All language subtitles for Real.Husbands.Of.Hollywood.S05E03_English

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,485 --> 00:00:03,375 - KEVIN: It is what it is, though, because I was trying. 2 00:00:03,486 --> 00:00:05,346 They didn't even hire me for the job. 3 00:00:05,453 --> 00:00:06,803 You know what I'ma do? 4 00:00:06,903 --> 00:00:08,633 Make a note. I wanna buy these mannequins for the house. 5 00:00:08,732 --> 00:00:10,362 Are you listening to me? - Yeah, I'm listening. 6 00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:11,558 - Oh, my God. - What? 7 00:00:11,666 --> 00:00:12,526 - Is that La Toya Jackson? 8 00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:14,643 - No, man, that's LeToya Luckett. 9 00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:16,598 - She a salesperson now? 10 00:00:16,706 --> 00:00:18,596 Oh, man, she done hit rock bottom. 11 00:00:18,708 --> 00:00:20,948 - I'd like to hit that bottom. Mm! 12 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,435 - KEVIN: You know what that means, don't you? 13 00:00:22,539 --> 00:00:24,299 - JACKIE: What? What that mean? - KEVIN: Low self esteem. 14 00:00:24,403 --> 00:00:27,343 - She got no low self esteem. - Exactly what that means. 15 00:00:27,441 --> 00:00:28,681 I'm goin' in. - She don't wanna be saved. 16 00:00:28,787 --> 00:00:30,647 Kevin! Kevin! - Go put the bags in the car. 17 00:00:30,754 --> 00:00:32,584 Put the bags in the car. 18 00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:34,587 Hey! 19 00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:36,309 - Hey! 20 00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:38,865 Oh, my God...what a surprise to see you here. 21 00:00:38,969 --> 00:00:41,799 - What a surprise to see you here. 22 00:00:41,903 --> 00:00:44,773 - Oh, I know, right? Well, gotta keep on grindin'. 23 00:00:44,872 --> 00:00:47,462 - I heard that. You know, I'm always grindin'. 24 00:00:47,564 --> 00:00:48,954 - BOTH: [laughing] 25 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,909 - So, are you, uh, here to find something special 26 00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:52,876 for that special someone? - Well, you know what? 27 00:00:52,983 --> 00:00:54,993 Now that I see you, I think I am. 28 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,819 - Oh, you're so silly. - I'm not silly, I'm serious. 29 00:00:57,919 --> 00:01:00,989 - Okay. So, are you interested in more make-up 30 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:04,475 or skin care products or...? - Well, you know what? 31 00:01:04,581 --> 00:01:08,481 I know you're used to hearin' no, no, no, no, no. 32 00:01:08,585 --> 00:01:10,995 But today you're gon' hear yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 33 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:14,655 - All righty. - I'ma take all of it. 34 00:01:14,764 --> 00:01:16,084 - Really? - Yeah, I want it all. 35 00:01:16,179 --> 00:01:19,799 All this. Bag all that up. Put it on my black card. 36 00:01:19,907 --> 00:01:24,007 - All right. - Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh! 37 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,978 I want you to give this card the white treatment, though. 38 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,736 - All righty. - I mean, put it everywhere. 39 00:01:28,847 --> 00:01:30,847 - Just give me-- - Look at me. 40 00:01:32,954 --> 00:01:35,204 - That's gross. - I got it. 41 00:01:35,302 --> 00:01:37,102 - WOMAN: Everything? - LETOYA: That's everything. 42 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,930 - Since you're gonna get a nice little commission from this, 43 00:01:39,029 --> 00:01:40,789 I was thinkin' maybe I could get a little commission. 44 00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:42,413 - Oh, I don't ...don't get commissions. 45 00:01:42,516 --> 00:01:44,686 - Now you see where the power of Kevin Hart comes in. 46 00:01:44,794 --> 00:01:47,284 I can change that. 47 00:01:47,383 --> 00:01:48,833 If you need to talk to your boss, I can. 48 00:01:48,936 --> 00:01:50,696 Get him on the phone. I'll fix that right now. 49 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,740 - You're talking to her. I own the company. 50 00:01:54,838 --> 00:01:58,838 - And your total is $25,982. 51 00:01:59,774 --> 00:02:01,544 - Uh... 52 00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:04,260 - ♪ This is the life, this is the life ♪ 53 00:02:04,365 --> 00:02:07,155 ♪ We got the life, we got the life ♪ 54 00:02:07,265 --> 00:02:08,885 ♪ This is the city where we party every night ♪ 55 00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:10,030 ♪ Party every night 56 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:14,510 ♪ Just you and me, down and to go ♪ 57 00:02:14,617 --> 00:02:16,717 ♪ Welcome to Hollywood, welcome to Hollywood ♪ 58 00:02:16,826 --> 00:02:19,516 ♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪ 59 00:02:19,622 --> 00:02:22,942 - KEVIN: Hello? I'm calling to report a fraudulent charge. 60 00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:26,589 How much? For $25,000, that's how much. 61 00:02:26,698 --> 00:02:27,868 I have never in my life 62 00:02:27,975 --> 00:02:28,725 called you guys about a fraudulent charge 63 00:02:28,838 --> 00:02:31,048 other than that. 64 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,021 You know, I don't like the tone in your voice at all. 65 00:02:34,119 --> 00:02:36,429 I really don't. Can I talk to your supervisor, please? 