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1
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:55,499
Hey, morning, Grady.
2
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,100
Look, I just got
a card from Pop,
3
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,301
and he's still in St. Louis.
4
00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:00,070
He says to tell you
that he misses you
5
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,104
and that everything is fine,
6
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:03,206
and he wants to thank
you for the nice way
7
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,243
that you're taking care
of his only son, and he...
8
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,611
Did you hear what I said?
9
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,580
Look at this news.
10
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,450
Have you been keeping up
with this women's lib stuff?
11
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:14,851
No. What's going on?
12
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,954
It says here that some
lady up in Sacramento
13
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:21,780
burned her bra in a pubic place.
14
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,822
That's "public" place, Grady.
15
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,037
Oh.
16
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,205
Can you imagine that,
17
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,807
burning your bra
in a public place?
18
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,976
Yeah, well, a lot of women
are doing that nowadays.
19
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,880
Yeah, and next, they'll
be burning their drawers.
20
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:47,884
I don't know what's getting
into these women of today.
21
00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:49,852
You know, women
used to be ladies.
22
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,488
Well, as far as I'm
concerned, Grady,
23
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:52,956
they still are.
24
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,257
No, they're not.
25
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,359
They go around
smoking them little cigars,
26
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:59,329
and they don't smooth
their dresses out behind
27
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,398
when they sit down anymore.
28
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:03,455
And they wear those
Seymour clothes.
29
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:06,769
What kind of clothes?
30
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,271
Seymour.
31
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,296
You know, you see more
of them than you do clothes.
32
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,913
My mother wasn't like
that. My mother was a lady,
33
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,583
and I don't care how
much she wanted to protest,
34
00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:22,319
she never would have
burned her bloomers.
35
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:23,953
Well, look, Grady,
36
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,756
times have changed since
your mother's day, man.
37
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,891
Women don't want to be known
38
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:32,362
for just staying at home and
having babies and cooking.
39
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,097
Well, if the lord had
have wanted women
40
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:37,033
to do something other
than cook and have babies,
41
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,302
he would have made them men.
42
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,671
Grady, that's not even
what I'm talking about.
43
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:42,672
Now, just sit down here.
44
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:43,873
I want to tell you something.
45
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:44,907
Just sit down.
46
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:48,111
Now, do you know
the main difference
47
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,734
between a man and a woman?
48
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,538
You don't know?
49
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,352
Oh, Lord, I think
50
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,588
your father's going
to have to talk to you.
51
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,423
I'm not even talking about sex.
52
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,459
It's impossible to have
an intelligent conversation
53
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:03,460
with you.
54
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:05,328
Get me some milk
for my cereal, please?
55
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,796
Well, I just think
56
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,632
you're taking the side
of them women libbers,
57
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:09,799
that's all.
58
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,100
Is that what you're doing,
59
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,935
just taking the side of
them women libbers?
60
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,737
Grady, I'm not taking
nobody's side, man.
61
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,939
I'm just trying to let you know
where they're coming from,
62
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,341
that's all.
63
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,143
Well, I might not know
where they're coming from,
64
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,646
but I know where
they ought to go.
65
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,482
They ought to be at home,
in the woman's domain.
66
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:29,352
Yeah, barefoot, pregnant,
and in the kitchen, I suppose?
67
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,877
No, barefoot, naked,
and in the boudoir.
68
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,860
You know what?
69
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,997
You're a dirty old
man. Yes, you are.
70
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,499
And all the time,
71
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,000
I thought you were
a clean old man.
72
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:47,770
I'll be a clean old man
when I'm a dead old man.
73
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,774
Now, will you get
the door, please,
74
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:55,111
while I finish reading
this terrible news?
75
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,013
I can't even eat my breakfast.
76
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,709
Just a minute. I'm coming.
77
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,857
Uncle Woodrow.
78
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,693
Can I come in, Lamont?
79
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,328
You already did.
80
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,296
Oh. Thanks, Lamont.
81
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,131
Who is it, Lamont?
82
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,132
It's Uncle Woodrow.
