03:00,510 --> 00:03:02,243
That was something
i ate as a child.
89
00:03:02,311 --> 00:03:04,778
Oh, sure, I mean,
i remember...
90
00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,153
The Coleman comedy hour
91
00:03:12,222 --> 00:03:14,288
is on the air.
92
00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:19,260
Starring...
93
00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:20,861
Buddy young, Jr.
94
00:03:21,498 --> 00:03:22,696
♪ Buddy ♪
95
00:03:22,765 --> 00:03:23,998
♪ buddy ♪
96
00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:26,067
♪ we hope we'll have
a buddy you can muster ♪
97
00:03:26,136 --> 00:03:27,201
2 minutes!
98
00:03:27,270 --> 00:03:29,003
2 minutes to
introduce buddy!
99
00:03:29,672 --> 00:03:30,771
Damn it!
100
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,306
Move that
damn horse!
101
00:03:32,375 --> 00:03:33,841
What the hell
is this?
102
00:03:33,910 --> 00:03:35,676
Come on!
103
00:03:35,745 --> 00:03:37,311
Buddy doesn't want to do that,
ok? He doesn't want to do that.
104
00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:38,479
Stan!
Hold it a second.
105
00:03:38,548 --> 00:03:40,188
So make sure the cue
cards get the change.
106
00:03:40,216 --> 00:03:42,417
Get him the other jacket from
rehearsal 'cause it's funnier. Go.
107
00:03:42,485 --> 00:03:43,684
How can a jacket
be funny?
108
00:03:43,753 --> 00:03:45,253
How can you be
unemployed? Go! What?
109
00:03:45,321 --> 00:03:46,387
Where's buddy?
What?
110
00:03:46,456 --> 00:03:47,721
I got less
than 2 minutes!
111
00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:48,689
Oh, Jesus.
112
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:49,957
Cue announcer!
113
00:03:50,026 --> 00:03:52,960
Tonight, join buddy
and his guests,
114
00:03:53,029 --> 00:03:54,095
Patti page...
115
00:03:54,164 --> 00:03:55,096
Hi, Stan!
116
00:03:55,165 --> 00:03:56,730
Hoagy Carmichael,
117
00:03:56,799 --> 00:04:00,034
and the krolpaynter
jugglers.
118
00:04:00,103 --> 00:04:01,469
Buddy!
119
00:04:01,538 --> 00:04:02,670
Buddy...
120
00:04:02,738 --> 00:04:03,637
Stan!
121
00:04:03,706 --> 00:04:05,106
You've got
one minute!
122
00:04:05,175 --> 00:04:07,108
Oh, Jesus!
See you later!
123
00:04:07,177 --> 00:04:08,276
Bye, buddy.
124
00:04:08,344 --> 00:04:09,877
What the hell are
you doing in there?
125
00:04:09,946 --> 00:04:11,586
I was workin' on
the opening monologue.
126
00:04:11,614 --> 00:04:12,913
What? In the girls'
chorus room?
127
00:04:12,982 --> 00:04:13,982
Yeah!
Come on!
128
00:04:14,016 --> 00:04:15,136
No, they loved it.
129
00:04:15,185 --> 00:04:16,284
They're smart.
Two want to direct.
130
00:04:16,352 --> 00:04:17,285
The time, buddy.
131
00:04:17,353 --> 00:04:18,453
My brother,
the maniac.
132
00:04:18,521 --> 00:04:20,081
Stan, you worry
too much.
133
00:04:20,123 --> 00:04:21,489
Excuse me. It
just came to me.
134
00:04:21,558 --> 00:04:23,391
I'm gonna kill 'em!
It won't even be fair!
135
00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:24,460
Hey, buddy!
136
00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:25,926
What? You want
a picture? Ok.
137
00:04:25,995 --> 00:04:27,195
Not now.
Now!
138
00:04:27,263 --> 00:04:28,396
Hey!
139
00:04:28,465 --> 00:04:29,930
Ok.
140
00:04:29,999 --> 00:04:31,499
Sorry.
How are you?
141
00:04:31,568 --> 00:04:34,569
Special appearance
by Mickey mantle.
142
00:04:34,637 --> 00:04:36,070
Hello, everybody!
143
00:04:36,139 --> 00:04:37,205
Hi, daddy!
144
00:04:37,273 --> 00:04:39,574
Susan, where's
that double take?
145
00:04:40,577 --> 00:04:41,642
Mmm.
146
00:04:42,778 --> 00:04:43,778
Needs work.
147
00:04:43,813 --> 00:04:45,379
Hi! Where
you been?
148
00:04:45,448 --> 00:04:47,047
I was workin' on the
opening monologue.
149
00:04:47,117 --> 00:04:50,050
It's gonna be great.
Hello, mama!
150
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,352
Here, hip,
hip, hip.
151
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:52,421
You look great.
152
00:04:52,489 --> 00:04:53,621
Thanks. Gotta go.
153
00:04:53,689 --> 00:04:55,256
Gotta go be famous.
See ya, see ya.
154
00:04:55,325 --> 00:04:56,724
Bye, kid.
Keep smilin'.
155
00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:59,327
Bye, ma. Ma, ma,
no, ma. Ma, no. Ma.
156
00:04:59,395 --> 00:05:00,661
Not now, mom.
157
00:05:00,730 --> 00:05:01,996
Makeup!
158
00:05:02,064 --> 00:05:04,532
♪ Just sit back with
your favorite squaw ♪
159
00:05:04,601 --> 00:05:07,067
♪ and a big chief
cigarette ♪
160
00:05:07,137 --> 00:05:09,069
I got it! I got it!
Stan, it's me.
161
00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:10,471
Here, put on
this jacket!
162
00:05:10,540 --> 00:05:11,739
This isn't
the right one!
163
00:05:11,807 --> 00:05:13,307
This is a funnier
jacket. Put it on.
164
00:05:13,376 --> 00:05:14,642
♪ Buddy ♪
165
00:05:14,710 --> 00:05:17,512
♪ he's the funniest
paleface on TV ♪
166
00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:19,079
it don't fit!
It don't fit!
167
00:05:19,149 --> 00:05:20,681
What did you do?
What did you do?
168
00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:21,882
Nothing.
It's not the same.
169
00:05:21,951 --> 00:05:23,951
What did you do
with the... with the...
170
00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:26,287
See what I did?
Huh? Huh?
171
00:05:26,356 --> 00:05:27,855
Thank you.
172
00:05:27,923 --> 00:05:29,890
Fasten your seat belts,
173
00:05:29,959 --> 00:05:32,260
put on your
crash helmets...
174
00:05:32,328 --> 00:05:34,962
Because here he comes...
175
00:05:35,031 --> 00:05:37,097
Is he gonna say, "America's
favorite new funnyman?"
176
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:38,466
No.
Stan...
177
00:05:38,535 --> 00:05:40,668
Mr. Saturday night!
178
00:05:40,736 --> 00:05:41,869
Better.
179
00:05:41,937 --> 00:05:43,237
Thank you.
180
00:05:43,306 --> 00:05:44,238
Hurt them.
181
00:05:44,307 --> 00:05:45,806
La, la, la, la, la, la.
182
00:05:45,875 --> 00:05:47,341
Get outta here.
183
00:05:48,244 --> 00:05:51,345
Buddy young, Jr.
184
00:05:53,816 --> 00:05:55,316
♪
185
00:06:00,122 --> 00:06:02,122
Look at daddy,
uncle Stan.
186
00:06:22,545 --> 00:06:25,213
What's the matter,
buddy? Having a bad day?
187
00:06:25,281 --> 00:06:26,947
A bad day?
188
00:06:27,016 --> 00:06:29,950
Don't get me started!
189
00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:38,826
Ah, don't get me started
on today, I'll tell you this.
190
00:06:38,894 --> 00:06:40,695
Actually, it started
last night, folks.
191
00:06:40,763 --> 00:06:42,530
I had a little fight
with my wife.
192
00:06:42,599 --> 00:06:44,898
Nothing serious.
3 police cars.
193
00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:48,469
Mommy,
is this true?
194
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,538
No, honey.
It's just a joke.
195
00:06:50,607 --> 00:06:52,373
Ok.
196
00:06:52,442 --> 00:06:54,408
I'm gonna tell you folks
what really happened
197
00:06:54,477 --> 00:06:56,176
because we're
friends now.
198
00:06:57,347 --> 00:06:58,979
Last night,
i come home,
199
00:06:59,048 --> 00:07:00,748
I found my wife
smooching and kissing
200
00:07:00,816 --> 00:07:02,416
with my best friend.
201
00:07:02,485 --> 00:07:03,651
Ooh!
202
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,152
Yeah. So I said,
"Lenny, I have to.
203
00:07:05,221 --> 00:07:06,254
"But you?"
204
00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:09,056
Mommy,
is this true?
205
00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:10,758
No. It's just
a joke, honey.
206
00:07:10,826 --> 00:07:12,260
Ok.
207
00:07:15,498 --> 00:07:17,431
And my daughter's
no genius, either.
208
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,800
Oh, don't get me
started on her.
209
00:07:20,936 --> 00:07:22,336
It's just a
joke, honey.
210
00:07:22,405 --> 00:07:23,837
It's just a joke.
211
00:07:23,906 --> 00:07:25,139
Yeah, she's 6.
212
00:07:25,207 --> 00:07:27,107
She'll be 7
if I let her.
213
00:07:27,176 --> 00:07:28,743
Every morning
when she gets up,
214
00:07:28,811 --> 00:07:30,311
"daddy, I got
a headache."
215
00:07:30,380 --> 00:07:31,779
It drives me crazy.
216
00:07:31,847 --> 00:07:33,180
"Daddy, I got
a headache."
217
00:07:33,249 --> 00:07:35,816
So I said, "look,
when you get out of bed,
218
00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:37,485
"it's feet first."
219
00:07:39,955 --> 00:07:42,089
See, then the show
just went on from there.
220
00:07:42,158 --> 00:07:43,691
You know, that
was a great night.
221
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,493
That was in 19...
Ba-ba-ba-boom.
222
00:07:45,561 --> 00:07:46,960
I'll tell you
that right now.
223
00:07:47,029 --> 00:07:48,228
No, that was
the night
224
00:07:48,298 --> 00:07:50,331
that the network called
me "Mr. Saturday night."
225
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,132
Yeah, and you were
on for how long?
226
00:07:52,201 --> 00:07:53,867
An hour. And
then gunsmoke...
227
00:07:53,936 --> 00:07:55,636
Now, how do you
like t.V. Today?
228
00:07:55,705 --> 00:07:58,539
Terrible. Because my
reception is so bad...
229
00:07:59,975 --> 00:08:01,975
I had that cable guy
with the belt cleavage
230
00:08:02,044 --> 00:08:03,811
come over and
give me a snowstorm
231
00:08:03,879 --> 00:08:06,213
on every channel.
232
00:08:06,282 --> 00:08:07,481
10 minutes, buddy.
233
00:08:07,550 --> 00:08:09,082
Ok, good.
234
00:08:09,151 --> 00:08:10,951
Oh, i-I'm sorry, i
should get out of here.
235
00:08:11,020 --> 00:08:12,860
You've got a show to do.
Ok.
236
00:08:12,922 --> 00:08:14,322
Ok. Nice
meeting you.
237
00:08:14,390 --> 00:08:15,589
Pleasure
to meet you.
238
00:08:15,658 --> 00:08:16,824
Ok.
Ok. Bye-bye.
239
00:08:16,892 --> 00:08:18,326
Remember,
feet first.
240
00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:19,560
Ok.
241
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:20,728
How's the crowd?
242
00:08:20,797 --> 00:08:21,696
Comin' in.
243
00:08:21,764 --> 00:08:22,930
Great.
244
00:08:30,473 --> 00:08:31,806
Jesus Christ, Stan.
245
00:08:31,874 --> 00:08:33,941
What is this, a
civil war reunion?
246
00:08:34,009 --> 00:08:35,209
They're a
little older.
247
00:08:35,277 --> 00:08:36,577
A little older?
248
00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:38,312
These people built
the pyramids.
249
00:08:38,381 --> 00:08:39,880
You said there'd
be singles.
250
00:08:39,949 --> 00:08:41,482
A lot of them
are single.
251
00:08:41,551 --> 00:08:44,284
Yeah, because whoever
they were with is dead.
252
00:08:44,354 --> 00:08:46,487
What are you complainin'?
It's jammed up.
253
00:08:46,556 --> 00:08:48,856
Yeah? So's my ass.
254
00:08:48,924 --> 00:08:50,558
You booked me
into a condominium,
255
00:08:50,626 --> 00:08:51,706
for Christ's sake.
256
00:08:51,761 --> 00:08:53,160
Gotta be wearin'
a tuxedo
257
00:08:53,229 --> 00:08:55,329
at 1:00 in the
goddamn afternoon.
258
00:08:55,398 --> 00:08:57,331
Comedy's a nighttime
thing, Stan.
259
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,367
You can't be funny
Durin' the day.
260
00:08:59,435 --> 00:09:01,702
There are no dayclubs,
there are nightclubs.
261
00:09:01,771 --> 00:09:03,270
They're not funny
on the today show,
262
00:09:03,339 --> 00:09:04,739
they're funny
on the tonight show.
263
00:09:04,807 --> 00:09:06,374
So work slowly.
It'll be nighttime.
264
00:09:06,442 --> 00:09:07,602
Buddy, you do
the bakery bit.
265
00:09:07,643 --> 00:09:09,243
They'll pee
in their pants.
266
00:09:09,311 --> 00:09:11,379
They're doin' that anyway.
What the hell do they need me for?
267
00:09:11,447 --> 00:09:12,880
Now, listen
to me, buddy,
268
00:09:12,948 --> 00:09:14,882
don't... don't get
nasty out there.
269
00:09:14,950 --> 00:09:16,384
All right?
Not this time.
270
00:09:16,452 --> 00:09:18,386
These are... these are
nice old people.
271
00:09:18,454 --> 00:09:20,320
Stan, I'm shocked.
272
00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:21,889
Do you think that
i would honestly
273
00:09:21,957 --> 00:09:23,524
go out there, huh,
274
00:09:23,593 --> 00:09:25,626
and... and insult
these people, huh?
275
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:26,894
Do you honestly think
276
00:09:26,962 --> 00:09:28,462
that I would walk
out there and say,
277
00:09:28,531 --> 00:09:30,130
"good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
278
00:09:30,199 --> 00:09:32,600
"so what's it like
to outlive your kids?"
279
00:09:32,668 --> 00:09:34,301
I wouldn't
say that, Stan.
280
00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:36,236
I wouldn't say,
"excuse me, ma'am,
281
00:09:36,305 --> 00:09:38,773
"Moses called. He said
you're a great fuck."
282
00:09:38,841 --> 00:09:40,340
Come on, Stan,
i wouldn't say that.
283
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:41,842
I wouldn't
do that to you.
284
00:09:41,911 --> 00:09:43,844
You gotta have a little
faith in people.
285
00:09:43,913 --> 00:09:45,245
Ok. I was
just checkin'.
286
00:09:45,314 --> 00:09:46,680
Yeah. Good.
287
00:09:52,087 --> 00:09:53,287
Thanks.
288
00:09:58,494 --> 00:10:00,828
Stan, would you get me
my soda, please?
289
00:10:00,897 --> 00:10:01,962
Uh-huh.
290
00:10:02,031 --> 00:10:03,831
And, uh, you know,
leave me alone
291
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,933
for, uh, the rest
of your life?
292
00:10:07,202 --> 00:10:08,469
I'm just kidding.
293
00:10:10,139 --> 00:10:11,672
Did you see
what I did there?
294
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:12,807
Yeah.
295
00:10:12,875 --> 00:10:13,875
Put on this jacket.
296
00:10:13,943 --> 00:10:15,208
Yeah?
Yeah.
297
00:10:15,277 --> 00:10:17,311
Hey, Stan, you ok?
298
00:10:17,379 --> 00:10:18,746
Yeah. Sure.
299
00:10:19,982 --> 00:10:20,915
Hurt them.
300
00:10:20,983 --> 00:10:22,950
La, la, la, la.
301
00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:43,571
Guys, how many of you
still have your prostates?
302
00:10:43,639 --> 00:10:45,005
How many?
303
00:10:45,074 --> 00:10:46,406
Not you, lady.
304
00:10:46,476 --> 00:10:47,508
Unbelievable.
305
00:10:47,577 --> 00:10:48,776
Nah. I'm just kiddin'.
306
00:10:48,845 --> 00:10:50,010
You're a good sport.
307
00:10:50,079 --> 00:10:51,812
By the way,
Moses called...
308
00:10:57,687 --> 00:10:59,219
That big fat woman
in the front,
309
00:10:59,288 --> 00:11:00,521
that big tub there
310
00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:02,356
that looked like she
had her own climate...
311
00:11:02,424 --> 00:11:03,657
Buddy, enough
already, ok?
312
00:11:03,726 --> 00:11:05,726
Couldn't get her to laugh,
couldn't budge her,
313
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:07,160
couldn't even
get her to smile.
314
00:11:07,229 --> 00:11:08,662
She had had
a stroke.
315
00:11:08,731 --> 00:11:10,731
Then what is she
doing in the front?
316
00:11:10,766 --> 00:11:12,326
Don't come out.
Stay home.
317
00:11:12,368 --> 00:11:13,534
Have a sponge bath.
318
00:11:13,603 --> 00:11:14,902
Have somebody
read to you.
319
00:11:14,971 --> 00:11:16,504
But no, I get
tubs 'r' us.
320
00:11:16,572 --> 00:11:18,572
How did she get in
the front row, anyway?
321
00:11:18,641 --> 00:11:20,474
Are you screwin' her?
322
00:11:21,878 --> 00:11:23,310
Come on, let's get
somethin' to eat,
323
00:11:23,379 --> 00:11:24,578
for Christ's sake.
324
00:11:31,687 --> 00:11:32,920
Oh, boy.
325
00:11:33,623 --> 00:11:34,623
Oh.
326
00:11:35,491 --> 00:11:36,991
I ate too much.
327
00:11:37,059 --> 00:11:39,527
I'm gonna go home
and shit a waiter.
328
00:11:41,564 --> 00:11:43,063
"Shit a waiter."
329
00:11:47,136 --> 00:11:48,869
So, how long
have you been working
330
00:11:48,938 --> 00:11:51,204
on this Marcel marceau
imitation? It's very good.
331
00:11:51,273 --> 00:11:53,507
Come on, what's
with you today?
332
00:11:54,944 --> 00:11:56,476
Buddy, I, uh...
333
00:11:56,546 --> 00:11:58,045
I got some bad news.
334
00:11:58,113 --> 00:11:59,179
What is it? Mom?
335
00:11:59,248 --> 00:12:00,648
No. She's the same.
336
00:12:00,716 --> 00:12:02,315
Oh, Susan then.
She's in trouble again?
337
00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:03,817
No, no.
You know, that kid...
338
00:12:03,886 --> 00:12:05,619
We lost the cruise.
339
00:12:06,656 --> 00:12:08,556
The ship,
the whole thing?
340
00:12:08,624 --> 00:12:09,723
That was my winter.
341
00:12:09,792 --> 00:12:11,232
It was
2 months' booking.
342
00:12:11,293 --> 00:12:13,160
I know. I... I... I didn't
wanna tell you
343
00:12:13,228 --> 00:12:14,962
before you had
to do a show.
344
00:12:15,031 --> 00:12:16,997
What happened?
345
00:12:17,066 --> 00:12:19,299
Well, they told me
they've been getting
346
00:12:19,368 --> 00:12:21,234
a lot of younger
people, and...
347
00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:23,637
They wanted a
younger comedian.
348
00:12:23,706 --> 00:12:25,005
Boy, oh, boy.
349
00:12:25,074 --> 00:12:26,674
Huh?
350
00:12:26,742 --> 00:12:28,742
That was my winter.
351
00:12:28,811 --> 00:12:30,878
That was my nuts
and berries, you know.
352
00:12:30,947 --> 00:12:32,680
For Christ's sakes.
353
00:12:34,183 --> 00:12:36,283
So, what else we got cookin'?
How about the poconos?
354
00:12:36,351 --> 00:12:37,885
There's all of those
hotels in there.
355
00:12:37,954 --> 00:12:38,986
We could do a tour.
356
00:12:39,055 --> 00:12:40,487
Listen, there's
somethin' else.
357
00:12:40,556 --> 00:12:42,890
You're not gonna
like it.
358
00:12:42,959 --> 00:12:44,758
It's bad
timing, and...
359
00:12:44,827 --> 00:12:46,627
But I've been Thinkin'
about it, you know.
360
00:12:46,696 --> 00:12:48,028
It's something
i gotta tell you
361
00:12:48,097 --> 00:12:49,296
sooner or later.
362
00:12:49,364 --> 00:12:51,098
Oh, boy,
listen to this setup!
363
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:53,067
Come on, Stan.
Cut to the punch line.
364
00:12:55,204 --> 00:12:56,670
I'm retiring.
365
00:12:59,075 --> 00:13:01,108
What are you
talkin' about?
366
00:13:02,712 --> 00:13:04,544
I found a place
in Florida...
367
00:13:04,614 --> 00:13:05,646
When? Today?
368
00:13:05,715 --> 00:13:07,781
No, no. A couple
of weeks ago, you know,
369
00:13:07,850 --> 00:13:09,850
when I thought that
you were set for the winter.
370
00:13:10,987 --> 00:13:13,253
Why? Why would
you do this?
371
00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,157
I... I'm tired.
372
00:13:18,995 --> 00:13:21,228
I... I mean,
at least when...
373
00:13:21,296 --> 00:13:22,630
When roz was alive,
374
00:13:22,698 --> 00:13:23,998
I'd come off the road,
375
00:13:24,066 --> 00:13:25,532
there'd be
someone there,
376
00:13:25,601 --> 00:13:27,267
and now
there's no one.
377
00:13:27,336 --> 00:13:28,869
Now there'll
still be no one,
378
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,070
and it's
gonna be humid.
379
00:13:30,139 --> 00:13:31,939
Look, my kids
are down there,
380
00:13:32,008 --> 00:13:34,074
people our age
are down there.
381
00:13:34,143 --> 00:13:35,543
You know
i wanna paint.
382
00:13:36,578 --> 00:13:39,046
So what
happens now?
383
00:13:39,115 --> 00:13:41,348
Well, I... I buy
the place in Florida,
384
00:13:41,416 --> 00:13:42,549
I... I ship
the furniture...
385
00:13:42,618 --> 00:13:44,417
No, to me! To me!
386
00:13:44,486 --> 00:13:46,186
What happens to me?
387
00:13:46,255 --> 00:13:47,320
Huh?
388
00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:49,056
I mean, how the hell
does this happen?
389
00:13:49,125 --> 00:13:50,658
How does a brother
quit on a brother?
390
00:13:50,726 --> 00:13:52,860
Buddy, I'm... I'm not
quitting on you.
391
00:13:52,928 --> 00:13:54,995
I'm... I'm just
retiring.
392
00:13:55,064 --> 00:13:57,430
I mean, I just want to live
however long I have left
393
00:13:57,499 --> 00:13:59,800
the way i
wanna live it.
394
00:13:59,869 --> 00:14:01,168
For god sakes,
395
00:14:01,236 --> 00:14:02,736
we've been doin' this
since we were kids.
396
00:14:02,805 --> 00:14:04,404
I think I gave it
a pretty good shot.
397
00:14:04,473 --> 00:14:05,572
You deserve
a good shot,
398
00:14:05,641 --> 00:14:07,074
leaving me when
I'm playing condos
399
00:14:07,143 --> 00:14:08,308
in the goddamn
afternoon.
400
00:14:08,377 --> 00:14:09,409
That's all
i could get.
401
00:14:09,478 --> 00:14:11,378
Because you
don't push.
402
00:14:11,446 --> 00:14:13,580
Because you never were
strong enough, Stan.
403
00:14:13,649 --> 00:14:14,581
For Christ's sakes,
404
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:15,816
you let them
cancel my show
405
00:14:15,885 --> 00:14:17,785
because you were afraid
to stand up to them.
406
00:14:17,853 --> 00:14:19,452
They hated you.
407
00:14:19,521 --> 00:14:20,821
They hated you. You...
you offended the whole country.
408
00:14:20,890 --> 00:14:22,823
It was the same thing
with the Sullivan show.
409
00:14:22,892 --> 00:14:24,925
Don't you ever mention
the Sullivan show.
410
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,927
I worked a year to
get you on that show.
411
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:29,063
Right. And look where
you let 'em put me.
412
00:14:29,131 --> 00:14:32,132
♪ I wanna hold your hand ♪
413
00:14:46,381 --> 00:14:47,414
You next?
414
00:14:47,482 --> 00:14:48,415
Yeah.
415
00:14:48,483 --> 00:14:49,983
Jesus.
416
00:14:50,052 --> 00:14:51,852
What does
that mean?
417
00:14:51,921 --> 00:14:54,088
So please welcome
buddy young, Jr.
418
00:14:54,156 --> 00:14:55,089
What does that...
419
00:14:55,157 --> 00:14:56,590
Go! Go! Go!
420
00:15:05,234 --> 00:15:06,466
Ok.
421
00:15:06,535 --> 00:15:07,968
Ok.
422
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,236
Knock it off.
423
00:15:11,207 --> 00:15:12,239
You're excited?
424
00:15:12,307 --> 00:15:14,507
I just bought
a house.
425
00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:15,909
Where's Ringo?
426
00:15:16,478 --> 00:15:18,045
Shut up.
427
00:15:18,114 --> 00:15:19,114
Please.
428
00:15:19,148 --> 00:15:20,180
Please, just look...
429
00:15:20,249 --> 00:15:21,882
But what we need
is love today.
430
00:15:21,951 --> 00:15:24,818
I love you, John! I love you!
431
00:15:24,887 --> 00:15:26,419
And what I need
is a machete,
432
00:15:26,488 --> 00:15:27,755
so I can come
down there
433
00:15:27,823 --> 00:15:29,823
and cut your pimply
little heads off.
434
00:15:29,892 --> 00:15:31,058
If I had your face,
435
00:15:31,127 --> 00:15:34,327
I'd be screaming,
too, you poodle.
436
00:15:34,396 --> 00:15:35,863
A year I waited
for this shot, ed,
437
00:15:35,931 --> 00:15:37,798
and you put me on
after the Beatles?
438
00:15:41,670 --> 00:15:43,670
There you go.
439
00:15:43,739 --> 00:15:45,338
I can't believe this.
440
00:15:45,407 --> 00:15:46,439
Come on.