66 00:02:36,535 --> 00:02:38,045 Oh, you are the supervisor? 67 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:38,918 Okay, well, then, I need to talk to your mother, 68 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:40,990 and tell her about your mouth 69 00:02:41,091 --> 00:02:42,511 'cause you're up here cussin' up a storm. 70 00:02:42,610 --> 00:02:44,960 You're droppin' F-bombs like it's the 4th of July, 71 00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:45,861 and I'm not gonna tol-- - [dial tone] 72 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,548 - Hello? Are you... Hello? Yo! 73 00:02:47,650 --> 00:02:49,100 - Are you gonna be on the phone all night, Kev, 74 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,593 or are you gonna play poker? What's happening? 75 00:02:51,688 --> 00:02:53,278 - Hey, what the hell y'all doing? 76 00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:55,620 - FAIZON: This stuff is actually workin', man. 77 00:02:55,727 --> 00:03:00,727 My skin is moist and supple and my pores are breathing. 78 00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:03,285 Finally! 79 00:03:03,390 --> 00:03:05,910 - Oh, yeah. - [bleep] I ain't no taco. 80 00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:07,153 - [crunches] Mm, that's good. 81 00:03:07,256 --> 00:03:08,076 - Y'all eating the stuff? 82 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,118 - JB: You're next, Nelly. 83 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,923 You smell like a [bleep] pumpkin pie. 84 00:03:12,019 --> 00:03:14,329 - Yeah, but it's too late. All gone. 85 00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:17,015 - Why did you eat that, man? I gotta take this back. 86 00:03:17,127 --> 00:03:18,267 It's the only way I'ma get my money back. 87 00:03:18,370 --> 00:03:19,720 - It's fat-free. - It doesn't matter. 88 00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:21,240 - What'd you buy all this stuff for in the first place, man? 89 00:03:21,339 --> 00:03:23,059 - The only reason why he bought this stuff, 90 00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:24,238 'cause he thought LeToya was gonna give him 91 00:03:24,342 --> 00:03:26,592 some of her stuff. - Shut up, Jackie. 92 00:03:26,689 --> 00:03:28,039 - That's some expensive shit. - OTHERS: [laughing] 93 00:03:28,138 --> 00:03:29,308 - Let me tell you something, Kev. 94 00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:32,206 I know LeToya and you're wasting your time, son. 95 00:03:32,315 --> 00:03:33,895 - What are you talking about? 96 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,726 - 'Cause she ain't about to kick it, nah! 97 00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:38,146 - You know LeToya, huh, 'cause you know everybody, JB. 98 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,502 - I do know everybody. - You do know everybody. 99 00:03:39,598 --> 00:03:42,568 - [cell phone buzzing] - Why's LeToya calling me, JB? 100 00:03:42,670 --> 00:03:44,120 - What? - Huh? 101 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,684 What's that call about? Let's see. 102 00:03:47,779 --> 00:03:49,469 Hello... 103 00:03:49,574 --> 00:03:51,894 Yeah, you know what I would love--to have dinner with you. 104 00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:53,610 Tonight. 105 00:03:53,716 --> 00:03:55,236 Ooh, hoo, hoo! 106 00:03:55,338 --> 00:03:56,718 You know how long I've been waiting 107 00:03:56,822 --> 00:03:58,512 to get lucky with LeToya? 108 00:03:58,617 --> 00:04:01,757 Not that long. I just saw her, so it kinda just started. 109 00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:05,312 Okay, sweetie. Bye-bye. 110 00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:09,527 - Jesus, what is that shit on your faces? 111 00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:11,938 - Don't act like you don't know, pretty boy. 112 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,564 We got the secret. - The secret? 113 00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:16,497 - Don't act like you and Nicole don't be fightin' over her shit. 114 00:04:16,601 --> 00:04:18,221 - Well, we don't, 'cause I got my own shit. 115 00:04:18,327 --> 00:04:22,187 - We're just trying to look sexy and beautiful like you, Boris. 116 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,846 - Well, avocado's not gonna do it, fellas. 117 00:04:23,953 --> 00:04:25,333 - What? 118 00:04:25,437 --> 00:04:26,957 - You're gonna need a head transplant. 119 00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,059 Or better-lookin' parents. - Hey! Hey! 120 00:04:29,165 --> 00:04:30,405 - You don't think I prayed about that? 121 00:04:30,511 --> 00:04:33,131 - You don't come in here and attack Faizon like that. 122 00:04:33,238 --> 00:04:35,478 - What the hell you doin' in a tux anyway, Boris? 123 00:04:35,585 --> 00:04:37,515 - You modelin' cat food or something? 124 00:04:37,622 --> 00:04:40,112 - BORIS: All right, I'm getting into character, okay, 125 00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,140 'cause I'm reading on the next James Bond movie. 