83
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,133
Who?
84
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,134
Uncle Woodrow.
85
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,325
That's what I thought you said.
86
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,447
Say, Grady, what are you doing?
87
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:33,015
Your father left me in charge,
88
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,518
and he said if your Uncle
Woodrow came around
89
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:40,189
that I was to hide the
booze from Woody the Wino.
90
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,225
I don't want a drink, Grady.
91
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:43,426
You don't?
92
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,729
No, no, that's not
what's on my mind.
93
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,297
I got trouble.
94
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,665
Trouble? Yeah.
95
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,501
Well, come over here,
sit down, take your hat off,
96
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,336
and tell me about
it, Uncle Woody.
97
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,038
Hey, man, what are you
doing with the suitcase?
98
00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:57,173
You going somewhere?
99
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:58,575
Yeah, I'm going somewhere.
100
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,710
Your Aunt Esther kicked
me out of the house.
101
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,445
What did she do, catch you
102
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,081
coming out of one of them
massage parlors again?
103
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,716
Grady!
104
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,818
Go ahead, Uncle Woody.
Tell me what happened, man.
105
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,821
See, I was out all night
drinking and celebrating,
106
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,690
and when I got
home this morning,
107
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,558
Esther had set
all my clothes out
108
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:18,361
in this suitcase and
wouldn't let me in.
109
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,263
Well, what were you celebrating?
110
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:23,099
Our 27th wedding anniversary.
111
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,334
Alone?
112
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,368
Yeah.
113
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,704
Uncle... Uncle Woody,
114
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:28,938
why didn't you take Aunt Esther
115
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,139
celebrating with you?
116
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,842
Because Esther's idea
of having a good time
117
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,110
is staying at home
118
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:37,213
watching Reverend
Ike on television.
119
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:38,381
Well, it looks like
120
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:39,982
you're in the doghouse
this time, Uncle Woody.
121
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,318
What are you planning on doing?
122
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,252
I don't know yet.
123
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,822
I guess I'll just have
to stay here a while.
124
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,590
Oh, no.
125
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:50,627
Nope, nope, nope.
126
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,129
What do you mean,
"nope, nope, nope"?
127
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,764
One of the things
your father said
128
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,466
was "no boarders,"
129
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,368
and I'm very sorry, Woody.
130
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,770
I don't know why
I came over here.
131
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:04,574
I guess it was fate that
brought me to your door.
132
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,008
And I guess it's Grady
133
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,644
that's going to take
you out the door.
134
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,512
Stop it. Now, look, Uncle Woody,
135
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,113
you just sit here and
make yourself comfortable,
136
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,515
and we're going to go in there
137
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:13,717
and make some coffee, all right?
138
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:14,718
Okay, Lamont.
139
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:15,719
Get over in the kitchen.
140
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,086
Yeah, just don't
get too comfortable.
141
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,120
Don't be telling my relatives...
142
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,355
That's my relative in there.
143
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,757
Do you know what
your father said?
144
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:23,259
Every time I say
something, you always...
145
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,661
Now, what's the
matter with you, Grady?
146
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,563
Woody's my favorite uncle.
147
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,197
We just can't throw
him in the street.
148
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,466
Your father said
149
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,701
that he didn't want
any winos in this house,
150
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:35,705
and I happen to know that
Woody is the Wino King of Watts.
151
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:40,076
All right, so let us assume
that he's going to stay here.
152
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,310
Where is he going to sleep?
153
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,112
He can sleep in my room.
154
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:47,238
And you sleep with me? Oh,
no. I heard about them toenails.
155
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:53,256
All right, I'll sleep on the
sofa. Are you satisfied?
156
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,459
All right, all right, but
tomorrow, Woody's got go.
157
00:06:56,483 --> 00:07:00,263
Locked me out of my
own house after 27 years.
158
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,264
Can you imagine?
159
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,465
Say, look here, Uncle Woody.
160
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,267
Say, look here, man.
We done talked about it,
161
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,869
and it'd be cool
if you stay here
162
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,470
until you get everything
straightened out at home.
