Original subtitles

(COUGHING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(PANTING)

We're gonna die up here.

Where the hell did he go?

Juan!

That idiot.

(BREATHING HARD)

Oh! Oh!

(CHANTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Well, Burt, you are almost rich.

(LAUGHING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

No!

Shut up, Juan!

(JUAN SPEAKING SPANISH)

No!

(GUN FIRING) Juan!

(SCREAMING)

You get back to work.

What is it?

I don't know.

I bet the old man knew. You shouldn't have shot him.

You shut up.

(CHANTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

MAN: Come on, pitch to Zippy. Only $1.

Come on, you'll double your money if you can strike him out.

Come on, miss, you wanna try it? One dollar you can double your money.

Three-card monte. This is the game for ladies and gentlemen,

not playing baseball with a jungle creature.

Nine's nine. Miss the red nine and your money's mine.

MAN: Man against beast here. Come on, $1.

One dollar and you can double your money.

How'd you do that, huh? You got x-ray vision?

Are you one of those psychic freaks? Yo, just keep on walking.

This game's for normal people, not you psychic freaks.

Nine's nine. Who's next?

INGO: Circle.

Star.

Wavy lines.

Star.

Try again.

Concentrate, damn it. Your mind is a jumble of idiotic nonsense.

Where did you get your degree from anyway?

University of Oklahoma.

That's great.

If we have a stampede, you'll know just what to do.

DR. DRAKE: It's been 40 minutes, Mr. Gress.

Relax, I've almost got it.

(BEEPING)

(GASPS)

- You did it. - Yes.

I also wet my pants.

NICK: This is cold. Right out of the package. Never been used.

DR. HARMON: Amazing.

This is from the cafeteria here at the college.

Remind me not to eat here.

This is...

Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus. DR. SILVER: Yes?

The woman's... Her husband's back. Eight, nine times.

Yes, we know.

You know?

How could you give that to me?

Don't you know how hard it is for me to have to see things like that?

We have to test you. In science...

Now I won't be able to sleep. What a sight. His whole...

Someone's had sex on this table.

Thank you very much, Mr. Deezy. That will be enough for today.

Alright, Miss Pickle.

Pickel, Dr. Weinie.

- Weiner. - Sorry.

Dr. Thompson has your envelope, which he sealed last night.

Now, I'm going to do a drawing.

Now Dr. Thompson opens Miss Pickel's envelope.

Dr. Weiner, when did you decide to draw a picture of an elephant?

DR. WEINER: Just this second.

She predicted it perfectly.

Miss Pickel, you're fabulous.

I've been told that before. Then they never call.

I'm working for a TV network now. I predict the hits and the flops.

How you doing, Lyle? How's that pretty missus of yours?

- Oh, fine. - He's married to a former Miss Universe.

- Really? - Yeah, I don't just move ashtrays.

JANE: How about you, Dave? Still training attack dogs?

It's a living.

Dave can talk to animals.

Goody. I didn't know I was having lunch with Dr. Doolittle.

I have never seen you at one of these studies.

No, this is my first one.

What made you come to this one?

Well, for the same reason as all of you, I suppose. To learn more about our gifts.

I mean, where do they come from?

And will we pass them on to our children?

What if two psychics, perhaps two people at this very table, reproduced?

(CHUCKLES) It all depends. Are we including Baby Huey?

I'm not unhappy telling you that next week,

you're going to be hit by a very fast-moving car.

Hey, let me eat what I want. Leave me alone.

As you were saying, Nick.

When did you become an authority?

Alright, I'll ask.

Yo! Stretch! When you eat fast, you don't gain weight, right?

To whom were you speaking?

To youm.

No, no, I mean just before. You were talking to somebody?

That's Louise. She's my friend in the spirit world.

I'm talking to somebody.

Lunatic.

Then you're a trans-medium. Gee, that's very impressive.

You think that's impressive?

I'm only two credits shy of graduating from Madam Sally's School of Beauty.

- Boola-boola. - That's great.

What's your problem? Aside from your face.

Good afternoon. I see you're getting to know each other.

Only too well.

Excellent.

And now that we're almost done,

I can tell you how delighted we are with the results.

This has been the most exciting week I could have imagined.

Dr. Steele, wouldn't it have been better to

just concentrate on the one or two best of us?

Well, we thought of that.

And indeed it was tempting to spend the last days just with Nick and Sylvia.

INGO: Nick and Sylvia?

DR. STEELE: The most impressive psychic talents

I've come across in 15 years research.

But of course, you other four also have a great deal to offer.

Enjoy lunch.

Doctor.

Doc.

- Dr. Steele. - Yes, Sylvia.

We've been working together now for a week,

and I was wondering, if maybe you want to move in with me?

Move in?

Just kidding.

Ooh.

Firm.

That's my calculator.

But this is my heart.

Oh.

Really, though,

if you'd like to continue working together...

I have your number.

Congratulations.

Well, he may call, he may not.

Oh, no. I mean about being top of the class.

Oh!

You, too.

What's your shtick again? You touch things?

Psychometry.

Wow.

What the hell is that?

Psychometry.

Well, I touch things, as you say. I can take an object

and tell you where it's been, who's come in contact with it.

Any money in that?

Dough? Geetus?

No, not directly.

I'm a curator in a museum.

I examine ancient artifacts and...

Oh, Stretcheroo, I gotta tell you something.

Yes, one moment, please, but an important one.

We've been through Stretch, Stretcheroo, next it will be Stretch Mark.

Where will it end?

Okay, okay. Here's what I need to know.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yes. I do.

(STAMMERING) I'm sorry. I'm sure you're a very nice young woman...

- Hey! - Yeah?

Wait till I offer before you turn me down.

It's just that my psychic guide, Louise, is worried about you.

- She says your girlfriend, Hillary... - Hillary!

Yes, is she hurt? Is something the matter with her?

Worse. She's playing bouncy-bouncy with another guy.

I'm trying to be as delicate as I can.

Hillary? No!

Yeah, well, that's what Louise says.

No, we're practically affianced.

I'm the tree on which hangs the fruit of her life. She calls me honey muffin.

- Honey muffin? - Yeah.