441
00:15:46,508 --> 00:15:48,108
Stop doing that.
442
00:15:49,245 --> 00:15:50,811
Cue the band.
443
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,312
Cue the band.
Cue the band.
444
00:15:52,381 --> 00:15:54,114
What are you
playing me off for, ed?
445
00:15:54,183 --> 00:15:55,415
I got good
stuff here.
446
00:15:55,484 --> 00:15:57,284
Hey, hey. Come on!
I got...
447
00:15:57,352 --> 00:15:59,653
Hey, ed, you dead man in a suit!
448
00:15:59,721 --> 00:16:02,089
Hey, get your hands off me,
you son of a bi...
449
00:16:02,158 --> 00:16:04,258
That was
a chance for you,
450
00:16:04,326 --> 00:16:06,093
but you did
what you always do...
451
00:16:06,162 --> 00:16:07,527
You screwed it up
452
00:16:07,596 --> 00:16:09,496
with nastiness,
and craziness,
453
00:16:09,564 --> 00:16:11,298
and I'm supposed
to clean it up.
454
00:16:11,366 --> 00:16:12,833
Well, I am tired
of being the guy
455
00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:14,935
that follows the elephant
act with a shovel.
456
00:16:15,004 --> 00:16:16,336
Don't flatter yourself.
457
00:16:16,405 --> 00:16:18,705
Buddy... it's over.
458
00:16:20,009 --> 00:16:21,241
Answer me
one question,
459
00:16:21,310 --> 00:16:22,643
and be perfectly
honest with me.
460
00:16:22,711 --> 00:16:24,778
What?
Am I still funny?
461
00:16:24,846 --> 00:16:25,979
Oh, buddy, don't do...
462
00:16:26,047 --> 00:16:27,947
No, no, no. 'Cause
i will trust your opinion.
463
00:16:28,016 --> 00:16:29,650
If you say to me
that I'm not funny,
464
00:16:29,718 --> 00:16:31,685
then I will also retire
tonight, right here.
465
00:16:31,754 --> 00:16:33,654
I'll eat a goddamn
litchi nut and go to bed.
466
00:16:33,722 --> 00:16:36,456
But if I am funny, then
you're a goddamn quitter,
467
00:16:36,525 --> 00:16:37,991
and you're
letting me down.
468
00:16:38,059 --> 00:16:39,660
Tell me, am I funny
or am I not funny?
469
00:16:39,728 --> 00:16:41,027
Will you stop?
Am I funny or not?
470
00:16:41,096 --> 00:16:42,429
Would you just
stop it already?
471
00:16:42,498 --> 00:16:44,531
Tell me, am I...
You're not that funny!
472
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:47,501
Read your
fortune, Stan.
473
00:16:47,569 --> 00:16:49,770
You know what? I'll
read it for you, huh?
474
00:16:49,838 --> 00:16:51,204
"Get out of this
restaurant,
475
00:16:51,273 --> 00:16:52,706
"you bald,
jealous fuck."
476
00:16:52,775 --> 00:16:54,408
You know how many
agents, big shots,
477
00:16:54,476 --> 00:16:56,843
begged with me, pleaded with
me, to let them represent me?
478
00:16:56,912 --> 00:16:58,779
And I said, "no. I
can't leave my brother.
479
00:16:58,847 --> 00:17:00,614
"I have to let him
drive my career
480
00:17:00,683 --> 00:17:02,882
"completely
into the ground."
481
00:17:02,951 --> 00:17:05,018
Buddy, you're
out of your mind.
482
00:17:05,086 --> 00:17:07,253
You know what?
It's better this way.
483
00:17:07,323 --> 00:17:09,556
I'll go with a big agency.
I'll have my career again.
484
00:17:09,625 --> 00:17:11,325
So, good. So, what
do you want me to do?
485
00:17:11,393 --> 00:17:12,826
So, get out of
here. So, go.
486
00:17:12,894 --> 00:17:14,861
Go ahead. Go. Go!
487
00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:16,062
You're
really going?
488
00:17:21,269 --> 00:17:22,969
You see what
i did there?
489
00:17:24,039 --> 00:17:25,339
Yeah.
490
00:17:25,407 --> 00:17:26,573
I saw.
491
00:17:50,766 --> 00:17:52,766
♪
492
00:18:34,276 --> 00:18:35,208
Thank you.
493
00:18:35,277 --> 00:18:36,443
Thank you.
494
00:18:36,512 --> 00:18:37,444
Thank you.
495
00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:39,780
Thank you.
Thank you.
496
00:18:39,848 --> 00:18:41,715
Uncle moe...
497
00:18:41,784 --> 00:18:43,617
Uncle moe,
you look good. You...
498
00:18:43,685 --> 00:18:45,819
You look like
New Jersey in pants.
499
00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:51,190
Oh, Stan,
look what we did.
500
00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:52,592
Now ma,
she's laughing.
501
00:18:52,661 --> 00:18:54,461
You know
what that means.
502
00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:56,930
The arms.
There go the arms.
503
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:00,066
Ok, ok, ok.
504
00:19:00,669 --> 00:19:01,601
Ok.
505
00:19:01,670 --> 00:19:02,602
Ok. Ok.
506
00:19:02,671 --> 00:19:03,603
Ok.
507
00:19:03,672 --> 00:19:04,704
Whew.
508
00:19:04,773 --> 00:19:06,139
This is uncle moe
509
00:19:06,207 --> 00:19:07,541
and uncle Julius
510
00:19:07,609 --> 00:19:09,709
every morning
at the bakery.
511
00:19:13,148 --> 00:19:14,414
We're killing 'em.
512
00:19:14,483 --> 00:19:16,416
I know.
Just don't rush it.
513
00:19:16,485 --> 00:19:17,984
Just watch me.
514
00:19:26,662 --> 00:19:28,061
You... you ordered
too much!
515
00:19:28,129 --> 00:19:29,295
No, you ordered
too little.
516
00:19:29,364 --> 00:19:30,497
You ordered
too much.
517
00:19:30,566 --> 00:19:31,665
You ordered
too little.
518
00:19:31,733 --> 00:19:33,333
I don't do that!
519
00:19:36,104 --> 00:19:37,036
Ptooey!
520
00:19:37,105 --> 00:19:38,572
You're spitting
in the cookies!
521
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,273
It makes
them moist.
522
00:19:47,649 --> 00:19:49,649
♪
523
00:19:56,391 --> 00:19:57,624
This isn't gonna
work, abie.
524
00:19:57,693 --> 00:19:58,925
This is not
the living room.
525
00:19:58,994 --> 00:19:59,994
They don't know
uncle moe.
526
00:20:00,061 --> 00:20:01,094
They don't
speak yiddish.
527
00:20:01,162 --> 00:20:02,462
It's not gonna
be funny to them.
528
00:20:02,531 --> 00:20:04,297
It is funny. We're
gonna make it funny.
529
00:20:04,366 --> 00:20:05,899
No, we're leavin'.
We're going home.
530
00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:07,133
What?
531
00:20:07,703 --> 00:20:08,703
Stan!
532
00:20:08,737 --> 00:20:09,737
Stan!
533
00:20:10,405 --> 00:20:11,405
Stan!
534
00:20:11,473 --> 00:20:13,406
We can't go. I already
changed our names.
535
00:20:13,475 --> 00:20:14,475
What?
Yeah, yeah.
536
00:20:14,543 --> 00:20:16,409
We're Stan
and buddy young.
537
00:20:16,478 --> 00:20:17,911
See, yankelman
was too long...
538
00:20:17,980 --> 00:20:18,912
What?
539
00:20:18,981 --> 00:20:19,981
It's better.
540
00:20:20,048 --> 00:20:21,414
No, look, you... we
don't belong here.
541
00:20:21,483 --> 00:20:23,403
We're funny
at home.
542
00:20:28,023 --> 00:20:29,756
You're frightened.
543
00:20:29,825 --> 00:20:32,792
I can't believe
this! Stan...
544
00:20:32,861 --> 00:20:35,929
Every night in bed,
this is all we talk about.
545
00:20:37,933 --> 00:20:39,533
Look, I'm sorry.
546
00:20:40,301 --> 00:20:42,035
Let's just go home.
547
00:20:44,205 --> 00:20:45,438
Ok. Fine.
548
00:20:45,507 --> 00:20:47,507
Go. Go home.
It's ok.
549
00:20:47,576 --> 00:20:48,675
I'll do it.
550
00:20:48,744 --> 00:20:50,043
What do you mean,
you'll do it?
551
00:20:50,111 --> 00:20:51,377
I'm gonna
do the act.
552
00:20:51,446 --> 00:20:53,212
It's our act.
It's for 2.
553
00:20:53,281 --> 00:20:54,380
Who's gonna
do my parts?
554
00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:55,815
I'll do both parts.
555
00:20:55,884 --> 00:20:56,816
Abie.
556
00:20:56,885 --> 00:20:58,051
Buddy.
557
00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:00,720
You're gonna be
out there by yourself?
558
00:21:01,790 --> 00:21:02,889
Yeah.
559
00:21:04,059 --> 00:21:05,759
Well, then wear
the bigger jacket.
560
00:21:05,827 --> 00:21:06,760
Why?
561
00:21:06,828 --> 00:21:07,761
It's funnier.
562
00:21:07,829 --> 00:21:09,095
Yeah? Ok.
563
00:21:10,265 --> 00:21:11,364
You guys
ready?
564
00:21:11,433 --> 00:21:12,699
Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait.
565
00:21:12,768 --> 00:21:13,900
There's
a slight change.
566
00:21:13,969 --> 00:21:15,535
It's not
the young brothers.
567
00:21:15,604 --> 00:21:16,970
It's just
buddy young.
568
00:21:17,039 --> 00:21:18,171
Junior.
569
00:21:18,239 --> 00:21:19,639
It's better.
570
00:21:34,322 --> 00:21:36,422
Hey-ya! Hey-ya! Hey-ya!
571
00:21:36,491 --> 00:21:38,959
Let's hear it
for Alberto and lupe!
572
00:21:39,027 --> 00:21:42,361
The fabulous tubmans!
573
00:21:42,430 --> 00:21:44,698
Hey, I haven't seen
dancin' like that
574
00:21:44,766 --> 00:21:46,800
since they
hung my brother.
575
00:21:46,868 --> 00:21:48,401
Don't leave.
576
00:21:48,470 --> 00:21:50,751
We're the same
blood type.
577
00:21:52,407 --> 00:21:53,773
Hurt them.
578
00:21:53,842 --> 00:21:56,342
Give a nice welcome
to a fabulous kid.
579
00:21:56,411 --> 00:21:58,078
Very funny, we hope.
580
00:21:58,814 --> 00:22:00,513
Here he is...
581
00:22:00,582 --> 00:22:03,416
Mr. buddy young, Jr.
582
00:22:04,019 --> 00:22:05,752
♪
583
00:22:28,110 --> 00:22:29,275
We take you...
584
00:22:29,344 --> 00:22:31,878
We take you now
to a, uh, a, uh...
585
00:22:31,947 --> 00:22:34,080
The final scene
at the end
586
00:22:34,149 --> 00:22:35,882
of the movie
king Kong,
587
00:22:35,951 --> 00:22:37,851
where, uh, the
great ape is... is lying
588
00:22:37,919 --> 00:22:39,686
at the base of
the empire state building,
589
00:22:39,755 --> 00:22:41,955
and we turn to, uh,
to Karl denim.
590
00:22:42,024 --> 00:22:43,456
Mr. denim,
591
00:22:43,525 --> 00:22:46,159
was it the machine guns
that killed him?
592
00:22:46,828 --> 00:22:48,294
Machine guns?
593
00:22:48,730 --> 00:22:49,996
Feh!
594
00:22:59,708 --> 00:23:01,407
You get it?
595
00:23:01,476 --> 00:23:03,276
He was dying.
596
00:23:03,344 --> 00:23:05,784
So are you!
597
00:23:07,215 --> 00:23:09,149
Quiet. He's just a kid.
598
00:23:09,217 --> 00:23:11,651
He stinks. He don't
belong up there.
599
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,186
Uh, who said that?
600
00:23:13,254 --> 00:23:14,420
I did!
601
00:23:26,768 --> 00:23:29,468
Sir, would you mind
standing up, please?
602
00:23:31,039 --> 00:23:32,806
Please,
stand up, yes.
603
00:23:35,110 --> 00:23:36,342
Thank you. Whoa!
604
00:23:36,411 --> 00:23:40,146
Look at you.
You're New Jersey in pants.
605
00:23:47,989 --> 00:23:49,923
Y-you know, I'd like
to show you something
606
00:23:49,991 --> 00:23:52,692
that you probably haven't
seen in a very long time...
607
00:23:52,761 --> 00:23:54,094
Your feet.
608
00:23:58,266 --> 00:24:01,034
No, I'm kidding.
I kid the bloated. No.
609
00:24:01,103 --> 00:24:02,736
No, but seriously,
seriously, though,
610
00:24:02,804 --> 00:24:04,003
there are some things
611
00:24:04,072 --> 00:24:05,972
that you should really
learn how to say...
612
00:24:06,041 --> 00:24:07,041
Like...
613
00:24:07,109 --> 00:24:08,942
"I'm full."
614
00:24:11,146 --> 00:24:12,946
Thank you. No, please give
a round of applause
615
00:24:13,014 --> 00:24:14,313
for our special guest,
616
00:24:14,382 --> 00:24:15,915
the hindenburg.
617
00:24:24,192 --> 00:24:25,324
Thank you.
618
00:24:25,393 --> 00:24:27,360
You have no taste.
619
00:24:27,428 --> 00:24:29,028
Let me tell you
about my uncles.
620
00:24:29,097 --> 00:24:30,329
They own a bakery.
621
00:24:30,398 --> 00:24:31,831
You probably
heard them.
622
00:24:31,900 --> 00:24:33,420
Ptooey!
623
00:24:33,468 --> 00:24:35,135
You're spitting
on the cookies.
624
00:24:35,203 --> 00:24:37,637
It makes
them moist.
625
00:24:37,705 --> 00:24:39,839
Don't get me
started on them!
626
00:24:42,811 --> 00:24:44,443
Then, then there's
my aunt rose.
627
00:24:44,512 --> 00:24:46,545
There's a beautiful lady.
628
00:24:46,614 --> 00:24:49,315
She has her makeup
put on at the circus.
629
00:25:14,109 --> 00:25:15,109
Who's that?
630
00:25:15,143 --> 00:25:16,242
What?
631
00:25:16,778 --> 00:25:18,878
Dad.
632
00:25:18,947 --> 00:25:21,114
What are you
doing here?
633
00:25:21,183 --> 00:25:23,383
What am i
doing here?
634
00:25:23,885 --> 00:25:25,084
I live here.
635
00:25:25,153 --> 00:25:26,485
What are you
doing here?
636
00:25:26,554 --> 00:25:27,753
Is mom all right?
637
00:25:27,823 --> 00:25:29,588
Shh! She's asleep.
She's fine.
638
00:25:29,657 --> 00:25:31,157
We went to the
movies together,
639
00:25:31,226 --> 00:25:32,826
and I stayed here.
640
00:25:32,894 --> 00:25:34,828
I thought you
were in Florida.
641
00:25:34,896 --> 00:25:36,830
I was.
642
00:25:36,898 --> 00:25:38,932
Your uncle Stan
screwed up.
643
00:25:39,801 --> 00:25:41,201
So, what's with you?
644
00:25:41,269 --> 00:25:44,103
You get kicked out of your
apartment again, or what?
645
00:25:44,172 --> 00:25:45,205
No.
646
00:25:46,842 --> 00:25:49,108
If you must know...
647
00:25:49,177 --> 00:25:50,177
Mom gets scared
648
00:25:50,245 --> 00:25:51,410
to be alone
at night,
649
00:25:51,479 --> 00:25:53,847
so she asked me
to stay here.
650
00:25:53,915 --> 00:25:56,716
Scared? She never said
anything to me about...
651
00:25:56,784 --> 00:25:58,584
Well, she does.
652
00:25:58,653 --> 00:26:00,987
It's just so typical that
you wouldn't know that.
653
00:26:01,056 --> 00:26:02,488
Don't start.
654
00:26:03,124 --> 00:26:04,224
Ok?
655
00:26:04,292 --> 00:26:05,624
Not today.
656
00:26:08,864 --> 00:26:10,529
Thank you for staying
with your mother.
657
00:26:10,598 --> 00:26:11,998
If she had said
anything to me...
658
00:26:12,067 --> 00:26:14,300
Well, it's hard to say
anything to you, dad,
659
00:26:14,369 --> 00:26:16,729
because you're
always talking.
660
00:26:17,172 --> 00:26:18,905
Ok, here we go.
661
00:26:18,974 --> 00:26:20,974
My daughter,
the paper cut.
662
00:26:21,042 --> 00:26:22,342
Always talking, huh?
663
00:26:22,410 --> 00:26:23,442
You didn't mind
my talking
664
00:26:23,511 --> 00:26:24,777
when I said
to the judge,
665
00:26:24,846 --> 00:26:26,379
"your honor,
I'll pay the store
666
00:26:26,447 --> 00:26:28,014
"for everything
she shoplifted.
667
00:26:28,083 --> 00:26:29,715
"I'll get her into
rehab, your honor.
668
00:26:29,784 --> 00:26:31,351
"I'll pay all
of the court costs,
669
00:26:31,419 --> 00:26:33,419
"and look, here's a little
something for yourself."
670
00:26:33,488 --> 00:26:35,221
You didn't mind
my talking then, huh?
671
00:26:35,290 --> 00:26:36,322
Where are
you going?
672
00:26:36,391 --> 00:26:37,924
Away from
your mouth.
673
00:26:37,993 --> 00:26:39,125
What did I say?
674
00:26:39,194 --> 00:26:41,160
What... you're
in your pajamas.
675
00:26:41,229 --> 00:26:42,762
I'll get a cab.
676
00:26:44,832 --> 00:26:46,699
Susan, you goin'
out like that?
677
00:26:46,768 --> 00:26:48,868
Hey, do what
you always do.
678
00:26:48,937 --> 00:26:50,503
Don't worry
about me.
679
00:26:50,571 --> 00:26:52,338
Susan,
would you j...
680
00:27:03,851 --> 00:27:05,018
Buddy?
681
00:27:05,653 --> 00:27:07,153
Yeah, it's me.
682
00:27:07,889 --> 00:27:10,323
What are you
doin' back?
683
00:27:10,392 --> 00:27:13,359
Well, there was
a little mix-up,
684
00:27:13,428 --> 00:27:15,828
but everything is
ok. Don't worry.
685
00:27:17,265 --> 00:27:18,197
Glad you're home.
686
00:27:18,266 --> 00:27:19,698
Yeah.
687
00:27:19,767 --> 00:27:21,667
Did you see Susan?
688
00:27:21,736 --> 00:27:24,337
Yeah, yeah.
We, uh...
689
00:27:24,406 --> 00:27:26,046
We had a really
nice chat,
690
00:27:26,074 --> 00:27:27,506
and she told me
to tell you
691
00:27:27,575 --> 00:27:29,208
that she's leaving
early in the morning
692
00:27:29,277 --> 00:27:30,944
before you get up.
693
00:27:35,116 --> 00:27:36,282
Ahh...
694
00:27:38,386 --> 00:27:39,618
You hungry?
695
00:27:39,687 --> 00:27:42,488
Nah. I had, uh, I had
some Chinese with Stan.
696
00:27:47,963 --> 00:27:49,162
Are you all right?
697
00:27:50,398 --> 00:27:51,897
Oh, sure, sure.
698
00:27:51,967 --> 00:27:54,233
You know, it, uh, it just
takes me a little time
699
00:27:54,302 --> 00:27:55,701
to get the
excitement of a show
700
00:27:55,770 --> 00:27:57,536
out of my system,
you know?
701
00:27:57,605 --> 00:27:58,838
I'm still coming down
702
00:27:58,906 --> 00:28:01,386
from that show I did
at grossinger's in 1950.
703
00:28:04,479 --> 00:28:05,544
All right.
704
00:28:05,613 --> 00:28:07,280
Come to bed.
I'm cold.
705
00:28:19,344 --> 00:28:20,344
Shhh.
706
00:28:24,582 --> 00:28:25,781
♪
707
00:28:25,850 --> 00:28:27,183
♪ Aah... ♪
708
00:28:29,754 --> 00:28:31,054
♪ ah-ah-i ♪
709
00:28:31,122 --> 00:28:32,855
♪ hot, hot, hot, hot ♪
710
00:28:35,193 --> 00:28:37,060
♪
711
00:29:07,359 --> 00:29:09,692
This is why
i love the catskills!
712
00:29:11,296 --> 00:29:12,362
Huh?
713
00:29:17,635 --> 00:29:19,068
Can you believe
these schmucks?
714
00:29:19,137 --> 00:29:20,137
But I love this audience.
715
00:29:20,205 --> 00:29:22,705
Everybody has been
absolutely great,
716
00:29:22,773 --> 00:29:25,074
except this guy
right over here.
717
00:29:26,311 --> 00:29:28,211
What is with you?
Have you...
718
00:29:28,279 --> 00:29:31,047
This man passed away,
and no one has told him.
719
00:29:33,584 --> 00:29:35,851
Smile. Have a...
Are you havin' a good time?
720
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,153
Tell your face!
721
00:29:37,222 --> 00:29:39,355
Come on!
Pep up! Pep up!
722
00:29:39,424 --> 00:29:41,057
Look at this guy.
723
00:29:41,126 --> 00:29:44,193
This is what happens
when cousins marry. Huh?
724
00:29:45,497 --> 00:29:48,231
But don't get me
started on that!
725
00:29:48,299 --> 00:29:50,066
Good night, everybody!
726
00:29:50,135 --> 00:29:51,700
♪
727
00:29:53,771 --> 00:29:55,505
Hey, how you doin'?
728
00:30:01,012 --> 00:30:02,345
All right.
729
00:30:16,428 --> 00:30:17,428
Great job.
730
00:30:17,462 --> 00:30:19,095
It went great.
Felt great.
731
00:30:19,164 --> 00:30:20,996
I can't believe you.
Where'd you come up with
732
00:30:21,066 --> 00:30:22,098
the circumcision bit?
733
00:30:22,167 --> 00:30:23,727
I just made it up,
and I went with it.
734
00:30:23,768 --> 00:30:25,068
I mean, what did I say?
735
00:30:25,136 --> 00:30:26,769
I don't know. I wrote it down.
I got it right here.
736
00:30:26,837 --> 00:30:28,104
Jesus, you
were strong tonight.
737
00:30:28,173 --> 00:30:29,805
I know. I killed 'em,
i murdered them.
738
00:30:29,874 --> 00:30:31,914
It wasn't even fair.
I mean, except for that one guy.
739
00:30:31,976 --> 00:30:33,509
What guy?
740
00:30:33,578 --> 00:30:35,010
The guy in the front.
I couldn't even get him to laugh.
741
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:36,812
Buddy, 528 people
laughed their asses off.
742
00:30:36,881 --> 00:30:38,914
You're worried about one
guy 'cause he's from NBC?
743
00:30:38,983 --> 00:30:40,983
The guy's from NBC? I murdered him!
I insulted him!
744
00:30:41,052 --> 00:30:42,318
See what I did?
745
00:30:42,387 --> 00:30:44,187
I made you think it was
a network guy, but it wasn't.
746
00:30:44,255 --> 00:30:46,389
See what I did?
I crushed your larynx!
747
00:30:47,592 --> 00:30:49,992
Listen, uh, I got... I got
some things I should do.
748
00:30:50,061 --> 00:30:51,527
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna get goin'.
749
00:30:51,596 --> 00:30:53,396
Ok. Before you go,
listen, listen...
750
00:30:53,465 --> 00:30:55,398
Table 8,
polka-dot dress.
751
00:30:55,467 --> 00:30:57,100
I think she's sitting
with her parents.
752
00:30:57,168 --> 00:30:58,301
Yeah?
753
00:30:58,369 --> 00:31:00,636
Bring her back.
I want to meet her.
754
00:31:00,705 --> 00:31:01,637
Wha... th...
755
00:31:03,274 --> 00:31:05,641
Table 8,
polka-dot dress,
756
00:31:05,710 --> 00:31:07,243
bring her back...
Now...
757
00:31:07,312 --> 00:31:09,712
Before she goes
into menopause.
758
00:31:11,716 --> 00:31:13,082
Buddy...
759
00:31:13,151 --> 00:31:15,218
You know,
i... I don't... I don't...
760
00:31:15,286 --> 00:31:16,785
I don't like
doin' this.
761
00:31:16,854 --> 00:31:18,887
You know, I mean,
get your own women.
762
00:31:18,956 --> 00:31:20,490
Oh, come on, Stan.
I'm up on stage,
763
00:31:20,558 --> 00:31:21,657
you know,
that's one thing.
764
00:31:21,726 --> 00:31:22,925
If I go out
in the audience...
765
00:31:22,994 --> 00:31:24,793
W-why you makin'
a thing out of this?
766
00:31:24,862 --> 00:31:26,262
I wasn't.
Don't make a thing.
767
00:31:26,331 --> 00:31:28,331
What do I ask you to do
that's so difficult?
768
00:31:28,399 --> 00:31:30,199
I ask you to drive
when I have a headache,
769
00:31:30,268 --> 00:31:31,400
watch the act,
770
00:31:31,469 --> 00:31:32,735
and bring me a girl
after the show.
771
00:31:32,803 --> 00:31:34,403
Are you
overworked?
772
00:31:34,472 --> 00:31:36,172
No, I'm not overworked.
Would you like an assistant?
773
00:31:36,241 --> 00:31:37,873
Come on, now. Churn
those chubby legs.
774
00:31:37,942 --> 00:31:39,875
Well, I'm gonna see if
she wants to come back.
775
00:31:39,944 --> 00:31:42,678
No. Handcuff her.
Of course, "if she wants."
776
00:31:45,416 --> 00:31:47,583
Hey, Stan. There's
plenty of guys
777
00:31:47,652 --> 00:31:49,084
who want to
be my brother.
778
00:31:49,154 --> 00:31:50,986
But they're all
in bellevue.
779
00:31:51,055 --> 00:31:52,221
Ohh...
780
00:32:19,116 --> 00:32:21,250
♪
781
00:32:38,803 --> 00:32:41,270
What do
you think?
782
00:32:41,339 --> 00:32:43,372
Excuse me, sir, my name
is Stan yankelman,
783
00:32:43,441 --> 00:32:45,408
and I was wondering
if your daughter
784
00:32:45,476 --> 00:32:46,775
would care to dance.