163
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,472
I'm going to go upstairs
and fix up my room,
164
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:11,040
and you can sleep
there, all right?
165
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,109
Oh, thank you,
Lamont, thank you,
166
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,176
and thank you too, Grady.
167
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,380
Bless you both. Now
I can breathe easy.
168
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:21,017
Well, just don't breathe my way.
169
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:25,021
Uh, say, Grady, I was thinking,
170
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:29,025
would it be possible to get
a little shot of something?
171
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,661
Just a little toddy for
my body, you know?
172
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:35,832
That body is so shoddy
it don't need no toddy.
173
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,568
Now, look, you don't
understand, Grady.
174
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:41,538
Now, what if you'd been
married to Esther for 27 years,
175
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,540
and then all of a sudden,
176
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,808
it's all over and
no more Esther?
177
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,309
Now, what would you do, huh?
178
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,945
I'd celebrate and get drunk.
179
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:49,946
All right. Come on.
180
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,410
You can have a little taste.
181
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,139
I'll do it, thank you.
182
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,400
Grady, would you believe
I never used to drink
183
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,036
before I married Esther?
184
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,839
You know, Woody,
I hate to tell you this,
185
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,842
but you had to be
drunk to marry Esther.
186
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,944
No, I'm serious, Grady.
187
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,546
Now, listen. I love that woman.
188
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,682
It was love at first sight.
189
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,917
Now I know you was drunk.
190
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,786
Drunk on the wine of love.
191
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,455
I love that woman, Grady.
192
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:35,859
I love her, and I
miss her already.
193
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:39,796
Woody, Woody,
please don't do that.
194
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,866
You're making a damn
fool out of yourself.
195
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:43,900
I can't help it.
196
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,668
Sure you can.
197
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,370
It's cream puffs like you
198
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,172
that are letting these women
get away with all that stuff.
199
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,341
Now, if you had any backbone,
200
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,677
you'd march right
back over to your house
201
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,913
and put Esther in
her proper place.
202
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,180
Where's that?
203
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:01,484
On the receiving
end of your foot.
204
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,553
Now, move over
and let me fix you...
205
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:04,988
Give you another drink here,
206
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,879
and I'll help you get
your battle plan together.
207
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,462
See that? Now, you've
got to remember one thing.
208
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,565
You got to be the
only one in the house
209
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:16,866
to wear the pants.
210
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,669
Now, are you a
man or a cream puff?
211
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:22,160
Pour me another
shot and I'll tell you.
212
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:27,944
A man.
213
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,546
Yeah, well, that's it.
214
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,947
That's the way to go.
215
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,114
That's what I want you to do.
216
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,616
Now, sit down.
217
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,252
Now, see, Woody,
218
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,989
you got to get a
firm grip on Esther.
219
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,258
Now, I've been
reading in the paper
220
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:45,394
about how these women
are trying to take over.
221
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,864
Now, we've got to stop them.
222
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,833
We've got to maintain control.
223
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:54,437
Now, what if it don't
work on Esther?
224
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,673
There's different
strokes for different folks.
225
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,108
Do you want me
to help you or not?
226
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:02,078
Aren't you tired of
being a cream puff?
227
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:06,215
Yeah, yeah, I am.
228
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,416
Well, say it.
229
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,819
I am tired of
being a cream puff.
230
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,320
Louder.
231
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:14,490
I am tired of
being a cream puff!
232
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,659
Yeah. That's it.
That's the way. Yeah.
233
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:17,961
Have another drink.
234
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,996
That's the attitude I
want you to keep up,
235
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,798
and I want you to
have that attitude all...
236
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,633
I'm not going to be a
cream puff anymore!
237
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,734
Don't be no cream puff!
238
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,736
Yeah! A cream puff, am I?
239
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,471
Yeah, put her
where you want her.
240
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:32,475
That's a good idea.
Wait till I get home.
241
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:33,699
What?
242
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,580
Your room is ready,
Uncle Woodrow.
