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1
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♪ Blee be doo be
doo boo doo... ♪
2
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,656
Grady, will you hurry up?
3
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,158
Will you hurry up?
4
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,882
You move slower than a fat
woman in a cactus garden...
5
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:33,192
barefooted...
blindfolded... naked.
6
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:37,169
I just want to make
sure you don't jump me.
7
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,181
What'd you do that for?
8
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,649
Because you was
going to jump me.
9
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,518
Well, you can't shove
that out there like that
10
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:49,752
and then take your finger off.
11
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:50,987
That's against the
rules of the game.
12
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:53,823
That's only because
you made up your mind
13
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,792
that that's the move
you wanted to make.
14
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,627
I know, that's what I said.
15
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,429
But it don't show
I've made up my mind
16
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,831
if that's the move
I wanted to make.
17
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:06,936
It only shows that my
finger is slower than my mind,
18
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,906
because after I shoved
it, I changed my mind,
19
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,875
but my finger didn't
change my move.
20
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:14,478
Yeah, but you
shoved it out there
21
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:15,612
and took your finger off.
22
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:19,149
That's my finger's fault,
23
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,651
not where I wanted to shove it.
24
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,853
Grady, I don't know where
you want to shove your finger,
25
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,778
but I know where I'd
like to shove my foot.
26
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,061
Now, come on, man,
let's get some action.
27
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,598
Fred, if I could
get some action,
28
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:38,701
I wouldn't be sitting here
playing checkers with you.
29
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:41,738
Come on, Grady, I
don't want to rush you,
30
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,540
but I want to get
this game over with
31
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,242
before Lamont comes home,
32
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,611
because if he comes here
and find me playing checkers
33
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,645
instead of doing my work,
34
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,679
he's going to be mad.
35
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,381
Okay, all right. Come on.
36
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:54,618
Okay, okay, okay. Just
a minute. Play, then.
37
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:55,922
Jeez.
38
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,397
I knew he was going to be mad,
39
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:11,000
but I didn't know he
was going to be this mad.
40
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,335
We going to stop playing, son.
41
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,836
That's not what I'm mad about.
42
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:14,937
Then what is it?
43
00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:16,439
I got a traffic ticket, Pop!
44
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,308
A dumb traffic ticket.
45
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,612
Let me see.
46
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,747
"Failure to yield
to the right of way."
47
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,783
What did you do
that for? I didn't!
48
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,218
I know you didn't.
49
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,987
That's what failing means.
50
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,656
You were supposed
to do something
51
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,123
and didn't do it,
52
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:37,294
and then not doing it,
that means that you did it.
53
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,829
You shouldn't have did it,
but you did it, didn't you?
54
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,464
What are you talking about?
55
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,266
I'm explaining the situation.
56
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,235
May I make a suggestion?
57
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:47,003
The situation is that
I had the green light,
58
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,538
but I still got a ticket
59
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,707
for failing to yield to a guy
who jumped the red light.
60
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,775
If you had the green
light, you can't get a ticket.
61
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:55,345
You can if the light is
green, and you black,
62
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:58,582
and the cop is white.
63
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,083
Well, may I make a suggestion?
64
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:01,784
You say you're innocent?
65
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,486
That's right. What
are you going to do?
66
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:04,887
What do you mean?
67
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:05,888
I'm going to pay it.
68
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:09,025
May I make a suggestion?
69
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,059
Well, you can't pay that ticket
70
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,094
if you're right.
71
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,729
If you're right,
you got to fight it.
72
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,297
Oh, come on, Pop.
Don't be ridiculous.
73
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,699
You can't fight
a traffic ticket.
74
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:18,268
I'm not being
ridiculous, you are.
75
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,002
Now, look, you get a ticket
76
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,871
from a white cop
in a blue uniform
77
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,873
in a black neighborhood,
78
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,343
and it makes you so
mad that you see red,
79
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,645
and you ain't going to fight
it because you're too yellow.
80
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,146
Now, what are you?
81
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:33,705
What are you, a man
or a box of crayons?
82
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,320
May I make a suggestion?
83
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:38,821
What is it, Grady?