She calls you honey muffin, and I can't call you Stretcheroo?

Listen, I'm sure you're a brilliant psychic, but no, she wouldn't.

- Hey, cheer up. See you. - Fine. Goodbye.

You don't know Hillary. I do. That's why I'm not worried.

If I thought for one moment she wasn't faithful, I'd be...

Gee, I think this Jell-O was bad. I'm... I feel dizzy.

Sometimes they don't refrigerate it.

Are you done?

And you're available in the next few months. I can count on you?

You can count on me, draw on me, anything you want.

That's wonderful. You're a very special person.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Taxi!

Nick!

- Nick... - Steele.

I wish you'd reconsider becoming part of my project.

It's going to be very exciting.

I've kind of made a decision. I don't want to be a psychic anymore.

What?

Yeah, I'm going to turn my attention to ceramics.

I'll send you a donkey.

Nick, that's a gibe.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know, I've something on my mind, though,

which I'm sure is nothing, but until I take care of it,

which I'm sure I won't have to do,

I can't really talk about your program or whatever.

Right. Nick needs time to be Nick.

That's fine. I understand.

NICK: Yes, well... DR. STEELE: What is it?

I'm sorry, there's a guy taking my picture over there.

Hey, hang on.

What the hell are you doing? Come back! Come back here, damn it!

What's all this about, do you suppose?

You're so gifted. Why don't you know already?

Hey, Nick, you don't look so good. Women troubles?

- What have you heard? - Nothing.

You're abusing my smock, man.

- I'm sorry. - It's okay.

- I'm sorry. - It's alright.

(BOTH SIGHING)

What do you think?

Well, the embalming techniques would seem to indicate 18th dynasty,

but for New Kingdom, it's awfully...

Why do we have to go through this again?

Come on. Touch it.

Get some of those vibes you usually get.

No! I do not wish to sacrifice my humanity

in order to be used by people as a walking Ouija board

or magic wand of some...

TONY: Nick!

- Nick! Nick! - What?

- Thank God you're back. - What happened, Tony?

Look, I'm buying a used car. I got it out front.

I think they turned the mileage back on me.

Will you come outside and feel the car for me?

Tony, we're very busy here. We've got a sarcophagus exhibition.

- We're under a deadline. - Nick.

I heard you were back. I ordered fish today in the lunchroom.

They say it's fresh. I don't think so. Tell me.

What's that? Hey!

TONY: Sure, you won't feel my car, but you'll feel his fish.

Hey, I'm getting mad now.

Nick, my boy. Welcome back.

Mr. Van Der Meer. Thank you, Mr. Van Der Meer.

Listen, I... You know, I'm trying to work here.

We're very busy, and I don't have time for nonsense.

Never bother Nick when he's working. Never.

Are you alright? You're not upset?

Yes, I feel fine now. I'm recovering.

Good, good. Stand right there.

Alright, everybody, come in. Come on in.

Now, this is our examination room. And this is Nick Deezy, our curator.

Nick is a psychometrist.

So, everybody take out your keys or some other personal effect,

and Nick will tell you all about yourselves.

Mr. Van Der Meer, what is this?

These are the museum trustees.

They're here for a week, and I want you to help me entertain them.

(EXCLAIMING)

- And Nick. - Yeah?

I don't want them to examine the books.

What?

VAN DER MEER: Alright, hand up everything. Here we go.

Okay. Here we are. Okay.

MAN ON PA: Coming down the back stretch and heading for home,

it's Bobby's Choice on the outside.

Tom Boy Laredo charging towards the wire. Bobby's Choice is pulling away.

(CROWD CHEERING)

You what?

I swear I'm in big trouble.

A gentleman named Milo wants to stick my head in a pneumatic press.

I'll be wearing an envelope for a hat.

Just talk to Louise. I need one winner.

That's why you came back? So Louise could pick you a horse?

No, sweetheart, I came back 'cause I love you.

How can we be together if I don't have a head?

You see what I mean?

Alright. I'll ask Louise.

It won't be easy, though, she hates you.

Well, tell her I'm a new man. You know, I don't eat red meat anymore.

I feel good about myself.

- Leave us alone a second. - Thanks, babe.

What do you say, Louise?

He's in trouble this time.

No, he has changed.

Louise, I'm lonely.

Give me a chance here.

Number four? Got it. Thanks, Louise.

Five winners in a row. Louise, I love you.

We'll go to my place. I'll change and we'll go to the Bubbling Dub.

Oh, yeah, whatever.

Are you ready to go, Fred?

Oh, um...

Sylvia, you remember Gloria, huh?

I ran into her at the Exacta Window.

What a coincidence, huh?

So, she's going to give me a ride home, 'cause it's on the way.

But it's nice to see you again. No hard feelings, huh?

No. No feelings at all.

Bye.

You took long enough. I almost got picked up.

What? A classy girl like you?

Come on, Louise. I'll buy you a drink.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Not yet.

Are you glad I'm staying over tonight?

Yeah, real glad.

You don't sound real glad.

Nick, is something wrong, honey muffin?

Hillary, have you been...

Been what?

...taking care of yourself?

Of course.

Oh, God, it's true.

Nick, it's not what you think.

Another man has been holding these panties. You know I can tell.

It's... It's my father.

What?

He did my laundry for me. I swear.

Your father's a professional hockey player, who scored two goals that night

and an assist?

Oh, God. I should have burned those panties.

But why, Hillary? Why would you want...

I was lonely. You were gone.

I went out with a bunch of girls. I had a bunch of drinks.

We met a bunch of guys. I...

You had a bunch of sex.

We can settle this.

What I did was 100% wrong.

Now I'm not prepared to endure an emotional bloodletting over this.

So I think you have two options.

You can choose not to forgive me, in which case a long-standing relationship,

based on common interests, lovely memories,

and a not inconsiderable physical attraction would be wiped away.

Or, you can rise above this,

and we can construct a happy and fruitful life together.

The choice is yours. Now, which will it be?

(TRAIN PASSING)

Louise, let's kick ass!

Alright, Freddie, you're a dead...

Who are you?

Talk!

Okay. My name is Harry. Harry Buscafusco.