243
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,348
And I'm going
to sleep in it too.
244
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,183
Now, give me my suitcase.
245
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,485
What?
246
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:45,922
Would you get me my suitcase?
247
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:49,914
You heard your uncle. Will
you get him his suitcase?
248
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:53,562
The door, please.
249
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,563
The what?
250
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,565
The door!
251
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:59,902
Will you get the door, please?
252
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,138
Thank you, Grady,
for everything,
253
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,507
and here I go.
254
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,199
Charge!
255
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,759
Hey, Grady, you
got my lunch ready?
256
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,127
Oh, hi, Lamont. Yeah.
257
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,195
That's what I
call perfect timing.
258
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,097
I just finished your sandwich.
259
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,499
Now, have a seat
and get into it.
260
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,734
What is it?
261
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:35,038
Well, now, that's peanut
butter and liverwurst
262
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:38,897
on a toasted bagel
with a touch of mayo.
263
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:46,182
S... sounds great.
264
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,684
Say, listen, have
you heard anything
265
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,552
from Aunt Esther
and Uncle Woody?
266
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,587
No, I still haven't,
as a matter of fact,
267
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:53,389
but if Woody takes my advice,
268
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,124
he'll have peace of mind.
269
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,294
If Woody takes your advice,
he'll have eternal peace,
270
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:01,197
because Aunt
Esther will kill him.
271
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,298
Grady, you've got to learn
272
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,067
to stay out of
family affairs, man,
273
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,601
especially this family's.
274
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:10,106
Well, Dear Abby got rich
meddling in family affairs.
275
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,677
Then why don't you
get the door, Abby?
276
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:18,915
Yeah, okay. Say,
if you get thirsty,
277
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,482
there's some Hawaiian
Punch in the refrigerator
278
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:22,719
to go along with
your peanut butter
279
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:26,355
and liverwurst on
the toasted bagel.
280
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,812
Uh...
281
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:39,457
Uh... Hi, uh... Esther, fool.
282
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:45,374
Grady Wilson, I'm so mad at you
283
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:49,400
I could jump down your
throat and stomp your liver.
284
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,917
Well, now, I'm not in the
habit of fighting women,
285
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,720
but in your case, I'll
make an exception.
286
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:58,955
That did it.
287
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,522
Throw up your hands,
you old buzzard.
288
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:03,159
I'll teach you...
289
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:06,729
Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
290
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:07,864
Now, wait a minute.
291
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,799
Now, come over
here and sit down.
292
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,234
I'm a Christian woman, Lamont.
293
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,368
I know that.
294
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,469
I live by the book.
295
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:14,536
I know, Aunt Esther.
296
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,537
People take advantage of me.
297
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:16,538
I know that.
298
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:17,539
It's a shame.
299
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:18,741
Now, would you just relax?
300
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:20,576
Now, tell me what happened.
301
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:26,415
Woodrow locked me
out is what happened.
302
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,284
No...
303
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,620
And it was all his
idea. You old goat!
304
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,689
Maa!
305
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:36,859
Grady... now,
you just stop that.
306
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,227
Now, go ahead, Aunt Esther.
307
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,228
Tell me what happened.
308
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,429
When I got back
309
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,531
from visiting the
sick and the shut-ins,
310
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:46,903
my bag was packed
and set on the porch.
311
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:50,706
Woodrow had locked
and bolted the door
312
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,641
and wouldn't let me in.
313
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,078
Little Uncle Woodrow did that?
314
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:58,281
But he's such a pussycat.
315
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:02,418
A pussycat who got turned
into a snaggletoothed tiger.
316
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,955
All I did was speak
to him man to man.
317
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,624
All you did was speak
to him creep to creep,
318
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,026
you creep!
319
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,161
Now, just wait a minute.
Now, wait a minute.
320
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,263
Now, there's got to be a
sensible solution to this.
321
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,531
There certainly is,
322
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:16,933
and I'm staying right here
323
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,768
until this mess is cleared up.
324
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,604
And I think that that is fair.
