Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,485 --> 00:00:03,375
- KEVIN: It is what it is,
though, because I was trying.
2
00:00:03,486 --> 00:00:05,346
They didn't even
hire me for the job.
3
00:00:05,453 --> 00:00:06,803
You know what I'ma do?
4
00:00:06,903 --> 00:00:08,633
Make a note. I wanna buy these
mannequins for the house.
5
00:00:08,732 --> 00:00:10,362
Are you listening to me?
- Yeah, I'm listening.
6
00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:11,558
- Oh, my God.
- What?
7
00:00:11,666 --> 00:00:12,526
- Is that La Toya Jackson?
8
00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:14,643
- No, man, that's
LeToya Luckett.
9
00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:16,598
- She a salesperson now?
10
00:00:16,706 --> 00:00:18,596
Oh, man, she done
hit rock bottom.
11
00:00:18,708 --> 00:00:20,948
- I'd like to hit
that bottom. Mm!
12
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,435
- KEVIN: You know what that
means, don't you?
13
00:00:22,539 --> 00:00:24,299
- JACKIE: What? What that mean?
- KEVIN: Low self esteem.
14
00:00:24,403 --> 00:00:27,343
- She got no low self esteem.
- Exactly what that means.
15
00:00:27,441 --> 00:00:28,681
I'm goin' in.
- She don't wanna be saved.
16
00:00:28,787 --> 00:00:30,647
Kevin! Kevin!
- Go put the bags in the car.
17
00:00:30,754 --> 00:00:32,584
Put the bags in the car.
18
00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:34,587
Hey!
19
00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:36,309
- Hey!
20
00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:38,865
Oh, my God...what a surprise
to see you here.
21
00:00:38,969 --> 00:00:41,799
- What a surprise
to see you here.
22
00:00:41,903 --> 00:00:44,773
- Oh, I know, right?
Well, gotta keep on grindin'.
23
00:00:44,872 --> 00:00:47,462
- I heard that. You know,
I'm always grindin'.
24
00:00:47,564 --> 00:00:48,954
- BOTH:
[laughing]
25
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,909
- So, are you, uh, here
to find something special
26
00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:52,876
for that special someone?
- Well, you know what?
27
00:00:52,983 --> 00:00:54,993
Now that I see you,
I think I am.
28
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,819
- Oh, you're so silly.
- I'm not silly, I'm serious.
29
00:00:57,919 --> 00:01:00,989
- Okay. So, are you
interested in more make-up
30
00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:04,475
or skin care products or...?
- Well, you know what?
31
00:01:04,581 --> 00:01:08,481
I know you're used to hearin'
no, no, no, no, no.
32
00:01:08,585 --> 00:01:10,995
But today you're gon' hear yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:14,655
- All righty.
- I'ma take all of it.
34
00:01:14,764 --> 00:01:16,084
- Really?
- Yeah, I want it all.
35
00:01:16,179 --> 00:01:19,799
All this. Bag all that up.
Put it on my black card.
36
00:01:19,907 --> 00:01:24,007
- All right.
- Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh!
37
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,978
I want you to give this card
the white treatment, though.
38
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,736
- All righty.
- I mean, put it everywhere.
39
00:01:28,847 --> 00:01:30,847
- Just give me--
- Look at me.
40
00:01:32,954 --> 00:01:35,204
- That's gross.
- I got it.
41
00:01:35,302 --> 00:01:37,102
- WOMAN: Everything?
- LETOYA: That's everything.
42
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,930
- Since you're gonna get a nice
little commission from this,
43
00:01:39,029 --> 00:01:40,789
I was thinkin' maybe I could
get a little commission.
44
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:42,413
- Oh, I don't ...don't
get commissions.
45
00:01:42,516 --> 00:01:44,686
- Now you see where the power
of Kevin Hart comes in.
46
00:01:44,794 --> 00:01:47,284
I can change that.
47
00:01:47,383 --> 00:01:48,833
If you need to talk
to your boss, I can.
48
00:01:48,936 --> 00:01:50,696
Get him on the phone.
I'll fix that right now.
49
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,740
- You're talking to her.
I own the company.
50
00:01:54,838 --> 00:01:58,838
- And your total is $25,982.
51
00:01:59,774 --> 00:02:01,544
- Uh...
52
00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:04,260
- ♪ This is the life,
this is the life ♪
53
00:02:04,365 --> 00:02:07,155
♪ We got the life,
we got the life ♪
54
00:02:07,265 --> 00:02:08,885
♪ This is the city
where we party every night ♪
55
00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:10,030
♪ Party every night
56
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:14,510
♪ Just you and me,
down and to go ♪
57
00:02:14,617 --> 00:02:16,717
♪ Welcome to Hollywood,
welcome to Hollywood ♪
58
00:02:16,826 --> 00:02:19,516
♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
59
00:02:19,622 --> 00:02:22,942
- KEVIN: Hello? I'm calling
to report a fraudulent charge.