I'm here because I need a psychic, and I read your ad in the paper.

May I ask, why do you keep a shotgun in your apartment?

It's not really mine. An old boyfriend left it here.

Why does he keep it?

I don't really know. You don't ask a guy named Ice Pick too many questions.

Now, let's get down to brass tacks. Why'd you break into my apartment?

Because I was afraid to stand in the hallway carrying what I'm carrying.

Yeah?

$50,000.

And it's all yours, if you do a job for me.

Oh, yeah.

You're gonna ask me to do something really weird.

It's nothing weird. Sylvia, my son,

he's missing.

(SNIFFS)

She certainly wasn't my first girl and she certainly won't be my last girl,

but I did think she was the right girl.

You talking to me, Nick?

(SCOFFS)

No, I was looking for sympathy. I must've thought you were somebody else.

Mario, he is still not centered. Let's do it again.

I got three post-graduate degrees. I gotta move furniture?

Okay, guys. What the problem is, is...

Nick, the trustees are back, and I think they're looking for you.

- I'm leaving. - You'll be in trouble.

Well, what am I going to do?

You know, I'll get in more trouble if I stay here,

'cause I'll punch one of them in the nose.

Nick, wait!

Hi, Nick. Remember me?

Sylvia. Yes. Hi.

I brought you something I thought you might like.

What?

$50,000.

VAN DER MEER: Nick, wait!

Come with me.

Well, but that's a lot of money. Why do you want to share it with me?

Hey, I got ethics, you know.

You think I want to take some guy's money

and toddle off to Ecuador and then not find his son?

I can't always count on Louise. You seem to be the reliable type.

Not that I'm an expert on the subject.

Question number two...

You always number what you say?

What do you want to hang around here for? Your job? Your girl?

No, we broke up.

Louise was right about that, huh?

I'm sorry.

Being a psychic hasn't made you too happy, huh?

When I was seven, when I was in school,

and some kid threw a rock through the school principal's window.

And they took me down to the office, gave me the rock

and made me tell who did it.

I did. None of the kids talked to me.

I don't think they were mad at me. They just looked at me like I was a freak.

God, you've always had it, huh?

Yeah. You?

No. When I was 12, I fell off a ladder.

I was in a coma for two weeks.

When I came around, there was Louise.

Only for a few years nobody believed me.

So they put me in this home.

That's when I discovered astral projection.

No, you can do that?

Sure. I had to get out of that place.

My body was still there, but my mind would escape.

Louise helped me do it.

Where would you go?

Anywhere it was happy. Like the movies.

Do you know how hard it is to buy Goobers when you're out of your body?

Now, I just do it at the dentist.

It's scary, though.

You know, sometimes I'm really afraid I won't get back.

And you trust this guy Harry?

He's sweet.

Nick, we're special people.

We got to make our specialness work for us instead of against us.

We're entitled to be happy.

Besides, I don't know about you, but I'd feel great finding a missing kid.

Yeah, I'm gonna give it some more thought.

Why? Your life is in a shambles anyway.

No, it's not in a shambles. It's in a mild state of disarray.

Look, I don't make major life decisions on the spur of the moment like this.

I do.

But your major life decision is probably,

"How high should I comb my hair today?"

Fine. I'll go to Ecuador, become rich and famous.

You stay here with everything that's dead.

Well, Nick, you're certainly not the boy that I hired. No, sir.

That boy would do anything for me.

The trustees are furious, so you'll have to apologize.

Now, do what you did at the Christmas party.

You know, with the keys and the coins. And wear the turban and the cape.

- You'll find it in the... - No, no, Mr. Van Der Meer,

that's not gonna be possible,

because I'm taking an immediate sabbatical to Ecuador.

Alright, Stretch.

Ecuador?

You can't. I won't allow it.

Well, then, maybe I'd better quit.

- Quit? - Yes, sir.

Well that's a fine howdy-do.

Let's go.

No more cracks about my hair.

That's not gonna be easy.

Nick! Nicky!

(GREETING IN SPANISH)

Sylvia, how lovely.

Thank you for hurrying. You must be Nick. Boy, you're big. What a day.

You look great. Nice flight?

I can't breathe.

Yeah, we're like 10,000 feet above the sea level, you see.

And there's like no air here. Takes a while to get accustomed to it.

I like to breathe. I'm good at it.

Yeah, that's right. That's good. Deep breaths. Hurts, doesn't it?

- Yes. - Who's the head shepherd?

Please excuse me for being so self-involved.

Hey, what you do with yourself, that's your business.

Right.

Just know that we are both 100% dedicated to

resolving this terrible personal crisis of yours.

Yeah, thanks. Get in.

Thank you.

Gracias.

It's me, Sylvia. NICK: Come in.

Hey, Joyboy, I need an opinion.

Which dress do you like better?

This one or this one. Quick, 'cause I got to hit the lobby.

Do you own any dresses that rise above mid-bosom?

Mid-bosom? I love the way you talk.

You probably also say "penis."

All my dresses are like this.

If Macy's wants to sell something, they put it in the front window, right?

I'll wear the pink.

Do you think somebody could be interested in you

for something other than your body?

No.

Nice self-image.

Boy, you sure brought a lot of clothes.

Oh, no. Only one of these is for clothes.

Yeah, what's in the other two? Gifts for the natives?

No. I brought my own food.

I'm taking no chances. This is all dehydrated.

So are you.

Look at this. Perfectly safe. All you have to do is add water

and you have cheese enchilada ranchero free of microorganisms.

Yum, yum.

Listen, tons of fun,

it's the water that makes most people sick, and you brought food that needs water.

Nice room. Let's go. NICK: Where?

Where do you think? To find Harry Jr.

You mean right now? I don't mean to be callous, but it's almost happy hour.

Fine. You rest here in this luxurious hotel at my expense.

Meanwhile, Harry Jr. is lost in the mountains with blood-thirsty natives,

cave dwellers that are hitting him with sticks.

And shrinking his head.

And his head wasn't that big to start with.

But that's alright. I'm only 50. I'll have more sons.

(HARRY SOBBING)

Harry.

(BOTH SOBBING)

SYLVIA: Don't worry, Harry. We'll find your son.