126 00:04:41,246 --> 00:04:45,526 The movie is called "Bond is Black." 127 00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:46,840 - If you get that part, 128 00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:48,121 it's gonna be called "Bond Can't Act." 129 00:04:48,218 --> 00:04:51,638 - Who this? Who? Who? - ALL: [laughing] 130 00:04:51,739 --> 00:04:52,809 - BORIS: Okay. Okay. 131 00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:54,333 - JB: Whoa, whoa, whoa! 132 00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:55,572 You mean to tell me you're goin' in to play James Bond? 133 00:04:55,674 --> 00:04:57,064 - Yeah. 134 00:04:57,158 --> 00:04:58,568 - Why they didn't call me for James Bond? 135 00:04:58,677 --> 00:04:59,987 Where the audition at? 136 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,092 I'ma call my agent right now and find out what's goin' on. 137 00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:03,437 - Okay, JB, it's not an audition, okay? 138 00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:04,864 They're just meeting a couple of A-listers. 139 00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:08,269 - Exactly. Are you helping them track down the A-listers? 140 00:05:08,377 --> 00:05:10,897 Why do they need you? - BORIS: I'm the A-lister. 141 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,830 - You got an agent now? - I am the A-lister. 142 00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:16,354 - You got an agent? - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 143 00:05:16,454 --> 00:05:20,394 - Eee! Eee! Eee! - ALL: [laughing] 144 00:05:20,492 --> 00:05:21,982 - JB: Let me tell you something right now. 145 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,180 Ain't no [bleep] way they're gonna call your ass 146 00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:24,838 about James Bond and not call me. 147 00:05:24,945 --> 00:05:26,115 I am destined to play James Bond. 148 00:05:26,222 --> 00:05:27,362 There's nobody in this room 149 00:05:27,465 --> 00:05:28,495 who'll play James Bond better than me. 150 00:05:28,604 --> 00:05:30,194 What do you think JB stands for? - Just Bald? 151 00:05:30,295 --> 00:05:32,225 - Justin Bieber? - Jungle Bunny? 152 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,922 - Jigaboo? - OTHERS: [laughing] 153 00:05:36,025 --> 00:05:39,545 - Y'all haters, my grandfather shined Sean Connery's shoes. 154 00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:41,269 My goldfinger's called "Pussy Galore." 155 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,305 And I do my own [bleep] damn stunts. 156 00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:45,551 What kinda stunts can you do, Boris? 157 00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:47,345 - Me? 158 00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,420 - [tooth twinkles] - Damn! 159 00:05:49,521 --> 00:05:52,561 - That's a good one. - Bull [bleep]! 160 00:05:52,662 --> 00:05:55,422 - Boy, you think that pretty's a stunt? 161 00:05:55,527 --> 00:05:58,247 It's not a stunt. This is a [bleep] damn stunt. 162 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,878 - Oh, shit, what you about to do? 163 00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:03,051 - Put it away, JB. - JB. 164 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,325 - Put it away, JB. - Come on, JB. 165 00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,684 - [glass shatters] - ALL: [gasp] 166 00:06:09,679 --> 00:06:14,059 - [voice cracking] JB don't feel no damn pain. 167 00:06:15,996 --> 00:06:19,616 - KEVIN: He got that, didn't he? 168 00:06:19,724 --> 00:06:23,044 - JB: [groaning] - JB, you feel the pain? 169 00:06:23,141 --> 00:06:25,631 - Snapchat in my house, you always on fleek. 170 00:06:25,730 --> 00:06:27,970 Hittin' ourselves with bottles in the head, yeah, JB. 171 00:06:28,077 --> 00:06:29,557 - [heavy thud] 172 00:06:31,045 --> 00:06:34,425 - Thanks for letting me treat you to dinner tonight, Kevin. 173 00:06:34,532 --> 00:06:37,882 - Mm-hm. Mm-hm. [laughing] 174 00:06:37,983 --> 00:06:41,443 Boop! Boop! Boop! 175 00:06:41,539 --> 00:06:43,679 - Someone sure does like hot wings. 176 00:06:43,782 --> 00:06:45,272 [laughs] 177 00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:48,890 KEVIN: Oh, I'm gettin' my 25 grand back-- 178 00:06:48,994 --> 00:06:49,754 one hot wing at a time. 179 00:06:49,857 --> 00:06:53,447 [chomping] 180 00:06:53,551 --> 00:06:55,971 Number 63! - [cash register tings] 181 00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:58,800 - Oh, Kevin, I have a confession to make. 182 00:06:58,901 --> 00:07:02,281 Okay, so, the real reason why I'm here is because I-- 183 00:07:04,354 --> 00:07:06,364 Okay, I'm sorry, where are your clothes? 184 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,250 - I just ...thought everybody was hot. 185 00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:08,257 - No. - You're not hot? 186 00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:11,088 - No, I'm not. I'm not hot. 187 00:07:15,089 --> 00:07:17,019 - It's them fire wings. 188 00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:18,056 Them wings get in your system, man, 189 00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:19,581 your whole body gets to overheatin'. 