60
00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:26,589
How much? For $25,000,
that's how much.
61
00:02:26,698 --> 00:02:27,868
I have never in my life
62
00:02:27,975 --> 00:02:28,725
called you guys about
a fraudulent charge
63
00:02:28,838 --> 00:02:31,048
other than that.
64
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,021
You know, I don't like the tone
in your voice at all.
65
00:02:34,119 --> 00:02:36,429
I really don't. Can I talk to
your supervisor, please?
66
00:02:36,535 --> 00:02:38,045
Oh, you are the supervisor?
67
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:38,918
Okay, well, then,
I need to talk to your mother,
68
00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:40,990
and tell her about your mouth
69
00:02:41,091 --> 00:02:42,511
'cause you're up here
cussin' up a storm.
70
00:02:42,610 --> 00:02:44,960
You're droppin' F-bombs
like it's the 4th of July,
71
00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:45,861
and I'm not gonna tol--
- [dial tone]
72
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,548
- Hello? Are you...
Hello? Yo!
73
00:02:47,650 --> 00:02:49,100
- Are you gonna be on
the phone all night, Kev,
74
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,593
or are you gonna play poker?
What's happening?
75
00:02:51,688 --> 00:02:53,278
- Hey, what the hell
y'all doing?
76
00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:55,620
- FAIZON: This stuff is
actually workin', man.
77
00:02:55,727 --> 00:03:00,727
My skin is moist and supple
and my pores are breathing.
78
00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:03,285
Finally!
79
00:03:03,390 --> 00:03:05,910
- Oh, yeah.
- [bleep] I ain't no taco.
80
00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:07,153
- [crunches]
Mm, that's good.
81
00:03:07,256 --> 00:03:08,076
- Y'all eating the stuff?
82
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,118
- JB: You're next, Nelly.
83
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,923
You smell like
a [bleep] pumpkin pie.
84
00:03:12,019 --> 00:03:14,329
- Yeah, but it's too late.
All gone.
85
00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:17,015
- Why did you eat that, man?
I gotta take this back.
86
00:03:17,127 --> 00:03:18,267
It's the only way I'ma
get my money back.
87
00:03:18,370 --> 00:03:19,720
- It's fat-free.
- It doesn't matter.
88
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:21,240
- What'd you buy all this stuff
for in the first place, man?
89
00:03:21,339 --> 00:03:23,059
- The only reason why
he bought this stuff,
90
00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:24,238
'cause he thought LeToya
was gonna give him
91
00:03:24,342 --> 00:03:26,592
some of her stuff.
- Shut up, Jackie.
92
00:03:26,689 --> 00:03:28,039
- That's some expensive shit.
- OTHERS: [laughing]
93
00:03:28,138 --> 00:03:29,308
- Let me tell you
something, Kev.
94
00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:32,206
I know LeToya and you're
wasting your time, son.
95
00:03:32,315 --> 00:03:33,895
- What are you talking about?
96
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,726
- 'Cause she ain't about
to kick it, nah!
97
00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:38,146
- You know LeToya, huh, 'cause
you know everybody, JB.
98
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,502
- I do know everybody.
- You do know everybody.
99
00:03:39,598 --> 00:03:42,568
- [cell phone buzzing]
- Why's LeToya calling me, JB?
100
00:03:42,670 --> 00:03:44,120
- What?
- Huh?
101
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,684
What's that call about?
Let's see.
102
00:03:47,779 --> 00:03:49,469
Hello...
103
00:03:49,574 --> 00:03:51,894
Yeah, you know what I would
love--to have dinner with you.
104
00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:53,610
Tonight.
105
00:03:53,716 --> 00:03:55,236
Ooh, hoo, hoo!
106
00:03:55,338 --> 00:03:56,718
You know how long
I've been waiting
107
00:03:56,822 --> 00:03:58,512
to get lucky with LeToya?
108
00:03:58,617 --> 00:04:01,757
Not that long. I just saw her,
so it kinda just started.
109
00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:05,312
Okay, sweetie. Bye-bye.
110
00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:09,527
- Jesus, what is that shit
on your faces?
111
00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:11,938
- Don't act like you
don't know, pretty boy.
112
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,564
We got the secret.
- The secret?
113
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:16,497
- Don't act like you and Nicole
don't be fightin' over her shit.
114
00:04:16,601 --> 00:04:18,221
- Well, we don't, 'cause
I got my own shit.
115
00:04:18,327 --> 00:04:22,187
- We're just trying to look sexy
and beautiful like you, Boris.
116
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,846
- Well, avocado's
not gonna do it, fellas.
117
00:04:23,953 --> 00:04:25,333
- What?
118
00:04:25,437 --> 00:04:26,957
- You're gonna need
a head transplant.
119
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,059
Or better-lookin' parents.
- Hey! Hey!
120
00:04:29,165 --> 00:04:30,405
- You don't think
I prayed about that?