(SYLVIA SOBBING)

(PLAYING PIPES)

My God, are we higher?

- Oh, no. - What happened?

I just sprayed Unguentine up my nose.

Harry Jr.

This is the spot where Harry Jr. was last seen.

He used to get off that bus, and he used to go up in the mountains,

sometimes for days. Weeks.

What for?

School report. Extra credit.

This is a shirt that he used to wear,

when he went on these hikes. Now, Nick, if you would touch this,

maybe you could tell us where would he go from here?

Let me see.

It's definitely the place. This shirt's been here before.

Very strong vibrations.

- That way! - Here we go!

- There! - You're sure?

Positive. Whoever wore this shirt went off in that direction. He...

What's wrong?

This isn't your son's shirt.

- Sure, it is. - No.

This shirt's only been worn by one man. An older man. Much too old to be your son.

Did I say my son?

No, I'm sorry.

I'm his son. It's my father that's missing. Harry Sr.

NICK: He's not that old. He's about your age.

I'm adopted. My mother re-married.

One of my high school buddies. She saw his picture in my year book and...

Whammo!

I buy it.

I'm going back to New York.

Did you have to make me look like a fool in front of Louise?

As if that doesn't happen enough.

Sylvia! Nick! Kids!

Kids!

Alright, I lied. I was afraid if I told you the truth you'd go off without me.

You'd keep it for yourselves.

Keep what?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

We're having a private conversation here, sir.

Yes. Yes. It's beautiful workmanship. Here. Right. It's money.

That's it, chew it up real good. Everybody, bye-bye to the mayor. Bye-bye.

Yes. Yes.

What is it you're really looking for up here?

The Room of Gold.

The Room of Gold now?

(SHUSHING) What do you want, a bullhorn?

- Incas? - Incas.

Incas?

Over here, over here.

A couple of guys, associates of mine, went up to the mountains.

They were up there for weeks.

I think they came very close.

What happened?

I don't know. One didn't come back, and the other, that's his shirt.

Yeah, well, where's the rest of him?

Hospital back in town. He's a...

He was a brilliant guy.

Now, he could hold an in-depth conversation with a cannoli.

Is he married?

Harry, this has been to a lost Incan city.

NICK: Let's see your friend.

Nick, puppy, it's just not a good idea.

NICK: 'Cause there was never a friend and you're still lying to us?

No. It's just the hospital parking,

and who knows when the visiting hours are.

Fine. Tell you what. Count me out of the whole thing.

Count you out? Nick, you're our partner. We love you.

Can we find this without him?

Nick, we'll take the bus back to the hotel,

and tomorrow morning, we're off to the hospital.

- Excellent. - Okay.

And what about tonight?

Happy hour?

Why not? And then the Room of Gold!

(EXCLAIMS)

It might be safer if no one else knows

what you two guys are doing down here in Ecuador.

You know what I mean?

- Safer? - Safer?

Billion dollars' worth of gold.

(HONKING)

Oh, there's the bus. Race you for a window seat.

(SLURPING)

Enjoying your water?

I see you ordered another drink.

Would you like them to run a hose from the bar to your mouth?

Hey, loosen up. Louise says you're gonna meet your dream lover on this trip.

There are a lot of attractive women here.

Yeah.

Elegant.

- Classy. - Hey, so what?

See these women? Take away the expensive clothes,

the high-flown manners and sophistication and what have you got?

- Me. - Absolutely.

Well, I mean, that's not so bad. You're you.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I could play in this league.

All men are the same.

Except some have criminal records, some don't.

I gotta pick a target.

Rich.

How do you tell which are which?

When I say, "It does, too," you say, "It does not."

It does, too.

It does not.

SYLVIA: It does, too.

NICK: It does not.

- It does, too. - It does not.

You're being so obnoxious.

Can someone please settle this?

In a Rolls-Royce Corniche, the bar opens from left to right, doesn't it?

Excuse me.

The lady is correcto.

- Thank you. - Not at all.

I'm Alejandro De La Vivar.

I'm Sylvia van Pickel. This is my brother, Ziggy.

I'm here for a small business meeting.

The price of silver one day is up, the next day is down.

Will you still be here in 15 minutes?

Yeah.

But I won't wait more than an hour and a half.

ALEJANDRO: In 15 minutes.

Nice to meet you, Ziggy.

He was very charming. I think you can do better.

Me? My last boyfriend was a guy who drank soup by putting his head in it. He would...

NICK: Ingo Swedlin. What's he doing here?

Remember what Harry said? Nobody's supposed to know why we're here.

Well, what if he asks?

Let's dance. It'll give us a chance to think up a story.

He's coming over.

Think of a story.

What? No, he's stopped.

He's staring at someone's shrimp cocktail. This bodes ill.

Let's move it, Stretch.

(SLURPING)

Sylvia, look who's here.

This is quite a surprise.

NICK: What are you doing here?

Why wouldn't I be here? They have a lovely buffet. How about you?

- We come here every year. - First time ever.

Both of you? Together?

You just met two weeks ago.

- What he means is, we'll be coming here... - Be.

- From now on. - Be coming.

Every year. Right, poopsie?

That's right, banana-head.

We met and va-va-voom!

I can't keep my hands off him.

Ditto.

Well, I guess I'll leave the two of you alone then.

SYLVIA: Mmm.

I think he bought that.

Yeah. I think we fooled him completely.

There's Alejandro.

See you in the morning, Nick.

Have fun. That's what I'm gonna do.

Good evening.

- You're not Latin. - No.

I saw you dance. I was sure you were Latin.

Tell me, are you as good as you look?

I'd rather let you decide.

(SIGHS)

I suddenly got a chill.

Well, I'm hoping it's me and not a virus.

I am Consuelo.

I am Ziggy.

You like?

Parts of me are already applauding.

I have something for you.

I have something for you.

Here. It's an aphrodisiac.

It's made from the horn of rhinoceros and dried rabbit glands.

But no sugar, I hope.

Are there rhinoceroses in a garage in New Jersey?

What?

A garage in New Jersey. I swear that's where this was made.

So what? Try it.

And then in a basement in Brooklyn,

in a police station, in a bag marked "PCP." This is angel dust.