785
00:32:46,844 --> 00:32:48,010
Ooh!
786
00:32:50,081 --> 00:32:51,280
Eugene!
787
00:32:53,418 --> 00:32:54,684
Yankelman?
788
00:32:54,752 --> 00:32:57,019
We used to know
a yankelman family.
789
00:32:57,088 --> 00:32:58,421
What do you do
for a living?
790
00:32:58,489 --> 00:33:00,122
I'm a pediatrician.
791
00:33:01,158 --> 00:33:03,392
Oh! Elaine,
792
00:33:03,461 --> 00:33:04,727
show Dr. yankelman
793
00:33:04,795 --> 00:33:07,663
some of those dances
you learned in college!
794
00:33:08,966 --> 00:33:10,833
Subtle as
a train wreck.
795
00:33:10,901 --> 00:33:12,501
I'd be happy to.
796
00:33:14,539 --> 00:33:16,639
It was nice
meeting you all.
797
00:33:30,255 --> 00:33:32,288
So, what's
your name?
798
00:33:32,357 --> 00:33:33,989
Elaine gimbel.
799
00:33:34,058 --> 00:33:36,125
Of the department
store gimbels?
800
00:33:36,193 --> 00:33:38,361
No, of the "we'll get
that spot out,
801
00:33:38,429 --> 00:33:41,964
"and you'll have it back
Thursday" gimbels.
802
00:33:42,032 --> 00:33:43,432
So, where'd
you go to college?
803
00:33:43,468 --> 00:33:45,268
Hunter. I graduated
a few years ago.
804
00:33:45,336 --> 00:33:46,402
Hunter? Really?
805
00:33:46,471 --> 00:33:49,204
Oh, well, then you must
know professor feingold.
806
00:33:49,274 --> 00:33:50,274
Does he teach there?
807
00:33:50,341 --> 00:33:53,041
No, he does a memory
act in the poconos.
808
00:33:54,746 --> 00:33:56,066
But, really.
He could remember
809
00:33:56,113 --> 00:33:58,881
everything that he wore
for the last 40 years.
810
00:33:58,949 --> 00:34:01,150
It was a strange,
strange act.
811
00:34:04,389 --> 00:34:07,523
You're not... really
a pediatrician, are you?
812
00:34:08,125 --> 00:34:10,859
No. No, I, uh,
813
00:34:10,928 --> 00:34:13,028
I'm a theatrical agent.
814
00:34:13,097 --> 00:34:14,229
Really? Oh.
815
00:34:14,299 --> 00:34:15,898
Yeah. I handle
some of the acts
816
00:34:15,966 --> 00:34:17,099
up here at the hotel.
817
00:34:17,168 --> 00:34:19,034
I handle
buddy young, Jr., and...
818
00:34:19,103 --> 00:34:20,770
You're his agent?
819
00:34:20,838 --> 00:34:24,239
Yeah, I'm his agent...
And his brother.
820
00:34:24,309 --> 00:34:26,141
But you said your name
was yankelman.
821
00:34:26,210 --> 00:34:29,745
Well, I changed it when
i went into show business.
822
00:34:29,814 --> 00:34:31,013
Your brother...
823
00:34:31,081 --> 00:34:33,316
Did you... did
you like him?
824
00:34:33,384 --> 00:34:35,518
I loved him.
He's so funny.
825
00:34:35,586 --> 00:34:37,620
The best I've ever
seen here, really.
826
00:34:37,689 --> 00:34:39,489
Well, I... I... I help
him a lot with the act.
827
00:34:39,524 --> 00:34:41,156
I write some of
the material, and...
828
00:34:41,225 --> 00:34:42,858
Could I meet him?
829
00:34:46,864 --> 00:34:48,230
Yeah, sure.
830
00:34:49,066 --> 00:34:50,399
Over here.
831
00:34:56,474 --> 00:34:58,006
Hi.
832
00:34:58,075 --> 00:35:00,175
Elaine gimbel, I'd like
you to meet buddy young.
833
00:35:01,946 --> 00:35:03,813
Nice to meet you.
How you doin'?
834
00:35:03,881 --> 00:35:06,582
Pull up a cockroach
and sit down.
835
00:35:06,651 --> 00:35:08,250
Elaine really
enjoyed the show.
836
00:35:08,319 --> 00:35:09,685
Oh,
you're the one.
837
00:35:09,754 --> 00:35:10,986
No. Everybody
was laughing.
838
00:35:11,055 --> 00:35:12,988
Not the one guy
in front.
839
00:35:13,057 --> 00:35:14,289
Stan,
before you go...
840
00:35:14,359 --> 00:35:15,624
Elaine, have you
ever had
841
00:35:15,693 --> 00:35:17,860
a roast pork sandwich
on garlic bread?
842
00:35:17,928 --> 00:35:18,961
No.
843
00:35:19,029 --> 00:35:20,429
Well, tonight
is your lucky night!
844
00:35:20,498 --> 00:35:21,864
Welcome to
your life!
845
00:35:21,932 --> 00:35:23,466
Stan, you'll
call Manny's, right?
846
00:35:23,534 --> 00:35:24,667
Tell him it's 2,
847
00:35:24,736 --> 00:35:26,034
it's me,
a nice quiet table,
848
00:35:26,103 --> 00:35:27,302
and we'll be
on our way.
849
00:35:27,372 --> 00:35:29,304
Are you hungry? What
would you like to eat?
850
00:35:29,374 --> 00:35:30,473
My parents...
851
00:35:30,541 --> 00:35:32,174
I would rather
eat the sandwiches.
852
00:35:32,243 --> 00:35:34,577
I'm sure your parents are
very delicious people,
853
00:35:34,645 --> 00:35:36,479
but parents at this hour,
they lay there.
854
00:35:37,715 --> 00:35:39,548
No, really, I have to
tell them I'm going.
855
00:35:39,617 --> 00:35:40,716
If I'm gone an hour,
856
00:35:40,785 --> 00:35:42,385
they'll give my blouse
to my brother
857
00:35:42,420 --> 00:35:43,719
and have him
sniff me out.
858
00:35:43,788 --> 00:35:45,120
Whoa, base hit
up the middle!
859
00:35:45,189 --> 00:35:46,522
Runner goes
to 3rd on that.
860
00:35:46,591 --> 00:35:47,623
Very funny,
very funny.
861
00:35:47,692 --> 00:35:48,824
I'll be
right back.
862
00:35:48,893 --> 00:35:50,926
Ok, here.
Right over there.
863
00:35:53,097 --> 00:35:54,630
Oh, she's cute!
864
00:35:54,699 --> 00:35:56,665
She looks a little
young, don't you think?
865
00:35:56,734 --> 00:35:57,933
What am I,
a redwood?
866
00:35:58,002 --> 00:35:59,935
And smart and funny.
Did you hear that joke?
867
00:36:00,004 --> 00:36:01,303
Buddy...
You should get a girl,
868
00:36:01,372 --> 00:36:03,238
instead of sittin'
in the room all night.
869
00:36:03,307 --> 00:36:04,940
I can't do
this anymore.
870
00:36:05,009 --> 00:36:05,941
Do what?
871
00:36:06,010 --> 00:36:07,376
This.
872
00:36:07,445 --> 00:36:09,912
This. This. What I...
What I do... Schlep work.
873
00:36:09,980 --> 00:36:11,346
Like you said,
i drive the car,
874
00:36:11,416 --> 00:36:12,782
I watch the act...
875
00:36:12,850 --> 00:36:14,517
Stan, I didn't mean
anything by that.
876
00:36:14,585 --> 00:36:15,818
You know,
it's after the show,
877
00:36:15,887 --> 00:36:17,520
stuff is still flyin'
out of my mouth...
878
00:36:17,588 --> 00:36:19,154
Well, face it,
buddy, I'm the...
879
00:36:19,223 --> 00:36:20,523
I-I'm the brother.
880
00:36:20,591 --> 00:36:22,458
What do you want
to be? The cat?
881
00:36:22,527 --> 00:36:24,226
Fine. From now on,
your name is buttons.
882
00:36:24,295 --> 00:36:26,535
I'll get a little tinkle ball
you can roll with your nose.
883
00:36:26,597 --> 00:36:28,030
Maybe I should start
my own agency,
884
00:36:28,098 --> 00:36:29,465
handle some
other acts. That way...
885
00:36:29,534 --> 00:36:31,400
Stan, what are you
talkin' about?
886
00:36:31,469 --> 00:36:33,135
I need you.
887
00:36:33,203 --> 00:36:35,538
Nobody can do for
me what you do.
888
00:36:36,741 --> 00:36:38,541
Stan, if it
wasn't for you,
889
00:36:38,609 --> 00:36:40,910
I would be
much more successful.
890
00:36:41,946 --> 00:36:43,345
Did you see what
i did there, huh?
891
00:36:43,414 --> 00:36:44,447
Did you notice that?
892
00:36:44,515 --> 00:36:45,614
Yeah.
893
00:36:45,683 --> 00:36:46,849
I saw.
894
00:36:47,418 --> 00:36:49,017
Stan...
895
00:36:49,086 --> 00:36:51,854
Stan, everything that we
dreamed about as kids
896
00:36:51,923 --> 00:36:53,756
is startin' to happen.
897
00:36:53,825 --> 00:36:55,691
Please, don't leave me.
898
00:37:00,565 --> 00:37:01,831
You know every
night when you bring
899
00:37:01,899 --> 00:37:03,179
the fat lady up
from the audience
900
00:37:03,233 --> 00:37:05,067
and you ram her in the
ass with your head?
901
00:37:05,135 --> 00:37:06,902
Yeah?
You're doin' it wrong.
902
00:37:06,971 --> 00:37:08,537
How many ways
are there to do it?
903
00:37:08,606 --> 00:37:09,886
You're tippin' the bit.
904
00:37:09,941 --> 00:37:11,941
You're makin' the face
before you ram the ass.
905
00:37:12,009 --> 00:37:12,908
I did not.
906
00:37:12,977 --> 00:37:13,876
Yes, you did.
907
00:37:13,945 --> 00:37:14,945
Don't tell me.
Shut up.
908
00:37:14,979 --> 00:37:15,979
Don't tell me.
Shut up.
909
00:37:16,046 --> 00:37:17,046
Don't tell me.
Shut up.
910
00:37:17,114 --> 00:37:18,213
Don't tell me.
Shut up.
911
00:37:18,282 --> 00:37:20,048
Don't tell me.
912
00:37:20,117 --> 00:37:21,383
Don't tell.
Shut up.
913
00:37:21,452 --> 00:37:22,785
Don't tell.
Shut up.
914
00:37:25,055 --> 00:37:26,421
Ok, I'm ready.
915
00:37:26,491 --> 00:37:28,390
Hi. Did you
get prettier?
916
00:37:28,459 --> 00:37:30,425
Stan, did she get
pret... Stan.
917
00:37:30,495 --> 00:37:31,861
Stan,
wake up. Stan,
918
00:37:31,929 --> 00:37:33,362
Elaine, I'm
talking abou...
919
00:37:33,430 --> 00:37:35,430
Try to stay awake
a little while.
920
00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:37,132
Go on,
get out of here.
921
00:37:37,201 --> 00:37:38,734
Elaine, these sandwiches
are amazing.
922
00:37:38,803 --> 00:37:40,268
Roast pork,
yet they're kosher.
923
00:37:40,337 --> 00:37:41,537
I don't know
how they do it!
924
00:37:44,008 --> 00:37:46,942
Buddy, funny tonight.
I thought I'd die!
925
00:37:47,011 --> 00:37:48,243
Maybe next time.
926
00:37:48,312 --> 00:37:51,881
Good night, everybody.
See you tomorrow.
927
00:37:51,949 --> 00:37:55,150
♪
928
00:38:02,226 --> 00:38:03,792
♪ You look at me ♪
929
00:38:03,861 --> 00:38:08,463
♪ and then the song begins ♪
930
00:38:08,533 --> 00:38:13,201
♪ played on a million
velvet violins... ♪
931
00:38:15,006 --> 00:38:16,104
Wow!
932
00:38:16,173 --> 00:38:17,573
Excuse me.
933
00:38:17,642 --> 00:38:19,608
See? They're
great sandwiches.
934
00:38:19,677 --> 00:38:22,511
It's the gift that
keeps on giving.
935
00:38:22,580 --> 00:38:24,246
I can't believe
i did that.
936
00:38:24,314 --> 00:38:25,514
I'm so embarrassed.
937
00:38:25,583 --> 00:38:26,815
It wasn't that bad.
938
00:38:26,884 --> 00:38:29,484
A couple of boats
capsized, but, uh...
939
00:38:30,955 --> 00:38:31,854
Whew!
940
00:38:31,923 --> 00:38:33,388
Ohh.
941
00:38:33,457 --> 00:38:35,024
So tell me,
942
00:38:35,092 --> 00:38:36,692
how is a woman
wearing your face
943
00:38:36,761 --> 00:38:37,893
still single?
944
00:38:37,962 --> 00:38:39,728
Oh, god, you sound
like my mother.
945
00:38:39,797 --> 00:38:42,031
Oh, it's the night air.
Gives me that rasp.
946
00:38:42,099 --> 00:38:44,232
"Darling, we're so
proud of you."
947
00:38:44,301 --> 00:38:46,168
You know, I think we
have one big relative
948
00:38:46,236 --> 00:38:47,402
that we all share.
949
00:38:47,471 --> 00:38:48,837
Oh, it's true.
950
00:38:48,906 --> 00:38:50,739
"This is what
we sent you
951
00:38:50,808 --> 00:38:51,808
"to college for?
952
00:38:51,876 --> 00:38:53,776
"So you could be 25
and still single?
953
00:38:53,844 --> 00:38:55,911
"Your sister rose doesn't
have half your looks,
954
00:38:55,980 --> 00:38:57,580
"and she's married."
955
00:38:57,648 --> 00:38:59,514
You're 25, and you
still come up here
956
00:38:59,584 --> 00:39:00,716
with your parents?
957
00:39:00,785 --> 00:39:02,517
Well, the hotel
has spinster rates.
958
00:39:02,587 --> 00:39:04,987
Wow! Double
off the scoreboard.
959
00:39:05,056 --> 00:39:06,689
2 runners
score on that.
960
00:39:06,757 --> 00:39:08,023
You're very funny,
Elaine.
961
00:39:08,092 --> 00:39:09,024
No...
962
00:39:09,093 --> 00:39:10,893
No, you are.
Yeah.
963
00:39:12,897 --> 00:39:14,897
I'm trying to
make up with them.
964
00:39:14,966 --> 00:39:16,331
They're angry at me.
965
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:17,833
Your parents?
966
00:39:18,970 --> 00:39:21,103
I was supposed to get
married last month,
967
00:39:21,171 --> 00:39:22,471
and I backed out.
968
00:39:22,539 --> 00:39:23,806
Oh.
969
00:39:23,874 --> 00:39:25,774
My dad lost
the deposit.
970
00:39:26,510 --> 00:39:28,644
It was a nightmare.
971
00:39:28,713 --> 00:39:30,713
I said, "dad, look
on the bright side.
972
00:39:30,781 --> 00:39:33,181
"Now 140 cornish hens
don't have to die!"
973
00:39:37,254 --> 00:39:39,722
Who were you
supposed to marry?
974
00:39:39,790 --> 00:39:41,857
Herb,
"the shower door king."
975
00:39:41,926 --> 00:39:43,859
I was at his
coronation!
976
00:39:45,462 --> 00:39:48,063
It was
a lovely affair.
977
00:39:48,132 --> 00:39:50,966
Oh, he was
all right. He was...
978
00:39:51,602 --> 00:39:52,735
A putz?
979
00:39:52,803 --> 00:39:53,869
The biggest.
980
00:39:54,905 --> 00:39:57,706
All he ever talked about
was shower doors.
981
00:39:57,775 --> 00:39:58,941
You know,
i started thinking,
982
00:39:59,010 --> 00:40:00,242
this is the rest
of my life,
983
00:40:00,310 --> 00:40:01,677
listening to
him whine
984
00:40:01,746 --> 00:40:03,178
about what
New York City water
985
00:40:03,247 --> 00:40:04,947
does to a chrome finish?
986
00:40:08,085 --> 00:40:10,619
My parents pushed
and pushed, but...
987
00:40:11,922 --> 00:40:13,889
It's not
what I want.
988
00:40:13,958 --> 00:40:15,457
What do you want?
989
00:40:15,526 --> 00:40:18,260
Ed, "the toilet seat
czar"? He's available.
990
00:40:20,765 --> 00:40:23,498
I don't know
what I want.
991
00:40:23,567 --> 00:40:25,868
I don't even know
what there is.
992
00:40:27,271 --> 00:40:31,640
♪ ...one little angel
that I'll stand by ♪
993
00:40:32,576 --> 00:40:34,376
♪ fantastic ♪
994
00:40:34,444 --> 00:40:39,614
♪ fantastic, that's you ♪
995
00:40:39,684 --> 00:40:42,985
does your brother bring you
a girl after every show?
996
00:40:45,089 --> 00:40:46,989
No, no, no, no.
997
00:40:47,058 --> 00:40:48,123
See, I... I...
998
00:40:48,192 --> 00:40:50,492
I saw you...
From the stage,
999
00:40:51,628 --> 00:40:53,628
and I wanted
to meet you.
1000
00:40:53,664 --> 00:40:55,831
So Stan went,
you know,
1001
00:40:55,900 --> 00:40:57,032
to get you, because
1002
00:40:57,101 --> 00:40:59,501
I... I was, you know,
had to change.
1003
00:41:01,939 --> 00:41:04,673
This isn't an all-the-time
thing, you know.
1004
00:41:04,742 --> 00:41:07,810
Stan and I spend all our
time workin' on the act.
1005
00:41:07,878 --> 00:41:10,012
We don't have
a lot of, uh...
1006
00:41:10,081 --> 00:41:12,047
What are they called?
1007
00:41:12,116 --> 00:41:13,481
Women. Hmm?
1008
00:41:14,819 --> 00:41:16,018
Mm-hmm.
1009
00:41:21,792 --> 00:41:23,391
So, what's it like?
1010
00:41:23,460 --> 00:41:24,526
What?
1011
00:41:24,595 --> 00:41:26,895
What you do...
Being a comedian.
1012
00:41:27,965 --> 00:41:30,099
I just can't imagine
standing up there
1013
00:41:30,167 --> 00:41:32,134
in front of all
those strange people.
1014
00:41:32,203 --> 00:41:34,937
It's what I do.
You know, it's my job.
1015
00:41:35,005 --> 00:41:37,039
It's an odd job,
but it's my job.
1016
00:41:37,108 --> 00:41:39,174
I mean, some nights are
better than others.
1017
00:41:39,243 --> 00:41:40,675
It's so strange.
Like last night,
1018
00:41:40,745 --> 00:41:42,978
I couldn't buy a laugh.
I mean, nothin'.
1019
00:41:43,047 --> 00:41:44,479
The audience
just sat there.
1020
00:41:44,548 --> 00:41:47,616
They were like, uh,
nuremberg with drinks.
1021
00:41:47,684 --> 00:41:49,517
And it's the same
exact show that you saw!
1022
00:41:49,586 --> 00:41:50,786
I mean, I came out,
1023
00:41:50,855 --> 00:41:52,855
and I said, "good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,"
1024
00:41:52,923 --> 00:41:54,189
and a guy
in the front row
1025
00:41:54,258 --> 00:41:56,892
looks up at me
and says, "oi, English."
1026
00:42:00,664 --> 00:42:03,598
But then there are
nights like tonight...
1027
00:42:03,667 --> 00:42:06,235
Where I... wow,
i was like...
1028
00:42:06,303 --> 00:42:07,836
I don't know. I... I...
1029
00:42:07,905 --> 00:42:10,438
I was like Joe Louis,
you know?
1030
00:42:10,507 --> 00:42:12,141
I... I came out,
started to jab,
1031
00:42:12,209 --> 00:42:13,608
you know, just
feeling 'em out...
1032
00:42:13,677 --> 00:42:15,144
"Hey, where you from?"
You know?
1033
00:42:15,212 --> 00:42:16,511
"What a crowd!"
1034
00:42:16,580 --> 00:42:18,046
Then I moved in.
Body shots...
1035
00:42:18,115 --> 00:42:20,149
"Lenny, I have to.
But you?" Boom!
1036
00:42:20,217 --> 00:42:22,050
"We use the camel
to ride to town, sir."
1037
00:42:22,119 --> 00:42:23,385
Boom!
1038
00:42:23,453 --> 00:42:25,087
Then it went right to
the head, the bakery bit...
1039
00:42:25,156 --> 00:42:26,255
"You bought too much!"
Boom!
1040
00:42:26,323 --> 00:42:27,555
"You bought
too little." Boom!
1041
00:42:27,624 --> 00:42:29,324
Roumania, roumania.
Boom! And I got 'em.
1042
00:42:29,393 --> 00:42:31,660
They're mine. They
can't take any more.
1043
00:42:31,728 --> 00:42:34,163
It's the best feeling
in the world.
1044
00:42:38,402 --> 00:42:39,734
Until now.
1045
00:42:42,973 --> 00:42:44,072
What?
1046
00:42:47,178 --> 00:42:48,510
Table 8...
1047
00:42:50,681 --> 00:42:52,281
Polka-dot dress...
1048
00:43:02,860 --> 00:43:04,392
It's get... it's gettin'
a little late.
1049
00:43:04,461 --> 00:43:06,028
You know,
your... your parents...
1050
00:43:06,096 --> 00:43:07,196
Yeah.
1051
00:43:52,343 --> 00:43:54,223
Hey, I got married!
1052
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:58,380
Yeah, it was
a beautiful affair.
1053
00:43:58,448 --> 00:43:59,348
9 killed.
1054
00:44:01,618 --> 00:44:03,518
We had a little accident
on the dance floor.
1055
00:44:03,587 --> 00:44:04,987
My aunt Sheila
spun out of control
1056
00:44:05,055 --> 00:44:06,421
doin' the bunny hop
1057
00:44:06,490 --> 00:44:09,024
and wiped out
the entire smorgasbord.
1058
00:44:10,427 --> 00:44:11,659
The rest of
the relatives
1059
00:44:11,728 --> 00:44:13,528
were on their
best behavior.
1060
00:44:13,597 --> 00:44:15,497
Yeah, they ate until
their heads exploded!
1061
00:44:15,565 --> 00:44:17,532
You should've seen 'em.
They ate everything...
1062
00:44:17,601 --> 00:44:19,134
Silverware, candles...
1063
00:44:19,203 --> 00:44:21,103
They... they were
like goats in tuxedos!
1064
00:44:21,171 --> 00:44:23,205
♪
1065
00:44:23,274 --> 00:44:24,706
♪ When you're smilin' ♪
1066
00:44:24,775 --> 00:44:25,941
♪ keep on smilin' ♪
1067
00:44:26,010 --> 00:44:27,242
♪ keep on smilin' ♪
1068
00:44:27,311 --> 00:44:30,012
♪ and the whole world
smiles with you ♪
1069
00:44:47,164 --> 00:44:49,398
But I love this town!
1070
00:44:49,466 --> 00:44:51,666
I love las Vegas, yeah.
1071
00:44:51,735 --> 00:44:54,002
I come here
to visit my money.
1072
00:44:57,174 --> 00:44:58,473
I got a great system.
1073
00:44:58,542 --> 00:44:59,808
You wanna know
how you can beat
1074
00:44:59,876 --> 00:45:01,109
the gambling
problems here?
1075
00:45:01,178 --> 00:45:02,610
Soon as you get out
of the plane,
1076
00:45:02,679 --> 00:45:04,112
walk into
the propeller!
1077
00:45:05,416 --> 00:45:07,416
Las Vegas is the only
town in the world
1078
00:45:07,451 --> 00:45:09,952
where you can arrive
in a $5,000 car
1079
00:45:10,020 --> 00:45:12,620
and leave
in a $20,000 bus.
1080
00:45:14,758 --> 00:45:15,991
I'll tell you that.
1081
00:45:16,060 --> 00:45:18,393
But, hey, I hit a jackpot
the other day.
1082
00:45:18,462 --> 00:45:19,928
I became a daddy!
1083
00:45:22,166 --> 00:45:23,886
Yeah, born right here
in las Vegas
1084
00:45:23,934 --> 00:45:26,701
at our lady of the
2-drink minimum.
1085
00:45:26,770 --> 00:45:29,804
No. She's pink
and soft and...
1086
00:45:29,873 --> 00:45:31,373
She's an eraser,
basically.
1087
00:45:31,442 --> 00:45:33,641
My wife gave birth
to an eraser!
1088
00:45:45,222 --> 00:45:46,855
I'll tell you, folks,
1089
00:45:46,923 --> 00:45:48,556
I look at my
little girl,
1090
00:45:48,625 --> 00:45:50,792
how tiny she is,
and I think,
1091
00:45:50,861 --> 00:45:53,528
how can something
you can hold in one hand
1092
00:45:53,597 --> 00:45:55,663
give you such a thrill?
1093
00:45:55,732 --> 00:45:57,132
Then I remembered
what it was like
1094
00:45:57,201 --> 00:45:58,300
when I was 14
1095
00:45:58,369 --> 00:46:00,535
and I used to lock myself
in the bathroom!
1096
00:46:00,604 --> 00:46:03,738
But don't get me
started on that!
1097
00:46:03,807 --> 00:46:06,141
Aw, she's so cute.
What a thrill.
1098
00:46:06,210 --> 00:46:07,809
I'll never forget
what my uncle moe
1099
00:46:07,878 --> 00:46:09,577
said about little girls.
1100
00:46:09,646 --> 00:46:11,313
He said, "officer,
1101
00:46:11,382 --> 00:46:12,881
"she said she was 18!"
1102
00:46:19,856 --> 00:46:22,090
But I'll tell you, folks,
there's nothin' like it.
1103
00:46:22,159 --> 00:46:24,126
Nothin' in the world.
1104
00:46:24,194 --> 00:46:26,961
My favorite time is
when the baby's asleep,
1105
00:46:27,031 --> 00:46:28,963
you know, lookin'
all cute and innocent
1106
00:46:29,033 --> 00:46:30,598
and there's a little
bit of moonlight
1107
00:46:30,667 --> 00:46:32,767
coming through the window,
shinin' on her face,
1108
00:46:32,836 --> 00:46:34,469
and it's quiet.
1109
00:46:34,538 --> 00:46:36,371
All's right with the world.
1110
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:39,174
And only one thought is
goin' through your mind...