121
00:04:30,511 --> 00:04:33,131
- You don't come in here
and attack Faizon like that.
122
00:04:33,238 --> 00:04:35,478
- What the hell you doin'
in a tux anyway, Boris?
123
00:04:35,585 --> 00:04:37,515
- You modelin' cat
food or something?
124
00:04:37,622 --> 00:04:40,112
- BORIS: All right, I'm getting
into character, okay,
125
00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,140
'cause I'm reading on
the next James Bond movie.
126
00:04:41,246 --> 00:04:45,526
The movie is called
"Bond is Black."
127
00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:46,840
- If you get that part,
128
00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:48,121
it's gonna be called
"Bond Can't Act."
129
00:04:48,218 --> 00:04:51,638
- Who this? Who? Who?
- ALL: [laughing]
130
00:04:51,739 --> 00:04:52,809
- BORIS:
Okay. Okay.
131
00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:54,333
- JB: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
132
00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:55,572
You mean to tell me you're goin'
in to play James Bond?
133
00:04:55,674 --> 00:04:57,064
- Yeah.
134
00:04:57,158 --> 00:04:58,568
- Why they didn't call
me for James Bond?
135
00:04:58,677 --> 00:04:59,987
Where the audition at?
136
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,092
I'ma call my agent right now
and find out what's goin' on.
137
00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:03,437
- Okay, JB, it's not
an audition, okay?
138
00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:04,864
They're just meeting
a couple of A-listers.
139
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:08,269
- Exactly. Are you helping them
track down the A-listers?
140
00:05:08,377 --> 00:05:10,897
Why do they need you?
- BORIS: I'm the A-lister.
141
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,830
- You got an agent now?
- I am the A-lister.
142
00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:16,354
- You got an agent?
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
143
00:05:16,454 --> 00:05:20,394
- Eee! Eee! Eee!
- ALL: [laughing]
144
00:05:20,492 --> 00:05:21,982
- JB: Let me tell you
something right now.
145
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,180
Ain't no [bleep] way they're
gonna call your ass
146
00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:24,838
about James Bond
and not call me.
147
00:05:24,945 --> 00:05:26,115
I am destined to
play James Bond.
148
00:05:26,222 --> 00:05:27,362
There's nobody in this room
149
00:05:27,465 --> 00:05:28,495
who'll play James Bond
better than me.
150
00:05:28,604 --> 00:05:30,194
What do you think JB stands for?
- Just Bald?
151
00:05:30,295 --> 00:05:32,225
- Justin Bieber?
- Jungle Bunny?
152
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,922
- Jigaboo?
- OTHERS: [laughing]
153
00:05:36,025 --> 00:05:39,545
- Y'all haters, my grandfather
shined Sean Connery's shoes.
154
00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:41,269
My goldfinger's called
"Pussy Galore."
155
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,305
And I do my own [bleep]
damn stunts.
156
00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:45,551
What kinda stunts can
you do, Boris?
157
00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:47,345
- Me?
158
00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,420
- [tooth twinkles]
- Damn!
159
00:05:49,521 --> 00:05:52,561
- That's a good one.
- Bull [bleep]!
160
00:05:52,662 --> 00:05:55,422
- Boy, you think that
pretty's a stunt?
161
00:05:55,527 --> 00:05:58,247
It's not a stunt.
This is a [bleep] damn stunt.
162
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,878
- Oh, shit, what
you about to do?
163
00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:03,051
- Put it away, JB.
- JB.
164
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,325
- Put it away, JB.
- Come on, JB.
165
00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,684
- [glass shatters]
- ALL: [gasp]
166
00:06:09,679 --> 00:06:14,059
- [voice cracking]
JB don't feel no damn pain.
167
00:06:15,996 --> 00:06:19,616
- KEVIN: He got that,
didn't he?
168
00:06:19,724 --> 00:06:23,044
- JB: [groaning]
- JB, you feel the pain?
169
00:06:23,141 --> 00:06:25,631
- Snapchat in my house,
you always on fleek.
170
00:06:25,730 --> 00:06:27,970
Hittin' ourselves with bottles
in the head, yeah, JB.
171
00:06:28,077 --> 00:06:29,557
- [heavy thud]
172
00:06:31,045 --> 00:06:34,425
- Thanks for letting me treat
you to dinner tonight, Kevin.
173
00:06:34,532 --> 00:06:37,882
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
[laughing]
174
00:06:37,983 --> 00:06:41,443
Boop! Boop! Boop!
175
00:06:41,539 --> 00:06:43,679
- Someone sure does
like hot wings.
176
00:06:43,782 --> 00:06:45,272
[laughs]
177
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:48,890
KEVIN: Oh, I'm gettin'
my 25 grand back--
178
00:06:48,994 --> 00:06:49,754
one hot wing at a time.
179
00:06:49,857 --> 00:06:53,447
[chomping]
180
00:06:53,551 --> 00:06:55,971
Number 63!