Honey, you've been gypped.

Don't take it so hard.

You think we're going to let you beat us to it?

You think we're going to let you find it for that pig, Harry?

I'll come back later, when you're not so upset. Hey!

I'm going to kill you.

I take it sex is off?

(SCREAMING)

(NICK BREATHING HEAVILY)

Should I call the police? Should I not?

I should've known. How could I have known?

Sylvia! Oh, my God.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Excuse me. Did you just come from Mr. De La Vivar's room?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Gracias.

Mmm-hmm.

(HUMMING)

(SYLVIA LAUGHING)

SYLVIA: Oh! Oh!

(GRUNTS)

What the hell are you doing?

I was just in time. He was about to strangle you

with this beautiful piece of jewelry.

Boy, that's class.

(GROANS)

What happened?

You asked me to marry you.

No! Your brother Ziggy attacked me.

Are you insane?

Get off it, Al. I'm on to you like a boil.

The phony clothes. The whole charade.

Ambassador! What is happening?

I was beaten and attacked.

You attacked the Spanish ambassador to Ecuador?

Did I?

You jerk. I had that guy eating out of my hand.

Literally. Look, there's still melon.

I'm sorry. A woman tried to kill me, and I...

I'm surprised all women haven't tried to kill you.

Look, look, Sylvia.

(GASPS)

Yes, and I thought they'd come after you, too. So...

So you tried to save my life.

Hi. I'm going downstairs. They don't understand me on the telephone.

How do you say "cookies" in Spanish? I know how to say "milk."

Somebody tried to kill Nick. Look, he's wounded.

Look.

That's probably nothing. A mistake. Somebody got boisterous.

Happens down here all the time.

So what? So you got a little wound.

A woman. She's dead.

Dead? A woman?

- Yes. - Where?

She's easy to spot. She's the one that's...

NICK: That's odd.

The police must have hauled her off.

No, no, no, it's only been five minutes. So, we'd have heard the police.

There'd be one of those chalk outlines of the body. You know...

Maybe she bounced. Like out of the hotel.

Women are soft.

A gang! Her gang took her away so that no questions could be asked.

- Right. - So we're discounting the bouncing theory.

Completely. A gang that's gonna take another shot at me.

Louise says gang.

Well, gangs are not necessarily bad.

You know there are nice gangs. There was Our Gang, Alfalfa, Buckwheat.

Alright, here's what we do.

We don't wait until tomorrow. I get a car, we sneak out of the hotel tonight,

we go straight up into the mountains before morning.

They'd never expect that.

Will they expect me to leave this hemisphere?

- Because that's what I'm going to do. - Kids,

why let one crazy woman with a knife ruin

what otherwise has been a very lovely experience?

How many of us were having a good time before this happened?

Hands. One, two...

What are we counting? What's to count? Are you both nuts?

Let's at least go to the hospital like we said we would. Then you can decide.

HARRY: Sounds fair to me. - Fair?

Nick,

I think Harry's right. You should go to the hospital.

Why?

Oh!

Great. First I get stabbed, then I'm bleeding.

You give me any more trouble, I break you like a twig.

- Understand? - Yes.

I loved your last movie. What was that called? Conan the Nurse?

Okay, no trouble.

Well, sorry, visiting hours are over. We can't see him.

So why don't we just go up in the mountains,

find the gold, get rich, go home?

Race you to the elevator.

Harry, puppy, I want to see your friend.

What's to see? The guy's a veg. Cucumber with lips.

Besides, Florence Nightmare won't let us in.

Mmm-hmm.

- Louise... - What is it?

It's Louise.

She's very upset.

She says there's a tremendous psychic energy on this floor.

Probably somebody getting a sponge bath. I know that makes me crazy.

Follow her. Follow Louise.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

My Lord.

Hi, Burt.

Jesus, you look good. I mean it.

You got some color.

HARRY: That stuff is not dripping out of your ears anymore.

That's great. You're gonna be out of here in a couple of days.

Can he talk?

Uh...

A little.

(MUMBLING) "Go away. I don't want any visitors.

(MUMBLING) "Just help Harry find the gold. It's perfectly safe. Well, goodbye."

(NORMAL) Well, goodbye, Burt. I'll pick up those magazines you wanted.

Okay, that's it. Let's go.

Can Louise talk to him?

I'll ask. Louise?

SYLVIA: Louise?

Come on, you're making me look bad here.

This guy's gotta have some marbles left. You can...

Harry. Harry.

It's me.

I found it, Harry.

- I found it. - Where is it, Burt?

It's far.

Deep in the mountains.

- Where? - Wind.

Dust.

Very far.

Eli's dead.

How? How did he die?

And where?

I want pudding.

They never bring me pudding.

All they bring me is ice cream.

Talking about pudding.

Did you bring back any gold, Mr. Wilder?

It would help me find the rest of it.

Unbelievable.

How could Cary Grant have never won an Oscar?

He's thinking randomly. It's like his mind is leaking away.

Harry,

I once slept with your wife.

Estelle or Vivian?

Both.

Well, you're one up on me.

Can you think back to where you were?

Can you put yourself back there?

Yes.

Estelle, please, you're married to Harry.

No, no! Back to the mountains. Where you were.

Yes.

(PANTING)

SYLVIA: Do something! Do something!

(YELLS)

SYLVIA: Nick, what happened? NICK: I don't know.

Static electricity. Never drag your feet on a rug.

- Always lift them. - You don't die of static electricity.

What's up there, Harry? What did he find?

All I know is gold.

- What are you feeling, Nick? - I don't know.

But it had nothing to do with gold.

- I'm going. - Back to New York?

Into the mountains. Where he was.

I have to.

Well, I suppose we're all here for the same reason.

I don't think so. You see, we just came for the rabbit test.

I'm gonna have Nick's baby.

Ain't that right, Big Daddy? Thanks, Doc.

Remember, lots of milk. That's leche down here. Excuse us.

INGO: Whatever Mr. Wilder told you, he will also tell me.

I don't think so. He's dead.

NICK: Ah, a silencer. In a hospital. Very thoughtful.

Tell me what you know, Nick.