84
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,857
I think he needs
some legal advice,
85
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,659
and I have a friend
who is a lawyer.
86
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:43,660
Why don't I call him?
87
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,662
A lawyer? Yeah.
88
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:46,763
That's a good idea.
89
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,231
Why didn't you speak up before?
90
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,432
Well, that's what
I was trying to...
91
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,800
Well call him on
the phone, Grady.
92
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,001
I was going to do that...
93
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,637
Just call him on
the phone, Grady.
94
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,905
Okay.
95
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,940
Look, here, son, let's
clean this mess up here.
96
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,242
You come over here
97
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,278
and un-coordinate
this whole house...
98
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,279
Pop, what's the use?
99
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,680
What's the use in
getting a lawyer?
100
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,315
You can give it
a try, can't you?
101
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,516
What are we talking about?
102
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,851
We can't afford no lawyer.
103
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:09,986
I think we can
afford this lawyer
104
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:10,987
that Grady's calling.
105
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,291
Right, Grady?
106
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,725
Right...
107
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:19,729
Hello, Sonny
Cochran's Tailor Shop?
108
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,766
Hello, Sonny.
Yeah, this is Grady.
109
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,867
Yeah, I'm over to Fred
Sanford's junkyard,
110
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,103
and we need some legal advice.
111
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,306
Can you come over right away?
112
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,341
Yeah, I'll explain when
you get here, Sonny.
113
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,476
Yeah. Yeah, okay. Goodbye.
114
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,378
Who's that you called, Grady?
115
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,180
Well, that was Sonny.
116
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:40,183
You know, he's sort
of a lawyer-tailor.
117
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:43,920
You see, his law business
wasn't working out so good,
118
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,055
so he opened up a tailor shop,
119
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,024
and now he does a
little law on the side,
120
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,091
and he gets by fine.
121
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:50,960
Look, I don't need
a tailor or a lawyer,
122
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,729
and I'm not going
to court, okay?
123
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:53,763
Well, listen, son.
124
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:54,997
Look, you've got
to fight this thing.
125
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,566
Yeah, because, see, next time,
126
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,301
it could be me
getting the same ticket,
127
00:05:58,325 --> 00:05:59,869
and even worse than
that, it could be Grady.
128
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,171
How could it be worse if
he gets the same ticket?
129
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,108
Because Grady don't
have no driver's license.
130
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:07,877
Now, come on son,
what can you lose?
131
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,946
A day's work, plus the fine.
132
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,782
Aw, shucks, don't be negative.
133
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,183
What if you win?
134
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,585
Hey, Pop, you can't win.
135
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,186
Man, haven't you ever
heard that old saying,
136
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,355
"You can't fight City Hall"?
137
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:19,356
Oh, yes. You can.
138
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,623
I know a guy who did.
139
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,425
You see? Who was it, Grady?
140
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:25,495
Clayton Foley. You remember
Clayton Foley, don't you?
141
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:26,496
Clayton Foley? Yeah.
142
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,531
Ugly Clayton Foley.
143
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,533
Yeah, he used to work
down at the pool hall.
144
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,569
Yeah, real ugly with
the big bug eyes.
145
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,003
Yeah, that's Clayton.
146
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,672
Yeah, you see, you see,
147
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:38,074
he had a goiter in his neck
148
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:41,745
because his thyroid
wasn't working too good,
149
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:46,048
and that caused his
eyes to bug out, like...
150
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:52,389
That's what got him in
trouble, them bugged-out eyes.
151
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:58,261
You see, Clayton, Clayton
was a window washer,
152
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:01,264
and he was washing
this lady's window,
153
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:05,034
and she saw him looking at
her with them bugged-out eyes
154
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:08,237
and thought he
was a Peeping Tom,
155
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:12,208
and she had him arrested
for being a dirty old man.
156
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,243
And you say he fought
that case and won it?
157
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,978
He sure did.
158
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,480
He went to the doctor
159
00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:20,784
and got a certificate
saying that he had a goiter.
160
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,685
He walked three
miles in the rain,
161
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:23,986
gave it to the judge,
162
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,155
and the judge
found him innocent.