- [cash register tings]
181
00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:58,800
- Oh, Kevin, I have
a confession to make.
182
00:06:58,901 --> 00:07:02,281
Okay, so, the real reason
why I'm here is because I--
183
00:07:04,354 --> 00:07:06,364
Okay, I'm sorry, where
are your clothes?
184
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,250
- I just ...thought
everybody was hot.
185
00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:08,257
- No.
- You're not hot?
186
00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:11,088
- No, I'm not.
I'm not hot.
187
00:07:15,089 --> 00:07:17,019
- It's them fire wings.
188
00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:18,056
Them wings get in
your system, man,
189
00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:19,581
your whole body gets
to overheatin'.
190
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:20,580
Then they gotta come
out your butt.
191
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:22,821
You don't want that
ring of fire.
192
00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:24,305
[chuckling]
193
00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:25,479
Yeah, so come on, what
were you gon' tell me?
194
00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,593
- Um...
195
00:07:27,688 --> 00:07:28,968
the real reason
I came over is because
196
00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:31,869
you have the most beautiful
skin color I've ever seen.
197
00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:33,758
- Oh...
198
00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:37,487
Well, you know, my body's
the same color all over.
199
00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:38,865
- Yes.
- Of course, you know that.
200
00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:40,555
You saw it.
201
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:43,527
- But I really wanted
to talk about your face.
202
00:07:43,635 --> 00:07:46,015
- Oh, you can do whatever
you want to my face.
203
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,680
Or on my face. In my face.
204
00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:53,158
- Okay, good. Well, we wanna use
it to create a final color
205
00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:57,295
in my new foundation line.
206
00:07:57,407 --> 00:07:58,647
- You talkin' about
make-up or something?
207
00:07:58,754 --> 00:08:01,274
- Yeah, we just wanna
copy your skin color.
208
00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:03,827
Nobody will ever see
your make-up. No one.
209
00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:05,171
- What do I get out of it?
210
00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:08,347
- Whatever you want.
211
00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:13,874
- We're about to have
some make-up sex.
212
00:08:13,976 --> 00:08:14,976
Get it?
213
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,570
I'm about to.
[laughs]
214
00:08:17,669 --> 00:08:19,399
- ♪ This is the life
Welcome to Hollywood ♪
215
00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:23,228
- [British accent] I am James
Bond and you're a dirty girl.
216
00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:24,780
You're a dirty...
[clears throat]
217
00:08:24,883 --> 00:08:26,853
You dirty girl...
218
00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:28,164
with your blue knickers on.
219
00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:31,576
Your purple knickers--
220
00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:35,239
- JB:
[sighing]
221
00:08:35,342 --> 00:08:37,312
Boris, what happened, man?
222
00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:39,213
I thought we was boys, man.
223
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,001
I don't see any
A-listers in here.
224
00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:42,346
Nobody.
225
00:08:42,452 --> 00:08:43,972
What is this, the DMV?
- Look, JB, I--
226
00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:47,035
- Everybody's tryin' to
get a license to kill, huh?
227
00:08:47,147 --> 00:08:48,767
There's no A-listers here.
228
00:08:48,873 --> 00:08:51,123
- I didn't wanna hurt
your feelings.
229
00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,360
- Hurt my feelings?
- BORIS: Yes.
230
00:08:52,462 --> 00:08:55,122
- I'm an actor. How would
you hurt my feelings?
231
00:08:55,224 --> 00:08:59,064
- Everybody got an audition,
except you, so I felt bad.
232
00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:00,089
- I don't wanna call you a liar,
233
00:09:00,194 --> 00:09:01,584
but everybody did not
get an audition.
234
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,129
- Thanks, Mr. Faizon,
we'll be calling your agent.
235
00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:06,823
- How'd it go?
- I think I blew 'em out.
236
00:09:06,925 --> 00:09:08,195
[laughing]
237
00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,236
JB, what are you
doing here?
238
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:10,931
- What the [bleep]
you doing here?
239
00:09:11,033 --> 00:09:12,553
- They wanted English actors.
240
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,755
To act in the movie.
- JB: [laughs]
241
00:09:14,864 --> 00:09:16,074
- You're a comedian.
- Household name.
242
00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:17,966
- No, no, I see what
the [bleep] is goin' on here.
243
00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:19,324
[laughing]
244
00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:20,800
[bleep] y'all!
245
00:09:20,905 --> 00:09:23,215
I'm the real James Bond
up in here!
246
00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:24,431
What you think
JB stand for?
247
00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:29,429
Sean Connery ain't
got shit on me!
248
00:09:32,917 --> 00:09:36,017
- FAIZON: That's a gas mask.
- JB, what are you doing?
249
00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:40,648
- [gas hissing]
- [heavy thuds]
250
00:09:44,445 --> 00:09:46,275
- Sleep, mitches. Yeah.