Right, right. What are you going to do, kill us?

There's a nurse right there. She's a witness.

(GASPS)

(NURSE GROANS)

Nice shot. Ingo, you're crazy.

NICK: But nice crazy.

Tell me what Mr. Wilder told you.

Nothing. He slept with Harry's wives.

Everybody has to know?

Just that it's deep in the mountains.

It's far. It takes days. Wind, dust. Eli's dead. That's it. I swear.

I believe you. Now I'm going to have to kill all three of you.

Ingo, why? You don't have to kill us. There'll be another nurse along any minute.

Just think of it as an effective way of eliminating the competition.

Louise?

INGO: Trying to contact your psychic connection?

Louise!

Ingo,

your mother doesn't want you to do this.

INGO: My mother is dead.

Yes, I know. She's speaking to me, well, to my psychic guide, Louise,

from the other side. She wants you to stop this.

This is pathetic.

Your mother's name is Gretchen. She died in a bobsled mishap.

Ingo, she wants you to let us all go.

And give us all your money.

NICK: Shut up, Harry.

(SINGING IN SWEDISH)

Mama!

(BOTH SINGING IN SWEDISH)

(SPEAKING SWEDISH)

Harry, give me a hand.

HARRY: Can you read my lips? That's too much money.

You got any that don't spit? No, I don't want the whole family.

No. One llama.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

I'm dying here. How much, really?

HARRY: 200? I don't want to marry him. I just wanna rent him.

I'll try another approach. I'll talk to the llama.

(PLAYING PIPES)

This way.

Louise wants us to go that way.

Great. What do we do now? Have a psyche-off?

No, it's this way, Louise.

- She says no. - You're wrong, Louise.

- Their first fight. - Coming?

Well, I'm in a quandary.

Louise is sure that the lost city is that way?

No. No, Louise doesn't say the city's that way.

She just wants us to go that way.

Why?

'Cause she's trying to protect us.

From what?

From death

and horrible agony.

Well, we're gonna have to look beyond that. Come on, we follow Nick.

Come on.

Oh!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

- Knock, knock. - Hello.

Hi. Nice legs.

Thanks. You've got...

You're very...

What are you doing here?

Well, I wasn't tired.

I just finished Harry's hair and I thought I'd see how you were doing, so...

How you doing?

Fine. Very fine.

You know, I think we should start earlier tomorrow.

Who needs six hours sleep?

- What's with you? - What?

Up every morning at the crack of dawn. On the trail. Go, go, go.

What have you been doing? Smoking the local shrubbery?

No.

Ever since that night in the hospital, when I touched that poor man.

And you flew across the room.

Yeah.

- I just feel pulled. - Pulled?

When I'm out on the trail,

sometimes it's not like I'm walking, it's like I'm

falling, and I can't stop.

I think we're close.

Me, too.

Nick.

How'd that happen?

It just happened.

Is it gonna happen again?

- Yes. - When?

Now.

Okay.

- Shut up, Louise. - Yeah, Louise, shut up.

You know I'm curious. When did you decide you liked me?

I guess when you tried to save my life,

I appreciated that.

I thought, back then,

"He's really nice."

I thought, "If there was that I could ever do for him,

"I will."

What do you mean?

- What do you mean? - Do for me?

What, like now?

What's happening here?

A minute ago you were ready to disappear down my throat.

I don't know. This is starting to sound a little too much like charity.

I must have said the wrong words.

I admit I'm not that smart. I'm not a museum person.

Well, you know, the way it's coming out, you're looking for a little action.

There's nobody here but me and Harry, and I won.

- But not by much. - Okay.

(SARCASTICALLY) I want you bad, alright.

I dream about you and me in a house in Long Island.

I'm only half a woman until I make love to you. You happy now?

Must we spoil what's been a depraved and embarrassing evening?

No, no, no, please, please. Not another word.

This is just how I want to forget you.

- Screw you! - No, thanks.

Boy, Nick, you really know how to show a girl a good time.

Hey, I forgot to ask you. Can I sleep on this?

Who gives a shit?

- What's the matter with her? - I wouldn't sleep with her.

Really?

Sylvia!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(WHISPERING CHANT)

I'm telling you something. He's double-crossing us.

He's gone off to get it himself.

That's ridiculous. He wouldn't do that.

Nick is a totally honorable guy. Despite that, I like him.

Oh, yeah? Well, tell me something. Where is that talking frankfurter?

It's my guess he fell off that cliff.

Oh.

See, that's why after the fight last night, you should have slept with me.

What good would that have done?

It would have done me a lot of good.

Hey.

Nick!

Nick.

- Did you... - Yes.

- You found it? - I found something.

That's it, that's it. He found it!

That's my Nicky. Come on, let's go get it.

I'm never going near that place again.

Come on, Nick. Here we go, boy. Come on.

Louise, what's really happening here?

Louise, it's the bad thing. Harry, don't go!

Don't go? That's crazy. We're gonna be rich!

Wait! Louise is freaking out.

We gotta leave this place right away, Harry.

There's no danger there, I swear. You know what's happening here?

You two are feeling a lot of sexual tension as a result of the near miss

in Nick's tent last night. Why don't you guys work that out?

I'll turn around, give you a couple of minutes. Have a good time.

♪ In our mountain greenery

♪ Where God made the scenery ♪

Harry, you can turn around now.

Already? I'd see a doctor about that.

Harry, there's no gold in that city. You're wrong. It's something else.

Gold! The Room of Gold! I swear. If I'm lying, may God strike me dead.

(GASPS)

SYLVIA: Oh, God!

An Indian taught me how to do that. Underhanded.

Getting pretty good at it, don't you think?

You swine.

HARRY: Well,

this is it, dolls.

I may as well tell you now.

The $50,000 I gave you.

Don't spend it. It's counterfeit.

Don't talk.

I'm sorry I was never honest with you.

I just really wanted this bad.

I wanted to be somebody.

You are somebody.

Somebody with money.

"Would you like your limousine now, Mr. Buscafusco?"

"Two tickets for Rome, Mr. Buscafusco?"

"Isn't she a little young, sir?"

I'm scared.

Don't worry. Louise said there's nothing to be afraid of.