163
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:30,059
Two weeks later, Clayton
died of pneumonia,
164
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,528
but he died knowing
165
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:35,097
that he was a clean
old man with a goiter.
166
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,332
See that, son?
167
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,701
If Ugly Clayton can
do it, so can you.
168
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:40,837
Yeah, but he died
doing it, remember?
169
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,172
Well, you can't fight City Hall
170
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:46,175
without making a few sacrifices.
171
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,278
Oh, that must be Sonny.
172
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,413
I'll get the door.
173
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:51,347
Yeah, you get it, Grady.
174
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:54,016
Right, sure, I'll get it.
175
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,452
Hey, Sonny.
176
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,653
Hey.
177
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,421
How are you doing?
Come right on in.
178
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,723
Yeah, Fred, this
is Sonny Cochran.
179
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,091
Sonny, this here
is Fred Sanford.
180
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,427
Hello, Sonny. Mr. Sanford.
181
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:07,263
And that's, uh, uh... Lamont.
182
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,699
Yeah. Sit down, Sonny.
Have a little sit-down.
183
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,201
Yeah. Sit down, Sonny.
Have a little sit-down.
184
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,303
Right here.
185
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,238
Now, say, Sonny,
are you a lawyer?
186
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,508
That depends on who you ask.
187
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,042
If you ask me, I'm a lawyer.
188
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,345
Well, who says
you're not a lawyer?
189
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,815
The State of California.
190
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:29,085
But Sonny knows more
law than most judges.
191
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,620
Go ahead, ask
him anything, Fred.
192
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:31,988
Well, look here, Sonny.
193
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,790
Now, Lamont here
got a traffic ticket,
194
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:34,791
and he's innocent.
195
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,893
Now, what should he do about it?
196
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:41,364
Well, two viable options
immediately suggest themselves.
197
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,500
He can either pay
the fine, or fight it.
198
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:46,903
Oh! Did you hear that, Fred?
199
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,638
He's good, Grady.
200
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:51,741
Man, that was legal talk!
201
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:55,311
Look, look, look, I'm
going to pay the fine
202
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:58,214
just like I did the last two,
and just skip all the hassle.
203
00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:59,682
You have two prior tickets?
204
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:00,750
Yeah.
205
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:01,918
Within the past year?
206
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,386
Yeah.
207
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,421
If you have two prior
tickets within the past year,
208
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:06,789
do you know what this means?
209
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,124
What?
210
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:12,751
This means that this
is your third ticket.
211
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,432
And what I mean is...
212
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,100
I told you he was good.
213
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,503
Very good.
214
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,104
Under California law,
215
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:25,207
you're only allowed
four tickets in one year,
216
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,044
and if this one goes on
your record as the third one,
217
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,946
you're only one
away from the big one.
218
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,314
The big one?
219
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:33,583
What happens when
you get the big one?
220
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,652
The judge can
revoke your license
221
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,053
and no more driving.
222
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,856
Then that means that
there goes the truck.
223
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,424
There goes the business.
224
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,026
There goes Sanford.
225
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,028
There goes Son.
226
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:48,297
Going to be nothing
left but "and."
227
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,033
Son, I think you
ought to fight it.
228
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,634
Yeah, you may not have a choice.
229
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:52,936
Well, listen,
230
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,403
what are the chances
of fighting this case?
231
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,973
Well, that depends
on your line of defense,
232
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,408
but first we have to
ascertain the facts.
233
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,409
Tell me, what happened?
234
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,446
Well, see, I had
the green light,
235
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,882
and there was this guy that
came up from my right side,
236
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,884
and he was just about
to run the red light,
237
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,318
but he stopped all of a sudden.
238
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:10,587
So to keep from hitting him,
239
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,789
I had to go around him
and run through the light.
240
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,824
But you were supposed
to stop and yield.
241
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,226
He was supposed to
stop and yield for him.
242
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,196
You were supposed to
stop and yield, dummy.
243
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,231
I know that, but there
was a guy behind me,
244
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,033
and if I had stopped
all of a sudden,
245
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,635
I could have got
rammed in the rear.