251
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:51,278
Now it's time to see
the real James Bond.
252
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:55,353
I'm smoove.
James Bond smoove.
253
00:09:55,456 --> 00:09:57,036
- [Velcro ripping]
254
00:09:57,148 --> 00:09:59,528
- ["James Bond" type music]
255
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:05,853
♪
256
00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:07,090
- [door slams]
257
00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:09,892
- You better get the...
get the [bleep] off me!
258
00:10:09,988 --> 00:10:11,918
Unh-unh! Unh-unh! You are not
gonna work in my movie, okay?
259
00:10:12,025 --> 00:10:14,715
It's gonna be an all-Black Bond
and you're not invited.
260
00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:17,201
- This is the James Bond
audition, right?
261
00:10:17,306 --> 00:10:19,166
JB! What are you
doin' here, baby?
262
00:10:19,273 --> 00:10:20,693
- [bleep]!
You mother [bleep]!
263
00:10:20,792 --> 00:10:22,042
- [bones crunching]
Owwwww!
264
00:10:22,138 --> 00:10:24,108
- JB...
265
00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:25,689
- Hey!
- How are you?
266
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:27,067
- I'm good.
- You're good.
267
00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:29,248
- Yeah, thanks for coming.
- Hey, before we get started.
268
00:10:29,352 --> 00:10:30,462
This isn't gonna take
long, is it?
269
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,350
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Twenty minutes?
270
00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:33,528
- Tops.
- Okay.
271
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,913
'Cause I got stuff to do.
I gotta get to the gym.
272
00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:36,333
- Okay.
273
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,778
- Got a little thug
workout I'm doin'.
274
00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:39,738
It's called "cinder blocks."
- Don't worry, Kevin.
275
00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:41,986
It's just us here. Have a seat.
- Okay.
276
00:10:42,089 --> 00:10:44,709
- Yeah, we're gonna start
off with a few pictures,
277
00:10:44,816 --> 00:10:46,266
so we can analyze
your skin complexion
278
00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:47,579
so we can create
the perfect foundation match.
279
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:48,581
- Okay, so, some
reference photos.
280
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,652
- Yeah.
- This is Hollywood, baby.
281
00:10:51,754 --> 00:10:53,484
This ain't my first time
in a make-up chair.
282
00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,863
Let's get some Q-Tips
and some baby wipes.
283
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,925
Let's have 'em on deck.
- Okay, so...
284
00:10:58,036 --> 00:10:59,586
just sign this talent
release form right there.
285
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:03,113
- Release form, huh?
- Mm-hm.
286
00:11:03,214 --> 00:11:05,044
- I'd love to release.
- Uh...
287
00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,417
- You know what I'm talkin'
about, don't you?
288
00:11:06,527 --> 00:11:07,937
- Unfortunately, I do.
289
00:11:08,046 --> 00:11:09,766
- [chuckling]
It's standard, ain't it?
290
00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:11,426
- Yeah.
- Words, words, words.
291
00:11:11,532 --> 00:11:12,952
- Right here on this line.
- Got it.
292
00:11:13,051 --> 00:11:13,711
There you go.
- Got it.
293
00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:14,711
- All right.
- Okay.
294
00:11:14,812 --> 00:11:18,472
- What's up?
- So, no need to pose.
295
00:11:18,574 --> 00:11:21,274
Just relax.
- Okay. I'm here.
296
00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:22,510
Ain't no point in havin'
Kevin Hart here,
297
00:11:22,612 --> 00:11:25,102
if you're not gon' use me.
- All right.
298
00:11:25,201 --> 00:11:26,381
- Use me.
- Okay, hurry.
299
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:27,508
Get in there.
- [camera shutter clicking]
300
00:11:27,617 --> 00:11:29,267
- Get you with that zoolander.
301
00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:31,068
- ♪ I walk up in the club
302
00:11:31,173 --> 00:11:32,693
♪ Super star struttin'
303
00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:34,275
♪ All up in the club
304
00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:35,453
- Sexy means don't
need no shorts.
305
00:11:35,556 --> 00:11:38,796
- So what? It's okay.
306
00:11:38,905 --> 00:11:41,355
- I thought you guys
were my boys.
307
00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:42,839
- What?
308
00:11:42,943 --> 00:11:44,323
- I can't believe you all got
auditions for James Bond,
309
00:11:44,427 --> 00:11:45,907
but nobody called me.
310
00:11:46,015 --> 00:11:47,525
- You were there.
They can't handle it.
311
00:11:47,637 --> 00:11:50,497
- JB, let it go!
They don't want you, man.
312
00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:51,876
- Not at all.
- They don't want you.
313
00:11:51,987 --> 00:11:52,947
- They don't want
your Black ass.
314
00:11:53,057 --> 00:11:54,507
- That's bullshit.
315
00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,270
You rock the rooms
were so afraid
316
00:11:56,370 --> 00:11:57,610
that I would get the role,
317
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,407
but now the disloyalty has
caused nobody to get it.