1111
00:46:39,243 --> 00:46:40,542
What stinks?
1112
00:46:40,610 --> 00:46:43,178
What the hell
stinks like that?
1113
00:46:43,247 --> 00:46:44,379
You know what it is?
1114
00:46:44,448 --> 00:46:46,148
It's this lady
in the front!
1115
00:46:47,584 --> 00:46:48,883
Nice face, madam.
1116
00:46:48,952 --> 00:46:51,253
You look like a toches
with lipstick!
1117
00:46:51,321 --> 00:46:53,221
But don't get me
started on that!
1118
00:46:53,290 --> 00:46:55,223
Good night, everybody!
1119
00:46:58,462 --> 00:46:59,928
What a night!
1120
00:47:12,176 --> 00:47:14,543
Oh, what a view!
1121
00:47:14,611 --> 00:47:16,578
You can see my whole
career from here.
1122
00:47:17,847 --> 00:47:19,581
I mean, there was
the capitol theater...
1123
00:47:19,649 --> 00:47:20,882
And the Paramount...
1124
00:47:20,951 --> 00:47:22,551
And over there
was the Latin quarter.
1125
00:47:22,586 --> 00:47:25,353
Oh, the Latin quarter was
always a hot room for me.
1126
00:47:25,422 --> 00:47:28,022
And then we'd go to the metropole,
hear some jazz,
1127
00:47:28,092 --> 00:47:30,292
then end up at Lindy's,
get a piece of cheesecake,
1128
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,594
and lie about
how good we did.
1129
00:47:32,662 --> 00:47:34,196
Yeah. Great days.
1130
00:47:34,264 --> 00:47:36,098
Yeah. It's great
to see you, Phil.
1131
00:47:36,166 --> 00:47:38,133
You, too, buddy.
Come on.
1132
00:47:38,202 --> 00:47:39,601
Ahh, boy.
1133
00:47:41,037 --> 00:47:42,870
I was surprised
to hear about Stan.
1134
00:47:42,939 --> 00:47:44,005
Is he all right?
1135
00:47:44,074 --> 00:47:46,374
Oh, sure, he's fine.
You know, I... I said to him,
1136
00:47:46,443 --> 00:47:47,675
I said, "look, cookie...
1137
00:47:47,744 --> 00:47:49,677
"You've been workin'
your whole life.
1138
00:47:49,746 --> 00:47:51,946
"Relax. You know,
go down to Florida.
1139
00:47:52,015 --> 00:47:53,315
"Be with your children.
1140
00:47:53,383 --> 00:47:54,649
"Paint your pictures."
1141
00:47:54,718 --> 00:47:56,485
You know...
He carried on...
1142
00:47:56,553 --> 00:47:57,819
"I can't
leave you, buddy.
1143
00:47:57,887 --> 00:47:59,754
"I don't want
to leave you, buddy."
1144
00:47:59,823 --> 00:48:01,089
Oh, it broke my heart.
1145
00:48:01,158 --> 00:48:03,024
But it was time
for him to retire.
1146
00:48:03,093 --> 00:48:04,326
I mean, he's
gettin' up there.
1147
00:48:04,394 --> 00:48:05,327
Yeah, yeah.
1148
00:48:05,395 --> 00:48:06,928
So I gave him
a couple of bucks.
1149
00:48:06,997 --> 00:48:09,197
Yeah, a couple
of bucks. I, uh...
1150
00:48:09,266 --> 00:48:10,898
I set him up
with a condo.
1151
00:48:10,967 --> 00:48:12,501
That was a lovely
thing to do.
1152
00:48:12,569 --> 00:48:14,569
He's my brother.
You know, he's a classy guy.
1153
00:48:14,638 --> 00:48:17,139
What, are you kidding?
Stan is class.
1154
00:48:17,207 --> 00:48:18,640
I mean, you open
the dictionary
1155
00:48:18,708 --> 00:48:20,008
under "class,"
it's his picture.
1156
00:48:20,076 --> 00:48:21,643
Hey, when I was
just a young pisher,
1157
00:48:21,711 --> 00:48:23,545
schlepping acts
up to the catskills,
1158
00:48:23,614 --> 00:48:25,280
Stan took me
under his wing.
1159
00:48:25,349 --> 00:48:27,349
He taught me
how to be an agent.
1160
00:48:27,417 --> 00:48:28,550
Stan.
1161
00:48:29,453 --> 00:48:31,686
So, what can i
do for you?
1162
00:48:31,755 --> 00:48:34,289
Well... you know,
you always said
1163
00:48:34,358 --> 00:48:35,957
that you
liked the act.
1164
00:48:36,026 --> 00:48:37,159
What, are you
kidding me?
1165
00:48:37,227 --> 00:48:38,926
Who didn't love
your act?
1166
00:48:38,995 --> 00:48:41,329
Just the other day,
i was saying to...
1167
00:48:41,398 --> 00:48:42,330
Somebody...
1168
00:48:42,399 --> 00:48:43,831
"Remember
buddy young, Jr.?"
1169
00:48:43,900 --> 00:48:45,333
And they got
all excited.
1170
00:48:45,402 --> 00:48:47,282
Oh, yeah?
Who was it?
1171
00:48:47,504 --> 00:48:48,936
I'm not...
1172
00:48:49,005 --> 00:48:50,438
Well,
where were you?
1173
00:48:50,507 --> 00:48:53,141
It was at the... You know, uh,
with the tables.
1174
00:48:53,210 --> 00:48:55,243
Well, did you say I was
funny, and they agreed,
1175
00:48:55,312 --> 00:48:56,611
or did you
say my name,
1176
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:58,012
and they said
i was funny?
1177
00:48:58,081 --> 00:48:59,548
I mean,
how did it work?
1178
00:48:59,616 --> 00:49:01,683
Either way.
W-what's the difference?
1179
00:49:01,751 --> 00:49:03,318
The point is,
you're a legend.
1180
00:49:03,387 --> 00:49:04,387
You're a giant.
1181
00:49:04,454 --> 00:49:05,574
You're the
comic's comic.
1182
00:49:05,622 --> 00:49:07,355
You look in the dictionary
under "funny,"
1183
00:49:07,424 --> 00:49:08,424
it's your picture.
1184
00:49:08,492 --> 00:49:09,991
Well, I... I appreciate
that, Phil.
1185
00:49:10,060 --> 00:49:12,894
I really do, I mean,
especially comin' from you.
1186
00:49:12,962 --> 00:49:15,397
So, I was Thinkin',
maybe, uh, you know,
1187
00:49:15,465 --> 00:49:17,666
you want to take me on,
you know, handle me.
1188
00:49:17,734 --> 00:49:19,201
I don't need
much. I mean,
1189
00:49:19,269 --> 00:49:20,902
just a little kick in the
ass to get it over the top.
1190
00:49:20,970 --> 00:49:24,038
Hey, hey, buddy, do I want
to handle you? I owe you.
1191
00:49:24,841 --> 00:49:26,107
I owe you.
1192
00:49:26,176 --> 00:49:28,210
The business owes you.
1193
00:49:28,278 --> 00:49:30,778
You know, with all
due respect to Stan,
1194
00:49:30,847 --> 00:49:32,947
I always thought you
should've been bigger.
1195
00:49:33,016 --> 00:49:34,549
Now, maybe i
shouldn't say that.
1196
00:49:34,618 --> 00:49:36,851
No, no. I hear you.
I hear you.
1197
00:49:37,688 --> 00:49:39,053
So, come with us.
1198
00:49:39,122 --> 00:49:40,788
We'll do, we'll
make, you'll be.
1199
00:49:40,857 --> 00:49:41,989
Great.
1200
00:49:42,058 --> 00:49:43,358
Let me set
something up
1201
00:49:43,427 --> 00:49:44,926
for later
in the week.
1202
00:49:44,994 --> 00:49:46,394
It'll give me a
chance to come up
1203
00:49:46,463 --> 00:49:48,697
with a game plan. Uh...
1204
00:49:48,765 --> 00:49:49,864
How's Friday?
1205
00:49:49,933 --> 00:49:51,666
It's like today,
but later.
1206
00:49:52,936 --> 00:49:54,469
Ok, 1:00, lunch...
1207
00:49:54,538 --> 00:49:56,438
Friar's club?
1208
00:49:56,506 --> 00:49:57,839
Unless you'd rather
eat someplace else.
1209
00:49:57,907 --> 00:49:59,441
Yeah, off
Madonna's breasts,
1210
00:49:59,509 --> 00:50:01,843
but you got to call so far
ahead for reservations.
1211
00:50:01,911 --> 00:50:03,044
Funny.
1212
00:50:03,113 --> 00:50:05,593
Yeah. Berle said
I'm not topical.
1213
00:50:09,553 --> 00:50:11,085
Sidney. Sidney,
1214
00:50:11,154 --> 00:50:12,987
who do you have to screw
to get a vodka?
1215
00:50:13,056 --> 00:50:14,088
Me.
1216
00:50:14,791 --> 00:50:16,558
Make it a ginger ale.
1217
00:50:19,028 --> 00:50:20,695
Are you guys
gonna order lunch,
1218
00:50:20,764 --> 00:50:23,298
or is this one of
them Jewish holidays?
1219
00:50:23,367 --> 00:50:25,166
Ah, now you're
talkin' sense.
1220
00:50:25,235 --> 00:50:27,068
Listen, uh...
You guys order,
1221
00:50:27,137 --> 00:50:29,036
because I, uh,
i got a lunch.
1222
00:50:29,105 --> 00:50:30,672
I'm meeting somebody.
1223
00:50:31,742 --> 00:50:33,207
Who?
1224
00:50:33,277 --> 00:50:35,143
Who? It's a person,
that's all. It's a someone.
1225
00:50:35,211 --> 00:50:36,944
Tell us.
Who is it?
1226
00:50:37,881 --> 00:50:39,714
Phil gussman,
all right?
1227
00:50:39,783 --> 00:50:40,848
Phil gussman?
1228
00:50:40,917 --> 00:50:42,617
My god,
that's terrific.
1229
00:50:42,686 --> 00:50:43,951
Phil gussman's
comin' here
1230
00:50:44,020 --> 00:50:45,453
to have
lunch with you?
1231
00:50:45,522 --> 00:50:47,822
It's the strangest thing.
He calls me out of the blue,
1232
00:50:47,891 --> 00:50:49,223
said he heard
about Stan,
1233
00:50:49,293 --> 00:50:51,259
how I bought him
the condo and the boat
1234
00:50:51,328 --> 00:50:52,527
and the whole thing.
1235
00:50:52,596 --> 00:50:55,863
Anyway, he says he wants
to pitch me a few ideas.
1236
00:50:55,932 --> 00:50:58,065
Well, you know, I thought i
was gonna take this year off,
1237
00:50:58,134 --> 00:50:59,301
but, listen,
I'm not stupid.
1238
00:50:59,369 --> 00:51:00,802
I'll listen to
what he has to say.
1239
00:51:00,870 --> 00:51:02,504
I don't
blame him.
1240
00:51:05,275 --> 00:51:06,515
Oh.
1241
00:51:07,844 --> 00:51:09,311
Hey,
how you doin'?
1242
00:51:09,379 --> 00:51:10,812
Buddy.
Good to see you.
1243
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:12,380
What a coincidence.
What?
1244
00:51:12,449 --> 00:51:14,248
I was just over at the museum
of natural history,
1245
00:51:14,318 --> 00:51:15,983
visiting your act.
1246
00:51:17,220 --> 00:51:19,020
You look sensational.
Thank you.
1247
00:51:19,088 --> 00:51:21,088
You still combing your hair
with the exxon valdez?
1248
00:51:21,157 --> 00:51:23,891
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Funny. Funny, buddy.
1249
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,661
Seriously, though, jer,
i got to ask you something.
1250
00:51:26,730 --> 00:51:28,863
It's upsetting me.
I just heard about it.
1251
00:51:28,932 --> 00:51:30,632
I want to know if
it's the truth or not.
1252
00:51:30,701 --> 00:51:31,599
What?
1253
00:51:31,668 --> 00:51:33,167
You and Dean
broke up?
1254
00:51:33,236 --> 00:51:34,969
What did you do?
What did you say to him?
1255
00:51:35,038 --> 00:51:36,237
Did you open
a mouth?
1256
00:51:36,306 --> 00:51:37,238
What... what happened?
1257
00:51:37,307 --> 00:51:38,906
It's 36 years ago.
1258
00:51:38,975 --> 00:51:39,907
Really?
1259
00:51:39,976 --> 00:51:41,108
Of course.
1260
00:51:41,177 --> 00:51:42,444
My goddamn
paper boy.
1261
00:51:42,512 --> 00:51:44,752
If it's not on the roof,
it's in the bushes.
1262
00:51:44,781 --> 00:51:47,114
That's funny, buddy.
1263
00:51:47,183 --> 00:51:48,583
It's great
to see you, Jerry.
1264
00:51:48,652 --> 00:51:50,618
Good seeing you, buddy.
Good seeing you guys.
1265
00:51:50,687 --> 00:51:52,554
Sidney, another pitcher
of Hawaiian punch
1266
00:51:52,622 --> 00:51:54,021
for the kids' table.
1267
00:51:54,090 --> 00:51:56,458
Remember, fellas,
breathe in, out...
1268
00:51:56,526 --> 00:51:58,426
In, out...
1269
00:51:58,495 --> 00:51:59,761
Where you goin'?
France?
1270
00:51:59,830 --> 00:52:01,929
France? I didn't
plan on it,
1271
00:52:01,998 --> 00:52:05,066
but, yeah! Oh, I'm gonna
go on a trolley!
1272
00:52:05,134 --> 00:52:06,934
I'm going now!
1273
00:52:08,472 --> 00:52:09,838
Clear the area!
1274
00:52:09,906 --> 00:52:11,105
France!
1275
00:52:11,174 --> 00:52:12,807
Who was that?
1276
00:52:12,876 --> 00:52:14,008
Looked familiar.
1277
00:52:18,749 --> 00:52:20,014
Mr. young?
1278
00:52:20,984 --> 00:52:23,017
I'm Mr. young.
1279
00:52:23,086 --> 00:52:24,352
How nice
to meet you.
1280
00:52:24,421 --> 00:52:26,020
I'm Annie Wells.
I'm from I.T.I.
1281
00:52:26,089 --> 00:52:27,355
Yeah?
1282
00:52:27,424 --> 00:52:28,723
Phil asked me
to apologize for him.
1283
00:52:28,792 --> 00:52:30,425
He had to fly suddenly
to the coast,
1284
00:52:30,494 --> 00:52:32,927
and he asked me
to fill in for him.
1285
00:52:36,065 --> 00:52:37,365
When's he
gettin' back?
1286
00:52:38,034 --> 00:52:39,501
I'm not sure.
1287
00:52:43,273 --> 00:52:45,407
When Phil gets back,
then I'll see him.
1288
00:52:45,475 --> 00:52:48,743
I think he was hoping you
and I could get together.
1289
00:52:52,181 --> 00:52:53,782
I have a table
right over here.
1290
00:52:53,850 --> 00:52:54,949
Sure.
1291
00:52:56,953 --> 00:52:58,286
Excuse me.
1292
00:53:08,532 --> 00:53:09,898
I do have a 1:30,
1293
00:53:09,966 --> 00:53:12,366
but we can get
to know each other.
1294
00:53:14,538 --> 00:53:17,639
This is a very unusual room.
What is it, a club?
1295
00:53:18,408 --> 00:53:20,107
Yeah, it's a club...
1296
00:53:21,010 --> 00:53:22,644
Miss, uh... Jones?
1297
00:53:22,712 --> 00:53:24,446
Wells. Annie Wells.
1298
00:53:25,949 --> 00:53:27,348
What are you?
1299
00:53:27,417 --> 00:53:30,084
You know... I mean,
what do you do?
1300
00:53:30,153 --> 00:53:33,555
I'm an agent at I.T.I.
I handle comedians.
1301
00:53:33,623 --> 00:53:35,723
Now, here's what I thought
we could do today.
1302
00:53:35,792 --> 00:53:37,124
You could give
me some sense
1303
00:53:37,193 --> 00:53:38,493
of what you'd
like to be doing.
1304
00:53:38,562 --> 00:53:39,794
You know,
how do you see
1305
00:53:39,863 --> 00:53:42,464
the buddy young Jr. career
developing from here?
1306
00:53:43,700 --> 00:53:45,633
Who's Harry ritz?
1307
00:53:45,702 --> 00:53:47,535
Jack Carter?
Um...
1308
00:53:47,604 --> 00:53:50,137
Phil silvers?
Myron Cohen?
1309
00:53:50,206 --> 00:53:51,706
Sheckey Greene?
Perky stiles?
1310
00:53:51,775 --> 00:53:53,174
Dick Shawn?
1311
00:53:53,242 --> 00:53:54,776
I'm... I'm sorry.
Am I supposed to know these people?
1312
00:53:54,845 --> 00:53:57,745
Yeah. You are supposed
to know these people,
1313
00:53:57,814 --> 00:54:00,482
because they're
great comedians. Great.
1314
00:54:00,550 --> 00:54:02,416
Comedians who loved
to be on a stage.
1315
00:54:02,486 --> 00:54:04,285
Professionals who
could take an audience
1316
00:54:04,354 --> 00:54:05,887
like they were a herd
of wild buffalo
1317
00:54:05,956 --> 00:54:08,422
and move 'em into a corral.
Masters of a craft.
1318
00:54:08,492 --> 00:54:10,792
Well, I guess they
were before my time.
1319
00:54:10,861 --> 00:54:12,093
Everything was.
1320
00:54:13,229 --> 00:54:14,762
Look, miss...
1321
00:54:14,831 --> 00:54:18,165
If Phil wants to give
me the brush, ok...
1322
00:54:18,234 --> 00:54:19,767
But he don't
have to send you,
1323
00:54:19,836 --> 00:54:21,268
"30 seconds
over show business,"
1324
00:54:21,337 --> 00:54:22,704
to do it for him.
1325
00:54:22,772 --> 00:54:25,306
I'm 40 years past
"so tell me about yourself."
1326
00:54:25,375 --> 00:54:27,942
Mr. young, I assure you,
everyone at the agency
1327
00:54:28,011 --> 00:54:29,611
is very excited
about you.
1328
00:54:29,679 --> 00:54:32,680
No one is very
excited about me!
1329
00:54:32,749 --> 00:54:34,716
I'm not excited
about me!
1330
00:54:35,986 --> 00:54:37,184
Sweetheart...
1331
00:54:37,253 --> 00:54:40,054
Tell Phil that if he
looks in the dictionary
1332
00:54:40,123 --> 00:54:42,056
under "lying,
rat-faced, two-timing,
1333
00:54:42,125 --> 00:54:43,925
"chicken-livered pricks,"
1334
00:54:43,994 --> 00:54:45,593
there's his picture!
1335
00:54:45,662 --> 00:54:46,861
Look, obviously,
1336
00:54:46,930 --> 00:54:49,564
there's been some sort
of misunderstanding.
1337
00:54:50,366 --> 00:54:52,166
I went to Phil
for help.
1338
00:54:52,235 --> 00:54:54,468
I never had to
do that before.
1339
00:54:54,538 --> 00:54:56,337
He dances me around
the office, you know,
1340
00:54:56,406 --> 00:54:57,639
and I get
a little excited.
1341
00:54:57,707 --> 00:54:59,240
There's somebody
who believes in me.
1342
00:54:59,308 --> 00:55:01,275
So we set up this
meeting. Then I look up,
1343
00:55:01,344 --> 00:55:02,877
and there's this
embryo in a dress
1344
00:55:02,946 --> 00:55:04,779
who don't know me
from a goddamn salami!
1345
00:55:04,848 --> 00:55:06,881
Good-bye, Mr. Young.
It was lovely to have met you.
1346
00:55:06,950 --> 00:55:08,449
Go take a shit
with your clothes on.
1347
00:55:08,518 --> 00:55:09,951
I got no winter.
Excuse me.
1348
00:55:10,020 --> 00:55:12,053
You know?
I lost my winter!
1349
00:55:28,087 --> 00:55:29,520
Hello?
1350
00:55:29,589 --> 00:55:32,289
Hello. Is, uh,
this Elaine young?
1351
00:55:32,358 --> 00:55:33,457
Yes.
1352
00:55:33,526 --> 00:55:36,027
I got your name
off a men's-room wall.
1353
00:55:36,095 --> 00:55:38,729
It says, "for good soup,
call Elaine."
1354
00:55:40,332 --> 00:55:41,265
Hi, buddy.
1355
00:55:41,333 --> 00:55:42,600
Hi, baby.
How you doing?
1356
00:55:42,669 --> 00:55:43,768
Ok.
Good.
1357
00:55:43,836 --> 00:55:45,102
Are the clubs nice?
1358
00:55:45,171 --> 00:55:47,271
Oh, great, great.
Good bookings.
1359
00:55:47,339 --> 00:55:48,773
Good places, yeah.
1360
00:55:48,841 --> 00:55:49,907
Well, how's it goin'?
1361
00:55:49,976 --> 00:55:50,908
Oh, I'm killin' 'em.
1362
00:55:50,977 --> 00:55:52,242
Yeah?
Really.
1363
00:55:52,311 --> 00:55:53,811
Last night,
i shot a guy,
1364
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:55,345
made all the papers.
1365
00:55:56,749 --> 00:55:58,716
Are you feelin' ok?
1366
00:55:58,785 --> 00:56:00,217
Well, I had
a little problem.
1367
00:56:00,286 --> 00:56:02,326
My hair set off
the metal detector
1368
00:56:02,388 --> 00:56:04,989
at the airport.
It's those clips.
1369
00:56:07,493 --> 00:56:09,326
Hey, you know what...
What place I drove by?
1370
00:56:09,395 --> 00:56:10,461
What?
1371
00:56:10,529 --> 00:56:11,963
Remember the 300 club
in Boston?
1372
00:56:12,031 --> 00:56:13,864
Remember I played
there in, like, uh,
1373
00:56:13,933 --> 00:56:15,600
19-ba-ba-ba-boom.
1374
00:56:15,668 --> 00:56:16,834
Boston?
1375
00:56:16,903 --> 00:56:19,263
Yeah, come on. Remember?
I had a great show there,
1376
00:56:19,305 --> 00:56:20,671
I was all excited
after the show,
1377
00:56:20,740 --> 00:56:21,973
and you and I made love
1378
00:56:22,041 --> 00:56:23,975
right on the makeup table
in my dressing room.
1379
00:56:24,043 --> 00:56:25,710
Don't you remember?
1380
00:56:25,778 --> 00:56:28,245
Buddy...
That wasn't me.
1381
00:56:28,314 --> 00:56:29,446
It...
1382
00:56:31,150 --> 00:56:32,717
You see what I did?
1383
00:56:32,785 --> 00:56:34,919
I made you think
it wasn't me, but it was.
1384
00:56:34,988 --> 00:56:37,054
Yeah, you're pretty
funny for an old bag.
1385
00:56:38,491 --> 00:56:39,924
Where are you?
1386
00:56:39,993 --> 00:56:41,391
I'm in a small town.
1387
00:56:41,460 --> 00:56:43,761
It's, uh, called
"resume speed."
1388
00:56:46,332 --> 00:56:47,564
I miss you.
1389
00:56:47,634 --> 00:56:48,766
Yeah.
1390
00:56:48,835 --> 00:56:50,768
Buddy, are
you all right?
1391
00:56:50,837 --> 00:56:52,770
Sure, sure.
1392
00:56:52,839 --> 00:56:54,805
It's just
a little quiet.
1393
00:56:56,943 --> 00:56:59,076
So, this guy goes
in a doctor's office.
1394
00:56:59,145 --> 00:57:01,245
Doctor says to him,
"i got good news
1395
00:57:01,313 --> 00:57:02,813
"and bad news," see?
1396
00:57:02,882 --> 00:57:04,715
Guy said, "well, uh...
1397
00:57:05,451 --> 00:57:06,851
"What's the good news?"
1398
00:57:06,919 --> 00:57:09,854
Said, "the good news is
you got 24 hours to live."
1399
00:57:09,922 --> 00:57:11,656
He says, "that's
the good news?
1400
00:57:11,724 --> 00:57:12,957
"What's the
bad news?"
1401
00:57:13,026 --> 00:57:15,559
He said, "i forgot
to call you yesterday."
1402
00:57:15,628 --> 00:57:18,162
Did you see what
i did there, ma?
1403
00:57:19,899 --> 00:57:22,499
Stan? Oh, Stan
is great, yeah.
1404
00:57:22,568 --> 00:57:24,535
He's the president
of France now.
1405
00:57:24,603 --> 00:57:26,570
Oh, yeah. You
should've seen him.
1406
00:57:26,639 --> 00:57:27,872
They had this
big revolution.
1407
00:57:27,940 --> 00:57:29,140
He led them,
wearing a beret,
1408
00:57:29,208 --> 00:57:31,341
wavin' a big piece
of French bread.
1409
00:57:31,410 --> 00:57:33,110
He loves
what he's doin'.
1410
00:57:34,446 --> 00:57:37,782
Mrs. gershen, would you
please hold it down?
1411
00:57:37,850 --> 00:57:39,950
I brought the ice skates,
and we'll go.
1412
00:57:40,019 --> 00:57:41,886
A promise
is a promise.
1413
00:57:44,724 --> 00:57:46,623
Me, I'm doin'
sensational.
1414
00:57:46,693 --> 00:57:48,159
Sensational, ma.
1415
00:57:48,227 --> 00:57:50,527
I played a place
the other night.
1416
00:57:50,596 --> 00:57:52,196
You know what
they loved?
1417
00:57:52,264 --> 00:57:55,066
Remember that routine i used
to do about grandma and grandpa
1418
00:57:55,134 --> 00:57:58,202
on the porch at silver beach,
arguing over who's sicker?
1419
00:57:58,270 --> 00:57:59,336
Remember?
1420
00:57:59,405 --> 00:58:00,871
"What are
you talking, a fever?
1421
00:58:00,940 --> 00:58:03,074
"106 is not a fever.
1422
00:58:03,142 --> 00:58:06,944
"I was dead for 6 months,
and I never missed a day's work."
1423
00:58:09,082 --> 00:58:11,882
Yeah, they loved
it, loved it.
1424
00:58:11,951 --> 00:58:14,885
Big laughs, just like
in the living room, ma.
1425
00:58:32,404 --> 00:58:34,205
It's not so good, ma.
1426
00:58:36,242 --> 00:58:38,109
Things aren't so good.
1427
00:59:21,687 --> 00:59:24,188
So, you folks do drugs?