She's gonna take care of you.

I see her. She's pretty.

(GUN FIRES)

- Remember me? - You bet.

I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with the late Mr. Buscafusco.

He's only late because of you, you miserable piece of shit.

Enough of that already.

Nick, you've been to the lost city. Tell me where it is.

No.

The count of three and they're all over the mountains.

- They being? - Your nuts.

- Just to clarify. - One.

- Tell him. - Two.

- I can't. - Three.

(GUN FIRES)

You!

SYLVIA: Why, it's Dr. Steele.

Thank God I got here in time.

Harrison, how did you ever...

DR. STEELE: I assume he killed Harry.

- Yeah, the bastard. - You knew Harry?

A long time. There was only one Harry.

And now there's none.

Harrison, look out behind you.

That's Carl.

Say, aren't you that idiot tin salesman?

It's nice to be remembered.

Ingo killed Harry and was about to kill Nick.

What was the thinking behind that?

Well, I'll tell you then. He was... DR. STEELE: Shut up.

Carl, I told you, one of us must always stay with him.

You mean you guys are all in cahoots with one another?

Yes.

So you killed Harry?

Harry is dead and so is the subject.

Now let's talk about something I want to talk about.

The location of the lost city, which, I suspect, is somewhere up there.

Congratulations, Ingrid, we're lost. Feel free to kill yourself.

This is the way Nick came. I'm sure of it.

One thing you gotta say about me.

I got some great taste when it comes to guys.

I'm sorry. You know, I did my best. What do you want?

I don't mean you, I mean him, Dr. Craphead.

I pick one low-life bum after the next.

I swear I don't even think I ever fell for a decent guy.

- Thanks. - I didn't mean to say...

No, no, no, we had this fight before, I know.

Yeah, but you're always taking it the wrong way.

- Please. - Alright, then.

CARL: Move! Hey!

Hey!

So this is where Nick sprouted wings and flew over the mountain.

There is going to come a point

where I'm not going to have to listen to your insults anymore.

And then what?

(LAUGHING)

Care to see the lost city?

Come on!

What is that?

That's what we came for.

(LAUGHING)

I sense something. The presence of something not human.

Not human?

Oh, stop. You're scaring me to death. Move.

SYLVIA: Oh, boy.

Get away from that. You don't want anything to do with that.

On the contrary, this is exactly what we want.

Curious. This can't be Incan. They left no alphabet.

It's not Incan. It's older.

INGO: This is the formula. I'm sure of it.

DR. STEELE: Can you read this?

- No. - Not enough psychic energy?

- It's too much. - Great.

(SPEAKING IN ANCIENT LANGUAGE)

In English, Sylvia.

This is the beginning and end of all things.

It is the tip of God's arrow fallen to earth.

- No! - From...

Get away from her.

You get away from her.

You were decoding that pyramid. You were speaking in tongues.

Nick, what is that thing?

I don't know. But it's high time I found out.

SYLVIA: Nick!

NICK: Energy, tremendous energy,

the most concentrated psychic energy source on the planet.

- They knew how to use it. - Nick.

And they used it against each other.

DR. STEELE: Very good, Nick. I was right about you. You are the best.

Carry on reading the pyramid, Sylvia.

Don't. The rest of the message tells how to extract and harness this power.

Finish reading the pyramid, Sylvia.

I'd give you the finger, sweetie, but I'm too refined.

I'm beginning to take your point of view about killing these people.

She told me enough. Now, it's just a matter of cryptography.

Soon, Harrison, we'll have all the power.

So, do I trust Ingo and kill you now?

Or keep you alive, should he prove to be suffering from his usual overconfidence?

What do you think, Carl?

He hardly ever asks me for my opinion. I'm flattered.

There, that's the last of the ideograms.

I just need the phonograms. You'll have it by the dawn.

Great.

I said, you'd have it by the dawn.

You're not gonna get away with this.

Get away with what, cutie?

With whatever it is you're trying to get away with.

What I'm gonna try and get away with is to re-introduce

some much-needed order into the world.

But it doesn't concern you.

It doesn't.

No. You and Nick could find your way back here to fulfill your own ambitions.

I don't need the competition.

Sorry.

Louise, help me say goodbye to Nick.

Don't worry if you can't bring me back.

It doesn't matter now.

(WHISPERING CHANT)

I don't think we would have found it without you, Nick.

And this is how you show your appreciation?

I'll give you a break. Where wouldn't you like to be shot?

South America.

(GASPS)

- Sylvia! - Hey, don't call me girls' names.

It's you. What? Yeah, I know. We probably only have a few minutes.

What the hell?

Really? That's so sweet.

Thanks for coming over. I'm glad. I wish I could get us out of this.

Wait a second.

Remember in the hospital with Ingo, what you did with him and his mother?

Do that for me and this guy. Yeah, I'll wait.

You do this a lot? You talk to rocks?

In a moment, I'm going to have a big surprise for you.

A message from the other side.

Yeah. Good. Hi, Perrito.

Perrito? Only my papa ever called me Perrito.

I know. I'm sort of in contact with your papa.

Bullshit.

"I don't know how it got there, but get your sister's head out of the toilet,

"or I'll crack your ass the other way."

It is the old man.

That's right. He's inside me. Now listen, Carl.

He wants you to let me go.

- He does? - Yes, Carl.

He's inside of you, huh?

Yes, that's right, Perrito.

- You miserable old bag of shit! - What?

All my life I wanted to get back at you, but you died before I got a chance.

- Now, Perrito... - Don't "Perrito" me.

All those nights you locked me up in the paint shed.

I was scared to death.

- Sylvia... - I hate your guts.

Here's for the paint shed.

Here's for what you did to Mama.

Surely I had some good qualities.

Why didn't you ever tell me you loved me?

That's all I wanted.

I love you, Perrito. I swear, I love you.

(SOBBING)

Really?

Really, Son, I always did.

Papa. Papa.

Teach you to hit your papa.

Get back in your body, Sylvia. I'm coming to rescue you.

Drop it!

No! Toss it. Please.

Thank you. Move.

Sylvia.

Sylvia?

Hi, Nick.

Let's go.

Yeah.