190 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:20,580 Then they gotta come out your butt. 191 00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:22,821 You don't want that ring of fire. 192 00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:24,305 [chuckling] 193 00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:25,479 Yeah, so come on, what were you gon' tell me? 194 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,593 - Um... 195 00:07:27,688 --> 00:07:28,968 the real reason I came over is because 196 00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:31,869 you have the most beautiful skin color I've ever seen. 197 00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:33,758 - Oh... 198 00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:37,487 Well, you know, my body's the same color all over. 199 00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:38,865 - Yes. - Of course, you know that. 200 00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:40,555 You saw it. 201 00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:43,527 - But I really wanted to talk about your face. 202 00:07:43,635 --> 00:07:46,015 - Oh, you can do whatever you want to my face. 203 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,680 Or on my face. In my face. 204 00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:53,158 - Okay, good. Well, we wanna use it to create a final color 205 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:57,295 in my new foundation line. 206 00:07:57,407 --> 00:07:58,647 - You talkin' about make-up or something? 207 00:07:58,754 --> 00:08:01,274 - Yeah, we just wanna copy your skin color. 208 00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:03,827 Nobody will ever see your make-up. No one. 209 00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:05,171 - What do I get out of it? 210 00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:08,347 - Whatever you want. 211 00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:13,874 - We're about to have some make-up sex. 212 00:08:13,976 --> 00:08:14,976 Get it? 213 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,570 I'm about to. [laughs] 214 00:08:17,669 --> 00:08:19,399 - ♪ This is the life Welcome to Hollywood ♪ 215 00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:23,228 - [British accent] I am James Bond and you're a dirty girl. 216 00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:24,780 You're a dirty... [clears throat] 217 00:08:24,883 --> 00:08:26,853 You dirty girl... 218 00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:28,164 with your blue knickers on. 219 00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:31,576 Your purple knickers-- 220 00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:35,239 - JB: [sighing] 221 00:08:35,342 --> 00:08:37,312 Boris, what happened, man? 222 00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:39,213 I thought we was boys, man. 223 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,001 I don't see any A-listers in here. 224 00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:42,346 Nobody. 225 00:08:42,452 --> 00:08:43,972 What is this, the DMV? - Look, JB, I-- 226 00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:47,035 - Everybody's tryin' to get a license to kill, huh? 227 00:08:47,147 --> 00:08:48,767 There's no A-listers here. 228 00:08:48,873 --> 00:08:51,123 - I didn't wanna hurt your feelings. 229 00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,360 - Hurt my feelings? - BORIS: Yes. 230 00:08:52,462 --> 00:08:55,122 - I'm an actor. How would you hurt my feelings? 231 00:08:55,224 --> 00:08:59,064 - Everybody got an audition, except you, so I felt bad. 232 00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:00,089 - I don't wanna call you a liar, 233 00:09:00,194 --> 00:09:01,584 but everybody did not get an audition. 234 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,129 - Thanks, Mr. Faizon, we'll be calling your agent. 235 00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:06,823 - How'd it go? - I think I blew 'em out. 236 00:09:06,925 --> 00:09:08,195 [laughing] 237 00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,236 JB, what are you doing here? 238 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:10,931 - What the [bleep] you doing here? 239 00:09:11,033 --> 00:09:12,553 - They wanted English actors. 240 00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,755 To act in the movie. - JB: [laughs] 241 00:09:14,864 --> 00:09:16,074 - You're a comedian. - Household name. 242 00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:17,966 - No, no, I see what the [bleep] is goin' on here. 243 00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:19,324 [laughing] 244 00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:20,800 [bleep] y'all! 245 00:09:20,905 --> 00:09:23,215 I'm the real James Bond up in here! 246 00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:24,431 What you think JB stand for? 247 00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:29,429 Sean Connery ain't got shit on me! 248 00:09:32,917 --> 00:09:36,017 - FAIZON: That's a gas mask. - JB, what are you doing? 