318
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,693
- Hold on a second.
I got a callback.
319
00:12:02,791 --> 00:12:03,691
- You got a callback, Boris?
- BORIS: Yep.
320
00:12:03,792 --> 00:12:04,972
- That's shocking.
Good job.
321
00:12:05,069 --> 00:12:06,479
- [bottles clank]
- Good job. Good job.
322
00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:07,617
- The only callback
yo ass got
323
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,377
was to go back to damn
Germany, that's it.
324
00:12:10,488 --> 00:12:13,528
- BORIS:
[speaking non-English]
325
00:12:13,629 --> 00:12:14,799
- What did you say,
Black Hitler?
326
00:12:14,906 --> 00:12:18,316
- NELLY: Ohh! Ohh!
[laughing]
327
00:12:18,427 --> 00:12:21,457
Play it again. Play it again.
- What?
328
00:12:21,568 --> 00:12:23,188
- Whaddup, man?
- Look at this.
329
00:12:23,294 --> 00:12:24,124
- ALL: [laughing]
330
00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:27,466
- You is a phony!
331
00:12:27,574 --> 00:12:29,304
- Is there something
you wanna tell us?
332
00:12:29,403 --> 00:12:33,103
- What are you doing?
333
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,060
- You about to see.
- Yeah!
334
00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:35,998
- Hello?
- Yeah!
335
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:37,650
- Come on, man.
- Yeah, it is.
336
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:42,547
- This ain't me, man.
Look at that.
337
00:12:42,658 --> 00:12:45,068
It's Photoshopped.
- Just embrace it.
338
00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:47,768
- Listen to me, listen to me--
- You look good.
339
00:12:47,870 --> 00:12:49,730
- I'm about to sue the brakes
off LeToya, you hear me?
340
00:12:49,838 --> 00:12:51,358
She about to be
50 shades of broke.
341
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:52,700
I promise you that!
342
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,566
- ♪ This is the life
Welcome to Hollywood ♪
343
00:12:56,879 --> 00:12:59,609
- [knock on door]
- Trina--oh?
344
00:12:59,709 --> 00:13:01,499
- LETOYA: Oh, God...
345
00:13:01,608 --> 00:13:05,578
- Well, well, well...
346
00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:08,551
What do we have here,
young lady, huh?
347
00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:10,169
Let me tell you something.
348
00:13:10,272 --> 00:13:12,032
Talking to my lawyer
is not gonna help you,
349
00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:13,376
because you're about
to have a lot of
350
00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:15,552
bills, bills, bills to pay.
351
00:13:15,656 --> 00:13:16,446
I'm about to sue
your ass, LeToya.
352
00:13:16,554 --> 00:13:18,354
- LETOYA: Mm-hm.
353
00:13:18,452 --> 00:13:19,702
- I'ma sue you good,
you hear me?
354
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,899
- First of all, Trina's my
attorney, too, all right?
355
00:13:22,008 --> 00:13:24,008
She's been representing
me for years.
356
00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:28,501
- Do you not say
no to anybody?
357
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,330
Just out here throwin' that
legal counsel piece of pie
358
00:13:31,431 --> 00:13:33,021
all over the city.
359
00:13:33,122 --> 00:13:36,512
Where is the loyalty,
at, Trina, huh?
360
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,398
I'm tired of you
cheatin' on me.
361
00:13:38,507 --> 00:13:39,887
It's time for you
to make a choice.
362
00:13:39,991 --> 00:13:42,301
It's either gonna be LeToya
or it's gonna be--
363
00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,197
- LeToya.
- Girl...
364
00:13:44,306 --> 00:13:45,506
let me finish my choices.
365
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,717
I said it's either gonna be
LeToya or it's gonna be--
366
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,927
- It's still LeToya.
- Mm-hm.
367
00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:51,726
- Oh, I...I was
about to get mad.
368
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,941
I see what this is.
- What?
369
00:13:56,042 --> 00:13:58,082
- You're trying to be nice.
You're trying to be sweet.
370
00:13:58,182 --> 00:13:59,252
She don't wanna
hurt your feelings.
371
00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:00,905
That's what this is.
372
00:14:01,012 --> 00:14:04,712
- The only thing hurting my
feelings are those pants.
373
00:14:04,809 --> 00:14:07,919
- It's called style.
Get one.
374
00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:10,849
- Okay, Kevin, look, we were
just in the middle
375
00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:14,373
of a business meeting,
so if you could just exit.
376
00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:15,344
- Are you trying to bully me?
377
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:16,790
- No one is trying
to bully you.
378
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,580
- You're trying to bully me.
- That is--
379
00:14:19,686 --> 00:14:20,996
- Don't protect her.
- What?
380
00:14:21,101 --> 00:14:22,071
- Let this happen.
Let it happen.
381
00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:23,071
- What happen?