You do drugs or what?
1428
00:59:24,257 --> 00:59:25,497
Yeah!
1429
00:59:25,557 --> 00:59:27,158
Yeah? Oh, that's
something to admit
1430
00:59:27,226 --> 00:59:28,458
in front of a group
of strangers, you bonehead!
1431
00:59:30,462 --> 00:59:33,297
If your I.Q. Gets to 80,
sell, brother man.
1432
00:59:34,633 --> 00:59:35,800
What'd you do today?
1433
00:59:35,868 --> 00:59:37,668
Well, I smoked
a couple of joints.
1434
00:59:37,736 --> 00:59:39,870
You want to
come with me?
1435
00:59:39,939 --> 00:59:41,538
Where you goin'?
1436
00:59:41,607 --> 00:59:42,873
I told you
3 times,
1437
00:59:42,942 --> 00:59:44,942
I'm goin' over
to see Susan.
1438
00:59:45,011 --> 00:59:46,443
Watch your pocketbook.
1439
00:59:46,512 --> 00:59:47,444
Buddy.
1440
00:59:47,513 --> 00:59:49,814
Look, maybe
another time, ok?
1441
00:59:49,882 --> 00:59:51,448
I'm very tired,
1442
00:59:51,517 --> 00:59:54,151
and I'm not in the mood
for her hostility.
1443
00:59:54,220 --> 00:59:56,086
Well, then
take a walk.
1444
00:59:56,155 --> 00:59:58,488
You're, like, glued
to that chair.
1445
00:59:58,557 --> 01:00:01,491
See a movie. Steal a
car. Just do something.
1446
01:00:01,560 --> 01:00:02,893
Drugs are a waste...
1447
01:00:02,962 --> 01:00:05,129
You believe this guy, Elaine?
Look... look at this guy.
1448
01:00:05,198 --> 01:00:06,596
He's performing
in front of people,
1449
01:00:06,665 --> 01:00:08,098
and he's dressed
for a felony.
1450
01:00:08,167 --> 01:00:09,633
I mean, look at this.
1451
01:00:09,702 --> 01:00:10,702
Buddy...
1452
01:00:10,769 --> 01:00:12,870
You call these jokes?
You call this comedy?
1453
01:00:12,939 --> 01:00:14,839
Bye.
I mean, who wrote this crap?
1454
01:00:14,907 --> 01:00:18,042
All right! You guys call
yourselves comedy writers?
1455
01:00:18,110 --> 01:00:20,177
Call yourselves
ex-comedy writers!
1456
01:00:20,246 --> 01:00:21,345
You're fired!
1457
01:00:21,413 --> 01:00:22,346
You're fired!
1458
01:00:22,414 --> 01:00:23,981
You're fired! You're fired!
1459
01:00:24,050 --> 01:00:25,415
I don't work here!
1460
01:00:25,484 --> 01:00:26,717
You're hired!
1461
01:00:26,785 --> 01:00:28,285
Now you're fired!
Get outta here!
1462
01:00:28,354 --> 01:00:29,119
Buddy...
1463
01:00:29,188 --> 01:00:30,487
Oh, here's
the head genius!
1464
01:00:30,556 --> 01:00:32,789
I don't want to see you
guys anymore! You got it?
1465
01:00:32,859 --> 01:00:34,458
Come on, Woody.
1466
01:00:34,526 --> 01:00:35,392
2 minutes...
1467
01:00:35,461 --> 01:00:36,660
You're fired!
1468
01:00:36,729 --> 01:00:38,863
And get that bird
outta here!
1469
01:00:40,099 --> 01:00:42,366
Lorraine!
Now! Out!
1470
01:00:42,434 --> 01:00:44,201
They rewrote my
opening monologue.
1471
01:00:44,270 --> 01:00:46,036
I told them
to do it.
1472
01:00:46,105 --> 01:00:48,605
You changed my monologue
without asking me?
1473
01:00:48,674 --> 01:00:50,234
Buddy, you can't do the
other monologue.
1474
01:00:50,276 --> 01:00:52,309
The sponsor will go crazy.
We'll lose the show!
1475
01:00:52,378 --> 01:00:54,144
We're losin' the show now!
We're dyin' here!
1476
01:00:54,213 --> 01:00:56,146
Look at these ratings, heh?
Look at this, Stan.
1477
01:00:56,215 --> 01:00:58,382
First, we're number 3.
Then, we're number 8.
1478
01:00:58,450 --> 01:01:00,084
Then, we're number 11.
1479
01:01:00,152 --> 01:01:01,718
Now you can't
even goddamn find us!
1480
01:01:01,787 --> 01:01:03,187
Here, we're right
here! We're 36!
1481
01:01:03,256 --> 01:01:05,890
36? That's good? From 3
to 36, that's a good thing?
1482
01:01:05,958 --> 01:01:08,259
It's... it's just temporary.
You got Davy Crockett
1483
01:01:08,327 --> 01:01:09,493
against you
for a few weeks.
1484
01:01:09,561 --> 01:01:11,328
It's a fad.
It'll go away.
1485
01:01:11,397 --> 01:01:14,698
You don't even see it, Stan.
You don't even see what's happening.
1486
01:01:14,767 --> 01:01:16,666
We're losing the show!
They're gonna cancel me!
1487
01:01:16,735 --> 01:01:18,369
Buddy, I spoke
to the network.
1488
01:01:18,437 --> 01:01:20,004
They're a little concerned
about the ratings,
1489
01:01:20,072 --> 01:01:21,571
but they're more
concerned about you!
1490
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:22,706
Me?
Yes.
1491
01:01:22,775 --> 01:01:24,275
They're worried about me?
Yes.
1492
01:01:24,343 --> 01:01:26,210
I'm workin'
like a horse here!
1493
01:01:26,279 --> 01:01:28,678
I'm doin' everything,
and I'm getting no support!
1494
01:01:28,747 --> 01:01:30,214
I can't get
a decent joke!
1495
01:01:30,283 --> 01:01:32,163
I ask the fuckin' kid
for a fuckin' sandwich...
1496
01:01:32,218 --> 01:01:33,218
Wait a min...
What?
1497
01:01:33,286 --> 01:01:34,318
I asked for
Russian dressing
1498
01:01:34,387 --> 01:01:35,552
on both sides
of the bread!
1499
01:01:35,621 --> 01:01:36,820
Is that too much
to ask for?
1500
01:01:36,889 --> 01:01:39,156
Buddy!
Don't "buddy" me!
1501
01:01:39,225 --> 01:01:41,926
For 7 years, Stan,
i played every club,
1502
01:01:41,994 --> 01:01:42,994
to every audience.
1503
01:01:43,029 --> 01:01:44,694
Audiences that
couldn't speak English.
1504
01:01:44,763 --> 01:01:46,696
Audiences that wouldn't
laugh, couldn't laugh,
1505
01:01:46,765 --> 01:01:48,698
that were physically
incapable of laughing.
1506
01:01:48,767 --> 01:01:50,200
Bowling balls
with ears!
1507
01:01:50,269 --> 01:01:51,629
And I'm not goin'
back there, Stan!
1508
01:01:51,670 --> 01:01:53,003
One minute,
buddy!
1509
01:01:53,072 --> 01:01:54,238
You're fired!
1510
01:01:54,307 --> 01:01:55,539
Damn it!
1511
01:01:56,642 --> 01:01:58,542
I'm gonna do
my monologue!
1512
01:01:58,610 --> 01:02:00,244
I'm the one
who got me here!
1513
01:02:00,313 --> 01:02:02,279
I'm the one
who'll keep me here!
1514
01:02:08,154 --> 01:02:10,254
Hi, daddy!
1515
01:02:10,323 --> 01:02:12,889
Get this off! What's
the matter with you?
1516
01:02:12,959 --> 01:02:14,724
What do you let her
wear this for, huh?
1517
01:02:14,793 --> 01:02:16,093
Buddy, what
are you doing?
1518
01:02:16,162 --> 01:02:17,261
Ahh!
1519
01:02:20,599 --> 01:02:22,732
Get out of my way!
Get outta here!
1520
01:02:22,801 --> 01:02:24,935
Buddy, I forbid you
to do that monologue!
1521
01:02:26,705 --> 01:02:29,006
You're forbidding me?
1522
01:02:29,075 --> 01:02:32,642
Stanley... let's each do
what we do best, huh?
1523
01:02:32,711 --> 01:02:34,278
I'll tell the jokes,
1524
01:02:34,347 --> 01:02:36,707
you'll get me a soda
when I'm through.
1525
01:02:37,383 --> 01:02:38,415
Ok?
1526
01:02:42,054 --> 01:02:44,374
Now, which
jacket's funnier?
1527
01:02:45,324 --> 01:02:46,923
Doesn't matter.
1528
01:02:46,993 --> 01:02:48,892
♪
1529
01:02:48,961 --> 01:02:50,694
Come on.
1530
01:02:50,762 --> 01:02:53,130
Give me the jacket!
I'm on!
1531
01:02:53,199 --> 01:02:55,899
And now, the star
of our show...
1532
01:02:55,968 --> 01:02:58,002
The kamikaze of comedy!
1533
01:02:58,070 --> 01:02:59,903
Fasten your seat belts,
1534
01:02:59,972 --> 01:03:02,039
and put on
your crash helmets
1535
01:03:02,108 --> 01:03:04,875
because here he comes...
1536
01:03:04,943 --> 01:03:07,544
Mr. Saturday night...
1537
01:03:07,613 --> 01:03:10,514
Buddy young, Jr.!
1538
01:03:15,121 --> 01:03:16,387
Thank you!
1539
01:03:21,227 --> 01:03:22,659
Thank you very much,
1540
01:03:22,728 --> 01:03:24,328
and good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
1541
01:03:24,397 --> 01:03:27,097
Hey, how about that whole
Davy Crockett thing, huh?
1542
01:03:27,166 --> 01:03:29,733
Don't get me started!
1543
01:03:34,706 --> 01:03:37,007
Yeah, don't get me started
on that schmendrik
1544
01:03:37,076 --> 01:03:38,942
with a dead animal
on his head.
1545
01:03:41,747 --> 01:03:43,347
I got news for you...
1546
01:03:43,416 --> 01:03:45,649
His moccasins
never touch the ground.
1547
01:03:47,453 --> 01:03:48,752
Why do you think
1548
01:03:48,820 --> 01:03:51,055
there are only men
at the alamo, huh? Huh?
1549
01:03:51,123 --> 01:03:53,290
I'm tellin' you,
"king of the wild frontier?"
1550
01:03:53,359 --> 01:03:54,691
How about "queen..."
1551
01:04:06,038 --> 01:04:07,038
What?
1552
01:04:09,708 --> 01:04:11,775
Uhh!
1553
01:04:11,843 --> 01:04:14,178
What'd you do...
Forget something?
1554
01:04:16,182 --> 01:04:18,848
Harry ritz was the funniest
of the ritz brothers.
1555
01:04:18,917 --> 01:04:20,650
He used to say,
"don't holler!"
1556
01:04:20,719 --> 01:04:22,352
Jack Carter was
a nightclub comedian.
1557
01:04:22,421 --> 01:04:24,321
He was known as
the comic's comic.
1558
01:04:24,390 --> 01:04:26,423
Phil silvers
was a genius...
1559
01:04:26,492 --> 01:04:29,526
Sergeant bilko,
burlesque, top banana.
1560
01:04:29,595 --> 01:04:32,396
Buddy young, Jr.,
was Mr. Saturday night
1561
01:04:32,465 --> 01:04:34,131
and the only man
who ever told me
1562
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,320
to take a shit
with my clothes on.
1563
01:04:38,604 --> 01:04:41,105
That's Dean Martin,
Tommy lasorda...
1564
01:04:41,173 --> 01:04:42,439
Uh-huh...
Old blue eyes,
1565
01:04:42,508 --> 01:04:44,941
and yours truly,
old liver spots.
1566
01:04:45,010 --> 01:04:46,010
Who's that?
1567
01:04:46,044 --> 01:04:47,411
Oh, that's me.
1568
01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:48,745
What?
Oh, yeah.
1569
01:04:48,814 --> 01:04:50,714
That was Durin' the '60s.
1570
01:04:50,782 --> 01:04:53,183
That's, uh, uh, during
my political period. Heavy satire.
1571
01:04:53,252 --> 01:04:55,385
That was taken at a club
in San Francisco.
1572
01:04:55,454 --> 01:04:57,154
Yeah, it was a...
It was a good time
1573
01:04:57,223 --> 01:04:58,955
'cause there was...
For a comic then,
1574
01:04:59,024 --> 01:05:00,757
there was so
much goin' on...
1575
01:05:00,826 --> 01:05:01,992
You know, the
whole Vietnam bit,
1576
01:05:02,060 --> 01:05:05,262
that folk-music fiasco
that was goin' on.
1577
01:05:05,331 --> 01:05:07,264
Yeah. I once
punched Joan baez
1578
01:05:07,333 --> 01:05:09,166
in the mouth
at a peace rally.
1579
01:05:09,235 --> 01:05:11,868
She started it.
Wasn't a fun decade.
1580
01:05:11,937 --> 01:05:13,670
What is that?
1581
01:05:13,739 --> 01:05:15,506
Oh, that's my album.
1582
01:05:16,575 --> 01:05:17,907
Disco Jew.
1583
01:05:19,145 --> 01:05:20,310
Wow.
1584
01:05:20,379 --> 01:05:22,246
Oh, no, no.
It was a big hit.
1585
01:05:22,314 --> 01:05:23,713
It went zinc.
1586
01:05:25,050 --> 01:05:27,050
It was a, uh, parody
of that movie,
1587
01:05:27,119 --> 01:05:28,985
the Saturday night fever
movie, you know?
1588
01:05:29,054 --> 01:05:31,255
And, uh, we made
up songs, you know?
1589
01:05:31,323 --> 01:05:32,756
♪ Oi, oi, oi ♪
1590
01:05:32,824 --> 01:05:35,091
♪ I'm almost alive,
almost alive ♪
1591
01:05:35,161 --> 01:05:36,860
♪ oi, oi, oi ♪
1592
01:05:36,928 --> 01:05:39,263
♪ I'm almost alive ♪
1593
01:05:39,331 --> 01:05:41,632
I got a night fever,
you know, stuff like that.
1594
01:05:41,700 --> 01:05:42,866
It was a lot of laughs.
1595
01:05:42,934 --> 01:05:43,867
And this?
1596
01:05:43,935 --> 01:05:45,435
Oh, that's my
daughter Susan.
1597
01:05:45,504 --> 01:05:46,903
Yeah, that was taken
in las Vegas
1598
01:05:46,972 --> 01:05:50,374
in 19-ba-ba-ba-boom,
I'll tell you that right now.
1599
01:05:50,442 --> 01:05:53,277
Yeah, I used to bring her up
at the end of the act, right?
1600
01:05:53,345 --> 01:05:55,879
Sit her on a stool,
beautiful pool of light,
1601
01:05:55,947 --> 01:05:57,648
and I'd sing this
song to her...
1602
01:05:57,716 --> 01:05:59,356
♪ You're sugar,
you're spice ♪
1603
01:05:59,385 --> 01:06:00,950
♪ you're everything nice ♪
1604
01:06:01,019 --> 01:06:05,289
♪ 'cause you're
daddy's little girl ♪
1605
01:06:05,357 --> 01:06:06,990
tears streaming.
1606
01:06:07,059 --> 01:06:09,493
Mayhem. The audience
didn't know what hit 'em.
1607
01:06:09,562 --> 01:06:11,228
W-wait. You want
to see somethin'?
1608
01:06:11,297 --> 01:06:12,629
Yeah. Yeah.
1609
01:06:13,265 --> 01:06:14,464
Where...
1610
01:06:15,734 --> 01:06:17,000
Here.
1611
01:06:17,069 --> 01:06:18,069
Here.
1612
01:06:18,103 --> 01:06:20,671
Take a look at this.
Here I am on-stage,
1613
01:06:20,739 --> 01:06:22,472
doin' a number,
and that's what won me
1614
01:06:22,541 --> 01:06:25,409
entertainer of the year,
las Vegas, 1958.
1615
01:06:25,477 --> 01:06:27,477
So you have
2 daughters?
1616
01:06:27,546 --> 01:06:30,113
No. That's a girl that
i hired to be my daughter
1617
01:06:30,182 --> 01:06:33,016
when Susan didn't want
to do the act anymore.
1618
01:06:33,085 --> 01:06:35,519
Yeah. It was a good
bit. Really strong.
1619
01:06:35,588 --> 01:06:36,920
Yeah. Hmm.
1620
01:06:36,988 --> 01:06:38,522
I'm Thinkin' about
puttin' Susan
1621
01:06:38,591 --> 01:06:40,757
back in the act now,
you know, but, um...
1622
01:06:40,826 --> 01:06:42,259
I think it
loses somethin'
1623
01:06:42,328 --> 01:06:43,893
when you sing
to a twice-divorced,
1624
01:06:43,962 --> 01:06:45,696
middle-aged drug addict.
1625
01:06:45,764 --> 01:06:48,332
You know, it's not
quite as moving somehow.
1626
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:49,600
Sit down.
1627
01:06:49,668 --> 01:06:52,369
I have a son who's
a lawyer. Very big.
1628
01:06:52,438 --> 01:06:54,371
Yeah, he lives
anywhere I'm not.
1629
01:06:55,507 --> 01:06:57,907
Anyway, uh...
1630
01:06:57,976 --> 01:06:59,676
So, why are you here?
1631
01:06:59,745 --> 01:07:01,578
I mean, I'm
a very busy man.
1632
01:07:01,647 --> 01:07:03,880
In a half-hour, i
give myself an enema.
1633
01:07:03,949 --> 01:07:05,249
It's festival seating.
1634
01:07:07,553 --> 01:07:10,387
I want to get
you some work.
1635
01:07:10,456 --> 01:07:12,522
Look, I know i
wasn't nice to you
1636
01:07:12,591 --> 01:07:14,090
the other day
at the friar's...
1637
01:07:14,159 --> 01:07:16,059
No, no, no. Phil... Phil...
Phil was wrong
1638
01:07:16,128 --> 01:07:18,368
to do that, um,
and I told him.
1639
01:07:18,497 --> 01:07:19,963
Ok, whatever.
1640
01:07:21,066 --> 01:07:22,699
But I'm through.
1641
01:07:22,768 --> 01:07:25,101
There's nothin'
out there for me.
1642
01:07:26,071 --> 01:07:28,104
You don't know me.
1643
01:07:28,173 --> 01:07:30,006
My clients work.
1644
01:07:31,977 --> 01:07:33,076
Sure.
1645
01:07:38,984 --> 01:07:41,304
But if you're
not interested...
1646
01:07:42,321 --> 01:07:43,520
Thanks.
1647
01:07:51,196 --> 01:07:52,396
Annie, right?
1648
01:07:52,464 --> 01:07:53,330
Yeah.
1649
01:07:53,399 --> 01:07:54,564
Annie.
1650
01:07:56,635 --> 01:07:58,868
Get me in front
of an audience.
1651
01:07:59,538 --> 01:08:01,004
Any audience.
1652
01:08:03,342 --> 01:08:05,442
I'm dyin' here.
1653
01:08:05,511 --> 01:08:07,344
Every night
i go to bed,
1654
01:08:07,413 --> 01:08:09,179
there's a little
less of me.
1655
01:08:11,550 --> 01:08:14,284
I'll get you
an audience.
1656
01:08:14,353 --> 01:08:16,085
So, I come home,
i find my wife
1657
01:08:16,154 --> 01:08:17,921
in bed with my best friend.
1658
01:08:17,989 --> 01:08:20,390
So I said, "Lenny,
i have to. But you?"
1659
01:08:22,127 --> 01:08:24,828
Oh, yeah. Let me ask
you a question, folks.
1660
01:08:24,896 --> 01:08:27,364
How many of you
actually speak English?
1661
01:08:27,433 --> 01:08:28,865
Show of hands here.
1662
01:08:28,934 --> 01:08:31,568
Hands. Hands. It's the thing
at the end of your sleeve.
1663
01:08:31,637 --> 01:08:34,371
Yeah. Oh, good. I'm working
Ellis island here.
1664
01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:36,473
Has he ever done
a warm-up before?
1665
01:08:36,542 --> 01:08:38,208
Um, not per se.
Per what, then?
1666
01:08:38,276 --> 01:08:40,143
He's doing well.
He's getting laughs.
1667
01:08:40,212 --> 01:08:41,645
But he's edgy.
I don't like this.
1668
01:08:41,714 --> 01:08:44,381
Anyway, uh, these 2
Polish dwarfs go into a...
1669
01:08:44,450 --> 01:08:46,015
Yeah, yeah, sure. Ok.
1670
01:08:46,084 --> 01:08:49,018
Uh, we're gonna start
this, uh, ring a bell,
1671
01:08:49,087 --> 01:08:51,655
get a cookie,
talk to a dog,
1672
01:08:51,724 --> 01:08:52,823
win a pile.
1673
01:08:52,891 --> 01:08:54,491
I've had piles.
It's not such a prize.
1674
01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:56,292
I'll tell you that.
1675
01:08:56,362 --> 01:08:57,527
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
1676
01:08:57,596 --> 01:08:58,762
We're gonna bring, uh,
1677
01:08:58,831 --> 01:09:00,397
the host of the
show out now.
1678
01:09:00,466 --> 01:09:02,932
We're going to
bring Fred out, and, uh...
1679
01:09:03,001 --> 01:09:05,134
How are you?
Nice to see you.
1680
01:09:08,240 --> 01:09:11,274
Yeah. Ok. So, what
we're gonna do is this...
1681
01:09:11,343 --> 01:09:12,676
When Fred comes out,
1682
01:09:12,745 --> 01:09:16,279
let's give Fred a big,
big standing ovation, ok?
1683
01:09:16,348 --> 01:09:17,414
See?
Anyway,
1684
01:09:17,483 --> 01:09:18,915
so put your
hands together,
1685
01:09:18,984 --> 01:09:20,316
and on the count of 3,
1686
01:09:20,386 --> 01:09:22,318
let's make him feel at home
and we'll all say,
1687
01:09:22,388 --> 01:09:25,555
"Fred, what's with
your fuckin' hair?"
1688
01:09:29,327 --> 01:09:31,961
What? What did I say?
What did I do?
1689
01:09:32,030 --> 01:09:34,598
Here we go! Stand up!
Stand up, goddamn it!
1690
01:09:34,666 --> 01:09:36,332
Let's do this.
1691
01:09:36,402 --> 01:09:37,868
1... 2... 3...
1692
01:09:37,936 --> 01:09:39,068
Fred!
1693
01:09:39,137 --> 01:09:41,438
What's with your fuc...
1694
01:09:41,507 --> 01:09:44,207
I opened for durante.
I opened for Sinatra.
1695
01:09:44,276 --> 01:09:48,111
I don't open for win-a-bedroom-set
on a farkuckta game show.
1696
01:09:48,179 --> 01:09:49,479
It's a good thing.
1697
01:09:49,548 --> 01:09:51,481
A lot of up-and-coming
comics do warm-ups.
1698
01:09:51,550 --> 01:09:52,982
It's a great way
to start out.
1699
01:09:53,051 --> 01:09:54,718
Darling, I'm not starting out.
I'm finishing up.
1700
01:09:54,787 --> 01:09:55,985
There's a big
difference.
1701
01:09:56,054 --> 01:09:57,487
Nothing on me
is up-and-coming,
1702
01:09:57,556 --> 01:09:59,055
I'll tell you
that right now.
1703
01:09:59,124 --> 01:10:00,724
Get me a real job,
1704
01:10:00,793 --> 01:10:04,327
a real thing where people
are coming to see me.
1705
01:10:04,396 --> 01:10:06,296
Have you ever acted?
1706
01:10:06,364 --> 01:10:07,196
Roll it.
1707
01:10:07,265 --> 01:10:08,665
Speed.
1708
01:10:08,734 --> 01:10:10,099
And action.
1709
01:10:12,905 --> 01:10:14,337
"Having fun, sweetie?"
1710
01:10:14,406 --> 01:10:15,972
"I sure am, because
1711
01:10:16,041 --> 01:10:18,442
"with these new
extra-absorbent 'secures, '
1712
01:10:18,510 --> 01:10:20,276
"i can eat and
drink all I want
1713
01:10:20,345 --> 01:10:21,778
"and not have
to worry about
1714
01:10:21,847 --> 01:10:23,012
"bladder control.
1715
01:10:23,081 --> 01:10:24,581
"For the first
time in years,
1716
01:10:24,650 --> 01:10:26,282
"i can relax and
have a good time.
1717
01:10:26,351 --> 01:10:27,584
"And so can you.
1718
01:10:27,653 --> 01:10:29,018
"To feeling secure."
1719
01:10:30,789 --> 01:10:33,690
Great. All right.
Let's put it on film.
1720
01:10:33,759 --> 01:10:36,893
Uh, hair, makeup, wardrobe,
do what you have to do.
1721
01:10:38,363 --> 01:10:39,963
Buddy, you're great!
1722
01:10:40,031 --> 01:10:41,798
Listen, I'm very
embarrassed about this.
1723
01:10:41,867 --> 01:10:43,700
I... I... people'll think
i have this problem.
1724
01:10:43,769 --> 01:10:44,769
No, they're not.
1725
01:10:44,803 --> 01:10:45,969
They'll think
you're a good actor.
1726
01:10:46,037 --> 01:10:48,077
No, but it's not funny.
I'm not funny.
1727
01:10:48,139 --> 01:10:49,706
Buddy, we talked
about this.
1728
01:10:49,775 --> 01:10:51,808
Now, I need film
to show people.
1729
01:10:51,877 --> 01:10:53,717
Clients are already
talking about using you
1730
01:10:53,779 --> 01:10:54,978
for something else.
1731
01:10:55,046 --> 01:10:56,412
Would you do me
a favor, please?
1732
01:10:56,482 --> 01:10:58,348
Would you look at them
once and smile?
1733
01:11:05,290 --> 01:11:06,623
You're wonderful.
1734
01:11:06,692 --> 01:11:07,557
I'm not funny.
1735
01:11:07,626 --> 01:11:08,758
You're
very charming.
1736
01:11:08,827 --> 01:11:09,993
This is picture, people.
1737
01:11:10,061 --> 01:11:11,294
Quiet, please.
1738
01:11:11,363 --> 01:11:12,596
Ready.
1739
01:11:12,664 --> 01:11:13,830
Everybody settle.
1740
01:11:13,899 --> 01:11:15,164
Speed.