249 00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:40,648 - [gas hissing] - [heavy thuds] 250 00:09:44,445 --> 00:09:46,275 - Sleep, mitches. Yeah. 251 00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:51,278 Now it's time to see the real James Bond. 252 00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:55,353 I'm smoove. James Bond smoove. 253 00:09:55,456 --> 00:09:57,036 - [Velcro ripping] 254 00:09:57,148 --> 00:09:59,528 - ["James Bond" type music] 255 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:05,853 ♪ 256 00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:07,090 - [door slams] 257 00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:09,892 - You better get the... get the [bleep] off me! 258 00:10:09,988 --> 00:10:11,918 Unh-unh! Unh-unh! You are not gonna work in my movie, okay? 259 00:10:12,025 --> 00:10:14,715 It's gonna be an all-Black Bond and you're not invited. 260 00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:17,201 - This is the James Bond audition, right? 261 00:10:17,306 --> 00:10:19,166 JB! What are you doin' here, baby? 262 00:10:19,273 --> 00:10:20,693 - [bleep]! You mother [bleep]! 263 00:10:20,792 --> 00:10:22,042 - [bones crunching] Owwwww! 264 00:10:22,138 --> 00:10:24,108 - JB... 265 00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:25,689 - Hey! - How are you? 266 00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:27,067 - I'm good. - You're good. 267 00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:29,248 - Yeah, thanks for coming. - Hey, before we get started. 268 00:10:29,352 --> 00:10:30,462 This isn't gonna take long, is it? 269 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,350 - Oh, no, no, no. - Twenty minutes? 270 00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:33,528 - Tops. - Okay. 271 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,913 'Cause I got stuff to do. I gotta get to the gym. 272 00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:36,333 - Okay. 273 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,778 - Got a little thug workout I'm doin'. 274 00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:39,738 It's called "cinder blocks." - Don't worry, Kevin. 275 00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:41,986 It's just us here. Have a seat. - Okay. 276 00:10:42,089 --> 00:10:44,709 - Yeah, we're gonna start off with a few pictures, 277 00:10:44,816 --> 00:10:46,266 so we can analyze your skin complexion 278 00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:47,579 so we can create the perfect foundation match. 279 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:48,581 - Okay, so, some reference photos. 280 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,652 - Yeah. - This is Hollywood, baby. 281 00:10:51,754 --> 00:10:53,484 This ain't my first time in a make-up chair. 282 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,863 Let's get some Q-Tips and some baby wipes. 283 00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,925 Let's have 'em on deck. - Okay, so... 284 00:10:58,036 --> 00:10:59,586 just sign this talent release form right there. 285 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:03,113 - Release form, huh? - Mm-hm. 286 00:11:03,214 --> 00:11:05,044 - I'd love to release. - Uh... 287 00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,417 - You know what I'm talkin' about, don't you? 288 00:11:06,527 --> 00:11:07,937 - Unfortunately, I do. 289 00:11:08,046 --> 00:11:09,766 - [chuckling] It's standard, ain't it? 290 00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:11,426 - Yeah. - Words, words, words. 291 00:11:11,532 --> 00:11:12,952 - Right here on this line. - Got it. 292 00:11:13,051 --> 00:11:13,711 There you go. - Got it. 293 00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:14,711 - All right. - Okay. 294 00:11:14,812 --> 00:11:18,472 - What's up? - So, no need to pose. 295 00:11:18,574 --> 00:11:21,274 Just relax. - Okay. I'm here. 296 00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:22,510 Ain't no point in havin' Kevin Hart here, 297 00:11:22,612 --> 00:11:25,102 if you're not gon' use me. - All right. 298 00:11:25,201 --> 00:11:26,381 - Use me. - Okay, hurry. 299 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:27,508 Get in there. - [camera shutter clicking] 300 00:11:27,617 --> 00:11:29,267 - Get you with that zoolander. 301 00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:31,068 - ♪ I walk up in the club 302 00:11:31,173 --> 00:11:32,693 ♪ Super star struttin' 303 00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:34,275 ♪ All up in the club 304 00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:35,453 - Sexy means don't need no shorts. 305 00:11:35,556 --> 00:11:38,796 - So what? It's okay. 306 00:11:38,905 --> 00:11:41,355 - I thought you guys were my boys. 307 00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:42,839 - What? 308 00:11:42,943 --> 00:11:44,323 - I can't believe you all got auditions for James Bond, 309 00:11:44,427 --> 00:11:45,907 but nobody called me. 310 00:11:46,015 --> 00:11:47,525 - You were there. They can't handle it. 311 00:11:47,637 --> 00:11:50,497 - JB, let it go! They don't want you, man. 312 00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:51,876 - Not at all. - They don't want you. 313 00:11:51,987 --> 00:11:52,947 - They don't want your Black ass. 314 00:11:53,057 --> 00:11:54,507 - That's bullshit. 