382
00:14:23,172 --> 00:14:25,212
- Are you trying
to bully me, LeToya?
383
00:14:25,312 --> 00:14:27,382
You can't bully me.
You know why?
384
00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:29,767
'Cause I'm a man.
M-E-N!
385
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,729
That's right,
I'm a man's man.
386
00:14:31,836 --> 00:14:35,246
I do the worrying all day!
387
00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:39,087
I will talk to you when I have
a different level of counsel.
388
00:14:39,188 --> 00:14:41,118
- Oh, you wanna get
another lawyer?
389
00:14:41,225 --> 00:14:42,985
Okay, you can just save your
little money, Kevin,
390
00:14:43,089 --> 00:14:46,819
because you signed a release.
- What?
391
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,610
- Yep, that's you,
right there, mm-hm.
392
00:14:48,715 --> 00:14:54,545
So, my client can do whatever
she likes with those photos.
393
00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:57,482
- Y'all set me up.
394
00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,346
Oh, damn! Oh! Ow!
395
00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:01,590
Owwwww!
396
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,323
Stab me in the back!
- I got it.
397
00:15:03,419 --> 00:15:05,629
- You ain't nothing but
a dirty dog dandelion diaper
398
00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:09,702
daffodil double-Ds,
minus the--
399
00:15:09,805 --> 00:15:12,285
You should be unbarred.
- Disbarred.
400
00:15:12,394 --> 00:15:16,264
- I'm about to file a male
practice suit on her.
401
00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:18,853
Wait...she's a female,
402
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,612
so, I'ma file a female
practice suit.
403
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:25,343
- ♪
404
00:15:25,441 --> 00:15:27,621
- You've gotta take this
shirt in and tailor it.
405
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,859
It looks like I stole
it from Shaq.
406
00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:36,491
- Knew this mother
[bleep] was ugly.
407
00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:37,420
I knew it!
408
00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:41,602
- ♪
409
00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:42,599
- I like this trim over
here, all right?
410
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:44,460
I want you to do
the same over here,
411
00:15:44,564 --> 00:15:45,704
but just a little
bit shorter.
412
00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:50,666
- ♪
413
00:15:50,777 --> 00:15:51,777
- [gunshot fires]
414
00:15:51,881 --> 00:15:55,641
- You shot me!
[groaning]
415
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,647
- You're [bleep] damn
right, I shot you.
416
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,720
I'm the real James Bond.
417
00:16:00,821 --> 00:16:02,721
You'll be a new
villain named...
418
00:16:02,823 --> 00:16:06,453
Bozo Kodjoe.
419
00:16:06,551 --> 00:16:07,521
- [gunshot fires]
420
00:16:07,621 --> 00:16:10,071
- [evil laugh]
421
00:16:13,489 --> 00:16:15,389
[bellowing laugh echoing]
422
00:16:18,218 --> 00:16:21,078
- [gunshot fires]
- Oh, shit!
423
00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:24,427
[bleep]!
Man, [bleep]! Man!
424
00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:30,635
- MALE REPORTER: Well, guess who
won't be the first Black Bond?
425
00:16:30,748 --> 00:16:32,818
Boris, that goofy
bald guy.
426
00:16:32,922 --> 00:16:34,552
He's having
a hair-rific day.
427
00:16:34,648 --> 00:16:38,548
Welcome to the latest episode
of The Black, the Bald,
428
00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:40,622
and the Not-So-Beautiful.
429
00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:42,213
- What?
430
00:16:42,311 --> 00:16:46,451
- REPORTER: One-time pretty boy,
now goofy boy, Boris Kodjoe,
431
00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:48,837
was caught in a dressing
room with his bush out
432
00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:50,798
at an upscale Beverly Hills
department store.
433
00:16:50,906 --> 00:16:52,766
- Oh, shit!
434
00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:54,223
- REPORTER: Maybe
he should consider
435
00:16:54,323 --> 00:16:55,263
the Hair Club for Germans.
436
00:16:55,359 --> 00:16:57,019
- Oh!
437
00:16:57,119 --> 00:16:57,839
- Speaking of foreigners,
Idris Elba's rumored
438
00:16:57,947 --> 00:16:59,977
to be the next Bond.
439
00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:01,848
His asking price?
$20 million.
440
00:17:01,951 --> 00:17:03,131
Keep your chin
up there, Boris.
441
00:17:03,229 --> 00:17:04,609
They may bring back
"The Jeffersons."
442
00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:05,993
- Damn!
443
00:17:06,094 --> 00:17:08,064
- REPORTER: Talk about
hair-raising.
444
00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:10,235
- Unfortunately, I'm cursed
with German genes
445
00:17:10,339 --> 00:17:12,819
which, combined with
some mild steroid use,
446
00:17:12,928 --> 00:17:15,098
when I was a five-year-old
tennis pro,
447
00:17:15,206 --> 00:17:18,036
promotes extreme rapid hair
growth on 75 percent of my head.