Down.

- Just a second. - What?

Harrison. DR. STEELE: Yes, Sylvia?

That's for Harry.

I told you to kill them.

What do you think you're doing?

We're escaping. And pretty flamboyantly, I might add.

- Wait a minute. - What?

By the time we got back, they would have the energy,

they could destroy anybody who came after them.

Yes. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Sylvia is going to escape.

I'm gonna stay behind and make sure nothing happens to this,

until she brings somebody back.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

Have you handled a machine gun before?

Sure, lots of times. In high school, I was the captain of the machine gun team.

They can be very tricky, Nicky.

Not that tricky. Better get going.

This isn't fair. I dragged you down here.

You should leave, and I should have to stay here with the gun.

Absolutely not.

You've very brave.

Well, everybody looks brave holding a machine gun. Go, go. Hurry back.

Okay, boys, what do you say we just

all make ourselves comfortable and wait for the authorities.

(GUN FIRES)

NICK: Or I can lie here and bleed to death. The choice is yours.

This isn't going to get in the way of our friendship, is it?

Oh, let's just kill him. Then we tap into the energy.

Goodbye, Nick. SYLVIA: Don't!

Don't do it.

What are you doing up there?

I want you and these other mutants to walk out of here right now.

Or what?

I don't need a formula to draw this energy.

No! No!

You saw what happened to Mr. Wilder.

He was only touching his friend, who was touching the pyramid.

You'll destroy yourself, along with the rest of us.

That's right. Along with the rest of you.

- Let's go. - Okay.

(GUN FIRES)

Let me kill him.

(CHANTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

NICK: Sylvia, let go.

(CHANTING)

(CHANTING)

Sylvia!

Shit!

(SCREAMING)

Sylvia, let go!

(CHANTING)

Louise, help her!

Sylvia.

How? What happened?

There was a calm.

The room...

The whole thing turned to gold.

And I felt an incredible warmth.

And there was Louise, smiling, saying goodbye.

What is it?

She went into the light. She saved me.

Nick, Louise is gone.

We'd like to check in, please.

Yes, Mr. Deezy.

We're a little crowded, so I'm going to have to put you in different wings.

I hope you don't mind.

I'm that way.

I'm over there.

Take care of your leg.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Hi.

May I come in a second?

Yeah, sure. I was just eating.

So, I'm going to leave for New York tonight.

Okay. I'm going to stay here a little while longer. I love it here.

Oh, yeah, it must be an awful big adjustment for you,

still without Louise, huh?

It's okay.

Louise moved on to a higher spiritual plane.

I guess she felt that I was ready to be on my own. You know?

- Well, then... - Yeah, have a good flight.

What are you doing?

I'm learning about the person who held this glass.

- But, Nick... - I'm getting a very clear image.

This is a person who acts as if she has a lot of confidence in herself.

But she doesn't. She's gotten involved with a guy who usually isn't her type.

She doesn't want to admit it 'cause she's afraid of getting hurt.

But she's fallen in love with this guy.

And that's what I'm getting from this glass.

Nick, I never touched that glass.

Apparently, the waiter is in love with you.

Well, I'd better go talk to him, and let him down easy.

Nick.

I touched this cup.

(GIGGLES)

(THUDDING)

Sylvia, I'm sorry. Your head. Oh, no, you okay?

Yeah.

What is it?

There's someone here.

Louise?

No.

Oh, my God!

It's Harry!

♪ I've got a ticket, no turning back

♪ My destination

♪ The sea of trouble, the land of pain

♪ You're sending me where it always rains

♪ Oh, reconsider, I'm beggin' you

♪ Some hesitation

♪ I'm holding on to my sanity

♪ I feel the beginning of emergency

♪ My hands are slipping

♪ Oh, please, don't let me fall into

♪ This hole in my heart

♪ That goes all the way to China

♪ You got to fill it up with love

♪ Before I fall inside of

♪ This empty hole in my heart

♪ That goes all the way to China

♪ And though you can't see the bottom

♪ Believe me, it's a long way down

♪ I'm on a planet without a plan

♪ Oh, it's so lonely

♪ I need to see you to get out of here

♪ There's something deadly in this atmosphere

♪ I'm in a desert without a drink of

♪ Your sweet water

♪ You're my oasis in the burnin' sand

♪ I'm out of danger when you touch my hand

♪ Throw me a lifeline

♪ I'm standin' on the edge of

♪ A deep, dark hole

♪ That goes all the way to China

♪ You got to fill it up with love

♪ Before I fall inside of

♪ This empty hole in my heart

♪ That goes all the way to China

♪ And though you can't see the bottom

♪ Believe me, it's a long way down

♪ Oh, the gun was loaded I didn't know

♪ I pulled the trigger

♪ I heard a noise, the room went dark

♪ I saw the bullet goin' in my heart

♪ I feel so dizzy

♪ Oh, please don't let me fall into

♪ This hole in my heart

♪ That goes all the way to China

♪ You got to fill it up with love

♪ Before I fall inside of

♪ This empty hole in my heart

♪ That goes all the way to China

♪ And though you can't see the bottom

♪ Believe me, it's a long way down

♪ I got a hole in my heart

♪ You got to fill it up with love

♪ I got a hole in my heart

♪ You got to fill it up with love

♪ Oh, and you can't see the bottom

♪ You can't see the bottom

♪ You can't see the bottom

♪ Believe me, it's a long way down

♪ Oh, I got a hole in my heart

♪ That goes all the way to China

♪ You got to fill it up with love

♪ Before I fall inside of

♪ This empty hole in my heart

♪ That goes all the way to China

♪ And though you can't see the bottom

♪ Believe me, it's a long way down

♪ Oh, I got a hole in my heart

♪ You got to fill it up with love

♪ I got a hole in my heart

♪ You better fill it up

♪ Fill it up, fill it up, fill it up with love

♪ Oh, I got a hole in my heart

♪ And though you can't see the bottom

♪ You can't see the bottom

♪ You can't see the bottom

♪ Believe me, it's a long way

♪ I got a hole in my heart

♪ You better fill it up with love

♪ Oh, I got a hole in my heart

♪ That goes all the way to China ♪