315 00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,270 You rock the rooms were so afraid 316 00:11:56,370 --> 00:11:57,610 that I would get the role, 317 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,407 but now the disloyalty has caused nobody to get it. 318 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,693 - Hold on a second. I got a callback. 319 00:12:02,791 --> 00:12:03,691 - You got a callback, Boris? - BORIS: Yep. 320 00:12:03,792 --> 00:12:04,972 - That's shocking. Good job. 321 00:12:05,069 --> 00:12:06,479 - [bottles clank] - Good job. Good job. 322 00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:07,617 - The only callback yo ass got 323 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,377 was to go back to damn Germany, that's it. 324 00:12:10,488 --> 00:12:13,528 - BORIS: [speaking non-English] 325 00:12:13,629 --> 00:12:14,799 - What did you say, Black Hitler? 326 00:12:14,906 --> 00:12:18,316 - NELLY: Ohh! Ohh! [laughing] 327 00:12:18,427 --> 00:12:21,457 Play it again. Play it again. - What? 328 00:12:21,568 --> 00:12:23,188 - Whaddup, man? - Look at this. 329 00:12:23,294 --> 00:12:24,124 - ALL: [laughing] 330 00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:27,466 - You is a phony! 331 00:12:27,574 --> 00:12:29,304 - Is there something you wanna tell us? 332 00:12:29,403 --> 00:12:33,103 - What are you doing? 333 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,060 - You about to see. - Yeah! 334 00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:35,998 - Hello? - Yeah! 335 00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:37,650 - Come on, man. - Yeah, it is. 336 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:42,547 - This ain't me, man. Look at that. 337 00:12:42,658 --> 00:12:45,068 It's Photoshopped. - Just embrace it. 338 00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:47,768 - Listen to me, listen to me-- - You look good. 339 00:12:47,870 --> 00:12:49,730 - I'm about to sue the brakes off LeToya, you hear me? 340 00:12:49,838 --> 00:12:51,358 She about to be 50 shades of broke. 341 00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:52,700 I promise you that! 342 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,566 - ♪ This is the life Welcome to Hollywood ♪ 343 00:12:56,879 --> 00:12:59,609 - [knock on door] - Trina--oh? 344 00:12:59,709 --> 00:13:01,499 - LETOYA: Oh, God... 345 00:13:01,608 --> 00:13:05,578 - Well, well, well... 346 00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:08,551 What do we have here, young lady, huh? 347 00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:10,169 Let me tell you something. 348 00:13:10,272 --> 00:13:12,032 Talking to my lawyer is not gonna help you, 349 00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:13,376 because you're about to have a lot of 350 00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:15,552 bills, bills, bills to pay. 351 00:13:15,656 --> 00:13:16,446 I'm about to sue your ass, LeToya. 352 00:13:16,554 --> 00:13:18,354 - LETOYA: Mm-hm. 353 00:13:18,452 --> 00:13:19,702 - I'ma sue you good, you hear me? 354 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,899 - First of all, Trina's my attorney, too, all right? 355 00:13:22,008 --> 00:13:24,008 She's been representing me for years. 356 00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:28,501 - Do you not say no to anybody? 357 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,330 Just out here throwin' that legal counsel piece of pie 358 00:13:31,431 --> 00:13:33,021 all over the city. 359 00:13:33,122 --> 00:13:36,512 Where is the loyalty, at, Trina, huh? 360 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,398 I'm tired of you cheatin' on me. 361 00:13:38,507 --> 00:13:39,887 It's time for you to make a choice. 362 00:13:39,991 --> 00:13:42,301 It's either gonna be LeToya or it's gonna be-- 363 00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,197 - LeToya. - Girl... 364 00:13:44,306 --> 00:13:45,506 let me finish my choices. 365 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,717 I said it's either gonna be LeToya or it's gonna be-- 366 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,927 - It's still LeToya. - Mm-hm. 367 00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:51,726 - Oh, I...I was about to get mad. 368 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,941 I see what this is. - What? 369 00:13:56,042 --> 00:13:58,082 - You're trying to be nice. You're trying to be sweet. 370 00:13:58,182 --> 00:13:59,252 She don't wanna hurt your feelings. 371 00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:00,905 That's what this is. 372 00:14:01,012 --> 00:14:04,712 - The only thing hurting my feelings are those pants. 373 00:14:04,809 --> 00:14:07,919 - It's called style. Get one. 374 00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:10,849 - Okay, Kevin, look, we were just in the middle 375 00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:14,373 of a business meeting, so if you could just exit. 376 00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:15,344 - Are you trying to bully me? 377 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:16,790 - No one is trying to bully you. 378 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,580 - You're trying to bully me. - That is-- 379 00:14:19,686 --> 00:14:20,996 - Don't protect her. - What? 380 00:14:21,101 --> 00:14:22,071 - Let this happen. Let it happen. 