325
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:25,975
Oh, no. Nope, nope, nope.
326
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,110
What do you mean,
"nope, nope, nope"?
327
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:29,645
I mean she can't stay here
328
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,214
because there isn't any room.
329
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,415
That's what they
told the baby Jesus,
330
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,184
but they found him a place.
331
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,420
Okay, I'll build
you a little manger
332
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,544
out in the backyard.
333
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:48,386
And I'll get you some
sheep to sleep with.
334
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,767
Why, you dirty...
335
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:55,004
Aunt Esther! Now, never mind.
336
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,705
Now, come here, Aunt Esther.
337
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:57,907
Now, look.
338
00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:00,309
Now, you can go upstairs
and you can stay in my room.
339
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,944
The linen has
already been changed.
340
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:03,279
Now, wait a minute, Lamont.
341
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,047
I don't think your father
would approve of this.
342
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,048
Go on up there
343
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,649
and make yourself
comfortable, hear?
344
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,507
Thank you, baby.
345
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:13,055
Now, just listen.
346
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,657
Don't you go in my
room by mistake,
347
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,426
because if I pull
back them covers
348
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:21,786
and see you, I might
have a stroke and die.
349
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,235
Grady Wilson,
350
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:31,540
I wouldn't go in your room
to save my mama's life.
351
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,542
And another thing,
352
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:36,279
when you talk to
that worm Woodrow,
353
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:44,303
you tell him his behind is
grass and I am the lawnmower.
354
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,961
I'll bust his skull.
355
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:55,197
I'll run into him like a
hobo run into a freight train.
356
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:58,334
See what you did?
Just see what you did.
357
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,835
Look what you've done now.
358
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,137
What I've done? I
haven't done nothing.
359
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,371
Yeah, thanks to you,
360
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:06,242
now we got Sister
Ike staying with us.
361
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,477
You mean thanks to you,
362
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,878
and it's all your fault, Grady.
363
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,048
You should have minded
your own business.
364
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,515
Woodrow made it my business
365
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,784
when he came over
here this morning.
366
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,753
Grady, you should know by now
367
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:18,955
to stay out of family affairs,
368
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,589
especially my family's.
369
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,258
Just stay out of it.
370
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:27,296
I've got it. I've got an idea.
371
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,297
Oh, no.
372
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:32,668
I've got me a little plan.
373
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:36,472
Yes, indeedy, I've
got me a little plan.
374
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,977
Now what are you doing?
375
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,981
Just you wait and see.
I've got me a little plan.
376
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:47,872
Grady Wilson, you are a genius.
377
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:57,193
Hello, Woody?
Yeah, this is Grady.
378
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,695
Well, yeah, I told
you it would work.
379
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:03,065
She's over here right now
just bawling like a baby.
380
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:04,433
You ought to see her.
381
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:12,457
Yeah. "Woodrow, Woodrow,
I wants my Woodrow."
382
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,034
Now, Woody, would I lie to you?
383
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:22,451
So I'm telling you, Woody,
she's yours if you want her.
384
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,621
She'll be eating out of
the palm of your hand.
385
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:29,247
Listen, just wash your
hands and get on over here.
386
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,428
Now, what did you do that for?
387
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:33,729
If Woodrow comes over here
388
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,131
expecting Aunt
Esther to be meek,
389
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,199
she's liable to knock him down.
390
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:41,137
One down and one to go.
391
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,040
You're going to be sorry
you did this, Grady Wilson.
392
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,307
Mark my words.
393
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,976
You're going to be
sorry you did this.
394
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,178
Aunt Minnie, Aunt Flossie!
395
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:50,179
Hello, Lamont.
396
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,981
Baby. How are you?
397
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,783
What's the matter? What
are you all doing here?
398
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,852
We're here looking for
our poor sweet sister.
399
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,087
We just left her house,
400
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:00,822
and Woody the worm
said he put her out,
401
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:03,025
and we figured
she'd be over here.
402
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,027
So we came over here
as fast as we could.
403
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:08,564
All right. Just... Just make
yourself at home here.