1741
01:11:15,233 --> 01:11:16,366
Rolling.
1742
01:11:16,434 --> 01:11:17,634
101, take one.
1743
01:11:17,703 --> 01:11:19,102
Background action.
1744
01:11:19,170 --> 01:11:21,371
All right, now, buddy,
make me love this.
1745
01:11:21,439 --> 01:11:22,906
And... action.
1746
01:11:24,275 --> 01:11:25,709
"Having fun, sweetie?"
1747
01:11:25,777 --> 01:11:28,411
"I sure am, because i
just dropped 2 crab cakes
1748
01:11:28,480 --> 01:11:30,647
"into my shorts
and nobody knows."
1749
01:11:30,716 --> 01:11:31,982
Cut it!
1750
01:11:32,050 --> 01:11:33,082
See what I did?
1751
01:11:33,151 --> 01:11:34,283
Listen to me.
1752
01:11:34,352 --> 01:11:35,819
Will you just
listen to me?
1753
01:11:35,888 --> 01:11:38,321
I'm angry at you. Don't eat
while I'm angry at you.
1754
01:11:38,390 --> 01:11:39,923
I worked very hard
to get you that job.
1755
01:11:39,992 --> 01:11:41,658
What did you
do that for?
1756
01:11:41,727 --> 01:11:43,126
Look...
1757
01:11:43,194 --> 01:11:44,561
It's a comic's job
1758
01:11:44,630 --> 01:11:46,696
that if he sees bullshit,
he says "bullshit."
1759
01:11:46,765 --> 01:11:48,097
Buddy, that's
not an answer.
1760
01:11:48,166 --> 01:11:49,332
You don't understand...
1761
01:11:49,401 --> 01:11:50,567
Buddy.
1762
01:11:52,370 --> 01:11:54,370
Stan.
1763
01:11:54,439 --> 01:11:55,672
What are you doin' here?
1764
01:11:55,741 --> 01:11:57,373
I... I... I thought
you were in Florida.
1765
01:11:57,442 --> 01:11:59,475
I've been tryin' to find
you. Where you been?
1766
01:11:59,545 --> 01:12:00,677
I was... I was workin'. I...
1767
01:12:00,746 --> 01:12:02,178
Annie, this is my
brother Stan.
1768
01:12:02,247 --> 01:12:03,346
Buddy...
1769
01:12:04,650 --> 01:12:05,916
Mom died.
1770
01:12:16,028 --> 01:12:19,228
♪
1771
01:12:37,382 --> 01:12:38,815
At this time,
1772
01:12:38,884 --> 01:12:40,183
if anyone would care
1773
01:12:40,251 --> 01:12:41,918
to say a few words
1774
01:12:41,987 --> 01:12:43,720
about rose yankelman,
1775
01:12:43,789 --> 01:12:45,354
you'd be welcome.
1776
01:12:48,994 --> 01:12:50,961
Stan, say something.
1777
01:12:51,029 --> 01:12:52,528
You do it.
1778
01:12:52,598 --> 01:12:53,897
Yeah?
1779
01:12:53,966 --> 01:12:55,065
Yeah.
1780
01:13:10,983 --> 01:13:12,082
Ahem.
1781
01:13:13,518 --> 01:13:15,551
What can you say
1782
01:13:15,621 --> 01:13:17,854
about someone
who gave you life?
1783
01:13:21,192 --> 01:13:23,526
You know,
when my brother Stan...
1784
01:13:25,897 --> 01:13:28,999
First told me that our
mother had passed away...
1785
01:13:31,503 --> 01:13:34,470
My first thought was...
1786
01:13:34,539 --> 01:13:36,506
Did you get her recipe
for kugel?
1787
01:13:41,680 --> 01:13:44,147
The woman lived
in the kitchen.
1788
01:13:44,215 --> 01:13:47,117
Seriously. She had a bed
put in there and everything.
1789
01:13:48,353 --> 01:13:49,653
Until I was 15,
1790
01:13:49,721 --> 01:13:52,421
I thought my name
was "taste this."
1791
01:13:56,494 --> 01:13:57,694
I'd blow my nose,
1792
01:13:57,763 --> 01:13:59,228
and gravy would come out.
1793
01:14:03,568 --> 01:14:04,668
Yeah.
1794
01:14:05,904 --> 01:14:07,937
She was everything for us.
1795
01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:12,042
She cooked for us.
She cleaned for us.
1796
01:14:12,110 --> 01:14:13,677
She had sex
with our father.
1797
01:14:13,745 --> 01:14:15,979
I'm sure that
was no picnic.
1798
01:14:20,018 --> 01:14:22,819
Remember the arms on her?
1799
01:14:22,888 --> 01:14:26,089
She had these
gigantic arms that...
1800
01:14:26,158 --> 01:14:28,992
Th-they weighed more than me
and you, Stan. They did.
1801
01:14:29,061 --> 01:14:31,861
They were... they were like
flesh curtains, these arms.
1802
01:14:34,667 --> 01:14:36,599
She looked like
a Jewish Batman.
1803
01:14:36,669 --> 01:14:39,102
You know, just
this big... cape.
1804
01:14:39,171 --> 01:14:40,603
When she waved good-bye,
1805
01:14:40,673 --> 01:14:43,173
it sounded like
5 people applauding.
1806
01:14:44,677 --> 01:14:45,942
When we were kids,
1807
01:14:46,011 --> 01:14:47,811
we could sneak
into the movie theater
1808
01:14:47,880 --> 01:14:49,312
hiding behind those arms.
1809
01:14:49,381 --> 01:14:51,221
The loews pitkin
in Brooklyn.
1810
01:14:51,784 --> 01:14:53,583
Am I right, Stan?
1811
01:14:53,652 --> 01:14:54,918
Remember?
1812
01:14:57,856 --> 01:15:00,757
But when she held you
in those arms...
1813
01:15:04,096 --> 01:15:07,430
It was the safest place
in the world to be.
1814
01:15:20,378 --> 01:15:22,813
I loved makin' her laugh...
1815
01:15:25,050 --> 01:15:27,150
Because she had
this laugh...
1816
01:15:28,987 --> 01:15:31,988
Big... big beauty...
1817
01:15:32,057 --> 01:15:34,657
Laugh, you know?
1818
01:15:34,727 --> 01:15:37,660
It would hit you like
a wave at coney island.
1819
01:15:44,603 --> 01:15:47,237
I've done a lot of
things in my life...
1820
01:15:47,806 --> 01:15:49,172
That, uh...
1821
01:15:58,650 --> 01:16:00,050
But I...
1822
01:16:00,886 --> 01:16:02,185
Know...
1823
01:16:02,254 --> 01:16:04,387
That I made
my mother laugh.
1824
01:16:09,694 --> 01:16:10,761
Hmm?
1825
01:16:16,468 --> 01:16:17,934
She was 91...
1826
01:16:20,405 --> 01:16:22,272
And she went
too soon.
1827
01:16:55,974 --> 01:16:57,640
You know what just
occurred to me?
1828
01:16:57,709 --> 01:16:58,909
What?
1829
01:16:58,977 --> 01:17:00,476
We're orphans.
1830
01:17:03,215 --> 01:17:05,816
What's gonna
become of us, Stan?
1831
01:17:05,884 --> 01:17:07,784
What if they take us
to the orphanage
1832
01:17:07,853 --> 01:17:10,287
and the big kids
try to beat me up?
1833
01:17:11,957 --> 01:17:13,924
You know,
you look good...
1834
01:17:13,992 --> 01:17:15,792
For you.
1835
01:17:15,861 --> 01:17:17,194
Oh, yeah.
I... I feel ok.
1836
01:17:17,262 --> 01:17:18,661
Yeah?
Yeah. Not bad.
1837
01:17:18,730 --> 01:17:19,762
Florida's good?
1838
01:17:19,832 --> 01:17:20,897
Yeah.
1839
01:17:20,966 --> 01:17:22,065
Weather?
1840
01:17:22,134 --> 01:17:23,599
Occasionally.
1841
01:17:33,312 --> 01:17:34,744
When you
goin' back?
1842
01:17:34,813 --> 01:17:36,646
Tomorrow.
Oh.
1843
01:17:36,715 --> 01:17:39,216
You know, I just... I had
to settle mom's estate.
1844
01:17:39,284 --> 01:17:40,984
What estate? You take
the housecoat,
1845
01:17:41,053 --> 01:17:43,486
I'll take the slippers.
We're done.
1846
01:17:43,555 --> 01:17:45,655
No. She had
a little.
1847
01:17:45,724 --> 01:17:48,091
I set her up with some
things, some accounts.
1848
01:17:48,160 --> 01:17:49,692
Yeah?
1849
01:17:49,761 --> 01:17:51,641
There's a
check here.
1850
01:17:52,597 --> 01:17:54,717
I want you
to have it.
1851
01:17:55,834 --> 01:17:57,800
It's $13,000.
1852
01:17:57,870 --> 01:17:59,169
Oh, no, Stan.
This is too much.
1853
01:17:59,238 --> 01:18:00,470
We should
split this.
1854
01:18:00,538 --> 01:18:02,739
No, buddy. Really,
i want you to have it.
1855
01:18:02,807 --> 01:18:04,307
There's a lot of
dough here. Stan...
1856
01:18:04,376 --> 01:18:07,410
Listen, buddy, the thing
with the cruise...
1857
01:18:07,479 --> 01:18:09,512
I felt bad.
1858
01:18:09,581 --> 01:18:11,414
I left you
without a winter.
1859
01:18:11,483 --> 01:18:14,043
So please take it, and
then I won't feel bad.
1860
01:18:15,553 --> 01:18:16,786
But you could use this.
1861
01:18:16,855 --> 01:18:18,421
No. I'm fine.
Over the years,
1862
01:18:18,490 --> 01:18:20,190
I stole thousands
from you.
1863
01:18:27,499 --> 01:18:29,132
You see what I did?
1864
01:18:30,435 --> 01:18:31,834
Yeah, I saw.
1865
01:18:35,207 --> 01:18:36,406
Thanks.
1866
01:18:49,687 --> 01:18:51,421
Stan, you know, I've been
watchin' that old t.V. Show,
1867
01:18:51,489 --> 01:18:52,722
the Patty Duke show.
1868
01:18:52,791 --> 01:18:53,924
What, that girl?
1869
01:18:53,992 --> 01:18:56,226
No, Patty Duke. I been
watchin' it from Atlanta.
1870
01:18:56,295 --> 01:18:57,660
What were you
doin' in Atlanta?
1871
01:18:57,729 --> 01:18:59,195
I wasn't in...
Patty Duke.
1872
01:18:59,264 --> 01:19:00,463
Oh, yeah.
1873
01:19:00,532 --> 01:19:01,798
Yeah, it's
confusin' me...
1874
01:19:01,866 --> 01:19:03,199
Identical cousins?
1875
01:19:03,268 --> 01:19:04,600
How the hell
is this possible?
1876
01:19:04,669 --> 01:19:07,103
Weren't the Germans workin' on
something like that?
1877
01:19:07,172 --> 01:19:09,105
But I tell you, this
Patty Duke's sexy.
1878
01:19:09,174 --> 01:19:10,606
Patty Duke is sexy?
1879
01:19:10,675 --> 01:19:12,108
Yeah. Remember
the theme song?
1880
01:19:12,177 --> 01:19:13,609
"Patty likes
to rock 'n' roll,
1881
01:19:13,678 --> 01:19:15,946
"a hot dog makes
her lose control."
1882
01:19:16,014 --> 01:19:17,414
There's a
date I want.
1883
01:19:17,482 --> 01:19:19,082
Bartender, I'll have
a vodka and tonic
1884
01:19:19,151 --> 01:19:20,917
and a Hebrew national
for the young lady,
1885
01:19:20,986 --> 01:19:22,485
and keep them comin'.
1886
01:19:23,455 --> 01:19:24,821
So, this is what
you do all day?
1887
01:19:24,889 --> 01:19:26,156
You watch
television?
1888
01:19:26,224 --> 01:19:27,757
Yeah. What do you
do down there
1889
01:19:27,826 --> 01:19:29,225
besides
retaining water?
1890
01:19:29,294 --> 01:19:31,928
What's a day in
the life of Stan?
1891
01:19:31,997 --> 01:19:33,196
What? I... I get up...
1892
01:19:33,265 --> 01:19:34,297
Good idea.
1893
01:19:34,366 --> 01:19:35,631
I have something.
1894
01:19:35,700 --> 01:19:37,233
A cup of coffee
with 9 sugars,
1895
01:19:37,302 --> 01:19:40,403
and you do the cha-cha
for 5 hours. And then?
1896
01:19:40,472 --> 01:19:41,838
I go to the club.
1897
01:19:41,906 --> 01:19:43,340
I play golf
with some friends.
1898
01:19:43,408 --> 01:19:44,707
You have friends?
1899
01:19:44,776 --> 01:19:47,043
Yeah, I have friends.
You know, they come with the condo.
1900
01:19:47,112 --> 01:19:48,345
You get cable
or friends.
1901
01:19:48,413 --> 01:19:49,413
I took the friends.
1902
01:19:49,481 --> 01:19:50,680
Over cable?
1903
01:19:50,748 --> 01:19:53,216
In the afternoon,
i paint.
1904
01:19:54,286 --> 01:19:55,751
The light is good.
1905
01:19:55,820 --> 01:19:57,587
It's... it's just right.
1906
01:19:57,655 --> 01:19:59,695
And I sit
by myself,
1907
01:19:59,724 --> 01:20:01,524
and I, uh, take the
phone off the hook...
1908
01:20:01,593 --> 01:20:02,892
Who's gonna call?
1909
01:20:02,961 --> 01:20:05,395
That's it. What's the
sense in talking to you?
1910
01:20:05,464 --> 01:20:06,896
Ok. All right.
I'm just playin'.
1911
01:20:06,965 --> 01:20:08,398
I'm just playin'
around, Stan.
1912
01:20:08,467 --> 01:20:11,027
What do you
do at night?
1913
01:20:12,037 --> 01:20:14,904
Sometimes I baby-sit
my grandchildren,
1914
01:20:14,973 --> 01:20:16,239
and, um...
1915
01:20:17,376 --> 01:20:19,442
Also, I'm
seeing a woman.
1916
01:20:19,511 --> 01:20:21,311
What, like,
through a window?
1917
01:20:21,380 --> 01:20:22,712
You're like...
1918
01:20:22,780 --> 01:20:24,514
Boris Becker here.
1919
01:20:24,582 --> 01:20:25,748
I'm... I'm
hitting lobs,
1920
01:20:25,817 --> 01:20:27,337
and you're smashing
them back at me.
1921
01:20:27,386 --> 01:20:28,818
No, really? You're
seeing a woman?
1922
01:20:28,887 --> 01:20:30,320
Yeah.
What, like on dates?
1923
01:20:30,389 --> 01:20:32,822
Yes. We go to the theater,
we go to dinner.
1924
01:20:32,891 --> 01:20:36,592
Has she seen those
steamed clams you call balls?
1925
01:20:36,661 --> 01:20:37,960
Buddy, you're a child.
1926
01:20:38,030 --> 01:20:39,329
You're a big,
wrinkled child.
1927
01:20:39,398 --> 01:20:40,763
What is the
matter with you?
1928
01:20:40,832 --> 01:20:42,332
It's not a matter.
I'm just playin'.
1929
01:20:42,401 --> 01:20:43,900
I'm worried about you,
Stan. For god sakes,
1930
01:20:43,968 --> 01:20:45,001
there's all of these
1931
01:20:45,070 --> 01:20:46,802
sexually transmitted
diseases out there.
1932
01:20:46,871 --> 01:20:48,511
Most of which
you started.
1933
01:20:49,807 --> 01:20:51,607
Double off the
wall. Come on.
1934
01:20:51,676 --> 01:20:54,116
We'll sit down
on your laugh here.
1935
01:21:00,452 --> 01:21:04,054
You know, I... I talked
to this, uh, Annie person.
1936
01:21:04,122 --> 01:21:05,988
You know,
she likes you.
1937
01:21:06,058 --> 01:21:07,323
She'll...
1938
01:21:09,327 --> 01:21:11,428
I'm dead.
1939
01:21:11,496 --> 01:21:13,430
I got cancer
of the career.
1940
01:21:13,498 --> 01:21:15,098
It's inoperable.
1941
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:17,133
But it's
good timing.
1942
01:21:17,202 --> 01:21:19,235
I'm out of 8 x 10s.
1943
01:21:19,304 --> 01:21:21,438
Look, buddy...
1944
01:21:21,506 --> 01:21:23,806
If it's over,
you know,
1945
01:21:23,875 --> 01:21:25,408
let it be over.
1946
01:21:26,344 --> 01:21:28,844
Enjoy what you
had, and just...
1947
01:21:28,913 --> 01:21:31,414
I never got
the act perfect.
1948
01:21:31,483 --> 01:21:33,849
You know? I never
got it just right.
1949
01:21:33,918 --> 01:21:36,352
Oh, buddy,
don't start.
1950
01:21:36,421 --> 01:21:38,555
Why couldn't it have
happened, you know?
1951
01:21:38,623 --> 01:21:40,943
I wanted it
so bad.
1952
01:21:41,393 --> 01:21:42,492
To be the guy who,
1953
01:21:42,561 --> 01:21:44,727
when he walked
into the friar's,
1954
01:21:44,796 --> 01:21:47,097
everybody
turns around,
1955
01:21:47,165 --> 01:21:49,165
and they say...
1956
01:21:49,234 --> 01:21:51,501
"Why him, that
lucky bastard?
1957
01:21:51,570 --> 01:21:54,010
"I'm funnier
than him."
1958
01:21:54,606 --> 01:21:56,606
I wanted to
be that guy.
1959
01:21:56,674 --> 01:21:57,954
You know?
1960
01:21:59,978 --> 01:22:01,344
I still do.
1961
01:22:14,892 --> 01:22:16,326
There you are!
1962
01:22:18,029 --> 01:22:19,462
C-come on!
1963
01:22:19,531 --> 01:22:21,264
Don't forget to
marinate it first.
1964
01:22:21,333 --> 01:22:23,853
Would you get
out of the cab?
1965
01:22:24,402 --> 01:22:26,736
Oh, boy.
1966
01:22:26,804 --> 01:22:28,938
Look... look at you. Look
at what you look like.
1967
01:22:29,007 --> 01:22:30,072
I took a nap.
It got late.
1968
01:22:30,142 --> 01:22:31,907
Didn't my assistant tell
you this was important?
1969
01:22:31,976 --> 01:22:33,109
Hey, what are
you doin'?
1970
01:22:33,178 --> 01:22:34,611
I could get excited.
I could get an erection.
1971
01:22:34,679 --> 01:22:35,811
It could kill
me. Stop!
1972
01:22:35,880 --> 01:22:37,013
We're meeting
Larry meyerson.
1973
01:22:37,081 --> 01:22:38,548
Who's that?
1974
01:22:38,617 --> 01:22:39,882
Who is that?
1975
01:22:39,951 --> 01:22:42,084
The hottest director
in Hollywood!
1976
01:22:42,154 --> 01:22:43,853
Listen, I'm having dinner
with him last night,
1977
01:22:43,921 --> 01:22:45,021
and I mention
your name,
1978
01:22:45,089 --> 01:22:46,989
and he goes insane.
It turns out
1979
01:22:47,058 --> 01:22:49,538
he's the buddy young
fanatic of the universe.
1980
01:22:49,594 --> 01:22:50,993
He knows all
of your routines.
1981
01:22:51,062 --> 01:22:52,228
He worships you.
So?
1982
01:22:52,297 --> 01:22:54,030
So, he's casting
a picture.
1983
01:22:54,098 --> 01:22:55,398
There's a big part.
1984
01:22:55,467 --> 01:22:57,267
The character
is named buddy.
1985
01:22:57,335 --> 01:22:58,668
He wrote it
to be you,
1986
01:22:58,736 --> 01:22:59,869
but he thought
you were dead.
1987
01:22:59,937 --> 01:23:01,304
You mean I'm not?
1988
01:23:01,373 --> 01:23:02,572
Shut up!
1989
01:23:02,641 --> 01:23:04,407
Listen, big actors...
1990
01:23:04,476 --> 01:23:06,409
Their tongues are hanging
out to play this part,
1991
01:23:06,478 --> 01:23:07,478
and he wants you.
1992
01:23:07,512 --> 01:23:09,045
Do you realize what
this could mean?
1993
01:23:09,113 --> 01:23:10,346
I left my hair home.
1994
01:23:10,415 --> 01:23:11,775
Listen, i
gotta go home.
1995
01:23:11,816 --> 01:23:13,749
Underneath my hat is
bacon strips. It's a horror.
1996
01:23:13,818 --> 01:23:15,251
No, buddy!
Come on!
1997
01:23:15,320 --> 01:23:17,187
No. There's a way that
i like to meet people.
1998
01:23:17,255 --> 01:23:18,688
Buddy! He's
waiting in here.
1999
01:23:18,756 --> 01:23:20,190
No, I can't go in.
2000
01:23:20,258 --> 01:23:21,691
You look fine.
Come on.
2001
01:23:21,759 --> 01:23:24,394
Look at us. We're
the barelli brothers here.
2002
01:23:26,164 --> 01:23:27,530
Oh, my god.
2003
01:23:29,100 --> 01:23:31,967
Oh, my god.
I don't believe it.
2004
01:23:32,036 --> 01:23:34,337
How do you do?
How do you do?
2005
01:23:34,406 --> 01:23:35,771
I'm Larry meyerson.
2006
01:23:35,840 --> 01:23:37,574
I love your work.
2007
01:23:37,642 --> 01:23:40,082
I'm buddy young, Jr.,
and you have no taste.
2008
01:23:40,144 --> 01:23:41,977
Thank you.
2009
01:23:42,046 --> 01:23:43,646
No, no, I'm just
jokin'. Seriously,
2010
01:23:43,715 --> 01:23:45,781
I want to tell you,
I'm a very, very big fan.
2011
01:23:45,850 --> 01:23:47,317
I have seen
all of the movies.
2012
01:23:47,385 --> 01:23:49,185
They're fun for
the entire family,
2013
01:23:49,254 --> 01:23:50,653
and, uh, do
we order out,
2014
01:23:50,722 --> 01:23:52,154
or do we get
to sit down here?
2015
01:23:52,224 --> 01:23:54,324
Oh, I'm sorry. Sit.
Sit, please.
2016
01:23:56,394 --> 01:23:59,629
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm... I'm... I'm actin' like a... a fool here...
2017
01:23:59,698 --> 01:24:00,830
This is so
weird for me.
2018
01:24:00,898 --> 01:24:02,058
What?
2019
01:24:02,100 --> 01:24:03,833
Well, I'll tell
you what. 1956, ok?
2020
01:24:03,901 --> 01:24:05,501
I'm 8 years old.
2021
01:24:05,570 --> 01:24:07,604
I'm in... I'm in grossinger's
with my family, we're having dinner,
2022
01:24:07,672 --> 01:24:09,339
and the door flies open.
2023
01:24:09,407 --> 01:24:11,140
Who walks in?
2024
01:24:11,209 --> 01:24:12,542
Buddy young, Jr.,
walks in.
2025
01:24:12,611 --> 01:24:13,976
Everybody in the entire
dining room...
2026
01:24:14,045 --> 01:24:15,177
I don't remember
how big it was...
2027
01:24:15,247 --> 01:24:16,679
Everybody
stopped eating.
2028
01:24:16,748 --> 01:24:18,114
Now I know
you're lying.
2029
01:24:18,182 --> 01:24:19,982
They never stopped
eating at grossinger's.
2030
01:24:20,051 --> 01:24:21,284
No, it's true.
2031
01:24:21,353 --> 01:24:23,018
Never. They didn't
even have tables there.
2032
01:24:23,087 --> 01:24:24,420
They had troughs.
2033
01:24:24,489 --> 01:24:26,088
People just...
On their knees, going...
2034
01:24:30,695 --> 01:24:32,128
Miles of
pickled herring,
2035
01:24:32,196 --> 01:24:33,663
which is not
attractive in a mouth
2036
01:24:33,732 --> 01:24:35,012
when they're talkin'...
2037
01:24:35,066 --> 01:24:37,634
"Harry, have the waiter
get me more onions.
2038
01:24:37,702 --> 01:24:39,369
"I want to
smell worse.
2039
01:24:39,437 --> 01:24:41,271
"I don't smell bad enough
with my breath."
2040
01:24:41,339 --> 01:24:43,105
You know, it was
an amazing place.
2041
01:24:43,174 --> 01:24:46,476
Ok, this time... this time,
they stopped eating, and they applauded.
2042
01:24:46,544 --> 01:24:48,645
You glided
into the room.
2043
01:24:48,713 --> 01:24:51,781
We... it was like... It was like
a king came into the room.
2044
01:24:51,849 --> 01:24:55,084
It was the greatest entrance
i have ever seen in my life.
2045
01:24:55,153 --> 01:24:56,986
I... you...
I ran up to you.
2046
01:24:57,054 --> 01:24:58,921
I'm... I'm 8 years old
now, remember, ok?
2047
01:24:58,990 --> 01:25:00,323
I ran up to you
and I told you
2048
01:25:00,392 --> 01:25:02,124
I wanted to be a
comedian when I grew up.
2049
01:25:02,193 --> 01:25:03,526
Really? And
wh-what did I say?
2050
01:25:03,595 --> 01:25:04,794
I'll tell you
exactly what you said.
2051
01:25:04,862 --> 01:25:06,629
You turned to the person
you were standing with,
2052
01:25:06,698 --> 01:25:08,264
you pointed at me,
and you said,
2053
01:25:08,333 --> 01:25:10,866
"look what just
fell out of my nose."
2054
01:25:13,672 --> 01:25:15,305
And that was
funny to you?
2055
01:25:15,373 --> 01:25:17,774
Yeah. I... I was
8 years old.
2056
01:25:17,842 --> 01:25:20,042
Now I'm nervous about
bein' in this movie.
2057
01:25:20,111 --> 01:25:21,544
Larry, is this
funny to you?
2058
01:25:21,613 --> 01:25:23,045
Look.
I'm Karl Malden.
2059
01:25:23,114 --> 01:25:24,874
"Never carry cash.
Whatever."
2060
01:25:25,983 --> 01:25:26,983
How about this?
2061
01:25:27,018 --> 01:25:28,184
The girlie
from star wars
2062
01:25:28,252 --> 01:25:29,519
with the bialys
on her head.
2063
01:25:29,587 --> 01:25:32,221
"Luke. I need
you, Luke.