381 00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:23,071 - What happen? 382 00:14:23,172 --> 00:14:25,212 - Are you trying to bully me, LeToya? 383 00:14:25,312 --> 00:14:27,382 You can't bully me. You know why? 384 00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:29,767 'Cause I'm a man. M-E-N! 385 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,729 That's right, I'm a man's man. 386 00:14:31,836 --> 00:14:35,246 I do the worrying all day! 387 00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:39,087 I will talk to you when I have a different level of counsel. 388 00:14:39,188 --> 00:14:41,118 - Oh, you wanna get another lawyer? 389 00:14:41,225 --> 00:14:42,985 Okay, you can just save your little money, Kevin, 390 00:14:43,089 --> 00:14:46,819 because you signed a release. - What? 391 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,610 - Yep, that's you, right there, mm-hm. 392 00:14:48,715 --> 00:14:54,545 So, my client can do whatever she likes with those photos. 393 00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:57,482 - Y'all set me up. 394 00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,346 Oh, damn! Oh! Ow! 395 00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:01,590 Owwwww! 396 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,323 Stab me in the back! - I got it. 397 00:15:03,419 --> 00:15:05,629 - You ain't nothing but a dirty dog dandelion diaper 398 00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:09,702 daffodil double-Ds, minus the-- 399 00:15:09,805 --> 00:15:12,285 You should be unbarred. - Disbarred. 400 00:15:12,394 --> 00:15:16,264 - I'm about to file a male practice suit on her. 401 00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:18,853 Wait...she's a female, 402 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,612 so, I'ma file a female practice suit. 403 00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:25,343 - ♪ 404 00:15:25,441 --> 00:15:27,621 - You've gotta take this shirt in and tailor it. 405 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,859 It looks like I stole it from Shaq. 406 00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:36,491 - Knew this mother [bleep] was ugly. 407 00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:37,420 I knew it! 408 00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:41,602 - ♪ 409 00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:42,599 - I like this trim over here, all right? 410 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:44,460 I want you to do the same over here, 411 00:15:44,564 --> 00:15:45,704 but just a little bit shorter. 412 00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:50,666 - ♪ 413 00:15:50,777 --> 00:15:51,777 - [gunshot fires] 414 00:15:51,881 --> 00:15:55,641 - You shot me! [groaning] 415 00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,647 - You're [bleep] damn right, I shot you. 416 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,720 I'm the real James Bond. 417 00:16:00,821 --> 00:16:02,721 You'll be a new villain named... 418 00:16:02,823 --> 00:16:06,453 Bozo Kodjoe. 419 00:16:06,551 --> 00:16:07,521 - [gunshot fires] 420 00:16:07,621 --> 00:16:10,071 - [evil laugh] 421 00:16:13,489 --> 00:16:15,389 [bellowing laugh echoing] 422 00:16:18,218 --> 00:16:21,078 - [gunshot fires] - Oh, shit! 423 00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:24,427 [bleep]! Man, [bleep]! Man! 424 00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:30,635 - MALE REPORTER: Well, guess who won't be the first Black Bond? 425 00:16:30,748 --> 00:16:32,818 Boris, that goofy bald guy. 426 00:16:32,922 --> 00:16:34,552 He's having a hair-rific day. 427 00:16:34,648 --> 00:16:38,548 Welcome to the latest episode of The Black, the Bald, 428 00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:40,622 and the Not-So-Beautiful. 429 00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:42,213 - What? 430 00:16:42,311 --> 00:16:46,451 - REPORTER: One-time pretty boy, now goofy boy, Boris Kodjoe, 431 00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:48,837 was caught in a dressing room with his bush out 432 00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:50,798 at an upscale Beverly Hills department store. 433 00:16:50,906 --> 00:16:52,766 - Oh, shit! 434 00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:54,223 - REPORTER: Maybe he should consider 435 00:16:54,323 --> 00:16:55,263 the Hair Club for Germans. 436 00:16:55,359 --> 00:16:57,019 - Oh! 437 00:16:57,119 --> 00:16:57,839 - Speaking of foreigners, Idris Elba's rumored 438 00:16:57,947 --> 00:16:59,977 to be the next Bond. 439 00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:01,848 His asking price? $20 million. 440 00:17:01,951 --> 00:17:03,131 Keep your chin up there, Boris. 441 00:17:03,229 --> 00:17:04,609 They may bring back "The Jeffersons." 442 00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:05,993 - Damn! 443 00:17:06,094 --> 00:17:08,064 - REPORTER: Talk about hair-raising. 444 00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:10,235 - Unfortunately, I'm cursed with German genes 445 00:17:10,339 --> 00:17:12,819 which, combined with some mild steroid use, 446 00:17:12,928 --> 00:17:15,098 when I was a five-year-old tennis pro, 447 00:17:15,206 --> 00:17:18,036 promotes extreme rapid hair growth on 75 percent of my head. 448 00:17:20,591 --> 00:17:21,871 Yeah. 449 00:17:21,971 --> 00:17:24,491 I need to get a haircut every six hours. 