246
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,336
Yeah, and that'd be dangerous.
247
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,573
You can get whiplash
and a rammed rear.
248
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,575
Well, did you tell
this to the officer?
249
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,176
Yeah, I told him, but he said
250
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,045
the guy behind me had
enough room to stop. A-ha!
251
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:39,482
We may have a
good defense after all.
252
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,251
The facts establish
two immediate hazards,
253
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,820
one in front, and
one in the back.
254
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:48,390
And a dummy in the middle.
255
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:50,159
It may no longer
be Lamont's word
256
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,494
against the policeman's word,
257
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:52,962
but Lamont's judgment
258
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,231
against the
policeman's judgment.
259
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,433
Your best defense
is to take the stand
260
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,035
and tell the simple truth,
261
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,402
and here's what you do.
262
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,839
Watch this, Sonny's going to
show him how to do it in court.
263
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:03,840
Yeah, watch this, Lamont.
264
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:04,841
Yeah, watch this.
265
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,777
Is everybody watching?
266
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,946
Yeah, we're watching.
Go ahead, Sonny.
267
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:15,685
You get up in front of
the judge and you say,
268
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:20,356
"Your Honor, my
story is quite simple.
269
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,358
"I saw a car pull
in front of me,
270
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:26,763
"which constituted
an immediate hazard,
271
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,465
"and even though I
had the green light,
272
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,901
"I was intending to
yield the right of way
273
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:34,336
"just as the law says,
274
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,028
because I was always
taught to obey the law."
275
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,178
I'm not finished.
276
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,780
Oh, sorry.
277
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:47,516
"But just then, I looked
into my rear-view mirror,
278
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,053
"and I saw a car coming
up fast behind me.
279
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:51,954
"Now, what was I to do?
280
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,957
"Break the law and
avoid an accident?
281
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,559
"Or obey the law
282
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,895
"and see the blood
of my fellow man
283
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:02,865
"spilled on the streets
of our beautiful city?
284
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,001
"I made my decision,
285
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,704
"and I accept
full responsibility
286
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:11,407
"and throw myself on
the mercy of the court,
287
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,998
and place my fate in
the hands of Your Honor."
288
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,302
Now.
289
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:20,549
Oh, Grady.
290
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,852
He's great, ain't he?
291
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,954
Hey, Sonny, that
was just beautiful.
292
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,288
That was beautiful.
293
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,824
You know you should be a lawyer
294
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:31,360
or have your own TV
series in a wheelchair.
295
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,429
Thank you.
296
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:36,165
Hey, listen, now, how
much do we owe you
297
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,000
for this valuable legal advice?
298
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,236
Well, I never charge my friends,
299
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,705
but what you can do is
let me make you a suit.
300
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,573
Now, one of my $49 specials.
301
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,574
Well, good.
302
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,743
Well, make me a suit
303
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,510
with two pairs of
pants and a vest,
304
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:50,512
and throw in a
pair of white socks.
305
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:51,513
It's a deal.
306
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:52,514
You got a deal.
307
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:53,950
Good luck, Lamont.
308
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,184
Yeah.
309
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,719
And don't forget,
310
00:12:56,743 --> 00:13:00,544
throw yourself on
the mercy of the court.
311
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,660
Didn't I tell you
he was a winner?
312
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:05,661
He is great.
313
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:06,763
Oh, man.
314
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,664
Hey, wait up, Sonny,
I'll have a little...
315
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,299
I'll walk over to
the shop with you,
316
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,323
because I'm having a
little trouble with my zipper.
317
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:16,839
How about that, son?
318
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,941
You got all that
valuable information
319
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,477
that you can use
in court for nothing...
320
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,646
because I ain't going
to pay no $49 for no suit.
321
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,115
Do you think I'm going
to get up in the courtroom
322
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,516
and do a scene like he did?
323
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:28,684
Why not?
324
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,753
Because he's a tailor.
He ain't no lawyer.
325
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,889
Take a chance. I
mean, best you can do...
326
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,891
I mean, you can't let people
take advantage of you.
327
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,692
Yeah, but what if I lose?
328
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,094
You are not going to lose.