404
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,565
Aunt Esther!
405
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:10,832
What is it, baby?
406
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:14,002
Aunt Minnie and Aunt
Flossie are here to see you.
407
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:24,813
Flossie! Minnie!
408
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,349
Baby, don't be upset.
409
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:29,618
We've come to take
care of the whole thing.
410
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,290
Don't worry, Esther.
He does not...
411
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,424
We'll take care of Woodrow.
412
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,425
That's right.
413
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,026
He ain't going to
get away with it.
414
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:42,331
It wasn't all Woodrow's
fault. Grady put him up to this.
415
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,432
Grady did?
416
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,766
That's right.
417
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,569
He put all this
wickedness in his head
418
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:47,836
by getting him drunk.
419
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,972
There ain't enough
liquor in this house
420
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,308
to get Woodrow drunk.
421
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:55,544
It's all your fault. Let's
beat the hell out of him.
422
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:58,647
Wait a minute!
Don't... Wait a minute!
423
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,649
Now, just wait a minute.
424
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,017
Now, wait a minute.
Please, ladies.
425
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:03,018
Now, just sit down.
426
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,186
Yeah, sit down!
427
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,721
We ain't sitting down!
428
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,256
And you stay out of
this, Grady Wilson!
429
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,757
This whole thing is your fault.
430
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,092
My fault?
431
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,361
They're the ones that
are resorting to violence,
432
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:14,930
and as the late J.
Edgar Hoover said,
433
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,199
"Violence must be
met by violence."
434
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:19,224
Just wait a minute!
435
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,938
Now, nobody move.
436
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:27,510
I said nobody move!
437
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:31,079
The craziest house I ever
seen. I should go to St. Louis.
438
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,182
Uncle Woodrow.
439
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:35,083
Woodrow! Woodrow!
440
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,919
Did I hear somebody
calling Woodrow?
441
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:42,958
Yeah, that was your maker
calling you to his bosom,
442
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,427
and your tombstone is ready.
443
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:48,697
Wait a minute, wait
a minute, Aunt Esther.
444
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,766
Now, there'll be no
killing in this house!
445
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:54,403
That's right. Take him
outside. Don't kill him in here.
446
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,572
I don't want no
blood on these rugs.
447
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:59,107
Say, Grady, I thought you said
448
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,544
she would be eating out
of the palm of my hand.
449
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:04,669
Here I washed my
hands for nothing!
450
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:10,152
Is that what you
told him, sucker?
451
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:13,021
I was only trying
to help him out.
452
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,156
Come on, Woodrow,
453
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:18,126
this is where the cream
puff meets the battle ax.
454
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:21,664
Who are you calling
a battle ax, chump?
455
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:25,634
Yeah, who are you
calling a battle ax, chump?
456
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:27,336
Well, let me see.
457
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:31,873
There's one, two,
three. Take your choice.
458
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,409
Woodrow, are you
going to stand here
459
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,011
and let this hairy ape
call me a battle ax?
460
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,646
Now, wait just a
minute, hairy ape.
461
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:42,284
This battle ax
happens to be my wife!
462
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:43,719
Talk to him, Woodrow.
463
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,455
Now, you can't talk
to my wife like that.
464
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:50,058
I'm sorry about all
this, Esther, baby.
465
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:55,364
I'm sorry too,
Woodrow lambie-pie.
466
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:56,998
Grady was the old serpent
467
00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:58,867
that tried to cast me out
468
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,236
of my Garden of Eden.
469
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,304
Yeah, Grady was the old serpent
470
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:05,040
that tried to cast you out of
your Garden of Eden. Yeah.
471
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:08,977
It's all your fault,
you old serpent!
472
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:13,048
That's the thanks I get
for trying to help you out.
473
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,817
Woodrow, you ain't
nothing but a cream puff,
474
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,319
and ought to have the cream
475
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:19,321
squeezed out of your puff.
476
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:22,458
Don't you touch
a hair on his body.
477
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:27,529
Yeah, don't you touch
a hair on his body.