450 00:17:24,595 --> 00:17:28,735 [speaking non-English] - Wait! Wait a minute! 451 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,500 Y'all see what I see? 452 00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:33,913 - What the [bleep] JB?! 453 00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:35,048 - It wasn't me. 454 00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:37,057 It was probably somebody who hated on you, 455 00:17:37,159 --> 00:17:38,989 who knows deep down that I shoulda been James Bond. 456 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,612 - Then who is that? 457 00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:49,475 - ♪ 458 00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:54,685 - [bleep] that's me! - No, no, no, no, wait! 459 00:17:54,797 --> 00:17:56,177 - [speaking non-English] 460 00:17:56,282 --> 00:17:58,632 - It don't matter, mitch. You can't haul my ass anyway! 461 00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:01,182 Know why? 'Cause I still do my own damn stunts! 462 00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:02,837 - BORIS: Let me-- - [glass shattering] 463 00:18:02,943 --> 00:18:04,983 - Oh! - Oh, shit! 464 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,604 - Damn! - Damn! 465 00:18:08,708 --> 00:18:10,848 - Why y'all gotta mess up my-- - [doorbell rings] 466 00:18:10,951 --> 00:18:13,301 - What now, man? 467 00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:16,102 - You deserved this, JB. - You [bleep] up, man. 468 00:18:16,198 --> 00:18:19,788 - Breakin' up my stuff in my house all the time. 469 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,101 Oh, what the hell do you want? 470 00:18:22,204 --> 00:18:24,484 You will be hearin' from my lawyer very soon-- 471 00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:26,966 and by lawyer, I'm talkin' about Johnnie Cochran. 472 00:18:27,071 --> 00:18:29,521 - Jonnie Cochran is dead. - He is not dead. 473 00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,725 I saw him on TV when he got Cuba-OJ off. 474 00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:33,224 - Did you now? 475 00:18:33,319 --> 00:18:36,559 Anywho, I came over to share some good news, all right? 476 00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:41,017 Our sales have skyrocketed and-- - That is not good news. 477 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,710 That's obvious. 478 00:18:42,811 --> 00:18:44,851 Actin' like you're sayin' something I don't know. 479 00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:46,821 Last I checked, I was Kevin Hart. 480 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,888 Of course the sales skyrocketed, okay? 481 00:18:48,989 --> 00:18:50,129 I'll tell you what I am surprised at. 482 00:18:50,232 --> 00:18:52,552 Is that my face was stolen for 50 Shades. 483 00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,688 - Will you let me finish? - Finish. Go ahead. 484 00:18:54,788 --> 00:18:56,198 - Over the next year, we're projected to do 485 00:18:56,307 --> 00:19:00,417 a net sales of $100 million, which means that 486 00:19:00,518 --> 00:19:03,798 your ten percent is $10 million. 487 00:19:03,901 --> 00:19:05,281 - [spits] 488 00:19:05,385 --> 00:19:07,585 That was me spittin' that bullshit out, 489 00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:09,838 'cause according to the release form that I signed, 490 00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:11,741 I can't get nothin', LeToya. 491 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:18,570 - Well, if you agree to be the new face of 50 Shades of Brown. 492 00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:22,304 - No, I'll bite you. I'll bite you. 493 00:19:22,402 --> 00:19:23,962 I don't know if you know who you're talkin' to or not. 494 00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:25,339 - Of course, I do. 495 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,340 - Well, if you knew who you were talking to, 496 00:19:27,442 --> 00:19:29,242 then you would know that I'm not doin' jack shit, 497 00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:32,520 until I get my $25,000 put back on my credit card. 498 00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:34,409 - Okay, well, you'll get your 25K. 499 00:19:34,518 --> 00:19:36,728 I'll just take it off of the $10 million. 500 00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:38,630 Mmmmm... 501 00:19:38,729 --> 00:19:42,079 - Okay. 502 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,561 You got a deal. 503 00:19:44,666 --> 00:19:45,696 - Good. - Good. 504 00:19:45,805 --> 00:19:48,735 - [kisses] - Whoa. 505 00:19:48,842 --> 00:19:50,782 He's so stupid, he's cute. 506 00:19:50,879 --> 00:19:52,259 [laughing] 507 00:19:52,363 --> 00:19:54,953 - LeToya Luckett is about to change her name 508 00:19:55,055 --> 00:19:57,015 to LeToya Luckiest-Girl- In-The-World. 509 00:19:57,126 --> 00:19:59,646 - LETOYA: Boy! Put your clothes back on! 510 00:20:02,649 --> 00:20:18,319 - ♪ 38285

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.