329
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,796
What if I do? I
could go to jail.
330
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,431
Listen, don't even
think like that.
331
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,033
Yeah, but that's the
chance I'm taking, Pop.
332
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,902
If I go to jail, then
where will you be?
333
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,436
Where will I be?
334
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,071
I'll be outside the jail
335
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,507
with a big sign saying
"Free Lamont Sanford!"
336
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:55,300
Free Lamont Sanford!
Free Lamont...
337
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,515
All rise. This court
is now in session.
338
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,818
Judge James Cleaver presiding.
339
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:04,687
Say, why do we got to
stand up for the judges?
340
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,289
Respect. Now, be quiet.
341
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:11,493
I don't mind getting up
for a woman, but a judge?
342
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,037
Hey, you don't think
judges might be...?
343
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,035
Would you stop that?
344
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,003
Well, they wear
them long black skirts,
345
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:24,106
and in England, the
judges wear powdered wigs.
346
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:25,474
And they don't
even have offices.
347
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,998
They have chambers.
348
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:29,378
I know. Now, be quiet.
349
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,547
Well, any time a
guy has a chamber
350
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,382
and wears a long
black skirt like that
351
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,684
and would put on a powdered wig,
352
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,042
I just happen to
think he might be...
353
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,785
Look at the judge.
It's a brother.
354
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,002
Son, we got it made.
355
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,770
Call the first case.
356
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,306
Juan Diego Lopez.
357
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,541
He's a Mexican.
358
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:00,576
No kidding.
359
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,610
Do you swear to tell the truth,
360
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,079
the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth,
361
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,080
so help you God?
362
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,082
Si.
363
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:09,118
I bet you he got
a speeding ticket.
364
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,988
See, because when
Mexicans get their car started,
365
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,356
they have to drive real fast
366
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,857
so they can get
where they're going
367
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,401
before the car stalls again.
368
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,168
Mr. Lopez, you were cited
for causing a traffic jam
369
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,970
on the fast lane of the
Hollywood Freeway.
370
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:31,340
I was driving in
the fast lane, si,
371
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,310
but I was going fast as I could.
372
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,677
But it says on
the traffic ticket
373
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:36,946
you were going 35 miles an hour.
374
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:40,405
That's as fast as my car can go.
375
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:43,185
Then in that case,
376
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:44,787
you shouldn't have
been in the fast lane.
377
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,422
You should have been
driving in the slow lane
378
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,523
as the law requires.
379
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,325
I didn't know that.
380
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,535
What did you say?
381
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,359
I didn't know that.
382
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,942
Well, ignorance of
the law is no excuse.
383
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,344
I have no alternative
but to find you guilty.
384
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,479
See, that's what was wrong.
385
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,863
He let the judge
know he was ignorant.
386
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,184
Now, whatever you do,
387
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,648
don't let the judge know
how ignorant you are.
388
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,623
I fine you $25.
389
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,459
Pay the cashier on your way out.
390
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,793
Thank you.
391
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,768
What did you say?
392
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,625
I didn't know that.
393
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,319
This is the right courtroom.
394
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,688
They've got to be
here somewhere.
395
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:53,722
Oh, there they are!
396
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:57,493
Hey, Fred! Here we are!
397
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,628
Hey, hey. Come on down.
398
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:00,829
Hey, would you guys move?
399
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,964
Would you all move over there?
400
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,099
These are my friends.
401
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,933
Yeah, excuse me.
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
402
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,102
Hey, hey. Come on down.
403
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,470
Court will be in order.
404
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,438
Say, what are those
clowns doing here?
405
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,939
I invited them to come.
406
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,441
Why?
407
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,543
Because when the judge
sees you got a lot of friends,
408
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,944
it would be good for
character witnesses.
409
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:16,945
Hey, hey. Hey, Bubba.
410
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:17,946
How are you doing?
411
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,215
I'm glad you all could make it.
412
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,117
Yeah. Lamont Sanford.
413
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,318
Either they leave
or I'm leaving,
414
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,919
because I'm not
going to stay in here
415
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:25,287
and be embarrassed...
Lamont Sanford.
416
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:26,288
They're calling your name.