448
00:17:20,591 --> 00:17:21,871
Yeah.
449
00:17:21,971 --> 00:17:24,491
I need to get a haircut
every six hours.
450
00:17:24,595 --> 00:17:28,735
[speaking non-English]
- Wait! Wait a minute!
451
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,500
Y'all see what I see?
452
00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:33,913
- What the [bleep] JB?!
453
00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:35,048
- It wasn't me.
454
00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:37,057
It was probably somebody
who hated on you,
455
00:17:37,159 --> 00:17:38,989
who knows deep down that
I shoulda been James Bond.
456
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,612
- Then who is that?
457
00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:49,475
- ♪
458
00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:54,685
- [bleep] that's me!
- No, no, no, no, wait!
459
00:17:54,797 --> 00:17:56,177
- [speaking non-English]
460
00:17:56,282 --> 00:17:58,632
- It don't matter, mitch.
You can't haul my ass anyway!
461
00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:01,182
Know why? 'Cause I still do
my own damn stunts!
462
00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:02,837
- BORIS: Let me--
- [glass shattering]
463
00:18:02,943 --> 00:18:04,983
- Oh!
- Oh, shit!
464
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,604
- Damn!
- Damn!
465
00:18:08,708 --> 00:18:10,848
- Why y'all gotta mess up my--
- [doorbell rings]
466
00:18:10,951 --> 00:18:13,301
- What now, man?
467
00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:16,102
- You deserved this, JB.
- You [bleep] up, man.
468
00:18:16,198 --> 00:18:19,788
- Breakin' up my stuff
in my house all the time.
469
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,101
Oh, what the hell
do you want?
470
00:18:22,204 --> 00:18:24,484
You will be hearin' from
my lawyer very soon--
471
00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:26,966
and by lawyer, I'm talkin'
about Johnnie Cochran.
472
00:18:27,071 --> 00:18:29,521
- Jonnie Cochran is dead.
- He is not dead.
473
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,725
I saw him on TV when
he got Cuba-OJ off.
474
00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:33,224
- Did you now?
475
00:18:33,319 --> 00:18:36,559
Anywho, I came over to share
some good news, all right?
476
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:41,017
Our sales have skyrocketed and--
- That is not good news.
477
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,710
That's obvious.
478
00:18:42,811 --> 00:18:44,851
Actin' like you're sayin'
something I don't know.
479
00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:46,821
Last I checked,
I was Kevin Hart.
480
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,888
Of course the sales
skyrocketed, okay?
481
00:18:48,989 --> 00:18:50,129
I'll tell you what
I am surprised at.
482
00:18:50,232 --> 00:18:52,552
Is that my face was
stolen for 50 Shades.
483
00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,688
- Will you let me finish?
- Finish. Go ahead.
484
00:18:54,788 --> 00:18:56,198
- Over the next year,
we're projected to do
485
00:18:56,307 --> 00:19:00,417
a net sales of $100 million,
which means that
486
00:19:00,518 --> 00:19:03,798
your ten percent
is $10 million.
487
00:19:03,901 --> 00:19:05,281
- [spits]
488
00:19:05,385 --> 00:19:07,585
That was me spittin'
that bullshit out,
489
00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:09,838
'cause according to
the release form that I signed,
490
00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:11,741
I can't get nothin', LeToya.
491
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:18,570
- Well, if you agree to be the
new face of 50 Shades of Brown.
492
00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:22,304
- No, I'll bite you.
I'll bite you.
493
00:19:22,402 --> 00:19:23,962
I don't know if you know
who you're talkin' to or not.
494
00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:25,339
- Of course, I do.
495
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,340
- Well, if you knew who
you were talking to,
496
00:19:27,442 --> 00:19:29,242
then you would know that
I'm not doin' jack shit,
497
00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:32,520
until I get my $25,000
put back on my credit card.
498
00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:34,409
- Okay, well,
you'll get your 25K.
499
00:19:34,518 --> 00:19:36,728
I'll just take it off
of the $10 million.
500
00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:38,630
Mmmmm...
501
00:19:38,729 --> 00:19:42,079
- Okay.
502
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,561
You got a deal.
503
00:19:44,666 --> 00:19:45,696
- Good.
- Good.
504
00:19:45,805 --> 00:19:48,735
- [kisses]
- Whoa.
505
00:19:48,842 --> 00:19:50,782
He's so stupid, he's cute.
506
00:19:50,879 --> 00:19:52,259
[laughing]
507
00:19:52,363 --> 00:19:54,953
- LeToya Luckett is about
to change her name
508
00:19:55,055 --> 00:19:57,015
to LeToya Luckiest-Girl-
In-The-World.
509
00:19:57,126 --> 00:19:59,646
- LETOYA: Boy! Put your
clothes back on!
510
00:20:02,649 --> 00:20:18,319
- ♪
38285
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.