2064
01:25:32,290 --> 01:25:33,856
"Give me the force."
2065
01:25:33,925 --> 01:25:35,858
Look.
I'm a hasidic Baker.
2066
01:25:35,927 --> 01:25:38,528
"I'll have it Thursday for you.
I'll have it Thursday for you.
2067
01:25:38,596 --> 01:25:39,862
"I'll have it
Thursday.
2068
01:25:39,931 --> 01:25:41,464
"I don't got
no pumpernickel.
2069
01:25:41,533 --> 01:25:43,098
"We're closed,
you little bastards."
2070
01:25:43,167 --> 01:25:44,434
You can do this bit.
You can do
2071
01:25:44,502 --> 01:25:46,302
that interviewing the
basketball players
2072
01:25:46,371 --> 01:25:47,411
after the game,
2073
01:25:47,439 --> 01:25:48,938
you know, in
the locker room.
2074
01:25:49,006 --> 01:25:50,940
You go, "hey, you
played a great game.
2075
01:25:51,008 --> 01:25:53,443
"Really, not only that, you're a very
impressive young man.
2076
01:25:53,511 --> 01:25:55,812
"I swear, I've never
seen a poppy-seeded one.
2077
01:25:55,880 --> 01:25:58,180
"Look at you.
You're a credit to men.
2078
01:25:58,249 --> 01:26:00,249
"Wait, wait. Look. Here.
2079
01:26:00,318 --> 01:26:01,584
"Now, you're Jewish."
2080
01:26:01,653 --> 01:26:03,319
There you go.
Look, I'm literally...
2081
01:26:03,388 --> 01:26:04,821
I'm literally
on a roll.
2082
01:26:04,889 --> 01:26:06,088
See, now, look.
2083
01:26:06,157 --> 01:26:07,824
Now I'm on a roll.
2084
01:26:07,892 --> 01:26:09,024
Now I'm
uncomfortable.
2085
01:26:09,093 --> 01:26:11,761
Whatever.
What a time.
2086
01:26:11,830 --> 01:26:14,930
So, Larry, I was telling
buddy about this part.
2087
01:26:14,999 --> 01:26:16,366
Oh, the movie, right.
2088
01:26:16,434 --> 01:26:19,369
Sorry. I got so excited,
I'm acting like a fan.
2089
01:26:19,437 --> 01:26:20,870
I am a fan.
2090
01:26:20,938 --> 01:26:22,378
Anyway, look.
Here's the, uh, script.
2091
01:26:22,440 --> 01:26:25,140
I want you to take
it home with you, ok?
2092
01:26:25,209 --> 01:26:26,242
Ok.
2093
01:26:29,947 --> 01:26:31,581
See what
i did there? Huh?
2094
01:26:31,649 --> 01:26:33,115
That's called
a lead-away.
2095
01:26:33,184 --> 01:26:34,984
You do the punch, then
lead the audience away.
2096
01:26:35,052 --> 01:26:37,086
The greatest lead-away man
in the history of ever
2097
01:26:37,154 --> 01:26:38,220
was fat Jack e. Leonard.
2098
01:26:38,289 --> 01:26:39,622
You don't even
remember fat Jack.
2099
01:26:39,691 --> 01:26:41,190
Jack e. Leonard.
No, I don't think...
2100
01:26:41,259 --> 01:26:42,592
Unless he's the same
Jack e. Leonard
2101
01:26:42,660 --> 01:26:43,893
from the Jack
paar show?
2102
01:26:43,961 --> 01:26:45,361
"Was the ground
cold when
2103
01:26:45,430 --> 01:26:47,830
"you got up this morning? I certainly hope it was."
Big fat guy?
2104
01:26:47,899 --> 01:26:49,699
How about
Harry ritz, huh?
2105
01:26:49,768 --> 01:26:51,166
"Don't holler!"
2106
01:26:56,541 --> 01:26:58,240
So, um,
in the script,
2107
01:26:58,309 --> 01:27:01,343
it's... it's clear which
part is for buddy?
2108
01:27:01,413 --> 01:27:02,512
Yeah. Buddy.
2109
01:27:02,580 --> 01:27:05,180
Actually, the character
is called "buddy."
2110
01:27:05,249 --> 01:27:07,617
You know, we were thinking
about buddy when we wrote it.
2111
01:27:07,685 --> 01:27:09,218
I... until I bumped
into Annie, uh,
2112
01:27:09,287 --> 01:27:11,954
I... I didn't know you were,
you know, still around, and, uh...
2113
01:27:12,023 --> 01:27:13,188
It's the grandfather.
2114
01:27:13,257 --> 01:27:14,857
It's the largest part.
It's a big part.
2115
01:27:14,926 --> 01:27:16,258
It's a very big
part in the film.
2116
01:27:16,327 --> 01:27:18,461
Buddy, I have a really
good feeling about you
2117
01:27:18,530 --> 01:27:19,962
for the part.
I really do.
2118
01:27:20,031 --> 01:27:21,431
I just have to...
I have to know
2119
01:27:21,499 --> 01:27:22,965
that you can read
lines. That's all.
2120
01:27:23,034 --> 01:27:24,534
Look, I'm not looking
for Olivier.
2121
01:27:24,602 --> 01:27:25,935
Good,
'cause he's dead.
2122
01:27:26,003 --> 01:27:27,803
You'd never
find him.
2123
01:27:29,373 --> 01:27:32,007
Buddy, I... I... I really
want this to happen.
2124
01:27:38,616 --> 01:27:40,416
I really have to get
to the airport.
2125
01:27:40,485 --> 01:27:42,585
I guess I'm just gonna
have to miss him.
2126
01:27:42,654 --> 01:27:44,520
Oh, that's a shame.
Yeah.
2127
01:27:44,589 --> 01:27:46,989
Well, it was really good
to see you again, Stan.
2128
01:27:47,058 --> 01:27:48,724
It was great
seein' everybody.
2129
01:27:48,793 --> 01:27:50,493
I'm sorry
i missed Jeffrey,
2130
01:27:50,562 --> 01:27:52,328
but Susan
looked great.
2131
01:27:52,396 --> 01:27:54,196
Really. Is she, uh...
2132
01:27:56,835 --> 01:27:58,233
It'll be ok.
2133
01:27:59,403 --> 01:28:00,503
Yeah.
2134
01:28:01,706 --> 01:28:03,639
We really
miss you, Stan.
2135
01:28:03,708 --> 01:28:05,575
So come on down.
2136
01:28:05,643 --> 01:28:07,343
Put buddy in one of
those dog carriers,
2137
01:28:07,411 --> 01:28:08,911
and get on a plane.
2138
01:28:08,980 --> 01:28:10,646
We will.
2139
01:28:10,715 --> 01:28:12,275
Ok.
Ok.
2140
01:28:18,756 --> 01:28:20,823
Do you think
i let him down?
2141
01:28:22,026 --> 01:28:23,860
Of course not.
2142
01:28:23,928 --> 01:28:27,697
No, Stan. You worked
like a horse for him.
2143
01:28:27,765 --> 01:28:29,298
He's just
mad at you
2144
01:28:29,367 --> 01:28:31,634
because you
have a life.
2145
01:28:31,703 --> 01:28:32,869
I have a life?
2146
01:28:32,937 --> 01:28:34,036
Yes, you.
2147
01:28:34,105 --> 01:28:35,872
He has you.
2148
01:28:35,940 --> 01:28:37,640
That's a life.
2149
01:28:37,709 --> 01:28:39,609
I would take
that life.
2150
01:28:45,282 --> 01:28:47,016
I knew a
long time ago
2151
01:28:47,084 --> 01:28:49,519
that he needed
more than me.
2152
01:28:49,587 --> 01:28:51,253
He needs the show.
2153
01:28:52,524 --> 01:28:54,056
No matter how much
i love him,
2154
01:28:54,125 --> 01:28:55,791
and I do,
2155
01:28:55,860 --> 01:28:58,861
he needs that
extra little hug
2156
01:28:58,930 --> 01:29:01,430
that he can only
get from strangers.
2157
01:29:04,936 --> 01:29:06,135
Well...
2158
01:29:07,539 --> 01:29:08,738
Go. Go.
2159
01:29:11,409 --> 01:29:12,474
Mmm.
2160
01:29:15,446 --> 01:29:16,579
Thank god
you're still here.
2161
01:29:16,648 --> 01:29:17,680
Why?
What's wrong?
2162
01:29:17,749 --> 01:29:19,048
Mom died again.
2163
01:29:19,116 --> 01:29:20,983
For god sakes, buddy,
i... I got a cab waiting.
2164
01:29:21,052 --> 01:29:23,052
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Elaine, make some tea.
2165
01:29:23,120 --> 01:29:24,554
Buddy,
he's gotta go.
2166
01:29:24,622 --> 01:29:26,055
I know.
Make some tea.
2167
01:29:26,123 --> 01:29:28,057
Buddy, I got a cab
waiting here.
2168
01:29:28,125 --> 01:29:30,059
I'm suffering
from acute late.
2169
01:29:30,127 --> 01:29:32,061
What is it?
I got to get goin'.
2170
01:29:32,129 --> 01:29:34,129
Yeah, yeah. This will
only take a second.
2171
01:29:34,198 --> 01:29:37,833
I just had a meeting
with Larry meyerson.
2172
01:29:37,902 --> 01:29:39,168
What, the director?
2173
01:29:39,236 --> 01:29:41,971
No, the gorilla breeder.
Yeah, the director, schmuck.
2174
01:29:42,040 --> 01:29:44,840
He's the biggest
director in Hollywood.
2175
01:29:44,909 --> 01:29:46,241
Come here.
2176
01:29:50,147 --> 01:29:52,782
He wants me
to audition
2177
01:29:52,850 --> 01:29:55,184
for a big part
in his new movie.
2178
01:29:55,252 --> 01:29:57,419
Buddy, that's...
That's fabulous.
2179
01:29:57,488 --> 01:29:58,768
That... that is wonderful.
2180
01:29:58,823 --> 01:30:01,757
Yeah, but I'm lookin'
it over in the cab, right?
2181
01:30:01,826 --> 01:30:03,492
And...
2182
01:30:03,561 --> 01:30:06,228
It's got a lot of words
and a lot of emotions,
2183
01:30:06,297 --> 01:30:08,397
you know? And i
have to audition.
2184
01:30:08,466 --> 01:30:10,265
So you talk to Annie.
2185
01:30:10,334 --> 01:30:12,835
You tell her to get you
a coach or somethin'.
2186
01:30:12,904 --> 01:30:15,224
Buddy, you'll...
You'll be great.
2187
01:30:15,974 --> 01:30:18,608
Listen, i-I'm sorry,
but I'm so late.
2188
01:30:18,676 --> 01:30:20,109
I gotta...
I gotta go.
2189
01:30:20,177 --> 01:30:21,343
I gotta go.
Stan. Stan.
2190
01:30:21,412 --> 01:30:23,879
Stan, I was hopin'
2191
01:30:23,948 --> 01:30:25,848
that you would
stay a few days.
2192
01:30:25,917 --> 01:30:27,850
You know, we have
the shorthand.
2193
01:30:27,919 --> 01:30:29,284
You know, you know me.
2194
01:30:29,353 --> 01:30:32,154
Buddy, Friday's my grandson's
birthday in Florida.
2195
01:30:32,223 --> 01:30:34,624
You know, Scotty.
He... he's gonna be 3.
2196
01:30:34,692 --> 01:30:36,659
Stan, they'll
hire a clown.
2197
01:30:36,728 --> 01:30:38,527
He'll think it's you.
2198
01:30:40,297 --> 01:30:42,064
Look, come here.
Come here.
2199
01:30:42,133 --> 01:30:43,699
Buddy, I really...
2200
01:30:43,768 --> 01:30:44,800
What?
2201
01:30:44,869 --> 01:30:46,769
Shh. Shh. Shh.
2202
01:30:46,838 --> 01:30:49,705
I want this part,
very badly.
2203
01:30:50,508 --> 01:30:51,707
This could be for me
2204
01:30:51,776 --> 01:30:54,944
what sunshine boys
was for George.
2205
01:30:55,013 --> 01:30:57,613
It would be nice
for Elaine.
2206
01:30:57,682 --> 01:31:00,783
She hasn't seen me doing
so good in a long time.
2207
01:31:01,986 --> 01:31:03,352
Please, Stan.
2208
01:31:03,420 --> 01:31:05,688
Be with me.
2209
01:31:05,757 --> 01:31:07,823
Everything good that
ever happened to me,
2210
01:31:07,892 --> 01:31:09,825
you were there.
2211
01:31:09,894 --> 01:31:11,627
Everything bad that
ever happened to you,
2212
01:31:11,696 --> 01:31:13,129
I was there.
2213
01:31:13,197 --> 01:31:14,797
I was always there.
2214
01:31:15,667 --> 01:31:17,199
So be there now.
2215
01:31:24,542 --> 01:31:26,175
Yeah, but she'd be difficult.
2216
01:31:26,243 --> 01:31:27,342
She's terrific.
2217
01:31:27,411 --> 01:31:28,778
And she'd be perfect
for this part.
2218
01:31:28,846 --> 01:31:30,846
She read the script,
and she really likes it.
2219
01:31:30,915 --> 01:31:32,848
Did you call her?
What did she say?
2220
01:31:34,185 --> 01:31:36,919
♪
2221
01:31:36,988 --> 01:31:38,420
Don't get me started.
2222
01:31:38,489 --> 01:31:40,723
♪ Da da da da da
da da da da da ♪
2223
01:31:40,792 --> 01:31:41,792
what a night!
2224
01:31:41,826 --> 01:31:42,826
♪ Da da da da ♪
2225
01:31:42,894 --> 01:31:43,993
what does
cheese say
2226
01:31:44,062 --> 01:31:45,661
when it has
its picture taken?
2227
01:31:45,730 --> 01:31:46,862
♪ Da da da da ♪
2228
01:31:46,931 --> 01:31:48,197
where is the
town of charter?
2229
01:31:48,265 --> 01:31:50,132
'Cause half the buses
are going there.
2230
01:31:50,201 --> 01:31:51,201
♪ Da da da da da ♪
2231
01:31:51,268 --> 01:31:53,569
as Mrs. Einstein said
to her husband Albert,
2232
01:31:53,637 --> 01:31:54,970
"what the hell
do you know?"
2233
01:31:55,039 --> 01:31:56,172
Buddy?
2234
01:31:56,240 --> 01:31:57,673
I work alone.
2235
01:31:57,742 --> 01:31:59,175
I'm just kidding.
2236
01:31:59,243 --> 01:32:01,510
Hello, Larry. How are you?
Nice to see you.
2237
01:32:01,579 --> 01:32:03,045
Annie, you know.
2238
01:32:03,114 --> 01:32:04,046
Hi.
2239
01:32:04,115 --> 01:32:05,414
And this is
my brother Stan.
2240
01:32:05,482 --> 01:32:06,515
Hello.
2241
01:32:06,584 --> 01:32:08,718
Oh. Hi. Very nice
to meet you.
2242
01:32:08,786 --> 01:32:09,986
Larry meyerson.
2243
01:32:10,021 --> 01:32:11,653
Yeah, Stan passed away
4 months ago.
2244
01:32:11,723 --> 01:32:13,689
I haven't had the
heart to tell him.
2245
01:32:13,758 --> 01:32:14,890
Try to cheer down.
2246
01:32:14,959 --> 01:32:16,959
Anyway, I gotta
tell you,
2247
01:32:17,028 --> 01:32:18,094
I read the script,
2248
01:32:18,162 --> 01:32:20,629
and it is
really terrible.
2249
01:32:20,698 --> 01:32:23,165
No, I'm just
playin' around.
2250
01:32:23,234 --> 01:32:25,500
It really is...
Horrible. I'm shocked.
2251
01:32:25,569 --> 01:32:27,369
We had to hold it
outside the cab
2252
01:32:27,438 --> 01:32:29,171
because of
the stench.
2253
01:32:29,240 --> 01:32:30,906
Ok. Let's
get started.
2254
01:32:30,975 --> 01:32:33,575
How do we begin
this march to stardom?
2255
01:32:38,716 --> 01:32:40,950
Ok, buddy, look.
Something's, uh, come up.
2256
01:32:41,018 --> 01:32:43,252
About, uh,
3 weeks ago,
2257
01:32:43,320 --> 01:32:45,621
we, uh, we offered the
part to Walter matthau.
2258
01:32:45,689 --> 01:32:47,322
And he wasn't
interested at the time.
2259
01:32:47,825 --> 01:32:48,924
Um...
2260
01:32:50,694 --> 01:32:52,594
This morning,
matthau's agent called,
2261
01:32:52,663 --> 01:32:54,496
and he's doing it.
2262
01:32:59,503 --> 01:33:00,669
Show biz.
2263
01:33:02,539 --> 01:33:04,339
Oh, why didn't you call me?
2264
01:33:04,408 --> 01:33:06,041
We did try to contact
you this morning.
2265
01:33:06,110 --> 01:33:08,510
No, no, no, you didn't.
I was in my office all morning.
2266
01:33:08,579 --> 01:33:10,746
Annie.
Annie. Annie.
2267
01:33:10,815 --> 01:33:13,582
Annie, can I talk to
buddy for a minute? Ok?
2268
01:33:14,252 --> 01:33:15,284
Ok.
2269
01:33:16,387 --> 01:33:17,719
Thank you.
2270
01:33:19,723 --> 01:33:20,956
Now, look.
2271
01:33:21,025 --> 01:33:22,424
I still want buddy
in the picture.
2272
01:33:22,493 --> 01:33:24,326
There's another part.
You read the script?
2273
01:33:24,395 --> 01:33:25,627
Sure.
2274
01:33:25,696 --> 01:33:28,264
Ok. The doctor who
comes in in, uh, act 3.
2275
01:33:28,332 --> 01:33:30,365
He has 3 big scenes.
They're very good scenes.
2276
01:33:30,434 --> 01:33:31,867
Uh-huh.
2277
01:33:31,936 --> 01:33:33,576
I really think it's...
I... I really think
2278
01:33:33,637 --> 01:33:35,837
buddy could score
with that part.
2279
01:33:36,340 --> 01:33:37,539
Now, look, I know
you prepared
2280
01:33:37,608 --> 01:33:39,308
the grandfather
for today, ok?
2281
01:33:39,376 --> 01:33:40,943
So you could come
in and read that,
2282
01:33:41,012 --> 01:33:43,045
and that will serve as your
reading for the doctor.
2283
01:33:43,114 --> 01:33:44,980
Or if you want, you
can take some time,
2284
01:33:45,049 --> 01:33:46,548
look at the
doctor's part,
2285
01:33:46,617 --> 01:33:48,317
and come in
and read that.
2286
01:33:48,385 --> 01:33:49,751
That's your call.
2287
01:33:49,821 --> 01:33:51,921
Whatever you want
to do. Ok?
2288
01:33:54,292 --> 01:33:57,426
I... I really think
this can work,
2289
01:33:57,494 --> 01:33:59,995
and I... I apologize
for all the confusion,
2290
01:34:00,064 --> 01:34:02,698
but, uh... I hope
you understand.
2291
01:34:02,766 --> 01:34:04,834
Hey, you
got matthau.
2292
01:34:04,902 --> 01:34:06,735
That's secretariat.
That's man o' war.
2293
01:34:06,804 --> 01:34:09,338
I mean, you got
to bet on them.
2294
01:34:09,406 --> 01:34:10,639
Could I have
one minute
2295
01:34:10,708 --> 01:34:12,875
to talk
to my consigliere?
2296
01:34:12,944 --> 01:34:15,777
Yeah, of course.
Sure. Take all the time you need, ok?
2297
01:34:15,847 --> 01:34:17,146
Ok. Thanks.
2298
01:34:21,685 --> 01:34:23,125
Did you get in touch
with him or not?
2299
01:34:23,187 --> 01:34:24,119
Yes, I did.
2300
01:34:24,188 --> 01:34:25,687
And what happened?
2301
01:34:27,124 --> 01:34:28,657
What do you think?
2302
01:34:28,726 --> 01:34:30,993
I... I think it's
still a great shot.
2303
01:34:31,062 --> 01:34:32,761
I... I think, uh,
it could still lead
2304
01:34:32,830 --> 01:34:35,164
to a lot of
things. Right?
2305
01:34:35,233 --> 01:34:37,599
This is a lousy
situation. I'm sorry,
2306
01:34:37,668 --> 01:34:39,935
but this is
a huge movie,
2307
01:34:40,004 --> 01:34:42,104
and it's a nice
part. It is.
2308
01:34:42,173 --> 01:34:43,638
Yeah, well...
2309
01:34:45,977 --> 01:34:47,442
So what
should I do?
2310
01:34:47,511 --> 01:34:49,178
Well, you read
the grandfather part.
2311
01:34:49,247 --> 01:34:51,747
I mean, we worked on it
3 days. You're ready.
2312
01:34:51,815 --> 01:34:52,982
What the hell
do you know?
2313
01:34:53,050 --> 01:34:54,283
Shut up.
Don't tell me.
2314
01:34:54,352 --> 01:34:56,151
Shut up.
Don't tell me.
2315
01:34:56,220 --> 01:34:57,819
Fell-fell-fellas.
2316
01:35:01,759 --> 01:35:03,092
Hurt them.
2317
01:35:15,006 --> 01:35:16,872
I'll do the
grandfather part,
2318
01:35:16,941 --> 01:35:19,641
'cause I know it, and,
uh, I'm already here.
2319
01:35:19,710 --> 01:35:20,842
Great.
2320
01:35:20,912 --> 01:35:23,112
All right.
So let's do it.
2321
01:35:25,849 --> 01:35:27,582
Could I do the scene
with the boyfriend?
2322
01:35:27,651 --> 01:35:30,452
You bet.
Whatever you want.
2323
01:35:30,521 --> 01:35:33,688
Karen, read the scene
with the boyfriend, please.
2324
01:35:34,792 --> 01:35:35,991
Can I stand up?
2325
01:35:36,060 --> 01:35:38,127
Sure.
Good. I'll sit here.
2326
01:35:43,167 --> 01:35:44,666
Are you ready?
2327
01:35:48,205 --> 01:35:49,238
Go.
2328
01:35:50,041 --> 01:35:51,473
"Mr. Tannenbaum,
2329
01:35:51,542 --> 01:35:53,442
"i have something
to tell you,
2330
01:35:53,510 --> 01:35:55,444
"and I'm a little
nervous about it."
2331
01:35:55,512 --> 01:35:57,313
"Stuey, what are
you nervous about?
2332
01:35:57,381 --> 01:35:58,680
"You're a good kid.
2333
01:35:58,749 --> 01:36:01,016
"My granddaughter
likes you. I like you.
2334
01:36:01,085 --> 01:36:02,985
"Come on,
talk to me."
2335
01:36:03,054 --> 01:36:05,087
"Ok. I...
2336
01:36:06,057 --> 01:36:07,622
"I got Julie pregnant."
2337
01:36:15,433 --> 01:36:17,099
"I'm really sorry."
2338
01:36:19,103 --> 01:36:21,403
"Stuey, go
into the kitchen.
2339
01:36:21,472 --> 01:36:22,637
"In the refrigerator,
2340
01:36:22,706 --> 01:36:24,139
"there's a bottle of wine
2341
01:36:24,208 --> 01:36:26,442
"that I've been saving
for a special occasion.
2342
01:36:26,510 --> 01:36:28,777
"Bring it here. Smash it
against that table,
2343
01:36:28,846 --> 01:36:32,982
"and with the jagged end,
ram it through my heart!
2344
01:36:33,050 --> 01:36:36,118
"I'd do it myself,
but I've got arthritis.
2345
01:36:36,187 --> 01:36:39,154
"Get out of my house,
you little sperm bank!
2346
01:36:39,223 --> 01:36:40,856
"I let you stay
here with me.
2347
01:36:40,924 --> 01:36:42,191
"I let you change
the channels
2348
01:36:42,259 --> 01:36:43,792
"in the middle
of what I'm watching.
2349
01:36:43,861 --> 01:36:45,794
"I let you have the
heel of the rye bread
2350
01:36:45,863 --> 01:36:48,897
"that I love so much.
I gave it to you, stuey."
2351
01:36:52,569 --> 01:36:54,236
Give him the line.
2352
01:36:58,075 --> 01:37:00,376
This is my part,
not the doctor.
2353
01:37:03,714 --> 01:37:04,913
Buddy...
2354
01:37:04,982 --> 01:37:06,315
I... I'm giving you
beauties here.
2355
01:37:06,384 --> 01:37:08,184
Don't you see?
I'm giving you beauties.
2356
01:37:08,252 --> 01:37:10,486
I mean, I know this part.
I know this guy.
2357
01:37:10,554 --> 01:37:12,087
Look, buddy,
I'm sorry.
2358
01:37:12,156 --> 01:37:14,623
I got every take, I got every
rhythm, whatever you need.
2359
01:37:14,691 --> 01:37:16,191
I'm like a museum
of comedy.
2360
01:37:16,260 --> 01:37:18,193
You want takes?
You go to the take exhibit.
2361
01:37:18,262 --> 01:37:20,262
You want faces? You go
to the face pavilion.
2362
01:37:20,331 --> 01:37:21,763
You want timing?
I'm a Swiss watch.
2363
01:37:21,832 --> 01:37:23,232
Buddy, calm down.
It's all right.
2364
01:37:23,300 --> 01:37:24,500
Why should i
calm down?
2365
01:37:24,568 --> 01:37:27,302
It's a hit-and-run!
I got run over here!
2366
01:37:27,371 --> 01:37:30,172
I'm sorry. He's upset.
He gets a little upset.
2367
01:37:31,342 --> 01:37:34,776
Don't apologize for me,
Stan! I hate that!
2368
01:37:34,845 --> 01:37:37,546
Let's take a break, and then he'll...
He'll read the doctor.
2369
01:37:37,614 --> 01:37:40,249
I will not read
the doctor part!
2370
01:37:40,317 --> 01:37:41,950
This is my part!
2371
01:37:42,019 --> 01:37:43,285
Jesus Christ, Stan!
2372
01:37:43,354 --> 01:37:44,920
Anybody can shit
in your hat,
2373
01:37:44,988 --> 01:37:47,889
and you go, "thank you.
It fits much better now."
2374
01:37:47,958 --> 01:37:50,125
Well, I can't wear
that hat, Stan.
2375
01:37:50,194 --> 01:37:51,826
I'm takin' too many
punches here.
2376
01:37:51,895 --> 01:37:52,994
If my life
was a fight,
2377
01:37:53,064 --> 01:37:54,596
they would have
stopped it by now!