417
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,524
Go on up there, son. Go ahead.
418
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,894
Hey, hey, hey, hey, listen.
I'm so glad you guys made it.
419
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,862
You are charged
420
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,465
with violation of Section
21803 of the Vehicle Code,
421
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,234
failing to yield
the right of way.
422
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,435
How do you plead?
423
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,870
No. Uh, not guilty.
424
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,972
Is the arresting
officer present?
425
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,941
Yes, Your Honor.
426
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,544
Please take the stand.
427
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,645
Hey, Fred.
428
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:50,712
Huh?
429
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,248
Two to one he's found guilty.
430
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:53,749
Put your money
where your mouth is.
431
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,351
I got two bucks
that says he's guilty.
432
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,818
All right.
433
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:58,454
How about you,
Grady? You want some?
434
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,789
I'll put 50 cents on it.
435
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,324
I'll take 50 cents
worth of that.
436
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,926
Let me have part of it.
437
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,428
I'll give each one
of you a quarter.
438
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,595
All right.
439
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:07,696
Where's your two dollars, Fred?
440
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,798
No, one dollar. It's
two to one, isn't it?
441
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,033
Okay, all bets in.
442
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:13,057
The defendant
will take the stand.
443
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:17,339
Do you swear to tell the truth,
444
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:18,941
the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth,
445
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,342
so help you God?
446
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:21,846
I do. Be seated.
447
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:27,049
Will you tell the
court what happened?
448
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,817
Uh, well, Your Honor,
449
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:31,620
I realize now that
the legal thing to do
450
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,589
would have been to
yield the right of way,
451
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:37,359
but sometimes just being
legal isn't all there is to it.
452
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:40,862
See, all I was doing was
trying to avoid an accident,
453
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:41,863
but it turns out
454
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,199
that that was the
right thing to do,
455
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,000
but not the legal thing to do.
456
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,203
Hey, he look good.
457
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,004
Do I still have to
give two to one?
458
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:51,140
No, I'll bet you another
dollar, even money.
459
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,608
Okay.
460
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,777
Officer, what was the
condition of the other car?
461
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,813
He had plenty of time to stop.
462
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,081
Well, I object, Your Honor.
463
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,282
May I ask the arresting officer
464
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,550
a very important question?
465
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,352
Mr. Sanford, I would think
466
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:04,886
that whatever question you had
467
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:07,256
would be better
asked by your counsel.
468
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,757
Are you represented by counsel?
469
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:09,992
Well, see, when I came up here,
470
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,228
I figured that...
Pardon me, Judge.
471
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,496
Did you say that that question
472
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,598
could be better
answered by his counsel?
473
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,766
That is correct. Who are you?
474
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:21,470
I'm his counsel.
475
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,665
Order in the court.
476
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,748
You say you're the
counsel for the defendant?
477
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,117
I've been
counseling all his life,
478
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,007
and I want to ask this
officer here a question.
479
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,456
Very well. Proceed.
480
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,213
Now, here's the question.
481
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,817
What have you got
against black drivers?
482
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,903
Order. Order.
483
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,640
I will not tolerate
these outbursts,
484
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,908
and you will
restrict your inquiry
485
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,310
to the matter before the court.
486
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:04,180
Well, that's what's wrong
with the court, Judge.
487
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,781
A black man ain't got
a chance down here.
488
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,015
I'm black.
489
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,079
Well, you're the
judge. That don't count.
490
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:14,323
Listen, why don't you
arrest some white drivers?
491
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,658
I do.
492
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:18,093
You do? Well, where are they?
493
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,284
Look at all these
niggas in here.
494
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,135
Look around here.
495
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:30,761
There's enough niggas in
here to make a Tarzan movie.
496
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,147
Order!
497
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:42,017
Order in this courtroom.
498
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,553
Mr. Sanford, I suggest
499
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,622
you write your congressman
or the newspapers
500
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,424
to express your views.
501
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,025
Well, listen, Judge,
502
00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:52,060
a courtroom's where you
come to get justice, ain't it?
503
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,263
And that's what I'm
looking for is justice,
504
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:57,266
and I demand justice.