478
00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:31,133
Oh, I see, so now it's
two against one, huh?
479
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,167
Three.
480
00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:33,168
Four.
481
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:35,837
Make that five.
482
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:39,174
Well, now, I'd be the
last man to call for help,
483
00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:44,045
and since I'm the
last man... help!
484
00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:45,781
Come on, baby.
485
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:48,450
Let's get out of
this den of iniquity.
486
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,453
Yeah, let's get out
of this den of iniquity.
487
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:58,182
Bock, bock, bock,
bock, bock, bock!
488
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:04,433
There they go...
Battle ax, cream puff,
489
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:08,570
and the two brides
of Frankenstein.
490
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:10,238
Well, I hope you're
happy now, Grady.
491
00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:11,540
I hope you're satisfied.
492
00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:15,344
You almost busted up Aunt
Esther and Uncle Woody,
493
00:22:15,368 --> 00:22:16,612
you embarrassed my family,
494
00:22:16,636 --> 00:22:18,414
you caused all this
trouble in the first place...
495
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:22,184
Wait a minute,
now. Just hold it.
496
00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:24,386
Now, I brought them
back together again,
497
00:22:24,410 --> 00:22:25,387
didn't I?
498
00:22:25,411 --> 00:22:27,456
Oh, big deal.
499
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,125
Now, who was that a victory
for, the men or women's lib?
500
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:33,061
I'd say it was a standoff.
501
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:35,864
They ought to both burn
their drawers in a pubic place.
502
00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:37,766
That's public place!
503
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:40,057
Public place!
504
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,108
Well, I'll see you later, Grady.
505
00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:48,344
I'm going out for the evening.
506
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,512
I've got a little date
lined up, you know?
507
00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:51,747
Did you hear what I said?
508
00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:55,217
Did you know that
them women libbers
509
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:58,220
object to that airline
advertisement?
510
00:22:58,244 --> 00:23:01,089
You know, the one that
says, "I'm Margie. Fly me."
511
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:03,091
Are you back on that again?
512
00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:06,027
Well, I don't see what's
wrong with flying Margie.
513
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,063
It ain't up to the
women libbers.
514
00:23:08,087 --> 00:23:10,666
It's up to Margie,
515
00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:14,936
and if she says, "Fly me,"
then we should all fly her.
516
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,373
Grady, look, it's
like I told you.
517
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,875
Women don't want to
be known as sex symbols.
518
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:23,779
It says here that the man
that came up with the idea
519
00:23:23,803 --> 00:23:26,904
is probably a male Chinese pig.
520
00:23:33,979 --> 00:23:37,359
That's "male chauvinist pig."
521
00:23:37,383 --> 00:23:38,883
Oh.
522
00:23:42,455 --> 00:23:45,634
Well, anyway, they
are sex symbols,
523
00:23:45,658 --> 00:23:48,236
and cooking symbols
and kitchen symbols
524
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,838
and sewing symbols,
525
00:23:49,862 --> 00:23:51,774
and they ought
to get used to it.
526
00:23:51,798 --> 00:23:53,442
Okay, fine, Grady,
have it your own way,
527
00:23:53,466 --> 00:23:54,676
but I've got a little date,
528
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:55,811
and good night, Grady.
529
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:57,679
Hey, wait a minute.
Where are you going?
530
00:23:57,703 --> 00:23:58,980
I fixed supper for you.
531
00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:00,783
I'm sorry. I told
you, I've got a date.
532
00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:01,983
What kind of business is that?
533
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,318
I've been in this
kitchen all day
534
00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:04,319
slaving over a hot stove.
535
00:24:04,343 --> 00:24:05,454
Good night, Grady.
536
00:24:05,478 --> 00:24:06,755
You can't do that to me.
537
00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:11,126
I mean, don't you see the
sweat rolling down my face?
538
00:24:11,150 --> 00:24:13,796
You male Chinese pig!
539
00:24:22,595 --> 00:24:24,272
Sanford and Son
is recorded on tape
540
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,697
before a live studio audience.
38868
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