2378
01:37:54,665 --> 01:37:56,098
So I'm stoppin' it.
That's it.
2379
01:37:56,167 --> 01:37:57,566
I'm throwin' in
the towel.
2380
01:37:57,634 --> 01:37:59,068
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
2381
01:37:59,136 --> 01:38:02,003
The winner and still
champion... show business!
2382
01:38:02,073 --> 01:38:03,905
Annie, you're
a good girl
2383
01:38:03,974 --> 01:38:05,441
and a terrific agent.
2384
01:38:05,509 --> 01:38:07,176
Can I give you
a little advice?
2385
01:38:07,244 --> 01:38:08,944
Represent the living.
2386
01:38:11,748 --> 01:38:14,015
Larry,
no hard feelings.
2387
01:38:14,885 --> 01:38:16,285
Business is business,
2388
01:38:16,353 --> 01:38:17,353
prick.
2389
01:38:20,524 --> 01:38:22,157
Let's have lunch.
2390
01:38:26,730 --> 01:38:28,363
Um, I... I'll go
talk to him.
2391
01:38:28,432 --> 01:38:30,399
No... I'll do it.
2392
01:38:32,503 --> 01:38:34,863
He would have been
great in that part.
2393
01:38:41,912 --> 01:38:43,072
Ugh!
2394
01:38:44,948 --> 01:38:46,081
What are
you doin'?
2395
01:38:46,150 --> 01:38:47,649
You did it
to me again!
2396
01:38:47,718 --> 01:38:48,883
I was out of it,
2397
01:38:48,952 --> 01:38:50,419
and you sucked
me back in!
2398
01:38:50,488 --> 01:38:52,687
My grandson is
crying in Florida
2399
01:38:52,756 --> 01:38:55,457
so I could watch you
do that crap again!
2400
01:38:57,128 --> 01:38:58,893
I hurt my back here.
2401
01:38:58,962 --> 01:39:00,195
You happy?
2402
01:39:01,265 --> 01:39:02,464
My leg!
2403
01:39:03,534 --> 01:39:05,700
Come on,
help me up.
2404
01:39:05,769 --> 01:39:07,049
Please. Come on.
2405
01:39:09,173 --> 01:39:10,872
What are you, nuts?
2406
01:39:10,941 --> 01:39:13,381
Hittin' an old man
like that! You schmuck!
2407
01:39:13,410 --> 01:39:14,876
You're crazy.
2408
01:39:16,380 --> 01:39:17,579
You're nuts!
2409
01:39:17,648 --> 01:39:19,248
You stupid shit!
2410
01:39:28,759 --> 01:39:30,159
God, I hate you.
2411
01:39:30,227 --> 01:39:31,926
You're... you're
not a comedian.
2412
01:39:31,995 --> 01:39:33,228
You're a terrorist.
2413
01:39:33,297 --> 01:39:35,364
This time I was
right. They had...
2414
01:39:35,432 --> 01:39:37,866
You're
never right!
2415
01:39:37,934 --> 01:39:39,000
Even when
you're right,
2416
01:39:39,069 --> 01:39:40,602
you're not right!
2417
01:39:42,673 --> 01:39:45,106
Everybody gets
screwed, buddy!
2418
01:39:45,176 --> 01:39:47,409
Everybody
got shit upon,
2419
01:39:47,478 --> 01:39:48,577
got bad breaks!
2420
01:39:48,646 --> 01:39:50,646
That is part
of the business!
2421
01:39:50,714 --> 01:39:52,714
That is part of life!
2422
01:39:55,286 --> 01:39:57,486
You took every
bad break
2423
01:39:57,555 --> 01:39:58,555
you ever got,
2424
01:39:58,622 --> 01:40:00,889
and you made it worse.
2425
01:40:00,957 --> 01:40:03,992
You gotta burn
your Bridges behind you
2426
01:40:04,061 --> 01:40:05,394
and under you
2427
01:40:05,462 --> 01:40:06,861
and in front of you.
2428
01:40:06,930 --> 01:40:08,397
Every bridge!
2429
01:40:12,236 --> 01:40:13,535
Buddy, my whole life
2430
01:40:13,604 --> 01:40:14,969
I listened to
you bellyache
2431
01:40:15,038 --> 01:40:16,572
about your luck.
2432
01:40:17,675 --> 01:40:20,175
Well, you are
where you are
2433
01:40:20,244 --> 01:40:22,110
because of
who you are.
2434
01:40:46,837 --> 01:40:49,371
It should have been
you, right, Stan?
2435
01:40:50,774 --> 01:40:51,673
What?
2436
01:40:51,742 --> 01:40:53,074
Come on,
it's a lot of years.
2437
01:40:53,143 --> 01:40:55,677
Why don't we at least
say what it is?
2438
01:40:56,079 --> 01:40:57,579
Huh?
2439
01:40:57,648 --> 01:41:00,382
It should have been you
instead of me, right?
2440
01:41:00,451 --> 01:41:01,683
You would have
been better,
2441
01:41:01,752 --> 01:41:03,318
you would have
handled things better.
2442
01:41:03,387 --> 01:41:04,786
You would have
made it all better
2443
01:41:04,855 --> 01:41:06,488
than I made
it, right?
2444
01:41:06,557 --> 01:41:08,022
You would have been
nicer to Elaine,
2445
01:41:08,091 --> 01:41:09,324
if she had liked
you that night
2446
01:41:09,393 --> 01:41:11,025
instead of me.
2447
01:41:12,630 --> 01:41:13,928
Come on, Stan,
2448
01:41:13,997 --> 01:41:15,196
you don't think I see
2449
01:41:15,266 --> 01:41:17,146
how you still
look at her?
2450
01:41:18,435 --> 01:41:19,834
You're sick.
2451
01:41:21,104 --> 01:41:22,804
No, it had to be
the way it was, Stan,
2452
01:41:22,873 --> 01:41:24,373
because you didn't
have the balls
2453
01:41:24,441 --> 01:41:26,174
to fight me for her.
2454
01:41:26,243 --> 01:41:27,976
You had living room
balls, Stan...
2455
01:41:28,044 --> 01:41:31,212
Funny in the living room,
but that's it.
2456
01:41:31,282 --> 01:41:32,947
And I know how it looked
to everybody...
2457
01:41:33,016 --> 01:41:34,716
"Oh, poor Stan.
What a nice guy.
2458
01:41:34,785 --> 01:41:36,951
"Has to put up with
crazy buddy, the shit.
2459
01:41:37,020 --> 01:41:39,154
"Why does he stay
with him?"
2460
01:41:39,222 --> 01:41:41,956
But we know why,
don't we, Stan, huh?
2461
01:41:43,727 --> 01:41:46,628
Because you had
to be around it,
2462
01:41:46,697 --> 01:41:47,729
near it,
2463
01:41:47,798 --> 01:41:48,830
so I let you
2464
01:41:48,899 --> 01:41:50,365
because
you're my brother
2465
01:41:50,434 --> 01:41:52,534
and you were brilliant,
and it broke my heart
2466
01:41:52,603 --> 01:41:55,103
that you never knew what
it felt like up there,
2467
01:41:55,172 --> 01:41:57,038
when it's good,
when it's cookin',
2468
01:41:57,107 --> 01:41:58,373
you got 'em,
they're yours,
2469
01:41:58,442 --> 01:41:59,941
you can take them
anywhere you want,
2470
01:42:00,010 --> 01:42:01,142
you're powerful,
2471
01:42:01,211 --> 01:42:02,744
you prowl the stage
like a panther,
2472
01:42:02,813 --> 01:42:03,878
it feels so good,
2473
01:42:03,947 --> 01:42:05,414
the laughs go right
into your blood.
2474
01:42:05,482 --> 01:42:07,148
You can be a schmuck
in the afternoon,
2475
01:42:07,217 --> 01:42:08,550
but you're the king
of the night.
2476
01:42:08,619 --> 01:42:10,051
And every woman
wants to fuck you,
2477
01:42:10,120 --> 01:42:11,720
and every man
wants to know you.
2478
01:42:11,789 --> 01:42:14,289
You never knew
that, Stan...
2479
01:42:14,358 --> 01:42:16,591
And I felt bad
for you,
2480
01:42:16,660 --> 01:42:18,360
and I wanted you
to at least
2481
01:42:18,429 --> 01:42:19,961
be close to it.
2482
01:42:21,332 --> 01:42:23,613
I didn't take
your life, Stan.
2483
01:42:24,468 --> 01:42:26,000
I gave you one.
2484
01:42:30,240 --> 01:42:31,906
Yeah...
2485
01:42:31,975 --> 01:42:34,075
But you could have
been nicer.
2486
01:43:27,163 --> 01:43:29,230
Dad, what are you
doin' here?
2487
01:43:29,299 --> 01:43:30,331
Hi.
2488
01:43:31,101 --> 01:43:32,367
Did something
happen?
2489
01:43:32,436 --> 01:43:34,436
No, no, no, no.
Everything is ok.
2490
01:43:34,505 --> 01:43:37,205
I, uh, I just needed to
see you for a second.
2491
01:43:37,274 --> 01:43:40,509
That's all.
2492
01:43:40,577 --> 01:43:41,710
Oh.
2493
01:43:41,778 --> 01:43:44,278
Well, you want
to come in?
2494
01:43:44,347 --> 01:43:45,981
Uh, no. No, no.
2495
01:43:46,049 --> 01:43:47,849
This is...
This is ok.
2496
01:43:48,785 --> 01:43:50,652
It's ok.
2497
01:43:50,721 --> 01:43:52,754
Listen, do you have
a 21-inch color t.V.?
2498
01:43:52,823 --> 01:43:55,289
'Cause a guy just
carried one out of here.
2499
01:43:56,092 --> 01:43:58,092
No.
2500
01:43:58,161 --> 01:43:59,161
So, were
you shoppin'?
2501
01:43:59,229 --> 01:44:00,161
What?
2502
01:44:00,230 --> 01:44:01,396
Were you shoppin'?
2503
01:44:01,464 --> 01:44:04,098
Oh, I just picked up
a few things after work.
2504
01:44:04,167 --> 01:44:06,635
You're workin'. That's great.
Where you workin'?
2505
01:44:06,703 --> 01:44:08,903
I just...
Oh, it's nothing.
2506
01:44:09,406 --> 01:44:10,939
I...
2507
01:44:11,008 --> 01:44:12,373
Tell me,
where you workin'?
2508
01:44:12,442 --> 01:44:15,410
I got a job working
at a record company
2509
01:44:15,478 --> 01:44:17,012
in... in the publicity
department.
2510
01:44:17,080 --> 01:44:18,580
Yeah? Well,
that's good.
2511
01:44:18,649 --> 01:44:20,148
It's no big deal.
2512
01:44:20,216 --> 01:44:22,951
Oh, no, it is
a big deal.
2513
01:44:23,020 --> 01:44:26,187
It is. That's good.
That's a good thing.
2514
01:44:26,256 --> 01:44:27,376
Yeah.
2515
01:44:29,392 --> 01:44:31,552
And you look
healthy.
2516
01:44:36,633 --> 01:44:37,799
So...
2517
01:44:38,602 --> 01:44:40,101
What is it, dad?
2518
01:44:40,170 --> 01:44:41,803
Why are you here?
2519
01:44:42,940 --> 01:44:44,405
Yeah, well...
2520
01:44:46,109 --> 01:44:47,442
Grandma...
2521
01:44:49,713 --> 01:44:51,479
Left you some money.
2522
01:45:03,694 --> 01:45:05,794
$13,000?
2523
01:45:06,496 --> 01:45:08,830
Grandma had $13,000?
2524
01:45:08,899 --> 01:45:09,899
Yeah.
2525
01:45:09,933 --> 01:45:11,265
It was
probably more,
2526
01:45:11,334 --> 01:45:13,574
but that's all I could
get from her pimp.
2527
01:45:15,739 --> 01:45:17,538
Well, it's made
out to you.
2528
01:45:18,374 --> 01:45:20,174
Yeah, well...
2529
01:45:20,243 --> 01:45:22,683
When grandma made out
her will, years ago,
2530
01:45:23,446 --> 01:45:26,380
I was still the
executor of you...
2531
01:45:26,449 --> 01:45:28,849
You know, from when
you had your trouble, so...
2532
01:45:28,885 --> 01:45:31,285
So I endorsed it
right over there.
2533
01:45:33,857 --> 01:45:35,724
This will really help.
2534
01:45:38,061 --> 01:45:40,128
I can't believe
she did this.
2535
01:45:43,333 --> 01:45:45,100
Well, she loved you.
2536
01:45:49,572 --> 01:45:52,092
She always thought
the world of you...
2537
01:45:55,345 --> 01:45:58,079
And no matter what
was happening with you,
2538
01:45:58,148 --> 01:45:59,514
you know...
2539
01:46:01,351 --> 01:46:03,084
She...
2540
01:46:03,153 --> 01:46:05,186
She just loved you.
2541
01:46:10,761 --> 01:46:12,727
And like that,
you know?
2542
01:46:18,268 --> 01:46:19,300
Ok.
2543
01:46:20,236 --> 01:46:21,269
Ok.
2544
01:46:22,806 --> 01:46:23,838
Ok.
2545
01:46:25,676 --> 01:46:27,408
Call your mother, huh?
2546
01:46:28,545 --> 01:46:29,577
Ok.
2547
01:46:30,413 --> 01:46:31,445
Ok.
2548
01:46:34,450 --> 01:46:35,784
All right.
2549
01:46:50,266 --> 01:46:51,432
Susan.
2550
01:46:54,738 --> 01:46:56,237
Where's that
double take?
2551
01:46:59,209 --> 01:47:01,542
Come on, I'm goin'
on in a minute!
2552
01:47:14,991 --> 01:47:16,224
Perfect.
2553
01:47:42,219 --> 01:47:43,584
So I come home,
2554
01:47:43,653 --> 01:47:46,420
I find my wife in bed
with my best friend,
2555
01:47:46,489 --> 01:47:49,590
so I said, "Lenny,
i have to, but you?"
2556
01:47:51,628 --> 01:47:53,261
I kid. I kid.
2557
01:47:53,329 --> 01:47:54,763
I'm kidding you all.
2558
01:47:54,831 --> 01:47:56,798
Guy goes into the
doctor's office, right?
2559
01:47:56,867 --> 01:47:59,400
He says,
"doc, I got 5 penises."
2560
01:47:59,469 --> 01:48:01,669
Right? Doc says,
"how do your pants fit?"
2561
01:48:01,738 --> 01:48:03,972
He says, "like a glove."
2562
01:48:07,177 --> 01:48:08,442
I got to tell you,
2563
01:48:08,511 --> 01:48:10,444
this is a great audience,
but these pants...
2564
01:48:10,513 --> 01:48:12,446
There's a pair
of pants here.
2565
01:48:12,515 --> 01:48:14,475
What is this,
let's-wear-anything day?
2566
01:48:14,517 --> 01:48:15,616
Have you seen this?
2567
01:48:15,685 --> 01:48:17,451
This man's
a walking garage sale.
2568
01:48:17,520 --> 01:48:18,987
Look at these pants.
2569
01:48:19,055 --> 01:48:21,089
You know what I'm sayin'?
What stinks?
2570
01:48:21,158 --> 01:48:22,390
Some... there's
a perfume here
2571
01:48:22,458 --> 01:48:23,892
that's... is
it you, ma'am?
2572
01:48:23,960 --> 01:48:25,393
No.
2573
01:48:25,461 --> 01:48:27,528
That eau de bayonne you're
wearin' there? But...
2574
01:48:27,597 --> 01:48:29,130
No, it's lovely makeup.
2575
01:48:29,199 --> 01:48:32,700
Who puts it on,
the ringling brothers?
2576
01:48:32,769 --> 01:48:35,136
Looks like an opera
broke out on your face.
2577
01:48:35,205 --> 01:48:37,772
You got too close when
the avon lady exploded.
2578
01:48:40,010 --> 01:48:43,778
But there's a guy over here
that I can't believe.
2579
01:48:43,847 --> 01:48:46,181
I mean this in
the nicest of terms.
2580
01:48:46,249 --> 01:48:47,648
Is that a toupee?
2581
01:48:47,717 --> 01:48:48,717
No.
2582
01:48:48,785 --> 01:48:51,119
No. Well, I, for
one, was fooled.
2583
01:48:57,127 --> 01:48:58,326
Looks like
somebody stapled
2584
01:48:58,394 --> 01:49:00,428
a Danish to your
head, you know?
2585
01:49:13,810 --> 01:49:14,909
Yeah?
2586
01:49:21,651 --> 01:49:22,817
Hello, buddy.
2587
01:49:23,619 --> 01:49:25,019
Hello, Stan.
2588
01:49:28,791 --> 01:49:29,891
How are you?
2589
01:49:30,927 --> 01:49:33,328
It was a good show.
2590
01:49:33,396 --> 01:49:35,163
Yeah,
they were good.
2591
01:49:35,232 --> 01:49:37,431
No, you were...
You were really sharp.
2592
01:49:37,500 --> 01:49:39,033
Everything was
right on the beat.
2593
01:49:39,836 --> 01:49:41,702
Well, it...
It felt good.
2594
01:49:41,771 --> 01:49:43,738
You know, i-I've been
playing these places,
2595
01:49:43,806 --> 01:49:45,273
and, uh,
it's been ok.
2596
01:49:45,342 --> 01:49:47,508
Yeah, I saw in the paper
that you were here.
2597
01:49:47,577 --> 01:49:48,843
Oh, yeah?
2598
01:49:50,080 --> 01:49:51,512
Did you see Elaine?
2599
01:49:51,581 --> 01:49:52,847
Yeah.
2600
01:49:52,916 --> 01:49:54,548
You know, usually, she
don't like the... the clubs
2601
01:49:54,617 --> 01:49:56,217
and the traveling
and, uh...
2602
01:49:56,286 --> 01:49:58,086
But it's nice
that you're together.
2603
01:49:58,154 --> 01:49:59,154
Yeah...
2604
01:49:59,890 --> 01:50:00,989
Yeah.
2605
01:50:02,625 --> 01:50:04,592
And what's this?
2606
01:50:04,660 --> 01:50:06,194
Oh, this is, uh...
2607
01:50:06,263 --> 01:50:07,628
A painting that I did.
2608
01:50:07,697 --> 01:50:08,897
Really?
2609
01:50:10,400 --> 01:50:11,799
Here. It's for you.
2610
01:50:12,802 --> 01:50:14,202
It's for me?
2611
01:50:16,506 --> 01:50:17,972
Thanks, Stan.
2612
01:50:19,742 --> 01:50:20,909
Should i
open it now?
2613
01:50:20,977 --> 01:50:21,910
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
2614
01:50:21,978 --> 01:50:23,778
Yeah?
Go ahead.
2615
01:50:44,500 --> 01:50:45,833
It's good.
2616
01:50:48,405 --> 01:50:49,938
It's very good.
2617
01:50:52,242 --> 01:50:54,208
Nah, you know,
it's just a...
2618
01:50:54,277 --> 01:50:55,609
Thing I...
2619
01:51:22,538 --> 01:51:25,273
Is that the only jacket
that you brought?
2620
01:51:26,909 --> 01:51:28,242
Yeah. Why?
2621
01:51:30,280 --> 01:51:32,780
Because the other
jacket was funnier.
2622
01:51:36,486 --> 01:51:39,253
You know, I got
to tell you, Stan,
2623
01:51:39,322 --> 01:51:42,590
seeing you walk into the
back of that room today...
2624
01:51:44,461 --> 01:51:46,427
It just made me feel...
2625
01:51:47,830 --> 01:51:49,597
Sick to my stomach.
2626
01:51:49,665 --> 01:51:52,733
I thought I'd lose my lunch
right on the stage.
2627
01:51:55,738 --> 01:51:58,739
Did you see
what I did there?
2628
01:51:58,808 --> 01:52:01,109
You thought
i was gonna say...
2629
01:52:01,177 --> 01:52:03,878
That I was overjoyed
to see you again...
2630
01:52:05,281 --> 01:52:07,415
But I took you
the other way.
2631
01:52:11,521 --> 01:52:12,686
I saw.
2632
01:52:16,459 --> 01:52:19,394
But you said you, uh,
you liked the act, huh?
2633
01:52:19,462 --> 01:52:21,062
Yeah, yeah.
2634
01:52:21,131 --> 01:52:22,830
You know what was
really good
2635
01:52:22,899 --> 01:52:25,199
was, uh, the
ringling brothers.
2636
01:52:25,268 --> 01:52:26,767
Oh, yeah, well,
that occurred to me
2637
01:52:26,836 --> 01:52:27,968
right on stage.
2638
01:52:28,038 --> 01:52:29,070
What, right then?
2639
01:52:29,139 --> 01:52:30,939
Oh, yeah. I went with it
right then and there.
2640
01:52:31,007 --> 01:52:32,306
Well, it was very funny.
2641
01:52:32,375 --> 01:52:34,409
Oh, yeah, you know,
i always used to say "circus",
2642
01:52:34,477 --> 01:52:35,809
but I went
more specific.
2643
01:52:35,878 --> 01:52:37,045
Well, it was
very funny.
2644
01:52:37,113 --> 01:52:38,479
It was better, right?
Don't you think?
2645
01:52:38,548 --> 01:52:39,480
Much better.
2646
01:52:39,549 --> 01:52:40,981
Yeah, I loved it.
Hi, honey.
2647
01:52:41,051 --> 01:52:42,583
Then I rolled over
to that other guy.
2648
01:52:42,652 --> 01:52:44,618
Oh, what, the guy with the...
With the toupee?
2649
01:52:44,687 --> 01:52:45,719
Well, you're
being kind.
2650
01:52:45,788 --> 01:52:46,987
I, for one,
was fooled.
2651
01:52:47,057 --> 01:52:49,090
He looked like
an old q-tip,
2652
01:52:49,159 --> 01:52:50,391
this guy.
2653
01:52:50,460 --> 01:52:52,460
W-w-well, I...
I just hammered that.
2654
01:52:52,529 --> 01:52:53,627
You know, I mean,
i had to.
2655
01:52:53,696 --> 01:52:55,536
But... but it was
good-natured.
2656
01:52:55,598 --> 01:52:56,997
It was good-natured
hammering.
2657
01:52:57,067 --> 01:52:58,067
They loved it.
2658
01:52:58,101 --> 01:52:59,500
They loved you, honey.
2659
01:52:59,569 --> 01:53:01,135
They had a great
sense of humor.
2660
01:53:01,204 --> 01:53:02,570
And they had
a good time.
2661
01:53:02,638 --> 01:53:04,138
Oh, sure.
2662
01:53:04,207 --> 01:53:06,474
Well, what I was doing,
forget about it.
2663
01:53:06,543 --> 01:53:07,575
Cannon shots.
2664
01:53:07,643 --> 01:53:09,143
Yeah, but one
after another.
2665
01:53:09,212 --> 01:53:10,044
Wow.
2666
01:53:10,113 --> 01:53:11,245
It wasn't even fair.
2667
01:53:11,314 --> 01:53:12,713
It wasn't fair.
2668
01:53:12,782 --> 01:53:14,082
You know?
I had a good time.
2669
01:53:14,150 --> 01:53:16,417
I thought it was strong.
I felt vital,
2670
01:53:16,486 --> 01:53:17,918
and I did 48 minutes.
2671
01:53:17,987 --> 01:53:20,020
It takes me
that long to pee.
2672
01:53:20,090 --> 01:53:22,022
Did you write
any of this down?
2673
01:53:22,092 --> 01:53:23,391
I didn't bring
a pad.
2674
01:53:23,460 --> 01:53:24,625
Great.
2675
01:53:31,067 --> 01:53:34,268
♪
2676
01:53:34,337 --> 01:53:36,170
♪ When you're smilin' ♪
2677
01:53:36,239 --> 01:53:38,473
♪ when you're smilin' ♪
2678
01:53:38,541 --> 01:53:42,110
♪ the whole world
smiles with you ♪
2679
01:53:42,178 --> 01:53:44,378
♪ and when
you're laughin' ♪
2680
01:53:44,447 --> 01:53:46,847
♪ oh, you're laughin' ♪
2681
01:53:46,916 --> 01:53:49,984
♪ ooh, then the sun
comes shinin' through ♪
2682
01:53:50,786 --> 01:53:53,087
♪ when you're cryin' ♪
2683
01:53:53,156 --> 01:53:54,855
♪ you bring on the rain ♪
2684
01:53:54,924 --> 01:53:56,890
♪ stop your sighin' ♪
2685
01:53:56,959 --> 01:53:58,879
♪ won't you be
happy again? ♪
2686
01:53:58,928 --> 01:54:00,894
♪ when you're smilin' ♪
2687
01:54:00,963 --> 01:54:03,131
♪ keep on smilin' ♪
2688
01:54:03,199 --> 01:54:06,467
♪ and the whole world
smiles with you ♪
2689
01:56:41,424 --> 01:56:42,723
♪ buddy ♪
2690
01:56:42,792 --> 01:56:44,057
♪ buddy ♪
2691
01:56:44,126 --> 01:56:46,093
♪ we hope we'll have
a buddy you can muster ♪
2692
01:56:46,162 --> 01:56:48,529
♪ 'cause buddy's
our buddy ♪
2693
01:56:48,598 --> 01:56:51,198
♪ and remember what
we did to custer ♪
2694
01:56:53,436 --> 01:56:56,304
♪ and remember what
we did to custer ♪
2695
01:58:17,119 --> 01:58:21,889
♪ so if you want a heap
of big laugh from t.V. Set ♪
2696
01:58:21,957 --> 01:58:24,458
♪ just sit back with
your favorite squaw ♪
2697
01:58:24,527 --> 01:58:26,761
♪ and a big chief
cigarette ♪
2698
01:58:26,829 --> 01:58:29,296
♪ 'cause the sioux and
the crow and the arapaho ♪
2699
01:58:29,365 --> 01:58:31,732
♪ and the Pawnee all agree ♪
2700
01:58:31,801 --> 01:58:33,267
♪ that buddy ♪
2701
01:58:33,335 --> 01:58:34,735
♪ buddy ♪
2702
01:58:34,804 --> 01:58:38,773
♪ he's the funniest
paleface on t.V. ♪
2703
01:58:38,841 --> 01:58:41,241
♪ on t.V. ♪
2704
01:58:41,310 --> 01:58:44,278
♪ on t.V. ♪
2705
01:58:44,346 --> 01:58:52,346
♪ look out,
here comes buddy ♪
175085
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