505
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,634
Yeah!
506
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,336
You tell him!
507
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:05,407
Order, order in this courtroom.
508
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,075
Now, another
demonstration like that
509
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,811
and I'll clear the courtroom.
510
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:11,347
You two, stand before the bench.
511
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,651
Uh-oh.
512
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:21,957
I have taken into consideration
the testimony in this case
513
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,492
and have reached a decision.
514
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:24,860
It seems to me
515
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:26,962
that you are a pretty
conscientious young man,
516
00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:29,998
and taking into consideration
the two hazards confronting you,
517
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,368
you acted with
reasonable judgment.
518
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:33,802
Now, in view of all this,
519
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:36,772
I find you not guilty and
order this case dismissed.
520
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:38,173
Yay!
521
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,181
Order.
522
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:47,783
Hey, son, I defended
you real good,
523
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,217
didn't I?
524
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,520
And Judge, if I hadn't spoken
up for our rights like I did,
525
00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:52,854
you'd have found him
guilty, wouldn't you?
526
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:53,855
Wouldn't you, Judge, right?
527
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,324
Wrong. Huh?
528
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:57,481
Because I've also come
to a decision about you.
529
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:00,529
Who, me? Yes, you.
530
00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:03,265
Due to your repeated
outbursts and disruptions,
531
00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:04,466
I have no choice
532
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:05,967
but to find you in
contempt of this court.
533
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,203
Judge, I don't have no
contempt for this court.
534
00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:11,006
I did, but I don't now.
535
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:13,875
You're fined the sum of
$25. Pay on your way out.
536
00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:16,378
25 bucks? Listen,
brother, you can't...
537
00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:17,846
And if you utter one more word,
538
00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:20,081
the fine will be
increased by another $25.
539
00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:21,105
Next case.
540
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:41,337
That's some justice.
541
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:43,672
You get a ticket and I
wind up paying the fine.
542
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:46,308
I'm going to get me a
coming-back-from-court drink.
543
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:48,544
Yeah, well, it's
your own fault, Pop.
544
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:50,045
My fault?
545
00:22:50,069 --> 00:22:52,047
That's right, if you hadn't
invited those guys down there
546
00:22:52,071 --> 00:22:53,248
and started
disrupting the court,
547
00:22:53,272 --> 00:22:54,616
it never would have happened.
548
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,385
Look, I wouldn't even
have been in that courtroom
549
00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:58,529
if you hadn't have
decided to fight the ticket.
550
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:02,958
If I hadn't decided
to fight the ticket?
551
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:04,893
You were the one that
said I should fight it.
552
00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:06,094
I wanted to pay it, remember?
553
00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:07,295
You did?
554
00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:09,130
Well, then, since you
were going to pay it,
555
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:12,868
then give me my 25 bucks
back and we'll be even.
556
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,636
Why should I give you $25?
557
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:16,004
Because thing's will be
558
00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:17,639
just like they were before
you changed your mind,
559
00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:19,408
and I'll have my 25 bucks back.
560
00:23:19,432 --> 00:23:21,076
Yeah, and I'd be
out of 25 bucks.
561
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:23,712
Well, okay, since
I talked you into it,
562
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:24,913
we'll split the difference.
563
00:23:24,937 --> 00:23:26,715
Give me $12.50.
564
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:28,550
No.
565
00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:30,652
What about $6.25?
566
00:23:30,676 --> 00:23:31,653
No.
567
00:23:31,677 --> 00:23:32,654
Well, wait a minute.
568
00:23:32,678 --> 00:23:34,122
What's half of $6.25?
569
00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:35,123
Forget it.
570
00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:36,157
Forget it?
571
00:23:36,181 --> 00:23:38,394
I'm never going to
be your counsel again.
572
00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:39,828
Next time you get in trouble,
573
00:23:39,852 --> 00:23:42,787
get your white lawyer and
get you some time in jail.
574
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:45,890
Cheap dummy.
575
00:24:01,841 --> 00:24:03,485
Sanford and Son
is recorded on tape
576
00:24:03,509 --> 00:24:06,043
before a live studio audience.
41083
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